All You Leave Behind
by Lynnth2014
Summary: Carol's on the run from a mistake in her recent past, but the only place she can go has the man she ran from originally. She had to find somewhere safe for her daughter, and that meant going home, back to her friends and family, back where they would find happiness. But with light, there is always dark, and he was Carol's. He would find them, it was only a matter of time.
1. Run, Boy, Run

**_Italicized words are in the past._**

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

––

_**Daryl picked up the phone at midnight, rubbing his eyes, wondering who the hell kept calling him. His phone rang all week at the same time, and he was so sick of it. He decided he was going to tell the person to fuck off.**_

"_**Do you have any idea what goddamn time it is?!" he shouted. "Go—"**_

"_**Daryl?" It was woman's voice on the other line. Her voice was thin and airy, like she'd been running, and she was scared. He could hear the fear in her voice.**_

_**He tensed. "Who...?"**_

"_**Go! Run!" A man shouted on the other line.**_

"_**Oh, God."**_

"_**Stop!" It was a different voice. **_

_**The dial tone sounded in Daryl's ear, his heart was pounding in his chest, and he was frozen. "Carol?" he shouted. "Carol?!"**_

_**The phone never rang again at midnight**._

– – –

Daryl looked over the books while Sam and Jonas closed down the shop. He was doing quite well. He'd got the shop from T-dog, who opened another one on the other side of town, and they decided to make it partnership about seven years ago. He was reluctant to do accept back then because of...

He shook his head and close the book. He locked it away and dug out the keys to his car. He waved two the guys before leaving. He had a lot on his mind. Merle was back in town, and he was already trying to get money, but Daryl had to things to do. He couldn't always be there for Merle. He would give him only enough to get back on his feet, and if he blew it on drugs, Daryl was done. He loved his brother, but there was only so much he could take.

He went home, tossing his keys in the ugly ass clay dish someone had made him what felt like a lifetime ago, and he plopped down on the couch. He flipped through the channels, leaving it on a random sports show before passing out. He was so tired. He needed to hire another mechanic. That punk Jimmy kept showing up late, and he was cocky as hell. One of these days, Daryl was going to throw his getho ass out onto the path of a fast moving semi-truck.

––

Carol checked out the windows again, her heart pounding at the rainy scenery, and she took a deep breathe. She was safe. She had to be. She'd been running for six days, sleeping on buses and in dark allies. Well, not her, but her daughter. Carol blacked out from exhaustion, and she ended up here. Her gun was gone, and she had no idea where she was. A hotel, but she didn't know the town or state. God, help them.

Carol looked at her four-year-old daughter. She was so beautiful, but so pale, so skinny. She looked like Carol did at age four, with the same light red hair, pale skin that bloomed freckle when in the sun for too long, and she had the same eyes as her father, which haunted Carol a little. They'd been on the run for a month now, and Carol wasn't going back. She refused. She would never let that life touch her or Sophia again. Whoever took them...she would kick their ass and run. God, she hoped she could run. She hadn't eaten in three days. Any food she had, she gave to Sophia. She couldn't bear to wash her daughter starve. She needed to get her shit sorted.

The door opened, Carol grabbed the chair by the window and almost bashed it into the man that entered, but she heard him shout at her, and she knew that voice. She dropped the chair and hugged him, sobbing out of relief. Her body loosened up, and she felt so weak as her body trembled from the sobbing. It wasn't him! It wasn't him! Thank you, Jesus!

"Mommy?" Sophia was frowning. "Mommy."

"It's okay." Carol released the man and smiled. "This is Mommy's friend, Axel Welsh."

Axel was a friend she met at a gas station. He was going to rob them, but Carol bumped into him and knocked the gun—water gun—out of his pocket and under one of the racks. Carol nearly lost all of the food she'd stolen too, and Axel felt what all she'd taken, and she was so scared he'd rat her out, but he nodded at her to leave. He got the man attention by complaining about the lack of oil choices. He also talked to her on the bus out of town. She knew him from grade school? Maybe high school. She couldn't be sure. It was history anyway, and it didn't need to be brought up. She was sure she was so grateful to him. Sophia ate well that week.

"How did you find us?" Carol breathlessly asked.

He closed the door. "I've been followin' you," he admitted. "Figured you could use a hand."

"Is that chicken?" Sophia asked, looking at the bag, smelling it.

"Yeah. Do you want some?"

"Could she?" Carol asked, like she had never been given anything in her life.

"I bought enough for all of us." He set the bag on the table and unloaded it, Sophia waited politely for her mom to make her plate, and Carol sat down to do so. She was so dizzy, and the pain of hunger was really weighing down on her. "I got chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, mac and cheese and biscuits."

"Here." Carol handed her biscuit. "Eat slowly or you'll get a stomach ache."

Sophia took it and slowly ate, though she wanted to shove it down her throat and hoped she didn't choke. Carol made them plates, Axel sat across from her, and Sophia sat in a chair, watching cartoons while stuffing her face. Carol was glad Sophia had something to eat that was healthy—mostly. She couldn't remember the last time they had something warm to eat.

"How're you doin'?" Axel whispered, trying not get Sophia's attention.

"Not well." She rubbed her shoulder. "He's still coming after us, and I can only do so much." Tears filled her eyes, and she took a shaky breath in. "Thank you so much for this, Axel."

"You looked like you need it." He smiled a little at her. He knew she didn't remember him from high school, but he remember her. She was the only girl in school that was so hell-bent on going to college that she managed to juggle almost every extracurricular activity. She was so kind and willing to help anyone. He was so sad when he heard about her and her first husband. He was glad she tried again, but he wished this hadn't happened. When _she_ told him about Carol, he knew he had to help.

"So, where are you going?" Carol searched his eyes.

"Back home. My brother's waiting."

"That must be nice." Carol smiled sadly. "I wish I had family to go back to, but..."

He frowned. "Carol, yo—"

"No." She shook her head. "I don't have any family. I'm...an orphan." She was terrible at lying, but she couldn't let Sophia or...**him** know she had a large family who were probably worried about her. She had to protect them. She'd even lied about her maiden name, but only because she was trying to run from her past at the time. She didn't want it catching up to her. Twenty-fours years of life, and she didn't want her past to catch up to her. She never thought that would happen so soon or...at all.

She ran a hand through her hair. "Sophia, baby, go wash your face for bed," Carol told her once she'd finished eating.

Sophia threw her plate away and stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

"What do you want in return?" Carol looked at Axel.

"Excuse me?"

"I've been here before, and there's always a price. What do you want?"

"Jesus, Carol!" He was disgusted at the idea of her paying him back with sex. "I'm not that guy!"

"You're not?" She searched his eyes closely. "Do you mean that?"

"Yes, I swear to God. I just want to help."

"Really?" She was so disbelieving. "And you won't try anything...with her?"

"Carol, I would never."

She nodded, overwhelmed with emotions. She needed to change the subject or she was going to start bawling over her chicken. She didn't want Sophia to see her cry any more than she already had. "Can I have my gun back?"

"Gun?" He frowned. "You didn't have a gun."

She panicked. "No? I had a gun. It was 9 mm. I sold my engagement ring for it."

He smirked. "I'm kidding." He set a duffel bag on the table from the floor beside him, pulled the zipper down and showed her it was there. "I figured Sophia shouldn't see it."

"Thanks, jerk."

He smiled. "Let's leave in there. Guns scare the shit outta me."

She nodded and saw Sophia in her nightgown by the bathroom door. "Just get comfy, baby."

Sophia crawled onto the bed then stopped. "I need Dee Dee."

"Who?" Axel's brows furrowed.

"Her bear." Carol grabbed the bear from the bag and climbed into the bed beside her. "Here's Dee Dee."

"Will you stay?" Sophia asked, looking at her mom.

"Always." Carol brushed her hair back and kissed her forehead. "Get under there. Your toes are ice cold." Carol pulled the blankets down and covered them, Sophia snuggled closer to her, and Carol put her arm around Sophia's shoulders.

"I only got one room," Axel told her. "Toss me a pillow. I'm a no stranger to sleepin' on the floor."

Carol picked up a pillow and tossed it to him. "Thank you, Axel."

He nodded, lying on the floor and using his own blanket to cover himself. Carol melted into the bed, feeling Sophia safe in her arms, and she prayed to God they could stay that way for a while. They'd been through so much, and Carol wasn't sure she could take much more. She needed somewhere safe for Sophia to be, but the only place they could go would put them all in danger. She may have to risk if it came to that. Until then, she could try to change her identity, get a job and try and support them. She might have to anyway.

_**Hello, hello anybody out there? 'Cause I don't hear a sound.**_

_**Alone, alone I don't really know where the world is, but I miss it now.**_

_**I'm out on the edge and I'm screaming my name like a fool at the top of my lungs.**_

_**Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I'm all right but it's never enough.**_

_**'Cause my echo, echo is the only voice coming back.**_

_**My shadow, shadow is the only friend that I have.**_

She needed to get as far away from that town—that man—as she could. He would be following them, and he was reason Carol didn't want to return to her hometown, to her family. She wasn't putting any of them at risk. He was a powerful man who knew powerful people. She just needed to find a place to lay low, save money and leave. Maybe fly to Canada. Anywhere would be a blessing. She needed a fresh start, and she needed to make sure no one ever found them again.

_**Listen, listen I will take a whisper if that's all you had to give.**_

_**But it isn't, isn't you could come and save me and try to chase it crazy right out of my head.**_

_**I'm out on the edge and I'm screaming my name like a fool at the top of my lungs.**_

_**Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I'm all right but it's never enough.**_

_**'Cause my echo, echo is the only voice coming back.**_

_**My shadow, shadow is the only friend that I have.**_

Carol knew of only one other person who would stick their neck out for an old friend. She wasn't sure if she could get her number, but she had to try. She heard her husband was a police officer now, so maybe he could help. She hadn't spoken to Lori since high school, but they were really close and they made a pact to always look out for one another. Carol needed looking out for desperately. If Lori was a woman of her word, Carol and Sophia could be still and safe for a little while.

For the first time in years, Carol felt hopeful. She'd endured so much, made so many mistakes, but if this worked out, she would go back to them and _never,_ **ever** leave them again. She missed her parents, the sound of her sisters arguing, her annoying but loving older brother always teasing and nagging her, and her aunt and uncle. God, she missed them all so much. She missed being able to hear her dad's voice when he yelled at her or when he was proud of her, and her mother. She missed her mother's hugs and cooking. She missed the scents of Sunday morning breakfasts and the way the farm smelled. She used to hate all the work on the weekends, but what she wouldn't give to hold a hoe again, to grow food and raise animals. She missed the horses the most of all the animals.

Carol fell into a deep slumber at the thoughts of her childhood home. She felt the smile on her lips. She was so at peace for the first time in years, and she slept without waking up in a cold sweat fearing he was near for the first time in months. It was the best gift anyone could've given her. She was so thankful to Axel. She hoped she could repay him for this one day.

––

Daryl flipped through the bills, finding a lot of junk mail, and he tossed it into the trash, keeping on the electric bill. He really needed to check that mailbox more often. He was tempted to hire a housekeeper, but he hated prying eyes. All of the people in this town were nosy, especially that little girl who always seemed to be in his shop. What the hell was her name? Beth? Yep, Beth. She was the most annoying girl. He didn't need her looking out for him. He was grown ass man, and he could take care of himself. He, on occasion, chose not to. Who was she to tell him he shouldn't do that?

Daryl drank two cups of coffee and ate a few donuts before leaving. He found an old friend on his doorstep, and he was tempted to shut the door in his face, but he couldn't. He stepped aside and let him in. "You look like shit. The hell happened to you?"

"Same old." Shawn sat on the couch. "Any news?"

"You got the job," was all Daryl said.

"Yay." Shawn ran a hand through his hair and exhaled deeply. "Man, it's shitty."

"She ain't doin' well?" Daryl sat in the chair. Annette Greene had gotten real sick these past few months, and Shawn was trying to find a good doctor. Hershel was too busy with the bills and trying to pay them to thoroughly look, so Shawn was looking. Maggie and Beth were helping out as best they could, but they didn't know what to do or who could help. Daryl had offered to help, but he wasn't good for it. It ate at him, but he didn't know any doctors. He couldn't be of any help.

"No. We had to take her to the hospital last night." Shawn was so pale, and he had red around his eyes from lack of sleep. He'd lost weight too. Beth could take him.

"I'm sorry."

"Do you really know nothin'?" Shawn looked at him. "She was **your** goddamn wife!"

Daryl said nothing.

"You were married! You shared a bed, surely secrets too! If she had said anythin', you would know. Tell me, you son of a bitch!" Shawn snapped and grabbed Daryl by the collar of his shirt. "Tell me!"

"You'd best put me down," Daryl hissed.

Shawn blinked several times then set Daryl down. "I—God, I'm sorry." He fell back onto the couch and ran a hand down his face. "I haven't slept in three days, and I got nothin' done. Nothin'. I'm so useless."

"You just needa sleep."

"Do you got anythin'?" Shawn asked.

Daryl narrowed his eyes. "No."

"Do you mean it? 'Cause if you started usin' again, I—"

"I'm clean, asshole. Get your ass home. I got shit to do today." He rose and opened the front door. "I'm real sorry 'bout Annette, but we ain't family or friends, so stop comin' by with your problems. I got my own problems."

Shawn leaned in the doorway. "Losin' all you lost...I get it, but don't push away a friend." He left the house, and Daryl ground his teeth, slamming the door.

He wasn't in the mood for work, so he grabbed a bottle out of the fridge, but no cup. If only Merle were there to have a bottle with him. Jackass was locked up for another two weeks. Daryl tossed the cap into the corner and drank deeply. He wasn't in the mood to be around other people, and he knew if he went to work shitfaced, T would sack him. He couldn't afford to lose that job, so he was staying home and drinking his sorrow away.

She did this to him. He wasn't blaming her—it _was_ her fault. If he had never met her, his life woulda been so much better. His "wife". Tsk. He was married to a vixen, and he should've listened to his brother. Why the hell didn't he? Right, because he "loved" the bitch. Tsk, what a fucking joke.

_**I don't wanna be without it and I just wanna feel alive and get to see your face again.**_

_**I don't wanna be without it and I just wanna feel alive and get to see your face again.**_

_**Just my echo, Oh, my shadow, you're my only friend.**_

_**And I'm out on the edge and I'm screaming my name like a fool at the top of my lungs.**_

_**Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I'm all right but it's never enough**_

_**'Cause my echo, echo.**_

_**Oh my shadow, shadow.**_

_**Hello, hello anybody out there...**_

Daryl picked up the picture frame, glanced at it and threw it hard against the wall. He went upstairs, chugging now.

In the picture that lay on the floor surrounded by glass was the wedding picture of him and Carol Greene on the Greene's farm nearly five years ago.

– – –

_Carol was working late at the Greene Leaf__. She had to make sure she had enough money for both his gift and paying off her car. She wanted it to be a surprise, and she really hoped her brother hadn't gotten it for him after she told him she was buying that for him. She could see him doing that. He always manages to have a better gift than her. But this? There was no way he could top this unless he bought it first._

_Carol sighed at the empty scene before her. She was so tired. She hadn't slept in so long. She needed coffee to wake her up or tea to put her to sleep. If no one entered in five minutes, she was closing. She doubted Maggie or Beth would mind. It was their turn to work anyway. Yeesh. Why was she such a pushover for them? Sisters._

_Carol checked her watch and when she looked up, a red velvet cupcake with cream cheese icing was in front of her. She smiled and turned to find Daryl Dixon smirking down at her. She slipped her arms around his neck. "I thought you were working tonight."_

"_Got off early."_

"_And the cupcake? I thought Rhee's Bakery was closed already."_

"_I know people." He took a bite of the cupcake._

"_Hey. Give me that." She took it from him and bit into it. Red velvet cupcakes were her favorite cupcake in the world. Since Rhee was their competitor, Maggie, Carol and Beth weren't allow to go inside. Daddy was pretty adamant about that rule. Most people came to Greene's for the cheesecake and brownies that Annette, Jacqui and Carol baked, but Rhee was the cupcake palace. They had so many different types, and they made pizza. Their son, Glenn, delivered it. He was a really nice kid, really smart. He was an senior like Maggie next year. Carol was graduating this month in the class of 2014 with Daryl and her best friends Lori and Andrea. _

"_Slow down. Last time you ate one real fast, you got sick."_

"_In my defense, I hadn't eaten all day, and you're the one who thought it was a good idea to give all the teachers laxative-filled cupcakes as a prank."_

"_Yeah, but I told you **twice** yours was in my locker."_

"_That's where I found the one I ate." She narrowed her eyes. _

"_I had four in my locker, and you grabbed the wrong one."_

"_Uh-huh." She picked up the keys from behind the counter and locked the doors. "You need to leave."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because I haven't finish paying off my car, and it's still at T-dog's shop, so Daddy's picking me up. I have to call him when I'm done." She turned and found him on top of the counter. "And you know how he feels about you."_

"_What is it this time?" he mocked. "Bad influence? Might get you into drugs? Drinking? A tattoo? Pregnant?"_

"_Daryl, don't." She went to the back to get the clean supplies._

"_I ain't doin' nothin'—it's him." Daryl followed her. "What did I do to him?"_

"_I don't know." She grabbed the bottle with table written on it and a rag. "He doesn't like Andy either." She closed the door and returned to the front to clean the tables. "Besides, I don't think it's you he doesn't like."_

_Daryl leaned against the counter. "He don't like Merle?"_

_Carol didn't look at him. "He did break into the shop—twice—and left a mess. He cost us almost two hundred dollars in supplies, not to mention—"_

"_I ain't Merle!"_

"_I know you're not, but he doesn't."_

_Daryl groaned and dropped his head down on the counter as Carol cleaned the table. Maggie was going to open and she could clean the floors and Beth could wipe down the windows. Carol wasn't that much of a pushover. They both bailed tonight, and they would both clean it thoroughly tomorrow. This was the last time Carol ever covered for them. She had to remember to tell Daddy they were at the library studying. She'd reminded herself several times, but whenever it came time to tell him, she would say something...else._

"_Move your head. I need to wipe up the crumbs." She set the bottle and rag on the counter, but he didn't move. "Daryl, please, move your head."_

_He sighed and straightened up. "What if we got married?"_

"_What?" She squirted the counter top and began to wipe it down._

"_Say we got married, would he still hate me?"_

"_He doesn't hate you." Carol lifted her eyes to his. "Do you want to know the real reason why Daddy doesn't like you?"_

"_He's got fake reasons?"_

_She bit her lip then sighed. "He knows."_

"_Knows...what?" _

"_That I hid his Bible." She rolled her eyes, and he looked annoyed. "Daryl, what else would piss him off? He found out last week."_

"_That's why he hates me?" Daryl exclaimed. "How in the hell is that fair?"_

"_It's not just that, but it's a main part of it." She returned the cleaning supplies and headed to the office for her bag. "You know how he is. He doesn't want us to ruin our lives with drinking." _

"_**One** drink," Daryl corrected. "And you spit it out!"_

"_When your sister is mad at you for breaking her curling iron, she overdoes the truth to get revenge." Carol opened her bag and pulled out her pants and hoodie. _

"_Beth?" he assumed._

"_Yeah." Carol removed her flats and set them on the desk. "Could you unzip me?" She moved her hair out of the way and he unzipped the back of her dress. "Turn around."_

"_Ain't like I haven't seen it before," he teased._

"_So cute. Turn around."_

_He turned his back to her and let her change. "Can I just talk to him?"_

"_What would you say?" She buttoned her jeans and set her dress in the bag after folding it._

"_The truth."_

"_That you took me to a party and let me drink?" She tugged her hoodie down over her camisole and grabbed the boots from behind the desk._

"_I didn't take you to a party—you took me."_

"_Andrea invited us, and it would've been rude to not go. It's not her fault Ryan and Shane brought beer and vodka." She set her flats inside and zipped the bag. "And it's the only party I've ever been invited to that wasn't a birthday party, but if it'll make Daddy like you, I'll tell him tonight."_

"_And ruin your goody-goody image?" he teased, facing her._

"_I'm not a goody-goody, for one thing." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "And for another, could you give me a ride home, please?"_

_He leaned down and kissed her. "'Course."_

_She laced her fingers through his, and they left through the back door, locking up on their way out. Daryl took her bag and tossed it into the back of his truck, opening her door for her, and she climbed in, calling her mom to let her know she was on her way home, and Daryl waited until she was done with her call to start his truck._

"_Hello?" It was Shawn._

"_Hey, is Mom home?"_

"_Yeah. She's makin' dinner."_

"_Can I talk to her?"_

"_I don't know. Can you?"_

"_Shawn."_

"_Fine. Mom, it's Carol!" _

_Carol waited, and her mom took the phone. "Carol?"_

"_Hey."_

"_Is everything all right?"_

"_Yeah, everything's all right. I just wanted to let you know I have ride home, and I'll home soon."_

"_Who's bringing you?"_

"_Daryl." Annette sighed. "Mom, it's just a ride home."_

"_It's not that, honey. Your father's already annoyed with Maggie."_

"_What happened?"_

"_I'll tell you when you get home. Please, tell him to drop you off at the end of the drive."_

"_Mo—"_

"_Don't fight with me on this, Carol."_

"_Okay. I'll see you soon. I love you."_

"_I love you too."_

"_Bye." Carol hung up and slid her phone into the pocket of her hoodie. "You'll have to drop me off by the mailbox. Dad's mad at Mag."_

_He nodded._

_The drive to Carol's house was very long due to the lack of talking and music. Carol wasn't in the mood to talk now. She was mad at her parents for always disliking Daryl when he did nothing wrong. She was so tired of them putting him in the same slot as Merle. He was nothing like his brother or his father. Carol didn't even want to know Daryl's father's name. They'd never met, but Carol hated him. She didn't know why, but she knew he was a strict son of a bitch. And the way Daryl looked when he got off the bus back in middle school used to break her heart. He was always glad when the bus took the long way home. Carol always wanted to go and knock on the front door and punch him, but she small and couldn't punch. Although Shawn had a baseball bat that he never used, and they had barbwire to spare._

_She was so mad at Annette and Hershel and Mr. Dixon. She didn't want to go home, but her dad would only worry and wait up for her. She didn't want to make him worry, because Mom worried then too. They were getting older, and so was Carol. She couldn't act like a child anymore. She was going to be eighteen on the twenty-fifth, and she needed to start acting like it._

_Daryl stopped by the mailbox like Carol asked, Carol looked up when the truck stopped and glanced over at him. He was looking out his window, waiting for her to get out of the truck, and Carol didn't want to leave it like this. Daryl wasn't angry, he was just pulling away, and she hated that. She would much rather he be mad than distant. Mad, she could fix. Distant...she just had to endure._

_She removed her seat belt, leaned over until she could see his eyes and kissed him. "Good night. I'll see you tomorrow."_

_He nodded. "Night."_

_She retrieved her bag from the back and headed down the drive. She saw the house in the distance, and she wondered if Mom was waiting for her. She picked up the pace, thinking the others were probably sitting at the table, drooling, and she didn't want to stand between Shawn and his meat. She'd never seen someone devour as much meat, not even Daryl when he's starving. Shawn was so skinny, but he ate like a horse. If only she was so lucky._

_Maggie was waiting on the porch for her, smiling a little. "Hey."_

"_What?" Carol searched her face._

"_Nothin'. Dinner's ready. Beth's not joinin' us tonight." Maggie held the door open._

"_Why not?" Carol followed her inside._

"_That isn't your business," Hershel told Carol. "Go wash up."_

_Carol took her bag upstairs and set it beside her bed then washed up, leaving her boots by her bedroom door as she left. She joined her mom, siblings and dad at the table. They said grace as usual, Hershel asked them about their day, and Shawn talked more then Maggie and Carol combined. Beth and Shawn were the talkers, Maggie fell in second and Carol last. She got it from their mother._

"_Was there any trouble with the shop?" Hershel asked his oldest daughter._

_Carol swallowed a bite of mashed potatoes. "No, just a few loud kids, but nothing I couldn't handle."_

"_Good." He slice his ham. "You don't have to cover for Maggie again."_

"_She had an exam," Carol insisted._

"_It's okay," Maggie reassured her. "He knows, and I won't do it again. I'll work all week, and I'm cleaning this weekend."_

_Carol focused hard on her food now. She wondered how he found out about Maggie's plans. Carol didn't fully know them, but she knew they would get her in trouble. Dad was getting better and better at finding our their plan. Carol needed to make sure he didn't find out about her plans for Daryl's graduation gift. Graduation was coming sooner than she liked, and she really wanted it to be special, especially since it was probably one of the last times they'd spend together. After high school, who knows what's going to happen them? It was more depressing than happy._

_Carol and Maggie washed the dishes and towel dried them. Carol saw their father lingering, so she went to her room and let Maggie and him talk. She undressed and grabbed her nightshirt. She pulled her hair into a loose ponytail and grabbed the file off her dresser. She hadn't gotten around to telling Daryl she was planning on going to an out-of-state college. Her ACT score was high, and she could go just about anywhere. She would love for Daryl to come, but he didn't want to go to college. He was done with school the first day he entered the elementary school. If it weren't her, Daryl would've dropped out a long time ago._

_She opened the first application that was to a nearby college. She wanted to make sure she had a lot of options just in case her first choice failed. She began to chew on the cap as she looked it over. She really didn't want to fill out another application. Every freaking day she filled one out, it seemed. She needed to stop and take a break. She only had a month left in high school, and she really needed to enjoy it. Prom was coming up, but she probably wouldn't go. Prom was more of Beth's thing. Carol's the bookworm, always has been. _

_She sighed and dropped the pen on the application in front of her, looking out as lightening filled the night sky. She noticed something off in the distance and grabbed the binoculars off her nightstand. She peered through them and saw movement in the dark. She set the binoculars down and opened her window. If Daryl had followed her home, she was going to kill him. Daddy was already agitated by Beth and Maggie. If he caught Daryl up here, he would explode._

_Sure enough, that mess of brown hair appeared on the roof. She swore he could climb up a flat wall. He would find a way. How he manages to get the second floor without being seen or heard was beyond her. He was going to get chewed out for this. Daddy will never like him now._

"_Daryl Dixon," she hissed softly. "What the hell are you doing?"_

"_Shhh." He moved out of sight as her door opened, and she turned._

"_Daddy." She smiled nervously, closing her window. _

"_It's late, Carol. Go to bed."_

_She nodded. "I was working on a college application."_

"_Five more minutes then, and close your window. It's going to rain. Good night."_

"_I will. Night," she called as he closed the door. She turned back to the window and opened it, Daryl climbed in just as the rain began, and she shut and locked her window. "Explain yourself." She crossed her arms._

"_Ran outta gas," was his explanation._

"_Oh."_

"_Figure I'll catch the ride with Shawn to get gas in the mornin'."_

"_There's gasoline in the shed," Carol reminded him, moving the folder to let him sit on her bed._

"_It's locked, remember?"_

"_Right." She crossed her legs when she sat down. "Won't Merle worry?"_

"_Do you know Merle?"_

_She smirked. "What about your dad?"_

"_Nobody's gonna miss me tonight." He lied across the bed. "Want company?"_

"_I would love company," she leaned over and kissed him, "just as long as you're out of here before sunrise." _

"_Deal." He kicked his boots off. "Nice jammies."_

"_What?" She looked down and blushed, realizing she only wore a t-shirt that just barely covered her upper thighs. "Shut up." _

"_School's almost over." He propped himself up on his elbows. _

"_Yep." She took a pillow and held it to her chest._

"_Got any plans?"_

"_College." She glanced at the file. "I haven't decided where I want to go just yet, but I think I want to be a teacher. I love kids, and I'm good with them. Or a chief. I'm a pretty good cook."_

"_A teacher?" he snorted._

"_What?"_

"_They're gonna walk all over you. You're a pushover."_

"_They will not! I'm not!" She kept her voice low. "What about you, huh? You aren't even going to college. What are **you** gonna do?"_

"_I'm gonna be a mechanic."_

"_Why?"_

"_'Cause I know cars, and I already work with T." He shrugged. _

"_Well, good. I'm glad you have something to look forward to." She picked up the file and moved it._

"_Look forward to? You make it sound fun."_

"_It could be."_

"_Well, there was the cheerleader's car wash," he teased. _

"_You pervert!" She smacked him with the pillow, he laughed and grabbed the pillow, wrestling it away from her. She fought back, and they ended up falling on the floor. For some reason, it was hilarious, and they just started laughing, and Carol buried her face in his chest to try and muffle the sound. _

"_Shh, your parents are gonna hear us." _

_She sat up on her knees, and he did. She reached down and brushed hair from his eyes. "I love you, Daryl."_

_His lips pulled up in a slight smile. "Ditto."_

_She kissed him._


	2. Hope Now

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

––

Carol woke with a jolt, feeling empty arms, and she shot up and out of bed. She looked around the hotel room, the duffel bag was on the table, the place were Axel was sleeping was empty, and Sophia was nowhere to be seen. She pushed the covers back, trying not to panic, and she opened the bathroom door, but it was empty too. She felt panic coursing through her body, drowning her.

"Sophia!" She threw open the door. "Sophia!" She ran outside, the hot ground stung her feet. She scanned the parking lot, not seeing a single familiar car or sign Sophia had been there. The world seemed to blue, and her breathing escalated as she racked her hands through her hair. "Sophia!"

No, no! That bastard took her! He hired him to take her daughter! She knew he was too nice. She knew he was going to screw them over. Why did she fall for it? She should've been prepared. She should've hit him with that chair and bashed his head open. God, he was too damn nice. No one was that nice, not to her. She was stupid, and she lost her daughter. How could she let this happen? She was so careful. Why did she ever let her guard down?

"Sophia!"

"Mommy!"

She whirled around and saw Sophia's sweet face running over to her. Carol swept her up and held her close. "Are you okay?" She looked her over. "Did he hurt you?"

"Hurt her?" Axel rounded the corner. "I would never hurt her."

"Where the hell did you take her?" she demanded.

"To the store. You were sleeping, so we grabbed some breakfast and new clothes."

"Do you like my jacket, Mommy?" Sophia asked.

"What?" Sophia wore new jeans with a new jean jacket and a blue rainbow shirt. She had lopsided pigtails. "New clothes?" She was confused. Why was he doing this?

"Well, I noticed her pants were ripped, and I figured she'd like new one. We bought some for you too. New jeans too."

They went back into the hotel room, Sophia opened her cookies 'n cream and used a pack of cinnamon Teddy Grahams to scoop it out, Axel handed Carol the new clothes, and he had just sat down to eat his own container of mint chocolate chip when Carol dragged him into the bathroom, pulling the gun from her waistband and threatening him.

"Holy shit!" He jumped back.

"You don't go anywhere with **my** daughter," she hissed. "Not without me ever!"

"Christ, I'm sorry! She was awake, and you weren't. I didn't want her to wake you, and I was hungry!"

"I'm not mad." She lowered the gun. "I'm pissed! You could've put us at risk! Do you have any idea who's after us? It's not Mr. Rogers, Axel."

"I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know. I was just bein' nice!"

"And I am very, very grateful, but the person after us will stop at nothing to get his hands on her, and she is my everything. Don't ever do that again."

He nodded. "Can you put the gun away?"

She set it on the counter. "Don't worry. Safety's on."

"Well, that doesn't change the fact I need to change my underwear."

She smiled. "I'm sorry. I really am."

"Yeah, me too." He exited the bathroom then paused. "We're going to watch cartoons. Is that okay?"

She almost laughed. "Depends on what."

"Something called...Adventure Time."

"Yeah, she loves that show."

He stepped out, and Carol looked into the bag. She saw a lot more than jeans. She emptied the bag, finding hair dye, and a paint blobbed knapsack with a set of contact lenses, a can of pepper spray, a set of car keys and a two one-way train tickets. She saw a note in the very bottom, and she felt tears in her eyes at who send Axel to her.

_Thought you might need this and a friend. Granted, he's my friend, but I can't afford to disappear right now. He'll know I know. Be strong and don't let that angel out of your sight._

_-K_

Carol held the note close to her heart and calmed herself. She was so emotional lately. She needed to settle down. She looked at the note once more and smiled. "Thank you, Karen." That explained everything. That woman was the best thing that happened to her since she left home five years ago.

And with that said, Carol put her past self behind her and changed into someone even **he** wouldn't recognize. Her medium length red hair was transformed into a chestnut brown, and her green-blue eyes were now a muddy brown. She was stunned by the woman in the mirror. She was so skinny, her cheeks were sunk in, her skin was washed out, and her clothes were too big, so she looked like an druggy. She'd lost so much weight, and it was sickening. She had no form. Sadly, this weight lose wasn't due their running, not most of it anyway.

She threw the used supplies into the trashcan behind the motel, and she moved her things—second pair of shoes, old clothes, Sophia's clothes and bear—into the knapsack and all the while Sophia kept asking why she changed her everything. She gave Axel a knowing smile, and he nodded back.

"Did you save me any?" Carol asked, moving Sophia onto her lap as she took her seat.

"I saved you a few bears, but you were in the shower, so I ate all the ice cream."

Carol kissed her cheek. "Thank you, sweetheart."

"So, what's the plan?" Axel asked her.

"I don't know." She tucked loose hair behind Sophia's ear. "Keep her safe and well-taken care of. I think I know who can do that, but I'm going to need you."

"You name it, I'll do it—just not murder."

"Nothing like that," Carol smiled.

"But you have somethin' in mind?"

"Yes, I do." She lifted Sophia up and set her back in her seat. "Don't eat all of these, okay?"

"I'll get a tummy ache, I know. I know." She continued coloring the panda in her coloring book.

"C'mere." Carol pulled him to the door out of Sophia's line of sight. "Show me how you do it."

"Do what?"

"My jeans still had that anti-theft thing. How do you do it?"

"You wanna know?"

"It could be useful."

"All right. I'm a pro at this, so don't be disappointed when you can't best me."

"Try me."

Over the course of two days, Axel taught Carol everything knew about professional stealing, and she was getting really good at stealing from him. She hadn't done stolen form a store yet, but she was getting there. She felt horrible about stealing, but she had to be able to keep Sophia fed, no matter how low she had to stoop. She wouldn't let her daughter suffer, and some of the people around here could afford her thieving. She would find a way to make it up to them later—if they made it out of this.

Carol was quite fond of Axel. He was really polite, very respecting of her space, and he seemed to genuinely care if Sophia was all right. She still woke at every movement he made in the night, but she trusted him.

Today was the day Axel tested Carol's skills. They needed to move motels again, and they needed supplies. They only had enough food for breakfast, so it was Carol's turn to get the food. They had a plan, and they hoped it worked.

"I'm nervous." Carol wiped her hands on her jeans.

"It's now or go hungry," Axel replied.

"I can do this." She removed her seat belt and got out of the truck car. She unbuckled Sophia and helped her out, taking her hand. "If all else fails, I can claim I'm a desperate mother."

"It ain't untrue."

She took a deep breathe, and they went inside. Axel went to get the drinks they were actually going to pay for while Carol and Sophia wondered the aisles. Carol could feel her palms sweating, but they were in some cheap little gas station with really old cameras. She had to do this, and she learned from the best. She just had to keep calm and make sure Sophia did her part. She felt horrible about that part, making her daughter a decoy. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Carol kept to the canned goods, taking more cans than anything. She didn't want the wrappers to crinkle in her pockets when she walked. She did take a few packs of ramen noodles, slipping them into the knapsack that Sophia was wearing. She even took a few packs of crackers. She didn't overdo it. It was her first time, and she really didn't want to get caught.

She'd only stolen one thing in her entire life, and she felt so bad about it. She went back and told them, paying them twice the amount and swearing to never, ever go in the store again. Her parents didn't find out. The guy was really nice about it, especially since she was eight and it was just a bracelet that her dad wouldn't buy for her. She didn't think she would be doing it again. It was for survival this time, so did that make it better?

When Carol was done, her jacket felt like it was filled with bricks. She saw Axel talking to the cashier, prepaying for gas, and Carol waited until he left before she told Sophia what to do. Sophia nodded, and Carol gave her reassuring smile before walking to the other end of the aisle.

Sophia walked over to a cardboard stand and picked up a peanut butter cup, looking it over, getting the cashier's attention. Sophia slipped the candy bar into her pocket, very obvious about it, and she turned and started to leave.

"Oh, whoa, whoa." He came out from behind the counter, and Sophia kept walking, and he grabbed her shoulder gently. "Hey, hey, little missy." He turned his back on Carol, bending down to look at her, and Carol handed her jacket to Axel, leaving her in a jean jacket. "I think you forgot something."

Sophia gazed at him.

"See, honey, you have to pay for that." He pointed to her pocket.

"But I don't have any money," Sophia whispered.

"That is a dilemma."

"Am I in trouble?" Sophia asked, tears in her eyes. "I want my mommy."

"Sweetheart, don't cry. It'll be okay."

"Sophia?" Carol stepped out of the aisle. "Sophia, baby, what happened?" She dropped to her knees in front of her, taking her hands.

"She forgot to pay for something."

"Oh? I'm so sorry." Carol looked at Sophia. "I told you to wait, didn't I?"

Sophia nodded. "I'm sorry." She turned to the man. "I'm really sorry, sir."

Carol kissed her forehead and pulled out money to pay for it. "Is this enough?" Carol held it out.

"Yeah." He stood up and took it.

Carol picked her up. "I'm sorry for all this." She left, drying Sophia's eyes. "Shh, it's okay." She knew Sophia was upset about the whole thing. The first time Sophia actually stole—she'd been putting on plastic necklaces with one of her friends and forgot she had one one still when they left—Ed...went insane. He yelled at her and at Carol. It was horrible, and Sophia was scared to do anything. She didn't go into a store for two months, because she was scared he'd assume the worst.

"What happened?" Axel pushed off the truck.

"She's upset." Carol rubbed her back. "She'll be okay."

Axel set a hand on her head. "Cheer up, it's Thursday, and it's almost seven."

Sophia smiled a little, sniffling.

They got in the car, Sophia held Dee Dee close, and they checked into another motel for the night. Axel and Carol emptied the coat filled with pilfered goods onto the bed, and he was impressed by all Carol managed to get. She felt a little pride at that, but she made a promise to never do it unless it was absolutely necessary. Carol looked over at Sophia, who sat in front of the TV cuddling Dee Dee to her chest and the peanut butter cup she'd taken was on the table, untouched.

Axel put the food in the duffel bag, putting the water bottles in the mini fridge, and Carol picked up the candy and plopped down beside her. "Are you gonna eat this?" Carol held it out.

She shook her head.

"Why not?"

"I'm not hungry." She buried her face in the bear's head.

"Not hungry? Hmm, well, I guess I'll eat it." She began to unwrap it. "Smells good." She knew Sophia loved peanut butter and chocolate. It wouldn't take long. "It's fresh too." Carol ate a small bite, Sophia peeked at her, and just when Carol was about to eat it whole, Sophia stopped her. "I knew it." She smiled, tickling Sophia, and Sophia giggled and squirmed away.

"C'mere." Carol pulled her into her lap, Sophia took a bite of the candy, and Carol smoothed her hair down, looking in her eyes. "What we did at the store, we don't do that unless we have to, okay?"

"I know."

"Okay. Your show's back on."

Sophia turned in Carol's lap to watch the show, Carol wrapped her arms around Sophia's stomach, and Axel checked out the window before sitting on his bed. Carol knew he had money, but only enough for motel rooms. She needed to get them to the train station. If she could get Sophia home, she could try and throw Ed's scent off. She didn't want to leave Sophia, but if Ed caught up to them, it would be worse than being separated from Sophia. She might not make it back to her.

After the show was over, Sophia flipped through her coloring book for a blank page, Carol sat on their bed and tried to come up with a way to persuade Axel to take Sophia home, and she heard Sophia sigh.

"What is it?"

"I'm outta stuff to color." She closed the book. "Do you have paper?"

"No." She rose off the bed. "I'll get you a new coloring book tomorrow, yeah?"

"Tomorrow." Sophia sat back in the chair. "Where are we going, Mommy?"

"Somewhere safe."

"Where? I'm sick of motels and hotels and gas station food. I miss my bed and Ramsey."

Carol frowned. "I know, baby, but we can't go back there. This is _our_ adventure."

"Does it have an end?"

"Hopefully."

The door opened and Axel walked in. Sophia muttered a hi, and Carol offered a smile. He smiled back, locking the door behind him, and he reached into the bag he had with him, pulling out a thick coloring book and new crayons, markers and colored pencils.

"Oh, my gosh!" Sophia was grinning. "Are those for me?"

"Yeah." He set it on the table.

"Thank you so much!" She hugged him then flipped through it.

_Thank you_, Carol mouthed.

"Figured she'd run out. She ain't got nothin' else to do."

She touched his arm and led him over to the beds, sitting him down. "Axel—"

"Got this for you." He pulled out a compass. "So you'll find your way."

She reached out and took the vintage pocket compass. It was beautiful, and she felt it was important to him. She wasn't sure she could take this, and she was scared that this gift and Sophia's meant they were going to part ways. She wasn't ready for that. She had a plan, and she had to follow it. He had to protect Sophia long enough for her family to take her in. She couldn't do this without him.

"Why are you giving me this?"

"Why not?"

"Axel...are you leaving us?" Her voice was soft, scared almost.

"No, but it's time for you to get on that train."

"Axel, I need you. I have an idea, and I need your help to see it through." She leaned closer. "I need you to get her on that train. I'll write directions out, and there are people there who will take her in."

"And if they don't?"

"They will. Please, you're the only person I trust with her."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"'Cause she's _your_ little girl. You need to be with her, not me."

She sighed and tossed the compass at him. "I need some air, please watch her." She needed a drink or a cigarette—something to ease the stress. She didn't have a plan B, and if Axel had his mind made up, she was going home.

––

"_The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round. The wheels on the bus go around and round all through the town._" Axel was playing along and pretending to learn the song from Sophia, and Carol couldn't help smiling.

"I think I'm gettin' a hang of this." Axel took a drink of water.

"Now we can practice with our arms," Sophia cheerfully replied.

"There's more? Man, this might be rough." He closed his bottle. "Lemme teach you somethin'."

"Okay!"

"Hold our your hands like this." He lifted his hands, and Sophia did the same. "Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man. Bake me a cake as fast as you can; pat it, roll it and mark it with a "B"." Sophia aped him well, although she was one minute behind in the words, but she got all of them right. "Put it in the oven for baby and me."

"You have to have kids," Carol commented.

"Nieces." He continued to play the game with her. "Patty cake, patty cake, baker's man. Bake me a cake as fast as you can."

"Roll it up, roll it up," Sophia said, doing the same hand motions as him. "And throw it in a pan. Patty cake, patty cake, baker's man."

Carol smiled and clapped when they finished, Sophia felt accomplished, and Carol realized just how much made her smile. She hadn't seen her smile this much since last year. "That was so good." Carol kissed her forehead. "But it's late, and we gotta go."

"I'll get my coat. C'mon, Dee Dee." Sophia grabbed her coat from the chair.

"It's been three days," Carol told him. "We should really leave now."

"Yeah, _you_ should." He handed her her knapsack. "But I ain't coming."

"But we discussed this," Carol protested.

"That little girl needs you, not me. I'm not changing my mind."

"She loves you! You know how four-year-olds are. She adores you, and I trust you. Karen trusts you, so please, Axel don't waffle on me."

"I never—"

A loud banging interrupted Axel, Carol jumped, and Sophia yelped. It was six in the evening, and there was a_ Do Not Disturb_ sign on the doorknob. Whoever was knocking was really trying to break the door down, because it was shaking, and that made Carol's heart stop. She knew it was **him**. She knew they'd stayed too long. Damn it!

"Go," Axel said softly. "The bathroom window. Go!"

Carol grabbed Sophia, the knapsack and her bear, rushing into the bathroom. She pried the window open while Axel called to the man banging on the door, and Sophia was shaking.

"Who's banging on the door?" Sophia whimpered.

"I don't know, baby." She got the window open and climbed through since Sophia was latched onto her. She ran as fast as she could away from the hotel room, hearing a gunshot, and she kept running. Sophia was gripping her tightly, and Carol needed to soothe her. She also needed a plan. She had one. Axel was her plan, and he was probably dead because of her.

She ran out to the street, moving through the crowd of people and she saw a miracle: a bus. She hurried up the stairs, a woman boarded behind her, and the doors shut behind that woman. Carol found a seat in the back, keeping Sophia close, and her eyes went from face to face in the people below. She saw him clear as day, looking for her, and she ducked her head when the bus passed by him.

Carol pulled Sophia back and looked at her. "You okay?"

She had tears in her eyes. "I—I am." Her voice was so soft, and it broke Carol's heart. "Where's Axel?"

"He's...gone, but I'm sure he'll be okay. We'll see him again."

"Where are we going?"

"Home, baby." Carol pulled her into her arms. "We're going home."

– – –

_She drank the orange juice on the way to her room then took a long shower and got dressed. She couldn't find her shoes anywhere, though. "Hey, Shawn?" She padded down the stairs. "Shawn?"_

"_Look who's finally legal." He held a basket of peaches. "Happy birthday, kid."_

"_Thanks. Have you seen any of my shoes?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Where?"_

"_I can't tell you. Beth had something to do with it, though." He shrugged. "You can't help Dad without boots, you know that. Besides, I bet you and Daryl have some talking to do."_

"_Yeah, we do." She folded her arms over her chest. "I'll see you later." _

_Shawn and Carol went different ways, and Carol went to look for her shoes. She would talk to Daryl later. Right now, she needed two shoes, and she didn't care if they matched. She looked all through Beth's and Maggie's room, but came up empty-handed. She wouldn't go into Shawn's room if you paid her, and she knew they wouldn't be in her parents' room. Beth wouldn't hide them in there. But if Beth was the one who took her shoes, she would just have to take Beth's shoes._

_She stole a pair and padded down the stairs to deal with one of her problems that wasn't going to end or start with a fight. She needed to hand in the scholarship papers anyway, so what better time than the now. And she also needed to get her homework. She wasn't going to fall behind. Her math teacher could be a bitch. That was believable enough. Her parents won't suspect a thing. God willing._

"_Shawn, I need a favor."_

"_No. Go help Patricia and Mom cook or whatever they're doing."_

"_I have to speak to Mr. Perri in the guidance office, so tell Mom and Dad that's where I am." _

_Shawn snickered as she fit her feet into shoes that weren't hers. "Aren't those Beth's?"_

"_Well, yours are being used to take care of our rat problem," she shot back._

"_You know what? I'll take care of that for you." He came at her. "The duck pond is just calling you."_

"_Shawn, no!" Carol threw a shoe at him and took off running. "Stop!"_

_They ran out into the field, Patricia laughed, Hershel shook his head, and Annette heard Carol squeal from the chicken coop. She poked her head out, "Shawn? Carol?" _

"_We're too old for this!" Carol tried to find a way around without going through the crops, because running through would make Daddy angry, so she had to just outrun him. It was easier said than done. Shawn was spry, and he was on the track team. He took their team through four years of winning with his long legs. Carol had their mother's legs and height. She was going swimming._

"_So? You're still twelve to me!" _

"_Yeah, well, you're a jerk to me!" _

_He caught up to her, grabbing her by the waist and carried her into the duck pond, Carol yelped and tried to get free, but he was strong, and he dumped her into the cold water. He howled a laugh when she came up for air, and she glared._

_Annette and Hershel found them in the duck pond as always on Carol's birthday—it was a tradition since Carol could walk—and they were fighting. Carol slid and dragged Shawn down with her. When they came up, they were almost completely covered in mud. They were coughing out dirty water and then, at the sight of each other, busted out laughing so loud they scared the ducks._

"_What the heck is goin' on?" Hershel asked them._

"_Shawn forgot to take maturity to heart again." Carol removed the other shoe and dumped the water out of it, and Shawn busted out laughing._

"_How old are you?" Annette scolded Shawn, teasing._

"_Just because I'm an adult don't mean I can't have fun." He climbed out and helped Carol out. _

"_You're a jerk." Carol pushed him back into the pond and bolted when he surfaced._

"_Don't go in the house!" Annette called after them. "Wash off by the barn!"_

_Hershel chuckled when Shawn grabbed the hose and went after Carol, calling "Lemme give you a hand!", and Annette wondered when they would actually grow up. If Maggie were here, she'd probably start slinging mud at them, and Beth would yelp and duck for cover. Lord, her children would always be handfuls. But she was glad to see Carol smiling and laughing. Shawn always had a way of doing that. They should've been twins, they were so close._

– – –

Carol and Sophia boarded the train, Sophia was sporting the new hat Carol had "acquired" at a gas station, and Carol felt a little nervous. She hadn't seen her family in such a long time. She wasn't sure how they would react. They'd be pissed for sure, and Carol hoped they let her explain it all. She didn't mean to do what she did, but she had to for his sake and for her's. She couldn't let Daryl suffer, because of a mistake she made. She just couldn't, no matter how much she loved him.

––

_Once she'd gotten to Daryl's, she decided to change out of her nightclothes. She changed in her car, not wanting him to see drool stain. She managed to tug the top down under her nightshirt, wiggling one top down and one up. She ran her fingers through her hair and knocked on his window—he didn't like her to knock on the front door for some reason._

_His head popped up after five minutes, and she smiled a good morning. He held up a hand, and she went back to her car and waited, sipping her cappuccino. She wanted to eat, but she didn't want to be stuffing her face when he came over. She was the one driving after all, and she was a slow eater. Daryl was too impatient for that._

_About ten minutes later, he jumped out of his window in worn jeans and a sleeveless shirt. He got into the passenger seat, and she drove to their sport. It was out of city, but it had a great view and was worth it. She also wanted to talk, and this was the perfect place to talk._

_They sat on a bit rock just above the view of the quarry, Daryl munched on a chocolate muffin, and she enjoyed the view, feeling very peaceful and calm and tired. Very, very tired. It was so silent here. It'd be a great place to study for her final exams._

_They sat in silence after eating, Daryl was lying on his side now,, his shoes beside him, and Carol was about to fall asleep, only her nerves kept her awake. She had to just tell him, just like ripping off a band-aid: fast and painless, if you're lying to yourself._

"_We need to talk." She crossed her legs and tossed rock down to the water below, and he met her eyes. "I got the acceptance letter."_

"_That's good news." _

"_It really is." She smiled a little. "It made Beth cry."_

"_No shit." He laughed. _

"_Yeah. She does love me. I was stunned, but I get the feeling she'll do something to erase that moment tonight." She shook her head. "Since I am going to college and it's out-of-state, I—"_

"_Dare you to jump," he interrupted her, standing up._

"_Jump?" She frowned then followed his goading gaze. "J—Down there?! From here?!"_

"_Yeah." He began to unbuckle his belt._

"_Whoa, whoa, whoa! Daryl, stop!" She was on her feet now and panicking, because his zipper was now undone. "This is insane."_

"_It ain't that high."_

"_But we were talking."_

"_Well, now we're swimmin'." He tossed his jeans onto the hood of her car and jumped._

_She covered her eyes with her hands until she heard the splash. She peered over slowly, praying to not see bloody chucks, and he was perfectly fine. She exhaled, relieved, but he was waiting for her. She didn't know the way around, so she had to...jump in after him. If she wanted to talk, she had to jump._

"_Why did I bother to change?" she muttered, removing her shoes and tugging off her socks. She shimmed out of her jeans and put her things and Daryl's in her car, debating about wearing her shirt. She and Daryl had made out a number of times, and he'd seen her in a bathing suit a lot, but they'd never actually... And just her bra and panties felt strange, but it wasn't her shirt, and Maggie liked this shirt. So, she tossed it in with the others and took a deep breath._

_Counting to three gave her too much time to think, so she took a running start and jumped. It was really invigorating and not as long of a fall as she thought. It was colder than she thought._

"_Shit! It's cold!" She pushed hair out of her face._

"_Impressive. I didn't think you'd do it."_

"_Thanks, I guess." She shuddered and hoped her body adjusted soon. "Look, Daryl, we still need to talk."_

"_When was the last time you didn't plan somethin'?" Daryl asked._

"_What do you mean?" She met his eyes._

"_You always seem to got a schedule."_

"_Yeah, so?"_

"_Screw the damn schedule and the talk. We don't gotta talk."_

_She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm glad you said that, because I really don't want to talk."_

_He leaned in like he was going to kiss her, but he dunked her instead. She was used to it from Shawn, so she got him back, and it felt like they were kids again. Daryl wasn't the most open of kids in her class, but she wanted to get to know everyone in her class. By the end of the year, she'd only learned his name, he liked to hunt and he wore sleeveless plaid shirts **a lot**. She had always seem to be chasing after him, but it was worth it. They become good friends after two years, and somehow they just started dating. No one expected it, but her friends were supportive and the kids at school who try and trash them are just assholes. They'd followed them to high school, so it was nice to go back to when it was easy. _

"_Gotcha." He pinned her again a rock. "You're bad at this."_

"_Am I? I could be luring you to your death. I'm very crafty."_

_He smirked. "Likely."_

_She grabbed him by his shirt and kissed him, trying to distract him enough to get free, but her hormones had another plan. His lips were wet from the water, but they were soft, and she pulled him closer, slipping her fingers into his slick hair._

_They broke apart long enough to get out of the water, the ground became muddy underneath Carol as Daryl lowered her onto her back slowly. Her gray-blue eyes sparkled in the sunlight, her cheeks were pink from the sun, and she was breathing heavily. Her hair was wavy, and he grasped a handful in both hands when he kissed her. He could smell the lotion she used, and he slid his hand down her bare leg, bringing it up to his hip._

_Carol felt her heart racing in the pit of her stomach, because not only was Daryl not stopping, he was the one initiating it. Her mouth moved with his, and she opened her mouth to his, tasting his breath and faintly chocolate. She kept her hands on his neck, though wanted to feel out his body, but even now, she wasn't sure that was okay. Daryl was never one for roaming hands, but she wasn't sure she could keep her hands there forever. She needed to feel his skin against her, though she was feeling quite a lot of one certain part of him._

_She slowly moved one of her hands down his shoulder, and she dug her nails into his skin when he began kissing her neck, and she moaned. She closed her eyes as his mouth went lower, and she whimpered softly when he slid the straps to her bra down. Physical desire was starting to overwhelm logic._

"_Daryl," it was breathy and sounded more like a moan than someone trying to take his attention off their body. She kept trying to focus on speaking, but they had never been this close, touched this much, and God, she wanted more. She wanted so much more, but there were problems. Her conscious was yelling that word at her—problems, problems, problems, **PROBLEMS**—and she pushed back on Daryl's shoulders. _

_He stopped instantly, and she caught her breathe. "What?" His voice almost nonexistent._

"_I—This is wrong," she managed. She saw the look in his eyes, he sat back, and she sat up, setting a hand on his forearm. "I want to," she said softly, "but we don't have anything, and I'm not on the pill."_

_He chewed his bottom lip and nodded. "Yeah, just...gimme a second."_

"_Right." She pushed her bra straps up, and she wiped the mud off her. She was dry now, but her hair was a mess. She didn't want to see what she looked like. She suspected it was mixture of white paint and wet lace. Man, she needed her clothes. "Do you know a way up?" She then blushed. "To the car! Back to the car!"_

_He smirked and hauled her up. "No."_

"_What?" She spun around as he walked away. "Daryl, be joking. I'm practically naked. If anyone sees me, I'm dead. Everyone knows my father, and he will kill me then you and probably pray before killing you again."_

"_I'm kiddin'." He was amused by her panic. "This way."_

_They climbed through rocks up a hill, and Carol was sure her left foot had a cut, because it hurt. She wished she'd jumped in her shoes. Daryl offered her piggyback ride, but she declined, because he was teasing. She knew he was. He was probably tired of her "ow". She always managed to step on a sharp-as-a-knife rocks._

_When they got back to the car, they lied down on the ground and let the sun dry them, and Carol was starting to fall asleep. Daryl noticed her roll away from him, draw in her legs and use her arm was a pillow. She insisted she was just "getting comfortable", but soon Daryl heard her even breathing. He got dressed, and he heard Carol's phone ring from inside the car._

_He dug it out, seeing the caller was Beth, and he glanced over at her before answering. "Yeah?"_

"_Uhhh...Daryl?"_

"_No, it's Harry Potter." He found an apple in Carol's purse and bit into it._

"_Ha ha. Is Carol around?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Can I talk to her? It's kinda important."_

"_No."_

"_What? Why not? She's right there."_

"_She's sleepin'."_

"_Sleepin'? It's nearly one. What did you do... Uh, never mind. I don't need details. Just have her call me back."_

"_Uh-huh."_

"_It's good you're still together."_

_Daryl leaned against the car. "What's that supposed to mean?"_

"_Just Carol's goin' to college in a few months. It's good that she's spendin' time with you, but don't you think breakin' up would be better? You'd have time to get over it, and maybe she'd find someone at college."_

_He hung up as Carol began to wake. "Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty."_

"_Mmm, it's morning?" she teased. "Well, I like waking up to you."_

_He looked down at his boots and took anther bite from the apple, Carol stretched and opened her eyes, groaning at the sunlight, and he began to kick at the small rocks. He didn't want to watch her dress. She was very self-conscious. No one knew, but him, Maggie, Lori and Andrea. She showed the world an intelligent, confident woman, but in reality, she just wasn't that woman. Not all of the time anyway. He didn't understand that. She was beautiful, inside and out, and nothing could change that. _

"_Sure, eat my apple and yes, you can go through my purse." She tugged her top down. "Wanna go through my phone too?"_

"_Already did."_

_She shook her head and smiled. "Did you see the pictures of my lover? I may have to kill you if you did." She tied her shoes, and Daryl pursed his lips. "What?"_

"_Nothin'."_

_She frowned. "I was only teasing. And if I had a lover, the whole world would know. Beth can't keep her nose outta my stuff. Granted I do go through hers, but only to get back at her." She shrugged. "Not my point. My point is I'm a one-guy-at-a-time kind of gal."_

_He chewed silently on his bottom lip._

"_So, do you wanna head back?" She slipped her hands into her back pockets. "Or do you wanna—"_

"_I gotta work," he interrupted her. "Needa get home and shower."_

"_Oh, right. Let's go then. I don't want to be keep T-dog waiting." She smiled awkwardly then opened her car door, feeling him away behind her to get to the passenger seat. She sighed and sat down, taking the keys from her purse and tucking hair behind her ear. _

_He looked at her when she didn't start the car._

"_No, I'll keep T waiting." She met his eyes. "What happened? I was jokin'. You know that. Why are you mad?"_

"_It ain't what you said," he assured. "It's 'bout what Beth said."_

"_Beth? When did you talk to Beth?"_

"_She called few minutes ago."_

_She scoffed. "And you're taking it out on me? Beth's a jerk when it comes to you."_

_He slouched in the seat, squinting at the sunlight in his eyes. "I ain't workin' today," he admitted. "I needa do some things."_

"_What things?"_

"_It's personal."_

"_Okay, personal I get. Beth...I don't. What did she say?"_

"_Carol, it's nothin'. Forget about it. Jesus Christ." He averted his eyes to the window._

"_We're not going anything until you stop being a jackass." She stuffed her keys into her pocket and crossed her arms. "I've got all the time in the world."_

_They sat in pure silence, Daryl folded his arms over his chest, and they didn't look at each other. They were both stubborn as hell, and they wanted the other to submit. They kept the silence up for half an hour, listening to the bugs and the wind. They were both upset about different things, but it led back to the same thing. Carol just wanted him to talk more, and Daryl didn't want to talk at all. He didn't want to tell her what was going on, because he knew she could freak the hell out, and he wasn't going to put her at risk. He kept thinking she'd forgot about it one of these days or let it go. Apparently, he was wrong. So very, very wrong._

_An hour in, they were both dying of thirst and sweating, but they didn't crack. Carol could feel her lips drying out, and it was disturbing. She didn't have any saliva on her tongue to wet them, and her lip balm was at home. She wasn't giving up. She'd been waiting a long time for him to open up and tell her what the hell was going on._

_Her cell was ringing loudly from Daryl's pocket, but he didn't give it to her, and Carol knew it was Beth by the ring tone. She kept calling, so it was either important or they were really worried. She didn't want her parents to freak out and think she was dead, so she reached over and grabbed the phone. Daryl didn't fight her, and she cleared her throat, trying to make sure her voice wasn't dry._

"_Hello?" Her voice was almost a croak._

"_What the hell happened to you?" Maggie exclaimed. "You sound like death."_

"_It's nothing. What did you want?"_

"_We're goin' shoppin', and we need you...home."_

"_Shopping?" Carol frowned. "And you want me home? Why?"_

"_Just 'cause Mom wants you home."_

_She sighed. "All right. Fine. I'm going."_

"_I'll see you soon."_

"_Yeah, bye." She hung up and tossed her phone into her purse. "Put your seat belt on."_

_He glanced at her, but he put his seat belt on. She was annoyed with her parents and his silence, so she just drove him home. She didn't even bother saying goodbye when she dropped him off. She just pulled out and headed home. She wanted a cup of tea and box of cookies and music. She hated the world right now._

_She prepared the tea, grabbed a box of something chocolate and went upstairs. She found her window open, and she set the cup down and closed it. It was going to rain soon. She could tell by the sky. She hoped it did. She slept easy to the sound of the rain._

"_No apple juice?"_

_She groaned, and she heard laughter. "Why does God hate me today?" She faced her older brother. "Why are you in here?"_

"_Just came to check in on you." He plopped onto her bed and helped himself to the cookies. "Daryl problems?"_

"_No. Well, yes." She crossed her arms. "When did you decide it was time to break up with Janine?"_

"_When she was moving to New York." _

"_Did you love her? I mean, really love her? With, like, everything inside you?"_

"_No. We just looked good til prom was over."_

"_Should I stay?" Her eyes were filling. "The thought of leaving him with his father and brother makes me physically ill, and the thought of not seeing him every day...it's worse than when I broke my arm."_

"_It's puppy love," Shawn reasoned._

"_Not this." She shook her head. "It's real, and I'm not being some stupid, hormonal teenager who wants to give him everything. I'm Carol, and he's Daryl, and we were best friends then in a relationship, but now..." She sighed as a tear rolled down her cheek. "He is hiding something from me. It has to do with Merle and his father, but I don't know what. Drugs? Are they trying to get him into drugs? Drinking? I—I don't freaking know, but he won't tell me. That says he doesn't trust me, and if he doesn't trust me, how can we—"_

"_Whoa, whoa, whoa," he said softly, taking her in his arms for a comforting hug. "Calm the hell down, Carol." She cried into his chest. "Don't be so dramatic. I'm sure it's nothing so simple."_

"_God, I feel lousy." She pulled away from him. "The next time I see him, I swear to God, I am going to demand answers, even if it kills me." She loved him too much to let his father and brother ruin his future._


	3. The Dog Days Are Over

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

––

Daryl woke up in the dark, the empty bottle of whiskey beside him, and he sighed. He picked the bottle up and padded down the stairs. He saw a box of pizza on the counter with a note from Maggie on it. He glanced over it and opened the box, chuckling at the note she'd had written on the pizza.

_Stop drinking or I'll kick your ass_ was written our in red and green bell peppers. He enjoyed eating it, though it had a bitter aftertaste.

He knew she was right, and he couldn't let the mere memory of Carol do this to him. He needed to clean his act up. He wasn't Merle or his father. He could never be. He needed to get control of his life, and that meant all of this shit had to stop. He was a better man than his brother, and his path would never go near that worthless sack of shit.

Daryl cleaned out his fridge, calling T over to help him with something. He had T-dog hide the liquor where Daryl would never think to look. Daryl needed to keep the alcohol as a reminder to not drink it or even be tempted. He just really couldn't know where it was. When he drank, he remembered it all, and it made him want to be sick to remembered it all. He wanted to forget, but it was so hard. It was the most difficult memory, more difficult than the scars his father beat onto his back.

"I'm proud of you," T-dog told him. "Givin' up your vices, and it ain't even New Years." He chuckled at Daryl's unamused expression.

"Man, I need a...drink." He dropped his hand onto the island.

"It's your lucky day. I brought you some grape juice, some apple and if you're feeling really brave, I brought prune juice."

"Screw you," Daryl retorted.

T laughed. "Get some rest, man. You look horrible."

"I'm gonna." Daryl walked him to the door. "Hey, thanks."

"Someone's gotta look after you," T replied. "I just made a promise."

That caught Daryl's attention. "What?"

T mentally cursed. "Huh?"

"Pr—promise? You made a promise?" Daryl narrowed his eyes. "To who? Who'd you promise?"

"You need rest, man. I said I just free time. Time, not promise."

"Nah, I heard promise."

T sighed. "Damn, I told her I wouldn't tell you."

"Her?" Daryl's throat tightened. "Carol?"

He nodded. "The day before...it happened, she came to me and made me swear I'd look after you. I figured it had to do with... I didn't know her plan, and that's the truth."

"She wanted you to look after me?" He felt his chest tighten.

"You know you came first with Carol."

Daryl swallowed. "No, I didn't."

"Not fully in the end," T agreed, "but you were always the first thought she had."

"Damn." He leaned against the door frame. "I need—"

"Jesus?" T offered, smirking.

"Privacy. Go home."

"If you need a couple days off," T suggested, "I understand."

"Naw, I'll be there."

"Mmm-hmmm."

Daryl closed the door as T-dog left, and he ran his hands through his hair. He didn't know Carol had asked T that. He always assumed she just left to achieve her dreams and get out of their marriage. He never thought she might have been thinking of him. He knew that if Carol really was thinking of him, she would've talked to him, not left divorce papers on the island with her signature already fucking above her name and her drawers emptied. If Carol know him, at all, she couldn't have done that. She wouldn't have done that.

He groaned and dropped onto the couch. He rolled over and stared at the ceiling, the light from the kitchen casting shadows, and he needed to sleep. He reached into his pocket and dug out a sleeping pill. He took it without water and closed his eyes, letting the world fade into nothing as he fell into a deep sleep.

– – –

_Carol studied with Andrea at the shop, drinking cappuccinos and sharing a slice of cheesecake. Jacqui and Mom were working, and Carol felt them watching her. Carol hadn't touched her drink or the cheesecake, and Carol loved both. She could eat cheesecake for years and never get tired of it. She had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach, and she wasn't able to eat. She was worrying about her final exams and the essay she'd written to the school of her dreams and trying not to worry about Daryl. She wasn't clingy—or she hoped she wasn't—but Daryl hadn't called or let her know he wasn't going to school. She didn't mind, but usually he did to let her know whether or not to pack an extra lunch. Shane enjoyed that._

"_I guess you aren't thinking hard on polynomials," Andrea said to Carol, drinking her cappuccino._

"_Is it that obvious?" She felt herself blushing a little._

"_Just a lotta bit." Andrea smiled. "He probably just skipped. That math test was hard, and our teacher's a bitch. I'd skip too if I could."_

"_Probably." She picked up her cup and took a drink. "So, how are things with Shane?"_

"_Fine, for now. We're not serious, and I have to leave for college soon. Civil Rights Attorney, just like my father." She crossed her legs. "Amy's already hiding my belongings, so I can't leave."_

"_I wish I had that issue with my little sister."_

"_Why? What's Beth doing?"_

"_Pissing me off," she answered honestly. "I know she's young, but she's ridiculously bratty. I'm glad her room is at the other end of the hall."_

"_Well, Amy's only focusing on the fact that I'm leaving."_

"_Lucky you. I wish Beth was."_

_Andrea closed her notebook. "Speaking of Amy, I have to go pick her up from dance practice." She gathered her belongings. "Thanks for the cheesecake and coffee." She gave Carol a hug before leaving._

_Shawn sat down in her seat. "What's up, lil' sis?"_

"_What of mine did you break?" Carol asked._

"_Nothing! I just want to know how you are. You look depressed."_

"_I'm not depressed. I'm stressed." She hadn't been able to focus since last night. She was worried Daryl wasn't going to come to school until graduation. He did avoid people he didn't like. She never thought she would be on that list. If she was, she needed to at least talk to him. She'd made a B on her test, because of how unfocused she was._

"_Lemme guess: Daryl?"_

"_And my B on my math test." _

"_Your life is so complicated."_

"_I'll lose 4,000 dollars if my GPA drops, Shawn." She glared. "And you don't understand anything when it comes to Daryl."_

"_I've known you since you were born, kid, so I do know. He's your first love, and it's ridiculously hard to be away from him. Am I getting close?"_

_She dropped her head down in her notebook. "Great. I **am** clingy."_

_He laughed. _

_She sighed. "It's not being away from him that's hard." She lifted her head. "It's him being...distant that's hard. Recently, I feel like he's pushing me away. I don't know what it is or why he feels the need to push me away, but I will find out. After I memorize this formula." _

"_There's this fantastic new thing you can try."_

"_What?"_

"_Talking to him!"_

"_Really? Why did I not think of that?" She closed her binder. "Oh, Dad wanted me to ask if you would take part in our new item on the menu: Shawn-cabobs. They're made with genuine Shawn."_

"_Go home." He picked up the plate. "Study and feed Beth."_

"_She's not a dog." Carol shouldered her bag. "And I need your car keys."_

_He dug them out of his pocket and handed them to her. "Leave my car at T-dog's."_

"_I will." She picked up her cappuccino and left. She set her purse and binder in the passenger seat and drove over to T-dog's shop. She threw away her now empty cup and went inside."T-dog?" She didn't see him, so she peered down into the next room. She heard the sounds of equipment being used, so she followed them and found where T-dog and her car were. _

"_I'm sorry to just walk in," she said automatically. _

"_That's fine," he assured her, smiling. _

"_How's it going?" She was hoping to find it almost done. From the look of it, she would never get her car back._

"_If it's not done now, it'll be done by the time Annette gets off."_

"_Really?"_

_He laughed at her disbelieving expression. "This isn't your car. Your car's outside."_

"_Thank God, because I can't afford all of that." She laughed._

"_About that." She met his eyes. "Your bill's been paid."_

"_What? How? I'm still saving." Hershel was going to help her with the last bit of money. Who would pay her bill for her? There's no way Shawn would, and Maggie hadn't left the cafè since school let out, and the whole reason Hershel was paying the last of it was because Carol was earning it by working. Who was left? Uncle Otis? Patricia? No way. They didn't even know about her car. Did they? _

"_Never mind. Where's my car?"_

"_Through there." He pointed to the door. _

"_Thank you." She left through the door he pointed at and found her car and Daryl. She paused and looked him over. He wore a black t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a red bandana was hanging out of his back pocket, and he was bent over, working on something in her car. She paused because not only was he working outside and slightly sweaty, but the muscles._

_Daryl tensed when he felt eyes on him and looked over, seeing Carol staring with her mouth open. "What're you starin' at?"_

"_Nothing!" She felt her face burn. "I—I'm just surprised to see you. Here, I mean. I thought you were sick or...something." _

"_Why?" He squinted at her._

"_You weren't in school."_

"_So? Missin' school ain't a crime."_

"_I know, but you should've told me. I brought your lunch."_

"_I told you to stop." He leaned against her car._

"_Perhaps I will." She walked over to him. "I figured you'd rather have homemade food than lumpy potatoes and greasy solution chicken."_

"_What's really buggin' you?"_

"_What makes you think—?"_

"_Carol, it's me. I know."_

"_What happened last night?" she whispered._

"_You tell me."_

"_Daryl."_

"_You're goin' to college outta state, aren't you?"_

"_Yes." She searched his eyes. "Who told you?" He was good at guessing, but not that too._

"_Maggie and Beth."_

_She scoffed. And they said they wouldn't. She should've known. Beth's had a crush on Daryl since she first saw him. "Bitch," Carol hissed, not meaning to say it out loud or at all, and she sighed._

_Daryl laughed._

"_What are you laughing at?"_

"_Nothin', you just ain't one for cussin'." He smirked. _

"_Stop that." She felt herself smiling. "We really need to talk. I don't want to break up with you, Daryl, and I don't even know if I'll get accepted."_

"_You will," he assured her. "They'd have to be stupid not to."_

_She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. "Thank you." She ran her fingers through the hair at the base of his neck. "You can always put me at ease. How do you do that?"_

"_Hell if I know." He pulled her in and kissed her._

"_Hey, hey, hey," T-dog called out to them, "no makin' out with the customers during working hours."_

_Carol broke the kiss and buried her face in the crook of his neck, trying not to laugh, and Daryl pushed her back by her hips and stood up, letting go of her hands and showing T they were done. He gave his "Mmm-hmm" before going back inside, and Carol laughed out loud then._

"_Shh, he can hear us."_

"_I'm sorry." She covered her mouth with her hand and tried to stop._

"_Focus on your car." Daryl closed the hood. "It's done."_

"_And paid for." She sighed, no longer finding it funny. "Who would pay for my car? I can't think of anyone." She lifted her eyes. "Unless you had something to do with it."_

"_Pfft, wasn't me."_

"_I'll find who it was myself then." She walked over to the driver's side and opened the door, tossing her purse into the passenger seat. "This feels wrong. I really wish I could just pay for it again."_

"_Be my guest. I might get a raise."_

"_Ha ha. It's nice to know someone's enjoying my guilt." _

"_Speakin' of guilt...'bout prom," Daryl changed the subject, "do you mind if we don't go?"_

"_You don't want to go?"_

"_Nah. Do you?"_

"_God, no. I'd rather keep the money for college fees." She smiled. "I'm glad you didn't want to go either. I'd feel really horrible."_

"_You thought I wanted to go?" His eyebrows rose. "Do you know me?"_

_She stuck her tongue out. "I have to go home and write an essay about an English writer, so excuse me, Mr. Dixon."_

"_Ha ha," he shot back drily._

– – –

Carol and Sophia's trip went smoothly, and they arrived back in Carol's hometown the next day, bright-eyed and caffeine/sugar-deprived. Carol bought a cup of coffee and got Sophia a pack of candies. They walked through town, a lot of people didn't know who the hell she was, and she was so glad. She didn't want them to know and tell her parents before she could even gather the courage to go and see them. She could feel her intestines twisting into knots at the mere thought of seeing her parents or running into her siblings. God, she felt like a runaway. She technically was.

Daryl. What if she ran into Daryl?! Her heart almost broke through her chest it was beating so fast. She felt glued to the ground as if Daryl was walking in front of her, and she didn't want him know. She even stopped breathing. She had kept her thoughts off of Daryl as long as she could, but she would have to see him eventually, especially if he still had his morning schedule at the shop.

"Mommy?" Sophia gazed up at her, the hat slipping down and off her head.

Carol picked it up and placed it back on her head out of habit. "I'm okay. Are you done with that?" She pointed to the candy wrapper, and Sophia nodded. Carol threw it away and her half-empty coffee cup. She took Sophia to a diner to get some decent breakfast food with the two tens she'd "found" in some guy's...wallet on the train. He was rude and snored in her face, so this was making it even. He wore a designer jacket, so she doubted he'd miss them.

Carol took Sophia's hat when they went inside, stuffing it into the knapsack, and Sophia ordered blueberry pancakes with hash "brownies" as she called them and eggs with a glass of chocolate. Sophia didn't like bacon. Her second favorite stuffed animal, Mr. O, was a pig, and she didn't want to offend him. Carol just took another coffee. She was so freaked about her parents and Daryl.

Sophia swung her feet and watched the people outside. "You grew up here?"

"Yep." Carol stirred half and half into her coffee.

"It's nice." Sophia turned to her mom. "Is my daddy here?"

Carol lowered the cup. "Your daddy?"

"Yeah." She sat up straighter. "Is he here?"

"Honey, you know where your—" Carol cut off. She didn't want Sophia to think that what happen between her and Ed happens to all moms and dads, so she lied. "Your daddy's with the angels."

"Like Mr. Hinky?" Sophia loved Mr. Hinky for all of two weeks before he turned up floating in his fishbowl. It was sad, but Carol gave him a royal flushing.

"Yes...like Mr. Hinky."

She nodded. "Wish I coulda meant him."

"You would've loved him," Carol agreed.

Sophia picked up Dee Dee and held him close. She did that a lot, Carol noticed. It was as if he could protect her from anything and everything. Carol never told her where she got that bear, and she probably never would. It wasn't important to Sophia, because Sophia didn't know Daryl, but it meant a lot to Carol. Daryl won it for her at a fair, and she'd taken it with her when she left. It was the only thing that calmed Sophia as a baby and she'd have her four a.m. tantrums. Sophia took good care of it surprisingly, and Carol was glad, because Mr. O had seen Carol's needlework countless times.

"So...who lives here?" Sophia set Dee Dee down when her plate came, Carol gave the waitress a thank you smile and reached over and cut up Sophia's pancakes.

"Hmm?"

"My grandparents?"

Carol poured the hot syrup over the neatly cut pancakes. "Yes, and a few aunts and an uncle."

Sophia paused in picking up her fork. "Two aunts and an uncle?" She smiled. "Do I have cousins?"

"I—I don't know, honey. It's been a long, long time since Mommy spoke to them."

"Oh." She ate a forkful of pancakes. "What're their names?"

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Carol scolded. "Their names are Shawn, Maggie and Beth."

Sophia nodded.

"And there's Grandpa Hershel and Grandma Annette. Oh, and Grandpa Otis and Grandma Patricia." Carol smiled, missing all of them so much in that moment. "Oh, you'll love them, and they'll love you. They'll spoil you too."

Sophia smiled at that.

"I grew up on a beautiful farm," Carol told her. "With cows and chickens and horses."

"Baby cows?"

"Yes, baby cows and baby chickens and baby horses." She crossed her arms on the table. "I bet Shawn will teach you how to ride. He's the best. He gives lessons on the weekends. Well, he used to."

"Anything else?"

"There's duck pond out back."

Sophia's eyes widened. "With real ducks?"

"Sometimes." Carol laughed at her expression, reaching over and wiping ketchup off her cheek. "It's really a great place to grow up. I'm sure you'll love it." She wiped her finger on a napkin.

Sophia ate the rest of her breakfast while Carol finished her coffee, telling her the happier times at the farm, and Sophia couldn't wait to meet her grandparents and aunties and uncle. She was so hyped up on sugar too, so Carol decided to take her around town first. She didn't want her to completely freak out on her parents. They were older now, and their hearts probably couldn't take it.

Sophia spun herself in the grass while Carol looked over the set of keys Karen had left her. She knew the car was probably in town since Karen lived here once and owned a summer home here. It was probably at the summer home or at T-dog's garage. Carol couldn't see Daryl first, so she and Sophia went to the summer house, hopeful.

"Is this where we're staying?" Sophia gaped.

Carol clicked the unlock button, and the garage door opened, revealing a green Hyundai. Carol unlocked the truck, finding luggage inside, and when she opened it, there were clothes inside that would fit both Carol and Sophia. She found a winking smiley face drawn on a piece of paper. It was Karen's handiwork. Carol set the backpack in with the luggage and closed the trunk, unlocking the doors and making sure Sophia was buckled in.

Carol checked the glove compartment, but there were only baby wipes and CDs inside. She started the car and backed up, a key fell down her top and a piece of paper fluttered down. She jumped when the cold key touched her skin, and she pulled it out. It was a house key. Damn, Karen thought this through. She really wanted Carol to get out from under Ed.

"You're welcome, love Karen," Sophia read.

"Hey, hey, hey, buckle your butt back up."

Sophia slid back and locked the buckle. "So, Auntie Karen got us here?"

"Yeah, she did." Carol drove oh-so slowly to her parents' house. "And we are gonna bake her some cookies and sent her a big thank you card."

"With lots of x's and o's," Sophia added. "Lots of 'em!"

Carol laughed. "Tons and bunches of 'em."

Halfway to her childhood home, Sophia had to use the bathroom, so Carol pulled over at the last gas station and walked her in. Carol let Sophia stretch her legs outside while she flipped through the CDs, finding one band in particular that Sophia loved above all others. Carol didn't know why either, but it was better than the horrid country music Ed always played. Ed's put her off a lot of things.

"Sophia." Carol waved the disk, and she actually jumped up and down.

"Yes! Florence and the Machine!" She was beaming. "Oh, please, please, please play _Dog Days Are Over_! Please, please, please!"

"Fine, fine, fine," Carol mocked her. "Get in the back."

"Mommy, I'm still short."

Carol laughed and helped her into the car, buckling her in, and Carol hoped she didn't start car-dancing like she normally did whenever Florence and the Machine played.

_Happiness hit her like a train on a track_

_Coming towards her stuck still no turning back_

_She hid around corners and she hid under beds_

_She killed it with kisses and from it she fled_

_With every bubble she sank with her drink_

_And washed it away down the kitchen sink_

"I love this song!" Sophia gushed, singing along, and Carol loved to see her like this. It used to be rare, because Ed always used to play the worst country music he could find and yell at her when she tried to sing along or even clap along, and she was glad that bastard wasn't there. She prayed it would be so common she'd want to throw the CD out of the window just to be free of it. Sophia wasn't the best singer, but she was only four and singing to her was just trying to get the words right.

_The dog days are over_

_The dog days are done_

_The horses are coming_

_So you better run_

Carol listened to the lyrics and was actually liking the song. It wasn't too bad when Sophia didn't play it on repeat all the day. She even found herself humming along to it. Florence had a really good voice, and Carol no longer minded hearing them in the car or at bath time or...anywhere Sophia could get away with playing her music.

_Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father_

_Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers_

_Leave all your love and your longing behind_

_You can't carry it with you if you want to survive_

Carol and Sophia started jamming, and Carol turned it up loud. Sophia was really getting into it as always, and Carol laughed at her, but not in a mean way like Ed. Sophia was laughing too since she'd learned mos it from Grease, and Carol made a note to teach Sophia how to dance. After she fond somehow who knew how to dance, of course.

_The dog days are over_

_The dog days are done_

_Can you hear the horses?_

_'Cause here they come_

Carol could hear Sophia singing now that she stopped, and she was pretty good. It was cute, to be more accurate, and Carol wished she had camera. She wouldn't be surprised if Karen had packed one away for them. She seemed to have everything else.

"_Something I don't know_," Sophia sang, and Carol laughed so hard.

"Okay, let's calm down." Carol turned it down.

Sophia nodded, out of breathe.

Carol drove for a minute then they both busted out singing, "_Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father! Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers! Leave all your love and your longing behind! You can't carry it with you if you want to survive!_"

They stopped right after, Sophia looked out the window, and Carol kept her eyes on the road. They both were smiling though.


	4. The Promise

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Carol parked in her parents' driveway at six, Sophia was squirming with excitement, and Carol took a calming breath. She felt as though she was going to throw up, and she repressed the urge. The last time she saw them, she was so damaged—not much has changed. Sophia was trying to unlock the door to get out, and Carol was glad for the child safety locks.

"One minute, baby." She removed her seat belt with shaky hands.

"Are you scared?" Sophia asked, leaning on the console.

"A little. It's been five years."

"Well, family's the most important thing, so it'll be okay."

Carol smiled at her. "Yeah, let's go." She opened her door then Sophia's, taking her hand and walking to the front door. She saw the front door was open, and she could see inside through the screen door. She saw Maggie setting the table, but nothing else from that angle. All of her fears came rushing back at the sight of Maggie, and she wanted to turn and run, but there was no where left to run. This was the only home she and Sophia had. She needed to make amends, and she missed them so much.

She didn't want to miss then one second longer, so she took a deep, cleansing breath to fight off another wave of queasiness and to calm her race heart_. Okay, Carol, you can do this. Just breathe. It'll all be okay. They're family, and they love you. They'll understand. Just take your time. There's no rush. Just breathe. In. Out. Okay, just kno—_

"Auntie Maggie!" Sophia shouted. "Auntie Beth!"

**Shit! **She forgot she had an impatient four-year-old with her. **Good Lord, help her.**

"Who—?" Beth dropped plate in the hall at the sight of them, and Maggie gaped from the dining room.

"Who's yellin'?" Shawn called down the stairs.

"Carol?" Beth's voice broke. "It's Carol!" Beth ran to open the door, hugging her. "You're alive! You're back! You're home!"

"Beth." Carol hugged her just as tightly. "God, I missed you!"

"Daddy!" Beth released her. "Daddy, come quick!"

Maggie hugged Carol next, but Shawn hung back, and the minute Hershel saw in the doorway, his eyes watered, and he held her so tight for so long, she thought he was never going to let go of her again. All of Carol's worries melted away as her father held her, and she wanted to break down and cry and tell them every horrible thing that happened. She kept from breaking down, but she couldn't stop the tears. God, her chest was aching from happiness.

"Who's this?" Beth asked, bending down to look at Sophia. "You're just a little cutie."

"Hi. I'm Sophia." Sophia looked at her. "Are you my Auntie Beth or Maggie?"

"Auntie?" Shawn and Maggie exclaimed.

"Auntie?" Beth whispered, eyes filling. "I am your Auntie Beth. It is so nice to meet you." She hugged her.

"Well, you've got a story to tell," Shawn bitterly remarked.

"That she does," Hershel agreed, letting her come inside.

"I'm Maggie." Maggie was on her knees in front of Sophia and took Sophia's hands in both of hers. "Auntie Maggie. God, that sounds so strange." Maggie laughed a little.

"I'm Sophia."

"That's a beautiful name." Beth smoothed her hair down.

"Well, you be starvin'." Maggie stood up. "Both of you. We made beef stew ironically. I'll get you some chairs and plates." She and Beth disappeared into the kitchen.

Sophia turned to Hershel. "Grandpa...Hershel?"

"Grandpa," he repeated. "Yes, that's me."

"Can I touch your beard? Is it real?"

He chuckled. "Yes, it's real." He led her into the dining room.

Shawn came off the stairs, Carol smiled, but he wasn't in the mood to make her feel at home. She crossed her arms and said hello. He looked at her. "Your contacts are still in." He headed to the dining room, and Carol stepped into the bathroom to remove them. She washed up and joined them, sitting next to Sophia. She didn't see her mom, but they were asking her so many questions, and she felt obligated to answer after her disappearing act.

"Where did you go?" Beth asked after saying grace, passing the rolls to Maggie.

"Er, Kentucky."

"Why?" Shawn asked, his eyes burning into her face.

"So, how old are you, Sophia?" Maggie handed the basket to Carol.

"Four, but I'm almost five." She scooted back in her chair. "My birthday's in March."

"March?" Hershel picked up his fork. "What day in March?"

"Twenty-third," Carol answered since Sophia didn't have it memorized just yet. She only knew the month.

"Huh, so you must've gotten knocked up in...what, June?" Shawn took a drink of water.

"Mid-July," Carol murmured.

"Who's the father?"

Carol sighed a groan. She knew this would happen, but she didn't expect it from Shawn.

"You don't gotta answer that," Maggie assured her.

"No, she really does. Hey, you, who's your daddy?" Shawn demanded.

"Don't talk to my daughter like that!" Carol stood up. "She's not a you. She has a name; it's Sophia, and she's **your** niece!"

"Beth," Hershel said. "Why don't you and Sophia go see the horses?"

She left with Sophia quickly as Shawn and Carol got into it, Hershel tried to calm them down, but they were like a dry forest and a burning flame. All Maggie and Hershel could do was watch.

"You're a selfish bitch," Shawn shouted.

"I am n—"

**"You left!** Just walked out! What kind of person just leaves divorce papers on the table already signed? You didn't even talked about, you just left!"

Carol glared. "You aren't Daryl! You don't get to yell at me! It was my marriage, and it had nothing to do with you!"

"Fine. Fine. What about us?" he demanded. "Huh? Me, your sisters, Mom and Dad. You just up and leave without a single word to us then come back five years later! What the hell, Carol?!"

"I had problems that needed sorted."

"Most people don't hop a Greyhound to escape marital problems!"

"They weren't marital problems!" she shouted back. "I had issues that I needed to deal with! Alone! I couldn't do anything here without _somebody_ breathing down my neck!"

"You missed so much," he seethed. "Beth's prom and her graduation. Maggie's graduation! All of the "what if she comes back today" moments, those were a hoot! Worrying if you were dead in a ditch or alive and doing well! Wondering what we did that made you want to hurt us so bad by never calling or writing or leaving a goddamn slip of paper telling us you were all right and we didn't need to worry for five damn years!"

Carol stared.

"Oh, and you hurt Mom so damn deep, she's in the hospital right now—dying because of you!" He threw the cloth napkin on the floor and stormed out of the room.

Carol blinked back tears. "Mom's—Mom's dying?" Carol felt numb.

"Go, Daddy." Maggie walked over to Carol and sat her down on the on the couch in the living room, sitting beside her, letting Hershel go after Shawn. "Yeah, Mom's real sick, but she's doin' better. She has good doctors, and she's improvin'." Maggie set a comforting hand on her knee. "But Shawn's right. You should've let us know how you were, where you were. We really would've liked to know."

"I had to disappeared," Carol whispered. "You wouldn't understand."

"No, I can't say that I do. What you and Daryl went through...was horrible, but you should've stayed and tried to work it out. Or at least came back and lived with us."

"It wasn't about what happened," Carol clarified. "It was about Daryl and his future. I had to do what was best for him."

"And leaving him was best?"

"At the time, yes. I was nineteen, and that seemed like the best thing to do. I was wrong." She wrapped her arms around herself. "But I'm not going to wish I could redo it, because I wouldn't have Sophia."

"So...her father isn't Daryl."

"I left in early July, but I got pregnant shortly after that date."

"Well, where is the father?"

"Gone. He died, and that's why I decided to come back. Sophia deserves to know all of you, and had I known about Mom, I swear I would've come sooner." She met Maggie's eyes. "Do you want to yell at me too?"

"No. Shawn's the yeller, and I'm the responsible one. I'll understand when you give me the whole story. But Beth? She's pissed at you."

"Yeah, I know."

"You promised you wouldn't leave and not call, but you did. Beth took that personally."

Carol looked at her. "But Beth hates me. We all know that."

"No, Carol, she doesn't."

– – –

_Carol grabbed her laptop and went out to the porch, propping her feet up on the rail and listening to the nature around her. She thought of which writer she was writing about—Chaucer—and looked him up using everything but Wikipedia. She typed out the proposal and then a three-paged essay. She heard her sister calling her for dinner when the sun was sinking, and she quickly saved, unplugged her charger and shut her computer down. _

"_Carol, help Mom with the dishes." Maggie set the table as Carol set her computer down in a chair in the living room and hurried to help their mom._

"_Beth, dinner!" Maggie called up the stairs._

"_Your dad and Shawn will be home late, so don't bother calling them," Annette told the girls._

_Beth padded down the stairs, ending a phone call with one of her friends, and they sat down to dinner. Carol was about to ask if any of them had paid for her car when her mom asked her what she wanted for her birthday. Carol really hated to be asked that question—mostly because she never really wanted anything and just said random things off the top of her head._

"_My birthday's not for another week or so," Carol muttered. _

"_You have no idea what you want then." Annette took a drink of water._

"_I've been too busy with other things to think about what I want for my birthday." She shrugged a shoulder. "Just...surprise me."_

"_Speakin' of gifts," Beth said to Carol, "did Daryl like his?"_

"_What do you mean?" Carol ate a forkful of green beans._

"_You got him that crossbow. Did you give it to him yet?"_

"_Beth, stop going into my room." Carol glared. _

"_I didn't," Beth shot back. "You don't throw anythin' away. I saw the receipt."_

"_Girls," Annette said softly. _

"_You are such a lair. I know you go through my things! You're wearing my shirt right now. I may not wear it very often, but it is mine."_

"_It looks better on me."_

"_You're such a little kid."_

"_Shut up." Beth glared. "You're just jealous."_

"_Of what?"_

"_Everything I have!"_

"_Girls, please."_

"_Everything you have? What, your ability to annoy people? Your fake crying that convinces no one? You're 2 point oh?"_

"_Girls!" Annette raised her voice when they started yelling at each other, and they both stopped. "Enough already!"_

"_She started—" Beth began._

"_Beth, enough." She stood up. "You're getting too old to be doing this, and Carol, I thought you were above this."_

"_I'm sorry. She gets under my skin." Carol kept her eyes on her plate after speaking._

_Annette shook her head. "Eat, both of you, and if you say one more negative thing to one another, you both are going to clean the stable and the chicken coop and the house for a week." Beth slouched in her chair, and Carol wasn't hungry anymore._

"_Excuse me." Carol left the dining room and went upstairs. She locked her bedroom door and plopped down on her bed. She couldn't wait to get out of this house, away from Beth. She was so ready for college and life, and since she didn't have to pay for her car, she could get an apartment. Beth would never be allowed into it either. Nosy little brat._

_She rolled onto the floor and dug the gift out from under her bed. Daryl already had a crossbow, but she figured it was old and getting worn out, so she bought him this one. She hoped he liked it. She didn't even care about Merle anymore. He was rarely around, which was odd. Knowing him even as little she did, he probably got arrested. It was horrible to think, but probably true. Merle was so irresponsible._

_She hid the crossbow in the back of her closet where Beth couldn't reach it. She decided to skip school next Friday since they weren't doing anything major with graduation in, like, two weeks. She would turn her paper in tomorrow. That's the only work she had due, and she'd finished that. All she had to do now was sit through boring classes where they did nothing and wait anxiously for the mail._

– – –

_Carol stumbled down the stairs, trying to get her foot into her tennis shoe, and she ran out the front door, nearly knocking Patricia over. The mail had come today, and she'd woken up early just to be the first one to get it. Usually Shawn hid her mail, but not today._

_Shawn saw Carol going to the mailbox and set the basket of apples down and went after her. He needed the exercise, and soon he wouldn't be able to bug her. He caught up to her easily, though Carol was trying her best to get ahead of him._

_They reached the mailbox at the same time, Carol opened it and dug through the many letters, and Shawn caught his breath as she flipped through them. She saw the seal and pulled the letter free from the others. She swallowed hard and held it out to him._

"_You open it. I can't."_

"_Chicken." He took it and opened it, scanning it. "What a shame. I really wanted that exercise room."_

"_What?" Her heart sank. "Give me that." She took it and read it. _

_Shawn covered his ears when Carol gasped then squealed loudly and jumped up and down. She hugged him tightly and quickly then ran back to the house to tell her parents she got accepted, and Shawn smiled. He looked through the mail on his way back, and he covered his ears as he walked through the house. He could still hear the squealing._

"_What's going on in here?" Hershel asked as he and Otis entered._

"_I got accepted!" Carol held out the letter. "Daddy, I got accepted! A full scholarship!"_

"_That's great." He hugged her. "I'm so proud of you, honey."_

"_Thanks, Daddy." She moved hair out of her face. "I'm gonna go tell Maggie and Beth. Beth loves when I leave." She grabbed her keys from her coat pocket and drove to the shop to tell them. She made her way through the people and found Maggie in the office with Beth, ordering supplies. _

"_Hey." She sat down as Maggie finished the order, but they could both see she had news. She could hardly sit still and she looked like she'd slept with a hanger in her mouth. The fact that she had unbrushed hair and her nightshirt on also gave them a hint. At least her jeans weren't dirty._

_Maggie set the phone down. "Okay, spill it."_

"_I got accepted!" She jumped up. "A full scholarship and everything!"_

"_Oh, my God! That's great!" Maggie smiled and gave her a congratulatory hug._

"_Accepted?" Beth repeated. "To the one outta state?"_

"_Yeah." Carol nodded. "Don't look so sad. I might think you actually care for me," Carol teased._

"_You gotta be kiddin' me." Beth looked at her with big blue eyes. "That—No. That can't be true."_

"_Beth," Maggie scolded. "Don't."_

"_Don't what?" Carol glanced between them._

"_You're leavin' for college, Shawn's goin' away this summer, and Maggie has that camp." Beth glared. "Everybody's leavin' me."_

"_Leaving you?" Carol frowned. "Beth, I'm not le—"_

"_Yes, you are! You both are!" She tried to keep her voice down. "Who am I gonna talk to this summer? It's hard enough now when we're all together. Who's gonna make time to talk to the kid sister?"_

"_Beth, we're not leavin' forever," Maggie reminded._

"_But it's gonna feel like forever," Beth argued, tears in her eyes now. "I don't have good friends like you both. It's just me. How am I gonna help Ma? Or Daddy? I can't do nothin' to help 'em, and they're gonna expect me to help even more now. I don't wanna be a screw up."_

"_You'll never be a screw up," Carol told her. "Your talents may not be in farm work, but you have plenty of skills. And Maggie and Shawn and I will call when we can, and I'll visit too. It's not like I'm going to leave and never come back."_

"_Can't you just go to the college in town?" Beth whispered. _

"_This college is really good, Beth. Don't try and guilt her." Maggie sent her a warning look, but it was gentle._

_Carol hugged her little sister. "You'll be fine. The worse thing that happens is you cut yourself with a tool while working. And I'm not leaving for a while."_

"_What's goin' on in here?" Jacqui crossed her arms. _

"_Nothing," they said in unison._

"_What's that?" She pointed to the paper in Carol's pocket._

"_Oh, I got accepted into my dream college." Carol had lost her excitement._

"_I knew you would." She smiled proudly. "I'm proud of you, honey. Real proud. Gimme a hug."_

_Carol smiled and hugged Jacqui. "Thank you."_

_Maggie and Beth made it a group hug and then it occurred to them they were busy and no one was at the counter. Carol grabbed two cappuccinos and four muffins, Maggie's green lace top and went to see if Daryl was busy this lovely Saturday morning._

– – –

_Beth was curled up in her bed, sniffling, and Maggie went into the room. She jumped onto the bed and tried to get Beth to crack a smile, but she'd been so depressed about Carol's disappearance. She was assuming the worst. They didn't have to heart to tell her Carol was fine and left them without a single word on purpose. Beth was the baby, and no one wanted to hurt her with that news._

"_C'mon, Bethy, don't be so down." Maggie smiled. "It's a beautiful day. The birds are chirping, and it's windy. You love when it's windy."_

"_I'm a horrible person," Beth sniffed._

"_What?" Maggie laughed at the insinuation. "No, you're a good person. Too good." _

"_Then why did Carol leave Daryl?"_

_Maggie frowned. "How did you—?"_

"_Daddy was talkin' to Shawn about it." Beth sniffed. It was her fault. It was entirely her fault, and she was a horrible person. She was going to Hell for this. She was forever marked SLUT. She was disgusted with herself. "It's my fault."_

"_No, it ain't."_

"_Yes, it is." She sat up. "I—I kissed him."_

"_What?" Maggie exclaimed._

_She nodded._

"_When? Why? How?"_

"_It was after Shane's birthday party. I got a spiked drink, but I didn't know. I felt funny, and I was goin' to Daryl's shop to see if he could take me home, and I threw myself at him." She pulled her legs into her chest. "I attacked his mouth, and I'm pretty sure I licked him."_

_Maggie stared at her, not sure what to say._

"_He pushed me back real quick, but I told him how I felt. A—and how I knew he and Carol weren't doin' good and how he had needs..." She buried her face in her jeans. "It was God awful, Maggie! I may have even grabbed at him."_

"_Whoa, you grabbed him?" _

"_I don't know. I had a lot of odd-tasting drinks, but I didn't know what it was. I've never had alcohol, so I thought it was a nasty and cheap soda. It's a hazy mess."_

"_And that's why you think this is your fault?"_

_She nodded._

_Maggie grabbed her pillow with the blue anchor sewn into it and smacked Beth in the head with it. "You dumbass!"_

"_Hey!" Beth snatched the pillow._

"_Daryl, me, Carol, Daddy and the whole town knew you had a crush on him. Beth, you're a kid. Carol knows you're stupid most of the time, and she'd have forgiven you for that. What happened between them happened, because of...you know."_

_Beth swallowed. "That makes me feel even worse."_

"_Me too. Don't waste time blamin' yourself."_

_She nodded and wiped her eyes, taking a deep breathe. She smiled a little. "Do you thinks she'll call today?"_

"_I don't know. Maybe." _

_They looked at the phone on Beth's nightstand, and Beth tucked hair behind her ear before turning back to her sister with a hopeful smile. "It's my birthday tomorrow. I know she'll call then."_

"_Yeah." Maggie smiled. "She'll definitely call."_

––

"Thank you for the guilt trip. I thought Shawn was here for that."

"Well, we backed the car up for two miles, but we're back on course now." Maggie looked into Carol's eyes. "Right? You're stayin'?"

"For now."

"For now?" Maggie shot up. "You're leavin' again?" Hershel and Shawn walked back in, and Maggie pointed to Carol. "She's leavin' again, Daddy."

"Aren't we a bit old for—?"

"Like hell," Hershel interrupted her, and Carol blinked, not used to hearing him cuss. "You don't get to come back after five years, let us meet your daughter then book town. I didn't raise you to do that, and it doesn't work that way. You're staying."

"Dad, I'm twenty-four, and I can leave if I want to."

"We're leaving?" Sophia stopped in the doorway. "Mommy, no. I like it here."

"Sophia, I—"

"No! I'm sick of motels and hotels and nasty canned food! I wanna stay here!"

"Sophia, go to the car," Carol commanded. "Right now, and don't you dare raise your voice at me like that again."

Her eyes filled with tears. "We were having fun for once," she sobbed. "You ruined it!" She ran off toward the car.

Carol sighed. "I have to talk to her."

"Will you come back?" Beth asked.

Carol glanced back. "Yes, I will." She hurried after Sophia, finding her in the backseat of the car, crying and holding Dee Dee close. Her chest tightened at the sight of her little girl, and she wanted to explain, but Sophia wouldn't understand. Carol didn't want her to understand anyway. She wanted her to forgot, and she was young, so Carol prayed she does forget in time. Explaining it would only make it more complicated for her. Carol had to protect her, so she would tell her the easy version.

"Sophia."

"Leave me alone!" She turned away from her.

"Let me explain, honey." Carol rubbed her leg. "Please?"

She lifted her face from Dee Dee. "Fine. You have two minutes."

Carol gently smoothed her hair back. "We're visiting here for a while then we're gonna go, but we will come back. I promise."

"Pinkie promise." Sophia held her pinkie out, and Carol locked her pinkie to hers. "Can we go back?"

"Yes, I believe we can." Carol picked her up and held her, closing the car door. "I bet they made dessert. Probably some type of pie."

"Apple?" Sophia asked hopefully.

"Perhaps. We'll have to see." She set her down as they entered the house, rejoining the others at the table, and even though Shawn was still pissed, they managed to get through dinner and dessert. Sophia fell asleep after dinner on the couch, Carol spoke with her sisters, brother and father in the dining room, telling them about her schooling and about the goods times of Ed. It was nice to catch up.

Maggie was going into the police academy next month, Beth was on her second semester of final year of college, and she was going to be a nurse. Carol was impressed by both of them, and she already knew Shawn was going to take care of the farm. He was born here, and he would die here, like their daddy. It was good to know they had their lives sorted, and Carol was glad they wouldn't lose the farm. She loved this land, and she wanted it in the family forever. This was Greene property, and it only seemed right it stay Greene property.

Shawn still hadn't look or talk to her by the end of the evening, so she gave him a goodnight hug and told him she loved him then did the same to Maggie, Beth and Hershel. He barely hugged her back, but he did tell her loved her. Carol carried Sophia up to her old bedroom, finding it in the same condition as when she left: a few boxes tossed here and there, the bed made and the moon shining into the room.

Carol set Sophia down on the bed, covering and she pulled the curtains back, so in the morning the sunlight didn't hit her eyes. She climbed into bed with Sophia and lied down. It took her a moment to fall asleep however.

–––

_"What do you mean, she got away?" Phillip roared at Ed. "You said you had this under control. Jesus Christ, Ed!"_

_"She had help," Ed growled. "You told me the bitch was in that hotel room alone."_

_"Well, it was a one-bed room, so I assumed she was alone!" Phillip glared. "And to top it off, you fucking shot the man! What the hell were you thinking?"_

_"That it would be Carol!"_

_Phillip took a deep breath. "All right. We'll wait until he's in the hospital, and I'll finish the job since you keep fucking up. Jesus, the bitch isn't even my wife, but with all this effort, she might as well be."_

_"She has **my** daughter, Phillip," Ed reminded him. "**Your** niece."_

_He sat down on the couch. "I'm doing all I can. I have a job, Ed."_

_"You're a detective, and you're looking into a kidnapping. How do you think Penny will feel when you tell her some stranger took here baby cousin?"_

_Phillip gave Ed a heated glare. "Don't tell me what **my** daughter will feel, you jackass. You're the one that beat Carol into leaving."_

_"She deserved that."_

_"I'll bet." Phillip stood up. "I'm only helping you to get my niece back, because family means a lot to me, but brother, when we find them, you can't pussy out on me. When we find them, she dies."_

_Ed smirked. "She dies."_

_Phillip checked his watch. "I have to pick up Penny from school. I'll check out her friend Karen and looked into her financials, see if she'd bought any tickets with her credit card or if her alarm system in her summer home has been set off or activated." He grabbed his keys. "I'll have it to you by Sunday."_

_"That's four days away," Ed complained._

_"And that's me rushing," Phillip shot back. "Get cleaned up, and give that gun to August."_

_"Your partner?"_

_Phillip nodded. "He'll know what to do with it."_

_Ed went upstairs and changed out of the clothes he wore when he attacked that ginger in Carol's hotel room the other day, and he set the gun on the counter. He took a shower and thought of what all to do to Carol when he got his hands on her. It was truly arousing._


	5. Love Runs Out

Beth and Sophia were at the piano when Carol came downstairs, Maggie was making breakfast, and the men were out "doing manly things". Carol wrapped her cardigan tighter as she stepped into the den, hearing Beth teaching Sophia _The Parting Glass_,and she smiled. She'd always wanted this for Sophia. This and so much more. They had a real chance of happiness here, and soon, **he** would be out of their lives.

"We found some clothes for her in the car." Maggie held out a plate to Carol. "And we're movin' the boxes outta that room and bringin' in the mattress from the guest bedroom for Sophia. You're welcome to stay as along as you want."

"Oh, thank you so much, but I'm not hun—"

"Mommy, look! I can almost play it!" Sophia ran up to her. "And Grandpa said we could go horseback riding later today too! I love it here!"

Carol looked from Sophia to Maggie, taking the plate. "Sophia likes scrambled eggs."

Maggie smirked. "Comin' right up."

"Once you're washed up, we're goin' into town to see Mama," Beth told her. "We're bringin' her flowers, and she'd love to meet Sophia."

"Yes, she would. That's a really good idea." Carol sat down at the table. "How does that sound, sweetheart?"

"Meeting Grandma?" Sophia grinned. "When we can leave?"

"After breakfast," Maggie called. "So eat. You're too skinny, and we're gonna fatten you up."

Carol blushed, having forgotten how much weight she'd lost since moving away. She ate her breakfast silently, and then after bathing and changing, they all went to the hospital to see Annette. Hershel went in first to see if she was up for this surprise. When he returned, he nodded, and Carol went in first.

Her mother looked so small, lying there under white sheets, but she looked beautiful and exactly the same as Carol remembered, just a little she really done this? Had she put her mom in the hospital? She never thought of her mother when she left. She missed her and her family every day, but she didn't expect her leaving to do this. Leaving? Running away was more accurate. Why was she so stupid? _God, look at her. Look what you did to her. _Carol's eyes burned and she took a deep breath.

––

"_What?" Carol exclaimed, shooting out of her seat, staring at her mother liked she'd just grown a second head. "I must've heard you wrong."_

_Annette frowned. "Carol, I'm marrying Hershel Greene. I told you—"_

"_You said you were getting close!" Carol snapped. "Not having orgasms and exchanging saliva together!"_

_Shawn groaned at the images Carol placed in his brain. _

"_Carol Suzanne—"_

"_Don't "Carol Suzanne" me! I'm not one who's screwing Dad's best friend!" Her eyes filled with tears. "How could you?"_

_Annette's heart ached at the sight of her little girl crying. Annette had lost her husband when Carol was twelve, and she took it the hardest. She'd always been close to her father, and Annette knew Hershel would be an excellent father to her kids as he was to his girls. He knew Carol adored him—Annette knew that too. She'd hoped that their past would show Carol that Hershel loved her like his own daughter and would do anything for her. She had hoped that past would ease this news, but it didn't. It add only made this so much worse._

_Sighing almost soundlessly, she tried to understand. She had a place for her beloved husband in her heart, and she would never forget him and what they had, but she had room in her heart for Hershel and his girls too. She loved Hershel deeply. He'd been there for her when it counted, and she was there for him through Josephine. They had grown closer, and then they fell in love. She was happy. If only Carol could see this happiness didn't mean she didn't love Ethan anymore. She would always love Ethan._

"_Ca—"_

"_Don't bother. I don't wanna hear of your disgusting betrayal." She grabbed her backpack and went to her room, slamming the door. She tossed her backpack on her bed and racked her hands through her hair then covered her face, sobbing._

_The mere thought of a another man replacing her dad was just **wrong.** No one could replace her dad, not even Hershel, who was a father figure in her life. She loved him very much, but she didn't want him as a father. She didn't want him to be the one to walk her down the aisle and gave her away at her wedding or be there to give her crappy advice or try and do the dance her father and she had made up when she was five for her wedding. He just couldn't. _

_Her door opened, and it was Shawn. He shut the door with his foot and hugged her tightly._

"_How could she?" Carol asked, voice muffled by his hoodie. _

"_How could she what?" _

"_How could she just replace Daddy? He hasn't been gone for that long, and that bitch decides to marry Hershel just because his wife died? That's crap!"_

"_Hey, hey, hey. No bitch and no justs." He pushed her back and set his hands on her shoulders, looking into her eyes. "Dad died three years ago, kid, and Jo died almost two years ago. Hershel could never replace Dad—you know that as well as I do."_

"_Then why? Why propose? Why make us move into that farmhouse and change our names? It's not fair! I don't wanna be a Greene! I don't want sisters! I only need you and Mom."_

"_Thanks, kid." He hit her shoulder lightly, and she let out a small laugh at the brotherly gesture. "But—and I love you—but I want more sisters. I want to move into that farmhouse and have—well, my own bathroom, for one."_

_She looked at the door that led to their bathroom, only separated by a sheet. Their dad and Hershel had added another sink and mirror for Shawn, but they couldn't split the shower. Both Shawn and Carol had gotten the hog-the-hot-water gene from their dad._

"_And besides, we'll not only have a dad, but it's Hershel. Hershel! We love him, remember?" She stopped laughing then, and he wanted to shake her. "I know he's not Dad, and I miss Dad too, every day, but I think it's time, kid."_

_She sniffed. "It's not going to be that easy, Shawn. I don't want any of this." Fresh tears filled her eyes. "I want to stay. Daddy lived in this house with us, raised us in this house. Our height is craved into the door frame in the kitchen. How can we just leave all of that, Shawn?"_

"_Carol, his memory isn't in this house." He did shake her this time and hard. "Dad's memory lives within us, okay? You're still gonna be his little bookworm over at Hershel's and in college and in your marriage and old age and death! God, Carol, don't be selfish."_

"_I didn't hurt Mom. **She** hurt **me**." She crossed her arms. "If you need me, I'll be in eating my weight Oreos." She left the room and went to through his room to get to the kitchen, avoiding her mom. She grabbed her stuffed elephant that her dad had won her mom from her bed and sank down onto the floor, the Oreos beside her as she cuddled the elephant close and tried to see this from her mother's point of view._

––

_After two long weeks of not speaking to her mother, finding boxes piling up in the living room, and eating more and more fast food and pizza, Carol decided to stop being difficult and actually pack her belongings. She called Lori and Andrea to help, but Andrea had to babysit Amy, so it was just Lori. She texted her mom that she'd gotten one helper then turned her phone off. She was packing, and she didn't want her mom to text back. That was step one in acceptance phase. She'd gotten over denial and anger and depression over the past few weeks. She wasn't good a bargaining. She was had two steps to acceptance: 1) texting her mom and avoiding looking at her and 2) slowly returning to normal. Slowly._

"_I brought tape and pizza." Lori plopped down on Carol's bed, sitting the pizza down and tossing the tape into her box of messy bedsheets. "C'mon, eat. It's strictly veggies."_

"_And sausage?" Carol begged._

_Lori grinned. "And sausage."_

"_Feed me!" Carol dropped beside her, opening the box and grabbing a slice. "Mom hasn't bought food in two days. She's been so busy with the wedding and moving and helping Hershel get the rooms ready. I licked a cheeseburger wrapper for dinner." She almost shoved the slice into her mouth._

_Lori laughed. "Oh, please!"_

_Carol licked her lips. "Fine, I ate the cheeseburger too." _

"_So," Lori met her eyes, "are you excited?"_

"_For what?" She picked a bell pepper off her slice and ate it._

"_For Maggie and Beth to be your sisters!" Lori had her **duh!** face on. "I've always wanted sisters. I have you, but it's not the same."_

"_I would love to be your sister," Carol told her. "Is your dad single?"_

"_No. He's taking Mom on a second honeymoon in two weeks. Whoo, best summer ever!" She rolled her eyes and bit into her pizza. She swallowed and held a finger up. "If I end up pregnant, it's because they're crappy parents."_

_Carol rolled her eyes. "You? Pregnant? You don't even have a boyfriend."_

"_Who's your guy? Daryl?"_

"_Don't talk about him like that." Carol knew Lori was only teasing, but she was very protective of Daryl. She always had been. _

"_I'm serious. You'd be cute together. Red and black, blue and blue, tan and pale, happy and brooding."_

"_He does not brood!" Carol swatted her with a pillow._

"_Oh, he so does!" She laughed._

_A knock on Carol's bedroom door stopped her from beating Lori with the pillow, and Carol turned her head to find Maggie standing there with Annette's keys. Maggie was a year younger than Carol, her hair was short and appeared to be wet, and she was wearing the matching shirts Annette bought them when she forced Carol and Maggie and Beth to do "family bonding". They were all close, but being sisters was different. They were all so different, and those differences really stuck out now. It was uncomfortable to be around them too. So why was she here?_

"_Hey." She smiled. "I came by to help. Daddy dropped me off."_

"_Hungry?" Lori gestured to the pizza, standing up and wiping her hands on her jeans. "Help yourself. I'm gonna pack your clothes, okay, Carol?"_

"_Yeah, sure." Carol wasn't hungry anymore. _

"_I'm not hungry," Maggie said. "I'll just...get your suitcases. Mom said they were in the hall closet?"_

"_Mom?" Carol frowned, staring at her._

"_Annette." Maggie laughed uncomfortably. "She wanted me to start callin' her that, just tryin' it out." She disappeared down the hall, head down as she walked away._

_A pillow smacked Carol in the face, sending her off the bed and onto the floor. She looked up at Lori and glared. "What?" She tossed the pillow into a box. "I'm cleaning out the bitchy."_

"_Ha ha." Carol stood up. _

"_Hey, Maggie, gimme one of those please." Lori took one of the two suitcases and unzipped. "Oh, God!" She grabbed the Lysol and attacked the suitcase with it. "Gahh!" She dropped the practically empty can into the pile of stuffed animals. "This was Shawn's, wasn't it?"_

_Carol nodded, closing the box of pizza._

"_The human body can make foul smells." She shuddered and took the other suitcase, slowly opening it._

"_It's mine, Lor." Carol smiled and grabbed the box of bubble-wrapped pictures, adding in the small stuffed animals and closing it. She grabbed a marker and wrote pictures on it._

"_What do you want me to do?" Maggie asked._

"_Empty that bookshelf," Lori suggested, pointing to the one beside her. _

_Carol glanced at her as they all got to work, and she hated the idea of being in the same house with someone who wore that stupid shirt. God, it was ridiculous. Was she kissing ass or what? Jeez. Carol tried not to think about it as she set the rest of her stuffed animals in a bucket to be donated. She was going to be fourteen in a month, and she didn't need all of these. Only the elephant and the pig. The rest could go._

"_I need music." Lori dug her phone out of her pocket and flipped through her playlist. "Any objections to Onerepublic?"_

_Maggie shrugged, and Carol shook her head, placing another toy in the bucket, and the room filled with Onerepublic's _Love Runs Out_. It didn't make them want to get up and dance with the tension between Maggie and Carol, but it took the edge off the tension._

_**Ooh, we all want the same thing.**_

_**Ooh, we all run for something.**_

_**Oh for God, for fate,**_

_**For love, for hate,**_

_**For gold, and rust,**_

_**For diamonds, and dust.**_

"_Do you listen to them a lot?" Maggie asked Lori._

"_They're all right when I'm stretch before a jog," Lori replied._

"_Stretching?" Carol snorted a laugh. "You mean sitting in your living room and attempting to do a plank?" She turned to Maggie. "Her version of a plank is sitting on her stomach and trying to vacuum in a gummy bear."_

_Maggie laughed._

"_I do a plank when I'm eating them," Lori reminded her. _

"_Okay, then I do a plank every day. Only Oreos are my victory. I love them with milk. Or coffee." She paused. "And on cheesecake and ice cream."_

"_And with cake," Lori added. "And pie and steak."_

"_What?" Maggie groaned in disgust._

"_I do not!" Carol threw a hippo at her. "The steak part, at least."_

"_I saw you," Lori challenged._

"_On a dare! Shawn dared me, and I was ten. I was very easily goaded into things."_

"_Still are," Lori muttered._

"_Shut up or I'm leaving one of Shawn's gym socks in your locker."_

"_Oh, I dare you."_

"_Do you really wanna?"_

"_I think I do." She arched a brow. "But I'll retaliate, and I play dirty."_

_Carol pursed her lips then stood up. "We need to hurry. We're supposed to be outta here by this Friday, and my closet hasn't even been opened!"_

_Lori winked at Maggie, and Maggie smiled a little, setting CDs in the box in front of her. They listened to the playlist on Lori's phone for three hours while packing up Carol's room. They made little jokes here and there, Maggie was starting to get to know Carol a little and she saw Lori and Carol were really close. She wondered if that would ever happen with them. They were both distant since the news, both pissed at their parent and at each other and themselves for not seeing it. How did they not see it? It was so obvious._

_They were supposed to be out of the house by Friday, but Annette wanted Carol moved in or out by Thursday afternoon. She had all of the time in the world, but Annette was adamant. Carol wouldn't disrespect her mother **that** much, so she agreed. She was staying tonight. **Her last night**. Lori was staying with her too, and hopefully Andrea. They were gonna sleep on the floor with blankets and pillows, eat whatever was eatable in the kitchen and just say goodbye. They all practically grew up here, so they had goodbyes too. _

_Carol was bitter that all Shawn did was slap the top of the door on his way out. He was enjoying his new room already, helping Mom with the wedding arrangements, but Carol just couldn't help or be around her. She hoped her room wasn't close to their room. She would sleep in the barn if it was. She wasn't used to them being together, and she didn't like it either. She just wanted things to go back. She wanted her father back. _

"_**Baby you a song! You make me wanna roll my windows down and cruise!**" Lori was on her feet, dancing and singing loudly. "**Hey, baby!**"_

"_Oh, God, no." Carol covered her ears and tried crawling under her bed._

"_What is she doing?" Maggie asked, crawling over to the bed. _

"_Killing whales," Carol replied. "Killing rabbits. Killing squirrels. Killing us, Lori!"_

_Lori laughed, but ignored her. "**Thought, 'Oh, good lord, she had them long tanned legs'. Couldn't help myself so I walked up and said baby you a song.**"_

"_Here." Carol dug out the earplugs she'd stuffed under here to block out Shawn. "Quickly, before she gets into it."_

_Maggie laughed as she put the earplugs in, and Carol cringed, crawling out beside Maggie. They sat with their arms on Carol's bed and watched Lori. They fell back laughing at her—swinging her hips, waving her arms in some strange motion in her jean shorts, tank top and bare feet with those loose pigtails. It was too funny. They couldn't take it, and they rolled toward each other, covering their mouths and when they saw each others red faces and teary eyes, they lost it again._

_They couldn't breathe, their chest were aching, lungs screaming for lungs. They were past laughing, and they weren't even making noises. They were squeaking, and Lori grabbing scarfs to add to her dance didn't help. They were going to die right then and there, and Lori was having too much fun to even notice. Their lungs couldn't take much more, but good Lord, that dance! That face! It was too much._

_Lori dropped on the bed before the last verse and busted out laughing herself as Maggie and Carol struggled to breathe. They were all settling down as the next song played, Carol wiped the tears from her eyes, discovering one of the earplugs had fallen out, and Maggie removed the earplugs._

_Lori rolled over and looked at them. "And?"_

"_God don't ever do that again." Maggie climbed to her feet. _

"_Amen." Carol took the hand Maggie held out and tugged out the earplug that didn't fall out. "I love you, but I love my ears more."_

"_Thank you. You're both bitches." She was laughing though. "C'mon, we've got a closet to tackle."_

_Maggie and Carol locked eyes and lunged for her phone, taking the battery out and running out of the room._

_That's sisterly bonding. "Hey!" Lori ran after them. "That phone cost more than your lives! Get back here!"_

"_Run!" Carol opened the back door, and they ran out into the backyard. Carol grabbed her hand and led her back to the front door while Lori searched the backyard. They locked her out of the house and laughed when she caught on, high fiving._

––

_Shawn moved the last of Carol's boxes into the bed of Otis's truck while she and Maggie stood in the massive and very empty living room. It was Thursday afternoon. Right on time. They had cake tasting with Annette and Beth after this. Originally, Beth and Patricia were gonna set up Carol's room, but Carol didn't want them to. She wasn't sure how she wanted it to look just yet, so she would do that herself. _

"_The last one." Shawn shoved his hands in his jacket pockets. _

_Maggie looked over at him from where she at on the windowsill. "What time is it?"_

"_Almost one. Mom's waiting, kid."_

"_The last one," Carol whispered then looked at him. "Do we still have tomorrow night?"_

"_Yeah. We're takin' that frame," he assured her._

"_It'll go across from Beth's and mine," Maggie told her. "Is that okay?"_

"_Yeah. That's great." She smiled a little then turned and stepped out the front door. "I'll turn my key in tomorrow night, okay?"_

"_Sure. I doubt Mr. Morales will mind."_

_Shawn got in the truck with Otis to help him unpack when they got back home, and Maggie and Carol walked to the cake shop since it wasn't too far away. It was this cute little place. It was a shame it was going to be sold, but that's business. Someone's gonna make it into a great cafè or something._

_Inside the shop, Beth was holding Annette's hand, looking at the designs and smiling. She pointed Carol and Maggie out when they entered. Annette looked over, and she released Beth's hand as Carol walked into her hug, squeezing her tightly, holding back the tears._

"_I love you," Carol said softly, finally understanding why. Andrea didn't make the sleepover, but Maggie had."And I'm so sorry for being so horrible."_

_She smiled and kissed her forehead. "I'll love you no matter what you do, no matter how horrible. Unless it's murder. That's where I draw the line."_

_She laughed. "Okay. Good." She stepped back. "Let's get some cake. It smells so good."_

"_All right. I'll go get Jacqui."_

_Carol stood there and felt a hand wiggle into hers. She looked down at Beth, who was holding both her hand and Maggie's. Carol and Maggie exchanged a glance then smiled a little, both giving silent apologizes about their behavior since they hadn't brought it up last night. They were, after all, sisters-to-be._

– – –

Annette looked up when Carol enter, and her eyes filled with tears. "Carol?"

"Mom." Carol hugged her. "It's so good to see you! I missed you so much!" She kissed her cheek and looked her over. "You look beautiful."

"You look beautiful." She smiled widely. She couldn't believe it. She'd always dreamed of this moment after the first two years, and she never thought it would be like. She was glad it was, because it was happening. Her little girl was home! "You're so grown up. And skinny! Did you starve yourself?"

Carol forced a laugh. "No, it's just been a while, and I want to tell you everything, but there's someone who wants to meet you first."

"Has Daryl finally gotten off his rump to see me?"

Carol shook her head. "She's a bit younger and you'd call her...granddaughter. Sophia, c'mere, honey." Sophia shyly walked in, and Annette pushed herself into a sitting position. Sophia climbed onto her mom's lap and looked Annette over, smiling. "This is Sophia, my daughter."

"Hi," Sophia said.

"Hello." Annette looked at Carol. "I thought you... I don't even care. Come here." She held her arms out, and Sophia was pulled into the tightest hug. "Thank God for this little miracle."

Carol averted her eyes, Sophia struggled to breathe, and that's the moment the others chose to come inside. Annette wanted to know everything, Carol told her as much as she could, not really answering her questions, but luckily telling her Sophia's dad was dead got her off Carol's back. They managed to have a really good time, and it felt really fantastic to be with her family again without the worry of Ed striking her and leaving a mark for her to explain to them. It made Carol feel better about staying in town for a while. Ed didn't even know about them, so she was fine. And Daddy had a shotgun, and he knew how to shoot quite well. He doesn't like to shoot, but shooting the man who abused his daughter was the only exception.

When they left, Hershel and Shawn stayed back to keep her company and to give the girls a chance to have a day out. It was a sweet gesture, and since Beth had to get a haircut, Maggie suggest Carol dye her hair back to the color it's supposed to be.

"Why did you dye your hair?" Beth asked, carrying Sophia on her back. "Your hair was so pretty."

"Oh, I just...needed a change."

Maggie opened the door, Beth placed Sophia down in a chair and went to her stylist. Carol and Maggie took a seat, and Sophia looked over all the shampoos. Maggie crossed her legs and flipped through a magazine, pausing only when Sophia naming off favorite colors to some other little girl.

"That reminds me. I coulda sworn when I saw you last night, your eyes were brown."

Carol laughed lightly. "Brown? No, they're the same gray-blue as always."

Maggie pursed her lips. "It was getting dark..."

Carol decided to get her hair done after all. She had it dyed to almost the same color, leaving it in the same length, wanting it to grow longer. And when the stylist was finished, it suited her. Her hair was going to curl in the morning, but she didn't care. It looked good, and she felt like her old self.

"I like it," Maggie told both Carol and Beth.

"It looks really good, Mommy." Sophia liked it. It reminded her more of her mom than her other hair. She couldn't tell what Beth had done. It looked the same. "Yours too, Auntie Beth!"

"Since we're getting our hair done, why not get a new outfit too?" Beth suggested.

"Fine, but you're paying," Maggie replied.

"Lucky me."

They went shopping, Sophia had never gone shopping since Ed usually brought home clothes that fit her, so it was new to her. Beth found some really cute clothes for her, and Sophia wasn't used to all the colors and styles, so she went a little nuts. Beth promised to keep an eye on her while Carol and Maggie looked over clothes.

Carol hadn't gotten the choice of bright color shirts and skirts in years. She was overwhelmed. She wasn't sure what even looked good on her, so she picked up a shirt and asked Maggie for her opinion when Maggie asked her something...else.

"Do you think this would look good on me?" Carol asked the same time Maggie asked, "Are you gonna see Daryl?"

Carol lowered the shirt. "I knew it'd be you who brought him up." She set the shirt back and crossed her arms. "I don't know yet."

"If you do, let me know. I'll go with you."

"I'm the older sister," Carol reminded her.

"Well, I've gotten used to the role these past five years."

"Is your revenge guilt tripping me?"

"Yeah, it is."

Carol smiled. "Help me pick an outfit."

"That's Beth's department, but sure. I'll help."

At the end of the shopping trip, Sophia got two new outfits that Beth brought, Carol got an outfit, Maggie bought a pair boots, and Beth bought a necklace. Maggie suggested they return home, Sophia didn't want their day to end, but Beth assured her they'd have plenty of time to do this. Carol nodded at Sophia, confirming what Beth said silently, and Sophia smiled. She liked having a big family. She just wished Uncle Shawn liked her.

As Carol and Sophia got ready for bed that night, Carol noticed how quiet Sophia was. She hadn't said much at dinner or since they got back from riding horses with Beth and Hershel. She knew it had to do with Shawn's comments. Sophia was used to being called by her name, even by Ed, and for Shawn to yell, "Hey, you" at her really upset her. She needed to talk to Shawn, and then Shawn needed to talk to Sophia.

Carol flicked the bathroom light off and sat down on Sophia's bed. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She tugged her sock up.

"Don't lie to me."

She sighed. "Uncle Shawn hates me."

"What?"

"He does. I saw it in his face at dinner."

"Honey, Shawn doesn't hate you. He hates me, but never you."

"Then why does he ignore me?" Her eyes were filling. "I tried talking to him, but all he did was look away. What did I do? How do I make it right?"

"Sophia, you don't have to do anything." Carol smiled affectionately at her. "Shawn will come around. His anger at me is making him be very hurtful to you. I'm gonna talk to him."

"He doesn't hate me?"

"No, of course not."

She sniffed and nodded. "I liked the horses."

She smiled. "Did you?"

"Ours was really pretty. Can we do that tomorrow too?"

"Maybe. It depends on the weather. We may have to do it some other day.

"So...we're staying?"

"Why not? We're home."

She smiled and hugged her mom. "I love you, Mommy!"

"I love you too." She squeezed her. "Now, get into bed. It's really late, and we have a lot to do. Grandpa's gonna show you how to do farm work."

"Can I help with animals?"

"And so much more." Carol tapped her nose with her index finger. "Good night, Angel."

Sophia giggled. "Night, Mommy."

Carol moved onto her own bed, and she gazed out the window, hearing Sophia's hushed prayers. Carol closed her eyes, saying a small prayer of her own. She enjoyed the sound of the outdoors lulling her into a deep sleep.

––

Carol walked the farm alone, her boots crunching on sticks, the warm breezing blowing over, knocking her jacket around. Sophia was with Hershel and Beth, and she knew Maggie was probably at the cafe with Jacqui, just to check in on things. Shawn was tending to the horses right now. Carol headed to the stable. They needed to talk or fight. Either way, Sophia would know one way or another how Shawn felt about her.

"Hey." She approached him.

He said nothing, just continued to saddle a horse.

"Fine, I don't need you to talk, just to listen." She crossed her arms. "Sophia, your niece, thinks you hate her. It's upsetting her, Shawn. I know you don't hate her, and you're pissed at me, so just be pissed at me. I can take it, but she's a little girl. All she wants is a family."

Shawn paused in saddling Nelly, glancing briefly at her.

"Just talk to her and let her know you're mad at me. She really wants to get to know you. She...she has your scowl," she tossed in. "And her nose crinkles like yours does when you smell something really—"

"How could you?" Shawn turned.

"How could I what?" Carol frowned.

"After Daryl and what you went through... You just moved on and had a baby with a stranger? I thought you were better than that, but I guess I was wrong."

"I only slept with one guy after Daryl," Carol hissed. "He helped me around campus and with schoolwork, and I thought I was in love with him. We were married, Shawn!"

"You got married?" He scoffed. "Anything else you want to tell me?"

"My pregnancy was unplanned. I was on the pill, and we used protection, but...maybe I forgot or maybe it was meant to be, but I got pregnant. I don't regret it. Sophia is happy and healthy and so loved and loving! I'm not going to wish that way!" She shook her head. "Daryl and I are in the past, and you need to get over it! You weren't in that relationship, only Daryl and I were!`"

"He was my friend, Carol! You screwed him up and just left the broken pieces all over town! How can I try and love that little girl when I don't know that you're staying for good? I lost you last time, and I am not about lose _you and her_ the next time you have "issues"!"

"I am staying. Sophia's happy here, and so I am. I have roots here."

"Yeah, you do." He stroked Nelly's snout. "Go and see Daryl, and I promise you that little girl and I will be best friends."

She scoffed. "Really, Shawn?"

"It's incentive."

"Bite me, you ass."

"There's an image."

She smirked. "Fine, I'll go after lunch."

"All I'm asking."

She turned on her heel, and he called to her. "What?"

"Little munchkin's adorable. Looks just like you."

She smiled. "Tell her that."

"After I hear how Daryl took your return." Shawn watched her leave, and he shook his head. He wanted to get to know Sophia, but he promised Daryl that if Carol ever came back, he would try and get her to see him just once. Shawn assumed it was for closure. Carol loved Sophia more than enough to visit him. Hopefully, it didn't end poorly.


	6. Where The Lines Overlap

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

"Where are we going?" Sophia asked her mom for the umpteenth time. "It's raining. I hate thunder, Mommy."

"I know, baby. We'll be there soon, I promise." Carol wanted this over, but God was she scared shitless. She knew she had wronged him, and there was probably **nothing** she could do to make it right. Her reason was really good, but Daryl probably wouldn't see it as good enough. She had to leave him. They were falling apart, not further in love. It was a horrible marriage, and she never would've had her beautiful daughter. If Daryl ever wanted the life they were planning, he couldn't be mad at Sophia's existence. If he was...there would be so many problems. He was the only mechanic in town she trusted to not rip her off, and they would meet a lot because Carol always had car problems, and if he said anything about her daughter, she would kill him. She might actually have to kill him.

Carol looked over the houses on the street where Shawn said Daryl lived, and her heart was racing. He still lived in the house he worked his ass off to pay for after they were engaged. It was the same dull shade of yellow. They were going to repaint, but they got so busy, and then everything went to shit. He still had the little ugly lawn gnome that was left by the previous owners.

She parked in the driveway, his truck was probably in the garage. She wondered if he still had that motorcycle she never approved of. It was Merle's, but still, he rode it more than Merle did. He was even going to take her to graduation on it, but Dad didn't approve. It was a good thing too, because she would've thrown up on him.

_Oh, God._ If it was possible, she could feel the sweat seeping through her skin. She was scared, but happy. She'd missed him so much. There were no words to describe how much she had missed him. She wanted to see him, hug him and ask him how his life was. She knew it wasn't going well, because why else would Shawn demand she go see him? Shawn only demanded when someone was going to get pissed. God, she was so nervous. The last time she saw Daryl, he was sleeping beside her. She'd made his favorite dinner, tried to make everything seem normal then she made love to him and in the morning, she left before he woke up. She never got over that. She still felt those same rush of emotions—a rush of confusion and hesitation. She wanted to run—far away from here. She'd done enough running. It was time to come clean. She had to. He had to know why she left.

"Mommy?" Sophia poked her mom over and over, not getting her attention. She could see the fear in her mom's eyes and she wondered who was inside. It was a pretty house, but she hated the color yellow for houses. Their hold house was yellow too. Blue or green would look better. "Hey, Mommy, do you know somebody here?"

Carol still said nothing, feeling paralyzed with fear and self-disgust.

Sophia kicked the back of her seat. "**Mommy**!"

"What?" Carol jolted. "Right. We need to go inside." She slowly undid her seat belt and opened her car door, praying somehow it would get stuck or she could find her vagina and just do it. She helped Sophia out, and Carol walked oh-so-so-so slowly to the door while Sophia twitched at her speed.

"Oh, not this again. Yeesh." Sophia marched over to the door and knocked.

"No!" Carol hissed softly. "Sophia, stop!" She ran over to door to stop her, but it was too late. She heard movement inside, and she swallowed hard. Her eyes were glued to the door, her body was frozen solid, but her heart was running a marathon with the intention to win. Sophia calmly rocked back and forth on her heels, waiting.

But he didn't come to the door right away. There was either a hesitation or he really didn't want company.

"Is everyone moving super slow today?" She knocked again.

The door opened, Sophia jumped back, gasping at the sudden movement, and Carol felt like melting into a puddle on the ground, because there he was, Daryl Dixon. His shaggy brown hair was longer, covering smoldering blue eyes, his rounded nose that fit his face perfectly, the mole on the left side on his lower cheek and his lips were dry. He still had that stubble. He looked as handsome as ever, wearing a black sweater with holes on the side, revealing a gray undershirt, and he also had on ripped black jeans with no shoes. He was home though, so shoes didn't matter. He had the same rich earth scent, only now with a faint cigarette scent.

Daryl stared, feeling his skin behind to crawl, and he narrowed his eyes. It was **her**. The woman who he met when they were both just kids who rode a bus and who he was stuck working school assignments with since neither of them spoke up to get different partner; the woman he fell in love with, married and who ran away in the middle of the night, Carol Suzanne Greene. She looked the same, tanner perhaps. Her hair was a different shade of red, most likely dyed, but her green-blue eyes were as he remembered, the soft curvature of her lips still beckoning him in, and her body... She was taller, had more curves... She'd grown up, but she too goddamn skinny. He didn't want to care, but he did. He probably always would, no matter what she did to him. He still cared for Merle and that asshole always left.

And then he notice the mini-Carol. She couldn't be older than six, but not young enough to under age three. She has the same red hair as Carol, the same light skin and face even. Her eyes were different than Carol's, but everything else screamed:_**Carol Greene!**_at him. How the fuck was that possible? It didn't make any sense. Carol was barren. Or perhaps that was another fucking lie. Just great. What the hell brought her here after all this time? Again, he wanted to know, because he still cared. Why the hell did he care?

"Can we come in?" Sophia asked, smiling. "It's really cold, and the rain makes me thirsty."

He moved aside, not having a problem with the small fry. "Look who's back." She tried to walk by to at least avoid the rain, but he grabbed her by her forearm and closed the door with his foot, pulling her almost right up against him. "Why are you here?" he growled.

"To make amends."

"Oh, this'll be good." He released her.

"Do you have any juice?" Sophia was looking at the pictures on the wall.

"Check the fridge. Help yourself."

"Thank you," Carol said.

He said nothing.

"Thanks!" Sophia smiled warmly at him then went into the kitchen.

"You're welcome," he called back, looking at Carol with cold yet fiery eyes.

"Well, you have grown, but not up."

"You don't got the right to be pissy!" he softly hissed. "I do. I've earned it after five years."

"Yes, you have." She nodded. "I'm so sorry."

"Is this it? You came to tell me _that_?" He scoffed. "Well, that ain't enough."

"Then tell me what is? I'll tell you anything. I'll do anything to make up for what I did to you." She really didn't want to be the one to bring it up. She couldn't be the one to bring it up.

"You came to my house after four goddamn years of nothin', bring some little girl who is obviously your kid after you done told me and everybody else you couldn't have kids, and now you want me to drag the past up so you don't have to?" He shook his head. "You're a piece of work, lady."

"Let's discuss this like adults," she offered. "Do you have TV upstairs? Sophia doesn't need to hear this."

"Then why bring her? You tryin' make me feel guilty? Dial down the language? What?" He searched her eyes then tensed. His mind went completely blank, and he felt a little queasy. What the hell was happening right now? **Was** this happening? Was he just dreaming? Damn, he hoped he was dreaming. This couldn't be... She couldn't be... "Is...is she mine?"

Carol averted her eyes.

"Shit, Carol, tell me. Is she mine?"

"Sophia, honey, c'mere." Carol grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, finding cartoons for her to watch. "Stay here, okay? I'll be right back." She pointed upstairs with her thumb, and Daryl scoffed, but he went upstairs, and Carol followed.

He walked into the guest bedroom—well the old guest bedroom. It was his bedroom now. Carol noticed all of the changes in here. It was still the same color, but the carpet was gone, the curtains, the dressers and everything else he and Carol had put in here. He'd stripped it clean of anything to do with her. She didn't want to see their old bedroom. She was scared to see what he'd done to the rest of house.

She closed the door and took a deep breath, and Daryl was pacing back and forth. She was nervous. She didn't like when he paced. It made her stomach turn, and she had to stop herself from knotting her fingers.

"Daryl, I wish you would stop."

He didn't know how to feel anymore. He was trying to adjust to her being on his doorstep then in his living room, and now he may have a child. Nothing made sense. He kept thinking back, and it was all so disorienting. He was terrified, but felt a small flicker of light, of hope. He faced her. "Is she—my daughter?"

"I don't know."

He stared. "You don't know? You don't know!"

"Things sort of...overlapped. I know sometime within the week that I left and arrived, I got pregnant, but I don't know by who."

"How do you go from miscarrying our son to having an I-don't-know-who-the-father-is daughter?!"

She wrapped her arms around herself. "Please don't bring that up."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because it's painful, Daryl!" she shouted. "I was carrying him for nine months, and the day that was supposed to mean so much only hurts so much!"

"Well, unlike you, I embrace the pain! A hell of a lot came with you," he seethed.

She dropped her eyes. "I can't. That was the worst day of my life, and every year his birthday still comes, and I can't breathe or—or function, so please don't."

"Please? Don't? You're askin' me for a lot of favors after you left and may have had _my_ kid. Tsk."

"She may not be yours," she snapped back, getting angry. "I don't know if you are or aren't her father, so don't go and assume you are!"

"Who else?"

"Who else what?"

"Who else might be her dad, Carol? How many guys did you screw? Do I needa make a list?"

"The entire college. I thought it would be fun, you know? Who needs degrees, I can easily get STDs!" She glared. "You're such a dick."

"Well, it seems you like that."

Oh, that was it! "I've only been with **two** men, Daryl!" she snapped. "You and Ed were the only two men I've ever slept with! It wasn't on purpose the first time! I was lonely and scared and I—I really, really missed you. Leaving this town wasn't my plan." Her voice gradually got smaller. "I wanted to stay and be with you, despite how much I wanted to go to college and become someone great, but after we lost him...everything changed." She wiped at the tears rolling down her cheeks. "You changed, and so did I."

He sat down on the bed, locking his hands behind his head.

"Only you got better and started doing really well with the garage. I felt left behind, but mostly, I felt like I was dragging you down. I left so you could have a real chance, and so that I didn't have to see the looks everyone gave me."

"If you wanted a fresh start, we coulda left." He lifted his head, dropping his hands, feeling very vulnerable. Like a damn pussy. "We coulda gone away and got a new life."

"I couldn't ask you to leave, Daryl. You have friends here, a good job making good money and your brother's here. I know how much you love him, and I couldn't ask you to leave for me."

"That shoulda been my decision, Carol." He stood up. "To go or to stay, it shoulda been _our_ choice."

She shook her head. "I couldn't be a burden to you anymore. You deserved better."

"And look where it got me." He stood so they were shoulder to shoulder, his lungs burning as his anger seared, his breath came out harsh. "Say his name."

"What?" She frowned.

"Say. His. Name." His eyes burned into hers. "You didn't want him brought up and you called him "him" like if you don't say his name, it didn't happen. It did, it happened, so say his name."

She dropped her eyes and squeezed them shut. She couldn't. Even his name, those five letters, choked her. She couldn't.

"Just go. I don't want you here. Or your kid." He threw a gesture toward the door. "Get out."

She took a deep breath, but her emotions were overwhelming her. She left his bedroom, and she went to the bathroom and closed the door, leaning against it, trying to even her shaky breathing. She saw it'd changed too. His clothes were thrown about, combs littered the floor and the light wasn't even working. There was only some nightlight thing clipped into the wall. Despite all of that, she could see her reflection perfectly clear in the mirror across from her, and she looked down, setting a hand on her stomach. The last time she was to able to look in that mirror, she was pregnant with their son.

She collapsed, sobbing. She covered her mouth with her hands, muffling the loud sobs that tore through her. She hadn't thought about him in so long. She just kept pushing herself forward, trying to escape the past, but it finally caught up to her, and it wasn't going to let go. Ethan. Her baby boy who didn't make it. Ethan Dixon.

Daryl sat on the opposite side of the bathroom door, hearing Carol's sobs, and his chest felt heavy. He was going to drag her out and make her leave. He was so used to being cold and distant with people that he'd forgotten what it was like when he cared. To say he hated Carol would be an utter lie. He'd always loved Carol, and always thought because of who he was, he'd driven her away, but now he understood it now. Before, he refused to look at her side, only his, but now he understood. However, no matter how he cared for her, he wasn't going to let her just walk in and snatch his forgiveness. She would have to work for it if she really wanted his forgiveness. He would try and forgive her. He really would, but there was so much she'd done that cut him deep.

He used to think about what she did over and over to try and make himself hate her, to make it so much easier to wake up in the morning, but it never worked. Not even when she got distant after they lost Ethan and then tore up the nursery and crib that they'd worked so hard on. She would drink and cry and talk to no one, not even him when he asked how she was. And when she did talk, she would lash out, but mostly to herself. He knew she didn't want to hurt him, but in the end, all of the words didn't matter. Her words stayed, but she didn't. She left him all alone, just like everyone else in his life, after she vowed to never leave him, to always love him and stand by him. They were such fools, especially him because he bought her bullshit. He thought they would be together for a long time. Yeah, that worked out well.

He looked over when something shattered. He climbed to his feet and went downstairs, finding Sophia in the kitchen with grape juice and blood running down her leg. He kicked the pieces of glass aside while she apologized, trying not to cry.

"It's okay." He picked her up and set her on the counter. "It's just a glass." He grabbed a remotely clean washcloth and wet it. He began gently wiping off the blood. "You okay?"

"Yes."

He noticed small scars on her legs. "Clumsy, ain't you?"

"I'm so sorry."

"It's just a stupid glass," he assured her. "Got plenty more." If he bought them.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure." He finished wiping off the blood. "What, am I scary or somethin'?"

She looked up at him very closely, wanting to remember the face of the man who made her mommy so nervous in a good way for once. "No." She reached up without a pause and touched his stubble, smiling a little. "Does it get itchy?"

He just looked at her. He hadn't flinched when she touched him. He wasn't even tense. Why? No matter who touched him, even Carol, he flinched. How could this little girl be an exception? _Was_ she his daughter? If she was, he'd missed almost five years, and if he pushed Carol away, he would also be pushing away his only chance to make up for lost time. He couldn't just ask her to do a DNA test, not outright—even if she owed him that. Carol was probably trying to raise Sophia by herself. If they became friends, maybe. Or maybe Carol's changed, and he should just ask her. He had to know either way. He wouldn't be the absent father. He wanted to prove—mainly to himself—that he was good enough to be a father, to be a good father.

Daryl looked over and saw Carol watching him, Sophia turned and smiled at her mom, and Carol joined them, hoping Sophia wouldn't notice her eyes.

"What happened?" Carol looked down at the puddle of grape juice. "Did she break something?"

"I dropped a glass." Sophia bit her bottom lip, still feeling bad.

"Oh, Daryl, I'm sorry." Carol picked Sophia up. "I'll pay you back."

"Woman, it was a glass. Just let it go." He tossed the rag into the sink.

"All right, we'll just be going. It's getting late, and I have a lot to do tomorrow."

"Like what?" Sophia asked.

"Like find a job," Carol answered, walking toward the door. "That's how Mommy pays for things."

"You need a job?" Daryl stepped closer.

"Yeah." She turned to him slightly. "I'll need to buy a place eventually and then get Sophia settled into a preschool. I'll need to find a babysitter, but my dad might be able to do that most days." Why was she telling him this? "So...yeah. Umm, it was...nice...seeing you again. Goodbye, Daryl."

"Uhh, I gotta job for you." He held his arms out, and she looked around. "This house needs cleaned up—new doors, new kitchen supplies, new paint, even some new windows. I don't have time right now. The shop and all."

"Are you serious?" She faced him. "Why do you want it fixed up?"

"I wanna sell."

Her heart dropped. "S—sell?"

"It's too big for me." He shrugged. "I'll help when I can too. I ain't gonna leave it all up to you."

She refused to let him sell this house. It was their house, even if they weren't together. They had a lot of good memories here, and they outweighed the bad. She wasn't going to let someone else move in here and ruin those happy times. There was no way in hell. _If you fix it up nice enough, maybe he'll want to keep it_, a voice in her head told her. She had to try, and she loved this type of thing. She also wanted to see what he'd done to the house these past five years and clean up any mess he may have made. "I'd love to. When do you want me here?"

"Don't matter."

"Flexible hours too." She smiled at him. "I'll come by, take some pictures and we'll discuss what needs to be done over lunch. Does that sound good?"

"Yeah." He was glad she agreed, probably a little more than he should've been. He couldn't deny that Carol being back made him feel—something for the first time in a long time. His feelings weren't good, but at least he had a chance now to have it out with her. She needed to hear his side, and tomorrow, she would.

"Can I help?" Sophia was looking at Daryl.

"It's up to your mama."

"Sure. We'll plant a garden. You love getting your hands dirty, don't you?"

"Yeah!"

Carol laughed. "Let's get home before the rain gets worse."

"Uh, hold on." He walked by her and opened the door. "See you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." She nodded. They had a chance to...talk this way. Without Sophia breaking something or hearing their history, of course. That was something she never wanted Sophia to know. For as long as Sophia would buy it, Daryl was an old friend.

"Bye, Daryl." Sophia waved.

Carol glanced back at the house. This wasn't over. Daryl didn't go off, because Sophia was there, and he was probably pissed or confused. When she came by next, it was going to be painful for both of them. Her heart was already tightening in her chest._ Daryl._

He watched them leave then closed the door. _Sell? What the hell?_ He wasn't selling this house. He probably just pissed her off. He needed to get in good with her to find out if Sophia was his, and if he was being honest, he **wanted** to be _something_ to her. She was the only person who ever considered his feelings, who made him a better man... Well, until _that_ night. Perhaps with this, he'd be able to forgive her and himself. He couldn't hold onto his anger, otherwise he'd turn out just like his father. No way in hell was he letting that happen. He didn't let it happen then, and he wasn't letting it happen now.

Besides, he had to know what the hell happened to her. That phone call. The man yelling. Ed. What did she get into? Was she still running? From what and who? Huh, he could barely remember a time when Carol wasn't running.

– – –

_That late Friday night when it was too cold for this shit, Daryl met Carol at her childhood home. She had been waiting outside for him, wearing her jean jacket and a dress. He thought she was stupid. Why in the hell would any girl wear a damn dress in this weather? Her freaking jacket covered most of it, so why?_

"_You came." She smiled at him, one of her curls falling in her face. "I'm so glad."_

"_You didn't tell me much. What's up?"_

"_My mom's getting married," she told him, swinging her leg, "to Hershel Greene."_

"_Congrats?"_

"_Don't." She slid off the rail. "I don't want congratulations. I just wanna say goodbye to my childhood home with my best friend. Is that too much to ask?"_

"_Sure. Where's this friend?"_

"_Daryl." She nudged him, almost laughing, and he chuckled a little._

"_Fine, let's do this."_

_She took his hand and laced her fingers through his. She led him inside. It was really and unnecessarily dark, but Carol didn't want to turn any lights on. The moonlight was spilling in front the window, and it made her feel so sad. She could see her and Shawn as kids running through the house._

–

"_**Shawn, stop it!" she shouted, running into her bedroom while he chased with a water gun. "Stop!"**_

"_**Look out!"**_

_**Dad walked in at all the screaming and got squirted, Carol covered her mouth with her hand, wanting to laugh at how much trouble Shawn was going to get in, because there was prune juice in the gun, and that was their dad's favorite shirt.**_

_**Shawn visibly paled.**_

"_**Shawn Tanner," Dad began, walking toward him, but instead of yelling, he grabbed the gun and attacked Shawn. "You're next, little bookworm."**_

"_**Daddy, no!" Carol bolted.**_

"_**Go left," Shawn told his dad. "I'll go right."**_

"_**No, lead her outside. The hose." Dad headed for the backdoor.**_

_**Shawn headed for Carol, who was trying to open the adjoining bathroom door, but it was either locked or it was stuck. She heard Shawn and hid in the tub. He ran into the bathroom, looking around, though he knew Carol was hiding in the tub. That was her place to hide.**_

"_**Carol? Carol, c'mon, I'm not gonna hurt you."**_

_**She didn't say anything.**_

"_**Fine, I'll tell Dad you broke the lamp," he threatened. "We both know you can't beat me to the backyard."**_

"_**Don't you dare!" She climbed out and ran for the backyard, pushing open the door. "Dad—" She squealed as cold water shot at her, and she ducked, trying to take cover, but there was no cover. "Cheater!"**_

"_**Ha ha," Shawn laughed.**_

"_**Not so fast." Dad turned the hose on him.**_

"_**Trader!" Shawn covered his face. "Carol! Help!"**_

_**She didn't want to help him, but she didn't want Daddy to win. She grabbed a chuck of mud from the pool he'd created around her and threw it at him. It landed on his tennis shoes, but he stopped long enough to look down. She felt guilty for a whole second before Shawn threw more mud at him, and that's when they got into a mud fight. It was the best and most fun and most unexpected thing their dad had ever done. It was great**__._

–

_Carol guided him into her bedroom. The light blue walls were filled with so many memories, all of them spoke to her, and she felt sick to be leaving them. The new owners wouldn't know any of these memories. They would be moving into someone's old house. They wouldn't know how Shawn kicked a hole in the wall or why._

–

_**Carol and Shawn sat in her room, just waiting. They had heard about an accident, and that the drivers were in pretty bad shape. Their mom had called, but they hadn't gotten any news. She was in the car, and they were worried she might've been hurt. They kept waiting for their dad to call, but he never did. It was so unlike him. He was doing volunteer work as always when he got a week off. He always spent a day or two helping the people who needed him and then the rest with them. He always called and told them how somebody was doing or how repainting was going. It unnerved Shawn.**_

_**Carol was restlessly running her fingers down the ear of Elle the elephant. She had recently learned that Elle meant "she" in French, so she named her that. It seemed to fit. "When are Mom and Daddy coming home?"**_

"_**I don't know, kid." He shrugged. "Soon, I bet."**_

"_**If they don't get home soon, can we have ice cream for dinner?"**_

"_**We can even break into the cookie jar," he promised.**_

_**At midnight, still there were no parents. Carol fell asleep after the sugar crash, but Shawn stayed up. He watched her alarm clock as time slipped away, and he wondered what was keeping them. They were never this late, and if they were, they'd call. They trusted Shawn to watch and protect Carol, but they always called. It was their annoying habit. Carol and Shawn hated it, but he needed it right now. He needed to know what the heck was going on. Where were they?**_

_**At three in the morning, Shawn finished half a pot of coffee. He heard the front door open, and he ran to meet them, smiling when he saw his mom. He hugged her tightly then moved to hug his dad, but his dad wasn't there. His smile faded when he saw his mom wasn't in the same clothes she left the house in yesterday morning, and the clothes she had worn were in a bag.**_

"_**Where's Dad?" Shawn asked, voice low.**_

"_**Mommy?" Carol groggily called. "Mom?"**_

_**Annette went into her room, sitting beside her and putting an arm around her shoulder, squeezing her arm. "Hey, pretty girl." She smiled, but there were tear stains on her cheeks.**_

"_**You're late." Carol yawned against her hand. "Where's Daddy?"**_

_**Shawn eyed her.**_

"_**Dad's not coming home tonight," she told them. "We'll talk about this in the morning. Get some sleep."**_

"_**What? Why?" Carol demanded, a whine in her voice. "He promised he'd teach me what little French he knew, and we were gonna watch some old movies. He promised. Did work call?" She rubbed her eye.**_

"_**No, but don't worry about any of that stuff. We can do that."**_

_**Carol frowned. **_

"_**Where's Dad?" Shawn demanded.**_

"_**Sha—"**_

"_**No, tell me," he shouted. He knew her. She was lying. She wouldn't be over seven hours late getting home and be in different clothes and not be with Dad if everything was all right. There was something wrong here. Dreadfully wrong, and maybe she was trying to protect them, but he didn't need protecting. He needed to know the truth. "Tell me where our father is! Don't lie!" He was jumpy from the coffee and upset from seeing the tear stains and the lack of makeup. **_

_**She sighed, tears filling her eyes and she took Carol's hand, meeting her eyes then Shawn's. "There was an accident," she confessed. "There was a car crash outside where Ethan..." Her voice broke, and Carol shifted onto her knees and wrapped her arms around her mom. "Your dad was hit by a car, and he was doing very well for a long time, but...he died."**_

_**Carol didn't say anything as tears swarmed her eyes, but she leaned forward and threw up into her trashcan. Mom held her hair and rubbed her back, looking at Shawn as he began to pace, wracking his hands through his hand, and he slammed his foot in the wall, breaking through.**_

"_**Shawn!" Annette stood up. "Don't break the house."**_

"_**It's a frigging wall," he screamed at her. "This is Dad! Dad's dead! The wall can be fixed, but Dad—Dad can't. He's... He's..." He slammed his fists into the wall, his shoulders shaking, and Annette tried to comfort him, but he back away. "Get away from me!"**_

_**She swallowed hard, still trying to get close enough to hold him, even though she knew he would fight. Shawn always rejected affection when he was angry or hurt. "I know you're hurting, so am I. Carol is too."**_

"_**Carol? Don't talk about Carol!" He glared through the tears, he felt as if all the weight in the world was resting on his chest. "You knew! You knew he was dying, and you couldn't call?! We didn't get to say goodbye or anything! What the hell is wrong with you?" He wasn't allow to cuss, but in that moment, it didn't matter. His non-curse words cut her deep. "God, don't touch me! Get off!" He pushed her away and stormed out of Carol's room. "You are so damn selfish!"**_

–

_Daryl stiffened when Carol leaned into him, her hands against his sides, her nose against his neck, her hair at his nose. He could smell her shampoo, and it smelled nice, like coco. He didn't care about the smell when Carol's lips brushed his neck. She didn't mean anything by it, she was just moving her head back, but it made him gulp hard._

"_I'm sorry." Her voice was very small. "I know you hate when people touch you. I just really wanted you to be here with me."_

"_It's okay," he mumbled, thinking over her words. 'I just really **wanted you** to be here with me'. No one had ever wanted him for anything. People needed him to do their dirty work, used him, but never really wanted him. It was a first that he didn't want to lose. He liked having Carol close anyway._

_She took a deep breath and stepped back. She led him through each room of the house, lingering here and there. She never let go of his hand, and he liked that. Her hand was small, but warm and strong. It made him feel wanted for the first time since the fire. He still hadn't told her after all this time, and she wasn't a news person—not that it was recent news—so she didn't know. He wasn't going to tell her, not after losing her dad like this._

_They made their way back to the living room, and Carol let his hand go and stood in the middle of the room, the moonlight pouring over her. She had spent so many Christmases and Thanksgivings naps and birthdays in this living room, not to mention all of the fights and bad days. When it was anyone's birthday, even his own, her dad would go all out and put up banners and balloons and streamers. He'd stay up all night if he had to. He never wanted them to feel forgotten. She would unquestionably miss this room the most._

"_I didn't think it would be this hard." Her voice was thick. "I knew it would be difficult, but God, now it just hurts so much. I feel like I'm abandoning him, you know?"_

_He didn't say anything._

_She turned to him. "Will you stay with me?"_

"_Till we leave, yeah, and after that if you want."_

_She nodded. "Sleep with me?"_

_He blinked. "Sl... What?"_

"_Sleep with me. I don't snore. I don't think anyway." She met his eyes. "I don't want to be alone tonight or be with **them**. I want to spend my last night here with you, if you don't mind."_

"_Define sleep," was all he said._

_She blushed. "Oh! Not sex! No, no, no, no! I'm not ready or old enough or have really even heard the full talk without my dad or mom just stopping! I mean, I know what it is, but they didn't teach me. Not that I've looked it up or anything, I just—Lori explained it to me!" _

_He smirked. "You're just diggin' a deeper hole."_

"_I know. I'm so embarrassed." She was smiling though. "This is why I want you here." She closed the space between them and took his hands. "I love you, Daryl. I want you to know that in case something happens to either of us."_

"_Nothin' gonna happen."_

"_Good to know, but I still wanted you to know." She released his hands. "I won't make you sleep on cold floor, by the way." She grabbed the extra flannel blankets from the closet and laid them out. "I hid them while Shawn and Maggie were eating breakfast." She removed her jacket and folded it. "Makeshift pillow."_

"_Makes it all better." He lied down on the floor beside her, leaving his jacket on, and he felt her cover them up. After a minute of silence, he sat up, and so did she._

"_Is something wrong?" She searched his face._

"_I ain't ever spent the night with a girl," he admitted, face a little pink. Or someone who wasn't kin. "How's this gonna work?"_

"_I'm going to touch you inappropriately while you sleep." She giggled at his glare. "I'm gonna sleep on this side, and you're gonna sleep on that side. Deal?"_

"_Sure." He removed his jacket and folded it, lying back down._

"_Oh, I cuddle in my sleep, by the way."_

"_Great." He rolled away from her._

"_Hey! Body heat, I kinda need it!"_

"_Am I your best friend or slave?"_

"_You're my best friend." She kissed his cheek. "Good night." She lied down._

"_Night." He tried to calm his stomach. He felt the knots twisting. "Best not try nothin'."_

"_Ooh, temping," she teased. _

"_Got my eye on you."_

"_Please! I've got my eye on you." She rolled over and nudged his shoulder as she said it, looking into his eyes. "Good night, Daryl. I love you." She was going to say that every time she said good night now. She didn't want them to forget, and she wanted to make sure the people in her life knew how much they mean to her._

"_Night."_

_They woke up when Annette and Mr. Morales had come to get the door frame for Hershel's kitchen, and they found Carol and Daryl. It would've been fine if Carol had permission to invite him—she didn't—and it would've been fine if she had brought Shawn—she also didn't. It wasn't fine. It wasn't even a little okay. _

_In her sleep, Carol had stretched a leg over Daryl's hips, slipped her hand underneath his shirt—she did to warm her icy hands, very conscious of it—and her face buried in his shoulder. Annette assumed the worst from that and almost broke Carol's wrist yanking her away from Daryl. That was the first of **many** reasons why Hershel didn't like Daryl._


	7. The Draw

Carol got dressed in the bathroom while Sophia flipped through Shawn's extensive music collection on his i-Pod, so that she and Shawn could talk without her hearing what they were saying. Carol knew Sophia was listening, because she could hear the lyrics to_ Shake It Out _coming from the headphones and Sophia's mouth. Shawn was on the other side of the door, listening as Carol told him about what happened with Daryl.

She opened the door, zipping her the boots Karen bought her. They were new and possibly a size too small. Carol couldn't wear her tennis anymore, and someone threw away her other shoes, so she was stuck with these. They would do for now. "Satisfied?"

"You're working together." He was smirking. "Nice thighs."

"What? Apart from creepy!" She looked herself over. She wore a faded floral dress with draped flutter sleeves and defined waist. It was the only thing she felt comfortable in. It was the first dress she wore the first time she left her dorm with the best friend she'd ever had. It meant a lot to her. She was also showing a lot of leg, even if her boots almost went to her knees. "I should change."

"No, don't. You look great."

"You just want me to leave so you can tell Sophia every one of my embarrassing childhood stories." She put earrings in.

"Well, duh." He stood up. "I have so many. Where will I begin?"

"I don't care, just leave out everything to do with Daryl." She grabbed the knapsack. "Camera?"

"Break it and I'll kill you." He handed his precious baby to her. "Gently, please."

"It's a camera." She set it in the knapsack, zipping it. "That's all I need. Break her, and I'll do worse than kill you."

"I know. She's in good, pillow-padded hands. Beth's already threatened me."

"Beth's really taken to her, hasn't she?" Carol smiled.

"Like a vicious mama puma."

She checked her watch. "I should go. Daryl's lunch is at one, and I have to look over that entire house. I'm scared to see what he did to it."

"Me too. That guy never cleans. Five years of grime—good luck."

She rolled her eyes and crouched down next to Sophia. "Honey?"

"You gotta go?" She tugged the headphones down, sitting up. "Why can't I come?"

"'Cause you and Shawn have horses to feed and Violet may have her babies today." She pulled Sophia closer. "Besides, Mr. Dixon and I need to talk—about the house and repairs. It's boring."

"So? I like him. I wanna come."

"Don't whine. Once I know what all needs to be done, you can help me with painting and gardening and deciding where furniture goes. I promise."

"Okay."

"Give me a hug?"

Sophia hugged her mom tightly. "I love you."

"I love you too." She kissed the top of her head and released her. "I'll be home soon. Keep an eye on Shawn."

"Ha ha." He shot her a glare.

"Bye, baby." She left the house and went to Daryl's house. He'd left a note in the mailbox with the key inside. She smiled at the note—_**keep your nosy ass outta my mailbox, Jeanette—**_and went inside. She'd forgotten how nosy their neighbors were. They were probably all looking his way now that she was back in town. She didn't want to make him uncomfortable at all. She was just trying to sort out her life now. He was apart of her life, no matter what, and if they could be friends, she would gladly take that chance. She hoped this job was his way of reaching out. She was going to make his house look amazing, so he'll stay and maybe they can bond while...scraping off grime.

She set her bag down, digging out Shawn's camera and taking it out of its case. She started down in the basement. It was full of old junk still. She smiled at the memory that old junk brought.

– – –

"_Go see what's down there."_

"_Why me?" Daryl asked, leaning on the door frame. _

"_Those steps could break under my weight." Carol gestured to the baby bump, trying to make it seem like she weighted so much more. If she turned around, no one could tell she was pregnant. In fact, her pregnancy looked like a basketball was resting under her shirt._

"_What weight?" he challenged. _

"_Please. The sooner we know what's down there, the sooner we can get the washing machine and dryer down there."_

"_You owe me." He took the flashlight. _

_She smirked. "Sure, I do."_

"_If I die down there, I'm hauntin' you."_

"_Then I'll take Andrea up on her "gift"." _

_He glared, clicked on the flashlight and went down the stairs slowly, Carol bit her lip nervously as he fell out of sight, and he started choking on the dust in the air. He covered his mouth with his shirt and looked around. It was full of old toys and a few tables. It was probably spacious if they cleaned it up. He weaved his way through thick ass cobwebs and found the the broken bulb dangling above his head. He changed it and called up to her._

"_Should I come down?" She turned the light on._

"_No, definitely not." He saw spiders everywhere, but none of them were deathly. "Damn, I'm gonna need a bigger shoe."_

"_Daryl?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Are you almost done? I'm hungry." _

_He made his way through the junk and headed up the stairs, shaking dust out of his hair, and Carol was smiling, thoroughly amused. "What?"_

"_You went in black and came out gray." She picked a web out of his hair. "C'mon, the hose out back should work."_

_He smirked. "Hell no."_

"_Daryl, you're covered in dust and cobwebs."_

"_So? Been dirtier than this."_

"_Fine, but you look like Grandpa Daryl."_

"_Oughta get used to it. One day, I'm gonna get called that."_

"_Do I hear resentment?"_

"_Do you?" He arched a brow._

"_Daryl." She searched his eyes. "Do you regret—?"_

"_I regret lettin' you pick out the name," Daryl finished. "Ethan Dixon? I know it means a lot to you, but our kids gonna get his ass kicked."_

"_He will not. And there's always Nora," she added with a smile. "You chose Nora. Besides, we're waiting, remember?"_

"_Next one's on me." He was totally going to sneak a peek at the chart. Ethan Dixon or Nora Dixon, he had to know._

"_Deal."_

– – –

She walked up the stairs to the first floor and turned to kitchen, taking pictures of everything. She could see the counters needed major work, and the tiles were chipped. The walls needed to be repainted desperately. She and Daryl had decided on a cheesecake yellow, because it was inviting. Now it looked like mustard had died on the walls. Maybe a blue or green. It would give it some life. They could add a plant.

She opened the double French doors. They needed cleaning. She might be able to some stained glass for them. Karen's sister was an artist, and she was in town for two weeks. She loved Carol like a sister, so if she wanted stained glass, she had it free of charge. Katrina did it for a hobby too, and Carol loved the flowers she did.

She looked over the living room and internally cringed. Daryl had kept the same furniture, and that would be fine if it wasn't so dingy now. The TV was the only thing worth saving. The couch was broken down, the chairs were usable and decent, but they would look better in the basement. Daryl would probably want a room to keep his crossbow and other hunting gear, so the chairs could go down there.

She glanced down and saw the ugly clay dish she'd made her freshmen year. She and Daryl kept it to put keys and candy and receipts in it. She thought for sure Daryl would've thrown it away. He hated it, always tried to throw it away, but she wanted to keep it as a memento. Perhaps he kept it...because it meant so much to her, and he couldn't let go of her completely.

_**Don't**_**.** She shook her head and started up the stairs. _**Just don't.**_ Her body was forever marked by Daryl. Before she got pregnant, Daryl talked her into getting a tattoo with him. He wanted something to cover the scars, and she tagged along. He left with two killer tattoos, and she left with a Cherokee rose, Daryl told the story again after they lost Ethan.

She started in the guest bedroom, deciding to redo the whole room—new mattress, new sheets, new curtains, etc. She wanted to bring some light into this room, but she wanted to it to still be Daryl's. They would have to go look at sheets and curtains together. He may not like it, but they were going to spend a lot of time together. She hoped he could re-tile the kitchen and bathroom floors. She might have to recruit T and Shawn.

She took a deep breath before opening their bedroom door. She hoped Daryl hadn't destroyed it. She didn't want to have to redo this room. She loved it and all of their time spend in there together. She braced herself and opened it.

The room was dusty, but untouched. Daryl hadn't move anything. It was all in order, just a few drawers hung open and the blankets were pulled down. He hadn't set foot in this room since she left him, had he? That cut her deep. What had she done to him?

– – –

_Carol looked over the house with the realtor that he and Shawn had found one the other day when they got lost following Shawn's directions, and he could see she was already very taken with the house. It had everything she ever talked about in a house. She used to go on and on when Beth kept bugging her just to prove that she was leaving the minute she could afford a house and to prove she could bug Beth back. The house needed a little work, but they had time to fix it up before the baby came. Carol wasn't even showing yet._

_He waited downstairs as Jenny showed Carol the upstairs and backyard, and when they returned, Carol was biting her lip to not smile. He pushed off the wall and joined them, Jenny gave them a moment to talk, and he asked her what she thought._

"_I love it," she admitted. "Can we afford it?"_

"_Don't worry 'bout the price." Daryl has never told her he'd been saving his money for years, and Hershel had even offered to help pay for the house. "You love it?"_

"_Yes, it's a perfect place to raise a family. Did you see the backyard?" She was smiling wide now. "And the upstairs? Three bedrooms and two bathrooms."_

"_Guess we're home."_

"_We're home." She hugged him._

––

_They had finished moving in the boxes, the mattress and since Carol couldn't do heavy lifting, she, Beth and Maggie were setting up her and Daryl's bedroom while Shawn and Daryl were moving in the heavy items: couches, chairs, dressers, etc. Annette and Patricia were unpacking the dishes downstairs, and Hershel and Otis were repairing the fence in the backyard. Jacqui was stopping by with some paint and lunch later, and T-dog was going to bring over some tables the church didn't have a use for anymore._

_Beth set the last pillow on the bed and smoothed out the comforter. "So, how long till you know the sex?" Beth picked up a box of extra sheets and opened the closet. Carol and Maggie exchanged looks then rolled their eyes, and when Carol didn't answer, Beth looked at her. "Carol?"_

"_Why?" Carol folded a box._

"_'Cause I wanna know." She set the sheets on the shelf near the back. She was going to try and make something for the baby over the summer since she had no plans. She didn't want to use white or yellow. She wanted to use pink or blue. Yellow was **not** gender neutral. "How long till you know?"_

"_I'll let you know." _

"_Do you have any names in mind?" Maggie set the framed pictures on the dresser Daryl and Shawn had just brought up._

"_A few." Carol shrugged. "But I haven't talked to Daryl about them, and we don't know the sex, so they're just...suggestions."_

"_Like?" Maggie pressed._

"_For a boy, I was thinking...Ethan."_

"_After your dad." Beth smiled a little. "That's real sweet."_

"_And for a girl?" Maggie turned._

"_I'll get back to you on that." She looked around. "That's everything?"_

"_Almost." Beth pulled out a small box. "I brought red velvet cupcakes. Well, red velvet, Dutch chocolate and a poppy seed muffin."_

"_Aww, Mom's gonna kill you," Maggie reminded her. "She wants Carol healthy."_

"_So? It's just one cupcake."_

"_It's just one cupcake," Carol agreed._

"_Why am I bad guy?" Maggie put her hands on her hips. "Always the bad guy. Why the hell is that?"_

"_I don't know." Carol licked icing off the cupcake._

"_Maybe 'cause you're always remindin' us of what Mom doesn't want us to do." Beth held out Maggie's cupcake. "Glenn made it special for you."_

"_Glenn?" Carol's brows rose._

"_Beth!" Maggie glared._

"_Well, she's gonna find out sooner or later."_

_She snatched the cupcake and sat down on the bed. "It's nothing. He just has a stupid little crush on me. I'm not interested."_

"_In Glenn?" Beth frowned._

"_In men." She licked icing off her fingers. "At least not right now. I gotta leave next week, so I'm not gonna start a relationship."_

"_But he's so cute."_

"_And virginal," Carol teased._

"_Really? A virgin? I thought you were a virgin then you tell us you're pregnant."_

_Carol smacked Maggie's hand, the cupcake smashed into her mouth and nose, and Beth and Carol busted out laughing at the result. Maggie would kill them when no one was looking and after the baby was born._

––

"_No more boxes." Daryl dropped onto the bed, exhausted and sore. "Or couches and shitty tables."_

"_They were nice tables," Carol reprimanded. "They just need polished." She flicked the bathroom light off and crawled under the covers. She noticed how Daryl watched out the window, as if waiting for somebody. "Did you tell your father?"_

"_About you and the baby?" He shook his head. "Hell no."_

"_Why not?"_

"_I don't want him to know 'bout you." He looked at her. "After the last time y'all met, I don't want nothin' to do with him. He don't deserve a second chance."_

"_Don't you dare give him one either," she huffed. "I was only asking, because I don't what him to know or Merle, but I can live with Merle knowing."_

"_Deal." He half-smiled. "I got somethin' for you."_

"_Really? And what's that?"_

_He reached into the nightstand that Shawn had generously given them from his own bedroom—since he dropped and broke Carol's nightstand—and pulled out a flower. It wasn't real. It was a pastry from Rhee's, and Carol could hear her mother telling her not to eat it, but her mom wasn't here, and it looked really, really good. "Figured we could share it."_

"_That'd be great." She smiled. "It's really pretty."_

"_It's a Cherokee rose." He opened the container._

"_I know. I have it tattooed on my hip." She took one of the petals. _

"_Regret it yet?"_

"_No." She bit into the petal, and it really soft, not too sweet. It almost had a lemon flavor. Faintly. It was really good. Glenn's mother could bake like no other. If he and Maggie got together, she'd be the husband still, and Maggie should hope he can cook like his mother. "Why this and not a red velvet cupcake?"_

"_'Cause I ran into Beth at the shop. This one's healthier, supposedly."_

"_I have a question." She met his eyes. "What would you want to our baby's name to be if it's a girl?"_

_He shrugged. "Thought you'd have a name."_

"_I don't. I do for a boy."_

"_Ethan?"_

"_Yes. Am I that predictable?" She bit her lip._

"_Nah, it's what I was thinkin' too."_

"_Really?"_

_He nodded. _

"_Why?"_

"_I'm gonna brush my teeth." He set the container down and left._

"_Uh, Daryl!"_

"_Uh, Carol," he aped her._

"_Yes, very mature." She brushed invisible crumbs off the bed. "My child has no father."_

_He chuckled softly, poking his head into the room with the toothbrush in his mouth. "Stop."_

_She laughed._

– – –

She closed the door and finished the last two rooms. She needed to talk to him, but slowly. She didn't want to rush him with the whole story, but he had a right to know. It was their marriage, not hers, and she would tell him everything, no matter what. She had to after that phone call. She really hoped he didn't bring it up right away. She needed time to not think about Ed.

––

"So," T-dog began, "I heard Carol Greene's back."

Daryl didn't even blink. He wiped his oily fingers on his rag and met his eyes. "Yeah, she's back."

"With a four-year-old little girl," he pressed.

"You hear this from Jacqui?" Daryl took a drink of water.

"I'm just sayin'. Y'all split up four, five years ago? She could be yours." He leaned against the car.

"So?" He closed the hood and shrugged. "Don't mean nothin'."

"So, you don't care if that kid's yours?" He eyed Daryl. "Or that maybe Carol came back to be with you?"

"It ain't like that."

"Then what's it like?"

Daryl didn't reply. He honestly didn't know what to say. Why was Carol back? Did she want to reconcile just their relationship? Did she want more? Maybe she lost her house and came back home so Sophia didn't have to sleep on the floor or at a shelter. Maybe someone nutjob was after her—probably that since that phone call. But only Carol truly knew. He'd find out eventually if she was preparing his house and making it ready to be sold.

"I don't wanna see you get hurt," T confessed. "The first time she left, it took us all by surprised. If she plans to leave again, make sure you know."

Daryl gave a slight nod.

"Get back to work." He tossed a wrench at Daryl. "I don't pay you to stand there and look pretty."

Daryl scoffed. "It's my lunch break."

As soon as he said it, Carol walked in. T-dog had to look twice to make sure it was her. She was tall, skinny, and she'd dressed up. Her hair was curled, she wore makeup, and her dress was more than flirty. He felt bad for Daryl. He knew Carol still had his mangled heart in her clutches, but she probably didn't know that, and she was seriously playing with it right now.

"T-dog!" She started to hug him, but he held his hands up, gesturing to the grease on his uniform. "Right. I'll get back you." She smiled and walked over to Daryl. "Ready?"

"Lemme change."

She nodded and waited there while he went to the back and changed. "So," she said to T as he worked, "how have you been?"

"Good. I've been real good. And you?"

"I'm better now. I forgot how much I loved it here. And Sophia—my daughter—loves it here too. I think we're going to stay."

"That a fact?"

"I understand that I pissed you off when I left," she stepped toward him, lowering her voice "and making you swear to me that you'd look after Daryl no matter what was wrong. I should've been looking after him, and I shouldn't have left, but I had my reasons. And I promise I'm not going to do that to him again. We're going to be friends."

He met her eyes. "You don't need to tell me that."

"I know. I just...felt as though I should. You and Daryl are close, so—" she cut off when Daryl entered the room. "Well, it was nice talking to you, but we should go. We have a lot to discuss over lunch."

"Why don't you take the rest of the day off?" T offered. "It's been a slow day anyway."

"Really?" Daryl didn't trust his reasons for giving him the day off.

"Yeah."

"Okay." Daryl turned to her. "Your car or mine?"

"Yours, if you don't mind. I still have luggage in mine."

They left T-dog to finish the Horvath's car, and they went to the Greene Leaf since it was nearby and Daryl always went there for lunch. They weren't pricy and the food was good. They got a seat in the back, Jacqui brought them Daryl's usual drinks and two sandwiches that she made only for Daryl. She gave them a knowing look before leaving.

"So, how bad is it?" He bit into the sandwich.

"Not very." She crossed her legs and pulled out a folder of pictures. "We can do it within a few weeks." She tucked hair behind her ears, moving her plate and showing him the kitchen pictures. "I circled the areas that are fine, but the house hasn't been cleaned properly since...I don't know, the fifties? We never really got around to it, so it's going to be a lot of work."

He nodded, looking over the pictures as she went over them. He glanced over at her as she explained why he needed to re-tile, and he examined her face. Her eyes were accentuated by the makeup she wore, her skin looked so soft but it was her mouth caught his attention. He remembered the taste of her lip gloss. It was always the same kind, and he always tasted that artificial strawberry out of the blue when they were together. She wore a light pink lipstick now.

"I was thinking we could buy a loveseat and a new couch and move the chairs downstairs." She looked at him to see how much he hated that suggestion, but she just found him zoned out and staring at her. "Daryl?"

"Mmm?"

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Not really. I'm tired. Didn't get much sleep last night." He wasn't lying. He'd been up half the night trying to sort out how he felt about Carol being back and what the hell he was going to do if Sophia was his daughter. "Can't this wait? We needa talk."

"Yes, of course."

"Not here."

"Where then?"

"My place. C'mon." He paid for their lunch then drove back to his house. They settled in the kitchen, sitting on stools with the pictures on the counter, but the folder was closed. Carol waited for him to ask her the question, but he didn't start the conversation off that way.

"I started drinkin'," he told her. "I fell back on old habits after you left."

She dropped her eyes, feeling ashamed. "I'm sorry. I honestly never thought I was hurting you." She lifted her head. "We were in a horrible place, and I thought—"

"You thought wrong," he snapped.

"Don't snap at me. I had every reason to believe you didn't want to be with me. You had pull so far away from me, Daryl. I tried to reach you, but...nothing worked." Her eyes filled with tears. "I was hurting too, but I put my pain aside to try and help you with yours."

"Bullshit," he seethed. "You were just as distant as me, if not more! Wouldn't even let me touch you, and you barely looked at me!"

"I was never taught how to cope with the loss of a child! Were you?" she hissed. "I tried my best, and it wasn't enough!"

"Tsk, like you gave it your best! You put more effort into school than our relationship after Ethan!"

"I'm sorry I didn't want to cater to you after **I **had to give birth to our stillborn son. I'm sorry therapy wasn't working or the medications. I'm sorry you were gone, drinking and doing God knows what when I needed you. I'm so—"

"I _really_ hate those words," he growled.

"So do I."

"By the way, Carol, who do you think made me drink?" His eyes might as well have been pitch black as he stared intensely at her. It wasn't a glare, but it burned into her so deep. She wished he was glaring. God, his eyes told a story that made her ache, and she was a part of that horrid story now too.

"What more do you want?" she demanded.

"The truth! Why did you leave? After the show you put on, why?"

"I wanted the best for you, and I thought if I left, you and T would become partners and you would have your focus back. You wouldn't have me and our personal hell at home. I thought I was doing you a favor!" She searched his eyes, trying to see if he understood that.

He scoffed. "Do you even know what you did?"

"Yes, I know." Her eyes followed him as he began to pace, rubbing his jaw. "It was the best way for me to leave things. It was the best way to say goodbye."

"I don't mean you leavin'," he informed her. "I woulda been fine if you hadn't—Tsk. Stupid..."

"If I hadn't what?" She couldn't tell what he was thinking. His eyes were hardened, and his body language was all over the place. Her stomach was tightening. "Daryl, if I hadn't what?"

"You gave me hope," he confessed. "I thought... Hell, I thought we were makin' progress. I thought we were gettin' better."

Her heart sank to her stomach. "Daryl, I—"

"Stop," was all he said before he left the room.

Her eyes burned heavily. Of all the things she thought that night meant, she never thought it meant they were reconciling. She had so many plans and so many things to do the next morning, and she kept focusing on the little things. She couldn't let herself think that _that_ was the first step to trying to make their relationship work again. She always thought they were doomed to have a horrible divorce and forever hate each other. She thought _that_ was the gentlest way to say goodbye. When he came home, he didn't even look at her, and they were barely talking during dinner, and even while they made love, she felt disconnected from him. She thought he felt the same, but...he didn't. He thought they were recovering. How did she not know that? How could she not have known he felt that way?

Her decision to leave was apparently the best choice if she didn't know he felt that way. They weren't who they were before her pregnancy, and they wouldn't be those people again. Her decision really was for the best, even if they both went down horrible paths after. They were home now, and maybe now they would try and make a relationship work. Maybe now they could help each other.

For now, she needed to just go, but only after they talked about the house. She wasn't giving up. They may never have a decent relationship, but at least Daryl's house will be a home. He never had a home permanently, so she owed him that much.

Drying her eyes, she went to his bedroom and knocked. "Daryl?" She put her ear to the door. "Daryl, we need to talk."

He said nothing.

"Do you want my help with the house or not?"

He opened the door, she jumped back in surprise, and he met her eyes. "Yeah, I want your help, just gimme some time."

"If I had known you felt that way, I would've—"

"Don't. If Sophia ain't mine then you're wishin' her away."

She nodded. "I'm so sorry, Daryl."

"Waited five years just for that." He shook his head.

"Not just that," she assured him. "We have more to talk about, but later."

"Much later," he agreed.

"I'm going to look at paint options, and I'll call you." He nodded. "Let me know which ones you like. When you're ready to see me again, of course. I—I won't push." She offered him a small smile.

"Yeah."

She hugged him, he tensed up momentarily then wrapped his arms slowly around her, pulling her closer. He hadn't held her in his arms in so long. He never thought he would again. She fit perfectly against him, and she was warm in his arms. He held her tighter, smelling the coco on her hair and the scent of soap lingered on her skin, and he didn't want to let her go. He'd held in so many emotions for so long. Sooner or later, he was going to erupt.

– – –

_The birds were loudly chirping the next morning, the sun streamed in through the open curtains, and Carol woke to movement. She opened her eyes and found Daryl's looking her over. She sat up as he set his feet on the floor. She saw more scars on his torso, and she made herself not cry. She'd seen Daryl shirtless before, but she'd never seen those scars. Probably because the lights were always off. Her chest ached._

"_What time is it?" Daryl asked, groggy._

"_I don't know. It's past seven, though. Mom opens the curtains in the house when she gets up at seven-thirty."_

_He rubbed his eyes. "What happened?"_

"_Daddy cleaned your wounds and gave you something to ease the pain." She set her feet on the floor and leaned over to look at his face. "You're going to be fine, and these shouldn't scar."_

"_I needa go home."_

"_What?" She prayed she misheard him._

"_I don't like it, but where else am I gonna go?"_

"_Here. My parents said you could stay as long as you need."_

"_I ain't stayin' here."_

"_Why not?"_

"_'Cause it's gonna be weird. Your "daddy" don't even like me, and your mom's just too damn sweet to throw me out 'cause I'm injured."_

"_No cussin' in the house," Annette told Daryl, entering with a tray of breakfast food. She set it down on the table beside him then dug through the drawers. "These oughta fit. They're Shawn's. He never wears them." She set out a red plaid shirt and brown pants. "If you need anything, Carol can get it for you. I have work to do."_

"_Thanks, Mom."_

"_Thank you, Mrs. Greene."_

"_Call me Annette." She kissed Carol's forehead. "Happy birthday, pretty girl."_

_Carol smiled and blushed. "Thanks."_

_Her mom left the room, Carol picked up the glass of orange juice from the tray since her mom had brought two, and she peered out the window,  
seeing Otis and Patricia helping her father. Maggie and Beth were probably in school right now. Carol was glad her mom didn't ask her if she was going today. She really didn't want to go and deal with other people today._

"_Shit, shit, shit, shit," Daryl cussed under his breath._

"_You love breaking that rule." She smiled and leaned against the windowsill. "What is it?"_

"_I forgot today was your birthday." He pinched the bridge of his nose._

"_That's okay." Carol could hear the disappointment in her voice. She walked over to the door and opened it. "You should eat and get changed. I'll see you later." She drank the orange juice on the way to her room then took a long shower and got dressed. She returned to Daryl's room. He was buttoning up his shirt, and since the tray was gone, he'd taken it back after eating. That was sweet of him. _

"_May I come in?" She leaned in the doorway._

"_'Course."_

_She closed the door behind her. "I think we need to talk."_

"_You think?"_

"_I know." She remained standing."Why didn't you tell me you were being abused by your father?"_

"_Why should I have told you? It was _**my**_ problem."_

_She swallowed. "Daryl, we have been dating for two years, but I've known you longer than that, so your problems become **our** problems."_

"_How the hell was I supposed to tell you? On your birthday? On a holiday? At school? You don't tell nobody somethin' like this and expect—" He cut off, sighing and shaking his head._

"_Expect what?" she demanded. "Don't stop. Expect what?"_

"_Expect everythin' to be same!" He shot up. "You woulda actin' different around me, treated me different."_

_She didn't say anything._

"_It was my problem. I was handlin' it."_

"_Your entire body is covered in scars, isn't it?" she whispered._

"_Who's ain't? Mine are just visible."_

"_How long has this been going on?"_

"_Tsk, I don't know." He rubbed his jaw. Too goddamn long._

"_I can't tell you what to do—no one can—but I think you should press charges."_

_He narrowed his eyes at her._

"_What he did was wrong, and he had no reason to do it."_

"_Lemme deal with my problems."_

_She sighed and shook her head now. "If you really want to be left alone with **your** problems then so be it. I have chores."_

_He watched her leave and rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. He waited until he heard the backdoor shut then met Shawn at the front door. _

"_Was pissing her off really necessary?" Shawn asked._

"_To get her off my back, yeah, it was."_

"_You'll never tell me what're you planning, so this better be worth it. She's still my little sister." Shawn slid him Maggie's car keys. "Be careful."_

_Daryl gave a nod and left just as Carol reentered the house. She couldn't find any shoes, not even her work boots that were left outside. What the hell?_


	8. Crashed

She wanted to bash her head into the steering wheel. She never should have invited Beth to come with her and Sophia in search of a decent preschool. Maggie was working on her aim with Rick today and Shawn had a job with some family who wanted "his touch" for their family photos. Hershel and Otis had to tend to the farm today, so Beth it was. Beth and her singing. God, where was the booze?

"Okay, let's try here." She parked and got out.

"Here?" Sophia peered out the window.

"Yeah, here." She opened the door and unbuckled her.

"Carol!"

"Oh, God." She ducked automatically, but she saw where the voice came from and smiled. "Oh, my God!" She set Sophia down and ran to hug Amy Horvath. "Amy!"

"How have you been?" Amy was the exact same girl, only she was woman now with longer hair and a more mature body and an infectious smile.

"I've been really well recently."

"I'm glad."

"How have you been? And Andrea?"

"Andrea's the same powerhouse as always. She's probably out of town for work." She tucked hair behind her ear. "As for me, I've been...okay."

"That's not a happy okay."

"No, I guess it's not."

"Why?" Beth was holding Sophia since the puddles on the ground could swallow her.

"Who's this?" Amy smiled at Sophia. "You are just the cutest little thing."

Sophia returned her smile, blushing. "I'm Sophia."

"My daughter," Carol added. "Beth, could you take her inside? I'll be right behind you."

"Sure." Beth smiled at Amy before leaving.

"What happened?" Carol searched her eyes.

"A lot." She shook her head. "Why don't we have lunch tomorrow? My treat, of course."

"I'd love that."

"Here's my number." She grabbed a pen out of her pocket and wrote it on Carol's hand. "Are you going to enroll Sophia here?"

"Maybe. I haven't decided."

"You should. They're really great here, and I work here too."

"You do?" Carol's eyebrows rose. "Wow."

"For almost two years now." She stepped back. "I have to get back inside, but don't hesitate to call if you have any questions."

Carol nodded.

"Mom?" A little girl with curly brown hair and blue eyes waited in a uniform by the door. She was almost the same age as Sophia, if not older.

"Paige, honey, I told you to wait with Jeanette."

"Come with me."

"I have to go." She turned and went to her daughter.

That little girl looked just like Amy, only with different yet very familiar hair. Carol cleared her head and went inside to meet the principal. Beth was already talking to her, and Beth seemed to like her. Carol had the same opinion by the time they were done, and Carol had butt load of paperwork to fill out. At least she didn't have anything to do until lunch tomorrow. She might as well get used to it. She'd be filling out paperwork for school for the next fourteen years.

––

Carol looked over the paperwork at midnight having taken a late shower and drank too much coffee. Sophia was curled up against her pillows, snuggling Dee Dee, and occasionally kicking Carol. It kept her awake as she read over the dress code and school rules. They were just as boring as ever.

She lied down, her legs and head hanging off the bed. She closed her eyes and wondered what Amy had gotten into after Carol left town. Amy was always the troublemaker of the Horvaths. Andrea was goody-goody, but only to get what she wanted. Amy had done that too, but the last time Carol had heard about Amy, she had dropped out of school. It nearly killed Andrea and their parents, but she went back after a few weeks. Carol wondered how much trouble she'd gotten into over the past few years.

She sat up, hearing a knock on the door. She dragged herself downstairs, tugging her robe tighter around her, and she tucked wet hair behind her ear, peering out the window. She frowned and opened the door, finding a completely wasted Maggie.

"What the hell are you doing?" Carol softly exclaimed.

"Celebrating."

"Oh, God." She covered her nose in hopes of blocking the hot, stale smell of alcohol coming out of Maggie's mouth. "Celebrating what?"

"My job, silly." Maggie threw herself at Carol, hugging her. "I'm so happy you're back."

"Yeah, me too." She moved her arm around Maggie's waist, kicking the door shut gently. "Easy, sit." She helped her sit down. "Stay."

Maggie nodded.

Carol got her a bottle of water and silently returned, opening it. "Congratulations on the job, Mag."

"And your whoring around." Maggie drank from the bottle.

"What?" Carol bent down in front of her, removing her boots. "You're slurring, Mag."

"Stop, I can take my own damn boots off." She kicked at Carol's hands.

"Fine." She stood up. "Happy?"

"You're a little slut. Whorin' around with college guys and gettin' knocked up after abandoning Daryl." She shrugged. "He was so sweet too, but now he's an ass 'cause of...y-o-u!"

Carol frowned.

"Did you know... Did you know that he got shot?" She made a gun with her hand. "Pow! Grazed his head."

"What?" Carol gasped.

"Yeah. Some drug thing, but he made it. If he hadn't, it'd have been all your fault. Shawn was right. You _are_ a selfish bitch."

"You're drunk. Let's get you in bed. Dad's gonna kill you if he finds out." Carol hauled her up and helped her up the stairs. Maggie was skinny, but she was almost all muscle now. She was heavy, and Carol had a hard time maneuvering her toward her bedroom.

Maggie stumbled out of Carol's grip and hit a wall, and Carol winced. "Has this wall always been here?" Maggie pushed off it.

"Yes, it has." Shawn flicked the light on, and they froze. "Ladies. What are you doing?"

Carol was about to explain when Maggie suddenly passed out. "Maggie!" She dropped to her knees. "Mag? Maggie?"

"Aaaand, she's out cold." He gripped her arm and scooped her up. "She's heavier than she looks. Help me with the door."

Carol opened it, Shawn carried Maggie inside and set her on the bed, and Carol removed Maggie's shoes, setting them beside her bed. Shawn grabbed her trashcan and placed it beside her, and they left the room, closing the door silently.

"Thanks, Shawn, and I'm sorry we woke you up."

"I was already up. Hey, c'mere." He led her to his bedroom, and they sat down on his bed, looking at his laptop. "I took a few shots of the munchkin the other day. What do you think?"

Carol looked over the picture of Sophia around the farm and Sophia and Beth at the piano, Sophia and Beth in the barn, Sophia and Beth with the horses, and Sophia and Maggie on the horses. They were all lovely, and Sophia looked so happy. Beth was smiling in all of the pictures, obviously enjoying the time she spent with Sophia. Maggie did too, but there was something in her eye that made Carol wonder. It had been spoken only moments ago as well. "I love them. They're really good."

"Thanks, kid." He knocked his shoulder into hers. "I'm gonna need some of you and Sophia."

"Why?"

"It's a surprise."

"I look horrible in pictures." She shook her head. "I'll probably break your camera."

He frowned.

"I have paperwork to finish up for Sophia."

"What's wrong?" He studied her.

"Tired." She rubbed her shoulder. "It's been a long day."

"You may have been gone for nearly five years, but I know my sister. Something's bothering you."

"It's just..." She shook her head. "Forget about it."

"Carol, it's me. I'm relentless. Tell me now or forever be bugged."

"Do you think I'm a slut?"

"Should I die of laughing now or later?" He smirked, but he could see she was serious. "Carol, you've only been with two guys, and you married both of them. No, you're not. Why do you think that?"

"Daryl and Maggie both have called me a slut."

"Okay, Maggie's wasted, and she never means anything she says drunk. Daryl was pissed. You know how he gets."

"Shawn, I—" Her shoulders began to shake as tears burned in her eyes.

"Carol?" He felt his chest tighten. "Don't cry, kid."

"I—I'm so sorry."

He closed his laptop and pulled her into a hug. "It's all right. Whatever it is, it's all right." He felt dreadful, responsible. He knew he wasn't, but he had always blamed himself when Carol cried. He was her big brother. He was supposed to protect her, and he'd been on double duty since their father died. Hershel was a great father, but Shawn felt like he had to look out for her even more. He owed it to her and their father.

"No, it's not all right." She cried deeply. She cried for what she did to Daryl, what Ed had done to her and Sophia, what she'd done to make it back home and for Ethan. She had been holding it in for so long, trying not to fully breakdown. She wanted to make sure Sophia was safe at all cost, and now she was, but there were so many things wrong. She'd hurt so many people. Perhaps what Ed did to her was her punishment. Maybe she did deserve all of it. She'd caused Daryl to get shot, to fall back on habits that he spent years getting out of, and she'd given him false hope on top of it all. She worried her family, put her mother in the hospital, and now her sister hates her. And why shouldn't she? Carol was a disgusting person who lived a life she didn't deserve.

"What happened to you, kid?" Shawn asked her when she'd stopped crying hysterically.

"Nothing I didn't deserve," she mumbled, feeling fresh tears in her eyes. "I'm going to make some tea and go to bed."

"Talk to me, Carol." He smiled at her reassuringly. "I'm your big brother, and now that we're not tearing each other apart, I'm here for you."

"You shouldn't be."

He frowned.

"Good night." She practically ran out of his room. She went to her bathroom and sat on the floor, crying into her arms so Sophia wouldn't hear her and wake up. She just felt empty, but the pain that clung to her chest felt eternal. All the damage she did, all of the little things she didn't do. Sophia didn't deserve to be exposed to Ed, even if he was her father, but maybe she deserved it.

Around seven, Sophia woke up out of habit. She used to watch cartoons with Karen's brother, Noah, before the babysitter came over. She saw her mom wasn't in bed, but she noticed the bathroom door was open a little and the light was on.

"Mommy?" She pushed the door open.

Carol was on the floor, curled up on the bathmat. Her eyes were puffy, and Sophia knew she'd probably thrown up once or twice. Sophia used to cringe at night when she'd hear her Mom crying and getting sick after **he** calmed down. She wondered what happened, because **he** wasn't around.

Silently, Sophia crawled into the small hole Carol had made with her arms in her sleep, and Carol snuggled closer to the warmth, burying her face in Sophia's hair. Sophia could see the scar on her mom's arm, and she buried her face in the soft material of her mom's robe.

"It's okay," Sophia whispered. "It'll be okay, Mommy."

– – –

Daryl brought a cigarette to his lips, taking a deep drag from it and sighing, exasperated. He had a half-empty bottle of whiskey beside him, a glass with two melting ice cubes in his hand. He'd been thinking about Carol for two days now. It was his day off, and he hadn't left his house after calling the only person he had left to turn to in his life.

"Man, that is some shit." Merle leaned against the wall, arms crossed.

"The hell am I gonna do if she's mine?" Daryl gazed down at the drink he hadn't touched.

"What do you wanna do?"

"Raise her right. I ain't gonna be a bystander. If she's my daughter, I'm gonna be there."

"Sounds like your mind's made up."

"Reckon so."

"Go get her then."

"It ain't gonna be like that, Merle."

"Why not?"

"You know why." Daryl pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Ethan, hmm?"

"Yeah. She won't even talk 'bout him."

"You don't either."

"Why should I? He ain't alive. Everything I pictured ain't ever gonna happen. Got the damn touch of death." He leaned back. "It's all screwed up."

"Stop bein' a pussy. Just talk to her, get this sorted."

He sighed. "It ain't that easy, brother."

"Nothin' is anymore."

Hours later, Daryl was alone in his room, staring at the ceiling, a pack of cigarettes lay empty beside him, the glass of whiskey watered down on his nightstand, and Merle's words still lingered. He didn't know how to handle this. He'd never had to deal with anything like this before. He was used to being nobody, a nothing in a crowd of bastards and assholes. Now he might be a father to a child that was alive. How the hell was he supposed to handle that?

––

"_That's the spine," the fill-in ultrasound technician, Lilly, told them with a smile. "The heart."_

_Carol was watching the screen with such fascination, her fingers laced through Daryl's, and Daryl was just watching the screen. Annette was tearing up at the first official sight of first grandchild, and Beth was just trying not to jump up and down at the fact that she was an aunt to a little boy or girl. They were more excited than Carol and Daryl both. _

"_Would you like to know the sex?" Lilly asked Carol and Daryl._

"_Yes," Beth whispered into Carol's ear. "Yes, yes, yes."_

"_Beth," Annette scolded._

"_Uhh, do you wanna know?" Carol looked at Daryl. _

"_Nah." _

"_Oh, come on!" Beth whined._

"_That's it. Scoot." Annette gently pushed Beth out of the room. "So sorry."_

_Daryl peered at the door then back at Lilly. "Yeah, we wanna know."_

_She smiled. "It's a boy."_

"_A boy?" Carol slowly smiled. "We're having a boy."_

_Daryl's lips twitched in that I-want-smile-but-won't way. "Ethan Dixon."_

"_Ethan?" Lilly asked, having known Carol since she was a little. "That's sweet."_

"_Thanks." She looked at the screen, and her eyes burned._

"_No, no, no. You promised, Carol." Daryl hated when she did this. He had no idea what the hell was he supposed to do, and he felt like an ass when she did cry. _

"_I'm sorry."_

_Lilly handed Carol a tissue and let Annette and Beth come back inside, Beth wanted to the sonogram, and Annette hugged Carol, kissing her temple, and Daryl was trying to figure out how he was going to avoid going to those childbirth classes Annette suggested they go to since Carol didn't want to hear Annette talk about it. He was supportive, and he wanted the baby, but he had a limit on Beth. She wanted to tag along to everything, and he was about to kill her._

_Daryl glanced over the sonogram while Carol said goodbye to Beth and Annette, leaning against the car._

"_If you need help with anything, you can check me out of school any time," Beth assured her._

"_Likely." Carol turned to her mom. "I'll be over for breakfast next week, and yes, I am taking care of myself. I'm not stupid."_

"_I only worry." _

"_I'm fine. Daryl's more than capable."_

"_All right." She hugged her daughter. "I'll see you tomorrow for class. When is Daryl going to attend?"_

"_Six months from never," Beth guessed._

"_Car. Now." Carol pointed to it._

"_Fine." She set a hand on Carol's baby bump than ran to the car._

"_Does she take drugs?" Carol honestly wanted to know._

"_Go home and rest. You look tired."_

"_I will. Tell Dad and Mag I love and miss them." She started to turn. "Oh, and please, please, please, please keep Beth home next time."_

"_She hid in the truck!" Annette whispered._

"_Oh, God." _

"_I'll call you tomorrow." She waved to Daryl._

_She shook her head and walked over to Daryl. "So, Dad or Daddy?"_

"_Mmm?" He lifted his head. _

"_What do you want Ethan to call you? Dad or Daddy?" She rested her hands on his hips. "Pop?"_

"_Pfft."_

"_Oh, even better Papa?"_

"_Stop."_

_She laughed. "Well, you're gonna have to decide soon."_

"_Lemme think 'bout it." He shoved the picture into his back pocket. "Hungry?"_

"_That explains it now." She pointed a finger at him. "That's why I only want meat. It's that damn male Dixon eating gene. It's a gene, because you all have it."_

_He snorted. "All?"_

"_I saw Mason." She averted her eyes._

"_What?" he growled. "Why didn't you tell me?"_

"_Because I knew you'd look at me like that." She sighed. "Don't get angry."_

"_Did he see you?" Daryl demanded. "Did you talk to him?"_

"_No?"_

"_Carol!" _

"_Calm down." She glanced over as a couple looked over at them. "Nothing happened. He was at the diner where Shawn and I had lunch. We didn't talk, but he saw me. It's hard not to. He...made comments, but it's nothing I couldn't handle."_

_Daryl searched her eyes. "Where's Shawn?"_

"_Working. Freelance photography and all."_

"_I got one rule, and that's stay the hell away from that bastard." He unlocked the door. _

"_Nothing happened," Carol insisted. _

"_Get in."_

_She sighed, but walked around and got in the car. They didn't talk on the way home. Daryl was fuming. He didn't want his dad to know about Carol or their marriage or their baby. He wanted that fucker out of his life. He didn't want him to know about the baby, but unless his father was shitfaced—and blind—he knew Carol was pregnant. Daryl was going to deal with him. He wasn't going to have his father lingering over his life anymore. He was tired of it. He was going to be a good father to his son, so he needed to deal with his father now._

_At the house, Carol unbuckled her seat belt and opened the door, noticing that Daryl wasn't moving. She could see he was tense, his jaw was clenched, and he wasn't getting out of the car. She had a bad feeling about his—everything, but she doubted she could talk him out of it._

"_Aren't you coming inside?" She eyed him. _

"_I'm gonna pick up dinner. Go and lie down."_

"_You're lying. You're always tense when you're lying." She frowned. "You're going to see Mason. Daryl, please don't."_

_A muscle in his jaw jumped._

"_Daryl, you don't have to prove anything. I know you love me and our son and—"_

"_Carol, just go inside. I'll be right back."_

_She exhaled, but got out of the car. "I love you, Daryl. Be home soon, okay?"_

_He nodded._

_She closed the door and went inside. She leaned against the door and sighed, closing her eyes and praying. She hoped that went well. She didn't want him to get arrested or be beaten to pulp in an alley. She just wanted him to come home._

– – –

_Carol heard noises coming from the baby's room, and she saw it was eleven 'o clock in the morning. She stood up and walked down the hall to see what was going on. She didn't worry about someone breaking and entering since the neighbor's dog barked at anyone that moved, and if there was anything worth stealing, she'd help the damn burglar look for it. It had to be Daryl._

_She found the room had been painted the perfectly light-dark balance green they agreed on, but there were piles of wood lying everywhere. "What...the hell?" She stepped over wood. "Daryl, what is all—" She saw what he was doing, and she stared._

_He had bits and pieces of wood lying around, but put together they made up a crib. Not just any crib, not some fancy crap they couldn't afford, but a handcrafted crib. _

"_Daryl?"_

_He stood up. "I woke you."_

"_No, no. Well, technically yes." She looked over the room. "What are you doing?"_

"_Couldn't sleep. I—just...had to let off some steam, figured I'd use it to do this."_

"_Make a crib?" She slowly smiled. "You know to make a crib?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_That's...incredible! I had no idea." She smiled. "How long have you been up?"_

"_All night. I haven't been to sleep yet."_

"_Aren't you tired?" She tucked hair behind her ear. _

"_Nah."_

"_Well, how did it go with your—er, Mason?"_

_He shrugged. "You oughta get somethin' to eat."_

"_Daryl, tell me." She met his eyes, worried he might have done something he shouldn't have. "What happened?"_

"_Don't worry 'bout it, Carol." He climbed over the pieces of wood and took her hand. "C'mon."_

"_Wait, wait."_

"_Nothin' happened. He was drunk, passed out."_

"_No, I just want to look at this." She gestured to room. "You did this...for our baby." _

_He dropped his head, embarrassed. "It's n—"_

"_Really sweet and amazing," she finished. "I love it. I love you."_

_He half-smiled._

"_Okay, now we can eat."_

– – –

Daryl woke to his alarm blaring, and he groaned, not wanting to wake. He didn't want to deal with Carol and this new load of shit. He would rather it all go away, but it wasn't that easy. Carol wasn't alone. She had a four-year-old noisy bomb that could blow up his entire world with one little test.

And why the hell now? Why was Carol back in town after five years? She didn't know that Annette was sick and was only getting worse as days went by, so she wasn't back to offer support and possibly some new doctor. She didn't know about Maggie's career or how well she was doing for a newbie, so she wasn't back to give congratulations. She wasn't back for Beth. She was so sure Beth hated her, and after everything that happened with them, she probably still believed that. The only thing wrong with Hershel was his wife's health, and again, Carol didn't know. Hell, she didn't even care enough to leave them any notice when she left, so they _really_ had **nothing** to do with her returning. If she tells him they're her reason for returning, he was going to laugh in her face. It was utter bullshit, and she basically thought of him as a dumbass for even considering that to be true.

The other reason was she's lying about not knowing who Sophia's father is. She knows that Sophia's his daughter, and for some reason grew a conscience and decided he had a right to know his daughter. However the reason he and Carol grew apart was because of losing Ethan, so why would she run away after discovering she was pregnant? That made no sense to him. If they were having a child, why run? She probably struggled through college after having Sophia, if she hadn't dropped out after giving birth, so going to school was a shitty excuse. Did she think he couldn't handle it if she lost the baby? Did she think he wasn't going to be a good father? Was he not good enough for her anymore? Did she find him worthless as well?

Maybe she really doesn't know who Sophia's father is.

He sat up. Yeah, right, she knew. Carol always knew everything that was going on in her life, and there was no way she didn't know who the father of her daughter is. She was just sucking the life out of him again.

He stumbled downstairs after taking a long shower to clear his head. He buttoned his shirt, wondering if he had time to grab a bite to eat before going to work. He grabbed a cup from the cabinet and groaned when he stepped on something sharp, cursing.

He dug the piece of glass out of his foot. It was the same glass Sophia had broken days ago. He saw his phone on the counter and tossed the glass into the sink, picking up his phone and calling the Greene's home phone, and Shawn picked up.

"If you're awkward and you know, clap your hands," he answered.

"Tsk, asshole."

"Okay, what do you want? I'm busy."

"Is Carol there?"

"No. She had a lunch date."

"A lunch date?"

"Yeah, someone named Horvath. I don't know. I stopped eavesdropping on her and Beth when they got boring. Shoe talk or maybe nails." He paused. "You wanna leave a message?"

"Tell her to come by tomorrow around noon."

"All right. I gotta go meet Morgan. Have a good day. Make good choices."

Daryl hung up and sighed. No matter what his feelings toward Carol were, he felt something with that little girl. A connection or something that he couldn't get out of his head. If she wasn't his kid, why did he feel like this? Like he...knew her, like...he had to protect her. He had to know why, because if she was his, that meant all of the mistakes he made in his life had a reason.

"Sophia Dixon," he murmured. It had a nice ring to it.

– – –

Carol met Amy with Sophia, luckily Paige was there too, and they all went to lunch. Amy wanted to know how Carol was since leaving town, and as much as Carol wanted to tell her, she couldn't. She lied and told her a shoddy version of the truth. She didn't want anyone to know, but she'd really come close to telling Shawn. Without having something to keep her busy, her mind wondered back to Ed and their marriage. In those five short years, all the hell he managed to force onto her... She just had to keep swallowing it. She had no choice. If she told anyone then they would know. They would look at her like she was broken, and they'd wonder if she needed help to deal with it. She didn't want that. She just wanted everything to go back to normal, and maybe it would. Ed didn't know about her family and the only name he had was useless, so maybe they were safe.

Amy moved a lock of hair out of her mouth that the wind blew into her face, her other hand curled around her cup of tea. "Sophia is really sweet."

"So is Paige."

The girls were playing across the street with puppies Tyreese was trying to sell.

Amy was beaming. "She's the best thing that happened to me."

"Yeah, so is Sophia." Carol laced her fingers together. "How old is she?"

"She'll be five in about two week." Amy didn't look at her.

Carol was stunned. Amy wasn't a child, but to have a five-year-old at her age was ridiculous. She didn't want to lecture Amy until she had the whole story. Paige was beautiful and happy from what Carol could see, but God, Amy was only sixteen when she got pregnant. Why didn't Andrea tell her about that? Or Dale, for that matter. Dale was very close with Carol's fathers, so why didn't she know?

_Probably, because you weren't in town_, her mind hissed at her.

"Don't judge me, please," Amy's voice was small.

"I'm not worthy to judge anybody," Carol assured her.

She lifted her eyes. "I was so messed up back then. You have no idea how bad it was." There were tears in her minty green eyes.

Carol gripped her hand. "We all have our mistakes. No one gets to go through life without them."

"Dale and Andrea and my parents have done everything to keep this buried. Reputation is everything to them." Amy squeezed Carol's hand. "Well, not Andrea. She was just there for me."

"I'm here for you too, Amy."

"I know I can trust you. Andrea always talked about how she trusted you more than anybody."

Carol frowned. She knew that look, and she wondered if Amy had gone through something similar to what she went through. "Have you—been alone all this time?"

"Since Paige was born," Amy nodded. "I sometimes talk to Andrea over the phone, and Dale...sends money, but I never cash the checks."

"Are you all right? Do you have somewhere to stay?"

"Yeah, of course. I work my ass off to provide for her! I am not a bad mother! Don't you dare—"

"Amy, Amy, Amy! Stop. I'm not calling you a bad mother." Carol eyed her.

"I—I need to go." She tucked hair behind her ears.

"You don't have to."

"No, I—I do." She grabbed her purse and dug out money to pay for their lunch, not caring that she overpaid. She hurried across the street, a car almost hit her, and she apologized then left with Paige.

"Amy!" Carol tried to go after her, but Amy was walking too fast, and there were too many cars. She took the extra money and left a tip. She would give Amy the money when she saw her again. She shouldered her purse and looked up, and that's when the world should've **stopped.**

"Mommy!"

"Sophia!"

The screams filled the air, blood seeped onto the hot concrete, and Carol's purse was lay on the ground, the contents spilling out.

––

_Daryl plopped down on the sofa in his trailer, dying from the boiling heat. He was tempted to lie down in a freezer. He heard the door open as Carol came inside. She removed her cardigan that felt like a sweater in this heat, leaving her in a camisole. This is what happens when Andrea asks you over for a dinner that turns into an impromptu sleepover._

"_How do you survive this heat in this tin can?" Carol set her cardigan down on the table, gathering her hair and waving her hand by her face to produce air. It wasn't working in this suffocating heat._

"_Like this." He reached over and flicked on a fan that was beside him. "Better than nothin'."_

_She wasn't really dying. She was used to it, and apparently so was he. She climbed onto his lap and buried her face in his strong chest. "Good night."_

"_Why're you tryin' to kill me?"_

_She giggled and sat up, meeting his eyes, very serious. "Look, my birthday's tomorrow, and I really would like for you to come."_

_He ran his index finger along the scar on her forearm."Hershel ain't gonna like it."_

"_I don't care." She grasped his cheeks. "Daryl, I love you, and I want you there. It's my birthday, and he can just deal with it."_

_He half-smiled. "I'll try."_

_She smiled and kissed him, slipping her fingers into his thick hair. She didn't want her father to control her life. She loved him, but she was getting too old for him to lead her down his path. She had her own path, and Daryl was who she wanted to walk down it with. She would have to find a way to explain it to him. She had too many speeches to deliver, but with Daryl, she didn't mind. He was her first and always._

_He grasped her hips and pulled her closer, kissing her deeper. He could feel her hands drifting from his hair down to his shirt and the skin underneath. He wasn't ready to tell Carol, and they both weren't ready for that next step, no matter what their bodies wanted. He wanted their first time to be special, not in the living room of his dingy trailer. He still was trying to figure out how to tell her about his scars without making her go on a rampage or cry her eyes out. He had to protect her from his father._

_A chill ran down Daryl's spine, and he tensed when he heard tire on rocks outside. His father was home early. Why? The only reason for his father being home late is that asshole got fired for drinking on the job. _

_Daryl grabbed Carol's hands. "Stop. Carol, stop it."_

"_What?" She thought he was being playful._

"_No, get up." _

"_Why?" She studied his face, the fear that was appearing there. "Daryl, what is—?"_

_But it was too late. It was **far** too late. In came five foot eleven, graying dark hair and stubble, anger-filled blue eyes Mason Dixon. His cold eyes settled immediately on Daryl and Carol, and he erupted, his voice booming more than Merle's ever had when caught them like this._

"_What the hell are you doin'?!"_

"_Nothin'," Daryl quickly replied, trying to explain, trying to be rational, hoping he wasn't drunk—not that it mattered anymore. _

_He grabbed Carol by her elbow so hard she winced, and he ripped her away from his son. "You goddamn bastard," he spat at Daryl. "This bitch could get pregnant! You ever think about that?"_

_Daryl said nothing._

"_Get your hands off me!" Carol hissed, glaring. "Who the hell are you to talk to anybody like that?"_

_His eyes flashed, and Daryl knew that look. He smacked Carol across the face so hard she fell, and he began to undo his belt. "I'll show you who the fuck I am."_

"_No!" Daryl threw himself over Carol just as his dad's belt sliced into his skin, and he protected her. Carol felt every lash of the belt jolt through Daryl, tears burned in her eyes as Daryl's grip on her grew tighter and tighter as the belt hit him harder and harder, and neither of them could move. Her heart was tightening more than Daryl's grip as he was held her against him, leaving her helpless._

_When it was over, Mason spat on Daryl's back and rubbed it in with his boot. He dropped the belt on the chair, grabbed a beer and sat down on the couch, turning on the TV._

_Carol shuddered and tears fell from her eyes, and she let out a small panicked breath, because Daryl wasn't moving. She sniffed and slowly moved, Daryl released his grip, and she sat back, looking at him. He was pale, sweat coated his forehead, and he was wincing. She saw his shirt was turning red, and she looked at his back. Blood covered his back, there were holes in his shirt from how hard his father had beaten him, and Carol saw blood on the belt. Old and new blood._

"**You son of a bitch!**_" Carol grabbed the belt and went for him, but Daryl grabbed her and pulled her away. "_**You're the bastard!**_" she screamed. "_**I hope you choke on that beer!**_"_

_Daryl hauled her out of the house as Mason chuckled, Carol was still screaming at him, and if they didn't live so far away from everyone else, she would've gotten the cops called on them. "Carol!" He released her and gripped her shoulders. "Carol, stop it!"_

_She looked at him and the angry vanished. "You need medical attention." She wiped her eyes. "I'll take you to the hospital."_

"_No."_

"_Then let Daddy look at you. You're not getting out of this. Those are gashes, Daryl! Gashes!"_

"_No, I'm fine."_

"_No, you're not! I'm not taking no for an answer anyway. You're going to let Daddy see you. Get in the car." She opened the door. "Do you need a pillow or blanket? I have some in the truck. Hold on." She unlocked the truck and grabbed the blanket and pillow. She covered the seat with the blanket and held out the pillow. "Here. Get in." She hurried to the driver's side and got in once Daryl was seated. _

_She drove quickly back to her house, running inside and calling to her father and Shawn. They helped Daryl inside, even with him protesting, and Hershel took him to the guest bedroom. Maggie got the first aid kit, Beth stared in horror, and Annette took the kit and told Maggie to stay with her sisters. Carol stood outside the door, still hearing the lashing of the belt and Daryl's pained groans at her ear. She started shaking as her emotions overwhelmed her and fell back against the wall and slid down onto the floor. She pulled her legs to her chest and sobbed. _

_Maggie sat beside Carol and put her arm around her, pulling her close, and Beth took the empty space on Carol's left, taking Carol's hand and holding it in both of hers. They said nothing, just let Carol cry, and they comforted her. They didn't know what happened, but whatever happened must've been horrifying. Those marks on Daryl's back—the blood and his vacant eyes. God._

_Carol knew Daryl had a rough life, because of his father's drinking problem and what little income they had, but she never once thought it was **that** bad. She never thought his father would ever put his hands or belt or anything on Daryl like that. And he was enjoying it. How could he do such a horrible thing to his son and laugh about it? Why would he do that? _**How**_ could he do that? Carol never could've imagined that's why Daryl never wanted to leave her house or school. She thought it was Merle teasing Daryl like he used to. God, she was so wrong. She was so stupid too. How did she not see it? He'd changed so much, flinched every time she touched him lightly anywhere. Was she hurting him? Is that why he always tried to make sure she never hugged him from behind? How could she have been so blind? All the signs were there. How did she not see them? She was a dumbass._

_Once Hershel was almost done, Annette left the guest bedroom and found her girls curled up on the floor. Carol was resting on Maggie's lap, her legs on Beth's, and Maggie was stroking her hair, probably trying to get her to sleep, but her eyes were glassy and staring off into space. She wished Carol didn't have to see whatever it was she saw. _

_Annette lowered herself down onto her knees and set a hand on Carol's rosy cheek. "Carol? Honey?"_

_Her eyes oh-so slowly moved to her mother's face. "Is he okay?"_

"_He's fine. He's resting. Your dad gave him something to ease the pain, and it put him to sleep."_

_Carol closed her eyes. "Thank God."_

"_Girls, why don't you and Shawn finish peeling the potatoes for dinner?"_

"_But—" Beth started to protest._

"_Go."_

_Carol pushed herself into a sitting position, Maggie and Beth left with Shawn, and Annette grasped Carol's cheeks, wiping away the tears that fell. Carol told her what happened with Daryl's father and how Daryl protected her from being beaten. Annette was glad Daryl had protected her, but she wished neither Daryl nor Carol both had been exposed to that._

"_I should've done **something**," Carol softly said._

"_What could you have possibly done?"_

"_Protected him!" _

"_Oh, my sweet girl." Annette pulled Carol into her arms and held her. "I know you think you could've done something, but there was nothing you could've done. What happened was not your fault. It was the fault of a bad godless man."_

"_He's suffering, because I was stupid. He was beaten for my mistake." Her eyes filled with fresh tears. "He was bleeding so badly."_

"_Sweetheart, Daryl is going to heal. He'll scar, but he will heal. What are you going to do?"_

_Carol looked into her mother's eyes. "What do you mean?"_

"_You're an intelligent young woman," Annette tucked hair behind Carol's ear, "you'll figure it out."_

_Carol sniffed._

"_Dry your eyes, pretty girl." Annette smiled warmly at her. "Your father's done, so go and check on Daryl. He may not be conscious, but he'll know you're there."_

_Hershel stepped out of the room, looking down at Carol and Annette, seeing just how red Carol's eyes were, the tear stains down her cheeks, and he helped them stand up. He gave Carol a tight hug then he and Annette went to help the girls and Shawn with dinner. _

_Carol paced outside the guest bedroom, not entirely sure she could go in there. She wanted to see him, and she wanted to tell him how brave he was and how sorry she was, but she didn't know how to say any of it. She didn't want to thank him for taking a beating he didn't deserve. God, how was she supposed to do this? She'd never had to do this before. She never expected to. Daryl had always been distant, but he would never hide this from her. It had to be only recent. It had to be._

_She took a deep breath in and entered the room. Daryl was on his stomach, face toward the walls, and his breathing was even. His back was covered with bandages, and she expected that. What she hadn't expected made tears burn in her eyes again, and she felt sick and breathless._

_The places that weren't covered with white bandages held aged scars from past beatings. This had been going on for a lot longer than Carol had hoped. From the look of them, they were probably three or four years old. He'd been hiding this for almost as long as Carol knew him, but why only recent had he shown signs of the abuse? Or had she only noticed recently? Why didn't he tell her? Why didn't he trust her? He may be the man, but in a relationship, both man and woman are supposed to protect each other. Why didn't he trust her to protect him? Damn it, Daryl._

_She climbed onto the bed gently, careful to avoid the bandages and she hovered over him, leaving only a small space between her front and his back. She nuzzled her face into the crook of his shoulder. He smelled now of disinfectant and faintly of blood. She smoothed back his messy hair and placed a kiss behind his ear. "Listen to me, Daryl Dixon," she spoke softly, "and listen good. I am more than your girlfriend—I am your best friend, and I would rather die than see you like this. When you wake up, we're going to have a very long talk, because I love you."_

_She sat back and looked him over. She didn't want to leave his side, but her parents wouldn't let her stay in here if that meant not eating dinner. They were really strict about not skipping meals. She wasn't sure if she could eat. Her stomach had been weak ever since they left Daryl's place. She could force a few bites down then come back._

_Carol squeezed Daryl's hand before getting up and joining her family for dinner. They all looked surprised that she had come willingly. Carol didn't need to sit by him and pity him and hate herself. There was someone she should hate, and she already did enough before this day. She needed to talk to her father and mother after dinner. Someone needed to report Mason for doing this, and if Daryl didn't do it, so hopefully her parents would. They surely wouldn't let him go back to that hellhole. God, please don't let them do that._

_Once her few bites were stuck in her throat, she returned to his room. She stayed with him all night, lying beside him on the bed, and her father would occasionally come in and check on his temperature, making sure none of the wounds got infected. Hershel, to lift his daughter's spirits, would ruffle her hair until she laughed. Carol wasn't sad, but she wasn't smiling happy. Her parents had agreed to take in Daryl, but they were going to let him decide what to do. He was an adult now, and they couldn't make the decision for him. Carol knew how Daryl would treat this, but she hoped she was wrong. If she wasn't, she would deal with this._

– – –

Beth, Maggie, Shawn and Hershel rushed into the hospital. They didn't want to be rude, but they had to know what the hell happened and if she was all right. There were too many people in the hospital, and no one was around to help. They about to start pushing.

"There she is!" Beth ran over to where Carol was sitting. "Carol."

"Oh, my God." Maggie covered her mouth with her hands at the blood on Carol's dress.

"What happened?" Shawn crouched down, looking into his sister's teary eyes.

"I—I..." She shook her head, unable to talk.

"Carol?" Hershel sat beside her. "Honey, are you all right?"

"She's coming off a sedative." Lilly walked over to them. "I wish we were meeting under better circumstances."

"You sedated her?" Shawn shot up. "Why the hell did you do that?"

"She was hurting herself," Lilly informed him. "She slammed her hands against those doors, calling for Sophia, and she kicked the wall as well. Some of that blood is her own."

Beth took Carol's bloody hands in hers. "What happened?"

"Sophia was hit by a car."

Beth whimpered, and Maggie set a hand on her shoulder.

"She's okay, right?" Shawn put his hands on his hips. "She's all right. She's tough. She's all right."

"Shawn—"

"No! I refuse to let someone else in my life be taken away by some irrelevant asshole who couldn't keep his eyes on the road!" Carol reached out and gripped his hand, and he exhaled, trying to calm his anger. "Is she all right?"

"For the most part." Lilly nodded. "She's a very lucky little girl. She has no broken bones, and there's no damage to her organs."

"For the most part?" Hershel repeated. "What does that mean?"

"She's lost a lot of blood, and she'll need stitches, but she's fine. Like I said, she's a very lucky little girl." She smiled at them. "You'll be able to see her soon."

They all let out a relieved breathe, but Carol started to cry and angry began to boil up inside of her. Shawn asked them to leave, because he knew why she was so upset. It was the same reason he was so pissed. Beth and Maggie were great sisters to Carol, and Hershel was a great father, but right now Carol needed her brother. Or maybe he needed her.

"Breathe, kid." He set his hands on her shoulders. "She's fine."

"I don't think I've been breathing." She met his eyes. "She was hit by a car, Shawn. She was hit by a car!"

"And she made it!"

"She wouldn't have been at risk if I hadn't let her get out of my line of sight. If I hadn't let her go play across the street, she would've been fine."

"How can you think this is your fault?"

"It always is!" She stood up. "I've been the world's worst mother to her! You don't even know the half of it, so don't stand there and tell me "she's fine", because I know that she would be better off without me!"

His brows furrowed in confusion. He'd always known Carol to be very harsh on herself, but never like this. Whenever she would be harsh, it was mostly about school. Carol was very maternal, and she always took care of people like they were family. With babies, she was so gentle and always tended to them with love. She would rather die than let anything happen to them, but not this. What happened to his little sister?

"I'm taking away every chance she has for a normal childhood." She stepped out of Shawn's reach. "I'm ruining her life. God, I'm putting her life at risk. What mother does that to her child?"

"It was an accident."

"Yes, but if I was a good mother, I would've been right there to protect her! After everything we went through, I—"

"What? What have you been through?"

"I—" Her eyes widened then she dropped her eyes and glanced over to see Daryl standing a few feet away. She shook her head and hurried out of the room. She headed for the bathroom where neither Shawn nor Daryl could follow her. She removed her jacket and threw it on the ground, looking at herself in the mirror. There was blood splattered on her dress, her neck and even her hands. She stared at this person, shuddering.

_**I tell you what!**_

––

_She held her hands up to her head protectively as the plate shattered behind her, rice and chicken clung to the wall, sliding down slowly into the pile of peas. She had been dealing with Ed's temper since his worth at his job was in question. She knew that little things set him off, so she though making his favorite dinner would ease his stress, but it only pissed him off further._

"_You said you wanted chicken," Carol reminded him._

"_Oh, I said? I said!" _

"_Sophia's sleeping, please don't wake her. Just keep your voice down, Ed."_

"_What?" He looked at her._

"_This is the first time in weeks she's fallen asleep this early, so please lower your voice."_

"_What the hell did you just say to me?" _

"_Our daughter is sleeping, so shut up!" she snapped. _

_His hand came across her face so hard, the sound echoed in the room and he busted Carol's cheek open and knocked her to the ground into the pile of shattered glass from the bottle of wine. "You don't tell me what to do! I tell you what to fucking do!"_

_She groaned, feeling the glass biting into her arms, and she looked up at him, feeling small. _

"_What?" He bent down. "Hmm?"_

"_You have no right to hit me." She stood up. _

_He chucked then shot up and slammed her hard into the wall, but before she even had time to process the pain, he threw her into the aquarium. Carol could taste the blood in her mouth, the metal had knocked the wind out of her, and she wasn't sure if she should move. She didn't know if she could. "No right?" He nudged her with his boot. "You signed away any rights when you signed that marriage certificate, Mrs. Peletier."_

_He shook his head. "Don't forget to clean up. I'm going over to Phillip's for a decent meal." He stepped back, squashing the blue fish that Carol loved. It was a gift to Ed on their six-month anniversary. It was for all the good times and support in the past and to come, and now it was dead. Perfect timing, it would appear._

––

"_What's up, beautiful?" Karen set the enchilada casserole on the counter that her grandmother had made, unwrapping it for all night study session while the nanny took Sophia to her home for the night. They had exams coming up, and they needed to study their asses off and then some. "I brought food. What did you bring?"_

"_Vodka."_

_Karen almost laughed. Carol wasn't a drinker. She was such a light weight, and Karen knew that was how little Sophia was conceived. Not that it matter, because that little girl was precious. "Vodka?" She looked up and frowned. "Carol?"_

_She was curled up in sweats, her hair covering her face, and there were two empty bottles of alcohol on the floor. "I'm not really in the mood to study, Karen. I'm really tired."_

"_These are final exams, Carol. It's do or die. You know our teachers won't reschedule." She walked over to her and swung her leg over the bench. "We've been studying for these in between work hours and diaper changings. We've worked too hard to—Oh, my God!" Karen saw the welts on Carol's arm. "What happened?"_

"_Allergic reaction." She practically flew over to the front door. "Look, I'm really exhausted, and I need to sleep before Sophia comes home."_

"_Allergic reaction?" Karen walked over to her. "To what? And if I remember correctly, shouldn't be in the hospital with a swollen throat?"_

"_Karen, please."_

"_What did he do?" Karen demanded. "I know men like Ed. What did he do?"_

_She sucked in a deep breathe and sat down on the stairs, sitting in a ball and wracking her hands though her hair. She sniffed and lifted her head, and Karen dropped onto the step beside her. Her face was a mass of blue and purple bruises, her lip was busted as well as her cheek. _

"_When...?"_

"_When hasn't he?" Carol inhaled deeply, choking on the air. "The rest of my body is just as bad. I can't even brush my teeth, because he chipped two of them. And why bother eating? Every frigging time I try to eat anything—and I can only eat soft foods anyway—he smacks it away from and tells me I've eaten enough."_

"_When was the last time you ate?"_

"_I don't know. Last week?"_

"_Are you serious?"_

"_I can sometimes sneak bread before he locks the kitchen doors."_

"_He locks the kitchen doors?"_

"_Dramatic, isn't it?" She wiped her nose on her sleeve. "I sometimes try and eat some of Sophia's baby food when I feed her, but then I feel horrible, because I'm taking food away from her." She broke down crying, and she buried her face in her hands, lying her head in Karen's lap._

_Karen smoothed her hair down. "Do you want to leave?"_

"_Is that an option?"_

"_It's always an option." Carol didn't say anything. "Do you want me to talk to him?"_

"_No," her voice was small. "I just want to disappear."_

"_That's an option too."_

"_I want my dad and my mom." She dug her nails into Karen's thighs as the tears burned her eyes. "And my brother and sisters. I want Daryl."_

_Karen had often hear Carol talk about Daryl. She'd get this look in her eyes, and Karen saw such love in that look, but also deep sadness and pain. She didn't know the full story, but she knew one day she would, and on that day, she was going to make sure this Daryl was there. After the sixteenth time Karen walked in on Carol having a nightmare or dream and calling out for Daryl, Carol owed her that. She spent so many paychecks on coffee and brownies to sooth her, after all._

"_Let me run you a bath." Karen stood up. "C'mon."_

_Carol complied, all of her resistant had died. She undressed while Karen drew her a bat, looking over when Carol had her back to Karen, and Karen saw bruises on her hips and welts on her legs. It made her sick with rage, and she was going to talk to Ed. She wasn't going to ask for permission. Carol would just have to hate her, because she wasn't going to let this happen._

_Carol sank down into the tub, shivering._

"_I'll go make some tea." She smiled reassuringly at her. _

_Carol wrapped her arms around her legs then leaned back until she was fully submerged in the water. She held her breath and let the world disappear as water filled her ears and settled over her body. She felt safe and warm, like when she was little and her mom would bathe her. She almost wished she could go back to being that little again and having her mom wrap her in a big, warm towel._

_She opened her eyes and saw Ed. She gasped, swallowing water, and she shot up, coughing and gagging on water._

"_Carol?" Karen set a hand on her back. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."_

_She coughed. "I—I thought you were Ed."_

"_I'm not." She grabbed a dry washcloth and handed it to Carol._

_If she only thought she saw Ed and her heart jumped out like this, she needed to get away. Unless he changed, she needed to leave. Maybe he would change. Maybe?_


	9. It Doesn't Matter

Carol washed her face and tried her best to get the blood off her dress, but it didn't wash off, so she buttoned up her jacket. She went to see Sophia, managing to avoid both Daryl and Shawn. She peered through the window, seeing Sophia asleep, and her heart broke. She never wanted to see Sophia like this. She had left to avoid this. God.

"Hey."

She looked over at Daryl. "Why are you here?" Her voice was small, not bitter.

"Shawn called me on the way." He stepped closer. "I wanted to make sure she was okay."

"Just in case she's yours, you mean." She crossed her arms.

"I didn't—"

"What's that?" She noticed something pink sticking out of his pocket.

"Oh, I just..." He pulled out a small pink bear. "It was in the gift shop, and you had a shit ton of stuffed animals, so I figured she might like somethin' to...cuddle, I guess."

She smiled. "That's uh, really sweet."

"Here."

"No, you give it to her. I need to talk to the doctor, find some Kleenex, and I'd really be grateful if you stayed with her."

He looked a little uncomfortable with the idea, but he nodded and went into the room, glancing back at Carol who gave him an encouraging nod before going to find the doctor. He sat down and looked her over. She was very pale, her red hair seemed so dark against her skin, and she looked so tiny. She looked fragile and just like Carol. There were no little hints or features that belonged to anyone else.

He leaned over and set the bear on her stomach where her hands overlapped.

"Mmm..." Sophia gripped his fingers tightly, but didn't wake up.

"Uhh? Sophia?"

She exhaled softly, but didn't release his fingers.

He waited ten minutes before trying to gently move her fingers. He didn't want to hurt her or wake her, but he didn't want to overstay his welcome. Carol wasn't angry at him for coming. She seemed almost broken when Shawn was talking to her. He was really starting to worry, even if he was trying not to.

"Need a hand?" Carol entered the room.

"What'd the doctor say?"

"She needs a lot of rest, and he prescribed a painkiller, but she'll scar." She tenderly freed Daryl's fingers and let Sophia grip the pink bear.

"What happened?"

"We were having lunch with a friend and her daughter. The girls were across the street, playing with puppies, and when it was time to go, Sophia was coming to me—" Her voice broke. "I wasn't looking to tell her to stay, and she got hit by a car."

He frowned.

"I shouldn't have let her out of my sight or let her play across the street. God—"

"It ain't your fault." He closed the space between them. "Shit happens. Sophia's alive. This ain't your fault."

"It always was my fault," she muttered.

"Carol, it ain't your fault." He set a hand on her shoulder and pulled her awkwardly into a hug.

She didn't want a hug, but she needed a hug, and his was so familiar. He still smelled like home, and his arms were strong around her. Her knuckles hit his shoulder blades then she splayed her hand on his shoulder blades and gripped his shirt tightly, burying her face in his chest. Still, he put her at ease.

Maggie crashed into Beth when she abruptly stopped just before entering Sophia's room, and she tried to ask what, but Beth waved her hand in Maggie's face to get her to shut up. They peered inside and saw Carol in Daryl's arms. Beth was grinning while Maggie picked petals out of her teeth, and Beth noted Carol's hands tightening on Daryl's leather vest. She was hoping this might happen, and if they were going to try and "just be friends", she might just have to push.

"What are you doing?" Shawn was across the hall. "You look ridiculous, and you have a petal in your hair, Mag."

"Thanks." She stood up and went into the room. "Carol, I tried to bring flowers, but Beth killed 'em."

Carol stepped back and smiled at what little flowers remained. "It's the thought that counts. She's out cold anyway."

"Well, here." She held them out, and Carol took them. "She looks so small." She sat down beside Sophia.

"Who gave her the bear?" Beth sat down on the bed.

Carol glanced at Daryl, Shawn noticed, and Daryl didn't want them to know that Sophia may be his, because he knew Carol didn't tell them that. "I did," Shawn said.

"Not to be rude, but why are you here, Daryl?" Maggie narrowed her eyes, suspecting there may be more to Carol's story than she let on.

"I called him." Shawn leaned against the wall.

"Why?" Beth turned to face Shawn.

"I called T and Jacqui too. It's a habit." He shrugged, still the master of storytelling in the family. "I also was having car trouble, so..."

"You asshole!" Beth hit him.

"You wanted to know why," he defended.

"What car trouble?" Daryl stepped out of the room, and Shawn followed.

"She looks good," Beth commented, taking Carol's hand and squeezing it.

"She'll be fine." Carol smiled a little. "It's just... I wish I could've done something."

"Carol, what could you have done?" Maggie demanded. "Honestly? You would've been hit by the car instead of Sophia, and who knows what damage that car would have done to you. Sophia will be fine, and if she's anything like us, she'll like the scar. Let's hope she doesn't name it."

"I was six," Beth protested. "And it looked just like the moon."

Carol and Maggie laughed, and Beth rolled her eyes. They talked a for a while longer then Beth and Maggie went home with Hershel, Shawn grabbed dinner for him and Carol, which he was going to force her skinny, pasty tail to eat, and Daryl hung around the waiting room, trying to decide if he wanted to talk to her or not.

"Shawn, stop. I hate honey mustard!" She ducked and dodged the curly fry that was covered in honey mustard and coming at her. "Stop!"

He chuckled and ate it. "You're still a kid."

"You're still a jerk." She ate a curly fry. "So, you're not mad at me anymore?"

"No, kid, I'm not mad." He met her eyes. "But you have secrets."

"What?" She shifted in her seat, crossing her legs. "I have no secrets. I'm an open book."

"Yeah, an open book with invisible ink littering your pages." He searched her face. "I know you, Carol, and you're hiding something. You can tell me."

She dropped her head, wiping her fingers on a napkin. "I'm full. I'm going to wash my hands."

"Carol, don't pull away. What are you afraid of?"

What wasn't she afraid of? She closed the door and leaned against it, shutting her eyes and attempting to clear her mind. She wasn't going to think about the answer to the question. She needed to focus on Sophia. She needed to accept that there was nothing she could've done, and Sophia _was_ fine. She was going to stay by her side and ignore Shawn until he went home. Or until he fell asleep.

She used the bathroom and washed her hands slowly then opened the door. Shawn was gone and so were the food wrappers. Daryl had replaced them. She smiled a little at him and crossed her arms.

"Shawn left."

"I figured as much." She climbed onto the bed. "Are you heading home?"

"Yeah."

"About Sophia...I know you want to know if you're her father, and honestly, I do too, but I told Sophia her father was dead, so...if you are her father, she'll be angry at me for lying, and she may even be confused." She was also scared that if he was the father, how that could change their already rocky relationship.

"I can still be there," he offered. "With you workin' on the house and all—"

"Wait, you want me to work on your house now?" Why didn't he call? It didn't matter, she supposed.

"Yeah."

"C'mere." She took his hand and pulled him closer, lowering her voice just in case Shawn was hanging around—not that it matter after what she just said. "If we're gonna do this, we're gonna need rules."

"Okay, rules." He nodded. "What are they?"

"Given our history, I would really appreciate if you kept your personal life...to yourself. I doubt I'm ever going to date again, so don't worry." Daryl's lip twitched. "When Sophia's with me, no drinking or smoking or women, please."

"I wouldn't do that."

"I know, but they're just rules." She shrugged. "Umm, no cussing with her around either. And you are helping me paint. You're taller than me, and I don't like ladders or closets. I don't mind Merle being around her as long as you watch him. He's a bad influence."

"Merle's changed, Carol. A lots happened since you left."

She nodded. "Uh, do you have any rules?"

"Respect my space."

"I can do that." She tucked hair behind her ear. "How soon do you want me there? I'll need to take care of Sophia first, of course, but I don't want to interrupt your life."

"As soon as Sophia feels better, just come on over. That key's yours to keep. Er, till you're done."

"Are you sure? You won't mind me barging in on you at any time?"

"Tsk, no. Knock first."

She smiled. "All right, Daryl Dixon, your house is mine."

– – –

Beth and Maggie decided to have a small welcome home party for Carol and Sophia since they didn't get a chance to before the accident, and Sophia was coming home today, so it seemed perfect. Hershel and Shawn didn't dare enter the house while they were preparing, and Shawn was tempted to warn Carol, but he had a lunch date that might run over. He was taking photos tonight, so he was leaving early and warning Carol was the last thing on his mind.

"Why do I feel like I'm going to be attacked if I open that door?" Carol asked her father while shouldering Sophia's bag.

Hershel simply chuckled.

"Dad?" She narrowed her eyes.

"Go inside and see."

"Great. I just wanted a quiet evening with popcorn and DVDs." She looked at Sophia. "You ready, kiddo?"

"Sure."

"That's not enthusiastic, but let's go."

They went inside and found everyone Carol's ever known inside. Jacqui was there, T-dog, Lori, Rick, Andrea, Tyreese, Sasha, Lilly with her sister Tara, Lacey, Duncan, Ryan and there were a couple of kids playing games in the den. Carol wanted to leave, but Maggie and Beth weren't going to let that happen. Carol let Sophia hang out with the kids since most of them went to the same preschool as her, and Carol was dragged into twenty-five million questions. Most of them were about Sophia and the missing five years, and Maggie helped her along since Beth was too busy with the kids, and Hershel was out back with Otis avoiding people. It was suffocating, but it reminded Carol of her eighteenth birthday, only without Daryl.

– – –

_That night Maggie curled Carol's hair for the small party for her eighteenth birthday while Beth and Annette went through her closet to find something that would make her look like a young adult, not a dusty ninety-five year old—not even that. Carol had strange taste in clothes. Beth had no idea where it came from either._

"_Isn't this excessive?" Carol asked, looking over the shiny coat of black cheery hued nail polish Beth had applied._

"_No." Maggie released a bouncy curl. "You only get one eighteenth birthday, and we only get one party until my birthday."_

"_So, it's my day then?"_

_Maggie laughed, and Carol rolled her eyes. "Daryl's gonna be there."_

"_So?" She could hear the annoyance in her voice. It happened every time they fought, and her choice of words were poor. She needed to talk to him, but she was hoping to do that tomorrow._

"_'So'?" Annette frowned. "Did something happen?"_

"_No, I just... I'm mad at him right now."_

"_Well, get over it." Beth pulled a dress that Carol had gotten last year from Andrea, but never wore because Hershel disapproved of the length. It was one of her favorites too. The draped silhouette is styled with tiered ruffles detailing the skirt, shimmering buttons fasten the half-placket, and spaghetti straps tie at shoulders. Hated deeply by Dads everywhere. "This is the one time Daddy's willingly let Daryl come to a party where no one is supervising."_

_Carol blinked. "What?"_

"_Hold still." Maggie turned her head back and finished the last curl then let her go._

"_Didn't I tell you?" Annette hung the clothes Beth had rejected back up. "Your father and I are going into town for dinner after the cake is cut and the gifts are open."_

"_You're trusting me?" Carol narrowed her eyes._

"_And Shawn." She nodded. _

_Carol set a hand on her mother's forehead then grasped her wrist. "Are you my mother?"_

"_Don't push it." She poked Carol's forehead. "We need time to ourselves, and we're trusting you all. Don't ruin this."_

"_We won't," Beth promised._

_About two hours later, Carol greeted her guests with a smiling while trying to adjust to wedges. She was used to tennis shoes and flats, but Beth had picked out this outfit and all of her other shoes were still missing. She was hoped she didn't fall, not in this dress._

_Lori brought a few friends, but Carol only knew Rick and Ryan. They were in her chem class. She just smiled and hoped none of them brought any alcohol. She got worried when Andrea came, but she trusted Andrea to remember her dad's rules. She felt reassured when Amy came in. Andrea would protect her from anything wrong. Thank God she and Beth were friends._

"_Let someone else do that." Lori pulled Carol into the living room after most of the guests had arrived. "It's your birthday."_

"_I know. I'm just waiting for Daryl."_

"_Don't hold your breath." Andrea held out a cup. "I saw him on my way here—going the opposite way."_

"_Oh? Well, he probably had something to do." Carol took the cup._

"_More important than your birthday?" _

"_There are more important things than me in his life, Andrea."_

"_Okay, none of this." Lori took the cups and set them down. "I'll play music and you'll dance, okay?"_

"_Great. Now I get to embarrass myself and piss off a friend."_

_Andrea smiled. "Just embarrass yourself."_

_Lori turned on the stereo, letting a random station play since it was old and hard to deal with. Daddy refused to buy a new one, because it still worked. Carol was fond of the old radio. It reminded her of her father. He loved antiques._

"_No, no, no." Lori grasped Carol's shoulders and shook her once. "No tears."_

"_Uh?" She felt a tear on her cheek. "Oh, I'm sorry." She wiped her eye carefully as to not smear her makeup. "I was just thinking."_

"_Your dad?" Andrea guessed._

"_Yeah." She took a deep breathe. "I'm okay. Let's dance."_

_Once Lori and Andrea started dancing, everyone did—it was one of perks of being two of the most popular girls in school. Maggie and Beth abandoned their places and started to dancing. It wasn't forced either. However some of her friends shouldn't be allowed to dance, not even by themselves, and she tried not to laugh. She wasn't confident in her dancing since most of it was behind locked doors or random while cleaning. She didn't have a choice when Lori and Andrea saw her standing there, and made her. She hoped no one was paying attention as she started dancing._

_Annette and Hershel were watching by the stairs as the small group of high schoolers danced, having their own fun and laughing at some of them. Their laughs couldn't be heard over the music, so they laughed outright and loudly. _

_Daryl walked into the house, hearing the loud music and laughter. He tempted to leave the minute he saw all of the people, but he wasn't going to leave Carol pissed at him on her birthday. He had his reasons for being an ass. He hoped she listened. He needed to find her first._

_Scanning the mass of people, he finally found her. She and Beth were laughing and dancing. He looked her over, not used to her so dressed up, and he suddenly felt very possessive. Everyone knew Carol was his girl, but now he felt the need to enforce it, especially with that other ginger watching her. Who was that kid? Did he even know Carol? He was probably one of Andrea's...things. He wasn't sure what they were to her, but she had a lot of them._

"_Carol," he called to her._

_She saw him and tried to get free, but Beth didn't let her. "Beth, let go."_

"_Fine, ruin your night." She released her hand. "Can I say I told you so later?"_

_She pushed her face back then moved through the people and walked over to him. "You came."_

"_Two hours late," he added. "Sorry."_

"_We need to talk."_

"_Yeah, we do."_

_She started to walk outside, but her mom said it was time to cut the cake. She held up a finger and joined her friends and family in the kitchen. Shawn aspired to be a photographer so he was taking all the pictures, and Carol was glad, because the last time Beth took pictures and everyone's heads were cut off. It was different now, and she had a feeling it keep being different. Like after tonight, everything was going to change. For the better was all she could wish for as blew out the candles._

_Annette gave Carol and Shawn the rules before she and Hershel left. Shawn told her he'd take photos and make sure no one drank any alcohol so she could enjoy the party, and Carol thanked him as she looked for Daryl. She couldn't find him, and she felt her stomach tying up in knots._

"_Bedroom." Lori was suddenly beside her._

"_Bedroom?" Carol asked over the music._

"_That's where Daryl is. He wanted me to tell you." She smiled. "We'll save you some cake."_

"_Oh, ha ha." She rolled her eyes and headed up the stairs. She poked her head into her bedroom and found the window out. She frowned and started to close it when Daryl appeared. "God!" She jumped back, and he chuckled. "What are you doing?"_

"_C'mere."_

"_Do you know what kind of shoes I'm wearing?"_

"_So? Take 'em off."_

"_No, just give me your hand." He held his hand out, and she climbed out. "So, you wanna talk now?"_

"_Nah." He slid down and jumped._

"_Daryl!" She leaned over and found him smirking up at her. "I'm going to kill you!"_

"_C'mon down!"_

"_No. I refuse." She crossed her arms._

"_Why's that?"_

"_Because you're an asshole." _

"_Thought you knew that."_

_She removed her shoes and threw them at him, he simply caught them, and she carefully climbed down. "What now?" She took her shoes. "Do you want to talk or not?"_

"_C'mon." He turned around and bent down._

"_What are you doing?" She was trying not to smile. "A piggyback ride? Are you serious?"_

"_Yeah, a serious piggyback ride. It'll be faster."_

_She got onto his back, feeling awkward because of what happened yesterday, and she tried to not touch his upper back too much. He carried her out to the barn, Carol wondered why the barn of all places, and she figured it was because the barn was the only place none of her friends ever went. Shawn would keep them in the house or try to, and if they ventured out onto the farm, they would be too lazy or too scared to come all the way out here._

_She giggled at his comment as he arrived at the barn and gripped him tighter. She was still mad at how dismissive he was, but she was glad he was here. She wouldn't want to spend her birthday without him. _

_He set her down, they climbed up to the hayloft and she was surprised to find blankets and battery-operated lanterns. He sat down, and she tried to ask him if this is why he left this morning, but she was speechless. She just smiled and sat beside him._

"_Thirsty?" He was digging through hay._

"_Shouldn't I be asking you that?" She tucked a curl behind her ear._

_He pulled out a basket and opened it, pulling out two bottles of green tea. "Here."_

"_Okay, what's going on?" She accepted the bottle and opened it._

"_I asked Andrea and Lori to help distract you while I did this. Shawn, too."_

"_And this is?" _

"_My gift. It ain't a good gift, but ask me anything, and I'll tell you."_

_She lowered the bottle. "Are you serious?"_

"_Yeah."_

_She couldn't think of a question. All of these years and tons and tons of questions piled up, but the moment he wants to tell her anything she wants to know, she's got nothing to ask. "Okay, tell me something, my brain's dead right now."_

"_It didn't start till my mom was dead."_

_She swallowed hard. "You were twelve."_

_He nodded. _

"_That's horrible. Why didn't you tell anybody?"_

"_Who was there to tell?"_

"_Me!"_

"_So you could what? Tell your daddy and have him send me off to foster care? Have the whole town know and give me even more pathetic looks?" He shook his head. "Hell no."_

"_Why? Why did he do this to you?"_

"_'Cause Merle was gone."_

"_He abused Merle too?" She was shocked. Merle was a big guy, very strong, very arrogant. She couldn't imagine someone beating him. He didn't seem like the type to take it. She didn't want to think about Daryl in that way. Part of her kept hoping it was all a lie, but it wasn't. "And Merle just left you all alone with that abusive bastard?"_

"_Guess he didn't care enough." He shrugged. _

"_I doubt that. Merle would do anything to keep you safe."_

"_Why do you do that?" He searched her eyes. _

"_Do what?"_

"_Give everyone the benefit of the doubt."_

"_Because that's how I was raised. Besides, if I didn't, I never would've gotten to know you. I haven't regretted that." She smiled at him, and he felt a blush on his cheeks. "Do they still hurt?"_

"_Sometimes."_

"_Why did you protect me?" she whispered. "I could've taken it."_

"_Why?" He scoffed. "Carol, I wasn't gonna let him hurt you! Not then, not ever!"_

"_That's why you never invited me inside." Her eyes burned. _

"_He drinks all the damn time, and I wasn't gonna chance it. You mean too much to me, and I woulda killed him." _

"_Daryl." She climbed onto his lap and hugged him. "I love you, and I'm so sorry. I wish he wasn't like that." She wished she would've seen it. She wished she could've protected him. It wasn't going to help anybody by wishing, but at least he would know that she would never run. Nothing he told her would make her leave. _

_He rested his forehead against her, and for the first time, he felt closer to her than ever. He'd always felt a great distance between them, no matter how close she physically was to him, but he didn't feel that now. He felt safe and at home. He'd always been gravitating toward her light, and he wasn't afraid anymore. "I love you too."_

"_What did you just say?" Her voice was airy and tears glistened in her eyes. "You've never said that to me before."_

_He grasped her cheeks. "I'm saying it now." He kissed her gently, his fingers slipping into her soft curls, brushing her earrings. He could taste the citrus from the tea on her tongue, and he noticed she was kissing him with a longing. He didn't want to forget tonight. She was leaving in three months, and he was going to make the most of their time together._

_She pulled back, breathless. "We should go back," she murmured, "Shawn's in charge, and they're probably destroying the house."_

"_Yeah?"_

"_But I don't care." Her heart was racing. "And I don't want to stop, so please tell me you have a condom."_

"_I don't."_

_She bit her lip then remembered what he said. "Lori, you said?" He nodded, and she searched the basket, finding a lovely note from Lori and Andrea with a few "gifts" inside. "For once I'm glad I have prevents for friends." She met his eyes. "Do you want to?"_

"_Yes, I do." He grasped her hand, taking the condom. "But are you sure? We're in a barn."_

"_I don't care about the place. All I care about is you. All I want is want you." She smiled at him. "I love you."_

"_I love you." He pulled her closer and kissed her. He could feel she was nervous, so was he, but they weren't kids. They were adults, and this was something would eventually do. Something they wanted to do. They had protection, and no one was going to rush into the barn, so they had privacy too. They could just be with each other, and that was the best gift anyone could've given her._

_His hand slid up her smooth skin toward her shoulder and tugged on the tied strap of her dress, causing it to untie. He did the same to the other side, and her dress slipped down to her hips, leaving her in the white slip. He shifted and set her gently down on her back, breaking the kiss and tugging the first layer off her._

"_How did I know you'd want to be on top?" she teased. _

_He chuckled against her lips, not bothering to comment. Carol was surprised at how she felt about this. She loved how Daryl felt against her, all of his weight and warmth, and soon all of his skin. She was also amazed at how good his hands felt against the bare skin on her back, gently massaging at her muscles, and she felt as if her breathing was too loud, but as his kiss deepened once more, all of her thoughts were scattered. _

_There was awkward and nervous fumbling, but mostly from Carol. She had always thought of herself as someone who'd lose her virginity on her wedding night, but that was before she and Daryl started dating. They'd gotten so close so many times, but knowing that they weren't going to stop tonight wasn't as overwhelming as she thought it would be—it was worse. After tonight, she was really going to be an adult, going off to college and starting a new life. She hoped that Daryl would be apart of that new life. She didn't want to be without him, because he was a part of her. He always would be, and no matter how far away she went or how much time passed, she would love him deeply for the rest of her life._

––

"_Could you smile any more?" Daryl whispered when they rejoined the party, munching on a handful of caramel corn._

"_It's my birthday," she retorted. "I have a right to be happy."_

_He scoffed and took her cup, drinking from it, and she arched a brow, and Shawn took a picture. _

"_Hey, watch the flash!" Carol groaned._

"_Fine, but if anything happens, you'll be sorry I didn't take more pictures." He then took four pictures in a row. _

"_Shawn, your camera will end up in the duck pond if you don't go away." She glared._

"_Shouldn't you be happy right now? Unless you didn't do it righ—"_

"_Oh, my God!" She grabbed Beth's piece of cake and smashed it into his face. "Shut up!"_

_Lori and Andrea busted out laugh, Maggie covered her mouth to try and hide her laughter, and Beth sighed. Shawn pealed the plate off, shaking his head, licking icing and cake off his mouth, and Carol took a picture._

"_All right, fine. It's your birthday. I'll give you a head start. Five."_

"_Shawn—"_

"_Four."_

"_Okay, fine." She removed her shoes and took off running, bolting out the back door._

"_Three, two, one!" He chased after her._

"_It's official," Maggie announced. "Carol's an adult."_

"_Like brother, like sister." Beth crossed her arms. "And just think, we get to do this for you next year."_

_Maggie smirked. "Five."_

"_Mag, I was kiddin'."_

"_Four."_

"_Are you serious?"_

"_Three."_

"_Mag?" Beth backed up. "Maggie, no!"_

"_Two. One!"_

_Beth took off running and Maggie chased her. _

_Daryl shook his head and finished off Carol's drink. Weird ass Greenes._

– – –

"I need some air. Excuse me." Carol left T and Tyreese and stepped outside. She ran her hands through her hair and took inhaled deeply. She looked up and saw somebody across the yard. She squinted and saw Shawn's camera's danging around a woman's neck. She frowned, but as they moved closer, she saw Shawn was with her.

The woman was Sasha Douglas, and she was with Shawn. Actually **with** Shawn, because they were laughing and kissing and holding hands. Holy shit. Shawn's dating Sasha. When did this happen? And why couldn't she stop staring? There were things she never wanted to know Shawn did when he kissed a girl. Like tongue and grabby hands. She'd learned earlier Shawn was an ass man.

"Running away?" Andrea gripped the railing and smiled at Carol. "What are you—? Ah. Shawn and Sasha? I guess they're on again."

"On?" Carol turned to face Andrea. "Again?"

"They've been on-again, off-again for three years. They were engaged last year, but they called it off. They both weren't ready in the end." She shrugged. "I think Shawn was scared that something would happen...like what happened with you and Daryl."

"What?" Her throat was closing.

"Everyone just knew you and Daryl were going to get married and have beautiful babies, and you almost did, but when you left, it was like...a destruction of fairytale endings."

Carol frowned. She had no idea her relationship with Daryl effected anyone else. If her leaving Daryl was the reason Shawn wasn't married to Sasha with kids of his own who he would love and cherish then she had a lot more to do to make up to them than she thought. How many people had been effected by her leaving than just Daryl? She needed to talk to Shawn, because if he was pushing pause with Sasha because of her disappearing act then she needed to snap him out of it.

"Sophia's really sweet," Andrea broke through Carol's thoughts.

"Huh? Oh, right."

"I'm glad you were able to have a child." She crossed her arms. "Your sisters really seem to adore her."

Carol glanced over at her. "What's wrong?"

"It's just... Since you left, I haven't heard from own sister, and just seeing you all together like old times reminds me that it isn't like before, and I may not even have a sister." She sniffed.

What? Amy told her she talked to Andrea sometimes. Amy lied? Why would she lie about that? Amy never lied before. So...what the hell happened to her that she has to cover it up? Like Carol's lying to cover up the sexual and physical abuse Ed dealt her. God no, not Amy. "Amy's alive, Andrea."

Her eyes brightened. "Have you heard from her? Do you know where she's staying?"

"No, I don't. I'm so sorry. I just saw her the other day...on the street, but it was the same day Sophia got hit by the car, so..."

"What are you saying? Sophia was hit by a car. Besides, you didn't know. God, I'm so sorry that happened to you both."

"Thanks." She was getting tired of hearing sorry. "If you ever want to talk, I have no life."

She laughed, and even Carol laughed. "I may take you up on that offer. C'mon, let's give them some space." She took Carol's arm and led her inside.

The evening wasn't so bad, Carol caught up with Andrea and Lori. Lori was married to Rick Grimes and had a little boy, Carl. She was living across town, but she invited Carol to come over any time she had a chance, because Sophia and Carl were becoming friends. They were actually adorable together, and it was nice that Sophia was making friends with something other than a stuffed animal.

Andrea was single. Her relationship with Shane Walsh ended a while ago, and she was trying to get in touch with Amy, to see how she was, to see if she was still alive even. She was glad that Carol had seen her. Carol wanted to tell her about her job and Paige, but if Amy didn't want Andrea to know then Carol couldn't spill the beans. She'd messed up enough lives as it was.

Carol waited as Shawn and Sasha said goodbye, hidden in the next room.

"I'm glad you could come tonight." He smiled.

"I had time, and I wanted to make sure your niece was okay. When you called, you sounded really distraught. I'm glad she's all right."

"Me too. Little munchkin's really grown on me, and I'm not losing anybody else, not to a car accident."

She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him flush against her. "Do you plan on having your own some day?"

"My own what? My own car accident? No, I plan on that." He smirked.

She repressed an urge to roll her eyes. "Munchkins."

"I don't think I'll ever be mature enough for that." He tucked hair behind her ear. "Is this about us again? 'Cause I thought we talked about this."

"I love you, Shawn Greene, but I won't wait, certainly not forever."

"Look, we'll have dinner tomorrow night, and we'll talk. Actually talk. I'll be mature and no clip-on ties." She laughed. "I love you, Sasha Douglas." He kissed her.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodbye, beautiful."

"You get tackier as the days go by, you know that?"

"Fine, we're eating at a real shitty place. No napkins or table manners, and really bad lighting."

"I dare you to try." She kissed him. "Good night."

He waited until she was in her car before he closed the door, and he turned. "Come out."

She stepped out, hands up. "Sorry, beautiful, I was curious."

"Ha ha." He folded his arms over his chest. "You're not the only one who found someone."

"You and Sasha?"

"Well, since I don't date my sister's friends, it was her or I become gay."

"I can't believe you're dating Sasha. I'm...stunned. I can't grasp it. I just have the image of Sasha in grade school, you know with the knee socks and braid. Also that one of her firefighter helmet from the third grade."

"Well, she still has the knee socks, but those are only for me." He grinned to himself. "She also wears part of the uniform for only me."

"You're disgusting!" She smacked him, but she smiled. "You two look happy together."

"I do love her. I just... I dunno. I'm not the marrying type." He shrugged. "It's a lot."

"Not really."

"Oh, please. We'd be living together, and everything would come together, like our fiances and clothes and—just no." He sat on the stairs. "Besides, I'm not ready for that."

"Why not?" She took the space beside him. "I always used to talk to you about marriage and kids, but you told me you wanted to get married one day."

"One day in the distant future," he added.

"Does this have anything to do with what happened to me and Daryl? Because marriage didn't destroy our relationship, and I know you—"

"Carol, stop! This isn't about you and Daryl! For once, it's about _me_ and _my_ problems!" He scoffed and left the house.

"Wait, Shawn." She went after him. "What problems?"

"Just leave me be, Carol!"

"Shawn!" She'd never known him to go off that quickly. Normally, he'd hold it in or just walk away. Had she hit her nerve?

"Carol, don't." Beth was holding Sophia, returning from checking the gates. "It's gonna storm tonight, and we have tables out back, so let's just help Mag with the cleanup and leave him be."

She sighed. "Fine. I'll be right in."

"I'm tired." Sophia reached out to Carol. "Tuck me in, please, Mommy."

"Here." Beth gently handed her over. "I'll help Maggie."

Carol looked once more to where Shawn had disappeared then carried Sophia inside. She set her down on her bed, grabbing Dee Dee while Sophia removed her boots. She was already in her pajamas. Carol curled up beside her. "Here you are."

"Where's my little bear?" She snuggled Dee Dee close. "The one Daryl gave me."

"Uhh? I don't know." She grabbed the hospital bag and dug through it. "Ah, here it is." She held it up out of her reach, and Sophia glared. She smiled. "What are you gonna name it?" She handed it to her.

"Him."

"Oh? Him? What's his name?"

"Ethan."

Carol blinked and stammered. "E—Ethan?"

"Yeah." She smiled. "Like the boy in my dreams."

"What?" She felt her heart skip a beat.

"There was a boy named Ethan in my dreams," Sophia explained. "He was there when that car hit me. He was protecting me."

"Protecting you?"

"Uh-huh." She held the pink bear close. "He was so warm. He looked just like Daryl too, and we have the same eyes, I think."

"Honey, what else can you tell me about Ethan?" Carol studied her face to see how serious she was.

"He was small, and he didn't talk, but I knew his name. It was really fuzzy, but I can remember him."

Carol gave Sophia a smile and kissed her forehead. "Baby girl, I love you."

"I love you too, Mommy."

"I'm gonna go brush my teeth, okay?"

"Can we see Daryl tomorrow? I wanna thank him."

"Of course, baby." She slipped out of bed and went to the bathroom. She grabbed her purse and dug out all of the crap she didn't care about right now, and she found the small Ziplock bag. She pulled out the pictures she took that day, seeing the small, pale baby boy who didn't make it. Ethan Russel Dixon, six pounds, five ounce, who looked just like Daryl.

_We have the same eyes, I think._

Carol had to know. She owed it to Daryl, to Sophia and to this beautiful baby boy. Tomorrow, she was going to talk to Daryl about it, and they would get a paternity test done, if he wanted.

She held the picture close to her heart and closed her eyes. He may not have made it, but he was still here, looking out for his little sister. "I love you, Ethan." Tears burned in her eyes. "Thank you."


	10. Sick

"Have fun, okay?" Carol kissed Sophia goodbye on the forehead just before sending her into class. She smiled at Jeanette and wondered where Amy was. Carol went to the front office and ran into Amy. "Oh, sorry!" She jumped back.

"Carol." Amy averted her eyes. "Um, hey."

"I was hoping to see you."

"Really?" Her eyes flickered to Carol's. "Why?"

"I want to talk—really talk. Do you mind if I come over to your house tomorrow?"

"My—my house?" She crossed her arms. "Uh, no, I don't mind."

"Good. Great." She smiled. "Where do you live?"

"Why are you doing this?" Amy demanded softly. "Did Andrea put you up to this? Did Dale?"

"No one put me up to anything, I swear. I just want to talk to you."

"Uh, sure, but after school. I have to get to class." She smiled a little and left the office.

What in the world was wrong with her? She was so jumpy now, and stuttering so much. What happened to her? Carol hoped Amy hadn't been...assaulted and that's why she had Paige so young. Carol was going to find out, and Amy looked like she needed a friend. Carol needed a friend too, and having one that wasn't there all of her life was the type of friend she needed. Karen had to fake her part until she could get away from the lifestyle of the rich on Milton's mid-spring trip. They were coming down to celebrate their anniversary, but mostly because Karen wanted to check on Carol. The only downside was Milton was friends with Phillip who was Ed's brother.

She went to T-dog and Daryl's shop, finding a few kids and T working. She waved to him, and T excused himself, telling the kids to work harder on the Cherokee. "Hey."

"Hey." He smiled. "You came to see Daryl?"

"Yeah, I need to talk to him." She swallowed. "Is he here?"

"Not today. He's off, probably at home."

"Oh, well, thank you." She gripped her purse straps, offered him a goodbye smile and turned to leave.

"Carol, wait." He grabbed her arm. "We needa talk."

"About what?" She tucked hair behind her ear nervously.

"It's about Daryl." She nodded him on. "And you."

"What about us? We're...complicated, but we're trying to be friends. There are things we need to work out, but today...it ought to be resolved."

"Don't mess with him, Carol."

"Mess with him?" She frowned a little. "What do you mean? I'm not messing with him."

T gestured to her clothes, and she looked herself over. "Yeah, you are."

"How? Because of an asymmetrical hem?" She put her hands on her hips. "I just dropped my daughter off at preschool, and I have to go out after speaking with Daryl, I don't want to dress like a slob."

He pursed his lips. "Just don't lead him on, all I'm askin'."

She let out a laugh. "Even if I wanted to date Daryl, there's no way in hell he'd ever trust me again." It was the sad truth. "Anything else?"

"Yeah, when that house is done, make a big dinner and invite me." He grinned.

"Okay, deal." She returned his grinned. "I'll see you soon. Bye." She turned on her heel, more adjusted to wedges now, and she got in her car, driving to Daryl's.

– – –

_Carol rubbed her shoulder, her teeth still aching from the dentist appointment Ed made her go to for her chipped teeth, and she was so exhausted. She was going to take Sophia and crash at Karen's. She didn't want to listen to Ed or expose Sophia to him any longer. God, she hoped Karen would let her soak in a tub. She needed it._

_Carol unlocked the door and went inside, finding candles lit everywhere with the lights off along with rose petals on the floor. She closed the door and set her purse down on the floor. "Ed?" she called out softly. _

_Ed came running down the stairs. "You're home? How are you home?" He looked her over. "I was coming to pick you up." He took her in his arms, holding her tightly, and Carol was confused. "How do you feel?"_

"_Numb." She eyed him, wondering if he had just brushed his teeth to get rid of the alcohol, because he had to be drunk. "I thought you were busy."_

"_I took the day off." He rubbed circles gently into her hands. "I made you dinner. It's not much, but you can eat it, and it's filling." He smiled sweetly._

"_Dinner?" He was going to let her eat? _

_He led her into the kitchen where they were more candles and roses lying on the table. He sat her down and grabbed a bowl from the microwave. It was mashed potatoes. "I bought yogurt and ice cream and other soft foods. If you run out, let me know so I can get you more, just until you can eat solids."_

_She blinked a few times. "What the hell is this?" She stood up. "Are you trying to apologize or what? Honestly, you're freaking me out!"_

_He set the bowl down and grasped her shoulders, pulling her closer. "I love you, Carol, and I am so sorry. I never should've put my hands on you, and I promise you I never will again. I'm talking to a therapist, and I'm going to the gym more. I—I never meant to hurt you, baby."_

_She searched his eyes, and those gray-blue eyes were filled with regret and sorrow for what he had done. He was genuine. "Do you mean that?" Her voice was low, her eyes filling._

"_I do."_

_She hugged him tightly. "I love you too."_

_He kissed her forehead and smiled. "Karen came by and got Sophia so we could be alone. I thought we could talk."_

_She smiled. "I would love to talk."_

– – –

Carol knocked on Daryl's door, feeling a little nervous about having this conversation after the last one they had. She waited only a few seconds before he opened the door, rubbing the back of his neck and looking at her through blurry eyes.

"You look terrible." She frowned. "Are you hungover?"

"Tsk, no. Just woke up. I need coffee."

"I'll make you some." She walked into the house then stopped. "May I come in?"

"Yeah." He closed the door. "What're you doin' here?"

She prepared the coffee then grabbed a cup and fill it with water. She walked over to him and handed the glass to him. She watched him, concerned. "Daryl, you look really bad." She reached up and touched his forehead. "You're burning up."

"Just tired," he assured her.

"And you're sweaty." She frowned. "You're sick."

"Maybe."

"Daryl!" She took the cup. "You need to see a doctor. The last time you got sick, it was really bad. You rarely get sick, so let's just go see Dr. Stookey."

"Why? He'll just tell me the same shit I already know. I'm congested and sweaty and a little dizzy." He shrugged. "Ain't a big deal."

"Fine, then let's go talk to him and make sure." She set the cup down and grabbed his jacket. "Daryl, please."

"Fine." He snatched his coat. "Jesus." He threw it on and stomped out to her car.

She locked the door and hurried to her car. She drove him to see Bob Stookey, and since he was disoriented, she had to fill out his paperwork. She knew all of it, and she made herself his person to contact in case of an emergency. She wanted to make sure he all right.

Daryl, on the other hand, was against it, especially now that they were in the hospital. He hated hospitals. They reeked of death and illness. He didn't belong here. He wasn't going to sit here and listen to them try and diagnose him. That was bullshit.

Carol saw the nurse frown and she turned, finding Daryl stumbling around the waiting room. "Daryl, I told you to sit." She gripped his arm to support him.

"Get off me." He jerked his arm back, tripping backwards three times before catching himself. "I wanna go home. I—I ain't sick. I don't—I don't belong—" Daryl collapsed, blacking out.

"Daryl!" Carol dropped her knees beside him. "Help! We need help!"

Nurses and doctors swarmed him, Lilly Chalmers caught Carol by her elbow and hauled her up as they got Daryl onto a gurney. Carol told them he was sick, that he had a fever and to make him better as Lilly held her in place, but as they moved Daryl, Carol felt the world close in around her.

"Patient's unconscious." He waved a flashlight over his eyes after opening them. "Pupils are unequal and unresponsive."

"What does that mean?" Carol looked from him to Lilly, wanting an answer. "Is he going to be okay?"

A female came over. "What do we have?"

"High-grade fever," he told her, adding more to it, but Carol was just trying to see if he was all right for the moment.

They rushed him toward the back, Carol began to follow, her body just moving on its own, but one of the nurses saw her following them and politely told her, "You're not allow through here."

"But someone should be with him," she insisted. "He shouldn't be alone. Please."

"You're not allow through here," she repeated, slipping through the doors before they closed.

Carol hit the door hard with a closed fist and Lilly set a hand on her shoulder, pulling her away from the door. "Daryl."

"I'll get you some water." Lilly gave her an affection smile then left her.

Carol ran her hands through her hair and checked her watch. She couldn't meet Amy after school today. She had to know Daryl was all right. She needed to talk to Amy, though. Maybe if she had Amy bring over Sophia after school, they could talk a little thing. She had to know what was wrong with Daryl and why he just passed out. A high-grade fever? How did he managed to get so sick? The last time she saw him, he was perfectly fine. He wasn't at all sick. How did this happen? Daryl had the immune system of a god. He never gets sick. Carol always, always, always gets strep throat and the flu and stomach bugs, but not Daryl. He's been sick twice the entire time Carol's known him. How did he get sick this time?

"Here." Lilly sat beside Carol and held out a bottle of water.

"Thanks." She accepted the bottle and stared at it.

"This bug has been going around," Lilly told Carol. "It's been going around the schools mostly. It's powerful. Daryl will be fine in time."

Carol met her eyes, tears in her eyes at the thought of something happening to Daryl. "Powerful? And it's not fatal, is it?"

Lilly hesitated. "Don't worry. Daryl will pull through."

She finally makes a decision, and Daryl gets sick with a powerful and definitely fatal illness. She was willing to find out if his life was about to change forever, and now he may not make it to forever. She shouldn't have done that, even considered doing that to him. Her first opinion was right. He didn't need to know, because he wasn't the father. This had to be a sign telling her that. She was just...killing him, apparently.

"I have to get back to work," Lilly said after a moment, "but I want you to know that Daryl is with our best doctors. They've been busting their asses to get people better, and since Daryl came in so early, they'll probably flush it right out of his system. He'll be home in two days, I promise."

Carol lifted her head. "You think?"

"I know." She nudged Carol. "He's a fighter, and this bug doesn't stand a chance."

"I know he is, but... I've never seen him look like that before," she admitted.

"Don't think about how he looked. It'll only make you feel worse. Why don't you call his brother and let him know?"

"Me?" Carol frowned. "Call Merle?"

"Yeah. Daryl's phone fell out of his pocket, so here." She handed it to Carol. "Call him."

"But—"

"Wouldn't you want to know?" She left then.

Carol whimpered. Merle? The last time she saw Merle, he was talking to Daryl about Ethan. She had nothing to say to Merle, but Merle would have a hell of a lot to say to her. She left his baby brother after two years of marriage, a miscarriage and a stack of divorce papers. He was going to chew her out and probably kill her then Daryl and then her again. God, how the hell was she supposed to talk to Merle Dixon? He was so unreasonable and sarcastic and rude. He had to hate her too. She still hated herself for leaving Daryl, but that wasn't the point right now.

Gathering her courage, she flipped through Daryl's contacts—surprisingly he had a lot—and found Merle. She would have sent him a text, but Merle would've just called when his phone went off. He probably wasn't the texting type.

"Hello?" Merle's voice was husky, groggy. He'd just woken up too.

"Merle? It's Carol Greene."

"Yes, it is." He chuckled darkly. "Back after all this time. Why're you callin' me, Carol "Greene"."

"It's Daryl." She quickly changed the subject. "He's really sick, Merle. He's in the hospital right now."

"Sick? Sick with what?"

"They haven't told me anything. He passed out with a high-grade fever and they took him away. I don't know anything, but I assuming it's a flu bug that's been going around. I just thought I'd call and let you know."

"I'll be right down."

"Oh, there's no need to—" she cut off when Merle hung up on her. Great. And there was nowhere to hide either. She had to see him sooner or later, so it was better this way. He would be worried about Daryl's health and not her blatant abandonment of Daryl, but that really didn't matter right now, because Daryl was sick, and they needed to focus on him and hope he got better

––

Merle walked into the emergency room half an hour later, scanning the room, but it was easy to find Carol. She still wore suggestive dresses without knowing they were suggestive. He had to admit he liked her hair longer. With long hair, she looked less like an abused housewife. He saw how she chewed her thumbnail, and he knew they still hadn't told her anything. What the hell did Daryl catch to make him so damn sick?

Carol stood up when Merle appeared beside her.

"Where is he?" Merle studied her face.

"He's still in the emergency room," she assumed.

"I wanna see him."

"They won't let anyone in. I tried, Lilly tried." She crossed her arms. "Oh, good. There's Dr. Stookey."

"Carol Greene." He walked over to them. "Merle."

"Is he okay?" Merle barked.

"We were able to stabilize—"

"Is he okay?" Merle demanded.

"He's going to be fine."

"Damn straight he is."

"I want to keep him here a few days, though. He still has recovering to do."

"Thank you." Carol smiled at him.

"You can him now as well. Follow me."

"Do you want me to stay?" Carol asked Merle, her eyes on Bob Stookey.

"The last time I wanted anything from you, your ass left. What hell do you think?" Merle fell into step beside Bob as Carol dropped her head. "C'mon, "Greene"."

She didn't waste time. She caught up to them and saw them wheeling Daryl toward a room. He was still out of it, but he was conscious. She was so relieved. He looked a lot better, and he even had some color back in his face. His eyes were really blue against his skin still. "Daryl?"

"Merle?" Daryl glanced between the two of them. "Is that your ugly ass?"

"He'll feel better after he's been here a while." Lilly pushed open the door to his room.

"What?" Daryl was pushing himself up. "No. Let me go! I wanna leave!"

One of the male nurses pushed his shoulders down as another grabbed his arms, but Daryl was a big guy, buff too, and they were struggling to hold him steady. Lilly had a sedative ready, and after a few moments of struggling, they managed to keep him still long enough for her to inject him with it.

Daryl groaned as the drug ran through him, becoming very still. "I wanna go home," he murmured.

"You'll be home soon," Carol promised.

"Don't make me stay here..."

Carol and Merle waited as they pushed him into his designated room, Carol shuddered at the tone in Daryl's voice, and Merle shook his head. He hated seeing Daryl like this. No one knew it, but ever since their mom died, Daryl couldn't stand to be in hospitals. He hated them, and Merle couldn't blame him. Hospital visits only came after fucking nightmares were unleashed on them.

"Looks like he's asleep," Merle commented. "Reckon I should call T-dog and tell him Daryl's sick."

"I can call him," Carol offered. She knew Merle wasn't fond of other races, and he and T-dog had gotten into many fights.

"T's been good to my brother, it oughta be me." He backed up and went to find a phone.

Carol watched Daryl for a moment longer then left to get some air. She found Amy in the lobby with the girls, who were in the room full of toys and games, and she offered a slightly confused smile. "It can't be time for them to get out yet," Carol mumbled.

"It's not, but with that flu going around, we thought it would be best to close school for a couple of days. A lot of the teachers have it and now the principal." Amy looked a little pale herself. "I had to disinfect my entire classroom."

"I'm glad I'm not a teacher."

"How's Daryl?"

"They want to keep him here a few days, but he's stable now."

"That's good."

"How are you feeling?"

"Not too great, I'll admit. I'm going to buy soup on my way home and give Paige some vitamins so she won't catch it."

"How about I come by tomorrow?" Carol suggested. "I can make you soup, and if you do get sick, I can tend to Paige. I have a good immune system, so does Sophia, so don't worry about me getting it. How does that sound?" Aside from lies. Good immune system? Her immune system laughed at her as sickness infected her. It was a traitor.

"Really sweet." Amy smiled. "I would love for you to come over, and Paige would love to see Sophia."

"I have...no paper with me or a pen." She felt Daryl's phone on her hip, resting in her pocket and bit her lip. He was sick and in the hospital, so he wouldn't need it for a while. Besides, she needed a phone anyway, and she would repay him eventually. He would never notice. She grabbed his phone and found his contacts, adding Amy and she added the address Amy gave her.

"Just call before you come, okay?"

"Yes, of course."

"I'll get the girls." She tried to walk away before Merle came over to them.

"Amy?" Merle blinked and did a once-over. He hadn't seen her in five years, but she looked a hell of a lot better now than she did then. Her hair was longer, her eyes weren't bloodshot, and she wasn't living with a bunch of meth heads. What happened to change her, he wondered.

"Um, hi." She smiled.

"You know each other?" Carol heard the surprise in her voice. "From where?"

"Around," Merle replied, unable to look away from her. "It's been a long time."

"Five years." Amy nodded.

"You look good."

"So do you." Amy began to feel uncomfortable, so Carol went to see the girls to give them some space. Amy didn't want Carol to know what she was like before, but Carol would figure it out, especially now. She had to tell Carol the truth. She had to tell her how she knew Merle, not let Carol jump to conclusions. "Are you clean now too?" Amy whispered.

He nodded. "Somebody had to look after my brother."

"Good for you." She tried to walk away, but he grabbed her wrist. "No, Merle, don't."

"Amy, look, I wanna talk."

"Well, I don't." She met his eyes. "We have nothing to talk about. The only thing we had in comment back then were drugs, but we're both clean now, and I can't afford to not be. I have responsibilities now, a decent job, and people I have to take care of, so let me go."

He released her. "If your old dealer gives you any shit, tell me."

"Why?"

"Just tell me."

"You don't owe me anything," she promised.

"Just lemme know." He left the hospital then to smoke a cigarette.

Paige grasped Amy's hand, and Amy bent down, smiling at her. "Can we go horseback riding?"

"What?"

"Sophia wants to invite you both to come horseback riding with us." Carol slipped her hands into her back pockets. "Not today since you don't feel well, but maybe some Wednesday? Shawn's usually home on Wednesdays. He's a really good teacher."

"Um, sure. Why not? It sounds like fun. I'll let you know a date."

"Yes! Thank you, Mommy!" Paige hugged her.

Amy laughed at her daughter's excitement and gave Carol a thank you smile, and Carol was glad to see Amy happy. She was worried about her. How did Amy know Merle? The only way they knew each other was if Amy did drugs five years ago before she got pregnant. Amy wouldn't risk her child like that, and Carol knew Amy wasn't using now, so five years ago Amy and Merle were...what? Drug buddies? Was he her dealer? Why would Amy ever do drugs? How bad did Amy's life get to make her want to do drugs?

Amy had problems too. Maybe Carol could, at least, help her with them. Maybe.

– – –

Daryl woke up in the hospital at six in the morning. He kicked the blankets off and ripped the IV out of his wrist. He got out of bed and wandered out into the hall, ignoring the knot in the robe he wore. He could hear coughing from all of the rooms around him. Peering into some, he discovered a bunch of teenagers and kids had caught the same flu he had.

Daryl was looking for the exit, but between the sedative and the flu, his vision was shit. It was all a blur and the ground shift underneath him, he wasn't getting anywhere anytime soon.

A baby's cries drew his attention. He found a room with a set of parents and a newborn baby. He wasn't sure if it was girl or a boy since it was wearing white jammies, but the baby was obviously sick. He could see the worry and fear in the parents' faces, and he wondered if the baby was sick with the same flu he was sick with or if it was something else entirely.

"Excuse me, Mr Dixon." Lilly rushed over to him. "You shouldn't be out of bed."

"What's wrong with it?" Daryl asked, nodding his head toward the baby.

"Nothing you need to concern yourself with. You need to focus on getting yourself better. Now, come on."

"Is he gonna be all right?"

She could see Daryl wasn't going anywhere until he knew what was wrong with that infant. She went to see, asking the nurse about the child, and she returned to find Daryl leaning against the wall, even more pale. "I will tell you, but only when you're lying down."

"Fine," he grumbled.

She helped him back to his room and placed the IV back into place. "The baby is going to be just fine. It's just an ear infection. Happy?" She didn't get a grumble, so she looked up and saw he'd passed out. She set a hand on his forehead and shook her head. Poor guy.

She wet a cloth and placed it over his forehead, gently pressing it against his forehead. "Good night, Daryl." She left the room and closed the door.

––

Daryl turned his head and opened his eyes, seeing Dr. Stookey beside him, looking over his chart. He felt heavy, and he wasn't sure he could move. He was so tired.

"Good morning."

"Coulda fooled me." He lifted his hand to his forehead.

"How are you feeling?" He glanced over the chart. "Looks like your fever's gone down."

"Then I should go, give y'all more room."

"Not so fast." Daryl groaned. "Soon. We have to make sure that fever's gone. That's a strong virus you had, maybe not as strong as you."

Daryl glared.

"May we come in?"

Daryl looked over and saw Sophia and Carol.

"Yes, maybe you can keep our patient from bolting." He closed the door on his way out.

"Hey!" Sophia smiled at him as Carol lifted her onto the bed. "Good morning!"

"Sophia, not so loud, honey." Carol was digging through her purse.

"It's all right." He sat up. "Those for me?"

"Uh-huh." Sophia tied the get well soon balloons to his bed. "I don't have school today, so I ask Mommy if we could see you. How are you?"

"Not too good." He shrugged. "How 'bout you?"

"I'm sad you're sick." She crossed her legs. "I wish you felt better."

"Me too."

Carol sat down beside him and continued to dig through her purse, ignoring him.

"So, no school?" He sniffed.

"This bug's gotten a lotta people sick." She frowned. "My friend's mommy is sick too."

"Sorry to hear that." He wondered what Carol was looking for. Either she was ignoring him by relentlessly digging through her purse or she was trying to find something important. He knew Carol kept most things neat, so she was avoiding talking to him. He wanted to talk to her, so how did he get her attention?

"Oh, no, no, no." Carol tucked hair behind her ear and pulled something smeared with lipstick out of her purse. "Damn it."

"What is that?" He couldn't tell.

"Is that my card?" Sophia frowned.

"No." She set the item down and handed Daryl Sophia's card. "Excuse me." She grabbed the item and went into the bathroom.

Daryl opened the red envelope and found a get well soon card to match the balloons inside. He read what it said, finding a cute—yet poorly drawn—doodle of him in the hospital inside. "Thanks, Sophia."

"You're welcome." She smiled. "I like Mommy's better."

"Like her what better?"

"Her card. She's really good at picking out cards. I just doodle." She shrugged.

Daryl frowned. She got him a card? That's what that thing was. Her lipstick must've opened and gotten all over it. "Excuse me." He stood up and went to the bathroom, finding Carol groaning in annoyance inside. "Carol?"

"Hold on." She wiped her hands on a paper towel then removed the card from the envelope. She held it out to him and tossed the envelope.

He read the cover and opened it, finding paint samples inside, and he chuckled. "How'd you know?"

"Shawn. He told me last night. After the accident... I'm sorry it took me so long."

"Nah, don't worry 'bout it. Kid needed you more than that house."

"Look, Daryl...I have plans with Amy in an hour, so I need to go to the store. I just wanted to drop these off. Merle's gonna come by too." She shouldered her purse and slipped by him. "Beth and Maggie sent the flowers, by the way." She motioned to the vase. "They brighten the room."

"You're goin' now?"

"But I will be back. We have paint to decide on." She smiled. "Until then sleep well and be good. Lilly told me you tried to escape last night."

"Tsk."

"That's an order," Sophia added.

"Great, now a four-year-old's bossin' me around."

"Is it working?"

Carol laughed. "C'mon, honey." She picked her up. "Let's go meet Paige and Amy. Goodbye, Daryl."

"Bye, Daryl."

"See you later then."

She nodded and left to go meet Amy. She called to check on her before pulling out of the hospital parking lot, but Amy's neighbor answered and told her Amy didn't want her to come over today. Carol could hear Amy coughing and possibly vomiting in the background, and then the neighbor hung up on Carol.

"How rude."

"What?" Sophia asked.

"Nothing. I don't think we can go see Amy today, honey. She's really sick."

"Okay." Sophia sounded disappointed. "I wanna make her a card."

"All right. We gotta go to the store anyway." Carol set the phone in her purse and backed out, going to the local store. She ran into Maggie there, and they shopped together. It was strange since the last time they stopped together, Maggie was still trying to decide if Beth should use tampons or pads.

"Vitamins?" Maggie pushed the cart.

"I am not getting sick." She grabbed her usual, and Maggie looked them over, wondering why she needed so many, and one of them caught Maggie's eye. "Do you need toothpaste, Sophia?" She dropped a bottle of kid's vitamins in the cart as well.

"Yeah." Sophia was playing with Maggie's badge.

"Uh, Carol?" Maggie held up a bottle. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

Carol looked at the bottle. "No. Why?"

"This is birth control."

"Yeah, so?"

"So? Are you seein' somebody?"

"Birth control has more uses than preventing pregnancies."

"Fine. How are you going to afford all of this? Did you get a job?" She set the bottle down and followed Carol with the cart.

"Dad gave me some money for groceries," she replied.

They picked the rest of the items and checked out, Carol helped Maggie load them into the trunk, and Maggie went home with Carol since she'd gotten a ride with Rick and was going to just call Beth to pick her up after class.

Carol glanced back at Sophia and saw her playing with Ethan.

– – –

"_I'm fine to go by myself," Carol insisted, smoothing the baby blanket Beth had finished making over the bed. "It wasn't major. He said it was normal."_

"_I can be there all the same," Daryl grumbled._

"_I'm a big girl. If I need you, you're a phone call away."_

"_Fine, be stubborn."_

"_I love you too."_

"_I gotta go. T's here."_

"_Bye."_

"_Bye." _

_She sighed and looked over the nursery once more, smiling at all the work they'd done, and she set a hand on her stomach. "This is your room, Ethan. Your daddy made almost everything all for you." She turned the light off. "You'll love it."_

_In the morning, Daryl had gone with T to inspect the shop across town, and Carol went to her appointment. Beth and Annette had to work the cafe today, and Maggie was helping Hershel with the cattle, so it was just her. She didn't mind. She just wanted to make sure everything okay. It was just a little blood in her urine. Just a little._

"_Hey." Lilly smiled at Carol. "You look adorable."_

"_Oh, I feel adorable." She leaned back, trying to relax._

"_Are you nervous?" She pushed Carol's shirt up. "About going through labor?"_

"_Terrified." She let out a nervous laugh. "Mom isn't helping alleviate my fear either."_

"_Well, I'm sure you'll do fine." She began the examination to make sure everything was all right, and Carol watched her face. "Hold on." She stood up. "Let me grab a new one. This thing is so old."_

"_Okay." Carol watched her closely, especially when she came back with new equipment, and Carol's heart beat slowed down as Lilly didn't meet her eye. There were no sounds in the entire hospital as Lilly searched the screen with a guarded look in her eye. "Lilly?"_

"_Umm, excuse me for a second, honey." She smiled warmly then left the room, closing the door, but it was open just enough for Carol to see Lilly wave over Dr. Caleb Subramanian and have a whispered conversation. He came into the room, and Carol felt panic flood through her._

"_What's going on?" She looked from Lilly to Caleb. _

_He did the same thing as Lilly, but he turned to her and spoke. "I'm very sorry, Carol, but your baby's...gone."_

"_What?" Carol must not have heard him correctly. _

"_Your son is dead. I'm very, very sorry."_

"_Uh, could you check again? He's fine. I can feel him, and he's fine."_

"_Carol," Lilly began._

"_Just check again! You're wrong!"_

"_We're not wrong," Lilly gently said. "Did you come with anybody?"_

_Carol swallowed hard, numb to everything. "No. No, I came alone."_

"_Is there anyone you want me to call? Your husband?"_

_The room became one massive blur as Lilly spoke, and Carol couldn't make sense of anything. She kept thinking over everything that happened the past nine months, and she was trying to understand what went wrong. He was fine just yesterday. He was kicking. He even had the hiccups, so how could what they said be real? He was fine..._

_The world seemed to melt away, Daryl was there now, talking to the doctor, and he was upset. He had to swallow his feelings for Carol. He had to be there for her, but at the look on her face, he was worried that she might **not** be there. Her eyes were empty as she gazed off, looking at nothing in particular, and she was so still._

_They made plans for her to give...birth tomorrow, and they made arrangements for his...funeral. Daryl did most of the talking, holding Carol's hand tightly, and he took her home. He wasn't sure what to do, but he called Hershel and let him know what happened. Daryl could hear the pained cries from Annette as Hershel told her, and Daryl had to hang up, because he couldn't handle that. He could barely handle the emotions inside of him._

_He joined Carol in bed, wrapping his arms around her, and she gripped his hand tightly. He kept waiting for her to cry, but she didn't. He watched over her through the night, and in the morning, they went to the hospital, not calling anyone, they waited for the medication to take effect. They didn't speak much, Carol kept twisting her wedding band, and Daryl chewed his bottom lip. It was so quiet. They could hear everything. Every footstep, every scribble a pen made and every single sad, whispered word._

_And it only got worse when Ethan was... When he came out. He was cold and blue, but the staff told them this was the only time they'd have him with, so they should make the most of their time with him. _

_Carol held her son in her arms, looking him over. They'd wrapped him in a little blue blanket, little hat on his head, and the only diaper he'd ever wear. He was beautiful, like his father. She looked over his little face. He had her nose, his father's chin and mouth. His little mouth that would never draw in a breath or exhale muttered words of annoyance or of love. This baby boy who Carol loved with all of her being...would never get to hear her say those three words, and she would never get to hear him say them back._

_Daryl watched her for the longest time as she examined Ethan then he joined her. They took a couple of pictures with him, Carol took some of his hair, and they said goodbye to baby Ethan. They never even got to say hello, and yet they had to say goodbye? How was that even fair? _


	11. The Truth Beneath The Rose

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

_**The winter here is cold and bitter. It's chilled us to the bone**_

_Carol's family were waiting at their house when they returned, Carol didn't want anyone to touch her, and she made it perfectly clear by walking straight by them all and hurrying upstairs the moment they entered the house. Beth fell back onto the couch, her eyes so blue and puffy; Maggie held herself tightly with her arms, her legs pulled up to her chest, from where she sat on the floor, and Hershel was sitting in the armchair with Annette behind him, shaking his head as if to keep the sadness away._

_Annette tried to talk to Daryl, to sooth him by comfortingly squeezing his arm, but Daryl jerked away and went down to the basement. She swallowed and closed the front door. She began to make tea in case Carol wanted some, but she doubted it. She just had to keep herself busy and wait. That's all she could do._

_**I haven't seen the sun for weeks, too long, too far from home**_

_**I feel just like I'm sinking and I claw for solid ground**_

_Daryl found Shawn in the basement with a bottle of whiskey, offering it to him, and Daryl took it, drinking deeply. He didn't know how process any of this. Carol didn't want him around, and he accepted that. He was going to give her space, because he needed some too. He didn't know how to handle this. His son was supposed to be born next week. The due date was next week. They were going to bring him home in that hideous blanket Beth made, and they were going to get no sleep, because Ethan was a baby and had no concept of day or night. They were going to have to deal with smelly diapers and booming cries. The worse thing that was supposed to happen was "baby blues". This wasn't supposed to happen. It shouldn't have been an option, but... Death crept on them and had taken away life that Daryl and Carol had created. It had snatched that innocent baby, and all of the plans and stupid arguing over names and what sport/instrument he would play was smoke on the breeze. Everything they thought was going to happen was gone. Poof._

_How were they supposed go on knowing that the only life they had created together was gone?_

––

_**I'm pulled down by the undertow**_

_**I never thought I could feel so low**_

_Everyone paused when they heard a shattering sound, Daryl ran up the stairs from the basement, seeing Beth and Maggie and Annette looking upstairs, so Daryl went up, finding Hershel outside the nursery. He walked over to him and was about to ask what the hell was going on when he saw what the hell was going on. He clenched his jaw._

_**And oh, darkness I just feel like letting go**_

_Carol was on a rampage. She had destroyed the rocking chair Daryl had made and she had painted, and she used the back to attack the crib. She was crying now, throwing things around and cursing. She had completely trashed the nursery, and when Daryl saw the blood on her hands and nails, he went in and grabbed her._

_**If all the of the strength and all of the courage **_

_**Come and lift me from this place**_

"_Get off me!" She struggled. "Don't touch me!"_

"_Carol! Carol, stop it!"_

_She got free and slapped him in the face, breathing hard, glaring at him. "**You want me to stop? Tell the pain to stop! Tell the goddamn world to stop! Don't tell me to stop!**" She was screaming at him, but it didn't feel good. Nothing felt good anymore. It was all fucked up. "**Don't you dare tell me to stop!**"_

_Daryl stared at her, his cheek unaffected by her slap, but the way she looked at him, **that** made him want to die. How much more useless could he get? He couldn't even sooth his own wife. He couldn't give her a good life with bouncing babies. What the hell good was he?_

"_Carol." Hershel entered the room._

"_**Don't touch me!**" She covered her hand with her mouth, shaking. "**Do not touch me!**"_

"_Hon—"_

_She ran out of the room when Hershel tried to touch her, and the slamming of a door followed._

"_Oh, my God." Beth covered her mouth with her hands at the sight of the nursery._

"_Carol?" Maggie knocked on the door. "Carol?"_

"_Daryl." Annette rushed over to him, seeing the blood and grasping his face gently. "Are you okay?"_

"_Ain't mine," he managed. "Carol's."_

_**I know I can love you much better than this**_

_**Full of grace, full of grace**_

_**My love**_

_She didn't care about his personal space boundaries. She cared about him, and she wasn't going to ask for permission. She hugged him, and Daryl tensed, but it went away as she held him. He'd never been hugged by anybody but Carol and that awkward one with Beth, and it was nice. Annette smelled like graham crackers and flowery perfume, and she reminded him a little of his own mother when she wasn't drunk. He felt tears in the back of his eyes._

_**It's better this way, I say. Haven't seen this place before**_

_**Where everything we say and do, hurts us all the more**_

_**Its just that we stayed, too long in the same old sickly skin**_

_Annette rubbed his back. "Don't hold it in," she whispered. "I know what this feels like, and holding it in doesn't make it any better."_

_He wanted to push her away, but he was too weak, too depressed, and he cried. He didn't know which emotion was stronger, but they dragged him down, and they broke him down. He couldn't hold it in anymore. His son was gone, his wife was inconsolable, and everything was fucked up. Everything was tainted, and it would never be good again. He just knew it would only get worse. It always did, and there wouldn't be a better this time. The better was broken and crying alone, and there was nothing he could do for her. Not a fucking thing._

_**I'm pulled down by the undertow**_

_**I never thought I could feel so low**_

_**And oh, darkness I just feel like letting go**_

––

_That first night, Daryl didn't go to their bedroom. He wanted to, but he smelled like alcohol, and he didn't want her to smell that. Annette and Hershel had asked Shawn to go out and get some supplies while they planned the funeral for Ethan, and the girls went upstairs to Carol._

_She wasn't asleep, but she didn't push Maggie or Beth away. They stayed with her all through the night, and they stayed with her until it was time for the funeral the following week. It was a beautiful day, not a cloud in sight, and the service was lovely. Annette had made sure it was. It was very fitting, it made almost everyone cry and since everyone they knew was there, even Merle, it made Daryl and Carol feel even worse._

_Carol had received so many condolences that day, and she couldn't take them anymore. Daryl could see that, so he walked over to her._

"_Do you want me t—?"_

"_No." She looked at him for the first time in days. It was the first time she'd spoken to him in days as well. "I want this to be over. **That's** what I want."_

"_Carol—" He tried to touch her, but she walked away from him._

_Beth noticed and walked over to him. "Give her time."_

"_I'd give her anything," he told Beth, "if she'd just talk to me."_

_She wanted to hug him, but she didn't. She didn't want to make him tense, not after all the tension he had with Carol. "If you need to talk, I'm here. We're all here for you." Beth knew Carol wasn't going to talk about it. She never spoke of her father's death after he died, and she knew she couldn't speak of Ethan now too. _

_**If all of the strength and all of the courage**_

_**Come and lift me from this place**_

_**I know I could love you much better than this**_

_**Full of grace**_

_Daryl saw Merle and excused himself, joining his older brother. "What're you doin' here?"_

"_Came to pay my respects," he admitted. "I'm sorry, lil' brother. This shouldn't have happened. You didn't deserve this."_

_Daryl felt a wave of emotion and tears threatened to stream down his cheeks, but he swallowed them. He'd done enough crying. "Thanks, Merle, for comin'."_

_Merle had no words, no quips, so he just gave Daryl an awkward yet comforting hug. "Go talk to your wife."_

"_Talk? She don't wanna talk to me."_

"_Well, just try. She needs you."_

_Daryl looked over his shoulder, seeing Carol sitting on a bench and closing her eyes. He found himself going over to her, and he sat down beside her. She stayed sitting there, and she took his hand, placing it in her lap and squeezing it, never once opening her eyes, just knowing it was him._

"_Broke little mouse," Merle murmured. It's a big shitty world, and they got a taste of that too damn soon. Merle sighed, seeing the picture of little Dixon and shaking his head. "Rest in peace, Ethan."_

_**I know I can love you much better than this**_

_**It's better this way**_

––

Carol had been out most of the day, leaving Sophia with her family, and Carol was trying to find...peace, perhaps. She'd been dreaming of Ethan again, and it wasn't any easier. She didn't know why he was in her dreams, but she figured it had to do with her never truly accepting with his death. She was trying to.

Ever since that night in her bathroom, she'd really been trying to make peace with it, but it was harder than she thought. He would always be a part of her, and she was scared that she might forget... The pain of losing him was a reminder of him and the many months before that damned day, but she didn't want to associate pain with her little boy. She associated pain with Ed, and she didn't want those two to mix. Ethan was everything, and Ed was nothing. Nothing.

Carol came home pretty late that day, her heart a little lighter. "Am I late for dinner?" Carol set her keys in her purse as she entered the house.

"Nope." Shawn stepped into the hall with a slice of pizza. "Mushroom and sausage with cheese stuffed crust."

"My favorite." She dropped her shoes onto the floor. "Where's everyone at?" She went into the kitchen and filled a glass with soda.

"Dad took the girls and the munchkin to see Mom. They'll be back at nine or so." He shrugged.

"Sophia has a bedtime. Do they know that?" She grabbed a slice of pizza.

"I didn't tell them to take her out."

She looked at him. "Okay, you're jittery. What happened? Did Sasha come by?"

"No...well, yeah, but no." He tossed the crust into the box as she looked at him with confusion on her face and wiped his hands on his jeans, no longer hungry. "We had lunch at the cafè today."

She nodded, taking a bite of pizza.

"Yeah, it turns out the reason she was asking me about kids is because she's pregnant."

She choked. "W—what?"

"Yep. Three months pregnant." He dropped onto the chair beside him. "I'm gonna be a dad, Carol. A _dad._ I am too immature and irresponsible to be a dad."

"Whoa, whoa, slow down. Tell me everything." She moved into the chair next to him with her drink and slice of pizza.

"I met her for lunch, and it was normal. She had on this sexy little black dress, and she was wearing the green tinted diamond on her necklace, which I gave to her on our first anniversary, and I thought that was weird." His eyes were so wide, and Carol was a little worried. "She was listening to me talk about some bratty little assholes I had to take pictures for, and she was laughing. She has the cutest laugh. Have you heard it?"

"Okay, stop. You need to calm down. Here." She handed him her soda. "Drink. This'll take the edge off the obviously delayed shock."

Once Shawn had started blinking again, he thought about his afternoon, realizing now that this should've been more obvious then.

– – –

_Sasha was waiting at their table, the sun was shining outside, and she had her head in her hand, letting her other hand rest in her lap. Her shoulder-length black hair was straight with a few pins to keep it out of her face, her dress fit her _very_ well, but she looked a little nervous. He was half an hour late. Those damn kids were annoying and very, very slow to move into position, not to mention easily distracted. They were beneath dogs. At least dogs listen, if bribed._

"_I'm sorry I'm late." He kissed her, and she smiled at him. "Were you waiting long?"_

"_Not very long." She shrugged a shoulder. "Mom's making pasta, but I came by earlier and asked for some, so hopefully it'll be done soon." Jacqui made meals for only the family. They were off the menu, so they would have to pretend they brought it. Otherwise the other customers would think this would try and order it too, and Mom didn't want to deal with that mess._

"_I love pasta." He studied her. "Are you all right? You seem...distracted."_

"_I'm fine. Tell me about your bratty kids?"_

"_It was for a couple of teenagers. They wanted to make their mother a book of pictures for her birthday. It was a pain in the ass. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get the attention of two eight-year-olds and two twelve-year-olds? I swear they were on a sugar high too." She laughed at his exasperated expression. "The oldest one was seventeen, and him, I liked. He managed to control them. Why do people want more than one kid? Let alone five?"_

_She let out a nervous laugh. "I don't know." _

"_I think I hate kids." At least other peoples' kids anyway._

"_How were the pictures?"_

"_Fantastic, of course. I took them." He shook his head, honestly exhausted._

"_What's wrong?" She could feel that he was upset. She didn't want to bring it up right away, because she wanted them to enjoy their lunch, but he looked so tired, sick almost. She was worried about his health. _

"_It's Carol," he admitted. "Something's changed." _

"_Of course. It's been five years."_

"_I know, but I think something happened to her. It wasn't good either." He rubbed his eyes._

"_Have you slept?" She hated when he did this. Whenever he was upset, he wouldn't sleep. He couldn't. She used to catch him staring out the windows whenever he spent the night and had a lot on his mind. She tried everything to get him to sleep—teas, pills, warm milk, massages—but none of it worked. "You look really tired."_

"_I am." He ran a hand through his hair. "I need coffee."_

"_I'll get you one." She stood up and went over to the counter, getting his usual._

_He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to wake up, but he couldn't. He couldn't sleep either. He was just worried about Carol. He knew something happened to her. He didn't know what, but it was **something.** He had no idea how to ask her or how to get her to tell him. He would find a way, but not in this state. Man, it really hit him how tired he was._

"_Shawn!" _

_He didn't realize he was falling out of his seat until he hit the floor, and Sasha and Jacqui were swarming around him. "Ow." He gripped the back of his head._

"_Ty," Jacqui called to her son, "come and help us get Shawn into the car."_

_Tyreese helped Shawn up, Sasha grabbed her purse and his keys. She thanked Tyreese for helping her then she drove him back to her place and helped him inside. She really hated the steps to her apartment, because they nearly tripped on them. _

_She called her mom and told her they made it safely. Sasha tossed her shoes into her closet and climbed onto the bed beside him. "You're still up?" She frowned._

"_I have a headache." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry I fell and ultimately ruined our lunch."_

"_Don't worry about it. Mom had been giving me snacks anyway." She ran her fingers through his shaggy hair, trying to lull him to sleep. "I wanted to talk to you, but you need sleep more than we need to talk."_

_He caught her hand and kissed her palm. "I love you, Sasha Douglas."_

"_I love you, Shawn Greene." She was amused. "Now sleep."_

"_I'm sorry about before," he blurted. "I shouldn't have done that to you, and I know I can never make it up to you, because it was a horrible thing, but I'm glad you never gave up on me."_

"_I can see you, Shawn. I always have been able to." She smiled softly. "I've forgiven you, but you can't, can you?"_

"_I was raised better than that," he muttered. "What the hell is wrong with me?" _

"_Shawn, stop it. It was a long time ago, and it doesn't matter anymore. I trust you, and I love you, so just let it go." She lied down beside him and ran her fingers through his hair._

_He closed his eyes and heaved a sigh. _

_She watched as his head dropped to the side, his hand went limp on hers and his breathing became even. She smiled and kissed his cheek, resting her head on his chest. She had forgiven him for what he done, but he couldn't, because he felt as though he betrayed his father. That's why. She had always wondered why he so persistent and why he felt the need to make it up to her. It was hard on her, but she's tough. She's a firefighter, and she knew how easily things could go up in flames, and she wasn't going to let what happen linger and cause her more pain. It happened, she suffered, but she moved on. Clinging to the past wasn't going to get her anywhere. That's why Shawn was still living at the farm in his childhood bedroom and taking crap jobs when he could be great._

_She slid off the bed and changed out of her dress and into his gray hoodie. It was long enough to be a dress, and it was comfortable. She walked around her apartment. It wasn't big enough for a baby. It was barely big enough for her. She didn't have a lot of stuff, but what she did have was cluttering the living room and the hall. She needed to buy a house and soon. She wanted Shawn to help decorate their baby's nursery, but she had to tell him first. She waited until she was sure, because she didn't want to see his face like it was when Carol lost Ethan, and now she was waiting for the right time. She was going to tell him a while ago, but he canceled their dinner, because Carol came home and brought a lot of stress. Maybe now wasn't a good time, but she was going to start showing even more soon. There was a curve...a thickening visible enough for her mother to blurt it out at the station when she brought her lunch. All of those big, muscled men...they were more teary than her mother was. _

_She looked over houses for sale while Shawn rested, snacking on fruit, and she noticed that Shawn's old house was for sale. Why would they put that house up for sale? It was a beautiful house, and the guy that bought it added a deck with a pool. It was near the Greene's farm, and there was a lot of land. She could get that dog she's always wanted._

"_What time is it?" Shawn stumbled into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand._

_She checked her watch. "Five."_

"_Damn it." He felt horrible. "I'm sorry."_

"_Don't be. I had some things to take care of anyway." She bit into an chocolate-covered orange jelly._

"_Like what?" He stood behind her. "You're moving?"_

"_Yeah. I need a bigger place." _

"_Why?" He took one of the jellies and bit into it. "Ew!" He spit it out into his hand. "What the hell was that?"_

"_An orange jelly." She took the rest of his and ate it as he washed the rest off his hand. _

"_I thought you hated them." He wiped his hands on a dishrag. _

"_Well, I was craving them." _

"_Okay. Tell me next time, 'cause I still hate them." He sank into the chair beside her. "Why do you want to move?"_

_She met his eyes. "Because I'll need room for the baby."_

"_What? You have plenty...of...room." His eyes widened. "Baby? What baby?" _

"_The president's. I guess because I'm black, he feels he can trust me." _

"_That's not funny!"_

"_Ours." She watched his expression. "I'm pregnant."_

"_You're pregnant?" he repeated. "Are you absolutely **sure** you're pregnant?"_

"_Shawn, I've been pregnant for three months." She folded her arms on the table. "How have you not noticed? Because it's actually impressive."_

"_Are you trying to tell me I'm incredibly stupid and a bad boyfriend for noticing something different with you or that I'm going to be a father?"_

"_You're not a bad boyfriend. A little dense, but not a bad boyfriend." She smiled. "You're going to be a father."_

"_Here comes the panic." He exclaimed, "And you're just telling me **now**?!"_

"_I wanted to make sure. The first few weeks are always risky, I didn't want to see your face if anything went wrong and then things got complicated with your family, so I just put it off."_

"_But you're a firefighter," he pointed out. "You can't...fire fight while pregnant."_

"_Really? See, I need you, I didn't know that." She smirked. "I'm not stupid, Shawn, but I am healthy and so is our baby. I have a sonogram, if you want to see it."_

"_Hell, yeah, I wanna see it."_

_She went into her bedroom then came back a few moments later, holding out a strip of papers. "I went to the doctor's today, actually, and I have a recording of the heartbeat, if you want to hear it." _

_He looked over the sonogram as Sasha pointed out what was what, and he felt his chest tightened. He was going to be a father in...what? Six, seven months? His biggest concerns this morning were whether or not to brush his teeth and expanding his business and if he could have a muffin or an apple for breakfast, but now... Now he was a father. His girlfriend of three years was pregnant with his child. _

"_I wanted to wait until you were with me before I found out the sex." _

"_I can't believe this." He was out of his seat. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"_

"_I wanted to, but it never seemed like right time."_

"_There is no "right time". There's only now, so why didn't you tell me the minute you found out?"_

_She shrugged._

"_No, don't shrug. Tell me."_

"_I was scared, all right? I'm twenty-five, I'm not married, and I don't even have a toaster, but I'm pregnant! I was careful. We were safe, so I don't know how this happened."_

"_Three months?" She nodded, and he did the math in his head and sighed. "That frigging party Tara threw for her girlfriend, Alyssa."_

"_Let's never tell our child he or she was conceived in a photo booth."_

_They laughed._

"_Or possibly the front seat of my car."_

"_Or bathroom."_

"_God, we were horny." She laughed, and he smiled. "You're pregnant."_

_She nodded. _

"_Then I'm gonna do this right." He closed the space between them. "Sasha Douglas, let's live together."_

"_You want to live together?"_

"_Well, half of my crap's already over here, and I've discovered a lot of your crap at my place."_

"_Like what?"_

"_That lace thong, for one."_

_She laughed. "That wasn't mine."_

_He shuddered. "I'm going to pretend it was yours then." It was easier and more enjoyable if he pretended it was hers and not one of his sisters'._

"_Well, Shawn Greene, I wanna live with you too, but we're going to need a house."_

"_I completely agree." He grabbed the paper and led her into the living room, pulling her into his lap when he sat on the couch. "A house?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_I have money saved up."_

"_As so I." _

"_All right, now you're just copying me." He smirked._

"_All right, I'm copying you."_

"_Fine, after we find a house, we're having sex."_

"_Fine, after we find a house, I'm calling my relator and having it inspected."_

"_And thus begins the no sex portion of our relationship."_

_She laughed and kissed him. "I have a house in mind, but it's entirely up to you." She showed him, and he did a double-take. "It's your old house."_

"_Yes, it is."_

"_What?"_

"_It's a good house, but I don't know." He ran his thumb over her shoulder. "Living there as an adult, raising our kid there? It's weird."_

"_It's been remodeled some. We can go and take a look." _

"_I suppose."_

"_We'll go tomorrow. I have a lot of time, so when are you free?" She grabbed her phone to set a reminder._

"_I'm free after five...er, in the morning." _

"_We can go shopping after. I don't have any suitcases, but luckily most of my stuff's already in boxes, so it'll be easy to move." She felt his hand sliding up her thigh as she made a list. "And we'll have to pack your things as well. Do you want a room for your camera equipment?" _

"_Sure."_

"_Shawn." She didn't look at him._

"_Sasha." He gently rubbed her inner thigh. "I'm listening to every word you're saying."_

"_I bet you are." She lowered her phone. "But my brother is coming by with food in ten minutes."_

"_Sometimes I hate Jacqui." He ran his hands through his hair and rested them on her knees. "What kind of food? I'm starving."_

"_It's all healthy, so probably nothing good."_

"_Then I'm going home to get a pizza, and I'll come by later tonight with "healthy" ice cream."_

"_You have a key."_

_He kissed her deeply, resting a hand on her stomach, feeling a bump, and he placed a kiss to her stomach as well. "I'll even bring a book."_

"_A book?"_

"_Yeah, the first story our kid's hearing is my favorite childhood book."_

"_Bunnicula?" _

"_I should still have a copy." He picked her up, stood up and set her back down on the couch. He snagged his keys out of her purse. "I'll see you tonight, beautiful."_

_She smirked. "Tonight."_

––

He told her the shorter version and left out the whole part about him worrying over her, and she hugged him. He was happy, but he was still worried. It wasn't so much Sasha having a healthy baby as him being a father. How the hell was he going to be a good father? He could barely keep Carol alive growing up, and now he had a kid on the way.

"I'm so happy for you!" She smiled. "You'll be a great father!"

"Lying's a sin."

"Shut up. You will be."

"Lair," he decided. "How was your day?"

"Nothing much. Nothing important, anyway." She shrugged.

"Great then tell me."

"Why?" _Could he not sense that she didn't want to talk about it?_

"Because my girlfriend is creating life as we speak, I need something "not" important right now."

"It _was_ important," she confessed. "I uh, went to Ethan's grave today."

"Oh." He dropped his eyes.

"I'm trying to sort out my feelings," she told him. "I don't want this pain and sadness. I love him, and I always will, but I need to make a place for him in my heart and let go of all that pain. It's the only way I can change that house. I feel Ethan's memory is there, and I'm...I don't know, erasing it? I know I'm not, but I feel like I am."

"Yeah." He nodded.

"I need to...accept what happened—all of it—especially if I'm going to try and be friends with Daryl."

"That's really good, kid. I know you never really coped after Ethan, so I'm proud of you, and I'm here for you." Then he grinned. "Ah."

"'Ah' what?" Carol eyed him.

"You and Daryl. Daryl and you. Alone together. At your old house."

"I'm just fixing it up to be sold, and he's gonna be working at his shop with T."

"Fine, I won't go there. Here, I will go. Do you love him?"

She nodded. "Yes, of course." It's Daryl. She'd always love him.

"Are you in love with him?"

She hesitated.

"Are you?" he pressed.

"I'm n—"

The front door opened, Sophia called to Carol, Beth was laughing and Maggie dropped on the sofa, causing Hershel to nag her to go upstairs. Carol dropped her head and crossed her arms over her stomach, and Shawn had to meet Sasha. He trusted Carol to not tell, so he left her to clean up while he said goodbye to his dad, niece and sisters.

– – –

_Daryl worked on Merle's bike since he didn't need it where he was. Daryl had co-op for fourth, so he he checked out in second. He hated his third, and if he had to sit through another kiddy movie, he would was going to shoot the damn TV and maybe the teacher._

_He was glad to not have to see Carol right now. He had to talk to her, and he didn't even know how to go about it. These things weren't his strong point. He'd never been with someone as he was with Carol. He had to tell her, but he knew she would get mad and try something stupid and get herself hurt. She was smart until someone pisses her off or hurts someone she cares for. The last thing Daryl needed was her confronting his father, but eventually, Carol would figure it out. She was too smart not to, and he'd seen how she was noticing the little winces and flinches._

_Her birthday was coming up as well. They'd made an agreement to just get each other a birthday/graduation gift, so they didn't have to spend extra money, and they both had time to decide what was best to give the other. Daryl still wasn't sure what to get her. He'd known her all this time, but she was hard to shop for, and Daryl hated shopping anyway. If he could con Andrea into it, he would. Huh, maybe he could._

_He sent Andrea a text on his break when they were getting out of school, and he waited for her to reply, sitting on the ground with his back against a car. He heard T call to him to let him know that he was going out to run an errand, probably going to check on Jacqui and their kids, and was leaving Daryl in charge. _

_Daryl's phone vibrated when red hair spilled over his screen, and he found Carol's gray-blue eyes smiling at him. "Carol."_

"_Hey." She crouched down in front of him, respecting his privacy by not looking at his phone. "I figured it was my turn to bring you something while you're working." She set her purse down and dug out a bottle of pop. "Eat this first." She handed him a Snickers ice cream bar. _

"_What're you doin' here?" _

"_I already told you why." She searched his eyes. "Am I in the way? God, I'm so sorry. You're probably busy. I'll just go. I have to help Andrea and Lori with their prom dresses anyway, so excuse me." She started to stand up, but Daryl grabbed her wrist._

"_You don't gotta go."_

"_But I thought—"_

"_I didn't mean to sound so cold." _

"_It's okay. I should've sent you a text." She tucked hair behind her ear. "Where's T-dog?"_

"_Runnin' some errand."_

"_So, you're in charge?" She leaned closer to him. "And we're alone?"_

"_For now."_

_She kissed him, he pulled her onto his lap, and her hands rested against his neck, slowly sliding up to his cheeks. His phone vibrated against his leg, but he wasn't going to answer it. However the person was persistent and kept calling._

_Carol broke the kiss and answered his phone, already knowing who it was. "Hello?"_

"_What did I tell you?" It was T-dog._

"_How do you know we're doing anything? We could be talking."_

"_If you were "talking", Daryl woulda answered. Before I even called."_

"_Fine. Here's Daryl." She handed him the phone._

"_Hello?" Daryl paused. "Alright. Yeah, I'll do it. See you then." He hung up. "I gotta go help him."_

"_I have to help pick out dresses."_

"_Come by tomorrow."_

"_Okay." She kissed him goodbye and left before she was late and had to deal with Lori using that against her and conning her into prom. She really didn't want to go, but Lori used the same excuse everyone else did: it's your senior prom. She wasn't the type of girl who went to prom, and she had plans of her own. _

––

_Carol went to T-dog's shop the next day, and she spent some time with, learning about one of the cars he was working with. She found it interesting, and she even asked to help. T-dog was the best guy she knew, and he let her help, but only a little since it was someone else's car. She'd gotten him to tell her Daryl was coming in at four._

"_Will it work?" Carol asked._

"_Yeah, just needs a little tendin' to." He pointed behind him. "Get me that toolbox, and I'll show you."_

_Carol picked up the toolbox, but a few wrenches fell out, so she bent down and picked them up. At least it wasn't anything expensive and fragile. If it was, she still had almost a thousand dollars in her bank account. She heard the front door open, and she checked her watch. It was five till. _

"_Hey, T," Daryl called into the garage. _

"_Yeah?" _

"_I'm gonna work on the Hyundai 'round back. If Carol comes by, tell her...somethin'. I don't want her to know I'm here."_

"_Uh..." T-dog glanced at the Craftsman's tool chest then at Daryl, and Daryl followed his gaze and Carol stood up, holding wrenches. "Does anybody hear a phone?" He looked around as he bolted from the room._

"_Carol..."_

_She walked over to him. "I thought if I loved you for the both of it, it would be enough. We could be happy. I was so stupid." She slammed the wrenches down at his legs and stormed out of the garage. She grabbed her purse from the counter and slipped it on, trying to remember where her car was. She'd parked in the back, so Daryl wouldn't see it. She hurried to get her car, but she had a feeling he wasn't coming after her._

_She dug out her keys when she found her car, and in a rush, she dropped her phone. The screen cracked. "Are you kidding me?" She picked it up. Just great. She threw it into her purse and unlocked her door, opening it only to have a hand slam it shut. "What the hell now?" she snapped, glaring at him, stunned to see him there._

"_Carol, wait." _

_She held her hand out. "Hi, I'm a human being. What are you?" She glared and crossed her arms. "God, you asshole. You want me to stay away, fine. You got your wish."_

"_No! It ain't like that." He shut the door again. "I do want you 'round."_

"_I heard you!" She was so angry she wanted to cry and hit him—with her car!_

"_C—"_

"_No! No, waiting! No, Carol! You've been distant for months, and I was too damn stupid to see the signs! I get it now! We're done! You're free!" She was going to cry, and she didn't want him to see it. "Move!" She pushed him and opened the door to her car._

"_Damn it, Carol!" He pushed her gently against and smashed his mouth against hers, cutting off her protests. He could feel her trying to get away, hitting him with her fists, but he grabbed her wrists and pulled her closer. He could feel the fight leaving her, and he wrapped his arms around her. He kissed her until he was certain she was breathless and only then did he pull back. He looked into her eyes. "Listen."_

_She was glaring, but her eyes had lost their loathing fire._

"_I don't want you 'round right now 'cause there's shit goin' down with my brother. I don't want you involved."_

_She swallowed. "Shit?"_

"_You don't wanna know. Just trust me and stay away from me for a while, all right?"_

"_No, not all right. How can I believe you?"_

"_You just gotta."_

_She searched his eyes, seeing he was genuinely worried about her and that he was telling the truth, and she signed. "Fine, but when I see you next, we're talking. It's going to be a very long talk, and no lying, got it?"_

_He smirked. "Got it."_

"_You're still an asshole."_

"_I accept that." He tried to kiss her, but she moved her head so he only kissed her forehead._

"_If I can't see you, you can't kiss me." She ducked under his arms and stepped back. "Call me when this "shit" is over. Otherwise, I'm going to your house in the middle of the night, breaking in and waking up Merle to see what happened."_

"_Just trust me. Stay away for, like, a week or two."_

"_Fine. Move so I can go. I have to pick up a dozen cupcakes for the party in our first."_

"_What kind?"_

"_Vanilla and chocolate." She opened the door and tossed her purse in the passenger seat, turning her head to look at him. "And red velvet for us."_

_He smirked. _

"_Daryl." She searched his eyes. "Be very careful. I know the men Merle runs with are willing to resort to horrible things."_

"_Which is why you should go." He stepped back. "Stay safe."_

_She got in her car and left. She had a bad feeling about this. The last time Merle got mixed up with drugs, he and Daryl almost got shot. Only Daryl puking got them out of it. She didn't want either of them to get hurt. Merle had his redeemable moments, but mostly he was an ass. One day, he might redeem himself for all the crap he's done, but she doubted it. People like Merle are the same until something really drastic happens, and she didn't know what that would be. The only person he cared about was Daryl, but he put Daryl in compromising positions all the time. She didn't like him, but she didn't hate him. Most of the time._

––

Carol couldn't sleep, her mind was too busy, so she grabbed her shoes and quietly headed down the stairs and out the door. She ran to the stables, feeling the cool night air against her cheeks, and she found her horse. She saddled her and climbed up, taking her out. Carol knew where to go, and she didn't need light to get there. She was careful nonetheless since the horse wasn't as confident.

She arrived at the pond and got down, tying the reins against a nearby tree. She walked down to the end of the dock and sat down. She knew this area well. She and Daryl used to sneak out here before Hershel knew they were dating, and they'd fool around and talk. It was also one of the possible places Carol got pregnant with Ethan. She always hoped it was that time in her bedroom, but it was hard to tell. She and Daryl could never seem to get enough of each other after her birthday. It wasn't just sex, it was being that close to him, feeling all of him, and what that meant. Daryl was a very closed and private person, so making love meant that much more to both of them. She loved that he let her touch him anywhere she wanted, but she took her time. Every time they made love, she would move her hand closer to his back, to his scars, and she kept hoping if he got used to that then maybe one day he would be used to touch in general. Guess she'll never know if would've worked now.

She inhaled the night air and exhaled deeply, looking up at the stars. She always believed her father was up there watching over her, and she knew he was, but she knew now that Ethan was too. He was looking out for his little sister. He was still here, but not with them. He was with his grandfather, and Carol could accept that if she could just understand why Ethan didn't make it, but Sophia had.

She knew she couldn't know that. Everything works out the way it's supposed to, so maybe tomorrow or the distance future, she would see why it had to be like this. She just had to be strong and make a room for him in her heart where he could be with her forever.

Carol stayed by the pond through the night, and she fell asleep just before sunrise. She only woke when her foot fell off the dock, jolting her. She sat up, the wind tugging at her clothes and hair, and she saw a Cherokee rose spinning in the water as the wind blew.

_It's a Cherokee rose. The story is when the American soldiers were moving Indians off their land on the Tail of Tears, the Cherokee mothers were __**grievin**__' and __**cryin**__' so much 'cause they were losin' their little ones along the way from exposure and disease and starvation. A lot of them just __**disappeared**__. So the elders, they said a prayer; asked for a sign to uplift the mothers' spirits, give them __**strength**__ and __**hope**__. The next day this rose started to grow where the mothers' __**tears**__ fell._

Goosebumps sprang up on Carol's arm, and she fished the flower out of the water. As she held the rose in her hands, she remembered what Daryl said to her just before they buried Ethan.

_I believe this one...bloomed for our little boy. He's up there, and one day, we'll see him again. I don't believe in much, but I do believe that._

Carol wiped her nose on the sleeve of her hoodie as tears ran down her cheeks, her entire body starting to tremble as sobs tore through her. She brought the flower up to her heart locket where Ethan's hair was resting inside along with the engagement ring Daryl had given her all those years ago.

_You'll never lose by loving_, Annette had told Carol once. _You'll always lose by holding back. _

_Don't grieve. Anything you lost comes back to you in one form or another,_ Ethan had told Carol that once, and she didn't understand it until now. Ethan was gone, but Sophia was here. Maybe some of Ethan was within Sophia.


	12. Always

Shawn and Sasha checked out his old house, finding a lot had changed, and he told the relator he'd think about it. He took Sasha home to tell everyone the great news, and so that Carol and Sasha could officially meet—all those years with T and not once did Carol meet his daughter. It was odd, but he was glad. He wanted Carol to get to know this Sasha, and he knew she would love her.

"Is this a good idea?" Sasha asked.

"Yes. I made sure Beth was making a good breakfast, and I want you to meet my niece and sister officially."

They went inside and straight to the dining room. Beth had made pancakes, waffles, hash browns, eggs, biscuits, and bacon. It turned out Maggie had invited Glenn over for breakfast too, so it was awkward at first, but they got over it. It was nice to have a lot of people at the table to be honest.

"How long have you been dating?" Carol asked Glenn. "And why didn't anyone tell me?"

"We've only be dating about three months now, and it's a comfort to know I'm never talked about." He took a drink of orange juice. "That means nothing bad has been said."

"You're so weird," Sophia said, and everyone laughed.

"She didn't mean that." Carol was embarrassed.

"I'll take it as a compliment." He smiled at her. "I appreciate it, Sophia."

"Then you're welcome." She smiled.

"Speaking of dating," Hershel watched Sasha and Shawn, seeing that familiar glow on Sasha, "what brings you here again?"

"I wanted her to meet Carol," Shawn answered. "And Beth makes the best eggs."

"Really? Just for Carol and my eggs?" Beth pressed.

"No, I'm not that special." Carol ate a forkful of hash browns.

"Actually, we have news." Sasha looked around at them.

"Are you engaged again?" Glenn faked a gasp.

"Shut up," Shawn glared, but he'd known Glenn a long time, so it was just playful. "No, it's different news."

"We're moving in together," Sasha announced.

"Finally!" Hershel rejoiced, and the girls giggled.

"Thanks, Dad, I feel the love."

"That can't be all," Carol urged.

"It's not." Sasha interlaced her fingers through Shawn's. "We're also having a baby."

The entire room was silent then congratulations broke out. Maggie gave them a hug and then Glenn, Hershel, Carol and Sophia, but Beth just smiled from where she sat. Shawn and Sasha looked really happy, and Carol was so happy for that. She noticed Beth in the corner as Maggie and Glenn and Hershel spoke to the couple. She frowned and followed Beth into the kitchen.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, of course not." Beth was about to cry.

"You could tell them congratulations, Beth. It's only manners." Carol was teasing, trying to cheer her up, but it didn't work.

Beth slammed her plate into the sink, shattering it, and she spun around. "Don't tell me what I should say!"

"Beth, I was only—"

"I don't care what you were only," Beth snapped. "And I am happy for them. Congratulations, Shawn and Sasha. I'm sure your baby will be beautiful."

Everyone looked at Beth, confused, and Beth covered her face with her hands and tried to leave the room, but Carol grabbed her wrist and stopped her.

"Let me go!" Beth jerked her wrist free.

"Beth, what's wrong? Why are you acting like this?"

"Everyone just gets what they want," she spat. "You get a beautiful little girl, Maggie gets Glenn and a promotion, and now Sasha's gotten Shawn to commit. Y'all are so lucky." Her eyes were full of sadness and tears.

"Beth, what's wrong?" Maggie walked over to her. "Honey, you can tell us anything."

"Why bother? It doesn't make any difference."

"Bethy?" Hershel frowned. "What is it?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I should just shut up and fade into the background like always, 'cause y'all have important things to do." She scoffed. "It's a little too late to finally notice my pain, but thanks for tryin'."

"Beth!"

She ran upstairs and slammed her bedroom door.

"What the hell was that about?" Carol asked Maggie.

"I have no idea." Maggie looked at Hershel then led Carol upstairs so they could try and coax Beth out of her room or to at least tell them what was wrong.

Sophia slipped out of her chair, Shawn told Sasha to finish eating before he went after his sisters, and Hershel saw Sophia at the foot of the stairs. He picked her up and carried her to where the others had gathered outside Beth's door. He set her down.

"Beth, c'mon, talk to us." Maggie listened for movement, but there wasn't any. "Beth, please?"

"Go away! I'm sure you got better things to do!"

"Beth, I'm sorry." Carol tried the doorknob, but Beth was had locked the door and was sitting against it. She really didn't want to let them in. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"I'll bet."

"Let's leave her be," Shawn suggested. "She'll come out when she's ready."

Maggie didn't want to leave Beth alone while she was upset, but they were getting nowhere. She didn't want to talk to them, and she wasn't going to let any of them into her room. She also had to meet Rick in a few hours, and Glenn had to stop by his mom's bakery. She hated to put Beth aside, but Beth was just as stubborn as the rest of them. She wasn't going to cave any time soon.

"I'll clean up the kitchen," Maggie offered, glancing back at Beth's door.

"I'll help." He had to get used to doing actual chores anyway.

"I'll clear the table." Carol scratched her arm.

They all started to walk away when they heard Sophia speak. They turned around and saw her sitting on the floor and talking to the door.

"Aunt Beth?" Sophia knocked on the door softly. "Aunt Beth?"

"Sophia."

"No, wait." Shawn grabbed Carol's arm so she couldn't move.

Beth's bedroom door slowly opened, Sophia climbed to her feet and went inside, the door closing behind her. Beth look at the little girl, Sophia hugged her, and Beth pulled her close and cried. The others could hear her crying, but they decided to leave it to Sophia. She was doing a better job than they were, and they all felt really terrible. Beth was in pain for some reason, and they didn't notice. How long had they not noticed?

"Is she okay?" Sasha was on her feet the minute they stepped into the room.

"No." Shawn gathered the leftover biscuits and pancakes. "Sophia's with her."

"Your niece?" Sasha frowned. "Is that gonna help?"

"We'll find out."

Carol and Hershel cleared the plates off the table, scrapping them, Maggie washed them while Shawn dried, and Glenn and Sasha waited in the living room, wondering if Beth was going to come down soon. They needed to talk to Beth, so Maggie canceled her plans, Shawn rescheduled with the Jones family, and Carol called Daryl to let him know she would come by tomorrow. Glenn had to explain to his mother why he wasn't coming, and Sasha was free all day. She really needed to find a hobby.

Half an hour later, still no Beth.

"All right, would anybody have a problem if I read to my fetus?" Shawn asked the room.

"No." Maggie sat down on the stairs with Glenn behind her.

"What're you reading?" Carol crossed her legs, trying to still her nerves.

"The only book he owns," Glenn muttered.

"It _is_ the only book I own," Shawn proudly replied. "And that grandfather clock is driving me insane, so does anybody hate Bunnicula?"

"I haven't heard that since I was a kid." Carol smiled. "I'd love to hear it."

Shawn dug the book out of his camera bag and opened it. It was about as old as Carol, and he'd had it since his dad gave it him. Shawn's name written by his father was still on the front page, and Shawn ran his fingertip over it, hoping he'd be a good father. He had two great fathers, so hopefully he had some of that in him.

"Chapter one: the arrival." He turned to face Sasha's stomach since she was lying behind him on the couch behind him. "_I shall never forget the first time I laid these now tired old eyes on our visitor. I had been left home by the family with the admonition to take care of the house until they returned. That's Something they always say to me when they go out: "Take care of the house, Harold. You're the watchdog." I think it's their way of making up for not taking me with them. As if I wanted to go anyway. You can't lie down at the movies and still see the screen. And people think you're being impolite if you fall asleep and start to snore, or scratch yourself in public. No thank you, I'd rather be stretched out on my favorite rug in front of the a nice, whistling radiator._"

As he went on, Maggie and Glenn began to actually listen to the story, moving into the living room to hear him better, Carol had moved beside him to see the pictures, and Sasha noticed how much effort Shawn was putting into reading the story to their little fetus. He'd made up voices for the characters—they were similar to the ones their father used—and he would look at her belly from time to time. Why would he ever doubt his ability to be a good father? She'd known Shawn through her father for most of her life, and they only really met her father hired him to take a picture of the shop for some advertisement. She knew Ethan a little as well. She wanted to get to know Shawn personally, because in all that time, all she knew was that he was a great big brother and student. She didn't know where this doubt came from. Perhaps by the time their child was born, he wouldn't have any doubts.

By the time Shawn got through chapter eight, Beth had calmed down and left her room. She was holding Sophia close, and they all looked over when she stopped on the stairs to listen. Shawn had paused momentarily then began again, looking at Beth occasionally. She looked better, like she needed to get that out. He was glad.

"_I must now bring this narrative to a close, since it is Friday night—Toby's night to stay up late and read—and I can hear the crinkling of cellophane. I can only hope it covers two chocolate cupcakes with cream filling._" He closed the book.

"Good job," Beth teased. "You _can_ read."

"Thanks, kiddo." He hopped up and went over to her, hugging her. "You okay?"

"No, but I will be." She smiled sadly at him. "I'm happy for you. You'll be a great father."

"We have a sick woman here. She may be delirious." Shawn put his hand on her forehead. "Beth, can you hear me?"

"Stop it." She laughed. "Get off, you dumbass."

"She's better." He stepped back.

"No, I'm not, but lockin' myself in my room ain't gonna help." She shrugged. "I'm gonna get some air. You guys can go. You don't needa babysit me." She walked out the front door.

"You know, I need air too." Shawn followed her, leaving his book with Sophia.

Carol moved beside Sophia. "How are you?"

"I'm okay. I wish Aunt Beth felt okay."

"Well, I have news," Carol told her. "You have a new aunt."

"I do?" Sophia lifted her head. "Who?"

"This is your Aunt Sasha."

Sophia looked at Sasha.

"She doesn't have to think of me as an aunt," Sasha insisted.

"You're a part of our family now." Maggie leaned against the banister. "Whether or not Shawn proposes and you _do_ go through with it, we're here for you. There's nothing you can do to change that."

"Unless you kill someone," Hershel added. "Then we'll just turn you in."

She smiled. "Well, thank you. And if you guys want my mom or dad, feel free to take them. Or my brother."

"I could actually use Ty." Maggie checked her watch. "Since I have nothing to do, I'm gonna go check on and see if he's free. Congratulations, Sasha. You'll be a great mother."

"I'll go with you." Glenn grabbed his jacket and hers. "It was nice to see you again, Carol. And it was great meeting you, Sophia."

Sophia smiled. "Bye, Glenn! Bye, Maggie!"

"So, you're moving in with Shawn?" Hershel entered the room. "Good luck."

"He's disgusting," Carol muttered. "But he's gotten better."

"Trust me, I know. We practically live together now." She adjusted her necklace. "And thank you for breakfast."

"You're welcome here anytime," Hershel assured her. "And we meant what Maggie said. There's nothing you have to hide." Carol scratched at her arm, feeling her dad's eyes on her. "And if you ever need us, we're here for you."

She nodded, feeling her eyes burn.

Sophia hopped up and hugged Sasha. "Don't cry, Aunt Sasha."

"I'm all right. Excuse me." She gave Sophia a smile before going to the bathroom.

"C'mere, honey." Carol picked Sophia up and set her in her lap. "Do you wanna go see Daryl? It'll be boring, and all we're doing is picking out paint colors for the rooms, but if you wanna come, you—"

"Yeah!"

"Get your coat. It's in the kitchen." She set her down, and Sophia hurried to the kitchen.

"Daryl, huh?" Hershel eyed her.

"Not again." She climbed to her feet. "I am not dating him or ever intend to date him, okay? We're friends, and I've agreed to redecorate his house."

"You were his wife," Hershel reminded her. "You've known him almost all your life."

"If you're asking if I love Daryl, yes I do. If you're asking if I'm in love with Daryl, no I'm not." She crossed her arms. "We're trying to be friends."

"A minute ago, you were friends."

"Why are you doing this?" Carol narrowed her eyes, trying to get him off her back. "Are you afraid I'll get back with Daryl?"

"No, I don't worry about that. I'm worried about you, Rosy."

She averted her eyes. He had a nickname for all of them: Beth was Doodlebug and Bethy, Maggie was Mag and Carol was Rosy. After he found out about the tattoo, he started to use it when he was mad at her. Before he knew about the tattoo, he called her that because her favorite flower was a rose. She knew he wanted to help, but she didn't want to tell anyone, especially not her father.

"Dad, I appreciate your concern, but I'm okay. I've missed a lot, so yeah I feel left behind, but I'll catch up. And don't worry about my "ex-husband" Daryl." He chuckled at her expression. "I'll call to let you know I got there."

"Don't forget your coat."

"Yes, Daddy."

– – –

_Carol sat outside his room, knocking her knees together nervously while Daddy and Mom walked by then Maggie and Beth and then Shawn. They didn't ask her what she was doing, and they didn't bother her. She was glad they didn't. She was really glad when they stopped walking by as well. It always annoyed her when they did that._

_She looked over when the door opened, and she climbed to her feet when Daryl stepped out. "Hey." She smiled._

"_Hey. What're you doin'?"_

"_Come and take a ride with me."_

"_Horse or car?"_

"_Horse. They're saddled and ready to go."_

"_All right. Let's go." He grasped her hand, and they walked out to the stable. It was a hot day, but not too humid. He didn't mind going horseback riding, but he did mind the way Carol was hiding something. He always knew when she was hiding something, because she would bit her lip. He would just wait until she told him. She couldn't keep a secret to save her life._

_Carol wanted to go to the small pond where they used to meet at night in the summer. They would go there when they first started dating to avoid Hershel. They hadn't been back in a while. Of all times to revisit this place. He knew it was because she was going away for college soon, and she wanted to make the most of their time together. He hated to see her look so sad, but what could he do? Make her stay and ruin her life? He would never want that. She had to know they would see each other again, and maybe they'd get back together. And even if she stayed, who's to say they wouldn't break up eventually?_

_They tied the horse to a nearby tree, letting them rest in what little shade it had to offer. They sat down at the dock, and Carol removed her boots and set her feet in the water, swinging them. Daryl did the same. The water felt great, and they leaned back to lie down on the dock, eyes closed at the bright sun._

_After a few minutes, Carol sat up. "Daryl?"_

"_Hmm?" He didn't open his eyes._

"_You love me, don't you?"_

_He opened his eyes and sat up. "'Course I love you."_

_She had tears in her eyes. "Will you always love me?"_

"_Carol, what's this about?"_

_She took a deep breathe. "This is about college and how...I'm not going."_

"_What?" He frowned. "No, Carol, you gotta go. You've always wanted to go, and I ain't gonna let you stay behind for me."_

_She laughed a little. "I wish it was that simple." She met his eyes. "I'm pregnant, Daryl."_

_He blinked. "What?"_

"_I'm pregnant." She searched his paling face closely before continuing, "I was looking over my calendar, trying to pick a date on my going away party since I didn't want it the day before, and I realized I'd missed my period."_

"_That don't mean nothin'."_

"_Lori and I bought a test." She reached into her pocket and held it out to him. "I _am_ pregnant."_

_He didn't take the test, just stared at her, so she set it beside him. "You're on the pill," he reasoned. "We used condoms." He couldn't processes this. He had always pictured her leaving town and he would just work for T to feed himself. He was going to buy a place one day and just let life happen. He never wanted kids, not with his father around. How the hell could this be happening? They were safe. They used protection. How did this happen?_

"_I know you're freaked out." She pulled her legs out of the water and moved beside him. "I was too at first, but you don't have to be involved. Daddy and Shawn will gladly teach him what a father usually does—how to play sports, work the farm, and the like—if it's a boy. If it's a girl, I have me, my sisters, Patricia, and my mom." She tucked hair behind ears. "They don't know yet—my parents—but I know they'll be supportive after the yelling and lecturing."_

_He didn't respond._

"_Daryl, are you okay?" She studied his face. "Talk to me." She reached out to touch his face, but he flinched, and her eyes welled up with tears. "Okay. I get it. Sex was great, but this is too much." She stood up and grabbed her boots, shoving her feet into them. "Just bring Flame back to the house, okay?" She climbed onto her horse and returned to the house, letting Shawn take the horse and hurrying inside the._

"_Hey, Carol, wait!" Shawn called after her. "Where the hell's Flame?"_

_She headed for her bedroom._

"_Hey, Carol, I made your favorite." Beth stopped her. "Oreo cheesecake. I know your party ain't till next month, but I figured we could do somethin' now. Just us girls."_

_Carol started crying._

"_Don't, I'm tryin' really hard not to think 'bout you leavin'," Beth demanded, her eyes watering. _

_Maggie stopped on the stairs. "Beth, see, I told you not to bring it up." Maggie put her arm around Carol's shoulder. "It's okay. We still got a month."_

_Soon Mom and Aunt Patricia tried to comfort her too, but Carol too upset to tell them what was really going on. Daddy and Uncle Otis and Shawn came, asking about Flame and where he was, and once they saw her crying, they asked what was wrong. It was all too much, all of them asking her what was wrong, telling her that time will move slowly and that they could call and text and talk on webcam and phone. Carol wanted them all to shut up. She wasn't as upset anymore, just annoyed and hurt._

"_Stop," she shouted when their voices overlapped. "I'm not sad about going away," she told them. "Daryl probably just broke up with me, because—because I'm—"_

"_Because you're what?" Annette asked. "Leaving? Honey, we talked about that. You can't expect him to wait for you."_

"_Not because I'm leaving," she whispered. "Because I'm pregnant."_

_That shut them all up, and Carol hated the silence even more. She pushed through Shawn and her dad and ran upstairs to her bedroom, closing and locking the door. She climbed into her bed, grasping the stuffed bear Daryl won for her and sobbing. She still slept with stuff animals, how could she be pregnant? She was practically a child herself. How was she going to do this?_

"_Did she say pregnant?" Beth asked them._

"_I keep tryin' to fill in a different word. Proud. Procrastinating. Preoccupied." Maggie had to lean against the wall. She felt dizzy. How was Carol pregnant? She didn't even know Carol knew what sex was._

"_I'm gonna kill him," Hershel declared. "Shawn, get my shotgun. Otis, get the truck."_

"_No, no, no!" Annette grabbed Shawn by his sleeve. "Killing Daryl isn't going to solve anything. Carol needs us. We're her parents, and she needs us now more than ever."_

"_Can I kill Daryl then?" Shawn freed his sleeve. "I'm young, and I have an innocent face. No jury will ever say I'm guilty. Look at this face."_

"_Shut up, Shawn," Beth, Maggie, Hershel and Annette barked at him, not in the mood for his sarcasm._

"_Patricia, could you put on tea?" Annette turned to her girls. "Peanut butter with anything chocolate, and no cheesecake. It makes her sick when she's stressed out." Then to the men. "Shawn, go find Daryl. Hershel, take Nelly back to the stable, and Otis, could you go with Shawn so he doesn't get beaten up by Daryl. Thank you."_

"_I resent that," Shawn grumbled._

"_Go now, please."_

_They all did the job they were assigned to, Shawn was pissed off at how Daryl reacted, Otis was trying not to block out Shawn's angry rant, and Hershel was disappointed with Carol. She'd always wanted to go to college and become someone, but she meets one boy and ruins it. He wasn't always fond of Daryl, but he tolerated him because made Carol happy. Now, Hershel_ **really**_ didn't like him. Unless he has an explanation for this, Hershel was going to lecture and threaten on sight._

_Beth searched the cabinets while Patricia pulled down teacups and Maggie found the tray closet. Beth set down box after box of cookies, Maggie looked them over and picked one, emptying it into a bowl. Maggie knew when Carol was upset, she would binge on junk food, so these were for later._

"_Can I confess somethin'?" Beth sat on the step ladder as Maggie threw away the box and Patricia chose which tea to serve._

"_What?" Maggie crossed her arms._

"_I'm excited." She grinned. "A baby?"_

"_Yeah, I heard."_

"_Carol's havin' a baby. We're gonna be aunts." She squealed a little. "This is so awesome! I love babies."_

"_Yeah, 'cause you've never been around one." Maggie nibbled on a cookie._

"_Shut up, Maggie. You could pretend to be happy. Carol needs our support right now."_

"_Beth, she's eighteen and pregnant. Her dreams are gonna be put on hold, and that's only if she can afford college and a baby. It ain't fun tryin' to study with a baby cryin'."_

"_Stop bein' so negative. This is God's plan for Carol and Daryl. How can you say it's wrong?"_

"_Beth, I ain't sayin' it's wrong. It's just...bad timin'."_

"_Daddy's probably gonna hate Daryl for the rest of his life if he don't come around." Beth stopped smiling. "Mama must be disappointed. Carol's always been the good one. I figured you'd get knocked up first."_

"_Oh, thank you." Maggie smacked her in the back of the head. "Is the tea done?"_

"_Yes." Patricia picked up the tray, Beth and Maggie started to follow her upstairs, but she stopped them. "You two don't need to be in there."_

"_What?" Beth exclaimed. "We're her sisters! We have—"_

"_You're right." Maggie covered Beth's mouth. "We'll wait for Daddy and Daryl to get back."_

_Beth glared at her. "What are you doin'?"_

"_Shh." Maggie glanced at Patricia then held a finger to her lips, taking Beth's hand and slowly climbing up the stairs. They silently crept down the hall and took a seat on either side of Carol's bedroom door, listening in as Annette and Patricia talked to her. _

_Carol kept hoping her bed would swallow her whole when her mom and Patricia came into the room—damn skeleton key! She wasn't in the mood to talk about it. Why couldn't they just ignore her for once? Why did they have to be the loving family? She just wanted to be alone, like she probably would be for the rest of her life._

"_Carol?" Annette sat beside her while Patricia set tray down. "Honey?"_

"_I made your favorite tea." Patricia stroked her hair, and Carol's eyes burned._

"_I'm so sorry," Carol whispered, her entire body shaking as fresh tears soaked into the bear's head. "I know I disappointed you, and I'm so sorry."_

"_Oh, pretty girl." Annette grasped her daughter's hand in both of hers. "Don't apologize. It won't change anything."_

"_I've ruined everything."_

"_That's not true." Patricia tucked hair behind her ear. "Look at us, sweetheart."_

_Carol shook her head and buried her face even more into the stuffed bear. "Please, just go."_

"_Just go?" Annette scoffed. "You may be an adult, but you still live in my house. I'm not mad at you, Carol. I'm not proud of you right now either, but making one mistake won't make us shun you. You're my daughter, and I'll do everything I can to help to my grandchild."_

_Carol lifted her head, looking at her mom then Patricia. "You're not mad?" She sat up. "How can you not be? I've basically thrown away twelve years of schooling. All of my scholarships I spent months working on, and all of the extracurricular activities you and Dad had to drive me to were for **nothing."** She shook her head. "All because I was stupid."_

_Patricia went to the bathroom and wet a washcloth with warm water, Carol couldn't bare to look in her mother's eyes, and Patricia came back. She gripped Carol's chin and wiped off the smeared makeup. "The only thing stupid about you, Carol, is the way you treat yourself." She released her chin. "You're pregnant. Nothing's going to change to that. All you can do now is take care of yourself and prepare for the baby."_

_Carol snuffled._

"_Your mom and me will make an appointment for you to see Dr. S. We'll need to get prenatal vitamins, too." She stood up and walked over to the door._

_Her mom handed her a cup of tea. "It'll sooth you." She smoothed her hair down. "We'll let your sisters talk to you. They're by the door anyway. Come downstairs when you're ready to talk." She joined Patricia and opened the door, Beth and Maggie stood up, trying to explain why they were on the floor with their ears pressed against the door, but Annette just shook her head. "Go."_

"_Eat," Patricia told Carol. "You're gonna get fat anyway."_

_They left, Beth sat down in front of her older sister, beaming and just waiting for her to talk, and Maggie sat down on Carol's desk, taking a cup of tea and crossing her legs. Carol tucked hair behind her ear, glancing between them and laughing nervously._

"_I don't know any more than you do," Carol admitted._

"_Do you know how far along you are?" Beth asked._

"_A month. Maybe a month and a half."_

"_You needa eat healthier. No more skippin' meals or helpin' Daddy. I'll do that, and Mag too, right?"_

"_Uhh, yeah." Maggie smiled a bit reluctantly. "So, you and Daryl. When?"_

"_My birthday." She felt the blush on her cheeks. _

"_Well, if you did it on your birthday, you're two months." Beth then paused and shook her head. "Let's just talk 'bout the baby. Do you want a girl or a boy?"_

"_I don't know. I haven't thought about it," she admitted._

"_Well, think about it." She paused for only a moment. "If it's a boy, what'll you name him? Not after Daryl, it's too tacky. Do you got any ideas?"_

_Carol glanced at Maggie, trying to get her to stop Beth, but Maggie was picking at the pattern on her teacup. Carol couldn't ask her about it, because Beth went on and on about babies names and where the baby would be in the house and how Beth would pitch in and help if she needed it. Carol tried to listen, but Maggie's face was concerning. Carol knew Maggie well, and she knew Maggie was going to tell her what was on her mind later. Carol wanted to know now. She couldn't sit here while Beth rambled on and on and Maggie was a million miles away._

"_Beth!" Carol interrupted. "I'm really tired, and I need to lie down."_

"_Oh, right." Beth stood up. "I'll take this downstairs." She picked up the tray and headed downstairs, calling to Maggie._

_Maggie slid off the desk and started to leave, but she stopped and turned to Carol. "How could you?" She met her eyes._

"_How could I what?" She searched her eyes. "Get pregnant?"_

"_No, destroy everything you worked so hard on." Maggie shook her head. "I watched Mom and Daddy stress over who was gonna take you where and who was gonna pick you up. Beth had to miss her chorus show for school **twice**, because you had somewhere to be. I was left for** two hours** in the pouring rain! All that Beth and I missed for you now was for nothing! Mom may not be mad, but I am."_

_Carol swallowed hard. "I—"_

"_Don't apologize. Don't you dare." She crossed her arms. "I've known you for seven years, but that doesn't matter, because you're my sister. Our blood may not match, but we are family. I'll get over my anger, and you'll have that baby, but for now, I'm gonna stay pissed."_

"_Maggie, I—"_

"_I'll make you a sandwich, send it up with Beth. I can't have my niece or nephew goin' hungry." She stepped back. _

"_It wasn't for nothing," Carol called after her. "It's still my choice, and I don't know if I want this baby."_

"_What?" She met her eyes._

"_I still have another choice, and I may take it." She climbed off the bed. "I'm unyielding, and I won't let my future escape me because of one broken condom or one missed pill. I'm so sorry for not seeing how selfish I was, but ever since my dad died, I've been holding onto his dream: seeing me achieve greatness. I never wanted to let anyone down, but I never would've been so...determined if I had known I was hurting you and Beth."_

"_I didn't say you hurt me. You just pissed me off, and don't worry about Beth. She has talent shows and church." She smiled. "I feel better now, though. I guess I needed to vent."_

"_Does that mean I hug you?"_

"_Yes." Carol hugged her, and Maggie laughed. Carol had been here for her since Annette came to help her mom when she was just really sick. She helped Maggie stop smoking and shoplifting. She was the only one who understood, it seemed. Carol'd always been there, even if if she was busy, she still made time to listen. **That's** what did matter. "I'm here for you, Carol. If you need me for anything, let me know."_

"_I will, and I'm here for you. If you need to vent again, I'm here." Carol released her._

"_Ooh, promise?"_

_Carol laughed. "I swear."_

"_Hey, 'bout your choice? You ain't puttin' my niece or nephew up for adoption. I'll adopt the kid myself if I have to."_

_Carol smiled. "I couldn't go through with it. I could **never** give up my child."_

_"Or your cheesecake."_

_"So true." Maggie laughed a little. "Just so you know, t__he baby and I are always gonna be here. I want him or her to grow up around family, so I'm staying here."_

"_The same can't be said for Daryl." Beth was in the doorway. "They're back."_

"_Oh, God." Carol paled._

"_We'll need God," Maggie agreed._

– – –

Carol let Sophia go ahead to Daryl's room as Dr. Stookey filled her in on his condition. She was glad to hear Daryl was recovering quickly and would be out soon. She thanked Bob for taking the time to tell her how Daryl was doing since she knew Daryl wouldn't, and Merle probably wouldn't speak to her, let alone about Daryl. She was grateful to Bob for that.

She waved goodbye to Bob before heading down the hall to Daryl's room. She found Daryl and Sophia inside, both watching something on TV, and she tapped her knuckles against the wall before entering. "Hey."

He gave a nod.

"So, how are you feeling?" She sat in the chair beside his bed.

"About as good as I look." He shrugged.

"You look better." She crossed her legs. "You should be coming home soon then, right?"

"I guess."

"Well, do you want to look over these color samples or shall I paint it all magenta?"

"She's being bossy today," Sophia told him.

"No, I'm not!" she protested. "Sophia, don't tell him stuff like that!"

Daryl shook his head, snickering. "Lemme see the samples."

She dug them out of her purse and held them out to him. "I drew a star on which ones would look best in the living room, hall and kitchen." She watched as he flipped through them, his face revealing nothing, and she moved closer to him. "I brought a few pictures of the house so you can compare the colors." She took the pictures out of her purse and set it on the table across his legs. "Umm, see how this looks." She took a random color and set it against the picture.

He was impressed. Carol had really given this a lot of thought. She was ready to change the only home he'd ever known, but she was doing it because she thought that's what he wanted. She was trying to make that house suitable for him, not to sell. He could tell by the colors she chose—mostly greens and blues. They were his colors, not room-widening or lightening colors. What was Carol's plan? He knew his, but what was hers?

"Do you like it?" She was studying his face, trying to read it, but he gave nothing away.

"It's all right." He met her eyes.

"Just all right?" She crossed her arms. "You're the one who has to see those walls. Until you sell, I mean."

He smirked. "The colors you chose?"

"What about them?" She bit the inside of her lower lip. "You hate them, don't you? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed you'd—"

"Nah, they're all right. I like 'em." He held out the samples out to her. "Use those colors."

"Really?" She closed her fingers around them, her fingertips just brushing his.

"Yeah. New people will probably paint over it anyway." He shrugged a shoulder and shook his head at the same time.

She nodded, pulling the samples from his hands and averting her eyes. She really didn't know him anymore. She had hoped to remember something about him, but he'd changed so much. She needed to stop trying to figure out who he was. He was someone else now, and she just needed to adjust to this new person. He wasn't her Daryl, and she had no right to call him that, not even in her thoughts. He was just Daryl. _He belongs to no one, least of you_, she reminded herself.

"Are you painting today?" Sophia asked, pulling Carol from her thoughts.

"Not today." She shoved the samples into her purse. "I have errands to run, and I need to check on Amy sometime, so we should be going."

"But we just got here," Sophia whined.

She needed to call Karen. She told her she would call from a payphone outside town when she got the chance. She promised she'd let her know they'd arrived safely. She couldn't not call, and she wasn't going to risk them tracking her father's phone. The payphone would have be far enough away that if Ed did somehow track it, it wouldn't lead them to Dad's door step. "I'm sorry, honey."

"Do I have to go?" Sophia asked. "I hate errands."

"I don't think anybody's home to watch you." She doubted Shawn was still there. He probably went to an appointment with Sasha to check on the baby; Maggie and Glenn were working on something that involved Tyreese, and she didn't want to upset Beth any more than she already had. Hershel was probably checking on the store then going back to tend to the fields or cattle. She didn't want to burden him with watching her, and there was no one else.

"I can stay here," Sophia told her mom, seeing her think over all of options.

"What?" Carol brows rose. "You wanna stay with Daryl?"

"Why not?"

"I doubt Daryl wants you pestering him. He doesn't feel well."

"I feel fine," Daryl informed her, "and I don't mind. Hell, I could use the company."

"No swearing," Carol reprimanded.

He glared slightly. "I'll keep a close eye on the kid."

"See? Please, Mommy, please?" Sophia begged.

She wasn't sure. She didn't want to leave Sophia. She always worried more when Sophia was in her hearing range. She trusted her with Daryl with Sophia as much as she trusted her family with her, but she still always worried that Ed was lurking around every dark corner. She knew Sophia had no reason to fear him. He was a good father to her, for the most part, and Carol knew Ed could sucker Sophia into doing just about anything, like spilling the beans about Carol's family. That's why Carol didn't want Shawn to tell her about Daryl, who he really was to her. If Ed knew she loved someone else, he would gut them, and she couldn't let that happen to Daryl. Carol could only pray she never saw Ed again. Eventually, he would have to give up, and she would need to trust people again. She needed to start now.

"Pretty please?" Sophia cupped her hands together and was on her knees on the bed in front of Carol.

"All right," Carol slowly agreed.

"Yes! Yay! Thank you, Mommy!" She hugged her.

"Be respectful, please." She looked at Daryl. "Watch her."

"Like a hawk," he vowed.

Carol left the room, glancing back as Sophia plopped down and began talking to Daryl, and she pulled the door closed. She had to stop, taking many breaths to try and stop the world as it closed in on her. She swallowed hard and pushed off the door, walking to her car. She needed to find a payphone, and she was either going to ask or use Daryl's phone to try and locate one.

After running into Lori at the gas station, Carol was informed of the closet payphone that was far enough away that Ed couldn't find her easily. She made the long ass drive, drinking an extremely hot French vanilla latte and munching on powdered donuts. She dug Karen's number out of the glove box and found a roll of quarters, along with wipes for the phone. Karen had literally thought of everything! She probably had one of her friends do all of this, but who?

Shrugging, Carol dialed the number after feeding the payphone and cleaning it off. She only had to wait through one ring before Karen answered. She sounded breathless, so either she just got back from her daily jog or she ran to answer the phone. Carol didn't know which.

"Hey, you."

"Hey." Carol smiled. She sounded well. "How are you?"

"I'm bored, If I'm being honest. I have nothing to do now." She paused. "Well, I could get pregnant."

"See, you should just submit. We both know you'll be a great mother, and Milton really loves you."

"That's why I married him." She was pacing, Carol could hear her shoes on the floor. "There's just one problem."

"What problem?"

"He works all the time, and I'm trying not to be one of those wives that leave because their husband never has time for them, but I really don't think I can raise a child practically by myself. Well, I could, but I don't want to."

"What? You can't leave him, Karen. That'll destroy him."

"I'm not going to leave him. I'm also not going to have his children anytime soon."

"Speaking of having babies, my brother Shawn and his girlfriend are having a baby!"

"That's great! How are they? I was just about to ask."

"They're all good. Maggie's in law enforcement, Beth's going to be a nurse, Shawn's a photographer, and Dad's still working the farm and the cafè." She swallowed. "My mom's not doing too well."

"Annette? Oh, no, what's wrong?"

Carol was glad to talk to someone about this. She knew Shawn wouldn't understand, and even if he did, he blamed her too. Telling Karen all of the medical stuff felt like a lie as the worlds came out of her mouth, so she told Karen what she felt to be true. "To be honest, I think I broke her heart." Carol's voice broke. "I'm the reason she's in the hospital."

"You can't believe that."

"I can't ignore the truth."

"The reason she's in that hospital is because she's getting older, and that has nothing to do with you. It's nature. Don't blame yourself, just enjoy your time together, all right? Believe me, you always think there's more time than there is. Don't waste a second."

Carol took a moment to compose herself. She had so many issues. How in the hell was she going to sort all of this shit out? God.

"You're gonna be an aunt," Karen singsonged after she was sure Carol wasn't going to burst into tears.

Carol let out a half-laugh, half-sniffle. "Yes, I am. Gosh, Shawn's so worried he's going to be a bad father. I don't even know why. He's like a big kid himself, so he can relate to the kid, at least." Karen laughed. "And his girlfriend is so beautiful, so their kid is going to be the most precious thing on earth—well to come from Shawn anyway."

"Hopefully, this shit will be over by that time."

"Hopefully," Carol agreed.

"I don't want to hear it all over the phone. I'll be down there soon. Milton has work to finish up, but once that's done, we are gonna go out and get iced coffees and talk until everything's said, all right?"

"That sounds fantastic."

"Call me on Sunday in a week."

"Yeah."

"I hate cutting you off like this, but Phillip and Ed are coming over for dinner, and I have to order something. With any luck, they'll get food poisoning or something just as worse." Carol let out a small laugh. "Before I go, I want you to do me a favor."

"You name it."

"Don't regret anything. Talk to your mom, your brother and sisters. Talk to Daryl and Hershel and everyone else. Just be happy and find peace. You deserve this. Do you hear me? You deserve this."

"Are you reading this from a cite Online?"

"You know me so well," Karen mused.

"I'll try to do those things."

"Good, because when we come down, I expect to meet all of these people. I need faces to go with the names. I hear Daryl and I think of some black guy."

"Why?"

"Because there's this hot black guy named Daryl on some show. You don't want to know who I think of when I hear Beth and Shawn."

"Who do you think of?" Carol was interested now.

"B—I have to go."

"Why?" Carol tensed for her.

"My guests are early." Karen had moved the phone behind something; Carol could hear it brushing against the phone.

"Hey, Karen." It was Phillip. "I brought Penny along with me. My wife has to work late tonight, and I couldn't get a babysitter."

"That's fine. Hey, Penny."

"Hello." Penny was smiling. Carol could hear it.

"Hi, Karen." That was Ed, and Carol's skin began to crawl. "I brought wine. It's your favorite."

"I don't drink," Karen retorted. "I stopped altogether. It'll kill you."

"Not one glass."

"One leads to two and sometimes three," Karen challenged. "It's a bad habit to have; thinking you'll have only one of something, but it turns into something else, and soon you find yourself completely obsessed. It can really hurt the people around you."

"Uhhhh...what?" Ed asked.

"Milton's not home just yet, so why don't you all go into the family room? I have to call and check in on my grandmother. I'd like some privacy."

"Okay."

Carol heard them leaving. She stopped breathing at the sound of Ed's boots hitting the floor loudly. She knew he was wearing his steep-toed boots, and he probably had on dark jeans and a button-down. He only wore those clothes when he was trying to impress someone. He was already looking for another woman. Or maybe he just wanted to dress nicely. She wasn't sure. She hoped it was the latter.

Karen began speaking in Spanish, telling Carol to call on Sunday, that she loved her and wished her well then hung up. Karen only spoke Spanish when she spoke to her grandmother, and everyone knew that so hopefully the two idiots bought it.

Hanging up the phone, Carol stepped back, trying to calm her upset stomach. She swallowed hard, but she couldn't stop the hot chucks that rose in her throat. She heaved behind the car, her knees weak, and she held the locket to her shirt so it didn't get puke on it. She groaned and lifted her hand to her face, wiping her mouth. She leaned against the car for a moment, gripping her knees as another wave of nausea rocked through her, but with a few quick breaths, it passed.

Getting into the car, Carol went to see someone she needed to talk to now more than ever. She found the room and her mother inside. She didn't have to say anything, because even with all the time that had passed, Annette still had a strong bond with Carol. She didn't question when Carol dropped her purse in a chair, crawled onto the bed and cried into her arms. She just held her in her arms, stroking her hair and kissing her forehead, gently shushing her.

Annette didn't know what was wrong with her daughter, but she was glad Carol had come to her. After all this time, Carol still came to her. "Shh, pretty girl." Annette hugged her tight. "I'm here."

It took Carol a while to settle down, but Annette didn't mind. She was worried about her, especially after Hershel and her girls visited. Annette asked her nurse to bring them a bottle of water as Carol's sobs were reduced to sniffles, and she handed Carol a box of tissue.

"Here you are, Annie." The young nurse smiled and set two bottles of cold water on the bed. "If you want anything else, let me know." She closed the door behind her.

"Thank you." Annette gave Carol a bottle of water. "Here."

"Thanks." Carol wiped her eyes and took the water, taking a sip. "I'm sorry to barge in here without—"

"It's all right." Annette smiled at her, wiping a tear from her cheek. "I'm glad to see you."

Carol sniffed and tossed the tissue into the trash beside her. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm worried about you. What has you so upset?"

Carol shrugged, but tears burned in her eyes. She took a deep breath, shaking her head. "I messed everything up, didn't I?"

"What's everything to you?"

"Daryl's entire life," Carol slowly began, "Shawn's failed engagement to Sasha." Annette began to shake her head, but Carol continued. "Your declining health. It's all my fault. I was selfish and ruined all of your lives." Her shoulders began to shake. "It's all my fault."

Annette set the water bottle on the table and took Carol's hands tightly in hers. "I don't know who made you feel the every bad thing is your fault, but they were wrong. Carol, the only life you have any control over is your own. What happens to anyone else is because of them, not you."

"But you weren't sick before," Carol stammered, her voice small and shaky.

"I wasn't this sick," Annette informed her, "but I was getting weaker. This happened to my mother as well. It wasn't you, Carol. It was never you."

Carol covered her mouth to keep from whimpering.

"And Shawn? He made a mistake and didn't want to have Sasha question him in their marriage. It's not always you, pretty girl."

"I know it's not, but—"

"Carol, you can't worry about Shawn or Daryl or me. Or your sisters. Everyone has their path to walk down, and you leaving didn't make any of them step off it."

"I feel like everyone blames me," Carol admitted. "Beth's upset, and I don't know why—none of us do—Maggie thinks I'm a slut, and Daryl... God, I'm pretty sure he hates me."

"Beth's always upset about something. She hasn't had it easy either. She's been working and studying her butt off since she graduated, and she lost her mother so young. There are things only Joe can help Beth through, but I did my best and so has Maggie and Hershel." Annette paused. "I don't want to know why Maggie thinks that."

Carol laughed a little. "She was drunk when she said it."

"I see. Don't believe anything Maggie says when she's drunk. She's ridiculous when she's drunk."

"All right, I won't."

"As for Daryl, I don't believe that. He doesn't hate you. He probably tried to, but most likely, he can't."

"I was such a bitch to him," Carol told her. "After we lost Ethan, I shut down and blocked him out. I never let him near me, because all I saw was Ethan, and it hurt so much. I wanted to make it work, but I couldn't, so...I stopped trying, and we both suffered. How could he not hate me? Everything I told him, all of my promises... I abandoned him just like his father, just like Merle, when I swore that was the last thing I would do!"

"It seems you hate yourself enough for the two for you."

She averted her eyes. "He deserves better."

"How is beating yourself up over the past going to make anyone feel better?" she demanded. "All you're doing is making yourself feel like dirt, that is the last thing Daryl wants you to do, and you know that! You made his life better, even if it was for a short while!"

"Mom—"

"No, I don't want to hear anymore of this! What happened these past five years happened because that's life. All you can do now is make the most of your life and raise my sweet grandchild." She searched Carol's face. "All right?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good. Now give me a hug and watch_ Golden Girls_ with me."

Carol let out a small laugh. "Is Sophia still your favorite?"

She nodded. "And Shawn's."

She hugged her mom. "I love you, Mom. I love you so much."

Annette stroked her hair and placed a kiss to her forehead. "I love you too, pretty girl. No more tears...on more tears."

––

Carol prepared dinner for Daryl since he'd just gotten out of the hospital with a clean bill of a health and since Sophia kept bugging her about him. Apparently, Daryl was awesome and a good babysitter. Sophia wouldn't tell Carol what they did, but Lilly was irked when Carol came to pick Sophia up that day. She only hoped they didn't do anything she would have to pay for, because money was getting tight.

"Pick a song," Carol begged when Sophia kept skipping over them. "Please."

"Okay." Sophia let _Little Bitty Pretty One_ by Earl Palmer play. She loved the movie _Matilda_, like Carol did as a child. Sophia loved the part where she made the cards and poker chips and such float around, especially the song.

"Yes, you can toss the salad."

"Into the trash?" Sophia smiled sweetly.

"If you don't want dessert, sure."

Sophia stuck her tongue out and took the small tongs her mom was holding out to her, and Carol laughed before turning her attention back to the chicken. "You're happy, aren't you, Mommy?"

"Yes, I am." Carol added butter to the rice.

"Why weren't you happy like this with Ed?" She sprinkled shredded carrots over the salad. "Was it because he yelled at you?"

"Yes, Ed yelled at Mommy a lot." She leaned against the counter. "Did you like him?"

She shrugged.

"Well, we won't see Ed again," Carol promised. "It's just you and me now."

"And our family," Sophia added.

"Yeah, them too." She smiled.

The front door opened and Daryl walked in. He looked over at Carol and Sophia and frowned; Carol was also frowned and looked at her watch. He set his jacket on the couch, kicking off his boots. He walked over to them.

"I'm so sorry. I was going to pick you up," Carol explained. "We were making you dinner, and I guess I lost track of time."

"It's fine." He looked over her shoulder. "What're you makin'?"

"Baked chicken, rice and green beans," Sophia answered. "And we made lemon cake for dessert."

"I made lemon cake," Carol corrected, "but she did bug me to death to make dessert."

"I see. Thanks, kid."

"All right. Dinner is ready, so get down three plates and three bowls, please."

He opened the cabinet and glanced over as she walked away. "Where you goin'?"

"To bring up the table from the basement." She headed downstairs, and she heard him behind her. "I don't need help, Daryl."

"It's heavy," he insisted.

"It's a folded table." She weaved her way through the junk and found it in the back, but Daryl slipped in front of her and grabbed it. "Daryl, you're supposed to get the plates down. I can do this."

"Too bad. Already got it."

"Sexist." She followed him up the stairs. "Women can lift heavy objects too, you know."

"Last time you tried to carry this up, you damn near broke your neck," he reminded her.

And that was the last night they spend together. He caught her on the stairs just before she lost her balance.

"Last time?" Sophia asked.

"When I was here last." Carol grabbed the plates. "It was a long time ago, before you were born. Um, Daryl, could you get the chairs too? I'll set the table."

Sophia watched as her mom filled the bowls with salad and set them on the table then placed a slice of chicken with rice and green beans on the plates and place them on the table. Sophia sat down in the first chair Daryl brought up and drank from her cup while her mom and Daryl moved around each other in the kitchen, getting drinks and dressing for the salad and salt and pepper. She narrowed her eyes.

Carol poured dressing over Sophia's salad and sat down. "What is it?" She noticed the look on Sophia's face.

"Nothing."

They ate in silence momentarily, Sophia was picking around her salad while Daryl ate like he'd never had food before in his life, and Carol kept looked at Sophia, trying to think why she had that look on her face. Luckily, it wasn't too awkward.

"Do you feel better?" Sophia asked Daryl when he gathered the empty and semi-empty salad bowls.

"Yeah, a lot better." He set the bowls in the sink, noting that Carol had cleaned as well.

"I'm glad." She ate a forkful of rice.

"I reckon y'all didn't just come here to cook for me." He sat down. "Did you?"

"We did come to cook for you," Carol said, "but I wanted to let you know tomorrow I'm coming over to clean and then paint. While I'm out getting supplies, I need you to watch Sophia."

"Why?"

"Because I trust you, and she likes you."

"Beth has classes, huh?"

"Yes, but Sophia requested you."

"Really?" He looked at her.

She nodded. "I had fun yesterday."

He shrugged a shoulder. "Fine by me. T wants me to take two days off, shake the last of my sickness off. Truth is, though, he don't want me 'round 'cause he gets sick easy."

They finished eating, Carol and Daryl gathered up the dishes and put them in soapy water then she let him and Sophia slice the cake while she went to the bathroom. She slashed cold water on her face and around to the back of her neck. She reached for a towel and pulled it away from the others, wiping her face and hands.

Returning to the living room, she found Daryl on the couch with Sophia on the rug beside him, watching something. She wasn't in the mood for sweets so she began to put the food away. Luckily, he had a lot of contains, which was strange, but people did bring a lot of food after they lost Ethan. They probably brought more after they divorced.

"Somethin' on your mind?"

She jumped, letting out a startled breath through her teeth. "God, you scared me." She closed the lib to the rice. "Why do you think there's something on my mind?"

"'Cause I know you. Only time you ever turn away dessert's when something's on your mind. What is it?"

"It's nothing." She put the chicken into a container. "I'm just tired, I suppose. With Shawn moving out, I've been up helping him. You know Beth. She wants to have party to celebrate their baby and moving in together, so I'm trying to help." She wanted to be as close to Beth as possible. She was worried about what Beth said the other day, about fading into the background and how they got everything they wanted. She wanted to know why she said that and what happened to make her so bitter. She was hiding it well, but Carol knew her sister. She was holding something back. Carol saw it every time Beth spoke of Sasha's baby. It was brief, but it jumped out at her. It was eating Carol up to know Beth was in pain, and she couldn't do anything to help, because Beth was keeping it hidden. After all Beth's done for her...Carol had to do the same for Beth. She wanted to.

"Heard 'bout that. I meant to tell him congratulations, but I can't seem to find my phone."

"I have it in my pocket. Hold on." She placed the last two pieces of chicken in the container and closed it, but Daryl wasn't patient, so he dug it out of her pocket. "Daryl!" she hissed softly. "I was going to give the phone to you!"

"I needa check on somethin', and you move so damn slow."

"Personal space, Daryl!"

"Really, Carol?"

"Really, Daryl." She slammed the chicken container down on top of the rice and opened the fridge. "Oh, my God!" She covered her mouth with her hand.

"What?"

"The inside of this fridge isn't supposed to be furry, Daryl! God, that is so disgusting!"

He rolled his eyes. "You're over exaggeratin'. That's just some shitty casserole I never ate."

"Why didn't you throw it away?" She groaned. "It stinks!"

"I forgot. I have other stuff to do than clean, Carol."

"Obviously." She thrust the containers into his arms. "Do you have gloves, at least?"

"In the garage."

"At this point, I don't even care why kind of gloves they are. I am not touching that thing with my bare hands." She retrieved the gloves from the garage and threw the casserole dish in the trash, along with almost everything else. "I forgot how...dirty you let things get."

He closed the fridge and crossed his arms. "It ain't that bad."

"Uh-huh." She crossed her arms now. "I swear if I find rats or roaches, you're dealing with them."

"Fine."

"Fine." She met his eyes and slowly smiled.

"What?"

"It's just something my mom told me." She shook her head. "I'll have some cake now. Do you want some coffee?"

"Yeah."

Sophia peeked over the couch as Daryl and her mom, and she noticed the smile and slight smile. She was beginning to wonder why she was just meeting Daryl and her aunts and uncle and grandparents now. She wondered who Daryl was. Her mom never mentioned him, not even when they got into town or on the way over that first time. This was the only time Sophia had seen her mom smiled like that. Who was Daryl to her mom?


	13. Crawl

_If she stared at this page for one second longer without finding the answer, she was going to chuck the book out of her window. She didn't even care that this book was one she had paid for herself since it was a college class. She was so sick of history. _

"_Carol." Maggie leaned into her room. "You got company."_

"_Lori?" She turned in her chair, arm on the back of it. _

"_No."_

"_Andrea?"_

"_No."_

"_Who else do I know?"_

"_It's your boyfriend," Beth said from behind Maggie._

_Carol blushed brightly. "My—what?"_

"_Beth, go!" Maggie shoved her gently toward her room. "It's Daryl. He's on the porch."_

"_Um...okay." She didn't move, just turned her head to the mirror in the corner, feeling sick._

"_Do you want me to tell him you're busy?" She crossed her arms. "I can."_

"_No, I just have a couple of tests tomorrow." She stood up. "Tell him I'll be down in a minute, please. I—I'm just about done with this essay. I've been working on it for an hour, and I want to make sure it concludes...well."_

"_That was the stupidest lie I've ever heard, but nicely done." She headed downstairs._

_Carol ran her hands through her hair, her throat sticking together. She hadn't seen Daryl since he accidentally kissed her. It was all still a blur. They were talking in the barn while she brushed Nelly and somehow he tripped or something and kissed her. God, it was so embarrassing, especially when he **ran** **away**. It was probably the lunch she had. Damn her mother for her cheesy garlic pasta! Her one pasta weakness... She needed to stop lying. _Food_ was her weakness. And now Daryl...was...here at her home..._

_She took a deep breath and grabbed her boots, zipping them up before heading downstairs._

"_Carol." Annette stopped her on the stairs. "I told you: no leaving the house in that towel."_

_She rolled her eyes. "I'm just going out to the porch." _

"_No, it's not a towel," Shawn agreed. "It's a shirt. Where are the pants?"_

"_You two can debate the length of my dress. I'm going outside." She paused by door, tugging on the hem of her dress, suddenly self-conscious. Daryl had seen her less. Bathing suits and such, but that was before the awkward moment the other day. Should she change? No, it was just a dress. It wasn't even that short, although Andrea was the one who bought it for her._

_Shaking her head, she opened the door and stepped out, seeing Daryl sitting on the railing, chewing on his thumbnail. She smiled. Or tried to. She felt a strong need to dig her nails into her arm. She always got itchy when she got nervous. Her mom used to tape mittens to her hands whenever she had to wait for news on a competition. What she wouldn't give for mittens right now. "Hey."_

"_Hey." He stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets, there was a long pause, and Carol felt the seconds tick by as he tried to find words—any words, it seemed. "You busy?"_

"_I'd be lying if I said yes." She walked over to him, scratching lightly at her wrist with her fingernails. "How are you? You've been scarce lately."_

"_There's a reason for that." He dropped his head, his bangs covering face, but she thought she saw his cheeks flushing._

"_Care to share that with me?" She lifted her hand, brushing her fingernails lightly and repeatedly across her neck. _

"_I think you know what I'm talkin' about." He wasn't able to look at her. He felt ridiculous at how embarrassed he was. It was Carol. She knew almost all of his secrets, so what the hell was he doing? It wasn't like he was proposing marriage. Damn, he needed to just look at her and tell her straight why he ran._

"_The barn."_

_He nodded a little. "Look, I didn't mean to run off. I just—dunno. I pussied out, I guess. Freakin' barn equipment just... and I—" He cut off when he lifted his head. "The hell are you doin'?" He shot up and grabbed her hand. _

"_What?" She frowned._

"_Your neck's real red." He led her inside. "Did you get bit by somethin'?"_

"_No." She scratched at her neck with her free hand, feeling bumps. _

"_Hey, Daryl." Annette paused and looked at the red spot spreading across her daughter's neck. "What is that?" She moved Carol's hand. "Oh, no, it's a rash."_

"_I was fine a few minutes ago." She dropped her hands. _

"_How do you feel?" Annette rummaged through the medicine cabinet. "Anxious at all?"_

"_A little." She avoided looking at Daryl. "Why does that matter?"_

"_When you were little, you'd get a nasty rash whenever you were very anxious. You got it from your father." She grabbed a tube of ointment. "You can imagine how he was when he proposed. I still don't know if that was the worse or best night of my life. Before you and Shawn, of course."_

"_I know. You've told us." She tried not to scratch at it. _

_Her mom smoothed cold ointment over the rash. "I thought you outgrew it, but I guess not." She looked into Carol's eyes. "Is this about those tests? If is it, I want you to slow down and drop one of those classes."_

"_No! I'm not dropping any class!" Carol protested. "I'm fine. It's—nothing. It's probably just a bug bite."_

"_Uh-huh."_

"_I'm fine." She removed her mom's hand. "I'll be fine. Here, I'll do this."_

_Annette pursed her lips. "All right, go on."_

"_Thank you." She took Daryl's hand and led him upstairs to her bedroom, closing the door. She added a little more to the growing rash and tossed the tube onto her bed. "You were saying?"_

"_Are you okay?"_

"_Yes." She sat on her bed. "Tell me what you were saying before."_

"_It's about the kiss." He swallowed hard._

_Her hand twitched as her neck burned to be scratched. "What about it?"_

"_It... I don't..." He stopped. "It don't matter. It was an accident. I gotta go pick up some parts for T."_

"_You came all the way over here just to tell me it was an accident?" Carol narrowed her eyes. "You couldn't have told me _**before**_ you ran away? Before you avoided me for almost two weeks? What the hell, Daryl?!" She didn't know how angry was about his behavior until now. She'd tried talking to him, but he'd just walk out the classroom door first. And at lunch, he would either leave or pretend like she didn't exist. It was hurt her so much more than she would ever admit._

_He tensed up and dropped his head._

"_No, look at me!" She shot up and stormed over to him. "Don't look down at the ground. Tell me why you were such an ass to me!"_

_Still he said nothing._

"_You were my best friend," she whispered. "I told you everything, and I trusted you to always have my back, and then you just...avoid me. And for what? Why did you avoid me if it was just an accident?" She searched his eyes. "If you don't tell me now then don't ever come back to this house, don't ever talk to me and don't expect me to ever forgive you." She was hoping he would just tell her if she threatened to end their friendship entirely. She didn't want to lose him, but if he was going to avoid her then she wasn't going to trail after him like a lost puppy, trying to figure out what she did wrong._

_He just looked at her._

"_If you're embarrassed about it, just tell me. There's no need to be embarrassed." She crossed her arms to keep from digging them into her skin. "You can tell me anything, Daryl."_

_His cheeks began to redden. "...wasn't an..."_

"_What?" She stepped closer. "Wasn't what?"_

"_It wasn't an accident."_

"_It wasn't an accident?" She nodded to herself then heard the words and blinked. "Wait, what? You—you meant to kiss me?"_

"_Not like that...but yeah."_

"_Why would you want to kiss me?" She was confused. Maggie was the girl everyone wanted to date. She was pretty and fun and easy to talk to. She was the one who got all of the attention from guys. Carol was just the one who had to ignore the guys that couldn't get Maggie's number directly and came to her for it. So...what the hell was happening?_

"_I...like you," he mumbled, his cheeks ridiculously red, and he felt so ridiculous for not being able to just tell her._

"_I like you too." Her heart was racing. "I love you. I told you that." Why was the room spinning? And why is it so hot? God, her cheeks were on fire. They were probably redder than her hair. She placed her palms on her cheeks, hoping to cool her face._

"_Goddamn it." Daryl shook his head, grabbed her wrists and jerked her forward. _

_There was a moment before he kissed her when her eyes locked with his in confusion and fear and anticipation, and she swallowed hard just before his mouth met hers. It was a soft kiss, very hesitant and...nice. It was strange to be kissing Daryl and find it...nice. She'd always waited for the day when Daryl stopped being around, and she was terrified that day had come when he avoided her, but to find out he was avoiding her only because he had feelings for her made her feel even more terrified. She'd never had a boyfriend, just a few guys she thought were cute, but she knew she never stood a chance. She always knew that, but now... What the hell?_

"_A-hem!"_

_They broke apart at the sound of Annette harshly clearing her throat, Carol stammered to try and explain what they were doing, and Daryl tried to excuse himself, but Annette closed the door and pointed to Carol's bed with her free hand. _

_Carol knotted her fingers together nervously as her Mom set a mug down on her dresser before returning to stand over them. "It's—"_

"_Don't." She crossed her arms. "I want to talk to Daryl."_

"_Do you want me to wait in the hall?"_

"_You'll hear me either way." She looked at Daryl. "I may not know everything that happens in my daughter's life, but I do know that you have been absent these past two weeks, and Carol's been upset because of it."_

_Carol blushed, embarrassed. "Not upset," she mumbled._

"_Would you tell me why?"_

"_Mom—"_

"_I'm talking to Daryl."_

"_Mrs. Greene, I didn't mean to hurt Carol. I was—an ass, yeah, but it wasn't intentional."_

"_No cussing in the house."_

"_Sorry. I just—Can I talk to Carol first?"_

"_If it's anything like the "talking" I just walked in on, no."_

"_Mom, please." Carol stood up. "I love you and respect you, but please give us a second. Please?"_

_Annette looked over her daughter's face and let out a sigh. "Ten minutes, and I'll eavesdrop if I want." She exited the room and pulled the door shut behind her._

"_I'm sorry about that." She turned to Daryl. "I have to talk to her, but before I do, I have to know what about."_

"_What'd you mean?"_

"_What are we? I don't want to jump to any conclusions, because they scare me. This scares me. You're my best friend, and it's different than my friendships with Lori and Andrea. If this does badly and I lose you—" She dropped off. "But if I don't take this chance, I'll regret it, because...that stupid part of me that loves the corny idea of two friends falling in love and all that crap has secretly hoped you felt the same about me—"_

"_Carol?"_

"_Yes?" She looked at him._

"_Stop talking." He leaned down to kiss her when Annette cleared her throat on the other side of the door. _

"_I have to talk to her, and I have an essay to finish, so...I will see you at school?"_

_He nodded. "Yeah." He gave her a small kiss before opening the door and leaving._

_Annette leaned in the doorway, and Carol opened her mouth, but she pointed to the mug. "Drink that for your rash and take a nap until dinner."_

"_Don't you want to talk?"_

"_Nope. Drink up." She pulled the door shut behind her._

– – –

Carol had dropped Sophia off at Daryl's at twelve, he wasn't awake, so Carol left Sophia to draw in the coloring book Axel had given her, and she went to Daryl's room. He was sleeping hard, so she figured he was still taking medication. She didn't want to wake him up, but she wanted to clean this house from basement to bedroom before she painted, and she couldn't waste time.

"Daryl?" She stepped lightly, not wanting to startle him, and she lowered herself down beside his bed. "Daryl?"

He didn't respond.

"Daryl, wake up." She reached out to shake him, but out of habit, her fingers went to his messy hair. He had thick, soft hair, and he rarely brushed it. She used to comb it out when she was bored and he was passed out. He woke up whenever she hit a knot, and he'd ask her what the hell was she doing. Every time.

Daryl woke instant to someone touching him, but his eyes were heavy, so he didn't open them. He could smell the body wash Carol used as her fingers ran through his hair then her fingertips brushed across his cheek down to his chin.

"Wake up," she said softly.

He rolled onto his back, her hand jerked back, and he opened his eyes. "What?"

"Sophia's downstairs, and I have to go." She was in the doorway. "Get up, sleepyhead. It's noon."

He sat up. "Gimme a couple minutes." He ran his hand down his face.

"I'll make a pot of coffee then." She left and went to the kitchen. "He'll be down in a minute." She poured out the old coffee.

"Mommy, are we still going to see Amy tomorrow?"

"It depends on how she's feeling," Carol replied.

"Can I help you paint?"

"Maybe."

Sophia groaned.

"What?" She looked over her shoulder. "I'm not saying no."

"Maybe means no," Sophia grumbled. "You always say maybe, and we never do it."

Because Ed would find out and beat the shit out of her. She wasn't allowed to go anywhere without him, and if she tried, he made sure she couldn't. She'd canceled so many things because of that asshole. Sophia missed out on so many things.

Daryl paused on the last step, sensing tension.

"Hi, Daryl." Sophia smiled a little.

"Hey." He walked into the kitchen and noticed the bag. "What's this?"

"Oh, I bought you lunch." She turned. "It's a pulled pork sandwich with a bag of salt and vinegar chips."

"You didn't have to."

"I wanted to."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." She turned to Sophia. "I'll be back soon, okay?"

"Okay."

She gave her a kiss and a hug. "Behave, both of you." Daryl rolled his eyes as he ate, and Sophia rolled her eyes too. "I'll see you two later. No swearing, Daryl."

"Bye, Mommy."

"Bye." She closed the door and wondered how long until it would take before they completely destroyed the house. At least cleaning it wouldn't be too hard.

––

Carol came back and the house was still in one piece. She had Daryl help move furniture while Sophia tried to open the windows. They had to work together to clean the living room, and it wasn't as hard as Carol thought. She was going to have to borrow some serious equipment to clean the floor, but other than that, it was practically done. She would paint it tomorrow with Daryl's help.

– – –

The next day, Carol went to buy paint and brushes and the like while Daryl picked up Sophia from preschool and watched her for a while. When she pulled up in his driveway, she looked over what needed to be carried in then decided to go get Daryl and ask him for help. This would take some time if she didn't. She slipped out of the car and opened the front door with the key Daryl gave her. She was pulled inside by Daryl.

"What?" She met his eyes.

"Help me." He was so serious.  
"I'm gonna destroy my damn DVD player."

"Why?" She glanced over and laughed. Sophia was glued to the TV as Elsa began to build her castle of ice, singing the popular _Let It Go_. No wonder Daryl was losing his mind. He hated animated movies and singing. She probably made him watch it over and over. Carol had learned to block it out, but Daryl? Poor, poor Daryl.

"Unload the trunk, and I'll take Sophia home. I'll bring coffee on my way back. Deal?" He dashed out the door before she finished, and she chuckled. "Sophia?"

"Yeah?" Sophia didn't look up.

Carol turned the TV off. "It's past your bedtime."

"No, it's not!" Sophia stood up and faced her. "Is it?"

"Yeah, it is. C'mon, let's get you home."

"Aren't you coming?"

"No. I have to come back and start painting, but I'll be home when you wake up. We'll go on a picnic with Uncle Shawn and Aunt Maggie and Beth. I promise."

"Okay." She grabbed the knapsack while Carol put _Frozen_ back in its case then into the knapsack. "Daryl?"

He set the paint cans down. "Yeah?"

She held her arms out, wanting a hug goodbye, and Carol was about to tell her Daryl didn't hug, but Daryl hugged her. It surprised Carol and made her smile. "Bye."

"Bye, kid."

Sophia smiled and kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry that I made you watch _Frozen_ over and over."

"Me too."

She laughed. "Will you come tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow?"

"To the picnic."

"Oh, Sophia, that's just a family thing," Carol informed her. "Sorry, sweetie. He can come next time."

"Okay." She smiled at him. "Will you come?"

"Sure." He shrugged. "Why not?"

"Let's go, honey." Carol led her out of the house and to her car, helping her inside and setting the knapsack on the floor. Carol got in the car and put her seat belt on. "So, did you have fun?"

"Yeah. Daryl's really cool." You could hear the smile in her voice. "He taught me how to make wooden spoons and stuff. Well, he showed me. He said when I'm older, he'll teach me about cars."

"That sounds like Daryl."

"How come I only just met Daryl?" Sophia finally asked. "And my aunts, uncle and grandparents? You always said you they were gone."

"I know I did." Carol glanced back at her. "There are things you don't understand, Sophia, and the reason I told you that is one of those things. I'll explain it when you're older. You'll understand it better."

"Oookaaay," Sophia sighed.

Carol dropped her off, seeing Beth and Maggie on the porch who greeted her, and Carol was glad to have her family. All the time she wanted to come back, all the nights she cried because of what she did to them and how she could never make up for lost time was worth it now. Sophia had a family, father figures, a home, and Carol doubted that if she came back at any other time, this would've gone so well. She was glad she spoke to her mom. She felt a lot better about—everything, really.

She returned to Daryl's, finding a note telling her he went out with Merle and would be back soon taped to a paint can. She ripped it off and picked up the paint can. If Merle took him out, Daryl wasn't going to be any help when he got back. Merle was the only man who could make Daryl drink until he passed out.

She turned on the overhead light to see the entire living room, every little shadowy corner, and she was thankful this room wasn't too big. And that Daryl had a ladder. She could handle painting one room by herself. Besides the other rooms needed cleaning first.

––

The front door opened later—much later—that night, Carol figured he needed a break anyway. He'd been cooped up in here for nearly two days and the hospital too, so he and Merle probably went out celebrate his good health or something. As long as he didn't fall back on old habits, she was fine with it.

She smiled at him and said, "I finished one wall, but I'm gonna need help. I hope you're up for it." She bent down and dipped the brush inside the paint can. She reached up to outline the stairs when Daryl slammed into her, knocking her against the door to the kitchen, causing her to drop the paintbrush.

"Daryl?"

His hands slid down her sides, and she was confused, trying to ask him what the hell he was doing, and his hand slipped into her pants and panties, effectively breaking the button on her favorite pair of jeans. She wanted to yell at him to stop, wanted to struggle out of his grasp, but her voice didn't reach her throat and her body didn't put up a fight, no matter how much her mind wanted it too. She closed her eyes, lips parting as he gently stroked her, and she started panting, gripping the wall as the blood in her body began to boil, trying to absorb the sensation that could only be described as chaotic that he was unleashing on her body.

_**Everybody sees it's you**_

_**I'm the one that lost the view**_

She leaned against him, her head rested on his shoulder, his lips caught a few curls as he planted kisses along her jaw. She moaned through her teeth, smelling the alcohol on his breath. She hadn't been with a man in a long time, but this was wrong. He was drunk, and he wouldn't remembered anyway. And if he did, this would only hurt him more. She couldn't do this, no matter what her body told her. She needed to stop this. Now. She didn't take his offer to screw with him. She took it to try and make up for what she did to him.

_**Everybody says we're through**_

_**I hope you haven't said it too**_

"Daryl, stop." She was unconvincing, so she swallowed and tried again. "Daryl, no. We can't do this."

"Stop?" He turned and pushed her rather roughly against the door to the kitchen, Carol wondered just how drunk he was, because the way he was looking at her wasn't loving. He looked angry, but a little further South, he looked very up for...things. She was worried he wouldn't stop, but terrified she wouldn't want him to. She was just as willing as he was, but she was sober.

He pulled her closer, the look in his eyes was burning through her, and he stopped just before he kissed her, his mouth inches away from hers. She wanted him to kiss her badly. She didn't want to stop or listen to reason. She wanted him to kiss her hard and not stop until the hunger in both of them was sated. She wanted to reach for him, but he wouldn't let her. He kept her at a distance, tasting her minty breath, and only when she thought he was going to let her go, did he crush his mouth to hers.

_**So where do we go from here**_

_**With all this fear in our eyes?**_

It was different than before. He was kissing her roughly, almost attacking her with his lips and tongue, but he still was gentle about it, like he was fighting with himself. His hands slid down into her jeans again and grasped her ass, and he broke the kiss, looking into her eyes. He kept watching her, and she was really confused, but part of her was loving it. She would hate that part later when Daryl wasn't looking at her like she was the only thing that existed ever.

_**And where can love take us now?**_

_**We've been so far down, we can still touch the sky**_

He leaned down and kissed her neck, tasting the soap on her skin, effectively driving her insane. She wanted to touch him, but he pinned her hands down again. She was stuck, feeling his soft lips moving further and further down her neck toward her collarbone, nibbling and sucking occasionally, causing her to moan and squirm to get her arms free. He wasn't going to let go.

"Daryl," she breathlessly moaned. "Daryl, please..."

_**If we crawl 'til we can walk again**_

_**Then we'll run until we're strong enough to jump**_

He kissed her, pushing his tongue into her mouth and probably breaking the zipper to her pants as he yanked it down, pushing her jeans and panties down until they slipped down her thighs on their own. She was too lost in the kiss to even care, but he pulled away again. "Kick 'em away," he said, his forehead against her forehead, his hair over his eyes.

She stepped out of her pants and kicked them to the side. "Daryl, are you sure? Maybe we should—"

He cupped her cheeks and kissed her, and his hands drifted down, gathering the hem of her shirt and tugging it off. He let her push off his leather jacket then he removed his shirts. He bent down and picked her up, she locked her thighs around his hips, wrapping her arms around his neck and meeting his kiss, completely his in that moment.

_**Then we'll fly until there is no wind**_

_**So let's crawl, crawl, crawl**_

He set her down on the island, knocking over whatever shit was on it, breaking the kiss to remove his jeans and boxers. She was surprised when he climbed on top of her, grasping her hips and pulling her to him. His eyes were so smoldering, and she gasped when he thrust inside of her without any warning. She gripped the edge of the island as he ease out then thrust back in, repeating it over and over. He was rough, and she wasn't used to that from him, but she adjusted and matched him, her insides quivering when his airy moan brushed her ear.

Carol came convulsing around him, loudly calling his name as if no time had passed, as if she wasn't married to another man, as if she were that eighteen year old girl again, and Daryl followed soon after, pouring himself into her. They both felt a connection that never really went away, and in that moment, they had returned to who they were four years ago—in love and so important to each other—because maybe...just maybe...they still were.

_**Back to love**_

– – –

Carol took a really long shower, not wanting to talk about what just happened, and when she finally was able to go and find him, he was passed out on the couch. She almost laughed, but she wasn't sure if it was because she found it funny or because she was relieved. She rolled him over with much difficult then tossed the blanket over him and decided to keep on painting. It wasn't as if he was going to wake up anytime soon.

––

_Carol hurried downstairs, Beth and Maggie followed, but Otis, Shawn and Patricia blocked the stairs. None of them could jump the banister without breaking something, so they could only watch and listen to what Hershel and Annette were saying to Daryl and his responses to them. Carol felt sick, so she sat down, Beth sat beside her, taking her hand and smiling encouragingly at her. _

"_Are you even listening to me?" Hershel demanded when Daryl didn't said anything. "Daryl!"_

_He jolted. "Co—could I talk to Carol?"_

"_No."_

"_Hershel." Annette was scolding him like a child. "Daryl, I have to know something before this conversation continues." _

"_Yeah?"_

"_Do you have any intentions of raising this child?"_

_He swallowed. "I needa talk to Carol. It's our problem."_

"_The hell it is!" Hershel exclaimed, face red._

"_Okay, let me through." Carol stood up. "Shawn, move."_

"_No."_

_She tickled his side, he squirmed away giggling and she walked into the living room. "Mom, Dad, could you give us a minute?"_

"_The last minute you had, he got you pregnant, so no."_

_Carol blushed. "Daddy!"_

"_No, you don't get to "Daddy" me and get out of this." He wore disappointment well, but it was usually Shawn who was at the receiving end. "I thought we raised you better than this."_

"_You did," she argued. "You both raised me well."_

"_And yet you're eighteen and pregnant."_

"_We were safe the first time!" Carol retorted then closed her eyes and mentally kicked herself. They didn't need to know that. They didn't need to know anything more than the fact that she was pregnant. Why did she have the ability to speak? Why? _

"_The **first** time?" Annette crossed her arms. _

"_Who's hungry?" Shawn asked them, and they all cleared out._

"_I just meant I know what you taught me, and we were safe. I honestly don't know how this happened." She sighed. "You can yell at me, but leave Daryl out of this. He's not your kid—I am."_

"_He may not be our son," Hershel informed her, "but he is staying with us. He broke house rules."_

"_Several times, it appears," Annette added._

_Carol sat beside him. "Defend yourself." She rested her face in her hands and waited for the unprotected sex talk to happen._

"_Can I talk?" Daryl asked Hershel._

"_No."_

"_Hershel." Annette nodded at Daryl. "Go on."_

"_I know Carol and me broke...house rules, but we ain't just foolin' 'round." Carol lowered her hands as he spoke. "I love her, and I ain't gonna abandon her or our baby. I'm gonna be here. You have my word." He was looking at Carol._

_Annette smiled and looked at her husband, but Hershel was frowning. She decided to speak before him. "We appreciate that, sweetie, but we can't have a family here. We already have one here. I'm not kicking you out or anything, but this—"_

"_I'll buy a house then. I'll take care of them."_

"_You will?" Hershel and Carol asked at the same time. _

"_'Course I will." He turned toward her. "I was freakin' out at the dock, but I know what I want."_

"_And that's the baby?" She sounded so disbelieving._

"_And you." He nodded. "I wanna be there." He took her hand and laced his fingers through hers._

_Annette nudged Hershel, but he didn't move, she took his hand in both of hers and led him out of the room. She and Hershel went to tell the others what happened._

_Carol released his hand and hugged him, climbing onto his lap and squeezing him with both her legs and arms. He probably couldn't breathe, but she didn't want to let him go just yet. She'd never loved him more than she did right then._

"_Carol, **stop."**_

_She laughed and released him. "Sorry." She cupped his cheeks and kissed him. "I love you, Daryl Dixon."_

_He smirked. "Good. I'd hate to propose to somebody who don't love me."_

"_Propose?" She gaped. "Pro—What?" She was dumbstruck. _

"_I don't gotta ring, and if I'm buyin' a house, I ain't gonna be able to afford one any time soon, so till then this'll be your ring." He slipped his thumb under her shirt to her hip where her tattoo was. _

_She smiled. "Shh, Daddy doesn't know. I think he's had enough news today."_

_He kissed her, slipping his fingers into her hair, and there was a mixture of "awww" and gagging noises behind them. Carol turned and saw her entire family behind them, and as embarrassed as she was, she laughed._

"_Tell 'em," he whispered._

"_Brace yourself." She sat on the couch. "We're getting married."_

– – –

In the morning, Carol made coffee and had the remedy for his hangover ready. She knew he was up when the groaning started. She'd been wearing a stupid smile most of the morning, even Jacqui called her out on it, but she just lied. She was getting good at that. Or Jacqui was humoring her. Knowing Jacqui, she was humoring her. Great. The whole town would know something was off with them.

"Son of a bitch," Daryl groaned, pissed at himself for drinking so heavily. Only Merle could make him do that.

"Good morning," she said softly when he stumbled into the kitchen. "Here." She slid the glass of water and pills over to him. "I'll make you a cup of coffee."

"You stayed the night?" He took the pills and eyed her, obviously having no idea what happened on the island he was leaning against the previous day.

"No. I went home pretty late though." She shrugged, filling another cup with coffee and holding it out to him.

"Carol." He gently touched a bruise on her arm. It was from his grip last night, but it didn't hurt. "The hell happened?"

"It's not as bad as it looks. I honestly don't feel it."

"You sure?"

"Yes." She rolled her eyes at him.

"Fine." He drank the coffee. "What happened?"

"Last night?" She crossed her legs as she sat down, taking her cup in her hands as he nodded. "Nothing. You just barged in, got a little clumsy and then passed out on the couch. Face-first, I might add. I had a hard time turning you. You're more solid than you look."

"Clumsy?" He didn't remember.

"You broke—some cups. You fell against the island and broke a few cups."

"Aag, I don't even remember that. Anything else?"

"When you fell, I dropped the brush on the floor, because I was scared you were going to fall and bust your head on the...fridge, and I didn't want anything to happen to you, so there's a blue blob on the floor. I can scrape it up."

"Nah, that's fine."

"You sure? It won't look good to buyers."

"Well, I got three words for 'em."

"Oh? Just three?" she teased.

"Kiss my ass."

She shook her head and laughed. "Take a shower. You smell like a bar."

He took the cup of coffee upstairs with him, Carol ran her thumbs over the rim of the cup, and as the shower came on, the front door closed. She got into her car and drove off. She would finish painting later. She needed space from Daryl right now. She felt so awkward around him, but she was glad she didn't seem to show it. As if their relationship wasn't complicated enough.

Beth had rounded up Shawn and Maggie when Carol pulled in, Sophia was on the porch with Dee Dee and a basket. Carol was glad Beth had demanded her to come with them. She needed some family time, because in family time, they talked about everything, and that would take her mind off Daryl.

They walked to the picnic tables by the trees, Sophia was playing with one of the baby pigs while Shawn, Maggie, Beth and Carol swatted at bugs and drank sun-warmed water. It wasn't the most ideal picnic, but at least they were together and Beth seemed happy. She was smiling at Sophia and the baby pig, and Carol wondered why Sophia made Beth so happy. She probably wanted kids of her own now. She was too young for that, and she didn't even have a boyfriend, not one that Daddy approved of anyway.

"So, what's the plan?" Shawn asked. "I have movers coming to get my stuff at six on Friday, and I have to meet Sasha at the house at one, so when should I bring her over?"

"Seven," Beth replied. "I wanna make dinner for all of us. Do you mind helpin', Carol?"

"Sure, I'd love to." She rested her head in her hand.

"You don't want my help?" Maggie pushed her sunglasses up.

"I do need your help. We're gonna need the table from the basement."

"Great, I love bein' the muscle."

"You have the biceps for it," Shawn commented.

"Fine, as long as I don't gotta taste any food. I'll rather wait and pig out." She smiled.

"Classy. Glenn's a lucky guy."

She smacked him in the back of the head. "Go play."

He glared, but went to play with Sophia anyway.

"I have a lot to do before they come, so I need help." Beth lowered her voice. "Daddy and T and Jacqui have are throwin' them a weddin', here on Friday."

"What?" Maggie softly exclaimed. "Are they insane? Are **you** insane?"

"Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean she needs to get married," Carol agreed.

"Y'all both know Shawn's gonna ask her eventually to marry him, so we decided to push 'em along. It's a surprise, so please don't tell," she pleaded with her big eyes. "Promise me."

"We promise," Carol and Maggie grumbled.

"Good, because it's gonna take all of us." She pulled a notepad out of the back pocket of her jeans. "Glenn's mama's makin' the cake, and he's bringing it with him, so we don't have to worry about that. Umm, Jacqui and I are decoratin' the house, but I'm gonna try to help you cook, Carol. I promise, but it'll be a while."

"That's fine."

"Okay. Ty and T-dog are going to bring tables and chairs. Oh! Otis and Patricia are comin' too!" Beth grinned.

"Is that such a surprise?" Carol looked between them. She hadn't seen them since they got there, but she assumed they were busy or something. Otis could've taken some time off. He often did that in the spring, but only for a couple weeks.

"Well, yeah." Maggie turned to her. "Otis and Daddy got into it a while back, and Otis left. They haven't been talkin', so this is good. They may get to talkin' and might make up. I miss having Otis and Patricia around here."

"What was the fight about?"

"Daddy wouldn't tell us." Maggie shrugged. "He said we didn't need to be involved."

"Oh."

"Anyway," Beth cleared her throat, "Jacqui's gonna bring one of Sasha's best dresses or buy a new one, and Daddy's has Shawn's tuxedo. I need you both to dress your best, please."

"'Cause I was gonna a tube top and thong to this," Maggie replied.

Carol laughed.

Beth glared. "That ain't funny. I'm serious!"

"I'll wear my best black dress."

"Can't you make it somethin' a little more...colorful? It's spring, after all."

"Fine, I wear blue."

"Great!" Beth smiled. "I'm wearin' yellow."

"Then I'll wear red." Carol closed her eyes. "It's an easy match to my hair."

"We'll need to start as soon as Shawn leaves. Shawn's gonna be unpackin' or helpin' Sasha pack, so we don't gotta worry 'bout them showin' up. I'll let Sophia decide on the music."

"That's fine, just don't tell her until Friday. She's a blabbermouth."

Beth nodded and crossed her legs. "Hey, Carol?"

"Yeah?" She opened her eyes.

"Sophia's birthday's comin' up in, like, a month or two, right?" Beth looked at her, and Carol nodded. "Could I plan it?"

"Why?"

"I just...like plannin' stuff." She averted her eyes and closed the notepad.

"Yeah, you can. I don't mind."

Beth's smile returned. "Thanks."

"I thought this was a picnic," Shawn complained. "I'm hungry. Somebody feed me food that Maggie didn't cook."

Maggie flipped him off when Sophia wasn't looking.

"No, thanks. I have a girlfriend."

Maggie turned to them. "Excuse me." She stood up and ran after Shawn, he didn't get away from her, and she tackled him into the mug.

"Cheater," he accused. "You had police training!"

"Sore loser." She laughed.

"You know what—" He sat up, knocking her into the mud, and he threw mud in her face. "I hear it does wonders for the skin."

"You are so dead!"

Sophia carried the baby pig over to Beth and her mom, looking back at Shawn and Maggie as they wrestled in the mud.

"I wish I had a camera." Carol laughed, picking Sophia up and setting her on the bench beside her. "Hungry?"

"Thirsty." She set the pig down gently in the grass and Carol handed her a bottle of water. "I wish I had a brother or a sister."

"Don't look at me." Carol spun the cap to the water bottle. "Look at them."

"In a few months, you'll have a cousin." Beth squinted at the sunlight.

"A baby cousin," Carol added. "When you two are older, you can teach him or her stuff."

"I guess." She set the bottle on the table. "I have Paige for now, and she's like my sister. Oh, Mommy, that reminds me. Me and Paige have the same eye color!"

"You do?"

"Yeah! The teacher told us so."

"Cool. I have my father's eyes," Carol told her. "And so do you."

"Will my cousin have Shawn's eyes?"

"I don't know."

"I hope it does," Beth admitted. "With her complexion and his eyes, that baby will be so adorable."

"Help!" Shawn called, trying to get free. "Assistance!"

"No!" Beth called back.

"Why not?" Carol hopped up and went to help after kicking off her sandals.

"Now, _I _wish I had camera." Beth giggled.

––

Daryl ran his hands through his hair against the towel to dry it, Merle was flipping through the channels on the TV, trying to find something decent to watch, and Daryl tipped back the beer he'd opened. It was the only one he was allowing himself to have.

"How'd you sleep?" Merle asked.

"Deep. I have idea what the hell happened when I got home. Broke some cups, apparently." He plopped down in the chair, tossing the towel onto the chair beside him.

"What's with that looks then?"

"It's nothin'." He shrugged.

"Don't be shy, Darylina."

Daryl glared. "Just...had a weird dream. Felt real."

"What'd you dream 'bout? Ethan?"

"Nah, Carol."

"Mousy? What 'bout her?"

He shrugged, not wanting to say.

Merle narrowed his eyes. "What?"

"Nothin', just...felt really real. I was out, though." He shook his head. In the dream, he could taste her breath and smell her hair. He could feel her warmth, practically taste her lips. It was the most vivid dream he'd ever had. It was strange. He wasn't as pissed at her as he was. After getting drunk, he wanted to go off on her. He wanted to actually hurt her, but it was just because he was drunk and pissed off. He would never hurt Carol. Seeing that bruise, though... That's were he held her down in his dream, so...was it real? Did he hurt her? Fucking hell, did he hurt her? He didn't mean to.

"That girl yours?" Merle asked.

"I don't know." He set his beer on the table. "She doesn't wanna do any tests, 'cause she thinks it'll only confuse Sophia."

"Tsk, bullshit."

"She really just don't want me to raise that girl." He knew that. "She's afraid I'll screw her up, probably. Tsk, as if "Ed" was a good father. Asshole ain't even with her."

"She probably left him like she left you."

He pursed his lips.

"You needa find out why, baby brother. That woman's a poison to you."

"No, she ain't." He chewed his bottom lip.

"Then find out why the hell she left "Ed", and if that fucker was abusive to that little girl, lemme know."

"You can't solve everything, Merle." He ran his hands down his face.

"I can try." He drank deeply from his bottle, belched and looked around the room. "This room looks different."

"Carol painted it."

"Oh, Carol." He rolled his eyes.

"Don't start."

"You're lettin' her run all over you again. What, she's gonna fix this place up then leave? What happens after she's done, Daryl? Huh? You think of that?"

"Yeah, I have."

"And? You think you're gonna...what? Win her over? Make her love you again? She don't love you. She proved that by leavin' your ass and having a kid that _might_ not be yours!"

"She might be!" Daryl snapped.

"Then why won't Carol let you do a paternity test, huh? She knows that kid ain't yours, and she's only jerkin' you around 'cause she can. She's already scraped you off like dogshit once. I'm just lookin' out for you."

"Since when?" He scoffed.

"All your goddamn life!" Merle spat. "Somebody had to look after your worthless ass, and that was me, not Carol!"

"You still left!" He shot up.

"So did she!" He glowered at Daryl. "Damn bitch has your head fogged up, brother. Open your eyes and realize this woman don't give two shits 'bout you! She's gonna leave again too, and when she does, don't come cryin' to me."

"She ain't gonna leave again."

"How the hell do you know? You don't even know why she left! You don't know her agenda!"

"And you do?" Daryl erupted. "Ever since I started dating Carol in high school, you've done nothin' but degrade her and tried to get me to leave her. I ain't in high school no more, Merle, and I ain't with Carol either. She's only fixin' this goddamn house so I can sell it! So shut the hell up!"

Merle scoffed. "Whatever." He walked over to the door. "If you ain't gonna listen to me, at least watch your back around her."

"Tsk, yeah, sure." He sat down and rubbed the back of his neck, trying to stop the thoughts in his head. He knew he still loved Carol, but she didn't love him, because she went and fell in love with someone else. He had every reason to not love Carol, to hate Carol, but there was no possible way he could. She was the only person who ever looked at him and saw somebody, not a worthless bastard. He couldn't forget that, and he never wanted to. He was fool, but Merle was bigger fool if he thought Carol was just going to run off. If Carol knew Sophia wasn't his, she wouldn't have come to him... Right?

––

After preschool on Wednesday, Amy took the girls to the park while Carol earned a few bucks at the Greene Leaf and avoided Daryl. She hid behind the counter when he came in and made Jacqui take his order. She just couldn't look at him. She was so embarrassed at what she did and scared about what it meant, and he didn't even remembered it. That made it worse.

"He's gone."

"Really?" She stood up and came face-to-face with Daryl. She blushed. "Hi."

"He?" Daryl handed Jacqui a five.

"That old geezer," Jacqui lied. "He's real creepy."

"What she said." Carol crossed her arms.

"You comin'?"

"What?" Her face burned.

"To work on the house. Are you comin'?" He took his change while Jacqui looked at Carol through the corner of her eye.

"N—no, not today." She couldn't look at his face for long. "Amy has Sophia, and we decided to have dinner. I can't pay, but I can cook."

He nodded. "Tomorrow then?"

"Uh-huh. Definitely."

"I'll be home to help."

She nodded, still not able to look at him. "Great."

Jacqui helped the man behind Daryl so they could talk more.

"You need money?" Daryl asked, wondering why she was so red in the face and why she was studying the tiles.

"For a phone." She glanced at him. "I don't have one, and I can't keep taking money from my dad, so I'm going to work for it."

"Coulda asked me. I told you I'd pay you."

"I know, but you already have to pay for the paint and furniture and cleaning supplies. I feel weird asking you for money."

He pulled a bill out of his wallet and stuffed it into her tip cup then left.

She pulled it out and almost smiled. It was a hundred. It was a sweet gesture, but she was going to put it in his sock drawer tomorrow. She couldn't take his money. She already felt weird around him because of what happened last night. She didn't need to feel bad about taking his money.

When she got off, she went to Amy's to prepare dinner, and she was...disturbed to see where Amy lived. It was in the worst part of town, and her apartment building looked like the one they always how on they news when somebody gets shacked in an alley. She actually locked the doors to her car and hoped no one stripped it down for parts while she was here.

She went inside and found Amy's apartment as quickly as she could. She knocked and Amy answered, smiling and letting her inside. The inside was nice, cozy, and she had lot of pictures of her and Paige on the walls, but it was probably to make up for the lack of pictures of the other part of her family.

"The girls are playing in Paige's room." She led Carol into the small kitchen. "So, what's for dinner? I'm starving."

"I'm made boiled potatoes, chicken tenders and macaroni and cheese. It's all homemade, nothing from a can or a box."

"Impressive."

"Yeah, Jacqui helped with the chicken since I can't work the fryer at the cafè, but I made everything else." She set the bag on the table, and Amy pulled down plates and cups. "I love your apartment. It's nice."

"It'll do for now. I'm saving up to buy a house. It's taking longer than I expected." She set the plates on the table. "And you? How's it coming with Daryl's house?"

"Slow. We've had...some setbacks, but I'm going to start really working tomorrow. I have to finish painting then call my friend Karen's sister to come and see if she can make some stained glass. I think it would brighten the kitchen. God knows that house needs brightened."

Amy gathered forks and glanced at her. "I—I'm sorry...about Ethan. I can't imagine... You didn't deserve that. Nobody does."

Carol didn't say anything.

"If I could, I would've gone to his funeral, but..." She paused. "I sent flowers. Did you ever get them?"

Carol remembered throwing a fit after she destroyed the nursery. She threw vases of flower into the wall, screaming at Daryl and her mom. She destroyed so many things, and she could never rebuild them. She could and would try, but she knew they would always be waiting foe the day she didn't come home, the day her room once again gathered dust.

"It's been quite some time. I don't expect you to remember a vase of orchids."

"I remember them. They were lovely."

"So, how's your family?" She tucked hair behind her ear.

"They're well. Shawn and Sasha are expecting a baby."

"That's great." She smiled. "Shawn will be a great father, and Sasha's very... well, strict. She'll definitely be the disciplinary of the two."

"True. Shawn can't be strict to save his life."

Amy grabbed a few cans of pop from the fridge. "Paige, Sophia, dinner!"

They sat down to eat, Paige and Sophia were talking about something they learned in school, and Amy was interested, but Carol's mind began to wander. She was thinking of all the things that happened after Ethan. She was awful to everyone, especially her mother and Daryl.

– – –

_Water dripped down into the puddle of limp flowers and shatter glass, Annette and Daryl moved their eyes from the mess of the broken glass to Carol, who was panting and wracking her hands through her hair. She'd been doing all right, talking softly with Beth and Maggie, but the minute Daryl came home, she lost it. It was always the same thing, but tonight was the first night she'd actually broken anything since she destroyed the nursery._

"_Just leave me alone!" Carol screamed._

"_No, we are not going to just leave you alone!" Annette shouted back. "Carol, you need to calm down right now!"_

"_Calm down? Calm—calm down?" She let out a laugh. "Yes, let me calm down and talk rationally about the worst fucking of my god damned life! Let us do that!"_

"_Your life is not damned."_

"_Just—leave—me—alone! I don't want to deal with this talking and your bullshit lies! It doesn't get better! Time doesn't heal shit! Stop lying!"_

"_Carol—" Daryl stepped toward her._

"_Don't you dare talk to me," Carol growled. _

"_And why the hell shouldn't he talk to his wife?" Annette snapped. "I know you're in pain, pretty girl, but you can't keep acting like this. You need to talk to someone—to me, even."_

"_Oh, God, I am so sorry that my pain isn't going away. Let me just take some Prozac and call it a day!"_

"_Have you been mixing your pills?" Annette narrowed her eyes, and Carol was silent. "Carol Susanne Greene, have you been mixing your pills?"_

_Carol weakly shrugged her shoulders as tears filled her eyes. "Why wasn't it me?" Her voice broke. "It should've—should've been me."_

"_No." Annette pulled Carol into her arms as she sobbed. "No, pretty girl."_

"_It should've been me." She gasped in a breath._

_Daryl watched as Carol cried in her mother's arms, his eyes dropped, and he felt...alone. It was different than anything else he'd ever felt. Most of his life, he had Carol, but now he didn't even have her. She was lost to him, drowning in a darkness that excluded him, and no matter how he swam, he didn't have the strength to pull her out. He never did._

_Annette put Carol to bed and found Daryl downstairs, leaning against the island, and she walked over to him. "She's asleep."_

_He nodded, unable to lift his eyes from the tiles._

"_I'm sorry she said those things. You didn't deserve them. Once she's better, I'm certain she'll tell you the same."_

"_If, you mean."_

_She shook her head. "I'll call to her doctor and try to get her off those pills. They aren't doing anything, and I worry they're only making her worse. I have no doubt they're why she's lashing out."_

"_I appreciate you tryin' to make me feel better, but don't. I ain't worth it, and you needa get home. It's late." He pushed off the island. "Or stay, if you want. I gotta check on some stuff. Be best if she didn't wake up to an empty house."_

_She called to him as he opened the front door. "Don't." She heard the door close as he left, and she sighed, closing her eyes. That young man was going through so much, and he wouldn't even talk about it. Carol was talking about it—yelling about it, crying about it—but she wasn't going through any of it. She was just lingering, and Annette knew it would take time, but Carol was...refusing to believe any good could come of this, refusing to accept Daryl's love and refusing to cope. Ethan was gone, but he was in Heaven with his grandfather, watching over them. It broke her heart to think of her husband and grandchild watching Carol and Daryl drift down a path that may not allow them to return._

––

_Daryl came home just before dawn, Annette had left a note telling him that she was getting food for breakfast—Carol hadn't eaten a thing since they lost Ethan, just broths Beth or Maggie managed to get into her—and would be back soon. He let the note be and went upstairs, going into the guest bedroom, and he heard a shattering sound._

"_Carol?" He dropped his coat on the bed and stuck his head out. He saw light spilling through the bathroom door that was ajar. Shattering! The mirror! "Carol!" He ran down the hall and pushed the door open, finding her on the floor, the mirror shattered into the sink and floor. "Carol?"_

_Heeding the glass, he bent down beside her. "Carol?"_

_She inhaled shakily and met his eyes. "It should've been me."_

_He looked her over, trying to see blood, but there wasn't any. "Carol, what—?"_

_She lifted her hand from her side, a piece of glass held so tightly in her palm she was bleeding, but other than that, there were no slits. She hadn't gone through with it. "Why wasn't it me?"_

_He pulled the glass gently from her hand then took her into his arms, surprised that she let him. Her arms wrapped around him tightly, and he gripped her, not wanting to ever let her go. He could feel her shaking in his arms, but she wasn't crying. He wondered if she was out of tears. All she did anymore was cry, so it wouldn't surprise him._

_Carol nuzzled her face into his shoulder, gripping the collar of his shirt with her bloody hand. "You are my sunshine... my only sunshine. You make me happy when...skies are gray. You never know dear how much I love you, **please...**don't take my sunshine away..."_

"_Carol?" He felt her go limp, and he pulled back to find her unconscious in his arms. He picked her up and carried her to the bedroom, finding it in disarray, but he noticed the empty bottles of pills on the bed with only a few pills scattered on the bedspread. "Oh, shit." He grabbed the phone off the nightstand and called 911, sticking his fingers down Carol's throat..._

––

_In the emergency room, Daryl sat with his head in his hands, Beth and Maggie talking softly to Hershel across the room, and then came yelling. It was Annette going off on Carol's doctor, the one who had given her all of those damn prescriptions: alevia, superprax, draxophyl... She was right to go off, the man had no idea what the hell he was doing, and Carol nearly died because of it._

"_Mom." Maggie put her arm around her shoulders and led her away. "Calm down."_

_She sighed and took a seat. "Why is this happening?" She gripped Maggie's hand tightly. "My baby girl..." _

_Shawn glanced up momentarily then ran his hands through his hair and moved beside Annette, taking her other hand in both of his. It made him ache to see the woman in his life suffer so. There was nothing he could do. He couldn't help his mom, because he couldn't help Carol. His once happy and determined kid sister was lost, and there was not a damn thing he could do. He'd always been able to do something, but not this time, not when it really counted._

"_Why didn't you stop her?" Beth stood in front of Daryl. _

"_Beth, don't." Maggie grabbed her wrist, but Beth yanked back so hard, Maggie's hand hit her in the face._

"_Why didn't you stop her?!" Beth demanded. "Where were you?!"_

_Daryl said nothing._

"_What, you can't talk now? How convenient! My sister almost dies, and you were doing what? What the hell is more important than Carol?!" She was shouting. "Where?!"_

"_Beth, calm down!" Shawn hissed. "You've no right."_

"_I have no right?" Beth scoffed. "He doesn't. Why is he even here? I mean, really? It's all his fault. He doesn't try hard enough. He just lets Ma and Daddy and us help Carol."_

"_That is enough, Beth!" Hershel told her._

"_No! I ain't gonna pity him! Why should I? He brought it on himself. I heard him talkin' to Mason." Beth watched him stand up. "Don't walk away! You can't pretend to care when you wished this to happen! This is all your fault!"_

_Annette stood up and slapped Beth hard across the face, Shawn and Maggie and Hershel were all stunned to see Annette do that when it took everything she had to yell and scold them, and Beth stared, holding a hand to her pulsing cheek. "Don't you dare talk to him like that," Annette snapped. "We have lost too much, and I am not about to lose my son. Apologize, Beth. Now."_

"_You didn't—"_

"_That's not an apology I'm hearing."_

_She clenched her teeth. "I'm sorry, Daryl."_

"_When you actually mean those words," Annette told her, "I'll consider shortening how long you'll be grounded. Now sit down and don't you dare accuse anyone else."_

_Beth plopped down in the chair nearest to her, folding her arms across her chest, and Hershel sat down beside her, talking softly to her about her words. She held tears back as Hershel talked to her, trying to be angry, trying to hate, but it wasn't working. She was upset and scared. She didn't want to lose anyone else._

_Shawn set a hand on his mom's shoulder and went after Daryl who was out the front doors for some air, and he found Daryl in the shadows. He heard Daryl grunt as he slammed his fist into the hard brick of the building, and Shawn called to him._

"_Son of a bitch!" He was raging._

"_Daryl, don't!" He grabbed his arm. "Stop it!"_

"_That damned asshole!" He jerked his arm free, blood on his knuckles. "That fucking bastard did this! Goddamn it!"_

"_What? Who?"_

"_Mason," Daryl growled. _

"_What did Mason do?" _

"_After y'all ran into him at that diner, I found him. He told me that kid was a mistake, and he'd hoped it aborted itself before it was born." Daryl clenched his jaw. "Beth's right; it's all my fault."_

"_No, it's not."_

"_If I hasn't—"_

"_Mason would still have hoped that," Shawn reasoned. "He's an asshole, and whatever he said were words of a bastard. It wasn't your fault Ethan died. It wasn't Carol's or any doctors'. Look, Mom told me every woman in our family has lost their first child."_

"_What?" Daryl met his eyes._

"_Yeah. After Carol lost Ethan, Mom was talking about how she lost her twins and how my grandmother lost her daughter. It's just something that happens in our family." He crossed his arms. He felt so sick, because it wouldn't happen to him. He was a man, and his firstborn would probably be fine. What he wouldn't give to have protected Carol from this. What he wouldn't give to have changed what happened._

"_Does Carol know that?"_

"_No. Mom wanted to tell her, but I made her promise not to. Carol's fragile right now, and this won't help."_

"_It might help. She can stop blamin' herself."_

"_I mean no disrespect, but I know my sister better than you, and it won't help her right now. She probably won't believe it. She's been writing everything we say off as lies to make herself feel... Shit, I don't even know, so please don't tell her. Let her talk to the therapist here, and try to get better."_

"_You're wrong." Shawn frowned. "None of you know that Carol."_


	14. Where Do I Even Start?

Sophia and Paige were passed out on Paige's bed, the stuffed animals nearly drowning them, and it made Amy smile to see how peaceful they were. She closed the door softly while Carol dried her hands after washing the dishes, and Amy ran her hands through her hair.

"Thank you."

Carol turned. "What for?"

"For the dinner and for trusting me with Sophia. Paige hasn't made any friends until now, and I was worried you wouldn't want her around Sophia. Or me."

"Why wouldn't I?" She crossed her arms.

"Just...rumors...about me." She laced her fingers together. "People can be cruel, and I was worried they might have told you lies about me."

"What happened to you, Amy?" She averted her eyes. "You used to be so outgoing and cheerful. You were so brilliant, and I was so sure you'd open your own dance studio. What changed you?"

Amy shifted her weight, uncomfortable.

"Were you...raped?"

Her head snapped up, her mouth opened, but she couldn't get the words out.

"Is that why you live...here? Why Andrea hasn't heard from you? Why does she worry that you're dead?"

"I told you before." She crossed her arms protectively. "My life's been rough."

"You had Paige when you were sixteen," Carol lowered her voice, "and you knew Merle."

"You knew Merle," she shot back. "Were you raped in a dark alley at night by some drug dealer? Or are you insinuating Merle raped me?"

Carol frowned. She knew Merle wasn't that type of man. He was a drunk, a tweaker, but not a rapist. He dealt with a lot of bad men who probably were, so maybe he accidentally brought them to Amy. She didn't want to assume anything, but she had to know. Amy was like her sister too, even if she didn't know her that well anymore. Amy was always around with Andrea, so Carol grew to love her, became protective of her. She hadn't outgrown that. "You wanted to talk to me," Carol reminded her, "talk."

"About the rape?" Amy asked. "Or something that actually happened?"

"I was raped," Carol told her, and Amy locked eyes with her. "Can it still be considered rape if you're married to the person?" Her eyes burned as she let out a weak laugh.

"Wh... What?" Amy lowered her arms. "Who? Why?"

"I used to ask that, but I never got an answer, so I don't know." She dropped her head. "Ed...was my husband."

"Your husband?" She looked confused. "Your husband raped you? Why would he do that?"

"The same reason he would beat me: power. He craved the power it gave him, or so I think." Amy embraced her tightly, and Carol swallowed hard, not sure if it felt good to tell somebody or if she felt like throwing up. She didn't know how to feel anymore. She felt like a disappointment to her family and like she was a failure of a mother. She didn't know what was true anymore. Ed was so condescending and convinced her she was so many things but worthy. She fought with his words every morning, but every night...she was right back there with him. His scent, his touch surrounded and choked her, and it took everything she had not to scream herself awake. She couldn't let them know. She just couldn't.

Amy held her almost protectively. "I'm here. It's going to be okay." She sobbed, digging her nails into Amy's back. "Shh."

– – –

The sound of arguing and birds woke Carol. She inhaled deeply, the scent of coffee and lavender entering her nose, and she opened her eyes. The room she was in was unfamiliar, but at the sound of giggling, she remembered she stayed with Amy. This was Amy's bedroom.

They'd talked through the night, and Amy didn't want Carol to leave so upset. Carol didn't want to go home so upset, to have them question why. She just wanted them to think her life back there was decent and she came back to be home. Ignorance was bliss in this case, and she would rather die than let them know what truly happened. She couldn't bear to see the same expression Amy had on their faces, and she didn't want them to treat her any differently. Carol knew Amy wouldn't, and perhaps that's why she told her...everything. Amy was the only person Carol was going to tell. Amy, Carol Karen were going to take this secret to the grave.

She smiled as she remember the last before her freshmen year of high school.

– – –

"_Hurry up," Maggie softly told her, adjusting the straps to the backpack as Carol mustered the courage to jump off the roof of Andrea's house. Lori and Andrea were waiting with her. When she finally did jump, Maggie helped her up. "C'mon."_

_They ran down the road and into the woods, all holding hands so they wouldn't lose each anyone. They looked for the spot in the small clearing in the woods just outside Hershel's farm where they were going to do this. They'd been planning this since graduation, and Maggie had helped them plan too. She was year younger than them, but still, she was a good friend._

_Maggie spotted the white bandana Lori had tied to the branch of the tree just before the clearing, and they hurried over to it. Lori and Andrea made a fire while Maggie and Carol handed them the matches._

_Once the fire became to burn brightly—and safely—Lori swiped the bracelets they had made the other day from the bag, Andrea took the goblet and began to fill it with liquid and Carol dug the small cloth pouch out of her pocket and tossed it into the fire, the flames turned a different color momentarily. Maggie played tribal music to make it seem dramatic, and they all tried not to laugh._

"_We've come here tonight to make a pact," Maggie said as they sat in a circle around the fire. "We're going to be—"_

_A twig snapped, and they all turned to find Amy waving nonchalantly by a tree._

"_Amy, what are you doing?" Andrea demanded._

"_I heard you all stomping around, so I followed you." She sat by Lori. "What are you doing?"_

"_A pact," Carol told her. "A **blood** pact."_

"_I think you guys watched The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood too much," Amy commented._

"_Probably," Lori teased. "You wanna go first?"_

"_First?" Amy tilted her head._

_She pulled out a switchblade. "We're all gonna cut our palms, hence the blood part."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because life happens," Andrea replied. "We've been friends for as long as I can remember, these two are like my sisters, so...we're making a pact to continue to be sisters. Once you run off and become a famous dancer forget all about me, I'll need sisterly support."_

_Amy smiled. "I wanna do it too."_

"_Well, here." Lori handed her the extra bracelet. It was one of the prettier ones that Lori was going to keep to herself, but Amy was so adorable and genuine. She was practically one of them anyway, with all the time she spend with them in Andrea's room, talking and laughing._

_Amy slipped it on, giddy._

"_Can we continue or is Beth coming?" Andrea asked._

_Maggie cleared her throat. "This is the last summer we have tonight before you guys go off to high school and probably ignore us because we're grade schoolers."_

"_As it's the first full moon of this month, we here to make a pact under it's illuminating rays," Lori added as she cut her palms. "A pact to always be friends, sisters and hopefully not alcoholics."_

_Amy giggled._

"_As seasons change and people come and go, we make this pact to remember our past promises and to always keep them." Carol winced as she cut her palms. "To always turn to each other in times of need."_

"_Unless it involves money," Maggie took the knife, "then we turn to Andrea and Amy, the wealthy Horvaths, who will look at us if we get arrested for something stupid and tell us how badly we screwed up."_

"_This is how diseases spread," Amy held the knife with fingers, but still did it. "To strength we'll find in each other when we run out of our own?"_

_Andrea smiled and took Amy's hand then Carol's. "Drop the question mark."_

_Amy nodded and took Lori's hand and then they passed around the goblet, each drinking the very potent and sour concoction Andrea had made that gave them all a burst of energy. They all began to dance around the fire, crazy hyper and laughing for no reason. It was later that Andrea confessed to adding a large amount of _Red Bull_ or possibly_ Monster_ to the concoction. It was still one the best summers Carol had had, even though they all got an infection from the dirt that got into their wounds when they fell to the ground when they got dizzy from spinning themselves around and around._

––

"Mommy!" Sophia jumped onto the bed. "Breakfast's ready!"

"All right, I'm up." She followed Sophia into the kitchen and Amy smiled a good morning. "It smells good in here."

"I made eggs, pancakes and bacon." She scraped eggs onto four plates. "I hope you like scrambled, because that's all I can make."

"I do, thank you." She took two of the plates and set them in front of the girls. "Coffee."

Amy set the other two plates down and drank orange juice. "Did you girls sleep well?" They nodded. "Really, 'cause I heard giggling around three this morning."

Carol took her seat as Sophia and Paige now stuffed their faces to not answer, sipping the hot coffee. Carol noticed how similar Sophia and Paige were. They both hadn't had many friends, they both were really sweet and generous, and Sophia was right: they had the same eye color. Paige looked more like Amy than whoever her father was, only her hair was different. It was wavy, like Sophia was after she bathed, and it was nothing like Amy's. Paige had her father's eyes and hair, no doubt.

Amy chewed on a piece of bacon, noting how Carol looked over her daughter. "Did you sleep okay, Carol?"

"Yes." She turned to Amy. "Thank you for talking. I—I really needed it, and I appreciate you..er, listening to me."

"Any time."

They ate breakfast, Carol washed her face in the bathroom while Amy gave Sophia one of Paige's outfits to borrow for school since it was almost time, and Carol gave Sophia a kiss and a hug before Sophia left with Amy and Paige to go to school. Carol left to go home and change. She had business to attend to.

––

Daryl opened the door and found Carol on the other side in jeans and a t-shirt with a bandana in her hair. She still wouldn't meet his eyes, but her smile was warm, so he tried not to let it bother him. He had been working on the basement, a lot of the junk had been tossed a few hours ago, and now he just needed her help cleaning.

"Meaning you want me to clean 'cause you don't want to." She followed him down the stairs.

"Yeah."

"All right. I'll need a broom, a mop and—ahh!" She practically jumped into his arms. "Something brushed the back of my neck!"

"What?" He looked behind her. "There ain't nothing there."

"Was it a spider?" She shuddered. "I don't fear them, but the ones that were down here before could own property."

He chuckled. "Probably just dust."

"I hope so." She wiped the back of her neck and began to blush at how close they were. She jumped back. "So, uhh, mop?"

"Same place as always." He returned to what he was doing before.

Carol didn't have a problem with what happened the other night, but now that they were alone tonight, she did. She had made herself not think about it, but what else was she going to do? Try and make sure every inch of the basement was immaculate? Hell, yes.

Daryl watched Carol while they worked, seeing how focused she was on sweeping and dusting and re-sweeping. She was in her own little world, and he didn't want to bother her by asking why she couldn't look at him and why she kept blushing. He wouldn't let himself even consider the possibility of her feeling anything for him. She was probably nervous about something else. Like slipping that money back into his wallet like he knew she would try to do. He knew Carol better than she thought, and he knew she wouldn't take his money, so he went out and bought her a phone. She couldn't return that as easily, and she needed one, especially if he was going to be babysitting Sophia.

"Hey, Carol." He carried down a plate with sandwiches and chips. "Hungry?"

"Starving." She set the wood polisher down and meet him on the steps where they sat down and ate. She attacked the sandwich, her manners lost from hunger, and Daryl had seen her devour down food faster than this before, so she wasn't embarrassed.

"So," Carol asked when she swallowed, "how does it look?"

"Clean. I can see my reflection in the floor." She laughed. "It's big."

"What are you doing to do with all of this space? Before you sell, I mean."

"Don't know." He turned to her and reached out, wiping something off her cheek with his thumb and licking it off. "Mustard."

She wiped her cheeks. "Thanks."

He chewed his inside of his bottom lip then mustered up his courage. "Is Sophia his?"

She looked at him. "I honestly don't know, Daryl. I know you want to know, and you have a right to know, but..."

"But?"

"If she is your daughter...what does that make us?" She was no longer hungry. "Our marriage was a disaster. I can't bear to hurt you like I did ever again, but Sophia's young, and she won't understand that, so she'll want us to be together. She already wants a sibling. I can't...explain us to her. I can barely explain it to myself. I'm sorry, but if we're going to do a paternity test, it'll be when she's older. When she can understand our relationship. That's all I have to say about it, so don't try to sway me."

He nodded. "Why'd you lie to me?"

"About not being able to have children?" He nodded. "Because I didn't want to try. I couldn't go through that loss again, but when I found out I was pregnant with Sophia, I—God, I was terrified. I worried all the time, and at the hint of anything strange happening, I went to see my doctor. He understood, and I was induced two weeks before her due date in case those last two weeks had anything to do with it."

"Was he there for you?"

"When he could be. My friend Karen was by my side all the way, so I was never alone." She paused and licked her lips. "Sophia Nora Greene."

He met her eyes. "Nora?"

"Nora."

"Why?"

"I didn't pick it; Ed did." She shrugged. "Ironic, huh?"

"Ed, huh?" He exhaled. "Why'd you leave him?"

She tensed.

"Why come back after all this time?"

"Ed...died," she lied. "I wanted Sophia to be around family, so I brought her back here. I should've done it sooner, but... That doesn't matter, I guess. We're here and well."

"Were you not with him?"

"Don't." She stood up and walked by him on the stairs, and he hurried after her. She set the plate on the island."You don't get to ask about Ed. I don't want to talk about him."

"The man supposedly died a couple weeks ago, but I don't see a ring or a tan line. It's been off a long time." He stopped in the living room. "Did he abuse you?"

"What?!" She whirled around, her heart stopping. Did he know?

"Merle suggested—"

"Merle? Merle! Don't listen to Merle! He has nothing to do with us, and you have nothing to do with Ed!"

"If he abused you or that kid that may be mine, I have a right to know!"

"A right? What right? Daryl, we're divorced and just grasping at a friendship! Just because you slept with me doesn't mean you have an all-access pass to my personal life!"

"I don't think I do, I just wanna know this Ed did right by you!"

"He did! We got married, Sophia was taken care of, and he died." It was true. Ed did right by Carol up until Sophia was born then he...changed. He was this person she didn't know. The Ed she knew had died, and left a hollow, abusive shell behind. "Happy?" She put her hands on the island and looked at him. "Daryl, tell me what's on your mind. Let's yell or fight or talk, but let's get it all out, because I can't keep doing these mini-wars whenever we're alone. I just can't!"

He gripped the back of his neck. "How long did it take?"

"How long did what take?" She was confused.

"How long did it take to love Ed?"

"I didn't."

"What?" He lifted his head. "You never loved him?"

"I thought I did, but I was just...vulnerable." She leaned back against the counter. "Ed was just...there when I needed someone, but I never loved him."

He was smiling inside. He felt a lot better knowing she never loved him. He'd come in last place with everyone else, but at least he felt first when it came to the men Carol loved. He still felt a pain inside, but it wasn't as intense.

"What about you? Were you...with anyone else?" He dropped his eyes, and she felt a lump form in her throat. Of course he'd been with other women. He was the best once you got by the rough exterior, and she was glad to know he wasn't always alone. She'd also be happy to know the names of the bitches to attack them for touching her—_No, no, no! Bad thoughts, no your anything_, she scolded herself. _You do not own Daryl._

"They didn't mean nothin'," he told her. Most of them he just woke up next to after getting so damn drunk the previous night. He didn't even know their names or remembered how they met. The only time he did remember any one woman was when she led him into his and Carol's bedroom. He went off and she left, calling him every name in the book and flipping him off. He had to listen to Merle tell him to get the hell over Carol for the hundredth time the next morning.

"They?" Her brows rose. "How many is they?"

He shrugged. "I can barely remember their faces. I was always drunk."

"You don't have any illegitimate children, do you?"

"No."

She nodded and picked at her nails. "Did you ever—?"

"No."

"I didn't even finish asking. How do you know it's a no?" She met his eyes.

"There are only two ends to that question, and both of 'em are no."

_Thank God!_ "Good to know." She shifted her weight. "Is that why you sleep in the guest bedroom?"

"Mostly."

"Have you been in a serious relationship since we broke up?" She had to know. "Did you date at all?"

"No. Shawn tried, but I don't date."

"You weren't waiting for me...were you?" She started blushing out of embarrassment. "Not that I'm worth waiting for or am anything special, of course. I just—I was curious."

"I wasn't waitin' for you. I just... No one else got me like you, and I wasn't about to let someone else try." His eyes were locked on her. "I didn't wanna love nobody else like I loved you."

Past tense. "Daryl." Her eyes burned. She felt like a completely and utter **bitch**. She was the only person he ever opened up to, allowed himself to trust and love. Still, knowing about all of his scars and how many people had left him and her promises not to do the same...she left him. She loved him more than anything, and she abandoned him. "I am _so_ sorry."

"Don't cry." He felt uncomfortable. He hated when she cried, especially now, because he didn't know what to do. Before he would touch her cheek or hair, but now that might make her more upset. What the hell was he supposed to do?

He stopped in front of her and hugged her, she melt against him, her face buried in his chest. He lowered his head onto hers, the scent of her shampoo flooding his senses. It filled him with memories, and that dream came into his head again. It was so real. He dropped his head lower, his stubble brushing her ear, and suddenly, Carol wasn't crying as much anymore. His forehead touched hers, she titled her head back to look at him, and—

The front door flew open, Carol jumped and Daryl let her go as Merle walked in. He didn't look over at them, just plopped onto the couch and opened a beer, turning on the TV.

Carol wiped at her eyes and muttered a goodbye before leaving, and Daryl couldn't get two words out before she was gone. He watched her flee from the house and listened as her car sped off. He swallowed and cleared his throat, wondering what just happened and why he had done that.

"You're a glutton, Darylina," Merle told him. "A damn glutton."

– – –

The next morning, Carol couldn't get what happened on the island and what almost happened yesterday out of her head. She ambled downstairs, passing more of Shawn's boxes and remembering the surprise wedding that was going to take place here in a couple of hours as soon as the movers arrived. She tried focusing on that as she headed down the kitchen, but it didn't last long.

Beth headed out to go to "school"—she was meeting up with Jacqui and Patricia—Hershel was going to store, Shawn was working with Sophia in the barn, and Carol and Maggie were in the kitchen alone. A few biscuits were in a bowl on the island as Carol stirred milk into her coffee, and Maggie poured herself a cup of coffee, exhausted and sore from training with Shane. She needed a massage. The only upside about today was her date later. Thank God Glenn was coming to the wedding.

Carol swallowed hard, lowering her cup. "I had sex with Daryl."

Maggie spat out hot coffee and choked, coughing. She set the cup down, wheezing, and she turned to face Carol, eyes wide. "What?" she managed.

"That was poor timing. I'm so sorry." She grabbed her cup and all but ran to her bedroom.

"You nearly killed me, do you think I'm gonna let you just run?" Maggie was on her heels and slammed her hand against Carol's door when she tried to shut the door on her. "Carol, I just fought a man who's all muscle and almost six feet, I can take you."

She stepped back and sat down on her bed, the cup resting on her ankle. "I want to talk about it, but you're going to judge me."

"It's too late for that." She closed the door and climbed onto the bed in front of her. "What happened?"

"I was painting the living room the other night, trying to get the outline of the stairs done, and Daryl came home. He was complete wasted, and he...pushed me against the wall and..."

"And?" Maggie pressed.

"He...slippedhishandintomypants," Carol quickly mumbled.

"What?"

"Don't make me say it again." Her face was on fire. "Hang on." She grabbed a piece of paper and wrote it down, Maggie moved closer as if the words would escape if she didn't, and she took the notepad when Carol held it out.

Her mouth fell open. "Holy shit, Carol."

She drank heavily from her cup, wishing she'd added something more potent than milk.

"Were you safe?" Maggie asked, looking over Carol's face as she all but chugged the coffee. "Carol, you can't get pregnant again. Sophia was luck—"

"I can have children, Maggie. I've always been able to, I just lied so Daryl wouldn't want to try again." She closed her eyes. "Sophia may be his."

"What?!" Maggie shouted.

"Ed and Daryl overlapped, so I don't know which is the father." She opened an eye, but Maggie didn't look at her like she was the biggest slut in the world, so she opened her eyes. "I—I couldn't tell you guys my first night, because...I don't want Sophia to know."

"I'll keep it to myself, but seriously, were you safe?"

"Yeah. I'm on the pill. I take it with my vitamins every morning."

"Are you gonna talk to him about it?"

"Hell no." She set her cup on the table beside her.

"Why not?"

"Maggie, it wasn't just sex. It never was with me and Daryl. It's—complicated. He may think it meant more than it did, because I was sober. It was an accident. I wasn't thinking."

"But you still _were_ sober."

She dropped her eyes. "If I'm being honest, I never got over Daryl."

"You got under him" she muttered.

Carol laughed then glared. "I could've been on top!"

Maggie laughed. "Sure."

"Shut up."

"Are you still in love with him?" Maggie gently inquired.

"I don't know. I love him, I always have, but I don't know if I'm **in** love with him." She shrugged. She didn't want to think about it.

"What's with that look? Did something happen?"

"He was really rough." Carol tapped her fingernail against the cup. "He left a bruise on my arm he was holding me tight."

"He hurt you?"

"It was like he'd taken his anger out on me through sex. I don't know. It was different, but...not a bad different."

"Slut!" Maggie accused.

"This coming from a girl who lost her virginity—"

"Ho, ho, ho!" Maggie cut her off. "We swore to never talk about that."

"And we're swearing to never talk about this."

"Carol—"

"No, Maggie, swear to me. Daryl can never know or anybody else." She searched her eyes. "Our blood pact."

"Damn it, fine. I won't tell a soul."

"Thank you." She hugged her tightly. "I've missed this."

"Me too," she admitted. "Beth only talks about school and babies, but I think if she talked about men and sex, I'd have to go and slaughter them."

"I'll sharpen the ax."

"Mag, Carol!" Beth came barreling into the house. "Shawn left! C'mon, we gotta get to work!"

"Damn, I wanted to have fun today. Oh, well." She grabbed Carol by her wrists and hauled her up. "If I'm in Hell, you're coming with me."

They met Beth at the bottom of the stairs, Tyreese and T-dog were in the middle of rearranging the living room to Beth's desire, Patrica and Otis carried in grocery bags, and they both went to their preassigned areas before Beth saw them standing about and yelled at them to start helping again. It was one of Beth's favoring ways to pass time.

"What am I cooking?" Carol walked into the kitchen.

Patricia spun around and hugged her tightly. "Carol! I heard you were back! It is so good to see you!"

"It's very good to see you." She laughed at how good it was to see her. "I missed you."

She held her in arms length. "You've grown up so much. I can't believe how much you've changed." She smiled at her. "Where is your little girl I've heard so much about?"

"She's probably outside or with Beth. You'll see her soon, I promise."

"I hope so. Now, we have a lot to do, and Glenn's mom won't be here until she finishes the cake." She began to unpack the bags. "So, Shawn and Sasha are expecting?"

"Yes. She's three months along." Carol helped her unpack.

"And this wedding is a surprise?"

"Planned by Beth. She loves a good surprise and also to make people happy."

"She's such a sweet young woman." Patricia took out baking pans. "Shawn's always loved a good surprise too."

_Let's hope so,_ Carol thought to herself.

Patrica and Carol prepared the main course before Patricia went into town to pick up a few more ingredients, leaving Carol to help Beth set up the dining room as Jacqui hadn't returned from picking up a dress just yet.

"Holy shit." Carol barely recognized the dining room. The table had been draped in a white tablecloth to cover the many marks that had been worn into the table over the years that only they could see and in the center of the table was a basket of lilies with a few gear tealight candles in a creative design around dandelion dinnerware that their best silver along side them. It was really beautiful, especially would be when the candles were lit. Beth had such a good eye for what people would like and what looked best, and she was generous enough to do it all herself.

"What?" Beth crossed champagne flutes off a checklist.

"It looks really beautiful. You've outdone yourself."

"Thank you." She blushed a little. "I just wanted to give them a good wedding since they don't have any say."

She laughed. "That's a good reason."

"Are you here to help?" Beth asked. "I saw Patricia leave to go and check on Yumi."

"She makes the best cakes, so please stop me when I try and attack it halfway through the ceremony."

She giggled. "That would make this even more memorable, and you could use the weight."

"My mouth's already watering. Let's not talk about Yumi's cooking. Who's performing the ceremony?"

"Father Gabriel. He'll be here in an hour or two." She checked her watch. "I need to check on Sophia and see if she needs help with the flowers. Umm, could you bring my stereo down and Shawn's CD collection? The one he has hidden underneath his bed. It hasn't been moved just yet."

"Do I want to know how you know its hidden under his bed?"

"Who else cleans around here? Without me, they'd been covered in dirt and eating tree bark within a month."

Carol smiled. "Good point." She headed upstairs and to Shawn's room to get the CDs first. She felt a chill run through her spine at how bare his room was. All of the boxes had been moved onto the truck, all of the dressers and the bookshelf as well, but his camera equipment was in his car so he didn't have to kill someone from breaking a lens. If he puts his kid in the same category as his cameras, that kid will never leave the house.

She grabbed his collection and left, running into Daryl. "What are you doing here?"

"Beth called, asked me to come and help. I don't got plans." He shrugged. "Besides Yumi's bringin' cake. Why would I miss that?"

"Well, Beth wanted me to get her stereo. Mind giving me a hand?"

"Beats movin' chairs from the shed." He glanced down the hall. "Where's her room?"

"Down here." She walked ahead of him, thinking of his comment of the shed. If Dad ever knew what happened in the shed... Yeah, Daryl's decomposing body would have given them great crops. There was only one time when nothing happened...

– – –

"_Thanks, Carol, I appreciate the help," Shawn called after her sarcastically. "Don't let the mosquitoes bite!" _

"_It's not my fault!" She retorted. "You're the pig!"_

_He flipped her off before getting back to work. _

_She groaned and headed as far away from him as possible. She was so sick of him and his stupid inability to take responsible for his actions. It wasn't her fault or Maggie's or Beth's. It was his fault. The sooner he realized it, the better. She was already feeling crummy, because she didn't have his back. That's what pissed him off the most, she knew, but there was nothing she could say that would make Mom or Dad less disappointed and angry with him._

_She wanted to chop a piece of wood that was in the shape of his head! Ugh!_

_She sighed and crossed her arms, stopping just beside the barn. She just wanted to take a walk and clear her mind, but she was too pissed off. She wanted to tell Shawn off, but he was already annoyed and pissed off himself. They just needed to avoid each other until the guilt of what they said ate them into apologizing. That's how it went._

_She walked toward the duck pond but someone grabbed her, and she nearly shrieked. The only thing that stopped her was the scent of rich earth and leather. It was Daryl. He liked to sulk around now that he was staying with them. She hadn't seen much of him since her birthday party, but it was mostly because of Shawn and her and her parents and all of the fighting._

"_Didn't mean to scare you."_

"_You surprised me. What are you doing here?"_

"_I kinda live here."_

"_Smartass. I meant out here. I thought you were inside asleep. It's early, barely seven."_

"_Hershel woke me up. He wanted me to chop some wood, so I did."_

"_How kind of you."_

"_I don't take handouts. I'll work to stay." _

_She smiled then leaned up and kissed him, cupping a hand to the back of his neck, pushing up on the tips of her toes. "How did you sleep?" She searched his eyes. "After—"_

"_I sleep fine."_

"_I just wanted to make sure. I would have nightmares if my father ever..."_

"_I don't wanna talk about that."_

"_Why do I get the feeling you don't want to talk at all?"_

_He grasped her neck and brought her face up to his, kissing her. He knew Hershel had rules since he was so kind enough to repeat them every single morning Daryl woke up, and he knew Hershel would castrate him if he knew that Carol wasn't a virgin. He would probably shoot him for just kissing her._

"_C'mere." He pulled her out of sight behind the shed, opening the door and pulling her inside._

_The shed was dark and it smelled of wood and hay, but it was the only place no one was or ever really went to. The only light they had was a flashlight and battery-operated lantern on the shelf right by the door. _

_In the darkness, they fumbled into a wall, but there was a built-in shelf that had nothing on it. He fell down onto it, pulling her onto his lap and resting his hands on her hips. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, slipping her fingers into his hair. She'd wished they could be alone more often, but with graduation coming up and finishing up the last of applications she had, she didn't have time. Both of her parents didn't want Daryl and her to be alone in a room, and if they were they had to leave the door open. Often Hershel or Shawn would walk in and make sure they weren't doing it, asking if they wanted a snack or drink, but they knew better._

_Breathless, she pulled back and looked over what little of his face she could see with the light that streamed. "Why are you looking at me like that?"_

"_Graduation's in less than a week." He met her eyes. "Then we got...what? Two, three months?"_

"_I know." She exhaled slowly. "I can't imagine school without you, no matter how hard I try." _

"_You're gonna go. I ain't gonna let you stay, not for me."_

"_I know." She lifted her head. "I just want to make the most of our time together, so after graduation meet me at the dock. Mom's having a party, so we'll have to stay, eat some cupcakes, open some cards, take some pictures and then go to the dock. I'll meet you down there."_

"_All right, but if we get caught—"_

"_Don't jinx it." She rested her forehead on his before leaning in and kissing him. "We need to get out of here. If Daddy sent you, he'll probably come and check on you with something to drink." She walked over to the door. "But if you wanna screw around after, you know where to find me."_

"_Pfft."_

_She giggled. "I'll see you at lunch." She walked out of the shed in a better mood and she saw Shawn working alone in the field. She jogged over and decided to help him, not caring that he wasn't supposed to have help._

"_Dad's gonna kill you."_

_She shrugged._

"_You may like them, but you're not a cat, certainly aren't sneaky."_

"_Who knows? Maybe I have the nine lives instead."_

_He snorted. "Yeah, sure."_

– – –

"Here you go." Carol handed Beth the CDs. "Anything else I can do?"

"Help me cook."

Carol spun around. "Mom!" She smiled widely. "What are you doing here?"

"Do you think I would miss my own son's wedding?" She hugged Carol and Beth. "Patricia and Carol and I will finish dinner, so go and help your father with the lawn. It's a train wreck."

"Thanks, Mom." Beth kissed her cheek then smiled at Patricia before jogging out to help Hershel.

"Well, well, well," Annette said to Daryl. "Daryl Dixon."

"Mrs. Greene." He ducked his head, unable to meet her eyes.

"Mrs. Greene? I don't have Alzheimer's, so I know I told you to call me Annette. Heck, call me Anne or Annie." She hugged him, and Carol was surprised when he didn't resist. "It's good to see you again."

"Same to you." He glanced at Carol. "I'm gonna go help Hershel and T."

Annette put her arm through Carol's and led her to the kitchen. "Yumi's making the cake?"

"Yes."

"Good. It'll probably kill me, but I'll die happy."

Carol wanted to laugh, but the thought of her mom dying made her want to be sick. She never wanted to think of that. It made her heart stop and tighten.

"All right. We need to make two more meals since I invited two more guests." Annette pulled out the extras. "Patrica?"

"Yeah?" She was in the doorway.

"Go help Jacqui with the dress. Carol and I will finish up in here, and if we need help, I'll get Beth."

She frowned a little, but nodded and went to help Jacqui.

"Quality mother-daughter time?" Carol teased, leaning against the island.

"Yes." Annette smiled sweetly. "Were you planing on telling you had sex with Daryl or letting me guess?" Her face burned and she stammered, more confused than nervous, and Annette laughed. "Oh, pretty girl, I know you better than you think. You can't fool me, though obviously you've fooled that boy."

"Um... Uh, wh—what?" She shook her head, trying to get over the embarrassment and the confusion. "Why—why do you think that Daryl and I—that we... What?"

"I have bad blood pressure, not bad vision. Besides, it doesn't take an idiot to know something went on between you and Daryl."

"Nothing happened. Let's just drop it, all right?" She tucked hair behind her ears. "So, who's are our two new guests?"

"Dale and Andrea." She handed Carol a potato peeler. "I couldn't find Amy. I really wanted to see her again."

"Amy?" She set the peeler down. "I could give her a call." Though she probably wouldn't come if she knew Andrea was coming.

"Really?" She looked really happy. "I would love that."

"I didn't know you cared for Amy so much." Carol grabbed the phone. "I'll be right back."

"Take your time."

She went into the living room to call Amy, but she didn't have to wait long. Amy answered on the first ring. "Hey, Amy, it's me."

"Hey, Carol, what can I do for you?"

"Do you want to come to a small wedding?"

"Oh, I love weddings! Who's getting married?"

"Sasha and Shawn."

"That's so sweet. I'd love to come. When is it?"

"In a few hours."

"Oh, that's really short notice."

"It's just my family and hers. Just wear something nice, and you'll get cake and a free meal. Sophia would love to have Paige over. No one else here is her age."

"I can bring a gift. There's an old gravy boat that I have no purpose for. It was an impulse buy a long time ago. I'd love for someone to actually use it."

"Great! Just come on over now, if you want. Or at any time before seven."

"I'll come at five."

"That's really great. I'll see you at five."

"Bye."

She hung up and returned to the kitchen. "Amy's coming. She's bringing Paige too."

"Paige?" Annette paused. "Is Amy... Is she gay?"

Carol blinked. "N—no, no, no, no. Paige is Amy's daughter."

"Amy has a daughter?" Annette gaped. "Oh, my gosh. How long have I been in the hospital? How old is Paige? Did Amy get married? Why didn't Dale tell me?"

"Amy isn't married, and Paige is almost five."

"I see." She bit her bottom lip. "Well, I'm sure she's beautiful."

"She is. She looks just like Amy, but she has her father's hair."

"Oh? And who's her father?"

"I don't know, but they're not together. Amy and I both agree no father is needed to raise our daughters."

"Then why sleep with Daryl? Why would you do that to him?"

She frowned. "What?"

"After all that happened between you... are you trying to hurt him? Or do you still feel—?"

"I have to help my daughter with the flowers." She turned on her heel and left the room. She found Sophia around back with Hershel, Daryl, T and Tyreese. They were working on an arch that Carol had seen Hershel and Annette get married under as well as herself and Daryl, and Sophia was with Beth, taping flowers over rusty spots on the chairs.

"Hey, baby." She lowered herself down beside them. "Beth."

"Hey." She smiled, smoothing tape over the stem of the lily. "Well, that's the last one."

"What now?" Sophia asked.

"I have to get the music arranged inside and out. Daryl's lending me a hand, so I don't have anything for you, Carol."

"That's fine. Sophia and I will find something to do." She took Sophia's hands and helped her up. "If you need me, just shout."

She nodded, wiping grass off her jeans and picking up the basket before calling to Daryl for help.

They all had jobs to do before Shawn and Sasha, but the only thing that would take time was the food. The arch was set up perfectly, the chairs were decent and Beth and Daryl had gotten the sound to play outside. The living room was transformed into dance floor with vases of fresh flowers on every table, and there was even a place for pictures. The dining room was picture perfect—which made her wonder who the hell was going to take pictures since it was Shawn getting married—and everything was more or less ready by the time the cake and guests arrived.

Carol used a bobby pin to get her bangs out of her eyes, and she saw Amy in her mirror. "Amy." She smiled and turned around. "You look great."

"Thanks. So do you."

Carol had to change her dress from red to brown, because she didn't own anything red and nothing of Beth or Maggie's fit her. They were either too big or too short. "Thanks. Where's Paige?"

"Downstairs with Sophia." Amy looked self-conscious. "So, who's all coming? I saw Yumi and Glenn in the kitchen."

"Well...Mom may have invited some other people, but I can't say." Really, she couldn't bring herself to say Dale and Andrea were on their way.

"The house looks amazing," Amy said as they went downstairs. "Beth did an amazing job."

"Thanks!" Beth smiled. "We all pitched in though."

"Don't be so modest." Maggie nudged her with her elbow. "You made this happen."

"Now let's hope Shawn doesn't hate this." Beth felt nervous.

"Amy."

Amy froze as her eyes landed on Andrea. "A—Andrea?"

Andrea smiled widely and hugged her. "I'm so glad to see you."

Maggie, Beth and Carol went to keep watch for Shawn and Sasha, letting them be.

"How are you?" Andrea looked her over.

"I'm okay." Amy saw Dale behind her. "And you? How are you?"

"I missed you. I—I worried about you. What the hell happened, Amy? You just disappeared. Why?"

"Shawn and Sasha are coming any minute now. I have to go and find my seat." She hurried to leave the house, finding Sophia and Paige with Tyreese. She didn't want Andrea or Dale to know about her, but they would if she stayed. She had to leave on the ceremony was over. Carol had to understand... Did she have to keep running? Yes, she knew had to.

"Hey, Amy." Ty smiled.

"Hey." She returned it. "How are things?"

"All right. And you? You look nervous."

"Oh? I guess. I'm really happy for Shawn and your sister."

"Me too. I just hope this wasn't all for nothing."

"Why do you say that?" Carol joined them. "The whole surprise thing? It does make my stomach knot. They might hate it."

"It's not that. It's the reason why they didn't get married before."

"What reason?" Carol frowned.

"They're here!" Beth called to them then went to the front door to greet them.

"What the hell?" Shawn felt as if he shouldn't open the door.

"What?" Sasha looked his face over.

"I have a bad feeling about this." He narrowed his eyes at the closed door. "I smell cake too." He opened the front door and Beth smiled on the other side. "Did you kill the family, Bethy?"

"Come inside."

Shawn stepped inside. "Yumi baked cake. I can smell it." He turned to Beth. "Yumi only makes personal wedding cakes. You planned a surprise wedding, didn't you?"

"Damn, you're good."

"And yes, we did." Jacqui came down the stairs.

"Oh, my God. Are you serious?" Sasha looked from her mom to Beth and back again. "A wedding?"

"Yes."

"You know, I never said this enough," Shawn told Beth, "but I love when choices are taken from me. I really do."

"And I love how you avoid the main point." Annette smirked.

"Mom!" He smiled. "You're out of the hospital! This is great! How are you feeling?"

"I'd feel better if I knew my grandchild was going to be a Greene or a Douglas."

"A Greene," Sasha replied, "without a doubt."

"Well, you all know who wears the pants in our relationship." Shawn shook his head. "Can I at least propose to my girlfriend? Or are you going to do that for me as well?"

"Come upstairs when you're done," Jacqui said. "Oh, and Hershel wants to see you in his room, Shawn."

"C'mon, Beth." Annette took her hand and led her out the back door.

"Are you angry?" Sasha turned to him.

"Amused actually." He reached into his pocket and showed her black velvet box. "I was going to propose tonight at dinner."

She slowly smiled. "How romantic, especially for you. I was half-expecting a piece of paper with marry me written in Crayon."

"Damn, I have the paper in my pocket. I was gonna pass it to you at dinner."

She laughed. "Of course."

Where could he even start to explain how he felt about her? He pulled the ring out of the box. "I don't know what words I should use to express how I feel about you, and I'm not good with words as you know, so all I have to say is this: I've had you as my best friend, my lover, my fiancée, and now I want you as my wife. Will you marry me, Sasha Alexandria Douglas?"

"I will."

He slipped the ring onto her finger and kissed her. "C'mon." He led her upstairs, stopping by the door where Jacqui leaned in the doorway. "I'll marry you soon, beautiful."

She rolled her eyes, but smiled and went into the room with her mom, looking at Shawn until the door was shut.

Shawn smiled to himself. Damn, he was a lucky man, with a family that needed to be committed.

––

The ceremony was beautiful, the vows were beautiful, and it was all so sweet. Carol had to take the pictures since Beth and Annette were crying, and Maggie didn't want to, and it was just the best solution. Carol enjoyed it, and she was happy for her brother, but throughout the ceremony, her eyes kept drifting over to where Daryl sat in the back row. She had kept telling herself not to think about what happened and what it meant to her, but with all of the sweet words mentioned and the arch and the tears, it brought up so many memories. Carol wasn't sure how she felt, but she needed to talk to him. Tomorrow, she'd have to talk to him.

They were all scattered around the house, Shawn took his camera back and gave his sisters an appreciative hug, squeezing Beth so tight that she started turning blue. It was great. They were all a huge family now, and Carol had decided then and there her past was just that. She had a future before her, and it was bright.

"Smile, kid." Shawn put the camera in Carol's face.

"Hold on." She picked Sophia up. "All right."

He took a picture of the two of them then the tree of them. "Perfect. I just need a few dozen more."

"Likely." She was smiling though. "My big brother's married. I'm impressed." He snickered. "I'm proud for you and so, so happy for you."

"Thanks, kid." He smiled. "I have two beautiful little girls to take pictures of by munchkin's demand, so release this one, and I'll be on my way."

She set Sophia down and saw her mom and dad sitting in the chairs in the living room. She needed to talk to her mom once the party was over and before she went back to the hospital. She needed to or she'd feel like crap, but she would wait, because she wanted them to have time together, like old times.

"Hey."

She turned to face him. "Hey, Daryl."

"Here." He held out a champagne flute.

"Oh, I don't drink."

"It's sparkling cider."

"Oh, then thank you." She took the glass. "I hear you were supposed to be his best man. What happened?"

"I don't own a suit."

"You should've asked Daddy for one. He would've given you one of his."

He shrugged.

"Are you staying long?"

"Probably not."

"You can't leave until they cut the cake. Yumi's cakes are the best."

"Guess I'll stay till then."

She smiled. "I have to go help Beth with the dances, but I want to talk to you. Are you free tomorrow?"

"No."

"How about Sunday?"

"T don't let us work on Sunday, so yeah. Uh, I gotta do some things, but come by 'round five or six."

"I will."

"Carol." Beth grasped her elbow. "I'm sorry to tear her away, but I need her."

Daryl gave a nod before she pulled Carol away, and Daryl watched them, hidden in the background as he preferred. They were all so happy, laughing, and even the ones who had tension between them looked happy. He was glad to see this, especially from Carol and Sophia. He'd seen this family through a lot, and today was a good day. He'd gotten to see part of Carol that he feared was gone, but there she was. Beautiful, smiling, contented.

He averted his eyes and sighed. What the hell were they? And why did he feel this way? He hated feeling this way, and the only person who ever noticed was the cause of it.

– – –

"All right, all right." Carol held a hand up to stop Paige and Sophia. "Stop. I'm picking the music."

Amy pulled her hair into a high ponytail. "I'm ready to paint."

"Good. I have to repaint this entire room, because of Merle."

"That's a weird name," Paige commented. "Merle? Who names their kid Merle?"

"Don't be rude, Paige. It's...a name." Amy crossed her arms. "So, who are we listening to?"

"Ever since the wedding, I want to hear _Journey_ and _Hall and Oates_."

"I know what we're listening to." She took over and flipped through the alphabetized list.

"Where's Daryl?" Sophia asked her mom.

"At work." She picked up a paint brush. "You'll see him Monday."

She sighed deeply.

"I know he's your friend, but he's not the same age as you, honey. He has to work."

"And you have me," Paige added.

"Yeah," she slowly smiled, "I do."

Amy smiled as _Out Of Touch_ by Hall and Oates played. "Okay, let's get painting."

– – –

"Nothing?" Ed repeated. "Nothing? How the fuck do you have nothing?"

"Well, see I have nothing, because the woman you married doesn't exist. Whoever or whatever she ran from was enough to make her change her name." Phillip ran a hand through his hair. "Karen didn't know anything, but she really hates you."

Ed glared. "Because I didn't fucking know that before."

"We'll have to be patient. She'll slip up sooner or late. She may have gone to college, but that doesn't make her smart. She doesn't have anybody. She'll screw up, we'll find her, and then we'll deal with her."

He exhaled deeply. "How did this bitch even get away?"

"A crystal unicorn you gave to your daughter." He smirked.

"Don't push me. I'm in no mood." He sat down. "I've gone through everything she left, and there's nothing. She has no pictures or postcards or mail from before. She only has the shit I gave her."

"Well, Ed, I can't keep helping you. I've got a job to do, a child I need to take care of. I'll try to find out what I can, but I have a homicide case I need to give all my attention or the captain's gonna throw me out on my ass. I'm under a lot of pressure too." He leaned back in his chair. "Karen's going to Georgia next week with Milton, so I'll talk Elizabeth into going with them."

He nodded.

"Do you want to stay for dinner?"

"No, I have plans."

"Suit yourself." He took a drink from his glass as Ed rose to leave. "Why her?"

"What?" He stopped in the doorway.

"Why Carol of all the woman you could've gotten?" He looked at Ed. "You were a junior in college, and all of those girls... You never took an interest in bookworms until that ginger. Why?"

"Love?"

Phillip laughed deeply.

"I don't know. There's something about a broken woman that I guess I can't resist."

"A broken woman who gave birth to a weak child," Phillip retorted. "You should just let this go, Ed. You can have another wife, certainly another child. I've told you this again and again. Why waste your time with this woman?"

"She kidnapped my kid!"

"Kidnapping is when someone who isn't the mother takes the child. When the mother takes the child, it's called parenting." He stood up. "Jesus, Ed, I thought you were smarter than this. She's not going to come back and demand money or press charges or any-fucking-thing like that, so leave this be."

Ed snarled, "No! I will not let her run off my child! I won't let any man desperate enough to be with her raise _my_ daughter, and I'm sure as hell not going to let her walk away after she bashed that fucking crystal into my head! She's going to pay for what she's done, I promise you that."

Phillip groaned. "Fine. I'll call some people I used to know. I had a friend down in Georgia, Shane. I'll call him and see if he can help. He's good at finding people who don't wanna be found."

"Good."

"Daddy?" Penny stood in the doorway.

"Penny." He walked around his desk and by Ed. "Baby, what is it?"

"I heard yelling. I was worried." She looked from Ed to her dad. "Is everything all right?"

"Yes, it is, baby. C'mon." He picked her up. "Let's get you back to bed.

"Hey, Uncle Eddie." She smiled at him.

"Hey, Penny." He returned it. "It's good to see you, honey. Are you all right?"

"Mm-hmm." She yawned into her hand. "Well, good night, Uncle."

"Good night, honey."

Phillip carried Penny upstairs to her bedroom, hearing Ed leave his house, and he exhaled soundlessly. He set her down. "Do you want me to tell you a story?"

She nodded.

"Once upon a time," he began, telling her favorite bedtime story that he had read to her so many times he knew them by heart. He kissed her forehead when she fell asleep halfway through tale. He tucked her in and left her room, closing the door softly behind him, the pony nightlight shining dimly in the room.

"Ed was yelling." Elizabeth was in her nightgown down the hall.

"It's about Carol and Sophia."

"Yes, I know." She crossed her arms. "That man who was shot in the hotel room... He died today. I was working my shift, and he died." She shuddered. "I can still feel his hand on mine, Phillip."

He tried to hug her, but her eyes stopped him.

"I don't know what you and Ed are always arguing about, and I don't care to know, but if this comes back to haunt us...you need to stop right now." She closed the space between them. "You're a good man, a good father, but lately...when I look at you, I don't know who I'm looking at. Neither does Penny."

He frowned.

"I love Ed. I do, but **his** marriage is _his_ problem."

"I know, but—"

"Blood is blood, I understand." She kissed him lightly on the cheek. "I love you, Phillip, but sooner or later you're going to have to make a choice."

He swallowed hard as she turned and walked away, his fists tightening. Goddamn it!

––

A file slammed down on Phillip's desk, and he jumped, lifting his eyes to his partner, Caesar Martinez, who gave an apologetic laugh. "Sorry, didn't mean to spoke you." He tapped the file with his pencil. "We've got a stiff one."

He nodded. "Lemme get some coffee."

"Get the hole damn pot, vato, you look beat. Long night?"

"Yes." He ran his hand across down jaw.

Cesar tucked the pencil behind his ear. "We'll catch this bastard. We always do."

He glanced at the picture of Carol, Elizabeth, Sophia and Penny. It was taken just after the girls were born, before Ed started being an asshole. He looked at Carol holding Sophia and his wife holding Penny, thinking of his wife's words. He would have to make a choice soon, but who he was going to choose, he didn't know yet.


	15. This Is How A Heart Breaks

Carol wanted to talk to Daryl, but he was working, so she decided to have a quick visit yesterday, bring him lunch. She had to visit Shawn anyway, it was practically no where on the way. She just wanted to see him. Sophia wasn't the only one who had missed him when they were painting. Daryl was a good friend, and she wanted him to know that. She wanted to rebuild trust. She'd decimated it the last time, and all she could hope to do was prove him that she was trustworthy. It hadn't gone as well as she hoped, and she didn't even talk to Daryl. She just saw him from a distance... Ugh, this was going to bother her.

She headed inside his house and was glad to see the kitchen and living room were still spotless and painted. If Merle ever did whatever the hell he did to them again, she was going to kill him. She wasn't doing this for fun. She wanted this to be a home; not a massive trashcan.

Daryl came down the stairs. "Hey, could you gimme a hand?"

"Sure. With what?" She set her purse on the couch and followed him to his bedroom.

"I needa fix up this room."

"Oh?" She smirked. "Expecting company up here?"

"Yeah." He handed her a flashlight. "The guy that's gonna inspect this place, people lookin' to buy and the realtor."

She took the flashlight. "And your girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?" He frowned. "What girlfriend?"

"You know, that woman who kissed you at the shop." She met his eyes. "The pretty blonde."

"You saw that?" He looked uncomfortable.

"From a distance. I was talking to T, giving him lunch actually. I guess since we're family and all, even more so now that Shawn married Sasha. Do you think I can get a discount on repairs? That would be really great." She turned the flashlight on. "You're adding shelves in the closet?"

"Replacing the old ones." His eyes were locked on her face. "You don't mind?"

"No, I just wish you would've done this before. The wobbly always drove me insane." She stepped into the closet. "While you're at it, add a light in here. It'll come in handy."

"I'm gonna, but I meant me and the woman."

"Why should I mind? Well, just as long as you two aren't having sex when I'm working. Sophia's here a lot, so try to go over to her place." She shrugged a shoulder. "I have a date myself."

A muscle in his jaw tightened, but he kept his voice normal. "Who with?"

"Tyreese. After I left the shop, I ran into him, and he asked me to dinner." She glanced at him. "Do you have a problem with that?"

"Why would it?" He grabbed the a piece of wood and made sure it was lined up correctly.

"Good. We're going out tomorrow, so I won't be here past six."

"Where y'all goin'?"

"I don't know. It's a surprise." She smiled a little. "I'm excited about it. I haven't date in years."

"Tsk, you like datin'?"

"I love it, and so does Beth. She's so glad I have a date." She pointed to the plank. "Do you want me to hold it?"

"Yeah."

They worked in silence, Carol knew he didn't like her dating, and she didn't like him dating either. It was so strange to see him with someone else. She knew it was because of their marriage. They'd been friends for so long and when they started dating, it was just right. She'd always been with only Daryl. He was her first everything, and as rational as she was, she just knew he would be her last everything, but she was wrong. Seeing him with someone else hurt, because of that little girl inside of her who still clung to that idea—it was the same little girl that kept hoping her father would walk through the front door, alive and glad to see them, years after he died. She also knew it was partly because of how when he wanted someone, he sought her. It was probably just convenience, though. He wanted someone, and he knew she would be here painting, so he didn't have to go far. That night didn't mean anything to either of them, so she just needed to forget it. If she told herself that enough, eventually she would believe it and hopefully forget it.

Daryl was pissed. He wasn't pissed at the shelves that weren't straight, but at the fact that Carol had seen that woman—whose name he didn't know—kiss him, and at the thought of Carol dating Tyreese Douglas. He knew Ty, and Ty was the best, just like his father. He could make Carol really happy, and it made his heart just...sink to think just how happy he would make her. Ty was easy, uncomplicated, funny, loving, and after everything that happened between him and Carol, she deserved that. He wasn't going to stop her. He had no right too. They weren't even friends just yet, although Carol was trying. It was going to be a slow process, but it wasn't going to happen if Carol was with Tyreese. Daryl would do something stupid and she would hate him for it. He would rather have her as a friendly person than someone who hated him, and he wasn't entirely sure if that was so he could get her to test Sophia to see if she was his child. He doubted Carol would ever do that anyway, no matter what she said to him. Sophia was her daughter, and he was all right with that, just as long as no one else was her father.

"That oughta do." He removed his gloves. "Work on installin' a light tomorrow maybe, if I got any time."

"Don't strain yourself." She sat on his bed. "We'll work on the light Tuesday. I'll have Amy pick up Sophia or maybe Mag. I'm not quite sure just yet."

He gave a nod.

"This room isn't so bad." She leaned back. "Maybe a different color for the walls, new curtains and some decent pillows."

"You ain't messin' with my room. I'm just addin' shelves, and that's it."

"Yes, sir." She pushed herself up onto her elbow. "This bed is God awful, Daryl. I'm actually stuck. Do you never sleep anywhere else?"

"The couch."

"That's not what I meant. Your body has left a permanent impression on this bed." She pushed herself up. "You need a new mattress. That's what we're doing next since you won't let me do anything else in this room."

"Fine. Whatever."

She smiled. "With new sheets and blankets."

"I ain't made of gold, woman."

"I'll pay for them then." She climbed off the bed. "It's not like we can do much with the other rooms. All I have to do in the bathroom is clean and repaint, so I'll do that after the light in the closet is installed and after we get you a new mattress."

"Sure."

"Oh, and I have someone coming out in two weeks, so I'll need you to make yourself scarce. It's going to be a surprise." She smiled a little. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Carol, wait."

"Yeah?" She turned to face him.

"I can't do this."

"Do what?" Her heart skipped a beat. "Oh, do you mean the house? I know it's hard, but we can't live in the past forever. It'll only drown us. It'll be better once it's done, I promise. We aren't destroying Ethan, just...making peace with what happened and accepting change."

"No, not the damn house. I meant—" He looked into her eyes. "—Sophia."

She was quiet.

"I have to know. I know you don't want her to know, and she don't have to. We'll tell her the test is for something else, like a genetic disease. I can't have her in my life and not know. I thought I could, but I can't. Whether or not I'm her dad, I want her in my life. She's a special kid, and I wanna there for her...for you."

She lifted her eyes to his.

"I just gotta know, Carol. I have a right. After what you did—"

"Fine. On Thursday, we'll go and see Caleb."

"What?"

"I have to know too." She crossed her arms. "Thursday." Oh, God, what just came out of her mouth? Did she just accept? The room's spinning now...

He nodded as she turned and left. Holy shit. She actually agreed. He thought he was going to have to argue with her and fight tooth and nail, but she agreed. That was easier than he expected. He should've just came right out and told her that before he went and fell... It would've happened either way. She was the only one that ever mattered, who would ever matter, and if Sophia was his, he wasn't going to stand in the shadows and let someone else raise her. He may not be the most ideal father, but he intended to be a good father. Part of him knew that Sophia was his, but he wasn't going to let that part consume him just in case. He wasn't going to be arrogant. When he got arrogant, he was typically wrong or shit hit the fan. No, he was going to wait and see what happened...

Thursday. He made a mental note then one on his phone. That day may change his life forever. Whether or not Sophia was his daughter, the results would mean a lot, probably for the both of them.

_Pop? Papa? Old man?_ Tsk, he still hated those names, but he didn't mind Dad.

––

"Oh, my God, Beth." Maggie was stunned. "What did you do?"

"Something that spent two hours of my life that I'll never get back and am damn proud of that." She beamed.

"Can I please look at myself?" Carol asked for the hundredth time.

"Yes." Beth hopped up and turned her around to see the full-length mirror behind her. "What do you think?"

"Holy shit." Carol stared at herself. She looked...beautiful. Beth managed to do something really pretty with her hair that accentuated her face, and surprisingly the makeup didn't make her look like a streetwalker like the last time Beth did her makeup. Her eyes were so blue, and she never noticed how pretty she was. Her mother told her, her father and dad told her, her aunt and uncle told her, but she never believed them. And after Ed... But she looked really good, and the dress Beth let her borrow was beautiful.

"Hey, Glenn's downstairs, let's go see how he responds." Beth took her hand and led her out of the room.

"Sure, I don't mind. In fact, I _want_ my boyfriend to find my sister attractive." Maggie glared after Beth.

"Hey, Glenn, I need a favor."

"Yeah. What do you need?" He walked out of the living room and his jaw actually _dropped._ "Wow, Carol, you look...amazing."

Beth was grinning.

"Glenn, close your mouth before someone trips on it." Patricia looked Carol over. "Oh. You look beautiful, honey."

"Thank you both. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to throw up." Beth and Maggie stopped her from running up the stairs, and she sighed. "Why can't one of you go instead?"

"Because I have a boyfriend." Maggie crossed her arms. "And Beth's after that cute doctor."

"I am not." She rolled her eyes, but she had a blush on her cheeks. "Just try to have fun, okay?"

"Sure, fun. What are we going to talk about? My two failed marriages? The fact that I still live with my sisters in the house I grew up in?" She felt sick.

"It's Tyreese," Maggie reminded. "You're friends. Just think of it as hanging out, only he pays."

"Carol's date's here. Somebody go tell her. Hi." Shawn walked in then did a double take. "What the hell did you do to my sister? I didn't even recognize her."

"No cussin' in the house," Patricia told him.

"Shawn, you lost your contacts last night," Maggie retorted.

"Yes, but normally I can see the blur of red and blue. Now it's all blue and brown and spring-y."

"Did you drive here?" Patricia was frowning.

"No, Ty gave me a ride. I have an extra set of contacts in my bathroom. It's in one of those boxes." He felt for the railing then paused. "Could someone help me? I'm blind as a bat without my contacts."

"Drama queen." Maggie took his arm. "You can see well enough."

"Maybe I just enjoy the company."

"Oh, here he comes!" Beth grabbed her jacket and handed it to her. "Breathe, Carol, you look fantastic."

She swallowed and nodded, lifting her eyes as he entered. "Hey, Tyreese." She smiled.

He looked her over for so long she began to blush and Glenn had to led Beth out of the room before she exploded into a million happy pieces. She was _way_ too proud of how Carol looked, and he sensed she had alternate plan. "Hey." He returned her smile. "You look gorgeous."

"Thanks." She felt a little better, though her stomach was tied up knots. "You look handsome yourself."

"Thanks. Are you ready?"

"Yes."

"What, you aren't going to say good bye?" Sophia grumbled, walking in from the living room.

Carol sighed mentally. Sophia hated the idea of her going out with anyone who wasn't Daryl. Sophia had been a brat all day because of it, and she'd even slept in Shawn's room to avoid Carol. She knew Sophia liked Ty, because she spent a lot of time with him at the wedding. She just hated the idea of her dating anyone... who wasn't Daryl.

She bent down and kissed her forehead. "I'll be home late, so be good for Patricia, okay?"

"How late?" Sophia demanded.

"Past your bedtime," was all she said. "We'll talk in the morning, all right?"

She nodded.

"I love you."

"Love you," Sophia mumbled.

She gave her a hug and stood up. "Thank you for coming over to watch her."

Patricia smiled. "I wouldn't pass up the chance. Have fun and don't worry about us. Once Maggie and Glenn leave for their date, we'll watch a movie then it's off to bed."

She nodded and left with Tyreese.

"I hate him," Sophia told Patricia, crossing her arms over her chest.

"And why do you hate him?"

"Because he—"

"Ahh!" Beth screamed at the top of her lungs and she barreled down the stairs. "Oh, my gosh."

"What?" Patricia asked, worried.

"N—nothin'. I just—opened the wrong door." She gripped the banister. "I—I'm gonna go sit down."

Sophia frowned and went after her aunt. "Are you okay?"

"Uh-huh." She smiled at Sophia. "C'mere." Sophia sat beside her, and Beth moved hair out of her face. "If I had a daughter, I'd want her to be just like you."

Sophia smiled.

"Which is why I have to say: don't be mad at Carol, Sophia."

"I don't like Tyreese."

"Because he's not Daryl?" She nodded. "Why does it matter if it's Daryl? Hmm?"

"Because he makes Mommy happy." Sophia sighed. "Ed made Mommy sad. She used to cry all the time, but with Daryl, she smiles. And laughs. Ed never made Mommy laugh."

"What do you mean, Ed made Carol sad?" Beth frowned, glancing back at Patricia as she moved closer to hear better. "He made her cry?"

She nodded, very serious, not lying like Beth was hoping. "He was mean to her. He called her mean names and...and hit her."

"What?" Beth gasped. "He hit her? That b—man hit my sister?" She looked up at Patricia. "Oh, my God."

"Beth, I told you to knock before you—" Maggie cut off. "What?"

"Go talk to Shawn," Patricia told them. "We'll be down here."

Beth grabbed Maggie's arm and hurried upstairs to tell Shawn. She closed his bedroom door as he fitted the second contact over his eye, and Maggie waited as Beth began to pace, the look on her face was so anger, so murderous. Maggie was about to grab her and demand to know what the hell happened to make her look like that, act like this. What did Sophia say?

"I missed you too." He closed the last box. "But I have to go, so can this talk wait?"

"No." Beth faced him. "You know how Carol told us Ed died?"

"Yeah. So?" Maggie shrugged. "It was horrible, but that doesn't matter. She has us, just like Sophia has us."

"Yeah well, she forgot to mention the part where Ed **abused** her."

"What?" Shawn hissed.

"Who told you that?" Maggie demanded.

"Sophia. Before you start, I know her. She's not lying. She can't lie. She's tried, and I know what it looks like. She's...probably worried that Ty might be like that, because he hasn't made Carol smile or laugh." She folded her arms over her chest. "That bastard! How dare he hit her! How dare she not tell us! Why didn't she tell us?"

"Because we're short-tempered and all can use a gun," Maggie answered. "God, how could she keep that from me—er, us? That's bullshit."

"Damn right, it's bullshit," Shawn huffed. "If I didn't have a pregnant wife at home who turns into evil incarnate when hungry, I would find her and Ty and demand to know what the hell happened. I swear to God, if that man put his hands on Sophia, I'm going to kill him even more. Maggie, plan me an airtight alibi. I'll need it for when I intend to do with to man."

"Wait, just calm down!" Beth interrupted Maggie's rant before it started. "Carol came back after all this time and told us Ed died, but that's a lie. What if she_ ran away_ from Ed? What if he's chasin' her and Sophia?"

"Again, we have guns and we all know how to use them." She turned to Beth. "We have to assume that. Carol didn't tell us, because she didn't us to know, so we can't let her know we know."

"It ain't like we're gonna so tell her."

"Yeah, but Sophia told us. She'll tell Carol, and Carol will know we know."

"I'll bribe her." Shawn grabbed his wallet. "I used to bribe Carol all the time."

"We are not bribin' our niece," Maggie hit him, "unless we absolutely have to."

"Because telling her not to tell will surely work. Carol was a brat growing up."

"Sophia's not Carol." Beth opened the door. "Let's just talk to Sophia. I'm sure we'll come to some kind of agreement. Besides, maybe Sophia knows more, and if we don't want Carol to know we know we need to know all of it. Or most of it. Carol probably woulda shielded Sophia from it."

"Are you sure you're related to us?" Maggie asked, teasing a little. "Sweet, rational, not the type to hurt anybody. If it came down to it, Shawn and I would beat the shit out of Ed. I don't think you would."

Beth met her eyes, very calm. "If I ever met Ed, I'd leave no trace of his existence. I know what you cops look for, and I'm a nurse: I'm good with my hands—and needles." She headed downstairs.

"My skin is literally crawling." Shawn looked at Maggie. "No one should be the calm when they say things like that."

She followed after Beth as did Shawn, and they found her in the kitchen with Patricia, drinking hot coco and eating a cookie. Beth took the seat beside her, smiling warmly at her, very motherly, and Patricia dropped her eyes, and Maggie and Shawn leaned against the island.

"Sophia, honey." Beth tucked hair behind Sophia's ear. "Will you tell me more on how Ed made Carol sad?"

She set the cookie down on the plate and dropped her hands to her lap. "Mommy will be mad. She didn't want anyone to know. She didn't want me to know."

"It'll be our secret," Maggie persuaded.

"Mommy says secrets are bad."

"Not between family," Shawn informed her.

"Mommy says especially between family."

"What did she teach this kid?" Shawn grumbled.

"Look, sweetheart, we need to know." Maggie moved beside her, taking one of her hands. "Carol will understand."

"But I can't tell Mommy, 'cause it's a secret."

"Yes."

She pursed her lips then sighed. "Mommy always sent me to my room to listen to music, but I could still hear. Ed would call her bad things, and I would hear glass break." Her little face began to turn red as tears sprang up in her eyes. "Mommy asked him to stop, but he never did." She lifted her hand to her eyes. "Sometimes...Mommy wouldn't come to tuck me in."

Shawn clenched his jaw, a wave of anger washing over him as he thought of Carol lying on a floor, beaten unconscious and bleeding.

Sophia began to sob loudly, no longer able to talk as she remembered how bad Ed was to her, and Beth picked her up and held her, shushing her and rubbing her back. She carried her out of the room, soothing her.

"Maggie, can you track down Ed?" Shawn asked.

"Shawn—"

"Don't. I want a face to go with the name." He lowered his voice. "If that son of a bitch comes here for her and Sophia, I'll bash his fucking face in."

Patrica exhaled. "Do we tell Hershel?"

"God, no!" Maggie's eyes were wide. "He'd die if he knew."

"And Annette?"

"Mom would hunt Ed down and beat his ass, and I would gladly help," Shawn answered. "With her condition, I don't think we should tell her."

She nodded. "It's y'alls secret. Do with it what you want."

"Speaking of want, I need to call Sasha and see if she still wants... Oh, shit, I don't remember." He shook his head. "Well, I'm going to call her."

"I'm gonna go out on my date." Maggie rubbed her arm.

They lingered a moment longer then went back to what they were supposed to be doing, but before the cars left the driveway, Shawn and Maggie returned to the house as Beth lulled Sophia to sleep on the couch downstairs, brushing her bands gently to the side.

Beth looked up. "You thought it too?"

"Yeah." Maggie crossed her arms, looking from her to Shawn.

"Do we tell Daryl?" Shawn asked.

––

Carol laughed, lifting her head from her hand and lacing her fingers together. "So, did you know that Sasha was pregnant?"

"Not at first. Mom knew right away, and Sasha begged her to keep it a secret. She knew I didn't approve of her and Shawn."

"Why not? I thought of all people, _you_ would be their biggest supporter." She took a drink of water.

"That's right, you weren't there when it happened."

"When what happened?" She searched his eyes.

"A while after Shawn proposed to Sasha...he cheated on her."

"What?!" Carol softly exclaimed.

He nodded. "I don't know who the woman was, all I knew what she told me. She said..."

––

_Sasha handed Shawn a plate of chicken fried rice, sitting beside him on the couch with a glass of wine and an egg roll. She wondered why he was so quiet tonight. Normally, she had to beg him to stop talking. It was...disquieting. _

"_Umm, I talked to my mom today, and she told me that we can use the cafè for the reception. It's spacious and easy on the eyes." She studied his face. "Beth offered to decorate it."_

"_Sounds like Beth." He set the plate on the coffee table and leaned forward, not looking at her._

_She set her glass on the table and the egg roll on her plate. "Look, if you don't want to get married, tell me now. I can handle it." She waited, but he said nothing. "Or do you want a small wedding? Like Hershel and Annette's? It was cute."_

_Still nothing._

"_Is this about Carol? Do you want her there?" She moved closer to him, setting a hand on his shoulder, but he moved instantly, standing away from her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I know it's hard talking about her. I can't say I know what you must be feeling, but—"_

"_There isn't going to be a wedding," he slowly said._

"_All right." She stood up. "You'll be the one to break it to our mothers."_

"_Sasha—" His voice broke._

_Suddenly, she felt very concerned. She knew Shawn probably wouldn't go through with the wedding. Marriage wasn't something he wanted. He never told her that, but she knew. She knew him well. Because she knew him so well, she knew something had happened. He was beyond upset, and it wasn't with her. She'd taken everything—the location of the wedding, the invites, the sitting arrangement, etc—slow because she knew he wasn't ready. He only asked because it seemed like the right thing to do. After all this time, he probably felt pressured to propose, but it wasn't what she wanted. She just wanted to be with him. She loved him deeply, and to see him like this was a dagger to her heart._

"_It has nothing to do with Carol or the reception or you, even." His voice was thick. "You deserve better..."_

"_What are you talking about?" She walked over to him. "Shawn, what happened?"_

"_I was out late last night, you remember?" She nodded. "I...wasn't alone."_

"_Who else was there?"_

"_The client who I met with the other day. She wanted to discuss the pictures, so I went to see what was wrong with them, and when I got there, she offered me a drink. I accepted, and we—"_

"_I don't need the details, Shawn," she interrupted him. "Did you have sex with her?"_

_He dragged his hands down his face. "Yes."_

_She picked up her glass of wine and drank deeply, emptying it. Once it was empty, she looked down at it and tossed it at the wall just behind him, causing him to flinch. "Get out."_

_He swallowed. "S—"_

"_Do I need to repeat myself? Get out of my apartment!" She thrust a finger toward the door._

"_I didn't mean for it to happen, you have to know that." He met her eyes. "If I could take it back, I swear to God, I would."_

"_Don't give me your swears and regrets. Don't give me your tears or your words, just get out of my apartment!"_

"_I can't just leave knowing you hate me," he explained. "I can take Hershel hating me, I can take my mother disapproving of my career choice, but I **cannot** handle the thought of you hating me. You're the only person in my life that has ever... God, and for me..."_

"_What do you want me to say, Shawn?" She crossed her arms. "Because what you want from me is no longer an option."_

"_I know that!" He searched her eyes. "I just—I don't know, all right? I don't know how any of this happened. It's all a damn blur, and I don't understand how I could ever cheat on someone like you. I keep trying to figure it out, I keep going back, but there's nothing!"_

_She closed her eyes. "Shawn, whatever happened that night is between you and her now. I'm not going to try and make you feel better. I'm not going to listen to your honeyed words, even if you do mean them."_

"_Of course I mean them. I love you, Sasha."_

"_It doesn't matter now, Shawn." She opened her eyes. "You did the one thing you swore not to! Don't stand there and take the subject off the fact that **you** **had sex with someone else **and try focusing it on how much** you love me** and how you don't see how you **allowed** yourself to cheat! I don't want to hear it! Just get the hell out of my apartment! I can't even look at you!"_

"_All right." He grabbed his keys from the dish by the door and paused in the doorway. "I know it doesn't mean anything to you, but I **am** sorry, and it **was** a mistake."_

"_Go!" She couldn't look at him, but she heard him open the door and step out. She lowered herself down onto the couch and sat in silence for a moment then her body began to tremble as tears filled in her eyes and sobs slipped through her lips. She knew Shawn was many things, but not once she had ever had to think he was unfaithful._

––

"Oh, my God, that's horrible." Carol was stunned. Shawn was many things, but not a cheater. She found it hard to believe. Her brother...cheating. It was implausible. Shawn was the most loyal person she knew, and she couldn't fathom this. Why would he ever do such a thing? Sasha was a good person. Carol knew her through T-dog when she was here before. Why would Shawn cheat on her? And why did Sasha forgive him? She needed to talk to her brother.

"That's why I don't trust Shawn. I went to see Sasha the next day when she was sent home from work early for having a bad attitude, and she was raging. I'd never see her so mad."

"Wasn't she sad?"

"Sasha doesn't get sad. She gets angry."

"Why did she give him a second chance?"

"I don't know. I guess she saw how upset I was that she took him back, so she chose to not tell me." He shrugged a shoulder. "I guess with the baby on the way, I should try and make amends with him, but it's hard. She's my little sister, even though she acts like it's the other way around, and he hurt her. There was nothing I could do to make it better."

"That's what makes it worse." He nodded. "I know how that feels."

"Daryl?"

"Not everything in my life is Daryl."

"I—I didn't mean—"

She giggled. "I'm kidding. Yes, Daryl. Only I'm the one who hurt him. I don't expect him to ever forgive me. I...I can't."

He set a hand over hers. "I know you. You care, and I know you want Daryl to be able to forgive you one day, but maybe you should try to forgive yourself first."

She smiled a little. "Is this a date or a therapy session?"

He let out a laugh. "Let's talk about something else."

"All right. Tell me about you. What are you doing with your life?"

––

Daryl walked the streets alone, his mind busy with thoughts of how Thursday could turn out. He was excited for sure, but it wasn't just for finding out Sophia was his. He wanted to know that something good had come from his and Carol's relationship. After Ethan, it was all so messy, and even after Carol was back on her feet, it wasn't easy.

– – –

_He glanced over as she studied for some test, sitting on the floor with her books open on the coffee table, notes on her upraised knees. She was doing a lot better since she entered college. She was making straight A's and working the Greene Leaf as well. She even smiled from time to time, and Daryl was glad to see that. It made him happy, but... she was so distant. She rarely spoke to him about anything, just when her classes were and not to bother her while she studied. She never looked directly at him, and she never, ever touched him. Whenever she needed help with something—getting a plate down from the top shelf or getting something off the fridge—she did it herself and nearly broke something on herself or the item she wanted to reach. Too many times he'd caught her or the item, and she'd jerk away, like his touch hurt. And she slept on the very edge of her side of the bed. It made him ache, but what more could he do? He wasn't going to let her take meds again, and he wasn't going to push her, so he would wait. Maybe one day she'd smile at him again. Maybe._

_The phone rang._

"_I'll get it." He let her study and answered the phone. "Hello?"_

"_Is Carol home?" It was Beth._

"_Yeah. Why?"_

"_Just wonderin'. Tell her I said congratulations! I gotta go, but please tell her." She hung up._

_He set the phone down and returned to the living room. "It was Beth."_

_She nodded, highlighting something in her notes._

"_She said congratulations."_

_A faint smile appeared on her lips then faded. She wrote something in pen on her palm then returned to her notes._

"_Congrats for what?" he asked when she didn't say anything._

"_Nothing," she murmured, shrugging a shoulder._

"_Congrats for nothin'?"_

_She sighed. "I received a scholarship. It's nothing fancy, but it'll help me with this semester."_

"_That's great."_

"_I guess." She closed the lid to her highlighter and then closed her notes and gathered her books, placing them into her backpack. "I'm gonna go to the library. I need some references." She stopped in front of him. "Don't wait up, okay? I'll probably be there late."_

"_Yeah." He dropped his head. "Congrats on the scholarship."_

_She gripped her notebook to her chest then leaned up and placed a light kiss to his cheek. "Thanks." She left without another word._

– – –

_Daryl came home early from work, finding a mess of books on the coffee table, but no Carol. He closed the door and tossed his jacket on the couch. He went into the kitchen to grab something to drink when he heard indistinguishable coming from upstairs._

_He set the bottle of water down and went upstairs, his movements slow and silent. After years of being abused by his father, he'd learned how to walk softly so his father wouldn't know he was home or so he wouldn't wake him. _

_As he neared the bedroom, he could make out the voices. The one that spoke was Carol, and the other one was...softer. The person was possibly in the bathroom or closet. He wasn't sure who the person was or what sex they were, but he was certain he heard Carol laughing. He stopped to listen, having nearly forgotten the sound. It pulled at his heart to hear the happy sound of her laugh. He'd missed it. After all this time...and she was laughing with...someone else._

"_Put on the blue one," Carol suggested. "It'll look great with your eyes."_

"_Uh-huh."_

_He opened the door as Carol started to laugh, and he saw the other person was Andrea. She was modeling a dress for Carol, making her laugh, but the minute he entered, Carol stopped laughing and stood up._

"_I'm going to go try this on." Andrea slipped by Daryl and to the bathroom down the hall._

"_I didn't mean to interrupt."_

"_Why are you home so early?" She glanced at his face then around the room, arms folded over her chest._

"_T sent everybody home early. He had some business to attend to somewhere." _

"_Oh? What business?" _

"_Dunno. I reckon it's 'bout the shop."_

_She nodded. "Well, we won't be here much longer, so you can rest. You look exhausted."_

_He scoffed. For her to know that, she'd actually have to look at him. "Yeah, sure."_

_She frowned a little. _

"_You have to let me keep me this dress," Andrea called from the bathroom._

"_Excuse me." She walked by him, making sure to not touch him even a little and went to see how it looked on Andrea._

_He listened to their conversation and felt as if he were a stranger to Carol. Or perhaps Carol was a stranger to him. They didn't know each other anymore. He kept trying to fit the pieces together, but they were too broken, too scattered. He didn't have enough glue. All he was doing was cutting up his fingers and piecing small, irrelevant slices together. In the end, it was just broken. It would never be the same; all of the cracks would still be there._

"_Let's find something for you to wear." Andrea led Carol back into the room. "I'm thinking something sophisticated and a little slutty."_

"_I'm thinking not."_

"_You have greats legs," Andrea countered. "Show them off."_

_Carol glanced at Daryl but said nothing, lowering her eyes to the floor._

"_Here, this'll be perfect." She turned to him. "Are you coming?"_

"_Coming where?"_

"_To the party, of course." She noticed the confusion on his face then looked from him to Carol. "It's a annual post-exam party held by the only frat house that actually has good taste in snacks, alcohol and music."_

"_I don't think he wants to go," Carol whispered, meaning she didn't want him to go or herself anymore. "Maybe—I should stay. I wasn't even invited."_

"_Nobody's ever really "invited", they just show up. It's like a Gatsby party." She tossed a shirt and a pair of jeans at Daryl. "Get dressed. We're leaving in twenty minutes." She guided Carol back to the bathroom to do her makeup._

_They all got dressed, Andrea wasn't taking no for an answer, and they left for the party. It was full of people who all seemed to know Andrea and quite a few knew Carol. They were all surprised to learn she was with Daryl. Carol never mentioned they were married, and she only said they were together, because Andrea practically shouted it. He felt unwanted, unneeded, so he decided to use the bathroom and go. He would meet Merle at the bar. He didn't even have to check to know Merle was at the bar. Merle was always there._

_On his way back down, he spotted Carol on the couch in the corner, talking to some guy. The guy wasn't too ugly, and he dressed well. He didn't know the guy, but he didn't like how close he was to Carol. She was talking, telling him about school, he assumed. She was gesturing with her hands, and he noticed then she didn't have her rings on. He didn't care about her rings when the guy set his hand on her bare kneed, which made her uncomfortable instantly—he could tell by the expression on her face._

_He weaved through the crowd of people, trying to keep an eye on them while trying to get through the mass of people. He saw the guy kiss her and snapped. He pushed through them and grabbed the guy by his shirt, punching him in the face, and Carol covered her mouth with her hands in surprise, horrified as he kicked him the ribs. "Get the fuck off my wife!"_

"_Daryl!" She grabbed his arm. "Daryl, stop!"_

_Everyone was watching them now, Carol was embarrassed, but Daryl didn't care. He was pissed and he was so done. He jerked his arm free of her grip and left the house, storming down the stairs and up the street, beyond livid. He didn't hear anybody behind him, and he chewed his bottom lip._

"_John?" Carol lowered herself down beside him. "Are you all right?"_

"_**Get away from me!**" He scrambled back from her. "**Get out!**"_

"_John—"_

"_**Go!**"_

"_Hey, don't talk to her like." Andrea helped Carol stand up. "C'mon, let's go."_

_As they headed for the exit, John called her a few more foul more things, and Andrea stopped. Carol begged her not to, but she went back and punched him in the gut so hard he threw up. She grabbed Carol's hand and hurried out of the house before anyone could respond. Carol was in a haze as _

_Andrea started to lead Carol toward her car, but Carol stopped, looking around._

"_What?" Andrea studied her face._

"_Where's Daryl?" _

"_I don't know. Do you want to call him? My phone's in my car." She pointed to it with her thumb._

"_No, no, I think I know where he's going." She backed up. "I'll call you when I get home. Thank you."_

"_He's been asking for it."_

_She smiled. "Bye." She turned on her heel and ran up the street. She saw him a good fifteen feet away from her and hurried to catch up to him. She didn't bother calling out to him; he probably wouldn't turn around. She had to catch up to him. One, she wanted to talk about what happened and two, he was the only one who knew how to get home from here. He knew every road practically._

_She slowed down as she got closer, catching her breath, and her shoe slipped, causing her to trip. She groaned and pushed herself up, seeing Daryl watching her. She stood up, feeling a slight pain in her knees and ankle, but she still walked over to him, ignoring the feeling of something wet on her knees. She wiped her hands together as the space between them was erased._

"_Don't," he said before she spoke. "Just don't."_

"_Don't what?" She met his eyes for the first time in months._

"_Tell me I oughta apologize, that I ruined your night, some shit like that." _

"_I—I didn't come to say any of that." She crossed her arms. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the party. I'm sorry I let John get that close. I didn't expect him to kiss me. I thought he was interested in Andrea, honestly."_

"_You honestly think I give a shit?"_

_She dropped her eyes._

"_You don't even wear the goddamn ring anymore, so go right ahead. It ain't like you give a damn 'bout me anyway."_

_Her head snapped up."I do care about you!" Her eyes locked with his. "And I do too wear the ring! I wear both of them!" She pulled a necklace out of her top, showing him a locket and the engagement and wedding rings. He'd put the engagement ring in the locket before giving it to her after they were married. He was able to pay for it then, and he wanted her to have one. "I wear them close to my heart." She gripped them in her hand. "I don't want to lose them."_

_He scoffed. "Sure."_

"_Daryl, I do give a damn about you. I love you." She met his eyes. "I love you so much, and the only reason I didn't tell you about the party is because I know you hate to be around people like that. I was only going to be Andrea's driver. I wanted to make sure she made it home safely."_

_He chewed his bottom lip._

"_I'm sorry."_

_A beat._

"_Your knee's bleedin'."_

"_I know."_

"_C'mon, let's get it cleaned up." He slipped an arm around her waist, taking one of her hands, relieved she let him, and he led her into the coffee shop nearby. He took her into the bathroom, locking the door and wetting a paper towel. He bent down and gently wiped the blood and small pieces of gravel off her knee, hearing her wince a little. He blew on her knee, wiping the rest of it away, and he tossed the paper towel in the trash once her knee was clean. Then, after calling a taxi, he bought a coffee and hot chocolate for them to drink while they waited for the taxi to come pick them up. He sat beside him and handed her the hot chocolate. _

"_Thank you." She curled her hands around the mug and blew on it before taking a sip. It warmed her insides._

"_Car oughta be here in a couple minutes."_

_She nodded. "Good. I just wanna go home. Maybe take a bath." She took a small sip. "Maybe just go to bed. I don't know."_

_He didn't want to speak. He was glad to hear her voice. Usually, she just spoke a few words or texted him every now and then, but she was actually talking to him. He'd missed this. He wondered how long this would last. He didn't want to think that, but he had a feeling it wasn't going to last very long. He hated that feeling too._

_Carol spoke to him a little more as they drank, and when the taxi arrived, she held his hand the entire ride home. She stopped talking halfway home, he couldn't see her in the dark to wonder why, but he got his answer when her head landed on his shoulder, her warm breath on his neck. She'd fallen asleep. _

_He paid for the ride and carried her inside. He carried her upstairs, setting her on the bed, her hands were clutching his collar, and he had to pry them off. He placed the bear he'd won for her in her arms, letting her curl her fingers around it, and he removed her shoes, dropping them onto the floor._

"_Mmm..." She drew her legs in, burying her face into the bear._

_He changed into his nightclothes, locking up downstairs and turning the lights off before brushing his teeth and going to bed. By that time, Carol had wormed her way into the middle of the bed, and he only had one real option: to lie behind her._

_He wasn't sure that he should, but he was tired, so he pulled the covers out from underneath her gently and lied behind her, covering them up. She turned her head a little toward him, but she didn't wake. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, burying his face in her hair. For the first time in months, Daryl slept peacefully. _

– – –

"_So...the answer would have to be... but wait." She chewed on her lip, trying to determine how that was the correct answer. It was giving her a headache._

"_Carol?" Daryl opened the door. _

"_Hmm?" She peered at him over the top of her notepad. "What is it?"_

"_You know how T had business involving the the shop?" He removed his jacket._

"_Yeah." She set her book and notepad aside. _

"_He wanted to make some changes: new sign, another shop across town, and a partner."_

"_He wants to open another shop?"_

"_Yeah, he's gonna run that one."_

"_What about this one?" She rested her hands in her lap. "Who's in charge of it?"_

"_Me."_

"_What—He made you his partner?" She saw the answer in his eyes. "Oh, my God! That's incredible, Daryl!" She climbed to her feet and hugged him. "I'm so proud of you!" He held her close, burying his nose in the crook of her neck, and she waited a minute before pulling back. "Tell me everything." She pulled him down onto the couch beside her._

_He told her what happened, she looked so happy and proud of him, and it was like before. She even gripped his hand encouragingly when he shared his concerns about him being in charge. He wasn't sure he could do it, but she gave him the confidence to try. With the look her eyes and the words she spoke, he knew he could do it and do it well. He was so...happy._

_Carol grinned. "That's it. I am making your favorite dinner, and we're going to tell everyone."_

"_Actually, T invited us to have dinner with him and Jacqui and their kids. It's at seven."_

"_Oh, all right. I'll make it another night then." She looked at him for a minute then leaned over and kissed him briefly. "I'm gonna go get dressed." She gathered her belongings and went upstairs._

_He noticed she'd left a journal on the floor as he rose, but he left it. He had to get ready himself, and she'd probably grab it on their way out tonight. He paused just outside their bedroom, seeing Carol at her vanity, trying to decide on what earrings to wear, and he smiled to himself. Everything was getting back to normal like Annette had said. They were finding their way back to each other. Finally._

– – –

Daryl stuffed his hands into his pockets as he walked the street, the night air dry, and he felt worried about Thursday. He wasn't going to come out and tell Sophia she was his daughter—if he was—but he would have to her father in the sidelines. What if she does something he doesn't approve of? What if she does starts shoplifting? Or smoking when she's older? He knew Carol would be pissed and would go off, but Carol wasn't the most threatening person in the world. She might do it again. If he told her off, she'd think he was just being an ass. At what age were they going to tell Sophia about him? If he's her father.

Grunting, he shook his head. He heard laughter and glanced over, seeing a couple exit a pricy restaurant a cross the street. He looked them over and was stunned to see it was Carol and Tyreese. He'd seen Carol dressed up many times, but she looked...different this time. Ringlet curls shaped her beautiful face, her gorgeous blue eyes were sparking brightly, her painted lips smiling, and she wore a classy brown dress that hugged her figure. She was...stunning.

And she was stunning for Tyreese.

He dropped his head, biting his bottom lip, his chest tightening. He started to walk away, but he stopped himself, daring himself to look back at her just once more. So he did. He glanced over at them, watching as Carol pulled her jacket on and then watching Ty give her a hug. It looked like they were saying goodbye. He turned away as Tyreese leaned down toward her, to kiss her good night.

He turned into the alley beside him, fighting all of his instincts that told him to go back there and pry Tyreese away from her.


	16. Call Your Name

Carol stepped away from Tyreese's kiss, letting out a nervous laugh with her palms splayed out on his strong chest to keep him at bay, and she swallowed, trying to explain why she didn't want his good night kiss. "It's not you, I swear. You're really great, but I'm just not ready to start dating yet."

He smiled much to her surprise. "Good. This entire night has been..."

"Strange?" Carol offered.

"Yes, very." She laughed with him. "I see you as a friend."

"Me too." She was relieved he felt the same way. "Wait, why did you ask me out then?"

"Sasha asked me too. I figured you needed a night out, so I asked."

"I did. I really had a good time. I would love to do this again, but as friends."

"I would like that too." He opened the door to his car.

They got into the car and began to talk. It was easy and fun, and there was no tension. They now knew where they stood with each other, and they didn't have to worry about impressing each other, it was just...easy. Tyreese was really great. He was a teacher at the local elementary school. He taught physically education, and the way he spoke told her he about care each and every one of his students. She already had plans on sending Sophia to the school where she and her siblings and friends went to school, and finding out Tyreese worked there only confirmed it her plan to send Sophia there. She knew Sophia would love him, especially now since they weren't dating. She knew where her heart belonged, where it would always belong.

She waved goodbye as he waited for her to get inside, and she opened the door, seeing darkness. No one was on the first floor. She found that odd. "Beth? Patricia?"

"Shh." Patricia was at the top of the stairs.

Carol softly climbed up the stairs, seeing what Patricia had shushed her for. Inside Beth's bedroom in a mess of stuffed animals, blankets and empty wrappers from snacks were Sophia and Beth, passed out. It brought a smile to Carol's lips as she thought about the many sleepless night when she, Maggie and Beth would all go into Beth's room—it was the furthest away from their parents and brother—and they'd watch movies and eat popcorn only to pass out about half an hour in. They'd wake up with popcorn in their hair, theirs legs and arms all tangled, and Mom taking pictures to post on her Facebook. They were embarrassing pictures, but what her friends commented on the photos made them actually _feel_ the embarrassment, like they were little kids again.

"Did they watch every Disney movie ever created?" Carol whispered, removing her earrings.

"Probably."

"I'm not gonna lie: I totally wanted to be Tarzan when I was little. I mean, swinging from vines and playing with the animals of the forest." She got to experience some of that when she was with Daryl, and they'd go out to the woods to study and fool around. He loved the outdoors more. She pushed that to the back of her head as she noticed Patricia was wearing work clothes. "What have you been up to?"

"I've been busy myself. I've been arranging some things."

"Oh? What things?" Carol set the earrings on the dresser and removed her shoes, letting them stay where they fell on the floor in her bedroom.

"For Annette." She picked up Carol's heels and set them in her closet.

"Mom? Is she all right? I thought she was doing better." Carol's heart had stopped. "She was doing well."

"Yes. Yes, she is doing very well. She's doing so well, in fact, that she's coming home. Her doctors believe that being around her family and her personal belongings will help her more than sitting in a hospital bed, eating Jell-o."

Carol smiled. "Are you serious?"

She nodded.

"Mom's coming home." A million thoughts ran through her mind. "We have to make her favorite dinner, and—and I'll clean her room. I'll wash Dad's sheets, so they'll be clean and smell fresh. Oh, my God, we have—"

"Carol, calm down."

"Sorry. I got excited." She blushed a little. "Gosh, this is so perfect. Well, only if you and Otis were moving in too. It'd be perfect then."

"Who else is going to take care of Annette and help Hershel in the fields now that Shawn's moved out?"

"You—you guys are moving back in?"

"Yes. After all that's happened, Otis and Hershel agreed that fight wasn't worth destroying a lifetime friendship. We'll be staying in Shawn's room. I just have to disinfect it from corner to corner. Lord knows that boy wasn't blessed with ability to clean."

She laughed. "You can say that again."

"I just pray Sasha tends to their child. Or hires a nanny."

"Shawn's actually good with kids. Not cleaning or cooking or anything other than photography, but he's good with kids."

"I don't doubt it, but he can be lazy." She shook her head. "It's late anyhow. Get to bed."

"I'm not a kid, Patricia."

"I know, but you still need sleep. Go wash up."

"All right."

She abruptly pulled Carol into a hug, Carol blinked, but accepted the hug. Patricia stopped hugging them before they went to bed long before Carol, Shawn and her mom moved into Hershel's house. What the hell was this hug for? Did she really just want to hug Carol? How strange. Carol loved hugs, but this was just...odd.

"Ummm...Patricia?" Carol asked. "Is—is everything all right?"

"Of course." She released Carol. "I just missed you so much, sweetheart."

"I missed you too." Carol smiled a little. "I'm going to bed now since it's _so_ late."

Patricia rolled her eyes. "Well, good night then."

"Night." Carol closed the door after her then headed to the bathroom. She removed her dress, hanging it up and turning on the hot water to wash her face. She set her rings and bracelets on the counter then washed and dried her face. She slipped into a nightshirt and went to bed, finding the little pink Ethan bear in the middle of her mattress.

Scooping it up, she rubbed her thumbs over its belly, feeling the beads inside shift, and she smiled. Yes, she knew exactly where her heart belonged.

– – –

Carol poked her head into the closet where Daryl was working on the wiring to install a light. "Well, I just dropped Sophia off at school, so it's just the two of us." She watched as he put a screwdriver in his mouth to avoid talking to her, and she almost frowned. "I brought that toolbox from T-dog's shop like you asked. Do you want me to go get it? I left it in the kitchen on the island."

"Nah."

"Did I do something to piss you off in the past three seconds?" He said nothing. "Or do you just not want to talk to me?"

"You catch on real quick, don't you?" He climbed down and tossed the screwdriver onto the bed, crouching down and working on the doorknob. It'd be jamming for the past two days, and he'd been trying to fix it, but he was annoyed and pissed. He couldn't find his focus on days like these.

"What's with the attitude?" She bent down beside him, but he didn't look at her. "Daryl?"

He pretended to be focused on his work.

"Is this about Tyreese?" She saw a muscle in his jaw jump. "Oh, my God! Daryl, are you kidding me?" She stood up and walked toward the door then faced him.

"Am I supposed to be happy?" He glared.

"You said you were okay with it!"

"Well, I lied!"

"You lied to me? Why?" She searched his face. "If I am okay with you dating then you sure as hell should be all right with me dating."

"I ain't datin'! That woman came onto me! I don't even know her goddamn name!"

"You didn't deny dating her," she shot back.

"Like you gave me a chance."

"Don't put this on me!" she shouted. "I only went out on a date. That's all I did, and you're pissed? What the hell, Daryl? It was just one freaking dinner. We talked, ate and occasionally I flirted with him, but it was friendly. The whole damn date was friendly!"

"I know he kissed you."

"How do you know that?" She glared. "You followed me?"

"Tsk, no! I could give two shits where you go, or who with!"

"Then why are you being an ass? It was just a friendly dinner. We didn't even have wine or talk about anything but Sasha and Shawn and what Tyreese does for a living!" She sighed. "Why are you making such a big deal out of this?"

"Because I—" he cut off "—don't like Ty. I don't know him very well, and I don't know if I trust him to take care of you. Of Sophia."

"What a load of crap! You and Tyreese are like brothers! He told me so himself! You work too close with T-dog to not know his kids on a personal level!" She moved into the closet to try and see his face from that angle. "Tell me the truth, Daryl."

"Tsk!"

"Oh, great comeback! Exhaling!"

"Oh, fuck you!" He gave her a dark glare. "I ain't gonna deal with this shit!" He left the room, slamming the door so hard the room shook.

She turned away from the door of the closet, covering her mouth to swallow a whimper that was rising in her throat, and she tried calming herself. Daryl could be so petulant sometimes. She was so very tired of fighting, but he didn't understand. She suffered too.

She knew Daryl probably thought she moved on the minute she left town, no matter what she told him, and she knew Daryl thought she didn't care anymore. That wasn't true at all. She loved him deeply and would die to protect him, now and then. She died every single morning she woke up alone in that dorm room, and she always had to talk herself into staying, to not jump on the first available bus and run back home. She had to be strong, but if he knew even half of what she went through... If she knew half of what he went through...of what everyone here went through...

– – –

_Carol opened the door to her dorm room and looked around. This was her new home for the next four years or so. She was going to buy an apartment when she could afford to. She didn't want to stay here and cry herself to sleep with a roommate two feet away. She wanted to be alone, but alone with him..._

_She set her bags on the bed, pulling her hair up into a messy ponytail, and she began to unpack, not wanting to linger on her thoughts. The more she did stuff, the less she thought about it. She wasn't going to think about it. She couldn't wait for classes to start, so she didn't have to think about him or her family. She could just jump into her studies and never leave them. She was to scared to think about what happened when she graduated. There were just too many options._

_She closed the full drawer and opened another, pulling her hair down as it was coming loose. She was about to put it back up when she saw a shirt in her suitcase. She slowly reached down and picked it up, seeing the worn green and black plaid. It wasn't a shirt she would wear to class or wear here to clean up. It wasn't even her shirt. It was too big for her with little holes here and there, and it smelled just like him. It was Daryl's shirt._

_**Here's the day you hoped would never come**_

_**Don't feed me violence**_

_**Just run with me through rows of speeding cars**_

_Tears clouded her vision as the hole she'd ripped into her heart the second this idea came into her head swallowed her heart entirely, and she collapsed, burying her face in the shirt as her entire body shook. God, what had she done to him? After all they'd been through, after all her promises... He's going to wake up and expect to see her in the kitchen, drinking tea and working on that scholarship essay, but she won't be there. The kitchen will be empty and dark. He'll wake up alone, and he'll assume she went to class. He won't even see it coming, will he?_

_**The paper cuts, the cheating lovers**_

_**The coffee's never strong enough**_

_**I know you think it's more than just bad luck**_

_Shawn sat in the dark on the floor of his bedroom, staring at the light a the bottom of his door, his elbows on his upraised knees. He'd been in here for God only knew how long. He was so pissed and so distraught. Everything was shit._

_He checked the mailed today and found a letter from Sasha. He opened it to find the engagement ring inside along with all the memory cards from his cameras he'd left over there over the years. He threw them against the wall. He would rather she break every piece of equipment he left than send him back the ring. He wanted her to keep it, but he knew—he knew—she wouldn't. She didn't want anything that reminded her of him. She was that type of person._

_Damn, he'd never missed someone so much in his entire life. It'd only been...what? A month? Barely. He wanted to see her beautiful face, to hear her voice, to touch her with even a handshake, but whenever he tried to see her at the station, the guys wouldn't let him by. They had her back, and he was lucky not to have his entire body broken into small pieces. Those men were her brothers, and they all hated him now. He didn't blame them; he hated himself._

_Sasha was everything he ever wanted, and it was all in one woman. She was the only person in the entire world who made him feel like...he could do anything and everything he set his mind to. She was the person he could tell anything, no matter how silly, and just laugh about it without feeling like he'd made a fool of himself. She made the pain of losing Carol bearable. She made him...better than he was, so why the hell did he cheat? Why would he do that to her? _

_All because of that fucking Lovelace bitch and himself. It was so easy too. He didn't remember all of it, but it came back in bits and pieces, and it was so ridiculous how easy it was to destroy a relationship that he spent years building. If she ever gave him a second chance, he'd sooner die than cheat on her again._

_And now, to top it all off, Mom was sick. She was in the hospital and dying and here he was. He made a promise to his dad to always protect Carol and his mom, and look how well he has done. Carol was gone. She could be dead in a gutter or living well—he'd probably never know. Mom was dying, and there wasn't a damn thing he could do to help her. He could only wait._

_**There, there baby**_

_**It's just text book stuff**_

_**It's in the ABC of growing up**_

_Beth was on the cold, hard floor of her bathroom, staring at the wall with her back against the cast-iron tub behind her. She kept reading the paper, like she could will the words to change, but they weren't changing. They were staring at her, almost mocking her._

_All of her life she'd done so much to help other people, and she tried to make up for all of her selfish, childish moments. She wanted so badly to be a good person, and she knew she was. She was a good person. She just...was damned, it seemed._

_**Now, now darling**_

_**Oh don't lose your head**_

_**'Cause none of us were angels**_

_Maggie had her back against the door to her mom's hospital room, watching the doctors walk by, and she pulled her legs in tighter. She felt the cold of the door behind her seep through her tank top, but she didn't mind. It was something to focus on. She didn't want to think about how everything was fucked up right now. She didn't want to think about what could happen if she opened that door and went inside._

_She had to be strong for Daddy's sake and Beth's. She had to be the rock. She couldn't let them down. Shawn was already broken over what happened with Ethan and Carol and now Sasha and their mom. He wasn't going to be able to be there for her or them, so it was up to her to be there for them. She could do that. She was already strong enough for herself; now she had to be strong for all of them. At least for a little while._

_**And you know I love you yeah**_

_**Sleeping pills know**_

_**Sleeping dogs lie never far enough away**_

_Beth let the paper flutter to floor. She was a good person, and she'd done a lot of selfless things. She'd been told many times this or that couldn't have been done without her help. She was always glad to lend a hand, really. So why? What did she do to deserve this?_

_Carol was a great person. She took care of them whenever Daddy or Ma were sick. She always made sure they had everything they needed. She would spend hours with Mag or Shawn to make sure they all had a way to get home, and she would even go as far as packing lunches. She was the best big sister. Beth could still hear her reading stories to her at night whenever Mom had to stay late at the Greene Leaf. Carol was always there for her, no matter how much they fought, and now she's...gone. After what happened, Beth would want to be gone too. Carol didn't deserve that. If Beth could have done something...but there was nothing anybody could have done._

_Mom was sick in the hospital. It was so strange to see her so still. Beth watched her for hours, it seemed, wondering why she was so still, so pale, so fragile. Annette was strong, and she raised all of them to be strong as well. She was such a good mother. Beth always wanted to be half the mother she was, if not all. Annette always told her since she was the youngest, she'd have to live in a lot of shadows, but to be strong and know that she wasn't them. She was Beth and could only ever be Beth and to make the best of everything she was passionate about._

_**Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt**_

_Maggie's eyes filled with tears as guilt ate at her. She always made sure Daddy and Mom ate healthy. It was her one daily obsession. She'd always made sure they had enough protein and vitamins in their diet. She wanted them to be healthy, especially Annette. She knew Daddy was as healthy as horse, and she wanted to make sure Annette was just as healthy. _

_She sobbed, lifting a shaky hand to wipe her nose. She didn't want to lose another mother, not like she'd lost Jo. She loved her mother so much, and she loved Annette so much, and she didn't want to them share the same fate, not so soon. She took care of Annette, so why...?_

_Maggie had been chopping vegetables for dinner that night, telling Annette about her day, making her laugh to try and take her mind off of Carol and Shawn. It had been going so well, and it was all normal. It had been a great day, and Maggie had been laughing with Annette over something silly. She'd just turned around for a second to grab an onion from the basket Daddy had left, and when she turned back around, Annette was on the floor of the kitchen. It took just one second..._

_**I've watched you slowly winding down for years**_

_**You can't keep on like this**_

_Carol walked back to her dorm room, rubbing at her sore shoulder. She'd had the worst day ever. She slept too late, got kicked out of class because she was late, she hadn't eaten since last night, and she'd been feeling sick all week. She just wanted to curl up in bed and never, ever move again. She was so exhausted. If Karen was still there and she hadn't cleaned up that mess of burger wrappers, Carol was going to throw up on her bed. She seriously would._

_She opened the door and Karen threw her arms out, exclaiming, "Ta da!"_

_Carol smirked. "Is this the way we're greeting each other now? I...like it?"_

"_Ha ha. I cleaned!" She smiled. "Be impressed."_

"_I am. You know a broom and trashcan are for." She set her books down on her desk. "Good job, Karen."_

"_Don't be an ass. I worked really hard to clean this mess up. I think there was something growing underneath my bed." _

"_I told you to clean or I'd throw up on your bed." Carol crossed her arms. "You were also free today, so it's kinda your responsibility to clean, especially since I'm sick."_

"_How do you feel today?"_

"_Very queasy." She shrugged. "I'll be all right. I'll get a ginger ale, lie down and not move for the rest of the night."_

"_Well, you can do that now in a clean room. Do you smell that?"_

"_Lysol?" Carol teased._

"_Yes. No more...whatever smell that was in here before. We'll never talk about this, okay?"_

"_Deal." Carol laughed. "So, what else did you do?"_

"_I'm working on my laundry, but other than that I cleaned this entire room. I even cleaned your side."_

_**Now's a bad a time as any whoa**_

_Carol tensed. "With Lysol?"_

"_Yeah." Karen noticed the look on Carol's face, and she frowned. "W—why? What is it?"_

"_No, no, no, no." Carol crawled onto her bed and tossed the pillows aside, finding the plush pillow that was nestled underneath the crappy ones she didn't care for. This pillow was the only pillow that she really slept with. It smelled like Daryl, and she could pretend, if only for a few hours, she was in his arms, and everything was all right. _

_But now the scent of artificial mountain springs had taken over Daryl's comforting scent. It brought tears to her eyes. She may have become friendly with Karen, but she still felt like a stranger here. She could feel other people talking about her and teasing her sometimes, but when she was in bed, she felt like she was at home. She felt safe and accepted, and everything was all right. Now that was gone._

"_Carol, what is it?" Karen frowned. _

"_I told you: don't clean my side of the room." Her voice was practically nonexistent._

"_I know, but I figured... I thought you'd like your side to be clean since you've been feeling crappy, so I cleaned it. I thought—I was helping.. Clean the germs, you know. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...hurt you." She lowered herself down beside Carol. "I'm so sorry."_

"_It's ruined." She curled up. It's all she had left of him. His shirt had been washed by accident, but it needed to be washed. She was hoping the scent in the pillow would linger until she was able to stand on her feet, but now...she was forced to stand alone. Daryl wasn't there. He would never be at her side again. _

"_Carol, don't—don't cry." Karen felt her heart break as Carol broke down. She'd been sharing a room with Carol for a few weeks now, and she knew something happened in her past, but she didn't push. She wanted Carol to tell her when she was ready, not before, and now she hurt Carol, because she didn't know. Perhaps she needed to push a little._

"_Please, leave me alone," Carol whimpered. "Please."_

_Karen stood up and walked over to the door, stopping in the doorway, glancing back, and she dropped her eyes. "I'm sorry." She left the room._

_**There, there baby**_

_**It's just text book stuff**_

_**It's in the ABC of growing up**_

_Her own body had betrayed her. She would never be able to have kids of her own. Adoption was an option, yes, but she would never feel her child growing, never feel it kick or—or move. She knew blood didn't make a family; love did. She had a bond with Annette that was the same to the bond she had with her own birth mother, and Annette was her step-mother. She knew that she could still feel that bond with an adopted child, but it was never carrying a child that really upset her. All she'd ever wanted was a child, and now...she knew that would never happen. Adoption could take years._

_She looked at her reflection, seeing her mother looking back at her. All of her life she'd been in somebody's shadow: her mom's, Maggie's, Carol's, Annette's even. She wasn't good enough as she was, or that's how it made her feel. She was a person with feelings who made mistakes. Just because she wasn't exactly like her siblings didn't mean she wasn't good enough. Yes, she wasn't Carol. She wasn't Maggie. She was Beth, and she was a mess._

_**Now, now darling**_

_**Oh don't kill yourself**_

_She'd been fighting her entire life to get out of someone's shadow and to focus on her goals, but now... Nothing made sense anymore. Nothing! She tossed everything that was on the counter off onto the floor, panting as anger burned through her. She was tired of shit just happening around her. Mom dying, Daddy loving and marrying Annette, Carol losing Ethan and leaving, Shawn cheating on Sasha, Ma getting sick, and Maggie not leaving the hospital. They were all there in her life, but it just happened. She was tired of life just happening around her. She needed to stop trying to be everyone else. She wasn't like Carol or Maggie or her moms. She never would be, and it was time she accepted that._

_**'Cause none of us were angels**_

_**And you know I love you yeah**_

_Shawn pushed himself up, sick of all this self-pity. He took a shower and changed, heading down the stairs then out the front door. He had four very important woman he needed to see, and he wasn't going to sit on his ass while they suffered. He had to let them know how important they were to him, and he was going to need fresh flowers for one of them. He knew his baby sister well, and Mom's room will be filled with flowers._

_**It's okay by me**_

_**It's okay by me**_

_Maggie wiped her nose and exhaled, the floor numbing her ass, and she sniffled. She was tired of crying. She hated just sitting around and crying. She wanted to make a difference; that's why she was becoming a cop. So why was she sitting here, crying when she could be inside reading Annette's favorite book to her? Talking to Annette about her day?_

_She saw Shawn at the end of the hall, and he walked over to her, offering her his hand, and she took it, letting him haul her to her feet. She embraced him the minute she was on her feet, and he held her tight, glad to see she was better just as she was glad to see him out and about again. They didn't grow up together and yet they were so similar, all of them._

_He released her and spotted Beth at the end of the hall with a vase of flowers, and she joined them, smiling. They spoke for a moment, learning no one had gone inside the room since they first came here to see Annette, and they all went in together, smiling as Annette rolled her head to the side and smiled at them._

_**It's okay by me**_

_**It was a long time ago**_

_Karen returned to the room, hoping Carol felt better, because she felt like the world's biggest ass for hurting Carol. She often thought of Carol like a glass doll on the very edge of a shelf—at any sudden movement, it would fall off the shelf and shatter into a million little pieces. She wondered what could've happened to her._

_Opening the door slowly, Karen peeked in and saw Carol curled up in bed, cuddling a bear to her chest, very still. She entered and lowered herself down on her knees beside Carol's bed, resting her arms on the bed and offering her a smile. _

"_How do you feel?"_

"_I don't know." Her voice was thick, like she'd been crying the entire time. Karen hadn't seen her like this since that first night. "I don't think I feel anything anymore."_

_Karen gripped her hand. "I am so sorry, but could you tell me why I feel like scum of the earth over a pillow?"_

"_I don't want to talk about it."_

"_Maybe you need to."_

"_I don't want to." She sniffed. "Not yet anyway."_

"_All right, I can live with that." Karen hugged her, and it was probably the big sister in her that made her so protective of Carol. "Oh, my little freshman."_

"_Oh, shut up." Carol couldn't laugh, but she felt a little better. She needed a hug, and she needed to get it into her mind that she wasn't alone. She had Karen. She had a very good friend._

_**It's okay by me**_

_**It was a long time ago**_

– – –

Once she'd calmed down, she lowered her hands and opened her eyes. She found herself in darkness and sniffed. The door must have closed after Daryl slammed the bedroom door like a drama queen. She turned and felt out the knob, grasping it and twisting it open.

Only it didn't open.

She frowned and tried again and again and again. She even tried turning it in the opposite direction, but it still didn't open. Panic filled her, consuming her oxygen, and she began to pant in fear. "No, God. No, no, no, no." She couldn't be trapped in here. She couldn't be stuck here. Not in a small, dark closet. Not in a closet. "Daryl!"

She began to pound on the door. "Daryl! Daryl!" She was screaming at the top of her lungs, trying desperately to get him to come and open the door, but she didn't even know if he was in the house. He might have left and went to blow off some steam by getting a drink or by getting into a fight. He might even pick up a woman. She might be trapped in here for hours.

"Daryl, please!"

In the back of her mind, she could hear water dripping and smell rotten paint. Whenever Ed wanted to punish her, but didn't want to dirty his hands, he'd toss her into the closet in the basement, sometimes for days. She would scream and pound on the door for help, hoping he'd get annoyed and finally let her out or that someone outside would hear her pleas and get her out of that hell hidden behind fake smiles and perfect lawns, but no one ever did. It was only later when she decided to leave him did she discover the basement was soundproof. He had bought that house with the intention of locking her down there.

"Daryl!" she screamed, feeling tears in her eyes. "Please! Daryl! Let me out! Let met out!" She slammed her fists into the door. "Daryl!"

The door was too solid for her to break it down, but she was too panicked to stop herself from beating on the door, trying to get someone's attention, feeling warm blood on her palms.

"_**DARYL!"**_

––

Daryl walked through town, the wind rustling his hair, and he was calming himself down. He didn't mean to go off on her like that. He never meant to go off on her, but it always ended up happening. He wasn't sure why, but he needed to stop. It wasn't her fault Tyreese found her attractive. It wasn't her fault he was too much of a pussy to tell her he loved her so damn much it hurt when she was around and he couldn't have her.

If he hadn't met her, his life would've been so much simpler. He wouldn't have had to mourn the loss of his son. He wouldn't have had to see so much love from the people around him. He wouldn't had to have everyone look at him like he was broken after she skipped town. He wouldn't have to know if he might have a child that was alive.

If it wasn't for that damn bus...

– – –

_It was the first day of fifth grade, and Carol had to ride the bus, because her dad had to work, and Mom had to take Shawn to the dentist. She didn't want to miss the first day—a young overachiever as Andrea called her—and she hated the dentist office, so she decided to ride the bus. She hoped it wasn't too bad. Lori rides the bus from time to time, and the kids on her bus throw paper and spare change and Crayons. She had a plan: find a seat and never move until the bus stopped at school._

_Once the bus arrived, Carol climbed in, nearly falling on her face as the bus driver didn't wait until she found seat. She hurried to the seat behind him and sat down, placing her bag beside her. She kept her eyes out the window, glancing over from time to time to see if anyone from her class rode this bus. She didn't have any luck. Only high schoolers and little kids got on. She was too young to talk to the high schoolers and too old to talk to the little kids. It sucked._

_**Whatever you do, I'll do it too**_

_**Show me everything and tell me how**_

_**It all means something**_

_**And yet nothing to me**_

_About ten minutes away from the elementary school, a boy got onto the bus, pushed her backpack aside and sat down. She took her backpack and set it in her lap, and she noticed the boy wouldn't look at her. She looked at him, however. He was around her age, she could tell, but she could only see dark hair that covered his face and his chapped lips._

_She reached into her pocket and pulled out lip balm, holding it out to him._

_He glanced over at her, but said nothing._

"_Here, for your chapped lips."_

"_Don't want it," he muttered._

"_Just take it. I have another." She practically poked him with it. _

_He reluctantly reach over and took the tube. "Uh, thanks."_

"_It's nothing. I get chapped lips all the time." She smiled at him. "I'm Carol Harrison."_

"_Er, Daryl Dixon."_

"_It's nice to meet you, Daryl Dixon."_

_**I can see there's so much to learn**_

_**It's all so close and yet so far**_

_**I see myself as people see me**_

_**Oh, I just know there's something bigger out there**_

_Carol took a seat on the bus, pulling her hood up and tossing her legs onto the seat so no one would try and push their way into the it. She slept peacefully to the bus engine, used to it after riding almost all fifth grade year. She wasn't bothered by the kids anymore either. They were always quiet-ish in the morning since they were tired, and this was a great time to get some shuteye._

_She felt someone nudge her legs, so she opened her eyes and found Daryl standing over her. She smiled sleepily and moved her feet, and he plopped down beside her, getting as comfortable as he could get and closing his eyes._

_She poked his arm gently, he opened his eyes, and she held out a granola bar, and he took it, eating it with his eyes closed, and she smirked, leaning back and closing her eyes to get a few more minutes of sleep before school._

_**I wanna know, can you show me**_

_**I wanna know about these strangers like me**_

_Carol smoothed lip gloss over her lips, feeling her older brother watching her, and she closed the lip gloss. "Why are you staring at me?"_

"_Have your eyes always been_ so_ blue?"_

_She snorted a laugh. "Dad took the coffee to work with him, I see."_

"_Yes, he did. I am half-dead today." He yawned loudly. "I'm going to sleep in first. Screw trig."_

"_Why sleep in class? You'll miss important notes and fail the class."_

"_Well, it's either Mr. Baker bores me to sleep or he bores me to death. I'd rather sleep in first, not die, but if you really want me to die—"_

"_Oh, shut up!" She hit him. "I don't want you to die."_

_He laughed. "Thanks, kid."_

"_I'm not a kid. Stop calling me that."_

"_Uh, seventh grader," he pointed to her then to himself, "sophomore. You're a kid."_

_She stuck her tongue out at him and got onto the bus as he called her a kid for sticking her tongue. She took her usual seat as Shawn went to the back with his friends, and she propped her knees up on the seat in front of her. She thought over the answers to the test they had in first today, and she wondered if their teacher had made it any harder. She found those tests boring and easy, and Daryl just glared at her and cheated off her too. She didn't mind._

_**Tell me more, please show me**_

_**Somethings familiar about these strangers like me**_

_Daryl slid into the spot beside her, giving her a nod, and she reached into her purse, pulling out a baggie of brownies she'd made for the first day of school. He laughed a little at her, and she blushed, but she was glad to hear his laugh. She wanted to see his smile, because he had such nice teeth—not like her crooked, braced teeth— but he never smiled. One day, she would get a smile out of him. One day._

_**Every gesture, every move that she makes**_

_**Makes me feel like never before**_

_**Why do I have**_

_**This growing need to be beside her**_

_Daryl could hear Merle and his dad going at it in the house as he waited for the bus, and he ignored them, seeing the bus. He felt himself smiling a little at the thought of seeing Carol, but he stopped himself. They'd been riding the bus together for three years, and he didn't need to feel happy to see her. He saw her every goddamn day, so why did he always feel like this before he saw her?_

_He climbed the steps and saw her texting, but the minute he stepped onto the bus, she looked up and gave him that wide smile. He blushed, so he ducked his head and sat beside her. He splayed his hands on the seat, feeling Carol's hand just beside his, and he felt her hand move on top of his, and for a second, he wanted to grab it and keep a hold of it. _

_But Carol moved her hand instantly, apologizing about squashing his hand, and he shook his head. It was no big deal anyhow. He never would admit it, but he liked when she did that, even it if was accidental._

_**Oh, these emotions I never knew**_

_**Of some other world far beyond this place**_

"_Oh, my feels." Shawn faked tears. "Carol's a freshie." _

_She rolled her eyes. She was already nervous about being a freshmen, and he wasn't helping by calling her that. She wasn't scared to be going into high school, which could not be said for her mother who worry-ate her way through a tub of ice cream, two bags of cubed cheese and a pack of cookies. She was glad to get this experience finally. Plus, she had Lori, Mag, and Andrea in most of her classes all year, and she had her very best friend in all her classes. She was so going to have to tutor Daryl. She was taking a lot of AP classes, and Daryl was smart, but he could be lazy. "Shut up, Shawn." _

"_Fine." He tossed his bag into Andy's backseat. "Do you wanna a ride, kid? Andy won't mind."_

_She blushed. She had the biggest crush on Andy, but she had someone waiting for her. She wasn't going to abandon him for a hot guy. A really hot guy. "Nah, but thanks." She hugged him. "Good luck."_

"_I'm getting a job, not going off to war."_

"_Still good luck. You'll need it. Lord knows you make a bad first impression." He glared as she waved and got onto the bus._

_**Beyond the trees, above the clouds**_

_**Oh, I see before me a new horizon**_

_Daryl spotted the bus and hurried onto it as Merle came barreling out of the trailer. He slipped into their seat as Carol smiled warmly at him, glancing at her and he did a once over. She was wearing new jeans and loose color-block blouse with a beanie and scarf. He noticed she wore a little makeup that accentuated her eyes and lips, her long red hair spilled in curls down the front of her blouse over breasts she didn't really have in eighth grade, and he noticed how the jeans hung on her hips._

_Damn, this girl was gorgeous._

_She turned to face him and smiled. "Nervous?"_

_He shrugged. "Nah."_

"_I'm nervous excited." She rubbed her hands on her jeans. "We're going into the last four years of mandatory school. That's a little sad."_

"_You're so damn weird."_

_She blushed. "I'm glad to have you in my classes."_

_Now he blushed. "Whatever."_

_She took his hand and held it in both of hers, looking out the window._

Now,_ Daryl was nervous._

_**I wanna know, can you show me**_

_**I wanna know about these strangers like me**_

"_Doubling up?" Carol groaned. "I hate doubling up."_

"_Fuckin' bratty kids and arrogant assholes," Daryl agreed._

"_I can't even walk home, because I live a thousand miles away." She sat down on the ground beside him. "I need a car. I almost have enough saved up, so this time next year, I'm driving us to school."_

_He smirked. "Deal."_

"_I wish there was something we could do to past the time." She sighed._

"_Got some ideas."_

"_I will not make out in front of half the student body."_

"_Tsk, not that." He grabbed her book and hauled her up. "C'mon."_

"_Uh, Daryl, where are we doing? I have a bus to catch and a test to study."_

"_Just trust me. You already got a four-point-oh, so don't worry 'bout the test tomorrow."_

"_Well, I do worry."_

_He met her eyes. "Trust me, all right?"_

"_All right." She laced her fingers through his. "Where to?"_

_**Tell me more, please show me**_

_**Somethings familiar about these strangers like me**_

"_Daryl, you're killing me." Carol almost fell—again—in the dirt._

"_Keep up, woman."_

"_I'm in flip flops, Daryl Dixon, so do not tell me to "keep up, woman"." She glared. "I have slipped too many damn times to count, so maybe you should slow down!"_

_He turned around, walked over to her and she thought he was going to snap back, but instead, he bent down, picked her up and tossed her over his shoulder. She gasped, grasping at his jacket, and he chuckled. She tugged her skirt to keep from flashing the universe—and him—and she smacked his leg. _

"_You unbelievable ass!" She held her skirt in place. "Put me down!"_

"_Nah."_

"_Daryl, please? Please, put me down. This is so embarrassing. I'm in a skirt for the love of God."_

"_I can see."_

"_What?!"_

_He chuckled softly. "Not that, but if you keep squirmin', I might."_

"_I loathe you. It's official."_

_He dropped her book then her on the ground, she glared at him, sitting up, but he lowered himself down on top of her, and she met his eyes before he grasped her cheeks and kissed her. "You all right? Didn't hurt you, did I?"_

"_No." She wiped the dirt off her hands. "No, I'm fine."_

"_Good." He sealed her mouth with his._

_**Come with me now to see my world**_

_**Where there's beauty beyond your dreams**_

_They sat in the back of Daryl's trunk with blankets underneath them, studying for the ACT, and true to her word: they were driving now. Carol's car was with Shawn since his was in the shop, getting something done. She didn't care to remember. She was too focused on passing the ACT. However, Daryl didn't care. He was annoyed by it._

"_What the hell?! What does an octopus sittin' on a damn—"_

"_Daryl." She couldn't take it anymore. "Please, stop yelling. I know you hate studying, but please, for my sake, stop."_

_He lied back, using the book as a pillow. "When you said you wanted to go to the woods, I thought you had something different in mind."_

_She smirked at him over her shoulder. "Wanna screw around?"_

"_Pfft." He rolled his eyes. Damn tease._

_She leaned over to whisper in his head, "I'll let you go down first."_

_He glared. "Stop."_

_She giggled, and he let out a short laugh at the sound of her laugh. "Fine. I'll make it up to you. Later." She crossed her legs and wrote down an answer in her notepad._

_**Can you feel the things I feel**_

_**Right now, with you**_

_Daryl watched her study, the wind blowing her curls into her face, and he noticed she only wore a tank top underneath her cardigan. He pushed himself up and moved behind her, sweeping her hair to the side, and he felt her shrug, trying to tell him to stop without actually speaking._

_He kissed her neck, she let out a soft moan, and he trailed kisses down to her shoulder. He could tell by the way her pencil no longer tapped against the book that she had lost interest in studying, and he pushed the strap to her top down with teeth, seeing her close eyes. _

_She turned her head and kissed him, the book falling in between their legs as she curled her arm around his neck, shifting to be on top of him. She ran her fingers through his hair, gripping soft strands, and she straddled him, her ACT no longer in her mind._

_He rolled her underneath him, grazing his hand down her leg and slipping his tongue into her mouth; hearing her soft moans and grasping her cheek, her skin soft on his palm. He loved the feel her skin. He wanted to feel all of her skin against his, but he would wait until she was ready. _

_He pushed her shirt up, kissing her stomach, and her breaths came out in whooshes. He grasped her hips and ran his tongue over her belly button. He glanced up to see her eyes were closed and her hands were gripping his tightly. He placed one last kiss on her stomach then kissed her on the lips._

_**Take my hand**_

_**There's a world I need to know**_

– – –

That evening, Merle saw Daryl's truck in the driveway along with someone else's car, and he headed inside. He was about to grab a beer from the fridge, but he heard muffled screaming. It wasn't a scream of a woman in the throes, and he heard a banging sound.

He hurried up the stairs and to Daryl's bedroom. He saw the closet door shaking as someone pounded on it, locked inside. He knew it was Carol. He knew her voice, so he hurried and opened the door. It didn't give easy, so he grabbed one of the tools off Daryl's bed and forced it open. He stepped back as she fell out of the closet, crying with blood caking her hands.

"The hell?" He crouched down. "Carol?"

"Thank God." She sniffed, wiping her nose.

"You're bleedin'. What the hell were you doin'?"

"Ed—Daryl—" She stopped, shaking. "The door jammed. I couldn't get out."

"Ed, huh?" He shook his head. "You needa get cleaned up. Sit."

She sat on the bed while he went into the bathroom and wet a washrag with disinfectant, grabbed a dry washrag and bandages. He returned and began cleaning off her hands. She winced. "What are you doing here?"

"Came here to check on Daryl. Know where he is?"

"No. We got into a fight, he left, and I got locked in the closet." She sniffed. "Thank you. I know you aren't very fond of me, but thank you."

"Well, Daryl loves you, and Daryl is my brother, so I gotta care," he muttered.

"Daryl doesn't love me." She licked her lips.

"Have you seen the boy?" He met her eyes. "He loves you. Hell if I know why."

She shrugged.

"So, Ed used to lock you in a closet?" He wiped blood from her right hand now.

"N—no. No, of course not."

"You said Ed first. I know he was abusive. Daryl might not, but I can tell."

She dropped her head. "Yes... Ed used to lock me in a closet." She began to tell him about the abuse, oddly finding it easy to talk to Merle. Talking to Amy was hard, but she felt like Merle understood. Growing up with Mason, she knew he did. She felt the burden lighten as she told him, flexing her fingers through the bandages. Who would ever have thought Carol would find a confidant in Merle?

He shook his head. "Son of a bitch." He set the rags onto Daryl's nightstand.

"Yes." She nodded. "He _is_ a son of a bitch."

"You tell Daryl?"

"No! And don't you tell him either, please! He'll try to do something stupid, like find Ed and make him pay for what he did to me. I don't need Daryl to be my knight. I don't need a knight. I need my family, so please don't tell him."

"I ain't gonna tell, but you are."

"Excuse me?"

"This friendship you two are tryin' to cultivate ain't gonna work if you don't tell him. One of these days, Daryl's gonna snap and do something that reminds you of Ed. You know that, and however you react will scar Daryl. You know that too." She averted her eyes. "Don't do that to him. Tell him. You want to, I can tell."

"How do I tell him that my husband abused me for four years?" She shook her head. "I won't."

"You will."

"No, I won't! You can't pressure me into—Oh my God, Sophia!" She shot up. "Oh, shit! Shit!" She ran downstairs. "Do you have a phone? Amy probably took her home when I didn't show."

"Yeah." He caught up to her and thought about it. She'd have trouble driving with her hands. He hated him brother sometimes, but he wouldn't risk making Sophia motherless or seeing Daryl and Carol lose another child because Carol's hands started to hurt at the wrong moment. "I'll drive."

"You will?"

"Don't make me change my mind." He handed her his phone.

"Thank you, Merle." She took the phone and called Amy's number as they got into the car. She waited patiently for Amy to answer while Merle drove to her apartment, Carol gesturing which way with her hand—which burned like freaking hell—but Merle knew where Amy lived. He hated that she lived in the shit part of town, especially since she's clean now. Why the hell would she tempt herself by living with drug dealers and crackheads?

Carol lowered the phone, heart racing. "Amy's not answering her phone."

"She might be busy."

"No, Amy always answers on the first or second ring when she has Sophia." She didn't like the fear swirling in her stomach. What would keep Amy from answering the phone? What kept Paige and Sophia from answering?

Merle punched the gas. He didn't like what ideas were popping into his head. He wasn't too fond of Carol nor did he owe her, but he wasn't going to let anything happened to that kid or Amy. He had her back when she was using, and he had it know. He knew what a bitch-ass Tomas could be, and he wasn't going to let Amy and Sophia suffer because of the shit he did.

They arrived at her apartment building twenty minutes later, Carol ran up the stairs with Merle on her heels, and they hurried to her apartment. The door was ajar, Merle told Carol to stay back, and he heard Amy cry out in pain.

He burst through the door and found Tomas standing over Amy. "Get the fuck away from her."

Amy scrambled back, trying to get away, but Tomas grabbed her hair and jerked her back, pulling out a knife and holding it to her throat. "We have unfinished business, so excuse us."

Carol looked around for something to throw at him to distract him long enough for Amy to get away, but Carol and Merle didn't have to do anything. Paige came out of the kitchen and stabbed Tomas in the leg with a knife, and as he cried out, arms at the knife sticking out of his thigh, Amy grabbed Paige and ran back towards the bedrooms.

Merle bashed his face into the wall, knocking him unconscious, and he told Carol to call the police, which she was already doing. He went to the back to check on Amy and Sophia, but he found two little girls in the room with her. He wondered when she became a damn babysitter.

"You all right?" He looked over her face, seeing a busted lip and the echo of a black eye. She had a few cuts on her arms, but they appeard to be shallow.

"I'll be fine." She turned to the girls. "Go get Carol, okay, girls?"

"But—" Paige protested.

"No, sweetie, go. Go out to the car, and I'll be down shortly. I promise."

Paige took Sophia's hand and went to Carol, who took them downstairs to wait for the police.

He reached out and grasped her chin, lifting it to see bruises on her neck. "Bitch-ass punk. I oughta bash his face in."

"He'll get his."

"Damn straight." He dropped his hand. "Girl's got guts of steel."

She smiled. "She takes after her daddy." She crossed her arms.

"Good. She saved two lives today. If he woulda killed you, I'd have fuckin' killed him."

"I'm not yours to protect anymore, Merle. I'm a big girl, and I can take care of myself."

"Then why the hell do you live in this shithole?"

"I don't anymore." She met his eyes. "I'm gonna go downstairs, wait for the paramedic and see if Tomas did any real damage."

He nodded. "I'll be right down."

"Don't do anything stupid, Merle." She grabbed her keys. "Please, I don't want you in jail."

"I don't plan on goin' back."

She nodded then smiled. "Thank you."

"Anytime, girl."

She headed downstairs, moving hair out of her face, and she saw the girls with Carol by her car. Paige ran over to her, and Amy hugged her tightly. "My brave girl." She kissed her forehead.

"I'm so glad you're okay." Paige gripped her shirt tightly.

"Me too, baby." She smiled at her. "I am proud you protected me, but next time listen to me. Don't come out."

"I'm not afraid of Tomas, Mommy."

"I know, but I can't lose you, baby, and I can fight my own battles," she told her daughter gently, but sternly. "Go get Sophia. We're staying somewhere else tonight."

She nodded and kissed her mom's cheek then got in the car.

Amy walked over to Carol, hearing the sirens in the distance, and Amy told her what happened. Carol gripped her hand, and Amy wiped at the tears that burned in her eyes. She was glad that the girls were spared. When Amy moved in, she broke the wall in Paige's room to fit her and Paige should they need to hide quickly from Tomas and his thugs, and that's where the girls hid. She was so glad they were playing in there or they might have seen.

"What happened to your hands, Carol?" Amy sniffed.

"I'll tell you later. Let's get you checked out." She guided her toward the paramedic, and she sat beside her as he cleaned the cut on her arm. "I've never seen Merle so...ready to kill. He's only been that way about Daryl."

Amy nodded then turned to her once the paramedic was gone. "Merle and I used to do drugs together," she confessed. "He used me as bait to lure Tomas in then Merle would beat the shit out of him and take his drugs. Tomas got revenge on Merle, but by that time, I wasn't using anymore, so he came here tonight for revenge and...answers."

"Answers to what?"

"He saw me at the store last week with Paige." Amy rubbed her arm. "He thought she was his. He was convinced actually, so he tried to beat the answer out of me."

"You had sex with Tomas?"

"God, don't remind me. I was so fucked up at the time, but I do know that bitch is not her father." She rubbed her jaw now, wincing. Damn, he punched harder than before.

"So, who is her father?"

She met Carol's eyes, the wind gathering their hair, and Amy sighed. "Paige's biological father is Merle." She looked over at him as he talked to Officer Grimes. "I'll tell you the story later."

Carol glanced over at the girls as they played in the backseat of her car. _We have the same eyes. _Carol felt a light spark of hope inside. Perhaps those eyes were Dixon eyes. Perhaps.


	17. I Need My Girl

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

––

_Amy stood outside, her thin clothes not keeping the cold out, and she crouched down, holding herself, shivering. She was so hungry. She hadn't eaten in what felt like days. She was tempted to just steal, but she didn't want to owe anyone anything when this was all over. She was the black sheep over the Horvath house, but she wasn't reducing herself to theft._

_She wondered what her parents were doing right now. Tsh. They were probably inside with a roaring fire, drinking wine and talking about which college Andrea would go to. They probably were using every photo of Amy to fuel that fire, glad to be rid of her, and they probably laughed at how blessed they were to have Andrea and how proud they were of Andrea. They practically did that when she still lived with them. Assholes._

_She missed Andrea, however, so much. She was her big sister, the one she always went to when she had a problem, the one who always got her and made her laugh. They were as thick as thieves back then. Now they weren't. Now Amy lived in a shitty little building, barely scraping by, and Andrea was living like a princess without a care in the world. She didn't even care enough to try and find Amy. Amy wasn't going to give her or their parents the satisfaction of her coming home and begging for them to let her back in. She would never beg them._

"_Well, well, well, who do we have here?"_

_She shot up and met Tomas' looming eyes. "What do you want?"_

"_That's my line." He brushed his fingertips across her cheek. "I have something for you. I know you'll like it."_

"_Piss off." She smacked his hand off her face. "I don't associate with whiny bitches like you anymore, and even if I did, there's nothing you have that I want."_

_He smirked. "Are you sure about that?"_

"_Without a doubt."_

_He narrowed his eyes. "Is he that good?"_

_She scoffed. "That isn't any of your business."_

_He grabbed her forearm. "Yes, it is. You are **mine**, Amy."_

"_Get off me!" She scratched his cheek, drawing blood._

"_You little bit—"_

"_What the fuck do you think you're doin'?" Merle growled, standing behind Tomas._

_He turned to face Merle. "Well, if it isn't the puta."_

_Merle grabbed his collar and bashed his face into the wall, Amy scrambled back, the ground cutting into her through her extremely worn leggings, and she groaned as Merle broke Tomas' jaw and left him whimpering on the ground, taking his stash. "C'mon." He grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet, leading her out of the alley._

_She glanced back once, but she stopped feeling sorry for Tomas when he tried to kill her. They crossed the street and hurried inside the building before someone found Tomas, and she closed the door behind them, turning to him. "So?"_

_He smirked. "C'mere." He pushed her against the wall and kissed her, his tongue invading her mouth, and he gripped her ass through her skirt. She lifted her hands to his neck, he grabbed them and held them against the wall, using his leg to part her thighs, and he raised her arms, holding them in one hand, using the other to lift her skirt. _

_She'd noticed that Merle always wanted her after they did something that could easily put them in jail. Those crimes were his biggest turn-on, and she never understood why. She really didn't care as long as no one died. She sometimes had to stop Merle when he just lost it, and she'd distract him with her body until he had worked the blood-lust out of his system. The only time he'd actually hurt her was when he bit into her shoulder so hard he drew blood. Other than that, he took care of her, and she took care of him. He was all she had anymore, and she took that seriously. _

_He pulled back, meeting her amorous green eyes, and he released her wrists, leaning down toward her ear. "I want to taste what you taste like," he whispered, grinning when she shuttered._

"_Here?" She glanced around the first floor to the apartment building they were staying in as he bent down. She had to admit, the idea of it was hot, and people did worse in the hall._

"_Don't tell me you've gotten shy." _

_She leaned over and kissed him, pulling her thin lace panties down, and he chuckled, grasping her hips, and she stumbled forward a bit. She closed her eyes, her lips parting as his tongue slipped inside her..._

– – –

Carol invited Amy and Paige to spend the night with her since Patricia and Otis hadn't move in yet—not that it mattered since Sophia invited Paige to sleep with her. Carol knew it was so Sophia could stay up past her bedtime, because Amy would be with Paige, and Carol would talk to Amy. Smart little munchkin.

Amy combed Paige's thick, wet curly hair on Carol's bed. "I'm not hurting you, am I?"

"No." Paige held a stuffed hippo, adjusting the little hat from time to time.

"Good, just tell me if I do, okay?"

"Okay."

Carol set a bowl of popcorn on the nightstand in between her and Sophia's beds. "I brought up chocolate milk. Is that good?" Carol pointed to the cups Sophia had brought up, which had lids otherwise Carol could've made two trips.

"Yes, thank you." Paige smiled.

Amy combed out the last tangle then let Paige join Sophia on the floor to watch a movie. "Thank you for letting us stay the night." She set the comb in her bag and crossed her legs.

"You'd do the same for me." Carol handed her a cup of tea. "It's lemon. It's so soothing it should be illegal." She sat in front of her.

"Thanks." She placed it on the nightstand and exhaled deeply, and Carol could feel the stress pouring off her body.

"I don't know what I'm going to do, Carol." Tears filled her eyes. "I can't go back there. Tomas will have told his friends, and Andrew will be waiting for Paige. I won't let them hurt her, but how can I make her homeless? I'm her mother. I'm supposed to have all the answers. I'm supposed to protect her."

"Who says mothers have all the answers?" Carol met her eyes. "I'm a mother, and I'm clueless ninety percent of the time."

She covered her mouth with her hand so Paige wouldn't know she was crying. Paige always curled up in Amy's lap and hugged her until she felt better, and Amy didn't want Paige to worry about her. She wanted her to enjoy the movie. "What am I going to do? Where am I going to go?"

"I would love to say you can stay here, but there's no room. I—" She cut off. Daryl has two empty rooms at his house. If she told him about Paige and who her father was, there was no way Daryl would say no to them staying with him. It was screwed up to back him into a corner, but Amy was desperate, and Daryl was able to help. She needed to apologize before she asked though. Maybe she could send Sophia in first.

"Carol?" Maggie called up the stairs.

"Wait here." She left the room and saw all of them downstairs with her mom. Oh, shit! She forgot about that. "I'm so sorry! I completely forgot!"

"I know. Rick called. Are you all right?" Maggie looked her over with concern.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Amy's the one who was beaten."

"Beaten?" Annette paled. "Is she all right?"

"Yes. She's fine. She just has a black eye and a busted lip with a few cuts. The girls are fine, and so am I."

"Well, thank God." Hershel hung up his jacket. "We were on our way to dinner when Rick called, so we'll just eat here instead."

"You don't have to—"

"Well, we are," Beth interrupted. "I bought some steak the other day, so I'll make those with boiled potatoes and fresh broccoli." She headed to the kitchen.

"I'll call Shawn and tell him about the change of plans." Maggie grabbed the phone and went into the living room.

"I'll make some tea." Annette removed her jacket with Hershel unneeded help. "Do you want some, pretty girl?"

"No. Umm, Dad, Mom, wait." She stepped of the stairs. "Amy and Paige are here. They're staying the night. Is that a problem? They don't have anywhere else to stay."

"That's perfectly okay." Annette smiled. "I'll tell Beth to make some for them too."

"Do we have enough?" Carol asked.

"I can run to the store if we don't," Maggie told them. "Besides, tonight's about celebratin', so no one's goin' without."

"Go and tell them." Annette set a hand on Carol's arm. "They're welcome to stay as long as they need to. Otis and Patricia have some business to attend to out of town, so we'll have that spare room for a day or two, and if they need to stay longer, we'll make it work."

"Thank you, Mom." Carol hugged her. "I'll be back down to help."

"Take your time." Annette smiled and went to help Beth.

Carol knew she meant more than just talking to Amy. She meant about everything.

"What happened to your hands?" Hershel gently took one of her hands.

"I burned them by accident. That fryer—it's a killer." She shrugged. "I'll be down soon." She returned to her room. "Hungry?"

"Starving," Sophia replied.

"Beth's making dinner now for all of us, and Mom says you and Paige can stay as long as you need." Amy nodded. "How do you like your steak?"

"Without a pile of guilt," she replied.

"Well done it is." Carol smirked.

Amy let out a small laugh. "Yes, well done. Same for Paige."

Carol told Beth how they like their steaks, helping her prepare them while Mom and Maggie began making a dessert that didn't need the oven since it was already packed with beef, and Sasha helped the broccoli when she and Shawn arrived, leaving Shawn and Hershel to set the table and bring up the extra from the basement for the kids.

Amy joined them, helping Shawn and Hershel, and Carol noticed Mom watching Amy, looking over her injures, and she wondered why she cared so much. She knew her mom and Dale were very close, so Mom cared deeply for Andrea and Amy, but it seemed to be more than that. What was it?

Once dinner was ready, Beth got the girls, and they sat down. Mom said a few words before they ate, and then everyone kept asking about the attack. Amy didn't seem to mind answering, but she left out the part about Paige stabbing Tomas. She didn't want them to know about her past and how she taught Paige how to protect herself just in case.

"Do you girls need more drink?" Beth asked as she went to grab some more rolls.

"Yes, please."

"All right." She grabbed the rolls and the bottle of lemon-lime soda, filling their glasses and setting the basket on the table.

"I have good news," Maggie announced, tucking her phone back into her pocket. "Tomas is getting a long sentence, and not just for the assault. They found almost three pounds of cocaine in his car. Rick made sure he didn't get off easy."

Amy nodded, looking over at Paige. There's still Andrew. "I should thank him."

"He's been tryin' put Tomas away for years now," Maggie told her. "I just wish you hadn't been attacked for it to be done."

She shrugged a shoulder. "It's done, and I'm all right, so is Paige."

"What do you do for a living, Amy?" Annette asked, mostly to change the subject.

"I teach. Sorta." She pushed a potato around her plate.

Mom didn't ask any more questions about Amy's job, they ate, listening to Maggie talk about her arrest today, and the way she had to tackle this guy was hilarious. As muscled as Maggie was, she still wasn't a giant in height, but the guy was. They could all imagine her tackling this man, and Maggie was determined to get this guy without her partner's help. And she did.

Beth rose. "All right, since I made dinner, I'm not washing dishes. I will cut the cheesecake though, and put on some coffee."

"I'll wash," Maggie offered. "After dessert, of course. Wanna dry, Amy?"

"Yeah. Here, let me help you collect the dishes." She picked up Paige's plate and Sophia's.

Carol helped collect the plates as Beth prepared coffee and Maggie cut up the cheesecake, giving the girls a slice first then Amy, Sasha and Annette and then everyone else. Carol was about to join them in the living room, but Shawn waved her over, and she walked over to him.

"What is it? You look...worried."

"I—I guess I am." He leaned against the wall. "Look, Sasha has a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning at seven, and I need you to come with us."

"Sha—"

"Please, Carol. Dr. S had to cancel last time 'cause of something happened to one of his other patients. I need you there. It's silly, but I would really appreciate if you came."

"Fine. At seven." She had to get Sophia tested anyway, and the sooner the better, right? "I expect a free breakfast."

"Thank you." He smiled. "By the way, you just agreed to stand by Sasha when I pass out or freak out while she's in labor." He walked away.

"A—What?" She went after him.

"I love you too."

She glared. "You asshole."

"Prove it."

"I'll need days."

He glared back. "You're evil."

"Prove it." She smirked.

"Well, I know I'm home." Annette crossed her arms. "Nothing changes between you two."

Carol smiled. "Nope."

––

Paige and Sophia were passed out on Sophia's bed, both of them sleep in the same position, clinging to their stuffed animals. Carol covered them up, kissing her daughter's forehead and running her fingers gently over Paige's wavy hair before sitting on her bed.

"If I were any more full, I'd have steak coming out of my pores." Amy flicked the light off to the bathroom. "That's a disturbing image."

"Yes, it is." Carol pushed her blanket back. "I guess you'll be sleeping alone tonight."

"For the first time in five years." Amy sat beside Carol. "Paige likes to sleep with me. My bed's more comfortable, supposedly. I think she just likes having me nearby. She wants to protect me. She's five, and she wants to protect me. She got that from her father."

"Merle doesn't know, does he?"

"No. I left him and that life behind a week or two before I knew I was pregnant." She crossed her legs. "I never told him I had a daughter, let alone that she was his."

"Why didn't you? He could've helped."

"Because I didn't want my past to affect Paige's future. Merle is a good guy...sometimes, but he's like a wild animal most of the time. I didn't want her to grow up in his world of drugs and police. She's so like him, and she's never even met him. Lord knows how she'd be if grew up with him."

"Merle's changed."

"Are you really trying to push me to Merle?"

"No, not push. Gently urge, maybe."

"Well, my answer is no. I've thought about it, but no." She scratched her arm.

"And your parents? Do they not know as well?"

"Oh, God, here it comes." She sighed. "No, my parents and Andrea haven't seen me in about six years. Dale, on the other hand...found me. Paige was about seven months old when Dale found me. I was taking her for a walk to get out of the apartment, and Dale was at the park. He'd been following me. Him and Shane, the human bloodhound."

Carol laughed.

"Anyway, he took me to lunch and saw I wasn't doing that great, so he—against my wishes—bought us beds, couches, chairs, nightstands and tables. He bought Paige an awesome crib, a highchair, stroller, carrier—everything she needed. I was so pissy with him, but he did it anyway."

"Why were you mad?"

"Because I thought he told my mom and dad about me and her, but... he hadn't. He respected my wish for my parents not to know. He sends me money every month, but I don't want his money or theirs. I can take care of Paige myself. I don't want the Horvath name stamped on her. It's a damn curse."

"What's her last name? Surely not Dixon."

"Harrison, like you. It was the only name I could think of when I changed my name two years ago. Besides, I got to keep my initials."

"Paige Harrison?"

"Paige Merrill Harrison."

"Ooh, so sneaky, Amy," Carol sarcastically told her.

"You do realize I smoked away a lot of my brain cells, right?" Amy teased.

"So, Horvath curse?"

"Right. Well, as you know my parents are wealthy entrepreneurs, Dale and Andrea are very successful Civil Rights attorneys, but you don't know that all of my grandparents followed that same path almost exactly. Everyone Horvath has been very successful and wealthy, and all of my life I've been pressured to follow in their footsteps. We're talking straight A's, honors and AP classes, scholarships out the yin yang, early graduations even."

"That must have been rough."

"It was. I stressed every single day, and I always came in second place with Andrea, and when I did come in first, it didn't matter anymore." She sighed deeply. "I don't want Paige to go through that. I want her to enjoy being a kid and being a teenager without them pressuring her to be perfect. She is perfect to me, and I won't have them tell her otherwise."

Carol nodded. "I understand, but... Don't they have a right to know their grandchild?"

Amy's jaw clenched. "They don't even have a right to know her name."

"Why?"

"Why? Why?! Are you kidding?" She lowered her voice as to not wake the girls. "They didn't even care enough about me to look for me after I left. I spent _two_ months starving and barely living while they expanded their business and increase annual net gross. My parents didn't give two shits about me. They let me disappear!"

"But you ran away."

"Yes, I did, but they didn't try to even find me." She tried to change to be the daughter she knew they wanted. She wanted to be just like Andrea: intelligent, witty, beautiful and able to do anything and everything. She wasn't Andrea. She was the screw up. She was the one who stood in the background while Andrea got praised. She was the one who they always said could do better, who they always threatened to take things away from, who they wish they never had. She was a mistake, and they would never forgive her for that. "Instead Merle found me, and even though I'm not proud of what we did, I am proud that we made Paige. She's the best of me and the best of him."

"It sounds like you're in love with him, Amy."

"It sounds like that, but I'm not. The only love I have room for in my life is Paige. Right now, I have to focus on taking care of her, so tomorrow I need to go to the bank and see if I can take out a loan. For that, I need to wake up early, so I'm going to bed."

"All right. Good night, Amy."

"Night." She kissed Paige's forehead. "Good night, baby."

Carol looked at her daughter. Tomorrow, Carol would know if her baby was a Dixon. God, she hoped and prayed Sophia wasn't a Peletier. At least Amy knew her baby was a Dixon. Hell even Shawn knew his baby was a Greene.

She groaned. Thanks to Shawn, she had to wake up early. Asshole. Cheating asshole, at that. She was glad she gave Shawn another chance.

– – –

"_What do you need me to do?" Sasha asked her mom, who had closed the shop for the entire day to work on inventory since Annette was in the hospital, and it was going to take some time. Sasha was on her way to the hospital after she stopped by to see if her mom needed help. She may not be happy with Shawn, but she respected Annette and cared for her. She was going to see if she needed anything._

"_Aside from talking to Shawn, not much." Jacqui wrote down how many straws they had. "Could you carry that box into the freezer for me? Ty will be here soon to help me with the heavy lifting, so that's all I need from you."_

"_Shawn?" Sasha crossed her arms, already pissed off. "Why the hell do you want me to talk to Shawn?"_

"_Because all he does is ask about you. Every morning it's "coffee, black, how's Sasha?"." She turned to her daughter. "I don't want to be the middle child with you two. I'm not getting involved, which he is making it hard to do."_

"_Then tell him to stop asking."_

"_Do you think that thought hasn't crossed my mind? I'm tempted to throw his damn coffee on his face just so I don't have to hear that question. I couldn't hurt him like that. He still loves you." She lowered the clipboard. "And you still wear the ring."_

_Her hand automatically went to the engagement ring hanging around her neck. It'd only been a few weeks, but she couldn't take it off. She didn't want to, but perhaps it was time. He stopped calling and texting, so perhaps it was time she stopped clinging to the past. She didn't know this Shawn anymore. She needed to stop acting like she did._

"_I have to drop by the hospital to see Annette." She carried the box into the freezer like her mom asked. "Is there anything you want me to bring her?"_

"_Yes. I left a bag on the counter."_

"_All right." She hugged her mom. "I'll see you later."_

"_Take care of yourself."_

"_I always do." She smiled. "Bye."_

"_Bye, baby."_

_She used her phone as a flashlight since the lights weren't turned on, and she spotted the bag. She picked it up and started to leave, and as she left, Shawn entered. She watched his face slowly lift into the happiest smile possible, and she guarded her eyes._

"_Sa—"_

_She walked right by him, not saying a word, not listening to him call after her. She got in her car and drove to the hospital. She felt the tears in her eyes, but she blinked hard to erase them. She wasn't going to do this again. She wasn't going to get upset. He was the one who cheated, so why did she feel so bad? Like there was something dying inside of her. God, it was worse than any bodily injury. _

_At the hospital, Sasha found Beth and Annette lying on the hospital bed, reading a child's novel and laughing. She knocked and smiled a hello. They returned it, Beth looked away for a moment, and Sasha knew Beth was still uncomfortable around her. She wasn't sure how to act, especially since Shawn was the one who cheated. Shawn was her big brother, but Sasha was her friend. She didn't want to hear Sasha say horrible things about him, because she loved him dearly, even if he was an ass._

"_Mom wanted me to bring you these." She set the bag on her bed. "Hey, Beth."_

"_Hey." Beth closed the book._

_Annette untied the bag and found a container was full of fried green tomatoes. She smiled. "How sweet."_

"_Tomatoes?" Sasha crossed her arms. "Mom rarely makes those, even when Ty and I beg."_

"_I like my tomatoes in salad only, thank you." Beth wrinkled her nose a little._

"_Have you even had one before?" Annette sat up. _

"_Daddy made them once, and they were nasty." _

"_Hershel also made cooked-on-the outside-raw-on-the-inside chicken breasts," Sasha pointed out. _

"_True." She looked them over. "May I have one?"_

"_Of course." She found napkins in the bag and set one on a napkin for her. _

"_Thanks." Beth took it and bit into it, chewing slowly. "Huh...they're really good."_

_Annette smiled. "Told you." She gestured for Sasha to sit. "Help yourself."_

"_Oh, no. She made them for you." She set her purse on the floor as she sat in the chair._

"_I said help yourself. Maggie's stopping by after she gets done at the gym, so whatever we don't eat, she will."_

"_How is Maggie? I heard she enrolled in the police academy." Sasha crossed her legs, taking one of the fried tomatoes. _

"_She's doing well."_

"_I heard Rick say she might be the youngest to make detective," Beth added. "She's still in trainin', and he said that."_

_Sasha smiled. "That's great."_

_They talked about Maggie and how Beth was doing in school, eating half of the tomatoes. Sasha missed talking to them. Since Shawn and she broke up, she stopped going to see them. If she ran into them at the store or any place like that, she'd talk to them for a bit, but she didn't go out of her way to find them. That was another shitty downside to that bastard cheating._

_Beth went to wash her hands and Annette closed the container while Sasha tossed the napkins into the trashcan. _

"_I know you've probably been asked this many times these past few weeks, but...how are you?"_

_Sasha faced her. "It's been...a long couple of weeks." She shrugged. "I don't really want to talk about it."_

"_I understand." She met Sasha's eyes. "I'm not telling you what to do or pushing you in any way, but Shawn is a good man. He made a bad decision, and I'm very disappointed with him, but he doesn't repeat bad decisions. I'm not telling you this as his mother; I'm telling you this as your friend."_

_She didn't look at Annette._

"_You're a strong young woman, capable of making your own choices, and I respect you and love you. I've known you since you were just a baby, so please let me say this."_

_She lifted her eyes. "What?"_

"_Don't let what he did cloud your opinion of him."_

"_How can you ask me to do that? I was loyal to him, and I respected and loved him deeply. He couldn't do the same. I'm not giving him a second chance when he couldn't respect me or our relationship enough to say no that night." Tears burned in the back of her eyes. "I can't have this argument with you. I just can't. Have a good night, Annette, and I do hope you feel better." She left the room, grabbing her purse on the way._

_Beth hurried after her. "Sasha, wait!"_

_She stopped, swallowing tears and turning. "What?"_

"_He's my brother, but I can't hate him for what he did. I'm pissed at him for cheating, and I understand that you have a right to be even more pissed at him, but don't...become distant. You're still a friend to all of us, and we love you, so please don't hate us for his mistake."_

"_I don't hate any of you." _

"_Then talk to me. Tell me what you're feeling, please. I can see you bottlin' it up, and that's not helpin' anybody."_

_She inhaled deeply. "I appreciate that, Beth, but...this is my problem. Please, have a good night." She turned on her heel and left the hospital. She set her purse in the passenger seat and dug her keys out of her pocket, cursing when they fell onto the floor. _

_She felt something under her seat, so she scooped it up along with her keys. She flicked the light on and saw it was the picture of her Shawn had taken when he decided to become a serious professional photographer. This was his first and best picture, he'd even written it on the back along with the date._

_Hot tears rolled down her cheeks as she looked at the picture. She loved him so much, even after he told her he'd slept with someone else. It cut her so deep that he had slept with someone, but she would never tell anyone, just like she never Shawn that he was the best thing that ever happened to her._

_**I need my girl**_

_Sasha packed up everything that belonged to Shawn and set it in the back of her closet. She would return it eventually, but for now she had to focus on more important things, because she didn't want to see Shawn. She wasn't sure what those important things were, but they were there._

_She sat down on her bed, looking at the pictures of nature that Shawn and she had hung along the wall to brighten up the her room and give it a more home-y feel. She was tempted to pull them down and throw them in the trash, but she decided to let them stay. She and Shawn had had some pretty good times, and she didn't want to forget them._

_Maybe she could balance her checkbook? _

_She flopped back and closed her eyes, trying her best to not remember those good times right now._

_**I am good, I am grounded**_

_**Davy says I look taller**_

_Sasha laughed for the first time in what felt like a long time, listening to Mike and Michonne and Terry argue. She was glad she decided to come and see them. After everything with Shawn, she needed some time away from her apartment. Every time she saw her bed, she saw Shawn and her looking over the many pictures he'd take of nature, trying to decide which was better. They always managed to get distract..._

"_Are you sure you don't want to stay the night?" Michonne asked. "We have room."_

"_No, I have to get home, but thank you for the offer." She hugged her. "Thank you for having me."_

"_You're more than welcome." She smiled. "You're family, stop by more often."_

"_I'll try. Kiss Andre good night for me." Michonne nodded, and she stepped back. "Bye."_

"_Bye."_

_She put her bag in the backseat and drove home. It was a long drive, but she didn't mind. There was nothing that reminded her of Shawn out here, and she felt good. She no longer felt like she was missing a torso. It'd been two months now, and she was feeling better about everything. She still missed him, but she was getting over him._

_**I can't get my head around it**_

_**I keep feeling smaller and smaller**_

_She adjusted her bag on her shoulder, the moon her only light as she walked over to her apartment, and she saw a bouquet of flowers resting on the steps. They were violets and fresh too. They hadn't been trampled on, hadn't been left out to rot, so they were recently placed there. She didn't have to look at the card to know they were for her from Shawn. She liked violets, after all._

_She picked them up and took them inside, setting them on the counter and tossing her bag into the bedroom. She grabbed a vase and filled it with water then removed the purple ribbon and set the flowers in the vase, smelling them briefly. Mmm. She tossed the unread card into the trash and tied the ribbon in a bow around the vase._

_She smiled to herself. There. They were beautiful, and she knew exactly what to do with them, where to place them. _

_**I need my girl**_

_**I need my girl **_

_Shawn visited his mom, smiling at her and giving her a hug. "I brought you something."_

"_Don't keep us in suspense," Maggie teased._

_Shawn set a book on his mom's lap, crouching down beside the bed. "Open it."_

_Annette smiled with delight as she opened the book and found pictures of her girls and Shawn filling its pages. She looked through it and saw them growing up in the pages, all the smiles both toothless and full of braces, all of the different styles and funny faces. It warmed her heart and brought a few tears to her eyes to see the last of picture of Carol and her grandson who was with God._

"_This way you can have all of us with you at all times," Shawn told her. "Do you like it?"_

_She nodded. "It's beautiful. I love it."_

"_That's so sweet." Maggie pointed to the one of her from fifth grade. "Oh, my God, what the hell am I wearin'? God, that needs to be burned. It doesn't even match."_

_Shawn laughed. "I thought that was one from Spirit Week. It wasn't?"_

"_No."_

"_That's awesome. I have blackmail."_

"_Not if I burn your computer." She frowned at the other picture. "Please tell me that is a wig and not my hair."_

"_It's not." Annette laughed at it lightly._

"_Why did I think that was cute?" She laughed at it. "Look at that. That's horrible. Why did Mom let me leave the house like that? Gosh."_

"_Maybe it was Halloween," Shawn offered._

"_I hope so." _

_**Remember when you lost your shit and drove the car into the garden**_

_**And you got out and said I'm sorry to the vines and no one saw it**_

_He removed his jacket and set it on the chair he about to sit in. He noticed flowers on the table and saw they were violets. He swallowed hard. He bought that vase on their first anniversary and filled it with Hershey kisses and violets, leaving a small box buried underneath all of that with a necklace inside. She was now more than willing to give away items he'd given her. Damn it._

_**I need my girl**_

_**I need my girl**_

"_So I told him, I may be short, but I can kick your ass."_

_Bob laughed, and she laughed a little herself. "What did he do?"_

"_He told me he couldn't hit a girl and left."_

"_Well, that's one way to do it." _

_They stopped out outside her apartment building, and she turned to faced him. They'd gone on two dates these past three days. She really enjoyed them, and Bob was great, but there was something missing. She wasn't sure what it was, but it made her not feel an attraction to him. It could be that her mother had set her up with Bob since it'd been three months since she'd been on a date. Sasha just didn't want to date. She found Bob friendly and smart, but that was about it._

"_Good night." He didn't try to kiss her, just smiled and continued down to his car._

_She smiled to herself and went inside._

_**I'm under the gun again**_

_**I know I was the forty-five percent of then **_

_It was her day off, and of course it was pouring down rain. She didn't mind. She had a book she'd been dying to read, but she'd been too busy to read it. Now she had time. Probably plenty of it since it kept raining._

_She set her cup of coffee down on the window seat, reading her favorite James Patterson novel. She grabbed a few cream-filled cookies and sat down, dunking them in the coffee and reading as rain poured down outside._

_She looked over at the bouquet of flowers on her counter. The beautifully arranged lilies and pink and white roses were in a white and blue stripped coffee mug-shaped vase, sent early yesterday morning from Bob. They had ran into each other at a bar, got a little too drunk and ended up at his place. She wasn't sure how she felt about it, but the flowers were lovely._

_She read for an hour, completely lost in the words, and then the sky flashed with lightening, and she glanced outside. She started to turn back to her book when she saw someone across the street. She lowered the book and zeroed in on Shawn Greene standing across the street, soaking wet, looking at her. She could tell he was shivering from the icy rain so he'd been out there for quite some time, but she wasn't going to let him in because he's decided to let his inner dumbass out. _

_She rolled her eyes and pulled the curtains over the window, moving to the couch. She couldn't focus on her book now, so she waited half an hour before going back over to the window and pulling the curtain back, seeing Shawn still out there, shaking as the rain came down harder._

"_You idiot," she muttered._

_**I know I was a lot of things**_

_**but I am good, I am grounded**_

_She picked up her phone and called him, the number etched into her memory, and she saw him pull his phone out his pocket, answering it with a stammered hello. "Why has no one called the police on you?"_

"_Beca—because they k—know I'm harm—harmless."_

_She shook her head. "You're so stupid. And creepy."_

_He laughed. "Th—thanks. I—I tr—try."_

_She sat down, watching him. "Go home. You're going to get sick."_

"_N—not a ch—chance."_

"_I'm not letting you in, so unless you want to impress my neighbor, keep it up. He might be on vacation with his boyfriend." She paused. "I was supposed to water his plants. Well, shit."_

"_P—please le—let me in."_

"_No." She averted her eyes. "Go home or I'm calling Ty then the cops." She hung up and closed the curtain._

_**Davy says that I look taller**_

_**I can't get my head around it**_

_**I keep feeling smaller and smaller**_

"_He's insane." Jacqui shook her head. "Sasha's as stubborn as they come."_

"_He's tryin'," Beth argued. "He loves her."_

"_She'll never admit that she still loves him, even though we can all see it."_

"_I feel so bad for them. It's been ten months, and as the housekeeper, I can tell you that Shawn's room is spotless from how much time he doesn't spend in there. It's depressin'."_

_Maggie saw Jacqui and Beth sharing an umbrella, and she saw they were watching Shawn watch Sasha. She crossed the street and stepped in front of them. "We said we wouldn't get involved. What the hell are you doin'?"_

"_We were just goin' for a walk," Beth protested. _

"_In the middle of a storm?" Maggie shook her head. "I'm only out 'cause I had to lock up the shop for Daddy. It's gettin' cold, and it's only gonna get colder. Get home, both of you creepers. I'll talk to Shawn."_

"_Fine." Beth handed Maggie her umbrella. "Your hood's drenched."_

"_I'll survive. Go."_

"_Here, take this to him." Jacqui held out a wrapped sandwich. "He's been here almost all day, and I came to bring him this."_

"_Okay." Maggie took it and walked over to Shawn. "Hey."_

"_Hi." He glanced at her. "Aw, my stal—stalkers are le—leaving."_

"_Shawn, you're a stalker right now."_

"_Yes, but I l—look harmless."_

"_You're freezin', so just go home and take a hot shower and come back tomorrow."_

"_No."_

"_Shawn, it's only gonna get worse out here! You need to come home before you get hurt. Physically hurt. Cars can easily slide off the road and hit you, dumbass! Do you really want Sasha to see you die?"_

_He met her eyes. "I need my girl."_

_She searched his eyes then groaned. "Fine, but I'm not givin' you this sandwich."_

_He smirked. "Thanks, s—sis."_

"_Dumbass." She held the sandwich out, but he shook his head, even when she persisted. She sighed. "Give it one more hour and come home, please."_

"_I—I'm not say—saying yes." _

_She groaned. "Fine. Be stupid and get sick." She turned on her heel and hurried back to her car._

_Sasha peeked out the window once more when the sounds of the storm got louder and sounded angrier, and there he was. She could see the street was empty, and she felt bad. She hated that he made her feel like shit, especially since she should make him feel like shit. How else she was supposed to feel? He was out in the pouring rain like a dumbass while she was warm and dry._

_**I need my girl**_

_**I need my girl**_

_She picked up her phone and called him. "Get your ass up here." Since he was willing to stand in the rain and watch her like a serial killer, the least she could do was hear what he wanted and offer him some coffee._

_She opened her door when he knocked, but held a bag out. "You'll have to strip."_

"_Ser—seriously?"_

"_Seriously, I don't want water dripped through my apartment."_

"_Fine." He removed his boots._

"_Down to your boxers." _

_He tugged his jacket, shirt and undershirt up and over his head, dropping them into the bag, and he unbuttoned his jeans, his fingers slipping twice on the zipper. He could feel Sasha watching him, her eyes lingering, and he dropped his jeans into the bag. "May I come in now before my ass ends up all over the Internet?" _

"_Well, it is a nice ass." She stepped aside, closing the door behind him. "I'll toss these into the dryer in a minute. Uh, here." She handed him a blanket and poured him a cup of coffee. "Oh, um there's a pair of jeans and a shirt in my bedroom that should fit you."_

"_Thank you."_

"_I just need your boxers." _

_He went to her room and yanked the shirt on, tossing his boxers into the bag before he pulled on the jeans. She left and he wrapped himself in the blanket, his entire body shaking, even with the clothes on. He picked up the cup and sat down on the couch, taking a drink. It warmed his dry throat and his hands. Nothing had changed in her apartment, but she did have a vase of flowers on the counter. He was too damn nosy to not go and read the card._

_He set the mug down on the coffee table and went over to them, reading the card that was resting on the counter outside the envelope. It was from Bob Stookey, his family's doctor since Charles Stookey retired a while ago. It was thanking Sasha for the evening. They went on a date. Bob took Sasha out on a date. He sincerely doubted Bob sent her his beautifully expensive-looking bouquet because she had a nice smile and a charming personality. Huh, he knew what to do the next time he saw Bob._

_Sasha returned, closing the door and locking it. "They'll be done soon and when they are, you can leave."_

"_And until then?" He picked up his coffee cup and drank from it._

"_I am sure you'll figure that out." She picked up her book and sat in the window seat, knees upraised._

_They sat in silence, Sasha reading and Shawn drinking coffee, but neither of them could focus on anything but the fact that the other was right there. Sasha pretended to read, trying desperately to concentrate on the words and the crime of the novel, but she just wasn't able to, and she could tell Shawn was having the same issue, even if he didn't have anything to truly focus on._

"_So—?" he said at the same time she asked, "Why—?"_

"_Oh, you first." He turned to face her._

"_Why were you waiting outside my apartment in the middle of a storm?" She closed the book and peered over at him._

"_Because I wanted to talk you. I wanted to tell you that I am so sorry, and that I love you ardently, and—" he stopped when she dropped her head and didn't look at him. He swallowed. "What?"_

"_Nothing." She set her feet on the floor. "You were saying?"_

"_I know you probably don't trust me and may never trust me again, but I can promise you that I will never cheat on you again, if you give me another. I swear to God, and I know that might not mean much, but when I swear to the man upstairs, I mean it." The ghost of a smile appeared on her lips. "Sasha, I miss you. I miss everything about you so damn much. I love you. I never stopped loving you...but I want you to be happy. If you don't want to hear me out or want me out of your life forever, tell me you don't love me, and I'm gone."_

"_I don't...know if I want you out of my life." She lifted her head. "What more can you possibly tell me to try and get me to change my mind? To get me to trust you?"_

"_I'll stop drinking entirely. I'll never visit any single female client in the middle of the night, married ones too—I'll do anything prove that I'm worth giving a second chance. Anything."_

_She shook her head. "No."_

"_Sasha, please." _

_She kept shaking her head, tears forming behind closed eyes. "No, Shawn." She felt his hands cover hers, and she pulled her hands free, opening her eyes to find him on his knees in front of her, his big blue eyes pleading. "I told you—"_

"_Please." His eyes were filling with tears. "I love you, and I will die proving myself to you."_

"_You said you would go, so go!"_

"_Tell me you don't love me, and I will."_

_She opened her eyes, tears falling. "I—don't."_

_He dropped his eyes, his hands falling slack to his side, and he nodded. "All right." He stood up, she exhaled shakily, and he started for the door._

"_I wasn't done." She stood up. "I don't want to love you, but God, I can't help it." She glared through her tears. "How can I love you? After what you did... God, I'm so angry at you! I hate you so much, but I love you so much at the same time!"_

_He met her eyes silently._

"_You went to that bitch and screwed her, even though you had me and you were engaged! Why? What about her made you want her more than me?"_

"_It wasn't about want! I never wanted her! What happened that night was a mixture of a strong ass drink and my idiocy. I'm a dumbass for ever accepting that drink and for not seeing what her real reason for calling me was."_

"_That's not good enough, Shawn! How can you expect me to take you back when all I see is her—everywhere—and I hate you for it!"_

"_H—"_

"_I have **never** been so insecure in my entire life," she interrupted him. "You want me to take you back, but for all I know, you're comparing me to her."_

"_Nobody compares to you," he shot back. "Least of all her!"_

"_How can I believe that?"_

"_You may not believe me, but from what I can remember that night, I know you were my one thought."_

"_Is that supposed to make me feel better? You're disgusting!"_

"_I'm bad with words! You know this! I shouldn't be able to talk, but somehow God allows it!" _

_She laughed. "You are such a dumbass."_

"_If I could go back to that night and undo it, I would. I would give anything to undo what I did, but I can't. All I can do now is try and prove to you that I love you and that you can trust me. I'm willing to deal with a short leash if that means we have a chance. Please, tell me we have a chance, because I can't live like this anymore. I see you all the time, and it's best-worst part of my day, because I know one of those times, there will be some other man beside you and then your children beside you. And I destroys me, because it's not me beside you, it's not our children."_

_She met his eyes._

"_I not only want you, Sasha Alexandria Douglas, I need you. I'll be honest about it: I'm pathetic and unmotivated and a mess without you. I love you with all that I am, and I can find a way to live without you, but God, I just really don't want to. A life without you is no life at all."_

"_Do you think you can win me over with a few of your dulcet words?" She was smiling, but only just a little._

"_You make me insane." He marched over to her and kissed her, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him back just as fiercely, opening her mouth to his. He could feel her entire body pressed against his, smell her scent all around him, and he knew he could spend his entire life with her like this and die happy. He pushed her against the wall, breaking the kiss to look into her deep brown eyes, and he smiled, kissing her gently. "God, I missed you._

"_I can tell." He chuckled, and she gripped his strong shoulders. "I'm not sure this is a good idea."_

"_We don't have to," he assured her. "We can take this slow."_

_She nodded. "And we will take it slow." She grasped the hairs at the base of his neck. "Tomorrow."_

"_You sure?"_

"_Yes."_

_He closed his head eyes, resting his forehead on hers. "Just so you know, you're the best I've ever had."_

_She smirked. "I know."_

_He snickered._

_There was a moment when they just looked at each other, and it was like their want hit them at all once, and those ten and a half months seemed to turn into years. He kissed her, lifting her up so that she could wrap her legs around his waist, keeping her pressed against the wall. He slipped his hands underneath her shirt. He'd forgotten how soft her skin was, how flawless it was, and he lifted her shirt up and off, leaving her in only a bra._

"_The couch," she said between kisses, wanting him now._

_He set her down on the couch gently, her hands went under his shirt, pushing it up his broad back, and he tossed it to the side, kissing her hungrily, cradling his head in his hand gently. He slid his hand up her torso, skimming his thumb over her nipple, softly, repeatedly, and she moaned against his lips, lifting her leg to wrap around his back._

_Her hand shifted from his shoulder to the button on his jeans, undoing it and pulling the zipper down, and she lifted her hips to his, brushing against him, watching as his lips parted in a strangled groan. She kissed the corner of his mouth down to his chest, tasting him, and she lifted her lips from his chest, shifting, with some difficulty as they were on the couch, to be on top._

_He grasped the band of her jeans and undid the button and zipper, slipping his hands inside her jeans, pushing them and her panties down and grasping her perfect ass, pulling her toward him. "You taking me—I wouldn't have it any other way."_

_She raised up so he could pull her jeans down the rest of the way and so that he could lift his hips to pull his jeans down. She sank down on top of him, watching as his head titled back and eyes closed, a restrained groan escaping his lips. She grasped his hands, lacing her fingers through his, moving oh-so slowly, reveling in his fullness, in her claiming him as hers—only hers. She was going to make sure he knew it was _her_ scent on him, it was only her who made him feel this way, and she was going to make him tremble...moan...and **ache**. And when he finally couldn't take it anymore, she was going do it all over again._

"_Sasha," he moaned in his throat._

––

_Waking up with such a ravenous hunger, they decided to order some takeout because all she had in her fridge were bottle of orange juice and flavored water. Sasha could only find the menu for a Chinese place. She called and ordered as he got dressed to pick up some wine and the food. She set the phone down on the nightstand beside her as he tied his shoes._

"_I should go shopping tomorrow." She shook her head. _

"_I'll do it. I have to pick up some...memory cards anyway." He grabbed the umbrella from underneath the dresser. "Or I can go with you."_

"_Okay."_

_He kissed her slowly, savoring the taste of her mouth, the feel of it. "I'll be back."_

"_Drive safely. You know where my keys are."_

_He left, and she got out of bed, grabbing a shirt and panties, pulling them on. She grabbed her phone and called her mom, sitting on the arm of the couch. She'd missed their dinner plans."Hey, Mom."_

"_What happened? We were supposed to have dinner together. That was four hours ago."_

"_I know. Something came up." _

"_What could've possibly come up that you prevented you from calling?"_

_She bit her bottom lip. "Umm, well—Shawn."_

"_Did you kill him?"_

"_No, we talked. We...talked for a long time, and I lost track of the hour. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you. I'll make you dinner."_

"_You just talked?"_

"_Uh-huh."_

"_For all four hours?"_

"_Sure."_

"_Is he still alive?"_

"_Yes, he's alive. He went out to get some food. Anyway, I just wanted to call and let you know that I'm okay. I know you worry."_

"_Well, thank you for calling." She paused. "And for ensuring I'll get grandchildren before I'm dead."_

"_Yeah, I'm hanging up now. Good night."_

"_Good night."_

"_I love you."_

"_I love you too. Bye."_

"_Bye." She hung up, tossing the phone onto the couch and going over to the window, peering out. It was pitch-black, and the rain had only lightened. She listened the rain until Shawn came back, and she opened the door for him. He handed her the bag with the wine bottles and hung his coat up over the shower rod to drip into the tub below._

"_I'll open the wine. You can make the plates." She dug through the junk drawer, trying to find the corkscrew, and his hands gripped her hips, his lips brushing against her cheek. "I don't know about you, but I like that my kitchen is the one place we haven't had sex in my apartment."_

_He chuckled. "That's not what I'm after." He hugged her tightly. "I just wanted to hold you." He kissed her neck. "I love you, Sasha."_

"_I love you too." _

_He released her. "So, egg rolls first?"_

"_Yes, I'm starving."_

"_Here they are." He set the bag on the counter after sticking on in his mouth, eating one as he reached up behind her and pulled down plates. He divvied up the food, she filled two glasses with wine and grabbed spoons. _

"_Here, try this." She pulled the rest of the egg roll out of his mouth and held out a spoon. "You haven't had it before."_

_He ate it. "That's freaking awesome, and you took all of it."_

_She laughed. "I'm sharing, aren't I?"_

"_Good. Can I have my egg roll back?"_

"_Nope." She ate the rest of it. _

"_I'll remember that." He took a drink of wine and carried his plate over to the couch, sitting down, and she followed. He began to tell her about the newborn calf as they ate, and it was all so natural, as if these past ten months hadn't happened, as if that horrid night never happened, but God did he miss her laugh. He could hear that sound every day and never be annoyed by it._

– – –

Sasha held Shawn's hand as Lilly showed him what Sasha had been shown by some older woman at her last appointment. Carol was behind him, smiling, and really excited for him, and Lilly's face began to shift with confusion. Carol felt worried spike in the pit of her stomach.

Shawn noticed it too. "What is it? Is something wrong with the baby?"

"Hold on." She studied the screen, moving lower on Sasha's belly, and she let out a small scoff. "We need to have Glinda get her eyes checked." She turned to them. "I have news. You're not have a baby."

"What?" Shawn was confused.

"I beg to differ," Sasha added.

"You're having bab_ies_; twins."

"Twins?" Sasha repeated. "Twins?!"

"Yeah. See this? It's your second baby." She smiled. "She's healthy too."

"She?" Shawn paled.

"Uh-huh." She gestured to the other baby. "And this one is a boy."

"Aw, you're growing a penis," Carol told Sasha. "How does it feel?"

"Amazing." She turned to Lilly. "Twins? How in the hell was I not informed of this? Do you know how likely it is that Shawn will pass out?"

Lilly looked at him. "He's not blinking."

"Shawn?" Carol shook him. "Shawn?"

"I—I—I um, need air." He stood up. "I'll be—Air." He walked out.

"This is why I'm here." Carol took his seat. "Continue."

"Should I check on him?" Lilly asked.

"He'll be fine."

"Yes, he'll be fine. Meanwhile I'm carrying a litter, and my husband has abandoned me. It's very comforting." Sasha shook her head. "I'll have to glue his shoes to the delivery room floor."

Carol laughed. "I'll help."

She smiled. "I'll buy the glue, and you make sure it sticks."

"I'm sure Shawn will be..." Lilly dropped off. "May I suggest gorilla glue?"

After the appointment, they went to the Greene Leaf to tell Jacqui the news and have a cup of tea before going to lunch since it was too late for breakfast while Shawn tried to figure out which one of them was responsible for putting twins on the table.

"Shawn," Carol stopped him, "it's your fault. Twins run in our family."

"Son of a bitch." He sighed. "I'll get the tea."

"Just for Sasha, please. I have plans that I'm late for. I'll see you later." Carol watched Sasha and Shawn tell Jacqui the news, and she smiled. She might be seeing something like that soon herself. She checked her watch and cursed. Daryl was going to be pissed, if he even remembered.

She hurried to her car that she'd left here before they went to the doctor's, and she drove home. She texted Daryl from Maggie's phone to meet her there. She hoped he was over his jealousy, or he wasn't going to find out at all. She would keep Sophia away from him and call it a day. She was already keeping Sophia from one possible father.

– – –

"_I'm dying," Carol groaned from the bathroom at Karen's house that her boyfriend's father had bought for Karen and him to live in while in college. It still had some touching up to do, so she was staying in the dorm for now. Carol thought it was great from the two seconds she saw of it. She'd gotten so sick off of last night's dinner, and it hit her just as they walked in._

"_Well, you have no fever." Karen stood outside the bathroom door. "Are you sure you got sick off of dinner last night? We both had chicken, and I feel fine."_

"_I had baked, you had grilled." She lifted her head from the floor. "I think my insides came out. I swear, I saw my kidney."_

"_I am not fishing it out for you."_

_She groaned._

"_Have you considered that...maybe...you're expecting."_

"_Pregnant?" Carol sat up. "No! No, I am not pregnant!" She felt her stomach wake with the raising of her voice, and she hurried to lean over as she heaved._

"_Oof. That's disgusting." She dropped beside Carol, rubbing the small of her back. "Just breathe."_

_She coughed, reaching up with a shaky hand and flushing. "Oh, God." She inhaled deeply, taking a calming breath. "I think I'm done."_

"_C'mon, brush your teeth." She helped her to her feet. "Use one of the new ones in the drawer. I'll be in the kitchen." She let Carol be._

_Scrubbing her teeth, Carol began to think back. She hadn't gotten her period yet, but it was just late. It was either coming tomorrow or the day after. It was that pricy chicken, she knew it was. It tasted funky anyhow. She wasn't pregnant. After all since she'd been here, she hadn't been with... Oh, God._

_She walked out to the kitchen. "Today's the twenty-fifth, isn't it?"_

"_Twenty-sixth." Karen filled a glass with orange juice._

"_Oh, no." She wiped her mouth on her sleeve. "Oh, my God. I'm **beyond** late, Karen."_

"_There's a drug store twenty minutes away. I'll be right back." She grabbed her keys. "Breathe."_

"_I'm trying."_

"_Twenty minutes."_

"_Hurry, please." She wasn't breathing. She was freaking out. She might be pregnant. What the hell was she going to do if she was pregnant? Swaddle the kid while taking notes? Yeah, her professors will love that. God, and the father... "Oh, shit."_

_Who was the father? Who the hell was the father? She'd only been with Ed once, and that was the second week here, so... No, but Daryl. She slept with Daryl before that. Had she been so determined to let it end peacefully that she didn't think about protection? No. They used condoms. She knew they had. They had to have, not that it mattered since they used one for Ethan too. _

_She whimpered and went to the bathroom to rinse her mouth out. She only started to feel really crummy a couple days after she had sex with Ed. Oh, God. She was pregnant by Ed. How did this happen? That whole night was just a blur in her mind right now. She remembered him taking her back to his place, and they were talking and then he kissed her. It was sweet and gentle, and they ended it in his bedroom. Was there protection involved? She hadn't taken any birth control with her when she left Georgia, so if they didn't use a condom, Ed was the father._

_She shook her head. She didn't know if she was pregnant. She didn't know. It could be a late period. She's had one of those before. It was nothing, just nothing. She wasn't pregnant. She couldn't be._

_Karen returned to find Carol in a ball on the floor of the bathroom with wide eyes. "I'm back."_

"_I'm panicked."_

"_Hey, it's all right, Carol. It's all right. If you're pregnant, I'm here. I'll help take care of the baby, okay? I mean, how hard can it be...? I'll ask Milton, and as he can't say no to me, he'll help. We'll get through this, okay? If Ed doesn't want anything to do with the baby, I'm here. We'll figure this out."_

"_I can't ask you do that."_

"_Well, you're not blinking, and it's scaring me."_

"_I have to pee, so go."_

_She handed her the bag. "I'll make breakfast." She pulled the door closed and went to the kitchen._

_Carol opened the bag, pulling out the box, and she pushed herself up. She almost didn't want to pee on the stick to see if her life was going to change. What if this baby didn't make it as well? What if she lost this baby sooner than she lost Ethan? She couldn't handle that. She wouldn't be able to live knowing any life she created died inside of her. It would be too cruel. _

"_God, please," Carol prayed before opening the box, "if I am pregnant, please let my baby be alive. Let him or her be healthy and alive. Please, Lord. Please."_

_With shaky hands, she opened the box and pulled out the pregnancy test, swallowing tears at how this one little stick could tell her her life was going to change with one little yes._

––

_Karen watched Carol scoot the eggs around on her plate around with her fork, the bacon and toast untouched along with the mint tea. Karen had cooked while Carol peed, and she was eating and Carol waited for the results. It'd been ten minutes, but she hadn't moved an inch. _

_Karen set her fork down and went over to the other end of the counter. "It's now or never."_

_Carol dropped her fork and nodded._

_She read the test and sighed softly. "You are... not pregnant."_

_Carol looked at her. "I'm not pregnant?"_

"_Nope."_

_Carol didn't feel as relieved as she thought she would. She wanted a child, even if the timing wasn't perfect. She wasn't pregnant, just sick as usual. Where was the relief?_

"_Carol?"_

"_It's nothing. Ugh. Why am I so upset over something I didn't even have?" She shook her head. "It's negative..."_

"_No."_

"_What?" She walked over to her and looked at the test. "Oh." She ran a hand over her mouth, her hand shaking, and the shake began to spread throughout her entire body. She set her hand on her stomach and let out a small laugh, sniffing. "I'm pregnant."_

"_Yep. I'll call my doctor and schedule an appointment, see how far along you are." _

"_You're too good to me."_

"_Well, I expect you to do all of my homework."_

_Carol laughed. "Okay, deal."_

_Karen bit her bottom lip. "What are you going to tell Ed?"_

_She swallowed. That he **might** be the father? _

"_You've been sick since that night at his place, so if you were pregnant, I can understand the pillow thing."_

"_What do I tell Ed? We had sex once my second week at school, and I haven't seen much of him since. He's busy with classes, but he still finds time to see me every now and then. How do I tell him I'm possibly five weeks pregnant with his child?"_

"_Slowly."_

_She buried her face in her hands. "God help me."_


	18. All You Leave Behind

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

––

Carol entered the house, finding her dad, Daryl and Mom sitting on the stairs with worry on their faces. She felt her heart sink as she saw Amy pacing the second floor with enough tension to burn holes in the floor.

"What?" She set her purse on the table beside her. "What's happened?"

"Sophia's gone." Mom shook her head. "Paige too. We can't find them, and there's no notes."

"G—gone?" Carol stopped breathing. "Gone?! How can she just be gone?"

"We tried calling Maggie, but you have her phone," Hershel told her. "We tried calling Beth, but her phone's off. We were hoping you'd taken them with you this morning."

"Gone?" Carol repeated. "How can she just be gone? She was sleeping when I left and all of you were right there, so you tell me how she can just be gone!"

Annette hugged her. "Shh, we'll find her. It's all right. They couldn't have gone far."

Carol was shaking. "I have to find her. How long have they been gone?"

"About four hours. Daryl went upstairs to check on them and they were gone," Hershel explained. "We went to Shawn's house, to the Greene Leaf, and we tried calling you, but you turned the phone off."

"Four hours?" Her voice was soft, but high. "And no one noticed?"

"We thought they were sleeping."

"And Mag was out of bed when you went to check? Beth as well?" She looked between them, her eyes burning, and she pulled out of her mom's arms. "Maybe she left me a note. I'd know what to look for." She hurried upstairs, listening to Amy going off on somebody, and she went to her room. She tore it apart, looking for a note, looking for any signs of them leaving, but there were none. She had called the preschool to let them know Sophia wasn't coming in today, and they understood. Her family knew Sophia wasn't going to school today, so where was her baby?

Daryl hovered in the doorway, trying to find words, but he couldn't. He decided to say what he felt, "I didn't find nothing. I looked real hard, but there ain't nothing here."

"There may still be something here that you missed," she presisted.

"Mommy?"

"Paige!" Amy cried.

"Sophia?" Carol ran out of the room, seeing the girls at the bottom of the stairs with balloons and bags of multi-colored cotton candy, and Carol swept Sophia up in her arms. "Oh, thank God."

"What's wrong?" Paige frowned at how tightly her mom held her.

Beth closed the door behind her, pushing her sunglass up and frowning at the tears and worried faces. "What is it?"

"Where the hell did you take my daughter?" Amy growled. "And why?"

"I—I took the girls to the zoo." She looked at Carol. "You were gone, but they were up and hyper, so I took them out. I figured you both would want to be there if they went horseback riding, so...they chose the zoo."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Amy demanded. "She is _my_ daughter! You can't just "take her out"! Do you know who's out there?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't want them to wake the house or break anythin'."

Carol kissed Sophia's head and set her down. "Mom, could you take the girls outside, please? We need a moment to talk."

"Sure." She took one of their hands and led them out the front door, asking about their day.

"What is wrong with you?" Amy was so upset. "Did you not see that I was attacked just last night?" She emphasized her injuries with her hand. "Did you not know that there are people who want to hurt me? Hurt my daughter?"

Beth lowered her eyes, silent.

"You should've asked me, Beth! God, we were friends in high school, but things have changed! You ask me before you take my child anywhere!"

"Amy, now calm down." Hershel set a hand on her shoulder. "Paige is all right. She had a fun day at the zoo."

"Yes, but I didn't know that for the four longest hours of my life." She took deep breath to calm herself, pushing all of the scenarios out of her mind. She was so glad that they were all false. Thank God they were all right.

"I'm so sorry for scaring you, Amy. I just thought they'd like to have fun after what happened yesterday."

"It's all right." She set a hand on her stomach, her heart returning to its pace. "I'm sorry I yelled. I'm sure you can understand how I felt. Just please ask me first."

"I will."

"I'm going to go check on them. Paige's never been to the zoo." She went outside to find them.

"I'm sorry, Carol." Beth stepped toward her. "You know I would never let anyone hurt Sophia or Paige."

"I know." She rubbed her arms. "I'm not...mad, honestly, but you have to ask. You're her aunt, and you can spend as much time with her as you want, but Paige is Amy's daughter, and after what happened yesterday with Tomas... You'll understand when you have kids of your own, sweetie."

"Sure, I will."

"Don't be rude, Beth," Hershel scolded.

"I'm rude?" She scoffed. "I took two scared little girls to the zoo to see the animals and have a good time, but I'm the bag guy? They had fun! They laughed and forgot about what happened at Amy's for hours! They were just kids, lookin' at animals and takin' pictures and makin' jokes! How was that wrong? No, tell me how it was wrong, because all I know is they wore the biggest smiles today."

"You took her daughter and mine without permission."

"I was only going to keep them for an hour, maybe two, but I didn't want to see their fun end. I keep an eye on them, and I didn't let anyone near them."

"How would you like it if I took your daughter out for hours and didn't tell you the day after a man attacked you in your home?"

"I don't know. Ask me when I have a child. Don't hold your breath."

Carol grabbed Beth's wrist when she tried to walk away. "What the hell does that mean?"

"Are you stupid now? It means you'll die before I have a child."

"You love kids. Why would..." she cut off. "You can't have kids?"

"No, I can't. Are you happy now?" She jerked her wrist free. "You get a beautiful little girl, a college education and Daryl who is still so desperately in love with you that he won't even look at another woman, even though it kills him to be around you, and you know it. And now you've dragged the darkest secret I have out of me. Is there anything you don't get?" She went to her room.

Carol looked at her dad. "Should I...?"

"No. I'll talk to her." He followed Beth's path up the stairs and to her bedroom.

She had no idea Beth couldn't have children or that Beth secretly hated her. She needed to talk to her once she'd calmed down. Dad would calm her down, and Carol would seek her out later. Until then she and Daryl and Sophia had unfinished business. She just hoped what Beth just said about his feelings towards her didn't come back up, because she wasn't ready for that talk. She wasn't even ready to tell him about Ed, but she had to tell him. She needed to be able to say "Fire" and have him know it meant it burn down this life and take Sophia somewhere safe. She had to keep Sophia safe, no matter what. And if Daryl was her father, it gave him more reach to strike the match.

"Let's go find Mom and the girls." She held the door open for him.

"Carol, wait."

"Hmm?"

"I... What...er, I said last night..."

"You were upset, I know. Don't worry about it."

His eyes fell to her hands. "Merle told me."

"I'll heal. We can talk more about this later. Right now, we have to find Sophia." She looked over the farm. "I bet Mom took them to the stable. Sophia and Paige both love the horses. Let's try there first."

He slowly nodded and fell into step with her as they headed to the stable to see if that's where Annette, Amy and the girls were. They found them petting the horses, Annette was saddling one of them, and Amy was talking to Paige, smiling and looking over the items Beth had bought her.

"Mommy." Sophia ran over to them. "Can we go horseback riding too? Grandma said I had to ask."

"Of course we can horseback riding." She bent down, tucking hair behind her ear. "We'll do it before lunch, maybe have a picnic down at the dock, just the two of us. Or the four of us."

She frowned. "We can't go now?"

"No, we have to go into town for a little bit today. I think it's been put off enough." She took Sophia's hands. "On the way, you can tell me about the animals and the zoo, possibility share some of that cotton candy."

Sophia giggled. "Okay."

"Okay." She rose. "Go with Daryl, I'll be right there." She waited for them to leave the stable before she walked over to Amy and Paige. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah." She watched Annette and Paige for a moment. "I just panicked. I just—I don't know that Andrew won't come after her. Once Tomas thinks something's his, he's determined to keep it, even if that means killing it just so no one else will have it."

"It sounds like you know Tomas more than you'd like to."

"He thought he owned me after we slept together, but I proved I wasn't property, and he didn't like that. He sent asshole after asshole to make Merle pay for our relationship and to possibly impress me, but once was more than enough for me. It was worst thirteen seconds of my life."

Carol snorted.

"Looks like she's ready to go." She stepped toward Annette and Paige. "I'll see you tonight."

"Yeah." She walked backward then turned and joined Sophia and Daryl in this truck. She climbed inside, pulling the door closed and making sure Sophia was strapped in before Daryl pulled out. She listened to Sophia tell her about the zoo, and Carol could tell that Beth had done a lot to ensure they had a good time. She felt really sad for Beth. She was such a great person with many talents and charms, and that ended with her. What Carol wouldn't give for Beth to have able to have children of her own.

––

"You said town!" Sophia protested. "Not hospital!"

"I know, but we're just here to do a test." Carol struggled.

"No! I hate needles!" She gripped the seat even tighter.

"Daryl, help!" She pulled on Sophia's waist, but she didn't want to hurt her, so she was just holding Sophia, really.

He reached over and tickled Sophia in the same spot he used to tickle Carol, and she squirmed, giggling, and Carol pulled her out of the car. "There." He smirked at Sophia's glare. "It ain't gonna hurt."

"I hate needles," she grumbled.

"It's just cotton, I promise." She closed the door with her hip and followed Daryl inside. She passed Sophia off to Daryl, who wasn't that clumsy with her much to Carol's surprise, and she spoke to Lilly briefly. She waved Daryl over as Lilly left. "She'll be back in a minute."

They took a seat, Sophia sat in between them, no longer glaring as she watched TV; Carol ran her fingers through her hair, her heart racing in her chest at the thought of Sophia's true father, and Daryl chewed his bottom lip, trying his best not to really think about the possibility that Sophia might not be his. After that night...how could she not be his? Then again he really didn't want to think about Ed touching Carol in anyway. It made his blood boil at the thought of another man touching Carol.

– – –

_Daryl came home to find Carol cooking for the first time in a long time_—_even though she'd been doing better and going to classes and even talking to him, she still ordered out almost every night. She said she was going to cook his favorite dinner as congratulations, and she meant it. It was the best kind of surprise. He was so happy to see her feeling better. She looked like her old self, just a little lost._

_She turned around, offering him the smallest of smiles. She was working on something at the same time as cooking. Possibly work. He didn't want to ask, because he didn't to distract her. He just went upstairs and washed up, changing into clean clothes._

_She called him for dinner, and they sat down. It was so strange. She kept trying to make conversation, but the topics didn't last very long. He even tried talking, but he doubted she wanted to hear about cars and angry customers. She was trying, and so was he, but it was the first time in many, **many** months they'd eaten together. Normally, Carol would eat upstairs or she'd eat before he came home. Sometimes she wouldn't eat at all, and he worried, but he knew he didn't have to worry for much longer. Well not as much._

_Carol had done her hair, even put on makeup, and he could smell her perfume from here. It was barely noticeable, but it was there. She wore a dark red top with a black skirt that, when her legs were crossed, showed her thighs. She'd gone through a lot of trouble for tonight, especially since she was busy with work and paying off school fees. She had done all of this for him when she didn't have to, when they had a really great party at T's. She wanted to congratulate him privately, just the two of them. It brought a small smile to his lips. Annette was right. Everything was going to be all right. _

_He set the plates in the sink, helping her put the leftovers away, and she thanked him. He saw something behind her eyes, but he couldn't quite figure out what it was. He searched those illuminating blue oceans for a long time, and she didn't look away, even when he could see she wanted to. "Uh, sorry." He averted his eyes. "I gotta get up early tomorrow, get some parts, so I'm gonna go to bed. Dinner was real good. Thank you, I really appreciate that you did this." He leaned down and tentatively placed a kiss to her cheek._

_She cupped the back of his neck with her hand and pulled him closer, turning her head so that her lips touched his, and he tensed for a moment, very stunned. She pushed up on the tips of her toes, wrapping her arms around his neck, her mouth molding to his, her tongue and lips coaxing his mouth open, and he gripped her hips, longing for her touch._

"_Touch me," she said, as if reading his mind. "Please." She could sense he was holding back, because he was afraid he might hurt her or scare her or something like that. She didn't want him to hold back. She wanted him to let it all go and just be with her tonight. She didn't want to think about the past or the future, just right then and there in his strong arms, caught in his loving gaze._

_His hands were under her shirt, very hesitant, and she shifted her hand to one of his, guiding it up her torso to her breast. He sucked in a sharp breath to discover she wore no bra, and he lifted her up, her legs wrapping around his thighs, her hands in his hair. He could feel her need, and it matched his own. He wanted her so much, but he didn't want to rush her. He didn't want to make her cry or feel cornered. He wanted to show her he loved her and was here for her, but slowly._

_She slid down so that her feet were back on the floor, and she unbuttoned his shirt, pushing it off his shoulders. She met his eyes, smiled at him and kissed him, her arms around his neck._

_**Can you leave a light on for me**_

_**The spaces solidify**_

_She moaned softly, tossing her head back, the feel of him inside of her was overwhelming. She was trying to be calm and just let him find his release and let him be with her one last time, but it was so hard. She was lost in her thoughts, and she couldn't find her way out. She just wanted this feeling to stop. She had no words to describe this feeling that had been building up inside her since last night, but she wanted it to stop._

"_Daryl," she moaned._

_**Sleeping with your eyes wide open**_

_**As black as the darkest sky**_

_She stared at nothing in particular in the darkness that covered the room, Daryl was sleeping behind her, his body warm against hers, but she felt so ice cold. She had reveled in that moment—making love to him for hours, taking in his scent, holding his hand, stroking his hair and planting light kisses to his forehead and his lips—because it was the last moment like this they would ever have. _

_Daryl shifted behind her, his hand slipping down her hip, his forehead resting against her back, and she read the time on the alarm clock and slowly sat up. Glancing back at him to make sure he was out cold, she gently moved his arm from her hip and setting it on the bed. She grabbed the bra and panties she'd hid earlier that day out from under the bed, slipping them on. She looked over her shoulder at him as she lingered in the doorway._

"_I love you."_

_**Can you feel the whole world shaking**_

_**Running but your lungs are aching**_

_She tiptoed down the stairs, grabbing the t-shirt and jeans from the laundry basket on the chair, slipping into them and shoving her feet into nearby tennis shoes. She tugged a hood down over the t-shirt, knowing she'd need it to cover her tear-stained face when she got on the bus. She slid the door to the island back where she had put all of their pots and pans, gently pulling her duffel bag out. _

_Okay, time to leave the junk behind. She set her car keys on the counter along with her cell phone and the divorce papers, her hands shaky as she silently sobbed._

_Just go. He doesn't need you here. Just go, Carol. Let him be free._

_**Can you feel the whole world shaking**_

_**I'm breaking **_

_**Inside**_

_She closed the front door, grateful that T-dog had gone out of his way to stop the creaking noise it made whenever anyone opened it, gasping loudly. She covered her mouth with her hand, hurrying down the driveway. She grabbed her suitcase from her car, locking the door manually and closing the door soundlessly. She waited for the taxi she'd called earlier that day to come and take her to the bus station, trying to stop the pain, but it was like fire, burning hot and rapid, consuming everything in its path. She wouldn't have anything left when this was over._

_She had to be brave. She had to be. Daryl was starting to make something really great of himself, and he would only do that if she wasn't there. He felt the need to hold her hand as she found her way back, and she couldn't drag him down. She refused to let him sink with her. He was a good man in a storm, but...she wasn't going to let him do that for her. She had to find her own way back, and she couldn't do that here._

_She wiped her eyes with her sleeve, her shoulders shaking as she gasped in breaths, but the tears wouldn't wipe away. She was crying from the very depths of her soul._

_**Don't believe the lies**_

_**Your echoing heartbeat, echoing heart beats keeps your time **_

_She set her suitcase in the seat beside her, telling the driver where to take her, and she kept her eyes out the window. She ran her fingertips over the locket Daryl had given her, and she closed her eyes tightly, the tears forming once again, and she pulled her hood up, stifling her sobs with her hand. She wasn't sure if she'd ever recover from this, but she had to try and let Daryl have the very best of everything. He would find happiness again. He would._

_She was pretty sure she wouldn't. Daryl was her everything, and she didn't want anyone to take that place in her heart. She would keep him close in her memories, but that was all. She wasn't coming back. She couldn't do that to him. Leave one night and only to come back some many years later. No, she wasn't going to do that. She couldn't hurt him anymore than she already had, so she would let him heal and pray every day he found happiness. He deserved that._

_**It's crashing lately, your echoing heartbeat, echoing heart beats**_

_**Is all you leave behind, all you leave behind**_

_She found a seat in the back of the bus after putting her suitcase and duffel bag away, pulling legs in and hugging herself tightly. She buried her nose in Daryl's hoodie, the scent comforting her, and she sniffled._

_The bus pulled out, and she smiled to herself, silvery tears shimmer in her eyes. This all started with a bus, and that's how it ended too._

_**Is all you leave behind, all you leave behind **_

– – –

Carol watched Lilly swab the inside of Sophia's cheek, grateful that Lilly had done Daryl's in the lobby so Sophia didn't see. She wasn't quite ready to explain why they were getting their cheeks swabbed. She was going to do what Daryl had suggested: say it was for a genetic disease. When she was older, possibly ten or maybe twelve, Carol would tell her what happened. She just hoped Daryl was the father, because she didn't want Ed's sickness to grow inside Sophia's soul.

Sophia ran her tongue over the inside of her cheek. "What now?"

"We wait." She stood up. "Let's go meet Daryl in the lobby."

Sophia clasped her mom's hand. "Why is Daryl here?"

"He drove us."

"Well, yeah, but why? You have a car."

"Daryl's a friend. Besides, I thought you liked Daryl."

"I do." She pursed her lips. "Is he with you?"

"He's with us both." She saw Daryl getting something to drink, and she walked over to him.

"Are you with him?" Sophia asked again. "Like the people in the stories you read to me?"

"What did Shawn tell you about Daryl?" She bent down.

"Not much." She met her mom's eyes. "Is he my dad?"

"Sophia, why do you think he's your dad?"

"Because... look here." She rolled her sleeve up and showed Carol her birthmark that rested on her forearm. "He has one like this too."

"So do I." Carol held her hand up, the back of her hand facing Sophia, to show her the birthmark.

She rolled her eyes. "In the same place, Mommy."

Carol sighed. "Just give me a ten minutes, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'll tell you when ten minutes have passed." She picked her up. "Well, she has my brain, for sure. She's figured us out."

Daryl paused in offering her a can of soda. "She knows?"

"Are you my dad?" Sophia asked.

"I said ten minutes," Carol told her. "I know you can't tell time, but it's barely been one minute."

She sighed.

Daryl looked at Sophia. "I hope so."

Carol's eyes flickered to his. "Me too."

Sophia looked from her mom to Daryl. "Do you love him too?"

"Sophia." Carol groaned. "Stop, please."

She laughed as her mom blushed, burying her face in her daughter's hair.

They returned to the lobby, Daryl handed Carol the grape soda, and she drank half of it, letting Sophia have the other half, and they waited, watching some crime show. Sophia swung her legs since her feet didn't touch the floor, and she noticed her mom peeking at Daryl then Daryl peeking at her mom. She didn't mind sharing her mommy, just as long as Daryl kept making her mommy happy.

She slid off the chair and threw the empty soda can away.

"Nervous?" Carol saw Daryl about to chew his bottom lip off.

"Tsk, yeah." He released his lip. "You've been a mom since she was born, and any minute, I could be a...dad."

"You've always been a father," Carol reminded him. "Ethan just is in our hearts and our minds."

He frowned. "What?" She wouldn't even say his name before and now she's talking about Ethan like he's there with them. What the hell happened to make her say that?

"Never mind." She blushed, embarrassed for saying that. She accepted Ethan's death. She'd faced it when she went to see Daryl, and after talking to Sophia and visiting to his grave...she was beginning to understand it all now. "Dr. Subramanian." Carol stood up as did Daryl. "Do you have the results?"

"Yes, I do." He glanced between them. "You seem terrified."

"Just...tell us." Carol crossed her arms, glancing over at Sophia, who stood by the trash, watching.

"But this is the fun part." He smirked as Daryl and Carol tensed. He opened the file, looking it over with agonizing slowness. "Well, it's a girl, but you know that. Now, is Daryl the father? That you do not know."

"Caleb, don't be an ass." Lilly took the file and looked it over, exhaling a sound that was astonished. "Well, Daryl, I have two words for you."

He swallowed hard.

"Congratulations, Dad."

"What?" Carol and Daryl both breathlessly exclaimed.

Lilly almost jumped back. "Daryl's the father. It's a perfect match."

"Holy shit." Carol pushed her hair back, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders.

"Do you need some water?" Caleb held out a bottle of water. "A chair, perhaps? You look faint."

"Do you need to sit down?" Lilly asked, agreeing that Carol was looking quite pale.

"No, I'm okay." She slowly smiled. "Daryl's her father?"

"Yes." Lilly crossed her arms. "He's the dad, you're the mom. Do you want me go into detail on how that happened?"

"No," Carol and Daryl groaned in unison.

"Good. Our job is done here. Let's go. They have talking to do." She handed the file to him, and they left.

Carol turned to Daryl. "Are you hungry?"

For the first time, no, Daryl wasn't hungry. He was a father. He had a little girl who was adorable and happy and healthy. He had a daughter who he knew only two things about, and he'd missed four years of her life. _Five_ years, he'd missed **_five_** years. She was going to be at his house most of the time since Carol was still working on it, but now that he knew for sure Sophia was his, he could help Carol raise her right. Damn...what the hell **did** that make him and Carol?

Carol drove them to a diner to get something to eat and to talk to him. She ordered since Daryl was still letting the fact that Sophia was his daughter sink in, and she waited until he was blinking again before she spoke, watching Sophia as she looked at the jukebox in the corner of the diner.

"I'm glad she's your daughter," Carol confessed. "You have no idea how happy I am that she's your daughter."

"I kinda figured she was, but knowing it..." He shrugged. "It's weird. A damn good weird."

"Now that we know she is, I want you to know you don't have to do anything. You don't have to pay for anything, and you don't even have to be involved with her. You can just be a friend of the family...who happens to be her father..." She searched his eyes. "I don't want to force you into anything."

"You ain't. I wanna be there, involved in her life, and I wanna help out."

"I don't want your money, but I'd love your time." She tucked hair behind her ear, feeling a fluttering in her stomach. She'd never felt so relieved in her life. She smiled happily and set her hand over his. "I love you, Daryl. You're the best man I've ever known."

He dropped his head, embarrassed, half-smiling. He loved her too, but it wasn't in the same way. He was still in love with her. How could he not be? It'd only ever been her, and now that he knew Sophia was his...was theirs...it only made him want to be with her more. He didn't want another man to be with her, and he didn't want another man to try and be Sophia's father either, but their relationship was over, wasn't it?

Sophia climbed into the booth. "Can I call you Daddy?"

Carol dropped her head onto the table.

"You don't have to." Daryl shrugged.

"I want to." She smiled wide at him then turned to her mom, eyes narrowed. "You lied."

"I lied." She lifted her head. "I'm sorry."

"You owe me a ten dollars."

"What?!" Carol exclaimed. "Ten dollars? For what?"

"You lied to me, so that's a dollar in the jar."

"A dollar, yes."

"And nine more for other lies. Daryl's not a friend, and that test and—"

"Keep it up, and your birthday will be a lie too." She crossed her legs.

She glared.

"Be proud, Daryl. She has your glare."

He snorted. After all they'd been through, this girl was the product. He wouldn't change a single thing, because he might not have gotten this beautiful, intelligent, charming little girl with his eyes.

––

"I need to talk to you," Carol sat in Daryl's truck, Sophia asleep with her head in Carol's lap, and she met his eyes. "It's really important."

He nodded. "All right."

"You know what happened with Amy and Merle and Tomas, right?"

"Yeah, he told me."

"Well, Amy has nowhere to live now, and I was hoping...really hoping...you'd take her in."

"Carol," he protested.

"Please, Daryl." She gripped his hand. "I am begging you. Please let them stay with you until she's back on her feet. I will do anything. I mean it—anything. Please."

He groaned low in his throat.

"Please. They can't stay here, because Patricia and Otis are moving in, and I don't want the two of them to end up in a homeless shelter. Don't do that to them. Please." She searched his eyes. "What if it were me and Sophia?"

"You're a damn vixen," he told her. "Fine, but you owe me. Big time."

She smiled. "Anything." She hugged him. "Thank you so much for this!"

"You owe me dinner."

"Okay. I'll make something really delicious, and Sophia can h—"

"No, just you and me. I'll take you out."

Her heart skipped a beat. "Just the two of us?"

"Yeah."

"Will...this be a date?"

"No. Nah, no." He paused. He wanted it to be a date, but he wasn't going to push. He was still handling on the fact that he had a four-year-old daughter. He was proud, but scared shitless. "No."

She smirked. "Okay then." She picked Sophia up. "Have a nice night, and drive safely."

"Give Amy your key."

"Thank you for this, Daryl. You don't know what it means to me."

"Get inside. It's late. Kid's tired, and somebody's gotta help Amy move."

She smiled. "Good night."

"Night." He watched her go inside, and he pulled out, smiling to himself.

– – –

"I'll put her to bed." Amy held her arms out. "I already put Paige down."

Carol saw Beth in the kitchen. "Thanks." She gently handed over Sophia and caught Beth. "Hey, wait."

"What?" She looked at her. "What do you want? To talk? 'Cause I don't feel like it."

"Well, I wanna talk to you. You're my sister, and I want to talk to you."

Beth could see Carol meant it, and if she was ever going to accept the fact that she was never having kids, she needed to talk about it. She needed to work through her anger. It was starting to cause her pain like the twisted blade it was. She didn't want to be mad at Carol, but Carol was a frigging wrecking ball. She just didn't want to see Daryl suffer anymore, or her parents or her sister and brother. Carol was staying, so the anger had to leave. "Then talk."

"C'mere." She clasp her elbow and guided her into the den, where they sat on the sofa. "Tell me everything that happened. When did you find out?"

Beth began to recall the day. It was one that she would never forget. Carol was listening so intensely that Beth didn't feel the need to hide anything. She wanted to talk about it, and she was glad that Carol listened and comforted her. She was upset that Ed had put his hands on his sister, but she was happy that asshole drove Carol back to them. They were a family again, and everything would work out the way God planned it to. She believed that.

– – –

"Are you sure 'bout this?" Daryl asked, watching Carol climbed onto the washer to fix a leaky pipe.

"You said I could do this, and I want to."

"I can do it myself," he told her.

"Are you saying because I'm a girl I can't do this?" she shot back.

"No, 'course not." He crossed his arms. "Girls can do this, Amy can do this—_you_ can't do this."

"Oh, relax. I can do this."

Sophia sat on the steps, watching her parents try to fix a leaky pipe. "Are you sure, Mommy?"

"Guys, I'm on it, okay?" She continued turning the wrench until it stopped leaking, grunting. "There. I got it."

Daryl was about to speak when the pipes began to rumple and one burst, Sophia screamed as water shot at her, soaking her clothes, and Carol winced at the sounds behind her. She closed her eyes and dropped her head. Son of a bitch. She thought was she doing so well too.

"Sophia, upstairs now!" Daryl grabbed Carol by the waist as a pipe fell down onto the washer, and he held her close, watering splashing all over them.

"What the hell? Are you guys breaking the—?" Amy looked downstairs, holding Sophia as she ran into her arms. "Oh, my God!"

"Shit." He turned and pushed Carol towards the stairs.

"I'll call a plumber." Amy grabbed the phone and went to get towels for them.

"I am so sorry," Carol apologized to Daryl. "I—I didn't mean to do that."

"Damn it." He peered down the stairs. "We always wanted a pool, though."

She laughed. "Yeah, we did."

Amy returned with towels and the plumber on the phone, Sophia had to change into a set of Paige's clothes, and Carol had to find...something. Amy was her size, but all of Amy's clothes were either winter clothes or too short on Carol—Amy was mostly legs, after all. She might just have to wear one of Daryl's shirts as a dress. Geez, this sucked, and God, was it embarassing.

"Plumber's downstairs." Daryl tossed his wet shirt into the tub, leaving him in a wife beater. "You find somethin'?"

"No." She dried her hair. "I feel like an ass. I am so sorry."

"Don't worry 'bout it." He sat down on the edge of the tub. "Floors will be spotless after this."

"How can you be so calm? Your basement looks like we should start collecting two of everything."

"I got money, Carol. I know this guy, so I can work out a payment plan. Shit happens."

"I still feel horrible. Next time, you're doing it all." She removed her shoes and unbuttoned her top, stepping into the bedroom and she slipped on her wet pant leg. "Ah!"

Daryl didn't make it in time to catch her, but he did make it in time to see her stomach. He lowered himself down beside her, setting a hand on a scar that ran along her side. "What the hell?" He looked at it as she pushed herself up, and he saw more scars on her back. "Shit, Carol."

"I doubt you'd buy a car accident."

"Carol," his voice was dark, but concerned. "What the hell is this?"

She sighed. "We need to talk, but let's change first."

"Uh, I got some of your clothes in our old bedroom." He helped her to her feet. "Shirts you didn't take with you. Pants too, probably."

"You didn't throw them out?"

"No." He grabbed a shirt from the closet and stepped into the bathroom, closing the door.

"Hmm." She walked down to their old bedroom and found the clothes he spoke of. She changed into a knee-length, lacy white dress since it was hot today, and none of her pants fit anymore. She didn't have any belts either—she'd taken them with her that night. She _was_ too damn skinny. You'd think with all of the food she'd eaten here, she would have gain some of that weight back. If Patricia started cooking, she'd definitely gain the weight back and then some.

She even found a pair of calf-high boots that still fit. She wondered why Daryl kept these clothes and shoes after all this time. He could've donated them to charity. Did he think she would come back? Did he not want to disturb their bedroom? Or did he just not want to touch anything of hers?

The bedroom light flicked on, she spun around and found Daryl behind her, and he sat on the bed. She closed the door and sat beside him, crossing her legs and glancing at him. She wasn't sure how to do this. She didn't want him to feel guilty for not coming after her. He didn't need to feel guilty. He always felt guilty, especially over things he shouldn't. He was such a good man, but they were her mistakes, and she paid for them. She was still paying.

She cleared her throat. "You said you didn't believe that Ed just died?"

"I know there's more to it than that, yeah."

"There is." She met his eyes. "Ed...uh... Well, he... Gosh, this is so difficult."

"It's all right." He reached over and set his hand over hers. "Just tell me." He already knew, but he wanted her to talk about it, and he wanted to know of if he ever met Ed, he would know whether to shoot him in the ass with a bolt or beat the shit out of him.

"He...physically and sexually abused me for umm—for years, and I left because he started to look at Sophia with whatever sickness was growing in his soul."

Daryl studied her face, just listening, but his eyes were scorching.

"I didn't let him touch her. I would never let him touch my—our daughter," she explained. "That's why I left..."

– – –

_Carol set the groceries down on the table, tossing her keys into her purse and running a hand through her hair. In about five months, it was going to be Sophia's fifth birthday. Carol wasn't sure she could take it much longer. They'd been married for four years, and Carol had been the hospital more in those four years than she had been in her entire life. How many more times could her doctor buy her "falling down the stairs"? _

_Carol felt the phone she had bought in secret buzzing in her shoe against her ankle, so she grabbed it and went out on the veranda. "Karen?" Carol glanced back at the house to make sure Ed wasn't coming into the kitchen._

"_Hey, Caro, I have a surprise for you."_

"_A surprise?" Carol was too tired for a surprise._

"_I got you a car. It's shitty, but it'll get you where you need to go."_

"_Oh, Karen, no. I'm not going to run. He's...an okay father, and he provides for her. I'm not going to force her to go hungry and—"_

"_Carol, he's going to kill you," Karen hissed, no longer sitting back. She was tired of just saying "okay" and "all right" when Carol gave her reasons why she was staying. She needed her to hear what Karen was saying. "I know how men like Ed are, and he will **kill** you. Do you understand that? When you're dead, who do you think is going to take your place?"_

_Carol closed her eyes, the warm wind blowing at her face as she tried not to cry._

"_Sophia, that's who."_

"_I have to make dinner."_

"_Don't hang up. You need to hear this."_

"_It's late, and roast takes time. Goodbye, Karen." She hung up and slipped the phone into her pocket, drying her eyes. She took a deep breath and went to put the groceries away. She heard something strange coming from the back of the house where their bedrooms were, and she frowned, setting the orange juice on the table. Sophia was supposed to be at her grandmother's tonight. Ed said he was taking her over there. Sophia was going to spend the night along with Penny. Carol made those plans with Victoria a week ago._

_She walked down the hall and opened Sophia's bedroom door. She found Ed and Sophia inside. "Ed, you said you were taking her to see—" She cut off when she realized that Ed wasn't reading Sophia her favorite story, which was strange, because Sophia was crying. She usually cried when the story was over, because it was so sweet. She had a soft spot for happy ending._

_Her stomach fell at the look in Ed's hollow, blue-gray eyes. It said he could and might kill her. She didn't like how Ed held Sophia, his knuckles white. What had Carol done that made him so irate that he went to her daughter who he loved so much and who looked just like her?_

_**He will kill you**... Who do you think is going to take your place? **Sophia,** what's who. "What the hell are you doing?" Carol shouted, feeling something snap inside of her._

_His eyebrow twitched, he blinked twice then stood up, dropping Sophia onto her bed like a sack of potatoes, not a breakable four-year-old girl. "You're back. Good." His voice was tight, angry._

"_What the hell were you doing to my daughter? Did you hurt my daughter?" Carol hissed, trying to get to Sophia, who was crying even more._

"_Oh, **your** daughter?" He backhanded her into the wall. "She isn't even mine now?"_

"_Mommy!" Sophia wailed._

"_Oh, shut up." Ed kicked her bed, and Sophia whimpered, grabbing the sheets._

"_Sophia, go to the living room." Carol pushed herself up. "Go, now!"_

_She ran out of the room with big tears in her eyes._

"_Get out," she hissed. "Get out of my house! Get out of my life!"_

_He grabbed her by her throat and slammed her into the wall, holding her so that her feet couldn't touch the floor. She dug her nails into his hand, drawing blood, but he wasn't feeling any pain."This house isn't yours," he growled. "This life isn't yours, bitch. Everything you are is **mine**."_

_She kicked her feet wildly, desperately trying to hurt him to get his grip to loosen._

"_Do you know how easy you have it? I work my ass off, and all I ask from you is you do every little thing that I say. It's not that difficult, but you can't even do that."_

_She couldn't breathe, and she knew tonight was the night. She couldn't delay any longer. She couldn't keep lying to herself. Ed had hurt Sophia, and God only knows what else he was planning to do if she hadn't come home when she did. There was no turning back; there was no halfway._

_He choked her harder, belittling her, and she felt tears burn in her eyes as black spots began to cloud her vision. It was strange the first person who came into her head was Daryl. What would he have done? He would've shot Ed in the ass with a bolt then beat the shit out of him. Daryl and his crossbow...his trusty weapon. If only she had a weapon... Wait...Sophia's dresser! _

_She knew the dresser was only a few inches away, and so was the crystal horse Ed bought Sophia for her fourth birthday, so she slowly slid her hand toward it. If she could just distract him, she could reach the horse, bash his head open and get them out of there. She just needed to grab it before she fell unconscious. "You—bastard!" she managed. C'mon, Carol. Just a little further. Reach, goddamn it!_

"_You fucking cunt. Do you really think I haven't gone to other women?" His eyes were glaring, so focused on her face, which made inching easier. "You couldn't satisfy a handicapped. Whoever the fuck you were with before is damn lucky. That sorry son of a bitch is probably glad to be rid of you."_

_She reached, feeling the horse's head brush against her fingertips. She grabbed the head of the horse tightly and bashed it into Ed's head as hard as she could. He cried out and dropped her, his hands flying up to the bloody wound on his forehead. _

_Carol fell on her knees, gulping in air, and gripping her throat. She climbed to get feet and went over to him, slamming the bottom of the horse into his head, knocking him unconscious. She didn't waste any time. She tossed the horse down, ran out of the room, her legs shaking. She grabbed her purse and Sophia and bolted. She held Sophia tightly and ran into the darkness and away from Ed._

"_Mommy?" _

"_Shh." Carol glanced back just once more. Rot in hell, you bastard._

––

_Carol pounded on Karen's grandmother's door that night, panting and weak in the knees from what just happened and having run halfway across town. She was too terrified to get on a bus, and her adrenaline was burning too high for her to stop moving._

_Karen invited her in, and Carol told her what happened, smoothing down Sophia's hair. Luckily, Karen and her brother, Noah, were spending the week with her sick grandmother, and Milton was away on business, so Ed wouldn't find her tonight. She was safe; Ed didn't know about Karen's grandmother._

_Karen told Noah to draw a bath for Sophia. She was shaky and wet and her usual pale face was red from crying._

"_I didn't know where else to go."_

_Karen hugged her and kissed Sophia's forehead. "Noah, could you make some tea, please?"_

"_Why do I ha—?" He looked at Carol and shut up. "The bath's almost ready." He disappeared into the kitchen._

"_I'll dig out some clothes." Karen rubbed her arm. "Go and bathe her."_

_Carol carried Sophia to the bathroom, closing the door behind them, and she set her down, unbuttoning her shirt. "It's okay, baby. We're safe, okay?" Carol scrutinized Sophia's face when she didn't speak. She was pale, her eyes were studying the floor, her entire body still, and tear stains ran down her little rosy cheeks._

"_It's just you and me, baby. We'll be... Oh, my...God." Carol saw the black and yellow and purple bruises all over Sophia's little torso from Ed's grip. "Oh, my God." She looked at Sophia, but she didn't say anything, just sniffed. "What happened?"_

_Still nothing._

"_You can tell me anything, Sophia. Anything." She set her hands on her cheeks. "Look at me, please."_

_Her eyes lifted up toward Carol for only a second, and she didn't even look at her, just her necklace. Still she said nothing._

_Carol swallowed tears. "Let's get you cleaned up. You'll feel better, and we can talk, yeah?"_

_Sophia remained silent as Carol bathed her, and she didn't even want to hear any music. Carol was worried, but there were no other bruises. She knew Ed hadn't molested Sophia, and if he was going to, Carol walked in it before it happened, thank God. She just wished Sophia would talk, tell her what happened, but Sophia didn't say anything. She wouldn't even look at her mom._

_Karen had found a nightshirt that would work as a nightgown for Sophia in her old bedroom, and Carol let Sophia dress herself to help Karen with the tea. She made hot chocolate for Sophia. She hoped Sophia would at least take a sip of it. She made it the way she liked: with milk and whipped cream._

_They returned to Karen's old bedroom, Sophia didn't want any hot chocolate, so Carol set it on the nightstand. She sat down behind Sophia and combed out her wet shoulder-length hair._

"_What am I going to do?" Carol combed gently through the tangles as Sophia clutched Dee Dee. Carol was so glad that Sophia had left it in Karen's car the day before when they went to the park. _

"_Take that car and run." Karen was very serious. She'd been watching this take place over the past few years, and she wasn't going to be a whisper in her ear anymore. She was going to be a shout. No matter how many times she tried to convince Carol to leave, no matter how many times she wanted to tell the cops, she knew she had to let Carol see how bad her marriage was for herself. She just wished it hadn't been so bad, hadn't taken so damn long. Whatever Carol was scared of, she was scared of it more than Ed beating her to death. "Stay the night, and I'll make you breakfast and lunch to-go. I'll take you to that car after, and you need to just go."_

"_Go where, Karen?" _

"_I don't know. Home, maybe. Back to Georgia."_

"_I—I can't."_

_Like hell! "Fine, just run aimlessly and hope you find someplace safe." She tried not to be pissed off, but Carol was being stupid, so stupid. "I need to check on my grandma. Excuse me." She left the room and went to see how much train tickets were. She could pay for them in cash since that rat bastard probably froze her accounts, and she didn't want to leave a trail for Phillip to find. She was going to cover her tracks, possibly send one of Noah's friends down there. Ed didn't know Noah, but if Ed or Phillip were to look, she wanted to make sure the person couldn't easily be traced back to them. Noah couldn't do it, but he had a pretty plain friend who had a crush on her. She could easily sucker in him without him asking too many questions._

_Carol exhaled deeply, setting the comb down beside Sophia's mug of hot chocolate, and she saw Sophia's shoulders began to tremble. "Sophia?" Carol turned her around. _

"_I'm sorry, Mommy." She looked so sad. "You got hurt..."_

"_No, you have nothing to be sorry for." Carol pulled Sophia into her arms, holding her tightly. "I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you."_

_Sophia cried, digging her fingers into her mom's shoulders. "I don't wanna go back."_

_Carol tried not to cry, but those words broke her down. She was supposed to keep her safe from everything, and she thought she was, but there was a monster at home. She'd exposed Sophia to that bastard, and Sophia may never forget this. She had been tainted by that bastard just as Carol had been, even if they were only bruises and possibly hushed words, but at least Carol could comprehend it. Sophia was so young, and she didn't understand. Why didn't she just leave when she had the chance? Why didn't she just leave after the first time?_

_Carol held Sophia long after she cried herself to sleep, gently stroking her drying hair, and Carol glanced up as Karen came back into the room. _

"_Do you have a gun?" was the first thing out of Carol's mouth._

"_No, but I know a guy. He'll have one that's perfect for you—if you don't mind a little trading."_

"_Good, because the next time I see that son of a bitch, I'm going to kill him."_

_Karen couldn't help but smile. "Hallelujah." Carol almost smiled. "Can I get an amen?" She hugged Carol tightly by the shoulders, and Carol was glad she had Karen. She would probably be dead, because Ed would've caught her by now. _

"_I love you, Karen." Carol gripped her arm tightly, feeling the tears in her eyes again. _

"_I love you too, Carol." She released her. "And I have a plan."_

_Carol knew about Karen's mother. She had been beaten to death by Karen's step-father, and Karen got him put in jail for life. Karen refused to let that happen to anyone else, so it wasn't surprising that she had a plan. Carol was grateful for it. "So, what first?"_

_Karen lowered herself down onto her knees beside the bed, capturing one of Sophia's feet with her fingers. This was the hard part. She'd known Sophia since she was more portable, and Carol since she was a freshmen in college. It felt like forever ago."Well...um, we have to say goodbye, for your own good. At least for now."_

– – –

"Did he touch her?" Daryl growled.

"No. I went to see Karen's family doctor about the bruises sometime before I came here, and Sophia told me what happened. He was just squeezing her really tight—any tighter and he might have broken a rib—but...I think he was going to."

"He choked you and hit you?"

"Yes." She couldn't look at him.

"And it took you five goddamn years to leave him?"

"He made good money, Sophia was taken care of, and yes, he abused me, but I—" she trailed off, seeing the disgust in his eyes.

"Money? Money? **Money?!** You stayed with that bastard for money?"

"Sophia was healthy and happy. She wanted for nothing." She shook her head. "I thought she was safe, and I could take it."

"He shouldn't have put his hands on you!" Daryl screamed at her. "Are you stupid? Your ass shoulda been on the next damn bus out there the minute he even _lunged_ at you violently!" He'd never been so mad in his life. His entire body was on fire, and he wanted to find Ed and castrate him and beat his ass into the ground. He wanted to hang him up in the middle of the woods by his pecker and leave him to the animals. He wanted to skin him alive. He wanted to **bury** him alive, but right now, he needed to deal with Carol.

She wiped at her nose. "I'm sorry."

"You don't gotta be sorry." He exhaled deeply. "Carol, it wasn't your fault."

"I was...obnoxious and—and so needy—and—"

"No, you ain't. He just—got into your head, made you feel like...make you think...you deserved the abuse." He grasped her hand. "You didn't."

She shook her head, lowering her eyes. She wasn't sure anymore. She could play pretend with her family, but there was no hiding from Daryl. With him, she was stripped naked; her emotions and her thoughts laid out for him to see. It'd almost always been that way.

He cleared his throat to keep the searing venom out of his words, but it still came out in a hiss, "Did he...force you to have sex with him?"

She lifted her head and nodded, tears falling onto her legs.

He clenched his jaw. "How often?"

She shrugged. "Most nights. I learned to...go away when he—when he...wanted me."

He wrecked his hands through his hair, slamming his foot into the closet door, knocking the door off its hinges and making Carol to jump. "That motherfucker!"

A beat.

"I deserved it."

He looked at her with wide eyes. "What the hell did you just say?"

"After what I did to you... I wronged you in the worst possible way, and I expected to just get move on after, like nothing—"

"No! No, you didn't!" He climbed onto the bed. "Carol, you didn't deserve any of that."

"Daryl, look at you! I hurt you deeply! I just left in the middle of the night, and I didn't even have the guts to tell you why, I just left! I never wanted to divorce you! I loved you so much, and I abandoned you! How could I do that and not deserve what Ed did? You were everything to me, and I—and I..." she sobbed, unable to talk.

"No." He pulled her into his arms, holding her with an unbreakable grip, rocking her. "Shh, it's all right. Shh." He smoothed her hair down, his eyes burning at how well that bastard convinced her that everything was her fault, that she deserved every hit, very word. He squeezed his eyes shut, and he rocked her gently. He would find this fucker and make him pay for what he did, but he could see that's not what Carol wanted or needed. She was all that mattered right now, and he was here for her. Always. "Shh, baby, I'm here."


	19. My Signature Move

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

––

Daryl held Carol in his arms in their old bed, she had stopped crying, and they'd talked. She told him about all that Ed did to her, and he told her about Mason and his abuse. They'd never had this conversation before. They understood each others pain too well, but Daryl had never felt closer to her. He also felt a burden lift off his back, and Carol felt so light, so light she thought she might float away. It had been too long since she felt like this.

He felt her still in his arms, and he wondered if she fell asleep—or perhaps she was just enjoying the scared simplicity of him by her side. He could only hope. He loved being so close to her, feeling her skin against his, smelling the shampoo in her soft hair, and when he opened his eyes, she was right there, and it felt like the miles between them never existed. Holding her...was something he could do for the rest of his life.

He heard Amy calling to him, so he gently pulled his arm out from under her head, replacing it with a pillow, and he gripped her shoulder to lifted his shirt out from under her, and he placed a kiss to the bare skin of her shoulder, not really thinking about it.

He headed downstairs. "What's the damage?"

"Your pipes are shot," Tod replied. "I mean, the whole system's gonna have to be replaced. What you need is a full copper re-pipe job."

"That sounds pricy." Amy crossed her arms.

"As you've helped me out on many occasions, I'll cut the price in half and give you a discount on top of that." Tod rewrote the price on the invoice. "We'll get to work right away."

"Thanks, Tod." Daryl took the invoice. "Amy, you pay rent?"

"I can."

"Well, put it to this instead." He showed the bill to her.

"Holy crap!"

Paige walked over to them. "What? Is it bad?"

Daryl eyed the little girl again. She'd been here for two days, and Daryl kept trying to figure out why she looked so familiar to him. She had Amy's face, but there was something behind that innocent face and the pink and white dresses. He had a feeling this kid was a Dixon, and that meant Merle and Amy shared more than a drug problem. He really didn't want to think about Merle and Amy in any way that created this kid.

"No, I have...some money saved up, so I can pay half." She bit her bottom lip. "You don't mind us staying here, do you? 'Cause from the look of this, we may be here awhile."

Sophia looked over at them, and he sighed. "No, I don't." He wasn't going to throw them out, especially since Paige was Merle's kid. Damn, Merle would shit bricks if he knew about her.

"Where's Mommy?" Sophia set the colored pencil down.

"I'm here." Carol came off the steps. "How is it?"

"Bad." Amy showed her the price.

"I'll just go sell everything I own, excuse me."

"I got it." Daryl leaned against the couch. "Just can't fix the house now."

"I can help pay," Carol argued. "I can ask Dad for the money then work it off at the Greene Leaf."

"Don't worry 'bout it. I let you try and fix the pipe when I shoulda let Sophia do it."

"Oh, ha ha. Excuse me for not being savvy with tools."

He smirked. "I'll remember that."

Amy glanced between them then turned and smiled at Sophia. "Oh, I see."

"See what?" Carol narrowed her eyes at her.

"Nothing." She shrugged. "I'm going to the store to pick up some food since Daryl doesn't know what that means. How do you manage to live in a house with only beer and what I hope is bacon in the fridge?"

"Don't eat here much." He shrugged.

Her brows furrowed then she shook her head. "You coming, Paige?"

"Sure."

They left for the store, Carol lowered herself down beside Sophia to see what she was coloring, and Daryl gathered the tools from counter to return them to T. He locked the door to the basement, not wanting one of the girls or a drunken Merle to accidentally fall in thinking it was the pantry.

"Do you hear that?" Sophia looked around.

"Hear what?" Carol listened.

"A kitty." Sophia walked through the slim hallway that lead to the backyard, and on the other side of the sliding glass was a short-haired, gray and white kitten, crying its eyes out. "Aww, Mommy, c'mere."

Carol went to her and opened the door. "How adorable." Carol picked the kitten up. "It's one of Jeanette's, right?"

"Yeah." Daryl looked over the runt. "Probably got out when she left."

"It's been out all day?" Sophia frowned. "How sad."

"She must be hungry." Carol turned to Daryl. "Do you have anything?"

"I'll check."

"Can I see her?" Sophia asked.

"Hold on." She closed the door and returned to the kitchen, kneeling down and showing Sophia the tiny kitten.

"She's so cute." Sophia stroked her sort fur. "Can we keep her? Pretty please?"

"No, it's Jeanette's, Sophia."

"She's sellin' 'em," Daryl informed her. "Ten bucks with collar. Somethin' like that."

"Oh, pretty please?"

"Dad doesn't like cats, and she could get lost on the farm." Carol shook her head, but she totally wanted to keep the kitten. It was so precious.

Daryl set a saucer of milk on the floor. "Fuzzball can stay here."

"Really?" She set the kitten down and it went to the milk. "You'd do that?"

He nodded.

"Thank you!" Sophia hugged him. "Thank you so much, Daddy!"

Carol smiled, using her index finger to pet the kitten. "She'll need a name."

"Florence," Sophia suggested.

"No."

Daryl tried to pet the kitten, but she smacked his hand, drawing blood with her claws. "How 'bout Ass Kicker?"

Carol laughed. "She's harmless. She probably thought you wanted to played. Your sleeve's unbuttoned, so she probably tried to swat that, not you." She grasped his hand finger and squeezed it tight, drawing more blood. She grabbed a tissue from counter and wiped the blood away, looking into his eyes. She was going to say something witty, but when she looked into his eyes, nothing came to mind. She felt that draw to him, and she knew she had to look away.

"Bella," Sophia said. "Hey, she likes it." Sophia giggled at the kitten climbed onto her lap and licked her face.

"Bella it is." She lowered her eyes to Daryl's bleeding finger, blushing. After what just happened upstairs, she knew, but she wasn't ready for that just yet. Was she? It was Daryl, but there were still things she needed to put together before anything happened. If anything happened.

– – –

"Hey, Carol, spar with me." Maggie caught her on the stairs.

"I can't. Period. Crippling cramps." She held her stomach, gripping the banister. "Oof, the pain."

"Lair."

"Yes, but I have a call to make, so you'll have to excuse me. Next time."

"I'm holding you to that."

She drove to the payphone and called Karen. She was worried when Karen didn't answer, so she tried again, but still she didn't pick. She had to know Karen was all right, so she did something pretty damn ballsy: she called Noah. She learned that Milton and Karen were away on business then they were coming down here next week. She thanked him and went to Daryl's. The girls were in school, so maybe Amy wanted to talk or something.

She used the key Daryl had made for her after she gave hers to Amy, and she opened the door, finding Amy stretching. "Going for a jog?"

"No." She met Carol's eyes. "I...was going to...uh, dance."

"Oh?" Her brows rose. "Don't let me stop you. I just came to see if you wanted to talk or go window shopping, but I can go."

"No, join me."

"Are you joking? Me? Dance?" She laughed. "Please be kidding."

"I'm not." She gestured to the room. "Who's going to see you?"

"God."

"Well, I'm sure He's seen worse. C'mon, it'll be fun."

"The only dance I can even work is the one Andrea, Lori, Maggie and I did senior year for the talent show, and I was in the back. It was for a good reason."

"I taught you guys that your—what? Sophomore year? Trust me, I can teach you it again. C'mon, it'll be fun."

"You won't stop bothering me until I agree, will you? Gah, fine." She removed her jacket and set it on the couch along with her purse. "If you laugh, I'm leaving."

"Loosen up. I won't laugh."

"Uh-huh."

They stretched, loosening up, and Amy flipped through a playlist. She chose a random song just to see if she could feel what she used to feel what she danced. Carol didn't move, and Amy closed her eyes. She wasn't sure if she was still that person anymore. She wanted to be. She'd lost so much of herself that year, and she wanted to get some of that person back. She needed to clear her head and just have fun for once. No worrying, no stress—fun.

"Let's try that dance."

"Sure."

They began to dance to the music, slowly remembering a dance that belonged to two teenage girls who no longer existed fully. They still managed to have some fun with it, both of them messing up, and Amy kept wondering how she came up with the dance in first place. She just moved with the music, and eventually, her body began to remembered what her mind forgot. She remembered why she loved dancing, and the rest of the world fell away.

She could remember her first performance. Her parents let her take ballet when she was young, and she was the best in her class, so she got a solo. She was so proud of herself. She went out there and dance her heart out, moving with the music. They were practically one, and she got a lot of applause. When she went to meet her parents, she found only Dale and Andrea. Her parents were busy, tied up at work. She was so upset, but Andrea told her it didn't matter. She and Dale saw, and they'd tell everyone how amazing she did. She was still upset, because she'd worked her ass off for her parents to see that she _was_ good at something. There was always next time, and with every next time, a piece of her heart died.

Carol watched Amy in awe. She could dance to just about anything, and she made it look so easy. She was so talented. Carol watched her perform once, and she was blown away. She said so many words with her dancing, and the pianist that accompanied her was perfect. They complemented each other so beautifully. She'd never cheered so hard in her life, only Andrea challenged her and won, because that was her little sister who had nailed it. When Amy got into dancing, that was it. Nothing else existed. Carol hadn't found something like that for herself, but maybe one day.

Amy opened her eyes. "I have an idea."

"Do tell."

"You know exactly what I'm thinking."

"...What? I have no idea what you're thin—No!" Carol blushed. "I'm not doing that!"

"Oh, come on. Andrea taught you it, yeah? It's not trashy...behind closed doors. It'll be fun."

"That's what your mom says before she takes you to the dentist. "Oh, we'll skip school," she says. "It'll be fun," she says. Lies." She folded her arms. "Besides, my body doesn't bend like that."

"Please? I will love you forever."

"I. Hate. You." She sighed. "At least Shawn won't walk in and stare at Lori and Andrea."

"True." She found the song. "You know, Shawn reminds me of a puppy sometimes, especially when his hair's long. He's just so hyper and playful."

"Do I sense feelings for my brother?"

"_So_ not my type."

"What, are you Dixon-sexual now?"

"Are you?"

She huffed, "Let's just do this."

She glanced at her. "You ready?"

"No, but let's do this while I still have the nerve."

"You never have fun, do you?"

"I do have fun."

"When you're painting a room or cleaning?"

"Okay, I'm boring. I thought you knew that."

She laughed. "You have a great body, work with it."

"Now I'm self-conscious."

"I'm serious. You have an ass, use it."

"Stop talking about my body."

"I bet Daryl would appreciate my advice." She stood up, and it began to play.

_**So, so, so scandalous **_

_**You know you wanna sing with us**_

_**That's why you know you should be scared of us**_

"Excuse me? You do not mention Daryl."

"You want him. It practically pours off you."

"I do not pour off...Daryl want."

_**You know you wanna sing with us**_

_**That's why you know you should be scared of us**_

"Cute. That should be a perfume name. Carol Greene presents 'Daryl Want'."

"Put your moves where your mouth is," Carol shot back.

"Gladly."

_**Last night looks to kill**_

_**Straight talk sex appeal**_

_**One touch gives me chills**_

_**And we ain't even close yet**_

Amy started first, and Carol glared, her words biting into Carol more than Amy knew. She didn't want to want Daryl, but she did. She wanted to be friends more, because a friendship was easier than a relationship. She wouldn't have to worry about breaking his heart again, and he wouldn't have to worry about her leaving in the middle of the night with their daughter and never coming back again. Part of her knew she and Daryl would never be _just_ friends. She didn't know about him, but she would be in love with him until it killed her. They were already fighting, and they'd keep fighting. They'd screw, they'd hate each other and love each other until it made them quiver. Love wasn't simple; it wasn't brains. It was blood. It was blood _screaming_ inside them to work its will.

_**Ruffneck all around**_

_**Ain't been all over town**_

_**Show me how you get down**_

_**'Coz we ain't even close yet**_

"Scared?"

"Are you? You say I want Daryl, but I've seen that look in your eye when you talk about Merle."

"Don't," Amy warned. "Our relationship was parasitic."

"And yet you look like a fangirl when you talk about him."

"Oh, don't even! You pant over Daryl."

"At least we were married, and at least I'll admit that I'm still in love with him."

_**You got me feeling and you got me feeling weak**_

_**Listen as I speak 'coz I'm careful as a freak**_

_**You got me going crazy and you know I can't sleep**_

_**I love watchin' your moves and you hypnotize me**_

Amy glowered. She didn't want to talk about her relationship with Merle. It wasn't good for either of them. They just used each other for sex and for drugs, and no matter how good they were, it wasn't worth it. Paige is the only part of that fucked up mess of a relationship that was worth it. She wasn't going to go back to Merle just because he was the father of her child. That didn't mean anything. She had no intentions of ever telling him. He was a sperm donor, and that's all. If Carol thought she was in love with Merle or ever was in love with Merle, she was wrong.

_**You got me trembling like a little baby girl**_

_**You're so special, you're like diamonds and pearls**_

_**You got me spinning and you got me in a twirl**_

_**Your my number one, baby and you've come to rock my world**_

"You call that dancing?" Amy smirked. "Floundering."

"Well, try me."

"Roll your hips." She showed her. "Oh, for the love of God, just follow me."

Carol laughed and aped Amy quite well. They were mad at each other from their comments, but at the moment, it was all a part of the fun. Carol couldn't remember the last time she just danced. She knew the last time with friends. She used to dance when she cleaned, and then Shawn would walk in, bust out laughing like the jerk he was, and she'd chase him through the house with the broom. She also remembered the time when Daryl had walked in on her rehearing for the spring talent show their senior year.

– – –

_She pulled her hair up, closing and locking her door. She was not having any of her siblings walking in and seeing her do this. She would die of embarrassment if they saw. She was glad her parents had to work and couldn't make it. She was also so, so, so grateful Andrea had put her in the back. She would seriously die if she was in the front, looking at the entire student body just watching her._

_She played the song, imagining where everyone was in her mind, and she recalled the steps. She knew them by heart, but she pretended to not know them all so Andrea wouldn't put her in the front. She had confidence—in bookwork. She wasn't the type to just jump out on stage and dance in front of the entire school student body. She only got suckered into it because Lori was on a senior-year-make-memories kick, and she wanted to perform in the talent show with her friends, because she hadn't performed in one since she was in fifth grade. She twirled batons and almost fell off the stage. That was the easy part. She almost killed the teacher by tossing one in the air, and it knocked the light free. Mr. Perry wasn't the same after that. He flinched every time a light flickered._

_She hated the one part of the dance that involved a lot of hip movement. Amy had been studying belly dancing, and Andrea wanted to incorporate some of that into the their dance as well. She almost made them wear the outfits, but **thankfully,** all their moms said no. They had to have either pants or leggings. Since it was a talent show, they could bend the dress code, but only a little bit. Andrea and Maggie were going to buy the outfits, because they broke school dress code on a daily basis. She was surprised they didn't get in trouble. She suspected the principal liked the view. He was a creepy little man._

_She turned and found Daryl with his head titled in the windowsill, and she blushed. "Daryl!"_

_He smirked. "Am I interrupin'?"_

"_N—no. No, of course not." She crossed her arms, her face on fire. "Please, stop looking at me."_

_He stepped into the room. "It wasn't that bad."_

"_Lair."_

"_It's true." _

"_How much did you see?" She bit her lip._

"_Most of it."_

"_I'm in the back, so no one will see me. Hopefully." She sighed a whimper. "I could always run off stage."_

"_You'll do great." He sat on her bed._

"_Aww." She wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "You're only saying that because I'm your girlfriend, and you want in my pants again," she mused._

"_Well, yeah." He pulled her down to her bed, kissing her, and she protested against his mouth. He broke the kiss, smirking at her. "Nice top." He ran his thumb over her belly button._

"_It's a sports bra."_

"_Even better." He slipped his fingers underneath it._

"_Daryl, stop, that tickles." She squirmed, giggling. "Daryl." _

_He kissed her throat. "You should do that more often."_

"_Squirm?"_

"_Laugh. I like the sound."_

_Oh. She smiled at him. "You should smile. You have such nice teeth."_

"_No."_

"_Please? Just give me one full smile, with teeth."_

"_No."_

"_One day," she promised, "I will see your smile."_

"_It ain't today." He kissed her._

"_Watch the hands."_

"_Your door's locked."_

_He knew her too well. "But my parents are home."_

"_They left a couple minutes ago to pick up some stuff from the store with Beth, Shawn's at a party, and Maggie's takin' peaches to the Greene Leaf."_

"_I don't have anything," she whispered. "I forgot my pill today, because I was running late, and I didn't want to miss my test in first."_

"_I got one."_

"_Oh? You do? What, do you carry one around just in case I'm in the mood?" she teased. "Or do you assume I always want you?"_

"_I grabbed it off Shawn's floor to cover his ass so Annette wouldn't flip out like she did last time. Figured we could use it."_

"_How sweet of you. Nah." She slipped off the bed. "I need to practice." She turned to him. _

_He growled low in his throat._

_She laughed and climbed onto his lap, kissing him slowly. "Give me five minutes then I'm all yours."_

"_You're always all mine," he murmured against her lips._

"_Yeah, I am." She kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Always."_

– – –

_**You're dangerous, just get it off, the way you move so scandalous**_

_**It's all about the two of us, a one night stand just ain't enough**_

Amy set her hands on Carol's hips and adjusted her shoulders. "You just need to pop your hips." She stepped back and held back at laugh when Carol tried. "If you learned this, your future lovers will totally thank me."

"Don't touch me."

"Hold on, try this." She laughed. "Just like this."

"I am doing that!"

_**I need some stimulation, baby, a little conversation maybe**_

_**You got me spinnin' round like crazy, there goes my baby**_

"You look like you're trying to break your hip. Hold up." She set her hands on her hips again and moved Carol's hips. "You've been holding back on me."

"Shut up!"

She laughed.

The front door opened without them noticing, the sound of keys hitting the floor caught their attention, and they found Merle and Daryl in the doorway, staring with their mouths open. Amy couldn't pass up that opportunity.

_**Scandalous, so scandalous, scandalous**_

Amy wrapped her arms around Carol's waist, "She's mine now, Daryl. I'm not really sorry about it."

"Keep her," Merle quipped, only a little serious. "Send me tapes."

Daryl glared at him and picked up the keys. "What're you doin'?"

"Dancing." Amy released Carol, turned the music off and grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge.

"You're dancin' again?" Merle asked.

"Maybe." She took a drink of water. "What have you two been up to?"

"Stuff for the cat," Daryl answered. "Litter box, litter, food, a decent collar with an I.D. tag."

"Speaking of the cat, where is she?" Carol just noticed she wasn't around.

"She's passed out in the middle of Daryl's bed." Amy set the bottle of water down. "Why she likes the smell of oil and earth, I'll never know."

"Shit, I forgot to grab a scooper for the litter box." He really didn't want to go out again.

"I'll pick one up. I have to pick up some tape and rulers anyway."

"What for?"

"Shawn. He's painting the nursery tomorrow maybe. He's been putting it off. I'm helping." She grabbed her jacket and purse. "I might as well get it now. I'll pick up the girls on my way to work. Dad won't mind them hanging around for a few hours, and they could learn how to make scones."

"Thanks." Amy shifted her weight. "I really appreciate you doing that."

"Thank, Beth. She's a godsend. Goodbye, Amy. Merle."

"I'll go with you." Daryl caught her at her car. "I needa talk to you."

"Sure, we can talk on the way to the store."

They got in the car, Daryl waited until they were down the street before he even considered asking, and Carol glanced over at him as he chewed his bottom lip, thinking. She wondered what he was going to ask her. They'd cleared the air about Ed and Sophia, so everything was all right now. There was no tension, just..."Daryl want" on her end. God, that's what she'd associate her feelings for him with from here on out. Damn it, Amy.

"Paige," he finally blurted. "She's Merle's, ain't she?"

"Yes, she is." It wasn't as if Amy told her not to tell Daryl.

He nodded. "She looks like him. Sorta."

"She acts just like him. She's so protective of Sophia and Amy. It's really sweet."

"Does Merle know?"

"No, he doesn't. Amy doesn't want him to know, so don't tell him. Let her."

"Will she?"

"...no."

He shook his head. "I can't."

"Daryl, you have to!"

"He's my brother. I don't like keepin' shit like that from him."

"Oh, you've done this before?"

"Tsh."

"It honestly wouldn't surprise me."

"No, I ain't ever done this before, and I don't wanna do it now. Just tell him."

"Excuse me? What? Me? Me tell Merle he has a five-year-old daughter? Hell, no!"

He sighed. "Let's talk 'bout somethin' else."

"Sophia's birthday is in a week." She turned left, glancing at him for a moment then back to the road. "Beth's planning it for both her and Paige since Amy couldn't afford a party for her. It's a surprise for them both, so we need to keep them busy while Beth sets it up."

"Does Amy know?"

"I doubt it. Beth loves to see that look of surprise on people's faces, but Amy hates handouts, so I'll tell her. She'll probably feel bad about not being able to give Paige a birthday party, but this way, Paige gets a surprise and a party."

"Merle should know."

"Why? Why should Merle know?"

"He's her dad!"

"So? Will Merle honestly drop everything he's doing and help raise Paige?"

He was silent.

"I know you would want to know, but...you're not Merle."

"The hell does that mean?"

She didn't want to fight. "Nothing. It doesn't mean anything. Forget I brought it up."

"No, tell me." He looked at her.

"Merle is...vile and violent and inappropriate. He's not a good father figure either. He's too easily roused, and he likes the rush he gets when he hurts somebody." She felt like she was crossing the line. She didn't want to say it, but Daryl had to see that Merle didn't need to know. It wouldn't be a great experience for Paige or for Amy. "You're not anything like that. You're a good man, and you're so selfless and brave and—"

"That's bullshit! Merle should know. She's his kid too."

"Well, that's your opinion. Amy doesn't want him to know, so you've no right to tell him. Amy's her mother, and Merle is her father, not you."

He scoffed, slouching in the seat and turning his glare out the window. He knew she was right, but it pissed him off nonetheless. Paige should know she had a father. Merle a good guy sometimes, and Paige should get to know that. The only way she would is if Daryl talked Amy into telling, and he wasn't sure he could. Woman was stern, pigheaded. Hell, she was Merle with tits some days. It was no surprise Merle screwed her till he knocked her up.

– – –

"Girls, wait here." Amy caught up to Carol before she got the door. "Are you sure about this?"

"Beth put a lot of time into this. Don't break her heart."

She bit her lip. "Okay. Okay." She waved the girls over.

"What's going on?" Paige asked, holding Sophia's hand, who was pouting about her birthday being spent in the Greene Leaf doing homework.

Carol kicked the door to let Beth know they were there then dug her keys out. "Dinner with the family. Sophia, don't pout."

"You forgot, didn't you?" Sophia said softly.

"No, of course I didn't forget." She bent down. "I told you we were going to celebrate."

"Yeah, right." She released Paige's hand and took off running.

"Sophia!" Carol looked at Amy then ran after her.

"Oh, crap." Amy dug her phone out of her pocket and called Beth. "We have a problem."

Carol ran into the stable. "Sophia?" She looked into each pen, hearing sobbing, and she hurried to the end. "Sophia." She caught her breath.

"Go away!"

"No way." She dropped beside her. "Baby, I didn't forget your birthday."

"You're lying! You forgot! You didn't even say happy birthday to me this morning!"

"I'm so sorry for that. I worked a late shift last night, and I was exhausted. I'm sorry." She hated that Sophia thought this. She didn't mean for her to think this. She sort of thought that Sophia knew a little about the party, but Beth was stealthier than Carol thought. "Hey, I have a surprise for you."

"I don't want it!" She moved away from her mom. "I want Daddy!" She ran away from Carol.

"Sophia." She stood up and found Daryl talking to her outside the stable. She watched him talk to her for a few minutes then walked over to them, Daryl straightened up and nodded at her, and Carol held her hand out to Sophia.

She wiped at her face. "I'm sorry." She took her mom's hand with both of hers.

"It's okay." She smiled at her a little. "I do have a surprise for you."

Sophia returned it. "Even after what I said?"

"Yes. Let's go."

Sophia reached over and took Daryl's hand, and together, they walked back to the house. They went into together, both of the girls gasped in surprise, and they ran to hug and thank Beth. Before Sophia ran off, she moved her mom's hand into Daryl's, and they both looked down at their hands, almost immediately stepping back and releasing each others hand.

Carol blushed, walking away from him to hide it. "Beth, it looks amazing."

"Thanks." She was beaming from the look on Paige's and Sophia's faces. "I'm so glad they were genuinely surprised. Is Sophia all right?"

"Yeah. Daryl talked to her."

"What'd he say?"

"I don't know." She peered over at him. What _did_ he say? She wouldn't ask. He could have that little secret. Sophia might tell her later anyway.

"Smile or get out." Shawn took a picture of Beth and Carol. "Ooh, lusting eyes."

"Oh, shove off." She hit him playfully. "Where's your wife?"

"She got emotional when one of the kids offered her the last cup of juice." He pulled out a pocket-sized tissue pack. "I keep them with me all the time now."

Carol smiled. "Four months and a half now, yeah?"

"Yep, twenty-one weeks, I think. Panic is apart of my daily routine. It comes after I brush my teeth." He took a picture of Carl and Lizzie and Sophia while they weren't paying attention.

"Have they kicked yet?" Beth asked.

"Not for me, and not for lack of trying. I think my kids hate me already."

"Don't worry. I'm sure they're reserving their biggest kick for you."

"Ah, it's the comforting lies like that one that make my life perfection."

"Okay, Chandler. Go choke on your gum over there." Carol pointed a group of kids.

"That is so _not_ true." He took a picture of her with the flash on then walked off.

"That jerk." She blinked several times.

"I'm gonna go check on the juice. I hope they didn't drink it all."

"I'm going to try and find my child." Carol weaved through the little kids, smiling at Ryan and Rick, and she found Sophia playing with Mika and Patrick. She took one of Shawn's cameras and took a picture of them. They were so precious, and thanks to Karen, they had this chance.

– – –

Phillip unlocked the door to his house, Penny went inside to practice her routine for her dance class, and he argued with Martinez about evidence. He closed the door behind him, rereading the statement back to him, and Martinez began muttering in Spanish before agreeing with him on it not being valid.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah. Tell Eliza and Penny I said hi."

"I will." He hung up and noticed the door to his office was open. He walked over to it and found Ed inside. He narrowed his eyes. Ed didn't have a key to the house. How the hell did he get inside? "What are you doing here?"

"Liz let me in." He was staring at the whiskey in the glass in his hand. "Today is her birthday, Phillip. Five years old today." He met his brother's eyes. "And I don't even get to see her."

"I told you—"

"I know." He finished the remaining whiskey and filled the cup halfway. "Have you found anything?"

"No. We found two more bodies downtown." He tossed his coat on the couch. "I'll look into it very soon. Right now, I have to find this son of a bitch."

"You're not trying hard enough." He set the glass on the table. "I'm gonna call in Gareth."

Phillip paled. "Are you kidding?"

"No."

"If he finds them, he may kill them! You know he's unstable! Don't do this, Ed."

"Yes, but he's efficient!" He tossed the glass into the picture of Penny and Elizabeth Phillip had hanging on the wall. "Unlike you! You get to see your wife every goddamn morning and you get to tuck your little girl every single night!"

"Because I don't put my hands on them!" he shouted. "You may not want to admit it, but you are just like our father!"

Ed's eyes pulsated.

"Abusive! Alcoholic! Impulsive! You could've had a good life! You're too damn smart to let Carol twist you like this, brother. Forget about her, please!"

"No," he growled, his face blood red.

"Sophia will grow up and forget about you! In twenty years, you could be walking the street in front of her, and she won't know you from Adam! Let this go before it destroys everything you worked to get!"

Ed shook his head, disappointed in his brother. "You've picked your side, I see."

"Yes, I suppose I have."

"You'll regret this."

"And you'll regret chasin' after a woman who's gone! She doesn't exist, Ed. Let this go. As your brother, I'm telling you to let this go." He put his hand over his heart. "I'm telling you, Ed, to stop this insanity."

"I'll stop when that bitch feels what I feel, thinks the thoughts that I'm thinkin'. That's when I'll stop."

"You're a fool."

"And you're a coward." He stormed by him and out of the house.

Phillip ran his hands through his hair, shaking his head, and Penny peered at him, having heard the screaming and came to see what was wrong. He turned and found his daughter watching him. "Honey."

"Is that why I don't see Sophia anymore?" She searched his eyes.

"Yeah." He got down on his knees to talk to her. "Carol took Sophia and left."

"And you're not helping to find them?"

"No, baby, I'm not."

"Why not?"

"It's complicated."

She pursed her lips, trying to understand. "I won't get to wish her a happy birthday again, will I?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"I miss Sophia."

"I do too."

She stepped back. "I have to practice. I want to do it just right before I show Mommy." She hugged him. "Thank you for the outfit, Daddy."

He smiled. "Well, you have to look the part."

"I look like a princess?"

"A beautiful princess."

She smiled. "I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too."

She went to her room to continue practicing, Phillip sat down and shook his head, wondering what Ed could possibly do now to make him regret not helping him.

– – –

Daryl watched Carol and Sophia take picture together, smiling inside at how happy they looked. He felt a twinge of pain knowing this was as close as he got. It was going to be rough, to be near her and to not have her. To watch someone else have her. He wasn't sure he could do it. He might have to be like Shawn: punch him in the face. Bob didn't even see it coming. If he did what he wanted to, he would lose Carol. He would just have to tolerate the distance.

"C'mon, we're about to cut the cake." Carol offered him her hand. "Sophia wants us to help blow out the ones she and Paige don't get. Beth went candle crazy too."

He clasped her hand and stood up, setting his cup on the table beside him, and they all crowded into the kitchen. Beth had made one massive cake at the Greene Leaf to fit the names and words. It looked and smelled delicious, and Shawn took a picture of it before it was cut into it.

Carol held Daryl's hand the entire time, and she only let it go to help Beth cut the cake after all the candles were blown out. They handed out cake, Daryl stepped into the background, and Carol kissed Sophia's cheek, wishing her a happy birthday.

She hugged her mom. "I love you, Mommy. Thank you!"

"Thank, Beth."

"She did." Beth licked icing off her finger. "But I'll take another hug."

Carol swiped her finger through the icing on Beth's slice of cake and wiped it on her nose. "Don't try and make my daughter love you more."

"Mature." She went to find a napkin.

"You know you love me," she called after her.

Sophia hopped up and went to Daryl, hugging him. "I love you too, Daddy."

He tentatively hugged her back, his hands so big against her back, and he pulled her closer. Their first hug was brief, and he didn't really hug her back, but he did this time. He gave her a small smile and watched her return to her cake and ice cream. He stepped out for some air.

Not a minute later, Carol lowered herself down beside him on the porch with a massive slice of cake and two spoons. "Here, Daddy."

He rolled his eyes. "Stop."

She smiled, turning to face his side. "Eat it or I'll feed you like a baby."

He grabbed a spoon and cut a piece away, eating it. "Gah." It was sickly sweet.

Carol scooped up the icing on her spoon and dumped it on her side of the plate. "There." She ate some of the icing. "If diabetes had a taste, I found it." She shuddered it down. "Those kids are going to have such sugar highs."

He smirked. "Glad Sophia ain't comin' home with me."

"Paige is," she shot back.

"Walked into that one."

"Yes." She set her spoon down and looked at him. "Karen's coming by next week."

"And that means what exactly?"

"Nothing—well, not nothing. It means something; it's really important to me. I thought you'd want to be there. If Ed has changed his habits or is trying to find me, she'd know." She also wanted her best friend to meet the man she loved.

"Bring her by my place."

"Okay."

"Hey, Carol." Maggie stepped out to the porch. "Mom wants a picture with you and Sophia then all of us."

"Oh, goodie." She climbed to her feet. "C'mon, Daryl."

"I ain't one of y'all."

Maggie and Carol exchanged a look then said, "C'mon, Daryl."

They met outside the house, all of the kids were petting the animals with their parents nearby, and Shawn told them where to sit and how to stand, letting Rick take the pictures. They did one of all the girls, all the boys and all the boys with Sophia. Carol loved it. They were holding her like she was a princess. It was so adorable. She was definitely taking two of those.

"Family picture. Let me." Glenn reached for the camera.

"Wrong way, Glenn!" Shawn called. "Over here by Mag."

"Yeah, over here." Beth pointed to the spot.

"And take the hat off," Annette added.

"I'll take it," Amy offered.

"We have a spot for you over here," Maggie said.

Amy saw the empty spot and glanced at Rick, who motioned for her to go on. She joined them, feeling odd about it. She hadn't had a massive family in years, just her and Paige. It made her smile to feel like she had someone to rely on.

Otis and Patricia squeezed into the picture too, and Rick had to step back. They were all related by blood, blood pacts, marriage and friendships. They were a family, different shapes, sizes and colors, but at least the holidays wouldn't be boring, and they were all together now. They would stay all together.

– – –

"Don't worry about it," Carol insisted.

Sophia was at school, so Daryl came over to talk about her birthday party yesterday. He felt really shitty about not getting her anything. He didn't know what she would like, and he didn't want to go out and buy something she'd hate. He wanted her to like it. He forgot to ask Carol what she would like to have for her birthday, and it was too late now. He'd missed four birthdays, because he didn't know _about_ her, and now he missed one because he didn't know _her_ at all. What father does that?

"I do." He sat in the windowsill, half in her room and half out of it, like before. "I didn't get her nothin'."

"I told her my gift was from the two of us."

"But it wasn't."

"She doesn't know that."

"But _I_ do."

"You're being too hard on yourself." She closed the space between them, arms folded. "It's not your fault you don't know Sophia very well. It's mine. Look, why don't we all go out sometime? We can go to the park or rise horses or something. You can get to know her firsthand, and then when Christmas rolls around, you'll make up for this."

"You... You're gonna let me see her on Christmas?"

"Of course I am. You'll have to come here, because I'll be too full of junk to move."

He half-smiled. Carol always ate holiday foot pass her stomach's capacity limit. "I'd like that."

"And we'd love to have you. You've always been apart of my family, don't be so shocked." She smiled. "Let's go to your place. I want to check on Bella."

"All right." He slipped into the room.

They went downstairs, Carol grabbed her jacket just in case it rained like it was supposed to all week, and she found her parents waiting for her in the living room. She glanced at Daryl, he motioned he'd be outside, and they called to her.

"Yeah?" She felt her stomach twist. "What's up?"

"Come in here," Annette gently demanded.

She sat down on the couch. "What is it?" She felt this was serious the minute she looked into her mother's eyes.

"We want to talk to you." Hershel was holding his wife's hand.

"Talk to me about what?" Her heart slowed way down, and she felt very, very cold. She didn't want to know if her mom was sick, that coming home and being here this past month and a half had only made her worse. She didn't want to know. She wasn't the oldest; Shawn was. He was supposed to handle all of this, and she just supposed to try and help him. She couldn't hear any bad news, not after last night and this morning. She was happy only a second ago, now fear crippled her, rooting her the couch.

"We want you to have dinner with us this Friday. We need to talk to you girls and Shawn."

"About what? You're scaring me." She looked from her dad to her mom.

"Just some shop stuff. Don't be scared, pretty girl." She set a hand on Carol's knee. "We need to work out some things, and we need you four here. We just need your opinions."

She exhaled deeply. "Oh, good. I thought something was wrong."

"Not with us, but with you." She narrowed her eyes. "You're hiding something."

"Well, look at the time. Bye." She shot up and left, practically pushing Daryl off the porch. "Let's go before they figure out my secret." She wasn't ready to tell them about Daryl, because she would have to tell them about Ed. She needed to tell them, just so they could be prepared in case Ed found out about her and them, but she wasn't ready. She probably never would be ready, but she was going to try to be ready. Maybe.

Daryl drove to her to his place, calling T to see if he was sure he didn't need Daryl, but he only got his voicemail. He was probably busy. Daryl needed to stop by after they checked on the runt. He hoped Merle didn't let the runt out, because Sophia would be crushed. She loved it more than anything else, and they hadn't even had it that long. She was so like Carol, but he was starting to see pieces of himself in her.

Were there pieces of Merle in Paige? He wondered how Merle would handle it, not that he was ever going to get the chance, which still ate at Daryl. Merle had a right to know, just like he had a right to know. "Look, Carol, 'bout Paige—"

"Not this again." She stopped on the path to the front door to face him. "She's not your child. Our opinions don't matter. Let's just on inside and talk about _our_ kitten, please. Or Sophia. Let's talk about Sophia. She really likes to d—"

"She's family to me, Carol," he interrupted. "She's my niece. I know I ain't her dad, but I am her uncle. I want her to know that. Since Merle's automatically a shit dad, the girl oughta have a shit uncle too."

"You're not a shit uncle. You're just...an uncle. Barely an uncle, technically, since she doesn't know."

"You know what I mean."

"You want to try and change Amy's mind, go for it." She turned and unlocked the door. "We'll go ask her right now."

"You ain't serious."

"That's her car. She's home, so let's go talk to her about it." She headed inside and toward the stairs. "After all, it's _her_ daughter we're talking about."

"Carol!" He ran after her.

"Look, we'll just ask Amy." She hurried up the stairs. "It's not a big deal."

"It's awkward as shit. She don't know I know, so just don't." He grabbed her as she neared the door. "Stop."

She opened the door and instantly whirl around to cover her eyes in Daryl's chest, and Daryl held her, unable to look away while she wouldn't look at all. It was like a horror film, only he would rather see guts and gore than see what was actually in front of him.

Amy was in bed, completely naked with the blankets around her hips, riding Merle. She gripped his chest, pumping her hips. When she heard the door open, she looked over her shoulder. "Oh, my God!" She covered herself, but Merle kept her in place when she tried to move off the bed. "Oh, my God!" She started blushing. "What the hell?! Can't you knock?!"

"We are so sorry." Carol held her hand over eyes. "We didn't hear anything, so we thought were you alone."

"She just stopped screamin'," Merle chuckled.

She slapped a hand over his mouth, glaring. "Shut up!" Her cheeks were on fire.

"Umm, we need to talk to you." Carol studied Daryl's shirt. "It—it can wait, though."

Merle moved Amy's hand. "If you two will excuse us, we have business to finish." He sat up, motioning for them to close the door.

Daryl pulled the door shut. "I need to gouge my eyes out."

"Uh-huh."

He guided her down the stairs and cringed at the memory.

Carol looked at him for a moment then whispered, "Is he seriously going to finish?"

"Knowing Merle, yeah."

"Gross."

About fifteen minutes later, Amy and Merle came downstairs, adjusting buttons and fixing hair. Amy pulled Carol into the kitchen while Merle dropped beside Daryl on the couch, and Carol could smell Merle on her, and she wasn't even standing that close.

"What the hell, Amy?" Carol kept her voice low. "You and Merle?"

"What?" She looked through the cabinets, trying to find something to eat that she didn't have to cook. "Okay, it looks strange, but it didn't mean anything." _Ooh, muffin._ She grabbed it.

"Oh, come on! He is the father of your child!"

"Shh!" she hissed then glanced over at them. They didn't seem to hear her; Merle wasn't unconscious on the floor. "He doesn't know, and it was just sex, all right?"

"It's Merle, Amy. What, you just happened to seek out the man who's child you had?" She kept her voice low. "The way you talked about him... I don't want you to get hurt."

"I won't get hurt, because it _was_ just sex." She tore the muffin open, taking a bite and swallowing to continue the conversation. "Okay, let me put it this way: I have needs, and sometimes, I need a warm body against mine." She hoped Carol was understanding how it didn't mean much. "Merle...as repulsive as he can be, warms a body quite nicely."

"That's disgusting."

"Really? Then tell me about you and Daryl and that night on the island?" She took a bit of the muffin and Carol stared with confused eyes. "Maggie told me."

Damn the rules of the blood pact! "That's different!"

"How?"

"...It's not. At the time, it was very similar to this." She dropped her head. "If Daryl and I were to get back together, we would be a family, and we know where our relationship could go. What about you and Merle?"

"I'm just barely twenty-two, Carol. I'm not looking for a husband." She paused, swallowing hard. "I didn't mean for it to happen. It's not like I came downstairs naked and posed seductively."

There's another image she would never get out of her head.

"He just came over to see Daryl, but you two were out, so we started talking. One thing led to another, he had me against the wall, and I just didn't tell him no. It was just familiar, and...well, amazing, and I won't apologize."

"I'm not asking you to. I'm just...confused and so, so scarred."

"I'll apologize about that. I'll leave a note or a sock on the door next time." She devoured the rest of the muffin.

"Next time?" She groaned. "There's a next time?"

She tossed the wrapper into the trash. "I'm kidding."

"Have you never seen food before?" Carol asked as Amy looked for something else to eat.

"I'm just so starving." She bit into a granola bar. "We were alone for a long time..."

"Ew. Ew. Ew." She shuddered.

"Okay, I'm going to order a pizza. Do you want some? It'll probably be meat and cheese." She grabbed the phone off the counter.

"No, but thank you for the offer." Carol looked over as Daryl and Merle spoke, and she didn't see any seriousness or worry there. Daryl hadn't told him about Paige, but Merle definitely was talking about Amy. She wanted to hit him sometimes. Amy was a person, not a conquest. "Jackass."

Amy looked at her, and so did they, Carol averted her eyes and blushed. She did not mean to say that out loud. Amy quickly finished her order and hung up as Merle walked over to her, and Daryl got in between them. This wasn't going to end well at all.

"What'd you just say?"

"Nothing." She shrugged. "I wasn't talking to you."

"I'm not stupid, Mousy. Tell me what you said. Don't be a pussy."

"You know what, I called you a jackass." She pushed by Daryl. "Amy is not someone you can just play with! She's a person!"

"Carol—" Amy tried to shut her up, but Carol wouldn't let her.

"No! I know how he is, and I'm not going to let him talk about you like you're some sex object! She's a person, and a really good person at that, so just shut up!"

"Shut up? Is that supposed to scare me?" He glared. "I don't like you, Carol. You're a bitch who goes back on her word, and I hate people like that."

"Merle—"

"No, let him talk," Carol said over Daryl. "Yes, I am a bitch, and I did go back on my word, but at least I'll admit it. What about you? Will you admit that you left him too? Not only left him, you left a child all alone with a grown man who physically and verbally abused him! When I left him, he was safe! And I wasn't going to jail!"

"No, you were just goin' to screw around at college! Surprised you ain't got ten kids the way you move on! I'm sure you ain't that good."

"Your insults don't mean shit, Merle. I'm not a little girl who you can intimidate. I'm not scared of you, because you're just an asshole! No, you're not even that. You're just pretending to be a rude, vile man, because deep down, you're really just a scared little boy who's worried Daddy's going to come back and finish him! Sex isn't love, Merle, although we both know which you've gotten more of."

He did say anything, and silence filled the room. Amy wasn't sure what to say after all of that, and Daryl wasn't sure who he was pissed at more. And then suddenly, Merle started to just...laugh, and Carol stared, brows furrowed. He laughed deeply, like what she said was the funniest thing to ever be vocalized.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Carol glared.

"You don't hold back shit." He laughed. "I like that."

"What?" She looked at Daryl, trying to understand what just happened.

Merle went to the living room with a beer in hand, Daryl followed, and Carol stood there, still not sure if Merle was mad or happy or just swallowing emotions. Amy went upstairs to get her wallet, and she checked the time to see if the girls would be out of school soon. She stopped beside her.

"Carol, I know you mean well, but please don't defend me."

"I'm sorry. He just makes me mad."

"You don't know Merle, so don't judge him."

"Oh, and you do?"

"A little more than you."

"You can try and lie about it, but you still have feelings for him."

"You can keep saying that; it won't make it true."

Carol walked away, shaking her head and going to check on Bella, who was probably upstairs. Amy glanced at Merle, who was watching TV, and she remembered the one time she thought she loved him. Perhaps she did, and the drug just made it easier for her to say those words. She wasn't sure even to this day.

– – –

_She dug her nails into his shoulder, panting heavily, her bangs falling in her face, and she closed her eyes tight, feeling him still as he came inside her. She pushed her hair out of her face, and she looked over his face. _

_He was so beautiful to her. He has the deepest blue-gray eyes that held so much emotion, but he never let them really show. Only sometimes in the morning, he would wake up suddenly, short of breath, and she knew he had been dreaming about the abuse. He never talked about it, but she had seen the scars. Depending on the type nightmare, he would either wake her up and take her out for a drink or wake her up to have sex. She could tell the difference by now, and she knew when he wanted to have sex, the nightmares were really bad, because he was really rough. She knew he needed her those nights, even if he never admitted it._

_She lightly touched his strong jaw with her fingers, his stubble brushing her fingertips, and she ran her index finger across it twice then let her fingers drift down his throat, her hand laying on his chest. She dropped her head and kissed his breast, feeling his arm land on her the small of her back, his hand gripping her ass through the thin sheet. She felt his other hand land on top of hers on his chest, and she whispered three words she didn't mean to say._

_So quick had Merle shot out from under her, so quick had she regretted saying those words, and so quick was he in dressing. He was going to leave, wasn't he? She knew he would. He was the type to bail. Always had been. Could she handle being alone? Could she?_

_She hugged the sheet to her chest. "I—I didn't—"_

"_What the hell did you just say?" he demanded, his eyes wide, like a caged animal._

"_I—I love you." She looked up at him, feeling very small, very vulnerable._

"_You don't mean that."_

"_But—"_

"_Look, Am, you don't fucking mean that! You can't!"_

"_It was an accident." She tugged a shirt down over her, finding her underwear as he started for the door. "Merle, wait!" She tried to catch up to him, but he was gone. "Merle!"_

_She fell back into the apartment, her eyes burning, and closed the door, collapsing into a heap on the floor. No, no, no, no, no. _

_She pulled her legs to her chest. She didn't mean to say that. It was the ecstasy. She didn't even mean it. God, what was she going to do? Merle was all she had in the world, and after everything that they'd been through, that she'd been through...there was no way she could go back to a normal life, struggling to get by and working her ass off to pay bills. She couldn't even do that before she met Merle._

_She was truly alone. She didn't have a single person in the world. Her family would surely disown her, and even Dale wouldn't take her in. She wasn't a Horvath anymore. She'd stopped being one when she left the estate. What was she going to do? She couldn't just wonder the streets aimlessly; Tomas would find her and he would kill her, among other things. She had no qualifications that an employer would want. God, she hasn't even finished high school yet. What was she going to do?_

_She didn't move from that spot the rest of the day, and only when she fell over, jolting herself awake, did she move. She crawled over to the bed and lied down, burying face in the pillow that was rich in Merle's scent. She had to have a plan. Tomorrow, she would come up with a plan._

––

_She cleaned herself up, braiding her hair and putting on her best clothes, even going so far as to brush on some makeup. She only put on makeup when she and Merle went out, and that was rare. She didn't even wear makeup when they suckered in Tomas. She only wore makeup as a way to make herself appear older than she was so Merle didn't get in trouble for their relationship, not that it mattered. Merle knew the bartender, and he didn't care just as long as Merle paid._

_She left the apartment and went down the block to see the one man who could fake credentials like no other. He was the best at when he did. She didn't know how he manged to not get in trouble with the law, but she was glad he was staying here for a few days. She needed his help._

_She slipped into his building, finding him in the basement. She got through only because he knew Merle briefly. She didn't know how, and she didn't care. She needed him, and if Merle's name helped her get him, so be it. She didn't need the details._

"_Amy Elyssa Horvath," he said when she began to introduce herself. "I saw you."_

_She hadn't even seen the cameras on her way down here. "Well, it's nice to meet you."_

"_Call me Paul." He gestured to the cot beside him. "Sit, please."_

"_Paul?" She took a seat. "Is that your real name?"_

"_Nothing throws people like the truth."_

"_Let's cut to the chase."_

"_Please do."_

"_I need you to help me."_

"_I know that look." He chuckled. "He left, eh?"_

"_This isn't about him. It's about you and me. **I** need your help, so here I am." She was very serious about this, and she refused to let him try and change the subject. "I need you to...fudge some facts about me."_

"_What can I do for you? A fake I.D?"_

"_Cute. I need a high school diploma." She was going back to school, but just in case. To the rest of this little town, she was Horvath, so it would be believable. "And a college degree."_

_He smiled. "Why?"_

"_That's for me to know."_

"_It sounds like fun, but I don't do handouts."_

"_I can pay you." She could get money from her parents' banking accounts. They had so many, and one was for her. It was a college fund, and as they were expecting some up there college, there would be plenty. They wouldn't close it. They'd leave it there for Andrea, just in case. She would have to do some major sweet talking, but maybe it'd work. She was too scared her parents would catch her to do it before, but now she had no choice. "Tell me how much, and I'll have it by maybe tomorrow."_

"_Well, all right then. I'll get to work, and I'll see you tomorrow. If you don't have the money—"_

"_I'll have it."_

"_All right. Talk to Tito. If you want me to add anything specific, tell him."_

_She started to leave. "It's Amy Harrison."_

"_Yes, ma'am."_

_She talked to the man called Tito for half an hour, making sure it was worth it, and she left. She grabbed her purse from the apartment and was about to leave for the bank when Merle stumbled into the apartment, drunk and with company. She looked at the trashy slut who laughing beside him, and she clenched her jaw._

"_Merle." She tossed her purse down on the floor._

"_You didn't tell me you had a kid," the woman giggled. "She's cute."_

"_I am not his freaking kid," Amy seethed. "I'm his girl!"_

_The woman's brows rose. "A little young, ain't you?"_

"_My age doesn't concern you. Get out!" She pointed to the door, the venom in her voice so thick, and she knew her eyes were crazed. "Or I swear I will cut you!"_

_She backed up then dashed out of the apartment, the door shut behind her, and Merle just looked at Amy, somehow managing to stand up. She was so angry at herself for ever letting herself be with him, and she was livid at him. She just wanted to hurt him, but there wasn't anything in this apartment that would just hurt him, so her fists would do._

"_You're a son of a bitch!" She shoved him, and he fell against the door, his footing shitty. "You're such an asshole! You couldn't wait until I was gone?"_

_He came at her, she hit him to try and stop him, but he hit her back. He grabbed her, pushing her down onto the floor. She landed half on the floor, half on the bed, and she kicked him in the balls, climbing to her feet as he fell to the floor, his face red. She wiped her nose on her sleeve, wincing slightly at the burning, and she turned to leave, but something stopped her from leaving the apartment._

_She looked at him, walking over to him. "I don't love you, Merle. I don't know why I said it, but I didn't mean it."_

_He gazed up at her, silent._

"_There's a bucket in the corner, throw up in it. I don't want to come back to your vomit everywhere." She picked up her purse and shouldered it. "On second thought...go ahead. I'm not coming back." She grabbed her bag of clothes, stuffing what little clothes she had inside, and she left, closing the door behind her. She didn't look back once._

– – –

"_Thank you." Amy smiled at her new landlord who handed her the key to her new and somewhat crappy apartment. Okay, it was very crappy, but it would do for now. She looked around. Well, she had shitty furniture, but at least it was something to sleep on. She might be able to get a few hundred out of her account, but she wasn't going to push her luck. After the three grand she took for this new life, she wasn't going to push it. Hopefully, with this job, she might be able to afford decent food. Or take some from the cafeteria._

_She set her duffel bag on the couch and looked around at her very first home. She smiled to herself. This was a fresh start. No parents, no Horvath shadow looming over her, and most importantly: No Merle. She wasn't going back to him. She had to get clean. Luckily, she wasn't doing anything too addictive. She still had to talk herself out of going back to that shitty building, going back to him._

_She locked the door and sat down on the couch, opening her purse and pulling out a can of tuna. She had a six cans, a bag of chips, two one liter bottles of tea and fruit. It would have to do. She was so hungry. She wanted to just eat it all, but she couldn't. She would make this work. Somehow._

_She put the teas and the apples in the fridge, the chips on top of the fridge before returning to the living room and her can of tuna. Dinner of champions. Sad, pathetic, little champions._

_There a knock on her door, and she set the unopened can down, wondering if the landlord forgot to give her something, and she pulled the door open, her jaw falling open at the sight of Merle on the other side._

"_What the hell are you doing here?" How did he know where to find her? She had no one to tell she'd moved here, so how the hell did he find her? Was he following her now? _

"_Heard you got a place. I wanted to see it." He pushed his way into the apartment before she could shut the door in his face like he knew she wanted to do. "Nice, even has roaches."_

"_They're still better company than you." She crossed her arms, already irritated. "What do you want?"_

"_Tuna?" He poked through her purse. "You stealin' now?"_

"_No, of course not. Leave it be." She walked over to him. "Look, just go. I don't want you here, and I made it very clear our...shagging days were over, so leave."_

_He studied her for a moment. She'd lost weight, or maybe her pants were too big. Her face was so pale, and her eyes were to big in her face. It made him...pissed to see her like this. What the hell was she trying to prove?_

"_Let me take you to lunch, get some decent food in you."_

"_No."_

"_Why not?"_

"_Because you just want to have sex with me. That's it. I know you, Merle, and the answer is no."_

"_Let me make you a deal."_

"_No!"_

"_You go to lunch with me, we talk, and we come back here...and you decide then if you want to hear what I got to say."_

"_So, you'll feed me for free?"_

"_Yeah."_

_She scoffed. "You're so full of shit."_

"_Look, Amy, I want to talk about you and Paul. Your deal with him."_

"_Jealous?" She smirked._

"_Tsk, hell no."_

"_Good. Leave. We're done."_

"_We ain't nearly done."_

_She groaned, annoyed. You know what? Screw it. "If I have lunch with you, are we done then?"_

"_Maybe."_

_That was good enough. "Fine, let's go have lunch." She grabbed her purse and followed him out the door, locking up. She chose a nearby diner, and he told her to order what she wanted. She wondered what made him so generous today. She didn't squander the opportunity to eat. She was starving, so she ordered what sounded good: pancakes with scrambled eggs, a cheeseburger with onion rings and fries and a chocolate milk, and she got a salad just to have something healthy. Whatever she didn't eat here, she was taking home with her. She knew she'd probably get through the pancakes and eggs, so the rest was tomorrow's dinner._

"_What, you don't want a steak while you're at it?"_

"_Oh, that sounds good. A steak too. Medium rare." She handed the woman her menu._

_He didn't order anything. "The hell you gonna put all that food?"_

"_In my fridge for another night." She crossed her legs. "So, you wanted to talk? I'll hear you out."_

"_It's 'bout you and Paul." She nodded. "Did you pay Paul in cash?"_

"_Yes, I did. Why?" _

"_Just wondered. Makes sense now."_

"_What does?"_

"_Tomas killin' him last night."_

_She met his eyes. "What? Paul's dead?" Her voice was shaky._

"_Tomas saw you two talkin', probably thought y'all came to a different agreement on payment and killed him. He took some of the money, but not all of it."_

"_Oh, my God." Her eyes filled with tears. "Because of me, Paul is dead?"_

"_It ain't all you."_

_She covered her mouth with her hand as bile ran up her throat. "Oh—God." She scrambled out of the booth and to the bathroom. She didn't make it to the toilet. She threw up in the sink, gripping the edges of it as warm liquid-y chucks poured out of her mouth. _

_Oh, God. Paul was dead because of what she and Merle had done to Tomas months ago. She thought he was done taking revenge, but she was wrong. She hadn't escaped anything, had she? He was still lurking in the shadows, wasn't he? _

_She heaved, her knees going weak, and she felt so dizzy. She hadn't eaten much these past few days, but somehow she was puking up buckets. She managed to make it to the toilet before her vomit filled the sink and spilled onto the floor._

_Merle waited twenty minutes then went to the back to see if she was even still there, and as he neared the door, she came out, wiping her mouth on her sleeve and sniffing, her eyes watery. He tried to touch her, but she moved away. He returned with her to the booth. _

"_You all right?"_

"_No." She held herself close. "What am I going to do?"_

"_Don't worry 'bout Tomas. I'll take care of him."_

"_I don't want that, Merle." She sniffed. "I don't want you to get hurt."_

"_I ain't gonna get hurt," he assured her, "he is. Just listen to me."_

_She listened as he told her his plan, the food came, and she managed to eat. She didn't like Merle's plan, but he wasn't going to let her get hurt. She didn't know why, but she assumed it was because she was the only person he had anymore too. His own brother didn't need him anymore. Daryl had his wife, even if they weren't completely happy. They still had each other, and Daryl was dedicated to her now. Looked like she and Merle had more and more in common as the days went by._

_She put the leftovers in the fridge and sat down on the couch beside him. "Thank you for lunch."_

_He shrugged it off. "You goin' back to school?"_

"_Yeah. I have a job, but it's just at this little burger place. It'll keep this roof over my head, buy me some decent clothes and some toothpaste." _

_He chuckled softly._

"_About what happened last week... I'm sorry I ruined your...whatever that was."_

_He said nothing. He stood up. "Is there a bathroom?"_

"_Yeah. It's right beside the first bedroom."_

_He left the room, finding two bedrooms and the bathroom. They were surprisingly clean and almost spacious. He used the restroom then returned. "Got any glasses?"_

"_I have a cup from the gas station when I bought a soda. Why?" _

"_Just thirsty."_

"_All I have is water. I'll get you some if you want." She went into the kitchen and grabbed the cup._

_He listened as she filled the cup, unzipping her suitcase and tucking a few twenties he'd taken off Tomas inside. Kid would need it. She had guts, he respected that. "Actually, I gotta run."_

"_Thank God. The water smells funky." She exited the kitchen. "Uhh, could we talk just for a second?"_

_He sat down with her. "What?"_

"_I wanted to thank you for taking care of me the past few months. You really saved my life, and I will forever be grateful."_

"_Well, you made it worth my time."_

"_I'm being serious."_

"_So am I."_

_Of course. "What I really want to say is...you don't have to protect me."_

"_I'm gonna."_

"_Why?"_

"_That's for me to know."_

_She studied his expression. They should have a decent goodbye, and he's made it perfectly clear what he liked her for. She climbed onto his lap, he leaned back, watching her, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, placed kisses down his throat._

"_I didn't come here for this," he told her._

"_I know." She met his eyes. "One last time." She slipped her fingers through the few curls in his hair, leaning down and kissing him as he gripped her hips, sliding his hand up the back of her shirt to unclasp her bra._

– – –

Carol left to pick up the girls; Daryl had gone with her, not wanting to be in the house full of tension, and he wanted to be there and not just because Carol had told Sophia he would be. Merle sat on the couch, eating a slice of pizza, and Amy sat in the kitchen, picking off pepperoni and eating them, no longer as hungry.

She wondered if she should just tell him about Paige. It wasn't as if he would want to be involved with her anyway. He never wanted kids. He made that perfectly clear on many occasions. She just really didn't want Paige to know Merle was her father. It wasn't because of his past or anything, she just really, really didn't want her to know about him or him to know about her. Something inside her made her feel sick to even consider it. Her head was always screaming at her to never tell them. She never really listened to her head anymore. She had sex with him when she knew she shouldn't have.

She slid off the stool and swallowed hard, taking a drink of water before calling to him. "Uh, Merle?"

"What?"

"I—"

The front door opened, Sophia and Paige ran inside, Carol and Daryl right behind them, and he closed the door. Amy's throat closed, and she told him never mind. She knew the girls would rush upstairs to see Bella. That's what they did every time they came home. Only after Bella slipped away under Daryl's dresser did they come and acknowledge that they were people in the house.

Today, they didn't.

"Mom." Paige ran over to her. "I made something for you."

"Oh?" She knelt down. "What?" She helped her take off her backpack and Paige dug through it, pulling out a beaded bracelet. It was silver and gold with a white rose every five beads. "You made this?"

She nodded. "With Sophia and Jeanette. Do you like it?"

"I love it." She smiled at Paige's smile. "It's beautiful."

"Mommy, I have one for you too." Sophia held it out.

"Oh, it's so cute." She looked it over. There were two types of blues and white with one pink heart. "These are all my favorite colors."

She smiled. "I made one for Daddy too, but I don't know if he'll like it."

"Don't be silly." She slipped it on. "He'll love it."

She started to walk over to him, but stopped. "Later. He's busy."

"Okay, that's fine." She hugged her. "Thank you for the bracelet."

Daryl tossed his keys onto the counter, grabbing a can of soda. "I'm gonna run down to the shop, help T out."

"Are you sure?" Carol moved hair off her face.

He nodded. "As long as you don't mind taking care of the fuzzball."

"That's fine." Sophia grinned. "We can!"

Paige noticed a man on the couch, and she walked over to him as Carol, Amy and Daryl talked. She peered over the back of the couch at him, seeing his lips, stubble and nose then his eyes, which automatically turned to her. She stepped out from behind the couch, studying him, and she noticed his hair and his eyes—they were like hers. "Hi."

"Hey." He scrutinized this little girl. She was the same girl from Amy's. What the hell was she doing here? Was she good friends with Sophia or what?

Amy watched Paige very closely, no longer hearing Daryl, Sophia and Carol._ Don't, Amy. You know this is stupid. Stop her. _

"How are you?" Paige asked.

"Good. You?" Who the hell was this kid?

"I'm okay." She paused. "Who are you?"

_Stop her __**now**__! _"Hey, Paige, c'mere." Amy stood up, motioning for her to come.

"Okay, Mommy. Bye." She waved at the man and hurried over to her mom. "What?"

"Mommy?!" Merle exclaimed.

Amy picked Paige up. _Well, shit. This was why her head screamed __**no. **_

"What the hell is goin' on?" Merle was on his feet.

Daryl and Carol exchanged looks, trying to escape, but Merle was blocking the door now, so they all but ran upstairs to give them privacy and time to talk. This could take them awhile, and it was probably going to be rough.

"Mommy," Merle repeated. "That's your kid?"

She didn't look at him, just held Paige closer, her heart was racing in her chest. She could feel his eyes burning into her face, but she kept her eyes zeroed in on the wall over Paige's shoulder.

"How old is she?" Merle demanded.

"Don't," she whispered. "Honey, don't answer him."

"How old, Amy?!" he shouted.

"I'm five," Paige answered, looking from her mom to the mysterious man. "Why?"

Merle's eyes widened. "F—f—fi—?"

She interrupted him, "Merle, please—"

"Merle?" Paige looked at him then smiled widely. "Merle! You're my dad!"

Amy frowned. "What? How did you—?"

"I heard you and Carol talking." She glanced at her mom momentarily then back at the man who was her dad. "You said Merle was my dad. Right?"

Merle stared at her, and Amy nodded. "Yes, that's I what said."

"Oh, shit." Merle racked his hands through his hair. "Shit, shit, shit, shit!"

"Hold on." She held up an index finger then dug out her phone and grabbed headphones from Paige's backpack. Plugging the headphones into her phone, she turned to the volume up on a soundtrack, and Paige didn't wince in pain, so hopefully it was loud enough to block them out and not destroy her hearing.

"Calm down." She walked over to him, hands out in a gesture of peace. "Just calm down."

"Calm down?!" he shouted.** "Calm down?!"**

"Okay, stop yelling!" She pushed him back toward the kitchen. "You need to calm down. You aren't the only one finding out a huge secret."

"When?" he demanded.

"A few days after I left, I think. I'm not sure."

"And when you were sure?"

"I had her, and I'm raising her. What else would I do? Abort her?" She studied him. "Oh, you bastard."

He ignored that. "How long have you known?"

"Known that she was yours?" He nodded. "Always. There wasn't anyone after you, Merle. You were...something to me once, and I wasn't going to risk exposing her to someone vile, so yeah it's always been you."

"She's really five?" His mouth dried out. He had a five-year-old?

"Yes, she is really five." Amy smiled. "She likes school. She's really good at math. I don't know how, because I'm horrible at it. Maybe she gets it from you."

"School?" Was he dreaming? Was this some weird ass dream? What the fuck?

"Uh-huh. She's very intelligent for her age. She gets that from my side. Er, no offense."

"Well, it's true." He eyed the little girl, his mind reeling, and he didn't know if he was pissed off at her, at himself or if he wanted to go and talk the kid. He wasn't sure it was a good idea. He was no father. He was no role model. Amy made the best choice. Keeping that kid from him was the best choice.

"She's the best of us," Amy told him.

"I—I gotta get outta here."

She frowned. "What? N—no, no, you can't just leave." She stepped in front of him, hand on his chest to stop him. "Merle, she knows about you now. You can't run."

"Move or I'll move you."

"For the love of God, man up, Merle. You have a child, and I know that scares me. Hell, it scares me too, even now, but now that you know about her, you owe her a decent introduction. I will not let you walk out on her, not right now."

"I didn't ask for this," he hissed.

"And I did?" She kept her voice low. "I never wanted a child at sixteen, but I accepted it and grew up to raise her. You need to grow up and accept that you have a daughter as well. All I want from you is to talk to her just this once. Say hello and tell her your name. That's all you have to do."

"You want me to just—just waltz over there and just hi? Bullshit."

"I don't need a father figure for my kid, Merle. Please, just do this for me."

He stared at her. "Why did you do this?"

"Excuse me?" She crossed her arms.

"You know 'bout me, 'bout my father, so why did you do this to me?"

"_I_ didn't do anything. It took the two of us to make her, and you know how we were back then." She shook her head. "Look, just go and say hello. That's all I want. You don't owe me anything, but you do owe _her._"

"Is that why you screwed me so good? Try and cushion the blow?"

"God, no. What happened between us had nothing to do this her. That was...stupid and selfish. Pretend it didn't happen, if you want. I don't care." She glanced at Paige, who was knocking her knees together, studying the floor. She loved her daughter unconditionally, and she knew how much this meant to Paige. "Just five minutes. Please, Merle, please."

"Amy—don't."

"You owe her this," she snapped. "Not to mention, you used me for almost a year, _and_ you hit me."

"I protected you these past five years," he growled. "Why the hell do you think Tomas wasn't botherin' you?"

"Merle, please! God, stop fighting with me!" She searched his eyes. "There has to be enough here for you to feel some obligation to me. So you go and say hello to your daughter."

He was silent for a long time, and she couldn't tell if he was going go over there or just leave. She was very nervous.

"Merle?"

He stepped back away from her and went over to the little girl, she looked up at him with big smiling eyes, and he pushed the headphones down gently. She had the same curly hair as he did, the same eyes, but the rest was Amy. She was beautiful and innocent and...his.

She didn't want to make him uncomfortable, because he looked so pale and uncomfortable already. She didn't want to call him dad just yet. He didn't look ready for it. She wasn't ready for it. "I'm Paige."

"I'm—I'm Merle."

"It's nice to meet you, Merle." She brought her legs in closer. "You can sit. There's room."

He sat down on the stairs beside her, but said nothing. He felt like the world was shaking. It was more potent than any alcohol, whatever it was he was feeling. How did this happen? She'd been here for five years and he had no clue. Fuck, life was so damn easy two minutes ago. Now it was all shit.

"I wished for you," Paige told him, "for my father."

"Father?" he muttered.

"Mommy told me if I wished real hard, it would happen, so I did. You finally came." She looked up at him with those big blue-gray eyes.

Amy leaned against the island, watching Paige talk to him, and she crossed her arms, wanting to smile, but she felt wrong. That voice was no longer scream, but she felt so sick. She didn't like that she felt like this. She worried she would regret ever letting Paige go over to him. It was probably nothing. She was just nervous. This was a big moment, after all. Paige was meeting her father, and Amy no longer had her all to herself. She would know Sophia was her cousin, and that was it. They were all a big family, and it was so great, but so difficult. It's always been the two of them, and now it's like the fifteen of them.

"Merle? Are you okay?"

Amy glanced up. "What is it?"

He was standing up, and he shook his head, walking to the door. "Fuck this," he muttered, snatching his coat on the way, and Paige stood up, calling after him, but he didn't stop. He walked out of the house.

"Merle!" Amy shouted after him. "Merle!"

"Merle?" Paige whispered. "...Dad...?"

"You son of a bitch." She didn't have time to be pissed, because Paige started to cry. She rushed over to her as she began to weep so hard her entire body shook. "It's all right. It's all right. I'm here." She held her tight.

"I wished really hard." She sobbed.

Daryl came downstairs with Carol and Sophia when Amy screamed after Merle at the top of her lungs, the anger practically visible, and at the sight of Paige bawling, he went after Merle. He wasn't going to let him off that easily.

"Shh." Amy rubbed her back.

"It didn't work." Paige buried her face in her mom's shirt.

Sophia kept asking what had happened, and her mom shook her head, telling her nothing. "Paige?"

"Not now, sweetie." Amy carried Paige to their bedroom, sitting down on Paige's bed, smoothing her hair down and rocking her. She should've never accepted Merle back into her life. That was stupid. She knew it wasn't going to end well. It didn't end well the last time. She was so stupid, and Paige was paying for it. She didn't want this. She never wanted this.

––

Carol set a cup of chocolate milk down beside Sophia as she watched TV. Daryl hadn't come home or called, and it was evening now. Amy hadn't come downstairs, but when Carol went upstairs a couple hours ago, she could hear Paige crying. It broke her heart. She knew Merle was going to do that. That's why she wanted to convince Daryl they shouldn't meet. It was a monumental disaster; Amy and Carol both knew this would happen. Merle was selfish. He wasn't going to just turn over a new leaf, because Amy had his child. If this could've been prevented... Well, it happened, and Paige won't forget this. That poor little girl.

"Is Paige all right?" Sophia asked, not wanting to watch TV anymore. She knew Paige was very upset, but her mom wouldn't let her go upstairs and talk to her.

"I don't know."

"Why did Merle make her cry? Is he a bully?"

"Merle is...complicated."

"How?"

"He had a hard life, and it's changed him. He's not ready for kids. He might never be."

"But—but Daddy is!"

"Daryl's different than Merle."

"Different?"

"I don't know how to explain it, baby. He just is."

She nodded. "Mommy?"

"Yeah?"

"What's Merle to me?"

"He's your uncle."

"And Paige?"

"She's your cousin."

"So, Amy's my aunt? Like Sasha?"

"Yes, I suppose she is."

She nodded then slowly smiled. "We make a family."

"Yeah, we do."

Sophia smiled happily. She'd always wanted a big family, and their family kept growing and growing. She had a cousin, and soon baby cousins! She hoped to have siblings someday. She wanted to have siblings like her Uncle Shawn and Aunt Beth and Maggie, and she wanted her mom and dad to be together. They were happier when they were together, but...Amy and Merle weren't happy. Why weren't Amy and Merle happy? Why was Paige crying? Was Merle liked Ed?

––

Amy tucked hair behind Paige's ear, dropping her hand and rubbing her stomach lightly, like she used to do when she was an infant. Paige had stopped crying, but she was so deeply hurt. Amy could understand. Paige has been dreaming about Merle for years; he was her birthday wish and her wish on every first star she saw. And when they finally met, he bailed. Paige may not understand why, but Amy could try explain it to her at least.

"It's my fault, isn't it?" Paige whispered.

"No. No, it wasn't your fault." It was her fault. She knew he wasn't ready. She backed him into a corner, and that was wrong. She was so stupid. "Merle is just...complicated. He left, because he was scared."

"Of me." She turned her head to look at her mom. "He doesn't want me."

"I don't know, honey."

She rolled over, scooting back on the bed to face her mom, and she lowered her eyes. "Did you want me?"

"Yes, of course I wanted you! That's not even a question!" She set her hand over Paige's. "I love you so much, Paige. You're everything I've ever wanted, and the timing doesn't matter. You're my daughter, and I love you, no matter what."

"I love you too."

"I know I should've told you about Merle, but I wanted you all to myself. You're the only family I've had for such a long time." Her eyes burned, her voice was thick. "You know what I mean?"

She nodded.

Amy paused, looking at the bee pin in Paige's hair, trying to push the tears and emotions back. "Do you want to know about Merle?"

She pursed her lips, but nodded.

"Well, Merle came from a bad home. His dad was a very bad man, and he would hurt Merle."

She frowned. "Hurt him?"

"Yes. He would hit him."

"That's awful."

"I think that's why Merle doesn't want to be a father. I think he's afraid he'll turn out like his own dad, and he couldn't bear that."

"Did he hit you?"

"Once, but I hit him too."

"Why?"

"We were fighting, and it went too far."

"Fighing about what? Me?"

"No, this was before I knew I was having you. We were together then, but I left him."

"You left? But you loved him, didn't you?"

_Oh, boy._ "Love is complicated, and sometimes you have to leave for everything to work out. Time allows people to figure out what they want." She rubbed her thumb over Paige's hand. "We have had some very complicated times, but I wouldn't change a single thing."

"Do you love him still?"

"These past years...I've thought a lot about him," she confessed. "A long time ago, I liked Merle very much, but my feelings are in the past."

She nodded. "What else can you tell me about him?"

"Well, he's strong—so strong. He would die to protect someone he loves, which is where you get it from. He's the reason Tomas didn't come after us for so long."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "He's so rough, but he's so gentle sometimes." He only showed that side to her, she believed. "He's the reason you have this mess of curly brown hair. I prayed day and night you'd get my hair, but no, you just had to have his."

Paige giggled. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She beamed. "It goes well with your eyes, which Merle gave you too."

"I like your eyes, Mommy. They're so pretty."

"Thanks. They are the same color as everyone else in my family. I'm glad you broke that cycle."

A beat.

"Will I ever get to know him?"

"I don't know, kiddo. Maybe."

She sighed softly then lifted her eyes. "Wait, we have more family?"

Amy nodded.

Her face brightened. "I have grandparents?"

"Yeah." Amy met her eyes. "And an aunt."

"Can I meet them?"

"Are you sure?" Amy was the one who wasn't sure. She hadn't seen her family in so long, and so much has changed.

"I'm sure."

She smirked. "For someone so small, you are so brave." She kissed her forehead. "We'll meet Andrea first. She's my older sister and your aunt."

"Andrea. Heh, it's a pretty name."

"Yeah." She shook her head. "She is going to love you."

Paige laughed softly. "I hope so."

"We'll ditch school and go have lunch with her. Sound like fun?"

"Can we go after?"

"Fine, but one day you'll be begging me to let you ditch school, and I will bring up this moment."

"Uh-huh."

"You will. Or we can go on Saturday. How does that sound?"

"It sounds good." She propped her head up on her hand. "Tell me my aunt."

"Well, she's an overachiever," Amy began, recalling what she knew about Andrea when they were young. She didn't want to think about meeting Andrea, but she was going to _have_ to start thinking about it. She would call Andrea's assistant and see when she was off next or see if she was in to talk to her. She would have to buy something to wear if she was going to see her parents again. She would have to look the part, but not Paige. She wasn't going to become a Horvath. She wasn't. She wasn't a Dixon either. She was a Harrison, a perfect in between.


	20. Ocean Floor

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

––

Carol was reluctant, but Sophia and Daryl were both persistent. She had no real reason to say no, but it was so difficult. She'd always had Sophia right down the hall or beside her every single night, and to have her more than thirty minutes away made Carol feel as if she were tried to an anchor in the middle of the ocean. Daryl was her father and very responsible, and Amy would be here if Sophia needed her, and so would Paige. She just wasn't sure.

"It's just one night," Sophia pressed. "Pretty, pretty, pretty please?"

"I—uhhh..." She dropped off.

"It's just me. Nothin' is gonna happen," he promised. "We'll watch some movie—of my choosin', but appropriate—eat pizza or somethin' Amy might make then go to bed. That's it."

"But we have that family dinner tonight," Carol argued.

"Just y'all _Greene_ girls and Shawn," he reminded her. "C'mon, don't you trust me?"

"With my life and hers," she swore, "but I—I don't know."

"Mommy, please? I'll be extra good, and—and I'll brush my teeth and floss too! Please, Mommy?"

She slowly nodded. "Okay, fine."

"Thank you!" Sophia hugged her. "I'm gonna go tell Paige." She ran out of the bedroom and down the hall.

"Yeah, Amy's takin' Paige to the movies then to the mall for shoppin' and bondin', so it'll be mostly just the two of us," he confessed.

"I know. She told me. Her best friend." She smirked, folding his shirts since he'd just left the basket lying there after Amy went through the trouble of having them clean, and it was helping to still the trembling in her hands. "But thank you for telling me."

"So, family dinner?"

She nodded. "It's about the Greene Leaf and the farm too, possibly."

"Oh?"

"It has me so nervous." She opened the first drawer to his dresser. "I feel sick and sweaty." She placed the shirts inside then saw another basket of jeans. "Do you ever fold?"

He watched her bend over and pick up the basket, his eyes moving to something on her neck, and he slipped off the bed. He brushed her hair aside when she stood up, and he felt her tense. "Nervous, huh?"

"What is it?" She turned her head toward his.

"A rash."

"I outgrew that."

"Well, it's here." He took the basket and set it on his bed, taking her wrist and pulling her into the bathroom. "Why're you so nervous?"

"I think I'm a naturally nervous person." She gathered her hair and held it away from her neck in one hand as he rubbed ointment over the small bumps, the cold cream making her shudder.

"No, you ain't. You're only nervous when you're scared."

"Well, I've been scared for four years now. I guess my body can't tell the difference anymore, which is weird, because I haven't gotten this rash in years."

He met her eyes in the mirror. "You don't have to be afraid no more."

"I do, but for different reasons." She wouldn't look at him.

"I get men like Ed," he told her, tossing the ointment onto the counter. "He wanted you broken so you wouldn't ever leave."

"Please, don't, Daryl."

"Everything he told you to degrade you was just the opposite of what he saw. I know it was, 'cause I know you. I see you." He started to flush really bad. "You're friggin' intelligent and always too damn good for a worthless asshole like him."

She shook her head. "I—"

"You're gorgeous, Carol. Always have been."

She turned, so very close to him, her shoulder almost touched his. "You—you think I'm gorgeous?" Her words were breathy, like she was scared to ask and like she wasn't sure what wanted the answer.

He nodded. "How can you not see it?"

"How can you not see that you've always been a good man? You're so brave and selfless. Sophia got that from you, so don't deny it."

"You say she's beautiful and intelligent, so what the hell do you see in yourself? Everyone knows and says she's just like _you _in every way."

She searched his eyes. "Stop it, Daryl."

"Stop what?"

"I'm not who I was before." She stepped back. "I'm just not, and no matter what you say, it won't change what I know."

"What you know or what Ed told you you should know?" he snapped back.

"Don't bring Ed into this! He has nothing to d—"

"He has everything to do with this!" he shouted. "He convinced you of all this shit, and it's just that: shit! It ain't truth. God damn, Carol, realize that!"

"I have to go and help make dinner."

He watched her leave and cursed.

"Mommy?" Sophia frowned at how red her mom's eyes were.

"I have to go now, but I will be back at noon tomorrow." She hugged her tightly. "I hope you have fun."

"Why were you and Daddy fighting?"

"It's grown up stuff. Don't worry about it." She smiled, and it was fake. "Have a good time, and keep your promises." She saw Daryl in the hall. "Call me before you go to bed."

"I will." She hugged her goodbye. "I love you."

"I love you too." She kissed the top of her head and left before any tears fell. She made it all the way home, gripping the wheel and snuffling. She took a walk to try and calm down, but she couldn't. She half-walked, half-ran to the pond, collapsing onto warm earth.

Powerful sobs wrecked her body as she pulled her legs up and held them close. She feared she may come apart if she didn't. She rocked herself, sobbing loudly, and she wasn't even sure why. She just felt like a shit, and that she should be left out there all alone so that no one would have to be burdened by her again.

_Who haven't you burdened?_

Who hadn't she burdened? She made a mess of Daryl's life, and there was no possible way to fix it. And poor Karen. She had to put up with Carol's shit for years, never really able to just let her anger out, because she might push her off the edge. And her parents. God, her parents.

_What the hell was wrong with you?!_

– – –

_Karen had taken Sophia out for the day to get some fresh air and to feel the sun on her face, because Carol was too much of a mess to do it herself. She had a twisted ankle, a dislocated shoulder, a broken finger, and her face was just a swollen mess. Karen had to take Sophia out before she went and shot Ed four times in one location and threw his body into a shark tank. _

_After not moving for hours, she finally dragged herself out of bed. She fell to her knees, whimpering softly at the pain, and she pushed herself to her feet. She went to the bathroom, not looking in the mirror, and she used the toilet._

_Turning the water on, she began to wash her hands with a bar of soap. She saw herself by accident and stared in...shock, mostly. She had no words to describe to herself how her face looked, and she didn't want to try and find the words. Ed had said more than enough for the both of them when he woke up this morning. Why didn't she just crawl in a hole somewhere?_

_She was so disgusting, and she let Karen see her like this? She was surprised the mirror didn't shatter at how repulsive she was. She could probably make someone heave, and it had nothing to do with the swelling—it had gone down some since the other night anyhow. She was just...a mess. No, that didn't even begin to cover how unsightly she was._

_She turned away and decided to take a bath. She filled the tub with hot water, removed her clothes, setting them in the hamper, and she sat down, the water almost stinging. She bit her lip to keep the groans back, and she hung her head, noticing the black and blue bruises on her thighs. She lifted her legs up and wrapped her arms around them._

_**What the hell is wrong with you? Do you think you can just let yourself go like this? You didn't **_**just**_** have Sophia. Damn, go to the gym!**_

_She shuddered._

_**Really? You're going to eat that? Haven't you had enough tonight? I'm surprised you can still fit in my damn car. You're such an embarrassment. Who the hell wants to be seen with you? Forget tonight, I'll just go alone.**_

_She buried her face in her knees._

_**I spent five years—five long, stressful years—of my life working for this and you can't even try to look decent for tonight? If this is all you have to work with then that's just sad. You might as well wear a mask. It'll cause less damage to my bosses' eyes. If I had only seen this before I married you, my life would be so much better. Thank God Sophia doesn't look a thing like you.**_

_It was times like these when she felt the most. In the bright and cruel light of day, when it's just her, she felt so disconnected from everything. It felt like she could just slip away and no one would notice. Why should they notice? She was nothing. She was just a piece of the background that hopefully nobody ever saw, because she was so displeasing to the eye. She didn't belong in this world, did she?_

_So often she would look around and see so much of what she lacked. If she had even a small portion of that, maybe Ed would be happy. She could be so much better if she wasn't...Carol. Carol was wrong and hideous and just a waste. Carol was screwed up and there was nothing worth saving about her. Carol made so many good people worry about her when they shouldn't have to. She wasn't worth the energy they put into worrying about her. She was nothing. _

_**Who haven't you burdened? Damn, how have you made it this long? Tsh, don't waste your breath. I don't give a fuck.**_

_It felt like her insides were being clawed out, and it wouldn't stop. She felt as if the darkness had tainted her. She was entirely alone, but she was never alone, because he was there, lurking, watching. He never wanted her around other people, and she shouldn't be allowed around them. She would taint them, ruin their lives as she had done in the past. She was a terrible person to even let that baby near her. She deserved so much more than Carol. _

_There was so much inside of her, so much, and it was like a raging war. She was always in pain, and she was to blame for it. If she was just better, if she was good enough... She would never be good enough. She would never be worth anyone's love._

_How could anyone love somebody like her? And why?_

_She dried off and dressed as Karen returned from her day with Sophia. She didn't mind the icy bathwater. She hardly felt it—or anything—anymore. She only felt the pain he brought, and she deserved that. After all she did, she deserved it. She had ruined his life, Ed's as well, so this was her punishment._

"_Okay, I bought food." She was in the kitchen. "Oh, and don't worry, I fed Sophia her breakfast and lunch."_

_Carol limped into the kitchen. "Did you?" Carol saw the carrier and Sophia's little shoes, but she didn't look further to see her face._

"_Yes. She's so sweet when she's sleeping." Karen pulled down two glasses. "I brought some of my grandmother's tea stuff. It's really good for you, and it'll help replenish vitamins and all that good stuff. It should taste good with our dinner."_

"_I'm not really hungry." She sat down. _

_Karen turned, jaw clenched, and she set the glasses down before she threw them down. "I'll blend this shit up and force it down your throat," she growled. "You weight...what? Fifty pounds wet? This is not healthy, Carol."_

"_My fat could own property." She scoffed._

"_What fat? You don't have any, and that's not okay." Her eyes filled with tears. "You're scaring me, Carol. Every time I see you, I—I see more of your bones. The biggest things on you ever are the welts."_

"_You need glasses."_

"_That's it!" She stormed into her bedroom, grabbing clothes, and Carol ran after her. _

"_What are you doing?!"_

"_You're staying with me. Don't you dare argue with me either." She shoved them into a suitcase then grabbed some of Sophia's and put them in the suitcase as well. "Ed is going on a business trip, and you are getting help."_

"_Help?" Carol shook her head. "I'm already dieting."_

_She held her tongue. "Get in the car."_

"_I can't just leave. I have to make sure the house is in order. I have plants to water, bills to take care of, and laundry. Lots of laundry. Ed will be mad if I don't do what he asks."_

"_And I'll be mad if you don't go and see the doctors you **need** to see. Let's go." She grabbed her wrist and hauled her out. "You can hate me all you want, but I don't care right now."_

"_Karen!" she protested as she was shoved into the backseat and locked inside. "Karen!" She slammed her hand against the glass. _

_She went back inside quickly for Sophia, and she took Carol to her house. "You know you need this, Carol."_

"_This is insane!" Carol glared. "I don't need—"_

"_Do you think Ethan wants to see you like this?" Karen hated to do this, but it was the only way. She could see how Carol felt. "Do you think he's up there just smiling at you?"_

_She felt like the air had been sucked out of the car, and her eyes filled with tears_

"_He wouldn't want this, and you know that."_

"_Don't bring Ethan into this," she hissed. "He has nothing—"_

"_If you keep this shit up, you're going to join him! How would your mother feel? It'd be worse than what you felt when you lost Ethan, because she'd never know. She would never know a piece of her that she loves more than anything was gone. Could you do that to her?"_

_Carol fell silent after that, Karen took her to her home, and she took Sophia inside, asking Milton to watch her, and she went back for Carol. She found her standing outside the car, gripping some necklace in her hand, and she warily walked over to her._

"_What—what kind of help?" she whispered._

_Karen's eyes burned and she hugged her. "The best we can afford."_

– – –

She lied there in a patch of Cherokee roses, her legs pulled up to her chest, her face crusty with tears, hardly blinking. She ran her fingertips over the petals of the Cherokee rose, feeling a pull inside of her. She would never tell Daryl about the therapists and the nutritionist Karen sent her to when Sophia was three. She didn't want any of them to know what she was like in the middle. She didn't even want to know what she was like in the middle, but of course she did.

Gorgeous? How could he think that? She wasn't, not this broken mess of a person. She wasn't the girl he fell in love with all those years ago, and she never would be again. That dark part of her would always remain and would one day come and overcome her. She didn't want Daryl around when that moment came. Sophia neither. She was going to make him take her should she become that mess again, and she wasn't going to take Sophia back until she was sure that person was gone, no matter how long it took.

She needed to change, didn't she? She needed to be strong. She had to get rid of this feeling; this cold, empty clutching inside. She just wanted to be normal again. How did she go back? It seemed impossible. Four years of Ed and it was as if those first nineteen years hadn't existed at all. He made it so easy to give in, but she had to fight it now. She had to fight, because it wasn't just her. It had never been _just_ her.

It was like that day Sophia was hit by a car. That dark clutching came back, and it brought all of these emotions with it. She didn't know if she pushed them back and they're returning now or if they'd been with her all this time, just waiting for the opportune moment. That moment was now when talking was an option, but the words were too much. They had too much weight, too many meanings. So complex when it should be so simple; deep when it should be shallow. There was a part of her that no one had ever seen and no one ever will, not even Daryl. Especially not Daryl.

"Little Bookworm," she murmured softly. Her father was so strong and caring, and everyone said she was just like him. She was strong before Ed. She told off Mason Dixon and helped Daryl fight every foul word he—

She blinked and a tear fell. _Every foul word he said about himself_. God, it was just like before. Daryl was trying to help her as she helped him all those years ago. Why hadn't she seen it? He wanted to help her, because he loved her. She loved him so much then, and she would've died to convince him Mason was wrong. She spent years telling him how wrong he was, and somehow Daryl didn't see himself as that man anymore, did he? How? How did he do it?

"This spot taken?"

She looked up and found Shawn in front of her. "Shawn? What are you doing here?" She pushed herself up.

"Family dinner involves cooking, and as you know, I eat when I cook, so by the time it's done, I'm stuffed, and it's crap, because I ate all that made it good." He dropped down beside her. "I saw you run out here a couple hours ago, and when you didn't come back, I figured I'd come check on you." He reached over and peeled a blade of grass off her cheek. "You've been crying."

"Is that some superpower?" She sniffed, wiping under her eyes.

"No, you're nose is all big and red," he mused.

No laughter.

"This is serious, isn't it?" She nodded. "What did Ed do to you, kid? Don't you sit there and lie to me either. I know you, and you're so different now. Why are you faking it?"

"Because I'm screwed up," her voice broke.

"Who isn't?" He was serious. "Crying isn't going to make you change. Hiding it is only going to make you hate yourself. And it takes two people to talk, and I'm the one who's listening."

"I can't—"

"Screw can'ts! I am done with the word "can't"." He was pissed off. "I'm not going to go and hunt the man down, Carol, but I won't sit here and watch you get lost again. The last time that happened, I lost my sister. She still isn't back yet."

She met his eyes.

"I'm your brother, and I'm worried about you. Why won't you trust me?"

"I do trust you. I trust you all so much!"

"Then trust me to help you. You don't know how liberating talking is."

"What has Sasha done to my brother?" she mused. "And do we have to get him back?"

He smirked. "Many things, some involving whipped cream and chocolate syrup, but this is about you, and I am supposed to be serious and mature."

"You're gross and have forever ruined both whipped cream and chocolate syrup for me."

"Aside from the stickiness, it—"

"Shawn!" She covered her ears. "Stop!"

He laughed. "I'm kidding. I would never let her do that to me, but I totally did that to her. Maybe next time we can use marshmallows and cherries. One day, possibly never."

"Do you realize you're still talking?"

"Talk about Ed, and I'll shut up."

She sighed. "You'll hate me."

"I've hated you since Mom brought you home, all red and crying. I seriously thought I was getting a puppy, but no-ooo. I got a baby sister, and still no damn puppy twenty-seven years later. It hurt my manly feelings." He feigned being all teary. "All... Wait, do I have manly feelings?"

"You won't hate me?"

"I could never hate you. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have Sasha or my unborn twins. It's horrible, but you leaving caused the best thing to happen to me." He flicked a bug off his jeans. "Tell me what happened these past four years."

She folded her legs. "You won't like it."

"But I love you," he reminded her, "and I'm scared of Beth stabbing me if I try and eat the okra." She laughed softly. "Which reminds me we have a lot of time until dinner's done, so feel free to take as long as you want."

"You'll get pissed."

"I can take it. And if not, I'll swallow it and save it for a rainy day. Like Bob." He snickered. "He still flinches every time I'm around."

"What?"

"Well, when Sasha and I were broken up, he slept with her, so I punched him. He folded like a box."

"No way. Sasha and Bob?"

"Yeah, let's not talk about it. I still get pissed when I think of Sasha's exes, and since Bob is our family doctor, I want to keep that angry down. He's a great guy, and I respect him and hope he finds happiness."

"Dad would be so proud of you," she blurted.

"Doubtful."

"No, he would be. You're the son he always wanted, and he would tell you that if he were here."

"Look at you, lying to change the subject." He met her eyes. "So, Ed? Is that short for Edward?"

She nodded. "Where do I start?"

"Where it all goes to shit is typically where one starts."

"Okay. That would be when we were on our way home from the hospital after Sophia had got an ear infection. She was four months old, and..."

– – –

Maggie and Hershel set table, Beth and Annette brought out the food, and they all wondered where Shawn and Carol were. They were about to start looking as the food went from hot to warm and the sun started to set, but then Shawn called to them from the porch, apologizing, and Carol did the same when they entered.

"Where were you?" Annette had been so worried. She noted the grass stains. "Where you wrestling? You both look like you were hit by a car."

"We talked," Carol corrected. "We sat down by the pond and talked. I'm sorry. We lost track of the time."

"Well, go wash up."

"And hurry," Beth glared lightly.

"Yes, ma'am." Shawn smiled apologetically. "So sorry. I love your hair. Did you get it cu—"

"Go." She pointed to the bathroom.

They hurried down the hall, snorting a laugh, and they washed up in their bathrooms. They joined them at the table, Beth said a few words before they ate, and everyone dug in. It was still almost hot, and it was all really good, but Mag, Beth, Carol and Shawn saw the looks Hershel and Annette were giving each other from time to time. It made them worry.

"So, where's Sophia?" Hershel asked.

She covered her mouth with her hand so they wouldn't see the food in her mouth. "At Daryl's." She swallowed. "She's spending the night with him and Amy and Paige."

"She and Paige are close, aren't they?" Beth had noticed it on their trip to the zoo.

"Like family," Shawn agreed, knowing about their fathers after talking with Carol. "Practically sisters."

She kicked him. "She's Sophia's first real friend since we moved down here."

"It's sweet how protective Paige is of her. Like a big sister." Maggie crossed her legs. "I wonder where she gets that. Amy doesn't seem that protective."

"Have you met Andrea?" Shawn took a drink of water. "The vicious verbal and physical attacker?"

"You called Amy fat!" Beth shot back. "Andrea had a right to go off on you!"

"Shawn!" Annette scolded.

"I did not call her fat!" he protested. "I just say she looked bigger, as in taller. She assumed fat, and I got a black eye for that. And it was like nine years ago!"

"You called her fat," she insisted.

"Okay, fine. I called Amy fat, and Beth, those pants do make your ass look huge, and that color is not good on you, Maggie. What else? Oh, Carol, I don't like your hair. It's very bad hair."

Maggie and Carol snickered while Beth glared, stabbing her ham a little too hard.

"Shawn, please." Annette was trying not to smile.

"I hope your son is just like you," Beth told him.

"Thank you, Beth. That gets me right here." He held a hand over his heart.

"How does Sasha handle all the sarcasm?" Beth honestly wanted to know.

"Oh, she ignores me."

"What?" Carol laughed.

"Yeah, she just blocks me out." He ate a forkful of okra and noticed the looks they gave him. "She hears the important things." He paused. "Or just nods and hopes I'm not asking a question."

"Probably the second one," Beth informed him.

"It's what I do." Maggie shrugged. "Only with people I can't stand. All right, I do it sometimes you. You can sometimes get very...blah!"

Beth giggled. "Sorry." She pretended to cough, taking a drink of water.

"Well, I feel loved." He looked at his mom. "Do we have dessert? I'll need the whole thing to feel the _gaping_ hole in my chest."

"I'll always love you," she offered.

"Just add salt to the wound." He dramatically got up and left.

"Was he talking?" Carol blinked as he left. "I zoned out."

They laughed, Shawn returned and poured gravy on her plate, covering all of her food, but not getting it on the tablecloth or on her.

He smirked and sat down. "We're out of a gravy."

"I'll show you salt in a wound."

"No, no, no, no!" Annette covered her mouth with her hand as Carol dumped the salt onto his hair, where it poured down onto his plate. "Oh."

"Guys, please," Beth begged. "I am not cleanin' up your mess."

"So much for maturity," Hershel murmured.

"Fine, fine. I'll be the bigger, lying person here." He ate some mashed potatoes. "Well, I've just eaten enough salt to last a lifetime." He shuddered, salt falling out of his hair. "Can I work this?" He pointed to his hair.

"If you were any more your father's son," Annette shook her head.

"I'm gonna wash up." He left the table. "Carol, make me another plate since your ruined mine, please and thank you."

"For Sasha's sake, I hope the twins are just like her," Hershel told them.

"For all our sakes," Beth agreed.

Shawn returned after ten minutes, they finished eating and cleared the table. They went into the living to have dessert and to talk about the Greene Leaf now that they were all stuffed and less willing to mess with each other. They were all such children, no matter how much time had passed. It was heartwarming to see them all so close still. Annette and Hershel both hoped that never changed.

"Shawn, do you want this?" Carol offered him the rest of her pie. "I'm so full."

"Sure."

"Does anybody want more coffee?" Carol asked the room.

"I do." Beth held her plate out, and Carol took it. "Thanks."

"Mag?"

"No, I'd actually like to sleep tonight." She poked a cherry with her fork.

"Mom? Dad?"

"No, thank you, pretty girl."

"Ill take a little more." Hershel smiled. "Thanks, Rosy."

"What about me?" Shawn asked. "I might want coffee."

"You're not allowed to have coffee," Hershel replied.

"Just because I accidentally caught the rug on fire and it almost burned the house down doesn't mean I shouldn't have coffee. It means I should be _supervised_ when I am drinking coffee and lighting a fire."

"It means no coffee," Annette and Hershel told him.

"You'll have to tell me about that later." Carol left, setting the plates in the sink and getting the coffee pot. She returned and filled their cups.

"It wasn't too excitin'." Beth twisted hair around on her finger. "He and Sasha were here through a snow storm, and he drank about two pots of coffee, 'cause he was worried about us, and he wanted to be awake when we got home."

Maggie held her plate out to Carol. "His hands were shakin' so bad, he dropped a burnin' newspaper on the rug, and it went up in flames. But luckily, Sasha grabbed the fire extinguisher and put it out before it spread to the couch. To this day, we don't know why Sasha was wearin' his shirt."

"That's a much less exciting story you will never hear," he said over Maggie. "Coffee spilled, and let's leave it at that."

"T-dog might have hurt you for it," Beth teased.

"T didn't even like that I started dating her," he pointed out. "He accepted it over time, and now we're family, so I guess he likes me." He paused. "I honestly don't think Sasha ever told him why we called off the wedding."

"Well, Jacqui made us swear not to tell him," Annette admitted. "He might have broken you."

"He would've completely broken him," Maggie corrected. "Sasha was and is his baby girl, and he would've snapped at the news. Shawn, you would've been the only sin T's ever committed."

"So the Greene Leaf, remember that? Our reason for this lovely gathering," Shawn pressed.

"Right." Hershel set his cup of coffee down. "We want to discuss what happens to it when your mother and I have passed."

The mood shifted, Maggie pulled her legs to her chest, Beth's face dropped, Carol hugged herself, and Shawn set the plate beside him, not wanting the pie anymore. They knew they would have to talk about this, but they all hoped that day would never come.

"Do we have to?" Beth whispered.

"Yes, Bethy, we do."

"What do you two want to do with it?" Shawn inquired, his serious side out. Twice in one day, it might be a record. "Do you want one of us to own it or perhaps Jacqui? Or all of us?"

"We want to keep it in the family." Annette laced her fingers together. "Jacqui would look after it, so that's fine."

"I wouldn't mind managing it," Carol suggested. "I'm good with that type of thing. I even took a few classes about business management when I was in college, and I would love to work with Jacqui. We could do that together."

"All right, pretty girl. We'll talk to you and Jacqui about it tomorrow. How does that sound?"

"That's fine."

"What about the farm?" Maggie rested her arms in her lap.

"I'll tend to it," Beth said. "I love the animals and growin' fresh fruit and vegetables."

"Are you sure?" Hershel asked. "It's a big responsibility."

"I'm sure." She smiled. "And I want to."

"You can borrow my kids," Shawn offered, "any time when they're old enough."

"Gee, just what I wanted. How did you know?"

He laughed.

"Sophia would love to help out. She loves the horses and the cows and the—well, everything. She has names for them, and remembers which is which somehow." Carol wasn't sure who gave that to Sophia, possibly both. Daryl liked working the farm, and Carol loved working with the animals.

"All I have is Glenn." Maggie pursed her lips.

Shawn jumped on that. "You can have him sit on the porch and chew wheat while wearing a coverall with a pillow under it to give him a pot belly. Can he grow a beard?"

"Shawn, do you see this foot?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure? I think you need a closer look."

"All right, Jo Junior."

Maggie smirked. "Thanks."

"All right." Annette held her hands up to hush them. "That's enough for tonight. Who's washing the dishes?"

"I have to go tend to my very pregnant wife. Those twins could come out any minute now." He shot up. "I love you all. Sleep tight. Good bye." He left.

"I helped cook." Beth stretched her legs out.

"I'll help." Carol hopped up.

"Me too." Maggie climbed to her feet. "I'm drying."

"Fine, you can put them away too."

Shawn returned. "Sasha wants some of Beth's food, so I'll help them out it away."

They headed to the kitchen with the dishes in the living room, Hershel smiled at Annette, and she took his hand, returning his loving smile, and Beth went over to the piano and began to play, letting her parents enjoy the music. She wanted to make the most of these moments, when they were all together and happy. They were great moments to remember.

– – –

After speaking with her parents and Jacqui about the care of the Greene Leaf, Carol went to check on Sophia and Daryl. She found them upstairs in bed, passed out, and she smiled. Slipping out of her shoes and climbing into the space between them, She wrapped her arms around Sophia and fell asleep.

– – –

Andrea set files on the her desk, throwing away a wad of paper, and she was about to sit down when her assistant knocked on her door. She turned. "Yes?"

"An Amy Harrison is here to see you. Do you want me to show her in?"

"Amy?" She sounded disbelieving. "Yes. Yes, send her in, please." Could it be her? After all this time, had Amy finally sought her out? God, she could only hope so. She wanted to talk to her, but she disappeared on her at the wedding. Maybe now she had her chance.

Amy stepped into her office, closing the door, and Andrea looked her over. There she was, her not-so-little little sister, in white jeans and a black shirt with slits down the long sleeves, her long blond hair curled around her shoulders. She was skinnier, and gosh, she was so tall. They were probably the same height now, maybe Amy was an inch or two taller. She was still paler, but that was how it'd always been. She looked good. Healthy.

"Amy." She rushed over to her, embracing her tightly. "It's so good to see you!"

"So you missed me just a little, huh?" Amy teased.

She laughed, sniffing. "God, look at you." She couldn't stop smiling. "You're so tall and womanly."

"You saw me at the wedding." Amy blushed.

"Barely. You ran away from me."

"Er, well, you look...really good yourself."

"I'm so glad you came by. Can I get you anything? Water? Tea? Coffee, perhaps? Do you even like coffee?"

"Only with doughnuts. I'm good."

"Please, sit." She led her over to the couch. "Do you want to talk? Or do you need legal advise?"

"I wanted to talk, but...can we do it somewhere else? If not, I came back lat—"

"No, let's go. I just came back from a meeting, and I haven't had lunch. Actually, I could use a day off." She grabbed her jacket and keys from her desk, telling her assistant to clear her schedule. "Do you want to drive or shall I?"

"Let's just walk."

"All right. I have some clothes in my car for the gym. I'll go and change."

Amy waited outside while her sister changed, her palms moistening at the thought of her meeting Paige, but so far nothing was going wrong. Everything seemed to be all right, so she didn't have to worry about anything. If only her heart would believe logic. Gosh.

Andrea stepped out of the building in jeans and a silver blouse. "Ready?"

"Yeah."

They walked down the street, Andrea talked about her job to just pass time until they arrived at the park or wherever they were having lunch. Amy spotted Paige playing with Tyreese's black lab puppy. She waved at him, grateful for him taking time to watch Paige. She knew Butch needed fresh air too. He was so cute, with those big chocolate eyes and that snout. She wanted a dog, but there was no room for one, and she doubted Daryl wanted a dog _and_ them living with him. Maybe one day when she had a house of her own.

"It's a nice day, isn't it?" Andrea was starting to run out of conversation starters. She didn't want to rush in and ask how Amy had been doing.

"It is." Amy stopped by a bench and held her arms out.

"What are you doing?" Andrea looked around and saw a little girl running over to them. She had curly brown hair that was spilling out of a braid with big blue-gray eyes, and she was smiling so wide. Andrea saw Amy all over her face, and the outfit—a blue and white stripped dress with an anchor over the breast and black denim boots with stars on them—was her sister's style. Could that little girl really be...?

Amy scooped her up. "Are you having fun?"

She nodded, breathless. "Butch retrieved the stick I threw—twice! He slobbered all over it too."

"Did you wash your hands?"

"Not yet."

"I have hand sanitizer in my purse." She reached into her purse and pulled out the small bottle of hand sanitizer, squirting some into Paige's hands and setting it back in her purse. "There, now you can shake hands with your Aunt Andrea."

Andrea's eyes widened. "Aunt?" She was so stunned. She knew the kid had to be Amy's because she looked just like her, but it was still so implausible to her. Amy was just a kid, but she had a child herself. When? This little girl couldn't be holder than five or six. Is that why she left?

"I'm Paige." She smiled at her aunt, holding her hand out.

Andrea shook her niece's hand. "Andrea."

"I made reservations at your favorite restaurant," Amy told her. "We can have lunch there."

"O—okay." She couldn't stop staring at her niece.

"It's right across the street." Amy stepped back and headed to the restaurant.

"She's pretty," Paige whispered to her mom.

She set Paige down. "Go tell her."

She turned and went over to Andrea. "You're really pretty."

Andrea knelt down. "Thank you, sweetheart." She touched her cheek, as if she was trying to see if she was real. "You are beautiful."

She blushed. "Thanks."

"How old are you?"

"Five."

"Five? My, you're such a big girl." She smiled. "You have pretty hair too. I love your braid."

"I like your hair too." She reached over and touched one of Andrea's curls.

"It's under the name Harrison." She glanced over at Andrea and Paige. "C'mon, you two."

Andrea stood up, Paige took her hand, and she looked down at the little girl before catching up to her sister.

They were sitting outside, the wind was blowing, and it was a nice day. Amy ordered for her and Paige, and Andrea noted that she didn't ask for separate bills. She knew Amy was probably going to pay for all three of them, even though Andrea would pay for herself. It was sweet and very like Amy.

"How have you been, Am?" Andrea took a drink of water.

"Not so great lately." She crossed her legs. "My uh—my apartment got broken into, so we have to leave."

"Oh, my God. Are you all right? Did either of you get hurt?"

"I'm fine. Paige wasn't hurt at all, thankfully."

Paige looked up from her cup. "I stopped him from hurting Mommy."

"Stopped him?" Andrea frowned. "How?"

"I stabbed him in the leg."

"What?" she exclaimed.

"Like Mommy taught me." She made a twisting motion with her little fist. "But it's really, really bad, so I don't unless I have to."

"Like Mommy... What happened to you?" She looked at her little sister.

Amy wrote _drugs_ down on the napkin.

"Are you serious?"

"Just for a couple of months," she insisted. "I'm clean now. I don't use."

"Do you have someplace to stay? And is that why you stayed away for so long?"

"Yes, I have a place to stay, and...no." Her eyes moved to Paige.

"Were you ashamed?"

"Of course not. Not of her, anyway."

"Of who? Yourself?"

"Of what I used to do, yes. Besides I'm not the daughter they wanted, so I stopped trying to be." It was killing her faster than any drug.

"Not the daughter they wanted?" Andrea frowned. Why did she get that from? "Amy, Mom and Dad didn't want you to be anything but happy."

"That's not true, and I know it's not." Her voice was thick. "They always made time for you, never for me, and don't tell me that's not true either. It is. They didn't want to waste their time with me. I wasn't good enough for them."

"That is not true. It was very bad timing," Andrea informed her. "They wanted to go to all of your performances, but work came up. They couldn't get out of it, but they bought every video. They talked about you all of the time."

"I don't believe that."

"Honey, they were proud of you. You were talented in a different way, but they didn't care. You were happy, and that's all that mattered to them."

"I heard them yelling about me all the time, Andrea. They weren't proud."

"They weren't yelling about you."

"Then who else? Who else was the screw up of the family?"

"I—I don't know, but it wasn't you."

Amy could see Andrea believed that. If they weren't talking about her all of those times, then who were they disappointed in? Who they wished would change their ways? She didn't want to know. She didn't want to think about them right now. She wasn't even sure she wanted to see them, no matter how much Paige wanted to meet them. She was still so angry with them. She wasn't as mad at Andrea, but it still was difficult to be here.

"Are you married?" Andrea asked, wanting to change the subject. Perhaps, later they could talk about their parents when Paige wasn't around. It was going to be a very heavy conversation. One that would take time to get to unless Andrea forced Amy to talk about it. Amy had a lot of anger, but at least she was trying. That's all that mattered. "Or are you still intimate with Paige's father?"

"No. I'm not with him nor am I married to him." She stabbed a crouton in her salad, seeing Merle's face on it. "He's no longer in our lives."

"Who is he? If you don't mind me asking."

"Merle Dixon."

"Oh, God." She lowered her voice, looking into Amy's eyes. "Merle Dixon? Amy, are you _insane_? That was statutory rape."

"I hate that word. It was willing."

"You know what it means by definition." She shook her head. "Why him?"

"I was very high?"

"I'd say so." She sighed softly. "Does he know?"

"He does."

"Is he helping? Does he pay child support?"

"Should I laugh until I die now or just keel over?"

"Do you want him to? We can arrange that."

"I didn't come here for you to rob Merle of his last penny. I came here so Paige could meet her aunt. Just stop with all of the law talk. I don't want his money or his time. He's not in her life, and I want it that way, so let's just drop it."

"All right. I will."

The waiter came by and refilled their drinks, Amy squirted a little more ketchup onto Paige's plate, and Andrea asked for a coffee, rubbing her temple gently. They waited until he was gone to talk again.

"Where are you staying now?" Andrea stirred her coffee.

"With Daryl. It's only temporary. I have to save up for a new place." She ran her hand across her forehead. She'd been giving money to Tomas behind Merle's back. She couldn't leave it all up to him, and she didn't want that karma. She could've moved out at any time, but she knew Tomas would be right there, so she gave him the money each month. She knew she hadn't paid him off even half of the way, so it was satisfying to know he would never get his money back, and that he would never walk without a limp.

"You can stay with me," she offered.

"What? No."

"I have plenty of room. I have three guest bedrooms just gathering dust, and I have a dining room that's never used, not to mention a pool. You used to love to swim."

"I still do." She smiled. "I couldn't ask you to do that."

"I'm offering. It'll give me a chance to get to know my niece and my sister." She set her hand over Amy's. "Please, consider it. I'm putting money into a house I rarely use, so please come and use it."

She laughed. "Fine, I'll consider it."

"We're moving?" Paige pushed herself up.

"I don't know yet, babe. Maybe."

"Do you have a nice house?" Paige asked Andrea.

"Very nice. Do you like to swim?"

"I float, but yes."

"Well, I have a pool you can...float in. I also have a big backyard where you can run around. I can even get a swing set."

"Really?" Paige grinned.

"You don't have to do that," Amy insisted.

"I'll use it for my kids someday."

"I'm still considering it. It's not a yes, so stop trying to convince me. I can decide for myself."

"Me too," Paige chimed in. "I want ice cream...please?"

They laughed.

"Yes, you can have ice cream. We'll get it then walk through the park. Let's not waste the day."

"I like the sound of that," Andrea smiled.

––

"So, tell me something." Andrea ate a spoonful of strawberry ice cream.

"What?" Amy broke off a piece of chocolate-covered waffle bowl, watching Paige as she walked ahead of them with Butch and Tyreese.

"Why Merle? I don't mean to pry. I just want to understand."

"I dunno."

"Amy."

"He was the only guy who...I was attracted to."

"Seriously? The guy who called me sugartits?"

"And a whore," Amy added.

"Yes, let's not forget that."

She licked chocolate off her finger. "It was either him or Andrew, and I really loathed Andrew. I still do."

"Was...he your first?"

"No. He was my third."

"Third? Who were the other two?"

"That really cute pool boy and Tomas."

"You and Dave?" Andrea shuddered.

"Tomas deserves the shudder. Dave was sweet, gentle. I also like curly hair." She ate a spoonful of ice cream. "What's with that face?"

"Well, it's just the summer before,_ I_ was with Dave."

"Oh, gross!" Amy cringed. "I could've gone my entire life without knowing that."

"Me too."

Paige went to hug Butch goodbye, but he grabbed her ice cream and took off, Ty went after him, and Paige just blinked then turned to her mom, trying to speak, but Amy just held hers out to her.

"Here, you like chocolate too."

"Are you sure?"

"Uh-huh. I'll just steal Andrea's."

"No, you're not." Andrea ducked her hands.

"Well, clearly you've give me all of your other hand-me-downs, I figured you'd give me that too."

They walked around until the ice cream was gone, Andrea invited them to come over for dinner, and Paige accepted without even asking her mom. Amy was going to say yes anyway, so it didn't matter. She wanted to see where Andrea was staying now, and see if there was room. She had a lot of problems back at Daryl's. She was burdening him and practically violating his privacy, even if he won't say she is, and she loved the idea of Paige getting to know Andrea. After five years just the two of them, Paige needed someone else to turn to, and Andrea was the perfect person.

Her house was massive! The first floor was beautiful with wooden floors so shiny they could seem themselves, and the first room was the living room and the kitchen. It was so big, though! The living room had two leather couches, one brown loveseat and an armchair with a glass coffee table and a fireplace under the flat screen. And the rug was so decorative and the designs were so intricate.

The kitchen was strictly professional, with two ovens, a fridge stocked with just about every type of food, black marble-top counters, but the only place to sit was the island. The wall that lead to the backyard was almost all glass and showed the pool and a beautifully decorated veranda.

There was a bronze staircase that led to the upstairs, which mirrored the downstairs hall. Two bedrooms—the extra upstairs was an office, so hence the three bedrooms—one bathroom in the bigger bedroom, but there was bathroom down the hall too. There was a closet full of toiletries, and stained glass that shined soft colors onto the floor. The downstairs was of a garden and the upstairs was of a lake and a swan. It was very warm for such a big place.

"Make yourselves at home." Andrea led them down the stairs. "Can I get you guys something to drink?"

"Apple juice." Paige jumped off the last step. "Can we go swimming?"

"Not today." Amy joined her sister in the kitchen. "I'll do this."

"All right." She handed her the apple juice. "I swear, the maid buys so much food, way too much for me. I have to give most of it to T and Jacqui so they can use it for their monthly deliveries to those who can't go out and buy food themselves."

"That's sweet." She found about ten different types of glasses, and she grabbed two.

"You have a maid?" Paige was wide-eyed. "Are you a princess?"

Andrea laughed. "No. No, I just come from money. Your mom too."

Amy shook her head violently toward Andrea.

"You do?" She turned.

"Uhh, yeah." She glared at Andrea, filling a glass with apple juice. "I have some issues with my parents."

"What issues?"

"Nothing you need to worry about." She handed her the glass. "Can she watch TV?"

"Sure. The remote's on the coffee table."

"Careful." Amy watched her as she went into the living room, set the cup on the coffee table, grabbed the remote and climbed onto the couch. She then hit Andrea. "Why did you tell her that?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't know it was a secret."

"Well, now it's not." She groaned softly. "I didn't want her to know that. I don't want her to know about our parents' money."

"Am, she'll see it for herself at Mom's birthday party." Andrea closed the juice and paused. "Do—do you plan on going?"

"Yes." She crossed her arms, leaning against the counter. "No. Maybe. Uh-uh."

"Amy, don't 'uh-uh'. Either you're going or you're not." She placed it back in the fridge.

"I haven't made up my mind. It's not for another two weeks, so I have got time."

"Fine. What do you want for dinner?"

"You don't have to cater to me. Just make whatever you were planning on making."

"I was going to eat a salad and pass out at my desk." She looked over the contents in her fridge. "I could literally cook anything."

She smiled. "How about chicken dumplings and mashed potatoes?"

"Even that." She began to pull out the ingredients. "I have the recipe in that drawer."

"Mom gave you the recipe?" She opened the drawer and found a cookbook. "I'm taking a copy. I love her cooking. I miss it. I can't cook well. I try, but I guess I'm just the type to eat it than cook it."

"Well, I had to bug her about it for seven years, and sometime last year she gave that book to me."

"You've never made it, have you?" She flipped through the book.

"Once, but it'd been a while since I made it."

"I'll help. Or give us food poisoning." She found the page and ran her fingertips over her mother's handwriting. She missed her mother so much.

"You okay?"

"Y—yeah." She cleared her throat. "I'm just thirsty. I only got Paige something."

"Why don't you get started, and I'll make us something to drink?"

"Okay."

They changed places, Andrea grabbed another glass from the cabinet, and Amy looked for the measuring cup. Paige watched her mom and aunt, happy for her mom, but she was still really sad about her dad. She'd always wanted to meet him, and when they finally met, he hated her. She didn't want him to hate her, and she wanted to make it right, but she didn't know what she did. She was sorry for whatever it was. She wished he knew that.

– – –

Daryl woke up, the room was dark, and he blinked, smelling flowers against his nose. He felt his arms around someone, and he sat up, seeing Carol lying in his arms with Sophia in her arms, and he blinked. When the hell did Carol come over?

He reached over and grabbed his phone, seeing it was five in the evening. "Shit." He pushed himself up, waking Carol accidentally, and he ran a hand down his face. He knew they should've gone to bed before that damn marathon. Damn it, it's late.

"What is it?" Carol sat up, her body right against his, and she saw the reason he said shit. "Oh, no. It's five?" She shook Sophia gently and slid off the bed. She slipped her foot into her boot. "She'll never go to sleep tonight."

"I'm sorry."

"No, no, no. This is on me. I fell asleep with you two when I should've woken you guys up." She zipped up her boot then the other. "We should go."

"Why?"

"Do you want us to stay?" She tugged the thin strap of her dress up and tucked hair behind her ear. "Do you?"

"I don't mind y'all stayin'."

"Good, because she's not waking up." She set Sophia closer to the middle of the bed. "How late were you two up?"

"One or two." He shrugged. _Tsk, five_.

She closed the door behind them and went to the bathroom, fixing her hair and adjusting her bra. She didn't even have room to roll, why was it so out of place?

"How does pizza sound?"

"Gross." She opened the door, leaning on the opposite frame as him. "How about Chinese?"

"No."

"What then? Do you want me to cook?"

"Do you wanna?"

"I don't care to. I can make steak and potatoes or hamburgers and fries or spaghetti and garlic bread. Which do you want?"

"What do you want?"

"I'm asking you." She pushed off the frame. "And I asked first."

He shrugged.

"Well, what sounds good?"

"Food sounds good."

She smiled. "Gee, why didn't I think of that?"

His lips twitched. "Hamburgers, I guess."

"Okay." She turned and headed downstairs. "Have you fed Bella?"

"Shit, no." He followed her into the kitchen and grabbed the bag of food out from under the island, filling her bowl. "She's probably curled up with Sophia."

"Probably." She set a pack of ground beef on the counter. "Oh, I am so having a turkey burger." She grabbed the ground turkey.

"More beef for me and the kid."

"More for you. Sophia likes turkey too." She looked for the frying pan and spatula.

"I move 'em." He moved by her and showed her where they were, she turned and got smacked by the metal spatula, but at least it was flimsy metal. "Shit!"

"When you said you'd show me, I didn't think you meant that close." She smiled a little. "I'm okay."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it." She grasped the spatula. "I'm cooking by the way, so go sit and watch TV or something." He studied her, and she titled her head. "What?"

"You seem...different."

"Is it a bad different or a good different?"

"I dunno. We'll see."

"I guess we will. Especially when Karen comes to visit."

He repressed a groan. "Do I gotta meet her?"

"Yes, you have to meet her." She faced him. "I want her to get to know you."

"Why?"

"Because she's my best friend, and you're my—ex-husband and the father of my child, who she is godmother of. If I die, you'll have to put up with her to raise Sophia."

"You'd leave Sophia to me?"

"Of course. You're her father, and I love you." She blushed, hearing the tone she used for those three words. It sure as hell wasn't friendly.

He met her eyes. "You love me?"

"Well, yeah, you're my best friend too." She smiled awkwardly. "I've told you time and again that I love you, silly."

He nodded, dropping his eyes.

"Besides, you're a good father, and I wouldn't take Sophia away from you. You show her that there are good men out there. You wash away Ed's darkness." She couldn't stop the blush that appeared. "Thank you for giving me a second chance, even if it was just so you could find out if Sophia was yours. I value you, Daryl. You don't know how much."

"Carol." He leaned down—

"Mommy?" Sophia called from the top of the stairs, yawning.

Carol set the spatula down and went to her, scooping her up. "Good evening."

"Evening?" Sophia mumbled sleepily, resting her head on her mom's shoulder. "Where's Daddy?"

"In the kitchen." She minded Bella as she walked down the steps. "See."

"Hi, Daddy."

"Finally up?"

She let out a small, sleepy moan.

"One or two, huh?" Carol narrowed her eyes at him. "It was five or six, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," he confessed.

"Are you making breakfast?" Sophia asked.

"Dinner. Do you want a turkey burger?"

She nodded.

"Daryl, could you pour her a glass of orange juice?" She stepped in to the kitchen as he grabbed a glass and the orange juice out of the fridge. She held her hand out as he filled the glass up, and she held it, helping Sophia take small sips. "God, you've drained her of all life."

He smirked. "She's fine."

"She's not drooling on your shoulder." She carried her over to the couch. "Let's see what's on." She found cartoons and let Sophia watch them, going to the kitchen to prepare dinner. "Tell me your trick when she's hyped up on sugar."

He watched her start dinner for a moment then in to the living room, finding Sophia curled up against the arm of the couch, watching some cartoon. He sat in the armchair. What the hell was he thinking?

– – –

Paige was buried in covers beside her mom, her face nuzzled against a soft pillow. They decided to stay the night, mostly because Paige had fallen asleep after dinner. Amy could hear Andrea coming down the hall, her feet echoing on the polished wood, and she looked up when Andrea appeared in the door.

It was so strange to see her there when it was normally the other away around before. So many times when they were little, Amy would sneak up to Andrea's room and ask to come in and talk. They'd end up with one of them on the floor with the blanket and the other hogging the bed. Their mom would come in and cover the one on the bed up after the third time it happened.

"Hey." She lingered in the doorway. "You up?"

"Yeah."

"Paige?"

"Out like a light." She pushed herself up a little, and Andrea walked over to the bed. "She sleeps like a rock, so don't worry about waking her."

"Now, that she got from you." She crawled under the sheets. "You're were a pain in the ass to wake up for school."

She laughed softly. "Especially in winter. It was so cold outside and the warm bed was just perfect."

Andrea turned her head to her little sister, lifting her hand toward her, and Amy set her fingertips on Andrea's. They'd been doing it since they were little. It was like a game that only they understood. "Why can't you sleep?"

"My thoughts won't shut up."

A beat.

"I want to talk about Mom and Dad."

"And with my daughter sleeping right beside me and you right there, it keeps me from bolting and raising my voice."

"I'm not cornering you." Yes, she was.

"Feels like it." She poked Andrea's palm with her fingernail. "What's to talk about? I left, they didn't care, and I had a kid. That's pretty much all that matters."

"Okay, explain to me why you think Mom and Dad don't care about you?"

"Because for the past five years, the only person I could rely on was Merle. He was literally my everything. He had my back while our parents just threw another Christmas party."

"They _did_ care," she informed her. "They had _everyone_ they could hire, persuade and bribe to try and find you. They talked to _all_ of your teachers and friends; they talked to the cops, but they were too busy with some murderer. Amy, Mom and Dad spent thousands trying to locate you."

"I'm calling bullshit. If they had done any of that, they would've found me. I was just on the other side of town for Christ's sake."

"I'm not lying. Maybe the people they hired were incompetent, but they never gave up. They missed you every single morning. I would come down for breakfast, and the minute Mom saw your empty seat, she broke down crying. Dad eventually moved the chair, but it didn't help."

"She probably cried over the fact her pricy little chair was too used to be returned," Amy muttered.

Repressing a groan, she went on. "Dad started drinking. He couldn't console Mom, and he didn't know how to handle his own grief, so he drank. They lost one of the companies, and I had to help Dale get it back, because they were a mess." Tears welled in Andrea's eyes at the memories. "Mom—Mom shut down after they didn't find you, Am. At first it was barely eating then it was barely getting out of bed. Dad hired a nurse to look after her, but she hasn't spoken in years."

Amy swallowed. "She always craved attention."

Andrea sniffed. "Why won't you just accept that our parents have fallen apart since you left?"

Because it means all of her angry was for nothing. All that kept her away, all that kept her from giving Paige a decent life, was just a lie. She didn't want Paige to grow up with the stress of the Horvath name, but because of that Paige has missed out on so much. Having an aunt, who would always be here for her, grandparents, who would spoil and love her, and a great uncle that would give her all this useless wisdom. She had to be angry. Angry was better than guilty.

Her eyes burned, but she scoffed. "She's just putting on a show. Mom only ever cared about you and that bakery. Dad and his employees were so lost in work, I doubt he noticed I was gone. And if he did, he was probably glad to be rid of me. He was probably drinking in celebration."

"That is _not_ true." She kept her voice low, not wanting to wake Paige. "They miss you every day, Amy. They pray for you and talk about you all the time."

"Mom wasn't talking, remember? Keep up with your lies." She wiped a hand under her eyes just in case any tears fell.

"They being Dad and Dale. Mom just sits most days, gazing off into space, and she'll start to cry sometimes. She misses you so much, and she worries so much about you. It's killing her to not know, Amy. Every day a piece of her soul dies, and I don't think there's much left.

"And Dad just forces himself to work. He doesn't even make time for lunches with anyone, because when he stops, he thinks about you, and it cuts him deep. You were his little dancer, and he was so ready to buy you a studio and help you manage it. He talked about it all the time when you were little, and he was going to everything to help you. He was proud of you, Am They both are so proud of you."

Amy's nose burned, and she looked over at her older sister. "He—he did?"

"All the time. You and I were always the first thing he talked about at parties. He always got so excited about your next recital and my next competition, and he couldn't even talk. They would just start laughing at him, and Mom would have to explain, because he didn't know where to start."

"If that was true, why didn't he ever say any of that to my face?"

"He didn't want to pressure you. He knew you weren't good under pressure, so he kept it to his friends and to me. He wanted you to do this because you were passionate about it, not because he expected you to do it."

She was quiet.

"Not everything is what it seemed. Mom only got onto you about school, because she wanted to make sure you could have something to fall back on in case something happened. Say, you were injured and couldn't dance anymore. She wanted you to have a secure future."

She was wrong. So very, very wrong, and other people had been paying the price. Paige didn't know how good a Christmas or how fun a Thanksgiving could be. It was just the two of them, and Amy could scarcely afford what Paige wanted. She always did her best, and Paige loved that, but all this time, Paige could've been genuinely surprised on Christmas; she could've heard those stupid stories Dad always told on Thanksgiving and could've joined their family Easter egg hunt that took hours to complete, because the yard was massive and they hide eggs everywhere.

Amy could've gotten away from her mistakes with Merle and Tomas. She could've gotten an actual degree. She might have gotten a good night's sleep almost every night, not worrying about bills and who was going to take care of Paige if anything happened to her.

So many could'ves. They were useless now, because Amy was so pigheaded and selfish. She didn't want to even consider the possibility that her family had suffered from her leaving. It was always easier to just think they wanted her to leave, to think that they hated her. It took away the guilt, and she didn't miss them. It was just how she protected herself, and because she did that, her parents suffered. Paige suffered, because a few summers Amy couldn't afford to keep them both fed while paying off Tomas. Paige felt guilty that she had food, and her mom didn't.

After a long silence with both of them in tears, feeling guilty and selfish and so stupid, they wiped away their tears and their mistakes. It was long overdue.

"So, it's still my fault."

"We can all assign blame," Andrea whispered. "Mom and Dad aren't the best at knowing when to give a compliment and when to reprimand. They never were."

"I can't...just go and see them."

"No, you can't just go and see them," Andrea grasped Amy's hand, "but we can."

Fresh tears burned in her eyes, and she smiled. "I love you, Andrea. I really missed you."

"Me too."

"Can you tell me something?" Amy rubbed her eyes dry.

"What?"

"Why were you crying?"

"Guilt."

"Guilt? What for?"

"For never telling you about how proud they were of you when I could see how they made you feel like a disappointment." She shook her head. "I guess I was just jealous since they only talked about you to me. It was cruel of me."

"You—you were jealous? Of me?"

"Only a little bit."

She laughed.

"Besides, look at the little girl. She's precious. Who wouldn't be jealous? I guess Merle's good one for thing."

"Thank you. I'll be sure to thank Merle for his sperm." She shook her head. "Wow, I can't believe you were jealous of me. All that time, I was jealous of you."

She laughed. "Really?"

"Yes. All Mom and Dad talked about to me was_ you."_

"That's—so like them."

"And us."

She shook her head. "Well, I'm glad to have that out in the open."

"I'm glad to have had this talk. I missed talking to you about anything and everything."

"I can't say I miss the endless "what if" questions. You used to bug me until two in the morning. Do you remember that?"

"Yes. I really wanted to know."

"Uh-huh."

Amy nuzzled her face against her pillow. "I'm tired."

"So am I." She didn't move. "I don't want to walk back upstairs."

"Well, if you feel the urge to kick, try to roll instead. If I fall, Paige falls."

"I don't kick in my sleep anymore."

"Good."

"Is that everything?" Andrea looked at her sister. "I feel like there should've been more."

"That's everything for now." She paused. "Okay, Dale always knew about me and Paige."

"What?" She gasped.

"Shh." She pointed to Paige. "Hush."

"He always knew? Why didn't he tell us?"

"I begged him not to. I didn't want them to try and get Paige taken away from me, and I didn't—don't want her to grow up under all the stress of their expectations. That's why I left in the first place, and I don't want Paige to follow in my footsteps. Really don't."

"I can't believe he didn't tell me. I used to talk to him every week about how your leaving was my fault, and he'd look so upset, but I thought it was because he didn't like me blaming that on myself. He knew you were fine the whole time." She rolled onto her side to face Amy. "You're the person he wrote monthly checks to!"

She nodded.

"He always was so angry, because you never cashed them. I told him to stop wasting checks, but he was so determined. We got into an argument about it, because it made no sense to me. Now, it does."

"I didn't want his money, but I sent him a thank-you card each time he sent me a check."

"God, you are so pigheaded. I would've used the money."

"I wanted a fresh started with nothing to remind me of my old life. I love Dale and I am so grateful to him for helping me with Paige when she was a baby, but he didn't owe me anything. I wasn't going to let him do that for me. I provided for her, and we made it. We're doing just fine."

"That's admirable." She tucked hair behind her ear. "Do you still dance?"

"Not all the time like before, but sometimes I do."

She nodded, her eyes closing.

"Do you still visit the range?" Amy yawned into her pillow.

"Yeah."

The conversation stopped shortly after, both of them falling asleep, warm and contented. It took five years to get this far, and about five minutes to make up with Andrea. Her parents were another matter, and she wasn't sure she could do it, but she was going to try. Carol was right; they had a right to know their granddaughter. She owed them an introduction too.

––

"All right, she's sleeping like the dead. She wanted me to tell you good night." Carol entered the living room. "Did you drug her or something? She's so tired today, and she could barely keep her head up during dinner."

"What, you ain't ever woke up exhausted?"

"She's five. She should have endless energy." She sat on the coffee table since he was sitting with his legs on the couch as well. "She told me about the movie marathon, and she said she had fun watching it with Daddy."

He half-smiled.

"You are her new favorite person." She smiled. "She wants to spend the night next Saturday as well. I don't have a problem with it as long as you don't."

"It's fine."

"Well, great. Karen's coming in, and I want to spend some time with her. So after you two meet, could you watch Sophia? It'd only be for a few hours the next day."

"Sure."

"Thank you."

"What're you gonna talk to her 'bout?" He met her eyes.

"Mostly see if anything's changed with Ed."_ Most how I'm in love with you, Daryl, _she thought. "I also want to talk to her about Noah and her grandmother. I've grown really close to her family, so...I want to make sure they're all right. Milton—her husband—is coming with her, so I can just ask him how he's been doing."

"I don't gotta be there for that, do I?"

She smirked. "No, you don't." She set her hands in her lap. "You can just have dinner or maybe lunch with us. It's up to you, but I really want you to know her, if only a little."

"I wanna thank her," Daryl told her, "so don't worry 'bout me tryin' to bail."

"Thank her?"

"For savin' my daughter and my—er, for savin' you."

She smiled, her cheeks turning pink. "She didn't do it for thanks, but I'm sure she'll still be pleased to hear it."

A beat.

He set his feet on the floor. "You stayin' over?"

"If it's not a problem. Sophia has school tomorrow, and as much as I trust you, you don't wake up sometimes. I don't want her to miss any more school."

He nodded. "You sleepin' with her?"

"Where else would I sleep?"

With him. "The couch?"

"As appealing as that sounds, I'll pass." She stood up. "I will see you in the morning."

"Night."

She stepped over his legs then stopped, turned and placed a thank you kiss to his temple. "Good night." She headed upstairs, and she felt his eyes on her. She returned to the room where Sophia slept and crawled into bed, turning the light out, and she smiled to herself.

––

"_Another?" Ethan asked, a slight groan to his already groggy tone._

"_Just one more." She climbed off the bed and grabbed a short book off the shelf then returned, holding it out. _

_Ethan rubbed his eyes and took the book, moving beside her, and he smirked. "I thought you didn't like these lovey-dovey books."_

"_I don't hate them," she said. _

_He laughed, but mostly because he was exhausted, and he knew she was just trying to keep him there as long as possible. He had business to attend to out of town. It was family business, and he didn't want to drag Carol, Shawn and Annette out there to deal with it, so he was going alone. He had a noon flight, Thank the Lord, but that didn't stop Carol from wanting to spend every second with him. She rarely saw him as it was._

"_Well, all right." He yawned into his fist and cleared his throat. "Do you believe in love?"_

_She looked at him. "What do you mean?"_

"_Not that nonsense fell-in-love-after-knowing-someone-for-two-minutes love, but actual love. Do you believe there's someone out there for everybody?"_

"_For Shawn's sake, I hope so."_

_He smiled. "That's not an answer."_

_She shrugged. _

"_Well, sometimes you don't find love." He opened the book. "Sometimes loves finds you. That's why we don't meet people by accident. They were meant to cross our path for a reason."_

"_Like you and Mommy?"_

"_Yes, exactly like that." He pushed a curly strand out of her face. "Don't be afraid to chase after your dream, kiddo."_

"_I thought we were talking about love."_

"_Sometimes your dream and your love are the same thing."_

"_That doesn't make sense."_

"_Well, my dream right now is to be asleep before it's one o' clock in the morning, and I love sleep." He yawned again. "Okay, once upon a time...the end."_

"_Dad!" _

"_All right, all right." _

_He read the tale to her, praying she'd fall asleep before he finished, and he silently rejoiced when her eyes lids began to drop. He felt her head hit his arm, and she didn't move back, so he waited, reading so softly, and he lifted his arm gently, seeing she was out cold._

_He set the book down on the floor, picked her up and pulled the covers back, setting her down and tucking her in. He moved that pesky curl behind her ear. "Good night, Little Bookworm." He flicked the light off and pulled the door shut._

_He checked in on Shawn, and of course he was passed out. He went to bed, finding Annette still awake. "Next time, you're reading to her."_

_She smiled. "Uh, no, but good try."_

_He lied down. "I'm so tired. Why couldn't she sleep like Shawn?"_

"_Because setting fireworks off in his nose wouldn't wake Shawn, and God didn't want to give us two kids like that," she replied. "Right, and **you** got her into books."_

"_Well, my mistake." He exhaled. "Why're you still up?"_

"_It's nothing." _

"_Nothing's kept you up?"_

_She sighed. "He's been calling again."_

_He closed his eyes. "What about?"_

"_The same old." She adjusted her wedding band. "Perhaps you shou—"_

"_No. I'm done with all of that." He pushed the covers back and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm not going to get involved. I'm done with them and their shit."_

"_Ethan." _

"_I just—I'm not the son they wanted, and I'm going to live my life the way I want. Carol and Shawn aren't getting dragged into their drama."_

"_I agree entirely. I just wish you would speak to them. They're still your family."_

"_Some family. They won't even let me live my life." _

"_We could always move, and pray you somehow become independently wealthy."_

_He smirked. "I'm very lucky."_

"_Yes, you are."_

_He clasped her hand. "I never told you how much it means to me that you stand by my decisions without questioning my reasons."_

_She smiled. "I know."_

"_Of course you do." He kissed her gently then turned the light off and lied down, wrapping his arms around her. "Annette?"_

"_Hmm?" She turned her head to look at him._

"_Don't tell Carol and Shawn," he whispered. "Not ever."_

"_But—"_

"_Promise me."_

_She nodded. "I promise." She relaxed against him. "I love you."_

"_I love you too." He kissed her shoulder. "Good night."_

"_Good morning, but only if we're getting technical." She laughed when he groaned. _

"_I'm burning Carol's books. It's official."_

"_Yes, I'm sure that'll work. Burn down the library and school while you're at it."_

"_Shawn would love that."_

"_Yes," she laughed, "he would."_

"_I sometimes wonder if Emily would've been more like Shawn or Carol," he wondered, voice soft._

"_I'm sure Emily was like both of them." She gazed out the window. "She probably would've liked to draw. Shawn has the skill, but he's too lazy to finish anything, and Carol's terrible, but draws all the time." _

_He held her a little tighter. "I'm sure she would've made you a soccer mom."_

"_Violin."_

"_Soccer."_

"_Violin," she pressed._

"_Soccer." He began to tickle her, and she squirmed, trying to get away, and he laughed at the sound of her laugh. She covered her mouth with her hand so the kids wouldn't wake, and she sent him a glare, and he laughed again. "Maybe our grandchildren will play the violin."_

"_Or soccer."_


	21. Friend Like Me

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

––

She drove to Karen's summerhouse with Sophia in the backseat, eating a cream-filled doughnut as an afternoon snack. She hadn't been back here since they first arrived in Georgia. It was the same as always, and she'd discovered she had arrived before Karen and Milton. She parked and got out, opening the door to the backseat and helping Sophia out.

"Karen's not here?" Sophia licked cream from her finger.

"Not yet. I'm sure she'll be here soon."

"Daddy too?"

"Yes. He'll be here around five, and we're all going out to dinner." She dug the key out of her purse and went inside, an alarm blaring.

"Ah! What the hell?" She covered her ears, finding the system and used the same code Karen used for everything, silencing it. "Christ." She looked around the house, the furniture covered in sheets, and she dropped her purse on the counter, removing the sheets. "Don't touch anything with your sticky fingers, sweetie."

"Okay." She stood in the doorway.

"Well, come inside." She closed the door behind Sophia. "Sit here."

"I'm thirsty."

"I told you not to drink the milk first." She folded the sheet up and dropped it to the floor, grabbing another. "All Karen has is water."

"I like water."

"I'll  
get you a glass in a sec." She place the sheets into a folded pile, turned a light on and went to the kitchen, finding a glass. She filled it with ice and water and gave it to Sophia. "Karen and Milton will be here soon." She kept repeating it to herself. She was so excited and nervous and happy at all the same time.

"Is Noah coming?"

"No. It's Karen and Milton's anniversary, so their coming down here. Today, Milton has some business, so it might just be the three of us then Daryl's joining us four for dinner. I don't know for sure though. Milton might have already finished up his work."

"Oh."

Carol had noticed how quiet Sophia had been lately. She spoke, but she didn't speak a lot. She knew what it was about, and even though everything would eventually smooth out, Sophia was still upset about it. Amy had stayed out all night, and Paige wasn't in school today, so Sophia didn't get to talk to her. She was worried about her, and Carol was worried about Amy. She knew they'd met up with Andrea, but that's all. She wondered what happened. She also wondered if Paige knew Daryl was Merle's little brother and her uncle. She doubted it. Amy probably wasn't thinking about it. It might be good to get the girls and Daryl together and talk about it. It might make Sophia feel better, and Pagie would know she had an aunt and an uncle who were here for her. Dale and Andrea were awesome, but sometimes it's reassuring to know you have a lot of options. That you're never alone, even when you think you are.

"Why won't you go over to Daryl's tomorrow after school? You can spend time with Paige."

"Can I?"

"Yes, of course. Mag wants to spar with me, so I'll pick you up when that's over." Karen and Milton might want to go some grocery shopping or something, so she would have some extra time on her hands.

"Spar?"

"It's...uh, nothing important." She heard someone pull up. Was that them? She walked over to the window and pulled the curtain back, seeing their car. "They're here." Carol ran out to greet them, Karen hurried out of the car and hugged her tightly.

"I missed you too." Karen smiled. "God, how long has it been?"

"It feels like forever." Carol released her. "Hello, Milton."

"Hey." He smiled. "I'll get the bags."

"Thank you." Karen led Carol inside. "Sophia!" She hugged her.

"Hi." Sophia smiled.

"Look at you. You're so big."

"I'm the smallest in my class," Sophia told her.

"Well, you're big to me." She smiled. "How have you been? You look so adorable. I missed your pretty curls."

"I missed you too." Sophia giggled softly. "I'm okay. I like my new school and I have friends too!"

"That's great to hear! You can tell me more at dinner, because that doughnut looks yummy, so I'm gonna let you finish eating." She turned to Carol. "You look amazing. You've gained some weight, and you've gotten a slight tan."

"I feel all right." She crossed her arms. "Okay, I'm damn ecstatic. Everything...is really, really good."

"Does this have to do with the father who isn't here?"

"Oh, he's joining us for dinner. He had to work."

"Milton, please watch Sophia." Karen grabbed Carol by the wrist and hauled her into the bedroom, and she closed the door. "Okay, what happened?"

"What do you mean?" Carol sat beside her on the couch. "Nothing's happened. Well, a lot has happened. My mom is doing very well. So well, in fact, she's back at home with us, along with Patricia and Otis. Oh, Shawn and Sasha got married and are expecting twins! He's completely freaked out, but he'll make a great dad."

"That's fantastic. I'm so relieved. I've been so worried since your last call, but I'm glad they're all right. How about Beth and Maggie?"

"Well, Beth...can't have kids. She went off on me after we went off on her for taking the girls—Sophia and Paige—to the zoo without permission, and she told me she would never have children of her own. We talked it out later that evening, and we went over her options. Beth's very prepared, and I'm so proud of her." She bit her lip.

"What?"

"It's just...I feel like if we hadn't made her mad, she wouldn't have told us about her infertility. I think our mother may have known, because she and Beth are very close, but I can't say for sure." Patricia probably knew. She practically raised Beth when Jo was sick, and they're best friends.

"Well, that's horrible. Is there nothing she can try? Like some type of medication or something?"

"She's looking into it, I assume. She didn't want to talk about it too much."

She nodded. "And Maggie?"

"She's good. She's a police officer, and she wants to make detective. I think she'll do it. She's a quick learner, and she can adapt to any environment, so they'll get one hell of a detective someday." She tucked hair behind her ear. "She's been dating a guy named Glenn for about...five months? Maybe four and a half, I can't be sure. They really are good together, and they're so cute. She smiles a lot, and I'm happy for her."

"And Daryl?"

Carol blushed. "He—he's good too."

"What's that blush?" Karen narrowed her eyes then gasped "You slept with him, didn't you?"

"How do you do that?"

"I just guessed. You look like you did after you slept with Ed, only less shame and more blush, so it must have been really good."

Her blush deepened. "Once, but it was about a month ago, and he was drunk. He doesn't even remember."

"I guess that makes it easier if you want to forget it happened." She studied Carol. "Or harder since you want him."

"I've been trying to just be friends," she admitted. "I want him to be happy, but he doesn't date, and I have this hope he doesn't date, because he's still in love with me too, but I'm ignoring that. We can't be together. It would be so hard on him and on me, not to mention Sophia."

"Explain to me how it'd be so hard."

"I left once, and I don't want him to worry I'll leave again. Sophia just got to meet her dad, and I don't want her to pick up on any tension between us. I want them to have a relationship like I had with my father. They're so close already, and Sophia will back away if she feels tension. She did the same thing with Ed, and I don't want her to think Daryl is anything like Ed."

"Carol, you're stupid."

"Excuse me?"

"If you love him and he loves you after all this time, it's more than obvious what you should do."

"I—I can't."

"You're just scared."

"What if I hurt him again?" She lowered her voice. "What if he just doesn't want me like I want him? I—I'm different. My body is scarred, and I'm not—"

"If he does love you, none of that will matter. The way you look when you talk about him... If he feels even a portion of that for you, you've nothing to worry about. You're just wasting time. I think you've wasted enough, Caro."

She said nothing.

"I'll see it for myself tonight."

"Yeah."

"Do I get to meet your family too?"

"Well, tonight you're meeting Daryl, and tomorrow you can meet my family. We can spend the afternoon out if you want then go over there for dinner."

"Great. I can tell them all about your wasted college years. You left the only party you went to after five minutes."

"I was pregnant then I had a child, so forgive me for being responsible."

"Nah." She checked her watch. "I have to help Milton unpack."

"How long are you two going to be down here?"

"Unfortunately only today and tomorrow. Milton's mother arranged for just to spend our anniversary in Paris."

"I want his mother."

She laughed. "It's just a fancy way of telling me to get pregnant."

"Well, I still want his mom." Carol titled her head at the look on Karen's face. "What's with that face?"

"Well, I may be already, but I don't know."

"Oh, my God!" Carol grinned. "That's amazing! Congratulations!"

"Shhh! Milton doesn't know, and I'm not one hundred percent sure, so stop smiling."

"Right." She couldn't hide the smile.

"Let's go unpack."

Sophia ate her doughnut silently while the three of them unpacked and aired out the house. They caught up with each other, Milton had to take a few business-related calls—he could do them now since it wasn't technically their anniversary vacation until they reached Paris—and Karen assured Carol Milton and Ed were no longer speaking. Ed apparently left his assistant in charge of almost everything, so Milton only spoke to her now. Milton was never fond of Ed anyway, so Ed just made their business association easier.

– – –

Amy added the meat to the sauce, listening to Paige trying to smoothly read the chapter of the book she was working on, and she stirred the sauce, pulling down the noodles. She was still considering Andrea's offer, but she still wasn't sure. Their parents knew where Andrea lived, and they'd have easy access to her and Paige at any time.

"How's this?" Daryl asked Amy.

"Hold on." She faced him, holding back a laugh. It wasn't funny because he looked funny, but seeing him so nervous about looking good was kind of funny. She never expected him to be like that He was in a dark blue shirt with black pants and a black jacket. He'd combed his hair, but didn't get it cut. She suspected Carol liked it long, and he picked up on that. He looked less angry with long hair. "You look great."

"Very handsome," Paige agreed.

"Okay."

"Oh, here." She handed him directions to the restaurant. He'd never been to it before, because it was very pricy, so Amy wrote the directions down. Her parents used to take her and Andrea there for their birthdays. "Now, remember: You're driving, so no more than one glass of wine or whatever you might drink. The parking lot isn't close the restaurant, so you'll have to walk a few feet, and I will be here when you get back, so not sexy time."

He glared.

"Seriously, though."

"It ain't a date. I'm just meetin' her friend. She told me to dress nice, so I did."

"Oh, poor, sweet, naive Daryl." She smiled at him, and he glared back at her with even more ire.

"Your keys are upstairs on your dresser."

"Crap." He didn't want to be late.

He had no idea what tonight really was about. Sure, Ed was involved, but it was mostly so Daryl and Karen met. Karen, Carol's best friend for the past five years, and Daryl, the man she was desperately in love with, were going to sit down, have dinner and get to know each other. How did he not see this for what it was? He didn't date much, yeah, but he was still smart. It's almost cute how unprepared he'll be for this.

Daryl ran by her.

"Good luck!" she called after him.

––

They met up at a nice restaurant, Carol was really impressed how at Daryl dressed for this. She decided then and there he should never be without a jacket, because it looked very, very good on him. As for the rest of them, Karen wore an elegant blue dress, and Milton wore a suit, which Carol rarely saw him out of. Carol had borrowed one of Karen's black dresses with her hair pulled up in some weird curl-braid thing Beth did—Beth now doubled as the family hair stylist.

Sophia didn't feel like going on with them after all. She said she wasn't hungry, and she wanted to spend time with Uncle Shawn and Aunt Sasha. Carol was disappointed, but she didn't to make her do anything she didn't want to, and Shawn and Sasha seemed happy to watch her for the night. They didn't have plans, and Shawn said watching Sophia was like a test run. It terrified Carol. If Sasha wasn't going to be there, she would've make Sophia come with her tonight.

"Daryl." She took his hand and led him over to where Karen and Milton were. "Karen, this is Daryl Dixon." She gripped his hand tighter. "Daryl, this is Karen Mamet."

She smiled. "Well, it's nice to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you."

He gave a nod. "Nice to meet you."

They went inside, Carol almost forgot to let go of Daryl's hand, but Karen had noticed before Carol let go to remove her coat. They sat down in the back, Milton and Daryl began a small argument over who was going to pay, and Carol and Karen laughed, both surprised how easy they got along since they were total opposites.

When their server came by and asked what type of wine they wanted, Daryl leaned over and whispered, "Where's Sophia?"

Karen and Milton looked over the list of wines.

"At Shawn's." She crossed her legs. "She isn't feeling well, so Shawn and Sasha are taking care of her. My parents had plans tonight, and Sophia hasn't spent much time with Shawn, so she wanted to spend some time over there."

"Is it bad?"

"I think it's an upset stomach. She's had a lot of junk today." She met his eyes. "She'll be fine, don't worry. She'll be over there tomorrow to spend time with Paige, so you can see for yourself how she is."

He nodded.

Karen called to Carol to ask her if she wanted any specific type of wine, but Carol didn't reply. She turned and found her and Daryl watching each other, not even speaking. "Carol?"

"Hmm?" She looked over. "What?"

"It's nothing. I don't think you need a drink."

"Oh, water's fine. I don't like alcohol."

"And you, Daryl?" Milton asked.

"I don't drink." He took a drink of water.

They ordered what they wanted, Carol giggled at how Daryl ordered, but it wasn't at him. It was at how he was acting, like he was trying to impress somebody, and it was adorable. Karen had to pull Carol away, so they went to the bathroom, leaving Milton and Daryl to either sit awkwardly or talk to each other about spots or hunting or business or...types of beer.

"Not to sound rude, because it doesn't matter either way, but is Daryl slow at all?" Karen asked when they were in the bathroom.

"No, not at all. Why?"

"Because I don't see how he doesn't know how you feel. My God, it's so obvious that you're in love with him."

"It is not—Is it?"

"Yes, but it's refreshing. Normally, you cringe and keep silent. Now, you're smiling and giggling and flirting. I've never seen this side of you before, but I like it." She smiled. "I like him too. He's a little rough and a lot of redneck, but he's all right. He's very...Daryl, I guess."

"Is that a good thing? Because if you're using his name to describe him, you can't think of an actual word to describe him."

"Yes, it's a good thing." She crossed her arms. "He...changed you."

"Changed me?"

"You're different, more... Well, just more you."

"Thanks, I guess."

"Let's go before the awkward silence spreads through the entire restaurant."

Daryl and Milton had found something to talk about, so it wasn't that awkward. They enjoyed their meal, getting to know each other, and Carol felt so very content by the time they were halfway through their dinner. Daryl wasn't an open person, but he still answered the questions, and Karen wasn't asking anything too invasive, so Daryl wasn't tense at all. Karen was an open person, but Daryl didn't ask many questions. Carol and Milton mostly watched and listened, but it was still very comfortable. She hoped it wasn't one of those things where they were all having a good time and then when she and Daryl left, he told her he hated them both. Or vice versa. It would break her heart.

Carol started to ask about Ed, but she didn't want to ruin the evening. They had tomorrow to talk about him. "So, how's Noah?"

"He's doing well health wise, but school wise, he's failing."

"Why? He's smart."

"Yes, but he's lazy. He won't apply himself, and he doesn't know what he wants to do for a living." She shook her head and picked up her glass of water. "He wanted me to tell you he says hi and he hopes you and Sophia are doing well."

"How sweet. Tell him I said the same." Carol adjusted her earring. "How's your Grandmother?"

"She's in uh...in a nursing home." Milton set his hand over Karen's, and she held it. "She had a stroke last Monday, and Noah and I agreed it would be best to put her in a nursing home. We checked it out, and I know the doctor personally, so we're not too worried. I trust them, and I know she's in good hands I know she'll be fine."

"Oh, I am so sorry." Carol knew how much their grandmother meant to them. After Karen's mother, Grace, passed and their step-father was arrested, their grandmother took them in and raised them. Because of her, Karen met Milton. Daya, their grandmother, knew Milton's father when he was a child, so after Karen turned fifteen, Daya sent Karen to Randall for a job to help her pay for college, and after working their for two years, she met Milton. He had accidentally broken his glasses, and he was stumbling down the stairs as Karen was heading up, and she helped him to his father's office for the extra pair he had in his briefcase, and that was that. They were friends for a year then Karen asked him to her senior prom, and they started dating after she kissed him in their prom picture.

"I'm okay. It's Noah I worry about. He's been very distant." She inhaled to calm her emotions. "I'm fine." She gave Milton a loving smile.

"God, Karen, get a room," Carol teased, trying to cheer Karen up. She hated to see her look so sad.

"Don't even go there." Karen turned to her. "Do you remember when I came home and found you—"

"Oh, gross, don't even." Carol shuddered. "We said we would never bring that up."

"What?" Daryl glanced between them. "Found her?"

"Karen," Carol warned.

"It was our freshmen year of college," she said over Carol's protests. "And Carol was staying with me and Milton for Thanksgiving, and I walk in on her and my cousin were making out on my bed."

Carol buried her face in her hands.

"What?" Daryl blinked.

"She blames it on hormones."

"Shut up, please!"

She laughed. "You were five months pregnant, but for some reason, she was carrying Sophia very high, so you couldn't tell she was pregnant. She dropped around the last month or so, and she was so cute."

"What, did you bring the pictures?" Carol was rethinking her decision to have wine.

"I do have them at my place. You should come by tomorrow and see them."

"Or not. I think he's thinking not," Carol pressed.

"Sure," Daryl agreed.

"Yes!" Karen cheered softly as to not disturb the people around them. "Mamet one, Greene zero."

"For now," Carol shot back. "For now."

"Well, whatever happened, he certainly is still into you." Karen moved hair out of her eyes. "He still sends flowers."

"For the trillionth time—nothing happened! We just kissed, and then you walked in. He bolted, and I ate the pecan pie."

"I know, but I haven't gotten to fluster you in two months, so I'm making up for lost time." She smirked. "Besides, we both know who—"

"I still shank you." Carol held up a knife.

"Oh, my gosh!" Karen gasped, suddenly remembering. "The play."

"Oh, dear God." Carol paled. "Don't!"

"Play?" Daryl glanced between them, swallowing water along with annoyance of Karen's cousin touching and kissing Carol. "What play?"

"Every year, my father and a few of his business associates put on a play," Milton explained. "They donate the money to a charity. That particular year, Carol and Karen were asked to help, because no one else could fit into the costumes."

"It was a nightmare. A really bad, never ending nightmare." Carol tucked hair behind her ear. "And they recorded it."

"I still have a copy." Karen winked at Daryl. "I'll hook you up."

"And I will stab you." She waved the knife at her. "I will burn the DVD."

"I have more than one copy."

"Then I will burn your house down and all of your other summerhouses. Try me. I have no life, so beware all my free time."

She laughed. "Let's just tell him about it. It'll be fine. He won't see you in costume or anything."

"Fine, but I'll be the first to prove you can die of embarrassment."

Daryl watched how Carol and Karen interacted, and he saw they were really close, like her and her sisters. He'd never heard Carol mention college, not any of the fun stuff, but it was like Karen made her feel safe enough to talk about it. He knew it was both of them being there that made her safe. He didn't know how he knew, but he did.

They told him about the play and how much of a disaster it was, but luckily, the viewers assumed it was parody, and they got a lot of laughs. Daryl had an image of his head of this play, and he seriously wanted to see the hell they were doing, because it was so damn strange. It was stranger still that Carol had done so much while she away, before the abuse really broke her, but he was glad she was able to enjoy herself. Not matter how he felt, he always felt better knowing she was happy. He was grateful to Karen, more than he could ever express with words, but he wanted her to know, so he was going to tell her.

When they finished their dinner, they continued to talk through dessert, and Carol wore this smile that Daryl only seen on rare occasions. She was contented, and it brought a small smile to his lips that he was part of the reason she was so happy.

"I'm paying," Milton decided.

"No, I can—"

"Daryl," Carol interrupted softly, "pipes."

Well, shit. Daryl nodded. "Er, thanks, man."

They got ready to leave, Carol spoke to Milton, thanking him for paying for dinner and asking him about their plans for their anniversary. It wasn't until Thursday, so Carol didn't feel _too_ guilty about them having to be down here, because Karen was worried about Carol. She would try and make it up to them when this shit was over, and they could call and write.

"Hey, Daryl." Karen buttoned her coat up. "Could I have a word?"

"Yeah, I wanted to tell you somethin'."

"May I go first?"

He nodded.

"I don't know what Ed intends to do about Carol and Sophia, but I do know whatever it is, it isn't going to be fast. He's going to make Carol suffer for these past couple months. He'll keep Sophia, but she won't be safe with him. He'll probably do horrible things to her when she's older, maybe even at the age she is now." She shook her head. "I have to know that if Ed offers you—"

"I ain't ever gonna let that bastard take them," he vowed. "Nothin' he has, I want." He already had what he needed.

She nodded. "Good. I'm glad."

"'Bout Carol and Sophia, I just wanted to thank you for all that you did for them. I can't ever repay you, but know I'm real grateful."

She smiled. "You're very welcome. I'm really grateful to you as well. You've helped to change her for the better, and I can't repay you for that. I haven't seen her smile so much ever. Maybe when Sophia was born."

"Are you ready?" Milton asked, holding the door open.

"Mm-hmm." She turned to Carol. "Are you riding with us? We're going home, but we can take you to the farm, if you want."

"No, thank you. I'll ride home with Maggie. She'll be heading home in an hour, so I just have to find something to do until then."

"All right." She hugged her goodbye. "Good night." She whispered, "I love him."

Carol smiled widely. "Good night. And thank you for dinner."

"You're welcome." Milton smiled. "Good night. It was nice meeting you, Daryl."

"Same to you." He stepped back toward the parking lot. "Drive safe."

Carol fell into step beside him. "So?"

"They're all right." He glanced at her, and she just kept smiling. "What?"

"It's nothing."

"You look creepy as hell."

She laughed. "I'm just happy." She checked her watch. "I should go find something to do for an hour. I don't want Sophia to feel rushed. It's been a long time since she's spent time with him, so I'll give her an hour more. I just need something to do."

"You can come back to my place."

"I'd love to."

The drive back to his house was short, Carol told him about college and all she and Karen used to do. She wasn't a party girl, so he wasn't surprised when most of it was studying. He listened to some weird stories, most because Carol looked so happy to tell them. She was opening up, and he even learned how Carol and Ed met. He tried not to clench his jaw, because one of these days, he might break his teeth from the grinding.

– – –

"_Do I have to?" Carol asked again, still clinging to her notebook where she was rewriting notes for her first test. "I don't like parties."_

"_Well, you need to get your nose out of a book." Karen pulled out a sleeveless, V-neck, red and black plaid schoolgirl-looking tartan dress with a swingy layered hem. "This would be so cute on you."_

"_Where the hell did you get that?" _

"_It was a gift from Milton's uncle to his wife, but she didn't like it, so it ended up in my suitcase. Look, it's cute, and it'll look great on you. We'll curl your hair and add a belt. Please, I need to get out of this dingy little room, and so do you. Fresh air and all that."_

"_I have to study."_

"_The test is next week!"_

"_So? I can pretend to not know that. Besides, preparation."_

"_What are you, a slayer? C'mon, just put this on and tell me no."_

"_For the love of all things holy, I am going to murder you!" She slammed her book closed and grabbed the dress. "One hour. We are only staying one damn hour then you are buying me coffee and we are coming home to study in silence!"_

"_All right, killer."_

"_Don't. I will hurt you." _

"_Fine." Karen turned her back to let Carol dress and found a gold and black dress for herself. She changed and did her hair and Carol's. She hoped by the time they arrived, the evil would've receded. She didn't know if Carol was just hateful on her period or what, but she hoped it didn't last too long, because Karen was a bitch on a hers. They'd kill each other._

_Arriving at the party, Carol instantly hated it. It was loud and full of smoke and smelled of stale beer. Karen got her a glass of punch, which Carol refused, because it smelled like alcohol and she wasn't drinking. She grabbed a bottle of unopened water and sat down in the corner, just watching and trying not to get a headache._

_About twenty minutes in, Karen came over to her, and Carol closed the half-empty bottle of water._

"_Come and dance with me." _

"_I don't feel like dancing. My stomach's upset."_

"_Why? Cramps?"_

"_No, hunger. I haven't eaten since lunch. I forgot to eat dinner."_

"_We'll go to the place down the street after and eat. Do you want some chips?"_

"_No, I want to leave."_

"_Could you at least try and have fun?" Karen begged. "Smile!"_

"_What for?" She had nothing to smile about. All there was was her leaving the love of her life and losing her baby boy. She wouldn't be surprised if she never smiled again. "Just leave me be, okay? I'm here, so just accept that."_

"_All right. I'll grab you another bottle of water."_

_Carol crossed her legs and rested a hand on her stomach, hoping the time until they left flew by. She forgot her watch, so she had no idea what time it was. She just wanted to go home and eat and sleep. The dorm wasn't home. She no longer had a home, not one that she could easily return to anyway._

"_Here."_

_She lifted her eyes and found a young man in front of her. He was tall with dark hair and gray-blue eyes that made her insides quiver. He was wearing jeans and a graphic t-shirt, offering her a bottle of water. It hadn't been opened, but she wasn't going to accept any drink from a stranger. "No, thanks."_

"_It's not drugged, I swear." He smiled._

"_I'm not thirsty." She averted her eyes, feeling the pepper spray in her jacket pocket. If he kept bugged her, she would use it._

_He sat down beside her and opened the water, taking a drink. "Is this your first college party?"_

"_And hopefully my last." She still didn't look at him._

"_Why do you say that?"_

"_I'm not a people person. In fact, I'm practically a hermit, so excuse me while I go be socially awkward. By myself."_

_He laughed, and she turned to look at him. "Well, I'm Ed. Can I call you Pra for short?"_

_She didn't smile. "I'm Carol."_

"_Ed Peletier." He held his hand out._

"_Carol—er, Caroline Deangelo." She shook his hand. "It's nice to meet you." Thank God she remembered that._

"_Can I get you anything? More water? A Jell-O shot? A quiet place to talk?"_

"_You know, I think I'm good for...pretty much ever." She shook her water bottle. "So, you're not new, are you?"_

"_Nah, I'm almost outta here. One more year then I'm gone." He smiled about it. "How'd you know?"_

"_You have that arrogant air about you. It typically comes from the wealthy and upperclassmen." _

"_Well, I'll keep my air to myself then."_

"_Could you do it over there?" She pointed to an empty seat across the room._

"_Are you always so charming? Or is this just all for me?"_

_She met his eyes and saw he was genuinely asking, and...she laughed. It was short, but it was a laugh. She'd forgotten what that felt like, and as soon as the laugh was over, she felt like she'd betrayed herself. She was laughing while Daryl was suffering. What a bitch she was._

"_You all right?"_

_She swallowed hard. "I'm all right, yeah. I just—the smell is getting to me."_

"_Let's go for a walk. Fresh air's always good for you."_

_She looked over and saw Karen talking with one of her other friends. She didn't want to go with him, but she had pepper spray and she could run if he was a pervert. She really didn't want to stay here any longer. Karen would just have to understand."I'd love to go on a walk. Just excuse me for a moment." She weaved through the crowd. "Karen!"_

_She turned. "You're gonna dance?" The excitement was in her tone._

"_No, I'm going to get some fresh air. I'll call if I need a ride."_

"_Don't walk home, Carol! It's dangerous."_

"_I'll be fine. I'm not—going alone."_

_She grinned. "All right. Tomorrow, you're telling me everything."_

"_There'll be nothing to tell." She turned and slipped through the crowd, meeting Ed by the door, and they left. "Do you go to those parties often?"_

"_Only from time to time." He stuffed his hands in his pockets. "You obviously hate parties. That girl dragged you along?"_

"_Yes, she did." _

"_So, Caroline Deangelo, how come I've never seen you around before?"_

"_I just moved here."_

"_From?"_

"_Ohio."_

"_I have family there."_

"_Oh?"_

"_An uncle." He nodded. _

"_That's...something. Do you speak to him still?" God, did he have to talk so much? Couldn't they enjoy the silence? Good Lord._

"_Not really."_

"_Why not?"_

"_He's older and doesn't really like my mother, so we don't talk to him anymore." He shrugged. "What about you? Do you still speak to your family?"_

"_I don't have any family." She rubbed her arms. "It's just me."_

"_I'm so sorry. I—I can't imagine how that must feel."_

"_No, you **really** can't."_

_He set a hand on her arm then removed it, not speaking for a moment. "Are you hungry? There's a place around down the street that makes the best pizza."_

"_I don't have much money, so—"_

"_I'll pay for it."_

"_Oh, no, you don't have to do that."_

"_Well, you got all prettied up, so don't waste it. C'mon, we'll eat and talk. I'm not taking no for answer. You're probably the best company I've had in a long time." He walked backward toward the restaurant. "Please?"_

_What the hell? It might be nice to do something she normally wouldn't. It might take her mind off of Daryl. "I'm coming." She fell into step beside him. "I'd rather have a burger, though."_

"_All right. I can share."_

_She put on a smile. "Sure." What's the worst thing that can happen?_

––

_After eating and listening to Ed talk about his life, he took her to his place. It was nearby and the rain was really coming down at that point, so Carol just went with it. She might as well try and make friends. Karen was trying really hard to be friends and make sure Carol had fun, so she was going to make the most of it. She was going to try and have...fun._

"_...so I've spent the past couple years slowly taking over my uncle's business. That's my dad's uncle, not my mom's." Ed unlocked the door. "Well, this is it."_

_She stepped inside, looking inside. It very simple and a little bit of a mess, but it was warm and dry. Her jacket had done little to warm her, because it was made from a thin material and it was already pretty worn from years of use. "It's nice."_

"_Ignore the smell. It's...probably old pizza." He guided her into the living room. "My brother stayed here last week, and he made a mess of everything."_

"_Oh, you have a brother?" _

"_Yes, his name's Phillip." He cleared the couch of shirts and blankets. "Technically, he's my half-brother, but he's been with me all my life, so that doesn't mean much."_

"_He's older?"_

"_By a few years." He tossed them into the spare room. "Have a seat, please."_

_She sat down. "Could you turn the heat on, please?"_

"_Yeah." He tossed a blanket beside her. "It's a really shitty system, so use that till it kicks on."_

_She covered her legs and removed her jacket, setting it on the arm of the couch. She rubbed her arms. "You stay here by yourself?"_

"_Uh, yeah." He returned. "Do you want some...coffee? It's the only hot drink I have."_

"_I'm okay." _

"_You're shaking." He walked over to her. "Here." He removed his shirt, leaving himself in wife beater and he held it out. "I'm clean, and it's clean too."_

"_Um...okay." She took it and pulled it down over her. It smelled musty like cologne, and it gagged her momentarily. She didn't like the smell. She preferred the scent of earth and...leather. It was warm at least. She lifted her eyes, feeling her necklace **ice** cold against her chest, and it was hard to breathe. **No, no, no, no. **_

"_What's wrong?" He saw panic and tears fill her eyes. "C—Carol?"_

_She couldn't breathe; her lungs felt as though they were shrinking and the air flooded out. Her body began to shake, and she grabbed the hem of the shirt and yanked it off. She stood up and walked away from the shirt, away from Ed and the couch, and she inhaled shakily, gasping for air._

"_What the hell?" He looked at her. "Oh, Christ." He touched her arm. "You okay?"_

"_No." She shook her head, clutching her necklace and squeezing her eyes shut._

"_Shit, your arm."_

_Red bumps spread across her arms, and she blinked back tears. "I—I should go."_

"_Not when it's raining like that." He pulled her back gently. "Just sit down. Breathe. I'll get some Benadryl and some water. It's probably my detergent. It's generic shit." He studied her. "It's all right. Just calm down."_

_She took a seat on the couch after a moment, catching her breath, and he disappeared into the kitchen. She ran a hand through her hair down to her neck, massaging the base of her neck, and her body shook as tears climbed out of her eyes._

_No, no, not again. She squeezed her eyes shut. She wasn't going to do this again. She wasn't going to break down and cry. God, it's been two weeks. Why wasn't this getting any better? She could do this. She had to do this, so why didn't her heart just accept that? God, it was just getting so much harder. Her body was even rejecting clothes that weren't hers or Daryl's. Great. God, it was just a shirt, why did she do that? He's probably going to think she's insane. He's probably calling the cops right now._

"_Take this." He held out a bottle of water, sitting on the coffee table, and he opened a bottle of Benadryl. "And these." _

_She took the bottle of water but not the pills. "I'll be all right."_

"_Smart, but they're just Benadryl."_

_She shook her head. "I don't want them."_

"_All right." He dropped them back into the bottle and closed it. _

_She opened the water, breaking the seal, and she took a long drink. "Thank you, but I should still go."_

"_Once the rain stops," he insisted. "Unless I'm bad company."_

_She sighed. "So, your brother? Is he out of college?"_

"_Yes. He's a detective. Well, he's getting there." He slid back on the coffee table. "Do you have any siblings?"_

"_No. I'm an only child." She took another long drink of water. "And I don't see my parents anymore, so it's just me."_

"_That must be lonely."_

_She shrugged a shoulder. "It's...how I live now."_

"_Do you have any friends here?" He loosely laced his fingers together. "Or a boyfriend?"_

"_No. No, it's just me. Well, there's Karen. She's...friendly." She closed the bottle of water. "I'm okay with it. Or...I'm trying to be. I guess I don't like to be alone." Tears filled her eyes, and he tilted his head. "I'm afraid of being alone to be honest."_

"_Me too," he whispered. "That's why my brother stays here a lot."_

_She met his eyes, seeing Daryl behind those gray-blue eyes, and she didn't look away. She missed him so much, and everything kept telling her to go back to him. If she could look into those eyes forever, she might not feel so empty anymore._

_Carol blinked when Ed kissed her, pulling away quickly, and he jumped back, hands up in a gesture of peace. "What?" She sounded confused, and she didn't know what just happened._

"_Sorry, I—I just to conclusions all the time, and—Damn it, I didn't mean to—"_

_She set the bottle of water on the floor then grasped his face with her hands and kissed him, never looking from his eyes. His lips were soft and warm, although she could taste liquor on his tongue. She pushed against him, her knees touching the edge of the coffee table, and she wrapped an arm around his neck. She knew this was stupid, because she didn't really know him or want him and she was still deeply in love with Daryl, but she wanted to feel something other than this engulfing pain. She couldn't stand another second of this damn pain. She couldn't._

_He grasped her hips, pushing her back so he could catch his breath. "Are you sure? I mean—"_

"_Just shut up." She searched his eyes. "I'm not asking for commitment; I don't want it. I just want you to have sex with me. Okay?"_

_He nodded. "Okay."_

"_Then stop talking." _

_He stood up and kissed her hard, his hands digging into her skin, and she was almost thankful because it was pulling her out of her head. She couldn't be in her head for a second longer, and even though she knew she would regret this, at least she wouldn't have to see Ed after tonight._

– – –

She waited Daryl unlocked the door, and she felt his eyes on her, so she looked up and slowly smiled. He was just watching her, and she couldn't look away from him. She didn't want to.

"What?" she finally asked.

"You...ain't even upset 'bout it." He opened the door. "You cried before."

"Yeah, well... I had a long talk with Shawn," she confessed. "He's not the best at holding in his anger, but he did his best for me and gave me really good advice." She stepped inside.

"What advice?" He locked the door and removed his jacket.

"If I'm afraid of the mere memory of Ed...how can I ever hope to face him?" She turned to Daryl. "I have no illusions that Ed will just let me and Sophia go, so I need to prepare myself, mentally and physically. Mag's gonna teach me how to fight. She doesn't know about Ed or the abuse, so it's just...for fun to her."

He nodded. "Are you gonna tell 'em?"

"One day."

He set his keys in the dish. "Want somethin' to drink?"

"Actually, I would love a glass of wine." She laced her fingers together. "Would that be too awkward? Us drinking together?"

"How do you think I'm gonna get through Christmas?" He smirked.

"Oh, don't." She stepped toward the kitchen. "Dad will flip out. He abhors alcohol, and none of us can drink in the house."

"Gotta flask."

"Daryl."

"I'm kiddin'." He pulled out two beers out of the fridge. "Amy don't drink, and I don't drink wine, so here."

"Can I at least have a glass?" She took the bottle and set it on the island.

He grabbed a glass. "'Bout Sophia comin' over... Can she just stay over?"

"You wouldn't mind?" Carol opened the beer. "She'd love that." She emptied half of the beer into the glass and took a drink then softly said, "You don't have to force it."

"Hmm?" He lowered the bottle from his lips.

"A father-daughter relationship." She sat down on a stool and crossed her legs. "It'll come on its own."

"Not if I never see her."

"What, do you want me to move in with you just so you can see her all the time?" She ran her finger across the moisture on the bottom of the glass.

"Tsh, I just wanna see her more than once a week."

She met his eyes. "Okay, look, let's work out a schedule."

"A schedule?"

"Yes. Sophia's with me all week, so do you want the weekends? Or every other weekend?" She searched his eyes. "What time is best for you? I'm working a lot lately, and with Mag and Beth busy with work and school, and Dad and Mom and Patricia and Otis having their hands full with the farm and the shop and trying to get better, there's no one to really... Well, I hate saying watch; Sophia's not a test subject. There's no one to spend time with her."

"What, have her over every day till you get off?"

"When you're not working, sure." She smiled at his expression. "Too much?"

"Yeah." He took a long drink from his beer.

"Okay, let's talk about this." She was sure Shawn wouldn't mind having Sophia stay a little longer. It wasn't as if Sophia would be awake anyway, so she would just pick her up after.

––

"She's exhausted," Sasha told Shawn. "Why don't you let her take a nap in our room? I just washed the sheets. She should be comfortable there." Or just sleep in there tonight since Carol was supposed to pick her up an hour ago. It didn't matter, they had room, and Sophia was a good kid. She was really sweet, and Sasha was very fond of her.

"Sounds like a plan." He set his laptop on the coffee table and joined Sophia in the kitchen. "Hey, munchkin."

She lifted her head, her eyes lips dropping slightly. "Hi."

"You look pooped, kiddo." He crouched down. "You even drew on the table." He pointed to the purple mark on the wood.

"Huh? Oh...I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. It's just a table." He held his hand out. "C'mere, it's time for a nap."

"No, I'm okay. Mommy will be here soon."

"You can help us paint if you nap. I promise. I'll even let you help me with the collage I'm gonna hang up in there."

"Mmm'kay, but I don't have Dee Dee." She rubbed her eye.

All he had was an old baseball glove, and it was buried in one of the boxes in his so-called office. He really needed to unpack. He looked at his wife. _Any stuffed animals? _he mouthed.

She held up a finger, disappeared into the nursery and returned with a stuffed blue dog.

"I have a dog you can borrow." He picked Sophia up and walked over to Sasha. "She's cute with big floppy ears. I call her...er, Pluto."

Sophia looked at the stuffed dog. "Hey, Pluto."

"You wanna put her down?" Shawn asked. "You could use the practice."

"Tempting, but I have to finish sending off the thank you notes since you "forgot"." She tucked the dog under his arm. "Good night, sweetie."

"Mmm..."

Shawn carried her into the bedroom, she coiled up in the middle of it, and he covered her with the duvet, tucking the dog into her arms. "Do you want me to tell you about Ethan again? The great protector?" He doubted she needed a bedtime story. After the day they had, he wasn't surprised she was drained.

She shook her head. "I know he's with me."

"Yes, he is." He smiled at her. "Ethan's always protecting you, munchkin."

She nodded, her eyes closing.

"Sleep tight." He flicked the light off, closing the door but leaving it cracked. "She's out."

"God, it's so late. Where is Carol?" Sasha looked at her watch. "I'm going to have to make dinner for her tonight. All she's had was a couple of chips and half a sandwich a couple hours ago. I suppose we'll have hamburgers. It's really all we have that she'll eat."

"Darn, I was looking forward to the kelp wraps."

She smirked. "I may make them just for you."

"Can't you just kill me?"

She laughed. "Here, sign your name."

"All right." He took the pen and signed the card. "Thank for the toaster...person I don't know."

"Shawn!"

"What?" He tossed the pen on the table. "I don't know Michonne. She doesn't know me either."

"Thank God for that, or she'd have your balls on a plate for cheating on me."

"She lives far away, right? I don't have to, like, put bars on the window, do I? Does she hold grudges?"

"She does."

"So, we've thought about a security system, right? I had afford it, just let me see how much my soul is."

"Not much, I'm guessing."

"I could sell my body, but my mother would kill me herself." He cocked a hip. "Just give me a feather boa."

She arched a brow. "And a cheetah thong."

"I like it better on you." He kissed her, sitting down. "So, is that all the cards?"

"Yeah, I'll drop them off tomorrow." She tucked hair behind her ear and felt Shawn's hand on her stomach. "Are you summoning them to kick again? I thought I explained the whole process to you."

"Sometimes, I just like to feel."

"And sometimes your hands goes to the wrong place."

He moved his hand. "Does my touching your stomach bother you? I've always touched your stomach. I've sucked a marshmallow out of your belly button before, so if my touching bothers you and that didn't—"

"No, it doesn't bother me." She met his eyes. "It's just... My pants don't fit anymore."

"So? As you explained, that happens," he teased.

She glared. "Forget it."

"What?" He watched her take the box of cards into the kitchen. "Am I being insensitive again?" He joined her. "What is it?"

She shook her head. "It's just very ridiculous."

"Tell me. I'm your husband. I've said stupider things, I assure you. I could write a book on how many ridiculous things I've said. A _really_ **long** book."

"It's just that late I've felt...very...unattractive."

"What?" He almost laughed.

"I know I'm pregnant with twins and getting fatter is normal, but I feel...like a blob."

"Sasha, you're hot."

"No."

"If Sophia wasn't in our bed, I would take you in there and do stuff to you that would make Merle Dixon blush."

She rolled her eyes. "Sure, you would."

"Hey, I would." He grabbed her arm. "Sasha, you're gorgeous, and there's nothing you do that I don't find sexy. Well, not vomiting, but who finds that attractive? Now, when you yawn, it's freaking adorable. So is your laugh, and when you hiccup. That's probably the cute—what?"

She smiled a little. "You totally love me."

"Yeah." He blushed. "Yeah, I do."

She kissed him. "I love you."

"Good, because our children hate me." He took the box of thank-you cards. "I'll drop these off tomorrow. I have to see my mom."

"What for?" She'd get back to him on the children hating him comment.

He shrugged. "Nothing important, just something I have to talk to her about." He put them into his bag and closed his laptop.

"What do you have to talk to her about?" she pressed.

"Stuff, you know? Pictures and stuff. It's really not important."

"It is, because you're lying." She crossed her arms. "What don't you want me to know?"

"I have an unholy love of cheese."

"I know that already."

He glanced at her then narrowed his eyes and scoffed. "You've got to be kidding. Do you really think I'm going to—?"

"No, I don't."

"Oh, please, I can see it in your eyes," he softly hissed. "I thought we worked this out."

"We did, and that's why I'm _not_ thinking that you're having an affair. I just want to know what's so important you can only tell Annette."

"It doesn't concern you, and before you get pissed, it's not because you're not apart of my family, because you are. It's—just very sensitive."

"What is it about?"

"Uh...Carol?" He needed to throw her off. Carol had secrets, but there was no way in hell he was going to tell their mother about Ed. She would find Ed and slaughter him. Or have a heart attack. He wasn't even going to think about either of those happening. He just needed to talk to her. He only had a couple months before the twins were born, and he needed to talk to her about his father and how he handled it. Then he was going to talk to Hershel. He didn't want Sasha to know about his doubts.

"Again, you're lying."

"Do you have to know every little thing I'm doing?" He said it softly, but his voice was sharp. "I have to speak to her."

She scoffed. "Fine." She walked out of the kitchen and into the guest bedroom.

"Shit, Sasha." He tried to follow her, but the door was locked. "Sasha, open the door. Please?"

She said nothing.

"I'll stand out here all night." Or stand for five minutes then sit. "I'm unyielding, you know this."

Still not a work.

"Sasha, please?"

There was a shuffling, and he tried the knob, but it was still locked. He groaned and hit the door then sat down. He didn't sit long, because Sophia started screaming. He scrambled to his feet, Sasha opened the door, and he bolted into her room, flicking the light on, and she was on the floor with a cut cheek and tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Christ." He dropped to his knees. "Sophia, what happened?" He picked her up and held her. "It's all right."

She was shaking, and she didn't speak.

Sasha checked the window, but it was locked. She looked under the bed and in the closet, but nothing was there. She turned to Shawn, shaking her head. "There's nothing."

He smoothed her hair down. "Shhh, it's all right, munchkin. It's all good." He rubbed her back. "I might not be tough, but I don't lie. You're safe. I promise you're safe."

She gripped his shirt tightly.

"Shh." He stood up slowly, making sure he had a good grip on her, and he took her to the living room, grabbing a box of alcohol pads off the bookcase. He handed it to Sasha and set Sophia down on the couch. He took the alcohol pad from Sasha and opened it, wiping at the blood on her cheek, and she closed her eyes tight. "Sorry."

She sniffed, wiping her nose on her sleeve.

"Could you get her some water?" Shawn asked Sasha. "Her princess cup thing is in her bag."

She nodded, going into the kitchen and digging the cup out of her bag and filling it with water.

"It's all right." He tossed the pad into the trashcan. "I'll be right back, okay? I'll be in the kitchen."

She didn't look at him.

"Okay." He set a hand on her head then joined Sasha. "The window was locked, yeah?"

"I always lock them when it gets dark." She closed the lid to the princess cup. "And there's no other way into the house. Besides, you were right there. Even if there was someone in the room, that person wouldn't have had time to react; you'd have seen them. You certainly would've heard them, so maybe it was a bad dream."

"She could've cut her cheek on the dress," he suggested.

"Or maybe on the pillowcase," she reminded him. "That zipper broke last week in the dryer, and it's pretty sharp."

"Screw Carol's health food rules. Let's just order a pizza and give her some ice cream. It'll make her feel better. It always worked with Carol." He grasped the cup. "A small bowl of butter pecan. I'll get it in a sec." He returned to Sophia and handed her the cup, sitting on the floor in front of her, his arms resting over her little legs, not adding any pressure.

She took a drink and looked at him. "I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"Being so loud." She studied the princesses on her cup.

"Don't worry about noise. I'm loud all the time."

"I couldn't get away."

"Away? Get away from what, munchkin?"

"A really bad man. I ran and ran, but he kept finding me." Her eyes were wide and full of fear. "I woke up and thought he was in the room. I fell out of bed and hurt my cheek..."

"See, we should've talked about Ethan." He met her eyes. He wanted to see her smile; it broke his heart to see her so shaken. It reminded him of when he and Carol were kids, and she'd scrap her knee or something. He always went out of his way to try and make her smile. Sometimes it worked.

She sniffed. "Can we now?"

"Do you want to start?" He crossed his legs, sitting on the floor. "Or do you not remember?"

"I remember, but I want you to tell it."

"I can do that. Can I get a smile first?" She didn't smile, so he grasped one of her little feet between his index finger and thumb, tickling her, and she squirmed back, giggling. "Once there was a little baby named Ethan. He was so little, you see, and God knew he wasn't ready for this world, so He took Ethan in His arms and out of world and He made him an angel."

Sasha watched Shawn from the kitchen.

"Well, for several months...Ethan was just _lost_. He didn't know where he was or where to go even." He smiled a little. "Then Ethan saw this beautiful white light that revealed an even more beautiful little girl, and he knew it was _his_ job to protect her. He vowed to look after this little girl, to shield her from harm, and he did. He never failed in his duty, but—" He waited for her to say it.

"But then," Sophia slowly said, "the little girl got hurt."

"Yes, she did." He stopped smiling. "Ethan saw the little girl ran out in front of danger, so he flew as fast as he could to jump in front of her. He softened the collision—you remember that means, yeah?"

She nodded.

"And by doing so, the little girl only got cut and a little bruised, but overall, she was just fine."

"You forgot the part—"

"No, I didn't," he interrupted her, "I'm getting here. I was building up to it, calm your jammies."

She waited.

"As the little girl rested, she dreamed of Ethan, and they had the same eyes, didn't they?" She vigorously nodded, and he laughed. "And tonight, Ethan was there too, but you pushed him away."

"No, I didn't!"

"You were scared, yeah?"

"Well...yes, but—"

"You chose fear, not Ethan." She frowned. "See, this bad man scares you a lot, yeah?"

"A lot." Her voice was small.

"Well, he's a bully, and Ethan's a protector. Ethan wants you to face your fear, and it was a little mean how he did it, but he was trying to tell you this man has no power over you. This bad man is _nothing_, and he'll never, _ever_ hurt you."

She thought about it. "He never found me."

"Ah, see."

"So...Ethan was with me, and he was helping me to not be afraid, 'cause the bad man won't find me."

"Smart munchkin." He smiled at her. "Yes, that's exactly what he was doing."

"But I'm still scared. What if Ethan hates me because I'm weak?"

"Tsh, you? Weak? Not possible! You're the toughest kid I know!" Then more gently, "Ethan will _never_ hate you, Sophia. He loves you and is watching over you always."

"So, if the bad man finds me, I don't have to be scared?"

"No."

"Because Ethan's protecting me."

"Yes. If the bad man finds you, just stay hidden and don't be scared, because he'll never find or hurt you. Ethan will make sure of that."

"What about Mommy? Will Ethan protect her too?"

"Mommy has another kind of protector. Do you know who?"

Sophia smiled. "Daddy."

"You win intelligence." Shawn high-fived her. "You win it all!"

She laughed.

"Let's get some ice cream and forget all about the bad man." He stood up. "Are you all right? You didn't get hurt when you fell off the bed, did you?"

"I'm okay."

"Just checking." He followed her into the kitchen and lifted her into a chair where Sasha gave her a spoon and a small bowl of ice cream.

Sasha walked over to him. "Is it a family trait to never see yourselves as you truly are?"

"What?"

"You and Carol both don't see how amazing you are. Do you not see what you're doing? How you took care of Sophia just then?"

"I'm just trying to teach her not to be afraid of Ed." He'd told Sasha the story, but only just bits and pieces. What Carol told him was just between them, and he wouldn't betray her, but he didn't want any secrets between him and Sasha, so he told her enough for her to understand. "If he somehow finds them and somehow gets Sophia alone, I want her to not be frozen in fear. I want her to be able to run as fast and as far as she can. I don't want her to stab anybody, but I might go there."

She smiled. "I'll order the pizza."

"Hey, wait." He caught her in the living room. "I still want to speak to my mother and to Hershel, but I know you know why. It's a little creepy how well you know, but... I've always second guessed myself with everything, and I need to know that I can do this."

"This being?"

"Raise our kids and be a good, supportive father. Be...a good husband. I—I'm sarcastic and awkward and not...all that great at giving out advice. Seriously, I steal advice from my parents and TV shows and occasionally from fortune cookies."

She laughed.

"You aren't helping."

"You're doing just fine as you are. You're not Ethan or Hershel; you're Shawn, and you're pretty damn good at being Shawn."

"Have you met me? No, seriously, I will completely—" he was cut off by her lips.

"And that's how I'll know you'll be a great father."

"That's a cheap answer," he mused.

"We're having twins, of course it's going to be cheap."

"Uncle Shawn?" Sophia called, shifting in her chair.

"What?"

"Someone's calling your phone." She pointed to it as the screen lit up.

He grabbed his phone and answered it. "Hello, abandoner."

"Excuse me?" It was Amy.

"Oh, sorry, wrong woman. What can I do for you?"

"I need to talk to you. Are you free tomorrow?"

"Uh, sure. We can meet at the Greene Leaf or in a dark alley?"

"Ha ha." She began to tell him where they could meet, and he began to wonder what she wanted from him. It didn't sound shady, but most shady stuff in his life isn't shady until he saw it. Even then, it sometimes went over his head. God, he hoped his kids got their mom's brain.


	22. Distance

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

––

Carol sat right beside him on the couch, Daryl could feel her leg right against his, and he was instantly uncomfortable. He didn't know why she was so close, but he knew it had to do with them arguing. Or her drinking. She didn't like to leave anything unresolved lately.

"I should call Shawn." She fought off a yawn. "Sophia will be worried."

"Shit, it is late." He dropped his phone onto the table. "We didn't solve anythin'."

"There's always tomorrow." She smiled a little for him. "And you'll have time with her. Maybe she can help."

"Hope so." He leaned back.

"I want to tell Paige about Sophia and you," she told him. "It can't be a bad thing."

"Do you wanna ask Amy? 'Cause that didn't work out too well last time."

"Well, I'm not sleeping with anybody." Amy came downstairs. "Talk to me about what?" She went into the kitchen and got a glass of water before taking a seat in the armchair.

"Um, did you tell Paige that Daryl's Merle's little brother?" Carol leaned toward her. "Or that Sophia is her cousin?"

"Uh, no. I haven't thought about it." She ran a hand through her hair. "I'll tell her tomorrow. She's been...really sad since Merle walked out, and I think knowing about Sophia will cheer her up. Since I no longer have a job, I have plenty of time to spend with them."

"What?" Carol and Daryl both softly exclaimed.

"I...quit at the preschool. I'm tired of the looks and rumors. Apparently, my boyfriend beats me." She rolled her eyes. "I just am done. I need to find my passion, and it's certainly not there...or here."

"What'd you mean?" Daryl searched her face.

"I'm going to move in with Andrea in a few weeks." She set the glass of water down. "It's really for the best. You get your house back, and Paige can get to know her aunt and...maybe her grandparents. I haven't decided yet, but I do know I want to reconnect with my sister and Dale." She also wanted to be out of Merle's reach. Merle was going to be around here, because he was Daryl's brother, and he liked to mooch off him. Now that he knew about Paige, he might not be by every single day, but he _would_ still be here often. She didn't want Paige to see the man who walked out on her every other day. At Andrea's, they'd have space, and she wouldn't have to worry about him barging in. It was better this way.

"If that's what you want."

"It is. For the first time in about four years, I've been hundred percent sure of a decision. I'll help with the pipes as a thank you, and don't fight with me, because you won't be able to change my mind."

"Will Paige still go to the same preschool?" Carol asked. Sophia would be heartbroken to lose Paige. She's the only real friend Sophia's ever had.

"Yes. I intend to send her to the elementary school as well. If my parents get involved, they might try and get me to send her to a private school. Andrea and I said no, and I'll still say no." Paige and Sophia were really close, and Amy wasn't going to push her into a new school with a bunch of strangers. She just wasn't.

Carol nodded. "If you need help packing, I'm free after tomorrow."

"I might take you up on that offer." She grabbed her water and stood up. "Well, it's late. I'll see you both later. Night."

"Good night." Carol rose and grabbed her coat. "I have to get Sophia."

"Should you be drivin'?" Daryl was on her heels.

She paused. "Do I even have a car here?" She slipped her arm through her jacket sleeve. "I don't think I do. What the hell am I gonna do? Why did I not think this through?" Oh, right, Maggie. She was going to call Maggie. She might have to call a taxi now.

"I'll take you to Shawn's and then to Hershel's."

"You'd that to?"

"You don't got a car here, and I ain't lettin' you take the truck. You're already tipsy."

"I am not, but thank you."

The front door opened, Daryl stepped back from her and in walked Merle. They were both surprised to see him there, and they were glad Amy had gone upstairs, because she might try and kill Merle for walking out on Paige the other day.

"What the hell do you want?" she snapped.

"Amy." He glanced around the room. "Is she here?"

"No."

"Is the runt here?"

"Okay, let me ask you something, Merle." She met his eyes. "If they were here, do you really think I'd tell you?"

"Look, do you know where they are or not?"

"They are here, but they're asleep and shouldn't be bothered." She crossed her arms over her chest. "I think you should leave now."

"This ain't your house."

"I agree with her," Daryl informed him.

"Oh, do you now?" Merle scoffed. "She comes back for two seconds and got you whipped already. You screw her, at least?"

"Excuse me?" Carol glowered.

"It ain't 'bout Carol." Daryl looked at his brother. "It's 'bout Paige. How the hell could you just walk out on her? She's a little girl who wanted to meet her father, and you just walked out!"

"Oh, not this shit again. I ain't listin' to this." He walked by Daryl, going toward the back door, but he turned and went toward the garage door.

After a moment, they heard the motorcycle and they went outside as Merle rode off. Daryl didn't care; it was Merle's bike to begin with. He just wished he hadn't driven off angry, because that's typically how accidents happen. Merle was a good driver, but Daryl still worried.

"C'mon, I'll give you a ride." He grabbed his jacket and dug out his keys, going over to his truck.

"I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"For Merle. I know you had—"

"Don't worry 'bout it."

"But I care about you and worry comes with that."

"Merle just needs to figure shit out." He shrugged. "Get in, it's late."

She hugged him, surprising him, and she held him tightly before stepping back and getting in the trunk. Daryl's lip twitched, and he shook his head, getting into the truck, unaware of the man watching them across the street, hidden in the darkness.

– – –

"Stop cowering." Maggie moved her hands from her face. "Just see how my body moves and retaliate."

"Okay." Carol swallowed. "I'm not a fan of violence."

"Neither am I, but sometimes, you just gotta fight." She stepped back. "And it won't be organized like this."

"Yeah, I know." She wiped sweat from her forehead. "All right. Let's go again."

They'd been down in the basement since six o' clock in the morning, working nonstop. Maggie seemed motivated by more than just her job, but Carol wasn't sure what it was. She just had this look in her eyes, this need to make sure Carol could see what move was about to come next and how to dodge it without hurting herself. She was so determined, and she wasn't holding back. When she kicked, she really kicked. When she hit, she really hit. Carol could feel the bruises forming, but she knew how to take a hit.

She'd been hit by a man who was bigger and a little stronger than Maggie. She'd been kicked and slapped and punched and shoved many, many times. She kept telling herself to not flinch, to not scream, to not be **paralyzed**. It was difficult. She had done that so many times, and it was the hardest habit to break, but she looked into Maggie's eyes, not the floor, and saw a fire inside of them. She was beginning to see just where Maggie was going to move and when Maggie was going to step back. Carol was slow to respond, but she was getting better, moving faster. She'd spent years just taking it, and as she and Maggie sparred, she realized how sick of just taking it she was.

It was probably ten or eleven by now, but neither of them were tired just yet. Maggie was impressed how quick Carol was catching on. She was very intelligent, but not very physical. Carol could only run fast because Shawn used to chase her around the farm when they were younger, and Shawn was already a faster runner and he has long legs.

Maggie didn't want to tell Carol she was holding back. She didn't want to hurt her, but she knew sometimes she was. Maggie was used to sparring with Shane or Rick, so she wasn't sure how much Carol could take. Carol was so little and not as strong when compared Shane and Rick, who were two tall, burly men. She kept watching herself, making sure she held back, but she noticed how Carol just _took_ it. It made her insides twist whenever she accident hit Carol with full force and Carol just took it. She knew Ed was abusive, but now she knew he never held back. He wanted to make her to feel all of his anger, and he wanted her to bleed. It made her see red, and she pushed her sister even more, smiling when Carol either dodge or fell and got right back up. Carol was just as determined as Maggie, and that was something to smile about. When the day comes, all of this would pay off.

Beth padded down the stairs to see if they wanted to lunch and almost screamed at them to stop. They were both a mess—sweaty, bruised, bleeding even—and they were just attacking each other. She knew Maggie wanted Carol to be able to fight just in case, and Beth wanted that too, but God, this was so horrifying! She couldn't imagine Carol just letting Ed beat her down and just watching him take Sophia. She knew Carol needed to defend herself and Sophia, but this was just... It was for the greater good. Carol would heal, and she would have the strength to take him on, just in case. She didn't want to think about Ed coming here, because the last time she did, she made a plan in her head on how to ax murder him.

"Oh, my God!" Carol exclaimed.

Beth ran over as Maggie fell on her butt, her nose bleeding. "Lemme see."

"It's fine." Maggie wiped blood from her lips.

"Here." Carol handed her the washcloth they were supposed to use to wipe off sweat, but they didn't get a chance to, they were working so hard. "I am so, so sorry."

"Don't worry about it." Maggie took the washcloth.

"It's not broken, so that's good." Beth sat back. "You two look disgusting, by the way."

"What's going on down there?" Hershel called, having heard Carol's shriek.

"Uh, nothing." Beth hurried over to the bottom of the stairs. "Nothing, Daddy. She thought she saw a spider, but it was just...a shadow."

He narrowed his eyes. "A spider?"

"Yep."

"Bring Mag up here and wipe the blood off your arm, Bethy."

She looked down and let out a nervous laugh. "They were just sparrin', Daddy. It really was nothing."

"We're done now anyway." Carol hauled Maggie to her feet, and Maggie headed upstairs with Carol and Beth behind her. "I'm fine. I'm gonna take a shower."

"What in the world happened to you?" Annette stared at her older daughters.

"Don't worry about us. We're fine." Maggie led Carol upstairs so Carol wouldn't feel the need to explain it to her.

"Beth?"

"Uh...um...they fell?" Beth lied. "Down the stairs, you see."

"I don't think our basement stairs are that big." She shook her head then called to the girls, "Bring your clothes downstairs when you're done! The blood will stain."

"I'm gonna go wash the blood off my arm." Beth headed to the bathroom.

They all got cleaned up, Annette tended to the blood on their shirts while they showered, and they sat down to have lunch. Patricia gave both Maggie and Carol ice for their achy shoulder and thigh, and they thanked her.

"All right. I'm clean and full and have to meet Karen." She shouldered her purse.

"Is she still coming over for dinner?" Annette walked her to the door.

"Yes."

"I can't wait to meet her." She smiled. "I've been wondering what you've gotten into these past few years."

"Not much, I assure you." She made a note to tell Karen to lie about Ed.

"I'd still like to know."

"Well, I will see you tonight. I love you." She hugged her then left. She hoped Karen and Milton were both awake. The last time Carol was supposed to meet them, they were still in bed, and unfortunately, they weren't sleeping. You'd think she'd learn to knock.

– – –

"We'll be back at five." Amy held the door open. "I'm sorry to cut your day short, Sophia."

"It's okay." She shrugged, not looking at Amy.

"I'll be back soon." Paige hugged her, but Sophia didn't hug her back. She caught up to her mom and left to go to the doctor's.

Daryl studied Sophia as she sat on the floor by the coffee table, drawing Finn, and he noticed how little effort she put into it now. He knew this was more than Paige, but he wasn't sure what it really was. She started to get distance after Merle walked out on Paige, so something happened that night that's depressed her. He wondered what it was. Carol didn't know, so obviously she didn't want to talk about it. How was he going to cheer her up? The runt didn't even cheer her up or Paige.

She let out a long sigh then set the color pencil down.

"What's wrong?" He walked over to her.

She shrugged a shoulder.

"That ain't an answer." He sat down on the floor beside her. "What is it?"

She didn't speak.

"You can trust me, Sophia. I won't tell Carol. I won't tell nobody."

"I'm a bad person."

"What? Bad how? You take somethin' you weren' supposed to?"

"No." She moved to face him and met his eyes. "Merle's gone, and Paige won't get to see him like I see you. I'm selfish."

"How does that make you selfish?"

"Because all I talk about is you and Mommy." Tears appeared in her eyes. "She doesn't have a daddy, and I still talk about you. I'm so mean." She started to cry, and he felt even worse than he did when Carol cried. He had no idea how to comfort her. At least he knew a little how to comfort Carol.

"It—you ain't—I—" he stopped. What the hell could he say? He didn't even know her well enough to comfort her. Maybe Carol should've taken her. She would know what to do, unlike him. He was just watching her cry and doing nothing to ease her guilt.

He could start to hear his father's voice, and he shook his head. No, he wasn't a bastard, wasn't a useless piece of shit. He was a good man. He could do this. He knew why she was upset, and he knew how to comfort Carol. It couldn't any different. She was just smaller. He would have to say something to her too. Damn, what the hell was he going to say to her? How was he doing to cheer her up? He only knew what everybody told him. He also knew she was _his_ daughter and she was crying.

He picked her up, she was shaking, and he embraced her. He was silent for a moment then rubbed her back with his thumb. He knew what could say to her. "You didn't do nothin' wrong," he said. "Merle's always been stubborn, and he ain't ready to be a dad. Paige knows that."

She snuffled.

"But...don't always talk 'bout me and your mama, okay?"

"Okay."

"You ain't selfish, Sophia. You're a good person, like your mom. Don't feel guilty over somethin' you can't control. One day, Paige will have a dad." He wasn't sure if it would be Merle or not, but one day, Amy will find somebody, and Paige would have a stepfather. If that man is a jackass or even looks off, Daryl would beat his ass into the ground. No one was going to put his hands on his niece.

Sophia shortly calmed down, Daryl took her into the kitchen and got her a glass of soda. He noticed Amy had restocked the fridge again. He kept telling her she didn't need to. She was moving out in a couple weeks, and he wanted her to be able to afford whatever she needed. All the boxes and suitcases and shit. Her suitcases were destroyed when Carol flooded the basement, and she didn't have much money unless she was dipping into the Horvath bank accounts.

"Karen's gonna over to your grandparents' house for dinner, do you wanna go?"

She shook her head.

"Why not? Thought you loved Karen."

"Whenever we saw Karen back then, Mommy was badly injured." She stared at the dark, bubbling substance. "I don't wanna jinx it."

"You ain't gonna jinx nothin'." He leaned against the counter behind him. "I can...order somethin'."

"I'm not hungry."

"Well, not now. It's only...3:45." He crossed his arms. What the hell were they going to do for the night? Last time, they just watched TV, and they didn't have the full day. How did the whole bonding thing happen? He never had a relationship with his father, who had made himself scarce after he and Carol married, and his relationship with Merle was all right, but he wanted to have a decent relationship with Sophia. He wanted her to trust him and come to him if she needed help. He just had no idea how that happened.

A long beat.

"What'd you wanna do?"

She pursed her lips, thinking. "What do you want to do?"

"Don't matter."

"Well, I don't care what we do."

They both started thinking about what they could do, but nothing really came to mind. What he was interested in, she couldn't do because she was too young. She might get hurt, and Carol would kill him. He might be able to entertain her if she was boy. He could teach him about hunting and tracking and how to remove a bolt, but Sophia didn't like to hurt anything. Maybe if she'd grown up here or away from Ed... It didn't matter. Carol wouldn't have approved. Maybe when Sophia's older, she'll want to learn how to track. Maybe.

She knew he didn't want to play dress up or play with dolls—not that she had any with her. She didn't know what they could do. She wasn't really a fan of sports, so they couldn't play or even watch basketball and football and soccer. She knew he didn't like her type of music either, so they couldn't do that. He didn't like her movies either. Gosh, this was going to be a long day and night. Was it supposed to be hard to think of stuff to talk about? Mom always had stuff to talk about that Sophia was interested in. Umm?

"Where's Bella?" Sophia asked.

"Upstairs."

She nodded. "She's kinda lazy."

"Kinda, yeah."

A pause.

"How did you and Mommy met?" Sophia shifted on the stool. "She never told me."

"Uhh, we met on the school bus. I sat beside her the first day of fifth grade."

"Did you talk?"

"Not much. She just offered me some lip stuff and introduced herself to me."

"Oh... Well, what was your first date like?"

First date? He blanked. What the hell was their first date like? Did they even have one? Shit, Carol was the one who knew all of this. Balls, he had to tell her something. Maybe it'd come back to him. He met her at...the farm, he knew. They started dating a year or so after her biological father died.

Oh, tsh, yeah. "Uh, we met at Hershel's house..."

– – –

"_Why're you so nervous?" Maggie picked through the trail mix, eating the peanuts and white chocolate chips, leaving the milk chocolate chips and popcorn to Beth, who was sitting on the floor. They were about to watch Lethal Weapon with Mom and Jacqui. Carol normally watched it with them, but tonight was her first date with Daryl. _

"_It's just... Nothing, forget about it." She wasn't sure if she liked her outfit. It was a brown halter dress parried with black knee-high boots that Maggie got some time ago and gave to Carol, because they didn't fit. She had braided her hair then flat ironed it and put it in a bun then she curled it, not listening to her mother tell her she was going to kill her hair. Now it was just down her shoulders in ringlet curls. She wanted to look just right, because not only was his her first date—it was Daryl. It was her first date with her first best friend, her first and only best guy friend. She was terrified, but the rash was staying away for now. She might need a paper bag. Possibly soon._

_Annette walked into the living room with a bowl of chips and set it on the table. "Will you stop divvying up the trail mix? Some of us want it too."_

"_There's another bag behind the peanut butter," Beth replied._

_She shook her head and turned to Carol. "Well, you've finally picked a hairstyle, have you?"_

"_I'm going to be sick."_

"_She's been fidgetin' for the past twenty minutes." Maggie handed Beth the chocolate chips. "She was pacing half an hour ago."_

"_Oh, pretty girl." She knelt down in front of Carol. "Just breathe. It's your first date, but you've known Daryl for—"_

"_This is your first date?!" Maggie exclaimed._

"_Mom!" Carol blushed. "I didn't want her to know that!"_

_Maggie smiled, facing them with her full attention. "You've never gone on a date? Never?"_

"_No."_

"_That explains everythin'." She set the two bowls on the table and hopped up, grabbing Carol's hands. "We'll be right back." She led her upstairs to her bedroom, closing the door and going over to her dresser. _

"_What are you doing? Daryl could be here soon." She didn't know exactly when, because Daryl had been vague about what time he was coming. _

"_Hold your horses." She dug through the drawer._

_Carol sighed and rubbed her hands together, going over to the window and peering out. "Maybe I should just cancel. I mean... I have that test, and I—I'm not good at this. I've never had a...boyfriend, and Daryl's awkward with stuff like this, so maybe it'd be best if I just..." She exhaled again, not even wanting to finish that sentence. "I just feel sick."_

"_It's Daryl. What's he gonna do to you?" She closed the drawer and bent down, checking the next one._

"_That's exactly what I'm scared to know." She faced Maggie. "I mean, what do...people do on dates? We already know each other, so...what else is there to do?"_

"_Where are y'all going?"_

"_Uhh, I don't know. I think to the movies. The whole date is very vague." She twisted the silver ring on her index finger. "What are you looking for?"_

"_I need to remind Beth to stop snooping in my things." She stood up, closing the drawer with her foot, and she grabbed her backpack, pulling out a small tube. "Here, this oughta do."_

"_I have lip balm. It's in my purse." She needed to get it from her room before she left. "I should go get my purse."_

"_You have that gross, sticky crap," she corrected, opening the tube. "This is lip gloss."_

"_What are you doing?" Carol asked as Maggie grasped her chin._

"_Pucker your lips." Carol did and Maggie spread the brush over her lips. "This is my favorite kind. It has a slight pink color to it, and it has a faint strawberry taste, not to mention it makes your lips look irresistible."_

"_Why does that matter?" She tucked hair behind her ear. She only wore lip gloss once when she ran out of her lip balm, and she hated it. She threw it away when her mom bought her regular lip balm._

"_Have you ever been kissed?"_

_She glared. "Yes, of course I have!"_

"_Just checkin'." Maggie titled her head. "You're not wearin' makeup."_

"_I don't have any, and besides, I'm not allow to wear makeup until I'm sixteen."_

"_Sixteen? I'm allowed to wear makeup, and I'm younger than you."_

"_Just wait until you wear it in front of Mom. She'll freak out." Andrea did Carol's makeup for their eighth grade prom, and Mom flipped out when Carol got home. She made her wash it off and told her she had to wait until she was sixteen. She didn't know why, but she didn't want to question her mom. Besides, it was such a pain to sit there while Andrea put it on. She didn't want to waste the time to do that to herself every morning. She only did it once freshmen year on the first day. She had Andrea's makeup bag, so...she used some of it then gave it back to her that day._

"_I have some." She pulled Carol over to her bed and grabbed her makeup bag from her bathroom. "Don't." She held a finger up when Carol began to protest. "I'm good with makeup. I'll put enough on to accentuate your features, but not enough for Annette to be able to tell you're wearin' makeup."_

"_It's your funeral." _

_Maggie opened it and dumped it out onto the bed, looking over the choices, and Carol remembered watching her mom get ready to go with her dad. She'd always ask Carol for her opinion, and she'd even put a little lipstick on Carol and give her a pair of heels that were too big. It was still fun._

"_I think color matches your skin tone best." She opened it and picked up a brush. "Close your eyes._

"_What are you doing?" Carol narrowed her eyes._

"_Foundation. Close your eyes until—just keep 'em closed._

_She closed her eyes, and Maggie went to work. She only had a few minutes until Daryl came, but she knew her father. He would talk to Daryl, lightly threaten that if Carol didn't come home **exactly** the way she left, he'd ensure the police never found the body, and then Annette would tell him to go and help Otis with the pretzels for his poker game with T and Otis. They never gambled with real money, it was just for fun. So she probably had twenty minutes._

"_Have you been on many dates?" Carol asked, not opening her eyes._

"_Not really." She brushed on some eyeshadow, happy to see it wasn't too easily detected. "I've probably been on three or four dates with different guys. It's mostly 'cause I feel bad, and they weren't really dates, just those silly little school parties to raise money for Beta and the eighth grade trips, you know. I think there only been one guy I've actually liked that I went on an actual date with."_

"_And that was?"_

"_None of your business."_

"_Why not?"_

"_It's just not."_

"_Fine. I'll figure it out eventually, so you might as well just tell me."_

"_It's not likely. He moved anyway."_

"_Oh."_

"_Okay, I have a question."_

"_What question?"_

"_Why are you so nervous? It's just Daryl. You've known him practically all your life, so you don't have to try to get know him or anythin'." She stepped back. "You can open your eyes now."_

_She opened her eyes. "I don't really know Daryl all that well," she confessed. "We're friends, and yes, we talk often, but...he always has a wall up. I don't want to push him, because I'll only end up pushing him away, so I just let him keep his secrets." She wanted to pick at the nail polish, but she twisted her ring again instead. "Now our relationship is changing, and I don't know what's okay to ask. I feel like I should walk lightly, but if I do, nothing changes. We're still friends, only occasionally we make out. That's not what I want."_

"_Then tell him." She grasped the mascara. "Don't worry so much. He's...very protective of you, and he'll do just about anything to make you happy, so just tell him. If he doesn't tell you right then, give it some time, okay? He'll tell you when he's ready."_

"_Carol, Daryl's here," Annette called._

"_I have to go." She stood up and started to leave then stopped. "Thank you for doing this."_

"_Well, it was fun." She handed her to the lip gloss. "You look great."_

"_Thanks." She closed her fingers around the tube then left, getting her purse from her bedroom on the way, and she hurried down the stairs. She saw Hershel talking to Daryl on the porch, and she felt instantly bad for him._

"_Here, hon." Jacqui held out Carol's sweater jacket. _

"_Oh, thank you." She slipped it on then shouldered her purse, seeing Hershel talking to Daryl on the porch. "Does he have to do that? He knows Daryl."_

"_That was before Daryl wanted to do things to you," Maggie teased._

"_Hello, preteen in the room." Annette gestured to Beth, who stuck her tongue out for a second. "And I may change my mind about this date; I still think you're a year too young."_

"_I didn't even say it!" Carol exclaimed. _

"_I was seriously kiddin'." Maggie ran by her now angry older sister. "It's Daryl. He's like a puppy. He won't try anythin'. Probably."_

"_Maggie, shut up!"_

_Annette shook her head. "Try and have **responsible** fun tonight, okay?"_

_Carol nodded. "It's just pizza. We'll probably walk around the park after or something." She shrugged a shoulder. _

"_Be home by ten."_

"_You said eleven last night."_

"_That was before Maggie opened her mouth."_

_Carol sighed. "Okay, ten. I'll see you guys later. Bye, Jacqui." _

"_I love you," Maggie called. "You look great!"_

"_Mag, stop talking," Beth suggested._

_Carol closed the door, hearing Annette chewing out Maggie for throwing a peanut at Beth, and she smiled at Hershel and Daryl. "I'll see you tonight." _

"_Just a second," Hershel told her._

"_Yes?" She met his eyes. _

"_Have fun and don't do anything reckless."_

_She was surprised. She thought he would have this long lecture planned out, but he didn't. She nodded. "I promise." She hugged him then followed Daryl to his truck. She buckled herself in and glanced at him. "What did he tell you?"_

"_Nothin' much." He shrugged. _

"_He's not even my father, and he's talking to my date like he is." She shook her head. She respected Hershel, but he wasn't her father. He had no right to try. She would rather her mom talk to Daryl. She saw Beth and Maggie as sisters, because they'd always been close. Carol was just hateful to them after her mother and Hershel got married, because she was pissed at her mom and took it out on them too. She still wasn't sure how she felt about it, but being pissed wasn't going to bring her father back or change what happened. They were married, and last week, their names were changed. Carol Suzanne Greene and Shawn Tanner Greene. She knew in twenty years she wouldn't mind, but it was too much too soon, and how her mother didn't realize that was beyond her._

"_You all right?" He studied her._

"_Yes, of course." She smiled for him. There was no need to drag that up now. There was plenty of time later. "So, where are we going first?"_

"_Doesn't matter to me."_

"_The movies then, I suppose. I'm not really hungry right now."_

"_The movies then."_

_The drive that normally felt like it took ten minutes felt like it took fifty. She was nervous, and she wasn't sure what to talk about. She could only think of school and physics, and Daryl hated both, so she just kept her mouth shut. She would've turned the radio on, but Daryl hated the music she listened to. It was toss up between piano and pop; she was never a fan of country. She got that from her father._

_At the movies, Daryl told her to get two seats in the very back while he got them something to drink and some type of snack, so she did. She waited for him, the previews playing. She crossed her legs, her purse in her lap and she made sure no one took his seat. _

_He found her and handed her a bag of popcorn and drink, and Carol spotted Andrea and Amy walking in. She slouched in her seat, hiding her face with the popcorn and cursing. She'd told Andrea she would be at home all day studying for her test in third. She didn't want them to know about her dating Daryl, and they would immediately know, because she lied to them. Normally, she'd invite them along, and it'd be awkward as hell, because Daryl wasn't too fond of Lori and Andrea. He didn't know them as well as she did or at all really. _

_She became close to Lori their sixth grade year when she started her period for the first time and didn't have anything. Lori had been friendly to her, so Carol wasn't too embarrassed to ask her for a pad. Luckily, the nurse had a few, and Lori got one for her. _

_As for Andrea, she'd always been in Carol's life. They weren't best friends, but they weren't strangers. They grew closer as they got older. Although Andrea wasn't always close to Lori, they would butt heads all the time, but Carol managed to change the subject if they were about to fight. They were like sisters and Carol was the middle child. That's another way they would know Carol was lying; they were all so damn close._

"_What're you doin'?" Daryl eyed her._

"_Andrea's down here." She peered over the popcorn as Amy found somewhere for them to sit in the middle and sat up._

"_So? Ain't y'all friends?"_

"_Yes, best friends, but I don't want to them to know about us." She kept her eyes on Andrea's head. "I lied to her tonight and told her I was studying. I'd die if she saw me." Andrea would make a scene to make Carol blush then bust out laughing, and even though Carol knew, she still turned as red as tomato. She couldn't handle that embarrassment tonight. She was already awkward enough._

_The theater went dark, she lowered the popcorn and lifted her eyes to the screen, and Daryl chewed his bottom lip. The movie was a remake of an animated movie about a princess, a winged "evil" woman and a sleeping curse, and it was really awesome. Daryl let her chose the movie—she wasn't a fan of horror, and she wasn't in the mood for a comedy or a depressing motivational movie—so they got this. It wasn't bad. Beth would've loved it, though Beth loves most things._

_Carol noticed how quiet Daryl was, so very softly, she asked, "Are you okay?"_

_He gave a small nod._

"_Lair." She turned toward him. "What is it?"_

"_Just watch the movie." His tone was cold, dismissive._

_She stopped asking him questions and tried to watch the movie, but she wondered what she'd said or done that had pissed him off. She wasn't sure what it was, but she wanted to apologized. She didn't mean to make him angry or annoyed. She wanted to just try and have fun, because it was their first date and she wanted it to be good...but now she was just worried and sick to her stomach. _

_She tried to let him have the rest of the popcorn, but he even turned that down. She folded the top and slipped it into her purse, resting her hands over the bag. She'd lost interest in the movie, and she could tell he wasn't even paying attention to it. What the heck had she said or done?_

_When the movie was over, Daryl got up and left without even saying a word to her. She hurried after him, ignoring the possibility of running into Andrea, and she caught up to him as he crossed the parking lot._

"_Daryl." She touched his arm, and he moved away. "Sorry, I didn't mean to...scare you. I just... What's wrong? Why are you ignoring? And why did you just leave me back there?"_

"_Figured you didn't wanna be embarrassed to seen with me. Made it easy not to."_

"_Figu—what?"_

"_You ain't deaf."_

"_Daryl, I am not embarrassed to be seen with you."_

"_Not when we were friends, you mean."_

"_Or now!" She met his eyes, searching for a reason, an explanation as to why he thought this all of a sudden. She had never, not once, said she was ashamed of him, because she wasn't. She would never care about anyone's opinion enough to not be with somebody she really cared for. So why— _

_**Yes, best friends, but I don't want to them to know about us. I lied to her tonight and told her I was studying. I'd die if she saw me.**_

"_You...you thought I meant—"_

"_I ain't stupid! I know exactly what you meant!" His eyes were searing._

"_You **are** stupid! I wasn't talking about embarrassment!" She returned his look. "Well, I was—but I was just—I don't want anybody—Ugh!" She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes with no angry, just love. "I don't want my friends to know about you, and it isn't because of shame. It's because I've **never** had a boyfriend before, and **I want you all to myself.** Yes, they'll eventually know, but for tonight, only we know, and I wanted to keep it that way."_

_He was eerily silent, studying her._

"_Why should I feel ashamed? I'm dating my best friend who I love and who I trust more than anybody." She closed the space between them. "To be honest, **they'll** be the ones feeling bad. They'll be jealous. They're boyfriends are too busy with their football practices and studies to make time for them, but my boyfriend is naturally intelligent, knows what he wants, is a skilled hunter and tracker and has the most beautiful eyes to match his handsome face." _

_She slid her fingers through his, never taking her eyes off his, and she leaned up, her lips hovering over his momentarily, their breath mingling. She leaned on the tips of her toes a little more, her lips meeting his, her eyes closing only then. She felt him pull his hands free, but only to grasp her hips and pull her closer. She snaked an arm around the back of his neck, her fingers tangled in his soft hair, and her other hand on his hip and grasping the rough material of his shirt._

_His hands stayed on her hips for a moment. Soon his left hand went to her cheek, slipping into her hair, and his hand other pulled her right against him. He kissed her with a heat she had never known he had, let alone had for her, and she moaned softly against his lips._

"_I know it's darkish, but I can still see you."_

_Carol pulled back, breathing hard, and she turned to Andrea, who was just grinning, and Amy was behind her, blushing from what she and Daryl were doing in the middle of the parking lot._

"_You do know that's what the movie was for, right?" Andrea teased._

"_Did I ask for your advise?" Carol mused._

"_No, but my little innocent little sister shouldn't see you two pawing at each other. It's a little scarring to her young eyes, and a little hurtful to mine. When did this happen? And why am I only finding out now?"_

"_I will tell you tomorrow." She smiled. "Hey, Amy."_

"_Hi." Amy couldn't look at her fully. _

"_Tomorrow then. Good night and enjoy your date. Hopefully somewhere more private." She looped her arm through Amy's and led her away._

_Carol giggled, covering her mouth with her hand, and she shook her head. "Umm, let's go eat." She stepped back and walked around to the other side of the truck, getting in._

––

"_I have to be home in an hour and a half." She climbed into the trunk with his help and sat down on the blankets. "I can call if we're going to be a minute or two late, but any later, and my parents will kill us."_

_"Parent**s**?"_

_"Yes, **s**." She smirked._

_He lied back, arm under his head. "Do you hear that?"_

"_The frogs and crickets, yeah." She looked up at the night sky, able to see every star, every glittering constellation. "Do you come here a lot?"_

"_Some nights." He shrugged a little._

"_Nights? What, do you sleep out here?" _

"_When it ain't rainin', yeah. It's better than...bein' at home."_

"_'Cause of Merle and his... Well, I don't want to be rude and call them whores, because I don't know them, so...I'll go with his woman?"_

"_Partly, yeah."_

"_Do you like the sounds or the stars?"_

_He liked that he wasn't going to get his ass beat for just being alive. "Both, I reckon."_

"_Me too. I also like the sound of running water, like a stream." _

"_Yeah, you told me once before."_

"_Did I tell you that the sound makes me thirsty?"_

"_Yeah, you stole my damn water after you told me."_

_She laughed. _

_His lips tugged, but he didn't smile. _

"_I have a question." She turned to look at him. "Have you dated anyone before?"_

"_No."_

"_Me neither, but you know that." She tilted her head. "Okay, this is really personal, so don't hate me for it. Umm... have you ever...you know, had sex?"_

"_Jesus, Carol!" He tried not to, but he was blushing. _

"_I haven't," she assured him. "Don't be embarrassed."_

"_I ain't," he snapped._

"_Well, have you? I just... I'm not ready," she confessed. "And if my feelings for you continue to grow like they are, I want you to be my first. To be honest, that's what I've always want. You're my best friend, and I trust you more than any of my other friends. You're not a backup plan, I assure you. You're just... I wouldn't be scared with you... I just... God, I'm not saying it right." She buried her face in her hands. "I have no idea what I'm trying to say, but what I'm not saying, do you understand it? If so, please tell me now, before I seriously die of embarrassment." Her face on was fire._

"_I do."_

"_Oh, thank God." She lowered her hands, her face still pink._

"_Some first date," he muttered. "We've fought, made out in public and talked 'bout sex. I doubt we'll be able to have such a great time on our second date."_

_She giggled. "I know, right?" She exhaled. "I just wanted you to know that."_

_He nodded._

"_Hey, you never answered me."_

"_What, you scared I ain't?"_

"_Tssh, no." Yes. _

"_Well, I ain't you. I ain't gonna tell."_

"_What? That's not fair! I was completely honest with you!" She glared. "You're just mean."_

_He was silent for a moment then closed his eyes. "I ain't ever done it before," he murmured._

_She slowly smiled then leaned over and kissed him slowly. She caressed his cheek with her hand, shifting her leg so that one of his was in between hers, and he shifted, his hand grasping her back. He reached over and pushed her jacket down, gripping her upper arm and sliding his hand down, pushing her jacket sleeve down as well._

_She freed her arm of her jacket, her hand moving from his cheek, and she pulled back to look into his eyes. She pressed her forehead to his then kissed him again, opening her mouth to his with a mixture of eagerness and nervousness. His soft tongue coaxed hers, and she discovered he tasted of peppermint and a little of garlic from the pizza they'd eaten._

_He was so gentle with her, taking his time, never moving his hands anywhere he knew would make her uncomfortable. He was such a good kisser, and she lost herself, her mouth pliant to his and the world fell away. It was just him and her; time didn't exist. She was loving how he kept surprising her in the best ways. It didn't feel like a first date; it felt like they'd always been like this. She didn't want that to change ever._

––

_Birds were chirping loudly outside the window, Carol wished they would shut up, because she was tired. It was Sunday, and she would eventually have to get up for church, but she wanted to sleep. After last night, she needed to sleep. She'd been up so late with Daryl, talking and kissing. Mostly kissing. She wasn't even sure... Wait._

_She forced her eyes opened and saw blurry greens and browns. She sat up, rubbing her eye with the heel of her hand, and she blinked to clear her vision, her eyes so heavy, and she looked again. She gasped. Oh, no!_

_She and Daryl never went home! They were talking and just fell asleep together! He said he would drive them home if she fell asleep, but he must have passed out right after her. Oh, crap. Mom must be freaking out. She needed to call. She needed to get home. _

"_Daryl." She shook him. "Daryl, wake up."_

_He didn't wake or even move._

"_Daryl, please, wake up!" She shook him hard. "Daryl!"_

"_Go to hell..."_

"_Daryl!" She shook him._

"_What?" His eyes opened after a second. "Carol? The hell are you doin'... Oh, shit." He sat up. "Oh, shit!" He stood up and climbed out of the trunk._

_Carol climbed out after him. "Take me home right now." She got into the truck and dug her phone out of her purse. She had no service. "Shit!" She pushed her hair back. "How did this happen?"_

_He started the car and backed up. "I don't know."_

"_This is the second time I've been out with you all night when I wasn't supposed to. How many times can this happen?" She looked for her hair brush, but it wasn't in her purse. She must have taken it out. Damn it, her hair was a mess, and knowing her mother, she would assume the worst. "Damn it. Do you have a comb or anything?"_

"_Check the glove box." He doubted it. _

_She opened it, but only found a switchblade and a bunch of junk. She sighed and gathered her hair, wishing she had something to use as a hair tie. She let it fall and ran her hand through her hair, her fingers catching in the tangles. _

_She tried her phone again, but still nothing. They were too far in the woods. By the time she got home, her mom will have called the police and tried to get a missing person report filed. She was going to have a hard time explaining why she was out with Daryl all night. She knew her mom didn't like the idea of her dating at fifteen, and this probably just added to the pile. She probably wouldn't be allowed to date again until Maggie—until Beth was sixteen. If she could climb into her room through the window, she might be able to work the whole "you passed out in the chair and missed me" thing, but knowing her mom, she was probably up all night with Patricia or Shawn. Crap, crap, crap!_

_When they got into town and she had service, Carol had no idea what to say. She didn't want to try to speak over her mom while she yelled at how irresponsible she was and at how she made her worry. She couldn't handle the tears and the guilt, but she had to let her know she was all right. She sent a simple text: I'm all right. I'll be there in fifteen to twenty minutes._

_She turned her phone off the minute it sent, and she shook her head, biting her bottom lip. "If we never are allowed to date again, I want you to know I really enjoyed last night."_

"_What happened last night?"_

"_Daryl." She let out an airy laugh. "Shut up."_

_He smirked. _

"_And if Hershel threatens you, tell him to shut up, because nothing happened. We talked and kissed like five times then passed out. Tell him that." She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Well, once would sound better, but I don't think he'll buy it." _

"_I ain't gonna tell him nothin'. I'm droppin' you off then gettin' the hell outta there."_

"_Well, I have the best boyfriend ever."_

"_I'm just kiddin'." Hershel probably put barbwire down so he couldn't escape. "We'll tell 'em together."_

_They arrived twenty minutes later, Annette was waiting on the porch, and Carol gulped at the look on her face. It was a mixture of very pissed off and extremely relieved. She had a feeling the yelling would come first then the hug and gentle nudge for her to bathe and eat. She just hoped Mag and Beth weren't home. She didn't want to have to talk about it to them, especially not to Beth. She was still a kid, and Mag too. She didn't even want to tell Andrea and Lori, but she would have to. If she survived this._

_She slipped out of the truck, shouldering her purse and walking over to her mom. _

_Annette hugged her tightly and groaned. "You smell like wet dog." She released her. "Where the hell were you both?!"_

"_We went to the movies then to get pizza," Carol softly explained, not wanting her mom to think she was being smart or rudely matter-of-fact. "It was a nice night, so we um, went out to the woods to talk."_

"_And that's all you did? Talk? All night?" _

"_Yeah." Daryl nodded. "We passed out 'bout nine or maybe ten. I can't be sure, but it was gettin' around the time for me to talk her home. I was gonna, but...I fell asleep. It's my fault. I'm real sorry."_

"_Why the woods? Anything could've happened to you."_

"_He had his crossbow," Carol assured her. "We were perfectly safe."_

"_A—you have a weapon?"_

"_Yes." He glanced at Carol, wondering if honestly was the best policy. "It wasn't loaded, but if anybody was comin' at us, I woulda taken care of 'em. Uh, like shot in 'em in the leg or somethin'. Not kill, never kill."_

_She closed her eyes. "Go inside, Carol, and please take a shower."_

"_Mom, please don't. We didn't do anything, just lost track of time and fell asleep. Daryl was a gentleman all night, I promise." _

"_I don't disbelieve that." She looked at Daryl. "I do trust you, but the next time you two go out, it's going to be at the Greene Leaf."_

"_But that doesn't open for another two months," Carol reminded her then instantly caught on. "Two months?!"_

"_Do you want it to be three?"_

"_No, no, I don't." She repressed a groan. "Can I say goodbye to him, at least? Alone."_

"_Two minutes." She headed inside._

"_Damn, she's strict," Daryl muttered._

"_Well, technically, it opens in a month and a half, but the supplies and equipment have to be bought." She shook her head. "We still have other things: school, studying, the drives to and from."_

"_You're a glass is half full kinda girl, ain't you?" He smirked._

"_I am." She smiled then leaned up and kissed him goodbye for the remaining time. When she pulled back, she smiled again then went inside, leaning against the door, and she heard his truck pull out. She giggled and set her fingertips on her lips._

"_A smile." Shawn took a picture. "Aw, how cute. My little sister's back from her first date ever. I never wanted to know you like tongue."_

"_Shawn!" She grabbed an umbrella and went after him._

"_Not in the house!" Hershel called after them._

– – –

He glossed over the kissing and sex talk. It was so strange how easy everything was with Carol. He never really felt that nervousness that made him pull away after he kissed her the second time in her bedroom. She was the only person who made him feel... He shook his head.

"Did you see each other at school?" Sophia asked.

"Yeah, we all four classes together." For most of the two months, he would wake up early to go and pick her up so they could spend time together before school started—he caught up on missed sleep in class. They'd also sneak kisses in her room whenever he came over to study, and when Annette caught them, she made Maggie and Beth go and study with them. Longest two months of his high school life. "We used to study together too, so we saw each other almost all the time."

"You still love Mommy, right?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Then why aren't you together? Why was Mommy with Ed?"

"It's complicated. Carol will explain it to you when you're older."

"Why older? Why not now?"

"'Cause you wouldn't understand."

"I'm not stupid!"

"I know you ain't, but it ain't 'bout brains. Look, just wait for Carol to tell you." He picked up her empty glass and filled it halfway.

"Just tell me. Please? Pretty please?"

"I can't. I'm sorry, but I can't break a promise." Especially an unspoken one. "Just...ask me somethin' else. What else do you wanna know 'bout me and Carol? Or just me?"

"Why didn't you find us?"

He sighed. "Carol wanted to get lost, and...I couldn't go chasin' after her, even if I wanted to. I didn't know where she went or that she was even pregnant. If I had..." Shit, what would have done? Burned the divorce papers? If she had known she was pregnant, would she have come back to him? Would she have even told him? He wasn't sure.

"What? What?"

"I reckon I would've tried harder to fix our relationship. I woulda talked to her 'bout...what happened, and I wouldn't have let her get away." He shrugged. "Let's... Let's talk 'bout somethin' else."

"Do you wanna watch a movie?"

His brow twitched. "What movie?"

"You pick."

"You sure?"

She nodded. "Then I get to pick."

_Of course. _"Sure."

– – –

"Childhood Carol. It's...nerdy as hell." Karen plopped down on Carol's bed. "I like this room nonetheless. It's...adorable."

"Thanks." She closed the door and sat beside her. "I need to talk to you."

"All right." She crossed her legs. "Let me guess: Daryl."

"No, actually Ed."

"Oh. I was hoping he wouldn't come up. I know you need to know, but it's been nice just not having him around or mentioned. Go ahead. What do you want to talk about?"

"Is he seeing anyone?"

"I don't think so. Why?"

"I just wanted to know." If he was, he might want to hunt her down so damn much. She licked her lips. "Is he...trying to get someone to find me? Would he, I mean. You couldn't possibly know if he sent someone after me."

"He probably has. He's crazed. You took Sophia, who he thinks is his, and he mostly likely won't stop until he has her and has killed you."

"I thought so." She shook her head. "Bastard."

"He's been very distant," Karen told her. "He stopped going to work; his assistant is practically in charge of the company. I never see him anymore either. Usually, I see him once or twice a day. If I see him twice in three weeks, that's pretty lucky. He's just gone crazy, I guess. He really is obsessed with you right now."

She sighed. "What else?"

"He's in bad shape, which is good and bad for us." She adjusted her wedding band. "He hasn't shaved, so he has this gross beard and he looks like he never sleeps or is a crackhead. He looks like shit every time I see him. I think businessman Ed has died and was replaced by this impulsive, alcoholic psycho."

She ran a hand through her hair. As if normal Ed wasn't hard to deal with enough. Sparring with Mag wasn't going to be enough. She needed to really find time to train herself, to prepare for the inevitable. Ed would never just leave her be, so she needed to be ready. She needed to know how to use a gun, how to get a weapon out of another person's hands, and she needed to learn how to detach herself.

When the time came, she knew wouldn't able to kill Ed. She wasn't that person, so she needed to just let that person go and be someone who could kill Ed, but only for that one second. Only long enough for her to pull the trigger and end his life.

A silence filled the room, Carol wasn't the person to take someone's life, no matter the risk, and Karen could see that war raging inside, so she changed the subject.

"Can I ask you a question?" Karen rested her hands in her lap.

"Of course."

"Why are you scared of being with Daryl? Don't use Sophia as an excuse, because I know that little girl will be damn happy if you and Daryl got back together. I want to know why you're scared. You've talked to him about everything, right?" She nodded. "So...why the fear? And none of that leaving crap either."

"I—I don't know," she honestly answered. "I—Maybe I'm scared I'll be happy and Ed will swoop in and destroy it. I don't want Ed to see Daryl as a threat, because he will not stop until Daryl is eliminated, and I couldn't live with myself if that happened."

"Okay, Caro, listen to me. Actually, listen because what I say is from the heart and is good for you." She set a hand over Carol's. "If you live in fear of Ed, even a little bit, he's still winning."

"I'm not—"

"Yes, you are," she interrupted her. "You are letting him win by not giving yourself fully or even partially to a man who you clearly love deeply. You're rejecting Daryl's feelings for you, and that's not doing either of you a bit of good. If you let yourself just give in, you'd realize there is strength in that love. Strength that Ed will never be able to break."

She dropped her eyes.

"I've seen you suffer for four years, so you owe me over fifty years of seeing you happy."

She rolled her teary eyes and smiled. "What, do I just go over to him and say, "Oh, by the way, I love you" or do I just kiss him?"

"That's up to you. He's your man. Now, I have to return to my man before your parents completely overwhelm him with farm talk." She smiled at Carol. "Oh, and when it happens, call me with details. Lots of details."

"Pervert."

"Prove it."

"I could spend my entire life proving it."

"I dare you tell me one perverted thing I've done every single day for a year when this is all over."

"Tsk, deal."

"Good, because they make Milton blush, and it's so cute." She stood up and walked over to the door. "Think about it then call me when I return from the land of people who will hate my crappy French."

"Fine, I will." She followed her down the hall. "But only if you tell me first when you're a hundred percent sure."

"Ooh, that's a promise."

Shawn took a picture of them when they stopped on the stairs. "Ladies, it's time for food."

"Great, I'm starving." Karen headed toward the dining room.

"Tell Mom and Dad I had to run, okay?"

"What?" Carol frowned. "I—Aren't you staying for dinner?"

"No, I have to meet someone. I'll explain it later. For now, just tell them Sasha called me and needed pickles or something."

"Sasha hates pickles. She gets sick at the smell of them."

"Then jellies. I don't care." He slipped out the door.

"What the hell?"

"I made your favorite casserole, and here you are, standing by the door." Beth crossed her arms. "I don't cook for fun, you know."

"I'm coming." She glanced at the door then caught up to Beth on her way to the dining room, thanking her for the making the casserole, and she took a seat beside Mag. She wondered how Daryl and Sophia were doing. She hoped they hadn't run out of things to do, because Sophia rambled on and on when she was bored. It was horrible, but Carol had learned to block her out.

––

Of all days for something of his to not work, it was today. The DVD player stopped working. It just...coughed and wouldn't do anything. He tried everything, but it was dead. It was the only one he had, and it was dead. At least he got out of watching Sophia's movie.

"We could take a walk," Sophia suggested, lying with her back on the cushion and her feet on the back of the couch with Bella on her stomach.

"It's sprinklin', might turn into rain." He tossed his DVD player. Something else he had to replace.

"We could listen to music."

"No."

"Oh! I can paint your finger—"

"Hell, no."

"That's a bad word."

"Yeah, so?"

"You owe me a dollar."

"No, that's only if your mom lies."

"And cusses."

"I ain't your mom."

"You're my dad, and the rule holds."

"Fine, I'll give you a dollar."

"Can I paint your toenails?"

He entire body was beginning to twitch. "How 'bout we go and pack up Amy's crap?"

"Pack up?" She sat up, Bella moved, and she looked at him. "Amy's moving?"

Shit. "Uhh... Toenails? Did you say—"

"Is Amy moving?" Her eyes were wide. "Where?"

"It ain't too...far."

"Why?"

"To be closer to Andrea and their family." He moved and sat down beside her. "Paige still go to your school; you just won't see her as often outside of school."

She frowned. "Oh."

"You still got Carl and...Lizzie."

"I guess."

"Think of it this way, it takes as long as it does to get from your granddad's to here."

"But I don't know Andrea. She probably won't want me around."

"Carol knows Andrea," he informed her. "And it's only temporary. They might move somewhere else soon."

She nodded. "Yeah, she'll move somewhere else that's further away, and I'll never see her." She looked at him. "My other cousin used to pick on me. Paige doesn't."

"Other cousin?"

"Penny. She was mean to me sometimes. Uncle used to say she was joking, but it was mean."

"Uncle?"

"Phillip. He's Ed's brother."

"Phillip..."

"He's a cop. Like Maggie."

"Did you like him?"

She shrugged. "I only spent time with Mommy and Penny and Auntie Eliza."

"Well, Penny and Eliza ain't your blood, you know that?"

"'Cause you're my daddy, not Ed." She nodded.

He looked at her. "Can I ask you somethin'?"

"That's a something." She smiled.

"Two somethings then. Why do you call your bear Dee Dee?"

She shrugged. "Mommy used to write it down all the time, and I liked it, so when Mommy gave me the bear, Dee Dee fit." She then gasped. "Oh, my gosh! Your name's Daryl Dixon, Dee Dee!"

Carol used to write his initials down? Why? "Huh." How strange. Why would she name the bear after him if she didn't know him? Did she really like the DD so much? He wouldn't surprise him. It was easy to really remember, really easy to spell too.

"Does Ethan mean anything?"

He tensed. "What?"

"Ethan." She watched his face. "I named the bear you got me Ethan."

Did Carol tell her about Ethan? Why would she do that? They were going to wait. They agreed she was too young to really understand all that happened. Wait, she asked about them today. She couldn't know. How the hell did she just happen to name her bear after her big brother? That wasn't a coincidence. Carol had to have told her the name or some story involving the name. It was...a good idea, he supposed. Sophia could hear about him growing up, even if he didn't spend a day with them, and when they told her, she would feel like she grew up with him there, because of the stories. That was more like Shawn though. Nosy as he is.

"Uncle Shawn told me about Ethan that day Mommy came to meet you for the second time," she explained. "He adds onto the story, and it's about me and Ethan. He's protecting me, and you're protecting Mommy."

He met her eyes. "I'm protectin' you too. I'll always protect you."

"But I have Ethan, so you _have_ to protect Mommy."

"Okay, I'll protect Carol."

"Promise me."

"I promise."

"Good. Don't ever forget."

"I won't."

She nodded, so serious. "Do you like board games?"

Oh, Christ. "...do you?"

"Not really."

"Do you like cards?" He remembered the deck he had in the kitchen.

"Yeah."

"What can you play? Go fish?"

She glared. "No."

"Well, if you don't know more, I can teach you."

"I'm a faster learn," she assured him.

He went to the kitchen and dug through the junk drawer that really needed to be cleaned out. She got that Carol. Maybe when she's older, he'd really start to see what she got from him, apart from her eyes.

– – –

Carol hugged Karen goodbye, wishing her an early happy anniversary, while Daryl said a few words to Milton, telling him to be careful on the road, and Sophia waited her turn, holding the gift for Karen and Milton close to her chest.

"Drive safely." Carol released her. "Take a lot of pictures for me, okay?"

"We will." Karen smiled. "Take care of that little angel, both of you. I want to see her all tall and beautiful when all of this is over."

"That's a promise."

Karen went over to Sophia and lowered herself down to her knees, embracing her. "Oh, I'm gonna miss you."

"I'll miss you too." Sophia stepped back to look at her. "I'm sorry I didn't see you a lot."

"Oh, that's okay. We had that first day and breakfast this morning. Besides, we'll have plenty of time later. I promise."

"I guess." Sophia held out the gift. "Here."

"You got us something?" She took the small wrapped item. "Can I open it?"

She nodded.

She tore through the wrapping paper, revealing a small antique compass. "Oh, this is beautiful." She'd seen this before. She wasn't sure where, but she knew she'd seen it before. It was so old, but still so beautiful and the original colors were still there. It was well taken care of. "Oh, it's engraved. "May your path always lead you home". Aww, that's so..." She stopped and stood up, turning to Carol. "This...this was Axel's, isn't it?"

She nodded. "He gave it to me, but it belongs with you."

She blinked back tears and hugged Carol again. "Thank you." She motioned for Sophia, and she joined in on the hug. She'd been looking for something to remember Axel by, and that picture of them on New Years just wasn't enough. She was glad to have this. She knew how much it meant to him, and now it meant that much to her. "Thank you both so much. I will cherish this." She kissed the top of Sophia's head and gave her one last hug.

Carol walked over to Milton. "It was good to see you again." She shifted her weight and smiled at him. "Take care of her for me."

"Always," he promised.

"Enjoy your anniversary, and make sure she has fun. There's no need to worry about us."

"I'll try." He laughed.

"Oh, Daryl." Karen waved him over, and she handed him a copy of the play. They'd already looked over the pictures that morning over breakfast, and she'd taken the ones he liked and put them inside. She wanted him to know how Carol was in college, before Ed abused her, and she wanted Carol to remember it too. "It has some footage of us backstage and from rehearsals. The cameraman was a good friend of mine, and he loved to get us embarrassed on camera, so prepare for Carol trying to burn it."

"Thanks."

"No, thank you." She smiled. "Keep it hidden, because Carol will seriously try and destroy it."

He nodded. "Be careful."

"Don't worry about me. Ed won't try anything, because I have a gun collection at the house we're staying at. Well, it's my father-in-law's, but I call it mine." She shrugged. "We'll be safe, so you two just need to keep each other safe."

"Karen, what is that?" Carol peered over the car.

"Pictures!" Karen laughed nervously. "You know, from college. They're...blah, so don't worry."

"You reek of lies," Carol teased.

"Okay, I lie, but at least I'll admit it." She closed the door and opened the passenger door. "Well, we should be going. God forbid we miss our flight and can't make it to Paris."

"You'd think she'd be more excited about going to France," Milton murmured to Carol. "She acts like it's pulling teeth."

"Maybe it's because your mother planned all of this," Carol suggested. "She's not the...kindest woman, and she's so blunt. Don't worry, I'm sure her mood will improve once you're there."

"Carol, don't speak for me," Karen mused.

"Well, it's true."

"Do you want me to speak some truths?"

"Look at the time! You don't want to miss your flight."

"Well, until next time." He hugged her then got in the car.

Carol stepped back to where Daryl held Sophia, they watched them back out, and they waved as they drove off. She turned to Daryl and hugged him and Sophia both, and he didn't know what the hug was for, but he put his arm around her.


	23. In A Second

"I'm packing the last box as we speak." Amy folded her quilt crappily since she didn't have a second person. "Since you don't yet have room for my...um, stereo, I'm just gonna leave it behind. You have that iPod thing anyway, so I can use that."

"_That's fine. Do you need any help?_"

"No, I'm good. Thanks to Daryl, I have my car almost fully loaded, so I have to make one or two more trips back here." She ran a hand through her hair and looked around. "Maybe I'll leave some of this stuff here. I don't think Daryl will be using this room any time soon, so I'll put it in the closet. Get it later and spare my wallet."

"_If you need anything, let me know. I can pay for gas. It's really fine_."

"Andrea, I'm fine. I can afford gas." For now, anyway. Man, she needed a job. She hoped her plan worked out or she was so screwed. Maybe she should get a bike. She could lose some weight and get fit. If she could afford a bike, that is. That's just depressing.

"_If you say so._"

She collected the picture frames and noticed the picture of them on the nightstand was missing. She frowned. "Hey, could you put Paige on?"

"_Sure_."

"_Yes, Mommy?_"

"Did you take the picture of us from January? It was still snowy, and we had on beanies. It was that day you tried one of Yumi's baked pretzel's for the first time."

"_No, I didn't take it. I thought you did._"

"Wait, it was gone this morning?" Amy frowned.

"_Last night_."

"What the heck?" She had been here almost all last night. She only left to go get some cookies from the place down the street. Unless Sophia took it. She doubted that. Sophia was too sweet to steal. She would've asked. How weird. Daryl wouldn't have taken it; he wasn't interested in her like that at all, and he already had a picture of Sophia _and_ Paige that Shawn gave him the day after Karen and Milton left. Plus, he already had those birthday pictures. She'd bought frames for them and hung them up just three weeks ago. She doubted Merle broke in here. He didn't want anything to do with them. And why would he take the frame?

_Ooh, what if this place is haunted? _She shuddered. "Okay, baby, just checking."

"_Are you having fun?_"

"Sure, let's call it that." She maneuvered through the boxes. "How about you? Fun day with Andrea at the office?"

"_She's been really busy today, and I have to be quiet when she makes a call, but yes. She's letting me draw on her tablet_," Paige replied. "_I drew you a puppy. I'll show you when you come join us for lunch._"

"I can't wait." She grabbed a duffel bag. "What kind of dog? Can I guess it?"

"_Maybe_."

"A poodle?"

"_No_." She laughed.

"A Doberman? No, no, no. Or is one those big...dogs...?" She paused, the name finally coming to her. "What are they—oh! A German Shepard."

"_You're bad at this, Mommy._" She was giggling.

"Well, give me a hint." She headed down the stairs and saw Daryl carrying the last box from the living room out to her car. "Hold on, sweetie." She caught him at the door. "Thank you so much for helping him."

"Well, sooner it's done, the sooner you leave." He smirked.

"Well, I feel the love." She held out the duffel bag. "Carol so made you say that."

He took the duffel bag, say nothing.

She returned to her phone call. "A golden retriever? A pug? Pit bull? Am I getting close?"

"_No. Not at all._"

"What did you draw, a space dog? Or Clifford?"

"_No, it's a real dog_._ I promise._"

"Gah, I hate guessing. Umm, let me think." She thought over the dogs Paige had seen or read about, heading inside with Daryl to fill up her back and passenger seat. She would have to come back and do the rest herself, because Daryl had to work and Carol was working at the Greene Leaf till seven. She doubted Shawn would come and help. Maybe if she begged. Doubtful, she was already making him do her a massive favor. She would make it up to him really soon. He had no idea how much he was helping her, and she would show him how much just as soon as it all worked out.

– – –

Merle sat in the bar, an untouched glass of whiskey in front of him, and he gazed at the photo of Paige and Amy he'd taken from her nightstand. It was in winter—they were wearing beanies, scarves, and there were snow-covered leaves behind them—and it was close up, so he could see their faces—every pore, every blemish, every freckle. He could see himself in Paige, and it terrified him.

He didn't know this girl at all. He hardly remembered what she said the day he met her, but he felt ready to take a bullet for her. He had a daughter, and he was going to keep her safe. He wasn't going to let Andrew or his pack of assholes even _think_ of touching her. He would beat them to the brink of death if he heard any shit like that from them. His life wasn't going to touch her anymore than it already had.

She was so innocent and happy and she had a bright future ahead of her with her mother. He was going to make sure she got a chance—a real chance. He wasn't going to be a shadow over her. He would watch her and protect her, but that was all. He couldn't let his life taint hers. He was a goddamn mess, even clean, and he wouldn't let that taint her future. She was sweet, he remembered, and he wasn't going to ruin that kid. He'd already ruined Amy; he couldn't ruin his daughter as well.

There were only two times he had done something decent for Amy. The second was when he left her a few twenties, and the first was when he first met her. He was fucked up, but at least he was...decent to her.

– – –

"_**You fucking bastard!**__" Amy hurled her shoe at him, grabbing her top and yanking it on over her head. "__**Go to hell!"**__ She grabbed her bag and stormed out of the building, buttoning her jeans. On the way to the bus stop, she adjusted her tank top over her bra. When she arrived at the bus stop, she stood away from the people who were waiting, rubbing her arms and crying. The cold was numbing her exposed toes, and she shuddered, not even considering going back that fuck face and getting her shoes back._

_It's just a big fucking mess, wasn't it? She wiped at her eyes, rubbing her arm with her free hand to try and warm the bare skin. What was she going to do? She had nowhere to stay, no clothes, no shoes even! What the fuck was she going to do? She couldn't sleep on the street. Andrew would find her and try to drag her back or worse, the little bitch. She had no one to turn to, not even Big Tiny. He had been taken in a few days ago. She wanted to help him so badly; he was a good guy, but there was nothing she could do. She was nobody, and he wouldn't let her get involved. She prayed for him. Tried to pray, anyway. _

_Shivering, she looked to see if the bus was coming, and she heard a husky chuckle. She turned and came face-to-face with Merle Dixon, who was completely fucked up. She wasn't in the mood for him. She just wanted to find someplace warm to sleep. _

"_Got no shoes," he noted._

"_Yeah, so?" She heard the snare in her voice, but she was so riled up and so cold. She didn't have many manners left at the moment. "Um, hello. It's Amy."_

"_I know. Seen you around at a couple places. Where's the bitch?"_

"_Hopefully dead in a ditch." She rubbed her thighs together. Get here, bus, please. She might freeze to death._

_He chucked again then stepped out of his shoes. "Here."_

"_W—what?" _

"_You can wear mine." He picked them up._

"_No. No, no, no. I—I'm fine. My feet are fine. You don't need to—"_

"_It's fine. I don't mind bare feet." He held them out to her. "It's easier to run."_

_She looked at the obviously new boots and took them, sliding her feet into them. They didn't fit, but they were warming her feet. It was sweet. It was so unlike Merle she'd heard about in the many, many stories. What the hell did he take? "Um, thank you. Thank you so much." She shuddered, pulling her tank top strap up._

"_Here." He removed his jacket and handed it to her._

"_No, you've—you've done enough. I don't need to take your clothes too."_

"_I got more." He was wearing layers. _

"_Um, thanks." She set her bag down and slipped the jacket on. It was already warm from his body, and it smelled like him and oddly like oil. She didn't even care. It was keeping the cold out, and she was so grateful. She shouldered her bag. "What are you doing out here?" She wiped her eyes._

"_'Bout to get a drink. You? Aside from cryin'."_

"_Me? I'm... I'm just waiting for the bus." She fought off fresh tears. "At the high school a few blocks down, there's a broken window, and I can get inside." She could shower in the locker room, maybe wash her clothes. She could pick a lock, so that was no problem. She just had to be careful with cameras._

"_Ain't got a place to stay?"_

"_Well, tonight I do."_

"_You runnin' from Tomas?"_

_She nodded. "He—he's really screwed me over, and I won't let him do that. When I can, I'm getting back at him."_

"_Well, I like the sound of that. C'mon."_

"_What?" Her brows furrowed. _

"_It's cold as fuck, and my feet are fuckin' freezin'. C'mon, we'll get a drink, plot your revenge then go to my place."_

"_Uh—all right." She'd seen him around at a few places, and he didn't seem like a rapist. She knew his brother somewhat, so Merle couldn't be a total bad guy. He'd given her his shoes and jacket too. That was a sweet thing to do, and he was offering a place to sleep tonight. It was better than nothing._

_They went to a bar first, Merle gave her a few drinks, but she only drank one of them. She didn't have the stomach for whiskey or rum. Besides one of them needed to be sober, especially if they had to cross the street. He was very funny, though, and handsome, which was a major upgrade from Tomas. She was warm and felt safe and the company was awesome. Things were looking up._

_He was so wasted by the time they left, Amy was amazed he could stand. She helped him get home, and he passed out on the couch. She tried to wake him, but he was out, so she made herself at home. She locked the door and set her bag on the floor._

"_Let's see." She stuck her head into the bathroom and found a shower that was surprisingly clean and worked. She undressed and took a long, hot shower to wash the scent of Tomas' cheap cologne off her body. She had to use soup she'd taken from a hotel a couple weeks ago—she robbed the maid's cart—because Merle had none. She washed her hair with the shampoo and conditioner she'd taken, and used a relatively clean towel to dry off then slipped Merle's jacket on._

_She washed her clothes with the remaining bar of soap and hung them over the shower rod to air dry. She saw his bed, glanced at him then sat down on it. It wasn't the best bed, but it was comfortable and not dingy. She wondered when he bought this place. It wasn't new-looking, but nothing had really been touched. How odd. It was still more than what Tomas had to offer. A hell of a lot more._

_Knocking her knees together, Amy contemplated what her next move was. She wasn't going back to Tomas, especially not after what he wanted her to do, and she refused to ever have sex with him again; the first time was the last time. She'd never felt so disgusted in her entire life, and she wasn't even going to go back for her shoes and clothes. She had a few extra clothes in her bag, but they were dirty. She needed to wash them too, but later, she was exhausted._

_She hopped up and covered Merle with blanket from the bed then lied down on the bed. "Good night, Merle." She didn't have to wait long until she passed out._

– – –

"That Amy?" John asked, seeing the picture.

"Yeah." Merle stared at the substance in his glass, not making any move to hide the picture.

"Huh, cute little girl. You got lucky," he teased. "She looks just like her mom."

Merle lifted his eyes. "What'd you just say?"

He shrugged a shoulder. "It's nothin'. Forget I said anythin'."

"Why do you assume the kid's mine?"

"'Cause she's got your eyes," he replied. "And I've helped Amy out a few times. Paige is a sweet kid."

"You—you knew 'bout Paige? You talked to her?"

"Only a little."

"Why didn't you tell me? I've been comin' here for nearly eleven goddamn years! Why the fuck didn't you tell me?"

"**That** and Amy making me swear not to tell you is why I didn't tell you." He shook his head. "Do you want drink that ain't been sittin' out for three hours or to yell at me about your kid?"

Merle clenched his jaw. "She ain't mine."

"You can say that, but we both know that isn't ever going to be true."

"Tsk." Merle stood up, grabbed his wallet and tossed a couple hundreds onto the counter. "Consider this the first payment on my tab paid."

John's brows shot up. "Really?"

Merle walked up, slipping the picture into the pocket inside his jacket, over his heart.

– – –

"_Merle." Amy shook him, he didn't want to wake up, and she knew it. She didn't want him to sleep the day away. If she couldn't, he couldn't. "Merle, c'mon, wake up."_

"_No..."_

"_C'mon, it's your birthday. You aren't sleeping all day." She smiled when one of his eyes opened. "I made breakfast. Decent pancakes and hash browns with fresh fruit."_

"_This the same fruit from last night?"_

"_The leftovers." She kissed him. "You have five minutes." She pushed herself up and went back to making the plates, glancing as he sat up. "Do you want some coffee?"_

"_Hell yes." He rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index finger, climbing to his feet. He saw the table had bowls of fruit and eggs and harsh browns. "Looks damn good." He walked up behind her as she turned the coffee maker on. He swept her hair aside and kissed her neck, groping her through the underwear she wore, and she leaned into him, her fingers spreading on the counter._

"_Before breakfast?" she breathlessly asked._

"_Gotta work up an appetite." _

_She moaned softly. "The eggs will get cold and nasty."_

_He kissed the base of her neck, pulling her hips against his. "I don't give a shit." He slid a finger past her boxers and inside of her, and the sound she made... God damn. He buried his face in her soft hair, the pomegranate scent of her shampoo filling his noise, and he increased the pressure of his fingers, smirking at her breathy moans, hardening with each one._

"_Please...stop," she whimpered. _

_He brushed his lips across the base of her neck, she shuddered, and he asked, "Still sore?"_

_She nodded._

"_Good." He removed his hand, grasping the waistband of her boxers and tugging them down then removing his own. She stopped breathing when he slammed into her, taking her from behind, and he set his hands over hers on the counter top, her cry a mixture of pain and pleasure._

_Part of her loved when he was like this, but another part was terrified of him when he was like this. He didn't know when enough was enough, and she wasn't sure she could always just take it. They'd been here for about two or three months together, and he'd take care of her. She was so grateful to him, and she loved being with him like this. He was this mass of muscle and to feel him right against her, to feel him inside of her, made her feel more alive than anything. She knew that he would never want to hear that, so she would never tell him._

_She wanted to move, wanted to meet him thrust for thrust, but he had her pinned. She always wondered how he managed to keep her so still, because he was barely holding her. She wanted to touch him and kiss him, but when he was like this, he never let her. It was something she adjusted to over the past few weeks. She'd learned to fight the urges, but sometimes they were so potent, like now. She had to dig her nails into the counter, partly from wanting to touch him and partly from how he was fucking her. _

_His breath caused goosebumps to spread across her flesh, and she felt a shudder run through her body. "Merle..."_

_She wasn't sure her legs would be able to hold herself up if she came. After last night, she was surprised she was walking. "Ah!" She closed her eyes tight, and he bucked into her again and again, and she was lost, as always her body a willing slave to his._

_She came around him, calling his name, and he followed, holding her waist, because he knew her knees were weak in that moment. He continued to hold her until she could stand, his forehead against her shoulder blade. Then he released her and went to the bathroom to change._

_She pulled her boxers back up and pushed the hair out of her face, repressing a wince. She exhaled deeply then sat down at the table, the groaned that escaped her lips couldn't be helped. She began to eat since she didn't know how long he would be, and she was starving and so very exhausted. She'd woken up early to make this after a night where he made her come **seven** times and left a few bruises on her. She hoped tonight wasn't like that. She had no fumes left to run on. Her fumes had left, laughing at her the entire way._

_Merle came out of the bathroom fully dressed, face washed and hair combed. He walked over to her, but before she could even speak, he kissed her deeply, his tongue invading her mouth. He kissed her like that for what felt like a long time then pulled back. "I gotta go. I'll see you tonight."_

_She swallowed and caught her breath. "Aren't you going to eat something?" _

_He grabbed a pancake, tossed some egg in it and rolled it up like a taco then left._

"_Happy birthday," she called after him. Well, he'd ruined his only chance for a birthday breakfast. Oh, well, at least she had something decent to eat, and she had the place to herself. She could take a bath then take a nap._

_She sighed and dropped the fork, not really hungry anymore, running her hands through her hair. She didn't let herself think about their relationship, but sometimes...when he did stuff like that... God. She ran her hands over face and began to cry. She didn't even know why, but it felt like she'd been holding these tears back for a long time. She'd made a few plans for his birthday, and he didn't even care enough to actually spend it with her. He probably didn't care at all, just as long she served her purpose. The moment she became useless to him, he wouldn't hesitate to throw her out on her ass. He wouldn't even blink, would he?_

– – –

_Amy drew a bath, her entire body aching from different reasons, and she crouched down, arms on the cool surface of the tub, watching it fill with water. She rubbed her face against the sleeve of her shirt, the scent of the detergent almost sickening. At least it didn't smell like Merle. She was tired of the scent of Merle and his world. It just gave her a headache. Tssh, the world and life were giving her a headache._

_She removed her sweats and grabbed the bottle of pills off the sink, taking three with a small glass of whiskey. She didn't even care to read what they were. They weren't prescription or anything for only Merle. If they're what she had last time, she really fucking needed them. She was tempted to take more, but she didn't. She fought with herself for a couple of seconds. It was very like when you want to eat something in the middle of the night and you're so focused on it, you can't sleep, but you keep telling yourself you don't need and to just go to sleep. Go to sleep..._

_She set the bottle down and glanced at her reflection. She looked like death warmed over. Her hair was messy and looked dirty, like she hadn't washed it in months. Her skin was a tone too light, as if she hadn't seen the sun in years—she probably had a vitamin D deficiency. Her lips were dry and chapped, and her cheeks looked...sunken in. Her eyes were so big, the green so pale, and she watched her pupils, tilting her head slightly, and she snorted a laugh._

_She removed her shirt, panties and bra, leaving them where they dropped, and she climbed into the tub. She wrapped her bruised arms across her chest, gazing up at the ceiling, and she took a deep breathe, closing her eyes tightly. She'd been here how long now? Five months? Four? She didn't even know. She was terrified to know. She didn't mean to stay here more than that one night, and it'd been months since then. _

_She was supposed to a...junior this coming school year. All of that ACT shit and her first prom. Andrea had promised to help her find the perfect dress and hair style and shoes. She just knew she was going to take that quarterback, because they were so cute together and—Aaahh! All of that was just some irrelevant shit in the back of her mind. She didn't even care about school or her future. She probably wasn't going to have one. Did that even scare her? Not really, no. It didn't matter. None of it mattered anymore, because everything was shit! It was all just shit. That was the only word she had for it._

_She felt her eyes burning, and she inhaled roughly, pushing hair out of her face. Okay. Okay. She slipped lower into the tub._

_She couldn't do this anymore. She just couldn't do any of it anymore._

_She just wanted to **disappear. **_

_Opening her eyes to see the dingy little room before her, to really see what her life had become, then she squeezed her eyes shut. She let herself become fully submerged in the warm water, taking a deep breath before the water covered her lips. She listened the sounds of the building, all of the late afternoon beeping bustle and vexatious chatter of the street, and slowly it all...went away; as if she were taking a nap._

_The world was quiet and peaceful; like it was just before the sunrise, when the world was silent, holding its breath for first light. It was as if she was away from everything...or perhaps there was nothing there to be begin with, and it was only her floating in vast water that washed her clean, emptied her mind and lifted her soul._

_There was a weak ba-duh sound echoing in her ears, a whispered need spreading throughout her body, urging her to get air, but she didn't listen. She didn't care. She was...light...and a new kind of peace was within her grasp. She just need to be still and let it come to her. It was so...decadent, and she felt it with her fingertips._

_Then..._

_Someone ripped her out of the water, ripping her away from the vast whiteness that was just within her reach, and pulled her into their arms. They called her name, and slowly, as if cotton were being removed from her ears, she heard._

"_Amy? Amy!" There was an urgency in his tone that she'd never heard before. It was so thick in his voice. He wasn't going to let her go; he refused to let her go. _

_Why?_

_Her eyes snapped open to the harsh light of the bathroom. She gasped in air, gripping his shirt and coughing out water. She inhaled deeply, the icy air burning her throat, and she coughed. The world was blurry and white, but it was still there, along with Merle. His gray-blue eyes were filled with something she'd never seen or thought she would ever see: fear. Merle Dixon was **afraid**._

_Of...what? Losing her? Having the police find her body? Having to deal with all of the questions? She wasn't sure._

"_What the hell were you doin'?" His voice was growling, but so soft, like he didn't want to know the answer. "You... You..." He didn't finish. He moved wet blonde hair from her eyes and dried his hand on the towel he'd wrapped around her at some point. She wasn't sure when. Everything was happening so fast, and she couldn't really comprehend it._

_She coughed into her hand for the last time, and Merle took her hand, feeling the wrinkles from the long period of time she had been underwater. She pushed herself up, trying to get out of his lap, out of his arms, but he didn't let go._

"_I need...to get dressed." _

_He reluctantly released her._

_She tugged the towel around her and stood up, Merle helping her when she almost fell, and she exited the bathroom. She pulled out a clean pair of clothes and dried off. She felt his eyes on her, but it wasn't to admire her. He was studying her._

_Amy never hid her body. She sometimes wore jackets or long-sleeved shirts, but it wasn't to hide. So to see her like this, naked and in direct light, was new for him. Whenever they had sex, it was either dark or she still had clothes on, because they were in the hall or a bathroom. He'd never noticed the bruises on her torso, mostly in the shape of hands, and she never said anything about them. The sight of them horrified him. He'd never meant to hurt her in any way. To see that he had done this to her, to find her drowning herself in their bathroom...shook him. He had no idea what he'd been doing to her._

_She dried her hair off with the towel and sat down on the couch, fully dressed and not looking at him._

_A booming silence filled the room, Merle just stood there, soaking wet from her bathwater, and Amy folded the towel and ran a hand through her hair. The silence was choking them both; they just didn't know what to do to fill it._

"_Were you ever gonna tell me?" His voice was uncharacteristically soft._

"_Tell you what?" She picked up her brush and ran it through her hair. _

"_Don't fuck with me, Amy. You know exactly what I'm talkin' 'bout."_

"_Why does it matter?" She carried the towel into the bathroom and hung it over the rod, seeing the tub was still full of water. _

"_It matters." His eyes were blazing, and she knew what this was about._

"_Look, I managed. I'm fine, aren't I?"_

"_Fine? How in the hell do think you're fine after what you just tried to do?!"_

"_What I tried to do? I took a bath, Merle! How is a bath dangerous?"_

"_I know what takin' a bath looks like, and that wasn't it! You were tryin' to—"_

"_Trying to what?" she snapped, her voice echoing in the apartment. "What do you think I was trying to do?!"_

"_You'd have drowned if I hadn't come in when I did." He felt so heavy, and he hated the way those words felt coming out of his mouth. God damn, what the hell was going on inside of him? He'd never felt anything...quite like this before, and it scared the shit out of him. _

"_I would not have drown!"_

_A knock on their door stopped him from shouting back, and in walked their neighbor, this cute little old woman who was always had a joint in on hand and a cookbook in the other. She was so sweet to them, and she was the main reason they had decent food. _

"_Sorry to interrupt. I thought y'all might like this." She smiled an apology, and set a wrapped casserole or cake on their table then left._

_Amy went over and locked the door. At least she knocked. She splayed her hands on the door and shook her head. "God." Her voice was airy and small._

"_Am I so horrible?"_

_She turned, her back against the door, and she ran her hands through her hair. "You're killing me, Merle."_

_His eyes flashed._

_She fell to the floor. "I'm done. I can't do this anymore."_

"_Then leave! I don't need you and your shit! Get out!"_

"_Maybe I will." She climbed to her feet. "It'd be the best decision of my life!" She went over to the bed and grabbed her duffel bag and went to the dresser._

_He scoffed. "Shoulda just..."_

"_Should've just what?" She tossed the bag aside. "Let me die? That's really sweet, Merle. Now that you can't fuck me, you want me dead? Great job, **Mason**!"_

_He lunged and slammed her against the wall, one arm across her chest, the other at her neck. "The fuck you just call me?"_

"_You heard me perfectly well." She glowered. "Get off!"_

"_You want to compare me to a man who you don't even know?"_

"_Oh, I know. He abused you and Daryl and your mom, right?" She struggled to loosen his grip. "You can't hide every scar." _

_His looked at her with such seething rage._

"_Do you want to hit me? Choke me?" She dug her nails into his hand. _

_He released her, but didn't move back. "Just go!"_

"_No." She gripped her neck, but he hadn't hurt her. "I'm not going anywhere." She had nowhere to go anyway. _

"_Then go "take a bath"."_

"_If I had drowned, would you even care?" She searched his eyes. "I saw that look in your eyes, and I heard that tone. You can't just pretend it wasn't there!"_

"_Look, bitch, I don't love you—"_

"_I don't need you to love me!" she shouted. "I just—I just am sick and tired of it all, Merle!" Her voice broke. "You have no idea what it's like to be with you and not be with you!"_

"_What?"_

"_It's exhausting, and I don't even get treated like a person! All you want from me is my body, and I know that. Some days, I'm okay with that, but not today." _

_He stared at her._

_She crossed her arms. "Andrea's birthday is today. She's...twenty, I think."_

"_Then take your ass over there."_

"_Oh, my God. Can you just listen for five goddamn minutes?!" She grabbed her purse. "At least your father knows what type of man he is." She left, slamming the door and leaving. She didn't know where she was going, but she just needed away from him._

_She walked around for hours, only stopping once in the park to buy something to eat, and she curled up by a tree. She didn't want to cry, but she couldn't help it. She was so angry and so tired of life. Every morning she woke up, she cringed. She had nothing to live for anymore. She was just...popping pills and taking shots. That's it. She'd had more whiskey in the past few months that most people had in their entire lives, it felt like. She wasn't even sure how her body was still going, because her mind was giving up._

_When she was a little girl, she wanted nothing more than to grow up and become a professional dancer or teach dance, but that wasn't going to ever happen. She had no high school diploma, no money, no redeeming qualities. She'd probably flip burgers for the rest of her life. Or overdose one of these days. Or mix the wrong pills with the wrong alcohol. She didn't even care at this point. She was so tempted to go quietly and pray Merle at least turned in her body. Maybe her parents would claim her and bury her. Or she'd probably become maggot food in a ditch somewhere. How befitting._

_She wiped her cheeks, the sun was about to set, and she shivered. She wiped her nose on her sleeve and looked over as Merle sat down beside her, letting out a small laugh when he held out a soft baked pretzel. She sniffed and accepted the pretzel, setting it in her lap and taking a small piece off, eating it. It was fresh and unsalted—her favorite._

"_I'm an ass, I know."_

_She ate another piece of the pretzel, glancing at him, silent._

"_When I was 'bout nineteen, my...mom burned to death." _

_She lowered the piece of pretzel. "How?"_

"_Well...bitch liked her wine." He studied the ground. "She liked to smoke in bed. Virginia Slims. I wasn't 'round at the time, but I was told 'bout it later. She...was burnt down to nothin', took that shithole of a house with her. There was...nothin' left of the house or of her. There was no proof either of 'em had been there. They were just...erased."_

"_Why are you telling me this?" _

"_When I came back and called to you and you didn't say nothin' back, I figured you'd left." He leaned back. "But then I saw you in the tub...just lyin' in there...like you were sleepin'." His eyes were wide and vacant. "It wasn't like her...just gone 'cause you were right there. I was there this time. I—I'd done that to you, drove you to—"_

"_No," she softly interrupted. She knew Merle had blocked out certain words and phrases that most people used to let others know they cared, but he had his own way of telling people how he felt about them. This was his way of telling her he cared, and maybe even his way of saying goodbye. "No, it wasn't you." _

"_It was."_

"_I don't know why I did what I did in the bathroom," she told him. "I just...broke, but I didn't do it because of you. I did it because of me. For once, it had nothing to do with you."_

_He didn't snicker or snort._

"_Merle, believe me, it wasn't you." She set her hand on his knee. "I'm sorry for calling you Mason. You didn't deserve that."_

_He looked at her. "You weren't wrong."_

"_I was wrong." She set the pretzel down and moved closer to him. "You're not like him in a lot of ways, and I only said that to hurt you. It—It was stupid and selfish."_

_He shook his head. "Why'd you come here?"_

"_It's the only park hardly anyone comes to." _

_He sighed. "It's gettin' dark. You stayin'?"_

"_Not if I don't have to."_

"_Somebody's gonna have to eat that bitch's casserole."_

_She laughed. "You're so rude. They're not that bad. You've had one."_

"_When I was fucked up, yeah."_

"_Tsh. Let's go." She stood up and gripped his hand, but he didn't stand, just pulled her back. "What?"_

_He met her eyes. He had so many things he wanted to tell her, but he couldn't think of any of them. He didn't want to think about what would've happened if he hadn't gotten to her in time. He didn't want to think about how it killed to see her eyes so red. He didn't want to think about how much this girl meant to him, because he knew he would screw it all up again. He always did. Maybe this time she'd leave him and straighten her life out. Maybe._

_He rose and looked into her eyes, sweeping hair off her shoulder and erasing the space between them by grasping the hair at the back of her neck. He crushed his mouth against hers, encircling her waist and leaving no room between them. He parted her lips, cupping her cheek, and...he hesitated, pulling back for a moment, his forehead resting on hers, breathing heavily._

"_You know, I've always loved nature," she murmured, her fingers spreading over his forearms._

"_Me too." He kissed her deeply, their warm breath mingling when she opened her mouth to his, and he slipped his fingers through her hair as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He shifted his hands to her thighs when she jumped up and link her legs around his hips, and he pushed her against the tree behind them..._

– – –

Merle watched from a distance as Amy scooped up Paige, hugging her and then set her down and hugged Andrea. They both took of one Paige's hands and walked toward Andrea's car. He smiled a little to see Paige. He was glad the kid was happy. He would make sure she was always happy, and he would help them out as much as he could, so it definitely was time for him to man up.

– – –

Carol walked into Daryl's house that warm spring night since he had taken care of Sophia while she closed the shop today. She had to do all of the heavy living and she had to rearrange the stockroom, because it was just a mess. Her mom was there, but Carol didn't want her to do anything besides help to cook. She was glad to see her mom out and about.

"Is she upstairs?"

"Yeah." He noticed the wince that crossed her face. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, it's nothing." She rubbed her shoulder.

"That ain't nothin'." He set his crossbow down on the island and went over to her. "Your shoulder?"

"Yeah, I had to lift a lot of boxes and some them probably weight the same as me. You'd think my back would hurt." She did accidentally run into the wall, though. "I'll take something when I get home."

"Hold on." He turned her so her back was facing him, she turned her head to look at him, and he began to gently massage her shoulder.

She stood there, partly enjoying the massage as his finger kneaded away the ache, and mostly awkward since his offer wasn't a question and he was standing so close that she could feel his body heat. She tried not to laugh, but the smile appeared, and she looked at him over her shoulder, exhaling a small laugh.

He slowly stopped then stepped back. "She's...uh, in our old room."

"Yeah?" She turned. "I'll get her in a minute. I want to talk to you." Karen's words played in her head every day, and the past three weeks of seeing Daryl every day and spending time with him for Sophia has just been...so hard. He watched at her sometimes with this...look and she didn't know what it was. Thankfulness? Kindness? Indifference? She wasn't sure, but she needed to talk to him about it.

"What about?"

"Uhh..." And...she chickened out. "Amy. How weird is it that she doesn't live here anymore? No more perfumes or hairsprays filling the air. No more giggling or late night chatter. It must be great, yeah?" Not at all stupid. Good job.

He shrugged. "With y'all here, not much's changed."

"I don't use hairspray."

"You wear perfume."

"Only when there's a potential fathers in the store."

He frowned.

"I'm kidding. My last date was...awkward, so it'll be some time before I go on another." She headed upstairs before she said anything else.

She found Sophia nestled in blankets in their old bedroom, and she smiled, grabbing her backpack and place Dee Dee inside before shouldering it. She picked her up, careful to not wake her, and she carried her downstairs. "Could you get the doors for me?"

He opened the front door then the car door, and Carol set her inside gently, placing her backpack on the floor. "Goin' home?"

"I needed to go to the store, but it can wait." She closed the door as softly as she could then turned to him. "I need a favor."

"I'm takin' Sophia home Thursday, I know."

"No. It's about my car. It's been...weird."

"I can take a look now."

"No, it's late, and you were doing something before I came to get her. It might also wake Sophia, so I'll just come by the shop tomorrow. Mag and I are going to the gun range in the morning then we're delivering food, so I'll try and come by after. Is that all right?"

He nodded.

"Thanks." She smiled. "Have a good night."

"Yeah, you too."

_Awkward... Well, at least it's not getting worse_, she thought as she got in the car.

Daryl watched her pull out and started to go back inside when he noticed a man across the street. He narrowed his eyes, knowing that man didn't live in this neighborhood, because he was shady as shit. Daryl started to approach him, but he walked away. Who the hell was that?

––

"It's so late. God, I am so sorry." Amy walked with Shawn to their cars.

"Don't worry about it. I insisted." He rubbed his neck. "I don't know why I insisted, but I did."

"If you want to stop, I completely understand. I mean, with Sasha and the babies and the nursery you still have not painted—"

"Hey, I want it to be perfect. I'm not someone who is simply procrastinating; I'm someone who simply enjoys perfection."

"I can practically taste that bullshit."

He laughed. "Yeah, I know."

"Real reason?" She pulled her hair out of the bun.

"I don't know." He shrugged. "Carol's never gonna help me, 'cause of her Daryl thing and the Greene Leaf, and I don't want Sasha inhaling the fumes, so it'll just be me. I suck at painting, but my mother insists I'm good at it. I think she has cataracts."

She giggled. "That's mean."

"You wanna see my work? It isn't pretty."

"Every artist says that," she argued. "I'm sure it's fine. If it's anything like your photos, it's well done and captures unspoken words."

"You're just saying that so I'll keep sneaking around with you."

"Oh, totally. I'm using you for your body."

He sniggered nefariously. "We'll see who's using who."

"Indeed we will, nerd."

"I have four months until they're here, so I'll worry about it then."

She dug her keys out of her bag. "So, I have to take Paige shopping when she gets out of school, but I'm taking her over to Greene Leaf after so she spend time with Sophia. I think Beth or Maggie is picking them up, but I dunno. I'll call Carol later to make sure. Anyway, do you want me to come over? I can help paint."

"Not tomorrow. I have to sneakily take pictures of Sasha, and it could take all day to get one, so why not...next week on Wednesday?"

"I'll have to see. I'm going to see Dale sometime next week, and I want it to be early in the week, because he has business out of the city."

"Just lemme know what you have time."

"I'll have tomorrow night free. Can you get away?"

"She's not a jailer; she's my wife." He stopped by his car. "I probably can. Uh, do you want me to walk you to your car?"

"It's ten feet away. I'll be fine." She smiled. "Thank you for tonight. I really appreciate it. I mean it, really."

"As long as you tell no one about this, I'm glad to "let you use my body"."

She hugged him. "Thanks again. Have a good night and lemme know about tomorrow."

"Yeah." He watched her get into her car and leave, not wanting one of Tomas' asshole friends to try and grab her, then did so himself.

– – –

"Your aim sucks." Maggie shook her head.

"Well, I didn't run off to become a thug." She sighed. "I can barely use this stupid thing."

"You're doing fine for your first time."

"You just told me I sucked."

"Well, I'm tryin' to be polite." She walked over to her. "Here, try this one. It's a Walther P99, optional-sized handgrip. It's good for women."

"And you carry what?"

"A Glock. Why?"

"Just wondering." She turned her attention back to the target. "If I don't get this, can we stop and eat? I'm starving."

"We just ate breakfast."

"Seven hours ago!"

"Show me you've learned somethin', and maybe."

"Slave driver."

After emptying yet another clip and hitting nothing, Maggie decided to help her again. She wasn't sure how much more she could help Carol. She might have to get Shane in here.

She walked over to her. "Here, square off to target. Feet shoulder-distance apart." She slid her arms over Carol's, adjusting her elbow and shoulder. "Good. Gauntlet your right fist in your left palm."

Carol pulled the trigger and managed to at least hit the target. It was better than nothing.

"Well, it looks like we're finally gettin' somewhere."

They worked on her aim for four more hours, Maggie bought her a bag of chips and a soda, but other than that, they didn't take a break or leave. She knew about the 9mm Carol had hidden in her closet, and if she ever intended to use it, Maggie was going to ensure not a single bullet was wasted. She knew this was a bit mean, but Carol was finally going well and hitting parts of the target that would wound a human. In addition, she seemed just as focused and determined as she was when they sparred. It was very reassuring.

"It's late." Mag pulled down the earmuffs. "We still have to help T and Jacqui deliver food."

"All right." Carol tugged hers down and set the gun down. "I guess I'll have Daryl work on my car some other time."

"Oh, that was today? I'm so sorry."

"It's all right. I didn't stop you."

"Well, I'll meet you at the Greene Leaf. Go home and get something to eat."

"Yes, Mama Maggie."

She hip-bumped her out of the way. "Shoo." She collected the guns.

"I'll be by the Greene Leaf in an hour."

"Okay."

She left and headed home. She waved at her parents, Patricia and Otis then went up to her room, tossing her coat onto the bed, and she ran her hands through her hair, going over to her closet and moving aside the boxes that once cluttered the room. She found the knapsack and the 9mm inside. She looked it over and sighed.

It was so heavy in that moment, and she felt the weight on her shoulders as well. God, could she do this? If it came down to it...could she? She couldn't imagine actually shooting Ed, but if came down to it, she would, at least, be able to hit him.

"Hey, pretty girl?"

She tucked the gun away and closed the door, turning. "Yeah?"

"I've made chicken and noodles with mashed potatoes. Are you going to join us?"

"Uh, yeah. I'll be down in five minutes. I have to wash up."

She nodded. "The girls are downstairs. Amy decided to let Paige stay over, so I'll watch them while you're out."

"Oh, thank you. That's—that's great."

"Hurry down." She stepped back and left.

Blowing out air, Carol walked into her bathroom and washed her face then buried her face in the soft towel. Her head was so clogged. She just needed to focus on the there and now, but always have that plan ready. It was a mess, but at least Sophia would be safe. That's all mattered.

Joining them downstairs, Carol took a seat beside Sophia, who had been all smiles and giggles lately. She was glad to see it. Paige was even happier. They'd all sat down about three and a half weeks ago and explained to Paige who Daryl and Carol was to her, who Sophia was to her, and she'd been happy ever since. She could see Paige wanted to have a big family after growing up with only her mom. She had a feeling it was because she didn't want Amy to be lonely, and having Andrea back in her life and now Sophia and Daryl, she must feel like Amy is loved and surrounded by family. She couldn't imagine how Paige was going to look after she met her grandparents and Dale. She'd probably be bouncing off the walls.

"Eat the carrots too," Carol softly scolded Sophia.

She pursed her lips, but ate them.

"Where's Beth tonight?" Otis inquired. "I know Maggie's helpin' Glenn and Jacqui, but I didn't think Beth was."

Annette smiled, knowing exactly where Beth was. "She's...busy tonight. She'll be home late."

"Busy with what?" Hershel wondered.

Annette shrugged. "She didn't tell me what, just that she would be late getting home tonight."

He nodded. "Well, how was your day, Carol?"

"Pretty boring." She shrugged a shoulder, mixing a bite of potato with chicken and noddle. "I stopped by and saw Mag. She's become a really good shot."

"She was good with a water gun, so I'm not surprised," Patricia commented.

"Oh, gosh, I forgot about that." Carol giggled.

Sophia looked at her. "What?"

She began to tell the story about the summer before Josephine got ill. Maggie and Shawn were such bullies to Beth and Carol, and they were chasing them around the farm with water guns. They couldn't get away, so they ran inside and hid. It didn't end well. Patricia got hit in the face four times by complete accident; Beth got hit five times, and Carol had gotten Hershel drenched. It was so much fun, but they got into so much trouble, because the first thing Hershel said when he gave the water guns to the four of them was don't play in the house. Luckily, only Maggie and Shawn were reprimanded, although they tried to throw the blame off on Carol and Beth. They were older; they should've known better. Sometimes being the youngest was awesome.

– – –

"You're not staying?" Sophia sat on her mom's bed as her mom buttoned the jeans Maggie had given her.

"I have to help Mag and Glenn." She grabbed a pair of socks and sat beside Sophia, pulling them on. "I'll be home when you wake up, and I'll make pancakes. Chocolate pancakes."

"No, thank you." She slid off the bed and left the room.

"Sophia?" She frowned. What the hell? She tugged her sock up and went after her, but by that time she was on the floor in the living room with Patricia, Beth and Paige. Carol didn't want to be rude and pull her away, and from the look of it, Sophia didn't want to speak to her.

"You're ready to go?" Annette took a drink of tea.

"Yeah." She turned and listened. "Is that rain?"

"Mmm. It just started to rain a minute ago. Put your boots on. They're by the door.

"I hate the rain." Carol grabbed her boots and shoved her feet into them, hearing the soft patter slowly increasing. "I swear to God, if I get caught out there, trying to help Maggie—"

"You'll be a great sister." Annette held out Carol's coat. "Don't forget to drive carefully."

"Thanks." She slipped her coat on, pulling her hair out of the back of it. "You know how to take care of your granddaughter."

"Yes, I do." She smiled. "Take care of yourself now. I can't lose you to a car accident."

"Can't I just stay home where it's warm?" Carol whined.

"You promised to help Maggie deliver those meals. Theodore and Tyreese can only cover so much ground." She was all matter-of-fact. "These people will go hungry without you."

"Okay. Okay, I get it." She zipped up her coat. "I'll be back by midnight. Hopefully before."

"Have fun."

"I'll try." She hugged her mom. "Bye, Sophia!"

"Wait." She hopped up from the floor and ran over to her, holding up an Origami...thing. Patricia was teaching her, Paige and Beth. "Here, it's an angel."

It looked more like a bird. "For me?" She held her hand out. "What for?"

"To protect you. Nothing will happen to you as long as you have her." She set it in her mom's palm. Since Daddy wasn't going with her, the angel could.

"Aww, I love it. I'll keep this in my pocket, right over my heart." She kissed her forehead.

"Stay safe."

She smiled. "You too. Go." She gently pushed her toward the living room. "Go make one for Daddy."

"Daddy?" Annette's brows rose.

"We can attach a balloon and send it to him," she added quickly.

"Okay." She returned to the living room.

"All right. I'm going." She tucked the angel into her pocket. "Bye."

"Bye, honey." She watched her daughter pulled out. "Be safe."

Carol drove to the Greene Leaf where Maggie and Glenn were, preparing the last of the meals. They loaded up the trunk, Maggie gave her the directions to the houses she was going to, and Glenn gave her a coffee and box of Rhee doughnuts for the trip. She thanked them and left.

She didn't have a hard time finding these people. They were just past her old high school. It was the drive that was boring. She had nothing to do or even listen to, because Sophia had taken the CDs out so she and Paige had something to listen to while helping Mom with dinner, and her radio was acting up because of the rain. She wished she had someone with her. T-dog had Ty, Maggie had Glenn, and Jacqui had Yumi, but no one offered to come with her. Dirtbags.

She knew Daryl was working late tonight at the shop, so if she had any car trouble, she could just call him. She hoped her phone didn't die on her. She had Maggie's old phone, because she'd forgotten hers and the phone had minutes left, so Carol was going to use them. Maggie's phone was a piece of junk that died all the time. She really needed it to not die tonight should her car break down.

––

After all of the food had been delivered and all the kinds words had been spoken, the sky opened up a storm so angry, Carol couldn't see the road. She didn't need to since her lovely car had—of course—died on her. She wasn't sure what it was. She had gas, no tires were flat, and Daryl did the oil stuff, so it should have be fine. The next time Karen lent her a car, she was going to have it stripped for parts.

The doughnuts were long gone along with the coffee as Carol lied in the back of her car, waiting for her phone to tell her she have service. She was glad the backseats were down, because she might just have to sleep back here. She had some blankets in here, and she could use her jacket as a pillow. Makeshift bed, check.

An hour later, Carol sat up in the truck of the car, the rain pouring down around her, and she snuffled, trying not to let the cold and icy rain get her down. She wanted to be home right now. Or at the Greene Leaf. Hell, even at Daryl's. God, she was freezing, her clothes were sticking to her from when she tried to see what was wrong, and she smelled like a wet pastry covered in mud and melted tire. She probably screwed up her car even trying to get it to start. She was trying to use her phone again.

"Mag? Hello? Can you hear me?" She waited for two seconds, the cold making her impatient. She called her parents. "Daddy? M—Mom?" Carol's teeth were starting to chatter. "He—hello?"

There was only static.

"Ugh!" She wanted to throw it into the mud, but she needed it. She needed help or she was sleeping here. She took a calming breath and tried calling T and Daryl's shop. T or Daryl could be there. They could come and help her, and she would kiss them and bake them lots and lots of anything they wanted. _Please, pick up!_

"Daryl and T's," it was Daryl. "What can I do for you?"

"Help. Me."

"Carol?" His voice broke up now.

"No, no, no, you shitty piece of metal!" She wanted to cry. "Daryl, help! T-dog, help! Hello? Anybody?"

"Carol? ….you? Wh...are...u?"

"I don't know. I drove by that open field just near the high school an hour ago. My car broke down."

"What...? I...hear... ou...at?"

"My car broke down. I need help." There was static. "Daryl? Daryl?"

Her phone beeped as she lost both the call and power. Her battery was dead. She watched color drain from the screen. Angrily, she tossed it into the car and ran her fingers through her wet hair. She jumped when thunder sounded, and she tried to calm herself. She didn't need to break down crying in the middle of this storm. She needed to fix her stupid car. If only she had stayed with Shawn when he worked on the tracker and his car all those summers ago. Why did she have to study? What good did it do right freaking now?

She should've closed the trunk, but she was already soaking wet, and she needed to be able to see if anyone was coming. She might be able to see their headlights then jump out and wave frantically. They'd either stop or think she was trying to kill them. Damn _The Hitcher_!

––

She rocked herself as the rain poured down around her, trying to either calm herself down or warm herself up a little, and she began to lose track of time. She curled up tighter, her feet on the bumper, her head on her knees, her hands on the back of her neck. It made her feel better to make herself as small as possible.

"Carol?"

"Oh, God." _Now she was hearing voices? Had it been that long?_

"Carol!"

_Wait, that voice..._

"**Carol!"**

She lifted her head. "Daryl?" She looked through the thick rain that came down in waves so heavy white mist appeared and saw a figure running toward her. She slipped out of the trunk and into the rain to try and see if it was Daryl or if she'd truly lost her mind. She laughed out loud when Daryl came into view, the icy rain pounding down on her, nearly knocking her over, and she pushed wet hair out of her face. "Daryl!"

He stopped in front of her, slipping in mud. "Shit!" He fell toward her, and she grabbed him. He managed to catch his balance, her hands on his hips helping to steady him as well. "You okay?"

She nodded. "Drowning, but I'm okay. Are you?"

"Yeah. My car ran outta gas." He shrugged.

"Do you ever fill your tank up all the way?" She shook her head. "Forget that. How did you find me?"

"You said an hour by the high school, so I just drove."

"You understood that? It was so garbled on my end."

"I grew up with drunks, I can make sense of some pretty senseless shit."

She hugged him. "Thank you for coming for me." She could feel he was soaked down to the bone like she was, but despite the rain, he came.

"Well, yeah."

She pulled back, looking into his eyes, and she saw love there. All of this time she'd been trying to place a name to look he gave her, and now she had it. She searched his beautiful eyes. "Why are you so inevitable to me?"

"'Cause I love you," he whispered. "And...you love me."

"Yes." She nodded vigorously. "Yes, I do."

He grabbed her hips and pulled her flush against her, crushing his mouth against her. This kiss was different from the night he was drunk, Carol noticed. It was loving, but hungry. Whether or not Daryl remembered that night, he wanted her. She could feel his need as he kissed her, his tongue invading her mouth, his hands holding her tight, and he lifted her up onto the back of the car.

Suddenly the rain and the thunder and lightening didn't matter. It all went away, but it wasn't just the two of them. It was also this mass of want and need and love that made hearts _hasten,_ blood **burn**,and it was as if they hadn't been around another human being or felt human touch and warmth in their entire lives.

The truck was filled with soaking wet clothes as rained pinged off the car, the windows foggy from the heated breathing, the air filling with moans and groans as Daryl thrust in and out of Carol.

– – –

Daryl woke to knocking on glass, Carol was warm against him, her fingers still laced through his in her sleep. He didn't want to move, but the sound was persistent, so he pushed himself up, groaning from the light that shined directly into his eyes from the morning sun, and he saw T-dog on the other side of the glass, smirking.

Daryl flipped him off for smirking, and he grabbed his jeans, glancing over as Carol buried her face into her forearm, the blanket still covering her. He slipped his jeans on under the blanket then he grabbed his shirt and threw it on as T opened the trunk to let him out.

"Well, well, well." T chuckled.

"Shut up." He buttoned his shirt and went to see what was wrong with the car.

"When you told Carol you were comin', you meant it."

Daryl sent him a foul glare as he lifted the hood. "You gonna help me or what?"

"Seems like you got the job done yourself."

Carol had woken up when Daryl moved, so she heard the entire conversation that was happening just outside. She propped herself up on her elbow, looking at T with sleepy eyes, and she made sure the blanket covered her. "Twice."

The tool Daryl was holding clanged to the ground at Carol's worlds, fumbling and mumbling a curse, Daryl scrambled to grab it as T's brows rose, and Carol giggled, not at all ashamed as she dug her bra out of the backseat, wrapped up in the blanket.

"Go Carol."

"Son of a bitch!" Daryl exclaimed.

"Go before he hurts himself." Carol found her top and watched T go to help Daryl. She couldn't find her underwear, though. They were probably lodge somewhere. She decided to look for them later. She already had to shower and change when she got home anyway, so she lied down and shimmed her jeans on then her bra, glad they were dry—mostly dry, anyway. They were smelly and stiff, but they covered her. She grabbed her top and slipped it on, climbing out of the car as Daryl worked on tightening something with red cheeks, and T-dog was laughing.

"Let's not talk about this," Carol told T as Glenn stopped to see if they needed help. "Morning."

"Car trouble?" He got out, and so did Maggie.

"Carol, thank God you're all right!" She hugged her. "I got your call, but it was rainin' so bad, Glenn wouldn't let me come try and find you."

"It's okay," she assured her. "I'm okay."

"I'm glad. We'll never make you do this alone again. That's the worse part." Maggie squeezed her tightly. "I hate that you were alone through the storm. It sounded terrible."

"Uh, Daryl?" Glenn backed up. "You have...er...uh, panties stuck to your jeans."

"What?" He looked down and saw Carol's panties almost in the front pocket of his jeans, hanging out. "What the hell?"

Maggie held Carol at arm's length. "Carol?"

"What makes you think they're mine?" Carol demanded as Daryl tried to stuff them into his pocket and out of sight.

Maggie looked her sister over long and hard while Carol prayed she didn't figure it out, and Maggie narrowed her eyes, removing her hands from Carol's arms. "They're yours."

"Prove it," Carol challenged.

"You're wearing my jeans," she began. "I hate those jeans 'cause no matter what underwear I got on, the band shows. I see no band." She slapped Carol's stomach, which her shirt revealed some of as it wasn't pulled down all the way, and she crossed her arms. "Besides, look at your hair."

"Tsk, well." She walked away to close the truck, and Maggie followed. "Don't." She stuffed the blanket back inside.

"Don't what?"

"I don't know, just don't." She slammed the truck and held her hands out. "It's not what you think. We aren't...messing around. We—we still love each other."

She grinned her famous _I knew it_ grin. "You'll do it anywhere, won't you?"

"Excuse me?" She was trying to fix her hair in her reflection of the window.

"On a counter top, in a trunk, in the barn..."

"You and Glenn did it in the cafe last week," Carol shot back. "You spent forty-five minutes "throwing dishrags into the sink"? Come on, Mag."

"I wasn't judgin'," Maggie insisted. "I'm happy for y'all. I really am."

Carol bit her lip to repress the smile. "And guess what?"

"What?

"Ed—my dead husband—isn't Sophia's father. Daryl is."

Maggie covered her mouth with hands. "That is so great! I knew she had his eyes!" She moved her hands. "Aw, and y'all are back together too! Does she know?"

"Yes, I send her a text before I had sex with Daryl."

"Don't be a smartass."

"She doesn't know."

"Well, she'll be one happy little girl when she finds out."

"Yeah, she'll demand siblings too probably." Carol hoped not, though. She wasn't ready for that. She and Daryl were going to take it slow. Last night was...there. From here on out, it's slow. They still had a lot to rebuild.

"So..." She arched a brow, and Carol laughed. "How was your night?"

"Uh, wet." Carol laced her fingers together. "With the rain pouring on me. I still have mud cake in places it should never be."

"Oh, please don't spare any details," Maggie said monotone.

"He's big," Carol told her, tugging her shirt down the rest of the way. "Seriously."

Maggie laughed. "I didn't need to know _**that**_, Carol!"

Carol was confused for a moment. "Oh, well that too, but I meant body wise. He's...very well shaped, but he's so much bigger than me." She started blushing. "I love that, because when he holds me, it's like he's everywhere, protecting me."

Maggie nodded.

"When he thinks I'm asleep, his fingers will drift through my hair and down my neck. I get goosebumps even talking about it." She rubbed her hand over her arm. "And in his sleep, he nuzzles his face against my hair, and I can hear him breathing. It's more soothing than it sounds, I assure you."

Maggie hugged her, and Carol wondered why.

"Mag?"

"I'm so happy for you." She had tears in her eyes. "For both of you."

"That we had sex in the trunk of my car twice?" Carol eyed her.

"No, that you and Daryl worked it out." She released. "I was channeling my inner Beth."

She laughed. "Oh, please, Beth would hang a sign. She would write: _reunited and it feels so good. _I'll probably find one on my bathroom door when she finds out."

Maggie laughed. "I can see that."

Carol glanced at Maggie. "I'm very pleased that we worked it out too." She crossed her arms over her stomach. "I love him so much."

"We know."

"I figured."

"So...twice?" Maggie smirked, having a double meaning in that question, and Carol nodded. "Nice." She channeled her inner Glenn and high-fived Carol.


	24. Saving Me

"Stop splashing!" Amy covered her face. "Andrea!"

She laughed. "What? I can't stop her."

"Bah, Beth!" Amy pulled her legs out of the water. "I'll drown you."

"You'll have to catch me first." She dove underwater.

"Paige, sic her."

Paige sat against the window under the shade of the umbrella, looking over pictures. She had been silent since her nightmare the other night, and Amy couldn't get her to go swimming, just got the suit on her. At least she wasn't overheating.

"No, thanks," Paige whispered.

"All right." Amy heard the doorbell. "That must be Carol. I'll get it." She grabbed her lace cover up and hurried to get the door, tugging it over her head. She opened the door and smiled widely. "Hey."

"Sorry, we're late." Carol snatched the hat off Sophia's head. "She's embarrassed about her haircut."

"Mommy!" She reached for the hat.

"Oh, my gosh." Amy bent down. "That is adorable."

She blushed and ran into the house.

"She thinks it's too short." She shook her head. "Could you give me a hand?"

"With what?" Amy followed her over to her car.

"Just c'mere." Carol opened the trunk and pulled out a box. "Open it."

"A surprise gift? I love those." She smiled. "You didn't have to get me anything."

"It's from Shawn, actually."

"Shawn?" She opened the box and gasped.

"What?"

"Nothing." She closed it and grabbed it. "It's nothing."

"Should I be worried?"

"No, of course not. It's just...umm, I'll explain everything to you later." She stepped back. "Thank you for bringing me this. I need to send him a thank-you note."

Carol grabbed her bag and close the trunk. "So, who all is here?"

"Beth, Andrea, you girls, and Maggie is coming." She walked backwards. "Is Daryl not coming?"

"Daryl is pulling a massive disappearing act. He wasn't in bed this morning again. Sophia's starting to notice the change between us, and I have to tell her something. Maybe I can say it's me trying to root out what gift he's giving me for my birthday."

"You still haven't told her?" Amy frowned. "You need to tell her. She won't care if it's one or both of you, just as long as you tell her."

"I know, but I really want Daryl to be there."

"Sophia needs to do, and needs outweigh wants."

"I know. I'll tell her. Tonight, I promise."

"Don't promise me. I'm not the one sneaking around to have hot sex with my ex."

"We are not sneaking around."

"Uh-huh, sure you're not." She stepped inside the house. "So, how is it?"

"How is...what?" She crossed her arms.

"That good, huh?"

"Go put your secret box away."

She laughed as Carol blushed even more. "Help yourself to the drinks." She headed down the hall to her room. "Oh, and close the door!"

Carol turned and started to close the door, seeing someone across the street. She frowned. Was that...Merle? She tried to double check, but he was gone, so she closed the door. Weird, but so very like Merle.

Carol joined them in backyard, setting her bag by the table and smiling at Paige, who was curled up in the shade. "Hey, sweetheart."

She smiled back. "Hey."

"Why are you over here?" She sat down beside her.

"I don't wanna swim." She shrugged. "And I found this album."

"Can I look at the pictures with you?"

She nodded, moving closer. "Are these my grandparents? I know that's Dale."

"Oh, that's right; you met Dale yesterday. How was it?" She pushed her sunglasses up into her hair.

"He's nerdy, but I love him! He's really sweet." She smiled happily. "He's really smart and funny sometimes."

"Yeah, he is. My dad and he were friends. They went to school together."

"Oh, is this your dad?" Paige turned the page and pointed to a man by Dale.

"Yeah, that's my dad." She was stunned. She didn't know they had any pictures of her dad, let alone so young with Dale and Allen. They were at a Christmas party, and Andrea and Amy's Mom was there, Dale's wife, but Carol's mom wasn't there. They were so young, and probably not married yet—none of them were wearing wedding rings. Huh, they looked so happy.

"Shawn looks like him."

"He does."

"Was he a good dad?"

"He was the best. He was kind, supportive, funny and easygoing, but he could be strict when he needed to be."

"What happened to him?"

"He died when I was young."

"I'm sorry.

"Thanks." She put her arm around Paige and hugged her. "Okay, who else in here?"

Amy closed the door and saw Carol and Paige smiling while looking over the family album, and she smiled, glad to see her cheering up. She sat down beside Sophia. "Hey, kiddo."

She sighed. "Hi."

"Okay, that's not a happy hi." She nudged her shoulder. "It's a good haircut. It looks really good."

"No, it doesn't. I look like a boy."

"You look like Sophia."

Beth swam over to them. "What's with the frowny face?"

"She hates her haircut," Amy answered.

"Why? It's so cute."

"No, it's not." Sophia's tone was annoyed. "It's stupid."

"You wanna talk stupid?" Beth moved hair out of her face. "I got a haircut once, and the woman who cut my hair got it all wrong. I had zigzag bangs and my hair was so uneven. It looked like a toddler cut my hair. I had to wear a hat until it grew out. Hand me my phone, please, Am."

Amy grabbed it off the chair and flipped through her photo. "Oh—my god." She laughed. "Wow, that's bad."

"Lemme see." Sophia stood up, and Amy showed her. She started giggling.

"Yes, it was bad. Stop laughin'." Beth glared.

"I have to send this to my phone." Amy laughed.

"Amy, don't!" Beth climbed out of the pool and went after her. "Amy!"

"No running," Andrea called from where she lounged, tanning.

"Mommy." Sophia walked over to where she and Paige were, no longer hating her haircut as much. "What are you looking at?"

"We are looking at a photo album." She set Sophia in her lap so she could see. "Paige's going to meet grandparents tomorrow."

"Mommy wasn't ready on Grandma's birthday," Paige mumbled. "I'm scared."

"Don't be scared. It'll be fun."

"What if they don't like me?" Paige closed the album. "Mommy said they wouldn't like Merle."

"You are not Merle."

"But he's my father."

"They'll love you," Sophia assured her. "You're awesome and sweet and funny."

She smiled. "You too."

"Will you swim with us?"

"I don't know how."

"Oh, Andrea can teach you." Carol set her sunglasses on the table. "She taught me, and it's really easy."

"She won't let me drown?"

"Never." She called to her. "Andrea!"

"What?" She sat up, opening her eyes.

"Your niece wants to learn how to swim, and she wants you to be her teacher."

"Oh?" Andrea stood up. "You wanna learn?"

She swallowed hard.

"Hey, it's all right to trust me. I will hold your hands as long as you want, okay? Will you let me teach you?"

"...yes, please."

"Then get over here." Andrea slipped into the pool.

Paige set the album down and pulled her t-shirt off, kicking off her sandals. She walked over to her aunt and hesitated.

"I won't let you go." She held her hands out. "I swear. And you can see the bottom, and we're all right here."

She set her foot in the water then immediately pulled it back out. "Can—can we go slow?"

"We can take as long as you need."

"Okay." She took Andrea's hands and tried the steps again.

"Amy, give it!" Beth jumped on her back and reached for her phone.

"Okay, okay!" She let her take it.

"Thank you."

"You weight more than you look."

"Hey, girls, watch out." She pushed Amy into the pool.

"Hey! I'm trying to teach Paige how to swim, and she's scared enough as it is." Andrea scolded. "Can you please can your age?"

"Sorry."

Amy surfaced, pushing hair out of her face and wiping water from her eyes. "Beth."

"You had it comin'." She set her phone on the table and looked at her older sister. "You gettin' in?"

"Oh, no. I may soak my feet, but that's it." Carol folded Paige's and Sophia's shirts.

"What? Who comes to a pool party and only gets their feet wet?"

"Uh, well me." She shrugged.

"Carol, don't be ashamed of your body. I know it's...different."

She blinked and narrowed her eyes. "Different?"

"Since you had Sophia. Stretch marks and all," Beth quickly covered. "No one here is goin' to judge you."

"I'm fine just putting my feet in."

"Not acceptable." Amy rested her arms on the hot ground. "You have to get in here. I bought two swimsuits last night; you can wear the one piece. It's really cute and covers your back and torso."

"I don't want to swim."

"It's only gonna get hotter," Beth reminded her. "You'll seriously melt before you swim?"

"Yes."

"We'll see." Beth slipped back into the pool.

"I'm going to make drinks." Carol walked over to the door. "Who wants some?"

"As long as there's no alcohol, I'll take one." Amy gathered her hair and wrung it out, walking towards to the steps.

"Same for me," Beth chimed in.

"I have a drink." Andrea gave Paige an encouraging smile.

"Okay. I'll get the girls some fruit punch."

The door opened, Carol jumped back and Merle fell onto his face on the hot cement, and Maggie stood behind him, arm extend out like she'd just shoved him.

"Who claims the prev?" Maggie asked.

Merle sat back on his knees, sending her a foul glare then noticed the others. He didn't see much of Beth, who was by the wall of the pool, or Carol, who still wore clothes, but he saw Andrea in her skimpy, flesh tone bikini. Then his eyes moved to Amy as she came out of the pool in this sexy little cream-colored bikini that appreciated her tits and hips.

"I do." She wrapped a towel around herself as he stood up, and she pushed him back inside, closing the door. "What the hell are you doing here?!"

He thought quickly. "Just came by to talk."

"To talk?" She didn't believe him. "About what? We have nothing to talk about. You made it perfectly clear what you wanted, and it wasn't our daughter, so just get out!"

"Keep your voice down!" He saw Paige watching them through the window. "Just let me explain."

"Then talk quickly."

"Look, I just want to..." To what? What could he tell her? He was going to watch her every move to make sure no one tried to hurt her kid? She would just lash out and say she didn't need protecting. How was he going to work this?

"Just want to what?" She crossed her arms, eying him.

"I wanted to see how you settled in, make sure y'all were all right."

"Oh, bullshit! We've been here for how long now? A month almost? And you don't care how we've settled in." She glared. "You know what, I don't care why you're here. Just get out! Don't ever show your face here again."

"Mommy?" Paige peered in, hidden mostly by the door.

"Paige!" She turned.

Merle looked her over. She looked cute, her hair in pigtails and she was wearing a pink swimsuit. She had legs, just like her mom. She was going to be tall one day. Part of him wanted to see that day, but another part knew it was best that he didn't.

"Hi." She looked at him.

"Hi." His voice was rough, so he cleared his throat. "How are you?"

"You don't get to ask that," Amy growled. "Baby, go and let Andrea teach you how to swim. I just need to talk to Merle for a second."

"She can't swim?"

"No." Why was she talking to him?

Paige walked over to him. "I know you don't like me, and I'm sorry."

"Paige—"

"No, it's okay. I have my aunts and Daryl and Dale and you, Mommy." She glanced at her mom. "I just want to hug him goodbye. Can I?"

Amy gave him a pleading look.

He nodded. "'Course." His voice was thick. She thought he didn't like her. Of course she did. He ran out on her, and he didn't even give an excuse as to why. She probably thought he didn't want her, and even if it was true at the time, it wasn't now. He just couldn't let his life ruin hers. He couldn't.

She reached up with her arms, and he bent down and hugged her. She was so small, and she smelled like pool water and sunscreen, but goddamn, she was so small. He and Amy had created this little girl. God damn. He fell to his knees and held her tighter, feeling her little hands on his shoulders. He felt... Shit, he didn't know. He thought he might actually lose his shit for a moment, but he forced it back. She didn't need to see him cry, and he sure as hell wasn't going to let Amy see him cry. How long was he allowed to hold her, he wondered.

Amy watched as Merle accepted her hug, and her eyes burned when he just...fell to his knees and held her closer. She'd done many things with Merle and to Merle, but never hugged him. Sometimes when she felt lonely, she'd move his arms around her and pretend he was holding her, but it wasn't real. It wasn't an actual hug. He didn't like them, and yet...there he was, prolonging hugging his daughter. She knew then what he had been doing, and she was both grateful and aggravated. He was so challenging sometimes. God, he could make it all so easy if he would just...

She exhaled softly as Paige finally let him go.

She kissed his cheek, feeling his rough stubble, and she stepped back. "Bye, Merle."

He said nothing as she turned and returned to her aunt and her lesson. He swallowed hard and stood up. "Sorry to interrupt y'all's fun."

"That's okay." She gave him a small smile. "Now get outta here." She said it softly, but still meant it.

He inhaled deeply and walked out the front door.

Amy followed and locked the door behind him, resting the back of her head against the firm wood. _God, that man_. She shook her head. _No. No, no, no, no._ She groaned and pushed off the door. Don't go there. Do not go there!

She removed the towel and stepped out the back door. "Sorry about that."

"You all right?" Maggie frowned at the look in her eyes.

"Yes, I am." She smiled. "Help me to get Carol into a bathing suit. She doesn't swim apparently."

"Oh, bull." Maggie looked at her. "You, upstairs now."

"Why don't you help your daughter swim, Am?" Carol replied. "Oh, and Mag, work on tanning your abs."

"I always wanted abs," Amy commented. "Now, I want her in the pool. You get her legs."

"What?" Carol backed up. "You're joking, right?"

"No."

"Andrea!" Carol pleaded.

"Just don't throw her in down here, okay?" Andrea had finally gotten Paige off the steps. "It's okay, I'm right here."

"I got her arms." Amy smirked.

"Guys, don't. Stop!" She turned and ran away.

"Go!" Maggie pointed behind them. "Cut her off!"

Beth laughed as they cornered Carol, watching Sophia and making sure she didn't go too far in. "Run, Carol."

"Please, don't!" Carol dodged Amy and ran around to the other side. "I'm making drinks, so stop!" She hurried inside, and they laughed.

"After the drinks are made," Amy whispered.

"Yeah." Maggie nodded, taking a seat in the shade.

"Hey, Am, give me a hand," Andrea called.

"I suck at teaching people how to swim." She got into the water. "But don't worry, I won't let you go, baby."

"Come hold her hands, so I can hold her stomach."

"All right." Amy switched placed with Andrea and Andrea got out of the pool. "Andrea!"

"Relax." She sat on the edge. "You'll do fine."

She huffed. "Okay, just float, yeah? Then we'll kick water into Andrea's face."

"Just try." Andrea smirked.

"All right. You're out of ice." Carol didn't dare go outside. "I'm gonna go get some."

"I'll come." Maggie hopped up. "We don't have tomatoes for the burgers."

"You're driving."

"Only if you swim."

"Mag."

"Carol."

"We'll see."

"Yes, we will, 'cause I'm relentless." She grabbed the keys and headed out to her car. "Normally, I'd suggest swimmin' in your bra and panties, but the kids shouldn't see what lacy unmentionables you're wearin' for Daryl these days."

"Ha ha ha. Screw you." Carol pulled the front door closed.

"It would appear I ain't the only one who looks damn good in black lace."

"Is this what the entire ride is going to be like?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Great. What's next? Our positions?"

"There's more than one? Go Daryl."

She flushed. "I—Shut up and drive!"

She laughed and teased Carol the entire drive to the store. Carol quipped right back, but Maggie had a dirty mind. Carol did as well, once the embarrassment subsided, and they were both teasing each other about Glenn and Daryl and lacy unmentionables.

"All right, I'll get the ice and frozen yogurt."

"I thought we came for ice and tomatoes." Carol closed the door.

"We did, but frozen yogurt sounds really good, don't you think?"

"Get two kinds, just for variety."

She nodded. "I'll meet you at the checkout counter."

Carol found the vegetables and looked over the selection of tomatoes. It'd been easier to go to the farm and get tomatoes, but it would've taken longer, and she didn't want Maggie to try and find her a swimsuit. She loved swimming—she and Daryl used to swim all the time—but now her body was scarred and she didn't want to explain why. She wasn't ready for them to know. It kind of made her mad that Amy was trying to get her to change when she knew about the abuse. Once piece or not, Carol just didn't feel confident enough.

She smiled to herself, remembering the other night with Daryl. Sophia was over at Andrea's for the night, so Carol went over to Daryl's to spend the night. He'd just taken his shirt off and kissed her with such a hunger it made her body tingle to even think about it, and he pulled her shirt up. He'd never really looked at her scars before, because she would always turn his attention elsewhere; but that night, he looked them over closely, making her so uncomfortable. He slowly leaned and kissed every single scar on her stomach, taking his time, running his lips across them. It was the only time she didn't hate them.

_**Tomatoes**__! Right. _She shook her head and grabbed three of the best ones and met Maggie at the checkout counter. She set the bag down beside the ice and yogurt. "Hey, I'm gonna run across the street and get iced tea. Do you want one?"

"If they have raspberry, yes. Thanks."

She weaved through the crowd, hurried across the street and into the Rhee's pizza shop. She smiled at Glenn and asked for two raspberry iced teas. His sister, Fayte, made it from scratch. It was the best in town, and she only made for maybe May, June and July. She hadn't had one in years, and it sounded so good.

"Here. It's on the house."

"You sure?" She frowned.

"Yes. I get food from the Greene Leaf all the time for free." He smiled.

"Well, thank you." She returned his smile. "How's your day been?"

"Eh." He shrugged, handing her two straws. "It'll be better when I get off."

"I know what you mean." She pushed the straws through the holes in the lids and tossed the wrappers into the trash. "Have a good day. I'll see you later. Thank you, again."

"Watch yourself crossing the street, and you're welcome!"

She returned to the car, leaning against the trunk as Maggie and Haley spoke, ringing up their items. She squinted in the sunlight and sipped on the delicious tea. She saw a woman a few feet away and nearly choked on the tea, her heart stopping.

Elizabeth Blake or Peletier or whatever her last name was standing across the street, holding the hat she wore down so the wind wouldn't blow it away, and she was talking to someone, turning.

"Hey, scoot." Maggie saw the fear in Carol's eyes. "What?"

The woman turned, and it wasn't Elizabeth.

"Nothing." She cleared her throat and picked up Maggie's drink so she could unlock the trunk. "It's nothing." Oh, thank you, God. If Phillip had found her or if Eliza was here on vacation, she would've been screwed. She knew Eliza didn't know about the abuse, and she would demand Carol go back to Ed and try to work it out. She would say how Carol was violating his rights as Sophia's "father", and she might even call Ed.

Thank God it wasn't her. She pushed hair out of her eyes. That took years off her life. Gosh.

– – –

Carol woke up for no reason that morning. She moaned sleepily, seeing it was still pretty early. She rolled over, feeling Daryl's arm around her back, and she nuzzled her face against the pillow, trying to fall back asleep, but she was up now.

Daryl began to rouse behind her, his legs moving between hers, and he exhaled softly. "What time is it?"

"Ten." She pushed hair out of her face. "Where's Sophia?"

"Floor." He gestured to her side.

She leaned over and found Sophia curled up on a pile of pillows and Bella coiled up in her arms. She ruffled her hair gently then yawned. "I'll make some coffee...sometime." She didn't want to move. She never wanted to move when Daryl held her in his arms. "No, I gotta change." She tried to sit up, but he didn't let her. "Daryl, stop."

He kissed her shoulder. "She's sleepin'." He kissed her lightly.

"We have rules." She pulled back. "No kissing in front of Sophia, asleep or awake. Since you bailed last night, she still doesn't know, so stop it."

He studied her face, not speaking.

"What?" She rubbed her eyes with the heel of her hands, and she found him still watching her. "Do I have drool on my face?" She wiped at her mouth. "Did I get it?"

He grasped her hand. "Move in with me."

"What?" She laughed.

"Move in with me."

She gulped when she realized he was serious. "Daryl... We _just_ started dating. We said we weren't going to rush into anything. That's rushing. We have to take this slow."

"Says who?"

"Everybody."

"You ain't everybody."

"Daryl." Her tone said no.

He released her, sitting up and moving off the bed.

"Daryl." She crawled to the edge of the bed. "Look at me. Please?"

His eyes flickered to hers as he stood in the doorway to the bathroom. "What?"

"I love you so, so much, but this is too soon. We haven't even gone on a date." She ran a hand through her hair, pushing it out of her face. "I'm not saying one date, and we're living together, but it's a step in that direction."

"Fine. We'll go on a date tonight. Dinner...'bout six?"

"I do owe you."

He smirked. "Yeah, you do."

"I'll go make some coffee." She hopped up and kissed him. "Good morning, by the way."

"Morin'."

She headed downstairs in a tank top and underwear. She wondered how Sophia went from sleeping in between them to being on the floor. Surely, she didn't climb down to just sleep on the floor. Carol didn't want to think about accidentally kicking her off the bed either. Maybe Daryl set her down so she could use the bathroom or something.

She watched as the pot filled with coffee, her arms folded on the counter, and she sighed, feeling a smile cross her lips. She wasn't ready to live with him just yet, but she knew she would in time. She loved waking up to him.

Daryl came downstairs with Sophia and set her down on one of the stools with a back and grabbed three bowls. "Cornflakes or frosted?"

"Frosted, please." She gently ran her fingers over Bella's back.

"Here, honey." Carol took Bella and set her on the floor by her food. "I'll get the milk."

"Do you want an apple or grapefruit?" Daryl set the bowls down along with a box of cereal.

"Apple." Carol grabbed the milk, three spoons, and a knife. "Do you want granola, Sophia?"

"No, I have my cereal."

"Mmm'kay." She sat down, placing the milk down.

Daryl handed Carol the granola and an apple before taking his seat. He shook out frosted cereal into two bowls then poured milk over them, sliding a bowl over to Sophia. He picked up his spoon and glanced at Carol as she peeled the apple then began to eat.

"All right." Carol swallowed. "Sophia, we need to talk to you."

"What?" Daryl tensed. "Now?"

"It's now or never. Besides, we're all here." She ate a slice of apple, tossing the peelings into the trashcan behind her. "Okay, you've noticed something different between us, right?"

Sophia nodded, not wanting to talk with her mouth full.

"Well, it's nothing's bad. We're not fighting or anything." She reached over and took his hand. "Your father and I are...back together. We're dating again."

She stopped chewing and looked from her mom to her dad and back again.

"We meant to tell you sooner, but you know, things happen, and we got busy. We wanted to tell you together, so..." She looked over Sophia's face. "Are you okay, Sophia?"

She swallowed hard. "You're back together?"

"Yeah." Daryl nodded. "Are you okay with that?"

"Okay with it?" She slowly smiled. "Yeah, yes, I am!" She started grinning. "Oh, my gosh, this is amazing! I've been waiting forever for this!"

"We're sorry we're stupid and took so long."

"It's okay!" She squealed.

"Breathe, Sophia." Carol laughed.

"Are you gonna get married?"

"Okay." She released his hand. "Sophia, baby, we're just dating right now. Maybe one day, we might get married and move in here, but I don't know yet. We are taking our relationship slow, so we don't end up rushing into something."

She pursed her lips, disappointed, but nodded.

Daryl glanced at Carol then ate another spoonful of cereal.

"Hey, Daddy?" Sophia shifted on the stool.

"Hmm?"

"Can you teach me...how to ride a bike?"

"You wanna learn?"

She nodded.

"I can try to teach you. I ain't ever had a bike, just the motorcycle, but I can try. Can't be that hard."

Carol held a hand up. "Let me buy knee pads and elbow pads and any other protective wear first, please."

"We don't even got the bike yet."

"There's one at the farm. Shawn, me, Beth and Mag learned how to ride on it. My dad was too worried to let us learn for some unknown reason, so Hershel taught us."

Sophia looked confused. "But Grandpa is your dad."

"Yes, Grandpa is my dad, but by marriage. My real father died when I was younger. Grandma married Hershel."

"Oh."

"Shit, I'm late." He shoveled in two big spoonfuls of cereal, chewed and swallowed without choking himself. "Yeah, I'll give a buck later."

"Two," Sophia reminded him. "You used the d-word last night."

"And the GD-word," Carol teased.

He grabbed his boots. "I'll pay later."

Carol joined him by the door. "We won't be home today, so if you need me call."

"Why?"

"Amy wants to meet her parents first, so I'm taking the girls to the mall for a couple of hours while she does that."

"All right." He leaned down and kissed her briefly, because Sophia was watching, and he grabbed the jacket behind Carol. "See you tonight."

"I'll leave a note to tell you where to meet me." She smiled. "Drive safe."

"I will, woman, damn."

"Keep it up, and your entire paycheck will be mine."

"I'm goin'. Bye, Sophia."

"Bye."

Carol stepped out with him, leaving the door cracked, and she kissed him briefly. "I look forward tonight." She watched him disappear into the garage then drive off. She slipped back inside.

– – –

"We're having dinner with them tonight, I promise." Amy sat in Carol's car, speaking to Paige who was whining about not being able to go with her mom. "I'll call you when...it's calm."

Carol nodded. "Just take a breathe. It's all right."

She exhaled. "I'm going to throw up." She opened the door.

"Aim for the bushes."

She inhaled deeply. "I will see you soon, honey."

Paige huffed. "Sure."

Amy stood up, too terrified to even hear her daughter's bitterness, and she closed the door, walking up to the gate. She took a deep breathe and pushed the buzzer, knowing Andrea and Dale were already inside and waiting for her.

"Come in." It was Dale.

She glanced back at Carol as the gates opened. "I can't—"

"You can! You march your butt up that drive and go see them!" She locked the car doors. "You can do this, just don't think about it and go!"

"Okay, yeah, I can totally do this." She swallowed and headed inside, the weight of her leaving slammed into her, and she felt so queasy. She heard Carol drive off, and she knew there was no turning back. "Okay." She walked up the brick path, the scent of the flowers calming her nerves a little, and she saw the front door. The black, shiny paint with the gold-colored lion-head knocker and the three letters she'd never forgotten.

Summoning her courage, she lifted her chin and walked over to the door, ringing the doorbell, hearing the chime inside. She smoothed her dress out, tugging her black jacket closed. She'd spent four hours in her sister's closet trying to find the perfect outfit. She'd settled on this. It was a navy blue, sleeveless dress with a swingy, layered hem. If her legs sweat, she hoped the skirt's design would create some air flow when she walked.

She'd even put on makeup to accentuate her eyes and to make her look her age, mature. She'd curled her hair the way her mom used to like, and she wore the ring her father had given her for her fifteen birthday. She was surprised she'd kept it, but she was glad she did. It was a nice reminder of before, and hopefully would let him see she was still his daughter. Hopefully.

The door opened, her stomach dropped, because there stood Allen Horvath. His once blond hair was graying now, his face older, but he was still handsome and businessman-looking. He still wore those black pants with a sweater and undershirt. He hadn't changed one bit, had he? The only difference were his eyes. They held a sadness that she saw before they began to fill with tears at the sight of her.

"A—Amy?" His voice was barely above a whisper, and it was heavy with disbelief and relief.

"Hi, Dad." She smiled.

"My darling girl." He wrapped his arms around her, and she was suffocated by his hug. "Oh, thank God, thank God, thank God." His entire body shook as he sobbed happy tears. She was all right. She was right in front of him, solid and warm in his arms. He'd dreamed of this moment for five long years, imagining all of the ways they would met and all the ways he and she would react. He had even dreamed of the other outcome; his heart would race every time someone knocked on the door when they weren't expecting company, fearing it was the police there to tell them they'd found Amy's body.

"Let me look at you." He released her. "Gracious, look at you. You're so beautiful, and—and tall." She smiled as he stared at her, her fearing leaving her entirely as he did. "You look just like your mother." He pulled her in for another hug.

"Dad?"

"Mmm?"

"I can't breathe."

"Right." He let her go and stepped aside. "Please, come inside."

"Thanks." She stepped inside. The house hadn't changed. It was still gorgeous, massive and had that smell of old books she loved. She saw Andrea and Dale in the den having a glass of Scotch that Merle would die to taste.

_Wait, what? Merle? She was thinking of Merle? Why was she thinking of Merle?_

"Andrea, Dale, look who it is!" He guided her into the den, as giddy as a child on Christmas after getting the gift he'd "inconspicuously" told his parents he wanted. He sighed after seeing their phony surprised faces. "You both have already seen her."

"Sorry, Dad." Andrea smiled a little. "She came to me last month, and—"

"Last **month**?!" he exclaimed. "And I'm only finding out—No, no, no. It's all right. Better later than never."

"Where's Mom?" Amy scanned the room.

"Resting upstairs." He motioned for her to sit. "I'll get her in a moment. Can I get you something to drink? Scotch? Wine? Do you like wine?"

"I don't drink."

"Water then?"

"That'd be great."

"I'll be right back." He looked at her as if he thought she was going to disappear the moment he left the room, but he went to her water personally.

"So far so good." Amy removed her jacket and set it on her legs when she took a seat. "How...is she today?"

"A little tired." Dale sat on the sofa. "You're nervous?"

"Very." She crossed her legs and rested her hands on her knee. "This place hasn't changed at all."

"You should see your old room." Andrea set her glass down. "It's practically a shrine."

"They kept my room?" Amy sounded amazed. "I have to see it before I leave."

"Leave?" Allen returned with a glass of ice water. "You're going?"

"Not yet." She accepted the water. "We were just talking about my old room. You and Mom didn't give my stuff to charity?"

"It was all we had left of you; we weren't going to part with it." He sat down in the chair across from her. "So, tell me how you've been. You look very healthy, very fit. Are you still dancing?"

"I dance from time to time—nothing professional or anything, just for me for now." She met his eyes. "I've been busy with a lot of things."

"What type of things? Anything I can help with?"

"No, no. I quit my job, so I'm trying to find a job that I actually am passionate about. It's been difficult."

"Oh? What job was this?"

"At a preschool."

His eyebrows rose. "A preschool? Why at a preschool? Last time I saw you, you weren't fond of children." He then frowned. "Did you go to college? Or even graduate from high school?"

"No, I did not go to college. I do have my high school diploma."

"That's fantastic." He smiled. "We can get you into college immediately. You're an intelligent girl, and I'm sure... What is it?"

"I...can't go to college right now, and if I do, I don't want you paying for it. I'm not a child; I can pay my own fees."

"College isn't going to be easy, and you won't be able to save up enough money."

"Well, I have time. I'm only twenty-two. I'll manage."

He nodded. "If you need help, please call me. I'll help."

"Dad, I didn't come back to take your money, and you can't buy me back."

"I—I'm not trying to. I just want to help you."

"I need to refresh this." Andrea stood up, referring to her drink. "Come help me with that, Dale."

They bolted from the room, Amy set the glass of water down on the table under a coaster, and Allen laced his fingers together, elbows on his knees. There was an awkward silence, and Amy would rather the fear come back. She hated silences like these.

"So...you're not here to deny my help; what brings you here after all these years?"

"I wanted...to talk to you and Mom. I wanted to see how you were doing." She didn't look at him.

"Well, it's not been great, Amy." His tone wasn't blaming, but it wasn't gentle either. "Your mother seems to be flirting with the edge lately. She hasn't spoken in years, rarely eats, and she spends most of her time staring out into the back garden where you and Andrea used to play as girls."

"Andrea told me about that." She lifted her eyes. "She also told me about your drinking."

"Yes, well, I no longer have a drinking problem; I only drink on certain occasions now, like when I need to make a toast." He rubbed his hands together. "I keep drinks here for my business associates, and for when Dale and Andrea come over for dinner."

She nodded.

"You can't even begin to imagine how this feels," he said softly, looking at her. "Five years of "what ifs" and wondering if perhaps someone took you and you didn't just run away, wondering if someone was hurting you or..." he didn't finish. "But to see you sitting right across from me... I'm not sure how I feel. Relieved and thankful, but...also outraged. How could you just leave? Were we such bad parents? You didn't even write a note for us to know what the hell happened to you."

She blinked hard. "I didn't think you'd notice, if I'm being honest."

"Didn't think I'd—You're my daughter. I raised you, changed your diapers, soothed your fevers and endured your ever tantrum. You were challenging at times, but you were still and always will be my daughter. I'll love you no matter what, and I apologize for never...for never being there when you needed me to be there. When you needed us to be there."

Tears formed in her eyes. "I—I know you loved me, but it was just easier if I told myself you hated me. I'm the one who should be sorry." Her voice broke. "I never meant to hurt you or Mom. I love you both so much, and I—I let you suffer, because I was selfish. I'm sorry, Dad."

He sat beside her on the sofa. "We both made mistakes, and we suffered for them. I'm the one mostly at blame. I never was there for you, and I am so sorry. If I could go back and change it all, I would."

She wiped at her eyes, not wanting to get into it with him then with her mother. "I need to talk to you and to Mom together. It's kind of important. May...may I see her?"

"Yes, but...take a minute." He wiped a tear from her cheek.

She nodded and took a deep breathe. "I'm okay." She would save her tears when she told them about Merle and Tomas. They would have to understand what happened before they met Paige. If they didn't, they would only see Paige this once, and that would be it. Her mistakes brought her the most amazing gift, and nothing would ever make her turn back time. They needed to understand that.

Walking up the stairs, Amy saw all of the photos that had taken after she left. The annual family photos were so dreary; it made her chest tighten. The school photos of Andrea were nice, but some of the smiles were forced. She noticed they didn't even have a Christmas photo from the year she left. Damn, they _always_ took a Christmas photo. Through sickness, snowstorms and acne, they took a Christmas photo.

"Through here. We moved her into the guest bedroom, so she'd have a better view of the garden, get some light." He opened the door and Amy peered inside, seeing her mother lying in bed, reading an old book. "Go ahead."

Her mother's long hair was braided over her shoulder, and unlike her father, she still had her original blonde hair color. Her face was too old her age however; she had horrible bags, and her eyes were darker than Amy remembered. She looked like Amy's grandmother, who was ninety-seven when Amy was six. Still, even with all of that, she looked so very beautiful, a picture of elegance, lying there in a silk blue nightgown. She looked as if someone was painting her. It would be a breathtaking portrait.

"Mom?" Amy slowly closed the space between them. "Mother?"

Her mom's eyes began to fill with tears as the sound of her little girl's voice, and she lowered the book, daring herself to look over. She was terrified this was just a dream as it had been so many times before. She didn't want to be teased only to wake with empty arms in the darkness of her room. She couldn't handle that.

"Mom?" She lowered herself down onto her knees by the bed, setting a tentative hand over her mother's. "It's me, Mom. It's really me." Her eyes filled with tears. "It's—"

"A—Amy?" Her voice was a croak, very rough and dry, but it was her voice. The voice Amy had dreamed of reprimanding her when they finally found her, the voice that would tell her to get in the car and that would ground her forever.

She nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Yes."

She turned to look at her, and she hugged her. There were no need for words now. She just needed to hold her daughter in her arms.

––

After two painfully long hours of Amy explaining to them what happened with Tomas and Merle and Andrew, they were beginning to understand...that she was talking. She didn't how they felt about it; she wasn't exactly thrilled about what she did either, but she had Paige, so she was glad it did. She really could've lived without having sex with Tomas, but that's what drove her to Merle.

"Explain something to me." Her mother accepted the hot tea Andrea offered her, and Andrea climbed onto the bed beside Amy, giving Dale two sugar cubes. "Isn't Merle Dixon ten years older than his brother who is the same age as Carol?"

"He's eight years older." Amy bit her bottom lip.

"And...you're three years younger than Carol..."

"Look, it's not a big deal." Amy held her hands up. "Yes, it wasn't legal, but it was willing, so no rape. No!" She cut her father off when he started shaking his head. "We aren't going to argue over this. It happened, okay? Just move on, please."

"And he took care of you?" Allen asked.

"Yes. He took very good care of me."

"But he turn you on to drugs," Maura argued. "How was that good for you?"

"Merle didn't really turn me onto drugs; I took a few pills from his stash, so...I got me into drugs. He just...provided them."

"And you're clean now?" Allen frowned, disbelieving. "How?"

"I wasn't doing meth, okay, Dad? I dabble here and there, but I was smart about it." She tucked hair behind her ear. "And I got clean because I had no choice."

"You were rehabilitated?" Maura set the spoon she'd used to mix honey into her tea down on the tray.

"No, no." She rested her hands on her ankles. "I got pregnant."

Total silence. Her parents' mouth were gaping at her with wide eyes, and they had no words. They weren't sure what to say, and Amy didn't know if they were taking this well or not. She checked the time on her watch, and Carol would be there in ten minutes.

"P—pre—pregnant?" Allen finally managed. "He—got you pregnant?"

She nodded.

"Why weren't you using protection? Have you gotten yourself checked? Merle Dixon is probably—"

"I don't have any STDs, and we were using condoms." God, this is awkward. They never had the sex talk with her, and there she was saying 'condoms'. Man, this was just two steps from being hell. "We just..." _No, no, no. __**Lie**__._ "It broke, I assume. I left him after he brought home another woman, and I found out I was pregnant."

"Another woman? How classy. What did he intend—?"

"Dad!" Amy glared. "Don't even."

"We have a grandchild?" Her mom was smiling.

"You have a granddaughter."

"A granddaughter." She got all tear-eyed. "Well, how old is she? What's her name? Where is she? Do you have a picture?"

"She's five." Amy cursed silently remembering her phone was in her jacket pocket downstairs. "I don't have my phone with me, or I'd show you. Um, her name is Paige."

"She's beautiful," Andrea assured them. "And so sweet and intelligent."

"And she's coming over for dinner," Dale added.

"She—she's coming over for dinner?" her mother paled. She needed to shower, needed to change and look decent. She wouldn't have her own grandchild think her grandmother was a slob. "Oh, my goodness. What are we even having for dinner?"

"Fish." Her dad seemed stuck on the fact that his baby had a baby.

"Paige loves fish, so don't worry." Amy slid off the bed. "She's on her way over here by now, so I'm going to wait for her by the door."

"I'll wait with her." Andrea hopped up and they left together. "You just scared the shit out of them."

"I know. Did you see Mom? She's so pale."

"I don't know if they'll let Merle having sex with you go."

"After they meet Paige, I don't think that will be a problem."

"Let's hope so."

"Well, if they disown me after all of that, I'm stealing their best crystal and pawning it to pay for my new house. If I ever find a house."

"You're looking?"

"I can't mooch off you forever. I need to get back on my feet, and I'm sorta doing it now. I just hope it pays off."

"What are you sorta doing?"

"You'll see. I don't want to jinx it, so I'm not saying anything."

"I can feel the suspense now."

She smiled. "You have a whole month, so enjoy."

"You're just evil."

She giggled and heard the buzzer. She opened the gate and went out to meet her daughter halfway. She picked her up. "Okay, you ready?"

"Yes."

"Good. They're just dying to meet you."

"That's good, right?"

"Yes, it's good."

They returned to the house, Andrea and Amy showed Paige around while her mother made herself presentable and her father accepted the fact that he was grandfather with a lot of help from Dale. She showed Paige her old bedroom, and it was as if Amy had just stepped out two minutes ago, not five years ago.

"Wow." Paige went over to her mom's vanity and opened the jewelry box. "How pretty." She pulled out a mermaid necklace.

"That was my favorite necklace when I was younger." She took a seat beside her on the cushioned bench. "Do you like it?"

She nodded.

"Well, here." She took the necklace and fastened it around her daughter's neck. "That looks better on you."

She touched the mermaid and smiled. "Why didn't you take it with you?"

"I only took clothes with me. I was wearing this ring at the time." She looked through the drawers and found all of her jewelry still inside. "I'll never wear these."

"Why not?"

"Most of them are fantasy creatures, and I'm too old for them." She moved Paige's hair back and held an earring over her ear. "You want to get your ears pierced?"

"Does it hurt?"

"No, but you don't have to."

"Can we do it before...you know?"

"How do you know?" Amy stared.

"I heard you talking on the phone."

"You need to stop eavesdropping." Amy smiled though. "Yes, we can. We can use these diamond earrings. Or do you want to pick a different pair?"

"No, those are fine." She turned and looked around. "Is that you?" She hopped up and went over to the pictures on Amy's desk.

She turned on the bench. "Yes. I was two years older than you."

"You were pretty then too."

"Aww, thanks." She glanced over her room. "I rarely spent time in here."

"You didn't?" She picked up a picture of her mom and aunt.

"No, I was always out. I loved nature—I still do." She rose and walked over to her closet, opening it. "I wonder if any of these still fit."

"Mommy?"

"Yes?" Amy poked her head out of her closet.

"Can I keep this?" She held up a yearbook.

"Yeah, I doubt they'll mind."

She nodded and set it on bed, joining her mom in her closet. "Oh, my gosh!"

"I know. I loved clothes way too much." She held a silk blouse over her, and it might still fit. "I may have to take some of these. Poor as I am, I need good-looking clothes for interviews." She saw the different types of shoes that filled almost an entire wall, and checked the size. Most of them wouldn't fit, but some might. She needed to get her parents to donate them to charity. They were going to waste up here. These clothes as well.

"Look, Mommy."

She turned and smiled. "You look beautiful, like a proper lady."

She giggled, wearing long white gloves and a white top hat that Amy had to wear for a high school dance performance. "Why did you leave?" She couldn't understand. Her mom had all of nice things here—a bed, clothes, pretty jewelry, Aunt Andrea, Dale, her parents. Why did she leave?

"I will tell you the whole story one day." She grabbed the black top hat. "Until then, I think you need a dress for that hat, mi'lady."

She giggled again. "You too."

They dressed up and played in her closet until her father came and told her dinner was ready. They were dancing to music and almost didn't hear, because they were still in the closet and laughing loudly. When Allen saw Amy in some of her old clothes and dancing, he almost thought it was five years ago. Almost.

"We'll right down." Amy removed the hat and tugged at the gloves; he nodded and left. "You can keep that on, but I need to change."

"But you look great!"

"Yes, but I can't sit down. I'll be right out."

Paige stepped out of the closet, setting the hat on the bed by the yearbook, while her mom changed. Once she replaced the clothes, she closed the door and they left the room. They headed to the dining room as dinner was being served, and Maura and Allen couldn't stop staring at Paige. Amy hoped it wasn't because of the outfit.

"There." Amy set the knife down and Paige began to eat the smaller bites of buttered potatoes.

"So, Paige, how are you?"

She looked at her grandmother. "A little nervous." It'd really hit her when they came downstairs.

"Oh, please don't be nervous."

_Easier said than done,_ Amy thought as she ate a bite of fish, sharing a look with Andrea.

"How do you like school?" Allen asked.

"I like school. Me and my friend Sophia are the smartest in our class." She was proud of it.

"That's incredible." He cleared this throat. "And your favorite subject?"

"Math."

The questioning went on and on, but with each question, the tension in the air shrunk. Paige felt like they were friends, not family, but that was okay for now. They were still family no matter how she felt, and one day, they would feel like family to her.

– – –

"Big date?" Annette hovered by the door to her oldest daughter's room.

"Yes."

Beth was on the bed, legs crossed, looking over what little jewelry Carol had. She was going to have to dig something out of her jewelry box. Carol seriously needed more options. "So, which dress?" Beth tried on Carol's rings.

"I like the slip dress," Maggie commented, sitting on the desk. "It's sexier."

"It's slutty," Beth shot back. "I like the longer one with the eyelet."

"So helpful." Carol rubbed lotion over her arm.

"We agree on the shoes," Maggie reminded her.

"Okay, I'll just wear the shoes to the restaurant then."

"I'm sure he'd appreciate it." Beth smirked.

Annette shook her head. "What's wrong with the slip, Beth?"

"It's so slutty."

"They're not going to a business meetin'," Maggie argued. "It's not slutty. It's classy and sexy. Besides, he already knows what's underneath."

Beth giggled.

"I remember when I could walk by and only hear you talk about proms and metaphysics." Annette sat down in the chair by Maggie. "I miss those days."

"If I wear the slip, I'd need a shawl."

"I have a shawl you could borrow," Annette offered.

"Really?" Carol turned. "'Cause I kinda want to wear the slip."

"Then why go out? You could order pizza and save money," Beth muttered.

"I'll wear the other one next time, all right?"

"Or you could just give it to me."

"You have a date?" Maggie jumped off the desk and leaned over the bed to see her face. "You have a date! With who?"

Beth blushed. "Nobody you know."

"Tell us." Carol sat on the bed. "I told you about me and Daryl and the car. I told you about everything, actually."

"I'm going to pretend you mean fixing it." Annette turned to her youngest. "Is it him?"

Beth nodded.

"You know?" Maggie and Carol exclaimed.

"Of course I know. What else do I have to do around here?"

"Who is he?" Maggie pressed. "Is he that doctor?"

"A doctor?" Carol looked at Beth. "If so, impressive."

She sighed. "Yes, he's a doctor, but not the one you're thinkin' of. His name is Zach...Cole."

"Dr. Zach Cole." Maggie was grinning. "Mrs. Dr. Zach Cole. I bet it's on one of her notebooks."

"Shut up!" Beth blushed.

Carol laughed. "You can have the dress for Dr. Cole."

"Thank you. I gotta get ready." She took the dress. "Good luck on your date." She left the room.

"I'm gonna go harass her for details." Maggie scurried out of the room and into Beth's.

Carol put all of her jewelry back and met her mom's eyes. "Daryl wants me to move in with him."

"That would explain why you stared off into the distance for thirty minutes when you came home." She rested her hands in her lap. "Well, do you want to move in with him?"

"Of course I do. I love waking up to him and falling asleep beside him, and Sophia's gotten really attached to him. She calls him daddy and tells him just about everything, but... I don't know."

"What is it?"

She shrugged a shoulder, dropping her eyes.

"You wouldn't have brought it up, if you didn't want to talk. What's your worry, pretty girl?"

"That it'll fall apart again." She studied the pattern on her bed to keep the tears back. "I can't hurt him or lose him again, Mom. I love him so much, but is that enough? After all I did to him..."

"Carol, stop living in the past." She moved beside her. "Daryl isn't that man anymore. You aren't that woman anymore. You've both grown up, and if Daryl wants you to live with him, it's because he loves you so much, and he can't lose you again either."

"How can he trust me so much?"

"Because you love Sophia, and knowing Sophia loves him so much gives him faith that you won't bail. I'm sure part of him is just waiting for you to sneak out, but he isn't letting it rule his life. You should follow his lead, pretty girl."

She lifted her eyes, nodding. "I should get dressed."

"I'll go dig out that shawl. Meet me when you're ready." She wiped under Carol's eyes then kissed her temple and left her to dress.

Sucking in a deep breath, Carol hopped up and went to the bathroom to put makeup on. She wanted to look good tonight, so she had Beth do her hair and she had Maggie pick out her makeup. Shawn came in and drew faces on her on her mirror then took Sophia over to his place since he was babysitting tonight. She had wondered why Beth wasn't the first to offer. She had a date, and Maggie was patrolling; Daddy and Mom were going out with Patricia and Otis. Hopefully, everyone had a good time tonight.

Carol felt very exposed in the lace slip dress, but it made her look like she had actual curves, and it made her breasts look good. Daryl would appreciate that. She used a pin to push her bangs back, and she noticed how fast her hair was growing. She missed long hair, but it was a pain sometimes. Maybe shoulder-length was the best. She'd wait and see how she felt about it long.

She hurried to her mom's room, not wanting her dad to see her dressed like this. She was grown woman, but he lectured so much. "I'm ready." She saw a white box on the bed. "I remember this."

"I thought you would." She moved tissue paper aside.

"Dad bought you this for Christmas when I was ten." She set a hand on the soft material. "You only wore it on special occasions, like those company parties."

"I no longer have need of this." She pulled it out of the box and around Carol's shoulders. "It's yours now."

"I can't take this."

"You can't take what's been given to you." She smiled. "You look beautiful." She turned Carol to let her see herself in the mirror. It was the first time Carol had seen how much she looked like her mother. It brought tears to her eyes.

She turned and hugged her mom. "I love it. It's beautiful."

"Carol," Hershel called. "Beth."

"Go and enjoy yourself tonight." She released her.

"I will. I'll take care of this." She turned and left the room. "Ready, Mag?" Since she was going home with Daryl, Maggie was going to drop Carol off at the restaurant.

"Yeah." She pointed to the door. "It's Dr. Cole."

She peered out the door and saw him. He was adorable. He was definitely the type of guy Beth was attracted to. "He'll probably make more than we'll see in a lifetime."

"Probably."

Beth glided down the steps, and Maggie had to double-take her. She wore Carol's dress, yes, but she'd done her hair in a way that made Maggie's eyes burn. She looked so like their mother. "What? Is this too much?"

"No. No, you look great." Maggie hugged her. "I can't let you leave the house."

She laughed. "Maggie, come on."

She released her. "If he moves too fast, I put pepper spray in your clutch. You too, Carol."

"What?" Carol looked in her clutch, and it was there.

"And a switchblade."

"Mag!" Beth groaned.

"What? You never know."

"I have a date that I'm **not** going to kill. Excuse me." She walked out.

"Let's go." Maggie turned to Carol.

"What, no stun gun?"

"Try me next week."

––

Daryl got into his truck and started it, taking a deep breath before pulling out. He wanted tonight to go well. He hadn't really been out with Carol since they were kids. They only went to movies and sometimes to get pizza and crap, but other than that, they hung out at her place. He wanted to show her he wasn't rushing because of their past relationship. He wanted her to move in, because he loved having her and Sophia around all the time. He wanted to keep an eye on her too, just in case Ed did come looking.

He drove to the restaurant, parking as nearby as possible, and he stuffed the keys into his pocket, heading to the restaurant. The parking lot was a distance away from the restaurant, and it gave his nerves time to go wild. He feared Carol might not want to have a serious relationship with him. She loved him, yes, but she loved him before she left too. What if she was just with him because it was convenient? Because she knew he was still in love with her after all this time? What if she just didn't want to be alone, didn't want to raise Sophia alone, so she just...turned to him?

Shaking his head, he stopped, pinching the bridge of his nose. No, that wasn't Carol. It wasn't. He knew what she felt when he held her and she looked into his eyes.

"Hey, pretty boy."

He looked over as a baseball bat slammed into his knees, he fell over, and a man dragged him into the alley. He couldn't fight back against them, they were too many, and they jumped him, kicking and punching and bashing the baseball bat into him.

"Show him," Andrew shouted. "**No one** fucks with Tomas. He'll get out one day, but you won't."

Daryl cried out as they broke his arm.

"That's it! Ha ha!" He slammed his foot into Daryl's ribs. "Little pussy!"

––

At the restaurant, Carol rubbed her stomach, trying to get rid of the unease feeling settling there, and she took another drink of water. She was early, so she wasn't scared Daryl was going to stand her up. She just was nervous. This was their first date in years. Making love before the date was...not how she wanted this to go, but she didn't regret it. Even after all this time, being with Daryl meant so much. She had no doubt that God had made him for her, and she was thankful for that every day.

"Do you feel better?" Tara Chalmers, Carol's server, asked.

"A little."

"I'll get you some more water."

"Thank you." Carol shifted. "How have you been?"

"Up to my neck in bills." She moved hair out of her face. "College fees are not my friend."

"Do you know what you want to be yet?"

"A detective one day."

"Maggie wants to be a detective too. She's just a rookie right now, though."

"Oh? I hope we're not partners. She's great, but she reminds me of my sister. I would have to take a bullet for her."

"Alyssa wouldn't approve."

"She'd probably find me in the afterlife and command me back to life." Carol laughed. "Speaking of commands, my boss is commanding me to go tend to my other tables with that scold of his. Let me know if you feel worse, okay?"

"I will. Thanks." She took a drink, still not feeling all that great. She wondered why. She hadn't eaten anything too heavy, so what the heck? Her stomach was kicking her ass right now. Maybe it was her nerves. God, please no rashes. That's the last thing she needed right now.

––

"So, why'd you decide to become a nurse?" Zach asked, taking a drink of wine. "You said I could ask on our anniversary, so I'm asking."

"I'm really good with people," she admitted, "and I love them too, so I want to help them and protect them. It just came to me."

"That's honest."

"Why'd you want to become a doctor?" She ate a piece of chicken.

"Great pay."

She pursed her lips. "Really?"

"My dad was uh, killed in a shooting," he explained. "The doctor couldn't save him in time, 'cause there were so many injured people. Maybe if they had one more doctor there, my dad would still here. So I changed my major and became that one more doctor."

"Oh."

"That's my sad story." He set his glass down. "What's yours?"

"What makes you think I have one?"

"Everyone has one."

She set her fork and knife down. "I will never have children of my own."

"Ah."

"That was the worst news I've ever received." She smiled sadly, taking a drink of wine.

A beat.

He looked over her beautifully sad face then cleared his throat. "Well, hey, I know a woman who was told she couldn't have kids, and she's having her third next month."

She didn't let herself have hope. "Who is this woman?"

"Uhhhh, Bertha? Beula?" He thought back. "No, Julie. Julie Waters."

She giggled. "How did you mix up Julia with Bertha?"

"Hey, I see a lot of people on a daily basis, and it might have been Bertha." He snickered.

She grasped her earring. "What about your mother? How is she?"

"Very demanding, but I'm all she has so I understand why."

"Demanding how?"

"She wants grandchildren." He shrugged. "Have you ever seen _The Help_?"

"Once, yeah."

"You know how Skeeter's mom wants her to get married and have kids?" She nodded. "That's my mom. Only I don't get chased around the house with her saying my eggs are dying."

"She sounds sweet. Crazy, but sweet."

"Definitely. She thinks because she had me at twenty-five, I should have a child last year. Twenty-six is too old for kids in her eyes."

She took a drink of wine.

He reached and grasped her hand. "Let's be that corny movie couple. C'mon." He pulled her to her feet and toward the other slow dancing couples, and she smiled as he put his arm around her. She wrapped her arm around his neck, the soft piano music making it all so much more intimate, and she rested her head on his shoulder.

They danced through two beautiful songs, Beth felt safe and warm, and she looked at his face from where her head rested on his strong shoulder. He was so kind, so handsome, but she didn't want to put him in a relationship where it might only be the two of them. Especially now that she knew his mother wanted grandchildren. She'd met his mom sometime ago, and she told Beth that she was lovely and very polite. She wondered if her opinion would change if she knew Beth was the reason her son might not be give her biological grandchildren.

They returned to the table, and he noticed her mood had shifted.

"Are you all right?"

"I'm tired." She shook her head. "It's nothing."

"We could go back to my place," he suggested. "My couch is great for naps. I've tested that many times."

She laughed. "It's our anniversary."

"And yet no one knows about us." He smirked though. "You like your secrets, don't you?"

"I just wanted somethin' that's all mine." She laced her fingers through his. "Everything in my family is shared, but...I wanted you all to myself."

"Past tense?"

"They know about you now." She lifted her eyes to his. "At least that we're datin' anyway, so in a few months if we're still together, Mag will be stalkin' you."

"I'll have to remember to hide my other women," he mused.

She shifted uncomfortably, and he could see she didn't want to sense the sarcasm, so he leaned over and kissed her. "What was that for?"

"It was because I love you, Beth Greene."

She blushed.

"I'm glad you almost hit me with your car a year ago today."

She rolled her eyes. "You're never gonna let that go."

"No."

She smiled. "I love you too."

– – –

Carol looked at her watch, seeing Daryl was now forty-five minutes late. She had drank enough water to fill a pond, and she'd gone to the bathroom twice as much. She wasn't hungry anymore, so she just decided to call Maggie and leave.

"Are you close?" She tugged the shawl up again.

"Yeah."

"I'll wait by the creepy alley."

"In that dress, Carol?"

"I'm just kidding. I'll wait by the shop beside it."

"Give me ten minutes."

"Why did he stand me up?" Carol whispered. "I don't understand."

"Maybe somethin' came up. Like Merle or somethin'."

"Well—" she cut off, seeing someone in the alley beside her.

"Carol?"

"There's someone coming at me." She turned away, using her shoulder to keep the phone to her ear, and she dug out the switchblade. "I'm leaving my phone on, hold on."

"Carol? **Carol**!"

She set the phone down in her purse as the man grabbed her arm. She elbowed him in the chest and stabbed him the leg, only doing so because the man was one of Tomas' assholes. She ran into the alley, seeing a way through, but her heel broke. "Ow." She clenched her jaw, reaching down and gripping her ankle. She saw the man was gone, and she pulled her phone out. "Maggie? Come faster. I—Oh, my God."

"What? What?!"

"No, no, no. NO!" She crawled over to where Daryl was, bloody and not moving. "Oh, my God!" She hung up on Maggie and called 911. "Daryl? Baby, please, don't do this! Don't do this!" She checked for a pulse, hearing the woman on the other line speaking.

––

Beth and Shawn ran into the emergency room, seeing Maggie talking to the nurses, and they saw Carol standing there in the middle of the room with blood all over her legs and arms, even on her cheek. Her eyes were dead, and she wasn't responding to any of them.

"Carol?" Shawn shook her hard. "Carol!"

"Shawn, don't!" Beth pushed him. "Just stop!"

He rubbed his jaw. "What happened?"

"I don't know." Maggie set Carol down, draping her jacket over her shoulders. "She won't speak."

"Can we see him?" Beth asked, referring to Daryl.

"No." She sat down by Carol.

Soon, Annette and Hershel arrived, but Shawn told Sasha to stay there and not to bring Sophia. He didn't want her to see Carol like this. None of them wanted to see Carol like this.

"Let's get you home and changed, okay?" Annette took Carol's hands. "C'mon."

She didn't budge.

"We've tried everything." Shawn passed out crappy coffee. "She won't move."

"Is it some catatonic state?" Maggie asked Beth.

Dr. Stookey came over to them, watching Shawn closely, but Shawn kept his hands on his coffee. He explained Daryl's condition to them. "His right arm was broken in the assault, and his ribs are bruised. He has a hairline fracture to his skull as well, but his vitals are stable and strong."

"Thank goodness." Annette set a hand over her heart.

"Is he conscious yet?" Shawn inquired.

"Mr. Dixon has had a major contusion to his head. However, his brain activity is normal, and he has no cerebral swelling. He'll wake when he's ready. Just give him time."

Carol stood up while they were listening to Bob talk, and she slipped through the doors. Her feet touched the cold hospital floor as she walked, searching but not finding. She wasn't stopped by any of the staff or orderlies. She kept walking, bloody and silent, to find his room. She knew she would find him.

Lilly glanced up from her chart then shot up at the sight of Carol walking through the hall, bloody and barefoot. She set the chart down and caught up to her, grasping her wrist and leading her to Daryl's room without saying a word. She opened the door, and Carol stared.

He was lying in the bed, the bruising had set in, and he was all purple and black and yellow. His arm was in a cast, and he was so motionless it made her body tremble. Lilly watched as Carol's emotionless face slowly shifted into one of agony and relief. Lilly put her arms around Carol, comforting her, and she gasped in breaths, sobbing.

_He was broken and bruised, but he was alive. He was alive._

––

_**You are my avalanche, one world away**_

_**My make believing, while I was wide awake**_

Carol had fit herself between his side and the rail that was upraised on the bed, watching him as he slept. Sometimes, for a second, she could pretend they were in his room, just resting and enjoying each others company, but she would hear the beeping and know it was a lie.

Annette gazed at Carol and Daryl, worried about them.

Hershel set his hands on his wife's arms gently, and he kissed the back of her head. "Rick's gathering the data from the cameras nearby the alley."

She nodded. "How are they?"

"Sleeping in the chairs in the lobby."

"I'll call Sasha in an hour and tell her to keep Sophia awhile longer." She set her hands over Hershel's on her arms. "Perhaps I can talk Carol into going home and bathing."

_**Just a trick of light to be bring me around again**_

_**Those wild eyes**_

_**A psychedelic silhouette**_

"Any luck?" Shawn stopped beside Maggie.

"No. She wouldn't even look at me." She shrugged her shoulders. "It's been two days. She needs to eat and bathe. This isn't good for her."

"I'll try."

"Good luck."

He rubbed Maggie's shoulder. "Go home too. You're exhausted."

"She stays, I stay."

"That's how it goes." Beth was still there, looking like a messy million bucks. "These heels are a bitch by the way."

Maggie sniggered for the first time since they arrived. "Sorry." She covered her hand with her mouth.

"No, laugh. We need some of it." Shawn walked into the room. "Hey, kid."

She didn't move.

"I got news." He set his hand on her arm. "Come home with me, and we'll talk over breakfast."

She didn't look at him.

"I'll make crullers. You know you love my crullers."

Nothing, but he thought he heard her stomach growl.

"Look, sis, Sophia's scared. Although, it's been two days of Sasha's cooking, that will scare anybody."

Not even a ghost of a smile.

He looked over at Maggie and Beth, they were frowning, and he tried one last time, bending down and resting his chin on her elbow. "Please, kid, talk to me. You're scaring the shit out of me. I need my sensible, know-it-all kid sister back. Please talk to me."

She set her hand over his and squeezed it, but didn't say anything.

_**I never meant to fall for you but**_

_**I was buried underneath it all and all that I could see was white**_

"Yeah, bring her by today."

"Are you sure?" Sasha wasn't rushing to say no, but after having Sophia for four days, she wasn't sure it was a good idea.

"Yeah, she's doing better. She snuck out on us and showered and changed. I think she ate, but I dunno. I hope she did."

"I'll bring her by when she's out of school."

"Sounds good. I'll see you then. I love you."

"I love you too."

He hung up and joined his mom. "Sasha's bringing Sophia by after school."

"Good. She should know what's going on." She played with her necklace.

"Well, I've got Carol, you should go home and rest."

"Pah! I've spend the past three years resting."

"Then I won't feel guilty by sitting down."

"How's Sasha?"

"She sounds tired. I guess Sophia isn't sleeping, and Sasha's killing herself to try and make her feel better. That's how she is. I love and hate her for it."

She nodded. "I can't believe you're going to be a father."

"I knew this talk was coming. We're alone, staring at my little sister and her ex-husband/current boyfriend. All we need now is a woman screaming in labor..."

"When was the last time you slept?"

"Four days ago?"

She shook her head.

_**You are the snowstorm, I'm purified**_

_**The darkest fairytale in the dead of light**_

"We need to talk." Annette sat down beside Shawn.

He met her eyes. "What about?"

"Our relationship, and I would very much appreciate you acting your age. No sarcasm, please."

He nodded. "All right."

"When you came to me eight years ago, telling me you wanted to be a photographer, I know my reaction wasn't...what you expected."

"That's putting it lightly."

"I just expected you to become—"

"Dad?" he finished.

"I don't know. Perhaps."

"I know I tried to become him after he died—the clothes, the attitude, the hair, which was the biggest mistake of my life." They both laughed at the memory. "But I realized I wasn't him, and I wasn't holding onto his memory; I was smothering it." He paused before starting again, "Photography is my calling, no matter what you say, Mom. When I take pictures, I feel like I'm capturing moments, you know? A smile, a touch, a whispered conversation. You can't hear the words or feel the touch, but you can see it."

She looked over his face.

"You may not remember it, but you'll know that this one person or those five people in the picture were happy once. They were laughing, maybe crying, maybe even pissed off, but they were living life. That's why I take pictures all the time. I take them of you, of Hershel, of my sisters, of my niece, of my wife, because I know one day you all might not be here, and I don't want to drown in sadness, not like with Dad. I want to see you all as happy, as stunned, as angry, as laughing—all of those things."

She'd never seen him like his before; he was so serious, so...mature, so passionate.

"I wake up in the morning, and I look over at Sasha sleeping, and I'll try to sneak a picture, but she'll put her hand over the lens. She'll tell me she's not going anywhere, and that she would have to kill me if that picture ever got out. She's the one I haven't capture just yet, but I'm glad I'll get to spend the rest of my life trying."

"I know I never said enough when you were growing up, but I am so proud of you, Shawn. I always have been. I hope you know that."

"I do." He smiled, taking her hand and squeezing it. "I always have."

"I love you, monkey." She hugged him.

"Oh, God, not the nickname. Don't use the nickname!"

She laughed.

_**Let the band play out as I'm making my way home again**_

_**Glorious we transcend**_

_**Into a psychedelic silhouette**_

"Grandma!" Sophia waved, holding Sasha's hand. "Uncle Shawn!"

Shawn stood up and walked over to them, kissing Sasha then picking Sophia up. "What's up, munchkin?"

She smiled a little. "The sky?"

"Hey." Sasha smiled at Annette.

Annette returned it.

"That's my niece." He walked over to the room. "We gotta talk, munchkin."

Shawn told her about Daryl's condition, and he wasn't surprised at well she took it. She just wanted to go and see her parents, so he opened the door and let her go inside.

_**I never meant to fall for you but**_

_**I was buried underneath it all and all that I could see was white**_

"Mommy?"

She sat up. "Sophia." She slipped off the bed. "Baby, what are you doing here?"

"I missed you."

"I missed you too." She hugged her tightly. "Did they tell about Daddy's condition?"

She nodded.

"He's been sleeping for the past four or five days." She'd lost track of time. "He'll wake up when he's ready." So they say.

"Does he know we're here?"

"I think so."

She nodded.

"Do you want to talk to him?" She pulled a chair to his bed.

"Yes."

She lifted Sophia up onto her lap. "Go ahead. He's listening." She laced her fingers through Daryl's hand, keeping an arm around Sophia's waist. She propped her chin lightly on Sophia's shoulder as she began to tell him about school and all that she'd learned, and then about her time with Aunt Sasha, and Carol rubbed her belly with her thumb comfortingly.

_**My salvation, my my**_

_**My salvation, my my**_

"I think she'll do fine without us lingering." Annette pulled her jacket on.

"If Sophia can't get her back, we're screwed." Beth tightened her ponytail.

"I'm beat." Shawn yawned. "I'll see you all...whenever Daryl wakes up."

"I'm sure it'll be soon." Sasha interlaced their fingers.

"If he wakes up soon, we're all have breakfast at our place," Beth told them "I'll making everyone's favorites, and we'll just pig out."

"Food," Shawn moaned. "When was the last time I ate?"

"If we try and backtrack, we'll be here all right." Beth looped her arm through her mom's. "Night guys."

"Good night." Sasha waved.

"Seriously, when did I eat last? Or sleep last? I feel so tired, but there's a need to devour an entire cow too."

"I'll make you something to eat."

"Speaking of your cooking, if Carol says anything—I don't know—weird about it, it wasn't me."

"Excuse me?"

"I was making a joke to rouse her. It didn't work. Besides, it's Maggie who can't cook. She makes UFOs."

"UFOs?"

"Unidentifiable food objects."

She laughed.

He put his arm around her and kissed her forehead. "Let's go."

"So..."monkey"?"

He groaned. "Yeah, from the time I was two until I was three, I wore a monkey custom everywhere. I don't even remember why; I just remember carrying a banana in my tail didn't work very well."

She busted out laughing.

"Thank you, that laughter warms my heart. No, no, that would be my face, and it's on fire." He buried his face in the crook of her neck as they walked to their car.

"That's adorable. I have to look at your albums again."

"Why does the world never swallow you whole you want it to?"

She smiled. "Let's go." She paused. "Monkey."

_**My salvation, my my**_

_**My salvation, my my**_

Carol pulled her hair up, stepping out of the bathroom, and she saw Sophia had fallen asleep in the chair. She covered her up with Maggie's jacket then sat down on Daryl's bed by his feet, pulling her legs up, minding his arm, and she looked him over.

His face was still a bruise, but he was doing better. She knew he would wake up soon. She hoped, anyway. Bob just told her he would wake when he was ready, not before. She hated waiting. She wanted him to wake up right now and talk to her. She didn't even care what about he talked about; she just wanted to hear his voice. She hadn't missed his voice this much since she ran away.

She carefully crawled to lie beside him, and she rested her head on his shoulder, placing the gentlest of kisses there. "I know you can't be rushed," she slowly whispered, "and I hate to rush you, but please come back to me. Come back to us. We miss you so much. We love you so much." She gripped his hand tightly. "_I_ love you so much."

Using her free hand, she ran her fingers through his hair, gingerly moving his bangs from his face. "I want to move in with you." She kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry for leaving. I'm sorry about everything. I did that hurt you... I want to be with you for the rest of my life, so please wake up, Daryl."

_**My salvation, my my**_

_**My salvation, my my**_


	25. Say What You Need To Say

He watched as Carol slept soundly, inhaling softly, and he wanted to lift his hand to touch her, but she held his one good hand so tightly. He didn't want to risk waking her. He knew she'd been here the whole time, barely resting so he would wait.

He remembered the first time they met on the bus, but he really remembered their first project together. First impression were often entirely wrong, but thankfully Carol was persistent.

– – –

_Carol was so mad at Shawn for not getting out of bed till the last second and making her late to class. She hurried in and gave the teacher her note. She filled Carol in on what they were doing: a group project on a life cycle of an animal. Unfortunately, Carol didn't make it in time to join another group, because they had their max amount, and both Lori and Andrea felt really bad, but it couldn't helped. She was going to have to work alone. _

_Then Daryl Dixon came in after her, tossing the note at the teacher's desk and sitting down._

"_Perfect timing, Mr. Dixon." She handed Carol a book on frogs and the requirement sheet. "You are now partnered with Ms. Harrison."_

"_What?" Carol turned to face him. He was the boy from the bus who moved her backpack. She didn't have a set opinion of him, but she knew she would be doing all of the work. He didn't really do much in class, and he ignored the teacher when she called on him, so she doubted he was going to help much. "Umm...okay." She set the book on a desk and moved it in beside of Daryl's so they touched, and she sat down._

_He instantly moved to the edge of his seat._

"_I'm not full of diseases." She pulled out her notepad and a mechanical pencil._

_He said nothing._

"_Okay, let's see what we have to do first." She opened the notepad and wrote their names at the top after pushing down on the eraser twice. "A title. Any ideas?"_

"_How about bullshit," he offered._

"_How about no." She wrote down a titled and marked a check beside the first Roman numeral. "Umm, okay, now we have to write a report on the life cycle of a frog. Do you want to read while I take notes? Or I can read while you take notes."_

"_Tsk, neither." _

"_Why not?" _

"_It's bullshit. Nobody gives a damn 'bout the life of a frog."_

"_It's an assignment. It's due on Wednesday, so we have a couple of days to finish it." She slid the book toward him, he pushed it back. "Are you...dyslexic?"_

_He snorted. "No."_

"_Okay, so read."_

_His eyes flickered over to hers, and she was determined, so he grabbed the book and read it to her. He ignored the happy smile on her lips._

– – –

_Shawn looked around T's shop, wondering where would be the best place to take a picture of the shop. He tried asking Daryl, but he was so focused on fixing a car Shawn worried he was planting a bomb. He knew it was about Carol, but he didn't want to talk about it, even now. Today was their anniversary. Shawn didn't want to rub salt into that gaping hole in his chest._

_Sasha watched the attractive man walk through the shop, almost aimlessly. He looked liked fifth grader about to peep on girls undressing in a locker room. She walked over to him. "Can I help you?"_

"_Probably not."_

"_What does that mean?"_

_He looked up. A gorgeous woman with shoulder-length black hair and deep and beautiful brown eyes was watching him. She was wearing an oversized sweater, probably T-dog's or Tyreese's. It was getting cold out, and her skirt probably wasn't helping fight off the cold. He realized he was staring._

"_Can I help you?" she repeated._

_Speak, moron! "Were—were we talking? I was totally zoned out."_

_She scoffed, crossing her arms. "Shawn Greene?" And here she thought he was intelligent, what with the way Mom went on and on about him. He seemed very dense and annoying so far._

"_Yes." He held his hand out, but she didn't shake it. "I assume you're T-dog's youngest."_

"_I have a name."_

"_Sarah? Samantha?" He saw the annoyance on her face increase. "Samara? Am I getting close?"_

"_To getting hit, yes."_

"_So, that time of the month, I assume."_

_She was about to snap back, but her mom called to her. "What?"_

"_We can go now." Jacqui joined them. "Hey, Shawn."_

"_Mrs. Douglas." He smiled._

"_Do you want me to hit you or is that urge in the air?" Jacqui teased._

"_Oh, it's in the air," Sasha mumbled._

_Jacqui glanced at her daughter then back at Shawn. "I've told you to call me Jacqui time and again."_

"_Well, you weren't my employer then."_

_She smirked. "Anyway, it's chilly out today. Why don't I go get some coffee for you all?"_

"_I would love you forever."_

"_Come and help me carry them, Sasha."_

"_I have class," Sasha replied. _

"_No, you don't. That's why you're helping out today."_

_She sighed. "Sure. Which one do you want, hot chocolate or coffee?"_

"_I love anything dark, so doesn't matter." He mentally kicked himself. Who the hell says that? _

_She smirked. "We'll see."_

_Jacqui nudged her then they headed to the car, Shawn shook his head, and T-dog waved him over. He hurried in before the door closed, and he felt a little warmer inside._

"_Don't get any ideas."_

"_What?" Shawn stammered. "Oh, Sasha? N—no, no, no. I would never look at her." T narrowed his eyes. "Not—not that's not good to look at. She's beautiful, very well proportioned—I'll shut up now."_

"_You should warm up. Your brain's probably frozen."_

_He laughed, and it was overdone. "Right. I'll wait for them to get back." He swallowed and sat down in the office._

_About ten minutes later, Tyreese and T joined him along with Sasha and Jacqui. They sat down to warm up, Shawn frowned when he spotted Daryl still working, and he stood up to go see if he wanted coffee at the exact moment Sasha handed him his drink. The cup fell out of her hand, and since she'd taken the lid off to make sure it was coffee, the hot liquid dump on them._

"_Ow!"_

_She sucked air in through her teeth. "What the hell, you asshole? God, ow."_

"_I'm sorry." He had it all down the front of his jeans. "I am so sorry." Christ, that burns!_

"_C'mere." Jacqui pulled Sasha into the bathroom._

"_Are you all right?" Ty asked._

"_I'll survive." Hey, his scarf was untouched. _

"_Do you want to come back and do it later?" T grabbed the mop. _

"_No, no, just give me a minute. I have sweats in my gym bag. Again, I'm sorry. Excuse me." He went out to his car and retrieved the sweats. He changed in the bathroom once Sasha left it, and he went to finish his job and leave. _

_He took a lot of pictures of the shop, deciding to mess with them later and see which he liked best. He hoped this would help start his career. He was tired of working the Greene Leaf, but he needed money for the equipment, and he didn't want the shop to fall since Mom no longer worked because she was getting a little weak. He would be what they needed until it all worked out. He just hoped it worked out._

_Sasha jumped back when he almost ran into her. She glared. "Really?"_

"_Sorry." He lowered the camera. "I didn't mean to... It was an accident. I wanted to check on Daryl, and I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings, and I'm sorry."_

"_You ruined Ty's sweater by the way." She folded her arms. "And my scarf."_

"_Well, here." He removed his and held it out. "I would hate for your neck to freeze."_

"_I was kidding."_

"_I wasn't. Here. Give it back when you have a new scarf."_

"_I'm good."_

"_Here, please. I'll feel better about dumping hot liquid on you."_

"_If I take it, will you stop talking?"_

"_Yes."_

_She took the scarf and wrapped it around her neck. "Happy?"_

_He took a picture of her. "Very much so."_

"_Hey! Don't take pictures of me!"_

"_I took one."_

"_Well, don't." She walked by him, going over to her car._

"_Hey, where are you going?"_

"_Home. Why, are you going to stalk me now?"_

"_Not yet."_

_She rolled her eyes, but a smile was forming. "Go injury someone else." _

_He smiled. "Drive safe." He watched her pull out then turned, finding T behind him._

"_I told you not to get any ideas."_

"_Uhhhh... I was just being friendly. Or a pestering asshole, in some cases."_

"_In many cases," Jacqui informed him._

"_See, she gets me." He stepped back. "I'll stop by tomorrow."_

_He nodded. "Be careful out there."_

"_You two as well."_

– – –

_Beth listened as Dr. Ricen spoke to them. She didn't want to be a doctor, but the way he spoke, it made her want to want to become a doctor. She was happy with her major, but gosh, this man had a way with words. She wondered if he taught her at all. She would love to take a class taught by him._

"_It's not possible, but my brain is yawning."_

_She didn't say anything._

"_You'd think he'd regale us with colorful pictures at least."_

_She glanced over at the guy beside her. He was slouched in his seat, his dark blond hair messy, and he wore a worn leather jacket with black jeans. He wasn't a student, she could tell, but he wasn't a teacher either. He was just an ass who wanted to let the entire world know._

"_If I squint my eyes, I swear I can see Mr. Potato Head."_

"_Could you shut up?" Beth snapped._

_He looked at her with one eye closed. "Are you talking to me?"_

"_You're so rude. Some of us are actually enjoying this. It's assholes like you that make public speaking so difficult. Why don't you just leave?"_

"_I would love to, but I'm too baked to drive."_

_She rolled her eyes and turned away from him. "Asshole."_

_He laughed softly._

– – –

_Shawn sat on the porch, looking over the pictures he'd just taken of the farm with the fresh snow and the sunlight on his side. He would go inside once he got a good shot of the damn field. He was too bored to not get a good shot, and now that he'd finished T's advertisement, he had nothing else to do but wait. He was tempted to do one for the Greene Leaf and Rhee Bakery just for the hell of it._

"_Gah." He couldn't feel his ass anymore. He set his laptop back in the case and zipped it up, seeing an unfamiliar car pull into the driveway. He hopped up, hoping he got feeling back in his ass soon, and he saw Sasha Douglas exit the car._

_She was in more sensible clothing today—a black leather biker jacket, long-sleeved white shirt with a black undershirt, jeans, and dark brown fur-lined boots. Damn, she was hot. T-dog's daughter, Shawn. She is T-dog's daughter._

_She walked over to him, something hidden behind her back, and she offered him a smile. "Mom said I would find you here."_

"_You found me. Here to return my scarf?" He gestured to her hands._

"_Not today." She walked up the steps. "Are you going to invite me inside?"_

"_Right, manners, I should have those, shouldn't I? See, I was actually raised by wolves until Annette found me a few years ago. Old habits die hard. I still have to remind myself to the cows are friends, not just food."_

"_That explains the smell."_

"_Well, they taught me to lick myself clean." _

"_Do you have a reply ready for everything?"_

"_Pretty much." He grabbed his laptop case. "I won't have a lady such as yourself freeze. Come on in." He paused. "Unless I locked myself out then we can go cuddle in my car."_

"_Likely."_

_He opened the door and set the case on the couch. "Damn, it's cold." He forgot the heat was bitchy today. "Have a seat. I'll make a fire."_

"_Oh, don't bother."_

"_Says the woman who is shaking through her jacket." He closed the door behind him. "Have a seat, and I'll make a fire. It's no big deal. Besides, Beth will be home soon, and she's one of those girls that gets so cold in seventy-five degree weather."_

_She let out a small laugh at his tone and took a seat, removing her jacket. She watched as he built the fire, arranging the logs and stacking the kindling in such a quiet, methodical manner. He rolled up the sleeves to his sweater, not wanting the material to catch on the logs again, and possibly to show off his muscled forearms. She wasn't sure which. She noted his large hands with wide palms and long fingers that perhaps played the piano—she saw one in the den, but from what she heard, it was Beth who was the pianist. _

_The fire roared to life, Shawn jumped back then bent down and warmed his hands, motioning for her to join him. He took her icy hands in his, bringing them close to the fire and rubbing his hands over them. It felt really nice._

"_Does your car not have heat?" He rubbed her hands, moving them a bit closer to the fire._

"_It's been acting up lately. I'll have my father look at it." _

"_I could take a look. I'm not Daryl or T, but I know my way well enough. If I somehow destroy your car, I'll pay for a new one. Do you like Hot Wheels?"_

_She smirked. "I'll just wait."_

"_Your loss. I have a collection."_

"_Why do I feel like you're not joking?"_

"_'Cause I'm not." He didn't look at her. "My dad and I used to collect them. It was our bonding thing, I guess."_

"_I didn't mean to—"_

"_Nah, it's all right. Just make it up to me by going out with me this Friday night."_

"_What?" _

"_It's not a date. I just need...a plus one for a party. A birthday party."_

"_Whose?"_

"_Maggie's friend, Rick. I knew his wife, Lori, through Carol, and Maggie wants me to take the pictures. I don't want to go alone, and you're catching on to my humor."_

"_And what makes you think I want to go?"_

"_Well, you haven't said no yet, so I'm hopeful."_

"_And if I have a boyfriend?"_

_He rubbed his thumbs gently against her hands. "Is he tall? 'Cause I won't fight someone short, but I won't fight a giant either."_

"_Well, he doesn't exist anymore. He left me a few months ago, which is why I came home." She pulled her hands free._

"_A story? Let me put on some coffee, grab some blankets."_

"_Speaking of coffee, I brought you some. Iced, of course." She retrieved it from the table and handed it to him. "It's for the letting me borrow your scarf."_

"_So there is a sweet side to you."_

"_Only briefly if you keep it up."_

"_Black or creamer?" he asked, referring to how she liked her coffee._

"_I'll make it myself, thank you."_

"_I made some a few...hours ago." He tasted the iced coffee. "Not bad."_

"_I made it myself. It's not an option at the Greene Leaf, but I have Mom make it for me every morning."_

_They went in the kitchen, he made a pot of coffee, sipping on the one she brought him, and he grabbed a mug for her when it was done. They curled up by the fire as it began to snow again, he draped a blanket over her shoulders before he sat down, and she thanked him._

"_For someone who was raised by wolves, you're quite the gentlemen."_

"_I was raised by really old wolves. They taught me to make sure the flies were off the boar before I bring my girl to eat it."_

"_I might have to thank them."_

"_I can bay at the moon. It gets their attention every time."_

_She laughed. "How do you say that with a straight face?"_

"_You don't understand how much of a life I do not have." He laughed with her. _

"_That's sad."_

"_I know." He leaned back on his hands. "Tell me about your ex. I double as a therapist." _

"_Good to know." She stirred her coffee. "There's not much to tell really. We met in college, dated for a year then he transferred into a different school without telling me. I found out from his old roommate."_

"_What a dick."_

"_Yeah. I think he had someone else, but I guess I'll never know. Tsk, I don't care to know."_

"_I'm sorry. That really sucks." He was genuine. _

"_It doesn't bother me anymore."_

"_That's good. Don't hold onto the anger."_

_She rolled her eyes at him._

_He noticed she had long eyelashes and gazed at her for a moment too long. Now, you're just creeping her out, man. "Uh, well, I guess it's time I ask Beth and Maggie to find me a date. Ugh, I hate asking them. I always end up with perky blondes who never shut up." Maybe he could fake an illness. Or sprain his ankle. That might work._

"_I never said no."_

_His eyes flickered to hers. "You wanna be my date?"_

"_Your plus one."_

"_What does it takes for you to be a man's date?"_

"_Dinner with tablecloths, utensils and decent lighting."_

"_Well, I should give up now." _

_She smirked. "You're not so bad."_

"_Aww, you're making me blush." He noticed the time and frowned. "Strange. My sisters should be home by now."_

"_Maybe it's gotten worse outside." She climbed to her feet and checked outside while he attempted to text them. "I can't even see my car." She looked back at him. "Is the power working?" There were no other lights on in the house, just the fire._

"_We have a generator." He groaned in frustration. "And no service."_

"_Do you have more firewood?"_

"_Yeah." He joined her by the window. "I hope you like chili. That's all I can cook."_

"_I can live with that." She shivered. "Where are Maggie and Beth?"_

"_The Greene Leaf. We close early in the winter, they must have decided to clean up." Dad was with Mom, visiting Dale. They could stay over; Dale wouldn't let them leave in this weather if they paid him._

"_Don't worry. I'm sure they're fine."_

"_God, I hope they don't try to drive home."_

_She didn't like the worry etched into his face. She knew that he'd lost his dad in a car accident. She reached over and clasped his hand consolingly. "It'll be fine."_

_He nodded, staring at his phone. God, protect them, please._

– – –

_Beth waited until the room cleared to make her way over to Dr. Ricen. She saw the rude guy who sat next to her talking to him, and as much as she didn't want to hear his voice, she wanted to talk to Dr. Ricen. She walked over to them and smiled a hello._

"_Hello." He returned her smile._

"_I'm Beth Greene."_

"_Thomas Ricen." He shook her hand. "Have you met my associate, Dr. Cole?"_

_She blinked. "Dr. Cole?"_

_He smiled. "Nice to meet you, Beth Greene."_

"_Dr. Cole?" She was stunned._

"_Please, call me Zach."_

"_Sure."_

_She spoke with Dr. Ricen for quite some time. She learned he did teach a class, but for only one semester, and he had a lot of requisitions. She didn't even care. She just had to take his class. She would have to work her butt off, but it was going to be worth it. He was not only intelligent, but laid back and easy to talk to. He was like a friend, but he took teaching seriously, and she was grateful. She hated classes where students were disrespectful to their teachers. It was just so inappropriate. If they didn't want to be there, they could just leave, but it was like they had to stay and bother the rest of the class. _

_Beth headed to the parking lot, hoping Maggie was waiting there for her. She was so ready to go home. She was exhausted and hungry. It was also too hot to been stuck waiting._

"_Hey, wait." Zach caught up to her. "We didn't get off on the right foot."_

_She met his eyes. "Why does that matter?"_

"_We'll be working together one day. I'd like to, at least, have a mutual relationship."_

_She crossed her arms. "I really have somewhere else to be."_

"_Look, Thomas is a friend, kinda like my mentor. I was kidding. He's a great guy, and I was pulling his leg. He does it to me too."_

"_Great. I have to leave now. Excuse me."_

"_At least get a coffee with me."_

_She turned to face him. "Do you not feel how hot it is?"_

"_Well, tell me what you want."_

_She shook her head as he slowly smiled. "Fine, but you're payin'."_

"_Yes, ma'am."_

– – –

"_I'll write the report out," Carol told Daryl while they waited for the bus at school. _

"_Sure."_

_She pursed her lips. "Oh, thank you for reading to me. It helped. We have all the notes we needed."_

_He didn't speak._

_The bus came, he took the same seat as this morning, and Carol had gotten on last, so all the little kids and high schoolers had the seats. She sat beside him, feeling him recoil, and she set her backpack in her lap._

"_Did you come here last year?" Carol asked. She didn't remember seeing him._

_He ignored her._

"_Did you not like your old school or did you and your family just move down here?" _

_Still nothing._

_She sighed and began to play with the zipper of her backpack, remembering she had gum. She dug it out, he glanced at her when she stuck a piece in her mouth, and she hesitated. She didn't want to give him a piece, because he was being rude, but she felt bad. Maybe he was just in a bad mood today. Or every single day. Well, she was raised to share._

"_Do you want a piece?" She held out a stick._

_He took the piece of gum and chewed it. "Thanks."_

"_You're welcome."_

_The driver dropped off a bunch of the noisy little kids, she saw his stop was coming up, and she turned her head as he said something to her. She titled her head, surprised he was actually answering her questions._

"_Lived down my whole life. Just switched to a new school this year. I dunno why." He shrugged._

"_Do you like it?"_

"_Ain't bad."_

_She nodded. "Look, I'll present our report. I don't mind to, but could you at least help me with the board? We can go to the pond by my dad's friend's house and take pictures of the frogs there. I'll buy everything, but I would really appreciate you helping me with it."_

_He nodded. "All right."_

"_Thanks." She smiled and stood up to let him out. "I'll see you tomorrow."_

_He nodded again and climbed off the bus._

_See, he's not so bad._

– – –

"Mmm..." Swallowing, she opened her eyes and met Daryl's. "Daryl." She sat up. "You're awake." She sounded breathless.

"'Course." His voice was raspy; his mouth and throat dry.

"I'll go get Dr. Stookey." She looked at him for a moment more then grabbed the bedside buzzer, moving off his bed.

A nurse came in, and she took his blood pressure. Daryl kept watching Carol, who woke Sophia and held her close as he took small sips of water. When Dr. Stookey came in to examine Daryl, Carol took her to get something to eat from the machine and to use the restroom, and when they returned, Daryl was sitting up, trying to work around the cast.

Carol lifted Sophia up onto the bed, smiling happily. "Need a hand?"

"Not yet."

Sophia hugged him. "I missed you so much! I was so scared!"

"Easy, easy," Carol told her. "He's still hurt."

She let him go. "I'm sorry."

"It's all right."

"How do you feel?" Carol filled the cup with more water for him.

"I'll live."

"That's not an answer." She sat beside him, grasping his hand behind her back and move it around her waist.

"Hungry and in pain."

"Well, I'm sure they'll give you a painkiller and food."

His lip twitched in slight disgust.

"I hate food here too," Sophia confessed.

"If Bob says it's okay, I can bring you something."

"Can't I just go?"

"It'd be against medical advise."

"So?"

"Just stay for another night, and we'll come and take you home the morning after." She picked up the cup of water. "How does that sound?"

"Fine," he grumbled bitterly, taking the cup.

"Rick will probably be by to ask you about the attack. Do you remember any of it?"

"All of it."

"Can you identify them?"

"Yes, bunch of pricks who ran with Tomas."

"Good. They'll pay for what they did."

"Where's Merle?" Daryl asked. "I don't remember hearin' him."

"I—don't know. I don't know if they forgot or just couldn't contact him, but he hasn't been by." She saw the worry in his eyes then his eyes flashed and it was gone. "I doubt he would do anything stupid."

"Tsk, you don't know Merle."

––

Carol cleaned Daryl's house the night before he was coming home. "Give him just one night of peace, all right?" Carol set Bella down on the couch. "We'll do the breakfast thing the morning after."

"Okay." Annette paused. "How are you, pretty girl?"

"I'm good. I'm unpacked, as is Sophia." They were going to be staying with Daryl for a few weeks, just until he felt hundred percent better. "Don't worry about me. I—I don't know why I zoned you guys out, but I'm all right. It was probably shock."

"Well, I do worry, but I'll try to not worry as much. I love you, honey."

"I love you too. Bye." She hung up. "Sophia?"

"I'm upstairs."

"Have you picked a room yet?" She climbed the stairs and saw the light to Carol and Daryl's old bedroom was on. She entered the room to find Sophia adding Dee Dee and Ethan to the other stuffed animals. "You—wanna sleep in here?"

"Yeah." She moved hair out of her eyes. "Is that okay?"

"Y—yeah, it's okay." She climbed onto the bed. "We'll have to get you a step or something, but it's all right."

She nodded.

"Look, Sophia, it won't always be easy living with Daryl, because of his injuries, but we're going to try and make this work, okay?"

"I don't be loud, I promise."

"I know you won't, but you'll have to watch yourself when you hug him or hand him anything. He's really hurt."

"I know."

"Right, I forgot you win intelligence." She giggled, and Carol smiled at her. "We'll still see Grandma and Grandpa, but not as much."

"Okay."

"Good." She lied down. "Can I sleep with you tonight?"

She nodded, curling up against her mom. "Sure."

She wrapped her arm around her, kissing the top of her head. "I love you, sweetheart. Good night."

"Night."

––

After picking Daryl up from the hospital, Carol helped Daryl to the couch, his legs still not strong enough to carry him just yet, she closed the door and locked it. She sat down on the coffee table and removed his boots, setting them by the door.

"Do you need anything?"

"You." He gripped her wrist and pulled her to him.

She smirked. "Not now. You're still recovering, and we'll have plenty of time for that later." She kissed him tenderly. "I'll make you something to eat." She headed into the kitchen. "Oh, you know how some of Amy's stuff is still here?"

"Yeah."

"She's coming to get it tomorrow."

"Mmm-hmm."

"Are you still coming off the drugs?" She laughed.

"Mmm."

"I'll take that as a yes."

– – –

"We were supposed to meet at Daryl's. That's why I said 'let's meet at Daryl's'," Amy argued with Carol on the phone, standing outside Daryl's house. "I don't want him to have all my extra junk here. I feel bad, and I already feel like shit, because of what Andrew did."

"_I forgot. Sue me. And it wasn't your fault. They wanted to hurt Merle for what he did to Tomas, and Daryl's his brother. They know that's the only person Merle cares deeply for._" The only person they know anyway.

"Okay, now I don't feel bad about you unloading it all at Andrea's."

"_How is that fair?_"

"I'm making lemonade."

"_You're so... All right._"

"I'll be back around ten or eleven. It shouldn't take too long." She dug her key out of her pocket. "I'll leave the key on the island, okay?"

"_That's great. I'll just...stand out here and melt. Or tan._"

"You need it."

"_Don't disturb Daryl. He's sleeping like a rock, and I doubt you could, but please don't make too much noise_."

"I'll be as quite as a mouse. Bye." She hung up and unlocked the door, slipping her phone into her back pocket and heading inside. She went upstairs and found about ten boxes in the closet, so she made quick work of it. She had to get a duffel bag since one of her boxes had claw marks in them and that caused the bottom to bust out.

She left the key and a note explaining that she borrowed a duffel bag. She hoped Daryl wouldn't mind. He certainly wouldn't notice.

She headed out, but Merle pushed her back into the house. She glared until she saw him, and her mouth fell open, her eyes wide in horror. "Oh—oh, my God."

He was covered in blood—his hands, his shirt, his boots and jeans, even his hair—that wasn't his own, and he was panting, like he'd been running. He was trying to explain himself to her, but she was just terrified. She scrambled back and held a hand out to stop him from coming any closer.

"Just—just stay back."

"Amy, calm down."

"Cal—calm down? You're covered in blood, Merle! What—what did you do?"

"I found out 'bout Daryl, so I paid Andrew and his "thugs" a visit. I don't remember what happened."

"You don't remember?" she softly exclaimed. "It's pretty obvious what happened!"

"All I remember is going into their place, then it's all black. All goddamn darkness, Amy!"

"U—uh, okay, we can—we can totally figure this out." She grabbed the remote and turned on the news. "We'll see if anyone's been brutally beaten or...killed. Uh, take off your clothes." She ran into the kitchen and grabbed a black trash bag. "And your boots."

He began to unbutton his shirt.

"I'll get something of Daryl's for you to wear." She tossed the bag at him and hurried up the stairs. Oh, my God. Was she really helping him get away with murder? What if he _did_ kill someone? What if he killed _all_ of them and was just lying to rope her in? Would he do that? Of course he would lie, but involve her, she didn't know. If she got arrested, who would take care of Paige? Her daughter couldn't think she was a murderer or an accessory to murder. What was she doing? She needed to stop.

She gathered some of Daryl's clothes without waking him and a pair of oldish-looking boots then returned to him, not looking at him as he kicked off his boots, still mostly dressed. She began to pace the living room, her breathing rough, and she pushed her hair back. "Oh, God." She couldn't go to prison for this. She had a daughter to raise and a family to reconnect with. How was this happening? She couldn't go down with him.

Merle watched Amy virtually burn holes in the floor then grabbed her shoulders to stop her incessant pacing, giving her a good shake. "Stop." He knew exactly what was going through her head. He knew exactly what she was going to do. He couldn't have her do that. He didn't know what happened, so she might be ratting him out a crime he didn't commit. He went there with the intention of beating Andrew into a bloody pulp, but that was it. He was going to let that bitch live so he would know not to mess with the Dixons. Maybe he'd remember in a few days or something. He didn't know, but he knew he needed Amy to calm down and not tell anybody.

"I—I can't become an accessory to murder," she whispered, tears in her panicked green eyes. "My daughter—"

"Amy, don't." He looked hard into her eyes. "If it comes to that, I'll take the fall."

"What? You—you would do that?" She searched his eyes. "You would do that for me?"

"For Paige." He dropped his hands. "I ain't lettin' her grow up without you. In return, you don't mention this to anyone."

She nodded. "Thank you." She hugged him, her hand in his hair, and she gasped. "Oh, my God, Merle." She released him, seeing blood on her fingers and walked around to him, seeing a bloody wound on his head. "Oh, my God. You have a huge hole in the back of your head!" Okay, a dent.

"Where?" She guided his hand to it. "Explains the headache."

"You need to shower. Take off your clothes, and I'll deal with them."

He narrowed his eyes.

"Trust me."

He removed all of his bloody clothes, Amy washed the blood off her fingers then tied the bag up, and he showered off the blood. She tucked the bag in with her clothes and tossed the duffel bag into her car. She knew a perfect place to hide it where no one would ever find them.

Merle walked down the stairs, clean and dressed, twenty minutes later.

"C'mere." She rolled her sleeves up, opening a first aid kit. "Sit on the floor, please."

He did what she asked, feeling her looking over the wound, which hadn't been properly cleaned. He closed his eyes as she disinfected it, and he felt the headache explode as she did. Her cool breath did little to ease the headache, but she was trying. He clenched his jaw tighter.

"Do you have a place to stay?" She smoothed the bandage over the wound very gingerly.

"Couple places."

"Safe places?"

"No."

"I suggest you stay here until this heals."

"Where? Daryl's kid and Carol are stayin' here, ain't they?"

"There's room in the basement." She wiped her hands off. "And my old mattress is still upstairs. We can move it down there together, if you want."

"What the hell?" It was better than the other places.

Since the pipes busted, Daryl had been taking care of the new ones and the basement, so it really was the best place in the house. They found a corner for the mattress, Amy brought down a lamp and what few adult books she had—most of them were children's books—and Merle brought down a nightstand. She frowned at him doing so much heavy lifting; she didn't want him to overwork himself anymore than he already had when they moved the bed.

"I'll make the bed. You should take some medicine. And see a doctor, but we both know you won't, which is stupid."

"I'll be fine. Just a cut."

"Just a c—You know what, it's your head." She bent over and tucked the sheets in. "Merle, stop watching my ass. The last time that happened, Paige happened."

He snickered. "It's a mighty fine ass."

She moved hair out of her face and behind her ear. "Don't look at me like that." She grabbed the quilt and unfolded it.

"Like what?"

"Like you want to take me against the wall." She spread the quilt over the mattress.

He did. "Look, Am, 'bout what happened...with Paige—"

"Don't bother." She grabbed the pillows off the dryer and tossed them on the bed. "It's all right. You don't want to be in her life, and she told you that was fine by her. She said her goodbye." Amy knew what Paige had said was just for Merle's sake. She hadn't meant any of it, but Paige wanted Merle to think she did, so Amy was going along with it. She plopped down onto the bed. "It's pretty comfy."

"I ain't like Daryl, Am. I don't do the kids and marriage and shit. It ain't me."

She met his eyes. "I know it's not. That's why I didn't tell you. I was protecting you both, but...I guess I failed." She shook her head. "Don't worry about us. I've got us taken care of."

He gave a slight nod.

"That's everything. I have to go meet Carol." She hopped up. "I'll take care of the clothes. Feel better and rest." She gripped the railing and headed up the stairs, stopping at the sound of his voice calling to her.

"You were always too good for me."

She crouched down to his height. "Was I?"

"Yeah. Don't know what the hell you saw in me."

"A dark part of myself that I try to pretend isn't there," she answered. "Everyone has a dark side, and mine was fiercely attracted to yours."

"Not anymore?" he teased.

She smiled then leaned over and kissed him once, very plain, and she met his eyes. "Goodbye, Merle." She walked up the stairs and out the door.

––

Amy flopped down on the floor beside Shawn, panting and wiping sweat from her brow. The room was so suffocatingly hot; they were both sweaty and gross. Hopefully, the shower worked this time, because she didn't to leave feeling like this. She needed to find a better place for them to meet. If they kept meeting here, they would die from the heat. Air conditioning was her best friend, and she missed it so.

She hit his bare stomach with her hand. "Round five?"

"Why do I let you do this me?" He ran a hand down his face. "My entire body is sore. You'd think I'd be in shape, but that is not the case."

She giggled. "Aww, our little dance killing you?"

"Yes, it is." He caught his breathe. "Okay, I can do this. Round five."

"I haven't given you many positions." She sat up. "Just give me one more hour, and I will find a way to repay."

"Babysit my kids anytime I need."

"All right." She hopped up. "How is Sasha?"

"Three." He held his hand out, and she helped him up. "I have three months left."

"You'll do great." She smacked his arm. "All right, let's try the lift again."

"You'd better get this part, or I'll kill the person in charge of casting."

"With your help, I will." She smiled. "Okay. One, two, three—"

––

"You need ice?" She saw the way Shawn moved his shoulder.

"No, I'm all right." He shrugged his left shoulder.

"Well, the auditions start next week, so...that's why I'm pushing you. I'm sorry. If there somebody else, I would go to them, but... You're the only decent man I know who's willing to do this."

"It's not a problem. It's actually fun when not you're yelling, adjusting me every five minutes and smacking me when I'm sarcastic."

"I'm bossy, and I am so sorry. I just—I can't afford to screw this up. It's my only shot."

"Well, the only thing getting me through this is knowing I can have Sasha alone anytime I want in the future."

She smacked him. "Sorry. It's becoming a habit."

"You hit like a little kid. It doesn't even hurt."

"Oh, just wait until next time."

"I'll wear padding."

"You'd better. These twins may be your only children."

"You're dangerous, Harrison, so dangerous."

"And Sasha's lucky, very lucky." She crossed her arms.

"Do I sense a story?"

"One you already know." She sighed. "How did you know you wanted to be with Sasha forever?"

"She was the only woman who didn't hit me with a frying pan when I opened my mouth."

"Shawn!" she groaned.

"I was being serious, but all right." He then shrugged. "I dunno. I just...knew, you know? It just made sense, I guess."

"...what made sense?"

"All the songs and cheesy love notes," he joked, using a cry-voice.

"Shawn, I can take you."

"Let's not test that. I don't hit woman." He adjusted his bag. "If I'm being serious, I'd have to say Sasha makes up for what I lack. She's...mature and serious whereas I am childish and silly. We have moments when we switch roles, though." He squinted as their shade disappeared.

She nodded. "So, how's naming coming?"

"Shitty. I'm naming our daughter, and all I have is Jonah. I don't even know how to spell that."

She laughed. "Why don't you look up baby names?"

"'Cause they suck. Do you know how many Jessicas and Courtneys and Ashelys I know? Too damn many."

"Why don't you name her...Willow?"

"I don't like nature names."

"All right. How about Jacquelyn?"

"It sounds too much like her grandmother's name."

"Oh, right." She rubbed her hands together. "Shay?"

"Sure. I'm Shawn, this is my wife Sasha and my daughter Shay. We're the S family." He rolled his eyes.

"Not so friendly. You need coffee; I'm buying."

"I'm...hungry. Let's grab a bite to eat."

"I could use a cheeseburger."

They walked to the diner down the block, Shawn put their bags in his trunk and they ate. He asked how everything was with her family. They were working out all of the drug and Merle stuff still, but they'd gotten close to Paige. Amy was still having issues with her father, because he kept trying to her to attend college. She didn't want to go to college right now. She wanted to get the part in the Romeo and Juliet at the theater. She'd been working her ass for it ever since Jeanette told her about it. She wasn't going to miss out on this. It was everything she liked: love, ballet dancing, soft music...

She needed this, and if he didn't understand that, he didn't understand her. She was going to start pulling away out of habit. She would have Andrea take Paige to their house and pick her up, and they wouldn't see Amy at all. She wouldn't take Paige away from their, but she didn't mind taking herself from them. She wasn't a Horvath anymore. She wouldn't be again.

"All right, short round." He parked outside Andrea's house. "This is it."

"Home sweet home." She leaned over and hugged him. "Thank you."

"What for?" He hugged her back.

"For being your awesome self." She squeezed him then let go. "Thank you for the ride home too."

"You're gonna cry over a ride home?"

"Shut up, I'm emotional." She exhaled. "Tomorrow: same time, same place, yeah?"

He nodded. "We've been spending too much time together."

"What do you mean?" She unbuckled her seat belt and opened the door.

"You just ended that with 'yeah', like I do."

"Let's just hope that doesn't apply your kids." She smirked.

"You're evil."

"Goodbye." She grabbed her bag out of the trunk and headed inside. She saw him watching until she got inside, and she shooed him with her hand before pulling the door closed. He's a big brother to four sister now apparently. Geez.

– – –

"What do you mean, you haven't seen her?" Martinez asked.

"It's been a week, and I thought maybe she went to see her parents, but they haven't heard from her." Phillip ran his hand down his jaw roughly.

"Is any of her stuff missing?"

"I don't think so."

"Let's go check."

They went upstairs to Phillip and Elizabeth's bedroom, searching through her drawers for any missing clothes. They checked the closet, but all the suitcases were there. It hadn't been touch, all of her clothes were all there and all of her shoes and jewelry. Elizabeth just wasn't there. It didn't make any sense. No money had been moved in their account; their credit cards hadn't been used and her car was in the garage, her keys on the hook. She was just...gone.

"Were you having any problems?" Caesar asked as they walked down the stairs.

"No."

"Don't lie to me, Phillip."

"Okay, we had a fight a couple of months ago about Ed, but we worked it out. Everything was all right."

"Did you have any plans?"

"No. We weren't going to take a vacation this year, because...we needed the money."

"What for?"

"Eliza thought she was pregnant. We didn't get to talk about it before she disappeared, but I decided if she was, we needed the money." Ed wasn't going to give them loan, wherever that asshole was. "Could it have anything to do with our case? Could he have found my house and taken my wife?"

"Perhaps." He sighed. "I don't like this. It's too...clean. I could CSU will find any prints, but I'll call them. You'll need to repeat this to someone who isn't your partner."

He nodded. "I don't want Penny here for this. I'm gonna call Milton."

"That sounds good." He walked over to Penny and crouched down. "Hey, little chica."

She looked over at him from her homework. "Hi, Caesar."

"What are you up to?"

"Math. Division."

"Oh, I'm good at math. You want my help?"

"No, I'm good at math too. It's really easy." She sighed. "My mommy's not coming home, is she?"

"I don't know, but I'm positive we will find who did this."

She nodded.

"Why don't you pack all of this up, honey?" Phillip stopped behind her. "Karen's coming to pick you up."

"Okay."

Phillip packed an overnight set of clothes for Penny, just in case, and he hoped Karen let her stay over. He trusted her, and Penny needed a woman to be around right now. Karen was motherly, and that's what Penny needed. He put the clothes in her backpack as they waited for Karen to come and pick her up.

There was a knock on the door, Caesar answered it and let Karen in.

She ignored Phillip and turned to his daughter. "Hey, Pennies." She bent down and smiled. "So, I have a ton of movies that need watched and ice creams that needed sampled. Can you help me with that?"

She nodded.

"Awesome. Wait for me by the door, but don't go out."

"Okay." She turned to her dad and hugged him. "I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, baby." He kissed the top of her head. "Have fun."

She walked to the door. "Bye, Caesar."

"Bye, little chica."

Karen crossed her arms. "Where's Liz?"

"Missin'," Phillip told her honestly.

"Oh. I—I'm sorry." She meant it. "Was it Ed?"

"My brother?" Phillip scoffed. "He would never—"

**You'll regret this.**

Would he? Would his own brother take his wife? Would Ed really kidnap Elizabeth? Would he wait in the bushes or just out in the open for her to get home, talk to her to lower her guard and then drug her or knock her unconscious by hitting her and drag her off without anybody noticing? He didn't want to consider his brother doing that. Ed was a little confused right now, but he wouldn't do something so stupid as take a detective's wife just to prove a point. And if he was the one who took his wife, what did he intend to do with her? She was nothing to him, so why take her? She couldn't help him, only Phillip could, and if Ed hurt his wife, he was going to help Ed into the nearest, **darkest**, inescapable cell.

"What's the matter?" Karen searched his eyes. "Would Ed do that?"

"I—I don't know. I don't wanna think about that."

"Well, you're going to have to. Her life is in danger, you know that. If you think for even a second that Ed took Elizabeth, you need to find his ass and interrogate him."

"I'll put an APB out on his car and put him no the Do Not Fly list." Caesar pulled out his phone and called it in.

"You need to go," Phillip told her. "I don't want Penny involved in this."

"I'll take care of her for as long as I can." She stepped back. "But you have to promise me that no matter what, Ed doesn't hear one word about Carol and Sophia."

"You know where they are?"

"I know you do too. Remember why you made that decision, Phillip, because if you go back on it, I will be here to personally beat the living crap out of you."

"You take care of my daughter, and I'll forgot who Carol even is."

"Good, because I would beat your ass." She turned and headed to the front door. "C'mon, Pennies. Let's go."

Penny glanced back at her house then followed Karen out the door, so sure she wouldn't see this house again for a long time.

– – –

"Do you have to work today?" Carol rolled over to look at him.

"Nah." His hand rested on her hip. "How 'bout you?"

"Not today." She met his eyes and kissed him. "But I do have to pick up our daughter."

"We got time, don't we?"

"Not enough, I'm afraid." She stretched. "Besides, you're still injured."

"Not for much longer," he assured her.

"Well, until you have Dr. Stookey's all clear, turn that look elsewhere." She leaned over and kissed him. "I'm gonna wash my face."

He rolled onto his back as she climbed out of bed and headed into the bathroom. "What'd you want?"

"What do I want for what?" She grabbed a washcloth and looked for soup.

"For your birthday."

She paused. "Oh, that's coming up, isn't it?"

"How'd you forget your own birthday?" He sat up.

"Well...Ed never let me celebrate my birthday, and he always kept Karen away, so she couldn't try and do it in secret. He used to say my birth wasn't anything celebrate." She glanced at him. "And I've been so busy with the Greene Leaf; my sleep is off."

"Asshole."

She turned the water on. "I need to hire someone to help me with the Greene Leaf. Jacqui's great, but we need more help. Mag and Beth can't help out anymore, so it's just the two of us, and I feel bad if I think Jacqui's getting overworked."

"You're overworked."

"I'll live."

"Get Lori to help. She ain't got a job. There's Amy too."

"Okay, thanks for the suggestions." She grasped the door. "If you'll excuse me."

"I'll put on some coffee."

"Be careful, please." She closed the door and went to the bathroom then washed and dried her face. She didn't know what she wanted for her birthday. She didn't want a party, that was for sure. She really hoped Beth and her mom didn't plan anything. She just wanted...a cake, maybe. She wasn't sure. There were no gifts she wanted. She had clothes, food, a roof over her head. There was nothing else. They would definitely buy her gifts, because they'd think that's what she wanted, but it wasn't. She'd already gotten what she wanted: her life back. She was prepared for whatever else came.

"Hey, Daryl?" She came off the last step and found the kitchen empty. "Daryl?"

"Yeah?" He stepped out of the pantry.

"About my birthday, can...we not do anything special? I don't want a party or anything, so if Beth comes asking, tell her I said no."

"It ain't for another day or two."

"Beth's middle name is proactive!"

He snorted. "Fine."

She pulled her hair back. "Do you want to do anything for my birthday?"

He shrugged.

"If you have something planned—"

"I ain't one to plan. Expect for...you know."

"Great." She leaned against the island. "Do you have any food here?"

"Did you buy any?"

"Yeah, but our lovely roommate eats it." She checked the fridge. "Oh, my God. Is Merle all right?"

"Haven't seen him in a couple days." It was very unlike Merle. He always came and raided Daryl's fridge or at least came by for a beer now and then. Merle's been staying with them, but...he didn't come home a couple days ago. Daryl didn't have time to go and hunt him down, not with Sophia and recovering. He could try calling, but he doubted Merle had his phone still. When Merle wanted to disappear, there was no finding him.

"He'll be around soon. With my birthday coming up, he'll stop by for the cake," she teased, opening a bag of cubed cheese.

Daryl gave a nod, still uncertain.

The ringtone Carol had assigned to Jacqui began to sound, and she dug her phone out of her purse. She answered, swallowing a cheese cube. "Hello?"

Daryl watched as Carol slowly turned from him and answered only in uh-huhs. He leaned against the counter and waited. He knew what Jacqui had called her for. Beth had class, and Maggie had to work, so that meant Annette was supposed to help for a couple hours. Hershel or maybe Patricia didn't agree with her working today and made her stay home, so Jacqui was alone and needed help. The timing would never be right, would it?

"Uh-huh, I see. Well, um, all right." She hung up and groaned before facing him.

"She asked you to come in?"

"Yes, but only for two hours. Maybe three."

"I can take care of Sophia."

"I'll try and make it back as soon as I can."

"Can't she just close the shop? I wanna talk to you."

"She can't, not today. I am so sorry." She kissed him quickly then grabbed her purse. "As soon as I can. Bye." She left.

"Carol." He cursed. He wanted to speak with her about her and Sophia living with her this past month. She'd been taking care of him while he healed, now he only had his arm to worry about; but she insisted on stalling, like having this conversation would kill her. He loved having her there, and he wanted to talk about if she had plans on leaving, going back to the farm. He wanted her to move in, and it'd been a month, so maybe she'd changed her mind.

––

Carol hurried to the Greene Leaf and smiled at Jacqui, who gave her a confused look. She didn't want to tell Daryl that she was running from the conversation he wanted to have. She wasn't sure if she wanted to live with him. She was so emotional when he was in the hospital; she would've said anything to get him to wake up. Now he was actually considering, and...so was she. They'd been dating a month now, and yes, she wanted to get out of parents' house, but to move in with him after just one month was ridiculous.

Or wasn't it? They'd been friends all their lives practically, and they were married before, so she knew they would be fine living together. Sophia would love the idea, but she wasn't sure. It was a big step, and she'd spent her entire time here taking baby steps. How could she make this decision? Live with Daryl like she knew she wanted to or stay the farm like she didn't to.

She loved the farm. She loved parents and sisters and Patricia and Otis dearly, but she needed a place of her own. That's the problem about living with Daryl too. There were so many memories in both of those houses, and she wanted this fresh start to be...fresher. She needed a house that didn't know the pain of losing Ethan and pushing Daryl away, and she needed a house that didn't scream childhood at her. She felt trapped between those two Carols, and it sucked.

"What can I get you?" Carol looked up and met the gray-blue eyes of Mason Dixon. Oh, shit.

"Coffee. Black." He tossed the money at her. "Keep the change."

"All right." She handed the money to Jacqui and got his coffee. "There you are...sir."

He took it and sat down in the corner to drink it.

"What is he doing here?" Carol softly asked Jacqui.

"I don't know. I didn't even know he was still alive." She shook her head. "Just ignore him."

"Oh, believe me, I can do that." She moved a curl from her eyes and smiled at her next custom. "What can I get you, ma'am?"

Mason watched the young woman who he once found straddling his son in their trailer. Her hair was shorter, tits bigger and had an ass even he appreciated. She was all smiles, but he could see right through the facade. She was bullshiting everyone, but they just went with it. She was just like her pussy boyfriend: weak, broken, scarred. Tsh, at least she wasn't that ugly.

––

Shawn came home and found Sasha on the couch, just staring off into space, and he frowned. He closed the door. "What is it?" She never just sat around, staring off into space. That was his specialty. Was something wrong? He knew it didn't involve the twins, because they just had an appointment with Dr. S. Everything was great, so why did she look like that?

"Is there something you want to tell me?"

"...I forgot to take the trash out again, but I don't think that's worthy of you looking like that. He studied her eyes. "Sasha, what's going on? You look...pissed."

"I know, Shawn."

"...so do I. A girl and a boy, we're getting one of each."

"Would you stop?" Her voice was weak, but didn't falter. She stood up. "I know about _her_, Shawn."

"Her? What her? There is no—Oh, God, her!" She thought he was cheating on her. Shit, he didn't mean to make her think that. He hadn't really tried to make her think anything. He hadn't really thought about what she would think about him leaving late at night—which why was exactly it had come back to bite him in the ass! Why didn't he use his brain? He should've thought about that! That should've been his first thought! "No, no, no, there is no her. No she. I mean—"

"You don't need to explain anything. This is my fault."

"No! Don't go off in some rant where you demoralize me and call me a cheater, because I am not! Damn it, woman, I love you! I've been loyal to you these past few years, and the first time was the last time!" He tossed his bag to the floor. "Why do you think there's a woman?"

"Aside from your confirming it not two minutes ago, I wash the clothes here. There's blonde hair on your shirts and I can smell the perfume! Not to mention all the times you've disappeared at night!"

"My little sister is blonde! And all of my sisters wear perfume! My mother even wears perfume! I happen to like hugs as well. And stars! Forgive me for hugging my family and stargazing, I'll try to abstain!"

"I'm not stupid, Shawn."

He sighed. "Look, I can explain all of this. I just need coffee and for you to listen to me without cutting me off. All right?"

"If you're not cheating, what the hell have you been doing?" She was so relieved. She hated to jump to that conclusions—she spent hours trying not to jump to that conclusion—but it's the second thing that came to mind. She thought maybe it was Beth, but the leaving at night made no sense.

"Well, when I tell you, you're going to laugh. I've been—"

A knock on the door cut him off, and he groaned, but opened. At the sight of who was there, he nearly fainted dead away. He laughed outright at the shitty timing and began pull at his hair. _Why, God, why?_

"Who is it?" Sasha frowned at how he was acting.

"I'm just going to let myself in," the person who knocked on the door and made Shawn pull at his hair said.

A tall, blonde woman with dark blue eyes walked into their living room. She was beautiful and obviously well off money wise. She wore a black expensive-looking pantsuit with her hair styled, and she looked like she wasn't going leave until she got what she came for. She also looked like a rich bitch whose only specialty was gold digging.

"Excuse me, but who the hell do you think you are to barge into our house uninvited?!" Sasha hissed.

"Well, you've been busy," she said, referring to Sasha's round pregnant belly. "I'm glad you two worked it out. Really, I am."

Shawn looked as if he wanted to set her on fire.

"Who the hell are you?"

Her brows shot up. "He hasn't told you?"

"Told me what?" She looked at him, feeling annoyed and slightly dizzy.

Shawn opened the door wider. "I told you over the phone we have nothing to discuss, so get your ass out of my damn house!" His tone was cold, and it almost shook Sasha. She'd never see him like this before. Whoever this woman was, he hated her.

"Wait." The pieces began to fall together—his reaction, his tone, her words, that unknown number—and she thought she might heave. "This is her, isn't it?"

"Vivian Lovelace." She smiled. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Greene."

"Sasha." Shawn narrowed his eyes at her, feeling a shift in her. "S—"

He didn't have time to get the words out. Sasha punched Vivian in the face, knocking her on her ass, and effectively making her bleed. He didn't want to smile because it was so wrong that Sasha just did that without even giving her a warning; but damn, he'd been waiting for someone to do that for almost four years. He would never hit a woman, unless she was trying to kill him and especially if she was trying to hurt his wife and kids.

He stepped over Vivian's legs and took Sasha's hand, looking at her knuckles and seeing a few of her knuckles were bruising from the impact. He silently chuckled at the pride that welled up inside of him. "I'll get an ice pack, yeah?"

"I'm fine." She exhaled. "Over the phone? She...called you?"

"She was the unknown number that called me last month," he explain. "And she kept calling, so I just answered to see what she wanted. I tried to ignore it. I almost got a new phone too, but she would've gotten that number too somehow." He reluctantly offered Vivian a hand, just out of ingrained manners, and he helped her to her feet, immediately dropping her hand. "She's a persistent bitch."

"And you didn't tell me?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't want you to know. I didn't want myself to know either." He glared at her. "I told her to piss off, but apparently that wasn't enough."

She wiped blood off her cheek. "Since you busted my cheek open, may I have a washcloth?"

"No, you may not." Sasha crossed her arms. "What the hell do you want?"

"I came to speak with Shawn, not you. Can we have a moment alone?"

"Don't talk down to my wife," he snapped. "And whatever bullshit you think you need to say, you'll say in front of her."

"Fine, it's your error." She clasped her hands. "Recently, you've been on my mind, and I thought it was time you know."

"Time I knew what? You're a manipulative bitch? See, I know that."

"I thought it was time you knew about Nathaniel," she corrected, ignoring his comment, "our son."

Shawn stared with horrified eyes at her. "Our...what?"


	26. The Hardest Of Heart

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

––

Carol felt Mason watching her as she worked, but she ignored him as she worked. She saw it was about five now, and she wondered if Daryl was going to come and see if she was done. She really hope not. She didn't want Daryl to see Mason, because the shop was emptying, and they would kill each other.

"Mommy." Sophia ran over to her.

"Sophia?" She looked up, but it was Amy who had brought her to the shop. Thank the Lord. "Hey, honey."

Amy and Paige walked over to the counter, Paige smiled at Carol and Jacqui, and Amy ordered two slices of cheesecake and a cup of coffee with two glasses of milk. Carol got them for her, and the girls found a table, and Amy carried the cheesecake over then went back for drinks, paying and thanking Carol.

Mason looked over the young blonde woman that came in with the two little girls. He knew both of them were Dixon girls by their eyes. The little redhead that was Carol's was also Daryl. He knew she would never let Merle near her, and he knew she wasn't Merle's type. The blonde was, and damn, at least one of his sons shared his taste in women.

So, little Darylina finally managed to have a kid. He never thought he'd see the day. He almost shit bricks when he found out he knocked that bitch up the first time. He didn't think Daryl had it in him. He'd hope the little bastard had learned his lesson the first time when that boy died. Kid was hard to teach apparently.

And the little brunette who looked just like her mom was Merle's. Tsh, she held herself like just like Merle did: confident, protective, cocky. He had a feeling she'd be a smart mouthing little bitch when she was older, just like her father. Of his two sons, he figured Merle had enough sense to not get some hussy pregnant. After everything that asshole had been through, he's just going to undo it all for that little money pit. That blonde ain't that hot. Tsh, fucking dumbass.

"All right, hold on." Amy hopped up and asked Carol for some pens. "Any color will do."

"Here." She grabbed two from the drawer and held them out. "I thought Daryl was watching Sophia."

"Thank you." She grasped them. "He was watching her, but something came up. He knew I was nearby, so he called me, and I picked the girls up. I decided cheesecake was needed."

"Did he leave to go help T? He's still injured; he can't help T at the shop. I'm going to kill him."

"Calm down. I'm sure he's slouching against some wall and just joking around while T works on something they're keeping a secret."

"You're the only one keeping a secret."

She smirked. "Well, it's my secret to keep now, isn't it?."

"As long as it doesn't involve murder, keep it."

"And I will. For another week anyway." She cocked a hip. "Hey, since we're practically sisters and our daughters are cousins, don't you think I should get free food and drinks here?"

"Amy. Chair."

She laughed then turned and sat down with the girls. She watched them play Tic-Tac-Toe on napkins, feeling the eyes of a man across the room on her. She knew this man. He was Mason Dixon, and she wished he hadn't shown his face here, because she was going to kick his ass if he made one move toward these girls. She'd only met him once, and that was years ago.

Merle had just effectively screwed her over every surface—minus the stove—in the apartment. They were just resting on the floor, catching their breathes, but she was so exhausted. She passed out and woke up in up their bed, covered by the sheets, to see Merle and Mason in the kitchen, talking—more like growling—at each other. She didn't know what they were arguing about, but the next thing she knew, Mason was spitting up blood in their kitchen. Merle grabbed her and hauled her out of the apartment, wrapped in only a sheet. He gave her his shirt then bought her something to wear. They didn't go back to the apartment for a week.

What the hell was he doing here? She heard Paige groan and looked over as Sophia won yet again. "May I?" Amy asked Sophia.

"Sure. Umm, could she use your pen, Paige?"

"Sure. Here, Mommy. Can I see if Jacqui needs help with the muffins?"

"Yes, she'd love that." Amy accepted the pen and smiled at Sophia. "Don't hold back."

She laughed. "I won't."

Paige glanced at the man in the corner of the Greene Leaf. He looked a lot like Merle and Daryl, and she knew he was her grandfather. She had no interesting in meeting him. She went over Carol and asked if she could go into the back and help Jacqui.

"Well, we're going to close in about three hours, so we won't be making anything else, but she might need help putting stuff away."

"Okay." She slipped into the back. "Do you need help?"

Jacqui looked over. "Yes, I do need help. C'mere."

She climbed onto the chair. "Do you know him?"

"The man sitting by himself?" Jacqui met her eyes.

"Uh-huh."

"Unfortunately, yes I know him." She crossed her arms. "His name is Mason Dixon, and he's your grandfather."

"I know he is." She bit her bottom lip. "He's a bad man."

"Yes, he is."

"Why is he here?"

"I don't know, sweetheart." She tucked a curl behind her ear. "I'm sure he'll leave soon."

"So, what are we doing?"

Jacqui began to explain to Paige what she needed help with while Carol tended to the few customers in the shop, asking if anyone wanted anymore coffee or anything else. She wasn't sure if going over to Mason was a good idea or not, but she wanted to know what he was doing here. She could remember the only other time she wanted to talk to him. Daryl would've killed her if he knew about it, but she wanted to talk to him. He was her future father-in-law, even though they both wished he wasn't.

– – –

_Carol woke up before her parents, siblings and Daryl. She dressed and made herself something to eat then left the house. She dug her keys out of her purse and began to unlock the door to her car. She jumped when a light surrounded her, and she turned slowly, lifting a hand to block the light, seeing her mother holding a flashlight._

"_Where do you think you're going this early in the morning?"_

"_To...pick up some coffee for the Greene Leaf. Daddy asked me to...so, here I am, going to get coffee."_

"_That was last week, Carol. This is you sneaking out. Why are you sneaking out?"_

_She sighed. "I...want to talk to Mason Dixon, tell him about the baby and tell him to permanently leave us alone. Don't try and talk me out of it. I need to do this. I need to."_

_She nodded. "Well, do you have any Celtic Thunder CDs? I'll need music." _

"_You—you're coming with me?" Carol was flabbergasted. She expected her mom to wake the house and let her sisters, brother, Dad and Daryl lecture her on how stupid she was being. She didn't even consider her mom agreeing with her, let alone offering to come with her so she didn't have to face him alone. _

"_Yes, of course I'm coming. I'm not letting my daughter meet with a man so callus he abused his own flesh and blood. Besides, I need some air, and we can talk about my grandchild on the way. And the wedding, but we may need tissues for that."_

_Carol smiled, tears burning in her eyes, and she nodded, getting into the car. She drove to Mason Dixon's crappy little trailer, wondering if he would be there. He most likely would be there, drunk and passed out. She wasn't going to leave until they talked, and if he tried to hit her, she was going to call the cops and have him arrested. She wasn't scared of him, and she knew she could use one of the many bottles of vodka lying around as a weapon should be lunge at her. She would be fine, especially with her mom right there._

_Annette gazed at the trailer then at her daughter. "Do you want me to go in with you?"_

"_No. I want to talk to him myself." She undid her seat belt and pushed open the door. "If I'm not out in fifteen minutes, call the police."_

"_If you're not out in fifteen minutes, I'll be burying a body then calling the police."_

_She smiled. "I love you too, and thank you for not babying me."_

"_Babying you?"_

"_You know, asking me if I wanted you with me with...**that** tone. The one you used was...like you trust me, and you know I can do this alone." She gripped her hand and squeezed it. "I'll be right back. Fifteen minutes."_

_She watched her daughter march over to the front door, knock then open the door. She shifted in her seat and said a small prayer for both her daughter and Mason._

_Carol felt her dinner rush up to her throat at the smell of the trailer hit her, and she had to focus really hard to not be sick. She knew it always smelled, but my God, it smelled like someone lit a brewery on fire! Plus, with her pregnancy that increase her sense of smell to make sure she didn't ingest anything that could harm the baby, didn't help her queasy stomach._

_She swallowed hard and buried her nose in her jacket sleeve. "Mason!" She turned the light on beside her and saw a mess of liquor bottles and pizza boxes. It was disgusting. Oh, my gosh, something just moved! "Mason!"_

_In the doorway to his room Mason stood, leering in on the small redhead who had barged into his house without permission. He wore a tan flesh-colored t-shirt that was dirty with holey jeans. He looked like death, but unfortunately, he was still alive._

"_Well, if it isn't the mouthy little bitch." He stepped into the living room. "What do you want? Come to spread your legs for me this time?"_

"_Not even if you were the last man on God's green Earth."_

"_Figures." He sat down on the couch. "Since you came all this way, I doubt you're gonna just leave. What the hell do you want, slag?" _

"_It's Carol, Mason." She crossed her arms. "And what I want is for you and your disgusting self to stay away from Daryl and Merle."_

_He looked at her, his shoulders shaking as laughter busted through him. He tossed his head and bellowed out laughs so deep, they practically shook the room. He laughed so hard he had tears in his eyes._

"_Look, asshole, I don't want to even hear your voice again in my life, so—"_

"_Bitch, who the fuck do you think you are?" He rubbed his jaw. "Some little nerdy girl whose cherry's just been popped? You ain't ever gonna scare me, so whatever bull—"_

"_You don't scare me either!" Carol interrupted him. "I will never be afraid of a pathetic, drunken son of a bitch who can only feel good about himself by beating the daylights of his own flesh and blood! You don't even have the balls to beat them sober! You have to get high or drunk, because you're too much of a coward to be able to see them with clear vision as you draw blood and leave scars!"_

_He stood up._

"_Now, I came here to inform you for two things."_

"_And those two things are?" he growled._

"_I am pregnant—six weeks pregnant—with Daryl's child, and we're getting married." She searched his eyes. "Now, I don't want you around us ever! Daryl may never take you to court, but I will. If I see you or think I see you, I will not hesitate to get your ass thrown in jail for what you did to him and Merle!"_

"_Pregnant?"_

"_Yes, pregnant. Now, I—"_

"_Daryl? This is Daryl who got you pregnant?"_

"_Yes, Daryl."_

_He chuckled then went hysterical again. He fell onto the couch, kicking the air with both feet, and his face was blood red. He couldn't catch his breath, and he slammed his hand down on the table hard once—twice—three times. He just kept bellowing laughs that echoed back at her at the thought of Daryl actually having it in him to knock her up. "Jesus H—" He laughed again._

_She rolled her eyes. "I've no doubt Daryl is a more proficient lover than you."_

_He stopped laughing then. "He'll be the one boy you bed, so yeah, you'd say that."_

"_All I want from this is your word that you will never bother me or Daryl or our children ever."_

"_No."_

"_Why? Daryl's eighteen and able to take care of him, and you clearly never gave a shit about him."_

_He grabbed a cigarette from a pack on the coffee table and lit it up. "Whatever "relationship" you think you have with the boy ain't gonna last. He's gonna leave you or you're gonna leave him."_

"_That's not going to happen. I love Daryl wholeheartedly, and I would never leave him."_

_He blew smoke in her direction and pointed to her stomach. "That little mistake growing inside you is gonna be a bastard. You ain't gonna be no Dixon, just a bitch that got knocked up by one."_

"_My child will have a father and a mother, and I will marry Daryl, but you? You will not be a father-in-law or a grandfather. You'll just be a pathetic drunk who has nothing but his next bottle." She looked into his eyes. "You're nothing, Mason, and you'll always be nothing."_

_He stood up, taking a deep drag, and he walked over to her. He grabbed her chin and held her in place as he blew the smoke in her face. "Get the fuck out of my trailer." He shoved her back, and she coughed into her jacket. _

"_Were you always like this?" Carol hovered by the door. "With Daryl and Merle's mother as well? Did you wish them away while she was pregnant? Did you resent her for letting herself get pregnant?"_

_He just looked at her._

"_I'm glad she's dead. At least you can't hurt her anymore." She opened the door. "And I'll make sure you never hurt Daryl again. That's a promise." She left the trailer and got into her car._

"_You're late."_

"_I know." She buckled her seat belt with shaky hands. "I'm okay." She gripped her hands to still them, taking a deep breath._

"_I can see." She reached over and moved hair out of her face. "Let's go get breakfast. You're eating for two so that granola crap isn't enough. I will not have some skinny little grandchild. I want him or her to come out all fat and cute."_

_She smiled and hugged her. "I love you, Mom. Thank you so much for everything."_

_Annette smiled and held her. "Don't thank me. It was my pleasure, pretty girl."_

"_No, I am going to thank you. You and Dad didn't have to be such amazing parents, didn't have to sacrifice things for Shawn and for me, but you did. I love you both so much and respect you so much for that." She tried not to cry, but her life could've have been like Daryl's, and it made her ache to think how shitty Mason was when he could've been like her father. He chose to be shit, and she was thankful that her parents chose to be amazing. She was also thankful to have gotten Daryl away from Mason, and she would make sure Mason never hurt Daryl again._

"_If we're going to cry, can it be over eggs and wheat toast?" Annette mused, wiping away her daughter's tears._

"_I'm sorry." She took a deep breath. "I don't know why I'm crying."_

"_It's all right. Let's get out of here." Annette squeezed Carol's hands. "And I love you too, pretty girl. Here." She grabbed a tissue from the glove compartment. "Dry your eyes and take a breath."_

_Carol nodded. "Thanks." She calmed down and balled the tissue up, starting the car._

"_While we're at breakfast, we really should discuss the wedding. Nothing too big, because we both know how Daryl feels about people. He gets uncomfortable, and that's the last thing we need. Perhaps just family and Merle?"_

"_That sounds nice."_

"_By the way, let's never tell Daryl we were here. He would lose his water."_

_Carol laughed. "Yes, he would."_

_Annette smiled and glanced at Carol, wondering if she could mentioned Emily, Carol and Shawn's older sister who was stillborn. It was the worse day of her life, but she knew it was a possibility; her mother and grandmother and great-grandmother had lost their firstborns as well. She barely survived, and had she not had Shawn a year later, she wasn't sure where she'd be. She was scared to try again, but three years later, she discovered she was pregnant with Carol, and everything worked out. Maybe it would be different for Carol. She was strong, a fighter. Telling her would only make worry endlessly, and for all Annette knew, Carol would have a healthy baby. No, it was best she kept this to herself. Everything would be okay. She would pray for it all to be okay. _

_Carol glanced over at her mom. "Are you okay?"_

"_Yes. Why do you ask?"_

"_You look worried."_

"_No, I'm just tired. I need coffee."_

"_Are you sure that's it? I know the difference between worry and tired."_

"_Yes, I'm okay." She smiled. "Worry about Daryl. You smell like cigarettes."_

"_Oh, crap. He'll know I went to see Mason. I need to take a shower when we get home. Distract Daryl with farm work, please. He'll try and j—ask me how I feel today."_

"_Jask? I didn't know that was a word."_

_She laughed nervously. "It's French?"_

"_Uh-huh."_

– – –

Carol sat down across from him, crossing her legs, and she met his eyes. "I thought I told you never come around me or Daryl or our child."

"What can I say? This shithole has the best coffee." He smirked. "Speaking of, I want a refill."

"And I want you to die a slow yet befitting death." She returned his smirk. "We're out of coffee tonight. I just gave the rest to the gentleman behind you."

"Well, look at you. All grown up and trying to be the man." He scoffed. "How's the other kid doin'? Bet he's feedin' them worms nice this time of year, if there's anything left of him."

She clenched her jaw.

"So, you and the boy tried again, eh? She's cute."

"Luckily for Daryl, he got his looks from his mother." She rested her hands in her lap. "Why are you here?"

"Came to see my grandchildren. Why else?" He leaned back in his chair. "What's her name? Sarah? Sophie? Wait, no, no. Sophia. That's what you called her. Sophia Dixon. And the other one? The curly-headed one. What's her name?"

"That's none of your business."

"She's my kin, ain't she? That makes her my business."

"No, it doesn't." Amy planted herself beside Carol after making sure Sophia went into the kitchen to help Jacqui.

"You're the little blonde I saw at Merle's however many years ago. I thought you was dead."

"Me too. Hoped, anyway." She glared. "Why are you here?"

"Like I told my daughter-in-law, I'm here to see my grandkids." He smiled at her. "Is that so wrong?"

"Yes, it is, especially for a son of a bitch like you." She slapped him across the face with every ounce of hatred and strength in her body, and Carol shot up. "I know what you did to Merle! I saw the scars. How dare you show your face here? Let me go, Carol!"

"Stop! Stop! There are other customers. Calm down." She pulled Amy aside. "It's all right."

Mason blinked and chuckled deeply. "Now I get it. You're a fiery little thing. You must be a spitfire between the sheets."

"What?" Amy lunged. "What did you just say to me?!"

"Amy, stop it!" Carol pushed her back. "This is not the time nor place. Just go help Jacqui. Go."

"Mommy?" Paige looked at her from the doorway to the back. "What happened?"

Mason turned in his seat. "I happened. C'mere."

"Don't!" Amy demanded. "Go back and help Jacqui. I'll be there in a minute."

Paige narrowed her eyes and stepped back. "Mommy, come and help us."

"Go." Carol pushed her toward her daughter.

She sent a look of hatred to Mason then escaped to the kitchen. "Give me something to break!" She pushed hair out of her face.

"The freezer has ice over the vent." Jacqui held out the icepick. "Have at it."

She took it and went to the freezer. "Do not let me get locked in here."

"I won't."

In the other room, Carol opened the front door. "You need to leave, Mason. Right now."

"No."

The other customer left a tip and bolted from the Greene Leaf, Carol didn't have time to stop him, and she turned to Mason with such ire. She let the door close and grabbed his shirt, jerking him forward and she growled, "I wasn't asking."

– – –

Sasha stood there, numb then she groaned. "Oh, God." She barely made it to the bathroom as bile ran up her throat. She heaved into the toilet, emptying the content of whatever was left in her stomach.

"Sasha." Shawn went after her and gathered her hair away from her mouth. He bent down behind her and gently rubbed her back. He didn't even focus on what Vivian had just said to him. He wasn't going to think about it for even a second. Right now, his wife was getting sick, and he was going to tend to her. "Just get it out."

Vivian closed the door and went into the kitchen, finding a cloth in the laundry and wetting it, setting it gently to her cheek, wincing. "Do you have anything for pain?"

Shawn scoffed and shut the door, turning to his wife. "Do you want some water?"

She opened her mouth to say something, but wasn't able to. She threw up, gripping his hand tightly, and he ran his hand down her back until she felt better. She flushed the toilet and leaned against him. "I think I'm done."

"It's all right. C'mon, I'm right here." He helped her stand up and led her back to the living room, sitting her down on the couch and fetching her a glass of water. "Move," he told Vivian, who was blocking the sink.

"Ooh, ask nicely."

He gently pushed her and filled the glass with water, returning to Sasha. "Here."

"Thank you."

"Quite the whipped boy you have." Vivian wiped the last of the blood away and sat down on the sofa across from Sasha. "You'll have to tell me your trick."

"First acquire a soul," Shawn hissed then stood up and faced her. "Okay, what bullshit are you trying to pull? By the way, you should know I don't mind you talking, because I'm not really listening."

"Heh, how adorable, you think you can insult me." She waved it away. "And I'm not pulling anything. After our encounter, I discovered I was with child. I didn't have to do the math. When a man makes you come like you did, you certainly don't forget." She smiled seductively.

"I'm gonna throw up again." Sasha covered her mouth with her hand.

"Just breathe." He sat down.

"No, I need to get some air." She stood up and set the glass down then left through the back door.

He clenched his jaw. "Why now? Why after all this time?"

"He's been asking questions, and I figured you would rather answer them yourself." She crossed her legs. "I didn't mean to upset your poor wife."

"Bullshit. You live to destroy lives." He glowered. "And I know for a fact you didn't have my son."

"Do you now? You...don't seem sure." She searched his eyes. "Do you not remember? We didn't just do it once. You made love to me all night."

"Made love? Tssh, yeah, right. We had sex. Once." He wasn't sure though. He didn't fully remember.

"Well, I could always jog your memory."

"I like the holes."

She smirked. "Well, our son is waiting outside. It's a hot day, and I don't want him waiting in the car for hours. Shall I bring him in?"

"Sure, go get your kid. My only kids aren't born just yet."

"If you so much as mention them to him, I'll make you regret it."

"Look, Vivian, he's not my son. You can bring him in here and parade him around like a show pony, but he is not my son."

"You'll see for yourself." She left the house and went to get her son.

He rubbed his jaw and went to see how Sasha was. He found her sitting by the pool, staring at the water with a hand over her mouth, rubbing her belly. He took a deep breathe before walking over to her. "Hey."

"Is she still here?" She wouldn't look at him.

"Yeah, she's—she's gone to get her son."

"Jesus." She shook her head, eyes closed. "Just when I thought today couldn't get any worse."

"Sasha, I assure you this boy isn't mine." He dropped down to his knees in front of her. "He's not mine, and the reason you found blonde hair on my clothes and smelled perfume is because I've been helping Amy prepare to audition for a part in _Romeo and Juliet_. She wanted it to be kept a secret just in case she didn't get the part, because she didn't want anyone else to get crushed. I am so sorry you thought I was having an affair. I just don't like breaking promises."

"You were just... Oh, God." She opened her eyes. "No, don't be sorry. That's very sweet of you."

"You were wishing me dead this morning, weren't you?"

"Just for an hour."

He laughed.

She took his hand. "What if the boy is yours? What are you going to do?"

"A paternity test, for one. I doubt the kid is mine."

"You don't even remember the night, Shawn. He may be."

"I'll deal with that when the truth is revealed, yeah?" He met her eyes. "What about us? What does this do to us? Does it change anything?"

"All it does is give our kids a half-brother."

He smiled. "God, I love you." He kissed her.

"A-hem." Vivian cleared her throat loudly. "Nathan, this is Shawn."

A little boy with shaggy brown hair walked by her legs and looked at Shawn with similar blue eyes. He was about ten feet away, wearing a dark green shirt with denim overalls with a character on the chest. He knew she'd put him in that just to add to the facade, but now that the boy was right in front of him, it was so uncanny. He looked just like Shawn, only with Vivian's complexion and fingers, but the rest resembled him.

Shawn felt his stomach drop, and he stood up as the boy eyed him. "Nathan, yeah?"

"Or Nate, if you like," Vivian said softly.

Shawn approached the boy and got on his knees. "Hey...you."

"Hi." Nathan looked at him.

Vivian smiled and turned her gaze to Sasha. "Let's give them a minute."

Sasha rose and entered the house after Vivian, sending a glare to her and pulling the door shut. "I don't know what you're trying to do here, but if you hurt him in any way—"

"If I hurt him?" She laughed outright. "Do you not recall the pain of _him _cheating on _you_? Why go back to him? Are you so desperate?"

"Do you not remember what happened in the living room? I'll gladly refresh your memory, Vivian."

She folded her arms. "Look, I'm not here to hurt anybody. I just want my son to meet his father."

"Well, we'll see if he is the father in an hour." Sasha glanced out the window as Shawn spoke to the boy.

"So protective." Vivian ran her eyes over Sasha. "Do you really love this man so much?"

"Yes, I do."

"How? He was engaged to you, but still he came to me. He chose to come to my house that night, accepted the drink and kissed me." Her brown eyes burned holes into Vivian. "He doesn't remember, but I do. I remember every kiss, every touch, every thrust. Do you know how many times he made me come?"

"If you think you're getting under my skin, you're really not." She shrugged. "Because you had drunk Shawn, and trust me, there's a difference. One you will never know."

"We'll see."

"We'll see?" Sasha laughed. "Oh, you think Shawn's going to divorce me and leave our twins fatherless? Wow, I don't know what makes you so obtuse, but I'm thoroughly impressed at how well you make it work."

"Marriage is just a word."

"Not to Shawn. He loves me deeply, unconditionally and our children too. He despises you with every fiber of his being, and Shawn doesn't hate, but he's made a special exception for you." Sasha shook her head. "You know what? This should be a quiet moment."

She made some tea to calm her nerves and watched Shawn talk to the boy. She couldn't help but smile. She knew Nathan might be his son, but that look on his face was just so endearing. He was going to be like that with their children, and that made her happy for a minute then she began to wonder. She began to wonder why Vivian would have unprotected sex with a man she didn't even know. Unless she knew who he was. She doubted Vivian wanted Shawn's sperm for his good hair gene. What did she want Shawn for? And why show him Nathaniel now?

"So, twins? Triplets?" Vivian asked. "You or Shawn said kids, and I don't see any other children around here, so...which?"

Sasha scoffed. The bitch didn't even have the decency to listen. That didn't even surprise her. "Why does it concern you?"

"Well, they'll be my child's siblings, so I'd like him to know about them."

"What I'm having doesn't concern you, because for all we know that kid may not even be yours."

She glared. "He is—"

"Yeah, yeah." She took a drink of her tea and sat down at the table.

"Don't be worried about labor. It's not too bad." She then smirked. "But I only had one child."

"If that," Sasha murmured as she took another drink of tea.

The backdoor opened, Shawn walked in with the boy holding onto his fingers, and Vivian smiled at the sight of it, as did Sasha. He tried to get the boy to let go so he could talk to Sasha, but he was unyielding. Shawn just let him hang onto his fingers as he went over to his wife.

"Well, I think it's cotton swab time. Vivian, get your kid, please."

"Drop the y." She went over to Nate and told him to let go gently, picking him up. "Let's go. We can take my car. There's more room, and you two can talk to Nate."

"No, thank you." Sasha rose. "We'll go individually."

"Have it your way. We'll see you soon."

Shawn waited until she was out of the house before he spoke. "I think you should stay here."

"What?!"

"I just don't think it's necessary for both of us to be there. He might be my kid, not yours. Well, I think you'd know if he was yours, but that's me digressing." He locked the backdoor. "I just don't think I need you there. I'll call you with news."

"The woman you had an affair with—"

"Why do you say affair? It was one freaking time!" He shook his head. "I'm sorry. That just bugs me."

"You don't even remember, Shawn. It could've been several times."

He narrowed his eyes. "Are you kidding me? You're going to believe her over me? Her?!"

"I know she's lying, but maybe not about all of it."

"Oh for God's sake, Sasha!"

"Don't yell at me, because you slept with her!"

"Okay, you know what, I'm permanently done with this argument." He grabbed her cup of tea and poured it into the sink. "Let's go to the hospital." He grabbed her hand and led her out of the house. "Wait, I forgot my keys." He ran back inside, grabbed his jacket and keys then locked up and got in the car.

She crossed her arms, not looking at him.

"I refuse to let her come between us again," he told her, starting the car. "I'm an ass, and I had an affair where I may have gotten her pregnant, and we'll deal. We always do, yeah?"

She exhaled and saw his hand reaching for hers, so she smiled a little and took it. "Yeah."

––

Sasha waited with Shawn in the waiting room, watching as Vivian and Nathan played with blocks a few feet away, and Shawn held his wife's hand in both of his, nervous and a little shaken. He knew Sasha had said Nate would just be their kids half-brother, but he felt if Nathan was his, it would cause problems between them. They would have to have Vivian in their life constantly, and Sasha hated her as much as Shawn did, so whenever they saw each other, it would be tense and awkward.

To be completely honest, he seriously didn't want Nathan to be his son. The kid was really great and polite from the forty-five minutes they spent together, but he didn't want his mistake with Vivian to have brought that child into the world. He didn't want to remember that night any more than he already did, and that kid would be a constant reminder to both him and Sasha. He didn't want to do that to her, but he wasn't going to push away his son. It would be so hard on all of them, even the twins, because he would have to explain it to them, and they would know that, even though he loved their mother with his entire soul, he still...betrayed her in the worst way. He didn't want them to know that for as long as possible, but if Nate was his, he'd tell them when they were twelve or so. God, they would hate him for it. He knew they would, because he still did.

If Nathaniel is his son, he'll have to deal with Vivian more than any man should in his life. She was a foul woman. She was selfish and money-grabbing and needy and just atrocious. She was everything he found unattractive in a woman. Honestly, how she managed to raise that boy to be so polite and soft-spoken was beyond him. Hell, he probably learned it from his many nannies. Vivian was the type of woman who couldn't keep a plant alive, let alone another human being, so definitely the nanny.

He slouched in his seat, holding her hand tighter. He didn't know what he would do—apart from the right thing—if Nate was his son. He had so many plans for the twins, but they were babies, not a kid. He didn't know how to entertain a little kid. Sophia was easy, because she was Carol's, and he knew what Carol liked as a child. He just remixed it with a little Daryl. And God. But Nate? What the hell did he do there? Seriously?

Sasha watched as Shawn went from confident to worried to frozen with fear, gripping her hand tighter with each shift. She knew how terrified he was. They were both preparing for babies, and to find out he might had a child who wasn't a baby was...difficult for them both. She still didn't know how she felt. She may know when the results were in. Or she would just feel nauseated again.

It was the possibility that Shawn had create life with a woman who he hated before he made life with the woman he loved. She didn't want to be pregnant that early in their relationship, especially since they were taking it slow, but to know that maybe someone else had given birth to his child... She wasn't even sure. She would never wish away life, because it was so beautiful and precious and priceless. All she wished is that the results were negative, that Nate wasn't his son, and that Vivian was just screwing with them to try and break them up.

Dr. Subramanian walked over to them, feeling as if it was only yesterday Carol and Daryl were sitting there, waiting for the results on Sophia. "Shawn, Vivian."

He lifted his eyes, but didn't move. "Well?"

"Well," he nodded, "Nathaniel Lovelace is...your biological son."

Shawn paled. "What?"

Vivian smirked. "I told you." She tucked hair behind her ear. "Shall we speak?"

"Are—are you positive?" Shawn asked.

"Yes, he is." Vivian stood up. "Now, I want to talk to you."

"Shut up," Shawn snapped. "We'll talk when I'm ready, not before. I need to get out of here. Umm, I'll see you at home." He kissed Sasha, setting the keys in her hand, and he ran out of the parking lot.

"Can I get you anything?" Dr. S asked Sasha.

"No, thank you." She stood up. "I have to go after him."

"Maybe I should," Vivian offered. "We can talk while you...get some rest."

"Look, Vivian, he's my husband. Just because you had his kid before me doesn't give you a claim to him, so shut the hell up and tend to your child." She departed, following Shawn in the car.

––

"Oh, shit!" Jacqui ran out to the front door. "Carol, stop. You don't want to do this."

"Yes, I do!" She was so tired of men like Mason, and that comment about Ethan just added to her hatred. She wanted him to pay for all that he'd done to Daryl and to Merle and to his wife. She wanted to make him bleed as he made them bleed.

"Mommy, no!" Sophia screamed.

Carol was breathing heavily, and it took everything she had to let him go. She wouldn't hurt him in front of her daughter. She wouldn't. She shrugged off Jacqui's arms. "I'm fine." She held her hands were Jacqui and Sophia could see them.

"I'll handle this." Jacqui rubbed her back. "Go and help Amy."

She nodded and started for the back. "It's okay."

"Leave, sir. Otherwise I'll calling the police."

He chuckled darkly. "As if I would listen to a nigger."

"That's it! Sophia, back now!" Sophia ran into the back, and Carol grabbed the coffee of the customer who ran out and tossed it on Mason, glass and all. "**Get out!**"

Jacqui went to call the police.

Mason rose, wiping coffee from his face, and he slapped Carol to the ground. He tried to kick her, but she rolled away and got onto her feet. "You bitch." He lunged, she ducked and let him run into the table, falling over with it.

"Amy, keep the girls back!" Carol shouted when the door started to open. She backed up from Mason. "What, am I too much for you?" She smiled, very arrogant.

He shot up, Carol braced herself, and he tried to hit her again, but she dodged him again, and he fell into the table behind her. He gripped his jaw, finding blood there.

The front door opened, Carol looked and saw Daryl, and she was kicked to the ground before she even say his name. She groaned and looked up to see Daryl tackling Mason to the ground, and she gasped as Daryl punched Mason in the face, hard.

"Daryl, stop it, please!" Carol pushed herself onto her knees and stood up as blood splattered onto the floor from Mason's face. She grabbed his arm to stop him. "Stop! You're going to kill him!"

"Good." After all these years, the fucker showed his face. Not only was he in the Greene Leaf, but he kicked his girlfriend and God knows what else. Daryl didn't care before if Mason hit him, but he would never let him hit Carol. How dare he think he can just hit Carol? No. No, Daryl had had enough of him. He needed to be stopped.

"Sophia's here." She wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his neck. "Don't let her see you do this. Please, stop it." She held him tightly. "Please."

Daryl looked up, but didn't see Sophia. He could hear the girls in the back, though, and he didn't want them to see him like this. He stood up, and Carol embraced him tightly. He kicked Mason's legs aside and led Carol away from him. He looked her over. "You okay? I saw that kick."

"I'll be fine. God, your hand." She looked over the busted knuckles and brought his hand to her lips, kissing it. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah." He wiped the blood from the corner of her mouth.

"Bunch of pussies," Mason spat.

Daryl spun around and slammed his boot into his father's face, hearing a crack when he broke his nose. "Shut the hell up." It felt good to hurt Mason, but Daryl wasn't going to become him. He might always have this burning hatred for his father inside of him, but day by day, seeing his daughter and seeing Carol helped him to forgot about what happened, forget the hatred. He hoped that someday they helped to rid him of this hate.

Mason laughed as he held his nose, snapping it back into place. "You screamed like a little bitch when they broke your arm."

Carol tensed. He was there? Oh, God, Mason was there? Why didn't Daryl say anything about it? Did he not know? God, how could a man watch as a group of people beat the shit out of his son? Mason Dixon wasn't even worthy of being called a man. He was scum, lower than scum.

"You whimpered like a little girl as they beat your ass. Tsh, hoped they'd finished you, but they didn't. Damn shame that." He wiped the blood away, turning his head to look at them. "Fucked you up good, though, didn't they?" He laughed.

"Daryl." Carol gripped his jacket tighter. "Let's get ice for your knuckles."

Mason didn't move from the floor, Carol tended to Daryl's hand, and Sophia didn't leave their side. Amy held Paige close while Jacqui got ice for Daryl, and they all agreed to just tell the truth. And about ten minutes later the cops arrived, Rick spoke to all of them about what happened, and they all told the truth. Amy had hit him first then Carol with the coffee cup and then he just attacked her and Daryl walked in and punched him to protect Carol and the girls.

"Do you think he woulda went after the Jacqui and Amy and the girls?" Rick asked Daryl.

"Yeah, I know he woulda." He adjusted the ice on his knuckles.

Rick nodded. "Well, it's a damn shame your cameras are out."

Carol glanced over from where she sat with Sophia in her lap. "Our cameras?"

"Yeah, Jacqui told me they were broken. Damn shame, right, Walsh?"

"Yep." Shane nodded. "We'll just have to take y'all on your word."

Rick arrested Mason for assault, and they left after making sure the girls were all right. Rick had given them both a chocolate police badge, and he even gotten them to smile a little. They were both raised to smile when they thanked someone, but it was still a smile.

"Well, the blood's cleaned up and the tables are back in place." Jacqui turned the lights off. "Hopefully, this won't impact our customers."

"I doubt it," Amy assured her. "You guys have the best coffee."

"Thank you." She smiled. "Drive safe, you two."

They exited the Greene Leaf to let Jacqui lock up, Sophia and Paige hugged goodbye while Carol thanked Amy for keep the girls back. Daryl thanked her for that too, and she just shrugged it off. They headed out, Amy and Paige going the opposite way, and Daryl grasped Carol's hand as they walked to his car with Sophia, who was pale and quiet.

At his place, Sophia just slowly removed her shoes and jacket, and Daryl asked to talk to her. Carol nodded and went to call her parents and tell about what happened.

"Hey." He sat down on the floor in front of her. "Been real quiet."

She set her shoes by the door and sighed, nodding.

"Your mom was just protectin' y'all. That man was a bad guy. He woulda hurt y'all."

"He's my grandfather though." Sophia had heard him. He wasn't the most soft-spoken man in the world. "But he's bad?"

"When I was a kid, he used to beat me, like Ed did to your mom."

"Why?"

"I dunno. He was the same to Merle."

She had tears in her eyes. "Mommy yelled at me."

"You ain't in trouble. I swear."

"No, her voice was the same when she wanted me to leave, so Ed would hurt her. Did he hurt her?"

He nodded. "But she'll be all right. Mason's gonna pay for what he did. The right way, by law and all that."

"He won't hurt Mommy again?"

"No one's gonna hurt her again or you ever."

She hugged him. "You either, Daddy." She dug her hands into his back. "Promise me."

He smiled a little. "I promise."

– – –

_They were lying in his bedroom, Sasha was across his chest with the tips of her toes barely brushing the floor. They were wrapped up in the sheets, looking at the pictures he had dangling down on strings, and he twirled a purple tulip in between his fingers. They'd been dating for six months now, and already she was head over heels in love with him. She'd kept telling herself not to fall in love so soon, because of what happened the last time, but she just couldn't help it. She'd never met anyone like Shawn before, and she probably never would meet someone like him again. She made a promise to not tell him how she felt just yet. After all, the last time she told a man she loved him, he left. She didn't want to see that repeated._

"_Tell me something," he softly said, running the petals of the tulip down her shoulder._

"_What do you want to know?"_

"_Am I your favorite hello?"_

"_What?" She rolled her head to look at him._

"_I'm just curious. Am I your favorite hello?"_

"_Uh, no. No, you're my most annoying hello," she teased._

"_Well, fine. I'll just return this." He dangled a box over her nose then pulled it back when she reached for it. "No, no. This is for my other person who knows I'm their most favorite hello."_

_She rolled onto her side, moving her arm to rest across his stomach. "What is that?"_

"_No, nothing. It's not important anymore."_

"_Shawn."_

_He smiled. "Sasha." He leaned up and kissed her, holding a box out to her, but she didn't take it. "You are my heart, my soul, and I know I'm going to love you for a long, long time."_

_She smiled a little. "You are so weird."_

_He set the box on his chest. "This is the ring I intend to use when I ask you to marry me."_

_She laughed. "Well, that's confident!"_

"_And truthful." He pushed the box toward her. "There's a ring in there that I'm going to use when I ask the most beautiful woman in the world to marry me, some photographer guy."_

_She moved the box aside and pushed up on her knees to hover over him. "Well, I hear the photographer guy is pretty great."_

"_Not really." He took the box and dropped it into the drawer. "But this woman? She's just gorgeous in every way. I mean, I don't see what she sees in him."_

"_Well, there's the great smile, the beautiful eyes, and oh...the sex. It's pretty good too."_

"_Well, I feel like a high schooler."_

_She laughed. "What, you can't take it?"_

"_No, my ego is so fragile."_

_She shook her head and smiled. "Can I talk to you? Like adults. Mature adults."_

_He nodded._

"_I want to thank you for that night in the snow storm. I really appreciate you listening to me when I told you the whole story. It was really sweet of you."_

"_What, you're not used to a guy listening to you?"_

"_Not one that is giving me his undivided attention." She kissed him. "Thank you."_

"_I just wanted to get into your pants."_

"_Shawn!"_

"_What? The talk was over." He laughed. "And how do you know I wasn't being serious?"_

"_Because I know you better than you think." She leaned down and kissed him, her long fingers grasped strands of his hair, and she parted his lips. She felt his hands on her hips, pulling her closer, and she heard something._

"_Mmm." He pulled back. "Shit."_

"_What is that?" She listened._

"_That would be my parents." He ran a hand through his hair. "Would you be willing to hide in the closet?"_

"_No, I wouldn't be willing to hide in the closet." She stood up, gathering her underclothes. "All right, where are my pants?"_

"_On the tripod." He slipped into his boxers and jeans. "Your top's...on the chair there."_

_They quickly got dressed, Annette and Hershel hadn't called to him, so they weren't suspecting anything. If they had thought he had any company, they'd have called to him and lectured about the house rules. They could have sex in the house, but no one else. That was creepy and scarred him mentally, and it was unfair. All right, it was his fault for buying more equipment and not saving up for his own place, but he helped them out too. All of the time, actually. He worked the Greene Leaf and made sure everything worked and was up to code; he made sure the fridge was full of food and helped out with the farm whenever he could. Couldn't they cut him some slack? Ever?_

_Sasha adjusted her belt and glanced him, giggling a little. "You missed a button."_

"_That explains why it's uneven." _

"_You're impressively skilled at taking them off but not putting them on?"_

"_Well, there's no fun to be had with them on," he mused, re-buttoning his shirt and fixing his collar. "Do you have a hairbrush? Your hair gives us away."_

"_And yours doesn't?" She dug a brush out of her purse._

"_When have you seen my hair decent?"_

"_Was that intentional? Or are you just that lazy?"_

"_Both. I was very popular in high school."_

_She rolled her eyes._

"_What? I was."_

"_No, I remember." She ran her brush over the tangles in her hair. "You were an asshole too."_

"_An asshole? How would you know if I was an asshole? I kept that side to myself." _

"_Do you remember the freshmen with braided hair and glasses?" She met his eyes. _

"_A lot of freshmen had braids. Fishnet, French, twisted, waterfall—whatever else you X chromosome bearers came up with. Why?"_

"_Well, it was the third week of our freshmen year, and my friend Donna accidentally ran into a senior." She watched his face to see if he remembered at all. "It was chilli and chips in the cafeteria, and it dumped all over one of the seniors."_

_He thought back, trying to remember a Donna._

"_The boy who it dumped on didn't mind, but his friend...went off on her." She crossed her arms. "That was you, Shawn."_

"_Me? I went off on a freshmen? Tsh, that's not... Wait." He suddenly remembered then. "Yeah, Donna. She wore black-framed glasses and her hair was braided down her back. Yeah...oh, God."_

"_You made her cry."_

"_I did." His voice was soft. "I completely humiliated her."_

"_Yeah, you asshole." _

"_Well, from my point of view, she ruined my paper for the next period that I was reviewing, and that cost me to get an F for that six weeks. I didn't have a flash drive with me to print off another copy, and I was pissed at myself, but I took it out on her. I normally wear this necklace, but I took it off to shower that morning, and I forgot to put it back on." He ran his hand down his jaw. "But I totally made it up to her. Did she tell you that?"_

_She shook her head._

"_I felt so bad about making her cry, so I bought her two sour cream doughnuts and chocolate milk and apologized endlessly the next day. Next Monday, anyway. I spent the entire weekend thinking it over, which was pure torture, because that could've been Carol. I grew up with the clumsiest kid ever, so I couldn't understand why I snapped like that. I was already failing that class anyway. What was one more F?" _

"_You bought her doughnuts and chocolate milk?" She closed the space between them, sliding her arms around his waist._

"_I even took her to a football game. It was terrible, and we ended up in my car, shaking to death it was so cold." He laughed softly at the memory. "I literally gave her two layers of my clothes to keep warm. It was horrible."_

"_Please tell me you did not—"_

"_Hell, no! She was a freshmen, and I was a senior. It was like cradle robbing. She was fresh out of eighth grade. Gross!"_

"_You do realize we're the same age, me and Donna. And me and Carol."_

"_Yes, well, you were born before Carol and Donna both, yeah?" She nodded. "That's a good...three month difference."_

"_All right, I'll let you have that." She pursed her lips. "Wait, didn't you bring me doughnuts and chocolate milk at work once?"_

"_They were coconut-y and I would've eaten the dozen by myself. I already had Beth telling me I'm fat, so I had to share."_

"_You are getting a little round," she teased._

"_It's muscle."_

"_Sure, okay."_

"_Well, I'm going to go give myself an eating disorder for you."_

"_Shawn, that isn't funny."_

"_I didn't say it was." He walked backwards toward the door, holding onto her. "Let's go get something to eat. All this food talk is making me hungry."_

"_I need my purse."_

"_Trust me, we're coming back here." He kissed her._

"_Now you're just getting cocky."_

_He smirked and took her head, heading down the stairs. "Oh, crap." He ran back up. "Your father's down there."_

"_My father?" She smiled at the fear on his face. "I wonder why."_

"_Okay, umm, are you willing to go out the window? 'Cause I am." _

"_It's been six months. If you really want to marry me, he'll be your father-in-law."_

"_Do you want me to faint—in a very manly way—and fall down the stairs?"_

"_Stop being so ludicrous. Come on." She took his hand and all but shoved him down the stairs. She smiled at her dad. "Hey."_

"_Hey." He smiled back. "Shawn, I can see you."_

"_Huh?" He stepped out from behind her. "I just dropped a penny. Dr. Douglas. It's great to see you. I would love to stay and chat, but we have plans."_

"_Unless you're starving, I think dinner can wait." Sasha stepped into the living room. "What are you doing here?"_

"_He's come to help repair the RV," Hershel answered. "Since Shawn's been...preoccupied with other things, and I have to tend to the farm, I don't have much time to fix it."_

"_Other things being fulfilling my lifelong dream of being a photographer," Shawn quickly shot back. "Not Sasha."_

_A silence._

"_So, the RV?" Sasha sent him a slight glare before turning her attention to Hershel. "I thought you'd both sold it years ago."_

_Annette traipsed into the hallway where Shawn stood, and she nodded toward the stairs. They sat down the steps as Hershel, T-dog and Sasha talked about the RV and its repairs. Annette saw how Sasha played with a twisted leather band that was very important to Shawn, because Ethan gave it to him when he was young, as she spoke with Hershel and her father. She also saw how Shawn kept adjusting a necklace that held a lot of flash drives—he always kept flash drives on that necklace ever since he was in high school—and she'd noticed a small red hat in between flash drives. Jacqui had given it to Sasha when she decided to become a fire fighter. It was a sweet exchange._

"_You're awkward enough as it is without putting this much effort into it."_

"_Well, this talk has been lovely—"_

"_Shawn, he doesn't mind," she whispered._

"_He doesn't?" He met her eyes then glanced at T-dog. "Seriously?"_

"_Not anymore." She exhaled. "He sees how happy you make her."_

"_Then why glare me to death?"_

"_Because of her ex." She crossed her legs. "You probably don't know that he and Sasha were considering marriage."_

"_Whoa, marriage? She said they'd only been dating for, like, a year."_

"_Do you expect her to go around telling the entire story?"_

"_No, I just thought she'd have told me that. It's been six months. I don't plan on going anywhere."_

"_She'll tell you when she's ready, I'm sure." She laced her fingers together. "Anyway, as I was saying, Theodore was just trying to let her recover from that relationship before she got into another."_

_That explained why he told Shawn not to get any ideas. He honestly didn't. He thought she was hot, sure, but he didn't think about asking her out. He didn't date that much, mostly because he worked all the time, and he didn't really like any of the women in this town, save for Sasha and Lilly. He got his fill of dating in high school. And then he met Sasha. _

_He just flirted with her from time to time just to see that adorable smile, and he tried to be friends, but he had feelings for her. He knew that she did too, but he didn't want to upset T, because he had a lot of respect for him, so he didn't act on it. Sasha then took matters into her own hands and grabbed him and kissed him at the Christmas Eve party. For a second, he thought he was standing under then mistletoe, but he wasn't. Then he thought it was the spiked eggnog, but she asked him to dinner a week later. It took him a week to fully get over that kiss. She was quite a woman._

"_Do you understand that at all?"_

_Shit, she was still talking? Oh, crap. "Huh, yes. Yes, I do."_

"_Really, you understand the process of gene therapy?"_

"_I'm sorry. I was lost in thought." He ran a hand through his air. "Were you really talking about gene therapy?"_

"_No." She laughed, and he chuckled. "Just be respectful. That's all I ask."_

"_I am respectful and gentlemanly and whatever else you raised me to be." He hated when she told him to be respectful, because he was. "I love Sasha, for God's sake!"_

"_What?" Everyone—even Shawn—asked._

_Oh, no. No, no, no, no. He paled. Did those words just come out of his mouth? He'd never even told Sasha how he felt, and he just announced it to the entire room. Well, maybe if he looked down, he would be naked. That would make this just another nightmare. He glanced down. Nope, he was dressed, fully dressed and being stared out. Speak, Shawn, it tends to be helpful._

_He climbed to his feet as Sasha approached him, trying to speak. "I...me, Shawn...kinda love you, Sasha." Hopefully, she bought pepper spray, because that was horrible. Me, Shawn? He wasn't raised by apes, just wolves apparently._

_She slowly smiled with a few tears in her eyes. "I love you too."_

"_Really?" It was more judgmental than he meant it to be. It sounded like **Really, you love this idiot? Poor girl, where's your medication? **_

_She laughed a little. "Yes." She kissed him and hugged him._

_Shawn held her tightly, lifting her off the ground. Holy shit, this woman loves me. He was so surprised for some reason, but it was the best surprise. _

"_Well, there'll be no separating them now," Hershel mused._

_Annette smiled. "Why don't we go check on the RV?"_

_They left to give Sasha and Shawn a moment, Shawn kissed her deeply, and she smiled at him like sunshine. He vowed then to make sure she wore a smile that happy for the rest of her life._

– – –

Sasha located Shawn at her old apartment. It hadn't been rented out to anyone just yet, she'd forgotten to give the super her old emergency key that was hidden under the fire extinguisher; and Shawn knew both the hiding place and that she'd forgotten to turn it in, so of course he'd go there.

She looked around the living as Shawn sat in the window, hands in his hair, his head by his knees. "It's so much bigger empty. Echos more too."

"What's your point?" His tone was soft and deep, not at all like his normal tone.

"There's no point, just stating the obvious." She sat beside him. "Do you remember our first date?"

"What are you—?"

"Do you remember our first date?" she repeated.

"Yes." He exhaled slowly. "I took you to that little Mexican place, because you liked spicy food, and they had the best spicy food."

"And you cried."

He chuckled once. "Your food could've lit the world on fire without trying. I swear it made my throat bleed."

She smiled. "You were a mess, but you got through it."

His smile dropped. "This is different. It's not food or death in the shape of food. It's a kid." He looked at her. "It's a kid I have with a woman I hate more than anything."

"Yes, it is." She nodded. "You'll get through this too. I know you will."

"It's not just—Sasha, it's—God!" He shot up and began to pace the length of the living room. "This is a little boy who I don't—who I can't even—Tssh! I can't do this, Sasha. I can't. I—I already am freaking out about our twins, and now this pops up? How am I gonna do this?"

"How are you going to do this?"

He slumped against the closet wall to him. "When you told me you were pregnant, I just put on a show for your sake. I didn't want you to know how utterly unprepared I am. Even now I'm not ready to be a father."

"All the books say you'll be ready when you hold your child," Sasha said, "but that's not true in your case."

"Well, great. I'm worthless even according to the books." He collapsed to the floor.

"Shawn, you're not a textbook father. You're just a guy who loves deeply and respects everyone and is willing to do anything for a smile, even for a stranger. You're not Ethan or Hershel, and you never will be them."

"My fathers wouldn't have cheated in the first place."

"Okay, Shawn, you have to stop comparing yourself to them! I love you, but if you say that one more time, I'm going to kill you! You're nothing like your fathers, but that doesn't mean you'll be a horrible father! You're a fantastic uncle and a good man! You'll be an amazing father to our twins and to Nathan! Yes, things are a little complicated, but life is complicated!"

He was silent.

"Life is an endless spiral of unknown and complications, you just have to accept that and move on. Right now, there's a little boy who wants to know his father. Are you going to just sit here and wait for the super to arrest you for trespassing or is the man I fell in love with going to come back?"

A beat.

He picked at his jeans and blew out a sigh. "I'm not the man you fell in love with anymore, Sasha. I'm not a good man. I'm just...a man-child who shouldn't have pursued you three years ago."

She stared at him, not sure who this man was in front of her.

"Just leave me be, okay?" He didn't look at her.

"Shawn, you can't be serious."

"Well, I'm not." He smiled at her. "But you should've seen your face. That was priceless."

"You're an asshole! I really thought you meant that!"

"I am a man-child, yes, but the rest was bullshit." He hopped up. "Let me drive. I know what need to do now."

"And what's that?" She neared him.

"To go shopping for our nursery." He kissed her, setting a hand on her stomach. "So, bunk-cribs, no or yes? How about a lava lamp?"

"No and no."

Before he could reply, he felt the baby or babies kick, and he let out a small laughing breath. He met her eyes, and she fell in love with the look his eyes held. He didn't move his hand for a moment then he opened the door and held a finger up. "They agreed with me."

"I'm sure they were trying to kick each other."

"Would you let me win just once?"

"No."

"Fine, but I'm drawing you a bath when we get home for being punching Vivian. And a massage for chasing me down."

"All right."

––

Carol turned the bathroom light on as Daryl spoke to Sophia, and she lifted her shirt up, seeing the black and yellow boot print on her stomach, and she touched it gingerly, wincing at the pain. She didn't think he'd kicked her that hard, but he must have put his weight behind it. It took up almost half her stomach. God, it was like with Ed, only Mason's foot was much bigger.

"Shit." Daryl's eyes widened as he entered the bathroom. "Carol, that ain't good."

"I'm okay. Really. It'll heal."

He pulled her to him by her hips. "You gotta get checked out by a doctor. He might have bruised a rib or somethin'."

"I'm okay. It hurts, but it's just a bruise."

"That ain't just a bruise. You're gonna get looked at by Dr. Stookey tomorrow. No arguin'."

"Fine, but when I come home completely healthy, you're making me waffles."

"Tsk, we'll go out and get waffles."

She smiled and kissed him, closing the space between them. "You worried me." She rested her forehead against his, her eyes closed. "I—I know he deserved it, but God...I didn't think you were going to stop."

"For a minute there, I didn't think I was gonna stop either." He stroked her stomach gently, his thumb brushing over the Cherokee rose. "But you stopped me."

She leaned over and kissed him. "I love you."

He started to kiss her again, but he heard Sophia. "Damn. Do you think we can—?"

"No." She giggled. "Not even if we were both unscathed. She'd keep calling." She wrapped an arm around his neck. "So, my birthday is tomorrow, and Beth wants us to have a celebratory breakfast since I don't want a party. She's also agreed to watch Sophia for a few hours while we celebrate on our own."

He smirked.

"And I think Maggie got a gift for me that will you enjoy."

"Can't wait."

She kissed him once more then stepped back. "I'm exhausted. Let's order a pizza and watch a movie in our room?"

"'Our' room?"

She nodded. "Our room."

He grabbed her by her hips and kissed her deeply, and she giggled at first then opened her mouth to his and moaned softly. He wanted her so much, but he would wait. They'd have tomorrow and the next day and the next day. Mason was going to rot for the longest time Rick could get, and Carol and Sophia were moving in. Things were looking up, and he didn't feel the need to keep his guard up for the first time in his entire life.

– – –

"Beth Dianne Greene," Carol growled, seeing her entire family and Amy and Paige and Andrea and Dale in the dining room with breakfast food and presents and balloons in the corner. She didn't want a party, and this was a party. After spending two hours in the ER for X-rays and other useless crap, she was ready to eat, take a nap and spend time with Daryl then Daryl and Sophia. She didn't want to deal with people. Damn you, Beth!

"Dale and Andrea came over to give you a card, and they saw the balloons... Okay, fine! It's a party. Just deal with it, all right? Every birthday is a gift, so enjoy!"

"No one is singing to me." She sat down at the table. "Is that fresh pineapple?"

"I know how much you loved it in high school," Andrea said, "so I brought some for you."

"Thank you. That's so sweet." She smiled. "I'll be less grouchy once I have sugar and coffee. Pass the pineapple, please."

"So, we finished the nursery, kid." Shawn handed her the syrup. "It's kick-ass."

"Really?" Her brows shot up. "I am stunned. You're growing up!"

"Ha ha." He rolled his eyes. "You should come by and see it. You'll be even more stunned."

"I will." She smiled.

"Hey, when this is over, can I talk to you? It's important."

"Sure."

"I hope I'm not going to cut into Daryl doing weird sex stuff to you."

Carol giggled when Daryl nearly dropped the salt. "Don't worry. There's won't be any Little Dixons any time soon." She crossed her legs. "Speaking of Dixon, did Jacqui—?"

"Yes. She called when she got home. We've agreed to wait until tomorrow to bring it up." Beth handed her the biscuits. "Talk 'bout happy things. Like Karen. How is she?"

"I don't know. I haven't called her in a while. I didn't want to interrupt her anniversary, and lately, I've been so busy. I'll have to call her tomorrow."

"So, how's your arm?" Amy asked Daryl. "Have you finally let it just heal? Because if I find out you're trying to use that arm, I'll sedate you until it's heal, mister."

He rolled his eyes, chewing to avoid answering.

"Speak, Daryl. I'm not going to stop bugging you." She set her fork and knife down to make a point.

He swallowed. "It's fine. Carol and Sophia get on me enough, so shut up."

"So, how much longer are you two going to be staying with Daryl?" Annette asked, pouring water into her teacup.

Carol glanced at Daryl. "Do you wanna tell them?"

"Tell us what?" Hershel repressed the smile.

"We're gonna live together." He didn't look away from her. "We'll—"

"A-hem," Amy interrupted.

"She'll pack up their stuff tomorrow." He sent her a glare, and she smirked. "Amy's gonna help too."

"I can't, but I would love to. I'll be with you two in spirit."

"I'll help," Beth offered.

"I can help the day after." Maggie bit into a piece of bacon. "Is that all right?"

"Yes, I need as much as possible, especially since it'll be just me moving stuff." She'd accumulated a surprising amount of junk these past few months, and she needed help to move it out. She didn't want Sophia to lift anything, and Daryl couldn't, so Beth was really helping her out. It hurt to lift anything. She dropped the toothpaste this morning, and she had to wake Daryl to go and pick it up for her. She hoped she felt better tomorrow. If not, Beth was working alone.

Amy felt her phone ringing, and she would've ignored it, but she knew who it was. She excused herself and went out to the porch. "Hey."

"Hey."

She glanced back at the house to make sure no one was around. "I thought you were being all sneaky and disappearing into the night."

"I heard 'bout Mason. They all right?"

"Why not call them?"

"'Cause my brother will wanna know where I am, try to help me, and I don't want him involved with this."

They'd found out last month that Andrew _had_ in fact been beaten to death, but there was no forensic evidence according to Maggie, and there was no way to find who had done it. Merle didn't want to chance it, so he went into hiding, but only for a little while, she hoped. She didn't like the idea of him sitting somewhere dark and just waiting.

"But you'll involve me?" she teased.

"Only this once."

"Merle, you already involved me. It's really okay to talk to me. I don't mind."

"How's Daryl? He's all right, ain't he?"

"Y—yeah, he's good. His arm is healing, and he's knuckles aren't broken, although he did break Mason's jaw and nose." She heard him chuckling. "Carol's going to be living with him now."

"Good. That's real good." He paused. "How's Paige?"

"She's real good too." She leaned against the rail. "She's excited about this summer. We're going boating with my parents, sister and Dale. She's already trying to find a swimsuit and sunglasses."

"Boatin'?"

"Yeah. We're going to Florida for a few weeks then possibly going on a cruse. I'm not sure about the cruse just yet, but I might go. Paige just loves my parents." She laughed a little. "Oh, don't worry about any charges. Once they met Paige, they just didn't care who her dad was."

"Damn, I was lookin' forward to pissed off parents."

She giggled.

"You sound good. Happy, I mean."

"I am." She exhaled and leaned back a little. "I have a feeling my life's going to get better after next week."

"The Shakespeare thing?"

"How—how did you know?"

"I know people."

"Yes, the Shakespeare thing." She bit her bottom lip. "I just hope I get a part. Any part will do at this point."

"You will."

"Thanks. I hope to see you at my debut."

"You wish."

She laughed softly. "Be careful, Merle. I know most of the guys were arrested for assaulting Daryl, but Tomas knew a lot of people."

"I got this, sugar. Just keep the kid and yourself safe."

"Always."

He hung up then.

"Goodbye." She lowered the phone and sighed. She needed to stuff her face with waffles. Lots and lots of waffles. She returned to the dining room and took two waffles and some raspberries.

"So, do you have any names?" Dale asked Shawn.

"Yeah, I have the perfect names. Thing One and Thing Two." He waggled his eyebrows.

"If they don't disown you for that," Dale joked.

"Who invited you again?"

"Shawn." Annette slightly glared, eating a strawberry.

"I'm kidding. He knows I'm kidding. I love you, Dale. You're like a... Wait, how old are now? Like a hundred?"

"Don't worry," Sasha told Dale, "I'm going to raise our kids. He's just supplying the money."

"I'll drink to that." Dale smirked.

Shawn set his unused knife to his chest over his heart and twisted it then returned to his biscuits and gravy.

"Use the spoon," Maggie laughed a little. "Gl—Glenn, use the—"

"What? I got it." He waved his hand to shake out the pain. He really wanted a piece of sausage. It was freshly microwaved and Shawn had hogged the last of it for his bowl of biscuits and gravy. "Thanks, Beth."

She nodded, taking a drink of chocolate milk. "Do you want some more butter, sweetie?"

Sophia nodded, not able to reach it after Grandpa moved it. "Yes, please." Sophia sat up as Beth smooth butter over her pancakes. "Thanks."

"You're very welcome." She checked her phone and found a text from Zach. She smiled and replied under the table, knowing her father's rule about texting at the table.

"Is that Dr. Cutie Cole?" Maggie teased.

"He's a surgeon, Mag."

"So? He's adorable, especially with you."

She blushed. "Stop treatin' me like I'm twelve."

"As an older sister, I can only see you as twelve years old."

"Don't worry, Beth," Glenn tried to comfort her, "my sisters still treat me like I'm four. I occasionally find my old baby clothes laid out at the foot of my bed. And I don't even live with them anymore. They just come into my apartment whenever they want. They leave me notes everywhere. I wake up to find them sticking my face too."

She laughed. "Wow, that's sad."

Maggie giggled and took his hand. "That reminds me. You need to buy milk."

"So, Suki can drink it all. She's the reason I only buy food for one night at a time. She'll eat anyone out of their house."

"If he belches happy birthday, I'm leaving." Andrea filled Paige's glass up with orange juice.

"I can kinda do the alphabet." Paige knocked her knees together. "I can get to S."

"Merle can gets to Z on one Coke." Amy crossed her legs.

"That's disgusting." Andrea took a drink of coffee.

"Of all the things Merle does, that's one of the least disgusting things."

"I don't even want to know what he did with you, because I think I'd have to kill him."

"I was talking about things out of...grape." She tossed one at her. "You're perverted."

"Do you really want to start a food fight?"

"No, please!" Paige held her hands out. "No, throwing food!"

"Beth will scold you," Shawn added. "It's surprising how bad she can make you feel."

"Yes, I will scold and yell," Beth called from the other side of the table.

"We'll finish this later," Andrea told Amy.

"Can I watch?" Shawn mused.

Annette choked on her tea, and Hershel rubbed her back. "Shawn Tanner Greene, that was unnecessary."

"Please! All they'll do is talk anyway. It's the Horvath way. You're all very boring by the way. No offense, I still like you, but man, you're so dull."

"You didn't think I was dull at prom," Andrea replied.

"What happened at prom?" Annette demanded.

"Water balloon fight." He high-fived her. "Andrea crashed my senior prom, and it was so worth it to see those cheerleaders scurry in six-inch heels. It was killer. Best prom, hands down."

"Did you go to many proms?" Sasha asked.

"Yep, all four years I went to prom. It's the after that I en—I mean, it was all bad dancing fun." He ducked his head and focused on his food.

"When you were a freshmen?" Amy frowned, a little grossed out.

"No, the summer before my junior year. The first two proms I went to, the chicks were gamers, and I wasn't as hot then."

"Oh, please." She rolled her eyes.

"I still had a baby face, so I was like the little brother."

Paige giggled as he stretched out his cheeks.

"If he were anymore in love with himself, he'd be carrying around a mirror." Dale shook his head.

"If I was a chick who loved herself and accepted herself, you'd all be proud of me."

"But you're not." Carol looked at him. "You're an annoying, twenty-seven year old who used to want to marry Holly Marie Combs."

"Well, she was spunky and adorable. She still is. Maybe in our next lives. I pretty much love this life too much to change anything." He smiled at Sasha.

"I don't know whether to gag or cry," Amy teased.

"Gag." Carol ate a piece of pineapple.

"Pretty girl, can I at least bake you a happy birthday muffin?" Annette inquired.

She sighed. "If you want to make me a cake, that's fine. I really don't even mind at this point."

She smiled happily. "Then I'll expect you back here at six for supper."

"You hear that, Daryl? You only have until six." Shawn held up six fingers. "Don't be late, or they'll expect another grandkid."

"If Shawn were to go missing, would anyone here care? No? Great." She sent him a glare.

"Think of my children."

"They don't know you yet."

"True. Thank of my wife."

"Do you mind, Sasha?"

She pursed her lips. "Just as long as someone pays the bills, I don't care."

"And this you guys in your twenties. Gosh, I can't wait for the thirties. They'll be such fun."

Carol's birthday was really great. She spent a long time at breakfast with her family then she and Daryl went to his place to celebrate there, and they returned to the farm for a family dinner. Since they were all coming back over, Carol decided to open the gifts then. She assured Daryl that Maggie's gift would be used at least once today.

– – –

"Is that the last of the gifts?" Carol asked Beth, who had packed up her entire room before Carol even got there this morning.

"Yes." She carried the box downstairs.

"I love you! Thank you so much for this!"

"Well, I didn't get you a gift, so this is my gift."

"Beth, you made me breakfast and dinner and took care of my daughter." She shook her head and hugged her. "You're an amazing little person, and I love you so much."

She smiled. "I love you too."

"You're my hero. Seriously." She gave her a big, fat kiss on the cheek. "Thank you. I am getting you the best Christmas gift ever."

"Eww." She wiped the kiss off her cheek. "Go wake Mom up."

She laughed and headed upstairs. "Mom, I want to thank you for raising Beth to be such an altruistic person, whom I love dearly. We should start a Beth Friday or something." She poked her head into the room. "You're still sleeping?"

"Daddy said she was tired last night."

"Oh." She stepped into the room and climbed onto the bed. "Mom, wake up. It's going on noon now." She reached over and touched her arm, gasping. "Wow, you're cold." She crawled over her mom and smiled. "Mom, wakie wakie. It's a beautiful day and—"

Her mom wasn't moving at all. Her chest wasn't moving, her eyelids weren't twitching, and she wasn't even breathing. She wasn't breathing. And she was so cold. Too cold for the weather they were having. It was still summer, so...why? Oh, God. Oh, God, no. No.

"Mom?"

The world stopped spinning as Carol realized her mother, the woman who appeared to be sleeping peacefully with her light red hair down her shoulders, was dead.


	27. You'll Be In My Heart

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

––

"Mom?" Carol shook her. "Mom? Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom Mom, Mom Mom, Mom. **Mom!**"

Beth and Hershel ran upstairs at the sound of Carol's voice, Beth saw her shaking their mother so hard, and they saw how limp Annette was. Hershel just watched, unable to move for one entire minute, but Beth couldn't break down. She had to keep it together, because Carol and Daddy had lost it.

"_**Mom! **_We—we need to call 911! Dad, get the phone!" She shook Annette violently. "**Mom!"**

"Carol!" Beth grabbed her arms. "Carol, stop it! Stop, let her go!"

"**No!**" Her eyes were wide. "**NO!**"

"Shh, shh." Beth held her, feeling her eyes burn as she looked at their mother. "Shh."

Hershel found she was cold to the touch, and he began to administrate C.P.R., but he knew in his heart it wasn't going to do anything. He had to try. He had to. He wasn't giving up on her.

Patricia had entered the house as she heard the screaming, and she saw what had caused it. She covered her mouth with her hands, and she backed out of the room. She called 911 and explained to them the situation, and she demanded they hurry. There had to be time. There had to be.

About fifteen minutes later, two men rushed upstairs to try and get Annette to breath, Hershel explained her health—how, yes, it was declining, but it had been improving recently—and Beth held Carol, trying to calm her. It wasn't working—both calming Carol and trying to get Annette to breathe.

_I'm getting no pulse. How long has she been like this?__** I—I don't know. I thought she was sleeping.**__ So, she hasn't been conscious.__** Not since last night.**__ Is she your wife? __**Yes. And their mother.**_

_**...**_

Softly:_ She's cold... Call it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I have to tell you...your wife is dead. _

_No! No!_

_Shh, Carol, please shh. I'm here. Shh._

_I am so sorry. It appears she did die a good while before you found her. There's nothing you could've done.** What—?** I'm gonna call it in, and the coroner's office will be by and take her in and they'll determine the cause of death conclusively. It may take a while for them to get here, so may I suggest sitting down and having a glass of water. Try not to disturb the body. Again, I am very sorry for your loss. **Thank you, sir.**_

Patricia, who still held the phone, called Maggie and Dale and Jacqui and Daryl to let them know what happened right after the coroner had come and taken Annette's body. She didn't want them to see their mother like that, and she wished Beth and Carol hadn't seen her like that. She couldn't a hold of Shawn, so she just left him a message to come by when he could.

Hershel just sat in the living room, not moving or blinking, and Carol cried loudly in Beth's arms, and Beth tried to comfort her, but it wasn't still working. Patricia knew Beth was being strong for Carol, but it wasn't going to last long. Beth's eyes filled with more tears as Carol sobbed, and even Patricia herself was no longer able to keep it together.

Less than half an hour later, Daryl arrived. He'd left Sophia with Amy and race here. He ran upstairs to find Carol on the floor, her entire body shaking, her hands gripping Beth so tightly, and he fell to his knees beside her. He took her in his arms, and he held her close, rubbing her back and chewing on his bottom lip so hard, he tasted blood so soon. His eyes were still burning. Annette was a great woman, and now she was gone? She was gone while assholes like his dad were still alive. How?

Beth ran out of the room and right into Maggie, and she looked into her sister's eyes and fell apart. The truth hit Maggie, and at the same time, they both just broke down into tears. She wrapped her arms around Maggie, and they collapsed together on the floor. They held onto each other, sobbing deeply at the loss of their mother, and they refused to let the other go. They were mourning the loss of a mother, not a stepmother. Annette was never a stepmother; she had raised them and loved them as Jo had, and to lose their mother twice was...unbearable. She was their mother. How did this happen? It was Annette. She was getting better every day, so why did she die? How? She was getting stronger and healthier. All of her doctors said that every time they finished an appointment. How did this happen?

Her mother was a strong woman, both physically and emotionally strong. She was the type of woman who survived no matter what. She was so brave and kind and selfless. She rarely got tired of hearing the same stories, the same jokes, over and over. She would just smile and laugh for the sake of the teller. She had the type of smile that just made you smile back. She tried her best to never let anyone down. She always fought for what she knew was right. That's who Annette was. That's who she raised her children to be.

Carol curled up in Daryl's strong arms. Her heart was breaking with every second she realized her mom was gone. She was never coming back. Twenty-five years of having a mother to scold her, praise her, love her, hold her, yell at her, and just be there for her...and that was it. All she had now were her memories. That's all they'll ever be: memories. She will never see her mom's smile in real time. She'll never hear her laugh or see her glare. It was all gone. She had vanished in the night.

It felt as if there was whole inside of her chest, leaking out this endless icy wave of pain that slowly filled her body. It wasn't numbing her, it was waking her up to the reality of what just happened. Her morning wasn't going to end with saying goodbye to her mother; she would never be able to say goodbye to her mother again. It didn't make sense, any of it. Death was with them every single day, she knew, but how did it creep in this house and claim her mother? It wasn't her time. It couldn't be her time. She still had so many things to do. So many, many things to do...

She wanted to throw up and cry and throw up some more. She wanted to hit something until everything felt all right. She wanted to hit someone! She wanted to hit them until they felt as bad as she did! But no, no one should ever have to feel this. God, she wanted someone to come up and tell her to wake the hell up right now, because she was just having a bad dream, but she wasn't. This was real. This was her life, and her mother was no longer apart of it. Her mother had departed sometime last night without even saying goodbye. She just left them there all alone to face the rest of their lives.

No. No, no, no, no. This all felt like a bad dream. Why couldn't they just wait up? Why did it have to be real? She was just with them last night. She was laughing and smiling and teasing them even. She was holding her granddaughter in her lap as they talked about silly, unimportant things. It was just a normal night. It was all so painfully normal. There was were no warnings, no signs. They weren't prepared for this. How could anyone be prepared for this? What was even happening? God, this feeling—this agony only grew and grew into something so horrible, they couldn't find a word for it.

That hole just continued to grow and grow as every second become a minute become an hour. Even after losing a mom and a dad, it was all new again. This suffering was new and unfamiliar, even though they had all felt it before, even though it had crept into their lives once before, taking Ethan and Josephine.

The true had settled in on them, in their hearts and in their minds. Annette was no longer in their world. She was watching over them with Ethan, Josephine and Ethan. She was resting eternally with the Lord. It was good that she would be a peace, that she could keep watching them as they grew, as their children would grow, but to them, it was so unjust. She was gone forever. They would never see her again, never hold her, never ever be able to tell her how much they loved her. She was their mom. She was their best friend. She was their adviser on all things in this crazy, amazing, hellish, beautiful mess called life. She was the one person who could make it all better when Dad didn't understand or didn't have the words to make it all right.

Soon all of the memories seemed to play in their heads. All of those bright, snowy Christmas mornings when they would rush downstairs to find Mom and Dad drinking coffee and waiting for them to open their gifts. They would take turns handing out gifts until every single one had been passed out. Mom and Dad would soak in their faces when they opened their gifts, smiling wide with joy or squealing from excitement. Their little faces lighting up was the best gift for Annette. Then they would pass out in the wrapping paper and force Mom to clean it all up herself, because she didn't want to wake them. They always slept so peacefully, snuggling up with a pillow from the couch or a leg from a sibling.

Or the happy birthday pancakes. When they were younger, Annette would sneak into their room on the morning of their birthday with pancakes that had Happy Birthday in whipped cream on them. Mostly, they read: smiley face B-day, because the words wouldn't fit on the pancakes. She still tried her best nonetheless to fit the words. When she messed up, she'd use chocolate syrup to cover the mistake or strawberries or blueberries. Sometimes bananas. She always did her best. She wanted them to know their life was the most important thing and should always be cherished and celebrated. She wanted them to always feel worthy and loved.

Oh gosh, and Easter. She would spend hours filling eggs with chocolate goodies and dying eggs all their favorite colors just to see them smile. She would have the dye coloring on her fingers for days from all the dying she did. She didn't care. She just wanted to see their little faces light up when they found one. They knew it made her so happy. She wore this smile that just lit up her face and she had a happy little giggle that escaped her lips every single time, making it feel like they were five years old again. She had always way of making even the little things so special.

Even when Ethan and Jo were alive, Annette took care of Maggie and Beth as if they were her own. She would take the four of them out to places and just let them do what they wanted. As they got older, though, they drifted away from her. It was so cruel of them. She took the time to drive them to the mall and places like that only for them to ditch her and leave her to wonder aimlessly until they returned to ask for money or because they were hungry. Why didn't they stick around?

Thinking back on all of the fights and bitter words yelled by all of them at her, they wondered if she knew how much they loved her and how special and amazing of a person she was. They never said it quite enough, did they? They always thought "next time" or "she knows". They never really went out of their way to make sure she knew how much she meant to them, that all of the "I hate yous" were just said to hurt her, because they were stupid kids who didn't know how much those words actually cut into her. If they had known how short their time was with her, they would've spent more time with her. They would've told her every night before they left the house for the night that they loved her. They would've hugged her and held on just a little longer. They wouldn't have groaned teasingly and let her go. Why did they do that? Her hugs weren't rare, but they should've acted like they were. They didn't realize how much the little things mattered until they could never indulge in them again.

Maggie knew Annette wasn't the best at farm work when she and Shawn and Carol first moved to the farm. It was funny to watch her try and feed the animals, because she wasn't sure what to do. She didn't know if she should fill the trough or not, because sometimes when Maggie was lazy, she'd just toss it over for them. Hershel was too busy trying to teach Shawn how to ride a horse so he could help with the cattle, so she had to help her. She didn't mind. Annette was very sweet to her and always let her talk about her mom if she needed to. It was really a lot of fun, more fun than Maggie thought it would be. It was a great day, and Annette only got bitten about three or four times.

Beth was playing the piano just for fun one night. She'd been taught by both Patricia and Otis, who also played the guitar, and she was working on playing a song for her eighth grade talent show. She wasn't sure if she wanted to actually perform it or not. The mere thought of performing made her so nervous. She worried about how it sounded, both the song and her voice. Annette walked by and heard her downing herself, and she snapped at her. She told her she was talented and she had an amazing singing voice, even if it drove Shane and Daryl completely batty. Annette then sat with her for three hours as she played the piece then sang the song and then finally sang and played. It really gave her a boost of confidence. She was so happy to tell Annette she won first place that she just tackled her in a hug and squealed.

– – –

Around two 'o clock in the afternoon, Patricia finally managed to get a hold of Shawn. He and Sasha had gone out of town for a few hours to get something or do something for the twins. He was very vague about it. He could hear the urgency in Patricia's voice, so he prepared himself for anything. He wasn't sure if it Mason or the shop or maybe Vivian had contacted them, but he was ready for it. He really hoped Vivian hadn't said anything. He didn't want to see his mom's face when he explained that night or what he remembered from that night. It was all a damn blur, and he kept hoping nothing had come from it, but something did: Nathan.

When Shawn arrived, he instantly felt the world tilted. His dad was sitting on the couch, holding onto a wedding band, and he looked so distraught. The house was quiet, but he heard sobbing coming from upstairs. It was Carol and Beth. Why were they all so upset? What happened?

"Mom?" He called. "Mom?"

Patricia stepped out of the kitchen. "Shawn, it's good to see you."

"It's good to see you two. I missed you both." He hugged her. "How was your trip to...wherever you went?"

"Shawn, we need to talk." She set her hands on his shoulders. "There's been an—accident."

"Oh, God. Is it Mag? Did she get shot?" His heart began to pound in his ears. "Was she—? Oh, God." He covered his mouth with his hand, feeling sick.

"No, no, Maggie is all right. All of your sisters are."

"Then who? Dad's right there and I saw Otis outside by the shed, so..." He paled. "Mom? M—Mom?"

She nodded. "She passed away in her sleep last night."

"P—passed—What?" He felt dizzy. "She—passed away? As in—as in dead? As in gone, like my fa—father?"

"Yes."

"N—no." He shook his head. "You—you're lying. This is some sick joke, I know. You—you're lying to me! Mom isn't dead! You're a horrible person!"

Sasha gripped his hand. "Shawn, she's not lying."

"How do you know? You were with me all goddamn morning!" He jerked his hand back. "This isn't funny."

"Shawn." Hershel rose and walked over to him. "It's not meant to be funny. It's the truth. Annette died last night. It was quick and peaceful."

He searched his dad's eyes and shook his head.

"Your sisters are upstairs. If you need to talk—"

"No! I don't need to talk! This is bullshit! This—It's all a bad dream." He turned and ran out of the house. It wasn't real. It was a bad dream. One of the horribly vivid ones. He'd wake up and find Sasha giggling at him for mumbling in his sleep about stupid little things, like killer squirrels that want his spicy chicken wings. He knew he would wake up, and everything would all right. It had to be all right. His mom had to be alive. She had to be alive.

He collapsed in the middle of the field, the warm dirt against his palms. She was alive. It was just a bad dream. It was just a bad dream. God, let it be a bad dream. He wasn't ready to let her go. He wasn't ready to let her rest. He needed her. He needed her guidance and support. Don't let this be real. Don't let this be happening. It wasn't happening. It wasn't happening. It wasn't. It just wasn't. No. No. God, no.

"This isn't happening," he murmured as tears built up in his eyes. "This isn't happening." It's a lie. It's all a lie! God, no.

– – –

Maggie stroked Beth's hair, her head resting in her lap, and Maggie stared at the picture of her, Carol and Beth lying in a small circle on the ground, their hair blending together. Brown, blonde and red with lively green grass and white tank tops. It was a warm day, and they were all running around and having fun while Daddy and Ethan made steaks and burgers and hot dogs on the grill. It was the first day of summer, and they were all below the preteen age.

Carol and Beth were running after each other and Maggie joined them when Beth grabbed her bandana. Ethan and Hershel were having an argument on whose steak would taste better after marinating in some sauce, and they were laughing at how wrong the other was, but it was a friendly argument. Annette was teaching Shawn how to play poker with Jo, and he was determined to not let two conniving women best him.

Carol and Beth and Maggie had ran from one side of the farm to the other, and they made it back and just collapsed onto the ground, giggling like hyenas. Jo took the picture of them on the ground once the sweat had been wiped away, and they each got a copy. They were framed in all of their rooms. They took another with Shawn, but it was of Maggie and Carol on either side of him with her hands held up like guns with Beth on his back, her index and middle finger up in peace signs on both hands, smiling happily. It was a fantastic.

Her shoulders trembled as tears streamed down her cheek as if renewed, and she brought her hand up to her mouth.

––

_Maggie stood by her father, shaking hands with the people who had come to her mother's funeral. They weren't having awake. Jo didn't want a wake, because she didn't want the girls around strangers. She didn't want them to feel obligated to tend to the people standing about and telling stories neither of them really remembered. She wanted them to be around the people they loved: Patricia, Otis, Shawn, Carol and Annette._

_Carol took Maggie's hand and held it, squeezing it tightly. "Hey."_

"_Hey." She couldn't smile, not even for Carol or Annette or her dad._

"_I know asking "How are you holding up" is like a kick to the gut, so I won't ask. Is it ten?"_

"_Fifty." Her voice broke, and she lifted her hand to her mouth._

_She wrapped her free arm around Maggie. "I won't leave. I'll be right here."_

_Maggie nodded._

"_Hey, Beth." Shawn smiled at her a little, but she kept staring at the coffin. "You gotta do me a favor, Beth. Can you do me a favor?"_

_She slowly lifted her eyes to his. "You're askin' me to do you a favor? Now, of all days?"_

"_Yep. And you gotta do it, 'cause it's from Jo, yeah?"_

"_What's the favor?" Her eyes filled with tears._

"_Think of before. Of the laughs and smiles and burnt tacos." He pulled her into a hug as she sobbed. "You have to think of the good. You just have to."_

_She dug her nails into his back, and he held her tighter._

_Annette rubbed Hershel's arm and offed him a sympathetic smile. "It's a lovely day. It's the kind of day Jo loved."_

"_God's gift to us on this sad day." _

_She hugged him. "I know she's up there with my Ethan, watching over us." She rubbed his back. "And one day, the pain won't seem so bad."_

_He rested his head on her shoulder. "But that day is not today."_

"_No, it's not." _

_Maggie and Carol walked back to the car, holding hands and not speaking. Maggie wiped at her eyes with the sleeve of her dress, and Carol set her other hand on Maggie's elbow, letting her know she was there for her. _

_Behind them, Shawn carried Beth on his back. She was crying softly, one hand gripping his shoulder, the other wiping her nose—she didn't have any tissues in her pants pockets—and Shawn held her legs, hearing her snuffle and sigh softly. He wished he could do more for her, but he couldn't. Poor kid had lost her mom before she had a chance to really know her. At least he knew his dead for sixteen years. She didn't even have ten._

_Annette and Hershel lingered by a coffin, knowing Shawn would drive the kids to the farm. She held his hand and recited Josephine's favorite Biblical verse for only Hershel to hear. They stood there, almost feeling Ethan and Jo's presence behind them, and slowly, Hershel lifted his head and guided Annette to the car._

– – –

Beth pulled her legs in closer, her knees bumping against Maggie's thigh, and she kept her eyes closed, not wanting to see the world right now as it was a dark, cruel place. She hadn't felt so bad since her birth mother died. She hardly remembered the feeling, because she was so young and didn't fully understand death. She would have death in her life more than most as a nurse, and she still didn't understand death.

How did death decide who it took? Was it just chance? How did death know exactly whose time had come to an end? Why couldn't it just...return her mom to her body and let her not be dead?

She knew God had a plan for everyone, but what was the plan here? She had endless faith, but she didn't understand what good this would bring. Their mother was gone. Yes, she could be thankful that Annette went peacefully in her sleep, but it was such crap. She had so much she wanted to tell Annette, and now she would never have the chance. She would never...see how she reacted. After all Annette had helped her through... God, help them.

––

_Beth went to the hospital to see Annette and to replace the vase of flowers they'd brought last time. She brought some roses that were different colors, but bright and happy. She wanted to brighten that dingy little room, make it feel more like home. She hoped her mom didn't mind._

_She knocked then opened the door and found her mom alone. She smiled. "Good mornin'."_

"_Good morning." She stood up._

"_You shouldn't be up."_

"_Oh, I'm up. Come here." She hugged her daughter, minding the vase of roses. "I will not let anything stop me from hugging my children." She kissed Beth's temple and sat down. "Ooh, those are lovely."_

"_You like them?"_

"_I love them." She plucked an orange-colored rose and smelled it. "Mmm, I love roses. They're my favorite."_

_She smiled happily. "I'm glad. I wanted to brighten the room. I figured brightly colored flowers would do that perfectly."_

"_You thought correctly." She touched the silky petals. "Hmm. Don't you have class?"_

"_Not today." She set the vase down on the table. _

"_Are you missing class to spend time with me, because you think I'm going to die?"_

_Beth tensed. "D—don't say that."_

"_I'm not going to die in some hospital, sweetheart. I refuse." She sat back on the bed, pulling her legs up and pulled the blankets over them. "Come and sit with me."_

_She removed her purse and sat down by her mom. "How are you today?"_

"_I'm good. The doctors want to keep me here, run some tests, blah blah." She tapped Beth's nose with the rose, and Beth giggled. "Do not worry about me." She tapped her nose with each word. "I'm all right."_

"_Stop, you'll make me sneeze." She tucked hair behind her ear._

"_How's Mag?" _

"_I don't know. She's been busy with police stuff." She rested her hands in her lap. "I only see her at breakfast, and I'm usually crammin'."_

"_How are your grades?"_

"_As and Bs." She sighed. "I study all the time. I feel how Carol felt."_

"_I know you'll do well. I'm proud of you, Beth. You can do anything you put your mind to." She crossed her ankles. "And Shawn? How is he doing? He hasn't been by."_

"_Not too good." She dropped her eyes. "After he and Sasha broke up, he just...kinda shut down. I think it's the guilt that eatin' him alive. He hates himself for what happened." She scratched her knee through her jeans. "It's been real quiet around the house 'cause he's out all the time. He ain't workin' though. He's just...out."_

"_Ethan always raised Shawn to be respectful and loyal and honest above anything else. I think—and this is my opinion alone, so do not share it with him." Beth nodded. "I think Shawn feels that he's betrayed both Sasha and Ethan."_

"_Was he close to his dad?"_

"_Not as close as Ethan wanted them to be. Shawn was very close to Carol and to me, and Carol was close to all of us, but her father especially. She took his death so hard. I wanted to comfort her, but she pushed me away. She even pushed Shawn away." She paused. "Actually, they both pushed me away. It took Shawn a long time to trust me again..."_

"_I remember. Well, a little."_

_Annette gazed off for a moment._

"_Do you miss him?"_

"_Ethan?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Every day. He was...one of the best men I've ever loved." She exhaled. "Beth?"_

"_Mmm?"_

"_I want you to do me a favor."_

"_What kind of favor?"_

"_When I die—someday in the distant future, of course—sing for my funeral."_

"_What?"_

"_I think you know."_

_She nodded. "Okay." She picked up the rose. "Any other requests?"_

"_No, I've had enough of sad topics. Let's talk about the man you have feelings for."_

_She flushed. "W—what? There's no man."_

"_All right, a guy then."_

"_I don't know what you're talkin' about."_

"_You have strong feelings for him. I haven't seen you blush this much since you dated Jimmy."_

"_Ma, stop it!" She buried her face into her knees._

_Annette laughed and put her arms around Beth. "You're so adorable." She moved hair aside from Beth's ear to make sure Beth heard her every word. "What's his name? Can I guess it? Huh?"_

"_Mom, stop it! God! Lemme go!"_

"_Never!" She laughed._

– – –

Daryl moved hair out of Carol's face, rubbing her shoulder gently, and she didn't move. She just sat with her head in his lap, and he was really worried. Beth and Maggie were curled up outside the room, but they were at least speaking. Patricia brought up some water and tea, and he took a cup of water for Carol, but she didn't take it or even make a comment. She just didn't move.

"Carol?"

She said nothing.

"You need to drink some water." He grabbed the cup. "Here."

She didn't sit up to take the cup.

"Carol, you need to drink something. Open your mouth, at least so I can waterfountain it in."

Nothing.

"Damn, woman, talk to me. You're scarin' the shit outta me. Say anythin', please talk."

She exhaled and sniffed. "I'm remembering the last talk I had with my mom."

"At your party?"

She nodded and sat up, tears falling from her eyes. "When I was about ten, Mom brought me here. It was fall, and everything was a breathtaking golden color." She met his eyes. "We ran through the cornfield. Just bolted through it, you know?"

He looked into her red-rimmed eyes.

"We met in the middle, and she grabbed my hands, and we just spun in a circle, like in one of those silly kiddie movies." More tears. "She was laughing, the wind and the spinning made her hair look like it was fire, and—she let me go. We fell into the warm earth and laughed for, like, an hour straight. We had no reason to laugh, but we just couldn't stop."

He chewed his bottom lip.

"I made her promise we'd do it again next year. I begged and begged until she finally said yes." She whimpered. "W—we never did, Daryl. We never—never will."

He rested his forehead against her. "You can't think 'bout the unfinished business."

"How can I not?"

"Drink." He took her hand and set it over the cup and made her drink the water. "Another drink, c'mon."

She blocked the next drink. "How do I tell Sophia?" She shook her head. "I—I need air. God, I need to get out of here." She climbed to her feet and hurried down the stairs and out the front door. She sucked in the fresh air and choked on it.

She gripped her knees and struggled for a breath, closing her eyes and shaking her head, sobbing. "No, no, no." She looked up and saw Shawn in the field. "Shawn?"

He looked up from where he sat, coiled up, knees to his chest, and he shook his head at her.

"You're—you're here." She walked over to him. "Shawn."

"No!" He was on his feet. "No! Don't come near me!"

"W—what?" She stopped. "Shawn, why are you—?"

"I said don't!" He disappeared into the field.

"S—Shawn?" She stared after him. What? Why did he just...? She couldn't lose him, not now. She needed him. She needed to talk to him. She had to. "Shawn, wait!"

He didn't. He ran from her, from the truth, and he didn't look back. He just kept running, denying it all. It couldn't be true. It just couldn't be.

– – –

Hours later, Maggie and Beth and Carol sat in the living room on the floor, Hershel and Patricia were making funeral arrangements while Daryl picked up Sophia. Sasha was in the kitchen, getting the address book Annette kept by the calendar, unable to get a hold of Shawn.

She knew he needed to be alone right now. She would wait until he was ready to talk about it. He still was in major denial, and when he realized it was real, she was going to be there. Right now, Hershel needed her. Her mother was on the way, but it would be a few hours. She and Dad were busy with the shop and Greene Leaf. Mom wanted to make sweets for the Greenes, and she knew Dad probably went to church to pray for the Greenes. She hoped they came soon. She needed them.

Beth picked at her jacket, freezing to death, it felt like. "What—what will we be expected to do, Daddy?"

"We'll take care of everythin'." Patricia gave her a small smile.

"What about her eulogy?" Maggie stared hard at the tea in her cup. "Who's gonna do that?"

"Annette wanted Carol to say a few words," Hershel confessed.

Carol lifted her head. "M—me?" She choked back tears. "Why me?"

"If you don't want to—"

"No! No, I will. I want to."

"I have a few words to say myself," Beth spoke up. "I promised her I would, so I'm gonna talk too."

"You promised?" Maggie asked. "When?"

"A couple years ago in the hospital."

Carol whimpered. "She—she made you promise?"

"No, but I made a promise to myself to speak at her funeral." She lowered her eyes. "And I will."

Daryl and Sophia came in then, Sophia ran over to her mom, and Carol tensed up for moment, feeling the night air on Sophia's jacket, and her eyes burned. She held Sophia close and kissed the top of her head. She let out a small cry and buried her face in Sophia's hair.

Daryl sat beside her silently.

"What happened?" Sophia looked over her mom's face. "It's Grandma, I know. Is she okay?"

"No, baby, she's not." She moved hair from her daughter's face. "She passed away last night, baby."

"What?"

"Grandma died, Sophia. It was peaceful, and she didn't feel a thing, I promise."

"She—she's dead?"

Beth shifted to lean into Maggie as Sophia began to cry, closing her eyes, and Maggie set her hand on Beth's head as Sophia's sob mixed with Carol's, and soon, they were all just softly sobbing. Hershel covered his face with his hand and sobbed, and Patricia sat beside him, setting an arm around his back, and shushed him softly, letting him mourn.

Carol held onto Sophia and grabbed Daryl's hand, lacing her fingers through his tightly, and she leaned into him, holding Sophia and his hand close.

– – –

"_Cheese and crackers or mini cakes?" Annette asked Maggie._

"_I'm not hungry." She wiped her nose. _

"_You have to eat sometime, brave girl." She sat beside her on the couch. "It's been two days. You need to eat." She moved hair behind Maggie's ear._

"_I ain't hungry, Annette." _

"_Your mother asked me to look after you, and I will."_

"_So, what, you're my mom now?" She glared. "Screw you!" She stormed out of the living room and into the kitchen._

_Annette followed. "I'm not your mother, Maggie. I will never be your mother, because Jo was an amazing one-of-a-kind woman who nobody can replace or even try to replace." She crossed her arms. "I love you, and I take care of the people I love. I made a promise to Jo to take care of you and of Beth, but you don't need it. You're a strong young woman. Beth needs that in her life, and I know it's unfair, but it has to be you."_

_Maggie shuddered, sniffling._

"_I know losing her is the worst pain in the world to you, but it will get better. I know you don't want to hear that, but it will."_

"_How?" Maggie's voice was weak. "I feel like...part of me is missin'. How does that get better?"_

"_When Ethan and I were your age—shocking, I know—" Maggie giggled weakly and very briefly. "—he used to tell me 'always remember to forget the things that make you sad, but never forget to remember the things that made you glad.'."_

_She turned to face Annette._

"_You're so like your mother, Maggie. When you look in the mirror, don't see the loss of your mother, see the life she gave to you, the strength and the unconditional love. We both know it won't be easy, but when you look in any mirror, I want you to think of one happy time with your mom. Can you do that for me?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Even if you run out of things, just think of one happy moment with Jo. Keep her with you always, all right, brave girl?"_

_She nodded. "I can do that."_

_She closed the space between them and hugged Maggie. "A lot of who Jo was will become a blur as you grow older—her smell, her voice, her laugh—but never let her memory go. As long as you remember how much she loved you and how much you loved her, she'll always be with you."_

_She nodded, softly crying._

"_Don't hold anything back. That only makes it worse." She smoothed her hair down. _

"_Why her?" Maggie whispered. "Why so soon? It isn't fair!"_

"_I know." Her eyes burned heavily. "It's never fair, honey. It's just...cruel, but it's life, you know? You have to be strong, and you have to fight. You don't give up."_

_She inhaled deeply. "We put her in the ground, Annette. In the ground!"_

"_Her body yes, but her soul is with God. She's watching over you and your sister and father always." She saw Hershel coming in front the back door, and he walked over to them as she released Maggie. "I'm going to run to the market and get some milk." She stepped back as Hershel embraced his daughter. In time, it would all work out. Maggie would see that, and Annette would be there when she smiled again. She would make sure that day came sooner rather than later. For Jo and for herself. Beth and Maggie were like her own kin as Shawn and Carol were like Jo's. They were a family, and they would stay that way._

– – –

"Shawn?" Sasha checked the garage, but he wasn't there. His car wasn't there either. "Shawn?"

"Shawn?" Jacqui tried the bedroom. The bed hadn't been slept in; no clothes had been taken out of the closet. "Hello?"

"Shawn!" Tyreese scanned the front yard.

Shawn was nowhere to be seen, and Annette's funeral was in six hours. They'd been looking for him for two days, but there was no sign of him. Sasha was beyond worried, but according to Rick, there were no accidents in the past few days, no unidentified bodies. He was just...gone.

"Shawn, where are you?" She glanced over the backyard. _Come home._

––

Daryl looked in on Carol again, but she hadn't moved. She was curled up in bed, snuggling Sophia's stuffed bear Dee Dee to her chest, staring off into space with glassy eyes. He couldn't seem to reach her anymore. She hadn't eaten in three days, and she never left the bed. He was allowed to hold her and kissed her forehead or temple or neck, but it was as if she wasn't there. She was so small lying there, so pale and fragile-looking. It was like with Ethan—her father—only his voice didn't seem to reach her. Or Sophia's.

Sophia had taken her grandmother's death very hard, but she still ate and talked and drew—mostly pictures of Annette. She would often ask Hershel to tell her a story about Annette, and even though it hurt, he told her a story. She would hold onto his hand with both of hers and really listen, as if she wanted to absorb every word. She didn't want to forget, he knew that, but she was trying to hold to know the past, she was missing the present.

––

Dale stopped by the farm again with a bouquet of flowers. The house was filled with flowers and baskets of sweet goodies and cards from the people who knew them and who knew Annette. Hell, some were from strangers. It was really sweet how Dale helped them through it, giving them kind words of wisdom. He was very kind to them, and he made Sophia smile, which warmed their aching hearts. He would be back after the funeral. He wanted to help look for Shawn. They only had three fours left, after all.

– – –

Maggie zipped up Beth's dress. "Do you remember when you borrowed Mom's red blouse for one of your senior pictures?"

She smiled a little. "She was so mad, 'cause I didn't ask. She didn't care that I borrowed it, just that I didn't ask."

Maggie looked at her in the mirror. "I talked to Daddy about puttin' a picture in the Greene Leaf."

"You did?" She turned. "What did he say?"

"He did it last night." She sniffed. "People left—"

"Hey, take your time." She rubbed arm and a waited a minute, watching Maggie slowly back away from the edge of depression. "They left what?"

She took a deep breath. "They left flowers on the table below the pictures and a few tealight candles."

"Aw." She smiled a little more. "How—how sweet."

She nodded. "But...with her funeral in an hour and a half... God, it's just all comin' back."

"I know. We have to be strong." Beth took her sister's hands and held them tight. "We all got jobs to do. We don't get to cry anymore, Mag. Mom wouldn't want us to cry anymore."

"I know." She inhaled deeply. "I'll be okay."

"Today is about makin' peace with Ma's death—all of us."

"Shawn's not even here, Beth. He doesn't even know what time the funeral is. He's—he's just off somewhere."

"God has a plan for everythin'. I believe that. I have to, so I know he'll be there."

"Always remember to forget the things that make you sad, but never forget to remember the things that made you glad."

"What is that?"

"Somethin' Annette told me a long time ago." She smiled, and it was genuine. "Let's go over the speeches again. It's you, me and then Carol last. I think that's how Annette would want it."

She nodded. "We are gathered here today to remember a woman who touched all of our lives in different ways. A woman who had wisdom beyond her years and blessed our lives by sharin' it, by guidin' us..."

– – –

Vivian had tried contacting Shawn in the last three days, but he didn't answer any of her calls, texts or e-mails. She was thoroughly annoyed by this. He had a son that wanted to see him, and he had promised he would come when his son really wanted to see him. Where was he now?

She found his house dark and empty-looking with no cars in the driveway. She hoped he was parked in the garage. She knocked on the door, careful to not break a nail or bruise a knuckle. She waited a moment before the door opened, and she frowned.

Shawn stood there in dirty clothes, a scruff that desperately needed shaved off and horrid bags under his eyes. He looked like a hobo. Positively hideous.

"Dear God, what the hell happened to you?"

He glared at her.

"Fine, don't answer. I simply came to demand you see our son. If you no longer feel comfortable seeing him then we can make a new arrangement. You can pay for schooling, and I demand the very best for my son, so it'll cost you."

"I have to finish cutting out my mother's obituary, so crawl under a rock and die."

"You—what?" She shifted her weight.

"Pick up a paper. Annette Grace Greene, my mother, died three days."

"Oh, God." She looked surprisingly upset about that. "How?"

"In her sleep. I don't know how. I haven't exactly been...around."

"All right. Umm, please let me inside. I'll make you something to eat while you clean yourself up. You're absolutely disgusting." She pushed her way inside and closed the door, setting her purse and jacket on the couch. "How do eggs whites and wheat toast sound?"

"You're going to cook for me?" He laughed. "Seriously?"

"All right, Caveman, listen to me. You are going to shower and shave and brush your hair! I am not joking here."

"You are not my wife." He picked up a bottle of beer and drank from it.

She smacked the bottle out of his hand, he choked on beer, and she glared. "No, I am not your wife. I will not be gentle. Your mother, the woman who gave birth to you and raised you and loved you, just died. The least you can do is make yourself presentable for her funeral, which I am assuming has yet to occur, so go shower."

"Why do you care?"

"Because I happened to love my mother very much, and I was unable to attend her funeral." Her eyes held actual years. "She wanted to see me, but I was too busy with my own life to care about a dying old woman. It—it was the most sizable mistake I've ever made in my life. No one should ever—miss their mother's last words."

He stared at her. "Demons can cry?"

"Shawn." It was such a defeated sound. "No, no, don't. Hold it together, Vivian," she said softly to herself.

Was she seriously talking to herself? "Uh, Vivian?"

"You need to get cleaned up and say goodbye to your mother." She rested her hands in front of her. "She was a good woman."

He narrowed his eyes. "You knew my mother?"

"Yes, I knew her." She met his eyes. "I will tell you how only if you clean up and fetch your best suit."

"You're insane."

"Am I to be offended by the man who has abandoned his pregnant wife, sisters or brothers, father and dead mother?" She held her ground. "I won't peek. I assure you."

"I'll be sure to lock the door," he slowly replied, thinking of his mother and of Sasha. God, what the hell was he doing? He turned and went to the bathroom to clean himself up. He needed to be there for his sisters. He had to be there for his dad and for his mom. He checked the time. He only had an hour. Hell, that was perfect. He was the best at rushing.

– – –

_Carol a single white rose on the coffin as the others departed, the cold wind blowing at her, and she sniffed softly, looking at the marble headstone that would be the only physical reminder in this world of Ethan Wellington Harrison._

"_Can I have a minute alone, please?" Carol couldn't look at Shawn and her mom._

"_Of course, pretty girl." _

_She waited until they were gone before she lifted her eyes. "I know you're not in that body anymore and that you're with God, but that doesn't make losing you any better." She paused to keep her voice steady. "I know you'll never walk me down the aisle or hold your first grandchild, but if you could just let me know somehow that you're with me on those days, I would really appreciate it."_

_Daryl watched Carol speak to her father's coffin, seeing Annette and Shawn talking softly a few feet away, and he shifted his gaze back to her for a moment. He hadn't been invited by Carol, because she was too much of a mess, but Shawn asked him to be there. He had no suit to wear, so he wore his best and darkest-colored clothes. He didn't want them to think he was being disrespectful, and he knew by the look in their eyes they knew he wasn't. He wanted to be there for Carol, and just watching her talk to her dad's coffin made his body react. He found himself walking over to her. _

"_...Shawn who stole that quill, but it was me. I'm sorry, Daddy. I should've told you, but I was so scared you'd hate me. Now...you can't even—"_

"_He wouldn't have hated you."_

_She looked over at him. "You—Oh, thank God!" She threw her arms around him, gripping his vest in her hands. "I thought you weren't coming."_

"_'Course I came." _

"_Thank God for that, because I need you, Daryl. I can't do this alone, and I can't even look at Shawn or my mom, so please don't go."_

"_Hey, I'm here." He tentatively set his hand on the back of her head. "I'm here."_

_He held her in his arms close for several seconds before she was able to let him go. She took his hand and held it with both of her, looking once more at the coffin, and she began to wheeze. Daryl gripped her shoulder, but she still fell to her knees, taking Daryl with her. He let her bury her face in his chest and cry, and he rubbed her shoulder with his thumb, trying to sooth her, but he didn't know what good it was doing. She was in such pain. _

_Everything was changing for the worst lately. Her father had been killed, her brother was considering moving far away, and her mother wouldn't even take the time to listen to anything she had to say. She didn't want to just talk about her dad, because it hurt to talk about him. She wanted to distract her mind, think of only Shawn leaving and think of school and of stupid little things so that maybe for one tiny second she wouldn't feel the pain of losing her father. Just one whole second. Was that so much to ask for?_

– – –

Daryl didn't know how to tie a tie. He'd only ever worn one, and Annette...had tied it for him. He'd kept it together for Carol and Sophia's sake, but looking at this ridiculous black tie made his chest ache. He loved Annette. She was there for him when she didn't have to be. She gave him respect and love without ever questioning what he had done while he was with his father and brother. She didn't care about the past, not as long as there was a salvageable future. She would've done anything to help anyone achieve a decent future. She was the mother he never had.

He shuddered a breath and saw Carol in the mirror, a tear falling down his cheek. She wore a simple black dress with thin straps and the shawl Annette had given her, her hair pulled back with her bangs curled and bobby pinned back out of her face; the locket he had given her replaced by gold cross Annette had given her for her seventh birthday.

"Let me." She set the shawl on the counter and took the tie. Reaching up, she slipped it around the collar of his shirt. She met his eyes as she adjusted the tie, giving him an assuring smile, and she gently tugged on the tie. "There." She ran her hands down his chest. "I have to help Sophia with her hair and picking out a dress. She's never...been to a funeral before."

He nodded.

"Before I help her, could you do something for me?"

"Anythin'."

"Hold me as tight as you can, because I feel like I'm coming apart." Her voice broke, and he tucked her in his arms tightly, feeling the tremble that ran through her. "I thought—I thought there'd be more time. Why wasn't there more time?"

"I don't know."

"I—I've always had my mother, and now she's **gone**." Her voice was so small, but the way she said gone might as well have been a scream, because it shattered his heart. "How did she think I could live without her?"

He tightened his grip as she sagged against him. "It's okay."

"No, no. It's not okay," she whispered. "It's not."

"Carol..."

"Don't, please don't." She shook her head and pulled away from him. "I—I can't do this right now. We have to get ready. We—we have to—" She covered her mouth with her hand as she let out a pained cry that made tears return to his eyes.

"T—take a minute, sit down." Daryl tried to touch her, but she moved away, shaking her head again.

"I have to help Sophia." She rushed out of the bathroom.

His hand hovered there in the air where she once stood before he slowly drew it back and closed his eyes for a moment. He glanced over and freed his jacket from the hanger, slipping it on. He grabbed her shawl, and he flicked the light off, chewing on his bottom lip.

_How did she think I could live without her?_

––

Hershel looked at the watch he'd been given too many years ago, closed his hand around it and tucked it into his pocket. He looked over at Annette's vanity, seeing all of her belongings just lying about as if she would come out of the bathroom and fix it with that gentle laugh she had. He could almost see her on Sundays before church, her hair still damp from a shower, and she would be asking what project they would taking part in: the canned food drive or the coats for the cold. She wanted to do both, even if it meant giving up all of her coats, old and new.

He exhaled softly and left the room. He saw Bethy sitting on her bed alone, adjusting her heel. She had her hair curled over her shoulder, wearing a pair of Annette's pearl earrings, and she was reading over something so softly he couldn't make out the words. "Are you coming, honey?"

"In a minute."

He walked to Maggie's room, seeing her run her hairbrush over her shoulder-length brown hair, staring off into space. Unlike Beth, Maggie wore a black and gray color-block blouse with black pants. He knew the black pants were a gift from Annette for Maggie's college graduation. She didn't want to wear a dress, because she was afraid she'd trip and fall on her face. "Mag?"

"Just a second, Daddy." She gave him a small smile.

He nodded. "Take your time, both of you girls."

He waited by the stairs for about two minutes, hearing the ticking of the watch against his breast, and he exhaled deeply, feeling a heavy weight on his chest.

Beth stepped out of her room. "I'm ready."

"Clothes wise, I'm ready." Maggie pulled her bedroom door shut. "Everything else, I don't know about."

Hershel pulled them into a hug. "We'll get through this. We will."

_This too shall pass._

– – –

Everyone stood around the oak coffin that caught the sun and made the wreath of flowers almost glow. The wind blew at them, but it was still a hot day. It was a beautiful day, but it wasn't _just_ another beautiful day. It would be a long time before it would be just another beautiful day.

Looking out at the people who had come to Annette's...funeral, they realized, Shawn still wasn't there. Sasha stood by her mother, brother and father, but no husband. It only added to their loss. Shawn never took death well, especially their father's death. It...tore into him, changed him. Carol was just as bad.

– – –

"_Shawn, it's time." Carol stood in the doorway to his room, but he still wore sweats and an over-worn t-shirt. "Shawn, you're a mess! You were supposed to shower and—and change hours ago!"_

"_I'm not going." He stared at his glass of water._

"_And why not?"_

"_Because, brat, I don't want to go."_

"_Oh, grow up, Shawn! You're not the only one hurting here!" Her eyes filled with tears again, and she took a deep breath. "Just drown yourself in cologne and put your suit on. Mom's waiting!"_

_He tossed his glass at the door, she jumped back and let out a gasp of surprise, and he looked at her with such disgust. "How could you?"_

"_How could I what? What am I doing? I'm helping Mom get through this, so how is that wrong?"_

"_You're playing the part well, but we both know you hate her."_

"_What?! I do not hate Mom."_

"_How can you not?" He leaned toward her. "Because of her, we didn't get to say goodbye to Dad! We didn't get to tell him we loved him or anything! She just took our goodbyes, our feelings on the matter and tossed them out the window! She didn't give two shits about us, so why should I?"_

"_Because he's our father! This has nothing to do with Mom, Shawn! This is about us la—"_

"_Oh, bull-fucking-shit!" He came off his bed so fast Carol flinched. "This is you and me dressing up to mourn our father in front of the whole damn world! I will have no part in it!"_

"_So, you'll suffer in silence? Is that who you are now?"_

"_Don't give me that look, Carol! Don't use that tone! I'm right, and you know it!"_

"_What I know is that you're being an asshole!"_

"_And you're being an ass-kisser!"_

_She smelled his breath, and she stared. "Have—have you been drinking?"_

"_Why do you care?"_

"_Have you been drinking?!" she demanded._

"_Yes! Why does it matter?"_

_She went over to his bed and tossed the sheet back, discovering an empty bottle of vodka and a few small bottles of tequila, like the ones from a hotel minibar. "Oh, my God!" _

"_What, I'm practically an adult. I don't need permission." He scooped up a bottle of beer from his backpack and opened it. "Here, after a few, you'll see the world in a whole new light."_

_She smacked the bottle away from her and out of his hand._

"_Dude, wasteful!" He reached for the beer._

"_Don't—don't pick it up!" She shoved him hard. _

"_You're cleaning that up." He pointed the foamy puddle steadily forming by the door to his closet. "Or just get me a straw. I think the floor's clean enough."_

"_Shawn! How could you?" She smacked her hands into his chest. "What the hell were you thinking?!"_

"_Why not," he screamed back at his little sister. "Why not get so hammered I can't tell who's in front of me? Why not, for one second, forget I no longer have a father? Why not forget about how much of a bitch our mother is! Why not forget that that bitch didn't let us say goodbye! She didn't even let us know what the hell was going on!" _

"_You were going to drive to the church, drunk as you are?" Carol screamed. "How could you even consider driving? After we just lost Daddy!"_

"_Oh, like you care!"_

"_I do care, you jerk! You're my brother, and I love you! How could you seriously consider getting into your car and driving? How?! Have you lost what little of a mind you have?" She searched his eyes. "Do you know how bad that accident was? **Do you?**"_

"_Get out of my face, Carol!" He shoved her, and she fell back and hit the dress, crying out on impact. "Oh, shit! Carol!" He dropped down beside her as her face contorted with pain and tears welled in her eyes. "I—I'm sorry. I am so sorry."_

_She pushed away his hand when he tried to make sure there was no blood, and she smacked him across the face. "Are you insane or just plain stupid?"_

"_Ca—"_

"_No! We just lost Daddy, and here you are about to drive off, drunk!" She was yelling as tears streamed down her face. "You are just making it so easy to die! I saw you yesterday, Shawn. You were going to step out into traffic!"_

"_Don't be ridiculous. If I wanted to kill myself, pills and booze. After I had sex, of course. Or during."_

_She hit him again. "You are not funny! I—cannot handle anything right now. I certainly cannot handle losing my big brother! I need you, Shawn. No matter what happens, I will always need you, you big jackass!" _

"_Hey, you aren't losing me."_

"_Yes, I am!" She spoke through clenched teeth. "Every day—every day...you disappear more and more!"_

"_Kid—"_

"_If you don't go, I don't go."_

_He chuckled softly. "Give me ten minutes."_

_She wrapped her arms around his neck and sobbed. "Don't ever do this again!"_

"_I swear." He hugged her back. "Next funeral, I'll be there to bug you while you're trying to get drunk."_

"_I don't ever want to go to another funeral."_

"_But you'll have to. C'est la vie." He released her. "Find my sunglasses. I'm gonna need 'em."_

"_Ten minutes. If you're not ready—"_

"_Please, I've gotten a shower, breakfast, dressed and copied Andy's homework within ten minutes before." He sighed. "Dad...always used to get on me about cheating. Freaking hate trig, you know? He didn't understand that I suck at it."_

"_He always said you never applied yourself."_

"_Well, maybe it's time for a change." He hauled her too her feet. "If I start sobering up, I'm blaming you."_

"_Good."_

"_You okay?" He gestured to her head._

"_Yes." _

"_Good." _

_She walked out of his room and took a deep breath. She leaned against the wall and began to cry softly._

_––_

_ Carol adjusted the brooch over her breast. It was a gift from her dad, a family heirloom. It was just a rose with two diamonds on the petals like raindrops. It was her mother's, but she'd let Carol borrow it for today. It was...really beautiful, and she was so worried it would fall off. She kept touching it to make sure it was there._

_ "Hey." Lori smiled a little at Carol. "How are you?"_

_ "Lori," Andrea's tone said 'don't'. "Do you want anything? Food? Drink?"_

_ "No, thank you." She inhaled. "I just want people to stop asking me what I want. If I wanted anything, I would get it. I lost my father, not my ability to function!"_

_ "I didn't mean to—"_

_ "Yes, no one means to." She sighed. "Why don't you and Lori check on my mother? I need some air." She calmly left the house and went to the backyard. She slumped against the side, resting her hands on her knees, and she tried to calm her stomach, because she didn't want to get sick again. _

_ "You ain't lookin' too good." Daryl sat on the ground just a few feet away, tired of the people wanting to talk and share their feelings. He was just there for Carol. Once the others left, he planned to go to her. Seemed she found him first. _

_ "There you are." She fell to the ground beside him. "How are you? I freaking—no. I fucking **hate** the question right now. God, why can't they come up with something new? And why try to feed us? They hand out casseroles and cakes like we can actually stomach them. There isn't enough comfort food in the world to fill the void in my life." She pulled her legs to her chest and noticed a flask in his jacket pocket. "Is that—?"_

_ "It ain't mine. Took it from my old man this mornin'. Tsh, forgot I had it."_

_ She knew she'd gone off on Shawn for drinking, but maybe he had a point. Maybe he was right about seeing the world in a new light. She'd never had alcohol before, so she didn't know. Well, she'd had a few sips of wine here and there, offered to her by her parents. It was gross, but maybe vodka or rum or bourbon or whatever the hell Mason drank would make her feel better. If it made Shawn feel better for even a little while. What she wouldn't give to feel better for a second._

_ "Give me that!" She reached for it, he flinched away, and she stopped. "Sorry! I—I'm sorry."_

_ "Are you kiddin'? You wanna get drunk? Here?"_

_ "Yes." She searched his eyes. "Please, Daryl. Please, I can't—I can't do this. I can't."_

_ He frowned a little as tears welled up her eyes. "You know this ain't gonna—"_

_ "No, I do know! Please, I do know." She gripped his jacket. "I'm not going to drive—I can't. I'll be responsible about it, so please?"_

_ He couldn't stand to see her look like that. "We'll share it."_

_ She smiled. "Okay. I'll get some cups. Don't—don't go anywhere." She climbed to her feet and went inside, grabbing two plastic cups from the kitchen. She glanced around to see if anyone was watching her, and of course they were, because they wanted to cram their condolences down her throat. She smiled then all but ran back to Daryl. "Here."_

_ He twisted the cap off and emptied half into each cup. He glanced at her as she smelled it and groaned. He smirked. "What, it ain't grape soda."_

_ "No, I know. I just—Umm, never mind." She wiped at her eyes and cleared her throat. "To my dad."_

_ "To Ethan." He took a drink, watching her tentatively take a drink, and she coughed, her throat burning. He snickered. _

_ "Oh, God." She coughed into her hand. "What—what the hell is this?"_

_ "I reckon it's a mixture of stuff."_

_ "Stuff being?"_

_ "You don't wanna know."_

_ "So, you're trying to kill me?"_

_ "You're the one who wanted to get drunk." He took another drink, not bothered by its potency. _

_ She took a small drink and groaned. "This is a bad idea."_

_ "The worst."_

_ "And you're not going to stop me or tell my mom?"_

_ "No."_

_ She smiled and kissed his cheek. "Thank you." She didn't notice the blush on his cheeks as she took another drink. Then another and another and another until the cup was empty._

_––_

_ "How do you feel now?" Daryl had given her half of his half._

_ "I don't know." She sighed. "I feel...kinda weird. Like...sublime. Can you feel sublime?"_

_ He smirked. "You're a happy drunk."_

_ "I'm a stupid sober." She took a small drink of what was left in Daryl's cup. "Wait, what?"_

_ "That's enough." He reached for the cup._

_ "No, no, no." She set it beside her, out of his reach. "Can I ask you something?"_

_ "What?"_

_ "You know stuff, right? Like...like things, you know?" He stared at her. "How do you feel better about...death? Shawn got drunk too, and he slept with one of the cheerleaders. Shh, don't tell." She held a finger to her lips. "I had to sneak her out of the house before Mom came home." _

_ "I don't know how you feel better, just...gotta go through it."_

_ "How?" She searched his eyes. "How do you...go through it?"_

_ He shrugged. "You just do."_

_ She pursed her lips. "It takes four minutes to drown... I wonder if that applies to drownin' in your own blood."_

_ He frowned. "Carol—"_

_ She looked at him and laughed. "I'm kidding." She finished his drink and exhaled deeply. "How long until this wears off?"_

_ He shrugged. _

_ She pulled her legs up. "My life sucks."_

_ "No, it don't."_

_ "Yes, it does. I mean, all I do is study and act like a know-it-all, but I don't know anything really, not stuff that matters. I don't know how to take care of myself. I mean, seriously, I can't do crap in the kitchen, and—and I'm bad at cleaning. I tried to help Mom out, but...I can't." She ran a hand through her hair. "And now Dad's dead. He's gone, and it's just the three of us. I don't know how we're going to do this."_

_ "That don't mean your life sucks."_

_ "You don't understand. You still have your dad."_

_ He clenched his jaw. "Oh, boo fucking hoo! Sure, your dad's dead, but you still got Annette and Shawn and this house and school and a future!" He glared at her. "God, you stupid bitch. You don't even know—"_

_ She stared at him, long and hard then leaned over and kissed him. He blinked and jerked back, but she didn't stop coming at him. She grabbed his jacket and crushed her mouth to his, and he just tried to do something. Anything, but he couldn't function. He'd thought about this before, but it was wrong. She was drunk—a terrible lightweight—and vulnerable. He needed to stop her._

_ She had maneuvered herself in between his legs, an arm around his neck, a hand to his cheek, and he couldn't move back because of the lawn chair behind him. It was metal and heavy, and he was trapped. He tried to gently push her off, but she wasn't letting him. She was drunk enough to kiss him, but sober enough to fight him._

_ "Carol, stop."_

_ She pulled back. "Why?"_

_ "You're just drunk."_

_ "So?"_

_ "So? Carol, you're—we can't—I can't."_

_ "So, I'm a stupid bitch who's undesirable even drunk." She nodded. "That is great."_

_ "It ain't—"_

_ "No, I get it." She sat back. "I'm not your type. You like girls like Andrea and—and Lori. I'm just the girl who will forever been the "good friend"."_

_ "You're just upset 'bout your dad. This ain't gonna make you feel better."_

_ "Then what will?"_

_ "Carol?" Annette stepped outside. "Oh, there you are."_

_ "What?" She didn't turn to look at her mom._

_ "Jo and Hershel want to see you." She bent down beside them. "Are you two all right?"_

_ "Sure." Daryl noticed Carol turn her head away from him and her mom._

_ "We're fine. I'll be in there in a minute." She tucked hair behind her ear._

_ She sniffed the air then groaned. "Oh, my God! Carol Suzanne Harrison, have you been drinking?"_

_ "Why does it matter?"_

_ "Because you're barely thirteen years old! And I love you! You know how I feel about alcohol! God, what the hell were you thinking?"_

_ "About myself!" She looked at her mother, locking eyes. "I'm sorry I can't be the daughter you want! I'm sorry that I—disappoint you!"_

_ Annette frowned. _

_ "Punish me, I don't even care. What else can you do to me? Withhold affection?"_

_ "Get up." She grabbed her arm. "You are taking a shower and brushing your teeth then we will have a long talk about this when you're sober, because I want you to remember every word!"_

_ "Get off! I stand up by myself!"_

_ Annette hauled her to her feet. "Can you even walk?"_

_ "Yes, I can!" She glared. "As if you care."_

_ "What?"_

_ "Please! You've just been running around, accepting flowers and—and muffin baskets! You—It's like you're just cleaning up after Dad's mess or something! 'Oh, damn, this pool of blood in the driver's seat will make selling his car so hard'!"_

_ Annette slapped Carol across the face then gasped, eyes wide and covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh—I am so sorry!"_

_ "I'm sure!" She shoved her mom. "Dad's dead, and—and it's like you don't even care. When have you cried? Do you even cry?"_

_ "Of course I care!" Her eyes filled with tears. "How can you think that I don't?"_

_ "Because!" She had nothing else to add. Her head was starting to ache, and she just wanted to go to bed and never wake up. "You know exactly what I mean!"_

_ She clenched her jaw. "I—"_

_ "Don't make excuses!" she shouted._

_ Shawn stuck his head out. "Oh, not good."_

_ "Stay out of this!" Carol sent him a glare then turned back to her mom. "You—"_

_ "I have been working!" Annette shouted over her daughter. "I have been distracting myself with—with his funeral arrangements and refreshing drinks and—and going over bills, because—when I stop...it settles, and—and he's really gone." Her voice grew soft._

_ Carol studied her._

_ "I didn't mean to hurt you or your brother by not telling you about his accident, I didn't! I just—I didn't want you to remember your father like that." Her voice broke. "I—I'm sorry, Carol, that you thought... I would never..." She paused, trying to calm herself enough to speak, but it was so hard. Finally knowing Carol's thoughts only added to her pain, and she knew Shawn felt similar. She never meant to make them think that, but she hadn't spoken to them about the accident, so what other thoughts would they have? "I just—I couldn't let you see me like that."_

_ "You..." She blinked and suddenly gagged._

_ "Carol? Are you okay, honey?" She wiped at her eyes._

_ "I—Oh, God!" She covered her mouth with her hand, trying to quiet the twisting in her stomach, but she couldn't. She moved her hand and threw up on the lawn._

_ Annette gathered Carol's hair away from her mouth, rubbing her back. "Shawn, a glass of water, please."_

_ "Sure." He disappeared into the house._

_ Carol heaved again, almost falling to her knees, but her mom held her up._

_ Annette sighed. "Daryl, we need to talk."_

– – –

"I'm Beth Greene as you all know. I'm...Annette's daughter." She took a deep breath, trying not to cry. She promised herself she wouldn't cry. "Umm, we're gathered here today to remember a woman who touched all of our lives in different ways. A woman—a woman who had wisdom beyond her years and blessed our lives by sharin' that wisdom, by guidin' us toward the person she—she knew we were. Every—Um, in her eyes, everyone was an amazin' person. Every—"

Maggie went over to her. "Hey, take it slow."

She took a deep breath. "Anyone who had her in their lives were the—truly blessed—" her voice broke, and Maggie rubbed her arm. She inhaled deeply, wiping away a tear and clearing her throat. "Anyone who had her in their lives were the truly blessed ones. She loved first and nobody wasn't worth her time. To her, everyone was special and beautiful."

Sophia covered her face with her hands, and Daryl rubbed her back with his free hand, Carol gripping the other. He knew what was going through her head, and he knew no words would ease her pain. He wanted to help, but he didn't know how. His mother was just gone. There was no need for a funeral or a wake to remember her, not that there was much to remember. She was...a blur to him. He could barely remember her face, let alone anything else. He couldn't mourn what he didn't remember, but it was different for Carol and Sophia. It was always different, but... Damn it. Why was he so—?

Carol suddenly leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Not today." She moved hair by his ear. "Not tomorrow, not ever." She pressed her forehead to his temple, lacing her fingers through his.

He closed his eyes and nodded. "I love you."

She kissed his temple.

"I don't want to...can't talk 'bout Annette." Maggie looked over their faces. "You all know who she was and words don't fully do her justice. Umm, she had a quote she used to say every day. 'Death leaves heartache no one can heal; love leaves a memory no one can steal'. She used to say it for my mom, Jo—er, Josephine, and for Ethan Harrison, her late husband. Now, I'm going to say it for her."

Carol felt weak-kneed, and she knew the tears would come again the minute she was up there, eulogizing her mother. She stood up nevertheless and walked over to Maggie and Beth. She looked at the people who watched them, and she chuckled softly. "I was supposed to eulogize my mother today, but...uh, I think Beth and Maggie have said it all."

Hershel frowned. What was she doing? He knew Carol had written a beautiful eulogy. Why wasn't she going to say it?

She walked away, not letting Beth and Maggie touch her. She took her seat and set the shawl on her lap, crossing her arms and not touching it. She squeezed her eyes shut, and she heard the piano begin to play the song Beth knew Annette wanted to hear.

"_Of all the money that e'er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm I've ever done, alas it was to none but me._" Beth softly sang, taking Maggie's hand as they began to sing together, "_And all I've done for want of wit to mem'ry now I can't recall...so fill to me the parting glass. Good night and joy be to you all."_

"_So fill to me the parting glass and drink a health whate'er befalls. And gently rise and softly call, good night and joy be to you all._" Shawn walked up the aisle, freshly shaved, in a black suit.

Beth and Maggie both let out a small laugh at the sight of him, and he ran over to them, giving them a quick, but tight hug at the same time, frowning when he didn't see Carol. He didn't have time to question it, because they still had more to sing.

_"Of all the comrades that e'er I had...are sorry for my going away. And all the sweethearts that e'er I've had would wish me one more day to stay. But since it fell unto my lot that I should rise and you should not. I gently rise and softly call. Good night and joy be to you all._"

He gripped one of Beth's hand and one of Maggie's, giving a nod to Sasha. His mom chose a strange person to speak to him, but he got the message, loud and clear.

"_Fill to me the parting glass and drink a health whate'er befalls. And gently rise and softly call, good night and joy be to you all..._"

The seat beside Daryl sat empty with only a folded shawl in the center.


	28. When You're Gone

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

––

_Annette threw away the last paper plate and wiped her hands a dishrag, checking in on Carol, who had passed out on the bathroom floor. She had Daryl hosing off the lawn while Shawn put away the many, many casseroles in a way that they all fit and none of the food would be wasted. She suddenly felt her wedding band scratch against the cloth._

_She exhaled softly and set the cloth on Carol's dresser then went over to her, rolling her gently onto her back. "Carol?" She shook her gently. "Pretty girl?"_

_She was out._

"_All right." She hoped she wasn't too old for this, and she hoped Carol was as light as she appeared. She lifted Carol's shoulders up, slipping her hand underneath her legs behind her knees, and she picked her up, a little worried at just how light Carol was. She adjusted her and carried her to her bed, moving the covers back as best she could then she placed her daughter down on the bed, pulling the blankets over her._

"_Mmm..." Carol nuzzled her face into a pillow._

"_How's the kid?" Shawn peered into her room._

"_She's out cold." Annette placed a kiss to Carol's temple. "I need to speak to you, Shawn."_

"_What about?" He'd lost his hangover and his bitter attitude with his mom when she and Carol fought. He had no idea she felt... but he hadn't really gone out of his way to see how she felt. His mistake._

"_Your drinking." She shook her head. "I know you hate me—"_

"_No—"_

"_Let me speak, please." He nodded. "I know you hate me for not letting you say goodbye to your father while he was still here, still alive and—and I am sorry; but he wasn't conscious, and I didn't want your last memory of him to be so...horrific. I told him you both loved him, I assure you. And I—"_

"_And I love you." He hugged her. "I'm so sorry for being stupid and not realizing how hard this was on you."_

"_You're still not allowing to drive for a month, maybe two."_

"_That's all right."_

"_I love you, Shawn, with all of my heart. Your father loved you as well, and he was endlessly proud of you, no matter how hard he was on you." He wept softly, and she tightened her grip on him. "It's just the three of us, and we'll make it. I'll take care of us. I always will. I promise."_

––

_Annette found Daryl in the backyard, adjusting the hose, and she offered him a glass of iced tea. He wiped his hands on his jeans and accepted it with a small smile of thanks. She sat down in the lawn chair and motioned for him to sit down, so he did._

"_You're a good friend to her." She crossed her legs. "I really am glad you were able to make it to the funeral and wake."_

_He didn't meet her eyes. "She thought—"_

"_You don't have to explain it to me, not the drink or why you two were tangled up together." She ran a hand through her hair. "I trust her with you. You take care of her, protect her, and I know it's not because you think she can't take care of herself."_

_He slouched a little. "What do you mean?"_

"_You're an intelligent young man, I think you know exactly what I'm talking about." She rested her hands in her lap. "You have feelings for Carol, strong feelings. I can tell."_

_He ducked his head as his face burned._

"_And you could've taken advantage of her when she...offered herself to you, but you didn't." She moved hair that wind blew into her face aside. "I respect you for that and many other things, so when you decide you want to date Carol, you have my blessing."_

"_I do?"_

"_Yes." She smiled at him. "Of course."_

_He nodded. "And 'bout the drinkin'?"_

"_I can't punish you, because you're not my son, but I can have you empty out your pockets whenever you come over. Carol's going to be grounded for some time for drinking, but I do allow one friend over per week, so prepare to empty your pockets."_

"_All right."_

"_Oh yes, since you both have class together and may have group projects to work on, you can come over then as well."_

"_Thanks."_

"_And thank you for clearing the puke." She rose. "What did you give Carol to drink?"_

"_Uhh—"_

"_Mom, Dale's here," Shane called from the living room._

"_I'm so sorry. Please, excuse me." She went inside and hugged him. "I was worried you wouldn't make it."_

"_I'm sorry I came so late." He released her. "Did you get the flowers?"_

"_Yes. They were lovely." _

_He glanced at Shawn and Daryl. "Hey."_

"_Howdy." Shawn waved. "We'll just be out here, drinking iced tea." _

"_Just iced tea?" Dale mused. "I heard."_

_Shawn smiled a little. "Yeah, just iced tea." He closed the door and turned to Daryl. "So, you and Carol?"_

"_What?"_

"_I heard my mom. You like my sister?" He crossed his arms. "Well, I think we need to talk."_

"_Christ." He suddenly wished it wasn't just iced tea._

– – –

_Beth sat at the piano, looking over the sheet of music before her, and Annette wondered why she kept watching it. It wasn't as if it would crawl off. She knew Beth could read music, so she didn't know why she was just staring at it. Maybe she was trying to decide if she wanted to play it. Maybe it had some meaning to Josephine. She didn't know for sure, though._

"_What are you doing, sweetheart?" Annette sat beside her. _

"_I'm just lookin' over this." She gestured to the music. "It's one of my mom's __favorite songs. I want to play it, but...I don't know. I—I don't think I should, I mean."_

"_Why not? It's her...not-wake."_

_She shook her head a little. "It'll made Daddy sadder."_

"_It might, but sometimes remembering heals, even if it hurts." _

"_Well...then I want to play her favorite song." She stood up and hurried up the stairs._

_Annette turned on the bench. "Shawn, Carol, Maggie."_

_Slowly, they came into the living room, Annette told them what Beth was going to do, and she asked them to let her have this, to not shut it off. Maggie nodded and sat on the couch, Carol and Shawn were curious why Beth wouldn't just play the song, and then Beth came back downstairs with a CD player. She plugged it in and skipped through songs on a once blank CD, but a long time ago Shawn had burned a few songs onto it. _

_The song began to play, she stood up and turned to face them. "Mom used to lip-sing to it. You remember, Maggie?"_

_She nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I remember. She used to...lip-sing to it when she did the dishes. It was so funny. She'd get suds everywhere." _

"_She actually sang it to me...a couple days ago. I... I thought maybe she'd—"_

"_All right, you two make me want to pass out some Prozac." Shawn started the song over and held his hand out to Beth. "Listen, baby. Ain't no mountain high, ain't no valley low, ain't no river wide enough, baby."_

_She smiled a little and took his hand. "If you need me call me, no matter where you are, no matter how far."_

"_Don't worry, baby." He grasped her other hand._

"_Just call my name, I'll be there in a hurry. You don't have to worry."_

"_Come on." Carol hauled Maggie to her feet, arching a brow playfully. "'Cause baby, there ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough, ain't no river wide enough to keep me from getting to you, baby."_

_Annette giggled at them, smiling at how ridiculously goofy they all were, and she laughed at how Carol and Shawn switched Beth and Maggie, leaving them both a little dazed. She saw Maggie almost smile as Shawn pulled on her arms, one at a time, a little faster with each pull, and she finally just laughed._

_The girls all laughed as Shawn pitched his voice to sing, "If you're ever in trouble, I'll be there on the double. Just send for me. Oh, baby." He took a deep breath. "Jesus, I don't have the lungs for this."_

"_My love is alive, deep down in my heart," Carol took over. "Although we are miles apart."_

"_If you ever need a helping hand," Maggie took Beth's hand, "I'll be there on the double, just as fast I can."_

"_Don't you know that there ain't mountain high enough, ain't no valley enough, ain't no river wide enough to keep me from getting to you, babe." Beth smiled back at her sister. _

_Then the CD began to skip, Shawn tried to clean the disk, but it was deeply scratched. He put it back in and it skipped to the song, and he smirked as Celebration by Kool and The Gang began to play. "Oh, we can work with this. Beth, my beautiful but short assistant, join me."_

_Maggie moved hair out of her face as Shawn got Beth to smile, but she pulled away and went outside. Almost instantly Carol started to follow, but Annette called to her. She understood and giggled as Shawn and Beth started singing off-key on purpose, and she and Annette moved the coffee table before they accidentally fell and broke it._

_Maggie sat outside, hearing them sing through Celebration and then Get Down On It. She knew it was better to think about happier times, but it just...was too soon. Just thinking about Ain't No Mountain High Enough made her eyes burn, and she pulled her legs in, sobbing softly._

– – –

They lowered Annette into the ground as they walked away, piles of flowering on her marble headstone, and Shawn laced his fingers through Sasha's, holding onto Beth's out of habit. She didn't mind, mostly because Zach couldn't make it. He was caught up in surgery, saving someone's life, which made her...happy. As did Sasha's full belly. Life can be taken, but it can also be created. That was beautiful.

"Where's Carol?" Shawn asked Beth, squinting at the sunlight catching his eyes.

"I don't know. She was supposed to eulogize Mom, but she...just made up some crap about me and Mag coverin' it all."

"This won't end well." Shawn sighed.

Beth saw her dad walking alone, so she released her brother's hand and went over to him.

"Are you all right?" Sasha asked her husband softly.

"Am I all right? Are you kidding?"

"I—I didn't mean to—"

"I know. I just—I've lost both of my biological parents." He blinked back tears. "They'll never see...our children, never hold them, and that's...bullshit."

She nodded. "It is, but...I'm glad you came back."

"Me too." He kissed her forehead. "I would've hated myself if I had missed her funeral."

"So...you can sing, huh?"

He chuckled. "Not as good as Mag and Beth as you heard. Mom liked Celtic Thunder and it's either the Celtic Ladies or Celtic Women, so I heard them a lot growing up. I already knew the words, so I just jumped in. Mom... Mom loved when I was spontaneous."

"She would've loved that."

"Do you mind driving?" He covered his face with his hand.

She hugged him. "I know I can't say anything to make this pain better, and all I can really tell is I love you, because that's all I am sure of."

"I—I love you too." His voice was shaky and thick.

She kissed the top of his head. "Let's get to the car. I have some tissues in my purse." She wiped at his tears.

He nodded. "Can you...like carry me? I'm pretty light."

She laughed a little, and he didn't realize how much he needed to hear her laugh. "Come on."

Daryl walked by them, holding Sophia's hand, trying to call Carol's phone, but she wasn't picking up. He was scared. He didn't know what she was going to do, and it worried him to his core. She wasn't handling this at all. Annette helped her through her father's death, but now Annette was the one who had died, and Carol wasn't letting him help her. She wasn't coping. What the hell was she doing?

––

They met at Hershel's for the wake, and still no Carol. They couldn't reach her—any of them—and Daryl was burning holes in the floor from his insistent pacing. He didn't want to stay there. He wanted to go and find her, but they needed him there for Sophia. She wouldn't let Beth comfort her. She wanted her Mom and Daddy, and Daryl was trying his best, but he was too worried about Carol.

Two hours later, Shawn tried again to get Sophia to eat. "It's cheese. You know, like milk, but you chew it. You like milk and chewing things, yeah?"

She didn't look at him.

"Yeah, that was dumb." He tossed the plate into the trash. "It's warm anyway." He sat on the floor in front of her. "I'm not gonna lie to you, munchkin. Carol may not be fine. She may not even come home. Hell, we may never see Carol again."

She began to cry again.

"Yeah, it hurts. It hurts more than anything you've ever felt, and it won't get better anytime soon." He exhaled, sniffing. "All I can tell you that I know for sure is that we are here for you, okay? Me, Beth, Mag, Sasha and Hershel. We're all here for you. You already got your dad. He's always going to be there for you."

"No, no, no, no." Beth scooped Sophia up, and this time, Sophia let her. "We just got her to feel better. Shawn, what did you say?"

Sophia began to sob big tears.

"The truth."

"What truth?"

"That we may never see Carol again."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because I'm not going to lie and say Carol's going to come in that door right now and take Sophia in her arms."

Carol walked into the house and looked around, seeing Beth holding Sophia, and she ran over to them, taking Sophia and holding her. Carol's hair was down her back now, and she didn't have any shoes on either.

"Well, damn." He climbed to his feet. "Carol."

She didn't look at him, just held Sophia. "Let's get home."

"Home?" Beth glanced at Shawn then her.

"Mmm-hmm. Home." She started to leave.

"Not so fast." Shawn blocked her exit. "Where do you think you're going?"

"I've said it, Beth's said it. Unless you need subtitles, I think you know where I'm going."

"Dude, no!" He glared. "You don't get to walk out on Mom's _funeral_ and then come take your daughter and leave!"

"Says the man who didn't even help to plan the funeral," she spat back. "Says the man who just barely made it in time!"

"Carol, stop it." Beth tried to touch her, but she pulled back. "Y—you're scarin' Sophia."

"How would you know? She's _my_ daughter, and I know what scares her. I'm her mother. I'm not scary to her."

"She's shakin'."

"She's crying."

"Carol." Daryl walked into the room, the relief in his voice. He'd thought he had heard her voice. He was right, but he didn't like the tension she, Beth and Shawn were giving off. "What's goin' on?"

"Carol's kidnapping Sophia." Shawn put his hands on his hips. "Not well, I might add."

"I'm not kidnapping my kid," she hissed. "Just move."

Sophia whimpered.

"Carol, you are scarin' her!" Beth shouted. "Let her go! Just calm down, get some water and talk. We can talk."

"Why are you looking at me like I'm going to hurt her?" She stepped back. "She's my daughter, and I can take care of her."

"She's my daughter too." Daryl set his hands on Sophia's sides. "Lemme take her."

"No."

"Mommy."

"I can't." She held Sophia tighter. "I can't."

"You can't what?" Maggie stepped into the room.

"I just can't."

"Whoa!" Shawn grabbed Carol's arms, Beth went for Sophia, and Daryl grabbed Carol's hips as she collapsed. They managed to catch her before she fell, Beth held Sophia close, and Daryl and Shawn propped Carol up, but she pushed them away.

"Don't touch me." She stumbled back.

"Somebody get her some water and some food." Shawn stepped toward her. "Easy."

"I'm not some mare in need of taming," she barked. "I'm fine!"

Everyone—well, the ones that weren't already watching them—turned and looked at them. Shawn didn't mind having it out with Carol right there at their mother's wake, because it happened once before when their dad died only before the funeral and wake; but Hershel and Patricia didn't want people to see them at each others throats, so they politly, but quickly showed them out.

"Daryl." Beth touched his arm. "She needs you."

"I know." His eyes were on Carol.

"No, Sophia needs you." She handed the shaking little girl to her father. "Let us handle this."

"But—"

"Trust me, she'll need you later. For now...your daughter needs you. Get her some juice or somethin'. Try and calm her down." She ran her hand over Sophia's back then went to the living room with Maggie.

"Where were you?" Hershel asked Carol.

"I—I was at the funeral with you all. Where—where else would I be?" She didn't look at them.

"You left," Maggie reminded her. "I—We all saw your empty seat! And you just left Mom's shawl there! If Sophia wouldn't have grabbed it, someone else would have it!"

"I—I—I just needed some fresh—air." She ran a hand through her hair. "It's what I nee—need now, so excuse me."

"No!" Beth shook her head. "If you can't eulogize Mom—"

"What's the big deal? So I didn't say a few words to honor Mom, you and Maggie did a great job! Seriously great. What good would my words do? Huh?" Her eyes were filled with tears. "No—no one should hear _my_ words."

"What are you talkin' about?" Maggie crossed her arms. "You wrote a beautiful eulogy."

"We read it, like, ten times," Beth chimed in. "It was so movin'. Everybody woulda loved it."

"Then one of you should've said it. It would've been better if one of you had said it. Like you, Shawn. You have a great voice for public speaking."

"Carol, your graduation speech had that evil, soulless music teacher bawling her demonic eyes out," Shawn shot back. "That's crap. You know you could've done it well. So why—?"

"Because the person who let her die shouldn't be the same person to eulogize her!" Carol yelled.

"What?" they all exclaimed, thrown.

She began to tremble. "It's my fault."

"No, Rosy, it's not your fault." Hershel tried to touch her, but she jumped back.

"Please, don't lie. You all know it's my fault." She was crying her eyes out in front of them, refusing to let any of them touch her, and they all just watched her fall apart. "I—I should've been here earlier. I told her six a.m., but I—I came at noon. If I had been there, she might have been all right. I would've woken her up and—and she wouldn't have died. She would still—still be here with us...with me."

"Carol, her death had nothing to do with you." Shawn met her eyes. "Kid, it was a natural death."

"No, it wasn't! It—It was me. I—killed her. I left and didn't even tell any—"

"So? That didn't kill her," Maggie interrupted.

"But it put her in the hospital! She grew weak, because of the stress of my leaving. If I had written a note or—or called or something, she would have been just fine! Yes, she gradually got better, but—but she still—and I—"

"You're not handlin' it." Maggie approached her. "When I lost my mom, I didn't handle it at all. I—start shopliftin' and smokin', 'cause I couldn't handle it. And—you helped me through. You and Annette and Daddy helped me. Let us help you."

"But Mom's not here to help me," Carol whispered. "She's gone, and that's on me. I—I didn't do anything to help. I stood there! I cried! I just fell apart!"

"She was already gone." Beth kept her voice low. "There was nothin' any of us coulda done."

"I don't know that!"

"All right, you've had time to stew." Shawn walked right up to her, not caring how he literally backed her into a corner. "So have I, kid. Let me guess what's been going through your massively imaginative ginger head. You've been playing out ever possible scenario these past couple of days, yeah? If only you'd been there sooner. If only you'd come back to Georgia earlier. If only you'd left a note that day or not left at all. If only, if only." He gripped her shoulders. "There is no one to blame here. Not you, not me, not the paramedics. Death came and took our mother, not you."

She searched his eyes. "I didn't—"

"Death is neither good or bad; it just is. You can't fight it, and Mom didn't fight. She knew she'd lived a good, blessed life, and she went willingly, peacefully. That's more than anyone could ask for, kid."

"But she's gone."

"Yes, Mom's gone, but you know as well as I do that one day...you'll find you won't mind carrying the pain around with you, because all of the good times shouldn't be forgotten." He didn't hold back anymore. He couldn't. The tears, the pain, was too much, and he'd been swallowing tears for too many days. "I feel that too. That hate. She left us here. She just left before my kids—before my kids could know her and love her as much as Sophia does; she left before she had a chance to hold them and see who they look more like. She left before I could even ask how she did it all. How she was such a great parent... I'll never know how she did any of it."

She tried to get free.

"It is okay to hate Mom, Carol. I hated Dad when he died. I mean, he'd just left us. He just...was dead, and I hated him for it. Now she's left us, and I hate her for it too. You hate her for it, I know you, so be mad, be sad, hate her! Just don't lock it up and blame yourself!"

She shoved him back, stumbling and fall onto the couch. It was so much easier to hate herself. She'd been hating herself for nearly five years. She didn't want to hate her mom, because she loved her, but she was mad at her. She left them there with so many things left unfinished. They had so much more to do, so why did she leave? Why?

"How are we supposed to go on without her?" Carol cried. She'd just gotten her back, and now she's gone. That's all she could think about. Three months. She had three months, and...now nothing. "I want her back. I want her to come back!"

"Me too." He looked up from where he'd fallen on the floor. "Me too, kid."

"I didn't know! I didn't know I would have... It's not fair! It's not fair. God, why?" She pulled her legs in and sobbed deeply, her cries filling the house, and Hershel went over to her, putting an arm around her, and he held her. She dug her nails into his jacket and buried her face in his shoulder.

Beth sat beside Shawn, helping him sit up, and she offered him a sad smile then just hugged him. "Good job, Dad-to-be."

"Nope. I need my wife." He released her and went to find Sasha.

Beth blinked. "What?"

Maggie laughed a little and hugged Beth. "We'll be okay."

_They always were._

––

After many, many, many tears and hugs, they all sat down in the living room that night, the fire going just to give them light—and because Annette loved fires. Shawn ran his hands through Sasha's hair as they lied on the couch, watching the fire's shadow dance on the ceiling, and he felt his kids stirring. He smiled a little, feeling tears in his eyes again, and he chuckled softly to himself, calming himself.

Carol stroked Sophia's hair as she slept on the floor, her face on one of the couch pillow's, and Carol smiled at how peaceful she looked and at how gently she breathed. She could feel Daryl watching her from over Sophia's shoulder, but she didn't care. She needed to be with Sophia right now. She needed to be with them both right now.

Maggie rested her head on Glenn's chest, glad he had come back for her. She'd missed him at the funeral, because he was in the back, and then she had to worry about Carol for those hours. She'd forgotten about him between the worry and the sorrow. She had glad he hadn't forgotten about her, because him holding her made the pain almost bearable.

Beth exhaled softly, pulling her legs up in the chair, and she saw her dad on the steps, looking over Annette's engagement ring. It was the one he had given her. Beth knew the one Ethan have given Annette was the one Annette had given to Daryl to give to Carol. She hoped Carol still had it, because she doubted Carol knew the history behind the ring. Speaking of Annette's rings...

"What do we do with all of her belongings?" Beth asked the room softly.

"I don't know," Shawn exhaled.

"Annette had a plan," Hershel softly answered. "Whatever you kids don't want, goes to charity."

"That's Mom." Carol moved a curl from Sophia's face. "Always thinking of others."

Hershel smiled a little. "That she was."

"We can clean out her close tomorrow," Maggie suggested. "She always said: leave nothing for tomorrow but the day."

"I have some leftover boxes," Beth added. "We can use them."

"Sounds like a plan." Shawn covered Sasha with the blanket.

Daryl looked at Carol, and her eyes moved to his. "You all right? From before I mean."

"I'm a little lost," she admitted. "I miss her so much, and I'll always miss her, but I can't fight death. I have to accept it, mourn and one day...move on. I know it won't be that easy, but I have you and our daughter and my—our family." She leaned over and kissed him. "Thank you for not treating me like I'm crazy."

"I get it."

"I know you do." She smiled. "I love you, Daryl Dixon."

He half-smiled back at her. "I love you, Carol Greene."

"And I love you you both too, now shut up before you make me yak," Shawn said.

"I love you, Beth," Maggie called to annoy Shawn. "I love you, Daddy."

"I love you, Carol," Beth teased. "I love you, Shawn and Sophia and Daddy."

"I love you, Maggie," Carol added. "And I love you, Daddy and Glenn."

"I love all of you," Hershel tossed in, but he meant it. "Even Glenn."

"Yay, thanks, Hershel." Glenn smiled.

"I hate all of you." Shawn glared.

They laughed a little.

"I love Grandma," Sophia murmured sleepily, opening her eyes a little. "I love Grandma a lot."

"Okay, now that I love." Shawn smiled. "You win cuteness too, munchkin."

Carol snugged closer to Sophia. "Grandma loved you too." She kissed her forehead. "Good night, baby girl."

Daryl tugged the blanket over them and shifted closer, taking Carol's hand. "Good night."

"Good night."

"Yes, yes, good night everyone."

––

_There are no words to describe a woman like Annette Grace Ogle. She was a woman who would put herself between a stranger and a bullet, because for all she knew that stranger had a child, surely had loved ones, and she wouldn't see them torn away from them. She knew God would see her through everything, and He had. He always had. _

_Annette was a woman who would give you the clothes off her back if that meant keeping you warm, and if she had the money, she would empty her wallet for you. She just was so giving. She loved to make people happy, and like her son, did anything to make them smile when they were sad. She would offer a million reasons to smile. No, really. She would sit there and name them off, one by one until you smiled at how crazy she was for seriously coming up with reasons to be happy._

_She loved and was loved deeply. She will never be forgotten, because we'll be here to remind each other of her. We have our pictures and our memories, and even though one day those may perish, we know one way or another, we will see her again. We will smile with her again. Until that day comes, we have her in our hearts and our thoughts, forever showing us and reminding us of what it means to be human._

– – –

Moving around and remembering Mom by the clothes in her closet felt really good. They were able to laugh and reflect and cry a little bit. It was nice. Beth took most of her blouses since they were the same size, and she wanted to look more mature, less like a child. Her wardrobe was so childish, it was time for a change.

"Oh, my God." Shawn let out a small breath of shock.

"What?" Maggie taped the box closed and set it on the floor.

"This." He held up a wooden, homemade honey stirer thing. "We—we made these at school, remember?"

"Oh, my goodness." Beth smiled. "I completely forgot about these."

"Did she keep them all?" Maggie crouched down beside Beth. "I made these in that metal workshop."

"I made this in that clay class." Beth picked up the small heart box with a Celtic knot on the lid. "Aw."

Carol folded her mom's jeans and set them in the box, disinterested in the box of sentimental items.

"Hey, kid, look." Shawn helped up the bandana Carol had made. It was crummy and held paw prints and leaves and rose buds. It wasn't that great. "Carol?"

"I saw it." She closed the drawer and went to the next one. "It's cute, give it to Sophia."

He frowned. "A—all right, I will."

"I want to keep these." Maggie slid on the metal band all the way to her upper arm. "Heh. Wow, it still fits."

"With your muscles, I'm shocked too." He pulled out the other bandanas, glancing at Carol as she folded and put clothes into boxes. He could see her pulling away, and there wasn't anything he could do about it. If he asked her about it, she would be gone again. If he didn't, she might just come back. He had to hope and leave it to God. They were all still in pain, and everyone mourned differently. He hoped this was Carol mourning, and not Carol about to run away again.

"I brought pineapple upsidedown cake," Amy called into the house. "And Dale."

"Great, more food." Shawn sighed and padded down the stairs. "Hey."

"Hey." She hugged him with her free arm and presented him with a candle. "I know food is the last thing you need, so here is a candle that smells yummy."

"Thanks." He smiled. "Really."

"God." She hugged him again. "You're going to make me cry again."

"Excuse me." Carol pushed by them, nearly knocking Amy to the ground, and she set the box on the floor. "Hi, Dale."

"Wait, I want to speak to you. And to Shawn privately."

She paused in going back upstairs. "I'll put on come coffee."

"Don't. He's had enough." Amy gestured to his shaky hands. "I'll help Mag and Beth pack up."

Carol sat away from Shawn on the couch, crossing her legs and looking Dale in the eye; Shawn glanced at Carol, but didn't say anything. He gave his full attention to Dale, and Dale stood in front of them.

"You both have known me all your lives," he began.

"As Dad's best friend, of course." Carol's voice was business-like, very empty as well.

"And ours too," Shawn added, sending a glare to Carol.

"Well, there's more to our history than friendship." He cleared his throat. "Ethan made me promise—swear—vow not to tell you both unless it was absolutely necessary that you know, and Annette begged me to tell you if she died."

Carol rested her hands in her lap. "Tell us what?"

"Ethan Wellington Harrison never existed."

"What?" Shawn scoffed.

"His birth name was—is Ethan Wellington Horvath."

Silence.

Dale watched the gears turn in their eyes and heads then explained, "Ethan is my younger brother. He was born last and me second and Allen first. When he was on a trip, he met Annette and fell in love with her. Our parents didn't want him to marry her, because they thought he was too young to really understand love, so...he left. He changed his name as a way to hide from them and married Annette. When our parents died, I found him to tell him and give—and let him know he was still loved and wanted. He didn't want to be a Horvath, said it wasn't who he was and it wasn't who his children were."

Shawn stared. "D—Dad's your—and so you're—What?" He rubbed his temple. "Oh, my brain hurts."

"When you were four, our parents died, so Carol was about one." He sat down. "He didn't want you two to grow up around our family, because he felt they wouldn't accept you. He was wrong, but I didn't want to lose him a second time, so I kept his secret. I've helped your mother out as much as she would allow, and you both as well."

Carol shook her head. "Dad would've told us—" she cut off. "Wait. My car. When my car was in the shop, and—and I had to pay a thousand dollars, but someone had paid it for me. That—that was you?"

He nodded. "Yes."

"My surgery." Shawn scoffed. "Jesus, now it makes sense."

"What surgery?" Carol asked.

"Uh, well I didn't want to anybody this, because only Mom knew, but a couple years ago, I went out of the states for a community service. Building houses and such. Anyway, I contracted a bacterial infection, and it was killing me. I needed a kidney." He hated to see Carol look as she did, which is why he didn't tell her or Mag or Beth.

"What?" Carol's voice was breathy, and tears burned in her eyes.

"Sasha was a wreck, Mom was a mess, and I was trying to come to terms with my death, because one, we didn't have a donor that matched, and two...I was too far down on the list. It tore Mom up that she couldn't give me one of hers, and Sasha just kept telling me it'd all work out. I prayed every morning and every night, and then one day I got a call, and there was a donor and a room with my name on it." He shook his head, exhaling slowly. "That was you, wasn't it?"

He nodded. "Me and Andrea."

"She knew?" Carol exclaimed.

"No, no, no. She just knew someone needed a kidney, and she was the only one who matched. Amy might have, but I wasn't going to put her through that. Paige was just a baby then, and I couldn't do that to her."

Shawn ran a hand down his jaw. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me."

"No, I will." He met Dale's eyes. "Because of you, I'm alive and—and well. I'm married and my wife is going to have my twins in a couple months, because of you." He stood up and gave Dale a hug.

Dale chuckled. "You're making me tear up in front of my niece." He released him. "You jackass."

Shawn laughed a little. "That's my job." He sniffed. "Uncle Dale. Wow, that's just weird."

"Great, Mom's dead, and we have an uncle. Fantastic." Carol stood up. "If you'll excuse me, I don't care."

"Carol—"

"No!" she shouted at her brother. "No!"

"Carol, I've always been family, whether or not you knew it was blood," Dale reminded her.

"What good does this do me?" Carol shrugged. "You are a great guy, don't get me wrong, but you're—you're not Mom. I don't need this right now. I liked my parents just being my parents, not people who kept secrets!" She turned and left the house.

"Carol, wait." Shawn ran after her. "Carol!"

"What?" She spun around. "Yes, Mom is buried and dead, as is Dad, but that does not mean I am okay with that or with him!"

"Talk to me."

"I've done enough talk." She searched his eyes. "I'm done talking."

"Done talking or done talking to us?"

"Both."

"It doesn't work that way. Sophia needs us, loves us, and you cannot cut us out of her life!"

"I won't. Our new cousin Amy can bring her over or Daryl. Or hell, Andrea can! All I know is we—you and me and Mag and Beth—need to be apart for now. I can't be here!"

"So, you're just gonna run? Is that it?"

"No, Shawn, I'm walking." She backed up. "Witness me walking away."

"Carol." He clenched his jaw as she turned and walked to her. "Damn it, Carol!"

She waved over her shoulder then got in her car and drove off.

"Carol!"

– – –

Amy flipped through her mail, seeing an invite to Sasha's baby shower among the bills, and she smiled. She saw Sophia and Paige outside in the pool with Andrea, and she set her bag down and the mail. She ran outside and smiled at them.

Andrea looked up from the catalog, trying to decide which stroller to give to Sasha for her surprise baby shower next month. "You got the part?"

"Yes!"

"Oh, my God!" Andrea pulled her feet out and hugged her. "That is so great! I am so proud of you!"

Paige and Sophia climbed out of the pool and gave her a nice, big wet hug, and she laughed, kissing Paige on the forehead and hugging Sophia tight. "Congratulations!"

"Thank you all!" She grinned. "I am so freaking happy right now. I'm calling Mom and Dad and Dale to let them know when the big night is."

Andrea smiled. "We could use some good news around here and some smiles."

Sophia looked down.

It'd been three weeks since they cleared out Annette's closet, Carol hadn't been around her family since she walked out, and Sophia only saw them when Amy picked her up, so that Paige could get to know Shawn too. It was still strange to learn that Ethan was their uncle, but it made sense. All the hushed conversations Amy had heard were sometimes about Ethan, and it made her feel a little better, but still kinda crappy for Ethan.

"Who wants frozen yogurt?" Amy asked. "I am Juliet, and I say frozen yogurt before dinner is a yes."

"Yay!" Paige exclaimed. "C'mon, Sophia!"

Andrea gave them their towels and they went inside. "Carol hasn't spoken to you, has she?"

"No." She crossed her arms. "Not to anyone, not even Daryl. He says she just lies in bed and stares at the walls."

"We need to talk to her tomorrow. This isn't good for her or Sophia." Andrea suddenly smiled. "Juliet?"

"Uh-huh." She grinned. "See, the guy already had the cast picked out, but Dale knew someone who was helping the director, so I was sent the tapes of the dances, which is what Shawn and I were working on." She'd explain it all to Andrea that morning, because she needed a pep talk before she went. "And he saw me today, and I could tell he thought I wouldn't impress him, but I guess I did! The other chick who was originally playing Juliet just applauded me and told me I deserved it."

"She wasn't mad?"

"No, but I overheard her and who I think was her boyfriend talking, and she had another job waiting for her."

"Wow, I am impressed and excited. What date do I mark on my calendar?"

"Uhh, the twenty-ninth of July."

"Is that enough time for you to...adjust to the new guy?"

"Yes, and he is totally awesome. His name is Felix Manning, and he's just the best guy I've ever met. Tomorrow after practice, he agreed to meet me, so we can work on the lifts and get to know each other. We'll need some trust, he says, which I agree with completely."

"Felix?"

"Yes."

"I can't wait to meet him. We should have him over for dinner."

"He's barely an acquaintance, so calm down. Besides, I'm not his type. That's actually the first thing he told me."

"How rude."

"Not really. You'll understand when you meet him."

"Mommy?" Paige hovered in the doorway. "Are you coming?"

"Yep! My sweet tooth has control over me today. Let's go!"

––

Zach rolled over in bed, but instead of finding Beth, he found a warm, empty space. He checked the time; it was one in the morning. He rolled out of bed, grabbing jeans, and he spotted a note from Beth on the table. He read over it as he went to living room. He found Beth adjusting her dress and grabbing her heel off the counter.

"You know, if you sit down, I hear it's easier to put heels on."

She whirled around. "You're supposed to be sleepin'."

"Yeah, I am...and yet here I am, standing barefoot in my living room. Why am I standing barefoot in my living room at one in the morning?"

"It's nothin', just go back to bed. I have to go."

"You do realize I can tell you're lying, right?"

She sighed. "Please, go back to bed. It's late."

"Which is why we should go back to bed." He closed the space between them. "Is this about me missing Annette's funeral? I know the flowers and fruit and muffin baskets don't make up for that, and I would've gone if I had someone to cover for me."

"No, it's not—" She sighed, covering her face with her hands, and she exhaled. "All right, let's sit."

"I'd rather stand." He eyed her. "What's going on, Beth?"

She met his eyes, crossing her arms. "I think it's time we stop seein' each other."

He nodded. "And why do you think that?"

"Because you're in love with me!"

"And how is that bad? How is that worthy of ending our relationship? I know you love me, Beth. I know you do, so why?" He searched her watery eyes. "I deserve to know why you're going to walk out on me in the middle of the night."

She inhaled softly. "You're twenty-seventh birthday is about eight months away."

"So?"

"So, you're getting older and close to the age of settlin' down and havin' kids." Her blue eyes were full of determination and sorrow. "Since my mom died, I've been thinkin' about how people died all the time and how they are born as well. How you need one so you can have the other."

"All right." He nodded. "I can understand that. What does this have to do with us?"

"Well, when we have sex, all I can think about is life. Havin' sex is partly about makin' life. I can't make life with you. All we'll have is this, just the two of us, and I can't let you live a life with me like this. I can't."

He exhaled. "That's what this is about."

"Yes." Her voice broke. "I know you say it's not important, but to me, it's the most important thing. You're an amazin' man, and you should have a wife that can give you children. I'm sorry, but this is for the best." She grabbed her purse and started for the door when his voice stopped her.

"Do I get to have a say in this at all?" It was spoken in a soft hiss.

"You aren't thinkin—"

"No, damn it!" He grabbed her arm and made her face him. "You can't have kids, and I know that's hard on you, but I don't care. I don't. I love you, and for me, that's enough."

"You say that now, but—"

"I'll say it in ten years too, Beth! Having biological children doesn't matter to me. Having you in my life does."

Her eyes burned. "But—"

"No buts." He pulled her closer. "If all I have is you in my life then that's enough. If you can't go on without a child, we'll adopted. That's perfectly fine by me."

"You're bein' stupid."

"No, I'm making a decision for myself. All of my life I've tried to make everybody happy, but I'm done with that. It's my life, and I want to spend it with you, so just shut up and stop thinking you know what I want."

"Zach—"

"All I want is you, all of the good and the bad. I also want this conversation to be over, so it's over and buried. We're not going to talk about it."

"What if I don't want to be with you? I can always chose to leave."

"Then take my heart with you. I probably have a scalpel around here, just give me a minute."

She rolled her eyes, and he smiled. "Again, you're so stupid."

"Come back to bed. It's late."

"Fine." She met his eyes. "You'll have to help me with the zipper to my dress."

"I can do that."

"We'll see." She leaned up and kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck. She pulled back and met his eyes. "And I do love you."

"I know. I think I mentioned it."

She smiled. "You're such a dork."

"And you love this dork."

"Then let me prove it to you." She laced her fingers through his and led him back toward his bedroom.

––

"Gosh, I've made a mess of this place." Maggie gathered her clothes. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it." Glenn watched her go from room to room, gathering both his and her clothes. "Are you going home to wash those?"

"To the laundry mat." She stuffed them into a basket. "I'll be back around noon. Will you be home or should I grab my key?"

"I have to help with the bakery today, so use your key."

"Okay." She kissed him, grabbing the basket and starting for the door. "Drive safe."

"Hey, Maggie?"

"Yeah?" She turned.

"Why don't you just wash them at home? It'd be cheaper."

"I don't want to disturb my father."

He met her eyes. "You don't want to go back there, you mean."

"Glenn, don't. I know what I mean, and I don't want to disturb anybody."

"You haven't spent more than two minutes over there in three weeks. What the hell is going on? You and Beth and Carol are avoiding Hershel and the farm like a plague. What's going on? Talk to me."

"I'm not avoidin' anythin'. I'll see you later."

"Maggie!" He groaned as she walked out of his apartment. "Mag—Damn it."

––

Beth felt someone watching her as she slept, and she smiled a little, rolling over and opening her eyes. "Why are you being creepin'?"

"I just couldn't sleep." He shrugged a shoulder.

"Why not?" She rubbed her eye.

"Well, I just realized I still haven't met your family. You met my mother a few weeks ago, and I still haven't met Maggie or Carol or the men who will threaten me if I hurt you. I was looking forward to the threats."

She exhaled softly. "I just... Uh-uh."

"Don't 'uh-uh'. Tell me why."

"I just don't see 'em a lot."

"You live with them."

"They work the farm, and Shawn lives somewhere else, as does Carol." She closed her eyes. "We don't really see each other a lot." She shrugged. "Don't worry about it."

"Well, I kinda promised my mom that we'd join you guys on the fourth at the farm."

Her eyes snapped open. "What?!"

"She really wants to meet your family. I'm sorry. She loves you wants to get to know your family. I told you: she's crazy."

"Oh, my God, Zach!" She glared. "That ain't okay! We haven't even spoken to each other in three damn weeks, and now you want me to—Oh, my God!"

"How the hell was I supposed to know? I thought you all were close. Three weeks? Is that why you're always staying over?"

"I have not stayed over every night for three weeks." She paused. "Have I?"

"Yes, you have. I don't mind, but I thought you like my company."

"Nah, just your bed." She smirked, and he playfully glared. "Three weeks? Damn."

He set his hand on her hip and pulled her closer. "It's about time to get up, so do you want the shower first?"

"Why don't we just get one together?"

"Because we won't actually shower."

"Fine, I'll shower." She kissed him. "And you are gonna make coffee. I'm exhausted."

"That's what you get for trying to sneak out at one o' clock in the morning."

"That's not makin' coffee." She climbed over him, and he pinched her ass. "Hey!"

"That's not getting a shower."

"Shut up." She tossed the sheet over his face and disappeared into the bathroom. She began to brush her teeth.

He moved the sheet and exhaled, sitting up. "Hey, Beth?"

"What?" She pulled her toothbrush out of her mouth.

"Do you want to...move in with me?"

She nearly dropped her toothbrush. "What?"

"N—never mind. We'll talk about it later. I missed a call from the hospital." He grabbed his phone and robe.

She stared at her reflection. She'd never considered moving in with him. She loved him deeply, yes, but she always had planned on living on the farm. She also planned on breaking up with him, but that didn't work. To actually move in here...move away from the farm...could she do it? She'd grown up there and planned on taking care of it when her father passed, but...she knew Otis and Patricia would take care of it if she asked. She could do it easily.

She felt ill. Could she really leave the farm? She already barely saw her father and family as it was. If she left now, she might not see them at all.

––

Glenn moved pasta around on his plate, watching Maggie taking another drink of wine, and he frowned. She wasn't going to mention this morning. She was just going to pretend it didn't happen, wasn't she? He knew she needed to talk about it. He needed to talk about it too.

He loved having her there, waking up to her and going to bed with her, but this wasn't right. She was avoiding something back home, and it was hurting Hershel. He knew all of them were avoiding the farm and their father and each other, but he didn't know why. They were all so close, but now that Annette was gone, they'd drifted apart. It was like they didn't care. Or maybe they didn't notice. Maybe they thought they were in the same place as they were five weeks ago. What was going on? They weren't strangers to each other, so why where they acting like it?

They ran into Beth at the store today, and it was so uncomfortable. They laughed awkwardly and brought up the food the other had. Beth thought it was great that they were having pasta, and Maggie thought it was smart for Beth and Zach to be eating fish and salad. He tried to speak to her, ask about Hershel, but she excused herself, saying she was in a rush. She'd just cut him off in the middle of his question, and then while he and Maggie were checking out, he saw her talking to one of her friends. It was more warm than her talking to Maggie. They were curt with each other, almost cold. It disturbed him.

"Are we going to talk about this?" he finally asked.

"What?" She met his eyes. "Is your pasta not good? I followed the recipe, and it's Jacqui's too, so—"

"Not the pasta, Maggie. Beth and the grocery store."

"What do you mean? She looked fine, healthy. What's to talk about?"

"The fact that you two barely said anything to each other. It was hi, good food choice and bye. It was strained. How can you be okay with that?"

She shrugged. "She was busy, so were we."

"Did you notice the pregnancy test in her cart?"

"Beth can't have kids, Glenn. And she only had apples, lettuce and fish."

"See, if we had spoken to Beth, you wouldn't have known what was in her cart!"

She rolled her eyes. "You're bein' dramatic."

"Okay, Maggie, listen to me. You and Beth and Carol and Shawn haven't spoken in weeks. Don't lie and say you have, because that thing at the market doesn't match a definition of conversation."

She ran her tongue over her teeth. "I don't know what you're talkin' about."

He scoffed. "Fine, but when your niece and nephew are born and you only can to hear about them from Jacqui, don't come crying to me." He stood up and left the kitchen.

She dropped her fork and sighed, leaning back in the chair and shaking her head. She knew he was right, but she didn't want to admit it. There was a massive hole among them, and she doubted it would ever be filled with anything. How could they fill it? Their mother was gone, and the world just kept leading them in different directions. Maybe that's how it's supposed to be.

––

Shawn lied on the couch while Sasha and Jacqui talked in the kitchen, going over some things about some things he wasn't paying attention too, and he scrolled through the pictures on his laptop of his family. He wanted to talk to them, but his sisters had pulled away. He wanted to give them their space and just let them mourn, but it'd been almost four weeks. He missed hanging out with them, bugging the shit out of them, and he was worried this wasn't mourning.

Carol stopped going out in general, and Daryl couldn't coax her out of bed. When Shawn went over to check on her, she locked the bedroom door and ignored him. He hung out with Sophia for about two hours, and he could see Carol's distance was killing the munchkin. He called Dale and spoke to him about it, but he didn't give him any sage advice, just told him to give it time.

Beth was attached to Zach at the hip, but he could tell she was happy. He saw them walking to their car when he took Sasha to a doctor's appointment. He was getting a pop and happened to look over as they went to his car. She was smiling and laughing even, and he was glad to see it. Zach was really good for her. He wanted to get to know this Zach Cole, but he feared hell would freeze over before he got to know Zach's middle name.

Maggie was just in cop mode all the time. He never saw her, but he'd heard about her from Rick when he went to do their annual family photo. He learned she was practically living with Glenn now, and she was so by-the-book it was painful. She wasn't the same cop with endless potential anymore. She was just a cop on a mission that may get her killed. He tried to call her once, but she didn't pick. He knew she could've picked up, but chose not to. It made him sad, but what could he do? He wasn't Mom. He didn't know how to make everything all better. He wasn't going to try to be. He was their older brother, and he was failing at that. He didn't want to fail as the mom either.

He sighed and closed the laptop.

"That's not a happy sigh." Jacqui set a cup of tea in front of her daughter. "He's not doing well, is he?"

"He's mourning Annette." She lifted the teabag up. "He's...upset about his sisters."

"Ah." She took a seat. "They still haven't gone home?"

"No."

"Carol hasn't checked in on the Greene Leaf in too long. I can manage it myself, so nobody needs to worry. I've gotten a few new kids to help out as she's shut down. I hope she doesn't mind."

Shawn let out another, longer sigh, and Sasha glanced over at him.

"I'm miserable." He sat up. "Can you give birth right now so I have something to do now and later?"

"You can go to the market and buy a pot roast then I'll shove it up your ass and you can push that out." She smiled sweetly. "Then we'll do it again, 'cause twins."

"All right, but who's gonna want to eat that?"

Jacqui rolled her eyes. "Why don't you take a walk?"

"I did. I've taken many, many walks. I've lost ten pounds."

"Have you been eating?" She narrowed her eyes.

"Not as much as Sasha would like, but I do eat." He hopped up. "I snack, technically."

"Shawn!"

"What? I'm alive, aren't I?"

"You know Annette would not want you to die mourning her!"

"It's not my mom," he assured them, joining them in the kitchen. "It's my sisters. It's mostly my sisters."

"You need to talk to them. And eat."

"Fine, I'll make dinner tonight with fresh salad and veggies and protein."

"That sounds great. T and I will be here around seven. How does that sound?" Jacqui smiled.

"Uhhh...great. That's—great."

"I'll bring dessert."

"Thanks, Mom. That's really sweet." Sasha watched how Shawn dragged his feet. "Could you give us a minute?"

"I should call your father." She rose and grabbed her purse, heading out the front door.

"What's wrong?" She searched his eyes. "This isn't about your family, and you're worrying me. You should not be worrying a woman heavy with children!"

He opened his mouth then shook his head.

"Talk to me, Shawn. If you don't talk then give me a clue. One word, so I can try and figure out what the hell is bothering you."

He met her eyes. "Vivian."

"Oh." Maybe she didn't want to hear what this was about.

"She's coming by at two to talk. I don't know what about, but it's not about Nathan. I was with him all last night."

"Shawn, you were staring off into space last night."

"Was I?"

"Yes."

He sat down. "My mind's busy. Always busy. God, I'm scared, Sasha. For once, it's not about the twins, it's about my sisters and father."

"Hey, hey." She grasped his hand and laced her fingers through his. "We will get through this. One way or another, we'll get through. I know your sisters, and sooner or later, they'll try and work this out. You just have to be patient and let them heal."

"I'm trying."

"Try a little harder, okay? I have to go to the store to get dinner with my mom, because I hate Vivian. She's a bitch who listens to no one."

"Don't leave me with her, please?"

"Be strong." She smirked. "I'll be back in fifteen minutes, so don't worry."

"I'll meet her on the porch. I don't think our house can handle her vileness a third time."

"Third? She's only been here once. You pick up Nathan from the Greene Leaf."

He met her eyes. "She's the one who helped me go to the funeral."

She frowned. "What?"

"Yeah. She came to talk about Nathan, and I—I was just a drunken mess, and she got me back on track."

"So, the woman you slept with can talk into doing the right thing, but—"

"No, the woman I slept with can make me run from her and to the right thing." He kissed her hand. "It's ten till."

"Shawn, can you promise me something."

"Anything."

"Promise me you'll never, ever...name our child Wellington."

He met her eyes and gaped for a moment then let out a laugh. "O—okay, I promise."

She smiled. "Middle name, of course."

"Of course." He leaned over and kissed her. "Pick up some fresh flowers, please."

"What for?"

"I just want some flowers for the house. Brighten it up a bit, you know?"

"All right."

He walked her to the door and watched them leave then closed the door and sat down on the porch swing with a book, and he read it while he waited for Vivian to come. He didn't wonder why she was coming, just hoped she didn't ask for anything else. He would take care of his son, but he had twins on the way, and he didn't want to ask Dale for money—he didn't want to ask anybody for money. He would and could take care of his family. He always would.

"Shawn Tanner Greene." Vivian stood in the driveway, in a black dress with a slit up to her thigh, her blonde hair curled around her face, and she wore a pendant that's only purpose was to just dangle between her breasts.

He closed the book. "The demon who wears human flesh."

She smirked, glaring. "Keep this up, and I'll have to leave."

"Then why should I stop?"

She walked up the steps, sitting beside him. "I think it's time we spoke."

"Fine." He set the book on the ground. "What's this about? Nathaniel?"

"Yes." She turned on the bench, resting her elbow on the back. "As you know, that night is a blur to you, so it was easy to do this."

"Easy to do what?" He looked at her, confused. "Easy to sleep with me?"

"Mislead you." She moved her hand off her lap. "See, that night when you came over to look over the pictures you'd taken of me that week, I...slipped a drug into your drink. I wanted to loosen you up."

"You drugged me?!" Shawn wasn't even as shocked as his voice was.

"A little."

"You asshole!"

"Yes, yes, I am. Let me finish, I need to get this off my chest." She met his eyes. "I—I made the first move, and you pushed me off. I gave you more to drink, and eventually, you submitted to me. I took you to my bedroom, and I was kissing you and stroking you, and..."

"And?" he pressed.

She made a face. "Well, it was...difficult."

"How so? It seems you knew exactly what you wanted to do to me."

"You kept muttering "Sasha", which didn't make screwing you easy."

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

She glared. "Anyway, I managed to undress you and myself, and...I couldn't... Well, you weren't—heh, well, you just didn't..."

"Oh, my God, just finish the damn sentence." He hated when people did this, especially people he didn't care about.

"You would not come."

He blinked. "I didn't come?"

"No, you did not. Believe me, I tried, but I was unsuccessful. I don't know if it was the alcohol or the drug or perhaps yourself, but you would not give it up for me. That was a first," she mumbled.

He smiled proudly. "Go me." Then he frowned. "Then how the hell is Nathaniel—? Oh, you bitch!"

She winced. "Right, to the misleading you part. Umm, Nathaniel is my biological son, but you are not his biological father. I—I only lied to you, because I—we needed the money. We would need the money for the baby."

"You needed money? Have you seen what you wear? You obviously come from money, so why do you need more?"

"Yes, I do, but my parents cut me off. They said I needed to be more independent." She rolled her eyes. "I met a man a few years later and fell in love with him. He's the man who is Nathan's father."

"Wow, you have a heart to fall in love? I would be impressed if I gave a shit."

"Anyway, he works at the hospital—"

"Then why did you come up here with bullshit and try to destroy my marriage?!"

"Because he has college fees! He can barely support us, and I hated how we were barely living. I couldn't go one more day like that. I'd somehow managed to do it for three years. God, those were hard years and, somehow in those years I forgot about my plan, which was to make you think my pregnancy was caused by you so you'd help me financially. I was so stressed about bills and our situation that I must have forgotten. It came back to me when I saw you in the park a few months ago."

"So, you came to pump me for money? Why me of all men in the world?"

"Because I knew who your father was, and all the other Horvaths were old and married. His father worked close with my grandfather, and from what my grandfather told me about you Horvaths, you're all loyal and kind men. I knew you would be able to support a child and me, because of that." She bit her bottom lip. "So, I called you and said I wanted pictures made for something. I wanted to do you then, but Sasha got in the way. Her and her damn texting, and you just left before I could really talk. Then I got the picture via mail, so I knew the only way to see you again was to say you screwed them up. I was already four weeks pregnant at that time."

"My father?"

"Ethan Horvath." She nodded. "I'm sorry. I just—With your mom died and all, I just...couldn't keep lying to you. Besides, my parents have changed their minds so we're all taken care of now."

He stared at her. "You're a stone-cold bitch. To plot this and actually go through with it... Tsh." He had no words.

"I did what I thought was best."

"You thought ruining my life was best? Drugging me and forcing yourself on me to make me think I got you pregnant was best? You made Sasha break up with me, nearly made her **never** forgive me!" He was livid. "All because you're a selfish, spoiled little princess?!"

"Yes."

"Get off my porch, get off my property, and don't **ever** show your face to me or my wife or my family ever again!" he shouted.

She stood up and walked away then stopped and turned. "It worked out. You have twins on the way, and you two are married. You're happy. You have this nice house too."

"You're still here?" he seethed.

"Hey, for all you know, I did you a favor! You and Sasha might not be here if it wasn't for me." She crossed her arms. "Think about that, Shawn."

"**GO**!"

"Fine. Oh, wait." She pulled a bracelet off her wrist and held it out to him. "Nathan made it for you."

He looked at the plastic bracelet. "How could you do this to him?"

"Because I knew you would take care of him and be a good father figure, and you were these past few weeks. He really liked you, and he wants you to keep this. It's a...friendship bracelet or something like that."

He took it. "Do you really think you did me a favor?"

"I do." She met his eyes. "It all worked itself out, so no harm done, really."

"I spent ten months in a pit of depression because of you. I secretly hated myself for the past four years! Sasha questions me, because of you! How is that no harm done?"

"Those ten months are in the past, and you have many, many months and years to spent with Sasha and your kids. I am sorry. I know there were other ways to provide for my child, but I wasn't willing to resort to flipping burgers or scanning food. It's not who I am." She was proud of it. "And you had three years, and I didn't even take any money from you so..."

"You're a disgusting person. I don't see how his father went along with your idea."

"He doesn't know, so I would appreciate you not telling him."

"Why should I do you any favors? You almost ruined my life! You frigging lied me about your mom being dead too! I almost—_almost_—felt bad for you! And how in the hell did you get Dr. S to lie for you? He's a good man, so tell me how."

"Dylan—an old college buddy—phonied up those papers. He's good with computers." She shrugged. "Oh, and my birth mom _is_ dead. She died of cancer a couple years ago. It was my dad's third new wife that kicked me out."

"All right, whatever. Get out of my life."

"Hey, Shawn?"

"What?" he snapped.

"Almost. I _almost_ ruined your life." She turned and walked down the drive to where her car was parked. "Oh, and check your mail. It's close to bursting."

He grabbed a pillow from behind him and screamed into it when Vivian fell out of sight. After all this years, he finally had answers. He was just a pawn in her little, twisted as fuck game, but hey, he didn't come for her. God, he liked the other version so much better. This one was so much more complicated, and now he had to tell Sasha. She would want to tell the cops. He didn't want that kid to become a ward of the state. Nathan was a good kid with a bright future ahead of him. He just hoped he was nothing like his mother.

What was he going to do? Sasha would want to know what the talk was about, and he couldn't lie to her—he was bad at lying in general—but he couldn't tell her the truth either. Not the full truth anyway. Perhaps he could tweak the story here and there. He would simply tell her Vivian only lied so her kid would have a decent father figure, that he never came for her either. He hoped she would believe that.

He dragged himself up, taking a deep breath and letting go of Vivian and Nathaniel and the hate for that soulless wench. He wouldn't carry it around with him any longer. He was going to have kids soon, and he wouldn't have that hate inside him.

The mail. He might as well check it. He walked to the mailbox and saw she was right. It was full to bursting. He hadn't checked it in a long time, because he didn't really see it. He should trim the bushes here.

He tugged on a few envelopes, and they flew out at him. He groaned a sigh and collected all of the fallen envelops, seeing an odd-colored envelope. It was a gray-blue hue that his favorite color. He tucked the other bills and crap under his arm and picked it up. He tensed when he saw his name written in cursive across the front.

It was in his mother's hand.

––

Maggie woke up and found Glenn had already left. He was still mad about the other day, and she knew he was right. She just didn't want to face it. She just wanted to shower and go to work. She couldn't think about anything else right now.

She took a long, hot shower, washing her hair and massaging soup into her back. She didn't feel better when she got out, just clean. She wrapped a towel around herself and her hair, wiping off the mirror and brushing her teeth to get rid of the morning breath. She then followed it with mouthwash, spitting it into the sink.

She dried her hair with the towel as she walked to the kitchen, seeing Glenn had left the mail just tossed onto the table, and she collected them, pausing when she saw an strangely-color envelope. It was a light green, almost like leaves, which was her favorite color. She picked it up, finding no stamp, so it was hand delivered, but that's not what bothered her or made her softly gasp.

Maggie Renee Greene was written her mother's handwriting across the front of the envelope.

––

"Stop it!" Beth squirmed out of Zach's arms. "You are gettin' too grabby."

"And you keep teasing me."

"Just a little." She kissed him. "You smell like the hospital."

"I'll shower."

"Why don't you draw a bath instead? I have soaps in under the cabinet."

"What if I drown? It's a deep tub."

"Then I'll just have to join you, now won't I?" She smiled.

"That didn't even cross my mind. I was thinking about those foam noodles that keep you afloat."

"Ass." She shoved him playfully, and he kissed her. "I'll be up in a minute. I have to check this. Someone came by the hospital and left me something."

"A secret admirer?"

"He was a friend of the family and older, so I hope not."

"If he's creepy, let me know and I'll try to kick his ass."

"No, I can handle myself."

"And Andy would kill me if I ruined my hands." He shrugged and headed upstairs.

She shook her head and went through the few letters Otis probably dropped off. She knew most of them were bills, but it was one salmon-colored envelope that caught her attention. It wasn't stamped, and it didn't have an address on it either. _Huh,_ she thought, turning it over and finding her name written across the back.

"Oh, my God." She covered her mouth with her hand, seeing her name was written in the same print as her mother, as Annette.

––

"Carol?" Daryl checked in on her as she stroked Bella's fur. "Hey, I'm gonna take Sophia to the park, get some fresh air."

"Okay."

"When we get back, we gotta talk."

"Okay."

He sighed softly. "You got some mail." He set it on the nightstand. "A couple of letters Jacqui dropped off. Please, read 'em."

She nodded. "I will."

He kissed her forehead, rubbing her hip with his hand gently. "I'll be back."

Another nod.

He left with Sophia, shaking his head.

Carol exhaled and Bella jumped down, going downstairs to eat, and she pushed herself up, her messy hair falling down her back. She pulled her legs in and picked up the letters, seeing some from old friends, and she set them down, picking up a light purple letter that was her favorite color, and she frowned, turning it over.

Her eyes burned as she saw the handwriting on the front that was her mother's.

_My beautiful girl. _

"Mommy?"

––

Hershel set a tray down on the table. "Sorry, I wasn't expecting anybody." He took a seat.

"Please, don't fuss over me." Dale smiled, letting silence fill the air for a moment. "It's quiet."

"It's just me, Otis, Patricia and the animals. The girls haven't been by in a while. Shawn comes by when he has the chance." He smiled sadly. "It's been a little lonely, but I'll be all right."

"How are you?"

"I don't know most days, but I like to think I'm handling it well." He chuckled softly. "Sometimes, I swear I see her. In the morning when I first wake up, I sometimes think I see her beside me and then it hits me that she's gone. I can't move, and I have to...work through it. Patricia's trying to help, but...I have to do this myself, just like with Jo."

He nodded. "I can't imagine how that feels, but if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask."

"Thank you."

"So, the girls have been distant?"

"Very. Bethy doesn't even call, and Mag and Carol are... Heh, I don't know." He swallowed hard. "I worry, but I know they can take care of themselves. Zach is a good man, I hear, and I trust Maggie with Glenn."

"And Daryl?"

"I've always trusted Carol with him. I know that he'll help her through this, because that's what they do for each other. I'm proud to call him family, just like Glenn. I hope to see them at Thanksgiving at this rate."

"Well, I may have done something to help that." Dale reached into his jacket and pulled out a white envelope. "Here."

"What's this?" Hershel accepted the letter and saw his name written on the front in Annette's hand. "Annette?"

"A few months she died, she wrote six letters and gave them to my wife. This was before she started getting better, and before Carol came home. She had plans of leaving the hospital and coming home, but Carol returned and so did Annette's strength." Hershel couldn't stop staring at the letter in his hands, and Dale continued. "She wrote a letter for you, Shawn, Beth, Maggie, me and Carol. When she died, she wanted me to give these letters to you all, and I have delivered them to you all today."

Hershel looked at him. "She...wrote a letter for all of us?"

He nodded. "She may have changed the letters out since Carol came back, I don't know for sure. My wife and Annette were very close, but Annette didn't want anyone to know what was in the letters, just the person they were assigned to."

"I see. Well, thank you for giving this to me."

"It's the least I could do." He checked his watch. "I have to get to work, but thank you for the coffee."

Hershel walked him to the door. "I'll see you later."

He nodded. "Take care of yourself."

Hershel pulled the door closed behind and went upstairs to their—to his room, sitting down on the bed and carefully opening the envelope. He pulled the letter free and unfolded it, seeing her delicate handwriting covering two pages, front and back.

_To my dearest husband..._


	29. With Love

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

_**Might I suggest You'll Be In My Heart by Celtic Women, which I listened to while typing this.**_

––

_To my beautiful young daughter who will always be my pretty girl,_

_I want you to know your leaving was the hardest thing that ever happened to me. Harder than losing your big sister, Emily Nichole Harrison. I carried her for nine months, and she was a healthy baby girl, but I guess that didn't matter. I could still feel her moving inside of me, but it wasn't real. It was something called phantom fetal movement. I thought that was the worst feeling I'd ever experience in my life, but I was wrong. This is. While I carried her for nine months, I carried you and held you and watched you grow for nineteen years. For you to leave like that, without telling anybody, was cruel and utterly selfish. I know you're in pain and trying to find yourself, your purpose, but there were better ways of doing that than just abandoning your husband, your life and your family. Losing Ethan...I wish dearly you hadn't gone through losing Ethan, but he's at peace now. I can only hope you are now too._

_All I can do now is pray for you. Pray that you find peace in your new life and that you find love and kindness and warmth. I shall pray for you every single night and hope you return to me before I am gone from this world. You are my beautiful daughter who grew up too fast and knew pain too early. I wanted to protect you, but you wouldn't have it. You pushed me away, pushed Daryl away, and I know why. I've always known, and I wish I could've told you that. Perhaps one day I will. Every night, I will pray you back to me. I will._

_It's been two years, and I'm in this hospital, rotting, it feels like. Nobody wants to tell me the truth, they all want to sugarcoat it, but I know. I'm dying every day, a little more than everyone else. I'm not scared of dying. My only fear is leaving you and your brother and sisters and father. What will become of you all? I worry you'll grow distant or blame each other or blame yourselves. It's not one of your all faults that I am ill. It's never been any of your faults. I am not a strong woman medically. I'm okay with that, because Ethan allowed me to have two amazing children who are strong physically, mentally and medically. You two will go far, and even if I only see Shawn's achievements that's fine by me too, because I know you'll be out there, doing greats things as well, my pretty girl._

_I've been slacking off in my writing. I've been writing to Beth and to Maggie lately. I know I promised myself I would write to all my girls and to Shawn, but some days it's just easier to write to my little nurse and my strong officer-in-training and my not-so-little photographer. I am so proud of them, and I won't bore you with details, pretty girl, because I've given my hand a cramp in their letters. I think I'll spend some time outside today. Do you remember our trip to the cornfield? That was a gorgeous day and such fun. Oh, you won't remember, but when you were six and seven, we did it then too. You were sick when you were nine, so we skipped it that year. I know I promised we'd do it again when you were eleven, but so much came up, my darling, and if I could explain it to you, I would. I'll leave that to Dale however._

_I'm looking at your graduation photos. Shawn made me this lovely book of pictures, like a school yearbook, and I just keep looking at you at graduation with Daryl. Goodness, that boy, in plaid and black jeans on graduation. He's so charming, and he doesn't even know it. You've been so good for him, and I know one day, he will see the man he is inside. I'm so glad you two met, because I've never seen a truer love form before my eyes. I've experienced it, but to see to grow over the years is...so beautiful. God has never made better soul mates than you and Daryl Dixon, who I will proudly call my son-in-law, no matter what papers say, for the rest of my life. I know in my heart you never wanted to leave, you just felt you had to. I know I will one day see him as my son-in-law, whether or not I am there bodily. He's a good man, don't ever lose him because of sorrow, pretty girl. Men like him are so rare. He may be damaged, but he will heal one day, as will you, darling. As will you._

_Your father and I went to my grandson's grave today. We left him a beautiful bouquet of flowers and one Cherokee rose for you. It was such a gorgeous day, and I spent it with your father, not in some dingy little hospital room where I feel as if I am losing my mind. I think it's time I check out. I don't want to die here. I want to die at home in my bed. I want to spend my final days with my family, with laughter and smiles surrounding me, and I want to close my eyes one night and let the Lord take me in His arms. That's what I want, and hopefully, in a few days, I will be out of here._

_It's hard to decide what I want to write to you. Most of my writings are too sad, too doubtful, and I don't want anyone to see them. I intend to burn them, because they were written in moments of weakness. There aren't many moments, but when I have them, pen and paper seem close by. It seems my happier times aren't easily written down. They get lost in my mind, and I simply write something close to what it was. If you could see me now, I'm laughing, because I can just imagine the tears in your eyes and that sad little smile as plain as day. Oh, pretty girl, I mirror that look right now._

_You're home! My beautiful little girl—woman, really—has come home! Thank the Lord for blessing me with this gift! I have no words, just tears of joy. I have a grandchild, a beautiful little angel who is sweet and very like her mother. She's the most amazing thing I've seen today, and I am so, so blessed. I'm also dropping more tears than words. Goodness._

_You came to me today in tears, guilty and depressed. I know Daryl is not who has broken you, nor was it Ethan. I know someone else had harmed you, but I know you won't tell me just yet. I will wait until you are ready to talk about it. If you never are then that's all right too. I just hope this darkness hasn't taken you over. I raised you to be strong, and if this darkness has won, it's because you let it. I will be disappointed beyond words if you let it win, my pretty girl. You are strong—so much stronger than I ever was—and I know you can fight this. No man or woman can take power from you unless you let them. And if you let them take that power, don't let them keep it. Take it back. Forgive them for their sins and pray that God has mercy on their tainted soul. It may seem impossible, but you will be a better person for it, and that darkness will never hurt you again. It will just be there, beneath you, and you can walk right over it._

_Well, at last I am home. Strong and able, they say. I knew this all along, didn't you? Don't laugh. Or do laugh, if you feel you need to. Laughter is a power thing. It can wipe away pain and tears, or if you're old like I am, it can make you wet yourself. Oh, well, let's not go there. I just wanted to write this down, because it's a good day to remember. I have my family back, and I am truly home now. I even have my beautiful niece over and her precious little girl. Allen and Maura would be so proud, if only they knew. Poor Dale, having to keep our secrets. He's a good man, and he's been kind to us, so please when he tells you the news, do not hate him or Ethan. He did what he did for us, and he wasn't Ethan Wellington Horvath. He's a Harrison, always has been, as you always will be. Greene doesn't change who you are, whose blood is running through your veins; it's just to remind you that when life gives you unbearable pain...you can move on from it and better yourself. You can find peace. I want you to know that._

_Do you remember the trip to the beach we took just before you went into seventh grade? It was the best trip, but sadly the only one we were able to take with Ethan before he passed. You wanted to bring Daryl, but at the time we didn't know him well enough—in truth, Ethan didn't you to get interested in boys yet—so you went out and took as many pictures as possible. You wanted him to feel as if he went too. You spent all of the allotted money we gave you on the pictures, getting all kinds of stuff for him, and you didn't even have enough room left in your duffel bag by the time you were done. We had to buy one for you. Ethan didn't understand why you had gone through the trouble, but he told me that Daryl was a very lucky young man to have you in his life. He always wanted to meet Daryl, but he never really got the chance. Well, I hope one day many, many, **many** years from now, he will._

_If I were to die today, before your birthday, before my grandchildren are born, before Maggie and Glenn are married, before Beth becomes a nurse, I wouldn't mind. You have a full family away from me and your father and sisters and brother. You have a precious little girl and an endlessly loyal man who loves you with his entire soul. Maggie has Glenn, who adores her and cares for her more than he cares for himself. Beth has Zach, and from the way she talks about him, I can tell she loves him ardently and he loves her—don't tell her I had lunch with him once, shh. It'll be our little secret. And Shawn and Sasha. I doubt I need to even write about them, because you see how they are. They were made for each other, and I am so grateful they worked everything out and are going to be parents. So, if I were to die today, I would die happily. I am able to look over every decision I've made—that I can remember, of course—and say that I am contented with them. Any mistakes I have made are all right with me, because they helped to shape me, helped to better me. Death is not something to be feared, pretty girl. It is simply the next form you take. Live your life to the fullest, so that when you leave this world, you won't be swarmed with regrets. You would leave this world content and loved and smiling. I can only hope that is how I die since I am all of those things now._

_With unconditional love, Annette Grace Harrison-Green_e

Then it stopped, no more words, just a small note that read: _Go home, for I have more to say._

"What? No, no, no, no, no." She turned the letter over and over, but there was nothing else. "What?"

_Go home, for I have more to say._

Carol tossed the blankets off her legs and ran into the bathroom, washing the tear strains off her face. She then zipped to the closet, grabbing a backless, crossed strap floral dress. It was the first thing in her reach. She brushed her hair out, wincing and groaning at all the knots and tangles. This was what she got for showering last night and not brushing her hair out. She grabbed a hair tie, sliding it up her wrist, and she shouldered her purse, grasping the letter and folding it back up, gently tucking into her purse.

She was panting by the time she got down the stairs, out of shape from the lack of movement. She made a stop for a bottle of water then bolted out the door and to her car. She paused and ran back inside. Shoes! She forgot her damn shoes!

She was tempted to wear a pair of Daryl's by the door, but they would never fit. She hurried to her bedroom, and she grabbed the sandals by the door and quickly slipped them on. She adjusted the buckle, doing a half-hop, half-walk hopping down the hall. There!

Padding down the stairs, she once again ran out to the door. She locked the house up and climbed into her car, pushing hair out of her face and driving to the farm. She had to know what her mother had left for her. She didn't even want to consider what her father would say when she ransacked his bedroom. She would explain once she found the rest of the letter or a diary or whatever Annette had left for her. She wouldn't let her mom's last words to her fall out of reach. She would tear the house apart if it had to.

Carol saw Shawn's car beside Maggie's when she arrived at the farm, and as she got out, she saw Beth pulling in. She saw a similar envelope in Beth's hand, and they both went inside together, finding Shawn and Maggie in the living room with their dad. Maggie was pacing the length of the couch while Shawn sat in the arm chair, and Hershel was holding an envelope tightly in his hand, but not crumpling it in any way.

"Dad—" Carol began at the exact same time Beth said, "Daddy—"

They exchanged a glance, but said nothing more.

"You're all here. Good." He smiled. "Have a seat."

They all sat on the couch, Beth gave an awkward smile to her sisters and Shawn, and Maggie and Carol gave one right back. Only Shawn smiled at them happily, not awkwardly. He even waved, and Carol smiled a little inside, having missed him.

"You all read your letters?" Hershel asked.

"Yeah." Beth crossed her legs. "But mine just stopped. She was talkin' bout...my infertility, and then there was nothin' but a note tellin' me to come to the farm."

"Me too." Maggie sat up. "Only she was writin' about how it was I should always put others before myself as a police officer and to always trust my gut and then there was a little note to go see you, Daddy."

"Same as me," was all Carol said.

"I got lectured," Shawn openly told them. "She chewed me out for four pages on how I should know I'm going to be a good father and that I should stop whining and trying to be her. It was great, warmed my heart."

"She wrote you _four_ pages?" Beth glared at him.

"I meant front and back. It's was two."

"Oh." She smiled apologetically.

"Annette wrote me a letter as well." Hershel lifted the envelope up. "And I have the rest of yours."

"Thank God." Maggie held her hand out. "I have to meet Glenn, so I'm in kind of a hurry."

"Yeah, I have a dentist appointment in half an hour." Beth stood up.

"I just want to read mine," Carol and Shawn said softly at the same time, both giving each other a small smile.

"No."

"What?" they all exclaimed.

"This the first time nearly four weeks that I have seen you altogether and you're just rushing to get away from each other!" His face was beet red. "I lost my wife, and now I've lost you all as well, it seems!"

"Expect for me," Shawn reminded him.

"Expect for Shawn."

"Dad—" Mag started to explain.

"Don't!" He was really angry about this. "I don't know what happened to you all after Annette died, but you girls just pulled away. Why? If you can answer me why and don't give me an excuse, I may consider giving you these letters."

A beat.

Hershel looked from Maggie's face to Beth's to Carol's, all of them unable to meet his eyes, all of their eyes looking either down or to the side. He just shook his head and walked out of the room, not listening when Shawn called to him.

"So," Shawn said once the tension...stayed, "are you proud of yourselves?"

They glared.

"I'm being quite serious."

They didn't speak.

He scoffed at them. "Well, you've done it. Congratulations. You've pissed off the most patient man in the world. And you didn't stop there, you've even pulled away from me and that patient man and each other. You probably pulled away from Daryl and Sophia too, huh, Carol? Your own daughter, who needs you now more than ever, you shut her out. You just put up the walls and closed the blinds. That's good parenting." He didn't give her a chance to reply before he attacked again, but he directed his anger at a different sister this time. "How about Glenn? He seemed pretty ticked today. He beat the crap out of some dough. I guess that's the most accurate response since the last time his girlfriend pulled away, she robbed him blind and screwed his best friend." Maggie opened her mouth to object, but Shawn went to Beth. "And you, Beth. Little Bethy...cuddling up with the young doctor Cole. I mean, I _am_ happy for you. You have got a great future ahead of you, and kicking dust and dirt into Dad's face, Patricia's face and even Otis's face is a great way to repay them for helping you through college when you couldn't afford paper or food or cloths."

Beth pulled into herself, gripping her elbows and trying to keep the tears out of her eyes.

"Mom would be beyond disgusted and disappointed with you all, knowing she'd raised ungrateful, weak, selfish women. Every day you all watched her be an amazing, altruistic person, even when she wasn't feeling well, and you three just said to hell with that, I assume."

Silence.

"I may not have always be a great person or—or son, but at least I'm the person and the son she raised me to be." He stormed out of the room, slamming the front door, but he stayed out on the porch. He just needed to get away from them for a minute.

How could they not see how much they'd changed? It'd only been a few weeks, but they'd changed so much. Strangers could see it, but they couldn't. It made him so angry. After everything they'd been through, after everything that Annette had taught they, they let all of that fly out the window. They were all in pain, and they would always have this pain with them, but that was not reason enough to cut Hershel and Patricia and Otis out of their lives, to cut each other out of their lives. Sweet Lord, why didn't they realize this? He was supposed to be the stupid older brother. Now he had to be the damn cricket of the group. Dear Lord, this was truly a sad day.

Carol shifted herself toward the entrance of the room, elbow resting on the arm of the couch, and she shook his head, trying not to cry. She had came here to get away from Ed and so that Sophia could have a good live. A life filled with love and laughter, not fear and abuse. She'd given Sophia a family and laughter and love, but the minute her mother died, Carol changed and Sophia had nothing but sadness and worry. She wanted their life here to be great, and it was, but now it was this mess of suffering and silence.

Her shoulders shook as she cried soundlessly. Sophia had lost someone she loved for the first time ever, and Carol had abandoned her too. She knew Sophia had questions, and she still blocked Sophia's every attempt to talk to her. She would pretend she was asleep or just stare at the walls whenever Sophia came into her bedroom, and she would cry when Daryl came and carried her out, telling her she knew better than bother her. **She knew better?** Carol couldn't let those words go, because they were unnecessary and ridiculous. Sophia didn't have to hide or walk on eggshells around her, but Carol had made her think she had to. She'd shut out her little girl and left her to try and figure out why Grandma was gone, why she wasn't coming back.

God, and Daryl. She sucked in a soft breath. Daryl such a good man. God, he was the best man. She didn't deserve him, not after the way she treated him. He would talk to her, ask how she was feeling and ask if she needed anything or wanted anything. All she did was ignore him. She would roll away from him and cuddle Bella or Dee Dee to her chest and pretend he didn't exist. She knew his father used to do that to him, only it wasn't a kitten or stuffed animal he cuddled but a bottle of whiskey or rum or whatever he could get his hands on. Gradually she let Daryl touch her, give her a kiss, but never on the lips and never for too long. She was denying his love for her, just the way she did when she lost Ethan and tried to first overdose on medication then left town. He's most likely thinking she's going to try and leave again. She hasn't proven herself to him, and he's probably preparing for her to bail. She wasn't going to leave. She just wasn't...wanting to accept love then, because it was love given to ease her through her mother's death, and she didn't want to accept her mother's death. She couldn't, but she was starting to. She needed to talk to Daryl and to Sophia. She couldn't keep doing this. What the hell was wrong with her?

Beth looked over as Carol began to cry, and her first instinct was to comfort her, but she held herself back. She could only hear Shawn's words playing in her head like an over-voice, seeing her Daddy's face as he looked at them with such disappointment that it cut into her heart. _Kicking dust and dirt into Dad's face, Patricia's face and even Otis's face. __**You were always small with that bright blond hair and those compassionate baby blue eyes. You always go out of your way to let others know you care. **_She felt her eyes burning, remembering the words in her letter. She knew she had been spending a lot of time with Zach lately, but she never thought she was hurting anybody. She was happy with him, and he made her laugh, he made her smile. He made losing her mother for a second time almost bearable. There were times in the night when she would be dreaming about her mothers and wake up to remember they were both gone, and he would hold her while she cried.

She ran a hand through her hair_. Kicking dust and dirt into Dad's face, Patricia's face and even Otis's face is a great way to repay them for helping you through college when you couldn't afford paper or food or cloths_. Was she really being so horrible? She promised she would pay them back as soon as she was out of college and had made a dent in paying her college fees. She knew they didn't like her owing them, and if they didn't need the money for later, they wouldn't ask her to pay them back. They said that was fine, that she could take her time and just get settled. She was settling and paying off fees, but she'd also cut them out of her life. Patricia was her best friend. With her and Annette, she was able to make peace with her infertility a little more each day. Had she really been so ungrateful?

She knew they worked the farm more now since Daddy was mourning Annette, so she didn't want to distract them. Or was that just her excuse? She knew they could work and talk at the same, and if she was really bothered by her disturbing them, she could have simply rolled up her sleeves and helped them. She had been running, not very far, but she had been. She just was tired of says goodbye to people she loved. She hated it so much, and it would always be in her life. She needed to accept that, because Annette wouldn't want her to run from her family. She didn't want to either.

Maggie crossed her arms over her chest as Carol and Beth soft sobs were reduced to snuffles beside her, and she exhaled softly. "Why are we pullin' away?"

"Because I thought I was protectin' myself," Beth murmured.

"It's so easy." Carol grabbed a tissue. "It's...just so much easier in the moment to shut down. It's a slow death in the future."

"Mom wouldn't want us to do this to ourselves or to Daddy or Shawn. Or to Patricia and Otis." Maggie looked at them. "We need to accept her death, all of us, because it's hurtin' more than just us."

"It ain't that easy." Beth hugged herself.

"We can start by reading her letters to us," Carol suggested. "And by me eulogizing her."

Maggie nodded. "Then I'll drive."

"I'll get Daddy." Beth stood up and went upstairs to find her father.

"I'll get Shawn."

"No need, I'm here." He leaned in the doorway. "And I am sorry."

"Don't be. You were right." Carol rose and hugged him. "I'm sorry too."

He smiled slowly and hugged her back. "It's good to have my sister back. I've been waiting for years and months now."

"Shut up."

"Tsh, you can't pay me to shut up."

She suddenly realized just how much Shawn's prodding helped them, helped her, and she hugged him a little tighter. If anything were to happen to their father, Patricia or Otis—knock wood—as long as Shawn was there, they'd be together, and they would work it out. "You're the glue, Shawn."

"Umm...okay."

– – –

Hershel stood about three feet away from his children, still refusing to give them the rest of their letters, because he felt like they didn't deserve them just yet. Maggie and Beth stood to the right of Carol, arms looped together, and Shawn stood to the left of Carol, hands in his pockets.

"She loved and was loved deeply. She will never be forgotten, because we'll be here to remind each other of her. We have our pictures and our memories, and even though one day those may perish, we know one way or another, we will see her again." Carol moved hair out of her mouth as the wind blew at them. "We will smile with her again. Until that day comes, we have her in our hearts and our thoughts, forever showing us and reminding us of what it means to be human."

"I want to thank you, Mom, for being a kick-ass mother," Shawn added, and they laughed a little.

Beth bent down and set fresh flowers down on the grave. "Be at peace." She set a hand on the headstone and stood up.

Maggie placed a hand on her back then pulled a small charm that Annette always had hidden in her jewelry box. It was small golden E, and she didn't know what it was for, but she figured that it was for a child that didn't make it, like Ethan. Perhaps it was Ethan. "This should be with you, Mom." She pulled the grass back by the headstone and arranged it around between the marble and grass.

"Emily." Shawn smiled a little. "My big sister."

Beth and Maggie looked at him.

"She died," Carol answered the questions. "Stillborn like Ethan."

"Every woman in our family has lost her firstborn." Shawn rubbed Carol's shoulder, and she hugged him. "I wish you'd changed that, kid."

"I know."

"I guess it's better that I can't have kids," Beth said, "than to keep losin' them."

"Can we have a group hug?" Shawn asked. "I feel like we need a group hug."

"I sometimes feel the need to kick you in the face. Can I do that?" Maggie teased.

"Don't come near me." He accepted Beth's hug.

Maggie waltzed over to him, punched him in the shoulder, and she hugged him, wrapping an arm around Beth and Carol. She pulled away first. "Too weird." She walked away. "I feel like cameras should be here."

Beth giggled. "I know what you mean." She released him. "How is Sophia, Carol?"

"I don't know. Daryl's been with her." She stepped back from her brother. "But I am making dinner and getting caught up tonight."

"What're you making?" Shawn asked. "Because I may come and eat it. Sasha's been eating some really weird shit, and my gut can't take it anymore."

"Baked chicken, homemade macaroni and cheese and probably greens. I love greens, but they're such a pain to make. Maybe I should make broccoli instead. A little water, a little steam, done."

"Mom's favorite comfort food."

"Yeah." She smiled.

"Save me some. I've been ordering pizza and shoving it down my throat in my car then driving home and telling Sasha I'm not hungry. She's worried about me not eating, but I don't want to tell her the food she's making is gross as hell. She's cry, I'll feel like an ass, and—No, no, I can't do that to her."

"Why don't you buy food and make it before she cooks?" Beth suggested. "That way, she'll feel bad, because you went through the trouble of making dinner for her."

"You're so screwed up! Suggesting I make my poor pregnant wife feel bad!" He smiled. "I love it!"

"I had to do that to Zach. He likes rich food, but I don't." She shrugged. "By the way, Zach's mom wants to come over for the fourth, can you all make it?"

"Isn't it a bit too early?" Maggie squinted at the sun in her eyes, lifting her hand.

"No. We've...been dating for a year now, so...no." She braced herself.

"A _year_?!" Maggie exclaimed. "And we haven't even _met_ him?"

"What did you think we were going to do?" Shawn demanded. "Embarrass you?"

"Yes." Beth nodded.

"Well, I am honored, because I so would. I have so many stories." He snickered at them.

"Asshole." She sent him a glare then turned to Maggie. "I just wanted him to be mine for a little while. I had plans on lettin' y'all meet, but...Carol came home, and then the accidents and school got in the came. I'm sorry. It just never seemed like the right time."

"Well, there's no better time than the present." Carol smiled. "I'll be there. Wherever there is."

"The farm," Beth looked at her father, "if you'll have us."

Hershel looked at them. "Of course. It's still your home."

She nodded. "Mag?"

"Why not? I have to talk to Glenn about it, but I doubt he'll have any other plans." She stuck her hands in her pockets.

"Shawn?"

"Sure. I've got time. Well, not really, but I'll make time." He pulled out his phone and made a reminder to push _that_ back.

"Annette wanted this," Hershel called to them. "All of us—all of **you—**together, close. She didn't want you to grow apart like you were."

They didn't say anything.

"Here." He dug the letter out of pocket and handed them each a folded slip of paper. "Your name is one side, and a number's on the other, so go in order."

"Say them aloud?" Maggie asked.

"That's what she wanted. That's what she wrote me." He nodded.

"I'm one, so I'm first." She unfolded it, clearing her throat. "Don't be grieve for me, for now I'm free. I follow the plan God laid for me. I saw His face, I heard His call, I took His hand and left it all."

"I'm two." Beth smoothed the paper out. "I could not stay another day, to love, to laugh, to work or play; tasks left undone must stay that way."

"Three." Shawn read, "And if my parting has left a void then fill it with remembered joy. A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss. Ah yes, these things I, too, shall miss."

"Umm, I'm four." Carol looked over the words. "My life's been full, I've savored much: Good times, good friends, a loved-one's touch. Perhaps my time seemed all too brief—don't shorten yours with undue grief."

"Be not burdened with tears of sorrow; enjoy the sunshine of the morrow." Hershel read. "It's called Remembered Joy."

"It's beautiful." Beth blinked back tears.

"It's very like Mom too." Maggie slipped the paper into her pocket. "I have to run, but I'd like to stop by for dinner. Is that all right, Daddy?"

"Of course, Mag." He kissed her forehead.

She hugged him then turned and ran over to her car.

"I'll ride back with Shawn." Carol hugged her dad then Beth. "Bye. I'll see you later."

"I doubt you guys want to see me later." Shawn walked backwards. "But you will."

Beth rolled her eyes and turned to her dad. "Do you want to stay a while longer?"

"A little while."

"Me too." She smiled and hugged him. "I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, Bethy."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I understand." He rubbed her back, and they stood in front of Annette's headstone.

"Bethy?"

"Yeah?"

"Sing _Paddy Riley_ for me."

She smiled. "I would love to."

––

Daryl opened the door, Sophia walked into the house, setting her bag on the ground, and they both stopped at the smell. It was heavenly and reminded them of how hungry they were, and how they didn't want pizza or Chinese takeout. They looked over and their jaws almost hit the floor at the sight of the table set, and Carol pulling chicken out of the oven.

"Hey." She smiled widely at them. "Hungry? It just got done."

"Mommy!" Sophia ran over to her so fast Carol barely had time to set the chicken down and toss the mittens off, and Sophia hugged her mom tightly, burying her face in her shoulder.

"Hey, baby girl." She held her so close, lifting her off the ground. She smelled like dirt and freshly mowed grass. Carol smoothed her hair down. "How was your day?"

"It was good. Daddy took me to the park. We played with Butch."

"That sounds like fun. I have to come next time." She reluctantly released her. "You need to wash up."

"Okay. I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere. Please."

"I promise." She kissed her forehead. "Be careful on the stairs. I'll be sending Daryl up there in a minute."

Daryl couldn't take his off of her, and she walked over to him once Sophia was gone. "C...Carol?"

"What? You look like you've seen a ghost." She crossed her arms. "You okay?"

He lunged and tackled her into a big bear hug, she wrapped her arms around his neck, smiling, and he didn't let her go. He held her silently for a long time then he asked so softly she almost didn't hear him, "What happened?"

"Mom happened." She buried her face into his vest, the leather cool from the night air. "It will never be okay that she's gone, but it was never okay for me to shut down because she's gone. I'm so sorry for shutting you out again. I—I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. You let me back in, that's all that matters." He kissed the top of her head. "We'll get through this. We will."

"I love you."

"I love you too." He nuzzled his face into her hair. "Jesus, you feel good." His hands dug into her back, and she let out a small laugh.

"There's a minor about to join us for dinner, so...stop." She pulled back, also reluctantly. "I will make the plates, and you can pour the drinks."

"All right. Lemme wash up first."

"Okay."

– – –

"_Nervous?" Carol asked Daryl, his fingers twitching against hers as they waited for Lilly to come into their room._

"_A little," he confessed. _

"_Don't be." Annette was sitting beside the bed. "It'll be fine."_

"_Yeah, it'll be fine. Pregnant, engaged, and it all happened in less than a week." Carol paled a little. "I'm okay. I really am."_

_Daryl rested his chin on her knee. "How's this gonna work?"_

"_Well, the baby grows in a special place inside the mommy's womb," Annette teased._

_He sent her a glare. "That ain't what I meant."_

"_All that matters right now is that you take of each other and this baby," Annette told them. "You can do a lot with love."_

"_Thanks, Mom." Carol paused, knowing she needed to speak with Daryl privately. "Umm, since Lilly's taking her time, could you give us a minute, Mom?" _

"_Sure. I will get you something to drink." She collected her purse and left, closing the door behind her._

"_Don't be so grouchy." She set her hand in his shaggy hair. _

"_Just a little tired is all." He shrugged. "A little worried too."_

"_Why?" She moved his bangs out of his eyes. _

"_Don't know how good of a father I'll be." He picked at her hospital gown. "My old man's a piece of a shit. I don't wanna be like that to our kid."_

"_You could **never** be that way," she assured him. "You're nothing like Mason in all of the ways that count."_

_He rolled his head to the side to look at her, studying her beautiful face and seeing how confident she was in him. He didn't say anything._

"_I'm in love with a man who is kind, selfless, handsome and who would take a bullet if that meant protecting me and our child. I know you'll be here for me through the doctor's appointments, the Lamaze classes, and baby-proofing our house. Once we get a house that is." She smiled at him. "All the way, it's me and you."_

_He felt her fingers tightening in his hand. "Me and you." He nodded then leaned over and kissed her._

_She caressed his cheek. "I love you."_

"_I love you." He kissed her once more._

"_Can you keep the cuteness down? I don't want to cry just yet," Annette teased lightly with Lilly behind her._

"_Ha ha ha." Carol playfully glared at her mother. "By my head, please."_

_The checkup went well, Lilly spoke to Carol, mostly friendly chatting as Lilly was considered a friend. Lilly knew one day she'd be doing this for them, but she never thought it would be so soon. She knew they would do just fine; they were both strong and deeply in love with each other and they clearly loved their unborn child. They had Annette and Hershel to guide them as well._

"_All right. Do you want to see your baby?" Lilly divided a look between them._

"_There's something to see?" Carol glanced at her mom then back at Lilly._

"_Not a lot, but yes, there is something to see." She moved the screen so that Carol and Daryl and Annette could see. "Here it is on the screen." She pointed. "Here is your uterus, and...right here is your baby."_

"_Oh, my God." Carol couldn't look away._

"_Holy shit," Daryl whispered._

_Annette held back tears. "Oh, gosh."_

"_Let's give them a minute." Lilly ushered Annette out of the room._

_After they were gone, Daryl glanced at Carol then the screen then back at Carol. "What the hell are we lookin' at?"_

"_What?" She turned to him. "Don't you see it?"_

"_No."_

"_But you said—"_

"_I know. I lied. I didn't want 'em to think I was a terrible father already." He dropped his head into her stomach. "I can't even see the damn baby!"_

"_Daryl." She lifted his chin. "Stop."_

_He met her eyes._

"_Pull the screen over here." He did, and she pointed to the screen. "See the peanut-looking thing?"_

_He nodded._

"_That's it. That's our baby."_

_He narrowed his eyes. "That's it?"_

_She smiled. "Yes, that's it."_

"_Well, I saw that!"_

_She rested her head against his. chuckling. "Well, there it is."_

_He didn't move his eyes off the screen. "There it is." He held brought their intertwined hands to his chin and kissed her knuckles, and she kissed his hair. "There it is." He couldn't move his eyes off the little blip-looking thing on the screen. Christ, he'd made that. **They'd** made that. Damn._

––

"Random cluster of stars," Carol said, pointing up to the sky, and Sophia giggled. "I was never one for constellations."

"That one looks like an old man." Sophia pointed to a cluster. "Don't you think?"

"Oh, it does."

After dinner, Daryl had offered to wash the dishes, and Sophia had gone outside, so instead of helping Daryl, she followed Sophia. They were watching the sky, the ground cool on their backs, and the grass was making Carol's back itchy in her backless dress. She didn't mind though. She was glad to be spending time with Sophia. All through dinner, Sophia rushed to tell her about Paige, and Amy's ballet coming up, and how she missed school a little. Carol was going to teach her some French this summer, and Sophia was so excited.

"So, the twenty-ninth is the big day?" Carol inquired, looking over at her daughter.

"Yes. She's playing Juliet." She rested her hands on her stomach. "Is it a good play?"

"I read the book and my school put on a parody of it, but I don't really remember. I doubt you'll be very interested in it, but you're going to cheer my cousin on all the same."

"Good, 'cause—" Sophia yawned sleepily, rubbing at the water that formed in her eyes. "—I wanna go."

"I'll be yawning then too." She smirked at Sophia, who was trying to suppress another yawn.

"Can we give her flowers?"

"Yes. That'd be nice."

She nodded, rubbing her eye again.

"It seems like you need to go to bed, baby." Carol checked her watch. "Oh, shoot. It's way your past your bedtime."

"But it's summer," she whined.

"Yes, but you're still five." Carol pushed herself up. "When you're ten, you can stay up until ten."

She groaned.

"C'mon." Carol helped her up and led her inside. "She's going to bed, so say good night."

He dried his hands and bent down. "Good night, Sophia."

"Night, Daddy." She hugged him and yawned again.

Carol took her upstairs, returning Dee Dee to Sophia along with her kitten as she brushed her teeth, and she tucked her in. "Do you want anything?"

"No."

"No story?"

"Nu-uh." She rubbed her eye.

"All righty. I'll just go then."

"Wait, no! I want a kiss good night."

Carol laughed and planted kisses on Sophia's cheeks and forehead, Sophia then giggled and squirmed away. "Is that enough? Huh?" She tickled her side, and Sophia giggled even laughter, begging her to stop. "Fine." She moved hair from her face. "Good night, sweetheart."

"Hey, Mommy?"

"Yes?" She met her daughter's eyes.

"When Grandma died, where did she go? Dad said to ask you when you felt better, and Auntie Maggie and Beth said she was in Heaven." She rubbed her eye. "Is she with Ethan?"

"Grandma..." She swallowed. "Yes, that's exactly where Grandma is. She's...in Heaven with Ethan and my dad. She's at peace, watching over us."

"I miss her."

"I do too, baby, but...it was her time. She was happy and loved and...we need to remember the joy we felt when we were all together, that way she'll be in our hearts forever."

"I love you, Mommy."

"I love you too, Sophia." She tucked the blankets around her. "Now, go to sleep. We can talk more about this tomorrow."

"Mmm'kay. Good night."

She placed one more kiss to Sophia's forehead then turned the nightlight on, so she wouldn't be in complete darkness, because Carol was closing the door, not leaving it cracked. She headed down the hall, trying to scratch her back, and she just gave up and decided to ask Daryl if he would.

"Is that everything?" She joined him in the kitchen.

"Yeah, put the food away too."

"Well, thank you." She smile. "I appreciate that."

"I'll leave the table out, just put it to the side for tomorrow night."

"We could use it as a desk," Carol suggested, "for when I teach Sophia French. Or we can buy a wooden one, because I _hate_ that table."

"We could do that, but I still gotta finish payin' for the pipes."

"It was an idea." She scratched her ear. "I need to speak with Jacqui tomorrow."

He nodded.

"Then I have to buy a gift for Sasha's shower. I think I'll get her diapers. She'll never have too many diapers, especially with twins."

"Carol, can we not talk 'bout diapers?"

"Right. I'm sorry. I'm making a to-do list in my head." She met his eyes. "What do you want to talk about?"

He set the dishrag on the island then walked around it to her, grasping her hips and pulling her flush again him. Her breath left her in a whoosh of surprise from the quick movement, her heart racing in her chest, and she met his smoldering eyes, lowering her gaze as his bit his bottom lip while looking at her lips. She narrowed her eyes at him, his hands slid up her body to cup her cheeks and he slowly leaned in and kissed her.

It was the sweetest of kisses, and it wasn't pushing. She knew he would be satisfied by just kissing her and holding her tonight, but she wouldn't be. She wanted him. She didn't want to waste another second of her time with him. She wanted to make love to him tonight. She wanted his scent on her when she woke up, and she needed him, so she opened her mouth to his, slipping her hands into his hair.

His hands drifted down, and he gripped her ass through her dress then he bent down and picked her up. She didn't stop kissing him as he did so, simply locked her thighs around his hips. She felt him carrying her upstairs, and soon enough they were in their bedroom, the door shut.

He lied her down on the bed, gasping the hem of her dress in his hand, slowing pushing it up, not to remove it, but to rub the material over the sensitive skin of her inner thigh. She whimpered softly, her legs shifting between his as he hand moved up her thigh, the cool material against her skin, and he broke the kiss. He trailed kisses down her neck and collarbone, his thumbs tugging the straps to her dress down, dipping his tongue into her bra.

He kissed her once more then slid the dress down her arms, her hips and her ankles, tossing it to the floor. He removed his own shirt then paused. He heard a scratching at the door and groaned. "Damn cat."

"I'll get her." Carol slid off the bed, grabbing the shirt he had just discarded and slipped it on, opening the door. "No, no, no. Out, Bella." She scooped her up and carried her down the hall, placing her back on Sophia's bed. "Stay," she whispered. "Play dumb and stop opening the doors."

She returned to their bedroom, seeing Daryl's broad shoulders first, and she bit her lip. She walked over to him and slid her arms around his waist, placing kisses over his scars, very like he had done for her what felt like so long ago. He had tensed when her lips touched his back, but he slowly loosened up as her lips moved from scar to scar, and he smiled a little, setting his hand over hers.

She rested her forehead against his shoulder blade. "I want tonight to be slow. Is that all right?"

"Depends. How slow?"

She smirked. "Maybe slow wasn't the right word. I want to night to be...long." She walked around him to face him. "I want you to kiss every inch of your body, and I want you to do the same to me. I wanna feel you everywhere."

"Everywhere?" He lifted his hand and touched her cheek.

"Everywhere." She nodded, leaning into his touch, kissing his palm. She looked at him as she brought his thumb to her mouth, her tongue running over his thumb once before she pulled it into her mouth and softly sucked on it. Her eyes closed as he sucked in a breath through his teeth, and he groaned when she nibbled on the side of his thumb.

She withdrew his thumb and moved to his index finger then his middle finger and his ring finger and pinkie. She leaned up and kissed him once on the mouth, her hands undoing his belt. "I also am in control tonight." She yanked it out of the loops, dropping it to the floor. She set her hand on his breast, over the tattoo there, feeling his heart beating strongly in his chest. She placed a kiss there, her tongue flicking out to ran across his nipple. She heard him inhale sharply, and she moved to his other breast, kissing it as well. She ran her hands down his long, hard torso then trailed kisses down his sternum all the way down to his belly button.

"Carol." His voice was tight.

"I said everywhere," she reminded him, unbuttoning his pants and tugging down the zipper, looking up at him through her long eyelashes. "I don't bite."

"Tsh."

"Expect when I do." She pulled his pants down his hips, her fingertips grazing over his legs.

He gripped her elbow and made her stand, she searched his eyes, and he stepped out of his jeans. "You first."

"What?" She shook her head. "Daryl, I want you—"

"Yeah, me too. That's why I'm goin' first. I wanna show you what you mean to me. I've waited long enough, don't you think?"

"One condition."

"Name it."

She wrapped her arms around his neck, grasping the hairs at the base of his neck, and she met his eyes. "Make me sore, because I want to remember tonight all day tomorrow."

He kissed her. "That's a promise."

– – –

_Amy came back to the apartment with groceries, setting them on the table along with her purse and keys, and she removed her jacket. She tossed it onto the table, running her hands through her hair, still not sure how she felt about anything lately. She saw movement in the corner of her eye, heard a strained groan and looked over then blinked and stared, not sure if she was repulsed or turned on._

_Merle was leaning against the wall, stroking himself, his tongue running along the inside of his cheek, and he motioned for her with his other hand. She wasn't sure, but she walked over to him anyway. "Been missin' you." He grabbed her hips and brought them flush against his. "Where'd you go?"_

_He seriously wanted to talk right now? With his erection poking her? "U—uh to the store." She couldn't gather her thoughts. "I left a...a note on the...uh...on the fridge."_

"_Didn't check it." He smirked. "What?"_

"_What what?" She met his eyes._

"_You're blushin'."_

"_Am I?" She knew she was. _

_He chuckled. "So shy. After last night, I don't there's nothin' I ain't seen."_

"_Well, last night was...last night."_

_He leaned over to whisper in her ear. "You can't tell me you didn't enjoy it."_

"_I—" Between his scent and his erection, she was surprised she was able to speak at all. Her body was burning, and she wanted nothing more than to redo last night, all of it. She knew it was a bad idea. She knew it was foolish, but he was pushing his hips into hers, teasing her, and she couldn't breathe. Her voice was stuck in her throat, and she wasn't able to speak in that moment._

"_I what?" he pressed, not letting her move._

_She was panting now, gripping his sleeves with her hands, her eyes closed tightly. "Want you. I—want—you." Her words were breathy and desperate. She sounded so aroused, and she knew he heard it. She'd only been with one other man before him—Tomas didn't count—and nobody was Merle. What he did to her, what he made her feel... She had never known her body was capable of feeling like that. She didn't know how good it could feel. She wanted him so badly. He wasn't even really doing anything, and her core was starting to clench._

_He chuckled again, and she moaned softly, the sound going directly to her core. "You're a responsive little thing." He watched as she bit her lip. "Figured you a virgin. Who beat me to it?" _

_She couldn't answer, not that he wanted an answer._

"_Boy didn't treat you like he should." His thumbs pressed into her hip, gently rubbing. "He didn't give you want you needed."_

_She managed to shake her head no._

"_Do you want me?" He lifted his hand to her mouth, freeing her lip. "Tell me, sugar."_

"_Yes."_

"_Where?"_

"_What?" She opened her eyes._

"_Where do you want me?"_

_She blushed. Did he want her to say it? Of course he did. Why else would he have say to tell him? "Umm, I—I want...want you—"_

_He grasped her crotch, she yelped in surprise, and he buried his nose in her hair. "Here?" She gripped his sleeves even more as he rubbed her through her jeans, and she nodded. "I thought so." He could practically feel the heat of her arousal. "Get your shot?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Good." He moved his hand much to her disappointment. "Take those off." He gestured to her pants._

_She removed her tennis shoes and socks—that he graciously bought for her—unbuckled her jeans and belt—he bought those too—shimming them down her thighs, and he titled his head. She kicked them away. She started for her panties, but he shook his head. She touched her top, and he nodded. She lifted it up, dropping it to the floor, leaving her in the pale blue lace underclothes._

"_Go and get comfortable on the bed, sugar." _

_She turned and walked over to bed, lying down. She turned, finding Merle just watching her, lighting up a cigarette, and she felt a little self-conscious. She studied the ceiling as he eyed her, and he called to her, making her look at him. She met his eyes._

"_Cut the shy shit." His eyes were annoyed. _

_She was trying. She wasn't used to the full attention Merle gave her. Boys didn't really look at her when she was in school, and even if they did, her parents would never allow her to date. Ugh, screw them. "Make me," she challenged._

_He set the cigarette down and removed his pants, she wiggled back on the bed, and he grabbed the band of her panties, yanking them off. He slammed into her without warning, she cried out, and he pinned her hands down. He groaned at how wet she was. "My type of girl." He chuckled. "So hot and tight and slick. Only for me." He moved out and slammed back into her._

"_Yes," she moaned. _

_He began bucking into her again and again, fulling her completely, her hips met his thrust for delicious thrust in a heady pace. He felt her fingernails digging into his hands, and he groaned at the moans she let out. Damn, that sound drove him mad. He didn't know why, but he couldn't get enough of that noise, that soft, breathy sound. He never wanted to admit he enjoyed fucking her, and not just for himself. He liked the way her lips parts when she moaned, how her eyes closed when he eased in and out, and he never got enough of the feel of her clenching around him._

_He reached down inside of her, freeing one of her hands, and he found that spot that he knew all too well, and the sound she made nearly made him come. Her free hand clutched his sleeve by his shoulder, her back arched off the bed as she came, calling his name in such a way that he climaxed._

––

They were both completely naked on his bed, a sickeningly warm breeze blew in from the open window, and she sat on his lap. She kissed his shoulder, his hands ran down her body, and he kissed her neck softly, drifting down toward her collarbone. He shrugged his shoulder, and she stopped kissing it as he captured her nipple in his mouth, sucking the taut bud between his teeth with a calm precision that left her dizzy.

His hand slid down her flawless pale skin, cupping her, and she whimpered, her fingers tangling in his soft curls. He slid his thumb inside of her, stroking her leisurely, and she moaned. He released her nipple, swallowing the next moan with his mouth. He kissed her deeply, his tongue coaxing hers, and she loved it.

He pulled back, removing his thumb from her, and she glared at him for that. He chuckled, bringing his thumb to his mouth, tasting her. He arched his brow at her, and she bit her bottom lip, shifting on his lap, and he groaned. She didn't apologize, just moving his hand and kissing him, and he shifted so they were lying on their sides. He grazed his hand down her side and hip, and he slipped two fingers inside of her.

She moaned into his mouth, her hips thrusting into his hand, and he chuckled again. She moved her hand from her neck and grasped him, making him groan. She smirked against his mouth

He kept one palm flat on the small of her back to keep her close to him, applying gentle pressure as he hooked one of his finger just right, working her in a way only Merle could...

_**Merle? What the hell?**_

Amy shot up in bed, panting and her body burning for release as if Merle was right there only a moment ago, cupping and stroking her. She pushed hair out of her face. "Christ." She was more than awake right now, so she got out of bed and shook her head. "What the hell?"

That was the most action she'd gotten in months. It was so damn vivid. She could smell him and feel him against her, kissing her. Dear God, that man fingers inside of her... "No, no, no, no!" She walked to the bathroom and turned the cold water on, leaning against the counter, the cool marble-top sink making her skin seem ten times hotter. She looked herself over, wondering why the hell this kept happening?

Just last night she'd practically came to a memory of them doing it at his friend's birthday party. They'd met up in the closet, and that was definitely one of their best times together. She could barely walk when he was done with her. What she would've give to feel that way again, but not with Merle. She needed a date. There had to be some guy out there that was she was attracted to. Maybe Andrea knew someone.

She splashed cold water onto her face, rubbing a wet hand to the back of her neck. She needed to go on a jog. She was awake, and the air might do her some good. "Ugh." She turned the water off and checked the time. It was later than she thought, it was going on six and Andrea might be up at this hour. She hoped Andrea was up.

She walked down to the hall, checking in on Paige, who was sleeping soundlessly, and she continued to the kitchen, finding Andrea making coffee. "Thank God!" She ran over to her. "I need you."

"Jesus!" Andrea jumped, nearly dropping her breakfast down her white blouse, and she glared. "Good morning to you too."

"Hi. Morning. I need your help."

"With what exactly?" She stepped away from her hyper little sister, placing the bowl of fresh fruit down and sitting on a stool.

"I need a date. Do you know any guys that I may be interested in?"

"Actually, I might."

"If you say Shane, I will kill you."

"No. There's a really cute guy at my office. He's your type and about your age. I find him annoying, but that's just me." She crossed her legs. "His name is Mike. Well, Michael."

"Great! Thanks!" She hugged her. "I'm going to change and go for a jog."

"Don't you want to know more about him?"

"Why would I—? I—I mean, I'll wait until the dinner. I like surprises." She smiled showing her teeth then fled to her room, not liking the way Andrea was eying her. Smooth, Amy, so smooth. Who cares? She had a date! And she's a horrible person, because this guy could be really great and she only wanted sex from him. Oh, well. He'll live.

––

"I love you." Carol hugged Jacqui. "You're the best. Thank you so, so much!"

"This is what family's for." She smiled. "Besides, I understand. Losing Annette's been hard on us all."

She smiled back at her. "Still, thank you."

She nodded. "So, how are you girls doing?"

"It's...a little awkward still, but things are going back to how they were. Mom's words really helped us. And Shawn's too. Daddy's happier, I can tell. He's...smiling more, and it's good for us to be around each other."

That day when Maggie suddenly left the cemetery, she went to write down Remembered Joy and frame it. All of them had signed it with different colored ink pens, all bright, all lively, and it hung right below her picture. People left them flowers still, and some of the older customers talk about Annette to her, and hearing how their mom had helped them was helping her to heal. It was really great to be around all of these people, and no one had a bad thing to say about her. It was truly amazing.

"All right." Carol looked over the books as Jacqui and the new girl, Molly, worked. She made a note to purchase more coffee and more of that flour Mom had used to make those little cakes. People were just eating them up, and she wanted to keep them on the menu. She wanted this place to be a constant reminder of Annette to the people who knew her. She'd hung a sign above the door yesterday that read: _Annette's Kitchen._ She was the one who created every sweet item after all.

"Hey." Daryl walked over to her and kissed her briefly. "You busy?"

"Not too busy for you. What's up?"

"It's my break, figured I'd come see you."

She glanced out at the two people in the Greene Leaf, apart from Jacqui and Molly, and she met his eyes. "Could you help me? I picked up some more cups, and I need helping carrying them in."

They went out the back door to where her car was parked, he grabbed the boxes and carried them in while she held the door open. She led him into the very back where the extra plates and utensils were kept, closing the door behind them. She moved aside a few empty boxes, and she broke them down while he put the boxes down gently. She tossed the now broken down boxes into the recycle bin like Beth insisted they do.

"That all?"

Their gazes met, a silence filled the space between them, then she jumped up and linked her legs around his hips, kissing him fervently. He pushed her back against the wall directly behind her, his hands under her shirt, and their heated breathing fill the storage room, which had conveniently thick walls.

––

Andrea looked up from her work as Amy walked in, smiling a little. "How was your date?"

"I like him." She hated him. He was annoying, so freaking annoying! He wanted to do everything for her, from ordering her food to buttoning her jacket "properly". For the love of God, he even forced her talk about how good his hair looked, not to mention he told her how to sit and how to eat soup. "I'm going out with him tomorrow night." If she didn't kill him first.

"Well, damn. Now he'll bother me about you. Great." She smirked teasingly.

"Your life is so complicated."

"It is."

She shook her head and pointed down the hall. "Is Paige in bed?"

"Yes."

"Okay. I'm gonna kiss her good night then hit the sack. Night."

"Good night."

Amy made her way to Paige's room and kissed her forehead gently, and Paige stirred. "No, sweetie, go back to sleep." She kept her voice soft.

Her eyes met her mom's. "You smell like cologne." She buried her nose in her blanket. "It's nasty."

Yes, it was. Nasty and cheap, and he didn't even do anything, but kiss her good night. Not that well, she might add. "Well, I'm going to take a shower. Do you want Andrea to read you a bedtime story?"

"I want you to."

Amy hesitated. If she read to Paige, she would fall asleep against her, and Amy would sleep in here so she wouldn't wake her up. She'd been dreaming about Merle for the past four nights, and she didn't want Paige to hear anything she might say. However she hadn't spent much time with Paige since she got the part of Juliet. When she wasn't practicing with the director and entire cast, she was practicing with Fee. She was always so drained when they were done, she just passed out. She rarely saw Paige. She couldn't say no. She just couldn't. "Umm, give me five minutes."

She nodded.

She sped through her shower, cleaning off that sleazeball's cologne, and she dried off, slipping into a nightgown. She pulled her hair up with her hands and let it fall as she peered into Paige's room, discovering her little girl had moved her stuffed animals to the floor so her mom would have room. She entered and crawled into bed. "All right, what shall we read tonight?"

"Actually, I was wondering if you would tell me about my dad." She had hopeful eyes. "I—I just want to know how you met."

Oh, crap. "Paige, I don't think that's a good idea." She didn't want her to know about their past. She was just hoping it would go away, but it kept coming back—first in dreams and now from Paige. Great. If she talked about him before bed, she most definitely would dream about him.

"Pretty please? I _never_ ask about him!"

She blew out a sigh and sank down. "All right." She put her arms around Paige. "Close your eyes." Amy thought of the first time they met. "I was alone when I met Merle. I had no place to live, no clothes, no shoes even. It was cold that night, and the ground was wet from the rain that came down earlier that day; so there I stood, shaking from the cold and crying about my situation."

Paige nodded, closing her eyes and gripping her stuffed hippo.

"He came over to me and asked me what was wrong. I told him, and he pointed out my lack of shoes and jacket, so he took his off and gave them to me."

"How sweet," she sleepily murmured.

"Yeah, it was." She smiled a little. "He took me to get something to drink, and we talked for hours. He was so...tired that I helped him to back his apartment, and I just stayed over. In the morning, he didn't kick me out, and I stayed him." She smoothed Paige's hair down. "He was sweet sometimes, and he always came for me, even when he was trying to push me away. He was very impulsive, and sometimes that got us into trouble, but he was smooth talker, which got us out of trouble mostly."

"...mmm..." Paige drifted off.

She softly spoke of Merle to herself mostly as Paige was out cold, and she remembered all of their good times. They had so few bad times, but when they were bad, they were hell. She hated when they were fighting, because twice her life was almost taken. The first time was caused by Tomas and his assholes. They were arguing, and Merle had grabbed her, and she screamed loudly. She didn't mean to, she wasn't even scared, but it just came out. Tomas wanted to protect her, but nearly shot her, because the asshole couldn't aim for shit. Merle hit him with a two-by-four, and Amy got to hit Andrew with a pipe. They had hot sex after that too.

God! She ran a hand through her hair. That was it. She was going to get laid, if she had to wear nothing but a trench coat to Michael's place.

––

"One more time," Carol suggested. "Bonjour."

"Bonjour," Sophia repeated, better than last time.

"Co—"

A thud from upstairs interrupted them, they exchanged glances then hurried upstairs. They found the light to the bathroom on, and Daryl was cursing, so Carol made Sophia stay back. She saw Bella on the sink, her tail slicing through the air, and Daryl was wiping something wet off his shirt.

"Is...everything okay?"

"Damn devil cat." He groaned. "You know how she likes when you turn the water on for her?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I did that, and she—" he stopped. "Screw it. It don't matter. It's just water." He removed his shirt and tossed it into the laundry basket. "Shit, I interrupted your French, didn't I?"

"Only a little." She shrugged. "It doesn't matter either. We'll probably end up watching a movie in about ten minutes."

"Sounds invitin'. What movie?"

"Something of hers, so nothing you want to see." She stepped into the bathroom to pet Bella. "Look, Daryl, about the fourth—"

"I just don't wanna met him. Or her."

"But they'll be family one day. Knowing Beth, she'll probably marry the guy, so you'll have to deal with them sooner or later."

He sighed. "Fine, but only for an hour."

"Two. Please?"

He glared. "Fine."

She leaned up and kissed him. "I would suggest sneaking off to the barn, but not this time of the month."

"I'll be down in a minute. Gotta get a new shirt. Exercise the demon with fur."

She giggled. "She's not evil. She just...she's twitchy." She then pointed behind him to the shirt hanging over the shower from that morning.

"Evil." He put the shirt on.

She kissed him again. "I love you."

"I know. You told me at lunch."

She smacked his arm lightly. "Shut up and let me love you."

"Go love Karen. You're supposed to call her, tell her 'bout Annette."

"I tried. She didn't pick up. Neither did Noah, so tomorrow I will try again." She hoped nothing was wrong. She knew Karen wasn't pregnant, because she would've found a way to tell Carol. She wondered how everything was with Milton and Noah and her grandmother. She didn't want Ed to do anything to them, not that he would. He was a wife beater, not a killer or kidnaper. She hoped he wasn't.

"Speaking of call, how's Merle?"

"He's all right."

"Has he called since last week?"

He shook his head.

"I'm sure he'll call." She gripped his hand. "It'll be all right. It took too long for us to be a family, and I won't let anyone take away any of her family. Merle's in our family, and I won't let him go anywhere."

He half-smiled at her effort.

"That's all I get? I promise to basically force a man two times bigger than me to stay with us, and I can't even g—"

He shut her up by kissing her, and he slipped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. She pushed up on the tips of her toes, her fingers curling into his hair, and they heard a sound in the doorway, a giggling.

They looked over and found Sophia standing in the doorway, Carol blushed a little, and Daryl sent Sophia a playful glare.

"Caught red-handed. You gotta pay the price." He reached for her, she squealed and took off running down the hall, and he raced after her.

Carol stood there for a minute, hearing a giggled no then Daryl walked with Sophia over his shoulder, and she laughed, covering her hand with her mouth as he took her downstairs to make her "pay the price". Carol followed and discovered the "price" was making her fork over two of her half of her Kit-Kat.

"Where's mine?" Carol arched a brow. Sophia ate the rest of hers quickly, Daryl had already eaten his, and she pursed her lips, narrowing her eyes. "Really? I don't get any?"

"Close your eyes," he told Sophia.

She did.

He went over to Carol and gave her an open-mouth kissing, holding her in his arms, and she could taste the Kit-Kat on his tongue. He pulled back, knowing his daughter wouldn't keep her eyes closed long.

"There it is," Carol whispered.

He placed his forehead on hers. "There it is."

––

She rolled over, feeling his hand cupping her breast, and his teeth nibbled on her ear. She opened her eyes as she moaned his name, but instead of seeing his apartment, she saw the curtains to Paige's room. She glanced over and found an empty space beside her. Thank God.

She sat up, running a hand over her face.

"You're awake." Andrea hovered in the doorway.

"Where's Paige?"

"Painting in the living room away from you and your moans."

"Oh, God." She turned blood red. "Did she—?"

"No, she woke up hungry and found me in the kitchen. I lent her my iPod, but I'm scarred."

"I am so sorry." She dashed out of Paige's room and sought refuge in hers, but of course Andrea followed her. "Can I die of embarrassment alone?"

"You were moaning Merle's name."

"No, I wasn't!" She buried her face into her blouse.

"Yes, you were. Very heatedly, I might add." She was amused. "You want Merle."

"Okay, you know what? I can fit out that window."

"Amy, I'm not judging you." She sat down on her bed. "I want to talk about this, because this wasn't the first time, was it?"

"No." She sighed. "I keep...dreaming about him. His lips, his scent, his body. It always so genuine."

"Have you done this before? Dreamed about him, I mean."

"Yes." She crossed her arms. "It's not because I haven't been with a man in months. It's not because I miss him. I don't know what it is."

"Did you love him?"

"I was a teenager, so I thought I loved him yes, but I don't know for sure," she admitted for the first time ever.

"Maybe you need to talk to him." She paused. "Or have sex with him."

"Andrea." She glared daggers at her sister.

"I'm serious. It's what your subconscious is telling you."

"Or that I need sex in general, and since Merle was the last person I was with, so that's all my mind has to show me." She clicked her tongue against her teeth. "I bet that's it."

"That's why you wanted my help. You just want to use Mike for sex."

"No! No, that's not why—" Andrea arched her brow. "Yes. Yes, that's my plan."

"That's not right, Amy. He may be an annoying asshole who I happily throw into oncoming traffic, but you shouldn't use him like that." She stood up, shaking her head. "Besides from what I hear, he's not that great."

"What happened to no judgment?"

"What happened to being a good person?" Andrea shot back. "Go buy a vibrator like a normal woman."

She shuddered. "What I need is something only another living person can give me."

"Fine, but I don't want another niece or nephew for quite some time."

"That is not what I meant! Out of my room, go!"

– – –

Amy wandered aimlessly after screwing up her date with Mike. She didn't even care at this point. She just wanted a nice, glass of something powerful enough to knock her out. She was actually welcoming her dreams tonight.

"Rough night?" a familiar voice called to her.

She stopped and spun around, finding Merle Dixon behind her. He wore a black t-shirt with a black button-down shirt over it and tan cargo pants. It was the most decent he's ever looked. Why did he look so decent? What was he doing there? Following her? Bumping into her accidentally? Did he want to see Paige? Why was he out in the open? He was supposed to be in hiding, just in case they **did** manage to find his DNA at the crime scene.

She finally spoke, "What are you doing here? I thought you were in hiding!"

"Well damn, tell the world." He glanced around, not really worried about anyone overhearing. "It wasn't me."

"It wasn't?" She frowned. "Who was it?"

"Don't know, don't care." He closed the space between them. "I just know it wasn't me. It's best you don't know who anyway." He didn't exactly want to share who had told him what happened. He still found it hard to believe that asshole spoke to him. Or that he listened.

"All right." She smiled. "Good to know the father of my child isn't a brutal killer."

"Not a killer, no." He looked her over. "You got all dressed up with nowhere to go?"

"I...had a date." She pursed her lips.

"And you ain't stayin' the night?" He was musing, but his tone tight.

"No. I...well, I ruined my chance. Um, walk with me?"

"Sure." He fell into step beside her. "Ruined your chance how?"

"I won't lie. There's no point in lying." She glanced at him. "He was kissing me, pinning me against one of the wall of his house, and...well, I moaned."

"So?"

"I moaned a name..." she trailed off, dropping her eyes.

"What? It wasn't his name?"

"Nope." She crossed her arms. "It was yours."

"Oh." He then blinked. "The hell?"

"Yep." She turned to him. "For the past four nights, I've dreamed about us. Not a relationship, just _really_ great sex, and when I wake up, my body is...left wanting. I went out with him just for some release, but that didn't happen, because I moaned your name when he was kissing me."

He smirked. "Missin' me?"

"Yes." She met his eyes. "And no."

He chuckled. "C'mon."

They started walking again, the moonlight guiding them, and they talked about nothing in particular. She wasn't mad at him anymore. She knew why he was doing what he was doing, and she felt a little sorry for what he didn't have growing up. She could only hope one day he wouldn't mind someone else helping her raise Paige, being her father figure, because even if he didn't want to be her dad, Merle was innately an exceedingly possessive man. He didn't like to share, and she really didn't want him to hurt any man she married.

"Do you want to get a drink?" Amy asked.

"Sure. We can go to John's."

"No, let's go to my place." She peered at his face. "There's something I want you to taste. You'll like it; I know you will."

He snickered. "Am, did you hear what you just said?"

She smiled. "Yes, and I didn't mean it that way."

She drove him to Andrea's house, knowing Andrea and Paige were spending the night with her parents. Amy didn't want to go, because she had a date, and she didn't want to her parents to ask more questions about the recital. She didn't want to get her hopes up that they were actually coming, but it was the little girl inside that hoped so much. She hated that little girl, but she loved her too.

He gave an impressed whistle at the sight of the house. He hadn't really paid attention last time. He'd gotten a face full of gravel from Maggie tossing him on his ass then Amy chewed him out and his daughter gave him a goodbye hug. He'd repressed the memory, but it was a nice place. Andrea made good money. Shit, he could fit everything he'd ever owned in one corner of this place.

"You like it?" She tucked hair behind her ear.

"Yeah. It's nice."

"Andrea has good taste."

"Guess she does." He closed the door. "Where's the little one?"

"At my parents'." She set her purse on the couch then removed her shoes. "Lock that, please."

He flicked the lock. "So, until you screwed up, how the date goin'?"

She groaned, grabbing two glasses from the cabinet and dropped two pieces of ice into hers. "That guy was an asshole. Have a seat anywhere." She went over to the collection of liquor Andrea had, finding the Scotch that Dad had sent her. "I would hit him with my car then back up just to hit him again."

He sniggered. "Was he treatin' you right?"

"No. He was so dominating, and not that great of a kisser. His tongue on my neck was very like a dead fish. I'm surprised I moaned at all." She was so desperate for a shag his crappy kissing didn't turn her off. Wow, how sad.

Merle had a seat on the couch, propping his foot up on the table. "Y'all comfortable here?"

"Yeah." She filled the glasses a little over halfway and closed the bottle. "Paige loves it here. She loves her room, although she sneaks into my room from time to time, but not so much anymore. I think she likes having an entire bed to herself, because, as you know, I am a blanket hog."

"Hog don't cover how much you wanted the damn blanket." He met her eyes. "Even when after I got you..." he dropped off, not wanting to finish and not because he didn't want to. Damn, how long had it been for him? It'd been a little under a month or something. Shit.

She saw the look in his eye and imagined him grabbing her and taking her against the fridge, thrusting into her so hard that the items inside fell over. Well, if she wasn't hot enough before. Good Lord. She cleared her throat. "That easel in the corner is hers. She paints the bushes outside and birds."

"She paints?"

"All the time. When the paint doesn't blur together, they're really quite good." She joined him on the couch. "Here."

He accepted the glass. "Since when you can hold liquor?"

"Since never, but if I pass out, you can carry me to my room." And her dreams may be longer. "Anyway, I trust you entirely, Merle."

"Your mistake." He took a drink of his. "Damn, that's real good."

"My dad knows a man...Umm, Tom, I think. He has some family distillery that he owns, and he sends his best whiskey and Scotch and such to my father for holidays and birthdays. My dad gives some to Andrea, because Tom gives a few to Dale as well." She pulled her legs in.

"Whiskey?"

"Andrea finished it off last night." She took a drink from her glass.

"That's my luck." He finished what was left in his glass. "When do seconds come in?"

She smirked and took his cup, setting hers on the coffee table. "I don't know." She refilled his glass. "Probably on Thanksgiving." She held it out. "What, are you going to come and join my family?"

"Tsh, cute." He took the glass. "So...how's Paige been?"

"She's out of school for the summer, so she's be with my parents quite a lot. They want to catch up on the past five years, you know? It's really sweet of them, and Paige has really gotten close to them. The only downside is I have to remind them not to spoil her, but she's their first grandchild, so they ignore me." She crossed her legs. "She came home the other day with a gold ring that had two leaves and a diamond about the size of a teardrop in the middle. She's five; she shouldn't have anything with a diamond in it. Earrings for special occasions, that's fine, because she won't wear them all the time; but not a ring, not something she could lose easily. Beside, she'll outgrow the damn thing in a few years anyway."

He dropped his eyes to the substance in the glass. "Makin' up for lost time... Er, with you too?"

"They're trying, but Dad just wants me to go to college." She ran a hand through her hair. "He wants to buy me a house and a new car and give me stipend. I don't want that. After all these years of struggling, I know it's stupid for me to say no, but I don't want them to think I came back just for their money. I want them to know that I came back, because I missed them."

"Thought you hated them."

"Still missed them," she murmured, taking a drink from her glass.

He glanced at her. "How have you been, Am? Aside from bein' a dumbass."

"Ha ha, screw you." He grinned. "I've been great actually. I got the part of Juliet." She grinned happily back at him. "And I made up with my family, in case you didn't notice."

"See, I woulda never known unless you told me." She giggled. "I knew 'bout the ballet thing already."

"Who the hell is your informant? Seriously, he's killing my joy over here."

"Daryl told me when I called him last week."

"Oh, you spoke to Daryl? That's good."

"Just don't want him to worry 'bout me. I ain't worth it. Now, his woman and kid are."

"Daryl will never _not_ worry about you. You're his brother, and he loves you."

"His mistake." He drank from his glass.

"It's not a mistake to love someone, but it is a mistake to think someone loved you." She picked up her glass and drank from it, crossing her legs.

"Sure you should be drinkin'?" He arched a brow at her.

"Yes." She rolled her eyes at him. "How was your...hiding?"

"Borin' as shit. Slept mostly. There wasn't much else to do." He rolled his glass between his hands, minding the remaining liquid.

She leaned back against the arm of the couch, her feet on the cushion almost by Merle's thigh. "How do you do it?"

"Do what?" He glanced at her.

"Date." She studied the ice in her cup. "You're the only man I've ever really been with, so I have no idea what else there is. I didn't date in high school, because my parents didn't let me. I was too young, I guess." She sighed. "I can't even go on a date when all I want from the guy is sex without screwing it up. What the hell's wrong with me?"

"There ain't nothin' wrong with you."

Tears formed in her eyes, and she tried hard not to cry. "I wasn't even interested in the guy, and it still didn't work out. I know the whole moan thing, but still. The first date wasn't all that fantastic." She pursed her lips. "God, I'm sorry. I didn't—I'm sorry." She shook her head. "I didn't mean to start blubbering on you." Now she's emotional and horny, great. That's the goal of many.

He took her drink and finished it, sitting it on the table.

"Hey!"

"You don't need that."

"Who died and named you my owner?"

"Am, you know you don't."

"I want it, though." She blew air out, crossing her arms. "Maybe I should listen to Andrea."

"What does big sis say?" He looked at her. "Apart from drainin' me of all my money and pressin' charges." He finished off his drink.

"She thinks I should buy a vibrator."

"Jesus!" He chocked on his drink.

She giggled. "Bad timing."

"You think?" He cleared his throat.

She couldn't help the smile. "I just... I want a warm body next to mine, you know? I like feeling a man's weight on me. Expect Tomas. I could've lived a thousand lives without that."

"Worst thirty seconds of your life?"

She snorted. "Try ten." She cringed. "I need to repress that memory again. I'm starting to remember."

He chuckled.

"Okay...it's gone." She scratched her cheek. "Mmm...maybe I should eat my weight in brownies." She then frowned. "No, Fee would kill me. He already put me on a diet."

"What? And who the hell is Fee?"

"My partner, Felix. He has me on this diet, and it actually working. I'm more alert in the morning, I have more energy, and I've lost four pounds this week. Oh, I have slight abs from going to the gym as well. They're forming, otherwise I would show you." _Forming? Yeah, right._

"You don't need to go on a diet."

"Not anymore."

He looked her over. "That new?"

"The outfit?" He gave a nod. "No. Well, yes. Andrea let me have it, so it's new to my wardrobe. Heh, I call it an 'easy access' dress."

His brows furrowed.

"'Cause of the no sleeves, easy to reach zipper."

"Damn, you _do_ need to get laid."

"Are you offering?" she teased, picking at her black thigh high stalkings.

He met her eyes. "Get over here."

She stopped picking, searched his eyes for a solid minute then climbed onto his lap, straddling him. She kissed him, their teeth clashing, and he chuckled softly at her eagerness. She tilted her head and kissed him again, slipping her fingers into his hair, and his hands splayed on her back, opening his mouth to hers, her mouth tasting of Scotch.

His lips were so soft, and she was feeling dizzy from his kisses, her heart racing, and she realized then she didn't feel anything like this when Mike kissed her. She didn't continue think about it as his hands gripped her ass, his fingers flexing, and she moaned into his mouth, her hands moving to his neck, her thumbs pressing into it. She savored his mouth, the curve of his lips, the feel of his rough tongue, and she almost didn't care at her lungs screaming at her for air.

He broke the kiss, breathing heavily. "Jesus, darlin'."

She let out a chuckle, her bangs brushing against his forehead. "I'm not sorry." She cupped his cheek, leaned down and kissed him again. "My room's on this floor at the end of the hall to the right," she said against his lips. She kissed him, her hand moving down to his pants, and he moaned as she began to skillfully stroke him through his pants.

He lifted her up, carrying her to the room at the end of the hall to the right. He kicked the door shut with his foot, her mouth never leaving his, and he set her on the floor. He kicked his shoes off, ordering at her, "Get that shit outta your hair." He kissed her neck, and she whimpered softly as his teeth ran down her neck.

She reached up and tugged the pin that held her hair up loose until her hair falling down her shoulders then tossed the pin on the couch a few feet away. He smirked and grabbed her face, kissing her hungrily, his tongue controlling hers. He found the zipper to her dress—easy access, indeed—and yanked it down, her dress pooling at her ankles. He ran his hand down her shoulder blade then followed the path of her spine, causing her to shudder and lean into him. He clutched her ass in both his hands, a rush of her breath entered his mouth, and he swallowed it.

He eased her backwards toward the bed, breaking the lips and meeting her eyes. He ran his thumb over her bottom lip. "So these dreams?"

She bit his thumb, her way of letting him know she wasn't telling.

He smirked. "All right then. I'm pretty good at figurin' you out anyhow." He freed his thumb and gently pushed her onto the bed, titling his head to admire her. She wore a lacy black bra with matching panties and thigh highs. Her tits were so ample, and the bra was practically taunting him, as were the little black laces that hung on her curves. He already knew what was underneath, but the slight hints the lace material provided teased him, aroused him, made him want to rip them off with his teeth and punish her for ever wearing them.

"We're keepin' those on." He pointed to the thigh highs, and she nodded. He lowered himself down on top of her, her hands went to his jeans, and he helped her push them and his boxers down, her own panties following. He kissed her once more.

She swallowed as he slid into her, her lips parting as a soft moan escaped through them, and her hand clutched at his shoulders, closing her eyes. _Oh, yes._ She didn't care that he was mostly dressed or that they were hanging most off her bed; all that mattered was him inside of her, his hands touching her, his lips on hers. She bit her lip, a feeling of bliss spreading through her from the feel of him inside of her.

He slid one of her legs up to link on his hip at the same time as her hands moved to his back, her fingers gripping the smooth material of his button-down. He withdrew then plunged into her; she moaned from the sharp thrust. He didn't stop, and he barely let her adjust before he plunged back inside. He dove into her, hard and fast, and she knew it was for her. He wanted her to come, as fast as possible so he could take his time with her on round two. With her, he liked to take his time, and he wanted to appreciate her body the way he knew she needed then allow her to do the same for him.

He was rough and fast, almost brutal, and God did she love it. He was the only one who made her feel like this. "Merle!" She bared her teeth, her eyes squeezing shut as she gripped his strong shoulders, her body trembling. He groaned at the feel of her wet and tight and clenching around him as she came, her back arching off the bed, and he kissed her throat, finding his own release.

After a couple minutes, he shifted out of her. "Am?"

She panted softly, holding up a finger, and he bit down on the lifted index finger like she had done to his thumb. She looked at him, wearing a very pleased smirk. "Yeah?"

"We ain't nearly done."

"Good." She kissed him, giving his shirt a tug. "Take this off. I want to touch you."

He smirked. "You can touch me later. Right now, all I wanna do is get you naked and suck on your tits." He gripped her ass, and she squealed, jolting forward. His lips brushed her ear, "That ain't all I'm gonna suck neither."

She closed her eyes at the thoughts coming into her head, shuddering with pleasure, and she nodded.

––

Carol rolled over, groaning when Bella wouldn't move, and she slipped her legs away from the fattening kitten and Sophia. She snuggled against Daryl more, his arms pulling her closer in his sleep, and she turned her head to look at him once more before she went back to sleep. She smiled and kissed the tip of his nose and exhaled softly, adjusting her pillow.

A loud knock on the door caught her attention, and she groaned, hoping they would go away or had the wrong house, but the knocking was impatient and persistent.

"I'll get it." Carol pushed herself up, Daryl tightened his grip for a moment then let her go, but as she crawled off, he kissed her thigh. "Daryl." She nearly fell off the bed, and he chuckled.

"Who's banging on the door?" Sophia groggily moaned.

"I'm getting it." She left the room and padded down the stairs, rubbing her eyes, and she opened the door to find Karen Mamet on the other side. "Karen?"

Her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, and she looked like she hadn't slept in days. Her hair was messy around her shoulders, and she was shaking. "Carol." Her voice broke, and she threw herself at her best friend, sobbing.

"Karen, what happened?" Carol held her.

"He—They got—" She couldn't speak.

"Shh, shh, it's all right. I'm here." She rubbed her back. "It's all right. Tell me. Slow, breathe."

"Milton's dead!"

––

_**The other letters will be mentioned in the chapters to come.**_


	30. Safe

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

––

The sun streamed in front her window, the curtains open, and she opened her eyes slowly, moaning sleepily. She could feel Merle's legs tangled with hers, and she smiled, rolling over to find him lying on his stomach, snoring. She ran her fingers through his hair, kissing up his shoulder to his mouth.

His tongue flicked into her mouth, and he pulled her closer, cupping her ass. "Mornin'."

"Good morning." She kissed him once more, brushing her thumb over his cheek to wipe away an eyelash. "Definitely better than any dream."

"What'd you expect?"

"Nothing less." She kissed him deeply, her hands on his cheeks, and she savored that kiss for a moment. "Thank you."

A sound from the hallway caught her attention, she gasped and nearly had a stroke at the same time, and Merle cursed softly. Andrea and Paige were home, and Paige was calling to her mom, right outside the door it sounded like.

"Oh, God."

"Mommy?" The doorknob was turning.

"Paige!" Andrea shouted, seeing the two empty glasses and bottle of Scotch. "You left your coat on the floor! We talked about this!"

She sighed and went to get it.

"Oh, thank God." Amy grabbed her panties, slipping them on. "I have to go to her." She yanked a tank top down over her torso. "Umm, she can't see you here. She'll—she'll get the wrong idea." She shimmed into the pajama bottoms on the chair and then she ran her hand through her hair. "Shit, how are we going to get you out of here?"

He said nothing so she turned to look at him, and he calmly lied on the bed, not moving. "Merle."

"What?" He rested his hand under his head, the other on his stomach. "I'm tired. Ain't had a bed this comfy—tsk, ever."

"Oh, my God, Merle, you have to go!" She climbed onto the bed and straddled him. "C'mon, get up."

"I'll leave when I damn well please. I might shower. Shit, I'm kinda hungry too."

"Okay." She knew what he was doing now. "Eggs?"

"Scrambled."

"Toast?"

"Three slices. Buttered."

"Me?" She leaned over him.

"In the shower with me." He smirked. "I mean that."

She returned his smirk and rubbed against him; he groaned low in his throat. "I'll be right back."

He chuckled. "Take your time."

She climbed off and left, going to the kitchen.

"Mommy!" Paige smiled widely and ran over to her. "Good morning!"

"Good morning!" She returned her smile. "How was Grandma and Grandpa's?"

"It was great! We put fish the garden! Koi! They're so pretty!"

She laughed. "I can't wait to see these Koi."

"Well, you'll see them. She took pictures." Andrea filled a glass with orange juice. "Lots and lots of pictures."

"You will have to show them to me. Right now, I have to eat and take a shower. Can you watch cartoons till I'm done?"

She studied her mom's face.

"What?" She searched Paige's eyes.

"You look really happy."

"Oh, I bet she _feels_ happy too," Andrea teased.

"I am." She sent her sister a slight glare then smiled at her daughter. "Go on."

Paige turned on the TV and flipped through the channels, Amy grabbed a skillet and eggs, sending Andrea another glare while she drank her orange juice innocently. She prepared their breakfast, biting her lip from the slight soreness that pleased her more than she wanted to admit. She tossed some bacon into the pan, really wanting some meat.

"So, I guess it worked out with Mike," Andrea teased after a few minutes. "When do we sneak him out of here?"

"No, it didn't work out." She popped the bread into the toaster. "It was..._him_."

She glanced back at her niece then her sister. "Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"Amy, do you not remember what you told me the other day?"

"Andrea, lighten up. With me and him, it's just sex. God, did you borrow Carol's brain?" She grabbed a plate. "We just ran into it each other when I was walking through town. I was going to get a drink."

"Really? You just happen to find him?" She leaned over and worked on the eggs since Amy had her back turned.

"He technically found me." She pulled butter out of the fridge. "We came back here to have a drink, and we ended up in my bedroom. We were safe, so don't worry about me having another child. I made sure I had condoms and I took my pill that morning. Anyway, you told me I should do this. Do I need to remind you?"

"No, I remember. And yes, I said you should because I didn't think you'd actually do i—" She stopped suddenly. "You know what? You're alive and happy, almost glowing, so I'm happy for you." She watched her making breakfast. "This is for him, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Now I'm happily criticizing you." She lowered her voice again. "How do you intend to hide this from Paige?"

"With your help." She buttered the toast. "Could you make some coffee?"

"You're lucky I love Paige and don't want her to know you're screwing around with him. No, take him orange juice."

"I wanted the coffee, but all right." She filled a glass with orange juice. "Thank you for understanding." She scraped the eggs and then bacon onto the plate beside the toast, dug out two forks and went to her room. She locked the door and presented him with the plate, setting the glass on the nightstand. "Here."

He sat up and took the plate. "Hmm."

"What?" She sat in front of him. "It's bacon." She took a piece and ate it. "Turkey bacon."

"Not why I said it, darlin'." He shoveled in eggs. "Andrea knows?"

"She saw the glasses and Scotch, which was lucky, otherwise we would have scarred Paige."

They ate in silence after that, he glanced at her from time to time, and she thought over how they were going to get him out of the house without Paige seeing him. She would have to distract her or have her retrieve something. Paige was good at guessing what was going on with her—just like her father—so she would have to be careful with this. She didn't want Paige to think they were possibly getting back together. Amy knew all too well how bad it hurt when your hopes were get raised and then get utterly crushed into a talcum power.

Amy turned on the shower as Merle set the empty cup and plate on her dresser, and he joined her in the bathroom. She closed the door and removed her clothes as Merle stepped into the shower; she followed.

After the shower, they dressed and Amy asked Paige to get her camera from her room. Merle causally walked out, Andrea glared, and Amy held her daughter's door closed. He left with a glare to Andrea, who gave him a good shove out the door, and Paige knocked her bedroom door, trying to get out.

"Sorry. I was zoned out," Amy explained as Paige exited the room. "Let's sit on the couch and look at those pictures."

Paige eyed her then went to the living room. "Okay."

"I hope it was worth it," Andrea said when Amy walked by.

"Why do you say that?"

"I have to get to work. Goodbye, Paige." She grabbed her things and left.

_**Aah**_! She wanted to smack Andrea, but she let it go and climbed onto the couch to look at pictures with her daughter.

– – –

Daryl heard loud sobbing and pushed himself up, groping for his phone on the nightstand to checked the time. It was barely past eight in the morning. He got up and left the room, closing the door behind him so Sophia wouldn't wake up. He didn't want her to know who was crying and why.

He started down the stairs, seeing Carol holding Karen, and he heard, "Milton's dead!"

"Oh, no." Carol's voice was weak. "No, no, no."

He hurried down the last few steps and ran over to help with Karen. "Here, sit down." He held her elbows as he guided her to the couch. "I'll get you somethin' to drink." He grabbed a box of tissue off the table by the pantry and tossed it to Carol, who caught it.

Carol sat on the coffee table, handing her a tissue. "You need to breathe." She rubbed her back gently. "Put your head between your legs. Calm down. Shh." She squeezed her eyes shut when Karen couldn't see her face and swallowed tears. "Shh, that's it. Breathe."

Daryl returned with the water then went and closed the front door.

Karen shook her head. "He's dead. How is this happening? How?" She looked at Carol. "Nothing makes sense anymore!"

"I know it doesn't." She picked up the glass of water. "Drink this."

"What is it?"

"Just water."

Karen took a few drinks, Carol wiped away her tears with a tissue, and Daryl went upstairs to prepare the guest bedroom. They'd left Merle's room down in the basement should he return, but they still had Paige's bed. It wasn't too big, but Karen would fit, and it was comfortable enough. He grabbed some sheets from the hall closet and a few pillows. He wanted her to be comfortable and safe. If this had anything to do with Ed... Christ, he didn't know what he would do. What Carol would do. She would lose her mind, knowing that Ed had killed Milton because she left. Because Karen had helped to take away something he thought belonged to him, so he took away something that belonged to her. He needed to be prepare for that. He wouldn't let her blame herself.

"Let's get you cleaned up. A bet a bath would feel nice." Carol set the glass beside her. "We can talk after."

"Nothing will make me feel better, Carol. My husband is dead, because of you."

Carol lowered her eyes, her heart stopping, and she felt like crying even more now. Of course Karen blamed her. Ed was only doing what he was doing, because she left. She defied him and left. People were suffering because of it. Here she was, happy with Daryl and her family and daughter, and there was Karen, all alone, dying a little more each second. She knew getting Sophia away from Ed was what she had to do, but she didn't even consider what it would do to her friends. She just left them the mess.

"That's how Ed wants this to play out." She wiped her nose on her sleeve. "He wants me to blame you, slip up and lead him to you so he came home here and kill you. I would—would **never** do that. That bastard can't play me so easily. Milton—he wouldn't...wouldn't want that, not after everything..."

"I am so sorry."

"Don't be. I don't blame you, not one bit." She licked her lips. "I'll tell you everything eventually, but for now I uh, I need to bathe, because I've been on a plane for hours and been in a taxi for what felt like a lifetime."

She nodded. "I'll draw you a bath."

"I—I don't have any clothes with me. At my summerhouse, I do, but I can't—I can't go back there just yet." She would only see Milton everywhere, and she wasn't sure she could handle that right now.

"I understand. I have clothes you can wear." Carol hugged her again. "We're here for you. You won't be alone, I promise. You'll never be alone. I love you, Karen."

Karen broke down again, crying deeply into Carol's shoulder, and Carol tried her best to comfort her. She would never be okay. Her husband, the love of her life, was dead, and there was no easing that pain. She would never be with him again, never hold his hand, kiss his lips or laugh with him. She would never tell him how much he meant to her, ever again. When Carol lost Daryl, it was by choice, not by death, so she could never fully understand that loss, but she would be there. She would always be there for her.

"Can she stay the night?" Carol asked Daryl as Karen continued to bathe upstairs.

"You don't gotta ask." He took her in his arms. "'Course she can stay, as long as she needs."

"It keeps piling up, Daryl. First Mom and now Milton. There's probably more people getting hurt out there, because of Ed." She buried her face in his chest. "That god damned bastard! Why Milton? He was a good man. He respected Milton. Why would he do this?"

"'Cause he knew how much they meant to you, and he wanted you to know that you leavin' had a price." He sighed deeply into her hair. "I'm so sorry. I know how much he meant to you."

"I can't get upset. I just can't, for Karen's sake." She didn't move out of his arms. "I love you."

He kissed her forehead. "I love you too."

She exhaled and stepped back. "When Sophia wakes up, I need you to take her to the farm. It's the fourth of July, and she doesn't need this. Let her just be around family."

"How 'bout you?"

"I'll stay here with Karen. You need to take Sophia horseback riding and—and swimming. I want you two to have fun and don't worry about me. I'm strong, and I can handle this. I have Karen."

He nodded. "Save you a burger."

She smiled a little. "With cheese, please."

He kissed her forehead once more. "Stay safe, Carol. If he—"

"Hey, hey." She set her hands on his neck. "Nine lives, remember?"

He nodded then stepped back and went to check on Sophia.

Taking a deep breath, Carol found Karen as she wrapped herself in blankets, fully dressed underneath in the clothes Carol had lent her. She closed the door and sat on the bed, giving her a small smile, and Karen shuddered, feeling the cold in her bones.

"How was the bath?"

"A bath." She shrugged. "Milton liked this house, you know. He wanted to buy one like it."

"Really?"

"It was the right size, he said, but he needed a room for all of his books." Karen laughed softly, her eyes filling. "He was such a bookworm. He would—He would read to me often. We would be sitting in the living room, I would be lying against him and suddenly he'd read me a Russian poem. I would laugh at him while he translated it for me, and he just look at me like I was the only thing in the world ever. He'll—he'll never look at me like that again."

Carol's heart broke as Karen covered her mouth with her hand and whimpered. She pulled Karen closer and let Karen rest her head in her lap. "He always got so bashful around you, do you remember that?" Carol moved hair from her face. "Before you two were married, he would get all red and stutter."

She nodded, sobbing.

"You were everything to him, and he would be so happy to know you got away from Ed. He would—he would be so, so happy." Carol tried not to cry. "God, I bet he's shaking his head at us right now."

"He'd probably try to make a stupid joke."

"He wasn't the funniest guy, but it was funny to watch his face when he told a joke and nobody got it." Carol laughed a little. "He'd blush and clear his throat."

"Carol—what am I gonna do without him?" Her entire body was shaking. "The company, his family, our—our friends... They'll turn to me, and I don't know—God, I just don't know."

"Don't worry about that. We'll—we'll worry about that later."

"I can't think about later, Carol. Later without him... God, how can there _be_ a later without him?"

– – –

Daryl glanced back at Sophia, who was playing with Ethan, and he shook his head, wondering how they was going to tell her about Milton. She'd just lost Annette, and he heard her praying about Annette some nights. He never went into her room, because he knew if she wanted someone to talk to her her, she'd find one of them. He knew she missed Annette and didn't fully understand why she was gone. Carol had explained it to her a couple nights ago, or tried her best to, and Sophia was trying to accept it. She was strong, and he was proud of her. He was glad to have her in his life. Maybe one day, when Ed was dealt with, he and Carol would try again. He wouldn't mind.

"Sophia!" Paige waved from the porch.

"Go on." Daryl gave her a nod.

She ran over to her and hugged her.

"Howdy." Amy set a cowboy hat on Daryl's head, sneaking up behind him. "Hey, good-looking."

He sent her a glare. "Shut up." He knocked the hat off. "Ain't in the mood."

"Why? What happened?" She searched his eyes. "Oh, God, where's Carol?"

"She's fine. It ain't her. She won't be here. She's preoccupied."

"With what?"

"It ain't your business."

"She's my cousin, and I know that's a stupid excuse and all, but Carol is family, and I love her. I worry about her too, so you tell me if this has anything to do with Ed. Please, Daryl."

"It doesn't."

She nodded. "Good. I can...accept that." She picked up the hat. "I am going to teach your daughter a dance, because I am bored and in the mood to dance."

"What dance?"

"I'm teaching my daughter it too." She winked at him. "Oh, you'll see."

"Amy."

"What?"

"You're awful cheerful. You get laid or somethin'?" he mused, trying to get his mind off Karen and Carol and Milton.

She blushed. "What? La—Tsh, me? No."

"Was it Merle again?" He eyed her.

"No! Stop talking!"

"Look, I don't like gettin' involved with Merle and his...women, but you should be careful. I don't want to see you get hurt."

"Merle and I are _not_ in a relationship. Yes, we slipped last night, but it didn't mean anything. We both just needed it. He'd been...you know, and he hadn't been with anybody, and I just needed it. We simply scratched each others itch. We were safe as well, do don't worry. I don't want any more kids anytime soon."

He shook his head. "Just be careful. For Paige, at least."

"It was a one-time thing. This time, I swear it's a one-time thing. I have a date with one of my co-workers in a week, and I find him quite charming, so... Why am I telling you this?" She smiled a little. "I have to go teach. Help yourself to my homemade fruit punch. It's a delicious."

He closed the door to the car and went inside as Amy led the girls into the barn with Beth running over to join them. He gave a nod to Otis and saw Maggie and Glenn in the living room, laughing. He continued to the kitchen, seeing Shawn and Sasha looking through a book of baby names, and they started cracking up over some name. He slipped out the back door and sat down on the ground.

A few minutes later, a cold beer was offered to him, and he looked up, finding the hand belonged to Beth. He accepted it, and she sat beside him, pulling her legs up, and he eyed her for a minute. She wasn't with Zach, so he doubted the kid was here. She looked tired, her hair was divided down the middle and in two small buns by her shoulders, very sloppy for her, and she wore jeans with a double-layer tank top and her worn boots.

"I tried to bake Mom's Dutch apple pie," she told him, her head resting against the house. "I screwed it up so bad."

He said nothing, just drank his beer.

"Zach's place smells like the death of apples and sugar." She exhaled. "Oh, well."

"You all right?"

"No." She looked at him. "I was thinkin' about the slip of paper Ma left for me. It said: I could not stay another day, to love, to laugh, to work or play; tasks left undone must stay that way. Why did she give that verse to me? Carol's I get, and Shawn's and Daddy's and Mag's too, but not mine. It's like she didn't care what I read."

"That ain't truth."

"What was she tryin' to tell me? That I shouldn't waste my time? I've gonna be a nurse, I'm happy with Zach, and it ain't like I'll ever have babies of my own, so...what did she mean?"

He took a long drink from his beer. "Hershel's lettin' y'all drink?"

"Daddy's not here just yet. He's gone to see Mom's grave." She wrapped her arms around her knees. "I've had too many to drink, I think."

"You've been drinkin'?"

She nodded. "I'm scared to meet Zach's mom. With my family, I mean. It means that we're ready for the next step, but I'm not. I don't—I can't give him kids, what kind of future can I offer him?"

"That don't matter."

"It does."

"To you, yeah, but I doubt Zach feels that way. He probably just wants to be with you."

She licked her bottom lip. "He says he doesn't care, but I know that's a lie. I saw him lookin' through some baby stuff for Sasha, for her shower—he wants to give her a gift—and I saw the look in his eyes. He's ready for kids now."

"When Carol told me she was pregnant, it scared me."

"'Cause of your daddy?"

"No." He shrugged. "It wasn't him. I just...uh-uh. I can't explain it. It just scared me."

"Why? You're a great father to Sophia." She studied his face. "Don't ever doubt that. Or how good you are to Carol. You're a good man, Daryl. You are. You couldn't protect her or help her at all when she lost Ethan, but you did your best. You did!"

"It ain't that. Never mind, forget it." He kept thinking about Milton. He knew how much he meant to Karen, because that's how much Carol meant to him. Ed took Milton away just like that. How easily could that happen to Carol? Ed wasn't going to stop, he knew that. What the hell were they going to do to protect her? To protect Sophia?

"I love you, Daryl."

He frowned and looked at her.

She giggled. "Not like that, silly. You're my friend, and I love you like a brother. Besides I got over you when I saw what Carol's leavin' did to you. I'm sorry I kissed you all those years ago, because it was so, so stupid." She set a hand on his knee. "If you ever need me, I'll be there for you. I know I wasn't the most supportive after y'all lost Ethan, and I wanna make it up to y'all. You especially."

"Gettin' a little _too_ cozy out here," Maggie teased.

Daryl shifted his legs so that Beth's hand fell. "Hershel here yet?"

"In a few minutes, so chug that. I'm collectin' the bottles." She sat down in between them. "Where's Carol?"

"At home. She wasn't feelin' too good."

"What's wrong?" Beth met his eyes. "Period cramps? Or a cold?"

"I don't know."

"How do you not know?" Maggie frowned. "You live with her." He shrugged. "Well, what'd she say when she told you she wasn't comin'?"

"Uhh, she talked through the bathroom door, so I couldn't really make it out." He scratched his nose, not looking at them.

Beth smiled suddenly. "Is she pregnant?"

"Oh, Christ." He smacked his hand to his face. No, no, no.

"Beth, don't jump to conclusions." Maggie tucked hair behind her ear. "She's just a little sick. It's Carol. She's sickly...sometimes."

"Oh, come on! She's sick, and it was in the mornin', and we all know about the Greene Leaf storage room."

"Glenn can't look at you the same way," Maggie told him.

She gasped. "And you mentioned Carol being pregnant, which was a little weird!"

"Here." He handed her the beer then walked off.

"C'mon!" Maggie grabbed her little sister's wrist and led her inside, and Beth giggled.

"Why the giggle?" Shawn was carrying in a bag of ice. "Should I be worried? I thought Dad was growing a suspicious patch of "herbs" back there."

"No." Maggie nudged Beth. "Shh."

"Oh, a secret? Tell me. I love secrets, but I can't keep them, so warning."

"Carol's pregnant!" Beth blurted.

"Oh, shit."

"Beth, we don't know for sure!" Maggie sent her a glare. "We don't know. She's just at home, sick."

"And the whole Greene Leaf thing," Shawn added. "Daryl doesn't have to try, does he? Well, there goes Sasha's thunder."

"We don't know for sure!"

"And she can't steal Sasha's thunder. Y'all are havin' twins." Beth smiled wider. "Oh, my gosh, we're gonna have so many babies runnin' around here. Can I keep one?"

"She's drunk, isn't she?" Shawn asked Maggie.

"A little."

"I'm going to put this ice away. Excuse me and stop smiling. You're freaking me out. Seriously, I won't let you near my kids with that smile."

"Let's go, drunkie." Maggie led Beth to the living room. "Stay there. I gotta dispose of this."

"I should brush my teeth." Beth wandered upstairs to her bedroom.

– – –

Carol checked time; it was two o' clock in the afternoon. She rolled over and saw Karen was still not moving, staring at her wedding and engagement rings. Carol set her hand over Karen's and squeezed it.

"I should eat something." Karen exhaled.

"If you can't stomach it, don't try."

"Well, it's not just me." Karen met her eyes. "I'm pregnant."

Carol blinked then smiled. "Oh, my God, Karen!"

She smiled a little back. "I found out last week. The last time I was here, it was just a late period, but this time I _am_ actually pregnant. I didn't get a chance to tell Milton though. He was on a flight to New York to speak with some big wig." She wiped her eyes. "It makes losing him a little easier, I think. He's gone, but part of him is growing inside of me and I'll have that piece of him with me for the rest of my life."

"He would've been so excited."

"We were talking about having kids just before his meeting. He said that spare room down the hall was just getter dustier, so I closed the book I was reading and straddle him. You should've seen his face." She laughed sadly. "But he was quite bold. He even tossed his book aside. That was the last time he held me..."

"I'm so sorry." She tightened her grip on Karen's hand.

"So I have to eat and get healthy, because I'm not losing his baby."

"Then I will prepare salad with chicken and almonds and whatever else you want." She set a hand on Karen's smooth stomach. "I'll take care of you and your mommy, Milton Junior."

She sniffed. "Get off."

"Let's get food." She helped her stand.

They walked downstairs, Karen took a seat at the island while Carol dug food out of the fridge and made Karen a glass of water. Karen knew what today was, and she knew Carol probably had plans before she came. As world shattering as it was for her that Milton was dead, she felt pretty crappy about pulling Carol away from her family right now. After Annette passed away, Carol needed them more than Karen needed Carol. She could handle this. She had to, because in nine month, she was going to have a baby that needed her to be ready.

"Carol."

"Yes?" She paused in chopping lettuce.

"Go to the farm."

"But you—"

"No buts. I'm in pain, but I've been in pain for twenty-four hours before I came here. I can handle a few hours alone. I need a few hours alone to cry and scream and go through this, because I haven't really had the chance, not with trying to get down here without alerting Ed and trying not to disturb Sophia." She shook her head. "I can't hold it in anymore, and I just want to be alone when I... I just want to be alone."

"I don't want you to be alone, and you don't have to be alone."

"I do need to be alone, and again I want to be. I love you, and I am grateful for you letting me stay, but you need to be with Daryl and your little angel. I know you do."

"I don't want to abandon you."

"You're not. I promise."

"We've barely talked—"

"Because I can't talk about it! I can't sit down and tell you everything the police told me!" She looked hard into Carol's eyes. "You're just pissing me off! How can you just stand there and tend me when I know all you want is be with your family? Stop babying me! I am a grown ass woman, and I don't need you breathing over my shoulder! You don't owe me anything, so stop!"

Carol had no words.

"Go get Daryl." She spoke through clenched teeth as tears formed in her deep brown eyes. "Go! I don't want to mourn my husband with you pitying me! I don't need that right now! Or ever!"

"A—all right." She wiped her hands on her pajama bottoms. "I have to change. Excuse me." She strolled out of the kitchen and toward her bedroom.

Karen ran her hands over her face, taking a deep breath, and she set a hand on her stomach, trying to keep calm until Carol was gone. She knew Carol meant well, and later she would need her, but right now, she just needed silence to mourn and accept what had happened.

Fifteen minutes Carol left out the front door, Karen slid off the stool and moved onto the couch, coiling up and touching her engagement ring. She could still hear the officer's voice.

– – –

_Karen added peppers to the skillet and wiped her hands on a dishrag, hearing a knock on the door. She wondered who it was at this hour. She smiled a little, secretly hoping it was Milton come to tell her he loved her. She cried when he did it the first time. He flew twenty-five thousand miles just to tell her he loved her. He almost missed his flight back he was so worn out from their night._

_She opened the door and found two police officers on the other side. Oh, God._

"_Are you Karen Mamet?" The older of the two officers asked._

_She crossed her arms. "Yes, I am." _

"_May we come inside, please?"_

"_Yes, of course." She moved aside and showed them into the living room. "What can I do for you?"_

"_Please, have a seat." The older one sat beside her on the couch and met her eyes. "I'm afraid I have some bad news."_

"_Oh, no. What's happened? Is it my brother?" Her brain was full of scenarios, and she felt sick. "Is he all right?"_

_He shook his head. "No, ma'am. It's not your brother. I'm sure your brother's fine." He paused, rubbing his hands together nervously. He hated doing this. "I'm very sorry to inform that your husband has been killed." _

"_Ex—excuse me, what?" She stared at them, mouth open slightly._

"_Milton Mamet is your husband, isn't he?" The younger one asked._

"_Y—yes, Milton is my husband."_

"_Well, he was killed in a car accident about ten hours ago. We're still recovering his body. The car fell from a good distance, and his body was thr—"_

_The older officer sent such a vile glare to the young officer. "Go wait outside." He watched the younger one leave._

_She covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh, my God. Oh, my God!"_

"_Just breathe." He set a hand on her shoulder. "I am so sorry for your loss, Mrs. Mamet."_

"_He was thrown? Is that what he was going to stay?" Her voice broke._

_He nodded. "I am sorry. Do you want me to call someone for you? You shouldn't be alone."_

"_I—I can call my brother." _

"_Are you sure? I can call him for you, it's no trouble."_

"_I can still remember how to call my brother," she whispered, her hands shaking._

"_Can I get you a glass of water?"_

_She shook her head._

"_All right then." He continued to speak to her, but she kept staring at the picture of them in Paris that was on the coffee table and every sound in the room faded out. They had gone all the way up to the top of the Eiffel Tower, and they asked a man to take their picture. She'd kissed his cheek just before the flash went off. It was the best picture they'd taken the entire trip._

– – –

"If one more bug bites me, I swear to God, I'm going to catch the air on fire!" Shawn scratched his arm.

Sasha laughed. "I guess they like your blood best of all."

"Why don't they like yours? You have, like, three times as much blood in you than me."

"Bugs have never liked Sasha's blood." Ty sat down beside them.

"I guess they can't handle the feistiness." Shawn waggled his eyebrows.

She rolled her eyes. "Or maybe they just like your thick blood."

He groaned. "Beth! Come and be food for me!"

"No, thanks." She slipped back inside.

"Has anybody seen the girls?" Hershel asked.

"Amy took 'em into the barn." Maggie played with one of the baby ducks gently, and Glenn ran a finger over its back. "I dunno what they're doin' though."

"Dancing. What else does Amy do these days?" Shawn folded his arms on the picnic table. "I don't see why she doesn't open up a dance studio. Her dad has the money; she has the talent. It's a win-win."

Sasha turned the page. "Tamara?"

"Yes, Tia?" Shawn replied. "Hell, no."

She smirked. "Fine. Tanisha?"

"I hate T names." He glanced at his brother-in-law and father-in-law. "No offense. I just mean, for my child. I hate that my middle name is Tanner. Where the hell did that even come from?"

"From my grandfather." Dale informed him. "Maxwell Tanner."

"I could've worked Shawn Maxwell Harrison."

"Darn, I hate M names," Sasha teased. "I couldn't have married you."

"Why do you wound me? Look at me, bleeding all over the place." She laughed, and he kissed her. "I'm going to get some more grapes. You guys want anything?"

"I'm good," Ty answered.

"I would like a little more ice." Sasha offered him her cup.

He accepted it and kissed her once more. "Just for the long trip." He started for the house.

"If the world ends, remind me to never be around y'all two." Maggie sat up, letting Glenn hold the baby duck. "Shawn would be dead set on protectin' you and the twins, and my back would never be watched by him."

"Are we talking zombies or looters as a threat?" Glenn asked.

"Either one. Shawn's...devoted to you."

"See, I thought that was a good thing," Sasha mused.

"It is. It's the best thing. It's a little sickenin' to watch you two, but now that you're pregnant, he's not as handsy. You just smile at each other and exchange glances."

"So do you and Glenn," Beth said as she rejoined them, sitting beside Jacqui in a lawn chair, checking her phone again, wondering where the hell Zach was.

"I can't even retort, 'cause I ain't ever seen you with Zach."

"And you may not at this rate." She sighed and texted him again.

"We've located the ginger." Shawn returned with Carol behind. "Have a seat anywhere you please, except there."

"Where's Daryl?" She looked around. "And Sophia?"

"Sophia is in the barn," T-dog pointed. "Daryl's...somewhere."

She nodded. "I will be back to join you all and get one of those drinks, 'cause it looks yummy."

"Thank Amy," Jacqui crossed her legs. "She made them."

"And fruit punch," Patricia added.

"What's in it before I get one?" She squinted in the light.

"Alcohol, which you can't have," Shawn answered. "No booze, sis."

"Thank you for deciding that for me." She sent him a small glare. "And I can't drink. If you'll excuse me." She walked off to find Daryl.

"Told you," Beth singsonged at Maggie.

"Told her what?" Dale asked.

"Nothin'," Maggie said over Beth. "It's **nothin**'."

Carol found Daryl by the shed, sitting on the ground and picking at the grass. She sat down beside him, he looked over instantly to tell her to leave, thinking it was Beth again, but stopped himself. He wondered why she was here, especially after she didn't want to leave Karen's side. Did something happen?

"Wh—?"

"Mm-mm." She shook her head. "Not now."

"All right."

"She's pregnant," Carol told him. "She wasn't pregnant when she came the first time, but she is now."

He nodded.

"If anything else happens...I need you to get Sophia outta here." She met his eyes. "Change her name and yours and get yourselves lost."

He took her hand. "Get _ourselves_ lost. There ain't a me without you."

She didn't say anything for a minute. "Is it worth it? Running from all we have here—our family, our jobs, our home—and building a life that may fall to pieces one day? Would it be worth it?"

He studied her face, long and hard, and she didn't look at him. He didn't let go of her hand, and he wasn't letting her pull away. "Yeah," he whispered, "it'd be worth it."

– – –

_Carol placed books back on the shelves, having free time since she'd finished her work, and the librarians always needed help. She was bored and tired of sitting around, so this was a great way to spend time. She adjusted the books in her arms, looking for J-K._

_Daryl looked through the stacks, knowing Carol in the back, and he glanced over to see the librarians busy helping some kids with their books. He approached her silently as she bent over, sliding books back into place, smirking at the unintentional view she gave him. She wore a black top with a blue cardigan and almost teasingly tight blue jeans._

_He set his hands on her hips, she jolted a little, and he shushed her. "You busy?"_

"_No." She straightened up and faced her boyfriend. "What can I do for you? You want a book?"_

_He pressed her against the bookcase. "No."_

"_You wanna screw around?" she teased._

"_Yeah." He kissed her._

"_Daryl." She moved back. "We're in the library. **Anyone** could see us."_

"_Could always go to the book room. Ain't nobody in there." His thumbs rubbed circles into her hips._

"_No!" She kept her voice low. "Stop looking at me like that."_

"_Like what?"_

"_Like you are now. We promised, not after the last time." She couldn't step back or forward, because he blocked her way, as did the shelves. She really didn't want to make out in a closet again, not after the last time. "We almost got caught by the principal. We graduate in less than a week, so let's just keep our distance. We can meet up later."_

"_Can't focus in class. I wanted to see you."_

_She smiled. "Me too. That's why I'm in here." She leaned over and kissed him, he encircled her waist and pressed her against him, and she pushed up on the tips of her toes. She rested her arms around his shoulders, the book she was holding pressed against his shoulder blade, and she parted her lips. It was little odd to be making out in the library, but they were deep in the stacks, and not a lot of people were coming into the library, just seniors who wanted to turn in their textbooks and borrowed calculators. She wasn't worried about getting into trouble. She was worried about not wanting to stop. _

_Ever since her birthday, sex was always an option. Daryl never pushed her. He didn't need to. She loved how he made her feel, how it felt when he was inside of her, their bodies one. Sometimes she would be sitting in class and glance over at him and just want to touch him. He watched her in class most of the time, and she pretended not to notice, though the smile that formed gave her away. Lori would make fake gagging noises beside her, and Andrea would tossed a note on her desk to tell her to keep this G. She just rolled her eyes._

"_Daryl." His hands were underneath her shirt, and she pulled away. "Stop, please."_

_He was breathing as hard as she was and nodded. "Are you busy after school?" _

"_I don't have to work, and I don't have to study, so yeah."_

"_Good." He half-smiled at her and kissed her once more. "Meet me at the dock 'round six. Bring your appetite."_

_She arched a brow. "Are we dining there?"_

"_You'll see." He kissed her then left._

_She bit her lip and smiled, covering her face with the book she was holding. Keep calm, Carol. If you squeal, you'll be the creepiest senior ever._

––

"_There you are." Lori jogged over to her. "Hey, sign my yearbook."_

"_I haven't already?" Carol closed her locker and took the permanent marker. "Wait, I'll need time for this. I mean, I have years to draw on. I'm borrowing this."_

"_Fine, lemme borrow yours. You bought one today, right?" _

"_Umm, I want Daryl to be the first one to sign my yearbook." She bit her lip. "Sorry."_

"_You two are so cute it's sickening." She shook her head. "No, it's just sickening."_

_She smiled. "I love you too. I'll let you have my yearbook tomorrow."_

"_All right. You're bringing me a chocolate muffin too. I hate to be kept waiting."_

"_Are you serious? We're having a breakfast party in first tomorrow!"_

"_Chocolate muffin."_

_She groaned. "I hate you."_

"_Bye."_

_She slipped the yearbook into her backpack and headed to her car, driving home. She settled in her bedroom, using a full page to write to Lori with a favorite purple ink pen. She knew she and Lori would keep in touch through college and such, but she still wanted her to know how much she loved her and their time together. She was her best female friend, along with Andrea, who **still** hadn't let her sign her yearbook. _

_She pulled her yearbook out, running her finger over the **Carol Greene** nameplate. She wished Daryl could afford one, because she would fill the pages. He would probably snort at her and say this wasn't a damn romance novel, but she didn't care. She wanted him to know always how she felt. He grew up thinking most touches were abusive, and she wanted the rest of his life to be spent with him knowing touches could be sweet and loving. It was her goal...until she had to leave for college._

_She shook her head, refusing to think about that now._

"_Carol." Annette nodded toward the stairs. "It's dinnertime, honey."_

"_It's six?" She checked her watch. "Um, I have plans. With Daryl. I forgot to ask, but is that all right?"_

_She pursed her lips. "I hate being the bad guy." Carol frowned, disappointment heavy in her eyes. "Go on."_

"_Yay! Thanks, Mom!" She hugged her then hurried out the door and down to the dock. She didn't want to take time to saddle a horse, so she just ran. She could only hope she wouldn't be a sweaty mess by the time she arrived._

_At the dock, she saw Daryl sitting down on a blank, a bag by his head, and she caught her breath, forcing herself the last few feet. Man, she was out of shape. She needed to run more or something. She hadn't been chased by Shawn in so long, and she was out of shape on her birthday too. Goodness. Did he have water?_

"_Hey." His eyes were closed._

"_Why do you say that like you know it's me?" She sat down, her legs curled beside her, panting._

"_Well, it is." He turned his head. "You're late."_

"_I know. I was busy signing Lori's yearbook and—Shit, I left mine at home! I wanted you to sign it! Darn it."_

"_Carol, we live together."_

"_I know, but still. I wanted to read whatever you write, like, right now." Her throat felt as if it were sticking together. "Do you have water? I'm dying."_

_He reached into the bag at his head and handed her a bottle wet with condensation. "You run here?"_

_She nodded and opened the bottle, taking a long drink, and Daryl narrowed his eyes as water dripped down onto her collarbone, watching the droplets slid down her shirt, disappearing behind the V-neckline. She didn't notice. "That's feels so good. I can feel that going down." She closed the lid and saw his eyes. "What?"_

"_Nothin'." He scratched his chin. "You hungry?"_

"_Not just yet." She set the bottle down and leaned over to kiss him, but stopped short. "What's that smell?"_

"_It ain't bad, is it?"_

"_No, it smells like—it smells like jerky or something. Did you bring jerky?" She sat back._

_He nodded. "Deer."_

"_Gross, Daryl! That's horrible!"_

"_Don't knock it till you try it."_

"_I am not trying it. That is wrong. I will only eat cow, pig and chicken. Occasionally turkey."_

"_If I had given you a piece without tellin' you what it was, you'd have eaten it."_

"_Nu-uh! I would have asked what the hell you were feeding me!"_

"_Sure." He reached into the bag and sift through it, pulling out a plastic baggie. "Try this. It ain't deer."_

"_What is it then? Baby cow?"_

"_No, just try it."_

_She opened it and smelled it, and she was surprised at how her mouth water. She tentatively reached into the bag and pulled a piece out. "What is it?"_

"_Just eat it. Trust me."_

_She closed her eyes and bit into it. "I do trust you, which is why I'm going to eat this, but if this is deer or bear or some other animal, I'll—"_

"_It ain't. Just chew," he interrupted her._

_She chewed it, but wasn't able to tell what it was. It was meaty, but it wasn't like any jerky she'd had. She wasn't the biggest fan of jerky, but sometimes in a blue moon, she craved it. Whatever this was, she liked it. She ate the piece whole, chewing and reaching for another chuck, and Daryl was smirking when she opened her eyes._

"_Slow down, you'll upset your stomach."_

_She covered her mouth with her hand. "Shut up."_

_He moved her hand and pulled her closer, kissing her and tasting the jerky on her tongue and breath. He shifted his hand to her jeans, tugging on her belt, and she giggled a little against his mouth, moving closer. She moved loose hair out of her face, her braid tickling his chin, so she flipped it over her shoulder and kissed him._

_They kissed for a long time, hands wandering, and the food he had brought was forgotten. The sounds of the frogs and bugs didn't bother them, neither did the fact that the sun was beating down on them. She was still on top of him, her legs tangled with his at the end of the blanket and her hands were underneath his shirt, resting just above his hips. She liked the feel of his chest against hers since usually it was Daryl was on top when they made out, and he left a small space between them. She could get used to this._

_She pulled back and looked into his eyes. "I love you."_

"_You told me today."_

"_Yeah, I know, but that doesn't make it any less true." She moved his bangs from his face. "We have a curfew, but my parents won't come looking for me. They'll probably call or Mom will text me."_

"_Yeah, so?"_

"_So since we're out here alone...do you want to?"_

_He smirked. "In broad daylight?"_

"_No one ever comes out here." She ran her fingers through his bangs now. "And I won't see you tomorrow, not at school or here, because I'm working the Greene Leaf till close. Daddy will have working the farm, so you'll be dead when I get home, completely knocked out."_

"_What happened to the shy girl who wouldn't even talk 'bout sex without blushin' and stutterin'?" he teased._

"_She fell deeply in love with a guy, and she can't enough of him." She smiled. "You're like sunshine to me, Daryl, and I want to soak in as much as I can before I have to go."_

_He swallowed._

_She kissed him. "I don't wanna forget." She trailed kisses down his throat, running her tongue over his Adam's apple, and he groaned low in his throat. She spread her fingers over his breast to feel his heart racing, and she used her other hand to unbuttoned his shirt, exposing more of his upper chest so her lips had more to kiss._

"_I love you."_

_He caught her hips as she slid down his body, kissing his abdomen, and he rolled her onto her back with his hips, his shirt completely unbuttoned. His eyes met hers, and she ran her index finger down his chest and to his jeans, tugging on the waistband of his jeans. He kissed her, her soft tongue sliding across his, and he buttoned her belt and jeans, pushing her shirt up and kissing the exposed skin there. He ran his tongue over her belly button, she whimpered softly, and he gathered the hem of her shirt, tugging it off._

"_You're so beautiful." He helped her pushing shirt off his shoulders. "You're goddamn gorgeous."_

_She smiled, caressing his cheeks. "You don't have to say those things." _

"_I'm gonna, 'cause they're true." He frowned a little when tears formed in her eyes. "Carol—**stop**."_

_She took a deep breath. "Okay, I'm sorry."_

"_We got plenty of time." She wiped at her eyes. "Hey, I love you."_

"_I love you too. I will always love, Daryl Dixon, no matter where I go or far away I am. You are my heart and my soul, I mean that." _

_He smiled a little wider than usual. "Same to you, Carol Harrison."_

_She laced her fingers behind his neck and pulled him down to kiss him._

––

"_We're going to get in trouble." Carol threaded her arms through Daryl's hair as he settled against her, his head resting on her bare stomach. He'd given her his shirt to wear, but pushed it up so that his face was on her bare skin._

"_Don't care." He buried his face into her stomach, and she giggled. "What?"_

"_You're ticking me. That stubble of yours."_

_He bit her belly button, and she covered her mouth with her hand. "Tattoo looks good."_

"_Hmm." She moved her hand. "Thank you."_

_He smirked. "You want another?"_

"_No, I think I'm set for life."_

_He moved so that his face was on her chest, his nose against her neck, and he wrapped his arms around her. "Let's just stay out here tonight."_

"_I want to. I'm tired." She looked up at the night sky. "They're so pretty. Uh, the stars, I mean. It's like you can just reach up and grasp them."_

_He glanced up. "Mmm-hmm."_

"_I like that no matter where I go, I know you'll be looking at the same sky." She lifted her hand up toward the vast sky above them. "It'll make the loneliness bearable, I hope."_

"_I could go with you," he whispered. "Get a job, buy a place."_

_She lowered her arm to rest on his shoulder. "I would love that, but...no. I don't want you to move for me. Here you have Merle and T-dog and the shop, and I won't ask you to leave all of that behind for me. I won't."_

"_It'd be worth it," he murmured very softly._

"_What?"_

"_Nothin'." _

"_Are my breasts comfortable?" She laughed as he buried his face into them and nodded. "If it helps you sleep."_

_Being with her helped him sleep."It does."_

"_Good night." She kissed the top of his head._

"_Night."_

– – –

She glanced over at him and leaned into him. "We need to change Sophia's birth certificate, and I need to change my name. I should have done it months ago. I don't know why I didn't do it sooner, but we're doing it now."

"What're you goin' back to?"

"I have two—three options: Harrison, Greene, and Horvath." She shrugged. "I don't know which I'll choose, but I don't want anything to do with Peletier."

"Could always go back to bein' a Dixon," he murmured.

"Sophia will be." She pulled her legs in tighter. "Maybe one day, if you ask me real sweet-like."

He scoffed, and she giggled at the sound, but it was dry and trailed off too soon. "I'm sorry 'bout Milton, even if you don't wanna talk 'bout him."

"Thank you. He was a good man. He and I would read over baby books when I was pregnant, and he would joke about something permanently swelling, I would freak out, and he'd start busting out laughing." She buried her face into his shoulder. "I hate him so much. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach, and it makes me want to throw up."

"I don't even know the prick, but I feel the same."

"Karen's trying to be strong, trying to force herself to mourn and get it over with, but it doesn't work that way. After all those years, I still missed you. I know you weren't dead, but for all I knew, you were and—and if I thought about it too long, I couldn't breathe."

"Me too," he murmured.

"If it wasn't for Karen and Milton, I don't know where I'd be right now." Her eyes burned. "Milton wasn't always there in person, because he worked so much, but I knew he was wishing us well."

"Carol?"

"Mmm?"

"Promise me somethin'."

"What?" She wiped her nose on her hand.

"Promise you'll stop shuttin' me out. I hate when you do that."

"I—I didn't mean to. I just... I don't know. It was easier to shutdown, it's what my body and mind are used to. That's how I survived with Ed." Her eyes widened at her words, and he rested his chin on his upraised knee. She gripped his sleeve. "I won't do that again. I swear, because I love you, Daryl, and I want you in my life for as long as you'll have me."

He peeked at her face. "I ain't—"

"And you'll never be him!" she cut him off. "I—You have to understand what it's like."

"I do, but it ain't just me. It's Sophia! It's your family!"

"I've been better..." her voice trailed off. "I thought I was doing better... Wasn't I?"

"You were, but now Milton's gone, and...my guard's up. I'm just waitin' for you to shutdown, and I don't like that I'm waitin'. I don't."

"I'm not going to shutdown on you ever again, okay? I mean this. I'm here with you, with our daughter and with our family." She searched his eyes. "I'll mourn Milton, but I won't let it break me down. Losing Mom after only having three months with her—I just thought I'd have years. I wasted my time with a man who didn't deserve it when I could've been here with her. All I kept thinking about were the things we could've done. I'm sorry I shut you out. I was just...drowning in the what ifs and if onlys."

He shifted and held her in his arms, she buried her face in his neck, and he knew everything was going to change after today. He didn't know if it was going to be for the best, but it was going to change. He didn't mind change, there was no point in fighting it either. He would keep them safe, no matter what happened.

She settled down in his arms, and he murmured, "Annette chose good."

"What?" She moved so that she could see his face. "Chose what good?"

"'My life's been full, I've savored much: Good times, good friends, a loved-one's touch. Perhaps my time seemed all too brief—don't shorten yours with undue grief'."

"How did you—?" It was at the Greene Leaf, but she'd never told him her mom chose that for her.

"I found the slip of paper by accident. I was lookin' for that allergy medicine for Sophia." He met her eyes. "That last bit, it fits."

"It does." She curled against him. "I am going to mourn Milton tomorrow, and as for today, I'm going to spend it with my family. I'm going to laugh and smile and eat my weight in whatever smells so damn good."

"Let's go then."

– – –

_To my sweet little nurse-to-be,_

_I remember the day you were born. You were this little pink-faced thing, your big, blue eyes and little cries filled the room, as did Josephine's cries. She just looked at you for many minutes without saying anything, just took you in, and then Maggie broke the silence by snapping her fingers. We all assume she though Josephine was in a trance and she was trying to wake her up._

_I had to wait for Hershel and Ethan—who had called dibs on holding you third—before I got a chance to hold you. You were the smallest of all our babies, definitely smaller than Shawn. He was like pushing out a nineteen pound Thanksgiving turkey—Don't ever tell him I wrote that! Anyway, I held you in my arms and looked into those beautiful eyes that would one day have Hershel caving when you begged for anything, and I just fell in love with you. You were—and still are—so precious and gentle and the spiting image of Josephine._

_Just so you know: Maggie's attitude toward you kept fluctuating. First she wanted nothing to do with you, because she thought you would replace her. Then she was grumpy, because she still wanted to be the first to hold you. Finally, she just huffed and accepted you. With Hershel's assistance, she was able to hold you. She looked at you with her big green eyes for about a minute and smiled a little, telling Hershel that if they ever needed her to watch you, she would. It was a sweet._

_When you started walking, it drove Maggie crazy. She would have to follow you to make sure you didn't fall and get hurt. She would be playing with Shawn—bullying him, really—and you would scoot on by, and she shoot up and ran after you. She was so worried you'd wander off, especially on the farm. Jo would always keep her eye on you, but she didn't to. Maggie would follow you and grab your shirt or a pigtail or your diaper to make sure you didn't get away. She'd turn to Jo and say, "I got her, Mommy!". Sometimes when she went to stop you by grabbing your diaper, she would accidentally pull it off and you'd keep hobbling along until Hershel or Ethan caught you. You thought it was a game, and you'd just giggle while Hershel and Ethan panted after you—they were both terribly out of shape._

_The first time you sang in church, you were about ten years old. You were nervous, but you wanted to sing. You had promised Jo and me, and you didn't want to break your promise, so you got up there and just...paled. You went as white as a sheet for about two minutes then you started to sing, and it was so smooth for someone whose hands were shaking. You were terrified, but you still did it. That's something you need to never let go of. Life can be so rough, and it can shake you to the core, so you need to be strong._

_You were always small with that bright blond hair and those compassionate green eyes. You always go out of your way to let others know you care. You do the little things that people don't realize are necessary. Without you, things would fall apart, and I do mean that. Don't ever think you're worthless, because you are anything but. You're a special person, and one day, you'll see that God has shaped you to prepare you for your future._

_I know you hate your body for not being able to bear children, but my darling girl, there's always a chance—a slim chance. You may not want to have hope, but you must. Hope isn't easy, I know. It can linger inside of you, hidden sometimes by doubt or hate or dark thoughts, but it is always there. It will keep pushing you a little more every day, and if something tragic happens, it'll falter for only a second. Or may falter for a great while and may need someone else's hope to come and ignite it again. In addition, you can always adopt, and I know you'll love that child with every fiber of your being and you'll be a great mother to him or her. Or them, if you adopt more. Just don't let your inability to do one thing stop you from being happy, and you know exactly what I'm talking about, Beth. Don't roll your eyes and get huffy, because I will kick your hide when you get up here, missy._

_Oh, home. I've missed it so much. I think it's having privacy and not having a doctor walk in to ask me how I feel that makes home so great. Well, that's not including my children, husband and Patrica and Otis. I'm blessed to have Carol back, but what it's done to you tears at me. You've been struggling to keep that secret for so long, and knowing that Carol wasn't barren after all doesn't help. You've always tried to find a way to bond with Carol, but only ended up butting heads. You've always known Carol would come home, and I know you wanted to talk to her about your shared inability to have children, ask how she felt about it, and I am sorry that you won't have that conversation. Perhaps one day, you'll make peace with it. Please, try. It will all work out, so don't hate yourself or Carol or anybody. Life is hard enough without adding to it._

_There is no happiness without courage nor struggle without virtue. Don't forget that, my little nurse-to-be. Make yourself proud—I'm already proud, as is your father. _

_That night we camped out in the woods before I fell ill when it was just you and me; because Shawn was too busy trying to surprise Sasha and Maggie was busy with practicing her aim and Hershel wanted it to be a mother-daughter bonding trip. You were trying to decide what to take that semester for school, and I was trying to decide if pumpkin muffins would sell well. You kept asking me about your required classes, naming why you needed to take them, and why you weren't sure you could pass the class. You were really whining, and I wanted to to escape the tent; but you were blocking the way, so I took the notebook I bad brought with me and smacked you in the face. You never saw your face, but my goodness, it was priceless. You stared for about a minute then her face scrunched up for another minute then you say raised your hand up to rub your forehead and muttered, "Ow". I still wish I had a camera with me, because that face! After that, the rest of the night was pleasant, because you put the schedule away and we started talking. I think that was the first time it was just the two of us without Maggie or your phone getting in the way. I'm very glad that wasn't the last time, my darling._

_I've been trying to decide what write you for the past few hours, just looking over the many pages I've written these past few years while in the hospital and a few from when I just had free time. I never kept a diary, not a traditional one, at least. I write here and there, just when I wonder something or want to remind myself of something or when I don't want to forget something. I've written some darker things and some lighter things, and then I've written this. It's a bit of both, very like you. I've seen the way you'll stare off into space sometimes, and I know you'd never do anything so stupid as to harm yourself or end your life, but I worry about you. Sometimes, I think you weren't loved enough. No, sometimes I think you felt you weren't loved enough. _

_With Carol gone and Shawn's marriage and babies on the way and Maggie's career, you've just been place in the shadows. I want you to know that you are loved, deeply, unconditionally and eternally. I may not have carried you for nine months—I would never take that from your mother—but I have felt you stirring inside of Jo, felt you kicking and when you were born, Jo asked me to be yours and Maggie's godmother. She told me I had to do two things: love you girls—I already did—and be there for you. I haven't been there for you lately, and you may try and argue that I have been in your head, but I feel like I haven't, darling. Carol needed me and so did Shawn, and I am sorry if you needed me while I was with them, but I know in the pit of my very soul that you will be just fine when I am gone. You've taken care of your father, your siblings and the house all on your own, and I am proud of you. But you don't need to do that any longer. They're all adults, and they can take care of themselves. Be there for them, yes, but don't dedicate your life to being there. You're so young, and there's so much you haven't experienced, haven't learned from living life, and I don't want you to miss any of that. You and Zach are very special to each other, and I can see that going somewhere if you would stop trying to make him think like you do. Your infertility isn't a curse. It isn't a punishment. It's just something that happened, because you were born to be real, not perfect, and there is a slim chance. There always is. I hope you see that._

_With unconditional love, Annette Grace Harrison-Greene._

Beth lowered the letter and sighed._ If only it were so easy..._

"I know Zach's late, but that's no reason to sit away from us," Patricia hovered in the doorway to Beth's room, looking down at her. "Oh, letters."

Her head snapped up. "You—you knew 'bout them?"

"No, but I spoke with Hershel. He told me about them." She sat down beside her. "Do you want to talk about yours?"

"N—" she stopped. "Yeah, I would."

"I'm listein', hon."

She met Patricia's eyes. "I...don't know where to start."

She nodded. "Well, we can start in the kitchen. I hear you wanted to make Annette's Dutch apple pie, and I can help you."

"Really? That'd be great!" She smiled.

"Let's go."

Beth tucked the letters into her diary pages before they left her bedroom, and she closed it, seeing the picture of her, Maggie, Mom, Carol and Annette on Christmas lying in the drawer beside it, and she looked it over for a second then pulled it out and placed it on the nightstand. Even if it hurt to see her moms, she wanted this picture out.

She smiled at it and turned to leave with Patricia. "So when I tried to make it at Zach's, I..."

– – –

"Where are the girls?" Carol asked as they brought out the lanterns for light. "I've only seen them once."

"Amy's professionally kidnapping them," Shawn teased.

"They're in the barn." Dale sat beside them. "I need to have a word with you two."

"This is serious, isn't it? No more surprises, please. I doubt I can take any more surprises." Shawn rested his arms on the table. "What do you want to discuss?"

"Ethan had an inheritance," Dale explained to them. "He didn't want to take my parents' name, and he didn't take the inheritance either. I've kept the money all these years, helping Annette with bills after Ethan passed, and with your car and surgery, but there still a hefty amount left. It belongs to you two now."

"How much is hefty?" Shawn glanced at Carol then back at Dale.

"The exact amount is 500,000 to be split between the two of you."

"Holy shit!" Shawn exclaimed. "Are you serious?"

"Oh, my God." Carol gaped at him.

"Yes, that's about 250,000 for each of you. I figured with the twins coming next month, you would like the money as soon as possible." He turned to Carol. "And Sophia will need a college fund. Or you could buy a new house."

"Tw—two—" Shawn couldn't speak. "I feel faint. Oh, my God."

"Wow, that's a lot of money. I've only seen that much money on TV." Carol shifted on the bench. "God, what would I even—?" Backup money. She could put some in a new account and keep it just in case they had to burn this life down. The timing was almost perfect. Everything works out the way it's supposed to.

"I was just stressing out about money too. Sasha and I have plenty saved, but what if something happens to the twins or us? What if she gets pregnant again by accident? Thank you, Dale. You just spared me and my hair from...well, looking like you and yours."

"If you weren't my nephew, I would have you arrested somehow," Dale mused.

Shawn laughed. "I feel like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders. I have to tell Sasha." He shot up and made his way back to the house.

"What about you, Carol?"

"College fund, without a doubt." She rested her head on her hand. "And maybe a new car. Mine's a piece of crap."

"Yes, it is." He chuckled.

"Why did Mom never use the money?"

"She didn't need it; she had you and Shawn. That's all she needed." He patted her hand then went to help with the fire.

Carol exhaled softly and looked at the night sky. "Thanks, Mom."

"All right, Amy wants us to come to the barn," T-dog announced. "C'mon!"

Her family gathered inside the barn at Amy's request. Carol sat on the ground behind Daryl, his arms around her, Sasha and Shawn were sitting bales of hay with Tyreese and Dale, Maggie and Glenn were sitting on a blanket, Hershel, Patricia, and Otis were sitting in lawn chairs, and Jacqui and T-dog were standing by the entrance to the barn. Beth, who had learned that Zach's mom had gotten sucked into other plans, was sitting with her head in his lap, and they'd all gotten to him a little better. Mag and Carol teased him all day, just because they could. Carol never got to meet Jimmy, so she had to make up for that.

"I have brought entertainment, although it has absolutely nothing to do with the fourth," Amy announced. "Shawn, the music, if you will."

As _A Place In The Choir _by Celtic Thunder began to play, Paige and Sophia came out from behind hay. Sophia's hair was braided into pigtails with a pale blue cowgirl hat on, and she wore the same dress she left the house in. Paige's hair was over her shoulder, with a white cowgirl hat on, and she had on the cutest little tartan dress with boots on. Amy had spent the day teaching them this dance, and she really had enjoyed doing it. She knew then what she wanted to do with her life.

Carol watched the girls do their cute little dance, and she glance out the door to the barn, seeing the darkness. She would never be able to keep her promise to Daryl, knowing Ed was still out there. He was the skeleton in all her closets, and he was the shadow she fled from. She wasn't going to break her promise to him, so Ed would have to be dealt with. He took her away from her family, took Milton permanently from his wife and unborn child, and it was her turn to take from him. She just didn't know what exactly to take.


	31. Ready Or Not

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

––

"**No, no, no, no!**"

Phillip looked with wide, horrified eyes as Caesar tried to push him away, but he was locked into place. He couldn't move, couldn't breath, couldn't even blink. He wanted to run over to her, but he just couldn't make his body move. Caesar probably wouldn't let him move if he was able.

They had a 10-45. Blake and Martinez were heading to the location, because it was just a 10-45. It wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't supposed to be **her**. Oh, dear God, why was it her? He knew something was wrong, but he kept praying that it was just that she'd left him for not listening, for not choosing her and Penny instantly. It would've been so much better if she'd just left him and she was just getting things—an apartment, a new school, a car Phillip wouldn't be able to find, change her name maybe—settled before she came for Penny. It would've been so much better if she had just left him. She would still be alive, and he wouldn't have to arrest his brother for murder.

"What the hell is Blake doing here?" The captain demanded to know. "Get him the hell out of here!"

"Get your partner out of here!" one of the detective shouted at Martinez. "Now!"

They'd found _some_ of Elizabeth's body that night and were digging around...for the rest of her. Her face hadn't been damaged, so they knew who it was. They just didn't realize they'd sent Phillip to the crime scene until it was too late.

"C'mon, Phillip, let's go." He jerked on his arm. "Don't look. Don't look!"

It was too late for that. It was exceedingly too late for that. He'd seen his wife head resting in gravel about twenty feet from her right arm and her foot was about ten feet from her torso that was half buried with her left arm still attached, the finger that held her rings had been removed. They hadn't recovered it yet. They hadn't recovered it yet. They hadn't recovered it yet. **They hadn't recovered it yet.**

––

It'd been two weeks since Karen arrived. She was doing quite well, although sometimes Daryl heard her sobbing in her room when he walked by. She was planning on moving into the summerhouse in a few days, because she didn't want to go back to their house. It was too much, and she didn't want Ed to try and hurt her, because she didn't want to put her baby at risk. She also didn't contact any of Milton's family, and she'd blended her phone so they couldn't try to contact her—she promised to buy them a new blender later. He didn't care. They didn't even use it. It was a wedding gift. He was surprised the damn thing still worked.

Carol had been training more and more with Maggie when she had free time. She had made a place for Milton in her heart and mourned him a little each day. She was there for Karen, even went to her first doctor's appointment with her—everything look really good—and she'd even gone shopping for clothes with Karen since she didn't have any here. She had some in the summerhouse, but she wasn't ready to go there just yet. There were too many memories of Milton there, she said. Carol wondered how she was going to live there if she couldn't even go there for clothes.

Sophia's name and birth certificate had been changed, much to her delight—she went around telling everybody she was officially a Dixon—and Carol had held off on changing her name. She couldn't think which name suited her anymore. She'd changed so much, so she wasn't a Harrison or a Greene anymore really. She was never a Horvath. She was just last-nameless. She went by Greene mostly, just out of a habit.

Daryl peered in on Carol. She hadn't left bed all morning, but he heard giggling from time to time, and he knew Sophia wasn't home. Karen had taken her out, because she needed to be with someone as innocent and happy as Sophia and something else about maternal instincts. He was too busy having Carol scare the shit out of him to listen to Karen. Who the hell had her laughing?

"What the hell are you doin'?" He finally asked.

"Beth." She sat up. "She keeps texting me." She smiled a little. "And Mag too."

"Well, thank God. I thought you'd lost your damn mind."

"No. I just stayed up too late last night, so I've been asleep mostly." She crawled over to him. "I thought you were working today."

"I'm 'bout to head out."

She nodded. "I'm going to take a shower and speak with Dale. There's something I need to do."

"Are you ever gonna get a gift for Sasha? That shower thing is coming up soon, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is. I've already gotten her gift." She stepped off the bed. "It's for the twins, not her, but still."

"What is it?"

"You know how I've been knitting lately." He nodded. "I made two little bears. A purple one and a blue one. They're so cute and really soft. I used black for the eyes, which was hard to do, so I hope she likes them. I hope the babies like them."

"I'm sure she and the twins will."

She kissed him. "Get to work. I will see you tonight."

He nodded.

"Unless you want to join me." She arched a brow, smirking teasingly.

"Don't got time."

She checked the time on her phone. "I have to meet Dale in half in hour. I'm going to be late. Damn it!" She ran into the bathroom, and he chuckled. She poked her head out. "You know what, Daryl, just go to work!"

He shook his head and left the house, going to the shop.

– – –

Amy and Felix walked through town after rehearsals, both thoroughly pleased with how well today's rehearsals went. Paige was spending time with Dale, and they were picking her up for dinner in a few hours. Amy adored Felix. He was just the greatest guy she'd ever met, and she was so glad Paige liked him too. He was going to be in their lives for a long time, she hoped.

"I can wait for opening night. I'm just so excited."

"Are your parents coming?" He looked at her.

"They say they will, but I doubt they will." One of the last times she performed before she ran away, they didn't make it. She knew they missed one, because Ethan had just died, and they were too heartbroken to leave the house. They couldn't tell the girls why their eyes were rimmed with red or why they didn't eat much, because they wanted to respect his wish. She completely understood that, and she didn't blame them anymore for missing her performance. Still, she just knew they wouldn't make it. They never did.

"They'll come." He nudged his arm into hers. "You'll have to introduce me."

"Oh, right away. I can't let them say one word to me until they've met you."

He laughed, and she rolled her eyes.

"How's Paige doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"She told me she saw Merle hanging around your house. How does she feels about that creep being around?" He searched her eyes. "She—Oh, shit. I didn't know she didn't tell you."

She frowned. Merle's been hanging around the house? When? She never saw him. After they slept together a couple weeks ago, she tried to call him once, but he never answered. She figured he assumed she wanted more, so she stopped trying to call him. She didn't want more. She had a lot. She had Fee and her daughter and family. So why was he lurking? "That's a little creepy. I'll have to talk to him about it."

"I guess he wants you back," he suggested. "Should I be worried? About the drugs?"

"Fee, we talked about Merle. That was one of the first things we talked about at the start of our relationship, so no. Merle doesn't do the "back" thing. Once you're gone, you're gone. He's just a guy who used to give me pills, but not anymore, I promise."

"All right, let's talk about something else. We shouldn't raise your blood pressure."

"Oh, ha ha." He smirked. "I want to buy a house sometime soon, so will you come with me?" She moved hair out of her eyes. "You'll probably be over there a lot anyway."

He smiled. "Yeah, I'll help."

"Thank you."

They walked to where they were picking up Paige, Dale had a meeting in a few minutes, so they wouldn't be able to speak to him. Felix had already met Dale and Andrea. They'd had dinner with them a few nights ago, and they both really liked him. Amy was so relieved. All there was next were her parents. They were all going out to dinner after her—their performance, and she was nervous about how they would take to him. She wanted them to get along, because he was important to her.

"Uncle Felix!" Paige hopped off the bench and ran over to him.

He scooped her up. "Oh, you're getting bigger and bigger each time I see you." He smiled.

"I missed you." She smiled back at him.

"I missed you too."

Amy grinned at the sight of them. "Are you ready for dinner?"

"Uh-huh." She nodded. "Dale went inside already. I was waiting with Pat."

Amy turned and waved at Pat before she disappeared inside. "How does Mexican sound? I am craving something spicy."

"Me too." Fee set Paige down the ground and took her hand. "How does that sound to you, Paige?"

"All right." She gripped her mom's hand. "Can we get ice cream afterward?"

"This is your doing," Amy told him. "Every time we go out, she expects ice cream, and when I say no, I get "But Felix let me"."

He laughed. "I regret nothing."

"Fine, but when she's older and wants expensive shoes and dresses, I'll say, "Felix will get them for you"." She smirked.

"And I will."

She shook her head. "Let's go, and Uncle Felix can pay for the ice cream."

"And you'll owe me." He smirked back at her smugly.

––

Amy rolled over in bed to look at Fee as rained poured down outside, and he looked over at her. The only one sleep was Paige, who was passed out in between them. They just came back here after dinner and it started raining, so they just stayed over. He didn't mind. It wouldn't be the first time.

"Thank you," she whispered softly.

"What for?" He searched her eyes.

"For just being you." She reached over and clasped his hand.

"I don't know who else to be."

She smiled. "Good. Don't ever change then."

"Yes, Master." She giggled softly at wide-eyed expression paired with the monotone voice. "Go to sleep, Am. It's late, and we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

She closed her eyes. "Good night, Fee."

"Night, Am."

––

"She's going to love it," Carol spoke to Dale over the phone, brushing her hair.

"_Are you sure this is a good idea?_"

"Yes, I'm positive." She crossed her legs, setting her brush on the nightstand. "I need to do something good."

"_What does that mean?_"

"Nothing. It's just—I'm exhausted, so who knows what I'm saying?" She laughed. "I'm going to put some coffee on. I will see you at three."

"_At three then._"

"Bye, Dale."

"_Goodbye."_

She hung up and glanced over at Daryl, tucking hair behind her ear. She slipped out of bed, changed out of her nightclothes and into a dress and boots. She checked in on Karen, finding her sleeping peacefully for once, her hand on her stomach—something she'd been doing since she discovered she was pregnant. Carol scooped up the quilt Karen had kicked to the floor and covered her with it then checked in one Sophia, finding her beautiful little girl sleeping deeply, Dee Dee to the right and Ethan to the left.

She left the house and felt someone watching her. She glanced over through her hair to make it appear as if she wasn't actually looking around, but there wasn't anybody there. She shook the feeling and got into her car. She had quite a lot to do today. She had to work the Greene Leaf, meet Dale at three to discuss what she wanted to do with her share of her father's inheritance, and then she had buy something nice for Amy's debut in a couple weeks. She didn't have anything really nice, and she wanted to look her best.

She was going to make Karen go too. She rarely when anywhere and had fun. She spent time with Sophia, but Sophia would tell her that Aunt Karen always looked sad. Carol knew what Karen really needed was to go to Milton's funeral, which had been delayed because nobody claimed his body. She went to the morgue, but she couldn't go all the way. She ran out, and they eventually contacted his parents when they realized his wife wasn't coming to claim him. They were having him cremated and spreading his ashes in a few days. Karen said she wasn't going, said she couldn't be around his family. She couldn't force Karen onto a plane though. She might have to try. For Milton, she would try.

Carol unlocked the Greene Leaf and was immediately shoved inside by someone. She groaned and fell to her knees, and before she could get up, someone grabbed her elbow and hauled her to her feet. She couldn't get a look at the person, because it was still dark in the Greene Leaf and dark outside even. She'd come in early to check on supplies and get a really good cup of coffee then buy any supplies that they were running low on. No one knew she would be here, not even Daryl.

She could tell by the shape of the hand that grabbed her and by the smell, it was a man. She had pepper spray inside her purse, but it had been knocked to the ground with her, so she would have to fight. She could and would fight, just like Maggie taught her.

The man slammed her into the counter, grabbing her hands instantly and pinning then down onto the counter, and he used leg to stop her from kicking. She struggled to get free as he tightened a belt around her wrists, and she grunted, trying her hardest to get free, but he was strong. He slipped another belt around her knees, holding her by the back of her neck as he tightened and buckled the belt.

"This isn't personal," he told her, his hot breath brushing against her ear.

"Who are you?" she demanded. "What do you want?"

"All you need to know is this isn't personal." He pulled a needle out of his pocket, she saw it in the corner of her eye, and he removed the cap.

"Please—I have a daughter. She's only five years old. Please, don't do this."

"Shhh." He ran a hand down her back. "Shh. Just breathe. Count with me. It'll be so quick. One."

"Please." She spoke through clenched teeth.

He grabbed the back of her hair, ripping her away from the counter, she cried out, and he smacked her face into the cash register. "I said count. One!"

She groaned loudly, feeling warm blood on her temple, her jaw ached, and she saw black spots in her eyes. She tried to clear her vision as pain throbbed against her temple, and she saw the a blade by the register. It was from Shawn, she knew by the brownie crumbs on the blade. He always stole a well-sized chuck of brownie for him and Sasha to have and the jerk always left the knife out.

When she didn't say one, he punched her hard in the back, jerking her forward, and she cried out. He gripped her neck, and she felt him moving hair so that he could stab the needle into her neck. She grabbed the blade of the knife, cutting herself as she gripped it, and she turned it around to the black hilt.

"One," she managed after a second, and his fingers stopped messing with her hair.

"Two."

She slouched back on the counter so that her ass was against his pelvis, gripping the knife tightly in both hands. "Two." She felt him shift his weight, she shifted all of her weight to the left and licked at the blood in the corner of her mouth. "Three!" She slammed her weight into his pelvis to allow herself to move then thrust the knife into his hip as it was the only point she could reach before she fell to the ground.

"Ah!" he cried out, stumbling back, his fingers gripping the locket and yanking it off her neck.

She collapsed onto the floor when his body moved away from hers. She instantly worked on the belt around her knees, because with her legs free, she could kick this son of a bitch where it hurt. The sound of grunting suddenly vanished, she looked up and he was gone. She ran her eyes over the Greene Leaf, her heart pumping rapidly in her chest and her breaths leaving in whooshes as adrenaline coursed through her. There were no signs that he had been there, but she noticed a few drops of blood on the floor. That was all that was left of him.

"What the hell?" She jerked her legs out of the belt and kicked it away, trying to calm her heart. She managed to stand up, groaning at the pain that exploded in her forehead. Oh, God. She sucked in a breath through her teeth. Who the hell was that? She didn't even get a good look at his face. She just knew that he smelled like coffee and earth. She grabbed the phone just inside the door to the kitchen and started to press 9 then stopped. What good would calling the police do? She didn't see his face. She didn't know who he might be. She had no idea who might want to hurt her that lived here. She had no idea who would send him either. Ed wouldn't let someone else take her out. He would want to do it herself, so who sent this asshole?

She swallowed, feeling blood drip down her face. She needed medical attention one way or another, and next time, it might be Jacqui here or Molly. Was she really going to put them at risk just because she didn't want to deal with the police? No, never. She called the police. She wasn't going to endanger them.

Twenty minutes later, Carol in the back of an ambulance, wincing as the paramedic cleaned off blood from her temple. She'd given her statement to the police, they got the blood and a partial print off the belt around her knees, but there oddly weren't any on the belt he'd wrapped around her wrists. She knew if he wasn't in the system, it wouldn't do they much good.

"This guy knew what he was doin'." Rick shook his head. "His prints probably won't flag a match, but I promise you, we will find him. The bakery next door has cameras, so does the Greene Leaf. We'll look over the video, and we'll get him."

Maggie pushed through the officers and ran over to Carol. "Oh, thank God." She hugged her. "I heard about what happened. Are you all right?"

"Yes and no." She pointed to her forehead then her lip. "And I have a bruise the size of a soccer ball on my back, but I'm alive."

"Your wrists." Maggie paled. "Oh, God."

"They don't hurt. I hardly feel any pain."

"What'd they give you?" Maggie suddenly realized how calm Carol was.

"A slight sedative," Rick answered. "She'll be in pain when it wears off."

"I'll take her home."

"I called Daryl, left a message." He set a hand on Maggie's shoulder. "We need you here to help keep people back, calm 'em down."

She looked at her sister and nodded. "I'll be back later with something for you to drink." She squeezed Carol's hand then went to handle to the crowd that was forming.

"Get better," Rick instructed. "And don't drive. Wait until Daryl gets here."

––

Fifteen minutes later, Maggie sat Carol down in her backseat and gave her a glass of water from the Greene Leaf, and Carol set it against her burning temple, groaning. Maggie tried to get some food in her, but Carol said no. She wasn't hungry. Her mouth ached from the head bash into the cash register.

"Daryl will be here soon. Even if he didn't get the message, Shane went to go get him."

"Is he bringing Sophia?" She lowered the glass. "I don't want her to see me like this."

"But she will. You can't _not_ go home."

She swallowed. "They won't find this guy."

"That's not true!"

"Maggie, come on." She looked at her sister. "He could've killed me after I stabbed him, because I was still bound and he had the knife, but he didn't. He knew his blood was useless to them, so he went back to regroup. He's going to find me when I'm alone and try again."

"No. You're not gonna be alone. You'll have somebody with you at all times, and—"

"Mag, I think he can take on two people easily."

"Then you carry a gun." She locked eyes with Carol. "You carry it in an ankle holster, and if he gets you alone, shoot him in the leg, just disable him and call us. He won't get you. I promise."

"Get off of me!" Daryl's voice boomed. "Get outta the way!"

"Let him by," Rick told the officer. "He's with me."

"Where is she?"

"In her car with Maggie. Right through there."

He ran over to them, Carol peeked up at him from where she sat in the backseat, and he didn't see anything really wrong, just that her cheek and jaw were a swollen. He reached down and gently gripped her chin, turned her head. Her pale skin was starting to bruise at the temple, and she had a bandage on her temple with a cut to the corner of her mouth.

"Who did this?" Daryl demanded, his voice tight.

"We don't know." Maggie took the glass of water. "We're looking over the cameras from Yumi's bakery and the Greene Leaf. We can only hope we get a clean shot. It was dark, and there were no witnesses."

"Did he say anythin'?" Daryl looked over and saw her wrists. "Jesus."

"He said it wasn't personal." Carol licked her bottom lip. "I don't know why he said it."

Daryl saw her legs and let out a soft exhaled.

Maggie saw Rick motion for her, so she exited the car and hurried over to him.

"What else?" Daryl brushed his thumb over her knee gently. "Did he hurt you anywhere else?"

"Just my back, but I'll be all right." She moved his hand off her knee. "Where's Sophia?"

"In bed still. I left her with Karen."

"Did you tell her what happened?"

He shook his head. "She woke me up 'cause my phone kept ringin'. I listened to the message then found Shane at the door. He drove me here." He still wore his night clothes of sweats and a gray t-shirt. "How are you feelin'?"

"Sore. I just want to go home and soak in the tub for an hour then meet Dale and buy a dress."

"You ain't really gonna meet him today."

"Yes, I am. I'll be fine, Daryl. I handled myself in there quite well, in fact."

"I know you did, but what if he comes back?"

"I'm installing better cameras in the shop, and probably some alarm system." She rubbed her arm.

"Lemme come with you."

"No." She shook her head. "You have to work, and I don't need a babysitter. Trust me to protect myself, okay?"

"I do, but...I can't lose you."

She smiled. "You won't." She caressed his cheek with her thumb. "I would kiss you, but—"

He leaned up and kissed her forehead gently, and she closed her eyes for a second. "Let's get you home."

She moved into the passenger seat, Daryl gave her his jacket to cover herself in, because she kept shivering, and he drove them home. Karen was pacing the first floor when they came home, and she paled at the sight of Carol's face.

"Oh, my God."

"I'm okay." Carol held her hands out. "It was just... I don't know. Someone attacked me, but I'm stabbed him and clearly lived, so don't worry."

"Who did this?" Karen stared at the nasty bruise along Carol's face.

"I didn't see his face. All I know it that my attacker was a man. I managed to get some blood from him when I stabbed him, so let's hope it flags a match."

"I'll draw you a bath and put one some tea."

"Screw the tea. Can I have wine or something?"

She smiled. "Okay, I'll get you some wine."

"Thank you." Carol shrugged off Daryl's jacket, hanging it up on the hook. "I'm going to talk to Sophia, explain what happened."

Daryl kissed the top of her head. "Let me."

"No, I have this." She headed upstairs and to Sophia's bedroom, seeing the light on. She opened the door and saw Sophia on the bed, her head sweeping up the minute the door opened and she gasped. "Hey."

"Mommy, what happened?!"

"Good afternoon." Carol bent down beside Sophia's bed. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. Mommy, what happened to your face?" Sophia reached out to touch it, but stopped short. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. There was a break-in at the Greene Leaf, but I stopped him. This is just a little bruise. I'll be fine. It's worse than it looks."

"It looks _really_, _really_ bad. Does it hurt?"

"It does, but I'm wearing it with pride. It means that I survived."

Sophia frowned. "Did the police get him?"

"Not yet, but they will." She grasped Sophia's hands. "So until then, I need you to be extra careful. I want you to listen to your father and to Karen and don't wander off, all right? You only speak to people you know or that I know. Promise me."

"I promise."

"That's my girl." She kissed her forehead lightly. "I'm going to meet Dale at three. Do you want to come with me?"

She nodded.

"Great." She smiled a little. "I'm getting a bath, so if you need anything, get Daryl or Karen."

"Okay." She leaned over and kissed her mom's forehead. "Feel better."

Carol's heart tugged. "Aww, I will." She hugged her little girl tightly then released her and went to the bathroom, where Karen was adding soap to the hot water. "It smells good in here."

"That would be the lavender." She stood up. "It'll relax you."

"Thank you." Carol bent down to unzip her boots.

"Was it Ed?"

She met Karen's eyes. "No. I don't know if it had anything to do with Ed, to be honest. I mean, why sent someone else to kill me? Was his plan to have this man drug me and take me back to Ed? Was this man just going to kill me?"

"If Ed did send him, he won't leave until he has you. Alive or unconscious."

"I know. That's why I'm going to strike first." She closed the bathroom door once she made sure Daryl wasn't listening. "We're going back for Milton's funeral, and I'm going to have a word with Ed."

"You can't be serious, Carol. He'll kill you!"

"He may try to, but I won't let him put my child and husband at risk. Or you and your unborn child. I've put too many of my loved ones in danger. I won't do it anymore."

"Husband?"

"What?" Carol stared at her.

"You just called Daryl your husband."

"Boyfriend—Daryl—whatever! You know who I'm talking about!"

"You want to marry him again?" Karen leaned against the counter, watching the water as it filled the tub.

"That's not what we're talking. I refuse to let Ed do this to me any longer. I will not live in fear. I'm sick of fear. Ed will no longer ruin my life!"

"Shh, Sophia will hear you." She shut the water off. "Just bathe. We'll talk later, honey." She rubbed her arm then left the bathroom.

She groaned and ran her hands through her hair, wincing at the pain it caused. She groaned and glanced over, seeing her face in the mirror and looking away. She removed her shoes and shimmed out of her dress. She turned and looked at the bruise on her back, sweeping her hair over her shoulder and groaning at the sight of it. Damn, his fist was massive.

She set her dress and underclothes in the hamper, stepping into the tub and sitting down. "Hmm." She hugged her arms, not wanting to lean back, because of the bruise that would surely hit the back of the tub.

The door opened, she glanced over, and Daryl entered, closing the door behind him.

"What are you doing?" She started to rise, but he shook his head. "What is it?"

"Nothin'." He stopped by the sink. "Called Hershel, told him what happened."

"What did he say?"

"Wished you well and told you to rest up. He doesn't want you to work the Leaf for a while."

"Doesn't want _me_ to work or _anybody_?" She studied his face. "He wants me to close it for a while, doesn't he?"

"Yeah."

"Fantastic! That's just fantastic!" she grumbled bitterly. "Let's take away the other only thing I have to do with my life, because I got attacked. Why can't you two understand that I held my own? For once, I protected myself in a good way! I look like I didn't, but I did!"

"I **am** proud of you."

"Really? Because you're not even looking at me." She pulled her legs in. "I know my face is puffy, but it's not festering with infection."

He smirked. "I _am_ proud." He walked over and sat beside her. "C'mere, turn around."

She turned in the tub so that her backed faced him, he snatched up her body wash and squirted some onto his hands. She inhaled deeply when he began to gently massage her shoulders, and she shuddered a little, but not because she didn't like it.

"That feel good?"

"Yeah." She closed here eyes as his long fingers kneaded at the knots in her shoulders, and she moaned softly. "Heh, you should join me in here. My feet and legs could use massaged as well," she teased.

He snorted a little. "You wish."

She set her hand on her chest and frowned, her eyes opening. She gasped and shot up. "Oh, my God, my locket!" She gripped her throat. "He—he took my locket! No! No, no, no, no, no!"

Daryl dipped his hands into the water and rose. "Your necklace?"

"He—he must have taken it! He grabbed it when he fell, and—and I forgot about it. I was trying to get free. Oh, my God, no!" Tears burned in her eyes. "I have to go back. Maybe—maybe he didn't take it. Maybe it slid somewhere!"

He watched her dry off, wiping off the body wash, and she hurried down the hall with the towel around her. He frowned and followed her, she was already dressed by the time he got into their room, and she ran out of the room. "Carol, slow down!" He chased after her. "Carol, stop!"

"No!" She was out the front door without another word.

"What the hell?" Karen blinked. "Where's she going?"

"Back to the Greene Leaf. He took her necklace." He continued after Carol, barely catching her before she pulled out, and he hopped into the car. "Drive carefully, please."

She gunned it to the Greene Leaf, and since all of the cops were trying to find her attacker, she luckily didn't get pulled over. She barely stopped the car before she slid out and ran into the Greene Leaf. He made sure every brake was properly employed then ambled in as she dropped to her knees and looked under the counter.

"Carol?" He flicked the lights on, bending down to look for her locket.

"What?" Panicked filled her voice as she crawled around, desperately trying to find it.

"What's so special 'bout the locket?" He moved a plant aside, checking behind it.

"It's the one you gave me with my engagement ring inside." She wiped her nose as her eyes burned. "It has a little bit of Ethan's hair, and—and the engagement ring too. Where is it?" She blinked hard to try and clear her vision. "Please, please, be here."

They searched the Greene Leaf, looking everywhere from the plants to the dusty space under the counter. It wasn't there, and Daryl knew she wasn't going to stop looking. That asshole took it with him went he stumbled out, and Carol wasn't going to accept that.

He set a hand on her shoulder. "Carol?"

"No!" She looked at him with misty eyes. "It's here! I know it's here." Her voice broke. "It has to be here. He can't have it. He can't; I refuse!"

"It ain't here."

She whimpered and sat back on her heels. "That's all I have left. It can't be gone. What if he doesn't come back? What if the police don't find him, Daryl?" Tears ran down her cheeks, and he pulled her into his arms. "What if I never get it back?" she sobbed.

That locket had been with her for seven years, holding a few locks of Ethan's hair and her engagement ring from her marriage to Daryl and her now the cross her mom had given her. It was everything she ever needed jewelry wise. If she could grab one replaceable thing ever, say there was a fire and she had time to grab one thing, she would grab that. It was the most important thing to her that wasn't alive! And it was gone...

––

"Bill, bill, bill." Shawn tossed the stick to the Toosie Pop he was eating into the yard as he headed inside. "Oh, and bill." He set his camera bag on the floor and dropped the mail into the basket.

"Shawn?"

"Yes?" He looked over and saw a look of discomfort on his wife's face. "What is it?"

"Something feels weird, Shawn." She had a hand on her stomach and another on the couch, clutching it tightly. "It's not a good weird. I don't—Ah!"

"Okay, umm I have no idea what to say, nor do I want to waste time guessing, so we'll go to the hospital. I'm positive everything's all right, but let's just be sure."

"Are you sure it'll be all right?"

"Hey, Sasha, look at me. Look at me. Trust me, I'm sure it'll be all right. Gimme your hand." He helped her hand up and groaned softly at how tightly she held his hand. "C'mon." He guided her out the door as she groaned again, and he helped her into the car.

At the hospital, he paced the lobby, having already called T and Jacqui and told them word for word what she told him. He was just waiting now, slowly losing his mind. It was better he wasn't in there, because the doctor would try to kill him. He had too much energy to burn he was terrified. God, please don't let anything be wrong. He started to think about his mom's letter, part of it anyway.

_Shawn Tanner Greene, my sarcastic monkey photographer. _

_Where do I even begin with you? You're the most infuriating of all my children, and I sometimes would like to kick you. With love, of course. I would never want to actually physically harm you. Yeah, I'll go with that. I've been through the many other writings I've written for your sisters, and I think I may leave them a scrapbook of them, but I don't know. I know you would do that for your wife and twins. That's actually why I'm doing this, because when you gave me that book in the hospital, it brought me such comfort. When I would wake up in the night, dreaming of what might happen to you all if I had died, I'd worry you wouldn't make peace with it. I worried you would blame yourselves for not keeping an eye on me, blah, blah, blah._

_To be honest, I've had a couple glasses of wine before I started writing this. I haven't had wine in years, because Hershel abhors liquor, and I just never really was one for drinking. I've felt I needed it before I started this. It's one of my harder letters to write. You're my son, my only son, and I have so much I want to tell you. I don't know where to start, so I'll just start with this. It's probably the best way to start this, I think._

_When I was pregnant with you, I worried endlessly about you. I couldn't lose you, not after I lost Emily, and I kept praying every night you'd just be healthy. The sex, the personality, the eye color and hair color, and the who you would be more like did not matter to me. I just wanted you to live. I didn't want to hold another dead baby in my arms, so when the doctor put you in my arms, I just couldn't stop staring at you. You weren't a slight baby, I'll tell you, but that made me happier. You were this cute, chubby little man, who later had a fondness of chewing on my necklaces, and I just watched you, felt you shifting in my arms. It was so amazing. Ethan couldn't let go of you when I finally let him hold you. I was just too stunned to even speak, so I watched him with you. He was so...lost. He wasn't sure how to hold you at first then he wasn't sure if you liked him, because you wouldn't look at him. He then went on a twenty minute freak out about how he wasn't sure he could do this well, because he had nothing to draw off of. His father wasn't the kindest of men, and he didn't tolerate disobedience—it took many years for him to accept Ethan's choice, and by that time, Ethan cared even less about his opinion. I just shook my head at him, and we talked the rest of the day. That night, Ethan was out cold in the chair beside me, and I picked you up and held you to my chest, skin to skin, and I felt your body heat against mine, you breathing with me, and I closed my eyes. I knew I would protect you for the rest of your life, and I knew that if you were the only child Ethan and I were ever able to have that would be okay. You were enough._

_Ethan said I coddled you too much, held you too often, and he worried that you wouldn't be able to function without me. If I hadn't gotten pregnant with Carol, he probably would've been right, which meant he would've told me 'I told you so' with that smug smile he had. He was always right when it came to you, or almost right. He thought you would grow up and become a therapist, though I hear you double as one._

_I remember when you and Sasha came to the Greene Leaf to have a word with Jacqui and me. We weren't expecting you two to tell us you were dating—we already knew—but it was sweet of you to tell us. T-dog didn't know, and it was probably better that Jacqui told him, not you both. He loves you, but Sasha's his baby girl, always will be. To be perfectly honest, I never thought you would be interested in Sasha. She's almost the exact opposite of you: by-the-book, fearless, more stubborn than any other living being. I would have thought maybe you were going to ask out Lilly; but when we came home from that snow storm, and you two were all cuddled up by the fireplace, I knew that was never going to happen. I saw the look you gave her when you two said goodbye. It must have been quite a few hours alone you two had. I never want to know, because that blanket belonged to my Nana, and I wouldn't want someone to have to burn it clean. Anyway, after seeing you and Sasha together on New Years Eve, I was very...happy. You were smiling widely, quite literally from ear to ear, and you were laughing deeply and back to your old self. I was almost in tears, because I know that Carol leaving was hard on you as well. You never wanted to admit it, and you kept trying to act like everything was all right, even though we never believe you. I thought maybe we'd be stuck with the fake smiles and laughs and sarcasm, but then along came Sasha. At least she won't wind up passed out on the floor in the hallway—you still need to make that up to Hershel and Otis and...well, God._

_I'm glad we talked today at the hospital. I've been wanting to have that talk with you for many years now, but the timing was never right. I don't know if I have a sense of my time coming to end or if I just want to leave no regrets behind, I felt that was the right time. You are the best of Ethan and me, and I love you. I will always love you. I wasn't always proud of you, because you've made some horrible decisions, but these last ten years you've made me more proud of you than I have words for. I know you'll do well in your career, and you'll make an amazing father._

_If I see you shaking your head and questioning my judgment, I will make you regret that in the afterlife, young man. You are not going to fail as a parent, because it's impossible. You are kind and generous and funny and a good man. You'll raise your children to be the same, hopefully Sasha will help them mature and not annoy as often as you do—I love you dearly nevertheless—and you'll make a great grandfather one day. You've grown up around two of the best fathers, four good men and plenty of women to not be able to be a decent father. I don't want to go into detail, because it'll go straight to your head, and I think it's big enough already, don't you?_

_And you already make a good uncle. Sophia absolutely adores you. She talks about you all the time, and she loves you so much. You can't just block out how much you mean to her and how you've guided her. I heard about the nightmare and the story of Ethan. It was very sweet of you, and it's really nice to tell her about him without really telling her about him._

_Yeah, then the lecturing went on and on. Thanks, Mom._ Gah! He was running out of fingernails to chew. What the hell was taking so long? It had to have been an hour by now. He checked his watch. Oh. Really? It's barely been... He saw Sasha and Dr. S. "Finally! You took your sweet time, didn't you?"

"Shawn." Sasha took his hand.

"Sorry. That was so rude. What's going on?"

"She's perfectly fine."

"Oh, thank God."

"She was experiencing Braxton Hicks contractions. Mild discomfort in the uterine wall."

"And that's normal? Everything's normal?"

"Yes."

"There's no danger to her or the babies?"

"No. No, the contractions can be unnerving if you don't know what they are, but she is fine."

Sasha smiled. "Thank you, Dr. S."

He gave a nod and left them.

"'Oh, thank God'? I thought you said everything would be all right?" Sasha eyed him.

"What the hell do I know? I take pictures for a living; I'm no doctor!"

"Well, you were right. Everything is good."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure." She smiled at him. "Now, let's go. This was no big deal, thank God."

"Sasha!" her parents rushed over to her.

She sent him a glare. "I told you not to call them."

"Is everything all right?" T asked, looking her over.

"Yes, yes. It was Braxton Hicks."

"Oh?" Jacqui exhaled deeply. "Good. That's fine. I'm surprised you even felt that."

"That's good to know. If you'll excuse me, I have to go back into the exam room, so excuse me." She walked toward it, but Shawn grabbed her arm. "What?"

"Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong. I just—I forgot my underwear in there," she whispered.

"Oh." He released her. "You can do that by yourself."

"I should hope so." She smirked and went back to the room.

"You don't do well under pressure, do you?" T asked Shawn.

"Nope, not at all." He turned to face him. "Does that make me a unsuited to be a parent?"

"Of course not," Jacqui replied.

"Even though it wasn't anything, thank you for bringing her to the hospital," T said.

"You do remember that she's my wife, correct?" he teased.

He smacked him with a bag of Twizzlers.

"Why do you have candy? And can I have them? Answer the second one first."

"We were at the movies when you called, and no, you can't." Jacqui crossed her arms. "We might be able to make back in time to see the movie if we leave now. If there's anything else, let us know. Tell her we had to go."

He nodded and waited for Sasha, and he smiled at her when she came back out.

"What?" She narrowed her eyes.

"Nothing, I just know what I want to name our daughter now."

"Oh, do tell."

"Nah. You will just have to wait and see." He kissed her and felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He checked the number and saw it was Maggie. He hit ignore and laced his fingers through Sasha's. "Let's get something eat." He would speak to Maggie later. She probably wanted to remind him about the shower or something.

––

Amy set the box in her trunk, glancing around to see if Merle was lurking about, but she didn't see anybody or feel any eyes on her. She always checked, and never saw anything. Maybe Paige was just dreaming about seeing Merle hanging around.

Felix carried out a box. "So, canned food drive?"

"Yep." She pushed her box back so there would be room. "Thanks for coming to help."

"No problem."

"Mommy, wait." Paige ran over to her and held up a pink bag. "Here, these are from Andrea to T-dog."

"Oh?" She took the bag. "I don't think I want to know."

"I do." Fee plucked the bag from her hands and peeked inside. "Huh, boring. It just some key rings with his shop's logo on them." He held it out to her, and she snatched it. "Grabby."

"Get in the car so we can get to rehearsals. We both can't be late. Think of what the others will assume."

"I fu—freaking hate drama." He closed the truck. "I'm driving."

"No way. It's my car."

"It's your dad's car. He bought it for you."

"Because my car died on me last week! It's in my name and eve—Shut up, Fee! I'm driving."

He chuckled. "Yes, ma'am."

Paige glanced between them and smiled a little. "Be home on time, 'kay?"

"With you helping to cook dinner, I will driver over other cars. I won't miss dinner for the world." She kissed Sophia's forehead. "I love you, baby. Get inside."

"Bye, Uncle Felix!" She waved then turned and hurried back inside to her aunt.

"I like nicknames, but I feel old when she calls me that."

"How about Daddy Felix?" Amy teased. "Papa Felix? Poppy Fee!"

He swiped her keys. "You're lucky you're hot."

"Felix Julian Manning," she warned.

"Oh, but we can't be late." He winked at her then got in the driver's seat.

She shook her head and walked around to the passenger side. "I control the music then."

"For now." He backed out.

Amy and Felix and Paige didn't notice the man watching them across the street, scrutinizing them with wild eyes as he preformed self-surgery on himself, stitching up the hole that had been stabbed into his hip.

"_Little Amy Elyssa Horvath_," he breathed, groaning as he pulled the needle through, and he chuckled, his pupils dilating. "_Harrison, Greene. Greene, Harrison. Horvath, Horvath. Easy. Drug and take, drug and take. Harrison, Harrison._"

––

Carol waited for Sophia by the front door, Daryl was watching her closely from the kitchen with Karen, and she rocked back and forth on her heels, occasionally touching her neck, half-expecting the necklace to just reappear.

Sophia adjusted her shoe and hopped off the couch. "I'm ready."

"Let's go."

"Carol—" Daryl started.

"Don't. I've lost a lot of things these past couple of weeks, and I really don't want to sit here and just think about it. Besides, I promised Dale, and I won't keep him waiting." She opened the door. "Karen, think about it, please."

"Bye, Daddy."

"Bye." Daryl looked at Karen once Carol and Sophia left. "Think 'bout what?"

"Going to Milton's funeral." She took a drink of tea.

Carol drove to meet Dale, listening to Florence and the Machine's _Heartlines_, and she didn't bother hiding her bruised face or red-rimmed eyed. She was a mess, but she was alive. She knew her father knew, and Maggie probably told Beth and Shawn. She texted them all and told them to not worry about it. She didn't want it to be blown out of proportion. He came, she stabbed him, that's all. She knew that son of a bitch would come back for, probably when she wasn't expecting it. She would always be expecting it, and when he came, she was going to make him give that locket back. He'd better pray to God that everything was still inside.

"Mommy?" Sophia peered at her by leaning over in her seat.

"Hmm?" She glanced in the mirror. "What is it, baby?"

"I'm hungry."

"We'll eat with Dale. How does that sound?"

"Good, I guess." She paused. "Do you have gum?"

"I'll check at the next red light."

She didn't have any gum to give her, so she have her a butterscotch candy before she made the last turn. She parked outside the building, and she got out, helping Sophia out of the car. She adjusted her purse and closed the door, locking them.

"Hey, Mommy?" Sophia looked up at her.

"Yeah?" She gathered her hair out from under her purse strap.

"I'm sorry about your necklace; I know it meant a lot to you. Oh, and I love you."

Carol smiled. "I love you too, and thank you." She bent down. "I'm sorry if I was a little rude when we came back."

"It's all right." She smiled back.

"You mean more to me than any locket," Carol set her hands on Sophia's rosy cheeks, "and I am so blessed to have you in my life."

Her smile widened. "Me too. I'm proud to call you my mommy," Sophia hugged her tightly, "'cause you're a survivor."

Carol's heart melted, and she blinked back tears. "I don't even care if Daryl or Karen made you say that, you beautiful little angel." She picked her up and kissed her cheek. "Let's go meet Dale before I cry my eyes out in the parking lot."

Carol carried her inside and up the stairs to the studio, Dale was speaking with the man who had inspected the building for them, and Carol set Sophia down to let her roam the room. She smiled, ignoring the wide-eyed look they gave her, and she stuffed her hands into her pants pockets.

"Oh, my God, Carol. What happened?" Dale couldn't taken his eyes off her face.

"Watch the news. I'm sure it'll be there."

"Carol." His voice was stern, but full of concern.

"Fine, I will tell you at lunch." She turned to the man and shook his hand. "Carol Greene, we spoke on the phone."

"Yes, it's nice to finally meet you." He smiled, looking into her eyes. "Shall we get down to business?"

"Yes, please."

Ever since Dale informed Shawn and Carol of their money, Carol wanted to do something really nice with her money. She'd made an account that only she and Daryl could access with a little under half the money just in case. She was saving some of the money to finish working on the house, and she was using some to buy Amy a studio to teach dance in. She'd seen the way Amy looked while dancing with the girls, and she wanted to surprise Amy. Amy wasn't going to ask her parents for money ever—she nearly had a heart attack when her father bought her a new car—and Carol didn't want her to have to deal with a loan. It was an early birthday gift, or so she'd tell Amy so she wouldn't freak out and make her try to sell it.

Sophia looked around the room, not really sure what she thought of it. She knew she wanted to take classes with Amy as soon as she could. It was really fun dancing with her, and Amy was a really good teacher. She was excited to see how Amy wound react. She'd never really see her aunt surprised, so this was going to be fun! She loved to see people surprised, especially when it wasn't surprise out of fear. She didn't like that at all.

She spotted another door. She pushed it open, glancing back as her mom and Dale spoke to the man who helped them up it or something. They looked like they were having a serious conversation, so she didn't ask if it was all right to check it out. She didn't want to be rude. She decided not to go very far, so she poked her head out, seeing another stairwell. She glanced back at her mom then back to the stairwell, gasping when a man appeared.

"Shh." He held a finger to his lip then motioned for her to come here.

"Who are you?" She didn't move.

"I'm an old friend of your mom's." He smiled sweetly. "You can call me Paul."

"My mommy doesn't have a friend named Paul."

"We've fallen out of touch." He climbed up the steps.

Sophia's eyes went to blood seeping through his shirt over his hip. "Are you okay?"

He crouched down. "I will be. What's your name?"

"I don't wanna say."

"Aww, well okay." He looked her over. She was cute, looked just like her mom, and she had the prettiest hair, that was long, red curls, and big gray-blue eyes just like her father's. Of course, **he** didn't know that **he** wasn't the father, but he knew. He always knew. "You're a little bigger than the picture."

"Picture?" She frowned, her foot moving back inside.

"Hey, let's play a game, sweetheart."

"I don't want to play a game."

"Oh, you'll hurt my feelings. It's a **really** _fun_ game."

She pursed her lips. "What...what kinda game is it?"

He held out his hand. "It's one you surely know: hide and seek."

"I love hide and seek!"

"Betcha you can't beat me."

"I bet I can!" She stepped out of the room and the door shut.

"C'mon, I know a great place to play."

"I—I shouldn't go without my mommy."

"Carol said it was okay, hon. That's why I'm here."

"You know my mommy's name?"

He nodded. "I told you we're friends."

"What's her middle name?" she tested him.

"Suzanne."

"Her favorite color?"

"Purple."

"Her birth month."

"Easy, it's May. Yours is March." He smiled. "Tell me about your cousin's birthday. What's—what's her name too?"

"Paige?"

"Yeah, Paige."

"Well, go ask Amy."

His eyes flashed. "I think I will, but later." Much later. He wanted to play. "Wanna play with me?"

"If my mommy says it's okay then...yeah!" She smiled, nodding vigorously. "Let's go play!"

He smirked, scratching his head, pushing hair back by his ear, and Sophia saw a scar there. He noticed her eyes. "Old bullet wound."

"Bullet?" She reached over and touched it; he closed his eyes at the feel of her soft skin on his. "Did it hurt?"

"Yes, it did hurt. It hurt quite a lot, but I survived." He grasped her little hand. "C'mon, let's go play, kiddo."

They headed down the stairs, the inspector showed Carol his only issue with the building, but Dale and she both agreed it would be easily fixed. She turned to meet his eyes and noticed that Sophia wasn't in the room.

"Sophia?" Carol walked over to the door Sophia was hanging around and opened it. "Baby, I told—"

Sophia wasn't there.

Her blood ran cold. "Oh, no!"

"What is it?" Dale asked. "Where's Sophia?"

"Check that door!" She ran down the stairs. "Sophia!" She walked through the first floor. "Sophia!" She scanned the room then bolted out the front door. **"Sophia!"** She screamed, searching the street, but there were only people giving her off looks.

The world spun around her, she looked from man to man, trying to see if any of them were the man who attacked her; but no, they weren't familiar in anyway. The women were looking at her face, mostly because of the bruises, and she didn't recognize any of them. He didn't have an accomplish. God, she hoped not. She wouldn't able to tell who she was, because she didn't know him. God, where was she?

"Sophia!" She glanced over and saw Dale shaking his head, and she felt like passing out.

"So—Sophia!" She walked by a bench, her knees growing week. "Baby!"

"Boo!" Sophia jumped out, Carol gasped deeply, and she giggled.

"Sophia." She dropped to her knees and grabbed her. "How many times do I have to tell you to stay in my sight?! You **promised** me!"

"What's wrong, Mommy?" Sophia frowned, seeing the tears in her mother's eyes and her tight grip. "You said it was okay!"

Carol lectured Sophia, unaware of the man sitting on the bench across the street, smirking and running his fingers over the silver chain to her locket.

––

"She said it was okay," Sophia argued with her father that night when he came to tuck her in. "Why am I in trouble? Mommy said okay!"

Daryl shook his head. "Look, just don't worry 'bout it. She's stressed, probably forgot. You know better than to go anywhere without us."

"But I didn't go al—"

"Let it go, runt. Get some sleep. It's over."

"I didn't do anything wrong!"

"Good night." He kissed her forehead, she groaned, and he left, pulling the door closed. He shook his head, glad that nothing happened to her, and he wandered down the hall, not sure if he wanted to watch TV or go to bed. He heard Karen and Carol talking in the guest bedroom.

"You promise?" That was Carol.

"Of course I promise! That's not even a question!" That was Karen. "I'll work it out when I go back."

"I would come, but... Don't tell Daryl this, all right?"

"I swear."

She whispered so that only Karen could hear, and he leaned in close, but he didn't make any of it out. "...so, hug Noah and Daya for me."

"I will."

"Be careful too. If I lost you to him..."

"I'll be with Milton's parents. They have security systems everywhere, and once they learn I'm carrying their only son's baby, they'll try to put me in a bubble wrap room."

She laughed. "Stay hidden."

"I will."

"Make peace with his death. You've been holding back, and that's not doing you any good."

"I hate to just leave in the middle of the night, but I promised they I would help with the wake. I begged for them to have one, because I want to remember the best of Milton with his family." She paused. "Oh, I have a gift for Sasha."

"Really? You didn't have to. You hardly know her."

"Well, I met up with Ty a week ago, and we had tea. He was very sweet to me, and I have no need of this. It was a gift from Phillip, and I don't want it, but I think Sasha will love it."

"It's beautiful."

"I'll buy another one later since she's having twins. Tell her I said congratulations."

"I will."

"My taxi will be here in ten minutes, and I should get my stuff downstairs."

"I'll get Daryl to help. You shouldn't do any heavy lifting."

He scrambled to their bedroom, plopping down on the bed, and Carol came in a minute later. "Hmm?"

"I need help moving Karen's bags."

He hopped up, and they carried the bags downstairs while Karen said goodbye to Sophia, who was still pouting about getting yelled at. Daryl said goodbye to her and helped load the trunk of the taxi with Carol. He stood by Carol as Karen drove off, and Carol rubbed her arms.

"I want to talk to you."

"Let's go inside."

After ensuring each lock was locked, every window was latched and Sophia was tucked in and finally sleeping, they returned to their bedroom to talk. Bella was circling in Daryl's lap, he tried to move her, but she dug her claws in, and he just let her be. Carol smiled and petted her once.

"Let me speak first."

He nodded.

"When Karen told me Milton's parents were arranging a funeral, I wanted to go back with her and deal with Ed once and for all." She searched his eyes. "I don't know what I intended to do. Talk, maybe. I dunno."

He shifted, watching her.

"I was just so angry. I know he had something to do with Milton's death; I know he did. Milton drives like a snail, especially in the rain and snow and—and the dark! He wouldn't have gone off the road, but there's no way to prove Ed rammed his car into Milton's or tampered with the brakes or anything, because the car met a fiery death. I'm surprised they even recovered his body."

"Carol?"

"I just... I want it over, but I want to do this together." She met his eyes. "When Amy's performance is over, I want to find Ed and work this out face-to-face with you by my side. I'm sure once he knows Sophia isn't his, he'll eventually move on. If I could prove he murdered Milton, I would have him arrested in a heartbeat, but that bastard is smart. He probably had the car he used scrapped."

"Why'd you change your mind?"

"The baby." She shook her head and ran a hand over her hair. "If I tracked him down and dealt with him, he may somehow knock me unconscious or—or immobilize me. He would torture me for sure, but not physically. He would have someone killed Karen or cause her to lose Milton's baby, and I couldn't live with myself if that happened. I've lost a child, and I don't want Karen to know that pain."

"Go Little Milton," he muttered.

She smiled. "After the shower and performance, I want this settled. I want to live my life with you and Sophia without feeling like Ed's presence right over my shoulder." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "I want us to be happy and safe, and I can only be safe—completely safe—if I know Ed's out of the picture for good. He's crazed, but only because of Sophia. He'll probably snap when he learns Sophia isn't his, but he'll get over it and me."

"Then what?" He set his hands on her elbows.

"We can work on our relationship and the house and...making more little Dixons one day," she teased.

He half-smiled. "Marry me when this is over."

"What?" She laughed then saw he was serious. "Oh, not again, Daryl!"

He chuckled. "I'm kiddin'. I just wanna be with you, don't care if we're married or not."

"You ass." She kissed him, ignoring the pain in her mouth. She leaned into him, Bella squeezed out and scampered out of the room, and she pulled back. "Since we aren't planning on making more Dixons at this point in our relationship, I say—as a way of honoring making life—we make love for the majority of the night."

"You're insatiable."

She giggled. "No, I just love you and I love being one with you."

He kissed her gently, his hands sliding down her arms to her hips, pulling her closer, and he leaned back so that they fell back onto the bed. He was careful not to hurt her, and he didn't touch her back, because he wasn't entirely sure where that bruise was.

He had just slipped his hands underneath her shirt when someone knocked on the door, he groaned low in his throat, and Carol frowned, wondering who was at the door at this hour. She climbed off him, Daryl rolled off the bed and followed her down the stairs.

"You speak," Carol whispered. "It's your house, after all."

"Who's there?" Daryl barked through the door.

"It's me, Phillip Blake."

Carol tensed. "Oh, shit."

– – –

"_Isn't it a little awkward?" Carol asked Ed, setting a hand on the baby bump. "It's been four months, and I—I don't think I'm ready to meet him just yet."_

"_You met Victoria just last week," he pressed. "That went fine."_

_She whimpered. "All right, fine. Let's just do this."_

_He kissed her softly. "It'll be fine." He laced his fingers through hers. "It's just a dinner."_

"_I know, but it's still going to be weird." She pursed her lips. "What do I say to him?"_

"_I hear "hello" works well."_

"_Oh, ha ha, smartass." She rolled her eyes as they walked. "I mean, I'm four months pregnant, and we're getting married next week. Won't he be offended that I'm only **just** meeting him?"_

"_He's been busy with his wife and kid, and we've been busy too with the wedding. He'll understand."_

"_I hope so. I've only ever met one brother, and that didn't go well."_

"_What happened?" He met her eyes._

"_Everything that could have gone wrong went horribly, horribly wrong." She didn't want to tell Ed about Daryl and Merle. She avoided bringing them up as much as possibly. It was easy to avoid in the day, but at night, she would dream about Daryl and what would've happened if Ethan had made it. Or if she hadn't left and if this baby was his. It made her wake up aching. Ed wasn't Daryl. He would never compare to Daryl. She sometimes wondered if Ed knew that she was in love with Daryl more than she was in love with him. She couldn't help it. He was her first love, and she would love him for the rest of her life. She only hoped she loved Ed more one day, otherwise their relationship would become strained, and she wanted a happy home for her baby. For their baby._

"_You never talk about other past relationships. I've told you about mine."_

"_I've only been in one other relationship." She shrugged. "It didn't end well."_

"_Did he switch to a new college and not tell you? Did he break up with you via text message or e-mail? Did he...Did he sleep with your best friend? Ooh, is she pregnant with his kid?" _

"_No, nothing like that."_

"_Did he abuse you?" _

"_What?!" she growled._

"_I—Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night to get water or use the bathroom, and you're...whimpering about someone named Daryl. It's a soft, scared sound. I didn't mean to assume anything. I just...was curious. If he was, I could go kick his ass."_

_Oh, please, Daryl would **destroy** you, her mind shot back. "No. He never put his hands on me." She heaved a sigh. "He—he was good to me. He was loving and supportive and gentle. He's the best man I've ever—I'd ever met until now." She smiled at him. "We just grew apart, you know? He was getting promoted in work, and I was...just...there, you know, holding him back."_

"_I doubt that."_

"_No, I was."_

"_I bet Daryl thought you were this beautiful, radiant and intelligent light that he had to run to catch up with."_

_She rolled her eyes. "You're so tacky."_

_He grinned. "Well, I do try."_

"_And it's sweat, by the way. The whole glowing thing—yeah, that's just sweat."_

_He laughed. "Please tell me I'm not the only one who didn't know that."_

"_Oh, it'll be our little secret." She felt her fingers twitching against his, so she pulled her hand away and set them on her belly. So often her body rejected Ed. It was the strangest thing. She could never wear his clothes, because she would break out in a rash. She couldn't hold his hand too long either. Her fingers would twitch, like they were trying to shaking his hands off or something. Her fingers had even swollen, so she couldn't wear the engagement ring. It hung around her neck on a separate, short chain. She didn't want it to touch the locket ever. It was **too** important to her._

"_So, boy or girl?" he asked, his hands in his pockets._

"_I just want a healthy, living baby." She didn't look at him._

"_I want a boy." He squinted at her. "I know we promised to wait until the baby was born, but I'm dying to know."_

"_We're waiting. We agreed."_

_He blew out a sigh. "Five more months. I don't know if I can do it."_

"_You'll have to." She looped her arm through his. "So, tell me about Phillip since we're going to meet him."_

"_He's loyal—blood always comes first with him. He likes Chopin, especially Raindrops. He's been married for about three years now to a woman named Elizabeth. They had a little girl about two years ago, Penelope. They call her Penny." He ran his tongue over his teeth. "He's in the drug unit or whatever it's called. He's a cop, but I told you that."_

"_They have a two-year-old?" _

"_Yeah, she's adorable. She's just like her dad."_

"_Oh, I can't wait to meet her. And Phil, of course."_

"_He doesn't do nicknames, so just Phillip." His tone was dark, but she shrugged it off. _

_They walked to his car, he saw someone he knew walk into a gas station across the street, and he glanced at Carol as she waited for him to unlock the car doors. He unlocked her door and asked, "Do you want to get something to drink? Some tea?"_

"_No, I'm all right." _

"_You sure? Do you want a snack? There's a gas station right there."_

"_Actually, I kinda do want some peanut butter. I'll go with you."_

"_No, no. You've walked enough, just sit and relax." He handed her the keys. "Five minutes."_

_She sat down in the car, closing the door and moving hair out of her eyes. She saw him enter the gas station, so she reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, unlocking it. She connected to the Internet and looked up her old high school. On their website, they had pictures of the graduating classes for the past sixty years, and she scrolled through the years, finding hers. She found the Ds and saw the picture of Daryl, smiling to herself._

_He was a grouch about it, but she wanted him to get his senior pictures, as did Annette. Carol had pestered him and begged him to smile, but of course he didn't. He looked pretty handsome though, those piercing gray-blue eyes seemed to stare back at her as if Daryl could really see her, and her eyes burned. She backed out and held down the recent search of her school website until the option to erase it from her history permanently came up. She selected yes and returned to the home screen._

_Don't do this to yourself. Don't think about before, just don't. Daryl doesn't need you. He doesn't, so just stop it. You're a grown woman, and you're pregnant and engaged. You can't afford to screw this up, because this baby is going to be his or her father, so stop. You let Daryl go so that he could be happy, and it's only been a few months. Once you're married and the baby's born, it'll be all right. It has to be._

_She ran a hand under eyes. "God, give me strength, please." She snuffled and tried to shake off this feeling. How do you shake off love?_

_Ed returned seven minutes later with a Reese's fast break. "How is this?"_

"_Perfect." She forced herself to smile. "Thank you."_

_He drove them to Phillip's house, which was really quite nice. Elizabeth met them at the door, smiling brightly at Carol, and Ed gave a nod. Carol noticed the look they shared and got the feeling they weren't too fond of each other. She didn't bother to ask what that was about, just walked to inside. She saw Penny and gasped at how adorable the little girl was._

"_Told you," Ed whispered by her ear. "Go on. She's your niece."_

_Elizabeth followed Carol. "Feeling maternal?"_

"_A little bit." She nodded._

"_I was that way too when I was pregnant." She smiled and looked her over. "You're just...so cute. I'm sorry, but I just can't resist." She set her hands on Carol's belly. "Do you know what you're having?"_

"_A human, I hope."_

_She laughed. "Sorry, I meant the sex."_

"_We've decided to wait. We want to be surprised." She smiled. "Right?"_

"_Yeah." Ed nodded. "Umm, where's my brother?"_

"_He's in his office. I'll go get him."_

"_I'll get him." He walked out of the room._

_Elizabeth's jaw tightened. "How far along are you?"_

"_Four months." She narrowed her eyes. "Do you...um, do you not like Ed?"_

"_Why would you think that?"_

"_You're about to break your teeth, for one."_

"_We don't always see eye-to-eye. He's my brother-in-law, so I just grin and bear it." She clasped her hands. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to come to me or my husband."_

"_And Victoria."_

"_I wouldn't suggest it. She's not eve—"_

"_Do you need help setting the table?" Ed interrupted her, jogging over to them. "I'll help you, Liz."_

"_Sure."_

_Carol just smiled as they left. "I'll...stand here." She looked down at Penny and crouched down. "You are so beautiful."_

"_Well, thank you."_

_She jumped and stood up as a man approached her. _

"_It's me, Phillip Blake. The older brother." He held his hand out. "It's nice to meet you, Carol."_

"_Oh, hi." She shook his hand. "I'm sorry. I'm a little scatterbrained lately."_

"_Don't worry about it." He smiled and gestured to her stomach. "Wow, I guess you don't waste time."_

"_A pleasant surprise." She shrugged a shoulder._

"_Well..." he trailed off, just looking at her, and she shifted uncomfortably, not sure what to do. He just kept looking at her with those murky green eyes, making her skin crawl, and he chuckled a little. "Well, congratulations." He cleared his throat. "Can I get you a drink? Orange juice, perhaps?"_

"_Umm, I'm good for now." She crossed her arms. "Why Blake? Ed's last name is Peletier."_

"_I took my mother's maiden name when I graduated from high school. I wanted to carry on her name, and let Ed carry on our father's." _

_She nodded and Penny cooed._

_He chuckled. "I think someone wants to meet her new aunt."_

_Carol slowly smiled. "I would certainly love to meet my new niece."_

_He bent down and picked her up. "Carol, this is Penelope or Penny Jane Blake. Penny, this is your new aunt, Carol Peletier." _

_Carol grasped her little fist. "Hey, Penny."_

_Phillip looked over her shoulder at Ed who looked in on them, and Phillip shifted his gaze to his daughter then to Carol. He shook his head and didn't look back at Ed or at the woman who didn't know what she was getting herself into._


	32. Dare You To Move

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

––

"What do we do?" Carol frantically whispered to Daryl, paralyzed.

"He ain't just gonna leave."

"We can't open the door either, Daryl!"

He sighed. "Just hide. Get Sophia and hide somewhere. He doesn't know I know y'all are here in Georgia, let alone that y'all are stayin' with me. Just hide, stay quiet and take those pictures with you."

She yanked the pictures down on the wall and silently hauled ass up the stairs. She remembered the vent in their bedroom that he used to hid stuff in. They would hide in there. She slipped into the bedroom, locking the door just in case, and she popped open the vent, gently setting the pictures inside. She was so grateful Sophia didn't keep as many animals out in the open anymore, so she tossed Dee Dee and Ethan inside.

She scooped Sophia up, smoothing out the sheet and crawling inside. Sophia woke, so Carol let her go and adjusted the vent, sliding back just in case. "Baby, I need you to be really quiet."

"What's going on?" Sophia sleepily murmured.

"Shh." Carol held her in her arms, moving as far back as she could, rubbing Sophia's back as she gripped her Mom's arms, peering through the holes in the vent. Carol couldn't hear their conversation, but she knew that Daryl wouldn't let Phillip inside or Ed. She just hoped he was alone, because she didn't want Daryl to get hurt. If Ed had sent any assholes like the man who attacked her with Phillip, she was going to walk into his office and shoot him pointblank. She wouldn't even blink.

"What can I do for you?" Daryl leaned in the doorway to block Phillip from entering the house.

"I need to speak with her," his voice was low, as if he was thought someone would overhear, as if he was scared.

Daryl drank in Phillip, not wanting to forget the face of the asshole who let his bastard brother beat his woman and bruise his child. He was tall and slender with neatly combed brown hair, murky green eyes that seemed to be shielded, and his lips pressed into a thin line. This was the detective brother of Edward Peletier. Half-brother, anyway. He wasn't even intimidating.

"I don't know what you're talkin' 'bout. Just me and lil' Bella here." He nodded his hear to the kitten that came to rub against his feet. She wasn't fond of the outdoors, so he didn't worry about her trying to run out. Sophia had turned that cat into a fat, loved, ball of lazy. "I don't date neither."

"Don't play games with me, Daryl Dixon. I need to speak to her. This is important. It's about Penny and my wife, Elizabeth. Please—"

"It's late, and I gotta an early shift in the mornin'. I think you oughta head home." He picked up Bella and started to close the door.

"Tell her what I said!" Phillip pleaded before the door shut.

Daryl locked up and listened, hearing Phillip groan loudly before stalking off. His car drove out of the driveway then down the street and out of hearing range. He turned and made his way upstairs to Sophia's room as Carol climbed out of the vent, and she looked him over, relieved to see he was all right. He set the cat on the bed and took Sophia from her.

"He's gone."

She nodded. "Not for long, I know." She sighed. "I'll deal with him later. For now, I have promises to keep. I have to go shopping for Amy's debut. I will not wear slacks or a skirt; I want to look decent, so I can pretend that's why people are staring at me."

He smirked. "You'll be beautiful either way."

She smiled. "I already love you, Daryl, you don't have to try and win my heart. It's always belonged to you."

Before he could respond, Sophia protested grouchily about her mother's comment, and Daryl snorted at her grumblings. Carol smiled widely and set her hands on Sophia's cheeks, assuring her that she, too, had Carol's heart, and then they took her into their room to sleep tonight. Carol locked the door just in case, setting Bella on the bed, Sophia cuddled Dee Dee to her chest, and Daryl placed a kiss to his daughter's forehead before changing into his nightclothes with Carol in the bathroom.

"How does it look?" Carol asked, her back to him, referring to her bruise. "Still bad?"

He looked over the bruise near the small of her back, and he oh-so gingerly brushed a finger over it, feeling a shudder pass through her, and he suspected it wasn't a pained one. "It's turnin' black. It ain't that bad."

"Lair." She tugged down her nightshirt and gathered her hair into a ponytail. "Tomorrow, I'm taking Sophia with me when I go dress shopping, and to the shower too. On the day of Amy's recital, I want you to take her with you to the shop. I have some things to finish at the studio and the Greene Leaf, and I don't want her roaming off again. I don't want her out of our sight ever. I don't trust Phillip. Blood has always come first with him, that's one of the first things Ed told me about him."

He nodded. "Ty oughta be there. He works in the summer, so he can keep an eye on her too."

She picked up her toothbrush and met his eyes. "Right after the baby shower, I'm going to go see Rick. I have to find Ed before he finds us."

"Patricia or somebody can take Sophia for that time. They still got that RV, and they can take a trip so she won't be in town. Ed won't get her. I'll die before I let that happen, and I ain't dyin' any day soon."

"You know how to use a gun, right?" She leaned against the counter, and he nodded. "I have a gun, and if he or any of his idiots come here for her, use it, because they won't be knocking on the door. If they don't come to us before we leave, we'll let Beth or Patricia or whoever offers to take her have the gun to protect her and themselves. I refuse to let anyone else die, because of Ed. Milton was the last, and nobody—expect maybe me—will hurt my family."

––

Carol blew out a long breathe as she looked over dresses. Amy had decided to tag along to buy a new dress for the dinner her parents were taking her to after the performance, which Carol and her family were invited to as well. Paige and Sophia were running through the store, hiding behind the many differently styled hems and annoying the saleslady. Carol didn't care, they knew better than to rip anything, and they were just playing hide and seek. They weren't hurting anybody, and Amy had her eye on them just as Carol did.

Sophia ran over to her mom, panting. "Find anything?"

"Not yet." She stepped back. "So, hiding or seeking?"

"Seeking!" Paige tackled her.

"Okay, girls, bench." Amy joined them. "She's starting to come over here, so you two need to sit on the bench and act like the little angels I know are in there somewhere." She paused before adding, "I'll buy you both a milkshake on the way back."

Paige took Sophia's hand and led her to the bench by the dressing rooms, Amy let them have her phone to having something to entertain themselves with, and Carol asked for her opinion on a dress. She'd only worn dressy dressing when she was with Ed and she had no choice but to go. She didn't know what looked good on her anymore, and Amy was good at finding dresses that looked really good on people. She's the one who picked out Andrea's dress.

"Okay, why don't you find a dressing room and I will bring dresses to you."

Carol bit her bottom lip. "I—I guess, but keep an eye on the girls."

"Always, now scoot. I would like to have lunch before I'm thirty."

Carol stepped into the dressing room and sat down, crossing her legs and watching the girls as she didn't pull the curtain shut. She laced her fingers together, resting them on her knees, and she sighed softly. She had to buy some type of bracelet to hide her wrists, because people would stare at them. She didn't want the attention they brought. She was happy when her old pancake makeup covered the bruising nicely—sadly, she knew it would. She just had the bandage on her forehead, and luckily the swelling has gone down on her jaw, so it was all right. Her legs weren't that badly bruised, but she couldn't wear a short dress just yet.

She had to visit Shawn after this then the farm. She needed to see which one of them could get away from work to take care of Sophia, and for that, she had to tell them about Ed. She was ready now. Before, she felt as if she had no choice but to tell them. She didn't know she had a choice. She **always** had a choice, and it was time she remembered that. Ed wasn't going to destroy the life she was building here. He wasn't. If he tried, she would destroy his businesses and his future if it was the last thing that she did to him. She was done being submissive to him and to the memory of him. This was her life, and she was done wasting it on him.

Amy brought her a dress that was sleeveless, black, long with an inset hourglass beaded waist. It was perfect. It didn't show her back or her legs, so those bruises were covered, and it was a little long, but heels could fix that. It was just right, and it only took her about ten minutes to find it unlike Carol who had taken an hour and found nothing. She was beyond pleased to see Carol liked it a lot, and Sophia and Paige both approved of it.

"I just need two bracelets, and I'm done." Carol adjusted her belt as she changed back into her clothes. "Thank you, Am. I probably wouldn't have found anything if you hadn't come with us."

"That's what I'm here for." She grinned. "Now, I need you tell me which dress looks better."

"I'll be out here with the girls. Let us know when you're ready." She stepped out of the dressing room and noticed someone watching them. She knew it wasn't the asshole who had attacked them, because it was a woman. She frowned and told Amy to hold up as she walked out of the store. She ran over to where the woman was and grabbed her forearm in such a tight grip that the woman actually cried out.

"Who are you? What do you want?" Carol growled.

"Let me go!" She looked around, but no one was paying attention to them. The woman was small, a little older than Carol, probably twenty-six or -eight, and she looked so pale. Her hair was a dirty blond, and it appeared to have no been washed in quite some time, and her brown eyes were wide and full of fear. She wasn't here for Carol, that was for sure.

"What's going on?" Amy ran over to them after making the saleslady watch the girls. "Who's this?"

Angry boiled in the woman's eyes. "Amy." It was spoken through clenched, slight yellowed teeth. She was watching Amy, not Carol.

"Do I...know you?" Amy looked the unfamiliar woman over.

"No, you don't know me."

"Can't I say I'm not relieved to hear that." Carol released her. "Who the hell are you? Why are you watching us?"

"I ain't watchin' you, just her." She didn't look away from Amy. "Just wanted to see who was so special... Tsk, you ain't."

"So special...? Is there an end to that?" Amy pressed, crossing her arms. "Did I do something to you?"

"You don't remember me, but I was there the day you left him."

"Him?" Carol stressed the word. "Him who?"

"Merle?" Amy asked. "You—you were the woman he'd brought home."

The woman nodded.

"Why are you watching me? I am no longer with Merle. I haven't been with him in years, so I don't know what your i—"

"He moved," the woman cut her off. "He's changed. I don't see him around no more. Don't lie to me."

"H—he moved?" Amy frowned. "Where? Out of town?"

"No, he's still...in this town, but he ain't right 'cause of you."

"Is—is he all right?" she demanded. "Isn't right how?"

"Mommy!" Paige ran over to them. "Mommy, I need to go to the bathroom!"

"Wait, baby. What happened to Merle?"

"Oh!" Carol grabbed a tissue out of her pocket and held it to Paige's nose as it bleed. "Nosebleed. I'll take her."

"Oh, I get it now." The woman scoffed. "That's his kid, isn't it? He cleaned himself up 'cause of her. He threw me out, 'cause he had you."

"Merle threw you out? We're not together," Amy insisted. "Yes, he is the father of my child, but no, we aren't getting married nor are we starting a relationship. I am in a relationship with somebody else, so if you'll excuse me—and I don't care if you don't—my daughter needs me. Or Carol's daughter needs me." She turned and went back to the store. "Stupid bitch."

She just grabbed her favorite dress and paid for both her and Carol's dress. She then held Sophia's hand as they went to the bathroom to find Paige and Carol. "Hold these, sweetheart." Amy wet a paper towel and bent down. "I've got this. Thank you, though."

"You're welcome." Carol smiled at Sophia, who looked horrified at the blood on the tissue and Paige's shirt. "It's okay, honey."

"She's dying!" Sophia stared. "Oh, my God! That's too much blood, Mommy!"

"She's not dying. It happens sometimes."

Amy tossed the bloody wad into the trash and handed her a new one, wiping at the blood on her chin. She kept thinking about Merle. He straightened up and got a job. That would explain why he was so clean when she saw him all those weeks ago. She was impressed. Merle wasn't the type of man who worked then went home to sleep and wake up to work again. She knew he didn't want more with Paige, so did he just decide it was time for him to straighten up his life? She hoped so. She didn't want him to get into any more trouble. The Andrew thing was as close as she wanted him to get to death. It still made her cringe to know that Tomas was so twisted that he had another man bash in Merle's head, toss Andrew's blood on him after he beat Andrew to death. He almost got away with it, but the person in charge of the case was relentless. He found the man's bloody clothes and then the man, who was wasted at John's. She was glad she burned Merle's clothes. There was no evident left to be found, because she cleaned it thoroughly then the maid cleaned it. Damn fireplace was immaculate.

"This shirt needs washed." Amy folded it as Paige dug the hood out of the back of her hoodie. "I'm glad it was raining enough that you had to bring that. Also glad it was hot in there." She stuffed the shirt into her purse. "All right. I promised milkshakes, let's go get 'em. I have some bracelets you can wear, Carol."

"Thanks."

Carol drove them home after they drank the milkshakes and talked about the dinner Allen and Maura were taking them to; Amy hung up her dress in her closet and Paige changed out of her hoodie. She closed the doors to her closet and found her daughter in the doorway.

"What's up?" She gestured to her bed, removing her sneakers, and Paige plopped down onto her back on the end that was short to her mom. Amy joined her once her shoes were off, and she stacked her hands on her stomach, looking over at Paige. "What do you want for dinner? Andrea's working all night, so we're fending for ourselves."

"Fried pickles and chicken."

"Blek! I only like pickles when I'm pregnant, but I will get it for you. I think I'll take a salad with grilled chicken, which means Fee has to come and make it for me."

"I love Fee!"

"Me too." Amy smiled.

"...I love Merle too," Paige admitted. "I love him, because of what you've told me about him."

"That's not something to be ashamed of. He's your father."

She pursed her lips then sat up. "Is Fee going to be my dad too?"

"What?" Amy laughed then saw how serious she was. "No, no, no, no! No, he's not going to be your father. Why do you think he's going to be your father, Paige?"

"'Cause you're always with him whenever you come and get me, and you're always smiling and laughing with him. He makes you happy, and...I want you to find a dad for me who makes you happy."

"Felix is a good man, and he does make me happy, but I doubt he'll be my husband one day. He could be your father figure one day. How would you like that?" She reached over and brushed Paige's hair to the side.

"Very much." She smiled.

"Heh. I am going to call Fee, and you are going to find a movie for us to watch." She hopped up and grabbed her phone off the nightstand. She followed Paige into the living room, calling Fee and inviting him over to help her with dinner. She was too lazy to go out, and they had the ingredients here. Plenty of ingredients.

"You couldn't have called me at a better time. I'll be over there in ten minutes."

"Thank you. By the way, Paige may have a conversation with you about being a father figure, so just go with it."

"Oh, there's some pressure, Am. It hasn't even been a year yet. Or even two months."

"Just shut up and come food for me."

"Fine, but I demanded sex for this."

She laughed. "Yeah, okay, sure. Ten minutes, Fee."

"Yes, Master. I will be there soon, Master." He hung up.

She slipped her phone into her front pocket and plopped down beside Paige on the couch, making her bounce. Paige looked at her, and Amy sighed. "Fine, I ate _four_ cupcakes at your friend's birthday party."

Paige giggled. "No, you're just sitting on my hand."

"Oh." She shifted. "Sorry."

They watched a marathon of horror films that Andrea had left out, and Amy noticed how Paige wasn't repulsed by all the gore. Amy wasn't exactly fond of it, but she didn't close her eyes and plug her ears. Paige was so calm about it, Amy squirmed a little from it, so Paige probably got that from Merle. He loved horror. That was his favorite genre.

Felix arrived twenty minutes later, Amy and Paige had helped themselves to caramel popcorn, and he just dropped beside them and shoveled in a handful. They watched the rest of the movie then began dinner. Felix's mother was a chief, so he knew how to cook many different types of food, so he made Paige's favorite meal then their grilled chicken salad. It was so pretty, Amy and Paige weren't sure if they wanted to disturb it.

"Eat it or be in the next dinner I make." Felix took a drink of whiskey.

"Yes, sir."

"And the veggies," Fee told Paige. "All of them or no dessert."

She nodded.

Amy mouth a_ thank you_ over her glass of water, and he gave a nod.

––

"Okay, I need to burn off that dessert." Amy flipped through the songs on her iPod, clicking her tongue against her teeth. It'd been an hour since they ate, and she could move again without feeling the food just sitting in her stomach, so she assumed they could too. If not, she was dancing alone. She was in such a good mood that she didn't care if she had to dance alone, and she was in the mood for one particular song: _Who We Are_ by Imagine Dragons.

As the song began to play, Fee looked over at Amy, but not Paige. She was too busy with her puzzle, and she knew her mom loved to dance to this song anyway. He was on his feet and came up behind her, taking her hand in his. They both chuckled and began to dance.

Paige did look up from her puzzle when they laughed, and she watched Fee and her mom as they danced in the living room. She giggled at them, setting the puzzle piece down on the table.

Amy released his hand and moved the coffee table aside. "C'mon, Paige!"

She slipped out of the chair and joined them.

"Don't you dare act shy now," Felix teased. "C'mon."

She inhaled and they all just started to dance randomly, letting the music and laughter fill the room. Amy didn't care how she looked, she just wanted to be silly and laugh with them. She didn't even care if they were laughing at her or with her, although she knew Fee was laughing at her, but he was doing just as bad she was. It was fun to cut lose and not follow routine, and Paige was making them look even worse, because she had moves that Amy had never seen before. They used to dance all the time, and not once did Amy see them. Amy decided to question later and cheer her on now.

"Go Mama Bear." Fee's back came against hers.

She laughed and danced against him.

"Nice jeans too."

"Nice ass." She smacked his ass. "It's huge, by the way."

He gave her ass a nice, big but painless smack, and she laughed again, pushing hair out of her face.

_**Why won't you save us, what we are,**_

_**Don't look clear. It's all uphill from here.**_

_**Ooh.**_

Merle peered in through the open blinds, seeing Paige and Amy dancing around the living room, and he spotted another man in the room. He was dancing with Paige, and Merle eyed the man who was touching his daughter. He was tall, very thin, but he had muscles too. He had dark brown hair with deep brown eyes and his lips were a little too scarlet. He suspected Amy had kissed him, because it was the same color as her lipstick.

His jaw tightened as the man bumped his back into Amy, watching them grind against each other then she smacked his ass, and his hand twitched the man did the same to her. She just laughed and pushed hair out of her face, and he clenched his jaw, stepping back when Paige looked out the window. Shit! He'd noticed her looking around for him sometimes, and he always tried to make sure she didn't see him. He just wanted to make sure they were all right. After Mason told him about Tomas' thug, he didn't want them to go after his little girl. Amy's little girl. Goddamn, he needed to get it straight. Paige was Amy's, not his. Amy's. Christ, Amy wasn't even his. She and the ballet boy were together, it seemed.

He peered over once more, the ballet boy had his hands on Amy's hips now, his pelvis against her ass, and Merle wanted to burn the boy where he stood. Not only was he dancing like that with Amy, but he was doing it front of his daughter! Amy's daughter! Goddamn, he was just pissed!

He stalked off before he kicked in the door and knocked the ballet boy's pretty white teeth down his throat.

_**Because it's who we are.**_

_**Doesn't matter if we've gone too far.**_

_**Doesn't matter if it's all okay.**_

_**Doesn't matter if it's not our day.**_

Gareth watched Amy with the man and the little and he watched the man who watched Amy with the man and little girl, and he chuckled darkly.

"_Call me Paul." He gestured to the cot beside him. "Sit, please."_

"_Paul?" She took a seat. "Is that your real name?"_

"_Nothing throws people like the truth."_

"_Let's cut to the chase."_

"_Please do."_

"_I need you to help me."_

"_I know that look." He chuckled. "He left, eh?"_

"_This isn't about **him**. It's about you and me. **I** need your help, so here I am." _

The baby girl-child was his, the same his who she lied about. He chuckled again. He knew. She looked just like him, sensed like him, and he knew he couldn't get close. He had to wait, had to plan. Of course he would plan. He would plan well. He would be back. No girl would stop him. He would get to her, both hers, and he wouldn't stop. Simple: drug and take, drug and take. No, no, no, no. Challenge: fought back and ran, fought back and ran. New plan: drug, kill and take. Yes, drug, **kill** and _take_.

He chuckled again as Merle stormed off, and he lifted his eyes to the little girl again. "Paige Merrill Harrison. Harrison, Dixon. Dixon, Horvath." He fingered the locket. "Sophia Nora Dixon. Peletier, Dixon. Dixon, Harrison. Harrison, Greene." Too many names, too many options. Harrison and Dixon, he decided on.

_**Why won't you save us, what we are,**_

_**Don't look clear. It's all uphill from here.**_

_**Ooh.**_

– – –

"I brought the mule." Carol thrust her thumb back at Daryl as she entered Sasha's house for the baby shower that was to be in four hours, but since Shawn had forgotten to bring chairs and tables in last night, he had to rush to do it today. Carol brought Daryl to help with the heavy lifting. "Hey!" Carol hugged Sasha. "What can I do?"

"Help me with this baby."

"Baby?" Carol looked over and saw a baby sitting in a carrier on the table. "Aww. Who is this?" Carol set her purse on the floor and scooped up the little baby girl.

"Judith." Rick stepped in from the back yard. "The youngest."

"You guys have another child?" Carol gaped. "And I wasn't informed?"

"That's on Lori." He held his hands up. "I have to help with the heavy liftin'." He bolted to get away from her, but not before Carol saw the pain in his blue eyes. There was a story there.

"I know it's been years, but I don't know why Lori wouldn't tell me about her." Carol shifted the baby in her arms. "Then again we really didn't talk all that much at that party or...after. I should call her."

"She's coming to the shower. You can talk to her then." Sasha glanced over as Shawn and Rick and Daryl laughed outside. "They will never get anything done."

"Go and scold them then tell me why Judith is here."

"Five seconds." She walked out. "Shawn!"

Carol felt the baby reaching for her necklace. Daryl had went out and bought her a little heart necklace with a silver chain to temporarily replace her lost one; just to have something there, he said. He did it while she and Amy were dress shopping, and he presented it to her that night. It was really sweet, and she loved it, but she would get her locket back. She knew she would, but until then she would make sure Daryl knew how much she appreciated the necklace, even if it took hours. "No, Judy, no, no." She pulled the necklace away from her.

"I think I crushed his male pride." She rejoined Carol. "I didn't know he had one."

"Me neither." Carol laughed.

"Where's Sophia?"

"She's at home with Maggie. It's still early, and I want Sophia to get some sleep, and Maggie had some free time, so she accepted." Carol pointed her index at the baby in her arms. "How'd you get her and not Carl?"

"He's at the dentist, and Rick brought her with him, because Rick offered to help and didn't want to leave me with only Shawn since we didn't know if Daryl was coming. Lori didn't want to leave Carl alone with the dentist, because he's scared of the dentist."

"I see. Well, I'm happy to have her."

"Good, because I need to work on these gift baskets." Sasha pursed her lips at the question Carol's eyes. "I just hate people giving me gifts, so I make these. I have issues, I know."

"It's sweet. Once Shawn gets done, he can help. Daryl too."

"Because I can see Daryl trying to neatly place bath balls and scented candles into gift bags."

Silence filled the space as images poured into their mind of Daryl embracing a feminine side and delicately placing bath balls into gift bags then smiling with pride as he adjusted curled ribbon. They both died laughing, Shawn arched a brow as he and Daryl brought in a table, and neither Sasha nor Carol couldn't look at Daryl directly.

"But she can laugh?" Shawn scoffed. "Ah, it's better that way."

Daryl said nothing, just glanced over at them once more before heading out to help Rick.

Sasha took a seat as they slowly stopped laughing, and Carol read over the note Lori had written about Judith. She was a little sadden that Lori hadn't mentioned the baby, especially after telling her about Carl. One would assume having a baby would be one of the first thing you tell an old friend. She severely doubtedl Lori forgot, so...why not tell Carol? Did she think Carol wouldn't care? Speaking with Lori was a little strained, but she never once thought it was because Lori was mad at her or didn't trust her. Shit, they really **did** need to talk. God, if her list got any longer, it would wrap around the damn earth!

"I know," Carol replied to the baby's burbles. She pulled the baby back and looked her over. She looked a lot like Lori, but something was off about her eyes. They were like Lori's, but not quite Lori's. It was strange. They had a tint that didn't belong. They weren't at all similar to Carl's eyes or Rick's. It was odd. Maybe she was imagining it. The baby was beautiful, of course, but it made Carol wonder about things she probably shouldn't. She wasn't worthy to judge anybody, only God.

Shawn and Daryl and Rick brought in all the tables, Sasha gave them some water to drink and Daryl wondered where Carol was. He heard laughter, but from the baby, and he walked to the backyard. He found Carol outside in the grass with the baby, smiling widely and happily, bringing a light to her beautiful eyes and lightening her angelic face, her hair falling in her face just right. He'd never seen Carol with a baby before, but as he observed silently, he couldn't help but smile and hope to see this again one day.

Carol laughed and dropped her face onto the baby's little tummy to place a kiss there, and she pushed herself up onto her knees. "You gonna stare all day or get over here and talk?" She looked at him through her hair, smirking.

"Wondered where you went to," he explained.

"Well, you found us." She sat back on her legs. "I assume you've let Judith Grimes."

"Nah." He walked over to them and crouched down. "Judith? What kinda name is that?"

"Hers." Carol tucked hair behind her ear. "She's so precious. I love babies, and I hate that I missed most of Sophia's being a baby. Oh, so you're cute. Yeah, you are." Carol giggled.

"Why'd you miss it?"

"Ed and...a little bit of depression." She met his eyes. "When I had Sophia, I was...numbed by it. I wasn't thrilled, you know? Bouncing off the walls happy, that came later. For a few days, I just felt...really sad. I missed Ethan."

He set a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"You weren't there." She shook her head. "Don't be sorry for anything that happened those four years." She picked up Judith and rose. "I think I should head in and help. Do you wanna take over?"

"What?"

"Easy, Daryl." She began to put Judith in his arms. "She's a baby, not a football. Here, support the head. Here, I'll grab this." She took the bottle of water and positioned his arms. "There you go. Have fun." She opened the bottle and drank from it as she went inside.

"Carol!"

She poked her head out. "Consider it practice!"

"For what?"

"That thing call the future." She winked and disappeared inside. In two days, they would have one together officially and no one was going to take it away. She smiled at Sasha's progress with the gift baskets. "Wow, how many people are coming?"

"Just twenty." She pointed to the purple baskets. "These are for you, Beth, Maggie, Michonne and my mom, along with a regular basket. I just want to thank you all for being here, being supportive."

"Why me? I haven't been here at all. Gosh, I really hardly know you, Sasha."

"That's not true. You have been here." She smiled. "And you have time to get to know me. I'll be here with the twins, and I could really use help. You know, babies and feedings, and I don't have anybody to watch Shawn."

She chuckled. "I'll be here."

"I am good with babies," Shawn corrected. "I took care of Carol when she was younger."

"I had to eat the hard candies Mom and Dad left in the dish for guests when you watched me, because you forgot to feed me!" Carol shot back. "You're the reason I got a cavity."

"Yes, but look at that smile. It's beautiful." He backed out of the room.

"All right, I'm gonna run home to get Sophia and your gifts then I'm coming back." Carol scratched her arm. "Daryl has the baby, and he's going somewhere with Shawn and Rick, so tell him where I went, because Mag has to shower and get ready. Like ten minutes ago." She grabbed her purse and ran out the door. Shit! Maggie would never let her forget that she was late. Ugh!

––

Music, light chatter and little kids and adult laughter filled the house as people enjoyed themselves at Sasha's shower. She was pleased that everyone had made it. Everyone who really meant a lot to her were there: Michonne, her mom, Carol, Beth, Maggie, Lilly, and Donna. She could hear Andre and Carl playing with Sophia and Paige in the backyard. She kept glancing back to make sure they were all right. She told them not to play near the pool, and they weren't, but she was nervous. Andre was capable of watching them, being about four years older, but still, she worried.

"So?" Carol asked nonchalantly, sitting by Maggie at a table, legs crossed with a glass of water.

"It's in my trunk," Maggie replied. "It'll fit you good. I took the liberty of findin' a...a-hem to match."

"Thanks, Mag." She smiled. "And I will tell you all tomorrow why I need this and the training."

She smiled. "That better be a promise."

"It is." She smiled back, seeing Lori alone finally. "I'm going to get some water. I'll be back." She dumped her water into the plant by the kitchen and waltzed over to Lori. "Hey."

"Hey yourself, stranger." She smiled a little over her drink. "So, you'll be an aunt in...what? Three weeks? Two?"

"I haven't kept track lately." Her brain was too busy with thoughts of Ed. "How have you been?"

"Good." She nodded. "You?"

"I've been busy. Since my mom died, Dad's all but given me the Greene Leaf, and I have to keep up with it. It's a little dizzy, and I guess the recent spikes of violence aren't helping my business either, but I hear we have great coffee." Lori laughed, and Carol sucked a breath in through her teeth. "But luckily I've taken some time off, and I'm going to regroup and then open in October."

"I'm sorry about Annette."

"It's all right. She's at peace now, and we're here, celebrating life that will be here in a few weeks, so that helps."

Lori smiled a little. "Okay, selfish, but please tell me you'll be making those pumpkin cakes? They're so good! I ate so many during my pregnancy, I'm surprised the baby wasn't the color of a pumpkin."

"Judith, you mean?"

Lori stopped smiling. "Yes, Judith." She dropped her eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me about her? She's absolutely precious, and we used to tell each other everything. You were my best friend."

"Let's not talk about this." She began to walk away, but Carol grabbed her forearm. "Carol, please."

"No, I want to talk to you about this."

"Fine." She led her to the front porch, because she didn't want Carl to overhear. "You want to talk? Let's talk. You and I were supposed to go to college together and be roommates and—and go to parties just to laugh at how wasted the other underclassmen got."

"I was pregnant by that time, and married. How can you be mad at me for that?"

"I am not mad at you for Ethan or for Daryl! I was happy for you! I just—You didn't just push away Daryl." She licked her bottom lip. "We had been friends for as long as I could remember, and I never told you, but you were my first best friend. I trusted you with everything in my life, and I loved you like a sister. When I found out you had lost Ethan, I wanted to see you. I went to see you, actually."

"When?" Carol started shaking her head. "I don't remember this."

"How can you not? You sat there and just degraded me! You mentioned every secret I had to the entire room and laughed about it! You ripped up the flowers I brought as well!" She was glaring. "I trusted you, and you just betrayed me."

"I—I have no idea what you're talking about, Lori. I never—I never saw you."

"I guess you were too busy mixing pills." She sighed. "I—Sorry, I didn't mean that. I understand that losing Ethan was difficult, but you took it out on everybody. You pushed me away. Pushed us all away."

"Then why are you telling me this now? Why didn't you find me the minute I stepped into that party and scream this at me?"

"Because you were right. Everything you said about me was true." Her voice caught, and she covered her mouth with her hand. She whimpered and tried to hide the tears.

"What did I say? What did I say?" Carol tried to comfort her as they sat down on the steps. "I'm sorry! The pills made me numb, and—and I'm just really sorry."

It took a long time for Carol to calm Lori down enough to talk. She was so upset about things Carol didn't know about, that nobody really knew about, and it was killing her. She'd known Carol all her life, and when she left, Lori had no one. She and Andrea fell out after high school, and she couldn't talk to Rick about her problems, because she just couldn't. She had no one to turn to and then... Oh, God.

She exhaled shakily and ran a hand through her hair. "We're getting divorced this September."

"What?" Carol exclaimed. "Why?"

"Because I had an affair with his best friend." She met Carol's eyes. "I got pregnant."

"Oh, my God." Carol gasped. "You mean, Judith—"

"Is Shane's little girl, not Rick's." She nodded. "I don't know how it happened. God, we were just talking. It was normal talking about Carl's birthday, and I made a comment about how Rick probably wouldn't remember then Shane snapped and told me he would. We argued then I went inside, and he followed, apologizing about his tone and then...somehow he was holding me. I don't why I kissed him. Maybe it was because Rick hadn't held me in weeks, maybe because I was just vulnerable at the time, I can't say."

"But...you didn't stop there, did you?"

She shook her head, gasping in a small breath, wiping at her eyes. "Over the next few weeks, Shane would come over when Rick was at work and Carl was at his friend's or at school. I never tried to break it off either. I didn't want to. God, I was considering doing that until Shane found someone he wanted to settle down with. I'm so horrible to have done that to Rick."

"Hey, hey, don't. People make mistakes, and we're stupid. Really stupid sometimes, but that's just who we are. That's what makes us human."

"What human makes love to another man in the same bed she made a son with her husband?"

Carol was silent.

"Tsh, human." She shook her head. "I'm just a bitch."

"Do you love him? Rick, I mean."

"Of course I love him. I just... I don't know. I love Shane too, I guess."

"You guess or you know?" Carol peered at her.

"I know." She looked at Carol with teary eyes. "Why are you asking me that?"

"Because if you loved Rick, you wouldn't love Shane. I think...it's better for you two to divorce. Don't fight it."

"What do I tell Carl?"

"That you love him and that this changes nothing. You're still his mother, and Rick is still his father. You just—you have to see the good in this. You just have to."

"What good? My husband is leaving, because I'm a horrible person."

"You have a beautiful baby daughter," Carol reminded her. "And she'll be so loved by you and by her big brother Carl and by Shane too. You know he wants to be in her life. That's how Shane is—was—is. I don't know. It's been too long."

Lori laughed weakly. "He wants to get married once the divorce is final, raise her right." She wiped her nose on her sleeve. "I don't know. It's all just a mess. We haven't even told Carl. It's been six months since Rick decided he wanted a divorce."

"But Judith isn't even—"

"He did the math," Lori cut her off. "We hadn't slept together in weeks, and he figured it out. He didn't know who it was until Shane...came over and discovered I was pregnant. He realized it then and left. He's been staying in an apartment ever since."

"I've seen Rick and Shane. They're friendly. I know they are."

"Because Rick blames himself and me, and he puts his job before anyone else. He doesn't bring his personal life into work with him, but he did request a change in partners. I know a while ago they got into it, had a really bad fight, but they agreed the job came first." She dried her eyes. "This is my fault. I ruined a lifelong friendship, because I missed being held. I wish it never would've hap—"

"Don't you dare!" Carol snapped. "Don't you dare try and wish that affair away, because there is a sweet little baby in there that's life shouldn't be wished away!" Carol was screaming. "How dare you? You feel bad about the affair, but so what? It happened! You move on and raise that little girl, because she needs you! How could you be so cold as to sit there and say you wished that affair hadn't happened! Especially to me, of all people!"

"What's going on out here?" Andrea stepped out. "We heard the screaming."

Carol couldn't look at Lori. "It's nothing. Let's just go inside. It's about time to open gifts."

"Car—" Lori gripped her wrist.

Carol jerked her arm back. "Go cry to yourself, because nobody wants to hear you wish that child away!"

"I wasn't wishing her away! I was just—"

"Don't try and change her, because she is perfect the way she is! Cherish her and accept the consequences of your actions." She walked back inside, her anger vanishing at the sight of Sophia playing with baby Judith. She smiled and her hand went to her necklace. Maybe one day in the future Sophia could play with her own baby sister or brother. Maybe.

––

Carol helped throw away the trash from the shower with Michonne as Andrea and Amy headed out, saying goodbye and taking a few of the cute little mini cakes with baby booties in icing on them to go. Sophia and Andre were shoulder-to-shoulder on his tablet, playing some game, and they were having fun with it, because they were laughing and grunting when they messed up. Carol hadn't spoken to Lori the rest of the night, but she did see Lori spending quite a lot of time with the baby. She wasn't going to hold Lori's hand and help her through it, not when she regretted having Judith. Carol was fine having only Amy and Andrea as friends and now Sasha too.

"I still can't get over how adorable these are." Sasha held up the two little bears Carol had made for the twins. "Thank you again, so much."

"You're welcome." She smiled. "I'm just glad you like them."

"I love them. I'm tempted to keep them for myself."

"She never learned to share," Michonne commented. "We would go out with our moms, and I shared all the time, but she was stingy. It was all "that's mine" and "don't touch my stuff". She smacked my hand for trying to touch one of her favorite snow globes."

Sasha covered her face with the bears, embarrassed.

"I know the feeling." Carol folded a tablecloth.

"You were like that?"

"No, Shawn."

"I can't see that." Michonne set the folded tablecloths on top of Carol's.

"He was a chubby kid," Carol confessed, "and he would steal my cereal. Mom would give me some then turn her back to make breakfast, and Shawn would steal a big handful. I would cry and point at him, but Mom thought I was jealous about not getting eggs and bacon. No, the asshole stole my damn _Fruit Loops_! Every single time."

She laughed.

"Oh!" Sasha set the bears aside. "I almost forgot. I have those baskets for you two."

"Free stuff. This is why I came." Carol smirked and sat down.

"Here you two are." She handed them out. "Enjoy."

"Should I be worried?" Carol removed the bow and moved the wrappings aside, seeing a few samples of massage oil and a few lotions and some lacey unmentionables. "I'm more alarmed that you know my bra size than anything else in here."

She laughed. "I'll tell never tell my secrets."

"Tell me this." Michonne held up a skimpy, white lace design piece of lingerie. "Who the hell I am going to wear this for?"

A couple days after Andre turned seven, Larry and Terry had died in a car accident, because they were under the influence. Thankfully, the people in the other car weren't too badly injured, though ever since, Michonne hadn't been with anybody. She just raised her son and focused on him, and Sasha thought she'd waited long enough to go out and date somebody. She was giving her a push. Hopefully, she took it.

"Umm, well—"

"Really? You're goin' to give me that?" Rick scoffed as he and Shawn entered the house. "No, you can do it yourself. Some of us are too—" he cut off when he saw Sasha, Carol and Michonne in the living room and his eyes went to Michonne and the lingerie. "Um, sorry." He blushed a little. "We shoulda knocked."

"Aww, look who's tongue-tied." Shawn slapped a hand on Rick's shoulder. "Ladies."

Michonne smirked. "Shawn." She crossed her arms, resting the lingerie in her lap. "You can move the tables now. I'll help."

"No, we got it," Rick assured her.

"I said I'll help." She set the lingerie in the basket and rose. "Even if the Greene Leaf isn't open, these tables and chairs need to be returned, and the sooner the better, so I'm helping."

"Well...all right then."

"Where's Daryl?" Carol glanced between them.

"He's outside with the truck, opening it," Shawn answered. "He's alive, don't worry."

"With your driving, I worry."

"I will wrestle with you," Shawn promised. "I will snap you like a twig."

"I've been training with Maggie, remember?"

"Oh, yeah? I can and will run like a woman," he promised. "Let's move these tables."

They all laughed, even Sophia and Andre who only heard what Shawn said, then Michonne and Rick carried out a table then Daryl came and helped Shawn with another. Carol nonchalantly slipped the gun and holster into her basket while they moved the tables and chairs out, and she took a deep breath. Soon, it would be over. It would all be over. It made the world spin to think in less than forty-eight hours she would be free of Ed Peletier. It made her a little sick too, but in a good way. She was going to divorce him and never look back. She wouldn't waste another thought on Ed in two days. God, that felt good. The storm was about to end, finally.

––

"So, what did we get?" Shawn sat beside Sasha on the couch once everyone had cleared out. "Anything good? Anything we'll burn and pretend we never got?"

She smirked. "Nothing like that. We have anything we need and plenty of clothes. Seriously, these kids will dress better than us."

He smiled. "That's for insulting my clothes."

"Well, they are horrid," she teased.

"I'm too tired to respond." He sank into the couch.

"Where did you three go anyway?" Sasha reached over and moved his bangs from his hair.

"To your parents' house. We hung out with T and Ty." He closed his eyes. "You? How was the shower?"

"It was really good. I'll admit it made me miss spending time with my friends, going out and drinking, but I'm really—" she cut off at the sound of soft snoring, and she looked over, seeing her husband passed out beside her. "Shawn?"

He was out.

She smiled a little and kissed his forehead. "Good night to you too."

– – –

Carol spent the morning of Amy's big day telling her dad and siblings about Ed and the abuse. She had edited it for them, because she didn't want them to chase after him with guns and knives, but it was still horrible. She could see the rage behind their eyes, but not one of them looked at her with disappointment or hate or disgust. They looked at her with love and then they each gave her a hug to let her know she was loved and it would be all right. She couldn't stop crying at the reaction, and she had to excuse herself for a moment.

She returned to the living room and explained her backup plan to them. She'd told them her plan. She was going to see Rick shortly after this and try to sway to him abuse his power as a cop to find Ed—hopefully, dropping Mag's name helped—then she was sending Sophia with Hershel—he demanded to be the one to protect her—tomorrow morning so she'd be safe, and she and Daryl were going to find Ed and talk to him. She mentioned the training, so she could defend herself, and she had a gun for protection, just in case it went south. She was prepared, and they seemed to admire that. She was glad. She was terrified they'd think she was being stupid. She was so relieved they didn't.

She drove to the studio where she was meeting Amy. She was so excited about telling Amy, and she wanted to do it alone. Daryl was working anyway, and Sophia was Dale and his wife today, so she wasn't worried about her. She was in good hands. All Carol had to worry about now was trying to convince Amy this was a gift and could not—would not be accepted back. It was hers, and Carol wanted her to have it. Amy deserved it.

She parked and whizzed up the stairs, too excited for her own good, and she found Amy inside. "Hey!"

"Hi!" Amy hugged her. "So, what's up? Why are we here? When do we eat?"

Carol laughed. "You're hungry?"

"I'm starving, but I'm scared I'll throw up on stage, so I'm trying not to eat. Andrea would chew me out, and Fee would shovel food down my throat, and I know you'll freak on me too, so that's why we're eating after this. I seriously need meat."

"Okay, Amy, breathe."

She inhaled deeply and exhaled it then did it two more times. "I am not okay. I'm scared, Carol, but I'm so, so, so happy! No, I am ecstatic! I'm going to perform for the first time in years in front of my friends and family and strangers, and my parents are going to make it and—and—why is the room spinning?"

Carol gripped her wrists and steadied her. "You breathe, and I will talk." She released her and gestured to the room. "Welcome to your new dance studio!"

A beat.

Amy looked at her, a laughing expression on her face then it faded into one of shock then to one of guilt then she was just pale. She couldn't stop staring at Carol, and Carol tried to keep the big smile and arms out, but eventually, her arms started to ache with a dull burn from being held in the same position for too long, and she dropped her arms and smile. She eyed Amy, bending over to wave a hand in front of her eyes, and Amy inhaled deeply.

"Holy shit. My what?"

"I saw how happy you were to have taught the girls that dance, and I know you don't want to spend your life performing in front of strangers, so I bought you this with my inheritance."

"You—and your inher—on me?" Her voice broke and tears flooded her eyes. "No, no, I couldn't possibly let you—"

"You will and you have no choice in the matter. This is your place now. We can paint it and move in benches. And there's a room for an office! It's very spacious." She grinned. "We have painters coming in, thanks to Dale, who is paying for them, and they want to do whatever you want them to."

She hugged her, having only happy tears, and Carol gripped her tightly. "Thank you." She sniffed. "I'll repay for you this somehow."

"It's a gift. You don't owe me anything."

She released her. "Yes, I do. Now, is there a bathroom? I didn't wear waterproof mascara."

"Through there."

She went to the bathroom to fix her makeup, Carol smiled at how much Amy liked it, and she waited for her, looking around and thinking of all the possibilities. Dale didn't care how much it cost to paint the rooms, the outside and add a sign; he just wanted to help make it Amy's place. Carol didn't tell Amy Allen was going to buy any furnishings she wanted and help reel in students. They were both just dying to help Carol surprise Amy, mostly because they wanted Carol to be the one to receive Amy's anger when they spent too much money on her, but she didn't care. She was all fuzzy with warmth to care.

"I'm thinking a pale blue." Amy sat beside Carol as they shared a pizza in the studio, the first meal there. If only the floor was the table. It was clean, Carol knew, but she liked to eat at tables.

"It's your place, but I like that."

She wiped her hands on a napkin. "I had sex with Merle." She looked at Carol.

"And how did that make you feel?" Carol teased.

Amy rolled her eyes. "Be serious, please. If I wanted Shawn, I would find him."

"All right, I'm serious. How did it happen? Where did it happen? How many times did it happen?" Carol arched a brow playfully at the last question.

"All right, you're twenty-five. Please."

"When?"

"Before the fourth, I was seriously desperate. I went on with the biggest asshole at Andrea's office just to sleep with him, and I ended up moaning Merle's name when he kissed me, so that didn't work. I ran into Merle that night, and I just wanted to talk." She picked at the crust to her pizza, no longer hungry. "We talked for a while...then he made a joke about me needing to get laid and I teased him back, but he offered, and I didn't hesitate."

Carol took a drink of pop from her can. "Were you drinking?"

"A little Scotch, but he took mine from me and drank it. He had about three."

"That's like a warmup for Merle."

"I kept telling myself that it just sex. I've always told myself it's just sex." She met Carol's eyes. "Then Paige looked at me yesterday and told me she loved Merle because of what I told her about him. I came this close to saying I love him too." Panic filled her green eyes. "Love, Carol. Love!"

"It's all right to love Merle."

"I don't even know what love is, Carol. I was sixteen, an—and had no relationship to draw off of, so for all I know I'm just comfortable with Merle. He's been there for me these past five, six years, and I don't want to pressure him, because I don't know if it's love or convenience. I don't want to trap him." Her eyes burned. "I just... There are things, little things, that make me question that though."

"What things?"

"When he kisses me or touches me, it's...like my entire body wakes up. When that asshole kissed me, I felt nothing. He just...felt like a substitute, you know. He wasn't who I wanted, and I kept telling myself that it was only Merle, because he was the last man I was with, but it wasn't true. I wanted Merle. I craved Merle." She shook her head. "I don't know why I felt that way, and it's eating at me, especially since I almost told Paige I loved him."

"Did you?"

"Honestly? I think I did deeply, but...it was too hard. It was too dangerous, and I ran. Not far enough apparently."

"Talk to him."

"It's not like Merle has a phone. Don't give me his number, I already tried to call him last night. Voicemailed me." She pulled her legs in. "I wonder if it'd be worth it to fight for him."

"I think so."

"See, I feel like I've already lost." She sighed softly. "And you know what really throws me?"

"What?"

"The last time we had sex that night, he was...tender. I think that's the first time I've ever considered me and Merle making love." She shrugged a shoulder. "I doubt it was anything. By that time, we were both exhausted, so I'm going to say he was exhausted. It's far less complicated that way."

"You wore him out?" Carol teased to lighten the mood.

Amy smiled at the gesture. "Completely."

"Well, good job."

"Shut up!" Amy hit her shoulder, and Carol laughed. "If I wanted someone to ask me how it was, I would talk to my sister."

"How was it?"

"Carol!"

She laughed.

– – –

Carol placed the pizza box into the backseat and closed the door. "If you want to speak, don't be shy. I know you're there."

Phillip walked over to her, and little arms wrapped around her waist. "I brought my daughter."

"Auntie Carol!" Penny cried. "I missed you!"

Carol turned and hugged her. "Hey, Penny! Oh, you got big! Look at you!" She smiled and held her a little tighter. "How are you?"

"We need to talk," Phillip said before his daughter could answer. "I'm on your side, Carol. I swear to God, I am on your side, but we need to talk. Please, it's important. It's about Ed."

"How can I trust you?"

"I wouldn't have brought Penny here if it was safe for her at home, now would I?"

She nodded. "Come home with me then. You already know where that is."

They met up at her house, Carol warmed up two slices of pizza for Penny and poured her a glass of pop as Phillip set a box on the coffee table. She was glad Daryl was at work, and that Dale had taken Sophia out for the day, because she didn't want either of them here for this. She'd even given Penny his phone to entertain herself with. She didn't want her to hear whatever Phillip had to tell her, and she didn't want her to see her aunt threatening her father. If came down to it, Carol would fight him too. If it meant keeping Daryl and Sophia safe, she would gladly fight.

"Ed sold the house," Phillip told her, opening the box. "He moved to New York last week for business purposes, but it's more than that."

"What do you mean?"

He held a folder out to her. "He bought a house out of the city, and he's gotten cleaned up. It's not like Ed. He was...broken by your leaving with his daughter. He couldn't just snap back. I know my brother. He wouldn't unless he knew it was coming back to him."

She flipped through the pictures, seeing the new house. It was lavishing, all of Ed's tastes that disgusted her, and she saw several women in the photos. She felt bad for them, but oh well. She had enough to worry about. She saw the address on a picture and studied it, searing the letters into her memory. "So, he's normal now?"

"I guess you could say that." He sat beside her. "He's planning something, and I won't let my niece get hurt. I've lost too much to let her get hurt."

She lifted her eyes. "What do you mean?" She saw the pain in his eyes and frowned. "Phillip?"

"He... He killed my wife." He covered his mouth with his hand. "Elizabeth's dead, because I didn't tell him where you and Sophia were."

She swallowed. "How long have you known where we were?"

He shrugged, trying to catch his breath.

"Why did you keep it a secret? Because of Sophia?"

He inhaled roughly and met her eyes. "Because of you. I—I owed you. I knew what Ed was like. I've always known, and I should've told you that day when you came over for dinner. I knew Ed would've snapped at me if I tried to tell you, and now..."

She exhaled softly. "Sophia isn't Ed's daughter, Phillip. I was pregnant with her before I met Ed."

"What?" He was breathless.

"Do you regret not telling him or me now?" She searched his eyes. "You don't have to answer me, just yourself." She rose. "What's in this box?"

"Just...pictures and—and addresses of the house and of his office."

She nodded. "Good. I'll need them." She set the folder inside. "I am sorry about Elizabeth. She was good person, and I loved her. You have my condolences." She closed the lid to the box. "I wish I had more to say, but I don't, not to you anyway. I am sorry, but you put my family at risk by coming here."

He shot up. "I drove here. I made sure Ed didn't—"

"Ed already knows where I am!" Carol shouted. "I know you know he does! Stop lying! Stop trying to get my sympathy! I have none for you, because I know you were helping him! You're the reason Axel died!"

Penny turned the volume up to the music, not wanting to hear the yelling.

He clenched his jaw. "Yes, I did help him, but I stopped!"

"Not before an innocent, good man lost his life!" She glowered. "You're a bastard."

He scoffed. "Think what you will, but know that Ed will come for you two sooner or late, whether or not Sophia is his child. He'll kill you. He's out of his mind, Carol. He sent Gareth after you."

She paled. "That—that was Gareth? He attacked me in my shop, but I fought back and he ran off with my necklace. Do you know where he might be? Do you?!"

"No, Gareth is unstable, but intelligent. He's the best at many things, and I can't find him. I've been trying, because I want my daughter to be safe, but I can't find his name, where he's staying—nothing!"

"Why would he hurt Penny?"

"Because Ed wants blood, and Gareth is his weapon. It'll all fall on Gareth in the end, and Ed wants to make me, make us, suffer for what we did."

"Gareth likes children?"

"Little girls." He nodded. "He likes to "play games". We have files from a case where the bodies of six girls around Penny's age were found mangled up in the woods. What he does is brutal, especially if the little girl has his "special attention". He's a smart son of a bitch, because we have no forensic evidence, no witness, nothing. We'll never catch him... What?" He studied her face.

"He took my Sophia." She set a hand on her stomach, as if to still the wave of queasiness that shot through her at the thought of what he could've done to her. "He... Oh, God, he was the one who made her hide from me. I thought—Oh, my God! He could've taken her! He could've—could've—" she cut off, shaking her head. He didn't. He didn't. That's all that mattered. He only played with your head. She's all right. She's all right, breathe!

"He was near her?" Phillip growled.

"She's fine. I don't think he wanted her. He was just messing with me." She crossed her arms, feeling her heart in her stomach. Sophia was alive and safe. He wasn't going to get her again. "Look, I've got a plan for my daughter, and I don't need you to try to protect either of us. Besides, she's not your kin."

"I love her like she is, and that's enough for me." He shook his head. "Look, I—I just want to make sure you two are all right and...if you'll do me a favor."

"Yes, let me assist the man who killed my friend, didn't tell me I was going to marry an abusive asshole and practically led his brother to me."

"It's for Penny," he spoke through clenched teeth. "I can't stay here another day. He'll get suspicious, if he isn't already, and I won't bring her back there. I need you to keep her safe, please! Please, I am begging you!"

She looked over at her niece. "You don't have to beg. Of course I'll keep her safe."

"Thank you." He sagged with relief. "I don't care what happens to me, just as long as she's safe."

She nodded. "You need to go. I have plans tonight, but after I will pick Penny up from wherever you're staying. I have plans of my own, and I can include Penny in those plans. She'll be in good hands."

He nodded. "I'll write the directions down."

Carol rubbed her arms, swallowing hard and waiting until they were gone before she cried about Elizabeth's death. She was close to Elizabeth. They did a lot together and for each other. She was her friend when Karen was busy with Milton's company parties. She was good to Carol and Sophia. She was really sweet and patient and strongly disliked Ed. She was the only person who really hated Ed enough to let Carol vent from time to time and not tell him. Now, she was gone. Penny was motherless. That poor child.

Saying a prayer for Elizabeth and Penny, Carol pushed off the door and scooped up the box. She had some time, and she had studying to do. She would know her prey before she went hunting. If Ed wanted blood, maybe talking wasn't going to be enough. How many people had to die to appease him? She was done playing games. If it came down to it, she would make sure that number stayed at three.

– – –

Daryl sighed as he wrapped his arms around his woman, hearing her let out a soft breath of slight annoyance as it was the second time he'd done it that night, and she still hadn't gotten anything more than her bra and bracelets on. They were running out of time, and Carol still had to check on Sophia and make sure their plans were in order for tomorrow. She just felt sick and nervous. No, dizzy and nervous. Eck!

"You keep gettin' smaller and smaller," he murmured.

"No, I'm not." She turned her neck to nuzzle her forehead into his neck. "I am, however, getting a little scared."

"Don't be." He tightened his grip on her shoulders. "I'll be right there with you. I ain't gonna let him hurt you."

She'd told Daryl about Phillip's visit, and they both agreed she would pick up Penny after dinner tonight and let her stay with Amy, just in case. Andrea could handle a gun, and she was tough, so was Amy. They could keep her safe and if it was a trap to lure in Sophia, they would make Phillip pay for trying to hurt her. They were both willing, and it made Carol feel proud to be their cousin. Now, it was just about getting Sophia to the RV tomorrow without Phillip knowing or Gareth seeing. It was going to be hard, but they would do it. They had no choice, not anymore.

He kissed the top of her head. "Lemme know if you need help with the zipper."

"Down or up?" Carol teased.

"For now, up." He stepped back. "Gonna check on Sophia."

She nodded and looked at herself in the mirror. Tonight was the end of it all. No more hiding, no more games. It was going to be just the three of them very soon, and Ed wasn't going to get away. She wasn't going to let him. Either he agreed to their deal or it was all over. She would find proof that he killed three people. She would. Phillip was looking, and so were the police. Sooner or later, he would have to stop running and face the truth, like she had to. She was either going to become a widow or she was going to get divorced. She'd rather have justice than vengeance, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

––

Carol sat with her legs cross in the dark theater, watching her baby cousin perform, but all that played in her head were Ed's words. He always thought he knew best, but he didn't. She wasn't going to take his bullshit anymore. She was done taking it. She had a man in her life that deserved the very best of her, and she wasn't able to do that because he still had that part of her. She couldn't forgive him to get it back. Her mother was right, but she just couldn't forgive him, because he not only raise his hand to her, but to her daughter, and he killed Axel and Milton and Elizabeth. How could she forgive him for that? How could anyone forgive him for that? He took away sons and a daughter, a mother and a husband, friends. It made her almost consider the latter. It was so tempting, but she was going to do this the right way.

She shifted in her seat, Daryl's hand never left her knee, and she peered over to see Sophia watching. She and Paige would nudge each other, gasp and giggle and make comments Carol couldn't hear. Andrea tried to keep them quiet as to not disturb the people around them, but they were in awe of the whole thing. Amy's parents were watching as if they didn't want to forget a single thing. It was a little strange, but it'd been years since they'd seen Amy dance. Carol had to admit, Amy was awesome tonight.

In the back of the theater away from the little girls' laughing softly and onlookers commenting softly, stood Merle Dixon. He knew it was just a little harmless dancing here and there, but he couldn't stand to see that prick touching Amy in any way, especially after what she and he had done. He thought...but no. They were two different people, and Amy would never want that from him, just Fee. Good ol' Felix Manning. Tsh.

Merle left with the intention of getting shitface drunk.

– – –

"That was amazing!" Carol hugged Amy. "You did so great!"

Amy laughed. "Thank you!" She hugged Andrea. "Oh, I am so, so, so happy you all made it!" She hugged Dale then Sophia and Paige, and she saw her parents, her heart dropping to her knees. She was out of breath, and she threw herself at them, hugging them both at once. She wasn't expecting them to make it, but they had. They were there for her. They didn't let her down. They came!

"And I get no introduction." Felix smiled. "Hello. I'm Felix."

"I've heard so much about you." Carol returned the smile. "I'm Carol."

"I'm starving," Paige grumbled before anything else was said. "Can we please eat?"

"I love this kid." Fee laughed. "I'm starving too, and if I had to wait through the hugs and tears and introduction, I would wither away."

They exited the theater and went to the restaurant where Allen and Maura were paying for dinner, no one had a choice in the matter either. Amy and Felix began to tell them about how many times they'd messed up in rehearsals and how relieved they were they didn't tonight as the server filled their glasses with champagne, Paige and Sophia both received sparking apple cider, so they wouldn't feel left out.

Allen smiled. "And you weren't hurt?"

"No, Dad, I wasn't." Amy crossed her legs. "Felix was very kind and got me an ice pack."

"It did, however, take half an hour to trust me again." Felix took a drink of champagne. "I had to sweet talk her. I also had to bribe her too, actually."

"When have you ever bribed me?"

Carol shifted in her seat, the cool metal of the bracelets on her wrists knocked together, and she felt her phone vibrating in her purse. She ignored it and listened to the conversation, feeling Daryl's hand slide over her lap and grip her thigh, squeezing it comfortingly. She set her hand over his, skimming her thumb over his knuckles softly, and she gave him a soft smile.

"All right, you two, cut it out," Dale teased.

"Seriously," Beth added. "There's a meter of how much cuteness I can handle, and you're about to break it."

Carol giggled.

"Yeah, you're stealing Amy's attention," Shawn playfully scolded them. "And dude, stop looking at my little sister like that!"

"Shawn, really?" She pointed to Sophia. "I doubt there's much—"

"I'm about to eat," Shawn cut her off, covering his ears. "Don't even!"

"And there are minors at the table." Amy nudged her head toward the girls. "So, Hershel couldn't make it? Maggie either?"

"Daddy had plans with Otis and Patricia tonight," Beth explained. "Mag's...working. Glenn sent flowers to your house from both of them, though."

"They didn't have to do that."

"I'll take them," Fee offered. "I can give them to my mother. Maybe she'll learn to love me again. She didn't take the news well, so now I'm an orphan."

They stared at him.

"He's kidding!" Amy assured them. "He's totally kidding!"

It took a minute for the conversation to go back to normal, Carol never let go of Daryl's hand until the food arrived, and Carol wondered if Maggie was helping Hershel prepare the RV. That's the real reason Daddy didn't make it. He wasn't one for ballet either. He wanted to make sure his granddaughter was safe, so he was probably buying food and some type of ammo. He knew how to shoot, but he just didn't like to. Ethan wasn't fond of guns either, but he kept one at the house just in case. They found it by accident when she was and Shawn were snooping through their bedroom trying to find their Christmas presents before they wrapped them. They were horribly nosy, and Shawn was the one who found the gun. He was the only one of them that could reach the top shelf without a stepping stool. As soon as he pulled it out the case, Mom walked in and freaked out on them. Shawn nearly dropped the gun she'd scared him so bad.

_Mom..._

Her hands traveled to the necklace that wasn't her locket. She sighed softly, feeling a knot in her stomach as the night got later and later. She had to meet Phillip right after she dropped Daryl and Sophia off at home—she didn't want Sophia to know they were in town—and took Penny to Amy and Andrea's. She was going to hold Sophia tightly in her arms tonight and pray that wouldn't be the last time.

"I just want to thank you all for coming tonight," Amy announced during dessert. "I really, really appreciate you all taking the time to—" she paused, trying not to cry, but she couldn't help it. She'd never really felt good enough to be apart of the Horvath family, but they'd taken the time to come see her debut and take her out to dinner and gushed over her. It was just too much.

"Aww." Maura slid her arm around her daughter's back and rubbed her back gently. "It's all right, take your time, darling."

"Just...thank you all so much." She smiled at them.

"Someone give the girl a damn tissue," Shawn said.

Amy laughed as Beth and Maura offered her tissues, and she wiped her eyes, looking over at her daughter, who was smiling at her. They'd made it. Everything was going to be all right from here on out. She had quite a few people to thank for this, and she needed to start with the person who helped her when she needed it the most. If he ever showed up again.

– – –

Alone in her house, Amy looked over herself in the mirror to her vanity, feeling pride in herself for the first time in a long time. She had a studio that just needed a little TLC, but otherwise was perfect and would be ready very soon. She knew her parents and Dale were ready to help her when she asked, and she might never ask, but it was really nice to know they were there for her. And Carol. She hadn't had a friend in such a long time, and knowing she had one as great as Carol added to her happiness. She was just really blessed.

She'd done so well tonight. Her daughter and sister and family and friends were all there to see her, and for once, Amy felt like she'd done something that made them proud too. She always felt like a such failure as a child, but now...she felt like a success, no matter how brief it was. She had done very well. She had flowers from her parents, Glenn and Maggie, Dale and Andrea in the kitchen to remind her how well she did. Until they withered and died. She had the feeling, and that would be with her. As will be Paige, who looked at her with pride.

She set her earrings down inside her jewelry box, smiling to herself, and she heard a knock on the door. All right, it was more like a pounding on the front door. She removed her heels quickly as to not keep the person waiting with her pained wobbling, because these heels were new and evil and tortured her poor feet—whoever made them hates feet and wants to see them die. They were probably filled with her blood.

She hobbled as fast as she could to answer the door, wondering if Andrea had forgotten her key. She knew Andrea and Paige had gone stargazing after the after-performance-dinner, and Amy was going to join them soon. She just needed her Converse and for to digest her dinner. Oh, and for Carol to drop of Penny. She wondered if Andrea forgot the telescope. For someone so smart, she was so forgetful. You'd think she'd have come up with a system to help her to remember. Although Andrea probably didn't have enough force to knock like that, did she? She was butch, but not that butch. Right?

She opened the door and found Merle on the other side. "Merle?" She was stunned to see him, and it wasn't a good stunned. He looked absolutely horrible. He wore a black wife beater with a tan button-down shirt and cargo pants and a bottle of something alcoholic dangled in his fingers. His eyes were wide and dark. Oh, no. Did he fall off the wagon? That slut told her he was doing well. Now this? God, Merle, what happened?

He ran his eyes over her. "Damn, you look mighty fine." He tossed the bottle behind him, it shattered onto the walkway, and he grasped her hips, kissing her neck.

"Merl—Merle, stop it." She pushed on his chest, trying to get him back. "Stop!"

"Mmm, love when you're feisty." He chuckled, she groaned at the wave of hot alcoholic-filled breath that hit her and shoved him back with her all her weight. He stumbled backward, knocking the door shut with his body weight, and he chuckled again. "You done good tonight."

"Thank you so much, and if you weren't completely intoxicated, I would offer you a hug or possibly a drink, which I may need to get through this." She smoothed down her dress that he had hiked up with his grabby hands.

"You need a stiff one?" He made a jerking off motion by his groin.

"Merle, please, you're wasted. Let me take care of you, all right?" She picked up the phone to call a taxi or maybe Daryl to come and get him. "I'll get you some water."

"I don't want water." He gripped her ass tight, almost painfully tight, in both his hands through her dress. "I want you, Am. C'mere."

"Stop it, Merle." She nearly dropped the phone, but she tightened her grip and managed to get free. "You're being vulgar, and you're being an ass! Just get off!"

"What, do I scare you?" He stepped toward her.

"No, of course you don't scare me." She held her ground. "You've never scared me, so stop trying. Just sit your ass down on the couch and let me get you some water and call you a taxi."

"I see." He eyed her. "You and pretty boy are bumpin' uglies, ain't you?"

"Merle, that doesn't concern you."

"That's a yes. He any good? Don't look like he got much."

She rolled her eyes, ignoring him now. He didn't know what he was talking about, and she wasn't going to talk or listen to him while he was besotted. "You're just drunk, and I doubt you have any money on you, and neither do I, because Andrea has my purse. Umm, I guess you can stay here tonight. I'll prepare the guest bedroom. Andrea will probably burn the room afterward, but try not to break anything, please." She doubted Daryl needed to see him like this tonight. They had enough problems, and she wasn't going to add Merle to that tonight.

He pushed her against a wall, she groaned at his weight slamming into her, the phone falling from her hand and landing on the floor in pieces. He ran his hands down her body. "He ain't ever gonna know your body like I do." He gathered the soft material of her dress.

"Merle, what are you doing?" She searched his eyes as her dress was being tugged up passed her thighs. "Are you going to force me to hurt you? I don't want to hurt you."

"Yeah, you do."

"No, I don't. Now, stop this before you do something you're going to regret."

"Too late for that." He tried to kiss her, but she turned her head, so he gripped her thighs and lifted her up.

"Merle!" She gripped his neck tightly, locking her thighs around his waist. "Oh, my God! Put me down!"

"End of the hall, right?"

"Merle!" She pushed hard on his shoulders, trying to get free, her thighs hanging low on his hips. "Put me down right now! You know you don't want to do this!"

He said nothing.

"Merle, please don't do this. You can have me sober, you know you can, so stop this. Please, please don't do this!" She struggled to get free, and he eyed her. "Please, just put me down. You know you don't want to do this."

"Amy?" It was Felix. "Am?"

She felt the muscles in Merle's back tense against her palms, and she shook her head. "Merle, no."

He dropped her and went over to Felix, she grunted and scrambled to her feet to stop him, but she only made it in time to see Merle punch Felix in the face, knocking Felix on his ass. She grabbed his arm to stop him from hitting Fee again, and Felix groaned, covering his nose with his hands.

"Stop it!" Amy glared at him, giving him a good shove. "You asshole!" She dropped to her knees by Felix. "Let me see."

"Who's the brute?" Felix asked as she inspected his nose.

"Merle, this is Felix Manning, my dancer partner. Felix, this is Merle Dixon, the...father of my child." She apologized when he groaned in pain. "It's not broken, at least."

"You let this guy have sex with you? And you let him knock you up?" Fee looked him and scoffed. "Really? Thought you had better taste, Am."

"Merle, don't," Amy snapped at him when he started to walk toward them. "And yes, I did let him. He's a very proficient lover and a massive jackass too, especially when he's drunk. C'mere." She helped Felix stand up. "Go to my room. I'll bring some ice and whiskey."

He headed back to her room, and Amy stepped in the way when Merle started after him.

"You need to stop right the hell now, Merle Dixon!" she growled. "**How dare you!**"

"How dare I? Tsh, how dare **you**?"

"How dare I what? What the hell I have done? I danced with a guy, because it's my job. It's not like it was a lap dance either. It was ballet!" She glared. "I can tolerate you feeling me up inappropriately, because I know you, and you weren't going to hurt me. You would've let me go, and I can forgive you for that. But Fee?" She shoved him with all of her anger and strength, and he stumbled a little. "Punching Fee was a dick move! God, you're such an asshole! I can't even look at you right now! Get out of my house!"

He swallowed hard, sobering at her words. "He means that much to you?"

"I love him, so yeah, he means a lot to me." She pointed her finger to the door. "Out! That night a couple weeks ago was the **very** last time! You have no claim on me, Merle! None! God, I'm tired of men acting like I'm property! I am just so freaking done with men like you!"

"Men like me? You're gonna compare me to Tomas? Are you shittin' me, Am?"

She folded her arms over her chest. "I am sorry that we ever had sex after I had Paige. I truly am." She paused to settle her rough breathing. "Do you want to know why I named our daughter Paige?"

"The hell does that got to do with anythin'?"

"I named her Paige because our life was a new chapter in my story. A chapter that wouldn't involve you and your bloody, drug world. I think it's time I live by her name." He paled a little. "If I were to die, I wanted Paige to go to you, but not anymore, not if you're going to act like this. If I die, she's going to Andrea or to Carol if Andrea's gone. I am going to relinquish your rights as Paige's father somehow. We aren't friends or—or two people who occasionally get together to shag anymore. **We are done**."

He blinked at her then his face hardened. "You're a goddamn bitch, Amy."

"And proud of it." She opened the front door. "Be a man for once and just leave silently."

He scoffed and walked out the door without another word, slamming it so hard the wall shook.

She released her breath and stood there for a moment, panting as a tremble ran through her, and she couldn't breathe. Lowering herself down to the floor, she tried to catch her breath. She saw tears splashing onto the wooden floor before she felt them filling her eyes, and she coiled up, her forehead touching the cool surface. Oh, God, no. Did that just happen? Did she just say those things? Oh, God. No, no, no, no. What the hell did she just do?

"Fee!" Amy cried out. "Felix!"

He ran to the living room with a stiletto ankle boot as his weapon since that's all Amy had in her room. "Where is he?! I'll kick his ass!" He dropped the boot instantly at the sight of Amy on the floor and dropped beside Amy, setting a hand on her back. "Amy?"

She wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm so stupid." She dug her nails into his back. "I'm so horrible."

"What happened?"

"I—I didn't mean to... I didn't mean to say—"

–––

Carol knocked on the motel door where Phillip and Penny were staying, her hand on the switchblade in her pocket should anyone else open the door, and she offered Penny a smile when she opened the door. She stepped inside, closing the door and seeing a pink backpack on the bed with a gun beside it. She set a hand on Penny's shoulder as Phillip exited the bathroom.

"Right on time." He smiled a little. "She just finished packing."

"We should go. I don't want to linger." She picked up the backpack. "I'll let you two say goodbye."

"We already did." Phillip looked pained at having to part with his daughter. "Have fun, Penny. Tell Sophia I said hi."

"I don't want to go!" Penny shouted. "I wanna stay with you! Please, I'll be good!" She clung to his waist. "Daddy, please don't make me go!"

"Penny, we talked about this."

"No!" she sobbed. "No!"

"Penny, please, you promised."

"I don't wanna go! You can't make me!"

Carol dropped the bag down onto the bed and took a seat on the bed. "Hey, c'mere, honey."

"No!"

Carol set a hand on her back, she looked over at her aunt, and Carol smiled softly, taking Penny's hands in both of hers as Penny turned to face her then Carol pulled her closer. She wiped away her tears. "I know you just lost your mom, sweetheart. I know it's the hardest thing you've ever had to go through, and you don't really understand it." She tucked hair behind Penny's ear. "I can't promise you it'll be all right. I can't promise you'll feel better tomorrow. I can't promise anything but this: Your dad and I will make sure the man who took your mom away from you is punished. He will **never** hurt anyone else again. I know that doesn't mean much to you now, but one day, it will make this loss a little easier."

Penny studied Carol for a long time then nodded.

Phillip ran a hand through his hair. "Why don't you go wash your face, Penny?"

"I don't want you to leave me too," Penny whispered.

"He won't," Carol assured her. "When we get back, he's going to take you out for pizza and ice cream, and you tell him all about the fun we had."

"Do you promise?"

"I promise." Carol hugged her.

"I promise too," Phillip swore.

Penny wasn't happy about leaving, but she went to wash her face like she'd been asked to do, and Carol gripped her backpack, waiting by the door. Phillip reassembled the gun and made sure the safety was on. He held it out to Carol, she eyed him, and he stepped closing, taking her hand and curling her fingers over the gun.

"Just in case."

She met his eyes and nodded. "I won't hesitate." Amy and Andrea wouldn't either.

"Thank you for doing this for me."

"Let me tell you this, Phillip: I am not doing this for you." She met his eyes. "I'm doing this for Penny and for Elizabeth. This has nothing to do with you and I do not want your thanks."

He nodded.

Penny walked over to them and gave her dad the tightest, longest hug, and he kissed the top of her head, reluctantly letting her take Carol's hand and leave the room. Carol didn't look back, just gave her niece an encouraging smile and led her to the car. She had to prepare tonight, and the sooner Penny was safe with Amy the sooner Carol could plan on getting her daughter to the farm unnoticed.

At Andrea and Amy's, Carol knocked and found Andrea folding a blanket up while Paige scooped out ice cream. She saw a telescope by the window, so they probably were stargazing. It was odd that they were back from stargazing so early. Their dinner ended less than an hour ago, and it was a clear night. What happened to change their plans?

"Hi, what's going on?" Carol asked Andrea.

"Merle." Andrea smiled at the little girl. "You must be Penny. Hi."

Penny turned to her aunt. "You're leaving me with strangers?"

"No, they're my family and your family too by marriage." Carol smiled at Paige. "Hey."

Paige returned it to be polite. "Hi."

"Where is she staying?"

"First door to the left," Andrea replied.

"I can find it myself. Thank you, ma'am." Penny gently took her backpack from Carol and went to the room to unpack.

"Now, I feel old." Andrea tossed the blanket onto the couch. "I have a five-year-old niece, and now I'm a ma'am."

Carol smirked. "We're the same age, and I don't appreciate you calling me old."

"Sorry." She closed the space between them. "We need to talk."

"Why? Can you not watch Penny?"

"No, no, it's about Amy." She crossed her arms. "Apparently Merle came by and was rough with her and Felix. Felix told me Merle was...possibly going to..." She trailed off, hoping Carol would fill in the blankets.

"Merle's a creep, but he's not a rapist."

"I know, but whatever he did really shook Amy. She's really upset. She won't even talk to me about it, or Paige, not that she would tell Paige about how bad Merle could get. All I know is she wants Merle's paternal right terminated."

"What? No!" She frowned. "Why would she do that? Merle may not be an ideal father, but he should still be able to be involved in his daughter's life!" She'd seen the way he held onto Paige at their pool party. She'd seen the look in his eyes when she walked away. She was wrong about him. He could be a good father. It would take time for him to realize that, but he would be a good dad.

"I can't lose my sister again, so I'm doing this for her. I'll speak with Dale, and we'll help her do this. If I thought Merle could change, I would defend him in a heartbeat, but I don't think he can."

She sighed. "All right, I'll talk to her about what happened."

"You can try."

Carol made her way back to Amy's bedroom, her bedroom door was ajar, and she pushed it open. "Hey, Am."

She lifted her eyes. "Hi." Carol placed one foot into the room. "If you think you can talk me out of my decision, just leave now."

"Can I ask why?"

"I'm doing this because I love my daughter more than anything in the world, and I will protect her with my last breath. I can't let Merle be in her life, because he's a bad influence. I don't want her to have the life I had. I've made too many mistakes before her and a couple after her, and I won't let her follow in my footsteps."

"Everything works out the way God plans it to."

"Exactly."

She sighed. "At least talk to him about it. He may change if he knew—"

"I'm not going to talk to him about her anymore. Or to her about him. I just need to focus on the studio and raising my daughter right now. Also keeping Penny safe. I can't think about Merle right now." She stood up and hugged Carol. "I'm sorry, and thank you for the studio again. I wish I could repay you. I'll find a way."

"I know how you can repay."

"How?"

"Repay me by telling me one thing."

"And that would be?" Amy released her.

"You told me you were in love with him, so...are you doing this, because you don't want Merle in her life or because you don't want him in yours?"

She laughed weakly. "Well, I am the more selfish of the Horvath daughters." Her eyes welled up. "Don't hate me for that. I hate myself enough for the both of us."

Carol shook her head and hugged her again. "I don't hate you. If you think this is best, I'll support you however I can."

She nodded then whispered, "Me and Merle have one thing in common: we both don't know what to do with love."

– – –

Carol sorted through her keys to find her house key on her way up to the front door, her head spinning at the thoughts that ran through her brain. She unlocked the door and stepped inside, closing it and lifting her head from her boot, sighing. Her eyes widened as she slowly stepped forward, examining the room.

In the dimly lit room, she could see stuffing from the couch littering the floor along with glass from fallen pictures frames and books from the shelves that lay in shambles. The coffee table laid in pieces with glass from the TV and wood from the entertainment center. The kitchen appeared as if a hurricane had blown through, and all of the glasses and dishes were shattered onto the floor, drawers were lying about with their contents resting among broken glass; the fridge door was broken, and even the wallpaper had been ripped from the walls.

"Daryl!" She shouted, panic filling her lungs, running to the stairs. "Sophia!"

She tripped on a stair, but didn't stop. She ran down the hall, first going to see her and Daryl's room. Perhaps Daryl was in there with Sophia, hiding or looking over the damage. She stepped into the room, seeing it was in disarray. There were no signs of Daryl being in this room. He wasn't in the bathroom or closet, and there was no note. They'd come up with a way to tell each other where the other was in case of an Ed emergency. They had a hiding place for a note that nobody knew about. There were no words, just a colored card. Red meant Ed, white meant random men Ed sent, but there was no damn note! There was nothing!

"Sophia!" She threw open the door to Sophia's bedroom. The turtle lamp shade was smashed onto the floor, so the light of the lamp was fully exposed and shined light in every dark corner on the floor. Carol drank in the room, shaking from the inside out. The sheets were all messed up, her books and coloring books tossed about with the colored pencils broken and Crayons stepped on; Dee Dee was lying on the bed completely gutted. The window had been kicked open and a cool breeze blew through the room, turning to ice as it settled into Carol's bones as she realized that this was never about her. The attack on her at the Greene Leaf was just to distract her from the real objective. It wasn't her.

_It was them. It had always been them._

_And now they were **gone.**_


	33. Saturn

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

––

Carol grabbed her passport and stuffed it into her purse. She didn't pack a bag. She didn't grab her toothbrush or hairbrush. She just grabbed her purse and Daryl's old hoodie. She headed out the front door and drove to the airport. She had business to attend to, and she was done hiding. If Ed wanted to play, she was going to play. No one, not any-fucking-one, will get away with destroying her home, taking her child and Daryl and walked away from the house like it was nothing. Asshole even took her damn cat! Ed made his move, it was time she made hers.

– – –

_**Live fast, die young. Bad girls do it well**_

_**Live fast, die young. Bad girls do it well**_

Arriving in New York, Carol headed first to ensure she looked the part. If Ed was going to lure her by taking Daryl and Sophia, he would keep them alive to continue the game. Besides, he wanted Sophia alive, and Daryl wouldn't let her out of his sight. She knew they were alive, she would know if anything happened to them. She would feel it. She was going to get to them before he did anything to Daryl. And he would start with Daryl, because he'd been with Carol physically. Carol knew Ed would take his time, but he had to keep up appearances, so he was at work or in a meeting or something like that.

Carol went to get her hair and makeup done. She was going to Ed's office to get his schedule then she was going to wait for him in his house, but she needed to know where he was going to be and what time. She had plans for him. After so many years dreaming of what to do to Ed and his precious image, she could finally employ those dreams. It was going to be such fun. He would have nothing, and she would have her family back.

_**My chain hits my chest when I'm banging on the dashboard**_

_**My chain hits my chest when I'm banging on the radio**_

Her next stop was a boutique. She couldn't walk into his office in jeans and a t-shirt, not if she wanted to let Ed know just who he was dealing with. She needed clothes, and with her inheritance, she could afford them. She knew the saleslady didn't think she could afford to be in there, but she still tended to her. Carol bought two simple dresses then left in one of them. She was glad her boots went with anything. She was headed to his office next, and he'd best hope he wasn't in there, because her boots might have to make sure his current girlfriend never bear his children.

_**Yeah back it, back it. Yeah pull up to the bumper game**_

_**Yeah with a signal, cover me, cause I'm changing lanes**_

She slid her sunglasses up and hailed a taxi, smirking with delight at the look he gave her. She was definitely ready for this on the outside, and her insides were doing pretty damn good too. It's been a long time coming, and she knew Daryl would keep Sophia safe, and Ed wouldn't let anyone hurt her anyway. He thought Sophia was his daughter, and he would kill anyone who tried to hurt her, so she was safe. So was Daryl. Ed would want to deal with Daryl himself. She knew that coward better than he thought, but he didn't know shit about her, who she was, where she came from. She was going to make sure he never forgot.

_**Had a handle on it. My life, I broke it**_

_**When I get to where I'm going, gonna have you saying it**_

_**Live fast, die young. Bad girls do it well**_

– – –

Amy and Andrea drank coffee at the island, watching Penny stare out the front window and Paige paint a picture of the bushes outside. The house was so quiet, and Andrea had taken time off work to make sure nothing happened to these little girls and Amy. So far, watching paint dry was more entertaining. Amy played with her braided hair, slowly zoning out, and Andrea tapped her fingernails on the island, sighing softly. She began to wonder what Paige would look like as a boy. All she saw was Merle's head on a little boy's body. Damn, that's creepy.

"How do we make this fun?" Amy whispered.

"I don't know. Let's catch each other fire."

"Stop watching _Friends!"_

"Okay, Ms. PMS, calm down and have a brownie." She slid the plate over to her. "I kinda miss Merle now," she murmured.

Amy stuffed a brownie into her mouth then went to the cabinet and found icing. She grabbed a spoon and smothered the second brownie in icing, and Andrea frowned now. "Amy, don't eat that."

"Why not?" She licked the icing off the spoon.

"Because becoming a diabetic won't make you feel better about what happened with Merle." She took the plate away from her. "Talk to me."

"And say what?"

"Anything! We're stuck here, watching these two, who are more boring right now than a documentary, and I would like to have something to talk about other than the fact that Micheal is spreading rumors that you're a lesbian."

"We don—What?!" Amy exclaimed. "Why is he doing that?"

"He does it to everyone he's dated. I suspect he's in the closet, but that's just me." She shrugged. "Talk and give me that icing!"

"Then give me the brownies. I need something."

She snatched the icing and closed it and replaced it in the cabinet. She pulled strawberries out of the fridge and tossed a banana at Amy then sat down. "Strawberries and banana boost your mood and give you energy, so munch away, Am."

She opened the container of strawberries. "For starters...I'm in love with Merle."

"I know." She took a drink of coffee. "That's why I was upset that you'd slept with him."

She bit into the strawberry and crossed her legs, watching Paige as she used her fingers instead of the paintbrush to paint. She could almost see Merle encouraging her to be bold in her painting, to not be held back by anything. She knew he would be a great father. He was a good man, he just didn't see himself as one, and that's partly why she didn't want him around Paige. He was just going to keep comparing himself to his father and eventually become the thing he fears the most. She couldn't let Paige be around him if that were to happen.

"Did you want to sleep him because you loved him?" Andrea asked.

"N...no." She bit her bottom lip. "I—I don't know." Her voice was soft. "Maybe."

"Okay. What's sex like between you two?"

"Andrea, gross! I am not going to tell you that! I won't even tell him that!"

"Not what I mean, Am. Is it just sex or making love?"

"There's a difference?" She picked at the seeds in the strawberry.

"Yes, there is. I know you know there is. Don't be childish."

"It was just sex before," Amy whispered, "but this last time...I think it was more. I don't—I don't know, maybe I'm just imaging things." She tried to keep tears out of her eyes.

"Did he hold you after?" She peered at her little sister's face.

"We were exhausted," Amy murmured. "He wasn't really holding me."

"Amy, please don't do that."

"I have to do that." She looked at Andrea. "That's how I'm used to us being. If he did make love to me, if he did hold me then...what the hell happens next? What was supposed to happen next? We have a child together, and Merle doesn't date or marry, so what's the point?"

"The point is—"

"I don't want to have hope that Merle will change," she interrupted her sister. "I don't want to plan out what might happen if he straights up his life and I stop fighting, because Merle slips all the time. He does his best, but that's never enough. It's like he needs alcohol or he needed drugs; it was never him needing me. I was just there, like the couch or the bed. My only purpose was to be used."

"I can't say I know what goes on in Merle's head nor can I say I understand what happened between you two while you were with him, but I can say that in five years, you never loving anybody else speaks in volumes."

"He's just my first love. I'll always kinda love him, right? These feeling will eventually go away. Once he's out of my life, and I don't see him every freaking day, I'll—I'll stop loving him." She searched her sister's eyes, tears burning in hers. "Right?"

She gripped Amy's hand. "You need to stop thinking about how Merle was before and focus on how he is now. If you think you can have a future with Merle...you should talk to him."

"And say what? "I love you, stop being a screw-up"?"

"No, help him with his drinking. Take him to meetings, help him abstain, just be there for him."

She swallowed. "What can I do? I'm just some girl he knocked up who happens to dance. That's it."

"And who happens to love him." She turned to face Amy. "All of his life, he's associated love with pain and anger. You know how Mason Dixon was to them. You need to teach him that love can be gentle and sweet. You're very loving; I don't know why you won't let yourself love Merle like you want to."

"Because when I tried, he came home with another woman. I can't handle that again. It was...like ice water to the face in the middle of a blizzard. Merle's never going to love me like I love him. I know he's not going to, and I really don't want to set myself up for more disappointment." She shook her head.

"If you don't take the risk for love, what do you take it for?"

"What do you know? You haven't been in a relationship since when?" She wiped at her eyes. "You don't know what this feels like."

"Actually, I have been through this," Andrea snapped. "I was in love with a man for a long time, but in the end, he was in love with someone else. I tried to be with him anyway, and it was a disaster. God, Amy, grow up and stop acting like a damn teenager. Your daughter can comprehend this better than you can."

"A—Andrea." Amy tried to grab her wrist as she stood up. "Wait! Please!"

"Don't!" She padded up the stairs to her office.

Penny and Paige watched them, Penny didn't want to be rude and ask what happened, because she didn't know them at all while Paige didn't like how sad her mom looked. She wanted to ask what was wrong, but she knew she would lie and say it was fine. Her mom always lied when something was wrong. She didn't know why, but she hoped she stopped. She was tired of lies.

"I'll be right back." Amy disappeared into the bathroom and sat down on the floor, burying her face in her knees and repressing an urge to scream. It wasn't fair. Love was supposed to be...easier than this, wasn't it? All of those stupid kiddy movies and shows teach you that love can get you through anything, but it wasn't true for her. It wasn't getting her through anything, not her love for Merle. And Jesus, it took her this long to even want to know that her feelings for Merle were, in fact, love.

_**I've been ignoring this big lump in my throat**_

_**I shouldn't be crying, tears were for the weaker days**_

_**I'm stronger now or so I say, but something's missing**_

She was scared to be in love with Merle. She knew how hard it was for him growing up, especially after Mason came by. Merle didn't bend for anybody, but he was for Mason. She knew Merle had issues with touch and affection, and she wanted to be there for him, but she didn't know how. How was she going to be there for him? He blocked her out all the time, and before she even wanted to try and get inside, it exhausted her to try and figure out what he was feeling. Mostly, she just turned his attention elsewhere and told herself that's what he needed. It wasn't what he needed. Sex wasn't love, not then. It didn't help him at all. It was just sex. Why didn't she do more? Try harder? Press him to tell her? She knew he would've gotten pissed, but she didn't even try. She just...left him there to struggle.

_**Whatever it is, it feels like it's laughing at me through the glass of a two-sided mirror**_

_**Whatever it is, it's just laughing at me and I just wanna scream**_

Was she scared of him? After watching him beat the shit out of Tomas and his group of assholes, did she subconsciously become afraid of him? Was she worried he would turn his anger on her and not in the way she liked? Merle was a big man, very temperamental and easily angered, but she knew he would never hurt her. He would grab her really hard, sometimes he would lunge, but he never went through with it. He would just stare at her then growl low in his throat and back off. The only the time Merle got rough with her was in bed, even then she sensed he was holding back. That's another problem they had. He always held back everything.

_**What now? I just can't figure it out**_

_**What now? I guess I'll just wait it out, wait it out**_

_**What now? Ohhhh what now?**_

She was open with him from the minute she met him. She tried to be as honest as possibly. She didn't give him all of the details about her parents, but she didn't think he'd care. He didn't see the type to care about a runaway teenager's problems, even when he asked. She just laughed and made up something. It would appear she wasn't always open with Merle. It was just with her parents, and he never talked about his parents, just that one time he thought she had wanted to kill herself because of him. She saw the scars all the time, but she never asked about his mom and dad, because he would give her this look, this heated glare, and she would stop looking at his scars. He didn't want to talk about Mason and the abuse, she understood that, but it was so hard to not ask when he would wake up in the middle of the night after having a nightmare.

_**I found the one he changed my life, but was it me that changed**_

_**And he just happened to come at the right time, I'm supposed to be in love**_

_**But I'm numb again**_

She was sleeping peacefully, deeply, and she heard a soft moaning beside her. She didn't want to wake up, but Merle was shifting. She opened her eyes and blinked a few times before she saw him clearly. His forehead was wet with sweat, his lips twitched, and his hands were gripping the sheet tightly. She touched him, and his eyes snapped open, his fist came so close to punching her. She gasped and told her it was him, and he looked her over. He didn't even say anything, just removed her panties and went. She knew he needed it, but she wanted to know why. What the hell had been dreaming about? Was Mason beating him in the dream? Was it the fire? She didn't have a clue, and when she tried to ask him what caused the nightmare; he brushed her off, took a shower and left the apartment. He didn't come back until noon, and he pretended like the whole thing didn't happen.

_**I found the one he changed my life, but was it me that changed**_

_**And he just happened to come at the right time, I'm supposed to be in love**_

_**But I'm numb again**_

She lifted her head and exhaled deeply, shaking her head. Even with all of that, all of the good and bad, she loved him. She loved him so much, and she kept trying to push that love off onto other people, like Fee. He was a good friend, and he was good to Paige, but he wasn't Merle. She was fond of him, but she didn't love him like she told Merle. She'd wanted to hurt Merle, so she just said that. She'd hurt Merle enough, why did she keep trying? If she could just try to talk to him, maybe it would all be okay, but...she didn't know if it would be. They could make their relationship worse or wind up screwing again or something else could happen for the worse.

_**Whatever it is, it feels like it's laughing at me through the glass of a two-sided mirror**_

_**Whatever it is, it's just sitting there laughing at me**_

_**And I just wanna scream**_

The door opened slightly, Amy knew it was Paige, so she reached over and opened it the rest of the way. Paige came in with a box of tissue, offered her mom a big smile and the tissues. Amy accepted the box, set it on the ground and pulled Paige into her arms, holding her daughter close in her arms. She kissed her forehead.

"I love you, Paige."

"I love you too, Mommy." Paige met her mom's puffy eyes. "What's wrong?"

_**What now? I just can't figure it out**_

_**What now? I guess I'll just wait it out, wait it out**_

_**What now? Ohhhh what now?**_

She scrutinized her daughter's gray-blue eyes and swallowed. "Merle."

"What about Dad? What happened with him?"

She shook her head. "That's my problem, honey."

"No, it's not. Not when you're crying, I wanna help." Amy laughed weakly. "What did he do?"

"He was just...being Merle." She blinked back tears. "I don't know what to do, Paige."

"Don't cry."

She rested her forehead on Paige's as her shoulders shook.

"You can say you're sorry," Paige suggested. "Or make him say he's sorry. I don't know what happened, but Jeanette said apologizes can fix a lot of fights."

She sucked in air and lifted her eyes to her daughter's. "An apology?"

"It could help."

"It could." She wrapped her arms around her little girl. She would go and talk to him as soon as Carol called and let them know everything was all right with Ed. She had to keep Penny safe, and she couldn't talk to him here where Paige could eavesdrop, so maybe at his place or at a restaurant. They needed to just talk like adults for once. Sober, mature adults, because Andrea was right. She wasn't a teenager, and she needed to start acting like an adult when it came to Merle. She really hoped he stopped drinking, because she didn't want to have this conversation with drunken Merle who wouldn't remember any of it. She wanted him to remember and give him her opinion. She never asked how he felt about being a father or if he wanted to be involved in a way that she gave him updates and maybe monthly visits. She needed to ask. She was going to ask the next time she saw him. The past was the past, and they were both different now, and maybe having Paige in his life would help him straighten up. Merle had a right to know his daughter.

He would always have that right, and she wasn't going to take that from him.

– – –

Carol sashayed into Ed's office building, seeing the lobby full of men she had to suffer dinner parties with. She didn't like most of them. Most of them were just assholes, the others were just there for the paycheck, and only a small few were actually likeable. They were all people who could easily be manipulated, which is why Ed hired them. No alpha males allowed. That was just fine. There were no alpha males here anyway, not even the boss.

She could feel their eyes on her, undressing her, and she ignored them, going to the receptionist that Carol had found blowing Ed at the Christmas party. They never knew she saw, otherwise Ed would've made up some excuse to make her stay. Why she stayed, she didn't know. All she could do now was smile and get into Ed's office. She was still his wife—shudder, gag—no matter what he'd told them, and she was going up there, even if she had to do it the hard way.

The young blonde looked up when Carol approached, her eyes widened as she looked her over, and she smiled at Carol, as if suddenly remembering her manners. "Hello, Mrs. Peletier! It's so nice to see you up and about! Ed told us you were sick. We were all so worried about you, because of how ill you were and the move! Ed was telling us about it, and he was so devastated!"

"I bet he was."

"Poor Sophia. She must be so stressed, poor baby. How is she? How are you even?"

"I'm well. Sophia will be better soon." She adjusted her purse strap. "I'm here to see Ed."

"Oh, you must have still been delirious when he told you, but Ed's been on a business trip for three days. He's flying back in tomorrow morning." She looked at Carol with such sympathy. "I'll call him and let him know you were looking."

"No, that's not necessary. I'd just like to see his office. I want to leave him something since you and I both know he'll be right here first thing."

She nodded. "It's in the same place as always."

"Thanks." She rolled her eyes as she walked away, taking the elevator to the floor where his office was located. She knew Ed kept a copy of his schedule in his office, just in case he might forget something. She knew his calendar was most likely blank, because he wasn't one to write on it, so it was possibly underneath it. Who knows, maybe the asshole has changed his office.

She opened the door and pulled the doors closed behind her, hurrying to his desk to search for the schedule. She checked under the calendar, but it wasn't there. She groaned softly and began to search through the desk. She noticed how nice and neat everything in is desk was. His assistant definitely was the one in charge. Whenever she came here to bring him something before, his desk was a pit, and his assistant was always chewing him out. She liked clean; he loved messy.

She rummaged through the drawers, finding many, many papers she didn't need. She found a drawer full of office supplies, a drawer full of printer paper, and the others were just full of junk. Neatly organized junk, but junk nonetheless. She noticed something in the bottom of the last drawer, and she reached into the drawer, moving aside two folders and knocking her knuckles against the bottom. A hollow sound came back at her.

There was something there! She yanked the files out and set them on the desk then continued to empty the drawer. She felt out the bottom, putting weight on both ends and sides, and eventually she managed to get it to flip open. She lifted the thin plate and saw a black book resting underneath with EMP engraved in gold on it. She picked it up and replaced it with a book off his shelf then placed everything back the way it was.

Slipping the book into her purse, she started for the door, but stopped short. She took another look at the office. The lashing furnishings, the spotless windows, the perfectly organized books and the pictures of her daughter at his desk and hanging on the wall. She ran her hand over the back of the white leather sofa, her breathing increasing, and something inside of her was welling up. The entire room just pissed her off. It was all lies! It was bullshit!

It made something inside of her just...snap. She snatched the pictures frames off the wall and smashed it onto the floor. She did the same to the pictures at his desk then grabbed his laptop and did the same. She was so livid. Ed wasn't a good man, wasn't a good husband or father ever. He had no right to have pictures of her daughter. He didn't deserve to see her face or her smile, let alone have many copies on his computer and dangling from the walls!

She opened a filing cabinet. If half of his clients and business partners knew what he was like, what he did to her, what he almost did to Sophia, they wouldn't have him at their parties and family gatherings. She tossed file after file about, ripping some up here and there, and she slammed the sole of her boot into the cabinet, causing it to fall over, and she grabbed his credentials off the wall and whorled it across the room, where it smacked into a wall and broke, the slip of paper falling free.

He or his men came into her home—her home!—and took her daughter from her bed! She slammed her foot into a picture of him and his bosses. He forced his way into the house using Gareth as his weapon so he couldn't take the fall, and he took her little girl! Her little girl who was finally happy and laughing and full of love! He ripped her out of her house, away from Carol's arms, and she didn't even know what was happening! She was too young to really understand, and she was so exhausted. For all she knew, it was her dad picking her up and taking her out of there! God, she probably thought it was Daryl. She probably didn't even open her eyes or question it, because they told her she was going on a trip with Hershel! She didn't even get a chance to fight! Aah!

She took a deep breathe in, her eyes landing on the wedding picture on the bookcase. She walked over shredded papers and folders, she slipped on one, but caught her balance. She plucked the picture off the shelf and examined it. It was of them at the ceremony, smiling and happy. She removed the photo from the frame, dropping the frame and she tore it in half, separating her from Ed, and she slipped the half with herself on it into her purse then stuck Ed's into his shredder. She then dumped the contents of the shredder all over the office.

If she still her wedding ring, she would shove it down his throat. The only wedding band she should have ever worn was the one she wore with Daryl. The only man's name she should've taken should've been Daryl's. There was no one else in the world she wanted to be with, and that asshole managed to overpower him. How? How dare that fucking murderer subdue Daryl! He would've had to have drugged him or went completely nuts and just beat him down. Either way, Carol's anger coursed through her like blood, and she shattered the crystal vase full of marbles that were now rolling all over the floor of his office. What if that bastard climbed into Sophia's window and used Sophia against Daryl?

She couldn't stand the idea of someone hurting Daryl, but of someone using their little girl to control Daryl made her see red. Those were the two most important people in her life. She wasn't going to let Ed play with them. They weren't toys; they were her family, her daughter and her soulmate. She was so fucking done with Ed.

With a final assault, she sent everything on his desk flying and even knocked his desk over. She didn't even care if he knew it was her. She wasn't going to let him taking them go. She was going to seek him out and demand to know where in the hell he had put them then she was going to make sure he never had children of his own. She was going to make sure he paid for what he did to Axel and to Milton and to Elizabeth. If there was even a chance he could get away with their murders...

She ran her hands through her hair, panting and looking over the damage done to his office. She didn't know she'd cried until her fingertips came across the wetness on her cheeks. She shuddered as the anger passed, and she took a deep breathe.

"Oh, honey." Seth, the sweetest, most generous gay man in the office, stepped into the room. "You found out about that front desk bitch today too."

She looked over at him and just nodded.

"Come with me." He took her and and led her out of the office then stopped and grabbed a bust off the shelf that Carol hadn't broken and dropped it onto the glass-top coffee table then pushed her quickly out the door.

They walked to his office, Carol sat down on the couch, and he got her a bottle of water. She drank it and he locked Ed's office.

"If it wasn't for the pay, I would quit." He tossed the keys at his desk and sat across from her. "That man's an asshole."

"Yes, he is." She smiled. "Thank you."

"Well, if you weren't going to trash his office, I was." He smiled back. "Knew Ed was bullshitting us when he said you were "sick". How are you?"

"I'm better now." She closed the lid to the water.

"You look exhausted." He frowned for her. "All right, we're taking you home."

"I—I don't actually—"

"That bitch made you leave your own house?!" He shook his head. "Jesus, if I could run him over."

She laughed at the expression he made, but it was short.

"Here." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a key card. "I won this from the employee of the month thing. I don't need it, but you do."

"Oh, no—"

"Yes! I'm not taking no for an answer, so go. I'll make sure Ed never knew you were here." He escorted her out of the building, hugging her and heading back inside.

She looked at the key card and felt the black book against her hip in her purse, and she hailed a taxi. She needed to plan this out now that the rage was contained again. She couldn't go into his house with no plan and a hell of a lot of anger. It just wouldn't work. For Daryl and Sophia's sake, she needed a plan and she needed to know what he was planning. Ed like to make notes to her all of the time, nagging her to do this and to do that; so hopefully he left a notes nagging himself on what to do with her and Sophia and Daryl.

––

"I know the freaking plan," Shawn argued. "The bag is by the door, the pillow is on the couch, and the keys are—Oh, shit, where are the keys?"

Michonne chuckled and held them up. "I thought you'd never notice."

"Oh, ha ha." He tried to snatch them, but she was quicker. "Hey, if her water breaks and I don't have those—" he tried again. "Michonne!"

She laughed and leaned back so he couldn't reach them.

"Rick, can I borrow your handcuffs?" Shawn called as he, Jimmy, and T and Tyreese moved the handmade cribs into the nursery.

"I'd like to see you try." She smirked.

Rick glared at Shawn while holding onto a crib while Ty and T fit the other into the room, because apparently Jimmy didn't want to set it down. "How 'bout you give us a hand?"

"I would love to, but Michonne is drilling me." He pointed to Michonne when he said her name as if Rick didn't know who she was. "And I have to find a heating pad for my wife's back, so...no."

"I'll help." Michonne tossed the keys at Shawn's face and slid off the stool. She picked up the other side of Rick's end, lightening his burden.

It took ten minutes for Sasha to decide where she wanted the cribs to be then Rick and Michonne went to get the mattresses from the trunk while T-dog sat down to rest his back and Tyreese and Sasha went to dig out the sheets from the closet. Jimmy left to take a call.

Shawn watched Michonne and Rick as they got the mattresses, and he waved Sasha over when she and Ty found the perfect sheets. "They're going to end up screwing before this month is over."

She pursed her lips. "Really, Shawn?"

"Like you don't see it." He leaned against the counter. "Can you feel the love tonight?"

"He's married."

"He's getting divorced."

"Really? Why?"

"Same reason you dumped me," he muttered when Rick walked by. "Need a hand?"

"I think I got it," he shot back.

"He's going to hate me forever, but if I set him up with her, do you think he'd like me again?"

"He doesn't need a date right now. After I broke up with you, it was really difficult in the beginning, mostly because I was trying to make my family think I was all right. I didn't want them to worry about me, so I tried to pretend everything was normal. For a couple of weeks, I didn't even really feel the pain of losing you, because I was so focused on them. He's probably trying to see where he's going now in life and how to tell his son that he and his mom are no longer together."

"You're right. That's wrong." He crossed his arms. "I'll help them with these."

"I think I'll do it." She tightened her grip on the sheets.

"You don't trust me?"

"You killed my friend's turtle, Shawn, so no."

"I didn't kill it! It was just faking! She buried the poor thing alive."

She didn't bother answering. She followed Michonne into the twin's room and handed her a set of sheets.

"All right, T, can I get you something to drink?" Shawn asked. "We have water, iced water and iced tea and some freaky melon crap Sasha likes."

"Water's fine."

"Me too." Rick headed into the kitchen and sat down, checking his phone to see if Lori had replied to his text about him picking up Carl.

Sasha closed the door as Michonne opened a set of sheets. "So, Mom has Andre tonight?"

"He wanted to see her." She looked at her cousin. "What do you really want to ask me?"

"How do you know that's not what I really wanted to ask you?"

"Because I know you. We're practically sisters, so spill."

"Shawn thinks you and Rick will end up having sex."

"We're going out for drinks," Michonne replied.

"What?!" Sasha exclaimed. "Mich, he's married!"

"He's separated from his wife, and it's just a few drinks." She sat down on the rocking chair. "Ooh, this is nice. Can I have this?"

"No. Back to Rick. Who asked who out?"

"I asked him." She crossed her legs. "Anything else, Mom? I promise I'll be back by ten."

"Oh, shut up!" She tossed the sheets at her playfully.

She laughed and caught the sheets then stood up. "Sit. I'll do this." She placed a set on the floor and pointed to a bed. "This is for the boy, right?"

"Yes." She sat down. "Though I doubt it'll matter in the end."

She smirked. "That day's getting closer and closer. How do you feel?"

"Nervous, and a little eager to have it over with. I'm ready for the next part."

"You'll regret that when they start to speak and become their father."

"Mich, don't."

"I know you love him, and you trust him, but I still worry."

"Shawn won't cheat on me again, and you said you would stop bringing it up. It's nearly been four years!"

"I know, but he and Rick's soon-to-be-ex-wife have been spending a lot of time together. You already know she's a cheater."

"He's trying to be her friend. He wants her to know that if Shane isn't there for her, he is. She's going to be a single mom soon, and he knew how tough it was for his mom, so he's just being nice."

"He was also being nice when he slept with someone else."

"You don't have all the facts, so just stop, all right?!" Sasha snapped.

Michonne huffed a little. "Fine, but I'm here if you need me."

"For now, I don't. Just worry about the husband you're seducing." She rubbed her temple.

"So, teddy bears? Isn't that kind of conventional for you?"

"I wanted ninjas teddy bears, but they didn't have any." Shawn brought in two glasses of iced tea. "I also wanted N7 sheets, but nope."

"Thanks." Sasha accepted the glass. "We've had this talk too."

"Fine, but I still am dressing them both in N7 bodysuits and bibs, maybe even t-shirts." He held a glass out to Michonne, and she shook her head. "You sure?"

"Yes." She continued to make the boy's bed.

_Hates me_, Shawn mouthed to Sasha. "I have to take T-dog home since he threw his back out, and I really want some cheese cubes, so you two need or want anything?"

"Half of your inheritance," Michonne replied.

"That's a college fund," he shot back. "Perhaps I can offer you one of my mozzarella cheese sticks?"

"I think it's best it stays with you," she murmured.

"Will you two just stop?" Sash asked before he could snap back. "You're family now, so just deal with each other! Silently!"

"I'm nothing but nice to her," Shawn argued. "And what the hell do you care what happened nearly four damn years ago that was between me and her?"

"Because she's my family," Michonne growled. "She had to leave town to try and get over you! You didn't see her like I did or like Jacqui did! You just followed her like a little puppy! You make me sick!"

Rick and Tyreese were by the door, peering in to make sure Shawn wasn't bleeding or broken on the floor.

Shawn opened his mouth to retort then stop. "All right, it's been years, and you haven't let this go." He closed the space between them. "Go ahead."

"What?" Sasha and Michonne asked.

"Hit me or kick me or yell at me; just get it out of your system, because I don't want this tension around my kids. You're their godmother, so go on and get it over with."

"What?" Michonne blinked.

"We had not told you that yet." He winced. "Sorry, Sasha."

"Shawn, stop." Sasha was on her feet and beside him now. "You don't need to do this. And yes, you're the one we want to be the godmother to our twins."

"Yes, she does need to do this, and congratulations!" He looked at his wife. "I can take a hit. Ask Ty."

"You hit him?" Sasha frowned. "When?"

"At the shop, at the Greene Leaf and...at the farm," Shawn answered. "My eye was swollen shut for a week."

"Why is anybody trying to hit anybody?" T asked, looking in on them.

"Uhhh, he dumped his drink on Michonne's favorite blouse," Sasha lied quickly.

"The stain never came out." Shawn crossed his arms. "I'll meet you at the car. Just give me five minutes."

T and Ty headed out the front door since they had come together, but Ty had to get a few more things out of the trunk otherwise he would take his dad home.

"Go for the groin," Rick suggested. "They're already having one of each, so groin."

"Get outta here!" Shawn pushed him out the door. "All right, hit me."

"Shawn." Sasha saw Michonne step forward. "Mich! Both of you, stop!"

"If he wants me to hit him, I'll gladly hit him." She smirked.

"I don't want you to hit him!" She moved in between him. "Can't you just let your anger go? It's been years, and he's been nothing but loyal and loving."

"All right. I'll let my anger go." She crossed her arms. "**If** he tells me why."

Sasha sighed. "Why do you need to know why?"

"Because I just do."

"All right, I was drunk and an asshole and will forever burn in hell because of it. Happy?" Shawn answered. "Now, I'm going to get my cheese and then complain to some poor saleswoman as to why there aren't any N7 sheets." He kissed Sasha's forehead, set the iced tea down then left the house.

"God, he must be good in bed," Michonne commented.

Sasha glared.

"What, it's not like I asked if he was."

"I'm going to finish my iced tea, because I am not allow to drink. Make the beds, please. Or I'll sit on you."

Michonne picked up the second set of sheets. "So, is that a yes?"

Sasha groaned and Rick snorted.

"That's a yes."

– – –

Amy knocked on her older sister's door, hearing her say "Come in" softly, and she entered the room. She offered Andrea, who was sitting on the floor with her back against the bed, a small, very apologetic smile. She dropped beside her and crossed her legs, lacing her fingers together, and she peered over at Andrea like a sulking puppy.

"How rough was he?" Andrea whispered, pulling her legs tighter to her chest. "Be honest, Am."

"I...have a few bruises on my thighs," she admitted. "It's really—"

"Would he have gone through with it?" she cut Amy off.

She swallowed and pulled her legs up. "Honestly?"

"Yes, honestly." She looked at her. "Would he have forced himself on you?"

"He was drunk and jealous and being stupid," Amy told her. "He just was pissed for some reason, and he didn't handle it well. He probably came here with the intention of having sex, yes." She licked her lips. "But I know that Merle would never have forced me. He's a good man. A stupid, drunk man, but good. I just...can't hope that his good side is out whenever he's with Paige."

"What are you so scared of?"

She shook her head. "Of returning to who I was."

"And who was that?"

"A scared, stupid girl who just wanted to escape the world." Her eyes burned. "Merle was just a scared man who wanted to escape too, only the pain of his past. We were perfect for each other, because he made me see the world in a different way, and I gave him a reason to stay. I think. I can't say for sure. He had Daryl, so maybe I was just there."

"If you were just there, Merle would've gotten rid of you a long time ago," Andrea informed her.

She sniffed. "Who was he?"

"Shane."

She rested her head on her knees. "Walsh?"

She nodded. "It was about a year and a half ago when we started dating again, and I fell in love with him. He didn't then...he started pining after Lori." She shrugged. "I'm over him now, don't worry."

"I'm sorry it didn't work out."

"And I'm sorry you won't give Merle a chance." Andrea paused. "Did that just come out of my mouth?"

Amy laughed. "Yes, it did."

She chuckled. "Don't worry, I'll still terminate his right."

"Put a hold on that, just for a day or two." She wiped at her eyes. "I need to speak to him when he's sober. Hopefully, he'll listen to me."

"I hope so too, because I want a nephew. I want to know what the hell that little boy will look like."

"Yes, that's the first thing Merle and I are going to do: get me pregnant." She scratched her nose. "I'm going to call him over and open the door naked, so the work's halfway done then in nine months we can hope it's a boy." She rolled her eyes.

"I'm likely to never have kids, so I need plenty of nieces and nephews."

"I am not a baby machine!"

"I'm actually surprised you don't have more kids."

"What?!"

"It's Merle!"

"And both Merle and I like protection. I don't know how I got pregnant, but thank God I did. Otherwise who knows where I would be now."

"Yeah." She smiled. "I still want a nephew. I bet Paige wants a little brother too."

"I bet I don't care, 'cause I'm only twenty-two," Amy replied. "Bother me again when I'm twenty-five or something. Yeesh."

She laughed. "We have the money to support you."

"I don't want their money," Amy groaned. "I want to make a living myself."

"Amy, you come from money. You're going to have to realize that one day, you'll received a large amount of money, and you can't push that away. Mom and Dad would want you and Paige to live comfortably, even in death."

"Don't talk about that."

She sighed. "I worry about you."

"Look, I'm moving out as soon as I get enough money, and I'll pay you back for—"

"You don't have to pay me back," Andrea interrupted her. "I just want you to take some money from them—that is technically yours from your college fund—once you move so you can be comfortable financially."

"I'll donate it to charity."

She groaned. "Fine, but tomorrow night, I am going out with Jacqui and Michonne, so you can watch the runts all by yourself." She rose and walked out of the room.

"Andrea." Amy climbed to her feet and hurried after her sister, but she wasn't able to get much out, because Paige and Penny were on the floor, wrestling.

Andrea and Amy ran and broke them up. Andrea grabbed Penny by her arms and yanked her back as gently as possibly while Amy wrapped her arms around Paige's waist and held her back, but she really wanted to hit Penny. It wasn't like Paige. She was very gentle, very calm, so whatever Penny said had really upset her. Or maybe Penny attacked her for saying something, and Paige was just trying to defend herself. It was still senseless. Paige wasn't a fan of violence unless it was absolutely necessary, so what the hell happened? They didn't even hear a fight. Damn the house's thick walls.

"What is going on?" Amy struggled to control her daughter. "P—Paige, stop it!"

"No!" Paige fought to escape her mom's grip. "She was being a jerk!"

"What happened?" Andrea held Penny's shoulders.

"She's like a wild animal!" Penny shrieked.

"You're an ass!" Paige retorted.

"Hey, you do not use that type of language," Amy scolded, tightening her grip. Damn, this girl was stronger than she looked. "Paige, stop it now!"

She did, but she wasn't happy about it.

"Tell us what happened." Andrea moved hair from her eyes.

"She made fun of my dad," Paige answered.

"What?" Amy frowned.

"I did not! All I said was he seems like a snake!" Penny shot back.

"Were you eavesdropping?" Amy growled.

Paige said nothing to her mom. "He's not a snake!"

"He bruised her! He's a bad man!"

"Okay. That's enough." Andrea picked Penny up and carried her upstairs. "I've got this one."

Amy released Paige and turned her around to look at her face. "Who started it?"

"She did."

"By calling Merle a snake?" Amy searched her daughter's eyes. "Or did she say something else?"

"She called him a criminal and a snake, and I told her to shut up, but she didn't." Paige lowered her eyes to the floor. "I don't know why, but I got really mad, so I shoved her."

"Paige—"

"I'm not sorry. She was being mean!" Amy sighed, and Paige looked up. "Did he hurt you?"

"Not on purpose," she assured her. "Baby, you can't hit people, just because they were mean. Penny is wrong about Merle, and I know it makes you mad that you can't make her see that, but that's life. People are jerks, and you just...have to be the bigger person. Okay? Promise me you won't fight unless it's in self-defense."

"I promise."

"Good, now go to your room. I'll talk to Penny and Andrea, but you two aren't going to be around each other, expect for dinner."

"Why can't she go to her room?"

"Because you started the fight, and you're in trouble for that and for the cuss word. Now, scoot. I'll get you for dinner."

"Mom—"

"Go to your room for the rest of the day or until Penny leaves."

Paige sighed and sulked, but went to her room, and Amy went upstairs to check on Andrea and Penny.

––

Gareth peered through the front window, hidden by the bushes, and he saw little girl-child with curly brown hair. She was upset about something, her little mouth in a frown, and she was sulking. He breathe onto the glass and traced her round little face. He tilted his head as she turned and disappeared into her bedroom. _Soon_.

His eyes moved to Amy, and he smiled. _**Very**__ soon._

– – –

Carol stared at the ceiling to her suite, the alarm clock next to her reading one o' clock. She couldn't sleep. She wanted to kick down Ed's door and demanded to know where they were, but he wasn't home. She knew Ed wasn't stupid enough to keep them at his house, and she didn't know what other property he owned, so she had no idea where to look. She was scared that maybe Daryl was dead and Sophia was locked somewhere dark.

She rolled over and tugged on the chain so that light came on. She pushed herself up and grabbed her purse, digging out the black book. She hadn't read it. She just stared at it for hours, thinking over the possibilities, not sure she wanted them confirmed. She still wasn't sure, but since she couldn't sleep, she might as well read it, it'd give her something to do. Possibly tell her what he had in store for Daryl and Sophia. She had to know, no matter how scared she was to learn what that sick bastard was planning.

She opened it, finding a picture of woman inside. She had light auburn curls and sparkling green eyes with the biggest, warmest smile. She was beautiful and looked a lot like Carol herself. She ran her fingertip over the woman's face, seeing a necklace with the letter S on it. Underneath it was her obituary. She'd killed herself the day after her twenty-second birthday.

"Samantha North." Carol wondered who she was to Ed. The picture and obituary were well taken care of, like he didn't want anything to happen to them. They were both laminated as well. This woman meant a lot to Ed. Perhaps she was his girlfriend, and she killed herself when she learned who he really was. Maybe that's why Ed sought her out at that party, because she looked like this woman. Poor girl.

She turned the page and found his handwriting filling the pages. It was all so perfectly written, small and cursive. She glanced the words over, seeing dates on the pages. He'd had this book for seventeen years. His handwriting was very neat, even as a child. It was strange, but it seemed to fit Ed. He liked control, like things to appear perfect and put together on the outside, but inside things were red, raw and dark. So dark.

She folded her legs and tucked hair behind her ear, touching the necklace Daryl had given her, needing his light, his love. She took a deep breath and turned the page, looking for any bits about Samantha, her fingertip running over the blue gem on the heart, and she read over little pieces about Ed's childhood.

Phillip and Ed's father used to abuse them and their mothers. She read that Victoria was Ed's stepmother; Ed's father and she were married while he was in prison. Carol snorted. Some wedding. Bet the jumpsuit looked nice.

She saw a mention of Samantha on Ed's twentieth birthday, and she pursed her lips, reading over it.

_I went to the gas station to pick up a few things before I headed back to my apartment. I just needed chips and some drinks, and since I know the guy who owes the station, I don't have to pay much. I saw this cute little redhead trying to decide on a Pay Day or a Snickers, cocking her head that made her red curls fall into her face. She was absolutely gorgeous. Her bright emerald eyes were sparking as she pressed her lips together and her eyes traveled to mine, and I looked away, feeling the blush on my cheeks. Damn, I didn't mean to get caught staring. She just let out this cute little giggle and grabbed a different candy then paid for it and left. I paid for my stuff and left, finding her sitting on the hood of car with a bag of M&amp;Ms. She waved and patted the spot beside her. _

_We talked for an hour, opening the chips and sharing a pop. She was really cool, very loving and deep. She's unlike any woman I've ever met. Damn, I think I'm in love with her. Jesus H., how was that possible?_

Carol wondered why Ed had written this. Maybe he didn't want to forget this life. Maybe he didn't want to become his father so he wrote what he did each day and looked for similarities. She could honestly see that rat bastard doing that. He was very meticulous, it seemed. She flipped through the pages and spotted an entry about an anniversary. It was probably the shortest one she'd seen yet.

_Today's our first anniversary. We've been dating for an entire year. Holy shit, where did the time go? I think I might be rushing into things, but I want to be with this woman for the rest of my life. She's unlike anyone I've met, and she gets it. She gets me, and I think I can be myself with her. I don't have to hide anything, not even my past. I want her to know too. I love her. She means the world to me, and I want to spend my life showing her how much she means to me. I'm going to propose. I talked to Phillip about it; he thinks it's too soon, but what does he know? He's already married or getting married. (Note to self: write speech for the wedding) I know it'll all work out. How can it not?_

Carol set the book down and went to make herself some tea. She would need sleep, and this book may keep her up half the night. She was curious about this Samantha. She was curious to know what Ed did to her that made her kill herself. She was a year older than him, so he was twenty-one now, and she was twenty-two. Maybe it wasn't him. Carol just **felt** that it was. The timing was right. He made it about a year before he showed his "true self" to her. Poor Samantha. _What did he do to you?_

She sat down with a mug of mint tea and returned to reading, letting the tea cool on the nightstand beside her. She found a date skip, and she frowned. He didn't write what happened between them. She leaned back, placing the book on her thighs, and she read what he had written. It was one line, and there was a two-week date skip below it.

_Samantha's pregnant. She didn't want a baby. She got an abortion. _

Oh, God. Carol felt sick at the thought of someone killing a baby. She was young, though. If she had lived, she probably would've regretted it. Or not. It wasn't as if Carol knew the woman.

_I had to do what was right, didn't I? It was the right thing to do. It had to be the right thing to do. She had to pay. She had to pay. She killed my child. How could I let her get away with that? It was my child. She had no right to abort my child. That bitch. I may regret this, but it was her own fault. She didn't even talk to me about it. All I got was: I found out last week I was pregnant, probably three or four weeks, but I can't have a child right now. I can't support it, and I don't know if my body can take childbirth, so...I aborted it. I'm sorry. That was it. She was upset, crying as she finished, but all I could do was stare. That coldhearted bitch. I'll never forgive her for this. _

Carol rubbed the back of her neck, shuddering as she read over every detail Ed had written down on how he was going to kidnap Samantha, impregnate her and hold her hostage until the baby was born then give her an option to stay or die, if she didn't die in childbirth. She felt like throwing up at the amount of thought he'd put into it.

Turning the page, she found a recorder taped onto the page with Samantha name written in marker across it. She removed it and rewound it, pushing play.

"_What's going on?_" Her voice was soft, full of fear and confusion. "_Ed? __**Ed?!**_"

"_Why didn't you tell me about the baby before you __**murdered**__ it?_" His voice was dark, growling.

"_I—It's my body, Ed. You told me yourself you didn't want children, so I thought you'd be okay with it._" She was trying not to cry. "_Having that baby would've put my life at risk. We talked about—_"

"_Bullshit!_"

It stopped there, at least that conversation.

"_E—Ed? I have to use the bathroom. May I—Aaah!_" There was an echoing sound, one Carol knew all too well. He'd slapped her. "_Please, don't. Please._" She was sobbing. "_I just want to go home. Please._"

"_Shut the hell up and lie on the bed._"

She was walking. "_We can have a baby together, I promise! I promise! I—just let me go. I need to see my bubba. Please. I haven't seen anybody in weeks, pl—aah!_"

"_What did I just tell you?_"

Tears burned in Carol's eyes as she held the recorder tightly in both hands, her lips quivering. Oh, God, that poor girl.

She was panting heavily. "_My name is Nora Samantha North. If anybody finds this and it's too late to save me, please take my body back to my family if I'm dead. Let them hear this. Poppa, I love you so much, and I tried to make you proud. And I am so sorry about that stupid fight we had. I love you so much. And Donny, I love you too, meathead. You're the best brother, and it's up to you to take care of Poppa. He's gonna need you, Donny. Be strong. Be the man I know you are. Grams, I love you. I'm sorry for being stupid and not listening to you. I love you guys and don't—don't be sad. Don't be sad that I'm gone, please, just try and remember who I was._" Her cries were piercing through Carol's heart. "_Please, I don't know how long I've been down here. I—I think I'm out of the city. I don't—I don't hear anybody; they don't hear my screams either. Please, I can't take much more of this._"

"_**Is anybody out there?! Hello?! I'm down here! Please, can't you hear me?! I'm down here! Help me! Please, I'm down here!**_"

Hot tears pooled down Carol's cheeks.

"_I don't—know what's wrong with him. He—he—he just changed. Was it me? Did I change him? Did I make him into this monster? Was it my fault? No, I didn't do anything to deserve this._" She sniffed. "_I can't get pregnant, and he's getting mad. I think I'm going to die down here_."

Carol couldn't catch her breath, her stomach was turning to churn, and she knew she was going to make herself sick. She just couldn't stop. That girl suffered for God only knows how long, being raped and beaten, just like Ed had done to Carol, only there was never a child involved. All Ed wanted was a child, and she couldn't give that to him, so he made her pay for it.

"_I think he broke my leg_," her voice was small. "_I got my period today..._"

"_Is there anybody looking for me? Anybody at all?_" She was sobbing again. "_Does anybody care that I'm missing? I have a big brother and a father and grandmother. Do they even care? What's going on?_"

"_I wish you were a phone... I wish I could call my Poppa and hear his voice just one more time. I miss him so much...and Donny...and Grams. God...please ease their pain. Please..._"

"_The floor...is...cold_," her voice was weak, thin. "_Is it...winter? I...love snow. I wish...I could...see it one last...time._"

The recorder hit the floor, and Carol gasped as a shudder ran through her body. She was dead. She killed herself. Oh, God. She sprang off the bed and ran to the bathroom, throwing up.

Carol had gone through almost the exact same thing. She wasn't locked in a basement in the middle of nowhere. She was just locked in a house because Ed had bruised her so badly she couldn't go outside. People would start to question their relationship, Ed would only beat her more, and she didn't want him to start hurting Sophia. She just listened to everything he said, hoping she could make it all better by being the best at cleaning and cooking, but she was never good enough for him.

Samantha didn't know what would happen. She was just a girl who fell in love with the wrong guy. She didn't want to risk her life having a child, but all Ed saw was that she had killed his child. She felt bad about it; Carol could hear it in her voice when she was trying to talk him down in the basement. She made a decision based on the fact that she may not be able to have this child without repercussions; and he locked her down there for months, forcing himself onto her, beating her when she didn't get pregnant, driving her to end her life, because she thought nobody cared, that nobody was coming to save her. She was all alone or she thought she was.

Between puking up the food she'd forced herself to eat and the cries that shook her entire body, Carol felt completely weak. She felt dizzy, and her throat was burning, and she just wanted to find that son of a bitch and shoot him dead. The only good thing that came from this was she had proof now. He wrote down everything, so she knew she would find a paragraph about Daryl and Sophia and Gareth, possibly even Axel and Elizabeth. She was going to take that book down to the police department as soon as she had Sophia and Daryl back. She had leverage now. She would make him pay for all of those good people who died because of him.

– – –

_I intend to take my daughter to my mother's house. From there, Victoria will drive to one of the summerhouses I have out of state and keep Sophia busy with games and playing and promises that her mother was on the way. Carol wouldn't have told Sophia about me; I know the bitch wouldn't. She was too busy fucking that redneck prick to care about my daughter. Goddamn bitch. She probably spread her left for half of Georgia by now. Disease-ridden cunt. As for Sophia, well she's not the smartest kid in the world, so she probably won't even notice when Carol doesn't to come and join them down there._

Carol adjusted the strap to the sexy, wet-look, lace hem, slip dress she'd bought the other day, her bounce-y, almost fire-red curls spilling over her shoulders, the silver bracelets hitting each other as she ran her hands down the front of the dress. She lifted her chin, confident and ready to destroy this man.

_I'll have Gareth take that redneck asshole to one of my cabins outside the city. I have a business trip, so I'll leave him to fester there for a few days. He was a stupid and ugly son of a bitch, and he looked like a wet rat most of the time. I can't believe Carol let my child around that creepy, ass motherfucker. He probably fingered my daughter once he was done with Carol. I'll just have to remove those fingers and make him choke each one down then I'll do the same to his dick. I'll have to be careful, though. It's probably as small as a mothball, so I'll have to see what tools I can use. I'll make that hick suffer for ever thinking he could be the father to my child. There was no way in hell he'll make it through the night. My only regret is that he'll have to wait a few days. I'll enjoy the end of this trip, that's for sure._

Carol applied lipstick after her face was made up. She puckered her lips, her eyes guarded. She closed the tube and set it in her clutch. She was glad this hotel knew who she was. She charged a lot to Ed's account, and she knew he spent a lot himself, so he wouldn't notice until she had him exactly where she wanted him.

_As for my wife. I'll have to take my time with her. I'll let her suffer a bit, thinking over everything I'm going to do to her "man". When I'm done, they'll be fishing his guts outs and wondering who the hell they belonged to. But Carol... Her, I'll take my time with. I know exactly where I'll lock that cunt up at. She'll sit down there and only wonder what day it was, where my daughter is, why no one was ever going to come for her. I'll beat her for every second she was gone, and she'll have scars on her body for the rest of her life, because I want her to suffer like I have. I won't kill her. Degrade her, torture her, possibly make her give me a son, but I won't kill her. I'm going to savor the sight of seeing her curled in up the corner of basement, withering away, shaking in fear, pleading for me to let her go, to end it, and I'm going to laugh in her face and beat her again. I've suffered too long, and I will not let her get away with taking my child from me. She'll pay. She'll fucking pay._

Carol swayed her hips, her heels hitting the marble floor of the hotel where one of the bosses of a major company that wanted to merge with Ed's was meeting Ed for dinner in twenty minutes, and she knew she'd caught many eyes. She had one goal for tonight. Well, at this this hour of tonight: destroy Ed's career. She was just going to set fire to his job then to his life.

She smiled and asked where Ed Peletier's table was, flashing an expensive engagement ring she'd bought with Ed's money earlier that day. She planned to sell it and give the money to a foundation that was dedicated to preventing suicides. The diamond earrings were going to one that helped prevent domestic violence.

He led her to the table, and she thanked him, walking over to the middle-aged man in a suit. She sat down, crossing her legs, and she brought out that charmed-filled smile again.

"Well, hello." He returned her smile. "Who are you?"

"I'm Ed's wife, Carol." She mentally gagged on the words. "I think we need to talk before my husband comes."

_**Money, money, money must be funny in the rich man's world**_

_**Money, money, money, always sunny in the rich man's world**_

She reached into the clutch and pulled out a flash drive Seth had "accidentally" dropped into her purse when he ran into her while she was shopping with a note telling her exactly what was on it. They had lunch, and he found a better paying job with ironically the company Ed wanted to merge with. She was glad and thankful, but felt bad, because he had taken the fall for destroying Ed's office. Ed didn't know, but his assistant did. Carol knew that bitch would scramble to tell him, but Ed was too focused on looking the part to be bothered by her.

_**All the things I could do if I had a little money**_

_**It's a rich man's world. **_

They spoke briefly, she handed him the flash drive and excused herself as Ed entered. She sashayed toward to the door, he looked at her, running his eyes over her body, not really paying attention to her face, and he stopped, almost as if he wanted to speak to her, but Carol kept walking.

_**Money, money, money must be funny in the rich man's world**_

_**Money, money, money, always sunny in the rich man's world**_

She smiled to herself as she walked out of the hotel, the cool night air on her bare skin, and she headed toward her hotel room. It was time for the last round of this game. It was life or death, and she was prepared for both.

_**All the things I could do if I had a little money**_

_**It's a rich man's world. It's a rich man's world**_

– – –

Andrea left for her dinner or whatever it was an hour ago, and she sent Amy a text to let her know she would be out late, so that's meant pizza and hot wings from Rhee's. Neither of the girls minded, but they did mind that one of they was eating by the window and the other was eating at the table. Andrea didn't like for Paige to eat in her room or Penny to eat in the guest bedroom, and Amy wanted to keep an eye on them both, so she pushed the coffee table against the wall by the window for Paige and left Penny at the table.

She was on the floor with her daughter, who was glaring daggers at her. "What?" Amy finally demanded after two slices of six cheese pizza.

She pushed her plate away. "May I be excused?"

"No. You've only eaten one slice. I expect you to eat two."

"I'm not hungry." She folded her arms. "You can't make me eat either."

"Where is this attitude coming from? I am sitting on the floor with you." She couldn't feel her ass either. This floor was so uncomfortable.

Paige rested her chin in her palm, sighing and looking out the window.

Amy looked at her daughter. "I'm sorry that I'm making you eat at the coffee table, but I have you my big, plush pillow, so you can't be half as uncomfortable as I am."

Paige gasped. "It's Dad!"

"What?" Amy rolled onto her knees, peering out the window as Merle parked his bike and removed his helmet. "Oh, sh—sugar!" She climbed to her feet and ran a hand through her hair. What the hell was he doing here? What if he's drunk again? The girls can't see him grope her like that! They'll be traumatized for life, and they shouldn't think men do that to women, especially since the man is the father of her child.

"That's your dad?" Penny's face scrunched up.

"No, no, no!" Amy hissed at Paige, seeing the same look on her face that Merle got on his when he was about to punch a bitch's lights out. "Yes, that's him. Go back to the table, Penny."

She headed back to the table to finish her dinner.

Amy opened the door and walked over to him before he could come inside. "What—?"

"Open your garage," he cut her off. "It's gonna storm, don't want my bike out in that shit."

She gaped at him then turned and made her way to the backyard, slipping into the door that was directly beside the veranda, and she opened the garage door for him, turning the lights on. This was the first time she'd seen the garage. Andrea told her about it, but she never really had a reason to come out here. It was spacious and full of tools and a spare fridge. What the hell?

She opened it and found beer and soda inside the fridge and meat in the freezer. She closed it and faced Merle as he flicked the switch that closed the garage door. "What brings you here?"

"You know what."

She eyed him. He was definitely sober. He wore dark jeans and a black t-shirt. He looked as decent as he did the night they slept together. Was the other night just a relapse? She wasn't sure, but she wasn't going to let him inside just yet. She wanted to make sure he was there to talk. "You want to talk about the other night?"

He nodded. "Also 'bout what you said."

She nodded back. "C'mon."

They returned to the house, Paige was still sitting on the floor and Penny was at the table. Amy told them to eat their dinner, and if she heard them near the door, they were both going to clean the floors and only eat salad and stuffed bell peppers until it was time for Penny to leave. They both groaned and ate their food, and Amy guided Merle to her bedroom.

"Have a seat anywhere." She closed the door.

Merle took a seat on the couch beside her bed, and she sat beside him. "Who's the other kid?"

"Penny. She's just staying over for a few days." She pulled her legs in. "You look better. How do you feel?"

"Like a massive asshole."

She said nothing.

He rested his elbows on his knees, his fingers loosely laced together, and he turned his head to look at her. "I'm sorry."

"Why were you drinking so heavily?" She studied his face, resting her hands on her knees.

"Saw your performance, it was real good. You were real good."

"Thank you, but...don't change the subject."

He rubbed his palms together. "Felix has been 'round here a lot lately. He's gettin' to know Paige and your family, too, ain't he?"

"He's a dear friend." She licked her bottom lip. "He and I spend a lot of time with Paige, taking her places and such. Yes, he met my parents that night, because they took us to dinner. He met Andrea and Dale before that though."

He scoffed, shaking his head. "That's bullshit."

"How is it bullshit?"

"'Cause she's my daughter, not his," he growled.

"You're the one that walked away."

"Because I couldn't—" he cut off.

Her eyes locked on his face. "Because you couldn't what?"

"Nothin'."

"No, Merle, tell me. Because you couldn't what?"

"I ain't gonna ruin that little girl," he murmured.

"Ruin her?" She frowned. "Merle, you're nothing like your father! You're a good man who has bad habits!"

"Am, I'm just like that son of a bitch. I thought 'bout tryin' to be her father a couple of times, but I got this fear that I'm gonna turn out to be just like him. Tsh, and after the other night? Hell, no. I ain't gonna risk hurtin' you or her. I'll get over my anger." He clenched his jaw.

"You were just jealous, because Fee is getting a chance you're not letting yourself have." She reached over and set her hand on his. "I know for a fact you wouldn't have hurt me the other night."

"I don't," he admitted.

She scooted closer to him, taking his hand and holding it tightly in both of hers. "I do." She searched his eyes. "And I am so sorry about what I said to you. You're not anything like Tomas. You'll never be anything like Tomas, because I never loved him."

His eyes widened at the word love.

She smiled softly. "I meant that I love you the day I left, and I tried to tell myself it was the drug, but it wasn't. I did love you." She rubbed her thumbs into his palm. "I still...believe you can be a good father." She mentally kicked herself. Why couldn't she say it? Just say it, Amy.

"Thought you were takin' my rights away."

"I've decided to let you and Paige spend some time together. She should get to know you. How does that sound? Would you like to do that?"

"Yeah, I would."

"Then let's go talk to her. I'm sure she'll approve. She's—"

The door opened, Penny and Paige ran into the room and over to them, both of them pale with fear in their eyes. Amy frowned, releasing Merle's hand, and she set her feet on the floor, and Merle saw them both jump when thunder sounded. The storm had caught up to them.

"What is it?" Amy looked over their faces.

"Someone's outside!" Paige whispered.

– – –

Carol looked over Ed's house. It was just as pretentious as his office. It was a lot like Andrea's house, only manly and full of shitty art. There were a few pictures of Sophia here and there, and only one of Carol and Sophia. It was in the living room; it was the first thing you saw when you walked in. She was tempted to toss it, but she left it there. She didn't want anything out of order when the police came for his ass.

She'd washed off the makeup and changed into jeans and a leather military shirt with her boots. She knew Ed had a gun around here, probably more than one, and she was going to find it and slip it inside her waistband hidden by her shirt. She had to know the location of the summerhouse and cabin since he had more than one, and she would use it to threaten him. She wasn't going to be afraid of him anymore. She had to be strong for her loved ones, for Samantha and for Elizabeth and Axel; so if it came down to it, she would pull that trigger without hesitation.

She saw the steel basement door and narrowed her eyes at it. She walked over to it and unlocked the door. She padded down the steps and found the room where Samantha had been kept. It was exactly how she'd described it too. She'd listened to the entire recording before Samantha killed herself over again that morning, and softly in the background, she was murmuring about it in her sleep. Ed wanted to always remember her voice, so he recorded her for quite some time, the sick SOB.

She found a bed nicely made up with a nightie and one set of clothes beside it. They were Carol's size exactly. She saw a chair with handcuffs on the armrests and legs and beside it was a table covered with tools Ed was going to use to torture her with. She even saw a few bottles of morphine. She scoffed and shook her head. There was no way in hell she was ever going to let him do any of this to her.

She left the basement, kicking the door closed, and she went to search for his guns. She found a fully loaded Colt Python in the bedroom then a Glock in the office. She tucked the Python into the waistband of her jeans, hearing tires on gravel outside. She walked down the stairs and sat down on the couch, crossing her legs with the Glock resting on her knee. She took a deep breath, willing her palms not to sweat, because there he was. Ed was just another man who begged when karma came for him.

The door flew open, his cold gray-blue eyes met hers with both surprise and annoyance. He closed the door and tossed his jacket onto the couch then went over to the bar and poured himself a glass of rum, downing it only to fill it back up.

"I knew it you who destroyed my office, not that faggot." He sat down across from her. "Welcome to New York, baby."

"I have only two questions for you then you can go silently to hell."

He arched a brow. "You think you can boss me around just because you have a gun?" He chuckled. "That's really cute."

She shot out the glass in the coffee table before he could set his glass down. "Deathly cute." She leaned toward him. "Look, all I want to know is where you took my child—"

"Your child?" He scoffed. "Bitch, she's mine."

She smirked. "Actually, no. I was pregnant before I met you by the "redneck hick" who I was married to for two years. He's actually the only reason why I slept with you. I was trying to not miss him, so I screwed you."

His eyes darkened. "What?"

She nodded. "Sophia isn't _your_ daughter. She's Daryl's, who you called the redneck."

He tossed his glass of rum at her and shot over to her, grabbing her by her shoulders. "The fuck did you just say?!"

––

"I'm sure it's just Andrea." Amy hurried after Merle, waving the girls back into her bedroom. "I'll get a towel—"

Thunder clashed and the lights snapped off, Amy gasped and groaned, and Merle had a bad feeling about all of this, and Amy gripped his sleeve. She wanted to know where he was, and she didn't want him running off to do anything stupid.

"Am, let go." He tried to shrug her off, but she didn't let go. "Go back in your room with the girls."

"What? No way!"

"I'm gonna check the fuse box. Where's it?"

"Uh, no! It's all the way outside on the other side of the garage! It's cold, and raining outside! You'll only get sick. Look, I'll start a fire, and we can get some blankets and just wait the storm out."

"Other side of the garage, huh?" He removed her hand. "Where the flashlights?"

She groaned. "Hold on, I'll go with you." She opened the hall closet and dug out two flashlights, handing him one.

"No, you ain't. Stay with the girls."

"Merle." She grabbed his arm. "I am not your girlfriend or someone you can boss around, so just shut up and follow my lead."

He snorted. "Like hell. Stay put or I'm just gonna drag your ass back inside."

"If this was a horror film, you'd be the first to die!" Amy called after him.

He flipped her off and kept walking.

She scoffed a chuckle and rolled her eyes. She clicked on her flashlight and went to check on the girls. They were huddled up on the floor by her bed, and she helped them up. Paige gripped her mom's hand and held onto it tightly, and Penny held herself tightly with her arms.

"It's all right. The power just went out. Merle went to check on it."

"Alone?" Paige exclaimed. "He could get hurt! Mommy, somebody's out there!"

"No one is going to be out in this weather," Amy insisted. "C'mon, let's get upstairs. Andrea has a big bed in the guest bedroom up there, and when Merle gets back, we'll all stay in there, okay?"

"I'll be fine in my own room." Penny walked out the door.

"That's good to know, but you're staying with me under my roof, so my rules. Take your spoiled behind upstairs to the guest bedroom now." Amy picked up Paige and headed upstairs.

"Told you she was a jerk," Paige whispered.

"Yeah, yeah." Amy set her down on the bed and grabbed the blanket off the couch. "Under the covers."

Penny crawled onto the bed. "I don't want that man to sleep in the same room with us."

"Well, too bad." Amy handed Paige the flashlight and grabbed the small out of the drawer. "He's a good guy, and I'm gonna go check on him. Stay warm, and don't fight."

Penny glanced at Paige, Paige held the flashlight away from her, and Amy headed downstairs to see how Merle was doing with the fuse box, going to her room to dig out either a raincoat or umbrella.

Merle found the wires in the fuse box cut, but the power was down throughout the entire neighborhood, so whoever cut them wanted Amy to not be able to call for help even when the power came back on. Someone was going to try and hurt Amy and the girls tonight. He knew something was off. He just felt something strange, like someone was watching them when he pulled in. There was no way in hell anybody was hurting his girls and...Penny?

He hurried back inside, soaked to the bone and found a fire roaring. He set the flashlight on the counter and went over to the fireplace to warm himself up, not caring about the muddy prints he tracked inside. Andrea could kill him later.

"You're back." She tossed a raincoat onto the couch. "Oh, you made a fire! That's great!"

He frowned. "Didn't you...make the fire?"

"No, I was digging out my rain coat." She saw the confusion in his eyes. "Didn't...you make it?"

"No."

"Mommy!" Paige screamed.

They bolted up the stairs and down the hall to the guest bedroom, but the door was shut and locked and the girls were pounding on it, trying to escape. Merle moved Amy aside and told the girls to get back, and he kicked the door in. They ran out and gripped Amy's arms.

"There's a huge bug inside!" Penny shuddered.

"A—bug?" Amy sighed, relieved only slightly.

"What's wrong?" Paige could sense the tension between her parents.

"There may be—"

"Shhh," Merle interrupted her, hearing something downstairs then the song came blaring at them. It was a peice of classical music that Amy used to dance to while practicing with Felix.

Penny jumped and gripped Amy's sleeve tighter. "What's going on?"

"Do you have a weapon?" Merle demanded. "A gun or anythin'?"

"No, I don't." She then nodded. "But Andrea does! It's in her room."

"Take the girls into her room and get the gun. I'll come and get y'all as soon I got that ass downstairs under control."

"Merle, no!" Amy shook her head.

"I ain't arguin'. Take the girls and go now!" Merle's eyes were intense and smoldering, and Amy didn't want to fight with him, so she nodded. "Then move." He headed downstairs.

"C'mon, girls." Amy all but pushed them to Andrea's room. She closed and locked the door, looking for the gun. She didn't know where Andrea kept it, but her hiding places were obvious. She checked her drawers, but there was nothing there, just clothes and an adult novel.

"Mommy, what do we do?" Paige whispered.

"Hide in the closet." Amy checked under the bed. "The closet!" She ran inside and looked for the gun, hearing a thud downstairs. Her heart jumped. She swallowed and looked at the door. What if it someone was downstairs? She knew Merle liked to joke, and even if they weren't funny, he'd string her along for quite sometime. She was hoping this was all an elaborate joke to get back at her for saying she was terminating his paternal rights. She didn't want someone to actually be downstairs, possibly hurting Merle. She didn't to believe someone could possibly come into this room and change her world for the worst. Or Paige's and Penny's.

She shook her head. If someone was downstairs, she needed to protect herself and the girls. If Merle was injured, she would have to stop this person from hurting any of them to get to Merle and help him. She needed that gun. She had to focused on the damn gun.

"My dad has a gun," Penny told Amy. "It's in a silver case, like a briefcase."

"Does he?" She climbed onto the shelves to look. What the hell, Andrea? Where did she put the fucking gun?

"Amy!" Merle shouted.

She fell off the shelf and cried out at the pain that shot through her. "Jesus." She took a quick breath, trying to ease the pain, and she felt absolutely queasy. Okay. Okay, get up. She pushed herself up, seeing the door wide open. Oh, fuck! "Oh, my God, Paige!" She shot up and ran to the door, seeing Paige at the top of the stairs. "Paige!" She gripped her side. Son of a bitch. "Get back here!"

A man came up the stairs, Amy paled and tried to get to her daughter, but Merle showed up right behind him, yanking him down the stairs by his collar and scooping up Paige. He ran down the hall and handed her to Amy, Paige was shaking against her mom's arms. Suddenly a gun—_the_ gun Amy had been looking for—was fired.

– – –

Carol covered her face as the glass was tossed at her, the gun fell to the floor when Ed grabbed her up, and she cringed at his hot breath in her face. She reacted instantly, her elbow colliding with his cheek, and she slammed her foot down on his, getting free. The gun had fallen somewhere out of sight, but she still had the Python.

Ed stumbled back, touching his cheek as blood slowly ran down his jaw. "So, that redneck taught you how to fight."

"No, my _sister_ taught me how to fight." She met his eyes. "My name is Carol Greene. You don't know the first thing about who I am. You never did."

He chuckled. "I've always hoped this day would come." He grabbed the table and chucked it at her, she ducked, and he charged at her.

_Just see how my body moves and retaliate.** Don't** cower. **Don't be scared**. Carol, _**move**! _**Duck**! **Faster**! That's it, come on! **Don't slow down**! You slow down, and that might be the **last** thing you do. _With Maggie's voice in her ear, Carol moved to the side at the last minute, Ed slammed into the table, the vase of rocks shattering, and he groaned.

She walked over to him and slammed her boot into the small of his back, he cried out, and she gripped his hair. "Tell me where they are!" she growled.

He smirked. "Your little bitch is rotting in the woods, feeding the crows."

She bashed his face into the table.

"_Ed? What is it? What's wrong?" Carol closed the door to their bedroom, having just put Sophia down for the night. "You look upset."_

_He clenched his jaw and stood up, striking her across the face so hard her nose began to bleed. "You worthless bitch!"_

Carol released his hair, he took that moment to try and elbow her in the stomach, but she moved back. She wasn't going to kill him. She needed answers. She walked backwards towards the living room again, her eyes challenging him, and he wiped blood from his mouth. "Look, the police are on their way. You can't hide them for long."

"Oh, the police? What do they have on me?" He smirked.

She narrowed her eyes. "What did you do to Seth?"

He approached her; she kept the distance between them. "I didn't do anything. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time." He slapped her in the face, knocking her to the floor. "Just like you."

She caught his foot when tried to kick her and brought her own foot up and made sharp contact with his groin. She rolled onto her hands and knees, watching him double over in pain. She licked the blood from her lip and rose.

"_You're home ear—" _

_He grabbed her waist and kissed her hard, not allowing her to finish speaking. He ripped through her blouse and shoved her back onto the bed. He removed her shorts and belt, tossing them to the side, and Carol tried to sit up, tried to move away, but he didn't let her. _

"_Ed, no, stop." She pushed on his chest. "Ed, wait, please." She squeezed her thighs together tightly, pushing on him to try and get him to stop, but he gripped her thigh and jerked it away from the other. She cried out and let out a small scream when he slammed into her. She didn't want this. She didn't like it. She wanted him to stop, but he wasn't._

_Tears rolled down her cheeks as she turned away from him, seeing movement by the door. In the doorway, holding onto her stuffed bunny, was Sophia. She didn't remembered; she was too young to even know what was going on._

"_Ed, Sophia's in the doorway," Carol whispered. _

_He stilled and looked over his shoulder. "Get out!" he shouted. "Get your ass out!"_

"_Don't talk to her like that!" Carol slapped him by accident, trying to get out from underneath him._

_His eyes pulsated, and he his hand closed tightly around her throat, choking her. She gasped and struggled, but he was stronger, bigger. Soon, she could almost feel her heart slowing down, and she couldn't get air into her lungs. He stopped only then and backhanded her across the face. "Don't you **ever** fucking touch me like that again! Do you understand me?"_

With a shot of anger coursing through her, she kicked him in the face, he landed in the glass from the coffee table, and she smashed her foot into his chest. "Where are they?!"

He looked up at her, that smug smirk still on his lips. "Fuck you!"

She wanted nothing more than to slam her boot into his face, but she couldn't do that. She added pressure to his chest then moved back, trying to calm her anger as he coughed, trying to breathe. She inhaled sharply and faced him. "Tell me where they are. I won't ask again."

He chuckled. "Ask m—"

She grabbed a piece of glass from the floor and thrust it into his thigh, not caring that she'd sliced open her calm in doing so. "Where?!"

All that came out of his mouth were curse words, and she looked down on him with such ire.

"_Yes, that's right." Carol smiled at her daughter. "That's equals six."_

_Sophia smiled back. "Can I have a cookie?"_

"_Sure." She pushed herself up off the floor and went into the kitchen, seeing Ed's suitcase propped against the table. She pulled down the cookie jar and set two on a napkin as Ed walked out of their bedroom. "Leaving?"_

"_Put those up. You're a damn hippo as it is." He adjusted his tie._

"_These are for Sophia."_

"_Sure, they are." He grabbed the napkin and tossed it into the trash. _

"_Ed!"_

_Sophia covered her ears at the sound of Ed smacking her mom, looking around. She grabbed a wooden block and ran into the kitchen as Ed went to smack her mom again. "Stop!" She tossed the block at him. _

_Carol ran to move in front of Sophia. "Don't!"_

_A muscle in his jaw jumped as he looked down on his wife._

"_Go to your room, honey." Carol walked her. "Go. Listen to your music."_

_Sophia ran into her room, grabbed her CD player and played** Seven Devils** by Florence and The Machine, hoping her obedience helped her mom._

_Ed opened the door to the basement and nodded his head, Carol shook her head no, so he grabbed by the waist and hauled her down the stairs. He tossed her down the last two, she landed roughly on her knees and groaned. The door shut, the light was gone, and Carol stood up._

_He pushed her against the wall and lifted her dress up, Carol closed her eyes and found a place that was far away from there as Ed unzipped his pants. After he was done, he tossed her into the closet. "I'll see you in a week." He locked the door and left._

"_A—week? No! Ed!" She pounded on the door. "Ed!"_

_He locked the basement door._

"_Sophia!" She screamed. "Sophia! No...God." She collapsed onto the floor. "Sophia..." She sobbed. Who would look after Sophia? Who would make sure she got her medicine? Who would tend to her bruised knees and torn shorts? An entire week down here?_

_She pulled her legs in and closed her hands around her locket, praying that Sophia would be all right if she were to die down there. _

Carol scoffed. "You're a pathetic man."

He pushed himself up, taking deep breaths as blood gushed out of the wound. "You're a dumb cunt."

"At least I'm not the reason some poor woman lost her life!" Carol shouted. "Samantha North?"

His eyes darkened and anger settled over his face. "Where did you hear that name?"

"I read about her, heard her **begging** you to let her go." She pulled her phone out of her pocket and played a recording. "_My name is Nora Samantha North. If anybody finds this and it's too late to save me, please take my body back to my family if I'm dead._"

He shot up, Carol kicked his injured thigh, and he fell to his knees, groaning.

"_**Is anybody out there?! Hello?! I'm down here! Please, can't you hear me?! I'm down here! Help me! Please, I'm down here!**_"

"It wasn't supposed to be like that!" Tears appeared in his eyes. "I just—I just—It wasn't supposed to be like that!"

"You stalked me," Carol spat. "Chapter after chapter, it was all about you following me around campus, just because I looked like her!"

"You never compared to Samantha," Ed growled. "She was a goddess; you're a mealy worm."

"She's dead, and I'm alive," Carol corrected. "Her family didn't even know why she killed herself, because you kept the damn recorder!"

"And your family will never know why you failed them," Ed shot back. "They're both worm food now, Carol. The man was too much trouble, always fighting, always demanding to know where Sophia was, where you were, so I shoot him right between the eyes. He was a god damned coward."

Her chest tightened. Daryl's dead?

"And the little bitch? She was too damn loud, just like her pussy mother. Victoria couldn't keep her silent with toys and gifts, so she gave her a sedative. She kept giving her sedatives, and the little roach OD'd. Justice, it seems."

She studied his face, his eyes were hard, and he was trying to stand up again. She didn't see a lie in his face, and she snapped. She jerked him to her by his collar and bashed her phone into his face, over and over, putting more rage and strength behind each blow. She saw red, all red, and that's what became of Ed's face.

She dropped him when he stopped grunting and groaning and wriggling for freedom, and she stumbled back, her phone destroyed, and she let it fall to the floor. She looked at her blood soaked hand and sobbed. They were gone... Her baby girl was gone. Daryl was gone. God, no. No, no, no, no.

She tripped back again, her back against the wall, and she bent over, seeing the damage she'd done to Ed's face. She retched onto the wooden floors at the sight and groaned. She covered her mouth with her clean hand, snuffling and sobbing softly. She needed to get to the police station. She had to make sure Seth was all right and that the book had gotten there. They could look into his property, find her baby girl, find Daryl.

She walked on wobbly legs toward the door, wiping her mouth on her sleeve, and she reached for the door. Crying out in pain as her own blood splattered onto the floor and the glass to the front door shattered, she fell to her knees, gripping the wound and looking back at Ed who was wielding the Glock. She quickly grabbed the Python and shot Ed through the forehead.

Their bodies landed on the floor, guns falling from their limps hands, and blood oozed from their wounds.

– – –

"Merle!" Amy screamed, setting Paige down quickly and trying to reach him to drag him into the room, but a man stood at the end of the hall, gun trained on her. "What the hell do you want?!"

He looked at her, head tilting as he walked slowly toward her. "Amy."

She stared at him through blurry eyes, gasping as she remembered who this man with the crazed eyes was. "P—Paul?"

"Oh, Amy." He practically ran to reach her, but Merle trapped his foot with both of his legs and twisted so that Gareth fell to his knees, the gun falling out of his hand.

"Get the hell outta here," Merle shouted at Amy, not able to keep Gareth still as the world grew darker and darker.

"No!" Amy grabbed the gun and pointed it at Gareth. "Girls, get back!"

Penny grabbed Paige and led her into the closet, holding her still, but it was really difficult, because Paige kept strugglingd, wanting to be with her parents. Penny covered her mouth and sat on Paige's back when she didn't stop wriggling, and she told her to stop softly, but Paige wouldn't.

Amy's hands shook as she aimed the gun at Gareth, eyes wide in fear and disbelief. "**You were dead! Merle said you were dead! Tomas shot you! Right in the head! The papers said you were dead!**" Her voice was booming and breaking at the same time, air with shock and horror.

"I wasn't dead, though I barely survived." He freed himself of Merle's grasp as Merle started to black out from blood loss. "I saw your face in my head, over and over, every single night. They tried to keep me from you, but I got out. I searched for you. I had to find you. I took on many jobs to try and get money for my equipment to find you. So many jobs, so many names." He stood up and moved the gun gently out of his way as he closed the space between them. "You saved me; I had to save you too."

"S—save me?" She shook her head, tears falling down her cheeks.

"I saw him try to rape you." Gareth gripped her cheeks, wiping away her tears. "It's okay. You're safe now. I'll protect you. Always protect you." He wiped away her tears. "It'll be just the two of us."

She shook against him. "P—Paige," she managed.

His eyes were aflame at the mention of her daughter, and his hands went to her throat. "**NO! You are mine! My savior! My salvation! Only mine! No more playing!**" He watched color rise on her beautiful face then he rested his forehead on hers, his nose brushing against her cheek, and he kissed her, loosening his grip. "I love you."

_**You taught me the courage of stars before you left.**_

_**How light carries on endlessly, even after death.**_

She shot him in the head, his blood splattering onto the wall, and he dropped like a sack of potatoes. She coughed and dropped to her knees, still gripping the gun. She saw Merle and crawled over to him, seeing the entry wound in his lower abdomen. She caught her breath and set the gun down beside her on the floor. "Merle?" She set her hands over the wound and added pressure. "Merle?"

He let out a groan at the pressure.

"Here." She moved his hands to the wound. "I'll be right back." He didn't make a sound. "Merle? No, no, Merle, baby, wake up."

"Ahh," he grunted.

"Add pressure. I have to call for help." She ran downstairs and to the bathroom where Andrea had an emergency cell phone taped inside the cabinet just in case anything happened. It was always charged and had minutes. She called 911 as she rushed back to Merle, telling them the address and what happened. She used her shoulder to keep the phone to her ear and added pressure to the wound, smiling when he groaned, and she let the phone fall when the call ended. She felt his blood cover her skin, and she was terrified. There was so much blood—on his shirt, his jeans, on her hands, on the floor. She didn't know how he was still alive, still conscious.

"Merle?" She shook his chest. "Hey!"

"Is'my favorite shirt," he murmured.

She laughed softly. "I'll make sure to buy you a new one."

He shook his head a little. "Ain't th' sa..." he trailed off.

_**With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite.**_

_**How rare and beautiful it is to even exist.**_

"M—Merle? Merle!" She reached over and checked his pulse; it was fluttery, but still there. "Don't you dare die on me, Merle Dixon. I will never forgive you for that."

He was still.

"You're a hero," Amy told him. "You save us all, so you gotta fight this. You have to fight this, 'cause the paramedics are on the way. C'mon, damn it!" Tears splashed onto her blood-caked hands. "Don't do this to me. Don't do this to Paige. Merle, please, fight."

He was unresponsive.

_**I couldn't help but ask for you to say it all again.**_

_**I tried to write it down but I could never find a pen.**_

Her heart was racing in her chest, fearing his heart was stilling in his chest. She was screaming at him, desperate and dying slowly at the thought of him now opening his eyes ever again. "You have so much to live for. You have me and our daughter. You can't give up. You're a fighter. You always have been, so fight now!" Then softer, "I can't lose you, Merle. I love you. I've always loved you." She dropped her head onto his chest, keeping pressure on his wound, her entire body shaking. "Don't give up. Please, don't give up. I love you so much."

_**I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time,**_

_**That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes.**_

"I love you so much, please, God. Please."

Paige stared with wide, horrified eyes at her mom and dad and the man who had broken into the house. She saw so much blood everywhere. It was like one of her nosebleeds, only she knew this was hurting him. He was dying, wasn't he? Dad was dying. Why was Daddy dying? What happened? "No." Paige's eyes filled with tears. She didn't even get to tell him how much she loved him. She didn't get to tell him anything. "Dad." She sat on the floor by his head. "Daddy?"

"Please, please, Merle," Amy begged.

"Dad?"

**_I love you so much, please!_**

_**I couldn't help but ask for you to say it all again.**_

_**I tried to write it down but I could never find a pen.**_

Carol felt the world slip away from her, the cold floor and the pain were gone. She was surrounded by warmth and felt as if she were with loved ones. She felt as if she was being lifted up. She wondered if her mother had felt this too when she passed. She knew she was safe and warm. She felt light as if she was floating. It was so eternal. She was going to see her mom again. And her dad. Everything would be all right now. She was going home.

_**I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time,**_

_**That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes.**_

Amy watched as they loaded Merle up into the back of the van, her entire body numb as a cop guided her toward the paramedic. She didn't have the words to tell him she was fine; she hardly felt the pain in her side anymore. She didn't even have the words to tell him what happened. She just kept staring at her bloody hands, feeling the warmth of Merle's blood covering them, even though the blood on her palms was cold and drying.

She fell to her knees, sobbing, and Rick had fallen with her, his attempt to try and catch her before she fell to the ground failing. He wrapped his arms around her comfortingly as she bawled, her tears both sadness and joy as the sound came to her ears. She held onto Rick, her tears soaking into his uniform.

_**With shortness of breath, I'll explain the infinite:**_

_**How rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist**_


	34. Cradled In Love

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

––

_Daryl noticed a car outside their house after Carol left to pick up Penny. He didn't like the look of it. He flicked the lights off and padded up the stairs, grabbing a bag from the hall closet. He entered his daughter's bedroom; Sophia was stretched out on the bed in her pink stripped pajamas, Dee Dee beside her and Ethan on her stomach. He opened a drawer and filled it with a change of clothes for her and a pair of boots since they were first shoes he saw. He set Bella inside the bag with a hole big enough for her to breathe then he picked up Sophia, tucking Ethan into his pocket._

"_Hmm." Sophia groaned. "Five more minutes..."_

"_No, now." He shook her gently. "Hold onto my neck."_

"_Why?" _

"_'Cause I asked you to. As tight as you can."_

_She wrapped her arms around his neck tightly, he unlocked the window and climbed out. She gasped and clung to him like a vine as he did so, and he jumped down when he was two or three feet from the bottom, holding Sophia so she didn't fall. "What's going on, Daddy?"_

"_Shh." He walked over to the fence. "Trust me, okay?"_

_She nodded._

"_Loosen your grip." She did, and he held her up and lifted her over the fence. "Set your feet on the picnic table." She nodded, and he let her go. "Take this. Be real gentle." He handed the bag over to her then climbed over himself. "No splinters?"_

"_No." She looked scared and pale. "Where's Mommy?"_

"_She's fine." He dug the boots out of the bag, Bella glared him for shoving her into a bag and treating her like luggage. She was one sturdy animal. "Put these one. Quick."_

_She sat down on the table and tugged the boots on, he shouldered the bag and held her hand, helping her off the table. They hurried across the lawn and through the gate and into the next yard. He knew tonight was poker night over at Dawn's—an officer who worked at the high school with Tyreese—and Jeanette was bound to be over there. He needed her to do him a favor._

_He knocked on the door, and Dawn opened it. She wore a black t-shirt with jeans, her long chestnut hair down her shoulders, very neat even for a poker game at this time of night. He knew she was very OCD and liked things clean and neat. She was very bossy and by-the-book. He wasn't too fond of her, but she'd never done anything to get on his bad side. "Sorry to interrupt y'all, but I needa see Jeanette."_

"_She's in the dining room." She nodded her heard toward it. _

_They went inside, Daryl asked Dawn if Sophia could change in the bathroom. She nodded and showed Sophia the way to the bathroom with the change of clothes Daryl handed to her, and he left to seek out Jeanette in the dining room where they were probably playing. __Sophia changed into the pants and t-shirt her dad handed to her, folding her pajamas as best she could then exited the bathroom. _

"_Hi, cutie." A woman with curly brown hair smiled at her. "My name's Joan. I'm Dawn's girlfriend."_

_Sophia didn't say anything._

"_This is Sophia," Dawn told her. "One of Jeanette's old students."_

_Joan looked over the little girl's face. "Do you want a brownie?"_

_Sophia smiled a little. "Yes, please."_

_Joan held her hand out, Sophia grasped it, and she led her into the living room, handing her a brownie. Sophia thanked her and set her clothes on the couch beside her before accepting the brownie._

"_No, no, no," Dawn softly cringed at the thought of brownie crumbs on her sofa. Sophia and Joan turned their eyes on her as she reached out to try and protect her couch; Joan gave her Don't look with her eyes, and she cleared her throat. "Milk?"_

"_Please, if you have any," Sophia whispered._

"_We do." Joan smiled warmly at her then went to retrieve it, grabbing Dawn on the way. "Lighten up. She's a kid. She's obviously scared."_

"_The last time you told me to light up, I found a drumstick **in** the couch!"_

"_That was one time." Joan grabbed a glass and filled it with milk. "Let it go."_

_Dawn gripped her arm when she went to pass by her. "At least use a coaster."_

_She smirked and kissed her. "Yes, ma'am."_

_She smacked Joan's ass. "I'll show you "ma'am"."_

_She laughed and returned to Sophia, sitting on the couch beside her. "Here, hon."_

"_Thank you." She smiled._

"_You're welcome." She helped herself to a brownie, seeing Dawn twitching in the kitchen, so she picked up a napkin. Happy? she mouthed._

_She nodded, putting the milk away as Joan hadn't._

_Daryl and Jeanette walked out of the kitchen as Joan let Sophia try one of the peanut butter brownies, Jeanette held Bella in her arms, and Daryl nodded his thanks at her. He spotted Sophia and Dawn's girlfriend on the couch, and he was glad Sophia was smiling. They had to disappear tonight, and since Carol didn't have her phone on her, he couldn't let her know. He just had to trust she would go to Ed, because he was gonna go there too in a few days. He had to get out of Georgia first, make sure these fuckers were off their trail then meet up with Carol._

"_Thanks," he murmured to Dawn._

"_It's fine. We have enough junk here." She crossed her arms. _

"_Do you want some chips?" Joan offered._

"_Oh, God." Dawn dropped her head onto the counter._

_He smirked. "Rain check. We gotta go."_

"_Aw, okay." _

"_Finish eatin' that first," Daryl told his daughter. "Slow or you'll get a stomachache."_

"_I'll wrap some up for you two. We have too many anyhow." Joan hopped up and slid by them to wrap up the brownies and a few cookies._

_Sophia finished her milk and offered the last bite of brownie to her dad. "Here."_

_He reached over and accepted it. "Thanks." He ate it then stuffed her pajamas into the bag._

"_For the road." Joan presented him with the baggie of goodies. _

"_Appreciate it." He set the baggie into the bag on his shoulder. "Y'all take care."_

"_Don't you want to leave out the front door?" Joan pointed to it; Dawn elbowed her. "I mean, you're welcome. Have a safe trip! Let me babysit sometime!"_

"_You're twenty-seven," Dawn reminded her. "Calm down."_

"_I'll remember that for tonight." Joan arched a brow. _

"_I'm still here," Daryl reminded them, "with my five-year-old."_

"_She doesn't know what—"_

_Dawn clamped a hand over her girlfriend's mouth. "Forgive her. She was dropped on her head many times at an early age."_

_Sophia giggled. "Bye."_

_They left the house, Dawn moved her hand and eyed the cat in Jeanette's arm, thinking of the fur it would get all over the furniture, and Joan sighed softly._

"_What?" Dawn locked the door after them._

"_I want a kid."_

_She took the cat from Jeanette and handed it to Joan. "There."_

"_We said we'd talk about it."_

"_Not in front of company."_

_Daryl shook his head and led Sophia toward the shop in the darkness of the night. He had a car there. It was a piece of shit, but it got him where he needed to be. He would get some money from their emergency account, take Sophia somewhere outside New York then rent a car and drive into the city and purchase a semi-decent burner phone. He had to hope Carol grabbed her phone before she left otherwise his plan to call Carol and find someplace to meet up was useless. He should've left one of those damn cards out, but he was too much of a hurry. Shit. He had to let her know they were safe. He would want to know if it was the other way around._

_He knew Sophia was exhausted, and not just because she was yawning and rubbing her eyes. He eventually made her get on his back, and he carried her to the shop. It wasn't really close, but it wasn't too far. He had energy from not doing much that day, so he made it just fine. He buckled Sophia in and covered her up with one of his sweatshirt he'd left here a long time ago. Jacqui had washed it for him, but he forgot about it. It'd keep her warm. He tucked Ethan into her arms before he got into the car and headed toward the airport._

––

_Sophia ate her breakfast of eggs, hash browns, bacon and pancakes as if it was the first meal she'd had in ages, and Daryl couldn't help but chuckle at her. She glared at first then she didn't care. They were both starving. The flight was a frigging nightmare, but they'd made it here safely and undetected. They were going to find a hotel to stay at for the night and buy some clothes since he'd gotten coffee spilled on him. Thankfully it was iced coffee, but he still had the stain on his shirt. He'd tossed it in the trash and was now wearing that sweatshirt, his vest in the duffel bag._

"_Is there anything else I can get you?" The waitress was about twenty-one or so, and he ignored the look she gave him whenever she asked him that question._

"_Some more coffee," he replied. "Another glass of chocolate milk too."_

"_Coming right up." She smiled at him and walked away._

"_When is Mommy coming?" Sophia asked again, finishing off the small stack of pancakes._

"_We'll see her real soon," he promised. _

"_Are we on vacation?" She shifted in her seat. "Is that why Ms. Jeanette has Bella?"_

"_Yeah." He nodded, taking a bite of his own breakfast._

"_I've never been to New York before," Sophia admitted. "Ed has an office here. He would promise we'd vacation here, but he lied." _

"_I ain't ever been on a vacation before," he confessed._

_She smiled then. "I'm glad I get to see with you, Daddy."_

_He smiled back. "You got pepper in your teeth."_

_She stuck her tongue out. _

"_Watch it," he threatened playfully, "I might cut it off."_

_She closed her mouth and glared._

_He laughed. She did have his glare._

––

_Daryl tried to call Carol on their second night_—_Sophia had drained the battery to the phone he bought, so he had to wait for it to charge enough for him to use it_—_but she wouldn't pick up. Her phone was probably off or maybe she didn't take it with her. He didn't know. He was tempted to go to Ed's place, but he didn't want Sophia anywhere near that fucker. If he had someone he knew up here, he would ask them to watch her, but he didn't, so he couldn't. All he could and would do was wait. He would try again in the morning. Jesus, he'd already been trying all day, and he was so worried he could barely eat dinner or lunch. Sophia was noticing, and he wanted Sophia to think this trip was a vacation. He didn't want her to know the real reason they were up there, and he and Carol both swore to never involve Sophia in Ed anymore than she already was. He gave her his word, and he was going to keep his word, even if it was killing him. Also because of his vow to keep it from Sophia, he couldn't do anything as thoroughly as he wanted to, like find Ed's office and demand to know where that bastard was. He thought it would be easy. He'd get into the city, and he would contact Carol and they'd meet up. It wasn't easy. He had no fucking clue where Carol was, and he was losing his fucking mind. He'd chew his nails to the skin, and his lips had cuts from chewing so hard. He couldn't relax. He just couldn't. His mind was alive, but...his body was just so damn exhausted._

_Since Sophia thought this was a vacation, so she wanted to buy gifts and see the sights and make memories as it was both their first vacation. He didn't mind, because he needed to purchase a burner phone and new clothes, but damn, that girl had too much energy. She wanted to go everywhere and do everything, and he did that while trying to call Carol all damn day. Sadly he thought he almost got her once, but no, it was just a false alarm. He hoped she was all right. It was really eating at him that he couldn't contact her. He might have to go to Ed's office and demand to know where the fuck Ed was and demand they watch his kid. _

"_Christ." He ran his hand down his face. If he believed in anything, it was Carol being strong enough to stop Ed and return to him. He believed that._

"_Daddy?" Sophia murmured sleepily._

"_Yeah?"_

"_Can we get a camera and take pictures tomorrow?" She didn't open her eyes or roll over to look at him. "Please?"_

"_We'll see."_

"_Mmm'kay." She exhaled. "I love you, Daddy."_

_He smiled a little. "I love you too. Get some sleep." He kissed the top of her head and flicked the light off, an unsettling feeling creeping up on him. He was worried about Carol, no matter how much he believe in her. Where the hell was she?_

_**Call me! **He was practically willing his phone, seeing it even with the lights off._

– – –

_The paramedics rushed Merle down to the ambulance to get him to the hospital, Amy could hear the men coming for Gareth's body; and she sniffed, unable to wiped her nose due to the blood on her hands, and she noticed a chain on his throat. She reached over and tugged on it, seeing Carol's locket. Quickly, she removed it from his neck and fastened it around her own, standing up and going to the front yard to see where they were taking Merle, which hospital._

_Amy watched as they loaded Merle up into the back of the van, her entire body numb as a cop guided her toward the paramedic. She didn't have the words to tell him she was fine. She didn't even have the words to tell him what happened. She just kept staring at her bloody hands, feeling the warmth of Merle's blood covering them, even though the blood was cold and drying. _

––

"Amy!" Andrea ran over to her, crossing the lobby of the hospital and hugged her little sister. "Oh, thank God, you're okay!"

"Andrea." She buried her face in her sister's shoulder, not caring about the pain in her side.

"Paige?" She pulled back. "Oh, my God, where's Paige?"

"Getting a pop with Penny." She nodded her head toward them. "Did you bring me a change of clothes?"

"Yes." She handed the clothes. "Jeans, a sweater and your tennis shoes."

"Thanks. I really appreciate it." She shouldered the bag. "Watch the girls?"

"Of course." She smiled.

Amy made her way to the bathroom, stepping into a stall and immediately shimming out of her bloody clothes, wincing at the pain in her side. She knew she would get looked at, but she didn't care about herself right now. Merle was in surgery, and she wanted to be with him when he woke up. She wanted to be the first person to see him, and she would be. She could deal with a little pain until then.

She tugged the black jeans Andrea had brought up, biting down on her bottom lip as the pain shot through her, tingling her nerves in such a way that she felt like passing out. She ignored the feeling and removed her bra, finding it, too, had blood on it. She discovered happily that Andrea had brought a bra with her too. She nearly threw up when she had to latch it, and she stopped for a second, taking several deep breaths, trying to make sure her knees wouldn't give out on her, and she swallowed.

"Okay," she told herself. "Okay." She dug out the off white cashmere sweater that **definitely** didn't belong to her, but she didn't even care. It didn't smell like blood, and it was soft. She cried out softly when she raised her arms, and she decided she would get herself looked at. She was being stupid, and nobody would approve of this, not even Merle. He would probably kick her ass into an exam room and hold her down while the doctors looked at her. He was in surgery, and it was going to take them time to dig out the bullet and repair whatever the hell needed repaired. They were at the hospital anyhow. She didn't need Paige to worry about her mother and father. Paige had enough worries. God, her baby was going to need so much therapy. And she would need therapy too. She...

"No." She shook her head and opened the stall door, gripping the strap to the bag. Not now. She exited the bathroom and she asked Andrea to watch the girls while she went to see a nurse.

"Why? Is something wrong?"

She set the bag down beside her sister, feeling Carol's locket against her skin, almost causing her to shiver. "No! No, I just... I don't know. I may have a broken rib." She braced herself for Andrea's reaction.

"Oh, my God, Amy!" Andrea exclaimed.

"I said may!" Amy shushed her when the girls looked at them. "It's probably nothing, or just bruised, you know? Look, I want to make sure. Just watch the girls, and I will be right back."

Andrea sighed. "You're going to be the death of me!"

"I love you." She walked away.

She sat down beside her niece and crossed her legs. "Maybe I _don't_ want a nephew." She ran a hand through her hair, seeing Paige become a little pale. "Are you okay, Paige?"

She nodded a little, her eyes wide.

"Is this about the man who broke into the house?"

She nodded once more.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," she whispered. "I just wanna forget."

Andrea scooted closer and put her arm around her niece's shoulders, not saying anything.

– – –

_Shawn went to see his dad. Sasha was extremely grumpy today, so he left Michonne try and calm her down since when he tried, she slammed the door in his face after breaking his favorite and most expensive camera with impressive strength he didn't ever want to know she had. He tried to talk it out, but that only made it worse. In the end, he wrote her a note and tapped it to the top of her favorite snack and left when Michonne arrived. He needed to talk to someone who wasn't moody or pregnant or hated. Preferably someone who also didn't get a period. That really only left his dad, because Ty and T were busy with the shop._

"_Hell... When did you get a cat?" Shawn pointed to the fat kitten in his dad's lap._

"_It's not mine, and no cussing in the house." Hershel set his Bible down. "And her name is Bella."_

"_I was going to say "Hello". The cat threw me off." He took a seat. "Bella. Whose is she?"_

"_Daryl and Carol's."_

"_Why did they give you their cat? I thought you didn't like cats. They hiss and scratch and are—Hold up." He shot up. "Aren't you supposed to be with Sophia right now? Holy crowbar, what did I miss?! Where is my niece?! My sister?! My...whatever Daryl is to me?!"_

"_Calm down." Hershel motioned for him to sit, but he didn't. "Daryl took Sophia out of state, because some men were outside their house. I bet Carol went after them."_

"_How do you know that?" He eyed his father._

"_He told Jeanette the night he left with Sophia, and she dropped Bella off here the other night."_

"_Okay. Now, "I bet"? **"I bet"?!** What the hell does that mean, Dad?! Where—where was Daryl going? Or Carol?" _

"_I don't know. He didn't tell me that. And what did I just tell about cussing in the house?" he scolded._

"_Dad, that is **so** not important right now! Men were stalking Carol's house! Carol, do you remember her? My little sister, your daughter? **Hello**!" Shawn was screaming, his heart racing. _

"_I do know. Carol is strong. She's been training with Maggie for this, and I know she'll come back to us. She will." He knew Carol. Carol was smart, resourceful, and she wouldn't do anything stupid. He knew that._

"_Oh, chr—cripes." Shawn pinched the bridge of his nose. "I—I'm going to her house. I'll see you when I see you." _

"_Have a little faith!" Hershel called after him. He knew Carol was going to go to the police. The most danger Carol would probably be in would be going into Ed's house or office wearing a wire or something. He knew Carol would be fine. She wouldn't do anything risky. She was very intelligent. She wouldn't do anything to put herself in danger. She had too much to live for to be irrational about this._

"_Yeah, yeah." _

_Shane drove to her house, seeing Daryl's truck in the driveway, but the sight of it didn't ease the knots in his stomach. He was prepared to kick the door in, but it was unlocked. He rushed inside and found a mess inside. The lump in his throat was practically strangling him now. Oh, shit. Oh, shit! This was bad. This place looked worse than it did when Daryl went on a rampage shortly after Carol forced him to divorce her and left._

_He ran upstairs, seeing every room torn apart, and he wondered if someone broke in, but all of Carol's jewelry was still there. His heart was in his stomach, and he ran his hand down his jaw, his blood rushing. "Oh, God." They weren't here when it happened. They weren't here when it happened. Breath, just breath. Or you'll die like a dumbass. Think of the headline. Hell, the twins would laugh their asses off in the womb at that. Christ._

"_What the hell happened?" He looked around their bedroom. His niece and Daryl were all right, but what about his baby sister? He didn't like this one bit. He knew Carol was tough, but this... No. He needed to see her, needed to hear her voice. He needed to grab her shoulders and shake her until she got free and slapped the shit out of him from shaking her. Or punch since she knew how to hit now. He just had to find her, whether or not she wanted to be found. He didn't go after her once before and that bastard abused her physically, verbally and sexually. Fuck that. He wasn't going to let that happen again. It was time to do some Nancy Drewing._

_He looked through the house, trying to find a note or some papers or even a mention of where they were or where they thought Ed might be. Neither Daryl nor Carol had a laptop, so he couldn't look there. Their bedroom was already so trashed, which made it very fucking difficult to find anything relevant from...well, trash. He didn't want to dig too much in case the police came by and thought he did this, but mostly because of the horrifying lingerie he'd seen in the closet. He never needed to know what his baby sister wore for Daryl. He had a very dirty mind to begin with, and it was betraying him at the sight of the lingerie. He wanted to peel his brain out. Oh, God. He needed therapy. He overwhelmed his brain of thought of his wife._

"_Boo!"_

"_Jesus!" Shawn jolted as his wife laughed at him, and he sent her a glare. "What the hell are you doing here?! You scared the shit out of me!"_

"_That was the point. I wanted to talk to you, so I called Hershel. He said you came here." She walked into the room. "He explained what happened with Daryl and Sophia, said you were looking for clues? I couldn't resist spooking you; you looked so focused."_

"_Yes, I was—I am."_

"_Clues for what? Have you seen this house? You won't find anything useful." She looked over the room, really glad that no one was home when people tore it up. "Carol can handle one jackass."_

"_Yes, I know. Girl power and all. Whoo." He scanned under the bed and saw a slip of paper with Carol's handwriting on it. "I don't know if it's just **one** jackass, so I'm going after her."_

"_Carol's become quite capable, and she'll involve the police, so she'll be fine. They'll be back in no time." He didn't look convinced, and Sasha, as worried for Carol and Daryl and Sophia as she was, knew she had to keep calm. Stress wasn't good for the babies, or for her, so she just had to be calm. She knew they would be fine. Daryl wouldn't let anything happen to her or their child. Shawn knew that too. "You know Daryl would never let anything happen to them, right?"_

_He just sighed softly, almost inaudibly._

"_That's a yes." She smiled a little at him. "Look, I'm going to buy some plates and things for them today. Mom and Michonne and Lori are going to help clean this place up. It's best we just try and move on from it, you know? It's what Carol and Daryl will want when they get back. Clinging to the past doesn't help, so we'll give them a ne—"_

_He grabbed piece of paper and rose, interrupting her. "Look, I know my sister can handle herself, but I cannot handle losing my sister, because of one asshole who wants my niece! I am going after her to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid! Say, get shot or killed! She's the only blood family I have left." He shook his head. " I mean—"_

_"I know what you mean, and I get it." She crossed her arms. "You don't want to lose anybody else that you love, but I think you're overreacting. Nothing's happened to prove anybody's been hurt. They just killed a couch, and—"_

_His phone beeped, and he checked it, finding a text. "Oh, shit!" He ran a hand through his hair._

"_What?" She felt her heart skip a beat at his expression, unadulterated stress pouring into her. "Shawn?"_

"_It's from Mag. Amy was attacked last night, and Merle was shot! Christ, Paige was there, and she saw it!" God, that poor little girl. "I gotta get to the hospital and check on her. Check on them all."_

"_Oh, God." Sasha closed her eyes and said a prayer for them then looked at her husband. "Wait, I thought you were looking for Carol." He had the attention span of guppy sometimes._

"_I am. Maybe Amy knows. They're close."_

"_What is that? Stop waving it." She snatched the paper he kept gesturing with. "New York? Did she go there?"_

_He looked at the words written on the paper. "New York? Why the hell not? I'm gonna check with Rick and do some serious pleading, and I might even toss in Michonne being related to Carol by marriage now. Michonne likes Carol anyway, so hopefully it'll work." He took the piece of paper and tossed it onto the floor. "If she did, in fact, go to New York, I'm going after her." He kissed her deeply and set a hand on her belly. "Don't have them without me."_

"_Uh, Shawn!"_

_He sighed, shoving his phone into his back pocket. "Fine, but at least let me name my daughter."_

"_That is not what I meant by that!" She glared. "You can't go to New York!"_

_He set his hands on her cheeks. "She's my baby sister, Sasha, and I already lost her once. I won't lose her again. I'm going after her this time." He kissed her deeply then placed a kiss to her forehead. "I love you, and I will call you soon."_

_She sighed. "I love you too. Be careful, **please**!"_

"_I will be!" _

_God, protect them, please, Sasha prayed._

– – –

_Carol giggled, feeling the chuckle that Daryl gave against her chest, and she rested her head on his shoulder, her finger slipping through his, and she placed a kiss to his breast. She loved being in his arms. It was the only safe place she had anymore. She could die happily right there of old age with him. She hoped she would too._

"_I love you, Daryl Dixon." She didn't move her head, just nuzzled her face into his neck. "I love you more than you can ever know."_

"_I love you too." He stroked her hair. "Nothing's gonna happened. We'll be just fine."_

"_If we're together, we'll be more than** just fine**," she corrected, running her finger across a line on his palm, "we'll be damn near perfect."_

_He snorted. _

"_Especially with Sophia." She kissed his neck. "C'mon, we need to get dressed. Sophia's TV show is probably over."_

"_Lock the door, she'll never know."_

_She smirked. "I think she'll bang on the door and yell for us if we do that, so get up."_

"_You gotta get up first. Wrapped around me like a damn vine."_

_She shifted to straddle him. "All right, I am getting up. Happy?" She kissed his nose and reached for her shirt, pulling it over her torso. "I'm gonna take the first shower, so," she unclasped the necklace he'd just given her and fastened it around his neck, "hold onto my heart for me." _

_He met her eyes. "Always."_

_She smiled and kissed him deeply, lacing her fingers through his._

––

Carol felt life and warmth rush back into her, and slowly she began to recognize small sounds, and she felt something underneath her; it was rough and a little uncomfortable. She could hear beeping, someone was talking, and there was a tapping. It sounded like Shawn when he was flipping through a magazine impatiently waiting for something to happen. Her eyes opened to the horrendous lightening of a hospital. She blinked rapidly, trying to adjust to the light, a groan passing through her dry lips. She lifted her hand to her cheek. She was alive. This was real. Oh, God. She was alive. Thank God.

"Hey, kid." Shawn smiled at her, taking a hold of her hand.

"Wh—?"

"Hey, easy. Easy." He patted her hand. "I'm gonna get the doctor."

She watched him leave then looked around the room, seeing flowers on the table beside her. She reached over to touch them, but the doctor rushed in and told her to be still. She clenched her jaw as white-hot pain ran through her then noticed the bandage on her shoulder. She remembered getting shot by Ed, and she shuddered slightly.

The doctor filled her in on what happened. The arms of God she felt were actually her big brother's arms; he found her at Ed's house and rushed her to the hospital. The warmth was his jacket wrapping around her. She was just out of it. She must have hit her head when she fell. Gosh, that was a little embarrassing. At least no one will ever know. Unless she talked in her sleep. Oof.

"Here you are, honey." The nurse handed Carol some water once the checkup was over. "Easy, small sips."

"Thank you so much." She took the cup and sipped it, coughing a little as it went down.

"How are you feeling?" She fluffed Carol's pillow.

"Oh, you don't have to do that. I'm all right, really, but thank you."

"Mmm-mm." The woman shook her head. "I'm gonna take good care of you. You're a brave woman."

Carol blushed. "Not really."

The nurse simply smiled. "Brave and modest. You'll make a lovely mother."

"Oh, I don't think I'm the best m—wait, what?" Carol shrieked.

She smiled wider. "You're pregnant."

"Oh, my God!" Carol and Shawn proclaimed at the same time.

"Congratulations. I'll bring you something to eat." She patted Carol's foot then left.

"I'm going to throw up." Carol set the water down on the table beside her. "Oh, God. Oh, my God, I'm pregnant. How did this happen?"

He gave her his _you know __**exactly**__ how, moron_ look. "Really?"

"I know _how_ it happened, but I don't know **how** the hell it happened! Holy shit, I'm pregnant. What's Daryl going to think? I mean, he's just—" Her eyes burned. "Daryl..."

"Hey, hey, hey. No tears. He's just fine, Carol. He'll meet us at the airport as soon as you can be released," Shawn told her.

"He—he's alive?" Carol was breathless. "And Sophia?"

He nodded. "They left before the killing of the furniture. We figure the men got pissed that nobody was home and tore the place up. The funeral for the couches will be next Friday; they'll be resting in pieces." Shawn really hoped she wouldn't cry, but she was going to. He could see it, but at least they were happy tears. "Um, the men that broke into your house were arrested last night. They were wanted for something else; the cops didn't tell me. The police were already at Ed's office when they went there to get paid by Ed, unaware that you'd bested him, and they were arrested."

Relief overwhelmed her. It swelled in her chest full to bursting, and she couldn't catch her breath as tears sprang up in her eyes. They were alive. They were here. They came after her, just like Shawn. She wanted to cry and hug Shawn and run to the airport to find Daryl and Sophia. They were okay. Ed was just messing with her. He was most likely just trying to screw with her head, confuse her so that she would make a mistake and then he could subdue her or kill her. She knew Sophia and Daryl were alive. She would've felt it if anything happened to them. In her heart, she would've felt it. Daryl would do anything to protect Sophia, she knew that. She'd always known that. Daryl's a protector, and he always will be.

Shawn handed her a tissue and rubbed her good shoulder, telling her what Daryl had told him when he called, and she sobbed like a baby. Shawn gave her another tissue then another and another and tried to cheer her up. When she settled down, she made a face and asked, "We _figure?_ What does that mean?"

"Well, nobody told the cops back home, and Ed probably wasn't going to pay them until they brought you and Sophia and Daryl in. I'm guessing they were going to demand the money from him, because people are greedy, and they mostly felt they should get paid." He shrugged. "Oh. Don't worry, your house will be as good as new when you return. I promise."

"Yeah, okay. Good, tell me who to thank later." She sniffed then paused. "I'm going to go throw up now."

Shawn waited until Carol came from throwing up and told her what happened in detail now that she wasn't going to burst into tears. Daryl had contacted him an hour or two after Shawn got into the city—Daryl was likely going to ask him to call Karen or somebody to try and help to locate Carol or Ed—and told him he was looking for Carol. They said it at the same time really, but unfortunately Daryl was stuck in traffic outside the city, so Shawn had to look for her himself. He found Ed's office, and a dangerously flirtatious assistant who really needed to stop with the cleavage; he could see the top of a tattoo she had on her... Well, he managed to flirt Ed's address out of her anyhow. Michonne would've killed him, but that didn't matter. He arrived at the house just in time to help his sister, and **that's** all that mattered.

"Why isn't Daryl coming here?" Carol ate a spoonful of pudding once the story had been told and every detail had been repeated just because Shawn knew they were from Daryl's mouth unlike her.

"Because I didn't tell him you were in the hospital." He braced himself, but she didn't freak out. "We'll tell him in person. He knows Ed's dead and that's that. It's all okay now." He set his hand over hers. "You did it, kid. I'm proud of you."

"Proud of me?" She stared at him, her eyes telling him of her pain. "I _killed_ a man. That's nothing to be proud of."

"You went there without any protection, and you had no intention of killing him. You were just going to walk away, and **that's** what I'm proud of." He smiled at her. "It's over. All you have to do is talk to the police. They'll be here soon, probably. The nightmare has ended, kid."

She swallowed hard. "No, it's not over. Not just yet."

He frowned.

– – –

Merle woke up with a strong desire for a glass of whiskey. He knew he was in the hospital, and he expected to wake up alone, but there was Amy, gripping his hand in her sleep, and there was Paige, curled up in the seat beside her mom. He smiled to himself. They were there for him. Well, fuck, somebody was there for him, and it wasn't Daryl. Which made him wonder where the hell his baby brother was at a time like this.

He saw the wound on his lower abdomen. "Damn pussy," he murmured about Paul.

Amy stirred, her lips brushing across his hand, and her eyes opened and met his. "Oh, my God." She sat up and smiled. "You're awake."

"You're droolin'."

She blushed and covered her mouth with her hand. "I'm so sorry. Did I drool on you?"

He chuckled, but it turned quickly into a fit of coughs.

"Easy there, Hero-Man." She stood up. "I'll get Dr. Stookey."

"What, no kiss?" he mused.

She stopped then walked over him, searching his eyes, and he narrowed his slightly. She kissed him, caressing his cheek, and she parted his lip, not caring if she had bad morning breath or if he did. He was awake and recovering. She needed this. After the last few nights, she really needed this. God, his mouth felt so good.

Distantly, the device that monitored his heart started to sound as his heartbeat began to steadily increase, and she pulled back, smiling at him and nuzzling her forehead against his. "I'll get the doctor."

"Good idea."

She kissed him once more than called to Bob who was right outside. She excused herself to the bathroom as Bob did his checkup. She took one of the painkillers the doctors gave her, and she fixed her hair and blouse then stepped out of the bathroom, catching the last of the conversation. She woke up her daughter, who was thrilled to see her dad wake.

As soon as Bob left, Amy helped her daughter onto the bed and Paige hugged Merle tightly. He chuckled softly, telling her she was being silly, that he was fine, but he didn't let her go. He was glad she was all right. He'd been worried when that asshole almost got to her. Thankfully he was faster. He knew Amy was injured. He'd seen the way she gripped her side when she excused herself to the bathroom, and he would ask her about it later. For now, he wanted something to eat. Goddamn, he was ravenous.

"Jacqui's going to bring some food for you." Amy was sitting on the bed with him two hours later. She'd gone home—meaning to her parents' house—to shower and brush her teeth. She left Paige with Jacqui, because Paige wanted to help make her dad something to eat, and Andrea was hanging out with Penny at the farm since the house was a bloody mess. Her parents were going to come by the hospital sometime in the next few hours to check in and take her to dinner and get the whole story. She didn't want to leave for hours, but she did need to eat decent food. Only after Merle got his.

"What food?"

"Baked chicken with salad, green beans and red potatoes." She glared slightly at the face he made. "It's healthy, and you need to heal." She set her hand over the wound, not adding any pressure. "You can stay with us when they release you, and I'll take care of you."

"You would?"

She nodded. "I can make you decent dinners and lunches and breakfast with Paige's help, because she'll want to make you food. I can make sure your wound doesn't get infected as well."

"How 'bout baths? They in this deal?" He smirked.

She brushed her fingertip over his abs. "Yes, they are." She lifted her eyes to his then kissed him once.

"C'mere."

She crawled over him, heeding his wound, and she curled up against his good side, his arm around her waist, and she rested her head on his shoulder. She exhaled softly and blinked back tears. "I didn't want to talk about the attack with Paige here, because she's still scared. She'll probably have to go to therapy too. Seeing a dead body and all of that blood..." She shook her head, unable to finish.

"You kept her safe." He reached over and gripped her chin. "You did."

"No, **you** kept her safe, and I am eternally thankful for you for saving Paige. If you hadn't grabbed her, I know he would've killed her." She gripped his hand and interlocked their fingers. "I don't even want to think about what could've happened if you hadn't come to the house."

"You don't got to, and don't thank me. 'Course I saved her. She's my kid. _Our_ kid," he corrected.

"I know, but I'm still thankful." She wiped at her eyes with her free hand.

He hated to see her in tears, so he tried to make her smile. "How thankful?" he teased. She shifted to look at his face then she reached under the blanket, gripping him through his boxers, and he let out a short chuckle. "Door's unlocked, sugar."

"So?" She ran her thumb up and down his length, her eyes never leaving his. "It doesn't bother me."

"Amy?" a voice called from outside the door.

Oh, shit! She nearly fell off the bed at the sound of her mother's voice. She quickly moved her hand and rested it in her lap. "It's unlocked." She hoped she wasn't blushing. Even if she wasn't, her mom would probably figure out what was going on. She really, really hoped her mom didn't even try to figure out why she was blushing.

The door opened, and Maura walked inside with a gift basket. It was full of nuts and fruits with balloons attached and a plant. Merle looked the woman over and mentally rolled his eyes at the look of her, but he didn't let that show. This was Amy's mother, his daughter's grandmother. They were family because of that little Oops. He would be as respectful as she was.

"You brought him a gift?" Amy slipped off the bed. "You didn't have to."

"Now, don't go puttin' words in my mouth," Merle told her.

She rolled her eyes at him.

"I wanted to. After all, he saved my daughter and granddaughter. I hope you like it." She set the basket on the chair beside his bed. "There's some chocolate, fruits, nuts and jerky inside."

"Mom, there's whiskey in this." Amy peered into the basket. "And two shot glasses."

"That too."

Merle grinned. He liked this woman. "Well, thank you, ma'am."

"You're not drinking this," Amy informed him. "Once you've recovered, yes, but not a second before."

"Amy," Maura chastised. "The man just saved your life and your daughter's life; he deserves the whole damn brewery, but all I could get was one bottle. For now, anyway."

"I'll have to share it with you," Merle told her. "Thank you..Mrs. Horvath."

"No, thank you, and please, call me Maura."

"Well then, thank you, Maura." He smiled a little at the woman.

"So, how are you?" Maura asked. "I'll feel better if I know you're in good hands."

Amy studied the ring on her index finger as a blush crept across her face.

"Well, I am. Got morphine, got my woman, I feel pretty damn good."

Amy peered at him, her lips pulling upward at him saying _my woman._

"I'm glad." She turned to Amy. "We'll be back in an hour to pick you up, darling."

Amy nodded. "Thanks." She climbed off the bed and gave her mother a hug. "I'll see you soon."

"Walk me to the elevator?"

"Um, sure." Amy glanced at Merle then followed her mom out. "Did you want to discuss something? Can't it wait until tonight?"

"No, it cannot." She pointed to Merle's room. "Marry that man."

"Excuse me?" Amy blushed brightly. "**What?!**"

"I saw you two before I entered, all wrapped up in each other. It's obvious you love him and he loves you. He's the father of your child, and he risked his life to protect you both, not to mention he's handsome as hell."

"Oh, my God, Mom!" Amy covered her face with her hands that was burning hot enough to cook a turkey as she went on about Merle's...broad hands and well-built body. "This is worse than you embarrassing me at my eighth grade graduation. You're seriously really **killing** me." She never wanted to know she and her mom shared the same taste in men. Oh, hell! Was her dad like Merle? Ew, ew. She was going to need so much therapy after this.

"Oh, Amy, don't be childish."

"What's next?" She moved her hands to cross them over her chest. "Tips on how to give you more grandchildren?"

"Well, it helps if you have an orgasm, but I doubt he has a problem with that."

"Are—are my ears bleeding? I think my brain is melting out of my ears too." She swallowed the urge to vomit and cringed. "An hour, please go now. I love you, but I can't look at you right now."

She laughed. "Take care of him, darling."

She shuddered and went back to the room, cringing slightly before closing the door. "I'm disturbed."

Merle was munching on the jerky. "Why?"

"You don't wanna know." She shook her head. "I wonder how long until we can—"

"I'd risk it now," he interrupted her.

"Cute. I was going to say, I wonder how long until we can go back home. The place is going to be a mess and Andrea's sending a cleaner over sometime. We're going to stay with our parents until it's clean. I just hope it's clean before you're released."

"I stand by my statement."

"I bet you do." She scanned the contents of the basket. "I think she made this herself."

"That's good, ain't it? Means she likes me."

"Mom likes most people." She leaned against the bed. "It's Dad who you have to worry about. He never got to protect me from boys and sex, so he'll probably try now. He already hates you, because he thinks you took my virginity."

"Might as well have."

"Excuse me?" Her brows shot up. "What did you just say?"

"No offense, Am, but you weren't all that experienced. At first, anyway."

"Well, I learned from you, and you've been with how much of this state?" She saw his eyes flash, and she knew he didn't like that type of teasing. It was weird. He did before. What changed? "I just meant—"

"I know what you meant," he grumbled.

A beat.

"Can I ask you something about that night?" she whispered, not sure if she wanted to know.

"What 'bout it?" His eyes bored into hers as he chewed on a bite of jerky.

"That last time...did we... Did you...make love to me?" She could barely meet his eyes.

He chewed for a long time on that bite of jerky. "Yeah..."

"So...do you love me?"

Color crossed his cheeks, and she wished she had a camera, because it was probably the first and last time Merle Dixon **blushed.** "I do."

She smiled. "I love you too."

"Yeah, I know. Kept screamin' it at me, remember?" He was back to normal so quick. "Only took me gettin' shot."

"If I were you, I would watch how you talk to me. Otherwise, you'll have a very unpleasant stay here." She smirked. "I'll see you tonight."

"Where're you goin'?"

"To get your dinner." She kissed him. "Don't drink that whiskey, please. You don't need it."

He smirked. "Be careful out there."

She nodded. "You too. No harassing the nurses."

"We'll see."

She smiled. "We will."

– – –

"All right, I ran from my hotel because I couldn't get a taxi, and I haven't had coffee nor have I had anything to eat, so I'm exhausted and starving and hoping this was worth it." Shawn adjusted his collar. "What's up, kid?"

"I got a sonogram." She turned it over for him to see. "Look."

He climbed onto the bed and took the sonogram. "Carol, I love you, but I hate you too." He looked it over. "It's a peanut. Yay." He flopped back onto her legs and rested the picture over his eyes, groaning and catching his breath. "God, I need coffee."

She laughed. "Well, at least you can drink coffee." She sighed. "I want to go home."

He blew at the picture until it was off his eyes. "Let's go. AMA."

"You are the champion of bad ideas." She plucked the sonogram off his forehead. "Let's do it."

He pointed to the bag he'd dropped in the doorway. "I brought you some clothes."

"Jeans?"

"I think so. I went into some frilly place and gave the woman your size then let her find you something." He rolled off the bed. "I told her your style."

"And my style is?"

"Anything comfortable, at least for right now." He picked up the bag and dropped it at her feet. "All right, we have this." He held up a navy blue blouse, setting it on the bed. "And some black jeans." He tossed them beside the shirt. "I bought you some new boots too." He pulled the box out. "There's underclothes in here too."

"Thank you."

"If you need help, let me know. I don't want you to strain yourself." He pointed to hall. "I'm gonna talk to the doctor."

She nodded. "Thanks."

"I wasn't going to lose you again," he told her, "not to Ed."

"You're going to make me cry."

"Well, you used all the tissue, and I don't want snot on my sleeves, so...you look fat."

She laughed. "Get outta my room, jerk!" She watched him leave then slid off the bed. She pulled out the underclothes and found a brush inside the bag, both tooth and hair. She washed her face and scrubbed the grime off her teeth then dressed. She avoided using her right shoulder as much as possible, but she was right-handed, and she kept having to check herself. It was maddening, but she was adjusting. She had two places to visit before she saw her family again.

––

Carol wanted to pay her respects to the woman who didn't survive Ed's twisted version of a relationship. She and Shawn had spent some time working on the recording Samantha had left for her family, and Carol wanted to make sure the family got it. The police had spoken to them, no doubt, as Ed's black book reached them, and Carol knew their wounds were bleeding again. She wanted to give them Samantha's words to help heal them. She just hoped they'd let her.

Shawn waited on the steps as Carol knocked on the door to the North's house. After flirting with one of the officers, she managed to sneak a peek at the address on the file that was lying open on his desk. She was nervous, but it had to be done.

The door opened to a gray-haired man with sad emerald eyes. He looked her over and his mouth fell open as tears rose up in his eyes. "Forgive me." He waved a hand to his eyes. "You looked just like my departed daughter, young lady."

"I know." She smiled at him a little. "My name is Carol Greene. I know you probably heard my name mentioned when the police came to tell you the truth about Samantha's suicide."

He nodded. "You were married to the man who took my little girl."

"I know Ed has caused you and your family unspeakable pain, but if you would let me in, I would like to speak with you. Please, it's important."

He glanced down at Shawn. "Is that your brother?"

"Yeah, that's Shawn, my older brother."

"Well, get him and come on inside. I just made some biscuits, and it would be awfully rude of me to make a pregnant woman stand in the doorway to my home and talk to me."

"How do you know I'm pregnant?"

"You've got that glow about you."

Exchanging a glance when Mr. North's back was turned, Shawn gave his sister a nod, and she returned it. Shawn and Carol walked into the house after him, he showed them to the kitchen and offered them a biscuit; Carol declined, but Shawn accepted two. The man gave them a glass of juice each and sat down, folding his arms over the table and looked at the young woman who resembled his daughter so.

"What do you want to discuss?"

"First, I want to give my condolences." She gave him a sympathetic smile. "I've lost a child too. I know how this feels."

"So young too." He blinked back tears and swallowed hard. "After losing my Mary to cancer when Sami was ten, I made a promise to protect her and Donny—that's her brother—for the rest of my life." His shoulders shook and he covered his mouth with his hand.

Carol set her hand on his arm and squeezed it consolingly.

Shawn didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything. He stopped eating, because it seemed really rude, and he wasn't hungry anymore anyway. He rested his hands in his lap and looked at his sister then Mr. North.

"When they told me my little girl had killed herself, I knew—_**I knew**_—that bastard had something to do with it." He inhaled sharply. "My little girl was strong and loved life. It nearly killed her to—to..."

"To abort her child," Carol finished.

"She wanted to keep it," his voice was low, "but I knew the risks, so did she. All the doctors told her she shouldn't have children, because of her chronic kidney condition, so we agreed to abort the baby. I think she hated me for that, but I couldn't lose her. I just couldn't."

"She wasn't mad at you in the end," Carol whispered. "She loved you."

He looked at her. "How could you possibly know that? How do you know any of this?"

She met his eyes. "Ed abused me the same way he abused Samantha, only I had a choice to leave, but fool that I was, I didn't, not for a long time." She felt Shawn's hand touched her hand lightly, encouraging her. "I left him, but things happened, and I had to go back to him again. When I did, I came across a book. He had a recorder inside, and she left something for you, Donny and her grandmother." She reached into her pocket and pulled the flash drive out. "She wanted to make sure you got this, and I wanted to make sure too, so here."

He eyed it for a long time then closed his fingers around it. "Well, thank you, Carol."

"You're welcome." She rose. "We have a flight to catch, and I'll leave you listen to that. Have a good day, Mr. North." She started for the door with Shawn.

"It's Alex." He caught up to them before they left. "May I ask one thing?"

"Yes?"

"That baby... It isn't his, is it?"

"God, no!" She probably looked as disgusted as she sounded. "This baby is my boyfriend's."

He nodded. "Good. I'm glad you got away from that son of a bitch." Swallowing his anger at a man who no longer lived, he smiled. "Thank you again."

"Your daughter was a fighter," Carol told him, "right up until the end."

Tears appeared once more. "I never doubted that."

Carol smiled. "Goodbye, Alex."

They left the house, Carol was feeling really good, but they had one last stop before they headed home. They went to the cemetery where Nora Samantha North was buried, Shawn said a prayer for her, and Carol set a bouquet on her grave. She removed the necklace Daryl had given her and bent down, setting it on the soil. On the other side of the gem was an engraved Cherokee rose, and since Carol couldn't give her a real one, she would give her this one. It was full of love and would never wither.

She fastened the chain back onto her neck after making sure the heart was safely tucked into the grass. "I will never forget you," Carol whispered, feeling a connection to the woman who lost her life too young. "Rest now, it's **over**."

––

"Any pain?" Shawn asked, adjusting their one bag on his shoulder in the airport.

She nodded. "I'll managed."

"Don't push yourself, kid."

"Shawn, I'll be fine. All I need is for my—"

"Mommy! Mommy!"

Carol inhaled sharply at the name and voice. She turned on her heel, and Sophia ran over to her; Carol dropped to her knees to greet her, and Sophia hugged her tightly. "Oh, my baby." Carol kissed her cheek. "Oh, Sophia!"

"Mommy." Sophia smiled widely. "I missed you _so_ much, Mommy!"

"I missed you too." Carol stroked her hair.

"Hey, easy, munchkin." Shawn bent down. "Easy, she's hurt."

Sophia pulled back and stuck her tongue out at him. "You're rude."

"You're rude," Shawn shot back. "Sticking your tongue out at me, glaring at me. I got no hug."

Sophia didn't move from her mother's arms.

"That's just fine. I'll remember this on Christmas."

"I'm just kidding." Sophia hugged him.

Carol laughed and looked over as Daryl made his way through the crowd, having a harder time getting over to her than the short five-year-old who could walk through legs and thin spaces. She rose as he stopped in front of her, and she studied him. He was in good shape. He was wearing his leather vest with a black button-down and black jeans, same brown boots. It was Daryl, all Daryl. Her eyes burned, and she wrapped her arms around his waist.

He buried his face in her hair, his arms moving around her shoulders, and he kissed the top of her head. "Oh, God." She was small and firm in his arms. He was worried he wouldn't be able to do this ever again when Shawn called him that third time. He was foolish. Of course he would be able to do this again and probably for the rest of his life. It was Carol; she always came back to him. "I love you," he whispered into her ear, his grip tightening, and Carol softly cried out in pain.

"Hey, watch the shoulder wound." Shawn held Sophia. "Oh, and she's pregnant, by the way. Congrats."

"Shawn!" Carol growled.

"What?" he defended. "I didn't even get a heads up, so why should he?"

"Pregnant?" Sophia's brows furrowed. "Like the bunny in class?"

"Sort of." Carol rested her head on Daryl's chest. "In nine months, you'll have a baby brother or sister."

She gasped. "Oh, my gosh, yay! I want a baby brother!"

"It doesn't work like that, munchkin." Shawn adjusted her. "Maybe she'll give you two siblings."

"You know what, go get me an apple juice and shut up," Carol demanded teasingly.

He stuck his tongue out and carried Sophia off to purchase a juice for them.

"You're pregnant?" Daryl pulled her back, holding her at arm's length. "How—how long have you known? After what happened—is the baby okay? Are you okay?"

"I didn't know until the nurse told me," she confessed. "I threw up a few times, but I thought it was just nerves and revulsion. Clearly, I was wrong. And I am okay, so is the baby."

"Your shoulder? Shawn mentioned your shoulder."

"I was shot."

His face grew dark. "That bastard shot you?"

"Yes, but now that bastard is dead, and I'm alive and forming life now as we speak, so please, let it go. He isn't worth any of our thoughts."

He gripped her arms tenderly, dropping his forehead to hers, and he exhaled roughly. "All right, no more thoughts on Ed." He kissed her once, very brief, because he didn't want to get people's attention, but at the feel of her mouth, he couldn't pull away. He wrapped one arm around her waist and cupped her cheek with the other, savoring the taste of her lips. God damn, he'd missed her.

Carol broke the kiss and rested her forehead on his collarbone. "Jesus, Daryl."

He would've chuckled, but he didn't have the air to spare.

"Let's go home."

"Yeah."

She slipped her fingers through his and kissed him once more.

"Here, tongue this." Shawn handed her a bottle of apple juice.

"Shawn Tanner Greene, I am this close to making your children fatherless." She snatched the bottle and glowered at him.

"We have a flight to catch, so we'll finish this back home. I'd hate to start a screaming match in the middle of the airport in a different state. Your ass will be yelled at when we land in Georgia," he assured her. "Don't ever use that word, Sophia."

"Give me my child." Carol stuffed the bottle into her purse and held her arms out.

"Do you want me or your mommy?" Shawn asked Sophia.

"You," Sophia replied.

"Ha ha!" Shawn grinned. "Besides, injured."

"You bought her candy, didn't you?"

"We really should be going." He turned and walked away.

"That's a yes." Daryl took her hand and followed after him.

– – –

"Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad!" Amy tried to stop him by blocking the door to Merle's room with her body. Their evening had gone so well. They talked about the attack, Amy told them about what happened with Merle and with Gareth, and Allen seemed impressed at Merle for saving someone other than himself. Amy knew her father had heard a lot of different things about Merle, and she knew Allen Horvath was **never** very fond of changing his set opinion of someone. It was one of his many flaws. "This isn't necessary."

Paige looked between her grandfather and mother. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Amy's eyes never left her father's. "Don't do this. Please, Dad, you promised. He saved us—"

"Amy, I love you, but you need to let me speak to this man, especially if you and he are going to start a relationship." He wasn't backing down. "Move aside, please."

She let out a defeated sigh and moved aside. "We'll wait out here then. No yelling."

He entered the door and closed the door.

"Don't eavesdrop," Maura scolded her daughter, "it's rude."

"Oh, it's Dad!" Amy softly hissed, bending down and adjusting her skirt, pressing her ear to the door. "He used to do this to us when Andrea and I were in school and had friends over." Mostly when they were mad at him, and they didn't tell them how they were. He was so annoying some days.

"Amy." Andrea chuckled. "You're being ridiculous."

"Shh, I can't hear."

Inside the room, Allen sat down in the chair by Merle's bed, and Merle eyed the man. He didn't know who he was, but by the eye color and the glaring look of hate, he assumed this wheezer was Amy's old man. He wore a suit, probably for their dinner, but he'd lost the tie. He still looked like a jackass, and Merle knew this wasn't going to end well; he was never parent-material, and he did violate his youngest. This would be interesting.

"So, you're Merle Dixon." Allen studied him. "I've heard quite a lot about you."

"I'm sure you have."

"Hmm." He ran his eyes over Merle's face and gave a head shake. "I can honestly say, I haven't slightest idea why my daughter is so fond of you."

Merle bitterly smirked, but held his tongue.

"I'm Allen Horvath, but I'm sure you've worked that out for yourself." He rubbed his palms together. "I've been spending many years wondering what manner of men my daughter had come in contact with: abusive men, drug dealers, rapists... The list goes on, but it seems she managed to find all of them in one man. It's sadly impressive."

"Excuse me?" Merle hissed.

"You used my little girl for **sex**," Allen spat, "swayed her consent with_ drugs and alcohol._ You've hit her too, I've no doubt. Maybe it was once, and maybe it was an accident, but you **hit** her. Instead if seeing her as who she was—a lost little girl who needed to be brought home—you just...took her out and introduced into _your hell_. You put her at **risk**!"

"I didn't do nothin' to or with Amy without her consent," Merle corrected. "Most of the time, it was her idea."

"I'm sure." Allen was bitter and glaring daggers at Merle. "Tell me something. That first time...was that her idea too?" His eyes burned into Merle. "Hmm? Or was it some agreement? She keeps your bed warm, and you let her stay? Is that how it was?"

Merle clenched his jaw.

"Answer me."

"It was my idea, but it wasn't so she would stay. I wanted her gone; it was you and yours that drove her to stay with me."

"You were just going to throw her out? She was a child!" His voice was soft, but his tone was spitting nails. "You were well-connected; you must have known we were looking for her, so you tell me why you never brought her home."

"Because she didn't want to return to y'all and your bullshit."

"That's bullshit. Tell me why for nearly six years I had to worry about my daughter, about what might happen to her, what she might have done to herself." He watched as Merle clenched his jaw, not going to speak. "You never respected her, therefore I can never respect you. You are by far the lowest human being I've ever met."

"I don't need your respect," Merle informed him. "I don't give two shits what you think 'bout me, 'cause at the end of the day, only one opinion matters."

"And whose opinion is that?"

"My kid's."

"My granddaughter has no opinion of you," Allen told him. "You're just a man who knocked her mother up and left."

"Get your ass out of my room."

He rose. "The next time you try and force my daughter to do anything, I'll have your ass thrown in prison for a _very_ **long** time."

"Enough!" Amy barged into the room. "Dad, that was utterly unnecessary! No, don't you dare talk to him like that! He is the best man I met when I was away, the very best!" She held a hand up when Merle tried to speak. "Without him, I would've dead! I would've starved to death or would've been raped and beaten. Merle protected me, kept me fed and taken care of, so you need to show him respect!"

"Amy—"

"No, Mom." She looked at her father, her eyes burning. "If you don't accept Merle into the family, I can't be around you or let you be around **our** child."

Allen didn't react in any way. "You'd do that for him?"

"Yes."

"Because you're in love with him or because you feel obligated to be with him as he saved your life and the life of your child?"

"Because I love him," she hissed. "He's the only thing that's ever been right in my life before I had Paige. He's the only person who's ever seen me for who I am, not who I should be. So, either you make an effort to get to know him and respect him or...you'll _really_ lose me this time."

Allen inhaled then nodded.

Maura and Andrea stood in the doorway with Penny and Paige behind them, Amy waited for her father to say something, and Merle just rubbed the headache Allen had given him away. In the end, Allen didn't say anything. He gave Amy a brisk kiss on the cheek before she jerked away then left with his wife and eldest daughter, taking Penny back with them since neither Phillip nor Carol had contacted them yet. Paige hovered in the doorway, very pale, very silent, and she lowered her eyes to the floor.

Amy scoffed and shook her head, as if to shake off what just happened. "So, how are you feeling tonight?" She walked over to his bed.

"Been better, been worse too."

She sat down. "Paige has something to show you."

"You got somethin' for me?"

She looked up and nodded then walked around to where her mom was, Amy picked her up and set her on her lap, and Paige reached into the pocket of her jacket and pulled out a green gem, a jasper. She held her hand out to her dad. "I found it at Grandma and Grandpa's. It's really pretty."

He looked over the jasper. "Yeah, it is."

"It's reminds me of Mommy's eyes," Paige looked back at her mom and gave her a smile then turned back to her dad, "and it's kinda scratched and bumpy, and that reminded me of you." Her eyes moved to the scar on his side.

Amy rested her chin on Paige's head. "Paige, honey—"

"No, it's okay," Paige cut in. "I like them."

"You gonna name 'em too?" Merle ran his finger over the jasper.

"I can."

"No, I think we're good on not naming them, but you are a sweetie." Amy kissed her daughter's cheek. "So, tell Dad what you did today."

"Oh, yeah!" Paige smiled brightly. "Grandma and Grandpa took me and Penny to this really pretty house, and there was a room full of toys! It was so cool! There were dresses and dolls and tons and tons of video games and stuff!"

Merle listened to his daughter go on and on about her day, but all he could think about was the word 'Dad' coming out of Amy's mouth in a good way, in a happy tone, for the first time ever possibly. He didn't know what to think. He knew their relationship was something more now. He was thirty-one going on thirty-two, so the girlfriend-boyfriend didn't seem just right. He didn't know what they were, other than in a relationship. He wasn't sure how he felt about that, but he would do it right. He would get sober for Paige, for Amy, for Daryl, and for himself. No more slip ups. He was officially a dad now, and he needed to set a damn good example for his little girl.

Once Paige's story was over, Amy went to buy them something to drink, and Merle began to ask Paige about herself: what she liked to do, what was her favorite song, favorite band, favorite subject in school. He wanted to know. Part of him wanted to know her better than Felix ever would, show that twiggy bastard who was the better father.

"I like dark purple." She picked out cashews in the assorted nuts Maura had given him. "And teal. What about you?"

He shrugged a shoulder. "Don't really matter."

"Oh, come on. You have to have a favorite color!" She ate two cashews. "Mommy likes white and silver."

He pressed his lips together and thought for a moment. "I dunno. Grey or black."

"Those are kinda the same color."

"You asked."

She chewed on her bottom lip. "What's your favorite season?"

"Huntin' season."

She glared, but didn't press. "I love fall. All the pretty colors and foods! And Halloween! Oh, my gosh, I love Halloween!"

He chuckled at her expression. "All the free candy?"

She nodded. "And dressing up! I went as Reid the year before last, and—"

"Who?"

"From _Criminal Minds_," Amy answered, handing Paige the root beer. "That crime about about serial killers and profilers."

"You let her watch that shit?" His voice was soft so Paige wouldn't hear him cuss.

"I don't let her do anything. She creeps into my room, and I play it from time to time when I can't sleep." She shrugged and crossed her legs after sitting down. "No harm done. She like the process of how they single out the unsub, not the killing itself."

"What else do you let her watch?"

"Don't fight," Paige begged before her mom could speak. "Please, don't fight."

"We're not fighting," Amy assured her with a smile. "He's just judging me and my parenting abilities."

"With good reason," he murmured.

"What was that?" She arched a brow.

"Mommy!" Paige begged. "Dad, stop it!"

"This year," Amy changed the subject, "we will be going as Katniss and Prim. It's from_ The Hunger Games_. I just have to figure out how I'm going to braid that mess of curls." She was just saying that to tease Paige. She loved to tease her about her hair. One day when Paige was older, that wouldn't be a joke.

"They're not that bad, Mommy." Paige rolled her eyes.

"Fine. I'll remember that when you're sixteen and have broken your fiftieth hairbrush," Amy grumbled. "Not that bad, psh. _I'm_ the one who does your hair, so of course you'd say that."

"What's your favorite song?" Merle asked his daughter.

She shrugged. "I don't have one."

"How can you not?"

"I just don't." She had more cashews.

Merle turned to Amy. "None?"

"She likes classical music," Amy offered. "Some country, a little pop. I don't know where she gets that from to be honest." She reached over and helped herself to the pecans.

"Hmm, okay then." He picked at the assorted nuts, finding a few almonds. "How 'bout candy? What's your favorite candy car?"

– – –

As the night went on, Paige passed out in the chair beside the bed, sleeping like a rock surprisingly, and Amy moved onto the bed with Merle. They were watching some sport, and Amy became a little restless. She shifted beside him, her hand on his bare chest, and her eyes met his Adam's apple. She kissed his throat, not really interested in the sport that was playing on the TV. She ran her hand down his chest, he stopped paying attention to the game when her hand slipped into his boxers, and he hissed out a breath when her delicate fingers wrapped around him.

"Shhh," she whispered by his ear. "We really don't want to wake Paige."

He gave a barely noticeable nod.

She watched his face as she worked him, taking pleasure in the low groans in his throat and the way his body reacted to her. She'd done this for him twice before—once one purpose, the other out of spite—and she pressed a kiss to his jaw, and she moved up further to steals his moans. She wanted to do something for him, not as a thank you, but to show him how much he meant to her, and since he was injured, she couldn't fully show him just yet.

She watched him come, kissing him to the muffle the moan, and she smiled against his mouth.

"Jesus."

"Just me," she mused.

"Give me a warnin' next time."

"Trust me, next time, you'll _definitely_ see me coming."

––

Daryl felt Carol's head on his shoulder, he looked down as she began to fall asleep, and he kissed her forehead. His eyes fell to her belly, imagining how she looked when she was pregnant with Ethan, and he couldn't help but smile. They were going to have a baby. He would have a chance to help teach the little thing how to walk and talk. He wasn't sure if he wanted to change the baby's diaper or not, but he would, especially if Carol went hateful and made him. She wasn't a morning person, and now she wouldn't have coffee. This would be a long nine months.

Arriving at the airport back in Georgia, Daryl went to get their luggage while Shawn called Hershel and Sasha to let them know they were back, and Carol made sure her shoulder wasn't bleeding again. She'd scared some of the passengers when it began to bleed and one of the flight attendance gave her a first aid kit, and Daryl cleaned it and bandaged it for her. It wasn't infected, so that was good.

"Oh...my...God." Shawn's face drained of all color, and he dropped his phone. "Oh, my God!"

"What?" Carol set a hand on his arm. "Shawn?"

"Sash—Sasha's—" he stammered, ghost-white now.

"What? Is she all right? Are the twins all right?"

"The—She—Oh, my God."

Sophia picked up the phone and looked over the text. It read:_** IN LABOR!**_ She held the screen up to let her mom know what it said.

"Oh, my God!" Carol took the phone from her daughter and texted back. "We need to get to the hospital! Shawn, breathe."

"What's wrong?" Daryl hurried over. "I heard you mention the hospital."

"The twins are coming!" She gripped Shawn's arm. "Walk, Shawn, remember? One foot then the other. C'mon."

"Wait, hold on." He pulled his arm back. "I—I need—stuff! I have things—items at the house that I need! Umm, take a taxi to the hospital and stay with her for me. Carol, promise me!" His eyes were wide and pleading. "Please!"

"All right." She nodded. "All right, but hurry."

"Thank you!" He hugged her lightly then ran out of the airport at top speed.

"I'm probably going to regret this." She sighed and turned to Daryl and Sophia, taking Shawn's phone. "Do we have a car here?"

"Yeah."

"Good, because I have to help Sasha through labor until Shawn shows up, and the sooner we get there, the better." She had a feeling this wasn't going to go well with Sasha.

– – –

"Where the hell is Shawn?!" Sasha barked at Carol when she entered the room, riding out a contraction.

"He's on his way." She gave a smile to Jacqui. "He had to...pick up some...things. I don't know what, but we will be here for you until he comes, and he will be here soon. I promise."

She groaned and exhaled. "Great, just what I wanted to hear."

"Well, Beth and Maggie are here." Carol closed the space between them. "And Dad and Daryl and Sophia. Michonne and Ty are on the way, though Michonne might not make it before the twins are born."

"Where's _my_ Dad?" Sasha looked from Carol to her mom. "Mom?"

"I'll go call him, honey." She rubbed Sasha's arm then exited the room.

"So...how are you doing?" Carol gripped her hand.

"Please, ask me anything but **that.**"

"What am I going to be calling my nephew and niece?"

"I don't know what the hell Shawn has come up with for our daughter, but I am naming our son—Aah!" She clenched her jaw, her grip tightening immensely on Carol's hand.

"Just breathe. Shawn will be here soon, I know it."

––

"I hate waitin'." Beth paced the waiting area. "Why can't we go in?"

"Because Sasha doesn't need us crowdin' around her." Maggie flipped through a magazine. "And you're annoyin' on a good day."

"What?" Beth turned.

She smiled. "Sit down and look at a magazine or somethin'."

She sighed and took a seat. "Shawn ain't even here. Why would he ever miss the birth of his children?"

"They're not born yet." Maggie turned the page to the magazine. "He's probably getting somethings for them. You know how he is."

"He's bein' a jerk. Sasha needs him, and all she has is her mom."

"For now, all she has is Carol." Jacqui walked through, going to the parking lot to call T.

Sophia was drawling in the sketchbook that was propped up on her legs, and she kept wondering about her mom being pregnant. She wanted to ask her dad about it, but he was trying to get Uncle Shawn to get to the hospital right now. She looked at her aunts and pressed her lips together. Auntie Beth was a nurse, so she would be able to answer her questions. She waited a few minutes then started to ask, but Maggie accidentally cut her off.

"Where's Daddy?" Maggie checked her watch. "He said he would be here by now."

"He just called." Daryl walked back into the hospital. "He's droppin' the cat back at our house then he's comin'."

"And Shawn?" Beth pressed.

"Well, he's...doin' somethin'." He sat down. "He didn't pick up."

"Oh, God." Beth groaned. "Sasha's goin' to kill him!"

"Ain't much we can do." He shrugged a shoulder and glanced over as Jacqui returned. "Where's T?"

"On the way now. His phone died, so he never got our message. I called the shop, and he's leaving now." She shook her head. "If only my son-in-law had as much sense."

"He'll be here," Daryl assured her. "He will."

"Shawn ain't the best under pressure, but he's reliable," Maggie chimed in.

"Do you think we can get him to pick up some coffees?" Beth asked, and they sent her a glare. "What? _We've_ been with _his_ wife for hours, and he hasn't been here at all! I just want some coffee. And a bear claw."

"A cheese danish," Maggie sighed, suddenly hungry. "And ice cold milk."

Daryl smiled a little when Sophia's stomach growled, and he chuckled. "Fine, I'll go and get some food. Is that what y'all want: a danish, bear claw, milk and coffee?"

"Yes." Beth smiled thankfully at him.

"Thanks." Maggie smiled.

"Sophia?" He stood up.

"Powered doughnuts and chocolate milk, please." She set her colored pencil down.

"Jacqui?"

"Just coffee. My regular, honey." She rubbed her temple.

"What about Mommy?" Sophia titled her head. "The baby needs food too, right?"

"Baby?" Beth looked at her niece then Daryl. "Carol's—Carol's pregnant?"

Daryl closed his eyes and groaned softly.

"Sorry, Daddy." Sophia lowered her eyes to the floor. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He opened his eyes. "Yes, she's pregnant, and I know what she'll want to eat."

"Hey, I'll go with you." Beth hopped up. "That's a lotta stuff to carry and all, so I'll lend my hands. Besides, I'm not needed here."

Maggie ran her tongue over her teeth, eyes narrowed as they left the hospital, and she glanced at Jacqui. "I don't think her hands are all she's lendin'."

Jacqui smirked. "I'm a little busy planning my son-in-law's murder if he doesn't show up soon to think about Daryl." She returned to her daughter's room. "T is on his way."

"And Shawn?"

"Pending." She took her daughter's hand.

"Oh, God." She groaned and gripped Carol's shirt, yanking her down to her face. "If your dumbass brother doesn't get here to see our twins born, I'm going to strangle him with the umbilical cord!"

"Okay." Carol pried her hand off. "Just...breathe. In and out. Pretend I'm Shawn! I can...try to be him. What—what would Shawn do?"

She covered her face with her hands. "If you start singing _Push It _by Salt-n-Pepa when I give birth, I kick your ass!"

"Shawn was going to sing _Push It_ as you gave birth?" Carol gaped. "Why am I surprised? It's Shawn."

Jacqui hid her smile as another contraction coursed through Sasha. If Shawn didn't get here, they would all gang up and kill him.

––

"So..." Beth leaned against the counter as Daryl prepared Jacqui's regular. "Was it planned?"

"No." He made sure the lid was in place and grabbed two bottles of milk both chocolate and regular, and he stuffed them into the bag. "Glenn's bringin' the bear claw and doughnuts and cheese Danish with him fresh from the bakery, so go grab a blueberry bagel from the back. I gotta make...my coffee." He really just didn't want to answer any more questions. She'd been slamming him with questions since they left.

She stepped into the back and grabbed a baggie for the bagel, pulling one out. She set the baggie on the counter and closed the bag with the cold drinks inside of it. "Does this mean y'all are gettin' married?"

"Look, Beth, all I know is people back at the hospital are hungry." He met her big, green eyes. "I'm already a dad, and I've been a husband; right now all I am is a guy gettin' food, so stop with the damn questions! Carol and I haven't even gotten a chance to talk 'bout it."

"But do you wanna get married?" She searched his eyes.

"Christ, yes! Yes, I want to marry Carol. She's the only woman who's ever loved all of me, and who I... There just ain't nobody else. There, are you happy now?"

She smiled. "Very. Let's go, Mr. Greene."

He glared, gathering the coffees and fitting them into a holder.

"So, I'm the godmother, right?" she asked on their way out.

He opened the door. "Do you have an off switch? Or should I grab some tape?"

She smirked. "Just answer me, and we'll be good. I'll be quiet."

"No."

She scoffed. "Why not?"

"I answered."

She glared and followed him to the car. "Jerk."

––

Carol joined her family, smiling at her dad and at Sasha's and nodding. She took a seat beside Daryl, crossing her legs and noticing Beth and Maggie looking at her. She narrowed her eyes and turned to Daryl, but in ran Shawn and stole their attention.

"Where?" He was panting.

"What the hell kept you?" T-dog growled.

"She's fully dilated," Carol replied, rising again and rushing him to the room. "Wait, you can't take this with you."

"Oh, right here." He removed the bag and handed it to her. "Don't open that! I need the contents in perfect condition."

"Fine, but hurry!" She watched him disappear, and she smiled, thankful he'd made it in time. She turned and headed back to the others, taking a seat and tucking the bag in the spare room between her and the arm of the chair. She moved hair out of her face and glanced at her sisters, who immediately looked away. "Okay, what the hell is going on? Do I have something on my face?"

Daryl tipped his coffee back and turned away as she looked from Beth to Maggie to Hershel and then to him. She held a finger at him. "You." She shot up. "Daryl, damn it! We were going to wait!"

He pointed to the cup as to why he wasn't replying.

She plopped back into the seat and crossed her arms. "Today's supposed to be about the twins."

"And it is!" Maggie smiled. "But still, you're pregnant! That's amazin'!"

"How far along are you?" Beth moved beside her. "When did you find out?"

She rubbed her temples. "Okay, please stop talking about it. Please! Tonight is about the babies."

"Then we'll have a big party with only family to celebrate, and you can tell us all about it!" Beth suggested. "Please?"

"And about the sudden disappearance you three did," T-dog added.

Carol lowered her hands to her lap. "I'd rather not talk about that."

Hershel saw the tears in Carol's eyes. "Then we won't. You don't have to tell us anything, Rosy."

"Thanks, Daddy." She gave him a small smile, and Daryl set his hand over hers. "I'm still mad you told."

"I spilled the beans," Sophia confessed. "I'm so sorry, Mommy! I didn't mean to! I didn't know it was a secret!"

"Don't be upset, baby. It's all right. I'm not mad at you; you didn't know."

She nodded.

There was a moment of silence then Beth broke it.

"When did you find out? Was it on purpose?" She crossed her legs and leaned into Carol's seat. "Seriously, how far along are you?"

Carol pulled Daryl's arm closer and buried her face in his shoulder. "Make her stop," she whined.

"We could be here for more hours," Maggie supported Beth. "Just give us some information."

She lifted her head. "Information?"

"Just like teeny, tiny tidbits," Beth begged then said, "I will never have children of my own, and Maggie and Glenn ain't havin' any kids anytime soon, and I'm really, really bored!"

Carol exhaled a little.

"Was it on purpose?" Hershel probed.

"Daddy!" She laughed though. "Fine. I cave. I'll tell you, but after, pretend I didn't say anything."

"After the millions of questions Beth will come up with, we'll have twins to fight over," Glenn told her, "so don't worry about that."

Carol smirked. "No, it wasn't on purpose. I'm about three or four weeks. Um, I don't really remember. It's been a long couple of days, so I'll have to get back to you all on that."

"What do you guys want?" Ty asked.

"Umm," Carol glanced at Daryl, "I want a little boy."

"And you, Daryl?" Jacqui took a seat beside her husband, joining the conversation.

"Don't matter." He shrugged. "Just want it to be healthy."

"And it will be." Maggie pointed to Beth. "She'll be on Carol's ass all day, every day. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks—Beth will be there like white on rice."

"And I can help with morning sickness." Beth met her older sister's eyes. "I've been readin' about pregnancy since I was sixteen, plus it was practically my major in college, so I can help with it."

Carol gripped her sister's hand. "Good to know."

Beth smiled. "I'm here for you, just ask."

Daryl cleared his throat, and they laughed.

"Sorry, Daryl, but babies and stuff—that's my turf, so...back off, they're mine." She wrapped her arms around Carol and hugged her. "Congratulations!"

"Okay, okay, the twins. Can we please focus on them?"

"Just one more minute." Maggie joined the hug.

"Guys, cut it out!" Carol squirmed.

That made Sophia, Glenn, Hershel, Jacqui, T and Ty pile on, and Daryl chuckled, seeing only Carol's hand waving from the arms, and Lilly started snickering at the sight when she walked by, hiding her laughs behind her clipboard, going to get another patient. They were certainly home now. It felt good, and it would all work out. Everything would work out.


	35. I Was Wrong

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

––

"_All right." Andrea walked the length of the couch, speaking to Carol on the house phone. "So, Phillip will be picking Penny up in twenty minutes?"_

"_Yes. I just called him, and it's all sorted."_

"_Good. That little girl is driving Paige insane." She glanced at Paige and Amy, who were making cookies for Merle. "I'll be waiting for him. Oh, and tell Sasha I'll be down there as soon as Mr. Blake and Penny are gone. I can't wait to see those little angels."_

"_Well, those little angels are taking their sweet time. Seriously."_

_She laughed. "Keep them all cute and sleepy for me. I have no idea how to handle a baby. I was horrible with Amy."_

"_I know. You've told me the stories about a million times."_

"_Want to make it a million and one times?"_

"_Um, no. I have to get back in there. Shawn's ass isn't here, so it's just me and Jacqui. Sasha's pissed, and so are we all. All right, my break is up, so I will see you when you get here."_

"_Mmm'kay, bye." She hung up and slipped the phone into her back pocket. "May I have a cookie?"_

"_Of course!" Paige looked over the options and chose a heart-shaped cookie with a green M on it. "Here. Tell me how it tastes! I made this all by myself!"_

_Andrea took the cookie and bit into it, a little tentatively, but it was really good. A little too sweet, but still good. "These are delicious."_

"_Really?" _

"_Really. I just—I need some milk or water."_

_Amy bit back a smirk and grabbed a glass from the cabinet, filling it with milk and handing the glass to her sister. "I told her not to add so much sugar, but she added too much salt, so...sorry."_

_Andrea shrugged, drinking the milk. "It's fine."_

"_I hope Merle likes them." Paige spooned out dough from the last batch. _

"_It's Merle." Andrea sat down on a stool. "He likes anything, especially junk."_

"_I know, but I don't want him to like it just 'cause he likes food. I want him to like them 'cause they're good." _

"_He will." Amy smiled reassuringly at her daughter. "And you can call him Dad. He told you that was all right."_

_She shook her head. _

"_Why not?" Andrea set the cookie on the napkin she'd ripped off the roll._

"_It's too early." She finished spooning out the dough then set the spoon down. "I don't...know that he'll stay," she whispered._

"_What?" _

"_Paige, he'll stay." Amy tucked hair loose from her braid behind her ear. "He wants to be in your life. In our lives."_

"_I don't wanna get my hopes you is all." She shrugged. "The cookies are ready for the oven. I'm gonna go wash my hands." She hopped off the chair and went to the bathroom._

"_Wow, that was depressing. I think I need a hug after that." Andrea crossed her legs. "She doesn't want to get her hopes up? Did you have a five-year-old or a fifty-year-old?"_

"_She's an old soul." Amy picked up the cookie sheet and placed it into the oven, setting the timer. "I'll have to talk to her, explain that Merle is staying, and then talk to Merle. He'll reassure her better than me."_

"_So, you and Merle?" Andrea broke off part of the cookie. "How is that going?"_

_She cocked her hip. "He's injured, and all I want to do is take care of him." She started to clean up the mess of flour and eggs. _

"_You came home completely flush, and you're telling me nothing happened?"_

_She tossed egg shells into the trash. "Yes, nothing."_

"_Uh, lair." _

_She glanced at the hall to see if Paige was coming then looked at her sister. "It wasn't anything special. We've mostly talked, and yes, I may have...done something for him, but that's it."_

"_Okay, lair." She took a drink of milk. "So, are you going to visit Carol and them at the hospital?"_

"_Of course! I'm excited to see the twins!" She pointed to the small basket. "I made it for Sasha and Shawn, mostly so I won't eat my weight in sugar cookies." _

"_Don't forget to give Carol her locket back."_

"_Oh!" Amy set her hand on the locket. "I almost forgot! Thank you for reminding me!"_

"_That's my job." She wiped her hands on her jeans as she finished the cookie._

"_I have so much to do. The studio is getting painted this week, and Dale has list of people who want their kids to be in my class, and soon Paige will be in first grade—first grade, Andrea!" She whimpered softly. "She was just in preschool! Soon, it's gonna be second then ninth then proms and graduation and boyfriends!"_

"_That little girl is going to be a virgin until Merle's took weak to beat someone's ass down."_

_Amy laughed. "Oh, what Merle would do is child's play compared to what I'll do if he becomes an asshole afterward. I'll gut him like a fish."_

_Andrea smiled. "Lighten up. She'll be smart about it."_

"_God, I hope so. I hope she talks to me. I'm so scared she'll stop talking to me." She rolled her eyes to keep the tears back, but Andrea saw them. "I just—I'm scared she'll be like me. She'll become resentful if I get too busy to spend time with her and—and just lash out, and there won't be anything I can do."_

"_Am, don't worry about that now. She's just a kid. Let her be a kid and don't push her."_

"_I'm just emotional this week." She wiped at her eyes. "Damn monthly."_

"_Eat a cookie."_

"_I can't. I already ate a batch of cookie dough." She pulled her sleeves down. "That's why we're baking again today."_

"_Amy, an entire batch?" She nodded. "Next time, come and get me and we'll share."_

_The doorbell rang and sounded through the house._

"_I'll get it." She slipped off the stool and answered the door, finding an attractive brunette in a dark red button-down and jeans with sunglasses on. She smiled politely. "Phillip Blake?"_

_He removed his sunglasses. "Yes, ma'am."_

"_Please, call me Andrea." She stepped aside. "Come inside."_

_He entered. "Hmm."_

"_What?" She paused in calling for Penny._

"_It's nothing. You have a lovely home." He smiled, showing his teeth. _

_Amy narrowed her eyes at Andrea and Phillip. "Hey, Penny!" She then smiled. "I'm Amy."_

"_It's nice to meet you both. I want to thank you for taking care of Penny for me. I really appreciate it."_

"_Don't worry about it. We were glad to help." Andrea crossed her arms. "I'm sorry about your wife."_

_He ducked his head. "Yes, well...thank you."_

"_Daddy!" Penny dropped her bag and ran over to him, he scooped her up and hugged her tightly. "I missed you so much!"_

"_I missed you too, pumpkin." He let out a happy chuckle. "It's so good to see you."_

"_It's good to see you too." _

_He released her. "I wish there was something I could do to make this up to you both. You took time out of your life to watch my daughter, and I am so grateful."_

"_Don't worry about it." Andrea stepped back and picked up Penny's bag. "Just take care of each her."_

_He nodded. "I will. Thank you both."_

_She held out the bag then gave Penny a hug. "Take care, sweetheart."_

"_Thank you, Andrea." She squeezed her then stepped back._

_Amy walked over to them and gave Penny a hug. "Be good, honey." She let her go. "I'll be right back." She retrieved her daughter, and she made her say goodbye. "Be polite."_

_Paige hugged Penny quickly. "Bye. Have a safe flight."_

"_Yeah, thanks." _

_There was an awkward silence then Andrea walked Phillip and Penny out, and Amy was tempted to just attack the cookies in the oven. They'd be all mushy and warm and melt-y._

"_Yes!" Paige softly cheered._

"_Paige," Amy warned._

"_Sorry." Paige still grinned._

– – –

"How does it look?" Daryl asked, looking over the many options of cards for newborns. Since Sasha didn't want anybody in the room just yet—mostly she didn't want them to see her bawling like a baby—they went to get gifts. Carol was at the hospital still, getting her shoulder look at by Dr. Stookey, and Daryl was concerned.

"It's fine—no infection, no torn anything. I just need to be more careful, which I will be, after I hold my niece and nephew."

"Well, I found a card for 'em. Sophia picked up a teddy bear with some balloons."

"Great." She heard someone call her name and turned; it was Shawn. He was waving her over, and she smiled. "I gotta go. I love you." She hung up and walked over to him. "Can I see them?"

"Yeah. Jacqui, T and Tyreese are with her now. It's a sneak peek, so you can't tell anybody this happened. C'mon."

They hurried back to Sasha's room, Jacqui was holding the still nameless baby girl with T-dog behind her, smiling at the beautiful little girl who had her father's complexion, his nose and her mother's mouth, ears and hair. She was so adorable and the definitely the chunky monkey of the two, and she had cute round cheeks. Tyreese was holding the nameless baby boy. He was the exact opposite of his sister with his mother's nose and hair and ears, but his father's complexion, his mouth and even his fingers. He had the same cute cheeks as his sister, and when he was older, Jacqui would probably pinch those cheeks every single time she saw him.

Shawn sat down beside Sasha as Tyreese handed the boy to his aunt, and Shawn gave his wife a loving smile.

Ty noticed the tears in Carol's eyes. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah." She smiled. "I'm great."

"So, this is where everybody is." Hershel walked into the room and stopped by Carol, looking at his first grandson. "Do they have names yet?"

"Not ones we know," T-dog replied. "Unless my granddaughter's name is Baby Girl Greene."

"It's original," Shawn teased.

"Shawn Tanner Greene, you'd better tell me that's not what we have to call our granddaughter," Jacqui scolded, her eyes slicing into his.

"No, that's not her name." He held his arms out, and Jacqui slowly handed the girl over to her father. "Sasha, do you want to go first?"

"No, I want to know what I'm going to call my daughter." She pushed herself up and eyed her husband. "Please tell me it's not Rain or Teagan or anything."

"I am not that st—Teagan? Where did you even hear that?"

"It was in that baby name book." She waved it away. "What's her name?" She prayed it wasn't ridiculous.

"Well, I wanted to wait, but I guess it doesn't matter if I wait or not. You'll all know her name by the end of the day anyhow." He cleared his throat and looked at his daughter. "Everybody, well mostly everybody, I want you to meet Lydia Joann."

Carol smiled a little. "Joann? As in Jo and Anne?"

"Are you going to spell it now too?" Her smile went a little bitter, but still loving. "She looks like a Lydia Joann." He smiled back at her and his father then to his wife. "Do you approve?"

"I love it." Sasha smiled, tears in her eyes again. "It's perfect."

"I know."

"And the boy?" Hershel asked.

"Here." Carol gently passed the boy to Sasha.

"Well, Lydia's big brother's name is Devon Elijah Greene."

"Devon?" Shawn arched a brow.

"It's my grandfather's name," she replied.

"Devon Douglas?"

"I'm sorry, do you have a problem with our son's name?"

"No. It's just... No." He smiled. "At least their names don't start with the same letter."

"I've always hated that."

Carol smiled at them, setting a hand on her stomach unconsciously, and she exhaled softly. Hershel squeezed her arm comfortingly; she moved her hand over his for a moment then excused herself. She took a few quick breaths out in the hall then wiped her eyes. She was so happy for Shawn. They were a beautiful family. They were going to have a good future together, and so was she with Daryl and Sophia. Ed was no longer going to be in their lives. In anybody's life. That was a good thing, a great thing. Samantha's family had peace, and Samantha could rest easy knowing her killer would never hurt anyone else ever again. It all worked out for the best. Ed was gone, Carol was home and pregnant and surrounded by people she loved, and her niece and nephew were beautiful and healthy, and Beth and Maggie and Daryl and Shawn and everyone in her live was in her life. She was blessed, and God let everything work out the way it was meant to. They could all begin again, or just...be.

"What's wrong?" Beth asked with Maggie behind her. "Carol?"

"It's the twins. Gosh, they're so precious. Go and see them." She smiled for their sake.

Beth returned it and went inside.

"You sure that's all?" Maggie pressed.

"Yes. I'm just...a ball of emotions." She crossed her arms. "I wish Mom could see them, you know? She would've been so proud and happy."

Maggie hugged her. "Yes, she would've been." Her eyes were filled with sadness and worry.

"Don't worry about me!" Carol insisted. "Go and see our nice and nephew!"

"I'm here, if you need me." Maggie entered the room after squeezing Carol's arm.

Shawn stepped out and pulled Carol into a hug. "Self-defense is not murder." He rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head. "You did what you had to do to protect yourself and that little peanut. Don't ever think you're a killer, 'cause you're not. You'll never be."

She dug her nails into his back and nodded.

He slowly rocked from right to left, and Carol narrowed her eyes against his shoulder. "_Hey little train! We are all jumping on. The train that goes to the Kingdom._" Carol snorted as he moved them from side to side more. "_We're happy, Ma, we're having fun. And the train ain't even left the station_."

"God, Shawn!" She laughed. "You're such a geek!"

"_Hey, little train! Wait for me! I once was blind but now. _" He chuckled. "_I see have you left a seat for me? Is that such a stretch of the imagination?_"

"Let go of me."

"And smile!" He released her, wearing the biggest, most fake smile ever. "C'mon, you'll get through this. I'm here for you, just with nappies and pacifiers."

She smiled. "I'll be there too, watching you two attempt to handle this."

He thought about it then attacked her with an even tighter hug. "God, don't ever leave me."

She laughed. "Get off me."

"Mommy!" Sophia ran over. "Can we see the babies? Please? Please?"

"Yes, you can, munchkin!" Shawn didn't let go of Carol. "Just get me some tape. I'm not letting the only one of us with baby experience and who can actually stand me leave me."

"Shawn." Daryl was glaring, especially when Carol winced at the pain he was inadvertently causing her. "Let her go."

"Sorry, kid." He released her. "You okay?"

"Yeah." She set a hand over her shoulder. "Go see your cousins, sweetie."

Sophia squealed and ran into the room after Shawn with the bear Daryl had mentioned.

"Truth?" Daryl stepped closer.

She moved her hand and pushed her shirt aside to let him see the bandage; there was no blood, and it was fine. "It's fine." She covered it. "Let's not keep them waiting."

"Wait." He caught her wrist and pulled her back, she met his eyes, and he kissed her softly.

"Hey, break it up." Amy slipped her hand in between their foreheads. "Minor here."

Daryl let out a slight growl as he pulled away and Carol giggled.

"I have a gift for you." Amy reached around and unfastened Carol's locket that was hidden by her shirt. "Close your eyes."

"Um, okay." She closed her eyes.

Amy stepped behind her and clasped the necklace around her neck. "Happy early Christmas."

Carol didn't open her eyes, but her hand flew up to the locket, and her eyes burned. She turned and tackled Amy in a hug with one arm, not letting go of the locket. "Thank you! Thank you so much!"

"You can pay me back by naming your kid after me." She giggled.

"Pssh!"

"A middle name, at least!"

"I'll think about it." She released her. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me." Amy swallowed. She didn't want to be thanked. If she had just found it, maybe, but that wasn't the case. "So, I'm here for the twins, and I brought baked goods. Right, Paige?"

"Yep!" She held up the basket.

"They're totally healthy too," Amy pointed out. "Not that Sasha needs to worry. She was pregnant with twigs apparently. She didn't gain any baby weight, I swear. She carried only in her stomach. What the hell is that? I blew up—ass, face, thighs. It was bad."

Carol laughed. "Well, you look great now."

"Well, I'm not pregnant now," she opened the door to the room, "but I am bloated. I am also going to see those twins."

They entered the room to hold and take pictures of the lives Sasha and Shawn—mostly all Sasha—had brought into the world.

– – –

That night, Amy stared at the ceiling, hearing the clock in the bathroom ticking. She sighed and rolled over onto her back, stacking her hands on her stomach, and she pressed her lips together, checking the time again. It was nine-forty-five. She couldn't sleep again, and when she did sleep, she dreamed of killing Gareth. It was surround-sound and vivid as hell. She could see it in slow motion, watching the blood and tissue spraying onto the door and the floor as his body just...dropped, lifeless. His eyes vacant.

Amy pushed herself up at the sound of whimpering, and she slipped out of bed, walking down the hall to her daughter's bedroom. She rushed inside and over to Paige, setting a hand on her chest and gently shaking her. "Baby, wake up. It's just a nightmare. Wake—"

Lifting her hand, she found warm blood on her palm, and she saw blood spreading across Paige's purple nightgown. Her breath came out in a rush then came the screams.

––

Andrea walked downstairs to get a glass of orange juice for her dry throat, and she heard moaning from down the hall. She set the glass down on the counter then closed the cabinet, listening, and blood curdling screams echoed through the hall. She ran down to the hall and to her sister's room where Paige stood in the doorway with wide eyes, panting as Amy thrashed in the bed.

"Amy!" Andrea gripped her shoulders, pinning her down to stop her from trashing. "Amy!" She gave her a hard shake. "Wake up!"

Her eyes snapped open, sweat coated her brow, and her eyes filled with tears. "A—Andrea?"

"Shh, it's all right. It's over." She hugged her. "Shh."

Amy saw Paige in the doorway with wide eyes, one hand gripped the bottom of her pale blue pajama shirt, and the other cupped against her cheek. Amy noticed the slight swell of her daughter's cheek. She pulled away from her sister and shook her head, moving away as she realized Paige had been in bed with her, and Amy had smacked her in the face in her sleep. "No, no, no, no," she muttered.

"Amy, it's all right." Andrea tried to sooth her, but Amy flinched and turned away. Glancing over her shoulder at her terrified niece, Andrea sighed and crawled off the bed. She picked her up and carried her from the room. She called the one man who would be kind enough to come and pick Paige up and let her spend the night.

"Who you have any idea what time is it?"

"It's time to come and take Paige home with you." Andrea packed her an overnight bag, explaining what happen with Amy and Paige.

"Oh, God. Is she all right?"

"Her cheek is a little swollen, and it might bruise. Amy bruises like a peach, and Paige might too, but I dunno." She zipped up the bag and glanced at Paige, who was sitting on the couch with her jacket and shoes on. "She's shaken up."

"I'll be over there in ten, twenty minutes tops."

"Great. Thank you so much."

"Just make me some coffee."

She laughed. "Okay. That sounds fair. I'll see you soon."

"Bye."

She hung up and checked on Amy. She frowned at the sight of Amy curled up in her bed, crying softly into a pillow. She wanted to comfort her, but she didn't want Paige to hear all of the gory details of Amy's nightmare. Dale would be here soon, and Paige will sleep over there tonight and possibly tomorrow night too. Maybe she could spend some time with Daryl and Carol and Sophia. Right now, Amy needed to focus on herself, and Paige needed to talk to someone wise and someone she could trust. That was Dale. Amy may need therapy. Maybe Shane would know a good therapist; he's a had to kill people in his job, so he might know a good one.

Dale arrived fifteen minutes later and had a cup of coffee while Amy showered. "How is she?"

"Crying her eyes out." She handed Paige a cup of hot coco, smoothing her hair down, careful not to knock the earbud out of her ear. "I don't know if she understands it was him or them in that moment, but I think all she can think about is the fact that she killed a man."

He nodded. "I think we should tell Allen about this."

"What? Why?" She crossed her arms.

"He's her father, and he'll want to know. He may also have a good therapist for her."

"Dale, she's not comfortable talking to Dad about this type of stuff. They're still pissed at each other, because of what happened with Merle." She shook her head. "It won't work."

"Then I'll talk to him. She needs help, Andrea. Maybe even medication."

"Mommy's not crazy." Paige tugged the earbuds out. "She's not!"

Andrea nodded. "I know, sweetheart."

There was a loud thud that came from Amy's room, a soft cry and they all stood still for a moment, not really breathing. Andrea frowned and glanced at Dale then ran down the hall to her sister's room. She threw open the bathroom door, finding Amy on the floor in her robe with blood on her fingertips and wrist, wincing. "Oh, my God!" She gasped, dropping to her knees and finding a piece of broken glass on the floor with blood on it.

"I wasn't," Amy whispered. "I wasn't trying to—"

"I know." She grabbed a washcloth off the rack and wrapped it over Amy's wrist and adding pressure to it. "What happened?"

"I was going to shave my legs since the shower has too much steam, and I can't always see all of the hair, and I filled that glass with water use to clean the razor off—I don't like to waste water—but my hands were still wet, I guess. It...slipped out of my hand and into the sink, and I just automatically reached into the sink to try and catch it... I wasn't thinking."

Andrea nodded.

"I'm not crazy," Amy insisted. "I'm not suicidal."

She met her sister's eyes, seeing fear and worry. Andrea didn't know that Amy was fearful that Andrea might think it _was_ on purpose. It wasn't. She wanted to shave her legs, and she hated to shave in the shower, because the steam made it hard for her to breathe when she too a hot, hot shower like she had. She was worried that Andrea might see her as suicidal, as unfit to raise Paige, and she didn't want the lawyer side of her sister come out to try and get Paige taken away from Amy. Without Paige, she had nothing, and she couldn't bear losing her baby. She couldn't.

"Mommy?" Paige was in the bedroom.

"Don't let her see me like this."

"Dale!" Andrea turned. "Paige, go with Dale."

"But—"

"Go. We love you, and we'll see you soon, okay?"

She reluctantly nodded and left the room, finding Dale and taking his hand. He picked up her bag and left the house with her. Glancing back, Paige worried that her mom might never be the same again.

"This is really deep. You're going to need stitches." Andrea helped her to her feet. "Get dressed, and we'll go to the hospital."

She nodded and silently left the bathroom.

Andrea headed to her bedroom and dressed quickly, running her brush through her hair and grabbing her purse. She met Amy by the door and drove her to the hospital where one of the nurses saw to her wrist while Andrea explained what happened to make it seem like Amy wasn't suicidal. She could see the doctor didn't really believe her, but he didn't press the issue.

"Hey." She smiled at her little sister, who was coming off a sedative. "How do you feel?"

"Weak," she managed to speak. "My tongue feels dry."

"I'll get you some water."

She nodded and closed her eyes, but before Andrea could move, the front door opened with three men. Andrea stared as one of the men came over to her and asked her to move away from the patient, and she narrowed her eyes, turning to the doctor who was standing in the doorway, arms folded over his chest. He gave a nod to the other man who gently lifted Amy up off the bed.

"What the hell are you doing?" Andrew growled, the man in front of her stopping her from lunging at the asshole doctor.

"I believe Ms. Horvath is at risk, and I want her to stay for two or three days, get evaluated. I don't want her to be at any risk."

"At any risk? It was an accident!" Andrea watched as the other man placed Amy down on a gurney outside the room where a nurse led her away. "You can't do this!"

"Actually, they can." Allen entered the room. "Hello, darling."

Andrea blinked and stopped struggling. "Dad, what the hell did you do?"

"Come with me. We'll get a breakfast and talk."

"I don't want breakfast; I want you to stop this bullshit!" She pushed the man out of her way. "Amy is not suicidal! It was a goddamn accident! You're going to make Paige worry unnecessarily, and—"

"Andrea, please, let's discuss this in private."

"In private?" She scoffed. "You care more about your damn reputation than your own daughter! And yes, I know I don't have to yell, but why the hell shouldn't I?!" She stormed out of the room, heading for the exit, but her father caught up to her and grabbed her forearm. "Let go of me." Her tone was sharp.

"Let me explain."

She held her tongue. "Fine. You have ten minutes."

"Let's get something to eat then." He guided her toward the exit.

Twenty minutes later, Andrea sat across from her father, nearly scoffing at the restaurant he chose. He always used to bring Amy and Andrea here on their birthday for a big breakfast before school. It was always fun, but now it was like a sick joke. He wasn't being a father right now. He was just being an asshole. If he was being a father, he wouldn't have had Amy admitted in the hospital for a "suicide attempt".

"Just coffee, thank you." Andrea handed the menu to the server and crossed her legs.

"I'll have egg whites with an English muffin and some fresh fruit," Allen said. "And decaf for me, thank you."

"Coming right up, sir."

Allen waited until she was gone before he met his daughter's eyes, fingers laced together in front of him on the table. "Look, I know you're irate with—"

"Irate? Irate? Oh no, I flew by irate when you walked into that room; I am _pissed_ off." She glowered at him. "You're having her look at like she's some kind of depressed, suicidal head case. It was just an **accident.** She would never resort to suicide or self-harm. I know my sister, and she would never put Paige through that. Or me."

_"Do_ you know her?" Allen challenged. "Has she been hundred percent honest with you since she come back into your life?"

"She has no reason to lie," was all she said.

"She's tried to kill herself before," he informed her. "She was going to let herself drown." Andrea clenched her jaw and said nothing. "She also tried to jump off the roof of their apartment building at some party. If it wasn't for someone named Oscar, she would've died. Paige would've been about three years old."

"How can I believe any of this?" Andrea barked. "You weren't there, so how do I know this isn't bullshit? It wouldn't be the first time you've lied to manipulate somebody."

"Andrea, please. I don't lie to my family, or to anybody." He searched her eyes. "Maura had a word with Merle. He was...a little besotted, however—"

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me." She glared. "You sent Mom to get Merle drunk and confess his darkest secrets to her? What the hell is wrong with you? For Gods sake, have you never heard of asking?! This is why Amy doesn't trust you, because you _always_ go behind her back."

"I didn't have Maura drink with him," he defended. "She just told me when she came home."

She ran a hand through her hair and glanced at the server as she came back with their drinks. She offered a thank you smile then rested her hands in her lap when the server left. "Look, you don't have the full story, so stop. Just stop. I don't care what you have to say. I know Amy. I'm getting her out of there if I have to do it by force."

"Andrea, just let her spend the night. She hasn't been...right in quite some time, and you know it. Let her stay one night."

"Is this because of Merle?" Andrea challenged. "Is it?"

He exhaled deeply. "This isn't about Merle."

"Really? I have a hard time believing that, especially after how you treated him. He's not the bad guy; he's just a man who's made a lot of mistakes. I can forgive him, because Amy loves him and wants to try and have a life with him. Why can't you?"

"Because she deserves better." His voice was tight, his eyes cold. "So does Paige."

She shook her head and rose. "If you do anything more to hurt Amy or Paige, you will lose all of us." She walked out of the restaurant and drove back to the hospital. She demanded to see Amy, and as no one wanted to fight with her, they complied.

Peering in through the window, Andrea spotted her sister. Amy was curled up on a bed, her cut wrist was covered as well as her fingertips, and she appeared to be sleeping. She was so small on the bed, the hospital gown only emphasizing how small she was, how pale she was, and Andrea felt like shit for letting this happen. God, their father was an asshole.

She entered the room and closed the door behind her, making her way over to the bed slowly, not wanting to wake Amy. She wasn't sure if she wanted to be in the room when Amy woke up. She didn't want to explain their father's actions to her, but she wanted to be right there for her little sister. She didn't care what their dad had to say about Amy, whether or not it was true. He didn't have the entire story, and he didn't even have the guts to ask Amy herself. God, he's such a fucking asshole.

"Hmm."

"Amy?" She set her hand over Amy's. "Shh, it's all right."

"No..." She was talking in her sleep. "Please...no. I didn't want to... I didn't..."

Andrea crouched down and set a hand on Amy's hair, moving it away from her face. "I know you didn't want to. Shh, it's all right. Shh." She gently brushed her thumb back and forth across Amy's temple to ease her, to lull her into a quieter sleep. "Shh." She looked over Amy's face. Killing Gareth was killing her, even if it was him or them.

––

"Hey, good morning." Andrea sat down beside Amy, who had just woken up. "I brought breakfast. It's your favorite. Eggs, bacon, cheese on a biscuit." She held the wrapped item out. "It's fresh."

She didn't say anything or look at her.

"Am?" She leaned over and saw her eyes were empty. She then spotted the needle mark on her inner elbow. "What the hell?" She reached over and touched the mark. She set the biscuit down and stormed out of the room to find the doctor. "Hey!" She grabbed his arm. "What the hell did you do to my sister?"

"She threw a fit," he replied. "I didn't want her to be a danger to herself or anyone else, so we sedated her."

"You do no—"

"I'm looking out for her," he interrupted her. "She's very unstable. You've been living with her, and you haven't seen it, have you?" He leaned closer. "Why don't you go back to your rich little world and let me take care of her since you never did."

Fire rose up in her stomach, but she swallowed it. "Yes, doctor." She turned on her heel and returned to Amy's room, closing the door. "Okay, Am, are you here?" She set her hands on Amy's cheeks. "Sis?"

Her eyes drifted up slowly to Andrea's, but she said nothing.

"Okay. I'm here." She removed her hoodie and dressed Amy in it. She was like a doll, not able to even help dress herself, as she was so sedated. This was bullshit, and Andrea was done. Their father was a prick for letting them do this. Amy deserved better. Andrea could forgive him for many things, but not this. He would have to do a hell of a lot before she even considered forgiving him. "Let's stand up."

The door opened, Andrea stood in front of her little sister protectively, but it was only Merle. He was in a blue shirt with jeans, not a hospital gown like he was the last time she saw him. He was probably just released and informed of Amy's accident that had been blown up into a suicide attempt. Paige was mostly likely the one who told him she was injured, and maybe Carol or Felix told him the rest. She couldn't be sure.

"What the fuck is goin' on?" he demanded.

Andrea crossed her arms. "Help me get her the hell out of here, and I'll tell you."

He looked at Amy and a muscle in his jaw jumped. He walked over to her and picked her up, her arms were limp, so he moved one around his neck and the other rested across her stomach, and he made sure the gown covered her behind. She'd lost some weight, and it made him want to kick someone's ass. The woman was small enough already. For fuck's sake, who thought this was a good idea?

They just walked out, the nurses didn't want to bother with Merle Dixon, and Andrea gave Amy's "doctor" a smirked before they exited the building. Andrea gave Amy her gym clothes—a pair of yoga pants and tennis shoes—once the sedative began to wear off, and Merle trashed the hospital gown while Andrea let Amy drink some water.

"Stop, stop." Amy was trying to smack away the water bottle, but she kept missing. "I'm fine...aren't I?"

"You're not fine." Andrea closed the water bottle. "It's Gareth."

Amy swallowed. "I don't want to talk about it."

"You need to."

"I just want to lie down." Amy pinched the bridge of her nose. "I just want to go home. Please, I don't want to talk about it."

"I don't know 'bout y'all," Merle stated, "but I'm damn hungry."

"Me too." Andrea stood up. "We'll stop by the diner, have a little lunch, and we'll head home."

They got into the car, Amy stared out the window from the backseat, Merle looked back at Amy from time to time, as did Andrea, who was driving. It was completely silent and the tension was suffocating them, and it only got worse when Merle turned on the radio. They were all relieved when Andrea pulled in to the diner's parking lot, and both Andrea and Merle got out, but Amy stayed put.

"C'mon, Am." Andrea set her sunglasses on the dashboard.

"I—I'm not hungry." She crossed her arms over her stomach. "I'll just—wait out here."

"In this weather?" She scoffed. "No, Amy, come on. You need to eat."

"I am not hungry." She didn't look at Andrea, just studied the back of the seat in front of her.

Merle opened the door to the backseat and picked Amy up, she gasped and tried to get free, but he held her in his arms. He closed the door with his hip. "Let's go."

"Put me down!" She pushed on his chest. "Merle!"

"Amy."

People in the parking lot were staring to gawk at them, Amy stopped struggling. And as if sensing her defeat, Merle set her down, and she just folded her arms over her chest, leaning against the car. He nodded at Andrea to head on inside, and he waited.

"What?" She didn't look at him.

"Are you gonna look at me?"

She sighed and lifted her head to his. "I don't want to talk about it, just...leave me alone."

"That ain't gonna work." He turned and leaned against the car with her. "You can't just tell me to leave and I'll leave."

It was hard to breathe; her lungs felt like they were burning, as if they were shrinking. The more she thought about how much she didn't want to talk about what happened with Gareth, the more intense that feeling became. She couldn't help the tears that rose up in her eyes and down her cheeks, her shoulders shook, and she wanted to turn away, wanted to hide, but Merle wouldn't let her. "I don't—I can't," was all she could say, the air stuck in her throat.

He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her flush against him. "It's gonna be all right, just try to breathe."

She sobbed louder, not caring if she drew the attention of the people around them, because for the first time since Gareth's death, she was able to feel everything and get it out of her system. Maybe that would be enough. She doubted it.

– – –

She woke up to her alarm clock, but she could feel the smile on her lips. She turned it off, having to lean over Merle, and she accidentally woke him. He normally slept through the alarm. He'd been staying with them since he'd been released from the hospital last week, and Paige loved it, but Amy could see the joy of being wrong about her dad in her eyes whenever Merle woke her up, and it told Amy that Paige was expecting him to not wake her up one day. She wasn't sure how to remedy that, but time would. Merle would.

"Good morning." She smiled at him.

"How'd you sleep?" He always asked when she didn't wake him up by talking.

"I slept well." She adjusted the strap to her nightgown. "Thanks for asking."

"What's the alarm for?"

"In a about two weeks, Paige will be going into first grade, so paperwork must be filled out." She sat up. "Carol and I are taking the girls to the same school, so we agreed to go together. I need to adjust to waking up early."

"First grade. Damn." He ran a hand down his face.

"Do you feel old yet?" She giggled then climbed out of bed. "Okay, I need a shower. God, I'm so exhausted." She opened the drawer, her back to him. "Do not smirk."

He chuckled.

"Go wake up our daughter and make her something to eat." She stepped toward the bathroom. "Something healthy preferably."

"Mmm-hmm. Am?"

"Yeah?" She stopped in the doorway to the bathroom.

"Do you have to see Doc today?"

She smirked. "Her name is Eleanor, and she's more than just a therapist to me. She's a friend." She set her clothes on the counter.

"Well, excuse me, I don't see you invitin' her over for dinner and dessert."

She rolled her eyes, but smirked. "Our next appointment is on Friday at four. Why do you ask?"

"Just wonderin'."

"Well, all right." She closed the door and turned the shower on.

Merle picked up his phone and checked his messages, finding the one message he'd been waiting to get. He glanced over at the bathroom door, pursuing his lips, and he shook his head. In the end, this would have to happen. It was now or never, and he wasn't going to do what his old man did. He just wasn't.

– – –

"You know how this works." Eleanor crossed her legs. "How's the medication working?"

"Great. I've been sleeping really well." Amy was trying not to smile, but she was failing.

"How is Merle?" Eleanor asked, noting the smile.

"Uh, he's...around." She laughed a little then shook her head. "He's been really great. He still has healing to do, but he _is_ healing. Paige really likes having him around, but...I can feel that she's still holding back. I guess I'm not helping much." She dropped her eyes to her nails.

"You're not a bad parent, Amy."

"Not as bad as my father, but still pretty crappy." She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "I feel like I'm just—I don't know. I'm just screwing up so badly lately."

"Why do you say that?"

"For one," she held up a finger, "I almost gave her kiwi, which she is allergic to—it makes her tongue swell up—and for two, I nearly left her at home alone. I was ten minutes down the road when I looked back and saw she wasn't in the back seat. Who the hell forgets their own child? Granted she was hiding from me, but I still should have noticed."

"That doesn't make you a bad mother. Perhaps a little forgetful sure, but not a bad mother."

Amy lifted her eyes to Eleanor's. "I let her watch me murder a man."

"Amy, honey, we've been over this. You—"

"No, Eleanor, listen. It wasn't that I killed him—well, it's not _just_ that I killed him. It's partly that, but mostly...it's that_ I_ made him that way. _I'm_ the reason he went completely nuts and his life become this...distorted...image of what is right and what is wrong. I let that happen, and that's what I can't..." Her voice broke. "And when I try..." She should never have met him. She ruined his life then she took it.

She handed Amy a tissue, and Amy thanked her as she accepted it. "Just breathe, honey. Listen to me, okay?"

––

Once her session was over and Amy was feeling a little less crappy, Eleanor decided to give Merle a call.

––

"Sorry, I'm late." Carol dropped her purse onto the couch as she entered Shawn and Sasha's house, hearing the twins before seeing them. "I had a doctor's appointment, and then I had to—You probably don't care."

"Thank God you're here. I love you, but I really don't care." Sasha stepped out of the nursery, cradling Devon to her chest. "If I had another set of arms, I wouldn't need help. I don't, and your soon-to-be-dead jerk of a brother had "work"."

"Well, I am here. What do you need help with?"

"Everything, mostly for Lydia."

"Then I'll get Lydia."

"Thank you, Carol."

"This is what sisters are for. Besides, if I don't get away from my own child and Daryl who insist on babying me, I'll eat the other two boxes of mint cookies while pretending to shower in the bathroom."

"What?" She laughed.

"Don't ask, just know if this keeps up, I'll be in stretchy pants until my kid's born and maybe after." She found her niece in a—shocking—N7 jumper, crying her eyes out. "Shawn can stay to change her clothes, but not stay to take care of her?"

"That's my husband. I'm a lucky, lucky lady who really needs a drink."

"Like Lemon Soother?" Carol gently scooped up her niece.

"It's been so long I don't even remember what I like to drink anymore. The crying has scrambled my brain."

"Well, neither of us can drink, so I'll make some iced tea."

"Gee, why didn't you come over sooner?"

"I can play Shawn again."

"Normally I would apologize, but I haven't had enough sleep to be nice, so meet the witch with the capital B in me."

She laughed. "All right then. I'll stay for this little cutie pie."

– – –

Amy walked into the house to find Paige and Merle in the kitchen, chopping something to have with dinner. She removed her jacket while Merle set Paige down on the floor, tossing her purse onto the couch, and so when Amy turned, Paige hugged her tightly. She let out a small laughing sound and moved hair from her face to behind her ear.

"Welcome home, Mom."

"Well, it's nice to be home." Amy picked her up and hugged her tighter. "What's the hug for?"

"Do I need a reason?"

"No, I guess not." She smiled. "What have you two been up to?"

"We are making tacos."

"Oh." She really wasn't a fan of tacos, but she didn't let that show. "It smells great in here." She looked over her daughter. "Those are cute." She touched the earrings that were dangling from her daughter's ears then noticed what they were. They weren't just little bumpy rocks. No, they were grenades. She had little grenades dangling from her ears. She would have wondered where the hell Merle had found them, but she could see they were handmade and painted. Merle had made them for her. She knew he made stuff like that from time to time, but usually he burned them or threw them away. She'd forgotten he made things out of wood. He took time to make these for his daughter. That's the sweetest thing he's ever done.

"Do you like them?" Paige tilted her head.

"I do. I just think they're a little inappropriate for a five-year-old."

"When have I ever been appropriate?" Merle retorted. "Dinner's just 'bout ready."

"Okay, true." She set Paige down. "I'm going to wash up."

Paige watched her mom disappear then climbed onto the couch and opened her mom's purse while her dad set the table. She found her mom's wallet, a few pens, an i-Pod and a pack of gum. She also found a small bottle of pills and frowned. "What are these?"

Merle glanced over and then walked over to her. "What are you doin'?"

"You were gonna do it," she shot back. "I just beat you to it."

_Damn, she was his kid._ "Gimme that." He took the bottle gently and discovered it was a prescription by a different doctor than Eleanor. He frowned and saw she'd been taking these for a while. When the hell did she start taking pills? He knew she had some to help her sleep, but this was for an entirely different purpose. How bad did this effect her? Why wasn't she talking to him?

"Oh, oh!" Paige shot up and grabbed the pills, tossing them into her mom's purse and zipping it as Amy walked back into the room. "Hungry?"

"Starving." She looked at the table. "Umm, those aren't tacos."

"The tacos are for me," Paige told her. "I don't like fish."

"You used to like fish," Amy reminded her.

"Not since Grandma and Grandpa got the Koi," she informed her mom. "I don't eat fish anymore."

"Well, thank you for making her tacos instead." She smiled at him. "Go wash up, baby." Paige left the room, and Amy crossed her arms, taking a step closer to Merle. "Don't you hate fish?"

"When did I ever say I hated fish?"

"When I made it."

He smirked. "That's why."

"Oh, you asshole!" She lightly smacked him with her hand. "I can cook just fine!" He arched a brow, but said nothing. His expression said it all. "Fine, I can cook well enough to keep us alive. At least it isn't raw, and at least we don't have—"

He shut her up by placing a short, but sweet kiss to her lips, surprising her. "Just shut up and get some damn forks."

She pursed her lips then met his eyes. "Look, I really need to tal—"

"Mom!" Paige screamed.

"Paige!" Amy's heart stopped, and they both bolted into her bedroom as Paige scrambled out of the bathroom on the floor. Amy dropped to her knees beside her, her arms wrapped tightly around her daughter, and Merle looked into the bathroom, not seeing what made the girl scream like someone was fucking killing her. He turned to Amy and gave a head shake, and Amy exhaled softly, moving hair from Paige's eyes.

"What the hell was the scream for?" Merle asked.

"There's a giant spider!" She was pale, her eyes wide. "It's huge! I could see—and probably count—the hairs on its legs!"

"Oh, c'mon." Merle laughed. "It's a bug."

"Technically, it's an arthropod," Amy corrected, "and she's terrified of spiders."

"Kill it!" Paige demanded, wriggling back into her mom. "Kill it, please!"

"All right, all right. Calm down. Jesus." He scanned the bathroom. "Where is it?"

"I am **not** going in here!" Her eyes grew even wider. "It's by the toilet."

"Where—? Oh. Shit." He bent down. "Huh, yeah, it's a wolf spider."

"I don't care **what** it is; I just want it dead!" She cringed. "Please, please, just get rid of it, Dad. Get rid of it!"

"I'm not gonna kill it just 'cause you're scared of the damn thing."

"Mom?"

"Who do you think you got this fear from exactly?" She let out a half-scoff, half-laugh. "I'll get a cup and something you can use to cover it with." She stood up and went to the kitchen, grabbing a cup and a piece of mail. She returned to her daughter's room; Paige was on her bed as fair away as possible, but still close, because she curious to see how they were going to do this, and Merle waved her over. "Here."

He took them and moved for the spider, it immediately jumped like it was fucking Superman and flew about ten feet up the wall, and Amy then threw her hands up and walked quickly out of the bathroom. He went after it again, Amy turned away and joined her daughter on the bed. About two minutes later, they heard Merle ask as he caught the squirmy little thing, "Question: How the hell did y'all get rid of spiders before?"

"Well, first, there's a warning scream then staring and cringing and wondering why God let those nasty things around us, and finally we poke at it with the broom until it's either killed or jumps," Amy explained.

"Then we get Joe."

"The super," Amy clarified who Joe was.

Paige stepped off the bed. "Did you get it?"

"Yeah, you can see it." He bent down to show her.

"Eww! I can see its eyes!" She stepped back. "Mom, can I stay in your room tonight?"

"Paige, it's gone." Amy checked out the bathroom while Merle took the cup and spider outside to set it free. "No more spiders, now let's go eat before it gets any colder."

"Can you check again before I go to bed?"

"I will check every corner." She set her hand on Paige's head and gently guided her toward the kitchen. "And if we find more, you can cuddle with Andrea. She's been killing spiders for me since I could run and point."

"Fine." She climbed into a chair and pressed her lips together in thought as Amy poured drinks and Merle entered the house, setting the glass and mail down on the counter. "I have a question."

"Yes?" She set a glass of soda down then her water, and she let Merle grab his off the counter, taking a seat.

"Why do you always lock your door?" She met her mom's eyes.

"Uhhh, what—what do you mean?" Amy tucked hair behind her ear, trying to hide the blush rising in her cheeks, cutting frantic looks at Merle, who was smirking and silently laughing behind his glass. She glared at him to not say anything inappropriate—or anything at all. She did not need Paige to know why that door was locked. She was too young, and Amy wasn't even close to being ready to even think about having the **talk** with Paige. She knew she wouldn't be when Paige was old enough. If she was ready to talk, Paige was old enough to do, and there was no way Amy would allow that. God, she pitied the man that wanted to marry her daughter.

"Well, I tried to get in last night, but it was locked. Aunt Andrea said to ask you then she ran out of the room." Paige ate a bit of beans off her plate. "I never lock my door."

"Locked? No, it was probably just jammed, honey." She crossed her legs. "Gosh, Andrea and I have been trying to get that darn doorknob fixed for weeks, but she's so busy, and T can't come out 'cause of the twins and Daryl can't because of Carol and work and such. I'll—I'll have to try and fix it myself."

"Oh." She paused. "Does my door do that?"

"No. No, your door's good." She stuffed a big piece of fish into her mouth to avoid talking.

Merle lost it and busted out laughing, Paige frowned, and Amy began to glare at him, coughing when she started choking. She should have eaten a small piece. She grabbed her water and drank it. Upside: the fish was really good.

– – –

"I am home." Shawn smiled happily as he entered the house, holding a bag with his camera bag over his shoulder. He took in the dead expression on his wife's face and how Carol was glaring at him while changing Lydia. "I'm sorry I took so long." He bent down in front of Sasha and Devon. "I have something for you and for Devon and Lydia."

"I thought they were Thing One and Thing Two," Carol teased.

"What she said," was all Sasha said.

"C'mere, Carol, bring Thing Two." He set his camera bag on the table then reached into the other bag and pulled out a blanket. "I know it's kinda stupid, but this is what happens when you're stuck with a ten-year-old who won't stop replaying _Stepmom._" He unfolded the blanket and revealed images of the twins at the hospital and of the sonograms and of Sasha when she was pregnant. It even had their weight, date and time of birth and full name sewn in.

"Oh, my God." Carol looked over the pictures, all of them in black and white. "Shawn, I can forgive you for being an idiot and abandoning Sasha now. This is so beautiful."

"Thanks." He looked over Sasha's face, nervous as her expression hadn't changed. "Do you like it?"

"Carol, could you do me a favor?" Sasha adjusted the sleeping baby in her arms.

"What?"

"Put the twins down for the night, please."

"Uh, sure, just give me a second." She took Lydia first then a few moments later came back for Devon and closed the door behind her.

"Sasha?" He frowned.

"Porch. Back yard. Now." She stood up and held a finger up as a way to hush him. She exited the house and waited outside while he folded the blanket and set it back in the bag. She crossed her arms and exhaled softly.

"Carol," Shawn whispered by the door, "if you don't hear me return, call the police."

She opened the door. "After the day we had, I'm helping Sasha hide the body. Although the blanket is really cute."

"I was hoping she'd like them, but I guess not. I probably shouldn't keep her waiting. She has a bad temper, so know that I love you and Sophia and my nephew/niece fetus and my will is under the bed in my SpongeBob lunchbox from second grade." He gave her a nod and walked out the back door, apology ready. "Okay, I know that—"

"Don't."

He lifted his eyes. "You're not even going to let me speak?"

"No."

_Damn, how bad was today?_ "Sasha—"

"I said don't." She closed the space between them, searching his eyes as his frown grew, and she tilted her head, her eyes unreadable. "Close your eyes and clench your teeth."

He eyed her for a moment then closed his eyes and clenched his teeth, preparing himself. The last time anyone hit him, he folded like a box. He wasn't good at taking hits or really giving them, but if she was this mad, he probably deserved it. He could take this hit. He would remember how his face looked before the bruises. He hoped she gave him some sort of warning.

Sasha lifted her hand to her mouth, soundlessly laughing at the stress that was pouring off him. She had to step back before she broke out laughing hysterically. She took soft breaths, her body shaking with unheard laughter, and she inhaled deeply then straightened up. This man was so gullible. It was probably why she loved him so much. She closed the space between them and leaned up, placing a kiss to his lips, and to her surprise, he quickly responded, wrapping his arms around her. He even lifted her up, and she gripped his shoulders, her legs locking around his thighs.

He pulled back and grinned. "Next time, don't laugh so much."

"If this happens again, I will hit you next time." She smiled. "The blanket is precious."

"You haven't seen Devon's yet."

"They're different?"

"A little." He nodded. "And about Devon? Is it too late to change his name? He doesn't look like a Devon is all!"

"Then call him Elijah and put me down."

"Elijah. Eli. Jah. Jay."

"Shawn, put me down."

"Maybe Devy." He was smiling as he met her eyes. "You married me."

"My mistake. Clearly, my hormones were clouding my—"

"That's not funny, nor has it ever been funny."

She slid her arms around his neck. "I am not going to say it again, nor am I going to say what you what me to say, so if you would."

He set her down. "How bad was today?"

"Oh, not so bad at all. It was easy." She headed inside. "By the way, I have to meet Mom for lunch and Mich needs me to help her with something tomorrow as well, so you have to watch the twins."

"By myself?"

She smirked. "Good luck, sucker."

––

"Mom!" Paige called. "Breakfast!"

Amy inhaled sharply, groaning and pushing hair out of her face. She could smell the pancakes and bacon, and she knew just by the scent Andrea had made them. Faintly, she caught a whiff of that weird, diet shit Andrea always drank. Merle almost always made breakfast, so for him to not to... She sighed softly, not wanting to open her eyes. She could feel no body heat from beside her, and she knew he wasn't there. He wouldn't be back either.

Pushing herself up, she opened her eyes and saw the empty place beside her, bringing her legs in and tucking the blanket around her. She rubbed her eyes and saw a bottle of whiskey on the nightstand. She slid over and found a note taped to it. She ran a hand through her hair and gently pulled it off, seeing _Rain check?_ written on the bottle in marker. Her lips pulled, but she didn't smile. She unfolded the note and blinked as a bunch of caps to beer bottles landed in her lap. "What the hell?"

She collected them and swung out of bed, slipping into her robe. She tossed the bottle caps into the trash and shook her head, but her chest felt tight. She kicked her dresser as hard as she could, not caring about the pain that shot up her leg, and tears burned in her eyes. "You son of a bitch." She was mad first. Pissed off. Anger burned through her, overpowering any other emotion she might have had, and she just wanted to find that jackass and punch his lights out. She knew he was acting strange. She knew it the minute she came home. She didn't say anything, because she thought he would bring it up, but he didn't. He didn't say anything. How could he just leave? He had promises, and he just...left. He just ran away? What the fuck? What the fuck!

She was heartbroken for her daughter. Paige was starting to open up and tell him more things about her. He was even making her laugh, and she was starting to call him dad, and he does this? Why would he do this? It didn't make any sense. He was happy, happier than she'd ever seen him, and he was there, fully and sober. What the hell was he thinking? How could he do this to her? She was already scared of him running out on them, and now her fear was being realized. God, no. Please be a bad dream. Everything was finally all right, and nobody was mad or being stupid or unnecessarily hateful. They were finally having their strange kind of normal. God, this wasn't happening. Paige needed him, loved him, and she...would be devastated. Amy had no words to console her either, because...she was the same. _She_ loved him. _She_ needed him.

Paige walked when her mom didn't join them for breakfast and let out a small sigh at the sight of her mom. She didn't say anything, just walked over to her mom and hugged her. Amy shifted and held Paige in her arms.

A beat.

"He's gone?"

"Yeah."

"It'll be okay." She met her mom's eyes. "I'm here."

Amy smiled. "Yes, you are." She cupped her daughter's cheeks. "You're here."

She smiled and hugged her. "Let's get breakfast. Aunt Andrea made chocolate chip waffles!"

"That sounds perfect. Just give me a second, okay?"

She nodded and left.

Wiping at her face, Amy stood up and decided to talk to Andrea after breakfast. Paige was going back-to-school shopping with Carol and Sophia, and Andrea had plans for the gym, so Amy could go with her and talk. She could take her anger out at the gym. It was better than crying like a baby. It wasn't even herself she was sad over; it was Paige. How dare he do this to her!

She stood up and cried out, stepping on a bottle cap that had fallen out of her hands. "Son of a—!" She groaned and pulled it off her foot, about to chuck it across the room when she noticed writing. She saw a number on it, and she turned on her heel to the bathroom, digging out the others. She set them on the counter and looked over the letters that were meant to spell something out. It was like a puzzle. She loved puzzles. She knew Merle, so it was probably simple, and as she looked over the caps, she realized what it said. Well, what those few words meant, and she sighed. "You son of a bitch," but it was sad, heartbroken sound.

– –

_Amy snuggled closer to him, her face buried in her favorite, puffy pillow, and she was sleeping peacefully. The door had not been locked that night, and as the night went on, Merle eventually just opened his eyes and stopped pretending to be asleep. He wasn't going to get any sleep tonight. He knew he wasn't. He was just so wired, and not in a good way. He'd never done anything like this before. Shit, last time, Amy was the one to walk out. She had every reason to. He was the one walking out now, and in some ways, he had every reason not to, but there was just that one reason—that massive one reason—that made him have to leave._

_He freed himself from her gently and climbed off the bed. He grabbed his jeans from the floor and his button-down. He looked over at her then walked around to her side of the bed, and he bent down in front of her, grasping one of her hands that was clutching a pillow. He tenderly brushed his thumb across her knuckles to wake her a little._

_"Mmm." She inhaled and her eyes opened slightly._

_"Hey." He smiled for her._

_"Hi." She closed her eyes again, returning his smile with a sleepy one. "Something wrong?"_

_"Nah, just got a favor."_

_"Mmm?"_

_"Open your eyes."_

_She managed to open her eyes a little, though he was blurry. "Open."_

_He chuckled and tightened his grip on her hand. "Am?"_

_"Mmm?"_

_He opened his mouth then stopped. He leaned over and kissed her. "Good night, Am."_

_"Good night, Merle." She smiled and her eyes shut._

_He leaned over and kissed her temple then released her hand and stood up. He silently did one more thing, but he didn't linger. He exited the room and paused just outside Paige's. He peered inside, finding the young girl half off the bed with her stuffed animal on the floor, her fingers still clutching it loosely. He smiled to himself and entered, picking up the toy and tossing it onto the bed then he started rolling Paige onto her back, but stopped._

_He picked her up off the bed and embraced her, her little arms automatically curled around his neck like he was her stuffed animal, and his chest tightened. That was the second time he'd felt like this, but he had made a decision for the better this time, for her this time. It wasn't just about him anymore. It couldn't be. He had too many people in his life, people who surprisingly needed him, and he was done abandoning them. He had to do this._

_He ran his hand over her messy curls and back, not holding her too tight as he didn't want to wake her, and he closed his eyes to remember this, to remembered her. He didn't know what would happen in the days to come, and he wanted to remember her. She was so small, her hair smelled of fruit, and her little hands were tight on his neck. He inhaled deeply and placed a kiss to her forehead then lightly placed her properly on the bed, having to remove her hands one at a time as she wouldn't let go, and he gave her the stuffed animal to cuddle with. He moved hair out of her face and swallowed hard before removing his hand. No, he didn't deserve it._

_He walked out of the house without looking back. He didn't deserve to it. Not yet. Maybe not ever, but he was going to prove he could deserve it. Well, he was going to try._

––

_Unworthy Dad_ the bottle caps read.

––

**Happy Holidays!**


	36. Heal

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

_I'm so sorry this took so long. What I used to write my story on was acting up, so I had to redownload it and tweak it here and there and adjust how I was going to write. This was supposed to be the final chapter, but I changed my mind. Anyhow, for the guest whose birthday was recent, I hope you had an amazing birthday, and happy belated birthday! _

––

"_Here." Merle handed her the cap to his beer._

_She accepted it and tossed it over the roof, looking over as it fell. "Well, I beat my last throw."_

_"Beat mine yet?"_

_"No." She sat down on the edge. "Keep drinking, and I just might."_

_"We don't have enough beers for that," "Neil" informed her. "Neither does the world."_

_"Yeah, fuck you." She smirked. "One day, I will beat my score and his." She hopped up and sat down beside Merle on the ground. "Speaking of beers, where is mine?"_

_"Oh, that was yours?" Marty smiled. "Sorry, hon, I drank it."_

_She sighed. "Fine." She reached over and took her joint. "Thanks."_

_"Merle, keep your eye on her."_

_"Trust me, I do." He tipped his beer back and ran his eyes over Amy, who was wearing a lacy, black top and a skinny jeans, and he would be removing them in a little bit. Amy caught him looking and smiled, blowing smoke at him and smiling._

_"Get a room." Haley stood up and ruffled Amy's hair as she walked by, taking the joint back. "Please! I still have nightmares about you two."_

_"Then don't fuckin' watch next time," he shot back._

_"I did not watch," she corrected, pointing to Neil, "he did."_

_"Did you learn anything?" Amy teased, making him blush, and she laughed. "Is that a yes?"_

_Haley shook her head and laughed. "We need some music." She turned on the radio and flipped through the stations, trying to find a decent song, and she paused over one song that Amy loved._

_"No, go back. I love that song."_

_"All right." She went back and let the song play._

_Amy leaned back against Merle and listened to the song, and they finished the last of the beers and talked for a bit, laughing and just having a good time. It was one of the nights when nothing bad happened and nobody came to bother them. They could just laugh and hang out with friends, even if Merle didn't really like "Neil" and Haley. After a while, he just didn't care, because everything took over, and nothing really mattered._

_"All right, I'm going home to my babies: rum and Coke. Have fun without me. Seriously, try, 'cause you won't." She left with that._

_Merle rolled his eyes. "Why you like her so much, I'll never fuckin' know."_

_Amy turned her head to look at him. "Good." She crossed her legs. "I can't have you knowing all my secrets."_

_"You got secrets?" He arched a brow._

_She was about to reply when Blackbird Song began to play, and she looked over at the radio. This used to be one of her favorite songs, but now it just reminded her of home and all of that shit back there. She didn't want to think about home. She didn't want to miss or to regret. She hated that song, that home, and she wasn't going back. She refused._

_Instead of replying, she leaned over and kissed him, threading her fingers through his hair and parting his lips. She was being forceful, but he didn't notice or maybe he didn't care. He just pulled her onto his lap and kissed her back just as heatedly, if not more. Distantly, Marty groaned and left at the sight of them. They had no boundaries sometimes, and it was as if the rest of the world couldn't see or hear them, but they could. They all could **see** and **hear** them._

_His hand slid under her shirt to her breast, cupping it and making her moan. Merle opened his eyes as she wrapped her arms around his neck and looked at Neil, making him leave with only a look. He closed his eyes and went to remove her belt; Amy shifted and pulled him toward her until her back was against the cold ground. They both began to work on getting her out of her jeans._

– – –

"Andrea!" Amy called. "Andrea?"

"What?" She stopped at the top of the stairs. "What the hell do you want? It's six in the morning, and it's my day off, so make this quick or I'll put your head in the blender!"

"Not a morning person, got it. I shall talk to you at noon. We're having lunch together, and I'll text you when I know where."

"I. **Loathe.** You."

She smiled. "Noon!" She left the house and went to the only person she knew could be turned into a morning person with coffee. She used the key to his place and climbed onto his bed. "Felix, wake up." She smiled when he groaned at the sound of her voice. "It's Amy, so wake up. I'm not leaving."

He opened his eyes. "We've have this talk, Amy. I've killed people for less than this."

She grinned now. "I need you, right now. C'mon, wake up."

"No!" He buried his face into his pillow. "Leave me alone."

"Not a chance." She climbed on top of him, her chest to his back, nestled her chin on his shoulder and didn't move. "Please, I need you, and you have a busy day ahead of you."

"Busy doing what exactly?"

"Helping me find a house." She searched his eyes. "I need your advise and opinion. I value it deeply. You know I do, and you know how much I love you. You're my best friend. I also have a great Christmas gift for you."

He groaned. "Fine, you noisy bitch! Fetch me something gay." He waved toward his closet.

"Thank you!" She hugged him and slid off the bed.

– –

"I'm glad you came to meet me." Allen stayed a good distance away from his youngest. "How do you feel, darling?"

"A little shaky, but it's just my new meds." She shrugged.

"Oh? And how are they helping?"

"Not much. I more than a little sure I'm going to stop taking them. I only need some for sleeping, so as soon as I see Eleanor next, I'm telling her to take me off them." She crossed her arms.

He studied the floor momentarily then shook his head. "About the hospital—"

"Don't. I don't want to talk about it."

"But I need to." He walked toward her. "I need to explain myself."

She moved away. "Then explain."

He nodded. "Yes, well, ahem. When you pulled away from us the last time, you were like you were before; you were distant and having bad dreams and were very anxious then as well."

"I was sixteen and in high school! Of course I was anxious!"

"Yes, but you ran away," he added. "You up and left in the middle of the day, and we worried for years, and it killed us a little more each day." He lifted his eyes to hers. "I thought—I thought if I could just help in some way, stop you from feeling the need to run, then you wouldn't run. We could talk about it rationally, and everything would be okay. Honestly, I just wanted to make sure you were safe."

"I did **not** cut my own wrist," she growled. "It was an accident! I want to live my life with my daughter and my sister and you and Mom! With my friends! I love my life! I get to teach and dance and be with the people I love!" She scoffed at him. "Yes, I am a little shaken after _killing_ a man, no matter what the reason, because I still killed a man, Dad! I pulled the trigger and watched the lights go out! I can't just get over that!"

"Which is why I wanted the hospital to look at you!" He closed his eyes and shook his head then tried again. "Which was why I wanted you at the hospital, so you could speak with a professional while I looked for someone better. I just... I screwed up. I've never had to..."

"To deal with this before?" He nodded. "Neither have I, but I don't need you to protect me. I can protect myself."

"No, I will protect you! I have to protect you and Andrea. You're my daughters, and it's my job to protect you both."

"Dad, we're not little girls anymore. I don't dance around in tutus and with ribbons, and Andrea doesn't...do whatever Andrea did as a kid. We're both adults, and we're both...able to take care of ourselves."

"I know you're both adults. You're both beautiful women, and I trust in your abilities to take care of yourselves. I love you both very much." Tears were forming in his eyes. "I just missed so much of your life, Amy. I was terrified I would lose you and more time; I didn't think at all, just acted, and I am so sorry."

She stepped closer. "I'm not going to run away again. I wouldn't do that to you guys, and Paige needs you, needs something real and solid, especially now since..." She shook her head and blinked hard to erase the tears that wanted to form.

"What happened?"

"Merle left." She folded her arms over her chest.

"I'm sorry."

"What, that's it? No 'I told you so' or 'Thank God, he wasn't worthy'?"

"Why would I say those things? You're in pain, and for Merle to have caused you pain, he must have meant a lot to you. I won't add to that pain, not anymore."

Her eyes burned. "Do you mean that?"

"I do. I will be here silently, unless you want my advise."

"Thank you, Daddy." She hugged him.

"Don't thank me. I'm a horrible father."

She laughed. "Yeah, pretty much."

"I guess the talk went well." Andrea entered the room. "Mom and Paige are feeding the fish, so I came to see how everything was."

"It's better." She released her dad. "But I need to explain some things to you both, just don't tell Mom."

"Okay. What is it?"

"Okay, first of all the rooftop thing..." She wrung her hands. "I wasn't trying to kill myself. It was a game: see how far you can throw the beer cap. We used to play it all the time when we would get drunk and high. I was just trying to throw a beer bottle cap over the edge to beat Merle's score that night at Marty's party, because he'd pissed me off so bad, and he was being so smug, and I was tripped. By Andrew. Oscar caught me, thankfully. Merle didn't know what I was doing, so he assumed I was jumping. I was too pissed at him—and Andrew—to even care to explain. That's why he thinks that."

"And the bathtub thing?" Allen asked. "What happened there?"

She swallowed. "Let's go sit down."

They headed into the den, Andrea took Amy's hand so she'd stop knotting her fingers together, and she gave her a reassuring smile, and they all took a seat. She began to explain the bathtub thing as best she could. She wanted to explain what happened and why it happened and why it wasn't ever going to happen again. She had too much to live for to die by choice.

– – –

_**Take my mind and take my pain**_

_**Like an empty bottle takes the rain**_

Amy set the vase of flowers that were a housewarming gift from Glenn and Maggie up on the mantle with the pictures Andrea had taken of Merle and her and Paige before he left on either side, and she turned the vase so the small little design showed. It was perfect, and it fit the new house perfectly. Glenn and Maggie were the sweetest, and even though they refused to help her move in, she had her sister and her family to help. She was glad they were there for her, because she needed them. She was starting over, and this time, she was doing it properly.

_**And heal, heal, heal, heal**_

Paige looked around her new bedroom with plenty of empty space. She knew her new bed would be moved in later, and she was going to fill the walls with pictures, but other than that, she didn't know what to do with it all. She had a lot of things, but they were mostly clothes and she wanted to keep her toys arranged neatly. It was her mom's only rule when it came to her room. She loved the new house, and it was perfect for them. It was new and ready for memories, as her mom said. She was so excited.

_**And take my past and take my sense**_

_**Like an empty sail takes the wind**_

_**And heal, heal, heal, heal**_

Reaching into the box of pictures, the bracelet her mom had given her rattled, the painted beer bottle caps knocking together. She sat down on the floor and pulled out some of the framed pictures her mother had given her. She smiled as she looked over the ones of her and Fee, and her and Andrea, and her and her mom. She stopped when she came across the one of her dad.

_**And tell me somethings last**_

_**And tell me somethings last**_

She was alone in the room, and she didn't have to worry about her mom coming in anytime soon. She was busy with Andrea and Felix, trying to arrange the living room with the new furniture that wasn't there, but Mom wanted an idea of where it would all go. Paige didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want to know why he left or if he was ever coming back. She didn't want to understand his reasons. She just wanted people to stop thinking they could just leave whenever they wanted. She wasn't sad about him leaving, not even mad really. She didn't know him enough to be mad or sad that he was gone. She was sad that her mom was sad because he was gone. She didn't act like it, but Paige could tell.

_**Take a heart and take a hand**_

_**Like an ocean takes the dirty sand**_

_**And heal, heal, hell, heal**_

The movers arrived on time, Amy showed them in, and Andrea and Felix sat in the kitchen out of their way. Andrea was keeping a close eye on Amy, but she seemed to be doing fine. She hadn't really been upset since that first morning when she discovered he was gone. She was keeping busying with the studio and now here at the new house. Amy dragged Felix around for two weeks, trying to find the perfect home, and when she finally found it, she made sure she could afford it. She had to ask for a little help, and it only took three hours to convince her she did need help, but it was worth it. She seemed really happy. She was still talking to Eleanor, slowly working through the guilt of what happened with Gareth, and she was healing. She was doing great, but Andrea wanted to be close by for that moment when she wasn't great, when she took a moment and let the air settle. That's what Andrea was waiting for, and she would be there to ensure Amy didn't go through that alone.

_**Take my mind and take my pain**_

_**Like an empty bottle takes the rain**_

_**And heal, heal, hell, heal**_

That night, when the movers had gone and everything was—or almost was—in order, Felix, Andrea, Paige and Amy sat down for a dinner of pizza and wine and pop. Paige didn't talk much, but Felix managed to keep her smiling. Andrea was having a good time, though she noticed how Amy's eyes kept moving to Felix's glass of wine beside her. Amy wasn't allowed to drink with her the medication she was taking to help her sleep. Andrea kept her eye on Amy through dinner.

_**And tell me some things last. **_

_**And tell me some things last**_

Felix and Paige took out the trash while Andrea cleaned up the glasses. She had just finished washing the glass when she tried a loud thud from upstairs from Amy's room. She set the dish towel down on the counter then hurried down the hall and up the stairs. She ran to Amy's bedroom and pushed the door open, only finding the shattered remains of a glass candy dish. "Amy?" She checked the bathroom, but she wasn't in there. "Amy!"

She walked down the hall to the second bathroom, finding the door ajar, and she opened it, finding Amy on the floor. "Amy." She bent down. "What happened? Are you all right?"

"I—I think so." She cleared her throat.

"What happened?"

"I was arranging my room, and I just...felt really dizzy." She pushed herself into a sitting position. "And then I felt sick and then...I had to puke, so I ran down here, because my bathroom—" She stopped and took a deep breath.

"I know." Andrea rubbed her back gently then felt her forehead and cheek. "You're a little warm. Let's get you into bed." She nodded then held up a finger and threw up into toilet. "Get it out then we'll get you into bed."

Once Amy's stomach was empty and the dry heaving subsided, Andrea helped her into her bed, and Paige came into the room, frowning, with Felix behind her. Andrea explained how Amy wasn't feeling well, not giving Amy a chance to tell Paige herself, and Felix when to get a trashcan just in case Amy threw up again.

"Why don't you get something for her to drink?" Andrea suggested to Paige when Felix brought in the trashcan.

"Like what? Some water?"

"Yeah, that'll be good." Amy smiled at her. "Bottled, please."

"Okay." Paige left the room and headed to the kitchen.

"Do we even have bottled water?" Felix sat down beside Amy and put his arm around her shoulders, brushing hair from her forehead and pressing his hand against her forehead. "Warm. You were fine this morning."

"I was fine this morning." She sighed. "I don't know what happened. Maybe the pizza?"

"We all ate it, and I feel fine."

"So do I." Andrea sat down on the bed. "Maybe it's something...else."

"Like what?" Amy met her sister's eyes. "My pills aren't supposed to make me sick."

"Maybe you're knocked up," Fee teased, smirking.

"Get out. Get out of my room." Amy smirked back. "Pregnant? Now that would be hilarious."

"Could you be?" Andrea crossed her legs.

"No, I am not pregnant." She sat up. "I'm just sick. It was probably just something I ate this morning."

"Didn't you tell me when you were pregnant with Paige, you got sick during dinner?"

"No, but if you keep talking about me being pregnant, I'll get sick on you." Amy smiled sweetly then shook her head and ran a hand through her hair. "If I am pregnant, I think life hates me. If I'm not—which is true—I am never getting that pizza again. If you'll excuse me, I want to cuddle with my daughter and take a short nap."

"I'll finish the living room." Andrea stood up.

"I'll watch her finish the living room." Felix followed Andrea out of the room.

Amy sighed again and lied down, seeing Paige in the doorway. "C'mere, honey." She held her arms open, and Paige joined her on the bed, setting the bottle of water on the nightstand. Amy hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead. "So, how do you like the house?"

"It's okay."

"Just okay? Don't you like your bed? Your spacious room? The dishwasher?" Paige giggled. "I, for one, am loving the new house. It's a fresh start, and we can finally paint. We can go look at some samples tomorrow. How does that sound?"

"Good."

Amy smiled and kissed the top of Paige's head. "If I start drooling, just wake me up."

"Mom?"

"What?"

"Do you miss him?" She looked over her shoulder at her mom. "Merle, I mean."

"I know who you meant." She shrugged a shoulder. "I don't know. I feel as though I should, but I guess a small part of me was expecting it. Merle was never one to commit. He didn't want a family."

"I don't think that's true." She rolled over to be facing her mom. "I think he doesn't know what to do with a family."

"Yeah. Yeah, I think you're right." She smiled a little. "You're too smart. Go to sleep."

"Even if he doesn't, I love you, Mom." She hugged her mom.

"I love you too, but really, go to sleep!"

She let her go and rolled over, Amy wrapped her arm around Paige and smiled a little, feeling a little better. She closed her eyes and rested her head on a pillow, glad she had made her bed first.

– – –

_"Home sweet home." Carol sat down on the bed and rubbed her arm, shuddering but not out of cold._

_"What's wrong?" Daryl set his jacket on the bed._

_"I—I don't know." She looked around. "Wow, they did a really good job of cleaning up. I can hardly tell men came in here and tore the place up."_

_He climbed onto the bed behind her. "Yeah, me neither."_

_"You didn't see it like I saw it." She could still see the mess and feel how her heart raced, the panic and fear. "You locked the door, right?"_

_"Yeah." He lied back. "It's locked up tight." He scooted over a bit. "C'mere."_

_She looked over her shoulder at him and smiled. "I'm not really sleepy. I'm going to make some tea. Do you want some?"_

_"Nah."_

_"Fine. Let your pregnant girlfriend to go drink tea alone in the kitchen." She stood up and walked out of the room, heading for the kitchen. She came off the steps and moved hair out of her eyes, gasping at the sight of someone in her kitchen, and she stumbled back, hitting the chair and falling into it._

_"Carol?" Daryl hurried down the hall and stairs, finding her in the chair in the living room. "You okay?"_

_She scanned the living room, panting, but no one was there. "Y—yeah, I'm good."_

_"What happened?" He helped her stand up._

_"Uh—nothing. Nothing, I just tripped." She stepped in to the kitchen and started to prepare her tea. "I guess I'm a little tired."_

_He joined her, sitting on a stool. "How do you feel?"_

_"Jumpy," she murmured, filling the kettle with water._

_"Why 'jumpy'?"_

_"Because a group of men broke into our house to take us." She set the kettle on the burner and turned the heat on to high then faced him. "I just feel... I don't feel safe here." She crossed her arms. "If they got in once, maybe they'll get in again."_

_"Carol—"_

_"Ed didn't pay them," she interrupted him. "He wouldn't have had time too. He's dead and unable to pay them what they probably feel they are owed. What if they come back? Daryl, what if they come back tonight? Because they could. They know the house, and that door isn't—"_

_"Carol, stop." He slipped off the stool and held her. "Shh. Stop."_

_"Don't tell me to stop," she whispered, her voice small. "You know this as well as I do, so don't you dare tell me to stop."_

_He closed his eyes and held her closer. "What can we do? Buy an alarm system? Will that make you feel better?"_

_"God, no." She pulled away from him. "You don't understand."_

_"Yeah, I do. I was here when they were 'bout to break in, remember? But I know guys like that. I grew up with guys like that. They won't be back."_

_"That doesn't assure me, Daryl!" She looked into his eyes. "I don't want to have to hurt anybody, and I don't want to stress out every time I leave the house or worry they'll be inside already every time I come home at night. I—I thought that if..." she trailed off. "I don't know. I just don't know."_

_"Do you want to move?" he suggested._

_"No, of course I don't want to move." She crossed her arms loosely._

_"You don't wanna move, and you don't wanna stay?" He searched her face. "Which is it?"_

_She opened her mouth, but quickly shut it then shifted her weight and studied his eyes. She could hear the kettle begin to whistle, and she had no answer. She shook her head and stepped back, reaching up to get a cup and a tea bag. She prepared her cup of tea. She didn't want to move. She had so many memories here. Ethan's memory was here. This was his first home, and even if it was inside her, he grew here, slept here, ate here. She couldn't just sell this house. She just couldn't._

_"Carol—"_

_"Let's just talk about it in the morning." She picked up her cup and left the kitchen, pausing on the steps. "Good night."_

_He gave a nod. "Night."_

_She offered him a small smile then continued to their bedroom, stopping only to check on Sophia, who was passed out in her bed, although she was out cold when they brought her in, but still. At least she was sleeping. Carol wasn't entirely sure she'd been sleeping at all tonight. She hadn't really been sleeping well. On the plane, she kept having nightmares. She could never remember what they were, but her heart was always racing when her woke up._

_She climbed into bed and set a hand on the bottom of the mug, watching the steam. She shook her head and sighed, setting the cup on the nightstand and standing up to change into her nightclothes. As she stepped out of the closet, tugging a tank top down over her head, Daryl came into the room. She took her place on the bed and crossed her legs, and she reached over to set the alarm, feeling him on the bed. She paused when she felt his arms on her legs then looked as he rested his head in her lap._

_"What are you doing?"_

_"Lyin' down." He closed his eyes. "What are you doin'?"_

_"Setting the alarm. I have to check on the Greene Leaf tomorrow, and probably a lot of other things as well."_

_"You don't have to."_

_"Yes, I do." She finished setting the alarm. "I just want things to go back to normal, and for that to happen, I have to do what I normally do."_

_"I'll go with you then."_

_"You have to work."_

_"T will understand. I'm goin' with you." He sat up and met her eyes. "Besides, someone will have to take care of Sophia while you're orderin' shit."_

_She sighed. "That's if Shawn doesn't call me for help with the twins. I love him to pieces, but he really should learn how to handle his own children, whether or not he's used to being a dad." He was there for Beth. He has the most memories of baby Beth—she would use herself, but Shawn took horrible care of her. He was such a bad babysitter. Thank God for that candy dish. She had faith he was do a hell of a lot better with his own children. He would have Sasha and Jacqui to lean on if he truly needed help. Or the Internet._

_"So, you want a boy?" Daryl whispered._

_"Yes, I do." She paused. "Is that such a surprise?"_

_"No." He rolled onto his back beside her._

_"Do you want a boy or another girl?" She picked up her tea, blowing on it and taking a small, tentative sip._

_"Don't matter." He exhaled and stacked his hands on his chest. "I just hope I can do the baby thing."_

_"Thing?" She groaned softly at how the tea burned her entire tongue. "Diapers and bottles and crying, you mean?"_

_He nodded. "Never had to do it before."_

_"You'll do fine, and I'll be here to help you." She smiled at him. "We'll do fine."_

_He closed his eyes and shrugged a shoulder. "We'll see."_

_"Don't say that." She set the cup down and curled up beside him, pushing his bangs away from his forehead. "You'll do fine. You're great to Sophia, and I know our baby will be great in your hands."_

_He opened his eyes. "How's your shoulder?"_

_"It's fine. Why?"_

_"Just wanted to make sure." He smiled a little then leaned up and kissed her gently, his hands moving to her waist and then he shifted to be on top of her, reaching over and flicking off the light as she giggled against his mouth._

– – –

"All right, go play." Carol hung her coat on the hook, Sophia and Paige ran outside to go see the horses—Maggie was brushing them otherwise Carol would have gone with them—and Carol entered the living room, hearing one of the twins cooing. She rounded the corner to find Hershel holding baby Devon who was sporting an N7 onies. She smiled at the sight of them and leaned in the doorway. "Hey."

He smiled back. "Hey."

"Where's his sister?"

"She was giving me hell, but I finally figured out how to calm her." Shawn walked down the hall with his daughter in his arms. "Thanks for coming over. Where's the munchkin?"

"With Paige and Maggie." She pushed off the wall and closed the space between them. "Where's her N7 outfit?"

"Sasha dressed her and smacked me when I tried to change it." He sighed a little. "I have a bruise on my arm. Mostly, because I bruise like a peach."

"Well, it doesn't matter, because all you can see is her precious little face."

"Well, she loves you, so take her—gently—because I have to use the bathroom. And I'm hungry."

"Okay." She took the baby from her brother. "When is Sasha coming back?"

"She's bringing lunch, but she's out with...people." He shrugged and headed to the bathroom.

Carol sat down on the couch and adjusted her niece tenderly, not waking her. "So, how are they?"

"Like their father," Hershel replied. "They both eat like a horse and sleep like a rock."

"I'm not surprised." She adjusted the blanket around Lydia, seeing a picture of Shawn and Sasha at their wedding. She smiled a little at how different her life was since that picture was taken, snuggling her baby niece closer to her.

––

Paige, Sophia and Maggie came back into the house at noon after being called to, because Sasha came with food. Carol and Maggie divvied it up while Paige and Sophia washed up in the bathrooms, Sasha and Shawn tended to the twins and Hershel went for a walk with Otis to check on the animals, having some fruit and granola. Paige and Sophia were sitting on the floor in the living room, flipping through a yearbook, and Carol called to them to let them know their plates were made and ready for them in the dining room.

"Hey, Mommy?" Sophia called.

"Yeah?"

"Can you come here?"

She set the plates on the table and went to her daughter. "What's up?"

She pointed to a picture of her and Daryl, and Carol cringed slightly. "This is you and Daddy, right?"

"Yes, it is." She bent down.

"Food." Shawn came off the steps then paused and chuckled at the sight of the picture under Sophia's index finger. "Ah, my precious."

Carol glared. "Shut up."

"You took this?" Paige pushed herself up. "When?"

"I love this story," Shawn chuckled again. "Carol, should I tell my way or do you want to tell them yours? 'Cause one of us is telling it. There's no way I'm letting them leave this room without someone telling them the story behind my beautiful picture."

"How your head fits into this room, I'll never know." Carol glared.

He gave a smug smile. "So, you or me?"

"Me! You'll tell them lies and make it so ridiculously over done, I'll wonder if it truly happened like that." She picked up the yearbook and sat on the couch. "Story then lunch. It shouldn't take too long."

"Shawn." Sasha returned with Devon. "Here, please, take him."

"What? Why me?"

"Shawn, do you want me to answer or simply do what we both know I'll do? He's your son, and he wants you."

"He's your son until sunset."

"Then I'll be your ex-wife by sunset." Shawn accepted his son, and Sasha smiled. "Thank you."

"You are so whipped." Carol smirked.

"So, Daryl and Carol are in high school," he began. "They're friends, but making eyes at each other. And by making eyes, I mean—"

"Shut. Up." She growled. "_I'm_ telling it."

"You probably know this, but my wife is beautiful and sweet and also very capable of taking me." He had a seat. "Have you seen her muscles? They put me to shame, but why work out when I make that long trek from my office to the kitchen and have some leftover pizza?"

"You are a sad, sad man." She shook her head while the girls giggled. "Okay, the actual story goes like this. We were waiting for my incompetent brother to pick us up..."

– – –

"_It's so cold." Carol rubbed her hands down her thighs, shivering as another cold breeze blew by, and she sighed, a white puff escaping her lips. She could literally feeling her insides shaking too. This was the worst idea ever. She knew her mom—who was at home toasty and comfy and unreachable—lending Shawn her car was a bad idea. He was always, always, __**always**__ late. His ass was late again today, and Carol had promised to take Daryl home, because he had to make up a test after school. God, where was he? Her ass was so numb it was starting to hurt._

"_Just think about somethin' else," Daryl suggested, not complaining about the cold, but internally complaining about not being able to smoke. He needed a cigarette like right the fuck now. He didn't like to let Carol see him smoke, because she would frown if she even smelled it. She'd get this look in her eyes, and it dug into it. He felt bad, even if it wasn't him who had been smoking. He was trying to quit. Kind of._

"_My brows feel like they're collecting snow. Are they?" She turned to look at him._

"_No, they ain't." She began to bounce up and down. "Now what?"_

"_I gotta pee." She groaned and crossed her legs. "Okay, so...how was your test?"_

_He shrugged. "A test. Christmas treed it."_

"_What?" She began to bounce her leg, hoping the distraction worked better than this conversation. Daryl was the worst at making any kind of talk, and she needed to not think about the kid tossing his bottle of Mountain Dew up and letting it splash back down as he caught it. Ooh, the cold air was not helping. Or her period and the fact that she'd drank two sixteen ounce bottles of water in fourth period. She would have gone the minute class let out, but apparently her bladder wanted to wait until the doors were locked and most of the teachers were gone and she was trapped in the cold. Damn bladder!_

"_You know, A C B, D B A C, E CC." He shrugged._

"_Daryl, that's horrible! It's our last six-weeks test! It's called EOC, as in end of course exam!" _

"_Wouldn't that make it EOCE?" he teased._

"_Daryl, that's not funny." She frowned. "If you were in class yesterday instead of off doing God-only-knows what, you could have just cheated off me."_

_He arched a brow and smirked. "Huh." _

_She returned the look. "What?"_

"_Did I hear you right? You wanted me to cheat off you?"_

"_Oh, shut up." She smiled though then nodded. "If it helps you pass, heck yeah."_

_He smiled a little when she wasn't looking. "Fine," he said softly, "I'll cheat next time."_

"_You have a great smile." She rested her hands in her lap. "Smile more."_

"_Make a funny face," he offered, "and I might."_

"_Funny face? What'd you mean? Like big-eyes-tongue-out-grr funny face?" She giggled at the sound of her very not at all sounding aggressive 'grr'._

"_Yep." He smirked. "You up to it? Out here with a witness or two."_

"_For the last time, I don't care about the seniors. Or their opinion of me."_

"_Tsh, lair."_

"_Well, not them. Shawn knows them, and he won't let them call me or you anything mean, so..." She made a "funny" face, and Daryl's brows furrowed. "What?"_

"_The hell was that? You look more constipated than humorous."_

"_Oh, screw you!"_

_He laughed. "Ain't you ever made faces for any of them kids you watch?"_

"_All the time, and I must say, they find me hilarious."_

"_Here, try it like this."_

_They began to make funny/constipated faces at each other, laughing at how ugly or silly the other had made themselves look. Carol soon forgot she had to pee and that it was cold, and Daryl's twitching fingers stilled. They were having so much fun, laughing so loudly, and they had moved so close together. Daryl could smell that she had used scented soap when she showered, and her pink lips were pulling him in, that laugh burning away his nerves. He leaned forward, and—_

"_Hey!" Carol shot up as Shawn took a second photo of them. "Don't you dare take pictures now!"_

"_That's one for the yearbook, ladies and gents." He smirked. "I shall call it: Beasty and The Geek! Or Beast with his Geek. I don't know yet."_

"_Oh, you incredible asshole!" Carol ran after him. "Give me that!"_

"_Not likely!" _

_She stopped. "God, I have to pee so bad, but I swear to you that when we get home and I have regained full feeling and have used the bathroom, I will whip your ass, Shawn Tanner Harrison!"_

"_Okay, hobbly." He tucked the camera safely into his pocket. "C'mon, Beasty."_

"_Shut the fuck up, man." Daryl tossed Carol's stuff into the back and climbed in._

_Carol moaned blissfully at the warmth and set her hands over the vents, Shawn told her to get a room, and she promptly smacked him for it while Daryl gazed out the window. They didn't talk much after, but they were enjoying the music Shawn was playing. It was one of their mom's favorite stations, and it was nice. It was the only one not heaving out Christmas songs. _

"_Stop here," Daryl told Shawn, making him stop a block away._

"_But, Daryl, you live—" Carol began when her brother slowed the car._

"_Stop here." He unbuckled his seat belt and climbed out when Shawn pulled over. "See you next year."_

"_Bye, Beasty." Shawn had plans for that picture. He really hoped Carol bought a yearbook this year._

_Daryl flipped him off._

"_Wait!" Carol struggled out of her death-belt. "Wait, wait, wait. God, this thing—"_

_Shawn managed to free her go. "Go on, Geekett."_

"_Oh, you'll pay for that. Later." She hopped up and ran after him, tackling him—mostly because she slid—in a hug from behind. She held on tightly, and his lips tugged as he felt her body warm against his. She smelled of gingerbread today, and he had a feeling his jacket would smell of gingerbread now too. "Not so fast, Beasty." _

"_Thought you had to pee and you're so cold."_

"_Well, I'll deal." She exhaled and held on for another second then released him. He faced her. "I'm gonna miss you so much. You have to come by the house and pick up a reindeer ball."_

_He snorted. "A what?"_

_She smiled. "Very mature, Dixon." She crossed her arms. "It's a white chocolate ball filled with peppermint bark and really creamy white chocolate." She lifted her hands up to her hair, only her index fingers out and wiggling. "With cute little milk chocolate-covered pretzel antlers." _

_He snorted. "Tssh, probably costs an arm and a leg I can't afford to lose just to buy the shit to just make it. Don't waste it on me."_

"_It's no waste! I will make it personally, and I'll put a cute little D wreath on it." She lowered her hands. "And by wreath, I mean a blur of green with a lumpy D."_

_He half-smiled. "Sounds good."_

"_And it's not as rich as it sounds, it's mostly sugar-free or some other stuff, but it still really good. We made a batch at Hershel's last week, and I can say there are none left. Shawn and Beth and Maggie and me just went to town on them. Mom was so mad, but they're so good! It's my grandma's thing. We carry on the tradition 'cause Dad loves them."_

"_Ethan loves just about everythin'."_

"_Okay, true, but still." She reached out and gripped his hand. "Come by, please?"_

_He glanced down at their hands and nodded. "Promise."_

_She smiled brighter and hugged him. "Good, 'cause I got you something."_

"_Carol." He groaned._

"_And it's really crappy, so don't get grouchy!" It wasn't by any means crappy, but he was such a Grinch about Christmas. She didn't care, though. She was forcing this gift on him, whether or not he liked it. She really hoped he did. She'd spend months agonizing over what to get him, and she hoped and prayed that he would like it. "And happy holidays." She kissed his cheek. "Grinch."_

"_Get outta here," he teased._

_She released him. "Stop by or I will hunt you down." She glared to make a point then turned and headed back to the car. She closed the door and found Shawn eying her while singing, "**Tell it to my heart. Tell me I'm the only one. Is this really love or just a game?**"_

"_Cute." She smiled. "Now drive before I bash your face into the steering wheel."_

"_We have plenty more song options," he reminded her._

"_Then I am picking." She dug out the CDs from the glove compartment and found a song they both loved. They grew up to this and so many others. She slipped in and pushed **next** until she found the right song, and Shawn chuckled. "Do you want to start?"_

"_Oh, you know I do."_

_She smiled._

"_**Yeah, oooh, oooh**." Shawn got into his zone, and Carol bit back a laugh. "**Look at her. She's a bad mama jama. Just as fine as she can be.**"_

_Carol laughed and began to lip-sing as always. "**She's a bad mama jama. Just as fine as she can be**." She and Shawn had done more embarassing "car-dancing" that she could even remember. They used to do it with their mom on long trips when they were younger while their Dad prayed no one looked over and saw his weird-ass family, mocking them teasing and smiling, then somehow it became their thing. They were both incredibly lame, but it was their thing, so it was the best. But God help them should anybody see them like this._

– – –

"And thus we were 'Beasty and The Geek' until the sophomores ahead of us graduated," Carol finished. "Our senior year, we were just rude. Well, Daryl was rude, and I was just the girl that dated him."

"Ain't my fault they felt the need to stop right in front of you to hug somebody they saw five damn seconds ago," he retorted, having joined them halfway through the story. He was busy that morning, but he'd finished what he needed to and stopped by. He knew Carol was babysitting Paige for Amy, and he figured she would bring them here. He guessed right. "And they clumped up! I hated those halls, wanted to just set fire to 'em."

Sophia giggled.

"Don't be like your daddy, please." Carol stroked her hair. "Or you, little peanut."

"Uhh, Carol, you left something out," Shawn reminded her.

"No, I didn't." She glared at him.

"Yes, you did. I'll tell the _actual_ story." He turned to the girls, adjusting Devon in his arms. "When we got home that evening, Carol admitted—for the first time—to hav—"

"Thin ice," she interrupted.

"You married the man," he pointed out. "You had his child and are currently carrying another of his children, so...I don't care."

"If you want to start spilling secrets, I'm sure Sasha would love to know all about that little—"

"Don't you dare," he growled.

"Then don't finish your sentence. The story is over." She closed the yearbook. "Unless Shawn wants to tell you about his freshmen year picture."

"No. I burned that yearbook, so nobody will ever see it." He smirked. "I was grounded for a month, but it was worth it."

"I thought you only bought your yearbooks in the first grade, eight grade and your senior year." Carol crossed her legs and set the yearbook in her lap.

"Carol, your nose was so buried in books, I'm surprised you even knew what day it was."

"Better books that where your nose was."

"We've address my cheese addiction. I'm getting help. I'm already off cream cheese."

"Yeah, okay."

"Yeah, even my fetus niece/nephew knows that a lie, but I'm trying." He averted his eyes. "And I'm lying again, but still, at least it's not drugs." He shrugged. "I thought about stop eating it, hated it the very thought and continue to do it, so at least I'm happy and somewhat healthy."

"Shawn, you give everyone hope that everyone can find love. Let's go eat." She stood up and headed to the dining room.

"Thanks, Carol, that means a lot. I sure hope that swelling goes down once the baby's born." He looked over the back of the chair. "Could one of you kind people bring me food?"

"No," Maggie and Carol shot back.

"Daryl?"

"Why bring you your lunch when I can eat it myself?" He rose and left for the dining room.

"Sophia?" Shawn pleaded.

Sophia hopped up, grabbed an eggroll on her way and stuck it in her uncle's mouth then returned to her plate.

"I'll never again question who her father is," Shawn said around the eggroll, though it was more garbled due to the eggroll.

– – –

Carol drove to Amy's house that night, Paige was asleep in the backseat with Sophia, and Daryl was picking at a hole in his jeans. She couldn't wait to get home. Sophia and Paige had worn her out, and the twins as well. She was surprised at how good Shawn was at the parent thing. She knew he would be good, but he was great with the twins. She wondered where this talent came from for one second, but figured Sasha probably tested him on it for the past few months. They were happy, and Carol knew her mom would have been so proud of Shawn. Annette was watching over them and smiling. Carol just knew she was.

Carol gently scooped up Paige, trying not to wake her, but she woke up the second Carol touched her. She didn't object to being picked up, just wrapped her arms around Carol's neck and closed her eyes, still sleepy. She carried Paige to the door and knocked. The door opened, and Felix smiled back at Carol.

"Hey." Carol entered the house. "Where's Amy?"

"She's getting some water." Fee took Paige from Carol. "I'll put her to bed."

"Wh—?"

Amy ran out of the kitchen and down the hall, Carol frowned and quickly followed and found Amy in the bathroom on her knees, gagging. Carol swept Amy's hair back and rubbed her back gently, Amy threw up something watery, and Carol averted her eyes, trying to distract herself.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded then took a deep breath and flushed, standing up using the edge of the counter. "I'm fine." She rinsed her mouth out with water and shuddered. "I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, but I figure it's either a cold or food poisoning. I think I'm sick."

"Why don't you go lie down? I'll bring you some tea. Or do you want some soup and dry toast?"

"I don't need a babysitter." She wiped her mouth on a washcloth. "Besides Fee made homemade soup, and that—" she pointed to the toilet briefly before she flushed it "—was the soup. I'm going to bed, but thank you for the offer and for watching Paige."

"Any time."

A beat.

"How are you? After Merle left, I mean." Carol crossed her arms.

"I knew this was coming." She shook her head. "Look, I'm sad, okay? But I'm not going to cry and eat my weight in ice cream, although that sounds good. The ice cream, not the crying. Chocolate ice cream with nuts and white chocolate chunks... Sorry. Ahem. I have a lot on my plate right now, and...I knew he was going to do this. I hate that I knew, but I did, so I can't be sad or mad really. It was a lot of pressure for me, so I can only imagine how it was for him." She shrugged. "If he comes back, I'm leaving it to Paige."

"What do you mean? Give her the power of yes or no?"

"Yep. I refuse to trust myself when it comes to Merle, so if Paige says she wants him in our life as a friend then we'll be friends. He can be in her life, be her father as much as he wants and my friend." She made a face. "I don't know if we can just be friends. We've never tried it, and I think I'll have to punch him in the face, you know after the long line of my family, Daryl and Felix."

Carol laughed. "Yeah, Daryl called it first."

She smiled. "He's going to be all bruised before he gets to me, isn't he?"

She shrugged a shoulder then met Amy's eyes. "If you need me, just call."

"I don't need anything but my to kiss my beautiful daughter goodnight and my soft bed. I'd walk you out, but I need to brush my teeth and take my medication with something I won't gag on."

"I hope you feel better." She rubbed Amy's back as she walked out of the room. "Sleep well."

"I intend to. You get some sleep too, and midnight snacks if you need them. Eat a cake donut for me, okay?"

Carol laughed. "Oh, I promise."

"I'll make sure she gets to the door and buys me a donut too." Felix walked Carol to the door.

"Likely. Do you live here now?" Carol teased.

"No, though I see more of this house than mine." He smirked as he walked her to the door. "You look beautiful for someone who played in hay."

"What?"

He reached over and plucked a straw off her shoulder. "Let's hope Rumpelstiltskin doesn't want your baby."

She smiled. "Amy told you?"

"No. You just look a little pale, but you've got that glow." He returned her smile. "Congrats."

"Thank you. Have a good night, Felix."

"You too. Drive safe."

"I will." She stepped back and jogged to the car, giving Daryl a warm smile before slipping inside.

_– – –_

_Caesar tossed the keys in to the air and caught them over and over, waiting for his friend to arrive and getting both impatient and bored. He caught them once more and checked his watch, distantly hearing boots on the stairs. He looked up and spotted his friend, an hour late. "It's about damn time, vato."_

_He smirked. "I ain't your vato."_

_"Not anymore." Caesar returned his smirk. "Get your ass over here. Think you'll like the place."_

_"It's just temporary."_

_"Better be." He unlocked the door to the apartment. "Here." He tossed him the keys. "Call me once your settled. I gotta pick up my kids."_

_He gave a nod and set his bag down on the floor. "Hey."_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Thanks."_

_"Ain't too shabby for a beaner."_

_He chuckled. "Get outta here."_

_Caesar closed the door and left._

_Merle glanced around the apartment. "Home sweet home."_


	37. All That Is And All That Can Be

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing. _**

––

_**Five Years Later**_

"Aren't you just a little sour grape today?" Amy picked up the fussy two year old from the crib and began to gently bounce back and forth on her her heels. "I know it's a been a long night. A long, sleepless night, but it's morning now. That means Mommy's coming to get you."

Austen looked up at her with his big blue eyes, seemingly perking up at the mention of his mom. He began to settle down, and she took him downstairs.

"So, may I stay home today?" Paige asked, making coffee for them. "I'm so tired I have to work to lift my arms."

"Yes." Amy met her eyes. "But you're having tea, young lady. You and coffee have never mixed well."

"But I need it," Paige told her, grabbing with her hands.

"No." She handed her Austen. "Be careful, please."

"I dropped him once, and that was because I didn't have coffee. Please, just half a cup?"

"The only coffee you're going to get is coffee ice cream." She grabbed his breakfast and took him from Paige. "As soon as I've fed him and had a cup of coffee, I will make breakfast."

"Pancakes and eggs? Or bacon and eggs?"

"Pancakes and bacon."

"Good, because I don't like eggs in the morning. They make my mouth taste gross, and you didn't buy toothpaste at the store yesterday, so I can't brush my teeth until tonight." She crossed her arms. "We have that dinner with Aunt Andrea, and we're bringing the drinks, so we have to go shopping."

"Who is the mother here?" Amy teased.

"On the week days, me." She pulled down a mug. "By the way, Ty called."

"Oh? Did he leave a message?"

"Yeah, he just said that he couldn't make lunch tomorrow." She leaned on the counter, arms crossed.

"Well, that's fine. We have plans tomorrow anyway." She continued to fed Austen. "What should we do today?"

"Uhh, well we to finish painting the spare bedroom," Paige pointed out. "And we need to go jogging some time today then go pick out some art supplies."

"Right, art supplies. For that contest." Amy smiled. "What are you going to do?"

"I—I dunno." She shrugged a shoulder. "Something nice. I know I won't win, but it'll be fun to try."

"Paige, you might win."

"Maybe, but I won't if we don't get supplies." She looked at Austen. "Maybe I should paint this cutie."

"Would you like that?" Amy asked the toddler. "Would you like to be painted? Huh?" Austen just looked at them, and Paige laughed at the look he got. "Yeah, that's a no."

Paige walked over to him. "Reject me with your voice next time, okay?" She kissed his forehead and then walked back to pour her mom a cup of coffee. "Maybe I'll do something abstract."

"Well, whatever you decide, let me see it before the contest, and I want full bragging rights that I was the one who talked you in to doing this."

"Talked me into this. I don't think yelling at me for painting all over my mirror at four o' clock in the morning is considered "talking in to", but all right." Maybe giving her something to paint for and on was "talking in to" for Mom

"The mirror looks nice."

"Yeah, yeah." She set the cup down on the table. "I am going to shower, and I expect breakfast when I get out, please."

"Fine, breakfast. I'm getting on it as soon as he's finished."

"Eat faster, little man. Besides, your mommy will be here soon."

"Mama," Austen said.

"Yeah, Mama." Paige smiled. "He's so cute. Can we keep him?"

"No, I think Mama would actually turn into _Mama_ if we tried to keep him."

"Oh, c'mon, she would never haunt us, push you down the stairs and in to a coma while I stayed and tried to keep little Austen safe. One of us would die with her, because Austen doesn't have a sister, and the older one survives, so...that sucks."

"Well, it'd have to be edited, of course." Amy then paused. "Why would I be the one who was pushed down the stairs and in to a coma?"

"'Cause you're the only old one here. Duh."

"Go shower, child of mine who might not get art supplies."

"Not old, just...the only adult," Paige corrected.

"But still go and shower, you smell like a gym sock."

"Well, this gym sock is going to roll all over your bed." She ran up the stairs.

"Go ahead, I have to wash my sheets anyway!" Amy called.

"Mama," Austen murmured.

"I know, baby boy. She will be here soon." Amy kissed the top of his head. "Time for our breakfast. Let's go put on some cartoons." Amy wiped his chin then carried him into the living room and turned on the TV. She flipped through the channels, but didn't find anything that she even could tolerate to hear, so she put on a recorded episode of _Steven Universe._ She looked over the bright colored gems as she put Austen in his pen and remembered the last time she watched something like this with a toddler. Well, Paige was a bit older than Austen, but that wasn't really the issue.

– – –

_Amy held Paige in her arms, rocking back and forth in the armchair, watching an animated movie that she had found really cheap. Paige seemed to like it, and Amy was trying to distract herself with it. She had been doing well for so long. She couldn't just give in because the world was even shittier than she remembered. She was going to be a good mother, and her past was going to fade into the background where it belonged. Maybe given enough time, that part of her will seem like a dream. It had to seem like a dream, and she wouldn't allow herself to give in to a dream. It was over. She was clean. She couldn't throw that away._

"_Mommy?" Paige was looking at her with those big, green-blue eyes that always reminded her of Merle, of the life she had with Merle. Oh, for fuck's sake, stop it, Amy! _

"_Mommy?"_

"_Yeah?" _

"_I'm hungry."_

"_Oh, well let's go fix that." She stood up and carried her into the kitchen. "What sounds good?"_

_She shrugged. "Food."_

_Amy set her down on a chair. "That's not helpful, baby. What kind of food? We can make spaghetti. Or hamburgers and French fries. Or grilled cheese and French fries. Do any of those sound good?"_

_She shrugged again. "I guess."_

"_Okay, well I'm going to make spaghetti. I can probably make some garlic bread too. Do you want to help me make cookies for dessert?" _

"_Yeah." Paige nodded._

"_Yeah." Amy smiled. "Let's make them first." She lifted Paige up onto the counter and collected the ingredients. They had some options on chocolate from Jeanette, who have given Amy some leftovers from something they did in class. The days were blurring together. "So, white chocolate chip or milk chocolate chip?"_

"_White."_

"_I was thinking that too." She smiled at her. "Do you want to help me crack the eggs?"_

"_Yeah." _

"_W—"_

_A knock on the door cut her off, and she frowned, wondering who would be knocking on her door. It wasn't late. In fact, it was kind of early, which was why she decided that baking cookies would allow time to pass so it'd be dinnertime. So who was at the door at this hour? Most of the people here were too "busy" to even give her the time of day. Maybe it was Joe._

"_I'll be right back. Stay right there." She stepped into the living room, grabbing the metal baseball bat Tiny had kindly given to her. She wasn't big, but she could put force behind this, and she would if she had to. She gripped it tightly and opened the door, leaving the chain still latched. She met the eyes of Merle Dixon. "What the hell do you want?" she hissed. _

"_Just wanted to come by and see you." He was drunk, very drunk, and he was slurring. Sadly, she was used to this and knew exactly what he was saying. She also knew exactly what he wanted._

"_Merle, now is not a good time for you to come by. I'm about to make dinner, and we talked about this." _

"_Whatcha makin'?"_

"_Nothing for you." She set the bat down. "Go home."_

"_Lemme in."_

"_No." Her eyes flickered back to the kitchen momentarily, but he saw._

_He moved his face right up against the space between the frame and the door. "You got company?"_

"_What?" She crossed her arms. "No. No, it's just me."_

"_Then lemme in."_

"_Merle, we talked about this. I know you probably don't remember, but I do, so just get out of here and find somebody else."_

"_I want you." _

"_Oh, for fuck's sake." She let out an exasperated sigh, but before she could speak, Paige called to her. _

"_I dropped an egg!"_

_Merle's eyes zeroed in on the kitchen. "Who the fuck was that? You said you was alone."_

_She unlatched the door and shoved him back, stepping outside. "I am alone. That's a friend of mine."_

"_A friend?"_

"_Yes, she's helping me make cookies. I had a craving."_

"_So do I." He leaned toward her._

"_Then go find someone to help you with your "craving". I have other things to do tonight, and none of those things involve you, so leave, Merle." She pointed down the hall. "Go."_

_He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small baggie of pills. "Sure, this ain't your cravin'?"_

_Her throat dried up, and she looked at the pills that were only inches from her face. She clenched her jaw and crossed her hands, trying to still a tremble that was spreading through her fingers. "N—no. I—I don't want those."_

"_You sure?" He brushed his thumb against her cheek, the pills rested on her shoulder just in between this index and middle finger, and he chuckled. "We both know what you want, sugar." He leaned down, his lips only a breath away from hers, waiting perhaps. Maybe he was just soaking in her—how she held her breath, how her eyes were down, how her lips were parting._

_Amy reached up with a shaky hand and closed her fingers around the pills, her forehead resting against his, and she was about to take the pills when a voice rang in her head. It was soft and sweet, but it might as well have chopped her in half. 'I dropped an egg,' her daughter's voice rang out, and Amy closed her eyes tightly. Paige was waiting for her. Clear headed, sober her. No, she couldn't do this. She couldn't._

_She released the pills and stepped back. "No, **we** don't." She shook her head. "Go home, Merle." She opened the door and entered her house, closing the door and locking it. She fell back against the sturdy wood and squeezed her eyes shut. Shit. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck! She wracked her hands through her hair and breathed roughly. Fuck him, that bastard! He knew. He knew she was clean now, so why the fuck did he come here? Damn him!_

"_Mommy?" Paige called, worry in her voice._

"_J—just one second." Amy inhaled deeply and slammed a fist into the door, shaking off the pain as she walked back in to the kitchen. "Hey."_

"_Who was there?"_

"_The super." She shrugged. "He wanted to make sure we were okay. So, I heard you dropped an egg?" She grabbed a dishtowel._

"_There."_

_Amy cleaned up the mess and washed her hands. "So, cookies."_

"_Cookies."_

"_Yeah." She nodded and smiled at her daughter, grabbing the measuring cup and flour. She hoped Merle never came back here again. She also hoped he would get so drunk that he forgot this entire night. He would. He always did. That was the one thing Merle was good for. She didn't have anything to worry about. He wouldn't remember. He wouldn't._

"_Are you okay, Mommy?"_

"_Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." She looked at her daughter. "Why are you asking?"_

_She looked at her mom's hands, and so did Amy. "Are you cold?"_

"_A little bit, but I'm fine." She set her hand on Paige's cheek. "I'm just fine." She kissed her forehead and hugged her tightly. "God, I love you." She felt tears in the back of her eyes._

"_I love you too."_

_Amy held her for a second more then let her go. "We'll finish these then go and finish the movie, and we'll have grilled cheese instead of spaghetti."_

"_With French fries?"_

"_With French fries, but tomorrow, we're having something healthy. I just don't know what. We'll have to go shopping." She hated shopping. It reminded her how poor they were. Ugh. "Maybe this batch should be just for me."_

"_Nu-uh!" _

_Amy snickered at the look on her face. "Fine, but the next batch is mine."_

"_That's not fair!"_

"_Neither are prices, but we can't help that." Maybe she could just eat the milk chocolate chips, but that might lead to cavities. Both actually could. Fuck, she couldn't afford to go to the dentist. This sucked, but at least she wasn't alone in this suckines. _

– – –

"I'll wash the dishes." Paige picked up her mom's plate. "You cooked, so I'll clean up."

"Thanks. I'll get dressed, and we can go as soon as Mama comes."

"Well, Paige stay."

There was a knock on the door, Amy hopped up and answered it, smiling at Beth. She let her inside and began to gather Austen's belongings while Beth picked up her no-so-fussy baby boy.

"How was he?" Beth asked Amy.

"A little fussy, but mostly he just wanted you. He slept almost all through the night, and he just had his breakfast." She looked at Beth. When he left his house, he was her problem. He was cute, but he was a handful. She did not miss babies, well not babies of her own. "You look exhausted."

She shrugged a shoulder and smiled. "Long night at the hospital. It's what I want, though." She took his bag. "Thank you for doing this so last minute. I really appreciate it."

"Don't thank me. It was nice to have him around, and I offered."

"Thank you anyway. If you ever need anything, let me know."

"Why don't I get you some coffee?"

"I have some in the car, don't worry about me. Zach does that enough."

"How is Zach?"

"Full of energy. I don't know how he has so much energy, but I'm glad one of us does. When I get my schedule fixed, I will look and feel so much better."

"If you need a babysitter, let me know."

"I will." Beth hugged her. "Have a good day. I'll see you later. Bye, Paige."

Paige waved, and Amy walked Beth to the door. She watched her leave, waving at Zach, and Beth waved back before getting into the backseat with her son.

"You two buckled in?" Zach asked.

"Yeah." She tucked loose hair behind her ear. "Amy said he was a little fussy, but he was good."

"He probably misses you."

"She said that too." She pursed her lips. "Am I a bad mother?"

"What? No. No, you could never be a bad mother. You just...work. A lot."

"And that means I'm not around, and that I'm a bad mother."

"Beth, you're not a bad mom. You're just trying to make sure he wants for nothing, and I adore that. If you want to talk some time off to be with him, do it. I can take care of us."

"I know." She looked at her son. "Maybe a little time off wouldn't be so bad."

He glanced back at her through the rearview mirror. "Just a little time."

She smirked. "Eyes on the road."

He chuckled. "Will do."

Beth turned in her seat and couldn't help but smile at her child. He was so beautiful and so happy. He was truly a miracle. She didn't even know she had a chance at having kids, let alone ten percent. She thanked God every single day for this little miracle.

– – –

_For weeks, Beth had felt like utter and hammered shit. She hadn't got her period, and she was so emotional and crazy. She was worried it was early menopause, or something worse, so she went to see Dr. Stookey. He was their family doctor since his father retired however many years ago, and she trusted him to tell her the truth. They were practically friends, so he would tell her the truth without treating her like a child._

_He did a thorough examination of her, taking some blood and such. She waited for what felt like hours in his office, and when he finally came back, he had Zach with him. She felt her stomach drop, and she tried not to let her mind run wild as fear twisted into a ball inside her. Was it worse than she thought? She was dying? No, that was ridiculous. She was being ridiculous. She wasn't dying. Was she? Oh, God. _

"_Hey." Zach smiled a little at her. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming to see Dr. Bob?"_

_She could only shrug a shoulder._

"_Why don't you two have a seat." Bob gestured to the seats in front of him and his desk._

_Beth grasped his hand tightly in hers, and she met Dr. Stookey's eyes, feeling her palms moistening, feeling a tightening in her chest. She wasn't sure she wanted to know what was wrong anymore, but she had to know. If it was bad, she had to know. She pressed her lips together and put on a brave face. "So?"_

"_Well, it's...very life-changing," Bob said slowly. "Beth, you're pregnant."_

"_W—Excuse me?" She stared at him, mouth open slightly. "Pr—pregnant?"_

"_Yes, pregnant. You're about five weeks."_

"_How?" She shook her head. "I know how, but how? I—I can't have children. I was told that I couldn't have children by your dad, I think. He even wrote—"_

"_Beth, you had a ten percent chance."_

"_He never told me that. You never told me that." She didn't understand. She was perfectly all right with never having children. Well, not perfectly, but she wasn't prepared for this to be dropped on her. She was prepared to adopt one day when she was older and more mature, but this? Oh, God, this was a lot._

"He did, and I believe I did as well_." _

"_I don't remember anyone ever tellin' me that."_

"_Well, we did tell you. You may not remember, but we did tell you."_

"_So...I'm just pregnant?"_

"_Just pregnant? That's what you want to call it?" Zach mused. _

"_Well, I thought it was somethin' else, somethin' even worse." She met his eyes and searched them, his smiling mirroring her own. She began to soak in what Bob had just told her about the life growing inside her and not the percent. She was pregnant. She was carrying a child of her very own. Tears of happiness flooded her blue eyes, and she let out a soft but happy whimper. "I'm pregnant. We're havin' a baby."_

"_We're having a baby." He leaned over and hugged her tightly._

_Bob smiled and let them have a minute alone._

_She was going to have a baby with the man she loved. It was a child of their own, and it may be the only child she might ever have, and she would protect him or her to her last breath, and she would love him or her wholeheartedly, no matter what. _

– – –

"If I'm stayin' home with him then we need to go grocery shoppin'."

"All right, we'll go shopping then, but I need coffee. More coffee anyway."

"The Greene Leaf is open, let's get some from there."

"You just want to see Sammy."

"That is not true."

"Yes, it is."

"Maybe a little." She held up to fingers that were close together.

He drove them to the Greene Leaf, Beth carried Austen inside and Zach ordered the usual. Carol wasn't working today, sadly. She was probably at home with Daryl and Sophia, most likely. Well, no, Sophia would be at school by now. Why wasn't Carol here today? She had Jacqui working, and someone who Beth didn't know, but she was polite. Once they had their coffee, they left and drove to the store, where they ran into Maggie and Glenn.

"Hi." Maggie smiled and hugged her sister. "Can I?"

"Yeah." Beth gently handed Austen over to his aunt. "How are you?"

"We're good. We got a puppy." Maggie glanced back at Glenn who was talking to Zach. "She isn't fond of Glenn just yet, but we're workin' on it."

"Do you have a picture?"

"Yeah." She dug her phone out of her pocket and held it out. "He's gettin' so big. I feel like I haven't seen him in forever." She smiled at her nephew. "Hi, sweetie."

"Me too." Beth scrolled through the photos.

"What's wrong?"

"I just—work. I've been workin' so much lately, and I just haven't been around." She glanced at Maggie and Austen. "I'm gonna take some time off, just a little. I need a break anyway."

"Yes, you do. You're so pale, even for you. I didn't want to bring it up first." She frowned a little. "Are you gettin' enough sleep? Are you eatin' right?"

"Yes, I am."

"How much sleep?"

"Eight hours." She bit her lip. "Four on a good night."

"Beth!"

"Don't, I already have Zach doin' that to me. I'll be fine."

"If you want to stay with me and Glenn, just ask, okay? We have room, and I don't like the idea of you two stayin' in that house alone."

"Well, I ain't alone. I have an alarm system and a cat."

"A cat that can't even sit up on its own."

"She likes food."

"Just come and stay with us one night, please." She turned to her nephew. "Say, one night. One night."

"'Kay," was what Austen said instead then laughed.

"See, he wants to stay."

"Fine, and your puppy is precious." She turned the phone around to the picture of the puppy and smiled widely. "I gotta come over for her."

"Yes!" Maggie took her phone back and slid it inside the pocket of her jeans. "All right, let's go get some fruit." She turned. "Glenn, we're goin' to get the apples."

"Okay." He nodded. "We'll get the meat then."

"Don't get any beef," Beth called to Zach. "Chicken, please."

"I know. Trust me, I know."

"What do you have against beef?" Maggie adjusted Austen.

"Oh, nothin'. I just really want chicken for dinner." She took the cart from Glenn, and followed Maggie. "So, how's work?"

"Well, I'm gettin' promoted."

"Really?" Beth grinned.

"Yeah. Detective Greene."

"That's awesome, Maggie. We have to have a celebratory dinner when we come over. I'll make your favorite dinner."

"All right, but just the four of us. Or five, if Zach's available."

"I promise."

Maggie glanced back before Glenn and Zach fell out of sight. They were having dinner tonight with Carol and Daryl, and they were going to tell them the news of her promotion. She and Tara were going to be partners. It was perfect, because they had built a bond over the past few years, and they had each others' backs. Tara was her best friend, and she was one of her bride's maids at her wedding two years ago. She was the one who gave Glenn and Maggie their puppy. She was reluctant to give up one of her puppies, but she did it anyway. She and Glenn were like brother and sister, always teasing each other but fiercely protective of each other as well. She was in their family, which was growing so fast their Thanksgiving dinners had sections.

"So, have you two talked about it at all?" Maggie asked, grabbing some bananas.

"Maggie." Beth rolled her eyes.

"What? You said we would talk about it."

"Yeah, when I'm ready to talk about it."

"If we had to wait for you to be ready, the world would end. Twice."

"No, we haven't talked about it."

"Does he want to get married?"

"I dunno. It ain't like we have time to talk about it. Between work and Austen, we rarely talk about anythin' important."

"Maybe you both should take time off, spend it together and let me babysit this little guy."

"We do—Look, I don't want to talk about this, especially not here, so let's just get the food and meet them. We have to get goin' soon, and I need a nap, so what else do you need?"

"Beth, you don't have to snap at me. I'm just tryin' to help."

"I didn't ask for it."

"All right, fine. Let's go. Down this way."

Maggie glanced at her little sister, remembering the last time they had been distant like this. Maggie like felt shit all over again for even thinking about it. It was a couple years ago, before Beth was blessed with little Austen, and Maggie and Glenn had come back from their honeymoon. Glenn went to work to make sure the place was still standing—he had no choice but to leave it in the care of his irresponsible sister—and luckily it was still in one piece. Maggie was unpacking their belongings in their house that had gotten a few months before their small wedding, and Carol and Shawn had kindly and surprisingly paid for their entire honeymoon. Maggie felt bad, but Shawn annoyed her in to feeling a lot better, and Carol told her not to worry about it. It was sweet of them, and they did enjoy themselves.

As Maggie unpacked, she found some of the souvenirs Glenn had bought for everyone. She also found the disposable cameras with the date of their wedding on them for some reason in marker. Glenn probably meant to leave these or have them developed. Shawn had taken all the pictures, and he was bringing them over tonight, so they would worry about these at a later date. And then she realized she hadn't gotten her period. She was almost seven days over. She wanted to talk about it with her sisters, and she wasn't thinking. She panicked and said a lot of stupid shit that she didn't mean. She pissed Beth right off, even though Beth didn't say anything. Even after Maggie got her period the next day, Beth stayed away, and they grew really distant, almost exactly like when their mother died. Beth just didn't try and talk to Maggie, and Carol tried to set up a dinner for all three of them, a girls' night of a sorts, but Beth bailed at the last minute. It was horrible, and it broke Maggie's heart. She didn't want that to happen to them again. Beth was always open, but lately there something strange going on with her. Maggie wasn't going to let her pull away again, even if Beth got pissed and just went off on her, she would endure it. She would be there for her.

"You can talk to me," Maggie told Beth before they met up with the boys.

Beth paused then met her eyes. "I know. I just need some time." She smiled a little. "Time to breathe and figure out what I really want."

"Let me know when you're ready to talk, okay? I'll be there."

"I will." Beth held her hands out, and Maggie handed over Austen. "We'll have lunch, and we'll invite Carol."

"That sounds good. I'll see you then." She stepped back toward Glenn. "Bye."

"Bye."

Glenn smiled at Maggie. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah." She looked back at her sister. "Yeah, everythin' is okay."

He reached down and laced his fingers through hers, and she returned his smile. "Let's go. We have a puppy to feed."

"A puppy who really needs a name."

"Evil?"

"No."

"Spike?"

"No."

"Fluffy?"

"It's official: I'm namin' the puppy." She pulled him toward the check out counter.

– – –

"Sophia, if you don't stop, we won't go."

"I'm not doing anything," Sophia argued.

"Sophia."

"I'm sorry." She sat down. "I'm just scared. What if I mess up? What if I'm the reason we lose? I don't want to make us lose the game."

"Sophia." Carol bent down in front of her. "You'll do fine. You've practiced and practiced. You've been living at the park for almost four months now. You will do great, and you'll have me and Dad to cheer you on. And Amy and Shawn too."

She frowned. "But Sammy, Mom."

"No buts. Sammy will be with Grandpa. It's all worked out, and we will be there. I'll be the one with the camera, embarassing you with a_ Number 47 is my daughte_r t-shirt." She grinned, and Sophia returned it. "Now, eat or you won't go at all."

"I'm not hungry. I'm too nervous to eat."

"Eat."

"Fine."

Carol stood up and returned to the balancing the books for the Greene Leaf. She left Shawn in charge for one week, and everything went to shit. She could fix this though, and she would never let him anywhere near her shop again If Jacqui didn't have to take care of T, she would have asked her to do it. Oh well, it was done, and she would make this work. She had to, really.

Daryl walked in with Sammy on his heels. "How's it goin'?"

"Somewhere incredibly boring." She smiled up at him. "And you?"

"Not much better." He leaned down and kissed her.

"Well, what little appetite I had is now gone." Sophia dropped a grape onto her plate. "May I please be excused?"

"No." Carol set her pen down and picked her son, smiling at him and placing a kiss to his forehead. "Half of that needs to be gone the next time I look up, and don't give any to your brother."

She slouched. "I'm just gonna get sick."

"No, you won't." Carol was getting frustrated. Sophia was second guessing herself in the worse way, and no matter what Carol said, she deflected it. It was breaking her heart to see her like this, and she didn't understand why Sophia was feeling this way. "Just eat, please."

Daryl looked from Carol to Sophia. "What's goin' on? You won't eat?"

"No," Sophia mumbled at the same time Carol said, "Yes."

"Why ain't you eatin'?" He frowned.

"I feel sick, and I'm not hungry." She sent a slight glare to her mother. "I can eat when I get back. I'll be hungry then."

"You'll be tired then too," Carol retorted.

Daryl sat down beside her. "What's wrong, runt?"

"Nothing," she mumbled, poking her sandwich with a chip. "I'm just... I don't want it." Her eyes moved to her mom and little brother then back down to her plate, and she almost looked at her dad, but almost wasn't did.

Daryl smiled a little. "C'mere." He stood up, setting a hand on her shoulder before walking out the side door to the back porch, and he waited a minute before she followed him. "Sit."

"What's up?" She plopped down on to the bench.

"We never really asked how you felt, 'bout missin' those games and that bake sale. And I know we've been tendin' to Sam more recently." She started to shake her head, but he didn't stop. "It's all right, Sophia. I get it."

"No, you don't. I don't...hate Sam. I love Sam, and I love being a big sister." She opened her mouth to continue and stammered, dropping her eyes to her hands. "I just... I don't know."

"You do know. Talk to me."

"He's really little, and I understand that he needs more attention than me. He needs more help learning things sometimes, and I understand that. I really do, but..." She gulped, tears building in her eyes, and she met his eyes. "I just feel like everything I do is an inconvenience to you and to Mom."

"What?" His voice was soft, a laughing disbelief.

"I dunno. I just feel like you guys don't really want come to my games or schools events, that you'd rather be somewhere else."

"Sophia—"

"I understand Sam needs more attention and help. He's barely five, and he's so helpless and clumsy." Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she felt horrible. She didn't want them to know she felt this way. It just always drove her up the wall whenever she tried to tell them something, but Sam did or said something that stole their attention, and by the time they remembered her, it didn't matter anymore. They weren't awful parents. They just had a lot on their plates with the Greene Leaf and the auto shop and Sammy.

Daryl moved onto the bench beside her and put his arm around her. He wiped at her tears. "Sam does need us, but so do you." He rubbed her back. "I know it's been crazy the last couple of days, and I'm sorry we missed your first few games, but we ain't gonna miss no more. Trust me, you'll wish we weren't there with all your mom's gonna do."

"I _do_ want you guys there." It always made her jealous that Amy made it to ever soccer game they had to cheer Paige on, and even though Mom and Dad came to pick her up, they were late or she was tired and didn't want to talk about it. Their team was doing really well, and their couch was awesome, but she couldn't really enjoy it like Paige or the other girls could, because they were the only people she could talk to about it that seemed to care.

"Well, we're gonna be there."

Carol stepped out of the house, holding Sam, having heard everything, and she sat down beside Sophia. "Hey, it's a big game tonight. Are you nervous?"

Sophia wiped her cheeks. "Not really."

"Well, Sammy drew you this as a good luck charm for tonight."

Sophia looked at the paper that her brother was holding out, and she took it, unfolding it to see a picture of her at the park and a soccer ball and Paige. He had also drawn in Mom and Dad. She smiled. "Thank you, Sam."

"Good luck, Sissy." He smiled back.

Carol reached over and ran her hand through Sophia's hair. "Why don't you go put away your lunch, and I'll braid your hair."

"Okay."

"Take your brother."

She stood up and took Sam's hand, guiding him into the house.

"We got a problem," Daryl started as soon as the kids were out of sight.

"I heard." She ran a hand through her hair. "All right, we're shit parents, but I refuse to stay in that category."

"What do you wanna do?"

"I have a surprise for Sophia that was going to wait until her birthday, but I'm too excited to wait, and it seems like a perfect time. So, win or lose, she's getting a congratulations gift at dinner tonight."

"What gift?"

"Nothing." She stood up. "We'll talk about it later."

"Carol, if it's what we already talked 'bout, she's too young."

"Daryl, trust me."

"I would if you'd tell me what it was."

She smiled teasingly. "Trust. Me."

"Woman." He got up and caught her before she could disappeared into the house, and she giggled. "What is it?"

She held her tongue.

"Carol—"

"Mom! Dad!" Sophia shouted.

Daryl let her go, and they hurried into the house, their hearts in their throats at the way Sophia had called to them.

"What happened?" Carol put her arms around her daughter. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Where's Sam?"

"In the kitchen. Look, we're fine." She turned her eyes to the front door. "Look who's here."

Daryl walked over to the door that was ajar and pulled it open, his eyes locking on the person on the other side and silence hung in the air.

– – –

"_So, what're we gonna call him?" Daryl asked, sitting beside Carol on the hospital bed with Sophia out cold by their legs. "You got an ideas?"_

"_One." She met his eyes and smiled. "Samuel."_

"_Samuel?" _

"_Yeah. I think it fits him."_

_He smirked. "It does." He kissed her, smoothing her hair down, and he rested his head on her forehead. "I got a surprised for you."_

"_Oh, yeah? And what's that?" She smiled sweetly and curiously at him._

"_You'll see. Tomorrow."_

"_Tomorrow?" She arched a brow. "What are you planning, Dixon?"_

"_Somethin' you like, somethin' you asked for."_

"_I've asked for a lot of things—a better hair dryer, a cat that can be taught not attack me in the shower, for Sophia to pick up her toys so I don't fall down the stairs." She smirked. "The list goes on."_

"_You'll find out in the mornin'."_

"_I hate suspense, but all right." She leaned back into his arms. "Thank you for not calling everybody. I just...didn't want them to crowd us yet." To be honest, she was scared. For two days, the baby didn't kick, and she was worried about him. She had an appointment scheduled for ten in the morning, but at five in the morning, she woke up to contractions. Everything went very well, and they had a beautiful baby boy with the same eyes as his mother and the same gentle features, but Daryl was cropping up here and there, especially around his nose and his fingers. He was amazing. Sophia was amazing. She didn't want her family to come mostly because she was scared, and even in labor, she was scared, but everything was fine. They would call everyone in the morning, and Beth would probably make breakfast and never let Sammy go when she got to hold him. Carol was looking forward to that part._

"_It was also five in the mornin', my only worry was Sophia was in the back and that I didn't crash."_

_She smiled. "Well, thank you for that then."_

_He gave a nod. "Get some sleep."_

"_I will." She just wanted to hold him for a bit longer._

"_And while you're sleepin', I'll think of a middle name for our son."_

"_Okay."_

_He took Sammy from her arms when she started to drift off, and he held the babe in his arms, and he made a promise to Sam, to Sophia, in the darkness of the hospital room. He wouldn't break it. They were too important to him for him to break this promise. He made a different promise to Carol, who he hoped would marry him before Sophia was in college, but she kept putting it off. "I'll like to fit into my wedding dress", "June weddings seem to end in divorce", "I'd like a fall wedding", "It'd be so cute, with the leaves and all", and his personal favorite, "Let's just wait until we're ready. There's no need to rush in to anything. We've been married before, and it didn't end well. I don't want to repeat our past mistakes. Let's just wait". He understood why she wanted to wait, but if he had to listen to Shawn and his dumbass jokes about how they were living in sin, he was going to break Shawn's teeth. And he felt that not being married gave her a chance to... He didn't know. He wasn't sure he wanted to know. He trusted her, but he was worried that she might do something crazy. The day they graduated from high school, she went nuts, and he'd rather not relive that moment. It was not her finest hour. _

_He adjusted his son gently, not wanting to wake him, and he cleared his mind. He needed to call Hershel and T in the morning. He already told them about the baby, and it took everybody in the world and twenty pounds of tape to keep Beth at bay. He wanted them to prepare the new house—the house he had bought in secret with his lifesavings. He wanted to surprise Carol, but Dr. Stookey and he agreed that moving when she was pregnant might be too stressful, and Carol was stressing enough without him adding to it. He asked Amy to look for houses that fit what Carol wanted, and she found one. They had to meet at the shop in the back room and whisper, because T would tell Carol—the man couldn't keep a secret—and anywhere else they might run into somebody._

_For weeks, he had been boxing things up and putting them in the would-be nursery. He locked it and told Carol he was building something for the baby, and he wanted it to be a surprise. He had Sophia's entire room boxed up last night, and with some bribing, he got Amy and Beth to pack up their room. He had hired movers, so all they had to do was unpack enough for them to be able to sleep that night. He knew Beth would claim the nursery, so Sam would have his entire room done, and Amy would do Sophia's room just enough for her to find her clothes and have her bed already made. He might have to unpack their room, but he would if he had to. _

_Their old house had so many good memories, but far too many bad. The past hung on the walls, everything visible to them, and that was no way to make a fresh start. No, this new house would be great. There was a backyard, a fence, and it wasn't too far from Sophia's school. Three bedrooms, one and a half bath, a kitchen that Carol hopefully really liked, a fireplace, a basement and garage, and an attic. It was a good place to start over, and they needed to start over. Their past was full of pain and betrayal and loss and hate, and that was going to stay in the old house. This new house would be great, if Carol didn't hate it. He had Maggie and Beth and Karen go with him to check it out, and while he already thought Carol would like it, they added to his confidence. If they were all wrong, Carol was lying to everybody about what she liked._

_He was getting tired, so he decided to just forget about it, and he would think about it in the morning._

––

"_I'm hungry," Sophia said for the fifth time since waking up._

"_We're goin' to get somethin' to eat." He bent down. "I asked you if you wanted a snack, you said no."_

"_That was then."_

"_And now we're goin' to grab breakfast."_

"_With Mom and Sam?"_

"_Nah, just the two of us. She needs her sleep, and that boy sleeps like a rock." He took her hand. "C'mon."_

_Sophia glanced back at her mom. "Bye, Mommy."_

"_We'll be right back." _

_They went to the Greene Leaf for breakfast. The shop wasn't open, but Daryl had a key, and he made breakfast for all of them, including Carol. He made some waffles and eggs and bacon, and he cut up some fruit for Sophia. They ate at the shop, Sophia talked about wanting to learn a sport, and Daryl wanted to teach her how to track and how to hunt, but Carol would kill him. She didn't want Sophia around weapons until she could was taller than them. He would wait, and now he could teach Sam too._

"_Daddy?"_

"_Hmm?" He swallowed coffee. "Yeah?"_

"_I'm a big sister now." He nodded. "Can I take care of Sam?"_

"_Of course you can take care of Sam."_

"_Really?"_

"_Yeah, Sophia."_

_She nodded then met his eyes, very serious."But not all the time, okay? He's still your kid."_

_He held back a laugh. "Y—yeah, 'course."_

_They finished eating, Daryl grabbed the food he had made and kept warm for Carol, and they went back to the hospital. He texted Maggie on the way inside, and she told him the house was ready. He turned his phone off and returned to Carol's room. She was already wake, and Sophia was curled up beside her, and Sam was sleeping beside them._

"_Food." Carol smiled happily. "And not from the hospital, thank you so much."_

"_Figured you'd want somethin' homemade." He handed over the container, and he pulled up a chair to her bed side, taking a seat. "When you're done, I got somethin' I wanna show you."_

"_Sounds like you've been keeping a secret." She arched a brow, smirking and eating a slice of strawberry. "Want to share?"_

"_Yeah, later."_

"_Later." She made a face. "I still hate suspense."_

"_Well, I hate not tellin' your folks, but I'm managin'."_

_Once Carol had finished her breakfast and changed, they got ready to leave. Daryl took care of the hospital stuff, and Carol took care of the baby stuff. He found them in her car, and he told them he had a phone call to make. He called Maggie, she told him they were ready—with balloons and a banter by Beth no doubt__—__and he thanked her. He would take them all in person, but he really wanted to thank Maggie now. She had done so much to help with the move, and she kept saying, "This is what family's for. This and blackmailin' you". He wasn't used to having such a large family, let alone three sisters, two brothers, a father, a niece and nephew, and a goddaughter. He had more family than he knew what to do with. He was never going to be alone again. He was never going to have any privacy, and Maggie could actually blackmail him being an detective now. Damn. Maybe he should take Shawn up on his offer to go to the bar._

_He slipped his phone in his pocket and climbed in to the car. He started for the new house, Carol kept looking back at Sophia and Sam, and he saw how her eyes lingered on Ethan. Sophia carried that bear everywhere, and while there were only two kids in the backseat, there were three. Two in the back—one who hugged a toy to her chest and one who Carol kept her eyes on—and one in their hearts. One who was watching over his younger siblings. They would never forget Ethan. Without losing him, Sophia and Sam would just be a dream. They may never have had them, but...they did, and everything worked out the way it was supposed to._

_Pulling up at the new house, Carol's face scrunched, brows furrowed in confusion, and she turned to Daryl. "What are we doing here?" It didn't look like Amy's new house, so what the hell were they doing at some stranger's house? Karen had move into her summerhouse, and if she had moved, Carol would have been the first person to know, as her best friend and godmother to her daughter._

"_C'mon," was all he said as he opened his door and stepped out. He got Sam, and Carol got Sophia and held her hand as they walked toward the door of the strange—but beautiful—house. He pulled out the keys from his pocket, Carol looked down at Sophia, and Sophia pressed her lips together. They followed him into the house, and Carol nearly jumped out of her skin at the sight of her family with balloons and their furnishings inside. "Surprise," Daryl smiled._

"_S—surprise?" She gaped at him. "Th—this was your surprise? A house? You bought us a house?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Are you insane? How can we afford this?"_

"_When you left me, I had a lot of free time on my hands, and I made some money. I used some of your inheritance money too."_

"_Daryl, we agreed that was for college and emergency uses only."_

"_I'm kiddin'."_

"_Welcome home!" Beth slid off the couch and hugged them both. "We unpack everythin', so don't worry about that." _

"_Well, thank you so much." Carol released Sophia's hand. "Um, well this is awkward."_

"_No, it's not. Daryl told us about Sam." Maggie was on her knees with Beth by the newborn. "We just did this instead of goin' to the hospital."_

"_I did most of the work," Shawn informed her. "Beth told us what to do while doing nothing, and Maggie and Glenn fooled around."_

"_You're such a lair," Sasha shook her head. "I did most of the work. Beth was helping with the twins, and Maggie and Glenn...fooled around."_

"_I didn't say I was gonna help," Maggie reminded them. "I just came by with pizza."_

"_Uhh, where is Glenn?" Carol asked, seeing only her sisters and Shawn._

_Shawn smiled slowly. "I—I dunno." He cleared his throat. "I'm gonna check on the twins."_

"_Shawn Tanner Greene." _

"_What? I did nothing." He hurried from the room._

"_I should give him a hand." Sasha followed, poker face perfect. _

"_Guys, what did you do to poor Glenn?"_

_Beth stood up. "Glenn's asleep. He passed out after workin' so hard. Now, forget Glenn and come see the nursery! I worked all night, and if you don't like it, we're gonna fight."_

_Carol smiled. "Lead the way."_

"_We'll just take him." Maggie took Sam tenderly from Daryl. "C'mon, Sophia, I'll show you your room."_

"_Okay." She caught up to them on the stairs._

_Daryl stood in the living room and shook his head. Oh, well. He pretty much figured Glenn was trapped in the long box that was pushed behind the couch. He thought about it for a second then headed to the garage to see his new work space. Glenn would manage. He probably wasn't even awake yet. He hoped they put breathing holes in that box._

– – –

"_Come and check it out," Shawn told Paige and Sophia, practically bouncing up and down, more excited than they were._

"_Calm down, Uncle Shawn." Sophia tugging her ponytail to tighten it. "You're embarassing."_

"_I just spent seven hours of my life on something for you and your soccer team, so I get to gloat and be excited!"_

"_All right, all right." Paige held her hands out. "Calm down, let's just see. I'm excited too!"_

"_Yes, high five!" Shawn high-fived her._

"_Oh, God." Sophia buried her face in her hands. "I don't know you two. We don't share blood."_

"_C'mon." Paige gripped Sophia's arm and followed Shawn._

_He led them to his office, which was a mess from the paint and the pictures that were tossed around for inspiration, and he would clean it all up before his wife came home and tripped over a picture again. "All right." He flicked the light on and stood in front of it. "Now, it took me seven hours to do this, which is surprising that I could focus my attention on something for that long, so if you don't like it, tough." He moved aside._

"_Oh, my gosh." Sophia gasped. "Uncle Shawn!" She jumped up and hugged him. "It's perfect! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!"_

_He laughed. "You're welcome, munchkin." He somehow was roped in to helping Sophia and Paige's soccer team's bake sale to help raise money for new uniforms. His job as a freelance photographer gave him time, so he decided to spend it doing this. He had to tend the twins on his breaks, but it was still fun. The twins even liked it. He almost died when they started playing in the paint, and they were going toward it, so he bribed them and made them swear to tell no one. He would get chewed out by Sasha later tonight. They tell her everything._

"_Paige, what do you think?" Shawn asked._

"_It's...uh, really good." She smiled. "I'm sure the team will love it."_

"_I didn't ask if the team loved it." He looked at Sophia. "Go check on your cousins for me. They're bound to be doing something bad. I'd blame myself, but that would require me taking responsibility for my actions."_

_Sophia glanced at Paige then her uncle. "Um, sure." She left the room and checked on Lydia and Elijah._

_Shawn bent down. "You okay, kiddo?"_

"_Why wouldn't I be okay?" She crossed her arms over her chest tightly, something Shawn was used to seeing, and he knew what this was. "It's nice. I'm glad you did this for Sophia and the team."_

"_Your team. I made it for you and your team."_

"_I know."_

"_Honey, what's wrong?"_

_She hung her head. "Nothing," she murmured._

"_Something is wrong, and you can either tell me about it, or we can stare at each until I give you advise that makes no sense because you won't talk about what's really wrong. Your choice."_

_She bit her bottom lip. "I don't know," she whispered. _

"_Well, what don't you know?"_

"_I hate myself."_

"_What?" He frowned. "Paige, why?"_

"_Because I'm horrible and stupid and jealous."_

"_You are not horrible or stupid," he promised. "What's making you jealous?"_

"_It's the worst."_

"_Tell me anyway."_

"_Sophia."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because."_

"_You have to give me more to go with than because, sweetheart. What did she do? What did she get that you didn't?"_

"_It's not—it's not like that." _

"_Then tell me."_

"_I spent the weekend at Sophia's. We were playing, and she had an idea to sled down the stairs."_

"_Oh, bad idea."_

"_It was. We ended up crashed on our butts at the bottom of the stairs, and Daryl rushed in to see what happened." She slumped her shoulders, trying to make herself smaller, and Shawn hated it. "It's so stupid, but... I got really jealous when Daryl moved over me to get Sophia. She's his daughter, I know, but...I couldn't help it." She felt like she might be missing out on something, and she hated it. Her mom was more than enough, but still she felt this way. It sucked._

"_You feel left out? Because Merle's not in your life?"_

"_No! I don't want him in my life!"_

"_I'm right here, honey, you don't have to yell." He grasped her hands. "It's all right to be jealous, and it's not stupid. I get it. I used to feel that way when I had a father. Uh, a biological father."_

"_What'd you mean?"_

"_Well, my dad was a good father, and I love him, but...I always felt that he favored Carol. It wasn't anything big, just the little stuff, and for a long time as a kid, I kinda hated her for it. It wasn't her fault, and he didn't have favorites, but I was still jealous. I grew out of it, but it really sucked, because I had no one to talk to about it." He searched her eyes. "So talk to me about it, day or night, talk to me."_

_She lips twitched into a big smile, and she hugged him appreciatively. "Thank you."_

"_It's all right, kiddo. You'll be fine, I promise." He let her go. "So tell me what you think about my art."_

_She took a long, studying look at the poster. "I think it's perfect."_

"_I think you're perfect."_

"_What?"_

"_What?"_

"_Shawn!" She pushed him, and he laughed._

"_C'mon, let's go help Sophia with my kids." He hopped up. "If Sasha thinks I'm letting someone else take care of the twins, I'll never hear the end of it."_

"_But you always ma—"_

"_Do you want the poster?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Then no."_

"_What?" _

"_Exactly." _

– – –

"Do we really need all of these?" Shawn pointed to the bags of chocolate and the plastic eggs. "Beth said she was gonna provide the goodies."

"I'm not leaving it all to Beth. We do that every year. We're helping her, so why don't you take some bags and start putting two pieces of candy into each egg."

"When you told me to come home and help with chocolate, I had...other plans in mind."

"Well, we'll probably have a bag or two leftover," she scratched her nose, and he met her eyes, "so we can give them to Patricia."

"You're just evil." He tossed a bite-sized Kit-Kat at her, and she laughed.

"Speaking of evil, you're the bunny."

"Oh, hell no!"

"Shawn!" She cut a look to the twins, who were in the living room, playing. "And oh, yes. You were supposed to do it last year—"

"I was sick! I was literally throwing up every half hour! I was almost hospitalized!"

"You were not!"

"That's why I said almost!"

"Look, just do it this year, and we'll make Daryl do it next year."

"No, because there's no power on this earth that will make Daryl dress up as the Easter Bunny, not even Carol."

"So what power on this earth will make you dress up as the Easter Bunny?" She gazed at him through her eyelashes.

"I dunno, but don't try it."

"Shawn, please." She slid out of her chair and straddled his lap, slipping her arms around his neck. "Just do this for the twins and your nephew."

"I'm an incredibly selfish person, so those three won't work."

"Either do this, or explain to the twins how you killed the Easter Bunny."

"What? That's horrible. Don't tell them that!"

"Then wear the suit."

"I am not dressing up as a pink bunny."

"It's white!"

"Beth bought a new suit?"

"Yes."

"Well that changes things a bit, but you still owe me."

"So I'll owe you." She leaned back, elbows on the table behind her. "Mom and Dad are taking the twins tomorrow morning for Easter pictures, so we'll have the morning free." He grasped her hips, and she smiled. "We can work out something then, don't you think?"

He pulled her to him. "I think we can." He kissed her.

"Now is not tomorrow morning." She reached over and grabbed a plastic purple egg. "Start filling eggs."

"How many kids are going to be there?" He grasped the egg she held.

"How many kids?" She stood up and sat in the seat beside him. "Elijah and Lydia, Sam, Austen, Judith, Lucas, Miles, Andre, Sophia, Paige, Carl, Noah, Patrick, Molly—"

"Everybody's kids then?"

"Which is why we need a lot of eggs."

"Sophia and the others are a bit old to be hunting eggs, so let's just not include them."

"Shawn, you participate in the egg hunt."

"Yes, but I am a child at heart."

"Sophia and the others are children in age, so they beat you."

"I'm going to need a more comfortable chair for this." He rose. "And a drink. Do you want anything?"

"I have water."

He fetched the ottomans from the living room, minding the toys that spilled over the carpet and the twins, and he grabbed a can of pop from the fridge. He propped his legs up on the second ottoman, using a dining chair to hold a bowl of empty eggs, a bag of chocolate and another chair to hold the bag with full eggs.

"Shawn?" Sasha said after some time had passed.

"Yeah?" He was fighting to close an egg. Damn thing. _The others closed just fine, you piece of shit!_

"May I see your phone?"

"Sure." He paused his struggle, dug out his phone and tossed it onto a bag of M&amp;Ms then returned to his struggle. When he was finally victorious, he drink from his pop and asked, "What for?"

"Dentist appointments. I needed to see when you're free next."

"For the twins, right?"

"For you."

"I went just last week."

"No, you said you were going last week, but Dr. Porter called. You didn't show up."

_Damn you, Eugene!_ "Traffic was really slow, so I figured why show up at all? I was just about reschedule the appointment."

"Your lie is showing." She smirked. "I'm taking you on Thursday."

"I'm not a kid. I can do myself."

"Evidently not."

He groaned. "Fine."

"Look, it won't be so bad. I'll be right there with you, and—"

"You're not going in with me!" he cut her off.

"Yes, I am."

"No, you're not. I'll feel even more like a child. I don't need an escort."

"I'm your wife, not an escort. I go in with the twins—"

"Exactly why I don't need you to come in with me."

"—and they feel better when I'm there, and so will you."

"Do you want to drive too?"

"Yeah, I do actually."

He grumbled.

"What was that?"

He tried not to, but he laughed, and so did she. "Shut up, Sasha."

She tossed Starbursts at him. "You first."

He helped him to the Starbursts. "Want the cherry? I only like the lemon and strawberry."

"I only like orange and cherry."

"That's why I married you." He tossed the cherry at her.

She caught it and opened it. "I thought you only married me, because I was five months pregnant with your kids?"

"So, those _are_ my kids."

"Shawn!"

"Shit!" He ducked the eggs she threw at him and crawled under the table.

"You are not getting off that easy!" She went after him.

"Can I eat this lemon first?"

– – –

"Hey, Paige, c'mere." Felix changed the song and held his hands out; Paige set her book down and hopped up, taking his hands. "Just like we practiced."

"When I ever gonna need to know this?"

"Probably never, but it's still fun."

She laughed, following his lead.

Amy padded down the stairs with Lucas on her hip. "Watch the vase. It's crystal, and I think Andrea would have a heart attack if it broke. I think it's my grandma's."

"Yes, ma'am," Felix replied.

"Don't 'ma'am' me, Fee."

"Yes, dear."

"Bite me."

"Give me two minutes."

Paige laughed. "He's serious, you know."

"I do know." She sat down on the couch, her back resting on the arm of the couch, and she placed Lucas on her legs. "Maybe music will inspire him to talk."

"Still trying to teach him to speak, are you?" Fee spun Paige.

"It's kind of my job."

"So is teaching dance to kids and coaching the high school dance team and being the town babysitter."

"You forgot cheering my daughter on at her matches."

"How could I forget that one? Our little soccer star."

Paige smiled. "That's Sophia. I'm barely decent, Fee."

"I will tape you to a wall, if I hear negativity come out of that mouth again."

"We already used all the tape on Beth," Amy reminded him. "The town's out of tape."

"Then I'll use staples. I'll staple her to the basement wall."

"What? No!" Her eyes grew wide as Felix grabbed her and tossed her over his shoulder. "Mom!"

"I love you." Amy waved.

"Mom!"

Fee snorted and laughed. "I'm kidding. Lighten up."

"You're such a jerk!"

"But I'm a jerk who loves you."

"Then put me down."

"Oh, I love this song."

She groaned.

There was a knock on the door, Amy glanced at her watch and wondered who it was then slid off the couch. "Felix, put her down."

"Where's the couch? Tell me when I'm close." He started backing up.

Amy opened the door, smiling at how silly they were being, and her eyes locked with the person who had knocked, a shudder passing through her.

Merle Dixon stood on her doorstep, his eyes in hers for a moment then shifted over to Felix and Paige and then to Lucas, and while they lingered on the toddler, they returned to her eyes once more. "Hey."

"Hell." Felix set Paige down on her feet and held her shoulders.

Paige glared at her father, and only Felix's tight grip on her shoulders kept her from charging at him. "What's he doing here?" Her tone was bitter and dripping with venom.

"Let's go upstairs, Paige."

"No, what's he doing here?"

Amy turned to them. "Please, Paige, just go with Felix." She walked over to him and handed him Lucas. "Keep an eye on her."

He nodded. "C'mon, sweetie." He led her upstairs.

Amy inhaled deeply before she faced Merle. He was wearing new clothes, and they fit him well. He looked healthy, and well, he looked great. She hated that. "Come inside. Shut the door behind you."

He did, and he looked over her new place. It wasn't as grand as Andrea's, but it was a home. It was nice, and by the pictures that hung on the walls and rested on end tables, he knew the house certainly was lived in.

She folded her arms protectively over her chest. "So...how are you?"

"I'm good. I'm real good. How 'bout you?"

She studied him, eyes narrow, suspicion clouding those narrow eyes. He looked happy, almost excited. Why? To be back in town? To see her? Did he just see Daryl? What? "What are you doing here, Merle? After all this time?"

"I—I can explain."

"Good, because we're not going to talk like old friends when you up and left us in the middle of the night!"

He sucked in a breath. "I should have called—"

"Yes, you should have!"

"I wanted to. Every day, I wanted to call and let y'all know where I was, what I was doin'. Shit, I even wanted to write, but I didn't." He met her eyes. "I couldn't. I love you, girl. I fuckin' love you, but I knew if I told you where I was, you'd have come and tried to help me through it. I couldn't have you there. I had to do this. I had to do this myself."

"Do what, Merle?" She dropped her arms to the side. "What the hell did you do?"

"I'm sober, Am."

That word echoed off the walls around them, she stared at him with disbelieving eyes, and he moved closer. The world seemed to be shrinking down to just the two of them with each step he took toward her, and she wanted to move away, keep the distance between them, but she couldn't. She was curious. She wanted to know what happened, why he made this decision, and if he stuck to it. From how he looked—so proud, almost smug—she knew it was true, but that scared her. It scared her to death.

"Five years." He pulled out what appeared to a coin. "An asshole I met there gave me this." He gently grasped her arm and set the coin in her palm, closing her fingers around it. "His name was Abraham. He was there for his wife and kids."

She dropped her eyes to her hand and opened her fingers slowly, almost afraid to see what the coin was. It wasn't a coin. It was a token with some words engraved on it and the Roman numerals five in the center. It was old, so that Abraham was over five years. He was probably a sponser or something. She didn't exactly know what went on at AA, but this was real. He was really telling the truth. "Why?" Tears were burning in the back of her eyes, and she lifted her head. "Why did you do this?"

"For her. When she called me dad, I realized what I associated dad with wasn't what she associated dad with. I had to change. I ain't gonna be him. I'll never be him, but I had to make sure, so I did this. For her, for me even."

"You left her," her voice was so soft, "and you hurt her. The daughter you wanted to change for...you hurt her, and she hates you for that."

"I know."

"It wasn't just her you hurt. It wasn't just her you left."

"I know that too." He didn't touch her, even though he wanted to. "My apology won't mean shit to you, but I am sorry." She slumped on to the couch behind her. "I wanted to come back sooner, but I didn't want to screw it all up."

She ran a hand through her hair. "Merle, you already screwed it all up."

He lowered himself down onto his knees in front of her. "I know."

"You missed so much, and you can't make up for that." She met his eyes. "Explain it to me, make me understand how it was worth it, because I don't understand. You were doing fine before, and I thought...we were happy."

"We were, and I was, but..." He exhaled. "You saw how I was the night of your performance, and I saw you. You were terrified, terrified of me. I couldn't stop myself that night, not from gettin' a bottle or from seein' you. Hell, I don't even know what woulda happened if your friend didn't show up."

"You wouldn't have hurt me."

"But I didn't know that." A muscle in his jaw jumped, and he shook his head. "I kept thinkin' 'bout it, always wonderin' what woulda happened, and I wouldn't let that happen, not ever, again. I was becomin' that son of a bitch—you knew it too." He dropped his eyes to her jeans. "I had to leave. I couldn't be in town, not with you and Paige around."

"Why not with us around?"

"The reason I drank so much that night was 'cause of Felix. I was jealous, pissed, and I did what I always did. I couldn't risk that happenin' again, that's why I left."

"Merle..."

He gazed up at her. "I got a job, a friend of mine helped me find a place, and I went to meetings regularly." She closed her eyes. "I had to sell my bike to get the place, but I got it back."

"I...am happy for you." Her eyes opened and fell in his. "I'm proud that you made it five years, and I hope you continue to ten, twenty, thirty years sober." She handed him the token back. "It just won't be with us."

"Amy."

"Please, leave now." She rose and walked away, her back to him, her arms the only thing holding her together.

He pushed himself up and went over to the door. "I'm stayin' with Daryl, if you wanna talk later." With one last look over his shoulder at her, he departed and smiled a little to himself. It went better than he thought.

She inhaled to steady herself and wiped under her eyes then heard a loud bump from upstairs. "Paige? Felix?" She hurried up the stairs and ran down the hall to Paige's bedroom, finding Felix and her wrestling on the floor. "What's going on?"

"She wants—to speak—to—Merle," he managed.

"Let go of me!"

"Felix, let her go." Amy bent down and grabbed Paige when he did. "Stop it! Stop it right now!"

"Is he still here?" she huffed.

"No, he's not."

"Why was he here?"

"He just got back into town."

"Is he coming back?"

"I don't know. I don't control Merle." She removed her hands from her daughter's shoulders.

"I don't want him to come back!"

"What do you want me to do about it?"

She thought for a second. "I don't know, but I don't want him back here."

"Look, he's staying with Daryl and Carol, so I'll go talk to him and make sure he stays away. For now, I have to get Luke ready to go home. Do you want to come with me? Or wrestle Fee some more?"

"What? No! That's not an option." Felix sat back. "I think she dislocated one of my lungs." He groaned.

"You just bruise like a peach, but we'll get you some ice if you want."

"Yeah, please, and add in Scotch. That'll help."

"Okay." Amy looked at Paige. "Are you okay?"

"No. Yeah. I dunno."

"If you don't want me to talk to him," she brushed hair out of Paige's face, "I won't. I can call him."

"No, tell him to his face. It's more polite to tell him to his face." She tucked hair behind her ear. "I don't want to go, but I do want to write him a note."

"Hurry up with the note, because Andrea's getting off work in less than an hour, and she has plans."

Paige walked over to her desk and grabbed a pen and notebook. She wasn't sure what to write. She didn't want to say "Keep away from us, I hate you", because it was childish. No one really listens to kids, so she had to sound mature. She had to make him see she didn't want or need him. She wouldn't speak for her mom, because she didn't even know what her mom thought. She hoped her mom didn't want to get back with him, not after all he'd done to them.

She bit her lip. What if her mom did want to get back with Merle? What would she do then? She gulped. She didn't want to stand in the way of her mom's happiness, but she didn't want Merle in their lives. He always left or hurt her mom. She didn't want to see that happen again, but what if he didn't leave? What if he made her mom happy? Mom always said to give people second chances, so if he has changed and doesn't leave, she would give him a chance. She didn't have to like him to give him a second chance. She just had to trust her mom, and if she couldn't trust her mom, she was going to punch him in the mouth somehow. She wasn't tall enough to do it, so she would need help. Maybe Shawn could help.

She balled up the paper. She would just tell him in person the next time she saw him, whenever that was.

––

Andrea and Phillip had become friends after what happened with Ed and his wife. Amy told her not to be friends with a man she was interested in, but Andrea didn't listen to her. She and Phillip didn't date, but one night they did go out drinking. Amy told her—again—not to go out with him, because drinks and mourning didn't go well together, but Andrea—again—didn't listen to her. She never told Amy what happened until Andrea didn't get her period for a month. They went to the doctor's together, and she was pregnant. Phillip wasn't ready for a baby or a relationship, so Amy and Andrea raised the baby boy together practically, but Phillip was getting there. He saw Luke for the first time last week, and he was even bringing Penny to their Easter Egg hunt tomorrow. It was looking good, but Amy still wasn't sure. After his last relationship, she felt Phillip needed more time. He was his own person though, so she would leave it to them.

She pulled at the Dixon household, seeing Daryl had left for work, but Carol and Merle were there. She climbed out and traipsed over to the front door, knocking, and a second later, Carol opened the door. Behind her, Sophia was laughing and running around in her soccer uniform, and Merle had Sam on his shoulders. Amy's throat dried up at the sight of his smile and how happy Sam looked. Holy. Fuck. How was she supposed to do this?

"Hi, Amy. Come in."

"Thanks." She stepped inside. "Hi, Sophia."

"Aunt Amy!" She ran over and hugged her. "Thank you so much for the help at practice last week!"

"Oh, you're welcome, sweetie." She rubbed her back. "You did so well. I'm sure you'll guys win tonight."

"Thanks!"

"I need to speak with Merle," Amy whispered to Carol. "Privately, please."

"My room's upstairs," Merle told her, setting Sam on the floor. "Go play with your sister."

"Let's go to the backyard." Carol herded them out the back door.

"This way." He led the way to his room and closed the door behind them. "Surprised to see you so soon."

"I'm a little surprised myself." She sat on the bed since there was no where else to sit. "Your first time meeting Sam?"

"Yeah. He's just like Daryl." He tested the waters and sat down beside her. "Only more inclined to pull my hair."

She smiled. "Yeah, he's a hair puller. I have to pull my hair back before I pick him up. He doesn't bother Carol's, but he'll just yank mine. I think he doesn't like the smell of my shampoo and conditioner, but I'm not changing it."

His eyes lingered on her face, how it lit up when she smiled, and he didn't want to see that smile fade. It'd been too long since he'd seen it last. "You look good. I don't know if I told you that."

"No, no you didn't. Thank you." She tucked hair behind her ear. "You look good too."

"What can I do for you?"

"Keep your distance."

"You're the one who came to see me."

"I know, and it's not me who's saying it. It's Paige." She peeked at his face. "She's—she doesn't know what to make of you. She wants to understand, but she's so young, and she doesn't know everything. Give her time, and she might want a relationship. I don't know for sure, but she might want to try one day."

He nodded. "It's all I can do." She was about to stand up when he asked, "Is the boy yours?"

"The boy? Oh, you mean Lucas."

"Lucas? That's his name?"

"Lucas Allen Horvath. It's a good name."

"Sure."

"It is."

"You're avoidin' my question. Is he yours?"

"Mine or ours?"

He stared, holding his breath.

She smirked. "He's Andrea's."

"You're damn evil." He glared. "Christ."

She laughed. "It was worth it."

"So...are you seein' anybody then? Just—I wanna know, 'cause of Paige."

"Because of Paige?" She arched a brow.

"Yeah, don't want any unsavory men around my kid."

"Oh, now it's men? I'm dating multiple men now."

"You know what I meant."

"I do, and I was dating, kinda of dating." She shrugged. "Mostly sex."

He rolled his eyes. "Not what I wanted to know."

"I'm kidding. I did date, though, and he is good guy. He's actually the best guy, and Paige really likes him. Spencer."

"Who?"

"You don't know him, I don't think. He works at T's shop now. He invited over for New Years two years ago. We started dating that March."

"You dated for two years?"

She shook her head. "We dated for two months. I—I'm not good at dating, and I didn't want to ruin his relationship with Paige, because she needs at least one good man in her life that's not family."

"So, you ain't seein' nobody?"

"No, but my mom's trying to set me up with some doctor."

"What doctor?"

"Oh, she hasn't found one yet, but she's looking. She's really looking." She cleared her throat. "I should go. Paige has a game in a few hours, and I had so many things to do before then."

"A game? She's plays soccer, right?"

"Yep." She stood by the door, ready to leave. "Sophia tell you that?"

"Yeah. She invited me to her game. I—I told her I'd go."

"Well, don't worry about it. I doubt Paige will even notice you." She opened the door. "I'll see you around."

"Amy."

She bit her bottom lip and hesitated. "Yeah?"

"If you ever need help...or anythin', I'm here."

She turned. "I know."

He gave a nod.

"Same goes for you. I teach dance at the high school and my studio, so you can find me there."

"I'll be at T's shop."

"Great. Let me know when you find a place, I can make you a casserole. Jacqui's been teaching me how to cook, so I can guarantee it'll be good." She backed up. "I guess I'll see you at the game."

"Yeah."

"Bye." She quickly left, feeling so uncomfortable that she began to blush at how awkward she had been at the close of the conversation. Hopefully, if—when they spoke again, she wouldn't feel like this. Before she was angry, and now she was uncomfortable. She didn't want to waste time going off on him. She had moved on, but to see him again after all that time, just pissed her off all over again. If Paige did want him in her life, he and Amy had a lot to work out.

– – –

Shawn groaned at the sound of his cell phone ringing, and he grabbed it off the nightstand, answering it. "What?"

"Wake. Up!" Beth shouted. "Get over here. Your kids are here, but you two aren't. We need help!"

"What time is it?"

"Noon!"

"Oh, shit!" He shot up. "I am so sorry. My alarm didn't go off. We'll be there soon."

"Okay, thanks." Her tone changed, like she wasn't expecting him to have accidentally slept in. "See you soon."

"Yeah." He hung up. "Sasha? Sasha, wake up."

"I woke up when you screamed shit." She opened her eyes. "Good afternoon."

"Afternoon." He kissed her. "Let's go. If we shower fast enough, we can spare ourselves lecturing."

They showered, dressed and gathered the bags of eggs. They had to hurry so they could hide the eggs before the kids came. They were coming at three, and it took at least half an hour to get to the Greene's farm, and then Sasha would have to talk Shawn into putting on the Easter Bunny custom.

––

"Sophia, watch your brother." Carol walked through the river of kids and found Beth. "Hey." She hugged her. "Sorry, we're late."

"It's all right. I'm just glad someone else is here." She smiled. "Shawn's on his way, but I really need help with food."

"I can try and make something."

"You can just order pizza, Carol."

"Maybe I want to cook."

"Be my guest. You know where everythin' is."

"Watch my children."

"Of course." She bent down. "Hi, Sammy, Sophia."

Carol headed to the kitchen, finding Zach and her two-year-old nephew, who was all smiley. That baby was an angel who looked exactly like his dad but with Beth's bright blue eyes and that sweet smile.

"You're here. Thank God." He gave her a half hug. "You can save me from the hordes of mothers."

"I have to cook, so...not today."

"I can totally help you cook."

"Yeah, do you remember Thanksgiving last year?"

He paused. "We said we wouldn't talk about it."

"Then go take that little cutie to the hordes of mothers."

"I'll remember this."

"I thought we weren't talking about it."

"Who invited you again?"

"Hey, Jeanette, have you seen Austen yet?" Carol called. "He's in here with Zach!"

"What? No! Carol!"

She laughed. "Calm down, she's not even here."

"You and your sister will be death of me."

"Aww, thank you, Zach. My life is now complete." She leaned against the counter. "So, all jokes aside, how are things?"

"Things?"

"Between you and my little sister, who gave birth to the child you are currently holding."

"Ah, those things." He adjusted Austen. "I honestly don't know."

"Have you two talked?"

"Well...no."

"Zach, you need to talk to her."

"I tried! She deflects me!"

"She's a woman, not a brain operation! Just keep pushing. She can't avoid the subject forever."

"I try and talk to her, but something always comes up."

"Do you want me to talk to her? Not about your relationship, but—"

"No, I don't need you to talk to her. I'll talk to her."

"Zach."

"I will. You know, I hate when you act like a mom."

"I am a mom."

"My mom."

"Get out of my kitchen."

"Yes, Mom."

"I will make you the Easter Bunny."

He all but ran out of the kitchen, and she started to see what they could serve. Beth tended to the people who were already there, glad the show that was on captured the kids' attention, and she pulled Sophia aside to talk to her.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine." Sophia smiled. "Do you need help with something?"

"Yes, when Shawn and Sasha get here, they're bringin' a lot of...eggs, and I need help hidin' them. I have to make sure the kids stay in the house, and Carol's gonna be cookin', so will you help them?"

"Yeah, sure. I know a lot of good hiding places on the farm."

"Thanks so much. They should be here real soon."

"I'll keep an eye out for them."

"You don't have to."

"I want to."

"Let me know when they're here then."

She nodded.

About ten minutes later, they arrived. Luckily, Otis and Hershel were able to help with the eggs. Sasha, Shawn, Zach, Sophia, Otis, Hershel and Daryl were all running around, hiding eggs and trying not to hide too many in the same spot while at the same time not spread them out too much. They didn't want the kids looking for eggs and make their way to the dock or into the duck pond or anything like that. That happened three years ago, but thankfully, Daryl had been the Easter Bunny, and he was taking a smoke break—and hiding—and he caught the little roamer. He was chewed out by Carol later when she saw the burn mark on the suit. She didn't want him smoking, not even every once in a while. She wanted him around for a long time, and he stopped. He now vigorously chewed gum whenever he was stuck in the suit or a stressful situation.

"Dad, I already hid a bunch of eggs in there." Sophia pointed to the one egg in sight.

"I ain't hidin' eggs. I'm takin' a break."

"We can't afford to take breaks. C'mon." She held her hand out, and he took it.

"You done?"

"I need to go reload. We have a ton left." She made a face. "I need water."

"C'mon." He crouched down.

"I'm a little too old for a piggyback ride."

"All right."

"Kidding!" She jumped onto his back and wrapped her arms around his neck, taking his basket. "We can just toss these into the bushes."

"Good thinkin'." He carried her to the house.

"I did it with mine. There's a bush full of eggs over there." She tossed four down as gently as possible. "Who decided to plant a million bushes on the farm anyway?"

"I dunno. Probably Beth."

"Maybe they were supposed to be rose bushes or something," she peered at his face. "but she got the wrong kind."

He snorted. "She would do that."

"Do you remember last Christmas? She was supposed to bake that pumpkin thing."

He chuckled. "And we made Shawn and Zach eat it on a dare."

She laughed. "It was so gross how sick Zach got."

"Shawn and Zach like to turn everything into a competition." He stopped by the house, and she got off his back. "We need more eggs." He gestured to the empty baskets.

Patricia took them and filled them back up as Sophia asked, "I wonder who will get more eggs this year."

"I dunno, but you best not go and find all the eggs cause you know where they're hidden."

"I would never do that." She smiled sweetly.

"You would too."

"Then I am my father's daughter." She accepted the full basket and ran off.

"Need water my ass." He went after her. "Sophia!"

Sasha glanced out the window as Sophia ran by with Daryl chasing her, and she shook her head. "Do you think the kids will look here?"

"We have older kids, like Sophia and Andre, coming. They need a challenge." Shawn tied his basket to a rope. "And I need a laugh."

"You're horrible."

"Yeah, I know."

She adjusted the hay so the eggs were still visible. "If you fall and break your neck, I told you so."

"Thank you, honey."

"Be careful."

"I will be." He kissed her. "Go and help Otis. He's the worst at hiding eggs, because he feels bad for the kids that can't find them easily."

"Okay." She paused. "Shawn?"

"Yeah?"

"There's a spider in your basket." She headed down the ladder.

"Ha ha—Holy shit!"

She held back her laughs until she was out of the barn. She made her way over to Otis, passing Hershel and Zach, who seemed to be having a deep conversation. She wondered when Maggie and Glenn were going to get here. She hoped they brought their puppy, because she and Shawn had brought theirs. When Tara's dog had her pups, Shawn bought one as a gift to Sasha. They named him Harold—after the dog in Bunnicula—and he was always lonely without the twins nearby or the nameless puppy Maggie and Glenn had. They could play while the kids looked for eggs. It had to be better than just sitting in the pen in the backyard.

––

Amy opened the door and Paige climbed out of the back, going to help her mom with the candy-filled Easter eggs. They were a little behind, but that didn't matter. There weren't a lot of kids were just yet, or perhaps Beth was entertaining them inside the house. Amy handed her two baskets and closed the trunk, seeing that Carol and Daryl were already here, and Shawn and Sasha.

"All right, why don't I find Beth and then we'll see where we're hiding these?" Amy lifted her sunglasses up and into her hair.

"Okay."

Sophia stepped out of the house and smiled at them. "Mom, Amy's here!" She jogged over to them. "Hey!"

"Hi." Amy smiled.

"You brought more eggs? We have a lot of them, but Shawn will probably eat some of the already hidden eggs while he's hiding in the Easter Bunny custom. We can put these around the house." She took one of Paige's baskets. "Let's go hide these quick. The kids will revolt soon."

Amy watched them leave before going into the house. She found all of the kids in the living room with Beth and Patricia. She continued to the kitchen where Carol and Daryl and Sasha and Shawn were either hiding or actually preparing drinks and snacks.

"Yes, Amy's here." Shawn straightened up. "Can she take my place? She can make the whole thing work better than I can."

"No," Sasha and Carol hissed, sick of him trying to weasel his way out of being the Easter Bunny when it was his turn.

"But it's ridiculously hot in there," he complained, "and it smells like some old lady's purse. Can you do that your brother and father of your children?"

"I'll do it now if you don't zip it," Sasha replied.

He sighed then grabbed her by the waist and pulled her onto his lap. "Fine, I submit."

"Thank you." She smiled and kissed him.

Carol turned to Amy. "Hey." She hugged her. "I'm so glad you're here. Sammy wants me and Daryl to help him find eggs, and with Shawn in the suit, we need someone to take pictures. Would you do it?" She smiled pleadingly.

"I'll take them. It's fine."

"Thank you."

"What's Sophia doing?" She set the basket she was holding down on the table.

"She's going with Elijah."

"And I'm going Lydia." Sasha pinched Shawn's wandering hand.

"Andrea will be here in half an hour," Shawn told Amy, "and she offered to take pictures too."

"But what about Lucas?" She helped herself to a cup of lemon-lime soda and punch.

"Phillip."

"Oh, right." She shook her head and sipped her drink.

"After the egg hunt," Daryl said, "Zach has the projector hooked up in the barn, and they're gonna watch some cartoon thing. I dunno, but we need to get the kids in there."

"That'll be fun."

"Oh, screw it! I'm just ordering pizza." Carol grabbed a notepad. "I have to see what they like first. Excuse me." She headed into the living room.

"So, who's all coming?" Amy asked, leaning against the counter, one arm crossed. "That isn't here yet, I mean."

"Well, Jacqui and T are coming," Shawn answered. "Uhh, Andrea and Phillip and Penny and Lucas. Maggie and Glenn and their puppy. Michonne, Andrea, Rick, Carl." He hoped Shane and Rick keep their cool, because he don't want to break up that fight. They seemed to tolerate each other, so that was comforting. He thought a second about who else was coming. "I think that's all we're missing right now. I called Rick and Andrea; they'll be here in three, four minutes."

"Well, and Merle," Daryl murmured.

"I'm going to check on the twins." Sasha stood up. "Shawn?"

"What? I'm good—Ah!"

She proceeded to drag Shawn out by his t-shirt.

"Merle's coming?" Amy set her cup down beside her. "Why?"

"He wants to spend time with Sophia and Sam, and he didn't have any plans today." He met her eyes. "I'm sorry. I couldn't tell him no. He's had a rough couple months. I didn't wanna him get depressed and start drinkin' and waste five years of soberity."

She pushed off the counter and hugged him. "I don't care that he's coming, baby bird, just keep him away from Paige."

"You ain't ever gonna stop usin' that nickname, are you?"

"Nope." She kissed his forehead. "I'm going to help the kids. Good luck, baby bird."

"Get off!"

She laughed and stepped back. "Have fun with Sammy." She grabbed her cup and made her way back to the living room. This was going to be a long day, wasn't it?

– – –

Amy took another picture of Sasha, Elijah and Lydia, smiling at how cute they were without even trying to be. She kept waiting for Shawn to show himself, but either Beth couldn't decide on the pink or white suit, or he was hiding. At least the kids hadn't found all of the eggs, but if he didn't hurry up and come out, she was going after him.

She snapped a picture of Sophia and Paige. They seemed to be enjoying themselves, as they tossed the empty eggs at Carl and Andre, who were trying to avoid them and listen to music. Sophia had tried to take Elijah hunting for eggs, but he wanted his mom. She and Paige went and grabbed one of the bags full of eggs, and they decided to just chill in the barn until the kids were done.

Amy snapped a picture of Judy and Shane and looked over when she saw movement. It was—shocker—Merle. She sighed, but Daryl was busy chasing down Sam to try and get his brother, and Carol was...trying to order pizza. Oh, well. It couldn't be avoided. She took a picture of Michonne and Lori.

"She's happy."

She lowered the camera and looked at her daughter. "Very, and I think she has a crush on Carl."

"What?"

"She's ten. It's not like it'll become anything. Well, at least not until she's sixteen." She got picture of Sam and Daryl. "What do you want?"

"To talk."

"We already talked, Merle." She met his eyes, squinting as the sun caught her eyes. "I don't want to talk anymore."

"Look, I know it's been complicated," he chuckled at the world, but humorlessly, "between us, and we didn't always do the right thing, but...I dunno, maybe we can start again, you know? Try to build...somethin' together." He shrugged a shoulder. "After all the shit we've been through, who knows, maybe we can make it work."

"Maybe we can try and be friends for Paige's sake, but... I can't right now. I know how it'll end, and until I know that can change, I can't." She gripped the camera lightly and smiled a little. "I have to go." She pointed. "Over there. Sun's in my eyes."

She walked away from Merle and seemingly his offer, and she got closer to Beth and Austen, who just came out of the house, and she bent down to get a better angle.

Merle let out another humorless chuckle and shook his head. He looked at his daughter and his niece. He would stay for her, even if she never wanted to talk to him or see him. He would be there for her. He wouldn't abandon her anymore. He was better, and he would stay better for her. And for Daryl. He looked like he needed a hand anyhow.

Shawn came out, and Amy got a picture of him before Sophia and Paige tackled him. It was horrible, but hilarious. They sat on him and posed for pictures while he just laid there, defeated. Then Elijah and Lydia joined in. It was perfect.

"All right, go on." Sasha shooed them away, and Paige and Sophia took Elijah and Lydia to find more eggs. She lowered herself down on her knees beside her husband who still hadn't moved, and she removed the head of the suit. "You okay?"

"Well, I'm lying in dirt and my throat is so dry that I'm worried I'm having a reaction to the detergent used on this."

"Well, make it last for a bit longer." She kissed him. "I'll get you some water, but go hop over there." She tucked his head back on then strolled to the house to get him some water. She ran into Carol. "How'd it go?"

"Slowly, but at least we have food." She held out a bottle of water. Glenn's sister was a sweetie, but she was kind of lazy. Oh, well, she was family, and that made the food free, so that was a plus. "For his "reaction"."

"Thank you."

They joined the others, Carol spotted Daryl, Merle and Sam, and she decided to help Sophia with Lydia, who was giving her a hard time.

"Need a hand?"

"Yes, please." Sophia's eyes were wide.

"Hey, Lydia." Carol smiled. "Have I told you about the golden egg?"

Lydia looked at her aunt. "No. What is it?"

"Well, it's an egg filled with not only candy, but some money and some toys. Nobody has found it yet. Let's go see if we can find it, okay?"

"Okay!"

"Golden egg?" Sophia asked as they began their search.

"If Shawn didn't eat that, it's out here somewhere." She looped her arm through her daughter's. "Let the hunt begin."

"Yay."

"I'll pay you to be more enthused."

"Thirty bucks?"

"Ten."

"Fifteen?"

"And a case for your new phone." Daryl didn't approve, and they had talked about waiting, but Sophia loved it, and Carol couldn't keep it hidden until her birthday. He would get over it.

"Yes!" She hugged her mom. "C'mon, Lydia! I'll find it before you if you don't hurry!" She ran by Rick and Shane and Judith, pumping up Lydia.

"Here, Judy." Rick set the blue egg that she kept dropping in her basket, and he smiled at her.

"Thanks, man." Shane gave him a nod.

"Yeah." Rick smiled and turned his attention back to Judith. "I—I found a bush full of eggs, just over there. Why don't we go check that out?"

Lori looked out at Rick and Shane, who were both helping Judith find eggs. They weren't best friends anymore, but they were friends. Carl needed Judith in his life, and Shane and Lori came with Judith, so Rick and Shane agreed that the kids were more important. They made it work, and Rick even sometimes spoke to Lori. It was awkward at first, strained, but they were making progress. They were laughing with each other again, and maybe even finding a way to be friends. Lori was grateful. Carl didn't have to choose between them. He could have all of them.

She still was working on her relationship with Carol. It was improving, especially since Judith and Sam were almost the same age and might be in the same classes when they were older. They might play the same sport or instrument or anything. Carl and Sophia were already good friends, so Sam and Judy might be good friends too one day. They wanted to be friendly for the kids, and they were becoming friends again. They weren't as close as they were before, but it was better than the distance that was between them a few years ago. It was nice. She had all she wanted, and her children were happy. _She_ was happy.

Karen helped Lauren gather eggs, and as much fun as they were having, a part of her still felt sad. Milton would have adored her. He would have spoiled her and overwhelmed her with all the little facts he knew. He would be so proud of her. She looked just like him, and she was so sweet and so giving. She was perfect and so happy here, and that Karen was glad she moved here. It was hard being around his family, knowing they all expected so much of her, and she couldn't handle that while raising a child and grieving and working. She needed space, and she had a house here already.

She moved back a few months after Lauren was born, and she had made friends with Tyreese and Jeanette, and Carol's family. She had gotten to know Daryl more, and she made him and Carol Lauren's godparents. They were perfect for the job, and they loved her like she was their own. She and Sammy were born a few days apart, and she and Carol raised them together. They even had matching Halloween customs a few times. It was really nice to be so close to Carol again, and even though everything was different, and they were different, they were still best friends.

"Need some help?" Tyreese asked, seeing Lauren putting eggs back on the ground instead of in her basket.

"She's trying to keep them from running out, I think." Karen really wasn't sure.

"Huh." He picked up the eggs Lauren had put back and put them in her basket.

"No, no, stop." Lauren shook her head.

"Oh, I can't stop. See, these are _your_ eggs. You can't just put them back. They'll miss you and your cozy basket. By picking up the eggs, you give them a home in your cozy basket. You don't want to throw them out again, do you?"

"No." She closed her hand around an egg, feeling bad. "No, I don't."

"Then let's go and find as many as we can so they all have a home!"

Karen laughed at the enthusam Lauren had, and she mouthed _thank you_ to Tyreese. He was a good man, and he reminded her of Milton sometimes. She fell into step beside Lauren and Tyreese, helping gather the homeless eggs. They passed Paige, who was not in a good mood from the sound of her voice.

"If you come near with me a water balloon, I will kill you," Paige threatened Andre and Carl, taking a drink of water. "Seriously, I will kill you."

"These aren't for you," Carl assured her. "They're for Noah and Patrick. Wanna help?"

"Oh." She grinned. "Yeah!"

Before she could stand up, Merle walked over to her, and she heaved a sigh, giving them a head shake, and they left. She couldn't just walk away again. She did that at the game after telling him off, and she felt bad. She hated that she felt bad. He was the bad guy. He was the one who left. Why did she feel bad? Mom said it was because she was a good person. Being good sucked.

"I just wanna talk to you before I leave."

"Town?"

"No, the farm." He sat down beside her. "You ain't huntin' eggs?"

"Sophia and I found some already, and it's mostly for the little kids." She shifted on the bale of hay she sat on. "What'd you want to talk about?"

"Us."

"There is no us."

"I figured, but...I want you to know that I'll be there if you need me."

"I won't." She didn't look at him. "I don't need you now or even in the future."

"I'll still be there."

"Why?" Her eyes sliced into his. "Why do you care? Why do you want to be in my life? You left us. _You_ left, not us! How can I trust you to be there for me? Ever?"

"Did your mom tell you why I left?"

"Because you're a jerk! And I don't even know why I'm listening to anything you say!" She shot up and started to leave.

"Paige." He was at her side. "I left, because I had to."

"No, you didn't _have_ to leave!" She spun around. _"Nobody_ just has to leave!"

Amy heard Paige's voice and looked over, seeing her and Merle. "Oh, no." She removed the camera. "Here, Lori, take this." She hurried over to them, dodging kids and parents.

"I don't want to hear your crap! Just go away!"

"Paige!" Amy pulled her into her arms. "What the hell is going on?"

"Nothing." She wiped at the angry tears in her eyes. "I wanna go home."

Amy hugged Paige, but her eyes moved to Merle's. "What's going on? This isn't nothing. What happened?"

"I just wanted to talk to her, let her know I was here."

"Then why were you screaming?" Amy asked Paige.

"I—I just don't want to hear it. I don't want him in my life. I don't need him either."

Amy frowned. "Give us a minute. Come with me, honey." She pulled Paige into the barn, and she bent down to be at eye level. She wiped away her tears gently. "We need to talk, sweetheart."

"About what?"

"About Merle, baby." She told her why Merle left. She was going to tell her when she was older and then she assumed Merle wasn't going to come back. She didn't see the point in telling her. She thought it would be fine. She thought Felix being in her life would fill that gap. Daryl and Shawn as well, but they weren't Merle, and she knew that. It was time to stop babying her. She needed to know the truth.

Paige was frowning, baffled that she was the one who was wrong. "But—but that means he left to—"

"Yeah." She studied her daughter's face. "He left to change himself, to be better for us, and I am so sorry I didn't tell you that."

"It's okay. I guess. Are you going to get back with him?"

"I don't know, but you need to give him a chance."

"What? Why? _You_ won't even give him a chance." She tried to move back, but Amy grabbed her hands and held her in place. "What?"

"I know what you're feeling, and it's not going to just go away. You can be as mad as you want right now, but that anger will leave and all you'll have is regret." She searched her daughter's eyes, seeing herself at sixteen, and it frightened her. "It might not be today or tomorrow, but in five, ten year the regret will come."

"Let go."

"No, because you need to hear this."

"No, I don't!"

"Damn it, Paige, stop trying to run!" Amy stood up and gripped her shoulders. "I felt the same way you feel right now about Merle about my own father. I made up things to fuel my anger, and it was wrong. I suffered, he suffered, and it kills me to know that all of that suffering could have been avoided. I've done so much for you, to make sure you didn't do what I did, make the same mistakes, and you're still going down the same path. You need to talk to him, get it all out, because when you think you're ready in the future, Merle might be dead, or you won't be able to reach him. This can't wait until you're not angry, not confused."

She swallowed, but she didn't say anything.

"I know that it seems unfair, because I won't speak to him, but I want you to go and talk to him. He's a part of you, whether you like it or not."

She blew out air. "And say what?"

"Talk about soccer, about school and your friends. Talk to him about the same things we talk about."

She lowered her eyes and was silent for a long time then said, "Only if you talk to him too."

"Okay, I can do that." Amy tickled her to lighten the mood, and she squirmed away. "You first."

"Wait. I have a question."

"Yes?"

"Do you still love him?"

"Do I still love Merle?" She thought about it. "I don't know. Why? Do you want us to date and be a real, normal family?"

"No, but I want you to be happy. If he makes you happy, and if he loves you then...I'll be okay with it."

"Paige, Merle and I have a lot to work through, so all you need to do is talk to him. You're the only thing we have in common anyway."

"Then why were you together before he left?"

Amy didn't have an answer. "Go talk to your father. I have pictures to take."

"Fine, but we're not done talking about this." She trudged out of the barn.

"Who's the mom here?" Amy called.

"It's a week day!"

She smiled and thought about that comment for a while, making her way back to the porch, and she glanced over her shoulder at Merle and Paige. There were so many questions and so many problems, but she was going to get answers and work the problems out by keeping distance between them. Even if Paige didn't want him in her life after this, Amy would have to talk to him. He was a big part of her past, and her future, because he gave her Paige. He was in Paige, and she might need help dealing with some of those Dixon genes. She needed to let the old wounds heal before any real relationship could happen, be it friendship or romantic. She needed to talk to him, but not here, not now. Soon, though.

– – –

"Hey." Beth stood in the doorway to the kitchen where Zach was grabbing napkins, hands folded in front of her. "The kids are ready for the movie."

"Oh, I'll be right there."

"Zach." She closed the space between them. "I need to talk to you."

"What about?"

"I know I've been distant, and we haven't had much time to talk." Her lips pulled back, but didn't reach a smile. "I... I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, just...give me an explaination."

"I love you, Zach Cole, but I don't want to get married yet. I know we got Austen, and we already live together, but I don't think that should mean we have to get married."

"It doesn't, but I would like to know where this relationship is going."

"Forward. I wanna take a trip next week, just you and me and Austen. It's for three days. What do you think?"

"I think...I'll load up the station wagon."

She smiled happily and hugged him. "I was thinkin' we'd use the RV, but okay." He chucked, kissed her cheek, and she released him. "You need to play the movie before the kids revolt."

"Popular word today, but you're right." He hurried to the barn, holding her hand.

Once the movie was in, they all took a seat. Shawn and Sasha were holding their twins, Maggie and Glenn were playing with the puppies, Jacqui and T were with Patrica, Otis and Hershel, Lori and Shane were cuddling up with Judith; Rick and Carl were fighting over who got the last piece of cheese pizza while Michonne and Andre slipped the box slowly toward them to split it between the two of them, and Andrea held Lucas and talked to Phillip from time to time and Penny picked the vegetables off her pizza. Karen and Tyreese were with Lauren, sharing a pizza and trying to tell Lauren the candy wasn't the eggs guts, but she was stubborn and wouldn't believe them. She got wide eyes and her jaw dropped when Tyreese ate a baggie of egg-shapped jelly jeans from an egg, and Karen laughed outright. Paige and Sophia were taking the cheese stuffed crust off their pizza and eating that first, Daryl and Carol were wondering what to do with all of the plastic eggs Sam and Sophia would bring home as they ate with Sam across their laps; and Merle sat on the second level, eating a pizza by himself and groaning at the taste of the tea Carol and Jacqui had made.

Maggie smiled at Beth, who came to sit by her. "Hey."

"Hey." She smiled back. "I have so much to tell you." She reached over and scratched Harold's stomach. "First, I love your that you're growing your hair out. It's so pretty." She went from there and began to work her way up to talking about Zach and their trip. She needed her sisters, and the gap that was forming between them was unnecessary, so she would talk to Carol later. She seemed pretty busy with her husband and son anyway.

Beth stopped talking and looked up. "Oh, I'm sorry." Beth moved out of Amy's way.

"You're fine." Amy made her way upstairs to where Merle was, and she plopped down beside him on the floor, groaning slightly and realizing she'd sat on an egg. Who the hell put eggs up here? Damn. She rubbed her ass cheek and asked, "Enjoying the movie?"

"No. You?"

"No." She brushed the broken egg to the side, glad he didn't notice. "Did you and Paige have a nice talk? She seemed...less angry when you were done."

"Yeah." He nodded. "It...was a real good talk." He made her laugh, and he got a few eye rolls out of her, but it was real. They talked about a lot of things, and there was so much more they could talk about it. She seemed to actually want to talk to him, maybe even liked talking to him, and he felt good about their conversation. It wasn't like that before, and he knew he had made the right choice by leaving. He would work it out with her and eventually Amy, but this was how it was supposed to play out. He knew that now, and because of that, Paige invited him to her next game. It was real progress, and he was...good. He felt really good.

"I'm happy for you."

"I have you to thank. Thank you, Am."

"Don't thank me in words, just actions. Good, fatherly actions. She'll need you in her life, and I want you to be there for her, so if you screw up again—"

"I won't," he interrupted her. "I ain't gonna screw up. Unless the kid want advice then it's her own fault."

She laughed, and he smiled.

"So," Amy spoke after a moment, "we need to talk."

"Ain't nobody else up here."

"Not now. Why don't we meet for lunch tomorrow? Will you be free then?"

"Yeah."

"Good." Her eyes lingered on his face.

"What?" He eyed her.

She leaned over and kissed him, he was taken by surprise, but she pulled back before he could respond. She pursed her lips as she climbed to her feet. "Yeah, we need to talk tomorrow." She made her way back down to the others, smiling to Carol and Daryl before she passed them.

"Twenty bucks, Mr. Dixon." Carol wiggled her fingers greedily at him. "Fork it over."

"Tsh, that ain't a win."

"Yeah, it is."

He rolled his eyes. "We'll see at Christmas."

"Christmas? Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Fine, but that doesn't count as my gift."

"Then here." He reached toward his pocket.

"Daryl." She smacked his chest lightly, and he laughed. "You're horrible, you know that?"

"You married me."

"Yes, do remind me." She smirked.

He leaned down to kiss her, but Sam pressed his hands into his face and pushed Daryl away. "What?"

"No." He looked determined.

"No?"

Carol snickered.

"No," he repeated firmly.

"All right, I'm sick of fightin' you today, lil' man." He cut a look to Sophia. "Sophia's got more eggs in her purse." He pointed to it, and Sam went after it.

"Daryl, that was mean."

"What? That's her brother. She'll find somethin' to give him. Or she'll get annoyed with him. One of the two, but they're brother and sister, they're supposed to fight."

"That doesn't make you any less horrible. And we'll have to deal with it when we get home too, and by we, I mean you since it's your fault."

"I'll tell 'em to take it to you."

"Will you, Daryl? Will you?" she teased, smirking at him again.

"You'll see."

She shook her head and rested her head on his shoulder. "This movie's putting me to sleep."

"Same here." He checked out the area, seeing no one by the door. "Shed's probably empty. Wanna go screw around?"

"Daryl." She shook her head. "You're so—" She shot up and took off toward the exit.

"—predictiable," he finished before he chased after her and caught her halfway to the shed. "You ain't leavin' me behind, Mrs. Dixon."

"It's a good thing I have no intentions of leaving you behind, Mr. Dixon." She turned in his arms and kissed him.


End file.
